Quiet the Thunder

How to Deal with the Annoying Pregnant Woman in Your Life

2012-03-29T21:58:00.002-04:00

Okay. Annoying pregnant women appear to be a major problem. More and more I am finding search terms to my site come from people Googling a topic I have written about: "annoying pregnant woman", "annoying pregnant friends", or "pregnant women are annoying."

Yeesh! Ladies, everyone, it's time to do something about this. So I've decided to come up with some pointers for pregnant women to not be annoying, for others to gently inform pregnant women they are being annoying, or for others to possibly understand what should be considered "acceptable" and therefore, not deemed annoying. (In my opinion.) Please add to/modify these lists in the comments if you think it's necessary...

How to Not Be an Annoying Pregnant Woman (APW)

1. Don't talk about being pregnant all the time. Simple enough? Well, really try. And then try harder. You know that concept of "kick-counting"? Try "pregnancy reference" counting as well. Let's say if you bring up your pregnancy, babies, baby-making, pregnancy-related symptoms, aches, food preferences, etc. more than once an hour that is FAR too many times.

2. Consider your audience. Are you with another pregnant mom? Chances are you can both be as annoying as you want together. Are you with mixed company or a woman who is childless? Try to have some decent manners and refrain from discussing yourself and your developing fetus. Furthermore, many woman who don't have children, even those who say they don't want them, or even go so far as to say they "hate" kids, are lying. They may be unable. They may be ashamed they are not married or who knows what else. Don't be a jerk and rub in their faces, even if you think they are unaffected by your pregnancy. The mere sight of a pregnant woman can be very difficult for a woman who longs to also become pregnant.

3. Don't boast about your maternity leave. And for God's sake don't complain about how it's not long enough and/or how the government/company you work for should really do something about it. Most people, right or wrong, loathe women on maternity leave. Yes, I know, they don't realize you are not home having fun but you need to take the high ground if you don't want to be considered annoying. Here you are combining two faux pas by discussing your pregnancy and politics all at once. You can't know where people stand on these issues and you shouldn't assume sympathetic ears are receiving your blabbering and complaining.

4. Tone it down on the updates, via Facebook or otherwise. When it comes down to it, no one really cares about you and your baby except your family and closest friends. If you aren't painfully aware of this already, this does NOT include everyone you are "friends" with on Facebook. Many of them don't care, and many of them really don't want to see the inside of your uterus in their News Feed, especially if they haven't seen your face since high school or a job interview you once had. Again, tacky tacky tacky! Create a special list for pregnancy-related updates and everyone will be happier.

5. Once you have the baby, do NOT talk about its or your bodily functions. To anyone. It's really disgusting, even as a fellow mom, to hear about someone else's baby's poop. There is a biological reason humans have general aversion to babies that are not theirs. Admit it, as a mom there is no baby you like better than your own (of course!) and other people's babies can sometimes seem "creepy" just by mere fact they are not yours. So when someone else's baby is pooping, vomiting, etc. it's just too much for anyone who is not the parent or direct family member to handle, trust me. Again, tacky!

6. Refrain from discussing your birth plan, birthing philosophy, position on vaccines, co-sleeping, baby wearing, natural birth, medical birth, obstetricians, c-sections, VBACs, or circumcision unless EXPLICITLY REQUESTED. This goes for the pro and con side of things. Seriously. None. of. Your. Business. Yes, I understand and support the cause of activism for issues you believe in strongly. However, there is a time, place, and appropriate methodology to achieving the change/results you seek and having your voice heard. Start a blog, write to your Congresspeople, hand out fliers to willing recipients. But forcing your opinion upon hapless people (especially other pregnant women who are emotionally fragile and hormonally challenged) is wrong, wrong, wrong! Stop it!

How to Help Stop an Annoying Pregnant Woman (APW)

1. If you cannot escape this person (family member, spouse, co-worker), and you feel comfortable, talk to them about it. Bring up with said APW that her behavior is negatively affecting you, others, or the work environment. First, ask the APW if there is something about her pregnancy that is negatively affecting her, and if you can legitimately be of some help. Perhaps offer to set aside some special time to discuss her pregnancy if you are feeling generous, which might help her see that you care, and give her a chance to discern what and if there is anything she really needs, versus having developed a verbal tick of talking about her pregnancy all the time. If there is no legitimate problem she is having, it may highlight just how desperately annoying she is because someone just sat her down and offered to spend quality time with her just to talk about her pregnancy. She may stop.

2. If this person is not a close friend, try to avoid them as much as possible. If that's not possible, figure out who could speak with them, a la #1 above. HR? Their spouse or significant other? A close friend?

