Shoot That S!

Great Moments in MN Sports Flatulence History

2014-08-21T21:02:00.000-05:00

As if we MN sports fans needed any more videos of our favorite teams crapping their proverbial pants....

Ultimate Warrior is Back!

2014-01-13T21:02:00.003-06:00

Ultimate Warrior to be inducted into WWE Hall of Fame. Hell has indeed frozen over.

Todd Bowles for Vikings Head Coach!

2014-01-13T19:47:00.000-06:00

The Minnesota Vikings head coaching search is getting hot and heavy, just like that saxophone playing guy that Elaine dated. However, we at Shoot That S! have officially called off the search. We found our guy and gave him the prestigious endorsement that only this web site can offer. Todd Bowles is the current defensive coordinator for the Arizona Cardinals and will hopefully be coming to a TCF Bank sideline near you. Full disclosure: we didn't even know what Todd Bowles looked like until 5 minutes ago. Truth be told we like him in name only. As in last name.

Todd.......BOWLES? Seriously? This stuff writes itself.

I wonder if he will coach from the sideline or the press box. If he switches at halftime would that be called a Bowles movement?

Did you see that presser after the latest Vikes loss - didn't the head coach seem upset? Maybe a little irritable even? Perhaps he has...irritable Bowles syndrome?

16 carries for AP at halftime? Boy, coach Bowles really has the runs....

Look at coach Bowles run after that official.....he was really streaking there!

Another pick thrown by Matt Cassel?! That's really going to upset the Bowles...

The head coach was fired after year two? Well, time to clean out the ol Bowles...

There you have it. And to think you read this blog to be enlightened. Silly you.

Happy Independence Day

2013-07-05T12:26:00.000-05:00

Greatest Wrestling Signs

2013-06-20T20:29:00.000-05:00

There are certain things you can always count on when attending a wrestling PPV. Overpriced t-shirts, intoxicated "marks" and cardboard signs. Lots of them. We at Shoot That S have made and seen our fair share of favorites over the years:

Eddy Guerrero Mows My Lawn

RAW is Better (at a Smackdown! show)

Quit Rollin' (in reference to Undertaker's terrible Limp Bizkit entrance music)

Diarrhea 24/7 (subtle)

Golddust Raped my Dad

To name a few. Here are some more gems we found.

An ode to Kramer?

Brilliant camera angle...

Ok, not wrestling but still awesome.

Orton still can't get any love.

NFL Draft Coverage - Follow us Live!

2013-04-25T07:45:00.001-05:00

http://vikingsauthority.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/07/2013-draft-120430-CP.jpg

It's the most wonderful time of the year - the 2013 NFL Draft is upon us!

And we here at Shoot That S have your coverage locked and loaded. If you're looking for in-depth analysis, pick by pick breakdown, and trade speculation......then, well you should probably find another web site to be perfectly honest. BUT, if you are looking for strange commentary and observation along with witty dialogue bordering on the sophomoric then you came to the right spot!

Follow us on Twitter keeping pace with all the action during the NFL Draft - @Shoot_That_S

Desmond Bryant Mugshot

2013-02-25T20:37:00.001-06:00

Desmond Bryant, former Raiders DT, putting on his best face for potential suitors as the start of NFL Free Agency. Nick Nolte, eat your heart out.

Not Very Good Defense...

2013-02-08T07:50:00.002-06:00

Tyler Griffey makes a uncontested lay-up as the buzzer sounded, as unranked Illinois beat No.1 Indiana.

Game Story

Example of Good Defense:

Shoot That S Thoughts on Current Events

2013-02-05T07:49:00.000-06:00

"Loud radio infuriates Gophers fan, leads to standoff in Eagan"

"An Eagan man really didn't want to know how a Gophers basketball game ended before he'd had a chance to watch the recording.

So much so that when a utility contractor working outside his home blared a sports talk-radio station that gave away the outcome, he became infuriated. He allegedly threatened to shoot the worker, and then holed himself up inside his house. That triggered a standoff with a SWAT team and police negotiators that lasted more than three hours..."

Read rest of story

Shoot That S! thought(s) on story:

This guy really overreacted.

Thanks.

