Shouting Stones

Open Letter to Westboro Baptist Church Members:

2011-03-03T12:45:00.001-05:00

Dear Westboro Baptist Church members,

Someday we will all stand before God to answer for our sins. Your day will be especially eventful. On that day you will stand before God quite proud of yourself. You will think that you lived a moral and upstanding life. Jesus will look at you with those piercing eyes that see straight through to your soul and he will say four words. "You missed the point."

Then Jesus will go on to say, "You think I was with you during those protests at the funerals. Well, you're right. I was. I was the weeping mother that couldn't understand how monsters like you were able to walk the earth. I was the father that wanted with every fiber in his being for you to be stricken from the earth for your deplorable actions. I was the crying children that just wanted to say goodbye one last time to their daddy in peace. I was also the judge that was forced to protect you as you hid behind the right of free speech to spew your hatred even though he wanted to send you to jail for your inhumane actions."

Jesus will go on to say, "You took that away from them. You took that away from me. You used my name to spread hatred and fear. You invoked my name to destroy peoples lives. You used my name to destroy people's faith in me."

Then a group of people will show up all around you. Not just a group of a few, but a group of millions. They will look at you with a contempt and hatred that you have never seen before or imagined could be on the faces of another human being. Jesus will then step forward and introduce them to you. "These are the people that your actions sent to hell. These are the people that were searching for me. These are the people that could've found me but for you. They might've found me on a sunny day in the park. They might've found me at their lowest point in life when they needed me most. They might've wandered into church one Sunday and found me right there sitting next to them. They might've put down the gun instead of pulling the trigger in their last moments and let me into their lives. But they saw your actions, in my name, and thought, "How could a loving God support all this and still love me?". You sent these people to hell. You damned these people for all time.

Now as you sit there and the truth sinks in, Jesus turns his back to you. The utter silence is deafening. You are truly alone for the final time. The ground beneath you falls away and you're falling into flames....

Sincerely,

A Follower of Christ

The Journey of Life

2010-08-05T13:23:00.003-04:00

Life is a series of hills and valleys. Many times in life we tend to look back and remember the valleys much more than the hills. The funny thing is, the hills are taller. When we look back at our lives oftentimes we look at those things that hurt us. We look at those times in life when we were struck down. This is often the rear view mirror of depression.

Depression can be clinical and can be chemical. I won't claim that there is a "outlook on life" fix for depression. I think in many cases medicine and counseling are necessary to overcome those things. I've never liked the overly faith-driven belief that we shouldn't medicate because if we pray hard enough we'll be healed. I think that's a bunch of bull. Maybe you did pray. Maybe God anticipated your prayer many years earlier, he is God you know, and put a doctor in place to heal you and yours of your afflictions. Wouldn't it sad to get to heaven and find that out? I have a feeling many people are...

I think that overcoming the outlook of failure is a key to your everyday life. If you're looking back at failures, more than likely you'll see more failure ahead of you when you look forward. So the key to your future could very likely be how you look at your past.

I started out this blog with the intentions of talking about how looking at your past successes was a first step, and then you would eventually quit looking back and look forward all the time. But as I thought about the topic I realized that we need fuel for a long journey. We need nourishment for a long climb. Where do we get mental encouragement and stamina? We get it from our past. So instead of looking away from our past, I think we need to use those past successes, joys, and triumphs as a filled up gas tank to take us to that next level.

I can take a lot away from this as well. I think that I suffer from some form of depression, and I think my life has been one of self-fulfilling prophecy. I tend to look at my past, see the things that have embarrassed me, hurt me, or hurt those I loved, and used those more as an anchor to hold me than a gas tank to move me.

The great thing about writing, and one thing you learn as you write more, is that you're really talking to yourself. You should never try to write about something you don't know. I'm talking to myself as much as I'm talking to you. I'm counseling myself on the ways of the world as much as I'm showing you all what I think and believe.

My nemesis is money. Oftentimes my outlook, mood, disposition, or whatever you want to call it is based on the size of the checking account. If I don't have any money to speak of, I start going down in the dumps. I eat more, I spend more (there's a paradox - I spend more money because I'm depressed and yet I'm depressed because I have no money. I think my head will explode if I dwell on that too long so lets move forward.), and my entire life goes into disarray. Lord help me if I'm currently taking a class for school because that will suffer greatly as a result.

When I have money I'm on top of the world. I actually spend less if that makes any sense. I try to budget and get bills paid. There's nothing quite like the feeling of accomplishment I have when the bills are paid. You'd think I'd try to get that feeling more! I'm more generous, outgoing, and careful with what I have.

Its a bad place to be on either end. I want to say that I need a happy medium but I think what I really need is a new focus. Emotionally my family is everything to me. That comes out when I have money too. I try to do as much as I can for them with what we have. Its not that I'm trying to impress them exactly, its more that I'm trying to make up for the "poor moments" in life when I had to say no to things it hurt me to say no to because it meant something to them.

I think when it comes right down to it I could care less where I live or what I drive as long as I have my family with me. I can't even express how much joy there is for me when my kids ask me to do something with them or help them with this or that. I dread the day when they don't think I'm cool. It'll be a profoundly sad day for me when that occurs. I'm really wrapped up in love with those kids and my wife. I'm so thankful that I have a best friend in my wife. When it all falls apart I have her to lean on and that's the most wonderful feeling in the whole wide world.

I think I want to end this by saying we can look to our past, we can look to our future, and what will we see? Happiness, sadness, joys, triumphs, bitter despair and incredible success, and what does that mean? It means you're normal. What fun would it be stay even keel your whole life? To just exist without joy or sadness would be horrible. How can we know pure joy when we haven't experienced pure sadness? Could we really identify it if it happened?

