Shoryland

Andrew Breitbart: Evil Menace or Village Idiot?

2010-07-21T08:57:00.001-05:00

If Andrew Breitbart took Shirley Sherrod’s speech and edited it to make her look like a bigot, then he is evil and a criminal.

If, as he claims, he only received the edited clips, viewed them, and then without asking any questions, slapped an ill-informed narrative on them and introduced them to the 24-hour news cycle, then he is a moron. TMZ and the National Enquirer look like models of journalistic integrity by comparison.

Since he has a pattern of disseminating heavily edited videos, the burden of proof is on Mr. Breitbart.

Produce your source, Mr. Breitbart.

Show us whether you are evil or just a damn fool.

UPDATE: Who says you can't be both evil and a damn fool? Now Breitbart is arguing that the white farmer Sherrod helped 25 years ago is a plant (h/t Daily Dish):

The Best Day to be Born: July 20, 1969

2010-07-20T08:56:00.009-05:00

I’m not one to brag, but I have to say that July 20, 1969 was the best day ever to be born.

The day men first landed and walked on the moon.

The moon, bitches.

The coolest thing humans have accomplished. Ever.

I guess there are some moments that rank up there. The day we discovered fire. The day we invented the wheel. But no one’s around anymore who could have been born on those days.

Nothing else in the last 50, 100 years even comes close. Maybe the day Born to Run was released. I’m not knocking V-E Day and V-J Day--those were definitely good days. I don't mean to diminish those accomplishments. But to my mind, what was on the great continuum of human history but a momentary pause in the slaughter just doesn’t rise to the level of LANDING AND WALKING ON THE FUCKING MOON. Plus V-E and V-J Days wer two separate days, instead of one big day. I’m just saying.

The only downside to being born on the day humans landed on the moon is that growing up I always assumed it was just the beginning of amazing space-y things I would see in my lifetime, a new era full of travel to other to other planets, robot servants, photon torpedoes, and princesses in metal bikinis. Maybe that era is still coming, but I’m 41 now, and at least so far, the future ain’t what it used to be. Hell, it’s 2010, which was supposed to be The Year We Make Contact. Where the hell’s the contact? And where’s my goddamn flying car?

I don’t even understand what the space program is doing anymore. Are we going to Mars or not? Personally I never get tired or hearing President Kennedy’s line about going to the moon and doing the other things, “not because they are easy, but because they are hard.” Really one of the best lines of all time. Maybe I should get an alarm clock that plays that every morning. It’d help get the day started off right.

So let’s have a concise statement about what we’re doing, President Obama, and wrap it up in some soaring rhetoric. We can’t afford to wait even if we’re broke. As Bruce says, hard times come, and hard times go, but the human adventure is just beginning (actually the last part was from Star Trek). Don’t listen to those stuffy assholes who whine about how we have all these other problems that need to be solved before we do space. Did early humans delay their descent from the trees because members of their tribes were ill? Did the first civilizations put off their work on inventing the wheel by 50 years because they hadn’t solved the problem of poverty? Hell no! Actually I don’t really know, but I’m pretty sure they didn’t. Yeah, we have lots of issues. We’re really screwed up, all of us. But we can still do space. We have to do space. As I’ve said before, we’ve got to get out of here.

In all seriousness, while I enjoy bragging that July 20, 1969 was definitely the best day to be born, I didn’t do anything other than enter this world, whereas Neil Armstrong, Buzz Aldrin, and Michael Collins took us to another. A big shout out to them, and also to every man and woman, every astronaut and astronaut’s wife and engineer and contractor and public relations officer and custodian, every Congressman and Senator and public official, everyone both sung and unsung in the Mercury, Gemini, and Apollo programs who made a contribution to the Coolest Thing Ever.

Now let’s go to Mars. And make those flying cars. I’m getting old.

Stewart Mandel, poster boy for what's wrong with the BCS

2010-07-16T13:58:00.002-05:00

Well, okay, Mandel isn't THE problem with the BCS. But his latest musings at SI.com highlight one of the biggest issues.

In the article, Mandel offers up his preseason choice for a BCS National Championship showdown:

So, what potential 2010 matchup would elicit a similar curiosity factor? I'll go with Alabama vs. Boise State.

Everyone is entitled to his or her opinion, and a sports columnist's job is to have interesting opinions. So to that extent, all well and good.

The problem is that Mandel has a vote in the AP Top 25 poll.

Yes, it's true, the AP Poll is no longer officially counted in the BCS formula, but one of the polls that is counted, the sham Harris Poll, takes its cues from the AP the way the Eastern Bloc took its cues from Moscow. (Take a look at the voters for 2009--Don Strock? Craig Morton?!?) And even if you reject the AP influence on the Harris, you can't argue that Mandel, from his post at SI, is not enormously influential, and in a beauty contest--which is what the BCS is--influence counts. A lot.

In 2004, four teams, USC, Oklahoma, Auburn, and Utah went undefeated, but neither Auburn nor Utah made it to the championship game because they were not anointed preseason favorites.

Marvel if you will at Mandel's prelude to the matchup. You'd think it was Homer describing the Trojan War:

Once in a great while, there comes a game that transcends the four-hour window in which it is played. A game in which the meaning can't be fully comprehended until long after the final gun has sounded. A game that becomes part of its sport's collective lore, to be recollected and rehashed years after the dust has settled.

USC won 55-19. The game was over almost before it began.*

To be fair to Mandel, he had Auburn ranked first in his power rankings the week the Tigers were 10-0. After Auburn had close calls against Alabama and then Tennessee in the SEC Championship, he ranked them behind the Trojans and Sooners. But that's the problem; it's not that Mandel and others are right or wrong in their evaluations, it's that their evaluations actually count fro something.

If Mandel were writing about the NFL, his opinion would be just that. No matter which teams he and his other AP philosopher kings favored, the Super Bowl would be decided by results on the field.

Back to 2010: obviously if Boise State loses a game, it's probably out of the picture. Alabama would probably have to lose twice to no longer be in the mix. If either scenario occurred, we'd get a different matchup than the one Mandel was touting, and I have no doubt he'd vote accordingly. But if both teams keep winning, it will be very hard for an upstart team to crash the party--not because that team isn't as good or better, but because, unlike Alabama, Boise State, and a precious few others, it wasn't anointed in the preseason, before a single down has been played.