Shoot That S Thoughts on Current Events

2013-01-31T10:14:00.001-06:00

...on charges he assaulted his former boyfriend at a Menlo Park restaurant during an argument over soy sauce and underwear.

Link to story

Former San Francisco 49ers and Oakland Raiders offensive tackle Kwame Harris will appear in San Mateo County Superior Court today on charges he assaulted his former boyfriend at a Menlo Park restaurant during an argument over soy sauce and underwear.

Harris, 30, is charged with felony counts of domestic violence causing great bodily injury and assault with force likely to produce great bodily injury in the Aug. 21, 2012 incident. He has pleaded not guilty but was held to answer after a preliminary hearing last fall. He is due back in court today for a pretrial conference to either settle the case or confirm a jury trial hearing.

The man, Dimitri Geier, is also suing Harris civilly for assault, battery, false imprisonment, negligence and both intentional and negligent infliction of emotional distress.

Harris and his alleged victim had been in a romantic relationship but were no longer involved when they met at Su Hong restaurant in Menlo Park, said Chief Deputy District Attorney Karen Guidotti.

Harris’ attorney Alin Cintean confirms the pair were previously involved but were just friends at that point.

Harris was to drive Geier to San Francisco International Airport but instead became upset when he poured soy sauce on a plate of rice, according to the suit filed in San Mateo County Superior Court.

The men argued for approximately seven minutes and Harris said he would no longer take Geier to the airport, the suit states.
As the men left to remove Geier’s belongings from Harris’ car so that he could instead take a cab, Harris tried pulling the other man’s pants down and accused him of stealing his underwear, according to the suit.

Shoot That S! thoughts on story:

Don't ever pour soy sauce on another man's rice. Or steal his underwear.

Thank you.

_________________________________________________________________________________

"That's the worst thing that happened to me all week, the Rock beat Punk. Did you know that?"
Read Story from Actual Source

Syracuse (WSYR-TV) – The 77-year-old Christian Brothers Academy baseball coach shot in the eye during the robbery of his North Side liquor store last week was back at work on Tuesday.

Thomas Dotterer was shot Wednesday night during the robbery of Salina Liquors and Wine.

For a time he was hospitalized in critical condition. He underwent surgery on his eye at the hospital and will travel to Philadelphia next Tuesday to see a specialist.

Thomas’s son Henry was at his side in the hospital. "There were moments where he was in and out, and at one of the moments I asked him, did he want to hear about the people who were stopping by or calling and he nodded his head yes,” Henry said.

His family said one of the first things he wanted to do after getting out of the hospital Monday was go back to the store.

Sitting in his liquor store Tuesday afternoon, Dotterer said, “Every day is great. Every day is great because every day I have an opportunity to meet new individuals and broaden my appreciation of what God has given us all to enjoy.”

Thomas says he used to be a "gloomy pessimist," an outlook on life that's changed over time and helped in his recovery.

"All things happen for a reason that preclude, maybe, present understanding, but you deal with the cards that you have dealt,” he said.

Yet, after all this, he joked that wrestling was what really ruined his week. "That's the worst thing that happened to me all week, the Rock beat Punk. Did you know that?"

Read Story from Actual Source

2013 Royal Rumble Results

Shoot That S! thoughts on story:

Wrestling fans are hardcore.

Not Very Good Defense...

2013-01-31T10:02:00.002-06:00

Carmelo Anthony set a New York Knicks record with his 30th 20 point game of the season last night vs. the Orlando Magic. With defense like the Magic are playing in this photo, I could drop 20.

Game Story

Example of good defense:

Is Andrew Bogut the Teen Wolf?

2013-01-29T19:57:00.001-06:00

After struggling with injuries for most of his NBA career Golden State Warriors center Andrew Bogut has decided to think outside the box for treatment on his most recent ankle injury. No longer limited by the constraints of Western medicine, Bogut has decided to become a werewolf to speed up his recovery. A desperate move for a desperate man you say? Perhaps. But it did wonders for that dude in Twilight with the torn ACL and the really long stupid haircut. Bogut can only hope this controversial treatment can boost his career the way it did Beavers point guard Scott Howard.

*And yes, if you're scoring at home that's the second Teen Wolf reference we've made in the last month. You're welcome.