3. Don't fight with her. This only makes her stronger. Trust me, it's the hormones. Don't fight with pregnant women. It's a horrible idea. In addition to her complaining about her pregnancy, she will then begin to complain about the injustice of others' intolerance of her complaining about her pregnancy. The validity of her complaining will only be strengthened in her own mind.

How to Know if You are Actually More Annoying than an Annoying Pregnant Woman (APW)

1. Do you grimace at a pregnant woman and just assume she's annoying on sight? Do you have a pre-disposition to dislike pregnant woman due to some kind of bias that has developed due to having interacted with genuine APW? Then you are just a jerk. Not all pregnant women are annoying just by virtue of being pregnant. I know, I know, you think you have amazing APWdar - and can spot an offending APW a mile away, but honestly, give pregnant women a chance. We're not all that bad.

2. You walk really fast/close and make exasperated sighs when you are behind a walking pregnant woman? This happens to me all the time! I'm in the mall, walking slowly because of the immense pain and pressure that happens in the third trimester, and though I'm aware of my state and try to keep to the side so others can pass, inevitably there comes a time where a minor traffic jam occurs, and I'm the assumed culprit. Or heck, let's say I am the culprit...it's the MALL! Get a GRIP. Nothing you are doing there is important, I promise. Get over yourself and walk slowly for 10 seconds and you'll be fine.

3. Did you simply stop speaking to a pregnant woman you know because they "changed"? If the woman doesn't qualify for the first list above, she's alright and you are just a jerk who doesn't understand being pregnant is like having the flu for 9 months and there are legitimate, acceptable struggles and reasons your friend has changed. Being pregnant, you might feel good some days, and others you might not. You cannot go dancing, or drinking, or do much of anything else. Those women who are featured in news articles about how they run marathons and drink wine every night while pregnant, or are so cute and barely showing so they do you a favor by making it easier to forget they are pregnant are genetic anomalies! Your friend/family member will change. They will change forever because they are going to be a parent. I'm not saying all friendships will last that change, but if it's not mutual chances are you are more annoying than they are.

Why Do Pregnant Women Annoy You?
A Gripe About the Annoying Pregnant Girl Syndrome
Do You Believe in Birth Control?

Getting Started with Cloth Diapers

2012-03-27T14:42:00.000-04:00

Please note: this post contains affiliate links to many (not all) of the products I recommend. I am not compensated by the brands themselves in any way and I believe I am making the best recommendations based on my own trial and error, confusion, and mistakes, which I hope to help you, the new-to-cloth-diapering-diaperer, from making. So please consider using these links if you plan to purchase!

However, if cost is a concern, you can buy many of the items I recommend on eBay or Diaper Swappers, via Craigslist, as well as find less expensive handmade cloth diapering items on Etsy. Just keep reminding yourself that in the long-run, cost savings using cloth are high, especially if you plan to cloth diaper more than one child, and they have good resale value should you decide they don’t work for you.

Getting Started with Cloth

If you are considering using cloth diapers, just jump in with both feet first. I'm not going to lie and say using cloth is as easy as using disposables, it's just not. However, I do believe it's worth the bit of extra time and effort.

A great strategy if you are really shy about cloth would be to borrow some cloth from a friend not currently needing them, sign up for a diaper service, or check if a cloth diaper store near you will allow you to “rent” a starter pack.

In terms of specifics, I’ll just give you my opinion in the form of items, brands, and quantities first, (what I would consider everything you’d need for cloth diapering the baby from newborn to toddlerhood) and then you can feel free to comment here and ask me anything I haven’t answered, like if you just wanted a few things to get started, need to cut costs, etc.) Also, I don't personally care about using organic materials, but most brands will have organic versions of whatever you want.

What You’ll Need from Newborn to Toddler

Note: these are the bare minimum quantities. Most pros recommend more than what I am suggesting. Keep in mind I supplemented with disposables when I needed to, and once my child peed in larger quantities at night (somewhere around 12 months I'd guess?), I also use disposables every night.

· 2 Dozen: Prefolds(should be unbleached for durability)

· 1 Pack: Snappis(keep the prefold on underneath a cover)

· 2-3 Size1 Thirsties Duo (can grow with baby) cover with velcro (use snaps for older babies that move more, IMO)

· 3 packs (of 12) ThirstiesFab wipes and/or GroVia Wipes (I prefer GroVia for messier changes, as they seem more absorbent, but the Thirsties are softer, so best for majority of changes. So you might get 2 packs of Thirsties and 1 pack of GroVia as an idea.)

· Honeychunks or other diaper solution product (add to water to make inexpensive diaper spray solution): http://honeychunks.com/p1.html

· A new spray bottle - buy at Target or similar store (honestly, this seems like it would be an easy task, but try to buy one that is sturdy enough to be dropped by you and/or thrown/kicked around by a baby! The bottle has to be able to withstand abuse.)