Football championships should not be chosen the same way figure skating champions are determined. In fact, figure skating judging, as corrupt as it is, is arguably less compromised than the BCS, since at least those judges have to watch every performance--unlike the AP and Harris voters, who depend on hearsay from the aforementioned Mandel and his compatriots at SI and (even more unethical) ESPN.

So you can know all you need to know about the college football season, folks, and before it's even begun. Take a look at top 5, maybe 10 teams in the preseason rankings. Barring something truly dramatic, they are the only teams with a chance to win it all, and it's all brought to you by the AP and Harris voters and all the other lovely people who put together the BCS. If you're looking for a real surprise, in which an upstart 69 Jets, or 99 Rams, or 02 Patriots, or 08 Giants defy the prognosticators and miraculously win a championship, look to the NFL, where the results are determined on the field, and not by a sports geek in his bathrobe.

*It should also be noted that both the USC and Oklahoma teams that year were later found guilty of committing NCAA infractions and were placed on probation, so they should never have been in the game in the first place.

Toy Story 3: The Wrath of the Undiscovered Country

2010-06-21T12:08:00.001-05:00

The family went to see Toy Story 3 on Sunday. It's not as good as the first two, which is to say that it's merely excellent rather than perfect.

My seven-year-old loved it, and my four-year-old adored it--at one point he exclaimed, "Oh, I love this so much!" The only downside for him, though, was wearing the 3D glasses, which he definitely does not like. There was no point to this movie being 3D, and I think it's borderline cruel to make kids that young have to wear those glasses to see the movie, but he was so excited we couldn't deny him.

A bit of adult anxiety has crept into Toy Story 3, a more muted version than what you saw on display in Up. Young kids will have no problem enjoying the movie, but most have yet to experience time marching on firsthand, and I wondered just what they made of those aspects of the movie. For me, Woody and the gang began to remind me very much of the aging original crew in the Star Trek movies.

Galloping around the cosmos is a game for the young.

In Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan, 15 years have passed since the original five-year mission. Admiral Kirk is deskbound and aimless until he's forced to pull it together to defeat an old enemy. Believe it or not, 11 real-time years have passed since Toy Story 2, and the movie time must be about the same. Andy's grown up and heading for college, and Woody and the Gang are bound for the attic, or worse.

From there the similarities to STII are more thematic than plot-related. Toy Story 3 doesn't feature the return of an old nemesis (though Lots-O'-Huggin' Bear is embittered about losing his paradise in much the way Khan was) and the escape from the daycare center is closer plotwise to Star Trek VI: The Undiscovered Country than STII. But during the climax, as the characters hurtle toward a fiery doom, they resign themselves to their fate and hold each other for emotional support (and my youngest grabs my hand), and I was so reminded of the Enterprise crew's sinking feeling they couldn't outrun the Genesis device, that I was certain one of Toy Story characters was going to say, "We're not going to make it, are we?"

From Hell's heart, I stab at thee!

Of course this is a kids movie, and no sacrifice like Spock's was required (and that sacrifice was short-lived too). The denouement is much more Undiscovered Country, with a bittersweet farewell for aging friends.

But animated characters don't die, and they don't need girdles and hairpieces and layers of makeup. Plus, those Disney-executive yachts and beach houses don't pay for themselves. So Toy Story 3 may not be the final voyage after all.

Now THIS is racism.

2010-06-15T09:45:00.000-05:00

And insanity. Par for the course for Glenn Beck.

And this from a man whose religion banned blacks from the priesthood, officiating in ordinances, and from participating in LDS temple ceremonies until 1978 and also practices vicarious baptism of Nazis and Holocaust victims.

Conference Expansion: Missouri makes sense for SEC

2010-06-13T22:30:00.001-05:00

Word is Texas A&M is still very much interested in joining the SEC, and the SEC is interested right back.

The same article states the SEC is attempting to woo Oklahoma to join as well, but Oklahoma is reluctant to leave behind their rivalries with Texas and Oklahoma State.

If the SEC is looking for another Big 12 companion to join with Texas A&M, Missouri could be a good fit.

Missouri borders SEC states Tennessee, Kentucky, and Arkansas. In addition to a storied football as well as a string of recent successful seasons, Missouri boasts a strong basketball program, and is competitive nationally in a broad range of athletics. Perhaps most importantly for the SEC, the University of Missouri would bring with it the St. Louis and some of the Kansas City television markets.

Expansion into both Texas and Missouri would give the SEC more power when renegotiating an already-enormous television contract with ESPN. And were the conference to explore new eastern markets as well, perhaps by adding Virginia and Virginia Tech, the SEC would likely maintain its dominance no matter how much other conferences expand.

For Missouri, entering the SEC with Texas A&M would solve one issue that had many fans grumbling about leaving the Big 12: losing the ability to recruit in the state of Texas.

Think bigger than the Big Ten, Missouri. Think SEC.

2010-06-10T09:05:00.005-05:00

Now there's a report that Texas A&M is in discussions with the Southeastern Conference (SEC). In the past, just like that stray dog that you never should have fed, A&M follows the Texas Longhorns wherever they go, so it seems unlikely that relationship would end. But the SEC is some serious kibble.

If the SEC were to add the Aggies, they'd be looking for at least one more team. Thirteen is not a magic number.

That team might as well be Missouri.

Missouri's been all aswoon with the prospect of joining the Big Ten. Certainly they get no love (or money) from their current situation, and the prospect of matchups with the likes of Michigan, Ohio State, Penn State, and maybe Notre Dame seems like an upgrade.

But if you're upgrading, why not go all the way?

You join the Big Ten, you get to party like it's 1899. The last time a Big Ten member won a college football national championship, The Who were only on their third farewell tour.

You join the SEC, you're joining the ranks of the last four BCS National Champions.

The Big Dogs.

Big money.

One reason Missouri likes the Big Ten is academics. While they'd likely be crushed for years in football, there's a sense that they're superior to the SEC when it comes to academics. But at least according to these rankings, Missouri would fall squarely in the middle of the SEC, which claims a number of fine academic institutions (including Auburn University).

But does the SEC want Missouri? Maybe not. But the St. Louis-Kansas City TV market is an awfully big one to be hanging out there if the Big Televen decides it wants to poach the Big East instead.

The Texas market plus St. Louis and KC? Just go ahead and leave blank the dollar amount on that check, ESPN. The SEC will fill it in with whatever they like.

This is just my personal opinion, of course. I know absolutely nothing. I just want Missouri to land somewhere good.