I'm going to make a conscious effort to not be defined by money. I'm going to make the effort to be defined by my accomplishments. The greatest accomplishments I have are upstairs right now. I have a beautiful wife that is my soul mate, three boys that are the loves of my life, and a little girl on the way that I'm sure will be the apple of my eye. I'm the richest man on earth when I look at them.

Find your riches. Find your love. That's where your treasure, and the fuel for your tank, exist for the journey of life.

Fork in the Road

2010-06-28T12:41:00.003-04:00

Its been a couple of months since I posted so lets bring you up to speed.

I was a staff pastor for a while. That didn't work out. It was a case of my ambition getting a little ahead of my calling as a minister, father, and husband. You could say I put the cart before the horse I suppose.

Isn't that an intriguing way to start a blog entry? What happened? What would cause you to leave that kind of thing so soon after starting??? It wouldn't be much of a blog if I didn't have an opening hook to reel you in now would it? Well, here's the story....

I learned of the position through a friend. They were willing to bring me in as an unpaid intern on staff to learn the ropes of ministry. Although I said I was praying about this before I accepted it, I'd be lying if I said it was a two-way conversation. You see, prayer is very much a give and take. Sometimes you talk, but most times you should just say your peace, say your thanks, and shut up and listen.

Well, I wasn't listening...at all. In fact, my ego and ambition were yelling so loudly in my prayer life that I don't think God could get a word in edgewise. Oh well, human pride is a very powerful, and rather loud, emotion that damages a persons soul by cutting them off from God. Not only was I praying too loudly, I was apparently blinding myself to reality as well.

I couldn't see the trouble I was in. I couldn't see the trouble I was putting my family in. This church, although full of absolutely wonderful people, was not the style of preaching and worship that myself and my wife find conducive to true worship, renewal, and teaching. Somewhere below the rubble of my soul that my ambition was tearing apart, the real me was screaming that I was making the wrong move and this was not where I was supposed to be. From my vantage point I could barely hear it as a whisper.

You ever been a teenager in church, bored out of your mind, not relating to anything that you're seeing or hearing, and just watching the clock tick....tick....tick.... slower and slower as you try not to pass out? That was what I witnessed happening to my family and friends that I was dragging along on my ambition roller coaster. They couldn't relate, they didn't care, and they sure didn't want to be there. The music was exactly what turned us off from church, the preaching although good, was not the style that I thoughourly enjoyed and that I knew was conducive to my family's way of communicating with and learning about God.

Meanwhile I'm sitting there so wrapped up in details, meetings, ideas for changing the church into something it would never become, and classes I was preparing to teach, that I'm nearly blind to the fact that I'm sapping the life out of my wife. This is the wife that I vowed to protect, to serve, to love, to cherish, and to be the spiritual leader of. I was failing at everything that was important.

When I realized this and took myself out of the moment and put myself in that chair next to my wife as an attendee, I realized I wouldn't want to be there either. Now my wife, God love her, would've hung on as long as I saw fit. But she would've slowly withered away from me, the church, and God. What kind of a spiritual leader of my family would I be if I let that happen? What kind of father and husband would I be if that happened?

I don't want to leave the kids out of this though. There are high points. The kids loved the church. It was 98% grandma's so they got nothing but love and cookies every week. They also seemed to be learning something in the classes. So as far as that goes, I think the church was doing fine.

It should be noted that it seemed that the average age of the church was around 60. We are early to mid-thirties with three (and one more on the way) kids that essentially had no one to talk to or relate to. I'm sure that also played a part in this although not a huge one for me. The people in that church were great to work and minister with. They have an incredible heart for God in many areas of ministry and I wish them nothing but the best.

So I turned in my resignation letter last week. The pastor never saw it coming, nor did I think he would. I'm good at putting on a happy face, doing my job, going the extra mile, and being the go-to guy. I also don't show emotion on my sleeve very much unless its really getting me down. This was starting to get to that point so I knew it had to happen soon.

We haven't been back to the church since that letter was sent. I've talked with the pastor a couple of times and I think things are ok with him. I don't know what's being said and I'm sure its not all good, but I know what I had to do for my family and friends, as well as for my own personal ministry. I will always count that pastor and those congregants as friends and I hope we can see each other down the road.

In the end ambition didn't stand a chance against love. Like many things in my life I had to do things the hard way. But I'm stronger and a little wiser for the experience. I don't regret my time there as I think I learned a lot. But I'm glad that I didn't continue down that path any farther because I was causing damage that might not have been able to be undone very easily.

This was another part of the journey. Not exactly a pleasant one from what I had to do to people upon leaving. There were some plans in place that had to be rewritten over and over I'm sure with me being out of the picture. I don't like doing that to people at all. I feel like a failure when I do. But at the same time I made it quite clear why I felt the way I did and did what I did. There's no room for misinterpretation but I'm sure there will be anyway.

I don't have any regrets beyond that. I learned for a few months from a man with a true mind for ministry and church development. I met some people that I will never forget that have a true passion for their ministry and where they belong in the tapestry of life. I will continue to cherish those memories for years to come. I'm sorry it had to end but "it is what it is" if I may quote a good friend.

I don't know what tomorrow holds. Right now I'm just taking care of the family and worshiping and serving God in the best way I know until that next chapter unfolds.

History Repeating Itself

2010-05-11T13:16:00.004-04:00

What happened to the History Channel?

