shortandbald.net

PRO-PEE-SHA

The Bald Man — Thu, 01 Dec 2011 21:23:54 +0000

Best thing that has happened all week. Earlier in the week a co-worker stopped me as I was walking by his desk and asked me how to spell Propecia. Yes, he stopped a bald man mid walk and asked him how to spell the name of a anti hair loss drug. I mean really, that’s like asking a little person how to spell midget.

Thanks for the laugh JC

What If: George Clooney

The Bald Man — Tue, 27 Sep 2011 00:08:14 +0000

Fun Friday: Battle Of The Short & Balds

The Bald Man — Fri, 23 Sep 2011 14:49:45 +0000

So, I’m trying to make up for being such a slacker this week. In this week’s edition of Fun Friday we’re matching up two iconic short and bald personalities., Verne (Mini Me) Troyer and Elemr Fudd. If these two Hopus All Gonus‘ were to throw down, which do you think would pound the ever living $#!* out of the other? I won’t officially cast a vote, but my money is on Mini Me wuppin tha taw owtta Elma. Eh eh eh eh eh eh!

Note: There is a poll embedded within this post, please visit the site to participate in this post's poll.

I’m A Little, Bald Idiot

The Bald Man — Fri, 23 Sep 2011 00:08:30 +0000

Ok, ok. I know I goofed up and left all 12 of my readers hanging all week. Yes, I was a complete slacker and should be punished accordingly. But I swear I will try to make up for it with tomorrow’s Fun Friday post. Stay tuned.

Sleep At Work Without Getting Caught

The Bald Man — Fri, 16 Sep 2011 14:03:48 +0000

If you’re anything like me you’re short, bald and most of all, lazy. For years I’ve been searching for ways to sleep at work without getting caught. For the record, under the desk, in your office with the door closed, in the break room and so on don’t work. Don’t try it. I’ve done it and have failed miserably.

But now, I think I’ve truly come up with a brilliant, fail safe way to accomplish the Holy Grail of work place laziness. I’ve decided to share my infinite knowledge with you so that you too may experience the glory that is sleeping on the job. Below is a tutorial on how to achieve this elusive feat.

Prerequisite

You must be at least a “Wrestler” on our Scale of Baldness or willing to shave what little hair you have left.

What You Will Need

Soap
Towel
A recent photo of yourself.
At least one friend.

If you don’t have any friends, you’ll need at least three (3) mirrors and a steady hand.

A pack of Magic Markers.

I prefer the Crayola 12 pack because of the larger color selection.

Step One

Take bar of soap or shower gel and rub into scalp with a little water until you get a nice lather going. Repeat if necessary and rinse with warm water. Towel dry scalp until completely dry.

Step Two

Either you or your friend should study the recent photo of you. Make sure to study the color of your eyes, lips and any facial hair you may have. Study the shapes of your features and any identifying marks or blemishes.

Step Three

Choose the appropriate colors from your pack of markers and lay them out for easy access.

Step Four

If you are working alone (not recommended), begin to position your mirrors in such a way that allows you to see the top of your head while leaving your hands free.

Step Five

Begin to apply the basic outlines of you facial features to the top of your head, including your eyes, nose and mouth. Once you have you basic outlines down, begin adding in the color of your eyes and lips. Next, draw on any facial hair and identifying marks. Last, apply any fine details and if you or your friend are artistically inclined, you can try to add some shading and depth.

If you've followed these steps, your final outcome should look something like this.

Step Six

Arrive at work, sit down, lean forward with your head directly facing your computer screen, nod off and enjoy. No one will be the wiser…er trust me.

What If: Johnny Depp

The Bald Man — Wed, 14 Sep 2011 14:05:40 +0000

We Finally get to see what's really under Captain Jack's bandana

It Could Be Worse: You Could Be Him

The Bald Man — Mon, 12 Sep 2011 14:40:08 +0000

I know, I know I’m terrible, but you know you’re thinking “thank God that’s not me.”

60-Second Baldness Test: Is It Neccesary?

The Bald Man — Sun, 11 Sep 2011 14:05:12 +0000

There was an article posted the other day outlining a paradigm shift in standards of normal versus rapid hair loss. It was once believed that normal hair loss was around 100 hairs per day. A recently published study debunks that theory and says normal hair loss is around 10 hairs per day. The researchers suggest a 60 second test for men to determine if they are going bald. Below is the procedure:

The 60-Second Hair Test consists of the 4 following steps:

Before shampooing, comb your hair starting with the comb at the back top of the head and comb forward to the front of the scalp while leaning over a bed sheet of contrasting color.

Count the number of hairs on the comb and the bed sheet and record the results.

Repeat the procedure for three consecutive days before shampooing each day.

Repeat the entire process on a monthly basis and take the results to your dermatologist for review.

Full article here.

I think its a little ridiculous that we need researchers spending precious time and money on such silly endeavors. They could be spending that time and money on real research like cures for cancer.

And who has time to mess with this procedure anyway? I certainly don’t. So, I decided to come up with a test that is quicker and I dare say, much more accurate. Below are five questions you can ask yourself to see if you’re going bald and the beauty is, you can be doing something else while answering them

Has spending Saturday nights by myself increased?

If I wear a turtleneck will I be mistaken for a roll-on deodorant?

Does my barber say “no charge?

Would I be turned down at a Rogaine Spokesperson casting call?

Is my head getting jealous of my shoulders?

There you have it. And all done in less than sixty seconds. Total cost of research $0.00.

Bald Honoree Of The Day: The Mighty Bald Eagle

The Bald Man — Sun, 11 Sep 2011 12:46:17 +0000

I thought this was an appropriate post for the 10th anniversary of 9/11. Who better to honor today than our national bird, a symbol of democracy and freedom. Short & bald sends it’s best to all the family and friends of those lost.

Chart Topping, Record Breaking, Money Making: Lil Wayne Scores One For The Short Guys

The Bald Man — Thu, 08 Sep 2011 18:11:43 +0000

Despite internet leaks days before it’s release on August 29th, Lil Wayne’s ‘Tha Carter IV’ managed to climb to the top of the sales charts beating out the likes of the Red Hot Chili Peppers, David Guetta, and Jake Owen. 964,000 copies sold is a pretty nice feat for the 5’5″ Midus Minimus.

‘Tha Carter IV’ is a close second in sales for the year to Lady Gaga’s ‘Born This Way’ (1.1M). As if that wasn’t enough for Weezy, his 18 BET Hip Hop Awards nominations and 340,000 one week iTunes downloads are both record breakers. Second in nominations are Kanye West and Khalifa both with 9, followed by Rick Ross with 8.

It looks like this miniscule, musical mammoth’s star is definitely on the rise. If Weezy keeps this momentum going he’ll eventually need to change the name of his label to Old Money Entertainment.