That Bad, Maybe Worse

2010-05-28T14:54:00.002-05:00

The Rules of Proper Racial/Ethnic Casting in Hollywood, According to Liberals Who Are Not Hollywood Elite

2010-05-26T10:27:00.002-05:00

So I ran across this article on Huffington Post yesterday about how The Last Airbender and Prince of Persia are racist because they cast white people in the lead roles.

Look, is Hollywood still racist? Undoubtedly. There's been a great deal of progress over time, there's still too little diversity, and too little portrayal of accurate diversity, despite cartoon-liberal cries to the contrary. Too many African Americans talk jive, too many Latins are lusty, and all Arabs who aren't Tony Shalhoub just want to blow things up. Aboriginal peoples all speak like Tonto (even if they're blue and from another planet) and always live in utopian paradises that middle-class white people like to daydream about when they're mowing the lawn or telling the kids to shut up. If only I could don a loincloth and frolic about Eden with the brown/blue people!

But the more I read of the article and comments, the more inconsistent and nonsensical the whole argument became.

I must confess I don't know much about the source material of either movie. After watching the trailer for Airbender, I did have to laugh at the idea of a white kid playing a part that certainly seems to require an Asian.

But with Prince of Persia, I just don't see a problem with Gyllenhaal. So he's half-Swedish, half-Jewish. Does this guy look any more Persian than Gylllenhaal?

(Andre Agassi is of Iranian heritage, in case you didn't know.)

Now I doubt very seriously that the studio heads sat around in top hats while smoking cigars and said, "We can't have one of those swarthy wog fellows fouling up our movie. We need an A-list star. How about Jake Gyllenaal?" For one thing, is Jake Gyllenhaal A-list? Really? But he is semi-recognizable, at least, and plausible.

And yet blogger and independent filmmaker Jehanzeb Dar is outraged:

"This part really needed to go to someone who's Persian . . . It's not only insulting to Persians, it's also insulting to white people. It's saying white people can't enjoy movies unless the protagonist is white," he said.

So according to this rule, any character of a particular ethnicity or race must be portrayed by an actor of that ethnicity or race.

Thus it is very very very bad that Jewish James Caan played Italian Sonny Corleone in The Godfather.

Wait, except that once I read the comments, I discovered that it isn't bad! It's okay for Jewish people to play Italians, and Italians to play Jewish people. That's different!

You see, Italians and Jews are just white people of different ethnicity, whereas half-Swede half-Jews and Persians are separated by race.

Now I thinks to meself, Self, there's probably no more ethnic difference between Jewish people and Persians than Jewish people and Italians. And according to the U.S. Census Bureau, as well as science, Italians, Jews, Persians, Arabs, Greeks, Irish, Swedes, Germans (and more!) are all part of the white/Caucasian race. No doubt this notion annoys a great many people, and yes, we generally think of white people in this country as defined by attendance at NASCAR events or Episcopal churches, but, you know, science.

But even if I were right (which of course I must not be), Persians are apparently an "aggrieved group," and therefore all of their roles in movies must be filled by Persians. I can only assume the same applies to Arabs, African Americans, Native Americans, and Asians, but apparently not Jews, since Robert De Niro played a Jewish person not once, but twice!!! Italians are of course not aggrieved, apparently because of pizza and Joe DiMaggio or something. They got off the list a while back.

Being a simple person, however, I found this all very confusing, and attempted to locate some place that listed The Rules of Proper Racial/Ethnic Casting in Hollywood According to Liberals Who Are Not Hollywood Elite. Sadly, Google turned up nothing, so I decided to give it a go:

A character of a particular race must be played by a member of that race (EXCEPTION:see #3 and #4)
Characters of one ethnicity may be played by an actor of another ethnicity if observers can't tell the difference. For example, it is fine for Jewish James Caan to portray Italian Sonny Corleone if he "looks Italian" to you, and for Italian Robert De Niro to portray Jewish Noodles or Jewish Sam "Ace" Rothstein. Indian-British actor Naveen Andrews may play Iraqi Sayid. It is also fine for Koreans, Vietnamese, Chinese, Japanese, and pretty much any East Asian to play any other East Asian, since to your Average Joe American, they all look alike, what with their slanty eyes and everything.
Persons of a particular ethnicity or race may NOT portray a member of said ethnicity or race IF they do not fully embody commonly held perceptions of that ethnicity. Thus, a light-skinned Arab may not portray an Arab, since EVERYONE knows that ALL Arabs are dark-skinned. However, a Persian, Jew, Greek, Italian, or Spanish (even Mexican--Anthony Quinn) person may portray an Arab if said person is "dusky" and thus sufficiently "Arab-y."
It is wrong for a white person to be cast in a role previously played by an African American, but "a fascinating examination" if an African American is cast in a role previously played by a Caucasian.
Race is more important than ethnicity. You can cross the ethnic line, but not the racial line. The Prince of Persia controversy is a racial matter, because Persians are not members of the white race (except that they are). Of course Gyllenhaal is half-Jewish, but he doesn't really look Jewish (see #3).
No rules apply to pure regional differences. Thus a Yankee or Brit can be cast to play a Southerner and use some fake, TV Southern accent, because who gives a shit, you know? Southerners are not an aggrieved group, anyway, except for African American Southerners, though apparently they can be played by Yankee African Americans. Accent differences between British and Australians qualify as "regional" since it's hard for some Americans to tell the difference. Hence, it's okay for Russell Crowe to play quintessentially British Robin Hood, just as it's okay for British Jude Law to play quintessiantly Southern Jack Burden (actually, no, that wasn't okay--the 2006 All the King's Men (one of my favorite books) sucked backwards and forwards.)

The one rule I haven't figured out is about mixed-race, mixed-ethic heritage. Can you play a Persian if you're half Persian? What if you're half-Persian, half-Japanese, and you look Japanese? What if you're one-quarter Persian? One-eighth Persian (a Persiaroon)?

So it just comes down to appearance--often ignorant assumptions about appearance--and a sophomoric demand for what's perceived to be "realism," a notion that plagues many forms of entertainment. Personally, while I enjoy the immersive experience, I know that I'm watching a projection on a screen, or reading words on a page, so I can roll with a lot of stuff, so long as it's done well.

Though he's too old now (age-ism!), I personally would have had zero problem with Denzel Washington playing Batman/Bruce Wayne. Denzel likes to play obsessed people who are a little bit crazy. He would have been perfect. Of course lots of white people would have been in an uproar. But I think it would have been cool.

