When you and I affirm other people, we’re doing something incredible. We are showing love.  We’re letting people know they matter.   We’re letting people know that we care about them.

3 ways to affirm others

1. Acceptance.

Instead of choosing to snub people and belittle people and demean people, which are easy choices to make, especially if you’re having a bad day, we need to make the choice instead to lift people up. When we do this we are making an incredible impact in their lives.

It’s easy to look down on people. It’s easy to act like we’re better than people and there are a couple of facts that really make this easy in our world.

First, we live in put-down world. People tend to put other people down. When I feel bad, I try to drag other people down to my level. There’s that kind of feeling in life. Our culture teaches us to compare everything, and to rate everything. So it’s easy to put other people down.

There’s a second fact that keeps us sometimes from accepting people and it is a tendency to take our strengths and preferences and project them on other people and then notice how other people don’t quite meet up to our standards.  It makes us feel better about ourselves.

Let me tell you a better way to feel better about yourself. Instead of doing it by putting other people down, one of the greatest ways to feel better about who you are is to lift other people up. It gives you a thrill like nothing else.

How do you tell when you’ve accepted someone? You stop insisting that they be just like you. You realize and rejoice in the fact that they’re different. The truth of the matter is: The world would be a boring place if everybody was just like you. So God has made us in all different kinds of ways, to do all different kinds of things, so everything can get done in this world.

When was the last time you put a little energy and effort into a relationship where you could look at somebody and say, “You know, you are really good at that.” You don’t know the difference that will make in that person’s life. Someone said that people are not like clay to be moulded by us, but they are like gifts to be unfolded when you notice the incredible gifts that are in people’s lives.

2.  Attention.

The greatest gift of love we can give is focused attention. We can affirm people just by looking them in the eye. And just by looking them in the eye, we’re saying, “I value you. What you have to say is important to me because you matter to me.”

And what people want more than anything else is focused attention. They want to know that their thoughts matter, that their lives matter, and that they are valuable. You’re not just watching the TV or reading the paper while you’re listening to them, you are focusing on them.

So let me ask you: Who do you tend to overlook? It’s often the people closest to you. Here’s what I want you to do this week.  I want you to look for opportunities to show attention to the people in your life, to pay attention. That is the greatest gift of love that you can give them. And don’t just wait for it to happen, make opportunities to show attention.

3.  Appreciation.

We affirm each other’s worth with appreciation. Now appreciation means to raise in value. It goes up in value. If you’ve ever bought a car, you know the meaning of ‘depreciation,’ they lose in value. The moment you drive it off the lot, it’s not worth as much as you paid for it.

Every time we appreciate somebody, we raise their value to us and to others.

When we appreciate our wife, we raise her value.

When we appreciate our husband we raise his value.

When we appreciate our kids, we raise their value.

When we appreciate our friends we raise their value.

Everything we appreciate increases in value.

Today, before the day is over find three people to appreciate.  Tell them what you appreciate about them.

Everyone is looking for affirmation

Here’s a little secret, everybody is looking for affirmation.  Everybody is looking for affirmation, and people will do almost anything to get it.

If you don’t believe that, just watch some of the reality shows. Look at what people do to get on TV and to get affirmed. They eat worms and do whatever just so people will applaud them.

Because of this we need to be going out of our way to show healthy affirmation to others!  Our world desperately needs it!

What are some other ways to affirm others? 

The post 3 ways to affirm others appeared first on Shooting the Breeze by Kevin Martineau.

Welcome to Favourite Links Friday!

This is my way of saying “Thank-you” to all my fellow bloggers by sharing some of their wonderful posts that I have read during the week. I hope you enjoy them as much as I did!

Also, make sure you check out Jason’s Light Friday Hit List over at Connecting to Impact for some more great posts!

7 favourite links (and bloggers) from this past week:

1. The river guide and the rapids by Seth Godin
2. satan’s favorite word. by jon acuff
3. The Love You’re Looking For by Pete Wilson
4. Why You Should Nurture Your Imagination by John Frainee
5. What You and Celebrities Have in Common by jason
6. Patience = Money in the Bank by Terry Scalzitti
7. Learning from Angelina Jolie by Pete Scazzero

Go and check out these great posts and let them know that I sent you!

Favourite Funny Picture

I thought I would lighten up your day with my favourite funny picture I came across this week. Enjoy!

Now it’s your turn to share some love!

What were some of your favourite links from the past week? I would love to check them out!