· 2-3 dozen BummisEasyfit also go by Tots Bots in the UK (please note, these are my favorite diapers, but I was recently purchased two as a gift and the fabric/quality seems to be far less than it used to. I am uncertain if this was a fluke or the quality has gone down recently. As such, I might recommend only buying these if you can find them used on eBay, as that is where I got most of mine and they were of superior quality.)

o If you want extra diapers, and/or Bummis are way out of your budget, I like an ebay store brand, Bububibi

· Optional: 1-2 SwaddlebeesAIO in different sizes (S/M/L) only for occasions where you want less bulk in the diaper (for photos, or to fit a certain outfit, as cloth diapers add bulk)

· 2 small wetbags for being on the go (I don't recommend these in the larger sizes)

· 2 larger wetbags for home (the picture makes the bag look much larger than it is in person, but don't be upset when you get it. It still holds plenty of diapers, a good size for one wash.)

Please also note, some people prefer using a large waste basket with a waterproof diaper pail liner as opposed to the zip-up wet bags I posted. I have no experience with them, but I understand that they do not smell and can hold many more diapers. I decided not to use them because I prefer to wash in small loads as I have fewer diapers overall. It really is a matter of how many cloth diapers you have, and do you plan to cloth diaper part time or full time? If you plan to be a full time cloth diaperer, a larger pail is probably a better option, sorry I don't have first hand recommendations, but many people just get a plain 30 gallon trash basket with lid and some drawstring or elastic liners.

· Silicone scrub brush (these get horrible reviews for cleaning dishes, but you don't need them for that! This will be used in lieu of a diaper sprayer, which I think is messy and just sprays poop water all over you and your bathroom, ick! A silicone brush is what you need to dislodge poop from the cloth as well as from the brush. This is the best idea, trust me.) I use the Flylady round dish brush, and love it as well.

Why You’ll Need It:

Newborn Diapering Strategy
For a newborn, I might plan to use disposables for at least a few days while you and baby are getting used to your new life (exciting!) and because he is eliminating stuff that is harder to clean from cloth, so it’s easy to avoid that altogether. You can get chlorine free brands, I like Whole Foods, Earth’s Best, and Seventh Generation.

When first cloth diapering, prefolds are easy and inexpensive and you will go through a ton! The only reason you may want to skip pre-folds and their covers or wait until the baby is born to buy them is that the other diapers I suggest (Bummis) can be used on a newborn of at least 8 lbs, but you’d need to buy probably 3 dozen to start with, since you go through so many diapers with a newborn. Also, if your baby ends up being quite small, (Coco was 6 lbs. 3 oz.) prefolds can be fitted as small as needed. As the baby outgrows prefolds, you can use them for burp cloths, and eventually as extra absorbency if you want.

After the Initial Newborn Phase
Anyway, whatever decision you make, once the baby outgrows pre-folds or you get sick of them, I would switch completely to some form of All-in-One (AIO). (Some people switch to fitted diapers with a cover, which I did, which is similar in concept to using pre-folds with a cover, but once the baby starts moving, having two layers that can shift around is not good IMO. So next time around I’ll probably skip the fitteds with a cover once the baby gets even a little bit mobile.)

I listed my absolute favorite AIO brand out of probably 15 or so brands/styles I bought and used! That is the Bummis Easyfit, also goes by Tots Bots in the UK if you plan to buy used on eBay. They will fit from 8lbs to 35, which is amazing. They snap smaller and larger and at 16 months, Coco is still in them and I think she will be until she’s potty trained, so these were a great investment. I was buying these CONSTANTLY once I discovered them and they remain my favorite. (I put them on my Christmas list this year!) If money is tight, you can start with a dozen and then keep buying them as your budget permits, or if you can register for them and people buy them for you, even better.

If you find the cost of the Bummis is too much, a VERY budget friendly brand that I bought by an eBay seller was BubuBibi (I also linked to it above) and every time I use it I think “I should have gotten more!”. They fit great, and the insert snaps in place and is made of absorbent bamboo. The only downside to Bububibi that I have found is that the fabric doesn’t stay as soft as Bummis over time, but there is no noticeable difference in performance of the diaper, doesn’t irritate Coco’s skin or anything, and they fit very well and are the same in concept in terms of snaps for sizing as the baby grows. Also, just from the looks on eBay, it appears the diaper has improved a lot from the time I bought them, so it’s possible the fabric has improved as well.

What the Heck is with all the different styles?