That's not to say that Hollywood shouldn't try to find the right, best person for the role, and to consider ethnicity if the role demands it. Even if she is a queen, Queen Latifah would be an odd choice to play Queen Elizabeth I, and Jason Alexander an odd choice to play Jimi Hendrix. But if everyone gets a shot, and the result is good, then like I said, I'll roll with it.

The whole controversy is actually the racial profiling argument flipped on its head. Civil rights advocates are (I think rightly) upset about racial and ethnic profiling in terrorism and immigration matters, so isn't it odd that they want to mandate that a character of a race or ethnicity must be played by a member of that group? Yet the very absurdity of that also pokes holes in the pro-profiling argument, since the guy who doesn't look Arab-y or Mexican-y may be just the guy you're looking for, and the ones who do may just be minding their own business.

What I don't understand is why more people aren't in an uproar about the Green Lantern casting. Blond Blake Lively has been cast as Carol Ferris, and anyone who knows anything about Green Lantern knows that Carol Ferris is a brunette.

Daniel Pipes, bigot, muses aloud

2010-05-17T13:06:00.005-05:00

Last week Pat Buchanan was wondering what the deal is with all of the Jews on the Supreme Court.

This week, it's Daniel Pipes' turn to do the Archie Bunker routine.

Apparently Mr. Pipes was home last night, watching the Miss USA pageant with firm attention, and was disappointed that his favorite lost to Rima Fakih.

You see, it's very very bad that Ms. Fakih won. Why? Well, if you can't tell already by her foreign-y name, Ms. Fakih was born in Lebanon! Yes! And what's more,

Fakih grew up in Queens, New York, where she attended a Catholic school. Her family moved to Dearborn, Michigan, in 2003. Though Shiite Muslim, her family celebrates elements of both the Muslim and Christian faiths. (wikipedia)

Who let this woman on the plane to attend the event? Did they inspect her breasts for explosives?

Denied the explosive, climactic victory he sought for his favorite contestant, a dejected and slack Mr. Pipes wrote the following:

They are all attractive, but this surprising frequency of Muslims winning beauty pageants makes me suspect an odd form of affirmative action.

Now just in case you didn't quite get the message, Mr. Pipes thought this comment from a reader was worth quoting:

No surprise here. Affirmative action was first applied in beauty contests for black women to win in the 1980s, then it was the turn of Latin, brown skinned women, and now it's Muslims. That's why most people ignore these rigged "events." They are money losers and require controversy.

It sure as hell is an odd fucking form of affirmative action, Mr. Pipes. Because I'm always reading and hearing about these damn quotas for hot Lebanese women.

I mean, would you just look at her? Who in their right minds would have voted for this woman?

Get a burqa on that woman immediately!

You'd think since Mr. Pipes is so (rightly) worked up about the Danish cartoon controversy and the oppressiveness of the burqa, he might have something positive to say about a woman's act of independence against such oppression. But then that would require that he not be a bigot.

You know, earlier I referred to Buchanan and Pipes' bigotry as an "Archie Bunker routine," and really, that's terribly unfair to Archie. Pipes' sick bigotry is far more insidious, because he attempts to cloak it in the trappings of pseudo-scholarship. He's not just some rabble-rouser like Uncle Pat, he's a real thinker. Just look at his photo on his blog, with his turtleneck and arched eyebrows. "Hmm," he thinks, stroking his beard. "I believe this photograph best expresses what a serious, scholarly person I am." But where's the pipe, Mr. Pipes? Asshole.

The Good Stuff: Italian Beef Sandwiches

2010-05-12T11:10:00.001-05:00

One of my greatest pleasures of living in Chicago for four years was discovering Italian Beef sandwiches.

According to Wikipedia,

An Italian beef is a sandwich of thin slices of seasoned roast beef, dripping with meat juices, on a dense, long Italian-style roll, believed to have originated in Chicago, where its history dates back at least to the 1930s.[1] The bread itself is often dipped (or double-dipped) into the juices the meat is cooked in, and the sandwich is typically topped off with Chicago-style giardiniera (called "hot") or sauteed, green Italian sweet peppers (called "sweet").

About 80% of the Italian Beefs I ate came from Portillo's. That's because when I first got to Chicago and lived in the city I was primarily interested in trying out as many different Chicago-style pizzas as I could. I didn't find out about the Beefs until I was in the suburbs. Fortunately Chicago suburbs are better than most suburbs because they have places like Portillo's. Just about everything is awesome at Portillo's. I discovered Al's #1 Italian Beef late in my stay, and their Beefs are at least as good, very possibly better. But Portillo's has something called the Beef and Cheddar Croissant, which is an Italian Beef with cheddar cheese in a soaked croissant. Not something you want to eat every day if you want to keep your arteries unclogged. But once you've had it, it's something you'll have to have on occasion.

Here in Columbia, Pickleman's makes a reasonable facsimile of an Italian Beef. Just order the Beef with peppers and au jus.*

*Now personally I don't think an authentic Italian Beef can really be associated with anything called "au jus." That's for a French Dip sandwich. The French Dip sandwich was invented in Los Angeles, where fancy Los Angeles people must like to take the tip of their little sandwich and dip it in their precious little cup of au jus. In Chicago, you dip your whole sandwich in the meat juice, or else pour the juice all over the sandwich. That said, whatever you call it, you need some to put on your sandwich.

Peking Restaurant, Columbia, MO Review

2010-04-27T15:27:00.001-05:00

Peking Restaurant is my favorite Chinese restaurant in Columbia.

I've never had anything bad there. You know how, with most Chinese restaurants, hell, with any restaurants, there's always something on the menu that's not so great? Like, the egg rolls are good, but the hot and sour soup is bad? Not so with Peking. Great egg rolls. Great soup. Great crab rangoon. Great entrees.

Not fancy. Reasonably priced. Clean. Fast. Friendly. I'm not the type to ever be a "regular" anywhere, so I don't know the woman's name who owns the place, even though she talks to us every time we come in, and is always very friendly. Everyone there is nice.

Somehow I got on this Springfield-style cashew chicken jag. When my wife first ordered it, I said, "What the hell is that?" It's basically fried chicken pieces and some cashews over rice with brown gravy poured over it. But of course I had to eat some off her plate, and it was pretty good. It's a lot more Missouri than Chinese, but if you read this book, you'll see that there's not that much authentic Chinese on most Chinese-American restaurant menus. If you're like me, you don't care if a dish is Chinese or Canadian or Moroccan, so long as it eats good.