The post Favourite Links Friday: 7 fantastic posts worth checking out! appeared first on Shooting the Breeze by Kevin Martineau.

“The prudent see danger and take refuge, but the simple keep going and suffer for it.” Proverbs 27:12

This verse introduces us to two types of people – the prudent and the simple. In other places in the book of Proverbs these two companions are referred to as “wise” and “naive.” It’s interesting to note that both start off on the same path and both “see danger” but they respond very differently. As a result of their responses they experience two very different outcomes.

The prudent

“The prudent see danger and take refuge …”

In the book of Proverbs, prudent is used interchangeably with wise. A prudent person is a wise person. The prudent person sees the signs of danger and they change their path/direction. The prudent person understands the cause-and-effect relationship between what they choose today and what they experience tomorrow.

The simple

“The simple keep going and suffer for it.”

Simple is used interchangeably with naive. A simple person is a naive person. The simple person sees the signs of danger and yet they continue down the same path. The simple person lives life like today’s choices will not affect tomorrow’s experiences.

Prudent or simple

What is the big difference between the prudent and the simple? How they respond to what they see! When the prudent sees behaviours turning into unhealthy habits they do something while they can; the simple keep going. When the prudent see trouble in their financial horizon, they do something; the simple keep spending.

A warning

The proverbs end with a very specific warning/prediction: “… the simple keep going and suffer for it.” The simple suffer for refusing to act on what they see.

Unfortunately, I have experienced this too many times in my life. One example is my diagnosis with Type 2 diabetes in 2009. I knew that I was at risk because of my family history with it but I still continued to live a very unhealthy lifestyle. I had been warned by doctors that I was on the path toward Type 2 Diabetes and I needed to make some decisions to help avoid it but I didn’t. I saw the danger/warning signs and I ignored them. I guess I believed that somehow I was going to be the exception – that it couldn’t happen to me.

Sadly, this is how many people live their lives. They see the danger. Others may warn them of the danger but they continue down the same path all along thinking that they are fine but they’re not!

It’s what we do that makes the difference.

Seeing danger and doing nothing will not accomplish anything. We must make the necessary change now – whatever that is – while we still have the chance. Eventually, if we don’t it will be too late!

Are you prudent or simple? Is there anything that you need to do right now to avoid the “danger”?

***** This post was heavily influenced by Andy Stanley’s book The Principle of the Path: How to Get from Where You Are to Where You Want to Be.

The post Are you prudent or simple? appeared first on Shooting the Breeze by Kevin Martineau.

Conflict is inevitable in any marriage relationship.  I used to falsely believe that all conflict was bad.  This led to more harm than good.

The issue is not whether couples will have conflict; the issue is how they approach or deal with the conflict.  The truth is: all conflict is not created equal.

Good conflict, in contrast to a bad conflict, is helpful not hurtful.  It is positive, not negative.  Good conflict stays clean but bad conflict gets dirty.

The difference between good conflict and bad conflict

The difference between good conflict and bad conflict is not fuzzy.  The following chart from the book “The Good Fight: How Conflict Can Bring You Closer” by Dr, Les and Lesley Parrott lays it out perfectly:

Conflicts where one person or the other becomes defensive or stubborn or withdraws are particularly destructive.  Belittling and blame are also toxic to healthy relationships.

The list of qualities that make up bad conflict could go on and on but if you boil the essence of bad conflict down to a single ingredient and sum it up in one word, it would be pride.

Pride destroys relationships

A prideful spirit keeps us from cooperating, being flexible, respecting the other person, compromising and resolving the conflict.

Instead it fuels defensiveness and discord.  It stands in the way of saying “I’m sorry.”  Self-centered pride is at the heart of every bad conflict.

The antidote to unhealthy pride is humility.

The word from which we get “humility” literally means “from the earth.”  In other words, humility steps off its high horse to stand on the earth – to become common and lowly.

Humility isn’t for cowards.  It’s risky.  Humility makes us vulnerable to being made to look like a fool.  But it also makes possible everything else we truly want to be.

Without humility, it’s nearly impossible to engender goodness kindness and warmth with our spouse,  Without humility it is impossible to have good conflict – the kind that actually brings you closer together instead of further apart.

What other differences do you see between good conflict and bad conflict?

The post The difference between good conflict and bad conflict appeared first on Shooting the Breeze by Kevin Martineau.