The quality of shows coming out of that group has gone downhill considerably in the past few years. All this reliance on dated computer animation and bad acting is tiresome at best and irresponsible to the source material at worst.

Take for example "Life After People". This show started out as a special that wasn't too bad. The computer animation wasn't the best but it was fine for a one-shot deal. There was also pretty good fact-based knowledge backing it up.

Then we moved it into a weekly show and it went off the deep-end quickly. Reused animation, thinly veiled political and environmental messages, and direct attacks on organized religion became the norm very quickly. Its a sad state of affairs when the channel that's supposed to deal with fact-based history starts inflicting their own agenda on the shows they produce.

Now we have "America: The Story of Us" in its infancy. This show is once again relying on substandard animation which is excusable considering budgets and such, but what really gets me are the guest commentators. They have picked up just about anyone that's a celebrity that would get on camera. Its really sad to watch some of these people commenting like they're an authority when they have no historical knowledge to speak of or credibility to lean on.

I would much rather listen to an historian that I've never heard of than the guy that hosts the show about big military guns on another network. Call me old fashioned but it seems that history should rely on facts first, opinions second.

I think Hollywood has infected the History Channel and things are only going to get worse until someone figures this out.

Is that a screen grab from a computer game from 1995? Nope, that's from Life After People!

Why Arizona is Right

2010-05-11T13:11:00.002-04:00

A little follow-up to my post on border patrol...

Son of a Witch by Gregory Maguire

2010-05-10T00:23:00.005-04:00

Gregory Maquire once again takes us on a gritty and realistic ride through the world of Oz in "Son of a Witch". This story takes off immediately where "Wicked" left off. Dorothy has vanquished Elphaba, the Wicked Witch of the West, and we're left with Liir, the confused boy that hid in the shadows of the Witch's castle.

Liir is the son of Elphaba but is not completely aware of his lineage as it was never expressly explained to be true. This book leads us down his path of trials and tribulations as well as his coming of age in a lonely and harsh world much different than the world of four happy-go-lucky adventurers skipping down a Yellow Brick Road.

What really makes this story and this series so compelling is how you get the "other side" of the story from those that were made out to be menacing evil. As is often the case, good and bad are rarely that easily defined in the real world. Oftentimes the gray area is where all these people live, while a schoolgirl from Kansas skips along unaware of the realities around her of a other than perfect world.

Aside from a rather forced controversial scene in the last one hundred pages involving Liir and a comrade of his, the story is very well told. It was almost as if he felt the need to fit in this one scene to make a point when it was completely unneeded. The character was already multifaceted and to add one more piece to the man seemed forced and unnecessary.

All in all I would recommend this book highly for adults. I wouldn't recommend this for children or teenagers as this book is violent and suggestive at times. Not one for someone who's maturity level is not high enough to not be influenced by these sort of things.

The world of Oz is so amazing and wonderful, and stories like this just add one more piece to a magical tapestry of fantasy and adventure. This isn't the colorful movie you watched as a child so be warned. But also expect to be entertained.

34

2010-05-09T23:51:00.004-04:00

I'm turning 34 in about ten days. Its an interesting sensation. I'm neither old nor young. I'm somewhere in the middle. I suppose the term would be "thirty-something" if you remember the old TV show.

I made fun of it as a young man back when it was on TV. Always seemed so sappy from the eyes of youth, and yet now I'm a little curious to go back and watch them.

I'm not unhappy by any stretch of the imagination. In fact, I would be inclined to say these are turning into the best days of my life up until now. But it is a weird feeling to be at a stage in life that's comfortable and yet somehow foreign.

Most of the people I've grown up with are in the same boat as me. I get much the same reaction when I talk to any of them about this subject.

I think it would safe to say we are entering a strange and wonderful world. This will be the greatest years of our lives if we can embrace them and live our lives as God intended.

Cultivating the Mind

2010-04-30T17:37:00.002-04:00

A man I viewed as a mentor and friend told me some four years ago that I should stop reading fiction and focus on books of higher learning. Like an idiot I listened…

Fiction is not just an escape. Fiction is the playground of the mind. Fiction allows us to build lands, people, and places in our minds eye. Fiction allows us to escape the bonds of reality and dream a higher dream. Fiction can take us from a very black and white world into one of brilliant Technicolor.

For some time I’ve noticed a problem with my memory. I’ve also noticed a problem with focusing on things. I’ve gotten “ADD” for lack of a better word. I’m multitasking but really focusing on nothing. I do just enough of everything to know just enough to be completely ineffective.

At first I thought it was age. Then I thought maybe it was diet. I’m not the healthiest eater in the world so there was certainly a chance. It just seemed like whatever changes I made weren’t enough.

I’ve been on a steady diet of information, educational, topical, and fact based non-fiction books since the day I was told that. I take in facts, figures, concepts, etc… But I’m not really expanding. If anything it felt like my intellect was shrinking.

I realize now that the mentor at the time was trying to fit his template on my life. He was putting a round peg in a square hole. I was trying to become someone I’m not. I was trying to excel at being someone else. When you do that you end up becoming a nothing person, unaware and impassionate about things, you start to focus on your weaknesses and ignore your talents and gifts, not allowing yourself to grow. If anything you’re stifling your growth but hiding from who you are.

It was a form of prejudice that I fell right into like a bad habit. I was bullied for much of my later school years because of who I was. I’ve always been easy to pick on. I’m not real thin, I like sci-fi, and I read a lot. I’m inevitably going to get picked on for that. I’m sure he didn’t mean to be that way to me but he was from a different social class than I was in school and just didn’t see how the way I am was as good as the way he was, the classic jock versus geek mentality.