So one day I ordered Springfield-style cashew chicken at Peking. Waitress came back and told me all they had was white meat--would that be okay? Hell yes, it would be okay. And it was the best Springfield Cashew Chicken I've eaten. Now I always order it with white meat there. It's better. Try it out. They'll set you up.

I've been to most of the other Chinese restaurants in Columbia. Some of them are closer to my house. Most of them are closer, actually. I don't want to run down any of them. But if I'm going to eat Chinese, I'd much rather drive all the way across town to Peking Restaurant.

If you've been in Columbia, you've probably eaten at Peking. If you haven't, you need to go check it out. Here's their address and phone:

Peking Restaurant‎
Columbia, MO 65201
(573) 256-6065‎

Come back to me, Chick-Fil-A

2010-04-23T09:18:00.001-05:00

Come back to Columbia, Chick-Fil-A.

Come back to me.

I have a rule about not talking about my employer on this blog, but when the University of Missouri decided that Chick-Fil-A would not be part of its plans for the new student union, I was crushed.

Forlorn.

The only Chick-Fil-A in town was going away.

I'm from Birmingham. Chick-Fil-A has been in Birmingham for as long as I can remember. I ate Chick-Fil-A in Brookwood Mall all the time as a kid when I'd go there with my mom. Free to leave campus as a junior and senior in high school, my friends and I would regularly head over to the mall to see what response we could provoke from cashiers by ordering a "chicky sandwy."

For some reason my dad and aunt always insisted on referring to Chick-Fil-A as Chick-A-Fil. I don't know why. My dad and aunt were intelligent people, and neither was dyslexic, so I have to believe they understood that Fil-A meant "filet." Perhaps it was once some kind of joke that stuck. But they are both gone now, so the reason behind "Chick-A-Fil" will forever remain a mystery.

Chick-Fil-A is home.

I don't love you only for nostalgic reasons, Chick-Fil-A. I love your food. Well, specifically, I love your chicken. I've never had a salad. The waffle fries are okay. But the chicken is glorious. Even the grilled chicken is seasoned in a special way I've never been able to satisfactorily duplicate at home. But while I love the original sandwiches (the chicky sandwys), your very best items are the chicken nuggets: lightly battered, perfectly seasoned, and otherwise unadorned. Never with dipping sauce; I would never defile them in that way. Dipping sauce is for lesser product.

And even though I've been disappointed more than a few times by forgetting that you're always closed on Sunday because of some Jesus deal, that's okay. I forgive you. I'm a tolerant person. It's more than worth being without you for one day of the week if I can have you for the other six. It would even be okay with me if you were closed on Saturday too to honor the Jewish and Muslim Sabbaths. Well, no, that wouldn't be okay. Just one Sabbath. But I don't care which.

You even sponsor a football game. How cool is that? KFC doesn't have a football game. Church's doesn't have a football game. Popeye's doesn't have a football game.

Come back to me, Chick-A-Fil.

May I call you Chick-A-Fil?

I miss you.

I'm convinced!!!

2010-04-21T19:09:00.003-05:00

I used to think that Tea Partiers were crazy and misinformed. But after watching this video I realized how wrong I was!!!

It was disturbing enough to hear about the "socialist agenda," but when I heard that Obama was going to ban fishing, I was ready to get my torch and pitchfork!!!

From HuffPost and Buzzfeed.

The Tea Party Wants to Kill Your Child

2010-04-15T09:14:00.024-05:00

Hyperbole? Maybe. But consider this scenario.

When your child is born, you learn he has major congenital defects for which there are no known causes.

He needs surgeries. Long-term care. Eventually, perhaps, a transplant.

He has the surgeries, but the long-term care is still required. Medications. Your insurance pays, but even so, your savings dwindle.

Then you learn your employer-provided care has a lifetime limit, and your son, only a few years into life, has reached his limit.

Your child is no longer covered.

And your child now needs a transplant.

You could quit your job. Try to find another. Pray the new employer's group plan doesn't reject your child because of his preexisting condition--because you know you could never buy insurance for your child on the open market.

You'll do anything for your child. Beg on the street if you have to. Beg on the streets of America so your child can have a transplant and live. Without the transplant, he'll die. But the surgery will cost hundreds of thousands of dollars that you don't have.

Under the healthcare reform bill just passed in Congress and signed into law by President Obama--without a single Republican vote, it is illegal for insurers to

impose lifetime caps on individuals;
refuse to cover your child because of his preexisting condition; and
drop your child because he needs a transplant.

The Tea Party and the Republican Party want to repeal that bill. Defund it.

Don't believe me? Read for yourself.

"Oh," they say, "we don't want to just defund and repeal. We want to replace." But replace with what?

Do they want to preserve the ban on lifetime caps?

Do they want to preserve the ban on dropping your child's coverage when he becomes ill?

Do they want to preserve the ban on refusing coverage for preexisting conditions?

Regarding that last one, you can be pretty sure the answer is "no."

No, check that. Not no. "Hell no."

The Tea Party and the Republican Party want you to be outraged by the idea of a smoking, drinking, Ding-Dong-stuffing fattie signing up for healthcare insurance in the ambulance on the way to the hospital to be treated for a heart attack.

It's the healthcare equivalent of the "welfare queen," the jobless woman on welfare driving her Cadillac to use her food stamps to get steaks at the grocery store--the grocery store that is, of course, in the ghetto.

Can't have healthcare queens.

So too bad for your child.

Why?

"Freedom," they say.

Before the healthcare bill was signed into law, 45,000 people died each year because of lack of coverage.

One of those people could be your child.

But, but, that's an extreme scenario!

No it isn't.

Congenital heart disease occurs in 1 of every 100 births.

Congenital defects in general occur in 3 out of every 100 births.

Shrugging and saying, "Well, that's a tough one there" just isn't good enough.

The lowdown on the KFC Double Down

2010-04-14T12:48:00.007-05:00

Look, if you ever did the male, non-"good fat" version of the low-carb diet, then the KFC Double Down is no big deal.

When I lived in Chicago, I went low carb for a while.

Every morning I ate the insides of two McDonald's sausage burritos and threw away the tortillas.

At lunch I ate either two Taco Bell taco supremes and the insides of two meximelts, or a McDonald's crispy bacon ranch salad and a double cheeseburger sans bun.