Bad News Brown vs. Michael Jenkins

2013-01-19T11:05:00.000-06:00

Is it just me or does Michael Jenkins, WR from the Minnesota Vikings look a lot like former WWF wrestler Bad News Brown?

We think it's pretty uncanny. In fact, the name actually fits too. I know every time this Vikings fan tunes into a Vikes game and sees that Michael Jenkins is starting at WR the most natural response is to mumble "well, this is bad news..."

Bad News Brown had a finisher called the Ghetto Blaster (see below) while Michael Jenkins has the remarkable ability to turn a 4 yard catch into, well, a 4 yard catch.

Movie Sequels We Never Asked For

2013-01-14T20:14:00.000-06:00

Hollywood is riddled with them.
Sequels we never wanted or asked for. There are many reasons they get made but most of them are money or ego. Either way here's a list off the tops of our heads of some stinkers that never should have seen the light of day.

Taken 2: If you're like me the whole time you were watching the first movie you were thinking "I wonder what the parents of all the poor mobsters who are dying would think." Oh, you didn't think that? Well, some writer apparently did.

Jaws 3: If the years go by but the technology for the shark gets worse it's a bad sign. And a crappy looking shark looks even crappier in 3D.

Caddyshack 2: No Ted Knight, no Bill Murray meant this never should have been made. Ask the average person and they don't even know this film exists.

Speed 2: Cruise Control: It's okay to admit you caught lightning in a bottle with the first movie and sometimes sequels in which the main star doesn't return can succeed....but on a cruise ship? Honestly.

Teen Wolf Too: The movie Jason Bateman wishes you never knew existed. We wish it too Jason.

Alien 3: Hey David Fincher, all that cool stuff that Ridley Scott and James Cameron did with the first two Alien movies - yeah you just ruined it.

Transformers 3: Dark of the Moon: Essentially Michael Bay's excuse to blow up more stuff and shoot things in slow motion. Forget about the minor details of plot and acting.

Weekend at Bernie's II: Wait, he's still dead and they haven't buried him yet? Yeeech.

US Marshals: Sadly, on its own it isn't a terrible movie. But it isn't The Fugitive and Wesley Snipes sure as heck isn't Harrison Ford.

Dumb and Dumberer: Even Cheri O'Teri, Eugene Levy and Bob Sagat couldn't save this horrible prequel that only made us watch the original to wash that crappy taste away.

Terminator 3: Arnie, man you should have known better. James Cameron was the Terminator franchise and without him on board this one didn't have a chance.

*So, here's a few we wish would've stayed in the can - have a few you wish were never made? Let us know in the comments section.

10 things I learned from watching Snow White and the Huntsman

2012-12-09T19:59:00.002-06:00

In an effort to appease my better half I decided to pick up Snow White and the Huntsman over the weekend. I thought, a little fairy tale, a little action - something for everyone right? What I'm about to divulge are 10 things I learned from watching this movie.

*Note: spoilers contained below. If you were actually planning on watching this movie you probably don't belong reading this blog.... However, if you are an avid reader of Shoot That S I apologize. Check out our latest entry into the Pro Wrestling Junk Drawer- you'll like it so much better than this movie. Trust me.

10 Things I Learned from watching Snow White and the Huntsman:

10. Take an old fashioned fairy tale + a dash of Twilight + a bit of Lord of the Rings = a pretty crappy movie.

9. Wasn't this the movie where Kristen Stewart hooked up with the director and ruined her relationship with what's-his-name? Makes sense because I'll you one thing she wasn't doing on set: acting.

8. Of course the evil queen has a perverted brother who serves as her second-in-command. Unfortunately he also shares the same haircut as the dude from that horrible Bucky movie. Poor choice makeup and hair design director. Poor choice indeed.

7. Note to self: if I ever become a super-villain and I have the chance to wipe out the rightful heirs to my throne early on - take advantage of that window of opportunity. Do not under any circumstances lock the true king/queen/prince in a tower in my castle for years and pretend to forget about them. That never works.

6. Note to self part II: if you ever run into a beautiful maiden in the woods do not, I repeat DO NOT marry her the next day. Also, sign a pre-nup that includes something about her not being able to kill me on our wedding night.