He generalized. He “profiled” me if I can borrow a current buzzword from the media. He didn’t really understand me because he had no frame of reference aside from making fun of people like me in school before he came to know the Lord. I don’t blame him for it. He was just ignorant to the way he thought and felt towards people like me.

When I started looking back on who I was before the incident that stopped me from reading fiction, I realized that I wasn’t just reading sci-fi books all the time. I was reading all kinds of books, sometimes two or three at a time. I was reading all those books that he was suggesting, but I was mixing it up with what he would call “escapism” or “fantasy” books. He saw no value so he told me if I wanted to be something more I needed to stop living in that world. The fact is he just wasn’t a part of that world so he didn’t understand it. How could he really? Would he be welcome? It’s doubtful. He wouldn’t understand the value in the things that I value or the things I like to do because it wasn’t who he was.

What really happened is I quit growing mentally and only took in knowledge. That only works for a time. I was not flexing my “imagination muscles”. I wasn’t making any leaps in imagination because I didn’t have to. I was reading books that gave me no outlet. I was reading facts, descriptions, and theories that were already laid out before me so I really didn’t have to try real hard when I was reading.

So a few weeks ago I picked up some fiction books. I’ve been reading again. It feels great. I’m thinking more. I’m more productive. I’m getting more out of conversations with others and life in general. I can feel my recollection and knowledge retention levels rising again. I’m living again.

So in closing I should be clear in saying that I hold no animosity towards the person I describe. But it should be stated that this is a cautionary tale for anyone looking after another. Don’t stifle them. Don’t try to make them something they’re not. God made each of us special in our own ways with unique gifts and talents. We will shine when those talents and gifts are cultivated.

I think I’m starting to show a little glimmer again…

Protecting Our Borders

2010-04-24T00:51:00.002-04:00

I'm not much a political person but it seems to me that defending American borders should be within the scope of its own government. It doesn't take a huge amount of thought to realize that we have a gaping hole in our security coming across the border from Mexico. How many potential terrorists have found their way across our borders from the south?

Most countries in the world would laugh at the idea of "open borders". Why do we have to be the ones that promote this policy that undermines the very safety of our citizens at the expense of political correctness?

When it comes right down to it there is only two things that God wants us to do. Spread the word of salvation through Jesus and protect and provide for those we love and those in need. We can provide for those in need without destroying our ability to protect those that we love. We can provide aid and military support at the request of the Mexican government. We can issue work visa's and whatever else it takes to help these people provide for their own families. But we can do all this and still put up a wall to protect our own interests!

It's not that radical of an idea. I really don't care if you're Republican, Democrat, Liberal, or Conservative. I'm sure we can all agree that we would rather not see our loved one's in danger as the result of government that doesn't have our best interests at heart.

Where Do I Belong?

2010-04-20T23:44:00.004-04:00

I have one of two problems going on...

1. I have two identities.
2. I have no identity.

Why do I say this? Well, the reason is I don't fit in well most places.

Let me give you some background so you have a frame of reference. I was born and raised in the country. My mother was from the country but my dad was not. He was raised in the fifties on the streets of downtown Columbus, Ohio. He was about as non-country as country could get. So growing up I had two lives. In one life I was living in the country, helping my grandfather on the farm with sheep and various other things.

Then on the other side was my city life. Most family time was in the city. We went to malls on the weekend. My mom shopped at Lazarus. I spent many a weekend walking around the mall, playing in the arcade, reading comics in the bookstore, eating pizza, going to car shows with my dad, stuff like that. Then I would come home and through the week I would hang out with my friend who was decidedly living in a much more country environment. I loved hanging out with him and his family. It was foreign to me for sure, but I felt at home in that environment too.

This dual personality I speak of is never more present than when I'm switching around the radio dial in my truck. I will stop on the talk radio station for a while. My dad listened to NPR quite a bit in my late teens. It's to the point now where I hear the theme for "All Things Considered" and I can still smell the air of my dad's car, the feel of the seats, the familiarity of the conversation, the overall feeling of being a teenager.

The next stop on the dial could be country. I love Brad Paisley, Rascal Flatts, Garth Brooks, etc... Next up is classic rock which I basically grew up with. QFM96 was a staple in the car rides when I was growing up. I can always listen to a good Boston song, some Lynyrd Skynyrd, Rossington-Collins, Loggins-Messina, Heart, Peter Frampton, the list goes on and on.

Then I might stop on the light pop stations. I love Elton John, Billy Joel (BIG obsession with his catalog), Phil Collins, etc... Then on to hard rock which I grew to appreciate as a late teenager. My first real controversial interest in rock was Guns N' Roses. I still get lost in "Sweet Child O' Mine every time I hear it.

I can even hang with some classical music as a result of music classes over the years that got me interested in some of the more known pieces. I even have a healthy interest in Broadway musicals. I love the musical Chess that was big in the 80's. I got to see it once in high school along with a three separate viewings of Jesus Christ Superstar. I've seen Grease, Miss Saigon, and someday I really hope to see Wicked. I've read the book, it was phenomenal.

The point is I have no preference. You might be one of those classic rock people. You wear the Lynyrd Skynyrd t-shirts, your interest in music ended when Ronnie Van Zant died in that plane crash. I can easily hang with that group. You might be a solid country person. Of course that usually involves some interest in Metallica and AC/DC but for some reason those bands are always accepted by country music fans. I can hang with you too. I'm not so much for the pop country era but that's because my country experience started with Garth Brooks. Don't get me wrong, there are some great Willie Nelson and Hank Jr. stuff as well, so I'm not totally lost.