I didn't exercise much.

I lost 30 pounds.

A friend of mine was doing low carb but loved nachos. What to do? He substituted bacon for tortilla chips.

So I see an ad for an all-meat sandwich and a bunch of Internet nannies getting up in arms about it, well, I gotta go get me one.

If you've ever eaten a KFC two-piece dinner that includes sides and a biscuit, you've eaten the equivalent of a Double Down.

If you've ever eaten two slices of Chicago stuffed pizza at a time, you've eaten at least the equivalent of a Double Down.

You eat dinner at any fast food or fern-bar joint and you've probably eaten the equivalent of a Double Down.

So get over it.

It's beyond me why you would think that those disgusting fast-food buns would be somehow less gross than two pieces of chicken dipped in the Colonel's secret recipe.

And as my friend Rob said (in so many words), if this thing were served up to you in some swanky-ass restaurant, maybe with some fancy cheese and thick-cut applewood-smoked bacon, by some chef on Food TV that gets you all weak-kneed, you'd adore it. But the Colonel cranks it out, and it's the end of the fucking world.

Sure, it's made with tortured chickens pumped full of hormones. But unless you're some freak walking around eating nothing but fallen food, your hands ain't clean, I promise you.

So okay, Lein. Enough ranting. How did it taste?

Not too bad.

First of all, it's not that big. About Big Mac size, and Big Macs just aren't so big anymore.

Basically it tastes like KFC Original Recipe chicken with some cheese and bacon. And how could that be bad?

I don't intend to make it a daily habit. But I'd definitely eat another one.

I think you should go get one. It won't kill you. Probably.

But whatever you do, don't get a Hardee's Monster Thickburger.

Those things are just disgusting.

UPDATE: Gawker has a list of fast food items worse than the Double Down.

Bumperstickerisms (Updated)

2010-04-13T12:56:00.007-05:00

God bless Harlan Ellison.

He's funny, brilliant, and damn right to fight for pay for his and other writers' work.

If you're a writer, it's very easy to watch this clip and get irate about suits at corporate megaconglomerates trying to get writers to work for free.

But it's just wrongheaded to take that message and apply it to a tiny, fledgling publication put out not by suits but by writers just trying to do something cool.

Hey, if they ask you, it's certainly okay to suggest they find a way to pay writers whose work is accepted. If you know of business models that have worked elsewhere, pass them along. That's great.

But don't say, "I dunno where the revenue comes from. Elves. Advertising. Unicorn shit. I don't care. I'm not a businessman. I'm a writer."

Fight the power! Down with The Man, man!

Horseshit.

For one thing, that's a gross simplification. "Don't look at me! I'm just a poor working schlub, trying to get by! You're the ones who put on top hats and tails and started smoking cigars! You figure out how to divvy up your gold! Oh, and 'shit, shit, shit,' too, while I'm at it."

For another, while we'd all like to think that we do our best, I seriously doubt that anyone involved in such an argument would come out smelling like a rose.

The purest of the pure would say that every bit of content you make available for free devalues content, because there's just that much more out there that a consumer can get without paying for it.

Doesn't matter if it's on your own site. If it's free, it's part of the problem. Hell, if it's cheap it's part of the problem.

And this argument certainly isn't limited to writing. Photographers decry the existence of istock, saying that cheap photos are putting them out of business. You put your photos up on Flickr or your Wordpress site, you let other people use them--for whatever reason--and you're taking supper off the table for some photographer's kids. Same goes for writing. If I'm reading your blog, why should I pay to read some columnist in a newspaper? So long, columnist. Give coal mining a try.

And I don't doubt that in some senses they're right.

But what's the solution? Avoid sources such as istock, or not patronize print or online publications that don't pay writers professional rates?

Seems reasonable enough, right?

But does your obligation end with your own profession?

Do you shop at Wal-Mart?

How many items do you own that were made in China or Third World countries?

Where do you buy your food?

Where does your computer go when you're done with it? Have you made sure it isn't disassembled in disgraceful conditions, the chemicals seeping into the water supply and causing children to be born with horrific birth defects?

You might want to say, "Oh, these are just distractions. I'm talking about paying writers. Writers should get paid. It's that simple."

Well, no, sorry, it's not that simple, chief. (It's 'chief,' right? That was your word.)

Your ethical responsibilities don't end when you shut down your word processor and head off to Wal-Mart (or many, many other places) to buy food and clothes at rock-bottom prices.

And there are plenty of questions to consider even before you shut down that word processor.

Are you doing a lot of self-marketing and promotion online? That's stuff marketers and publicists used to do. Is that okay, because the world's no poorer with fewer marketing goons? Hey, every one of those marketing goons was once someone's baby.

How about those books you want to see with your name on the spine? Where were they printed--overseas, by Third World laborers?

How about the paper on which they're printed--does it come from sustainable sources?

I'm not saying you have to buy only local food, and only items made from sustainable resources by people making living wages. I'm not sure that's even possible, and the world's just not that simple anyway.

I saw a bumper sticker the other day that read, "For a town this size, it sure has a lot of assholes." I laughed. Bumper sticker slogans have their place. But when you're asked to move beyond bumper sticker slogans, don't get belligerent and say "up yours, you figure it out." The Internet is still very much the Wild West--despite the best efforts of the aforementioned suits--and folks are using it to figure out cool new ways of doing things. Don't crap all over those sincere efforts.

UPDATE: Chuck Wendig takes issue with my not naming or linking to him. If that's a mistake, my apologies, and I will correct that. I was commenting on his post, and including a link to this one, even as he was commenting on mine.

This post arose from a long exchange yesterday that sprang from my friend Steve Weddle asking for thoughts about a new submission policy for Needle, a crime fiction anthology he and some fellow writers put together (which you should get, by the way.)

Chuck tweeted back that they ought to pay the writers whose work is accepted. An exchange ensued which included the tweet from Chuck you can find above. I haven't tracked down all of the tweets in the exchange, but you can search through Chuck's and Steve's tweets if you want to read them.

Anyway, after watching this exchange all day, I decided to open my big mouth, and responded in kind. It was not one of my finer moments, and it would have been safer to keep my mouth shut, but I was annoyed at what seemed to be pretty clear belligerence on Chuck's part.