5. Who names a kid Snow White? Is "White" her middle name? Seems pretty redundant if you ask me. Duh, snow is white. That would've been rough on the playground growing up.

4. Wait, Bob Hoskins plays one of the Seven Dwarfs in this movie? Man, that makes me wanna watch Hook. Smee, Smee what about Smee?

3. Speaking of the Dwarfs, since when are Bob Hoskins, Ray Finestone and Ian McShane all little people? They couldn't find actual little people to play these roles? Do we have a shortage of pint-sized actors? Maybe they were all on the Hobbit movie...

2. You know what always works against an invincible evil Queen who can suck the life from you and turn into a pack of ravens? Stabbing her with a tiny knife. Because everyone knows that tiny knives are the best thing since sliced bread.

1. According to IMDB they are gonna make a sequel. That reminds me, I need to send in my screen play about a guy who takes a giant crap on camera. Coincidentally, my movie will also star Kristen Stewart.

What if you did take a trip to Cobb County, GA??

2012-12-01T11:35:00.000-06:00

"If you ever take a trip down to Cobb County, Georgia.
You better read the signs
Respect the law and order.
You'll serve hard times.
You'll be serving hard times.
You know the Big Boss Man will make you walk the line.
You better watch out boy or you'll be serving hard time.
He carries a big stick, a ball and chain too.
If you're looking for trouble he'll be coming after you.
You'll serve hard times.
You'll be serving hard times.
You know the Big Boss Man will make you walk the line.
You better watch out boy or you'll be serving hard time.
You'll be serving hard times.
You'll be serving hard times.
You know the Big Boss Man will make you walk the line.
You better watch out boy or you'll be serving hard time.
You'll be serving hard times.
You'll be serving hard times.
You know the Big Boss Man will make you walk the line.
You better watch out boy or you'll be serving hard time.
Hard times.
Hard times.
You know the Big Boss Man will make you walk the line.
You better watch out boy or you'll be serving hard time."

So I was humming the theme to the Big Boss Man the other day (don't judge me) and thought to myself - what IF someone were to take a trip to Cobb County, GA? I mean, Georgia is part of the sunny South right? It's probably pretty nice this time of year. I began to wonder if this part of the country was as straight-laced and borderline militant as the Big Boss Man would have me believe. I thought I should probably do some homework and what better place to start than the Cobb County web site .

According to their web site, Cobb County is "Low on taxes, big on business." No mention of Hard Time, hmmmm. I also noticed that Marietta, GA was the county seat and also the hometown of one Marcus "Buff" Bagwell. Clearly "Buff the Stuff" didn't walk the line...

"Serving hard time.."

As I continued to peruse the Cobb County website I stumbled across their tourism page, perfect! Now I can really plan my vacation. The best of Cobb section of the page says that I can visit "Stone Mountain, the World of Coke, and the Georgia Aquarium." Wait a minute. Stone Mountain is where Jake the Snake Roberts is from. World of Coke? Is Jake Roberts' house a tourist attraction?

I don't know if they should be advertising drug use...oh it's world of Coca-Cola....that makes more sense. I was worried for a second there.

I found the Cobb County police department page, let's see if they pay tribute to the Big Boss Man. Looks like they're hiring. I see they offer a competitive salary and excellent benefits. No mention of allowing you to carry a big stick or a ball and chain too. Disappointing. A message from Chief John Houser totes his employees as "dedicated, well-trained, and enthusiastic professionals who take pride in their work." That seems rather soft. I click on their Most Wanted page - no mention of Bobby "the Brain" Heenan, Mr. Perfect, the Heenan family or crimes against Big Boss Man's mama. They must've given up on those cases....

Even their Fallen Heroes page makes no mention of the Big Boss Man (tragically Ray Traylor, who played the Big Boss Man, died in 2004 of a heart attack).

In fact despite putting that county on the map it appears they have disowned the Big Boss Man completely. On second thought, I don't think I can take a vacation to a place willing to turn their back on someone so devoted to law and order.

We leave you with a Big Boss Man classic....