Everybody blows it. We all make mistakes. This means: “I’m not perfect. I don’t bat 1000. I don’t measure up to God’s standard. I don’t even measure up to my own standards. I disappoint myself a lot of the times.”

So because we’re all imperfect, we’re going to hurt other people and other people are going to hurt us in life: intentionally and unintentionally.  What’s more important is this: What do we do with that hurt?

What we do with it is more important than the hurt. Are we going to allow it to make us better? Or are we going to allow it to make us bitter, resentful, and carry a grudge?

Now often, it’s not the big things in life that make us resentful. Those can obviously and they do but it’s also a lot of little things that just pile up. And a lot of little things can break the camel’s back. So we get irritated. And those irritations when we hold on to them turn into resentment.

2 reasons to not get resentful

1. When we get resentful, we stop thinking clearly.

Our logic goes out the door. Our logic gets distorted. Our perspective gets clouded. Our vision gets all mixed up and we don’t think rationally when our emotions are involved.

2. We start acting in self-defeating ways.

The most foolish things that have ever been done in history have been done in revenge or in retaliation or in resentment. The reality is that resentment doesn’t work! It never hurts the other person. It only hurts us. It’s like shooting ourself with a gun to hit them with the kick of the recoil. It doesn’t work!

The antidote to resentment is forgiveness.

Forgiveness builds relationships. Now let me explain what forgiveness is not. Forgiveness is not minimizing the hurt. It hurt. Forgiveness is not justifying it, saying it was no big deal. It was a big deal. Forgiveness is not saying it wasn’t wrong. It was wrong.

So what is forgiveness?

Why would anybody do that?

Mostly for our own sake because we are living in misery the longer we hold it on. Some of us are still allowing people from our past to hurt us in the present. The reality is that they cannot hurt us anymore. The past is past. And every time we hold onto that grudge we are perpetuating our own pain. They can only hurt us if we refuse to let it go. When we hold onto our resentment we are only hurting ourself.

Forgiveness is the only way to get on with our life.

They don’t deserve it but did we deserve to be forgiven by God? No. But God did it anyway out of His grace and kindness. You see, resentment turns our heart into a desert and it dries us up emotionally to the point where we don’t have anything left to give to anybody else. We don’t have anything to give because we are so stuck in the past that we can’t get on with the future.

Everybody has had some relational disasters in life. Everybody. The question is: What are you going to do with them? Are you going to hold onto that resentment and allow it to destroy you and your relationships OR are you going to choose to forgive?

Who do you need to forgive right now?

The post Resentment destroys relationships appeared first on Shooting the Breeze by Kevin Martineau.

No matter what we do as parents if it is not done in love it means nothing.  Recently I came across a poem for moms that expresses this beautifully.  I think Dad’s can relate to this poem too!

A poem for Moms

This is a paraphrase of 1 Corinthians 13 (the famous chapter in the Bible on love).  This poem is called “1 Corinthians 13 for Moms.”

I can read bedtime stories till the cow jumps over the moon and sing “Ten Little Monkeys” until I want to call the doctor… but if I don’t have love, I’m as annoying as a ringing phone.

I can chase a naked toddler through the house while cooking dinner and listening to voice mail. I can fix the best cookies and Kool-Aid in the neighborhood and I can tell a sick child’s temperature with one touch of my finger… but if I don’t have love, I am nothing.

Love is patient while watching and praying by the front window when it’s 30 minutes past curfew.

Love is kind when my teen says, “I hate you!”

Love does not envy the neighbors’ swimming pool or their brand-new mini van, but trusts the Lord to provide every need.

Love does not brag when other parents share their disappointments and insecurities, and love rejoices when other families succeed.

Love doesn’t boast, even when I’ve multi-tasked all day long and my husband can’t do more than one thing at a time.

Love is not rude when my spouse innocently asks, “What have you done today?”

Love does not immediately seek after glory when we see talent in our children, but encourages them to get training and make wise choices.

Love is not easily angered,even when my 15-year-old acts like the world revolves around her.

Love does not delight in evil (is not self-righteous) when I remind my 17-year-old that he’s going 83 in a 55-mph zone, but rejoices in the truth.

Love does not give up hope.

Love always protects our children’s self-esteem and spirit, even while doling out discipline.

Love always trusts God to protect our children when we cannot.

Love always perseveres,through blue nail polish, burps and other bodily functions, rolled eyes and crossed arms, messy rooms and sleepovers.

Love never fails.