I don't really see how this post is "lowering the dialogue," especially after remarks like Dana King's in Chuck's post here. And I certainly don't think the language here is any more antagonistic than Chuck's. Perhaps it is. It was an attempt to take it beyond 140-character exchanges and discuss the broader implications of the issues discussed, not to obfuscate the source of the discussion. In any case, I stand by what I've said here and elsewhere.

UPDATE 2: Chuck, you're more than welcome to respond in the comments, or if you post your thoughts elsewhere, I'd be happy to add a link if you like. Or not.

Andrew Breitbart accuses congressmen of "provocative blackness" (Updated)

2010-04-13T09:31:00.004-05:00

Andrew Breitbart is outraged that the Congressional Black Caucus would dare walk through the front door of the U.S. Capitol, rather than take the back door like good Negroes.

BREITBART: The very act of the Black Congressional Caucus, walking through the tea party people while holding all those videos was an act of provocation. They need this desperately and one last thing. The language that Nancy Pelosi is using about the civil rights movement, comparing the unpopular health care bill to the civil rights movement ties into this… They’re all on the talking points, basically telling black people that the white people are trying to take your health care from you. This is a racial, racist, racially divisive strategy that they’re playing that’s very dangerous in the United States.

I mean, how dare they? Don't those Negroes know that walking through a crowd of frothing-at-the-mouth white people while being black is just plain provocative? That's like waving a red cape at a bull!

I grew up in Birmingham. I know all about crap like this.

Rosa Parks was being "provocative" when she refused to go to the back of the bus.

Other African Americans were being "provocative" by daring to ask that they be served at the same lunch counter as white people.

I guess those three little girls at the 16th Street Baptist Church were being "provocative" by daring to let themselves be blown up by murderous bigots.

Yes, there are some African Americans who have exploited the hard and sincere work of others. As I said, I grew up in Birmingham. I've seen it all.

But congressmen walking through the front door of the Capitol to do their jobs?

No.

According to this article, Rep. Heath Shuler, who is white, confirmed the statements of his African American colleagues that some tea partiers hurled racial epithets.

I guess Shuler must have gotten too much black on him when he was playing football.

Eat a hot bowl of dicks, Andrew Breitbart.

(Thanks to Crooks and Liars for the quote.)

UPDATE: Well so the latest is that Heath Shuler says he was not with the members of the Congressional Black Caucus and thus did not personally hear the N-Word. According to the article, he did, however, hear epithets shouted at Barney Frank, which apparently is not very interesting or somehow okay, since there's actual video proof and thus no further opportunity for arguments from ignorance.

This is all tangential to the point of my original post about Andrew Breitbart condemning the Congressional Black Caucus for "walking while black."

If you're a member of the United States Congress, and you're about to vote on a bill and proud to do so, you have every right to walk through the front door of the U.S. Capitol.

Even if you're black.

So, Andrew: Eat. Bowl. Dicks.

A voice from long ago

2010-04-12T10:49:00.002-05:00

Sadly all too relevant today.

"There are those in our own country too who today speak of the 'protection of country' -- of 'survival.' A decision must be made in the life of every nation at the very moment when the grasp of the enemy is at its throat. Then, it seems that the only way to survive is to use the means of the enemy, to rest survival upon what is expedient -- to look the other way.

"Well, the answer to that is, 'Survival as what?' A country isn't a rock. It's not an extension of one's self. It's what it stands for. It's what it stands for when standing for something is the most difficult.

"Before the people of the world, let it now be noted that here, in our decision, this is what we stand for: justice, truth, and the value of a single human being."

Pope Benedict is a monster, and so are YOU.

2010-04-06T11:34:00.005-05:00

--that is, if you are Catholic and are not out in the street demanding his removal along with his enablers.

You are a monster because you are complicit in preserving an institution that--at best--looked the other way while hundreds of priests molested thousands of children across the world. At worst, it not only allowed these horrors to continue but acted to obstruct criminal investigations.

And who was officially responsible for these obstructions? Who allowed these abuses to continue?

Joseph Ratzinger, aka Pope Benedict.

Young children.

Young deaf children.

Children the world over.

I can barely contain my rage as I write these words.

I have listened and read the comments of Catholics who make excuse after excuse for these depraved individuals. I was listening on NPR the other day and almost drove off the road I was so furious.

I grew up Catholic. My family is Catholic. I know many well-intentioned, good-hearted Catholics. But that only increases my fury.

Despite your claims to the contrary, despite your ability to throw yourself onto the street when it comes to abortion, you can't muster empathy for the thousands of children who suffered at the hands of these grotesque individuals.

You are incapable of empathy for fellow humans.

Because we all know, if it were YOU, if it were YOUR child, it would be a different story.

THOUSANDS of children were sodomized by priests.

THOUSANDS of children were forced to submit to sexual acts by priests.

Under the auspices of the goddamn Catholic Church.

Which then covered up for the priests.

Shuffled them around so they could keep molesting.

Prevented investigators from gathering evidence.

This is not "gossip." This is documented FACT.

Think about it. Imagine it. Let it sink into your thick fucking skull. Think about those priests and what they did. Think about the children and what it must have been like for them.

Can you imagine it? Yes?

And yet you'll walk through those doors again while that despicable man still leads your institution?

We all make excuses for institutions we hold dear. Women's organizations excused Bill Clinton playing "hide the cigar" with his intern. After decades of decrying out-of-wedlock births, every attendee at the Republican National Convention stood and cheered Sarah Palin's unwed pregnant teenage daughter.

This is another order entirely.

Don't speak to me of "the church being more than the pope."

If your children's school principal had known about teachers molesting children, had not instantly acted to remove them, and had obstructed criminal investigations, would you say, "Oh, the school is more than the principal," and speak of moving forward, the principal still in place?

Sick.

YOU are sick if you would walk into a Catholic church again before these vile, depraved monsters are removed from their positions.

CLEAN. YOUR. HOUSE.

UPDATE: And that means you, Bill Donohue, you and your execrable Catholic League. Funny how you can get so redfaced and hotheaded about a little paintings in a museum somewhere, but when helpless children the world over are molested by depraved pedophile priests and your "infallible" Papi covers it up, all you can do is make excuses. If there's a hell, there'll be a special place in it for you and your ilk.

Sarah Palin pens YA Christian adventure novels

2010-04-01T05:57:00.002-05:00

No. Just no.

From the AP:

NEW YORK (AP) -- Former Alaska Governor Sarah Palin has signed a seven-figure deal with HarperCollins Publishers to author a series of young-adult, Christian-themed adventure novels.