Black Friday

2012-11-23T15:16:00.000-06:00

In honor of the madness that is Black Friday we give you two videos from "Jingle All the Way" whose plot albeit terrible centered around the pursuit of a rare toy. Plus, let's be honest, listening to Arnie try and say "Tuuuurbooo Man dollll" makes us chuckle.

College Football Humor

2012-11-17T15:15:00.002-06:00

Some college football humor courtesy of our friend and avid reader, NB Tex.

Enjoy.

College football and higher education………..

Ohio State's Urban Meyer on one of his players:

  "He doesn't know the meaning of the word fear. In fact, I just saw his

  grades and he doesn't know the meaning of a lot of words."

__________________________________________

  Why do Tennessee fans wear orange?

  So they can dress that way for the game on Saturday, go hunting on Sunday,

  and pick up trash on Monday.

  ___________________________________________

  What does the average Alabama player get on his SATs?

  Drool.

  ___________________________________________

  How many Michigan freshmen football players does it take to change a light bulb?

  None. That's a sophomore course.

  ___________________________________________

  How did the Georgia football player die from drinking milk?

  The cow fell on him.

  ___________________________________________

  Two West Virginia football players were walking in the woods.

  One of them said, "Look, a dead bird."

  The other looked up in the sky and said, "Where?"

  ___________________________________________

  A University of Cincinnati football player was almost killed yesterday in a

  tragic horseback-riding accident.

  He fell from a horse and was nearly trampled to death.

  Luckily, the manager of the Wal-Mart came out and unplugged the horse.

  ___________________________________________

  What do you say to a University of Miami Hurricane football player dressed in a three-piece suit?

  "Will the defendant please rise."

  ___________________________________________

  If three Florida State football players are in the same car, who is driving?

  The police officer.

  ___________________________________________

  How can you tell if an Auburn football player has a girlfriend?

  There's tobacco juice on both sides of the pickup truck.

  ___________________________________________

  What do you get when you put 32 Arkansas cheerleaders in one room?

  A full set of teeth.

  ___________________________________________

University of Michigan Coach Brady Hoke is only going to dress half of his players for the game this week; the other half will have to dress themselves.

  ___________________________________________

  How is the Indiana football team like an opossum?

  They play dead at home and get killed on the road.

  ___________________________________________

  Why did the Nebraska linebacker steal a police car?

  He saw "911" on the side and thought it was a Porsche.

  ___________________________________________

  How do you get a former Illinois football player off your porch?

  Pay him for the pizza.

  ___________________________________________

  What are the longest three years of a University of Kentucky football players life?

  Freshman I, Freshman II, and Freshman III.

The Time the Atlanta Hawks Drafted Giant Gonzalez

2012-11-16T11:17:00.000-06:00

Link
credit New York Times

Gonzalez is most famous for becoming this...

from Wikepedia:

"World Championship Wrestling (1989–1992)

In 1989, Hawks owner Ted Turner offered González a job as a professional wrestler with another of his ventures, World Championship Wrestling (WCW). After a year of training, González was introduced to fans as El Gigante on May 19, 1990 at the pay-per-view Capital Combat. Wearing shorts, he competed as a fan favorite and was billed as being close to eight feet tall.

Over the next two years, he feuded with Ric Flair over the WCW World Championship, participated in a 'Chamber Of Horrors' match in 1991 and also had a date on TBS with Missy Hyatt. He also developed a feud with Sid Vicious and the One Man Gang over the identity of being the true giant of WCW.He also had a cross promotional stint in the New Japan Pro Wrestling promotion before signing with the World Wrestling Federation in 1993.

World Wrestling Federation (1993)

Debut and feud with The Undertaker (1993)González competed as "Giant Gonzales" during his time in World Wrestling Federation (WWF) as a villain, managed by Harvey Wippleman, González grew a beard and wore a full body suit that featured airbrushed muscles with bushy hair attached. He was introduced at the Royal Rumble in January 1993, where he eliminated Wippleman's nemesis The Undertaker from the Royal Rumble match despite not being an official participant. Gonzalez lost to The Undertaker at WrestleMania IX by disqualification after he knocked Undertaker unconscious using ether. This remains the only instance where the Undertaker has not had a decisive victory in his WrestleMania streak. After another loss to The Undertaker at SummerSlam, to end the feud. Wippleman berated Gonzalez leading Gonzalez to turn on Harvey Wippleman."