But where there are memories of thousands of diaper changes and painful labor, they will fade away.

Where there is talking back, it will (eventually) cease.

Where there is a teenager who thinks she knows everything, there will one day be an adult who knows you did your best.

For we know we fail our children, and we pray they don’t end up in therapy, but when we get to heaven, our imperfect parenting will disappear. (Thank you, God!)

When we were children, we needed a parent to love and protect us. Now that we’re parents ourselves, we have a heavenly Father who adores, shelters us and holds us when we need to cry.

And now these three remain: faith, hope and love.

But the greatest of these is LOVE!!

Author Unknown

What’s your favourite part of this poem for moms?

The post A poem for Moms appeared first on Shooting the Breeze by Kevin Martineau.

Gas station karaoke has made it’s debut and pumping gas will never be the same!

In a recent episode of ’Pumpcast News” (a sketch from The Tonight Show with Jay Leno where a fictional cable news reporter interacts with customers at gas pumps – sometimes completely taking people off guard) we meet a falsetto-wielding, Bon Jovi-crooning, average dude-turned-superstar who sings “Living on a Prayer”.  It is awesome!

His wife eventually joins in and rocks out to the Eurythmics’ ‘Sweet Dreams.”  It is definitely a must see!

Hilarious Video: Gas Station Karaoke

Who is the better gas station karaoke singer, the husband or the wife? 

The post Hilarious Video: Gas Station Karaoke appeared first on Shooting the Breeze by Kevin Martineau.

If you’ve failed, I’ve got great news. You’re still a candidate for God to use because God loves to use the failures. In the New Testament, we see what I call the most successful failure in the Bible, and that was a guy named Peter.

If you know anything about Peter, Peter loved to run his mouth and it often got him in trouble.  He was the guy that bragged about his faithfulness to Jesus. The night before Jesus went to the cross Peter said to Jesus:

“Hey, you know these other guys. There’s a bunch of losers. They’re not going to be there for You, but I got your back, man. When everyone else denies You, I’m going to be there.”

Well, Jesus saw through this and knew what would really happen. He said,

“Peter, I’ve got bad news for you. Tonight you are going to deny me, not once, but three times, and when you do, you will hear the rooster crow.”

And so, Peter’s like, “No, you don’t understand. I’m with You.”

Well, later that night after Jesus was arrested what happens? Peter denies Jesus 3 times. Let’s look at his last denial. Luke 22:60-62 says this:

“Peter replied, ‘Man, I don’t know what you’re talking about!’ Just as he was speaking, the rooster crowed. The Lord turned and looked straight at Peter…And (Peter) went outside and wept bitterly.”

Now, I don’t know for sure what was going through his mind, but let me tell you what would have gone through my mind. I would have been thinking:

“I just screwed up big time. Jesus called me a rock, and I’m more like Silly Putty. He believed in me, and I let Him down. I’ve destroyed our relationship. My credibility is blown. I’ll never be called on again. If He does have unconditional love, I’ve pushed it to the limit. I’ve messed up. He will never trust me ever again. I’ve failed too big.”

What’s humbling to me about Peter is that Jesus came back to him, forgave him, and immediately used him to do, perhaps, the greatest thing that happened in the New Testament besides the resurrection, and that was help birth the New Testament church.

God loves to use the failures

If you’ve failed, congratulations. You may be even more broken and more ready for God to use you than you were in the past.

Some of you, you hurt deeply, and you are embarrassed by some of the things that you have done. We need to remember this important truth: God still loves you and He can use you!

In fact, that one area of weakness can one day become a great area of strengthened testimonious story.

I know people have said, “Man, if you knew my past, God could never use me”. When people think this they need to be reminded that Moses murdered a guy, and David committed adultery and Peter denied Jesus three times with Him watching and yet God still used these men in powerful ways.

Sometimes, when you fail, it’s at that point that you are more broken and humbled before God, and more dependent on Him than you ever have been before. God still wants to use you because God loves to use the failures!

How do you feel about the statement “God loves to use the failures”?  Do you believe it to be true?  Why or why not?

***** This is part 4 of 4 in a series on “Who God does most often use?”

Part 1 I doubt God can use me.
Part 2 God loves to use the insecure.
Part 3 God loves to use the unlikely.
Part 4 God loves to use the failures.

The post God loves to use the failures appeared first on Shooting the Breeze by Kevin Martineau.