"The Rogue Warrior" series will follow an Indiana Jones/Lara Croft character as she uncovers historical documents and relics revealing Biblical truths and the Christian origins of the United States.

In the first book, expected to be released this fall, the heroine races to locate Noah's Ark before a group of atheist scientists can destroy it. In the second book, the character uncovers a centuries-old conspiracy by series villains Agents of Satan to convince Americans that the Founding Fathers supported separation of church and state.

In future volumes, the character will face off against Muslim terrorists, homosexuals, an array of minorities, and "left-coast elitists."

"HarperCollins was thrilled to publish Governor Palin's bestselling memoir, "Going Rogue,"" said HarperCollins worldwide CEO Brian Murray. "We are just as thrilled to add her to our literary ranks, which includes the likes of Mark Twain, the Brontë sisters, and Charles Dickens. We think this series has the potential to be another "Left Behind.""

Twentieth Century Fox has acquired the film rights to the series, and executives are said to be planning the "mother of all cross-marketing" with its sister company Fox News Channel, where the erstwhile vice presidential nominee hosts "Real American Stories." HarperCollins, Twentieth Century Fox, and Fox News Channel are all subsidiaries of Rupert Murdoch's News Corp.

In a prepared statement, Palin said she hoped that the series would be a way for young people to hear her message about the "real America."

"We've gotten away from our core values," Palin wrote. "We've been tricked by Hollywood Jews into thinking that you can escape the flames of hell if you don't accept Jesus Christ as your savior. There are actually places in this country where homosexuals and foreigners walk freely on our streets, unashamed. And worst of all, we've somehow forgotten that you must never trust the shifty Negro."

Lynn Vincent, ghostwriter of the Palin memoir "Going Rogue," is expected to assist Palin on the series, since the half-term former governor can't write a fucking sentence to save her fucking life.

The Only Good Diet Soda (Diet A&W)

2010-03-30T10:38:00.001-05:00

I hate diet soda.

You know that movie in which Tom Hanks is stranded on a deserted island and he talks to a volleyball because it's the closest thing he has to a companion?

Diet soda is like that volleyball.

The only diet soda that isn't is Diet A&W.

Why? Because it actually tastes good. And it doesn't taste good in the way that other diet sodas do--you know, the way they almost kinda sorta remind you of the real thing, if you can get past the nasty chemical diet taste.

Diet A&W tastes like root beer.

I have tried to detect the chemical diet taste. I have tried to convince myself that it really doesn't taste good, that I have been away from the real thing for too long, in the same way that if you're away from Chicago for too long, that stuffed pizza you ordered in Missouri actually tastes like the real deal.

But I drink enough non-diet root beer to know.

If you don't like root beer, you probably aren't going to like Diet A&W. I can't imagine why you don't like root beer, but it's a free country. If you do like root beer, go get a bottle or can and try it out.

I'd offer to refund your money if you're unsatisfied, but I'm poor. And you won't need a refund anyway. You'll like it.

"We're the party of hell no!"

2010-03-26T16:15:00.003-05:00

Call me crazy, but that doesn't sound like a winner.

It ain't morning in America, I know that much.

Freedom: A Fable

2010-03-26T10:30:00.002-05:00

"So why is it we can't have universal healthcare coverage?" Joe asked.

"We have to preserve our freedom," Fred said.

"And why we must allow insurance companies to deny people for preexisting conditions?"

"Freedom."

"And why must we also let them cancel coverage for people when they get sick?"

"It's unfortunate, but it's necessary to ensure freedom."

"In order to be free, people must remain at the mercy of insurance companies?"

"I wouldn't expect you to understand. But yes. Freedom."

"The country elected a Democratic congressional majority and a Democratic president, Barack Obama, who ran on healthcare reform. Now that he has signed the bill into law, you say this is an abuse of power."

"Yes. For the reason previously stated."

"Freedom."

"That's right."

"And many of your cohorts say threats of violence against these elected officials are justified."

"Yes. Threats and violence are justified to preserve freedom."

"Even though these people were fairly elected, and they only did what they said they would do when they were running."

"As I said, freedom."

"As justification, you cite polls showing opposition to the overall bill, and yet for decades you've decried politicians who act according to poll numbers, and you applauded Dick Cheney when he was asked about poll numbers opposing the Iraq War, and he responded, 'I think you cannot be blown off course by the fluctuations in the public opinion polls.'"

"That was about freedom then, too."

"The Iraq War."

"Yes."

"A war of choice."

"A choice for freedom."

"And holding people indefinitely without charges."

"We do what we must to ."

"Wiretapping without warrants, even on American citizens."

"Again, sometimes we have to make tough choices for freedom."

"And waterboarding."

"Freedom."

"Now these soldiers fighting our wars. They will be kicked out of the military if they admit they're homosexual. What does that have to do with freedom?"

"The freedom of heterosexual soldiers to not be around gay soldiers."

"And in their civilian lives, in all but a few places, they can't even marry each other. That's freedom too?"

"The freedom to keep other people from doing things you don't like."

"So what is this 'freedom' again?"

"You ask too many questions."

"I thought I had freedom to do that."

"I say you don't."

"Oh yeah? This is America. How are you going to stop me?" Joe asked.

"This way," Fred said, and took out a gun, and shot Joe dead.

"Free at last," Fred said.

State health care lawsuits offer journalist dorks opportunity to say "attorneys general"

2010-03-23T13:32:00.002-05:00

In the wake of health care reform passage, announcements of lawsuits in thirteen states over the constitutionality of the bill have given journalist dorks everywhere the opportunity to show off by speaking and writing "attorneys general," rather than "attorney generals."

Never mind that such knowledge is roughly equivalent to being able to name all albums plus year of release by the band Supertramp. Having had sand kicked in their faces throughout their childhoods, journalists, like professors in academia, had found the media business to be a safe haven, but dwindling advertising revenues in recent years have reduced their self-esteem to elementary-school levels.

"I was all excited about being able to point out the redundancy of 'Easter Sunday,'" said Kristen Blakely, reporter for the Chicago News. "But to be able to say 'attorneys general' as well--it's like Christmas in March!"

"A lot of people think the plural of 'attorney general' is 'attorney generals,' but actually it's 'attorneys general,'" another reporter, Lee "Scoop" Thomas of The Birmingham Star-Tribune, was overheard telling a woman way out of his league in a bar this week.

"Get lost, dweeb," the woman was heard to respond.