Ahhh! I know! So confusing! What’s worse is that a lot of them look/function exactly the same, but have a different name! The best way to make the decision is to ask: how much work do I want to do? If you don’t mind a little extra folding and stuffing of diaper inserts/covers, All-in-Twos, Pockets, Pre-folds or Fitteds with a Cover are for you. If you don’t want to hunt for matching inserts and need to save some time, an All-in-One with attached insert that agitates out of its pocket in the wash (like the Bummis I recommend) is ideal. However, an All-in-One with sewn-in “insert” like a Swaddlebees, though very convenient and fits great, takes much longer to dry, either on a line or in the dryer. Bottom line: I like the Bummis AIO the best and recommend it above all others. I might suggest getting one or two Swaddlebees in different sizes for times you need a more snug fit under an outfit, etc.

Wet bags
I used the PlanetWise large size wetbags for home use and eventually I did not like them because you really cannot hang them up (the handles are not reinforced enough to handle the weight of wet cloth diapers and tore the outer fabric) and can become hard to fill with the diapers.) Their small wet bags are nice, and you can find comparable ones on Etsy too. So, though I still use the PlanetWise, I’m recommending the Rumparooz with the “half-moon” shape, which are WAY easier to fill, and hold more than the PlanetWise large bags. You may want to hunt around for another option, like a diaper pail with wetbag liner, which may hold more diapers and be easier to use. I just like the zip option because I have a dog who could probably lift a lid (gross, I know!) and the zipper keeps smells completely away.

Should I Get a Diaper Sprayer?

I don’t think a diaper sprayer is absolutely necessary, but they are a nice bonus, and I know a lot of people like them. I was able to use my shower hose for a while, but eventually switched to a silicone scrub brush (I linked to the one I use) for pre-scrubbing diapers in the toilet. Keep in mind that if you plan to exclusively breastfeed, newborn poop can go in the washing machine as-is. (It took me weeks to find that out!) As soon as you introduce solids, however, you have to pre-dunk solids in the toilet. Diapers with only pee don’t have to be rinsed ever.

How Do I Wash the Darn Things!?

And last but not least, washing, drying, detergent! Here’s the drill for washing: 1 rinse in cold water, no detergent, then put on the Hot/Cold cycle with ½ amount of detergent for regular load of same size. If you have a front load washer, add a towel to the wash to make the load heavier and it will clean the diapers better. Line or machine dry. Line drying has the added benefit of sun-bleaching the inside of the diapers to keep them looking new.

For detergent I Country Save which is the cheap and eco-friendly, but you can also find a billion other recommendations. I’ve heard “Rock n’ Green” is another favorite, but seems costly. Just use something with as few ingredients/surfectants as possible, because sometimes detergent can irritate the baby’s skin or cause build-up in the diapers and decrease their absorbing power. If the diapers get smelly (an ammonia smell may occur once baby wets the diapers again) they just need to be washed with hot water a few times.

IMPORTANT: When you first get the diapers, pre-folds will need to be washed 6-8 times before use, and other diapers 3-5 times before use, using a small amount of detergent to prep them for wear. This strips anything used in the fabrication process and helps increase absorbency. I thought this was a stupid step and skipped it, only to find Coco peeing out the side of her diaper because they were not yet absorbing and just spilling out of the leg opening. Sigh. So just wash them first and you’ll avoid THAT! : )

Possibly related posts:

Do You Believe in Birth Control?

2012-03-15T14:18:00.000-04:00

I'm pregnant again. As such I'm reliving a lot of the experiences and decisions I made the first time around.

My first pregnancy resulted in a c-section. A c-section that saved my baby's life. An inevitable c-section. A medically necessary c-section.

I did everything I was "supposed" to in order to prepare for a lovely, natural, drug-free birth. I was even somewhat smug about my choices, and did absolutely zero research on c-sections as I was wholly convinced that unless there was something "really" wrong with my labor or baby (by what metric, I never bothered to figure out), I would happily avoid it. I was so stupid.

I made a birth plan. I tried not to be too dogmatic about it, I asked all the right questions of my OB, surprised she did not question any of my choices (like everyone warned me she would likely do.) She didn't care if I used drugs or not. She didn't care how long I labored. She didn't care if I wanted a Heplock or intermittent monitoring. And when I finally asked for an epidural, she even gently urged me that my birth plan indicated I wanted to go drug-free and she knew I could do it. But my labor unfolded in a way that made it obvious my baby would not be birthed naturally, safely, and a c-section was required.

In the weeks and months following the birth of a perfectly healthy baby I felt like a total failure. A failure at what, you might ask? I carried a healthy baby to term and the medical staff delivered her safely. What is a failure about that? It wasn't natural. I caved and asked for an epidural. If only I'd...

I read The Unnecessaren and scoped out ICAN boards and other natural childbirth message board and read about all the horrible interventions (yes, they claimed my choice of merely being in a hospital increased my chances of having a c-section!?) that I subjected myself and my baby to. I felt so horribly guilty. Again. Guilty about what? That my baby was healthy? No, that I'd had a c-section.