I get you all and yet you don't get me. There is no room for rap in a country fans life. Incidentally, I should mention that I do enjoy the occasional rap track. I'm far from a rabid fan but I can appreciate the talent that Jay Z, Eminem, and Dre bring to the table. There is no room for country in hard rock as far as many of my hard rock fan friends are concerned. I'm a conumdrum that they can't understand.

So what happens is I can mingle with all kinds of people groups and yet never fully get invested. I'm not entirely there. My ipod shuffle list would blow your mind. It might start off with New York State of Mind, Red Hot Chili Peppers somewhere in the middle, and Keith Urban towards the end.

So although its been nice to be able to talk to people from all walks of life about many things, I've never really been truly accepted or felt comfortable anywhere. I enjoy walking the streets of a downtown thoroughfare. I also appreciate the quiet of a country road.

Sometimes I feel like I could buy some cowboy boots and live on a farm, the next day I might be thinking how great it would be to live in a high-rise apartment. One minute I'm enjoying the latest from George Strait and the next I might be in the mood for Kid Rock. What do you make of that?

You can see why I might be thought of as having two identities, but in reality I feel like I have none. I can't settle in one spot. I'm never really happy living in one place for any length of time. I think the only reason I want to stay where we are now is I just don't want the hassle of moving again. I'm a gypsy with no country. I'm a vagabond with no home.

The only thing that's ever made me feel at home is God. In my twenty's I found God, or I should say He found me. When I'm with fellow Christians I do feel like I belong. That's the first time that's ever happened. I'm not trying to push anything on anyone reading this, but its the truth. That's where my home is. With God.

I'm a little lost. I'm envious of those with real interests that are unyielding. I envy the country loving, Nascar enthusiast that lives for nothing more than country music and the next race. They have direction. They have something I don't.

Of course the maddening thing is I could spend the weekend with one of those people and have a great time....

Bummed

2010-04-13T15:38:00.006-04:00

You ever get bummed?

I get bummed.

I suppose its some form of depression, although I tend to come out of it pretty quick.

It usually starts with some mess happening in my life. Like a bill that I wasn't expecting, a financial setback, car trouble, etc... Then I start getting down on things. I tend to pacify myself with food or even spending what little money I have on stupid things I don't need. It’s a vicious cycle.

This all has its roots in feeling that I was doing the right thing, and it didn't turn out the way I planned. I tend to lash out at the "system" until I take an honest look at myself and realize I'm not quite as blameless as I first thought.

Inevitably there's something going on, some choice that I made, that put me in the situation that I'm in at the time. Perhaps I didn't keep good enough financial records. Maybe I could've kept up on the car maintenance a little better. Whatever it is, the blame can be laid a little closer to home than I want to admit at the time.

It's so easy to fall into a "poor me" funk that you just can't escape. It’s so easy to get lost in your own self-pity. It's so easy to become the victim. But at some point or another you need to pick yourself up and take some responsibility for your own actions. That's what being a "grown-up" is supposed to be isn't it?

Sometimes I just don't feel like being the grown-up. I feel like curling up with a bag of chips, a good movie, and a dark room, just escaping for a while. Life doesn't allow that to happen too much which is probably a good thing. I turn into a hermit much too easily.

Another attributing factor to all this is my own silly procrastination. It's like this vicious cycle of stupidity that circles in on itself and feeds the "monster". I start to get behind on things I need to get done. Then I start to feel overwhelmed and I start hiding from my work. Then I spend days obsessing about the fact that I have all this looming over my head instead of just doing it, which leads into a new depressive state where I end up hiding in the dark.

Somewhere in my subconscious I know how long it will take for me to do something if all things perfectly work out. When it comes down to the wire all the stars must align, or I'm completely messed up. Then if I don't make the deadline I'm right back in the dumps.

Bleh...

So how do I get out of it? How do I avoid all this? It's actually pretty simple...

It's a state of mind. It's a habit of planning. It's sticking to a task.

It's funny how I've always been really good at grasping logical concepts and yet really bad at executing them...

If I take an hour at the beginning of the week and really plan things out I'm fine. Give me a task list with due dates and I will get it done. Now if I give myself a list of tasks with no due dates I'm in real trouble.

The next thing I do is to order these daily tasks smallest first. The bigger the list the more daunting it looks so kill the little ones first. That way if you look at that list later in the day, it doesn't look like such a large hill to climb.

I don't have all the answers, that’s for sure. If I did I wouldn't have the problems in the first place. What I do have is a good support group of people who love me and that's what we really need in the end.

I hope this might help someone just a little. If nothing else, to see that someone out there is just as messed up as you are. We're all just trying to do a little better. I hope I got you one step closer.

Smoldering Faith

2010-02-18T01:37:00.002-05:00

You ever meet someone that's on fire for God? they're telling everyone they know about God. They're passing out information, they're talking to anyone that will listen, etc... Then four months later they're not talking anymore. A year later they're not attending church. You know how the story goes...

They lit fast and burned hot. There was nothing left in the tank once the "butterflies" of salvation wore off. They were like a rocket that ran out of fuel. It was beautiful when it started out, but then it ran out of fuel and fell back to earth.

I don't want that kind of faith. I think the "roman candle" faith isn't as healthy as the "charcoal briquette" faith. You ever go to a cook out and see the charcoal on the grill? There's not always a bright flame, but there's always a smoldering glow. That smoldering glow is where the real effective cooking happens. You don't want a bunch of high flames that will singe the meat and leave the insides raw. You want a smoldering heat underneath that cooks evenly and thoroughly, getting just the right temperature to be the most effective.