His wrestling gimmick was also named one of the 20 worst gimmicks of all time.

1994-1995: Timberwolves Drafting Kevin Garnett Straight Out of High School

2012-11-12T10:03:00.003-06:00

We tell the story of the Timberwolves drafting Kevin Garnett in the 1995 NBA Draft straight out of high school. We use online, magazine, and newspaper archives to tell the story.

1994-95 Minnesota Timberwolves

From NBA.com

courtesty NBA.com

Wolves Name Kevin McHale General Manager

Link

Kevin Garnett

The Albany Heralad 2.22.95, Click To Enlarge

Kevin Garnett Declares For NBA Draft

Link

1995 NBA Draft

Link

Wolves Sign Garnett

Link

Wolves Concern that Isaiah Rider Will Be a Bad Influence

Spokane Review 7.2.1995, Click To Enlarge

Garnett Debuts

Herald Journal 11.5.95, Click To Enlarge

1994 - The Minnesota Vikings Pursuit of Scott Mitchell in Free Agency

2012-11-09T08:53:00.003-06:00

We use Newspaper, Magazine, and website archives to help us tell the story of the Vikings pursuit of Scott Mitchell.

The Vikings 1993 Starting QB Situation

The Vikings signed Jim McMahon to a 2 year contract to be there starting quarterback in 1993 (9tds, 8 ints., 1,969 yds., 76.2 QB Rating, Vikings finished 3rd in the NFC Central and made playoffs as a Wildcard. Lost to the New York Giants 17-10). After the season, the Vikings decided to cut McMahon instead of paying him the $2.1 million due to him for the 1994 season.

Click on Article to enlarge.

Scott Mitchell's Opportunity

In Week 5 of the 1993 season, the Dolphins lost starting QB Dan Marion to a achilles injury against the Cleveland Browns. Scott Mitchell, a 2nd year back-up QB finished the game for the Dolphins.

Click on Article to enlarge.

Marino was out for the season, and Mitchell was the starting QB for Dolphins for the rest of the season. Mitchell was initially succesful as a starting QB for the Dolphins.

Click on Article to enlarge.

Mitchell missed a couple of games with a injury himself, and was not as effective upon his return. The Dolphins collapsed down the stretch, and became the first team ever to miss the playoffs after starting 9-3. Mitchell finished the season with 12 tds., 8 ints., 1,773 yds. and a 84.2 QB Rating. Mitchell was also a free agent. His 1993 role as the man in Miami was enough to make him a very coveted commodity in the NFL's March 1994's free agency.

1994 Free Agency

Peter King details Mitchell's free agency process in this Sport Illustrated article in 1994. (Its a good read ifyou have the time.)

Some highlights from the article that will interest Vikings fans.

...Then he was off to Minneapolis, where everything looked right. Good offensive weapons, young coaching staff, new and wise receivers' guru (Jerry Rhome), no long-term quarterback. Viking vice president Jeff Diamond asked Agnone if $10 million over three years would get the deal done; the figures were pleasing to Agnone and Mitchell. At the Vikes' training complex Mitchell passed free-agent offensive tackle Chris Hinton in a hallway. It was no coincidence; the Vikings wanted to show Mitchell they were intent on building a great front wall for him. Mitchell pulled Hinton aside and asked, "What are you going to do?"

"Go here, if they offer me the right money," Hinton said. Minnesota did, and that weekend Hinton signed.
On Friday, Agnone went home to Baltimore and the Mitchells went to Florida for the weekend. That evening Scott called Agnone. Kim's visit to the Minneapolis suburbs had gone well, and Scott loved the Viking coaches and offense. Scott said, "Tell Minnesota if they offer $10.5 million over three, a Metrodome luxury box and a down payment on a house, we're there."
Whoa, Agnone counseled. The Viking money will still be there in a week. Relax. Take your last two visits, to Los Angeles and New Orleans. "A moment of temporary insanity," Mitchell said later. "I realized if I didn't take all the trips, I might regret it later."...