Unfortunately, neither I, nor the websites I was frequenting had: a) accurate information about c-section and the myriad, legitimate, and medically necessary reasons for intervention and/or c-section b) any clue about my personal labor and birth situation. Yet, I made the mistake of thinking that because the loudest people were the most correct, I continued to blame myself for having a medical birth.

My husband finally urged me to just stop going on the websites and message boards and I did. I got some relief from my own mind and guilt. Then I became pregnant again. I largely avoided the issue of childbirth altogether, quite frankly, totally sick of it.

Then I realized that I was indeed going to give birth to this baby in the near future and I should bother to look into what I wanted and how to best achieve it. Again, I found myself faced with the same websites and message boards. But for some reason, time off and a year or so of questioning and clarity made me view the sites, their statistics, and their incomplete and biased information with much more skepticism. I began to adopt a "take what you like and leave the rest approach."

For example, on VBACFacts.com, a site purported to provide the "real" information on VBAC I encountered these scare tactics about birthing in a hospital setting:

For example does your labor slow down, or even stop, or do you experience reverse dilation when:

you transfer to the hospital
you put on a hospital gown that says “Property of XYZ Medical Center”
the nurse puts an IV in your arm
the fetal monitor requires constant readjustment
people you don’t know perform vaginal exams on you
people you don’t know see you naked
all your privacy disappears
nurses wait outside the door as you use the restroom
you are limited to laboring in bed
you have to fight to decline procedures
you are put on a timeline saying that if you don’t have the baby by X o’clock, you will have a cesarean
you are told if you don’t “progress” at 1 cm/hr, you will have a cesarean
you are in a place that feels unsafe

All of these things play into the stress of hospital birth. I think this plays a huge role in the “failure to progress” diagnosis. Of course women aren’t “progressing” in the hospital, it’s not a calm, peaceful place to give birth especially when women are put on timelines… that is just a crazy way to birth.

This is not at all biased, is it? It is not at all generalized and does not take into consideration some women may actually feel more comfortable in hospitals? And are they not simply reversing what they believe people think about homebirth onto hospital birth? "That is just a crazy way to birth." I, personally, would never feel comfortable birthing in my home and I like hospitals. I like doctors. I like technology. I always have. I love going to the dentist and getting my teeth cleaned and scraped. As a child I even loved getting my shots and vaccines! I thought it was fun! I wanted to be a doctor (and the President and a marine biologist). The bottom line is, I would never choose homebirth for reasons of "comfort, privacy, or safety". I can even give you my own scary list why.

A home is an unsterile environment (you might argue so are hospitals, but I can guarantee that at least at a hospital you have a good chance the room you are in has laundered sheets and clean floors, your home is unlikely to be as sterile, and unless you have the luxury of a cleaning lady, your pregnant old self probably didn't have much time or energy to clean up.)
Transfer to a hospital for life-saving procedures could mean the difference between life or death
There is still no privacy at home unless you live in a huge house on secluded property (at least in my neighborhood with houses on top of each other and paper-thin walls of 1940's construction, the surrounding 20 or so homes would likely be able to hear my screams while naturally birthing and none of them are even trained medical professionals, so I'd be even more uncomfortable and self-conscious. At least in a hospital if I scream or am bleeding, or vomiting or whatnot, the staff is completely used to such things and can more easily ignore it and would be far less judgmental than my neighbors - I'd be far less embarrassed, more accepted, and more comfortable birthing in a hospital than at home.)
I cannot speak for any other doctors/hospitals, but my own doctors/hospital have no rules about length of labor or birthing positions.
You only have so much access to hot water at home. What if you run out and it's the only thing that can truly relieve your pain during contractions?
What if you feel self-conscious and tense in the requisite natural childbirth uniform of either a) naked b) bikini c) sports bra and shorts in the highly contrived and unnatural environment of a giant plastic hot tub in an a) living room b) basement c) garage or d) backyard?
What if you went to use the restroom and nobody was waiting outside the door and you passed out from pain or exhaustion or heat in the bathtub (yes, almost happened to me) because you told them to leave you alone?
What if you are in so much pain you keep vomiting up all the fluids and food you are eating at home (because comically natural birth advocates talk only about how evil hospitals are for withholding food and drink from laboring women, yet neglect to mention the HUGE difficulty a laboring woman will actually have eating and drinking versus just having a handy dandy electrolyte sac attached to her. In retrospect, I for one probably would have LOVED an IV during my first labor, but of course no one gave me one or suggested it as it was strictly prohibited in my birth plan and they did not dare go against my wishes!! and the only thing that could prevent total dehydration and exhaustion was an IV but you cannot access it at home? (Happened to me)
What if you actually don't progress at home (totally possible) and likely never will because your baby is simply in a bad position (also not your fault), is not descending, your cervix is not effacing, and you truly are failing to progress through no fault of your own and you truly do need a life-saving c-section to deliver your baby, but you don't realize it, and you keep having contraction after contraction after contraction with zero dilation and your membranes rupture and there's meconium and you still have faith in your body's natural ability to birth and you just keep going and finally you transfer to a hospital where the life-saving c-section indeed is performed only your waiting too long resulted in completely preventable brain damage due to oxygen loss to your child because you were so super duper educated in natural childbirth?