That's what I want. I want a smoldering faith. I don't want to burn out fast. I want to be slow and steady. Ready to get the job done. Ready to do the job at a moments notice.

How do we get that smoldering faith? We get it through discipleship. How many churches do you know that are great at getting them in and getting them saved, but can't seem to keep anyone six months after? What we need is a good program put in place that can teach these people how to be an effective Christian with a smoldering faith.

Pastors, I know there is pressure from the denomination to show those numbers, but lets get real for a moment. If you're putting in numbers saying that you're responsible for saving 50 people that year, but only two have become regular church attendees a year later, what have you done really?

Its like sending your child out in the snow without a coat on. You get these people on fire and then don't prepare them for the battle. Lets quit throwing new believers to the wolves and bring them up in our churches to be effective members of the Body of Christ!

Tech Support

2010-02-07T00:43:00.004-05:00

Tech Support is a lot like religion. You call tech support looking for quick answers for things you probably are to blame for. Most likely you've blamed the computer or the company for the issue and you won't deal with the actual problem with your computer, the person sitting at your desk.

Religion is the same thing. People want fire insurance. They want the quick fix, the absolution, the freedom from the guilt of sin, but they don't want to deal with the reason they're in the situation they're in. Instead of dealing with the actual issue that causes the problems, they want a quick fix, a band-aid on the boo-boo, to make them feel better so they can go on with their usual day.

In tech support that "usual day" will be poker sites, porn, pirated software, etc... That's where they get all the issues that make their computers go crazy. Strangely enough, after the average church go-er gets their fill of forgiveness, they're "usual day" consists of very similar things. Oftentimes we're looking for absolution so the sin doesn't make us feel so bad when we start doing it again. As if our soul was an etch-a-sketch that we can clear every once in a while with a good "shake of the Spirit" and go about our sinning ways.

Here's the problem with that. Quick fixes don't truly clear the soul. To use another analogy from the tech world, older monitors had a tendency to get "burned-in" images if you left them on when they weren't in use. The soul is much the same. We get certain sinning ways "burned-in" to our soul. We can go to church, sing some songs, and feel a little better, thinking our souls have been cleared up. What we don't realize is that we've merely cleaned the screen but the image is still there, untouchable by our own thoughts and actions.

There's only one way to get that cleanliness that you're looking for. There's only one tech support that can get your root problems fixed. That's the saving grace of Jesus Christ. Only He can clean that slate so there's nothing left but love and grace. He's the only way.

There's only one path to salvation. It’s easier than you think. You don't need to change anything about yourself. In fact, the dirtier the better. God likes to clean up messes. He loves to restore His Creation to perfection as it was designed, just like a priceless painting being brought back to life, He wants to bring your God-given beauty out for all to see.

All you need to do is tell Jesus that you believe he died for your sins. Tell him that you know you're a sinner and that you want to have a real and honest relationship with Him. That's it. That's all there is to it.

God Bless,
- Sean

Inclusiveness

2010-01-31T18:51:00.003-05:00

I think inclusiveness is ridiculousness. There's a movement now to change all the references to "man" in the bible to say "human". Really? Wow.

If you know a little something about the bible you might be aware that its very easy for someone to use scripture for their own gain by taking things out of context. We'll go into corruption overdrive if we let this all mighty inclusiveness take over our world.

There are many references to "man" in the bible. Sometimes it refers to a gender, sometimes it refers to mankind. Lets think for a moment. If you change the intended meaning, wouldn't the entire meaning of the text be put at jeopardy? Of course it would!

I'm not chauvinistic in the slightest but I won't stand for this for an instant. What do you think?

Exercise

2010-01-13T15:44:00.003-05:00

Two days in a row on the treadmill for 30 minutes. This is a record for me!

I found a great motivational tool for losing weight recently. All I needed to do was involve my children!

I hate to disappoint my children. I made a promise to myself not long after our first child was born that I would do everything in my power not to break a promise to my kids. Certainly there have been times when I've faltered on that, but more or less I've been able to keep that vow.

Well, we joined the YMCA and as it turned out as long as the child is seven years old or higher they can work out in the main room with the adults under supervision. So of course my nine year old starts bugging me to go and who am I to say no when a kid wants to get out from in front of a video game?

Its taken a couple of weeks to figure this out as far as scheduling. I always fancy myself as liking to get up early but in reality I prefer being a night owl. I had this grand plan that we were going to wake up at 6:00 am and go in and exercise before work.

Ha. Ha.

That worked for one day and would've been possible if I didn't continue to stay up till one or two in the morning every night! Six hours of sleep I can do, three or four and I'm in trouble. The other problem with this was the look of disappointment on his face when we didn't get up to go. That falls into the "breaking promises" category that I'm not real comfortable with so something had to give.

I'm a graduate student so late nights are important. I think better when its dark and I'm loading up on Mountain Dew and that's just the way I'm wired. So the other day when we missed another morning I was feeling really guilty and said, "Lets try going during my lunch hour." I was thinking this was more of a stop-gap until I figure out what to do. Turns out it was perfect! I really need a good thirty minutes on the treadmill at this stage in my horrible physical condition and I have just enough time to fit that in and not be running to and from the car. We live five minutes from the YMCA so its more than doable.

So the second day comes and goes and its working! We had planned on three days a week and now I might just change it to five and see what happens. They have childcare on the weekend so we can still get the family there and then there's not so much pressure on me to get in a workout when I'm there with the family. I can enjoy my time with the family and still get healthy. Win!