...Then Fontes stepped up again. Realizing the Lions had fallen behind the Vikings in the Mitchell stakes, he called the quarterback and asked him if he would meet Friday with Fontes and the Lion offensive architects, Dave Levy and Tom Moore. Come on down, Mitchell said. That afternoon, Bernie Kosar, a free-agent quarterback as well as a buddy of the Mitchells', called. He told Kim, "I canceled my visit to Detroit. They only want Scott. They'll die if they don't get him."...

...At 10 a.m. Saturday, Agnone and partner Howard Schatzky, in their office north of Baltimore, started playing Lions against Vikings over the phone. By 2:30 in the afternoon, Detroit stood at three years, $10 million—including the kind of bonus, $3 million, that Mitchell wanted. Minnesota came way up on its bonus offer, from $900,000 to $2.4 million, in a three-year, $10.2 million package. Diamond said he was tapped out, and he'd previously told Agnone he wouldn't offer a huge bonus. So Agnone called Mitchell, told him he thought he could boost Detroit's bonus to maybe $5 million, but not Minnesota's, and asked Mitchell what he wanted to do....

...Scott, his college-sweetheart wife and their 3-year-old poodle, Bart, set off for a walk around their posh suburban block. This was it. No phones. No pleas. No $400 dinners. In one hour Scott would know exactly where his football future lay, and he knew that he and Kim could pick it. Minnesota, Detroit. Detroit, Minnesota. Barry Sanders, Cris Carter. Henry Thomas, Chris Spielman. Dennis Green, Wayne Fontes.

"I don't want to decide," Kim said. "You decide. I just want it to be over."

"No," he said. "This is both of us."

She said she would be happy to live in either place, though she preferred Minnesota. He said that while they really liked Minnesota, they didn't dislike Detroit, and they couldn't think of a reason not to live there. The bonus thing nagged at both of them. Scott kept thinking, If the Lions offer me a huge bonus, they'll stick with me. If the Vikings don't, they might not. Scott stopped. "I'm gonna call Tony and tell him to try Detroit," he said.

If Mitchell would accept a salary structure of $1.4 million, $2 million and $2.6 million, Detroit would then have $100,000 more for their cap in 1994. "No problem," Agnone said. At 4:20 p.m., the deal was done.

The Vikings didn't go down without a fight. Diamond urged Mitchell to talk with him on Sunday. Mitchell thanked him and said he would talk but wouldn't change his mind. He was a Lion.

Schmidt flew to Fort Lauderdale on Saturday night, contract in hand. Mitchell signed just after noon on Sunday. "I'm going to a good football team, a team that really wants me and proved it," Mitchell said. "I'm at peace."....

Mitchell's Time with the Lions

Don Banks of Sport Illustrated summarizes Mitchell's 5 seasons with the Lions:

http://sportsillustrated.cnn.com/2012/writers/don_banks/03/13/matt.flynn/index.html

Mitchell's name often comes up as a cautionary tale for NFL executives who are ready to throw big money at back-up QB's that thrived as a fill-in and enter free agency. (Rob Johnson, Matt Cassel, Matt Flynn, Kevin Kolb, etc.)

The Vikings dodged a bullet.

Vikings Plan B

The Vikings traded for Warren Moon.

Click on Article to enlarge.

Moon passed for over 4,200 yards in each of his first two seasons, but missed half of the 1996 season with a broken collarbone. The Vikings' starting quarterback job was given to Brad Johnson and Moon was released after he refused to take a $3.8 million pay cut to serve as Johnson's backup.
The Vikings made the playoffs in Moon's first year, but lost to the Chicago Bears 18-35.

Hindsight is 20/20: John Carlson

2012-11-07T07:36:00.002-06:00

We use Newspaper archives to help us tell the story of the Vikings signing of John Carlson.

courtesy Pioneer Press
March 15, 2012

John Carlson was in Kansas City on Tuesday night, preparing for a visit with the Chiefs, when the Vikings placed a call that changed everything. The call was so persuasive, the former Seattle Seahawks tight end said, he left Kansas City and didn't meet with the Chiefs. The 6-foot-5, 251-pound Litchfield, Minn., native is returning home, signed to a five-year, $25-million deal with the Vikings worth $11 million guaranteed. "Rick (Spielman) came forward with a commitment no other team had shown, a level of interest that was unparalleled," Carlson said on a conference call Wednesday, March 14, with local media, referring to the Vikings general manager. Money wasn't the only commitment. Carlson said he noticed how the Vikings are "building something" with their offense and are dedicated to surrounding quarterback Christian Ponder with playmakers. During Carlson's Wednesday visit, several team executives and coaches told him how much the team wanted him. Now he'll have his chance to repay the team by becoming a well-rounded tight end who plays to his strengths as a pass catcher.