See? I can make a really scary list too. Even my list is silly. Yes, plenty of people feel happy, safe, and comfortable at home and give birth at home safely without risk of infection, etc. (success rates are highest when homebirth is attended by a CNM, for what it's worth). But don't assert to me that I'll feel uncomfortable at a hospital and as a result I'll sabotage my natural birth. (And please don't tell me I won't properly bond with my baby or will fail at breast feeding either. Give me a break.)

What all this comes down to really is the debate over birth control. In the end, what natural childbirth advocates insist (oddly enough, much like their interventionist counterparts might) is that birth outcomes can be controlled through a series of specific actions. For the medical establishment it might be IVs and epidurals. For natural childbirth advocates it might be hot tubs and no drug use. But both groups prescribe specific routines be followed for optimal outcomes? (I'd argue that doctors are actually more liberal in what they will do achieve successful outcomes, they will pull from a wider array of practices, where natural childbirth advocates have very narrow views about what they believe is right or should be allowed, which ironically seems too restrictive to me.)

I think what is most frustrating to me about all of this is that I was sold on the idea that I had even some degree of control of the outcome of my individual labor and birth. Sure, there are general best practices, and I believe I followed them to the best of my ability. However, none of the prescriptions I followed would have resulted in a natural birth. My baby was not coming out naturally. I'm sad I wasted weeks and months of my life with my new child feeling so sorry for myself and doubting myself as a mother because of the way I happened to give birth! What, if anything, was truly detrimental to my bonding experience was NOT my c-section. It was believing what natural childbirth advocates had said about women who unnecessarily get c-sections, and mistakenly believing I was one of them.

I'm sure you are all dying to know what I plan for this birth. For me, I'll attempt to VBAC in a hospital with support from a doula. I feel like I can learn from natural birth and medical birth advocates and take a middle path. I am talking openly with my caregivers about what I want but suffer no delusions about my ability to control the outcome. I only wish the majority of Internet information out there was so even-handed. I only wish women thought for themselves instead of assigning a proxy (either doctors or natural birth advocates). I wish they would provide themselves with enough information on both sides of the debate and honestly assess them based on their individual life, pregnancy, preferences, labor, and birth. I also wish, most of all, that women who prefer and believe in natural childbirth would stop with scare tactics and blame-laying on women who try for natural birth but for whatever reason "failed." I think it does more harm than good, far more harm than any successful, safe c-section (necessary or otherwise) ever did.

Orwellian Inflation Reporting

2012-01-22T20:01:00.001-05:00

I have been racking my brain, trying to figure out why, oh WHY my finances seem to be in worse and worse shape. I have felt this slow, insidious drain from my pocketbook, yet the snapshot inflation numbers that are released as headlines tell me things are fine: inflation is just 2% over the decade or 3% over the last year, or heck, even a cheery 0% reported just last week. I should feel bolstered by this news, but I don't, I just feel befuddled. The whole business of inflation reporting seems rather Orwellian. All I hear from people around me is how inflation is low!

The truth is, it's not and I've been pulling my hair out, trying to tell people that, "No, it's not at 2% or 3%...depending on the item, it could be 10% or 22%!" They just look at me like I'm crazy and wrong, because they heard on news inflation was low. So they just believe it and don't bother to look up the super simple to verify information for themselves! Ugh. Boo.

Now, there are all kinds of ways to report inflation, and oodles of easy-to-find, free information available. A quick trip to BLS.gov shows that it's not so tough for the average Joe to look up inflation rates broken down by various items, excluding others, etc. In fact, the redesign of the CPI press releases slated for April of 2012 look promising in terms of readability as well as new interpretations of the information. But getting there requires knowledge that the information exists, as well as a little patience and confidence digging through the data.

But if there is a reason you should feel a bit more cheery, it's because I dug through the data on your behalf. My husband even drew up this nifty little infographic for you to meme about Facebook if you are so inclined towards truth-spreading. No copyright infringement here - I give you "Teh Permission" though links are appreciated.