This thirty minute time limit is actually good for me. I get a little addictive when it comes to this kind of thing and I'll push myself too hard, go for an hour, and not be able to walk the next day. This saves me from myself and makes it possible to get a more even workout through the week.

Bring it on!

Moving On...

2010-01-11T23:41:00.002-05:00

It’s been a while since I last posted. Let’s give some updates....

I'm in the process of looking for somewhere new to further establish myself in ministry and to further realize my calling as a minister for Christ.

Its 2010, so according to the Mayans I have about two years left to make this blog a success!

So it’s been a few months since I did anything with this. I went through kind of a tough time that took precedence over any of this. There were health issues in the family, major changes going on with my place of employment, and I was trying to make some hard decisions about where I wanted to take my family in service to the Lord.

These three things dominate my life. Basically those three things are the cornerstones of my existence just under spending time with family and God. So when the three pillars that hold up your world start to crumble, sometimes you lose your balance. I came pretty close.

I'm coming out the other side of the tunnel now. I have a renewed focus on ministry, school, health, finances, and my family. I've got a few more hurdles to really feel back on track but I’m making some great moves in the right direction. God willing several of those hurdles will be done and over in the next few days.

I'm trying to take things slow with my personal ministry and calling to serve as a minister for Christ. I don't want every Sunday to feel like a job interview. I don't want all my time to feel monopolized by work and bills. I want to make sure that I'm putting God and prayer before all things so matter what the situation. I'm taking "Prayer Without Ceasing" to heart. Things are getting better as I do just that and the plan is to continue pushing in that direction.

I love my family very much and that's the reason this has been a real struggle trying to find a new path for ministry. It’s not like interviewing for a job in the traditional sense. Instead of your decisions really only effecting you directly they effect your family. It’s like taking your entire family into the job interview and asking them where you can all sit when you get hired. I'm not just looking for a job. I'm looking for a spiritual home for my family. It’s been tearing me up even considering the idea of looking elsewhere.

We love where we've been and we hate to leave, but it’s become difficult to further my calling in that environment. Its no ones fault really. It’s just the church moved into a different direction and the position that they had for me basically ended. There aren't any hard feelings with regards to that situation at all. I loved my time in that position and I'm sad that I couldn't continue and grow. The people in that church are incredible and I will forever consider them mentors and friends. We knew at some point we'd have to move on but "parting is such sweet sorrow" as they say. It’s wonderful to enter a new chapter of ministry but frightening to think of the unknown and sad at the thought of leaving those we love behind.

I trust in God to take care of all things and this is no different. I'm happy that God put people in front of me at specific moments in my life to further my calling. I can see the road map of mentors and friends as I look back. It’s a road map of love from my Creator.

I'll be on here more now. Frequency may be difficult to commit to but I can tell you it won't be months between posts. Another part of my life that has changed for the better is time management. This blog had a tendency to be the first victim when things went awry in my life. I apologize for that.

More to come…

Updates and Rants...

2009-09-04T08:33:00.003-04:00

Things must be crazy for everyone. Several of my favorite bloggers have been on hiatus recently much like myself or sporadic at best. I hope everyone is doing ok!

Things are finally settling down in my life although I'm having a heck of a time getting everything back on track. Seriously missing the wife's involvement in day to day chores and childcare! Don't know what ya got till its gone as the song says...

Work has been hectic but the workload has leveled off and is in decline now. As long as I don't get overwhelemed its more than manageable which is good for the rest of my life. The three day weekend coming up doesn't hurt things either!!

With the wife being laid up I haven't been able to take advantage of overtime like I wanted but I want to be there for her so its all good. Hard not to think about how large that paycheck would be though! :)

My friends have been through some real ups and downs in their lives but the light has been coming into view at the end of the tunnel. God is in all things and his face is becoming clearer as we go. Keep the faith guys and everyone keep these people in your prayers. It works, trust me. The power of prayer cannot be underestimated. I'm not talking about the charlatans on tv slapping people on the forehead or waving their hands and people falling down.

That's not the power of prayer, that's the power of hypnotic suggestion. I'm talking about real fervent prayer with selfless motivation. That's where the power is. A collective hallucination is not where God is and we need to be aware of those false prophets and not fall into their games.

Got off on a rant there for second, sorry about that. But its my blog, take it or leave it. :)

Anyway, I feel better when I write out some things like this. This is therapeutic for me and informative for you so we all win!

Updates

2009-08-26T13:20:00.003-04:00

My how things have gone insane in my life!

My wife breaks her foot, I'm starting school again, and the busy time of the year at work all happen at the same time and I start drowning!

So many apologies for the lack of updates. Hopefully things will calm down and I can gain some sense of order in my life.

On a side note, your prayers for my wife would be greatly appreciated. She's going in for foot surgery on Thursday morning...

My other project, 315 to Fit, is on hold at the moment as well now that I must go into "take care of teh family" mode right now with three little ones and I broken wife. More to come on that one!

Expect some more meaty topics as I move more into my school year. These deep theology classes always get the juices flowing!

Thanks for reading and keep watching for more!

The Wooden Bowl

2009-08-17T09:03:00.002-04:00

A frail old man went to live with his son, daughter-in-law, and four-year-old grandson.
The old man's hands trembled, his eyesight was blurred, and his step faltered.

The family ate together at the table. But the elderly grandfather's shaky hands and
failing sight made eating difficult. Peas rolled off his spoon onto the floor.
When he grasped the glass, milk spilled on the tablecloth.

The son and daughter-in-law became irritated with the mess.
'We must do something about father,' said the son.
'I've had enough of his spilled milk, noisy eating, and food on the floor.'