The Star Tribune summarizes the significance of Carlson's signing:

What is the significance of John Carlson’s arrival?......But when the Vikings made a mad rush at John Carlson on Tuesday night, expressing their interest and commitment in a way that caused the tight end to quickly leave Kansas City before a scheduled free agent meeting with the Chiefs there was plenty to digest. The Vikings had Carlson’s ear and he bolted from Kansas City to connect with the brass at Winter Park.
General manager Rick Spielman’s interest in landing Carlson shows the commitment that offensive coordinator Bill Musgrave has expressed towards making tight ends a big part of the offense. It’s easy to envision Carlson and Kyle Rudolph operating together in two tight end sets next season, each able to put stress on opposing defenses with their pass-catching abilities.
Plus, the Vikings’ five-year commitment to Carlson also speaks to a bigger picture priority at Winter Park and that’s the hope to surround quarterback Christian Ponder with young playmakers that will be around for a while. The quest for continuity on offense is a major priority right now.
Carlson’s worth? We’ll need at least a full season maybe two to begin evaluating whether a deal worth a reported $25 million over five years was sensible. Yet on Wednesday, Carlson expressed his vision for how things will work out, excited about the core of playmakers in place – from Adrian Peterson and Percy Harvin to Christian Ponder and Rudolph.
“My goal has always been to be a well-rounded player,” Carlson said. “Being able to contribute in the passing game, being able to stretch the field and make plays like that. But also I need to do the pass protecting that you need to do as an effective tight end in this league. I want to catch passes. That’s the fun part. But I’m also excited about doing a good job in the run game and protecting as well.”

Carlson's numbers through 9 weeks in 2012:

3 catches, 8 yards, 0 tds.

Funny Quote: Tristan Thompson, Cleveland Cavaliers

2012-10-31T10:16:00.001-05:00

“Andy is a horse, man. He might win the Kentucky Derby by himself. I might have to saddle up and try and ride him to victory. That’s how strong of a leader he is.”

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T.R.A.G. Presents The Top 10

2012-10-28T19:54:00.000-05:00

Yes, the Tall Random Awkward Guy is back at Shoot That S! and this time he brings with him "The Top 10 Things You Don't Want to Find Under Your Couch While Looking For The Remote." (Drum roll please)

10) A wet Kleenex.

9) A used band-aid.

8) That mouse trap that went off a week ago that you couldn't find.

7) Expired coupons to McDonald's.

6) A collection of toenail clippings.

5) A movie ticket stub to Waterworld.

4) Your Cal Ripken Jr. Rookie card with a new crease down the middle.

3) A love mix CD from your ex-girlfriend.

2) The missing screw to your failed attempt at assembling your TV stand from IKEA of which you eventually returned and spent $200 more on a pre-assembled TV stand.

1) The receipt to your pre-assembled TV stand.

John Wall Doesn't Know Who Bon Jovi is. Jan Vesely Shocked!

2012-10-19T07:41:00.000-05:00

Bon Jovi

Legendary rock musician Jon Bon Jovi sat courtside during the Wizards’ 104-101 loss to the Toronto Raptors at Air Canada Center. The arena speakers pumped his classic staple, “You Give Love a Bad Name,” while his image flashed across the HD scoreboard. And as it all unfolded, John Wall applauded from his seat along the bench.

John Wall

Wall was simply being polite, because after the game, Wall was asked about Bon Jovi and he replied, “Who’s that?”

Jan Vesely

Jan Vesely, the Czech forward getting dressed nearby, was stunned as he looked at Wall.

“No. You don’t know him?” Vesely said.

Emeka Okafor

Emeka Okafor, seated in an adjacent locker room stall, shook his head and laughed.

Wall smiled and said, “I’m a 90s baby. I never heard of him.”

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