Let's dig a little deeper into the numbers:

Inflation increases since a year ago (Dec 2010-2011) US City Average All Consumers. As you read, ask yourself how much you buy that particular item. Also, since I live in Michigan, I included some Midwest figures as well:

Food at Home up 6%
Food away from Home up only 2.3%
Cereals/Baked Goods up 6.1%

White flour up 15.6% (Midwest up 22%)
Whole wheat bread up 10.3%
Chocolate chip cookies up 7%

Meat/poultry/fish/eggs up 7.9%

Ground beef up 22.8% (Midwest up 15.9%)
Sirloin steak up 14.9%
Bacon up 9.4% (Midwest up 26.2%)
Bologna down -11.3% (lol!)
Chicken up 4.7% (Midwest 16.5%)

Dairy products up 8.1%

Whole milk up 7.4%
Cheddar cheese up 10.1%
Ice cream up 14.6%

Fruits and vegetables up 2.3%

Apples up 5.9% (Midwest up 15.1% - huh? We're the apple capital!)
Potatoes up 14.1%

Sugar and sweets up 3.8%

Sugar up 9.3%

Fats and oils up 13.5%
Household fuel oil 14.3%
Motor fuel 10.3%
Water/sewage/trash collection up 4.7%
New cars up 3%
Used cars/trucks up 4.2%
Medical care up 3.2%
Tuition/childcare up 4.6%
Educational books/supplies up 5.2%
Apparel up 4.6%

Le sigh.

It bears mentioning that inflation is a tax. It's an informal, approved by no one, tax. As Henry Hazlitt wrote in the great (free via Mises.org) book and here, excerpt, What You Should Know About Inflation,

Inflation, to sum up, is the increase in the volume of money and bank credit in relation to the volume of goods. It is harmful because it depreciates the value of the monetary unit, raises everybody's cost of living, imposes what is ineffect a tax on the poorest (without exemptions) at as high a rate as the tax on the richest, wipes out the value of past savings, discourages future savings, redistributes wealth and income wantonly, encourages and rewards speculation andgambling at the expense of thrift and work, undermines confidence in the justice of a free enterprise system, and corrupts public and private morals.

The Not So Frugal Financier

2011-11-15T07:49:00.001-05:00

I'm kind of ashamed to admit it, but my food expenses have spiraled out of control. I think it started as soon as I had my first child. I decided we all needed to eat better to live longer, etc. I also began to tell myself it was okay to opt for the convenience of prepared foods (read: chef made in the fancy stores, not boxed and frozen), shopping at one store out of convenience instead of finding the best prices at a few, as well as eating out more due to being to tired to cook, etc. Well over a year later, I took a look at my food bill, and it shocked me. So I asked around to some of my other organic food loving moms to see if any of them had conquered their food bills and I found a lot of them fed a lot more people, still cooking very healthfully, on a lot less. Usually around $100-150/week.

So, this is going to be my goal, similar to this link that was passed on to me, to do a $400 Grocery Challenge. That is, $400 in one month of spending.

I already know this will need to involve:

Not shopping entirely at Whole Foods
Planning meals better
Reusing ingredients in the fridge and cupboards instead of always buying new ones!
Forcing myself to eat the things in the fridge first instead of dreaming about what else I could buy and make
Making and packing my husband's lunches
Not buying any sweets or packaged snack food
Maaaybe making my own bread? I don't know, I have a hard time figuring out if there are savings in terms of the cost of store bought vs. the time it takes to make the bread yourself
Not freaking out if I go slightly over
Eating veggies first. I notice if anything is going to get thrown out in my fridge from going bad, it's usually a vegetable.

I'm a bit overwhelmed, and I'd love tips from anyone who has tried making such a change...I'm going to begin by seeing how long I can go without heading to the grocery store, as well as taking an inventory of things I already have on hand and begin recipe-making with the items I've already bought. Then I'm going to research the least expensive meats/seasonal fruits and veggies and find recipes that complement those.

Why Do Pregnant Women and Parents Annoy You?

2011-11-13T21:02:00.001-05:00

I was checking out the common search terms that bring people to my site and discovered there were more than a few searching for things like this (actual screenshot from my site stats):

I did, at one point, write about The Annoying Pregnant Girl Syndrome, in which, by simply being pregnant you tend to truly having nothing else to talk about because you are sick as a dog, big as a house, and the baby eats your brains in utero so you forget things like words and entire subjects you mastered in third grade. That will tend to make any pregnant woman annoying to people who formerly knew her as a fun, coherent, and non-sloth-like gal.

Anyhow. I notice this must really be a problem. Pregnant ladies and mommies, do we bring it upon ourselves? Or is there a small, loud faction that really ruins it for the rest of us?

I should make a note here. I consider Facebook to be the same thing as my living room. If you accepted a friend request, or I accepted yours I operate under the assumption we both agree that I am allowed to say and post the things that I would say and share with people who come over for coffee or dinner. That is, I will regularly talk about the things going on in my life, which currently have overwhelmingly to do with babies. And economics. So if you know me in real life or on Facebook as a "friend," chances are you'll hear a lot about that. Otherwise, I tend to keep the baby talk to a minimum everywhere else. And even if you are in my living room. Darn. Maybe it's all Facebook. Anyhow...