God loves to use those people who others overlook. God loves to use those that others don’t know if they have what it takes. God loves to use the unlikely, those that others don’t believe in.

We see this in 1 Samuel chapter 16 when Samuel, the prophet, was called to go and anoint the next king. He went to Jesse’s house and he looked at Jesse’s sons and he said, “I wonder which one has what it takes” and he looked at the tallest, most handsome, most likely candidate, and thought, “This is surely God’s annointed.”

We see the story in verses 6 and 7 which say:

“…Samuel saw Eliab and thought, “Surely the LORD’s anointed stands here before the LORD.” But the LORD said to Samuel, “Do not consider his appearance or his height, for I have rejected him. The LORD does not look at the things man looks at. Man looks at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart.”

Even David’s father did not believe David was qualified. Verse 11 says:

“There is still the youngest,” Jesse answered, “but he is tending the sheep.”

You can hear the doubt, even in David’s father’s mind about the one that God saw as the next king.

Of course we know that David ended up being the most famous of all of Israel’s kings.

God loves to use the unlikely.

Do you understand this? God sees things in you that no one else sees.

So stop believing what other people say about you. You are not what others say. You are not the sum total of other people’s opinions.

You are who God says you are and God says you are His masterpiece. You are created by Him, for Him, with unique gifts, placed at this moment in history.

God says that He has a unique purpose for you.

God says that He is working in all things to bring them about for good to those who love Him and are called according to His purpose, and even when things go south in your life, God says that whatever your spiritual enemy meant for evil, God can turn it around and use for good.

Stop believing what others say about you!

Start believing what God says about you!

God loves to use those that others overlook; God loves to use the unlikely!

 How do you feel about the statement “God loves to use the unlikley”?  Do you believe it to be true?  Why or why not?

***** This is part 3 of 4 in a series on “Who God does most often use?”

Part 1 I doubt God can use me.
Part 2 God loves to use the insecure.
Part 3 God loves to use the unlikely.
Part 4 God loves to use the failures.

The post God loves to use the unlikely appeared first on Shooting the Breeze by Kevin Martineau.

Many of us have insecurities about our abilities, talents and what we have to offer God.  We doubt that God could ever use us. Here’s a great truth to remember: God loves to use the insecure! He loves to use those who are not sure of their own abilities.

We see this in the Old Testament when God called Moses to deliver His people. As soon as God called him, the very first thing that Moses did was reveal his own personal insecurities.

We can see this shown in Exodus 4:10 which says:

“Moses said to the Lord, ‘O Lord, I have never been eloquent, neither in the past nor since you have spoken to your servant. I am slow of speech and tongue.’”

In other words, Moses was saying:

“God, I’m not your best man because if You put me in front of a crowd I will freak out. I’m not a good public speaker. I say the wrong things. I put my foot in my mouth. I stutter. I’m not the right person.”

Watch how God just speaks directly to him. Verse 11 and 12, “

The LORD said to (Moses), “Who gave man his mouth?… Is it not I, the LORD? Now go; I will help you speak and will teach you what to say.”

God wants to use you!

Unfortunately it seems though that whenever we take a step in the direction of being used by God, a lot of times in the back of our mind, this resume of inadequacies starts to emerge.

We start to think things like:

• “I’m not good enough.”
• “I don’t know enough.”
• “I’m too old to connect with teenagers.”
• “I’m too young. I’m inexperienced. I can’t make a difference.”
• “I’m not a great musician, or a great speaker or whatever.”

God loves to use the insecure!

You are the masterpiece of God. God knew what He was doing when He made you. God wired you with certain gifts, abilities and passions.

There are things that you care about more than those around you, and you wonder why that is. It’s because God made you that way.

In all of history, God knew that this was the most opportune time for you to be born, the right place for you to live around the right people with the right weaknesses.

Now, why do I say that? Because, our weaknesses are often the greatest clue to where God wants to work.  It’s through our weaknesses and insecurities that His strength is made perfect. There’s more room for Him to work when we put confidence in Him, rather than in ourselves.

 How do you feel about the statement “God loves to use the insecure”?  Do you believe it to be true?  Why or why not?

***** This is part 2 of 4 in a series on “Who God does most often use?”

Part 1 I doubt God can use me.
Part 2 God loves to use the insecure.
Part 3 God loves to use the unlikely.
Part 4 God loves to use the failures.

The post God loves to use the insecure appeared first on Shooting the Breeze by Kevin Martineau.