So the husband and wife set a small table in the corner.
There, Grandfather ate alone while the rest of the family enjoyed dinner.
Since Grandfather had broken a dish or two, his food was served in a wooden bowl.

When the family glanced in Grandfather's direction, sometimes he had a tear in his eye as he sat alone.

Still, the only words the couple had for him were sharp admonitions when he dropped a fork or spilled food.

The four-year-old watched it all in silence.

One evening before supper, the father noticed his son playing with wood scraps on the floor.

He asked the child sweetly, “What are you making?” Just as sweetly, the boy responded,
“Oh, I am making a little bowl for you and Mama to eat your food in when I grow up.”

The four-year-old smiled and went back to work.

The words so struck the parents so that they were speechless. Then tears started to stream down their cheeks. Though no word was spoken, both knew what must be done.

That evening the husband took Grandfather's hand and gently led him back to the family table.

For the remainder of his days he ate every meal with the family. And for some reason,
neither husband nor wife seemed to care any longer when a fork was dropped, milk spilled, or the tablecloth soiled.

On a positive note, I've learned that, no matter what happens, how bad it seems today, life does go on, and it will be better tomorrow.

I've learned that you can tell a lot about a person by the way he/she handles four things:
a rainy day, the elderly, lost luggage, and tangled Christmas tree lights.

I've learned that making a 'living' is not the same thing as making a 'life..'

I've learned that life sometimes gives you a second chance.

I've learned that you shouldn't go through life with a catcher's mitt on both hands, you nee d to be able to throw something back sometimes.

I've learned that if you pursue happiness, it will elude you
But, if you focus on your family, your friends, the needs of others,
your work and doing the very best you can, happiness will find you

I've learned that whenever I decide something with an open heart, I usually make the right decision.

I've learned that even when I have pains, I don't have to be one.

I've learned that every day, you should reach out and touch someone.

People love that human touch -- holding hands, a warm hug, or just a friendly pat on the back.

I've learned that I still have a lot to learn.

He Gave All

2009-08-13T01:36:00.002-04:00

There's nothing in this world that tears me up inside more than watching my children suffer. I sit here in the dark and listen to my precious two year old struggle for that next breath and I can barely hold it together.

It's in these moments that my mind slips back to what it must've been like for the Father to watch His son suffer on that cross. I don't know how I could deal with that. It's too much to even consider in my present state of mind. I have enough trouble dealing with a bad cough with my childen let alone real torture.

You can say that he knew it was going to be ok in the end but I just don't buy it. I'm pretty sure my son will be ok in the morning but that is little consolation when your little boy is struggling for that next breath.

He asks so little of us for such a horrible sacrifice and yet we act like stopping to feed the homeless will ruin our perfect day. The next time your loved one is in pain ask yourself what you'd do to make it all better. I know given the choice I would give anything for healing for my kids and wife. Jesus gave that and more...

Pass It On!

2009-08-12T22:39:00.004-04:00

I love the connections we can make on the Internet. That can be through blogs, web pages, social networking such as Facebook, Twitter, etc... We can have a huge impact on the world simply by finding a good twitter account to follow and "retweeting" what we see!

There are so many avenues to share the good news of Jesus that we aren't even scratching the surface! When I think about all the times I've wasted by not sharing the gospel I'm ashamed. I don't want to waste another minute thinking about the "lost" and the "unchurched". I want to "find" them and "church" them! Less talk, more do! And if this little blog can help me do that then so be it! If not, I'll drop it like a rock!

So here goes...I'm challenging everyone who reads this to sign up for twitter. I'll throw out some suggested twitter contributors to follow in the right-hand navigation of the blog in the days to come. If you'd like a tutorial on twitter, leave a comment and I'll help however I can. Sometimes the sheer volume of information that comes out over Twitter can be overwhelming and someone might be inclined to give up. There are plenty of programs, and one really good one, to sort out this mass of information! Just Google "Tweetdeck" and you'll understand. Download it, use it, love it!

You don't have to have an original thought in your head to use Twitter. All you need to do is learn the power of multiplication. If you find something that you think is worth sharing and you retweet that information, you've just opened that up for the people that follow you to see it. Then what if someone retweets what you sent, now all their friends can see it! And on and on and on and on... You get it? This is spreading the good news at its finest and certainly at its fastest!

Nothing will ever take the place of a good one-on-one conversation about Christ. There is something about face to face communication that changes the whole dynamic. But lets not get so focused on that traditional forms of communication that we lose sight of the here and now! Like it or not this is the way people are communicating these days and we have a responsibility to bring the gospel into that stream of communication just like any other!

So in closing...Pass It On!

Christian Comics - Part 3

2009-08-12T15:04:00.002-04:00

Christian Comics - Part 2

2009-08-12T15:02:00.001-04:00

Christian Comics - Part 1

2009-08-12T15:00:00.001-04:00

Here's a few more of the Christian comics I discovered. Thought you might like a look!

The Persistance of the Spirit

2009-08-12T10:14:00.004-04:00

I was being evangelized as a kid right under my parent's nose!!! I just found this cover of a comic book from the 80's under some listings for old Christian comic books on a web site. I remember begging my parents to buy me this at Stan's Restaurant in Columbus, OH. when I was maybe 9 or 10 years old.

That place is gone now. I just knew it as a great old restaurant with awesome food and friendly people. I didn't even realize that they were shoving Jesus down my throat with those mashed potatoes! The things you learn later on in life!

The more I look back on the life that I've lived, the more I realize that Jesus was putting people, places, and things in my path all the time trying to steer me away from my sin. Praise God for holy persistence!