Okay. But what is it about pregnant women and everyone else that actually propels people to perform Google searches about their plight with someone pregnant they find annoying? I want to know more. Readers, searchers...what is it? Without being nasty and mean, I want to honestly find out why pregnant women annoy everyone else.

In my own experience as a pregnant woman, I know people tended to get very annoyed with me for walking slowly, not realizing I was pregnant, but then still being annoyed once they saw me, like I shouldn't be out and about if I'm going to have to walk so slow. I got a LOT of dirty looks in grocery stores or malls. Everyone else was so freakin' worried and hurried about their own business, the slow, ungraceful lumber of the town preggo was the last straw for them!

So...what else is it? The advice-giving? The complaining? The "I Invented Motherhood Since I've Been a Mom for 2 Whole Days" thing?

I admit I'm guilty of all of the above to some extent, though I'd like to think I'm conscious of not being the annoying pregnant girl, and these search terms are certainly a good reminder to be ever-vigilant against being annoying. And I'd wager it's not so much about being annoying, as it is being exclusionary and dismissive of the needs of others being so focused on one's own needs and the needs of the baby.

For example, not listening and interrupting with quips about how the baby just kicked, sorry! I'm sure that can get old to the patient friend or colleague who thought she'd do you a favor and take you to lunch. Talking ad nauseum about the all the nausea you experience is just not appealing nor all that relatable to someone who's never been there. ~~Forcing~~ Discussing your birthing/parenting philosophy, with someone who didn't ask is actually pretty rude and intrusive, no matter how nice and informative you think you are being.

I don't know!? I definitely want to hear what is making people search for these terms...

It's Not Predatory Lending, Really. You Just Aren't Paying Any Attention.

2011-09-10T12:27:00.002-04:00

photo by Melissa Bowman Photography & Creative Design
(and no, I don't know if this snake does the tail-wag thing. It's just a cool snake picture.)

In the animal kingdom, there are some poor, hapless creatures that tend to get lured and caught more than others. Apparently, snakes have greater success catching frogs and lizards than birds.

The term and concept of "predatory lending," as it is derived from this practice found in the animal kingdom, is erroneously applied to humans, in my opinion.

The term "predatory lending" assumes, that like the animal kingdom, lenders actually have some kind of mysterious biology-based power (think things like pheromones, alluring colors, acting upon instincts incapable of premeditation, biologically-driven self-destruction, etc.) to forcibly make people take on loans and debts that *surprise* they can't pay off later. The concept is based in a rather demoralizing (not to mention, biologically and philosophically inaccurate) view of humans, their reasoning power, and their ability to exercise free will. Wowza! I think a more accurate (as well as generous) view is that there is just "uninformed or irresponsible borrowing".

Please note, and this is important - I'm not talking about people who have been blatantly lied to as the victims of outright fraud or have had their identities stolen and whatnot - that is crime with a clear perpetrator and a victim. What I'm talking about is people signing up for things, making agreements and promises to pay, without having the savings or income, without getting the full story, and without understanding the terms of the arrangement - and THEN blaming someone else because they did not put in the effort to protect their finances.

I get it, I get it, though. The idea of "predatory lending" is based on the idea that lenders, like snakes, waggle their irresistible, worm-like tails at their prey, luring them close, and devouring them. Too alluring! We couldn't resist! We couldn't read the fine print! We are not responsible! Again, I don't buy it...

Why?

Because I, somehow, miraculously avoid their traps, time and time again.

How?

Because it's not a miracle at all. Because there is nothing special about me, in fact. Because I bother to read my mail. Because I check my accounts. Because I will call the 1-800 numbers and request the "Live Chat" features of wherever my subscription, loan, or other sensitive information is from and wait on hold for minutes (yes, it's usually minutes - only calls to get information for government services take hours, in my experience) to get all my questions answered. Yes! I have questions! You don't?

For example, this month alone, I had 3 lenders change their terms on me. Notice I did not say, "Without notifying me." That's what everyone says, claims and assumes. They don't realize, nor take responsibility for the fact that they are responsible (by the simple nature of being a debtor) to read their mail or otherwise check in with their account to make sure it's current, nothing has changed, etc. That's why I think automatic bill pay is such a terrible idea (if you don't at least open your bill and double-check the amounts being sent out!)

As I said, this month alone, I had the following occur:

1. One lender increased my monthly owed balance by $6. Nothing that's going to put me over the edge on a monthly cash flow basis, but if I let me automatic payment go out without having checked, it would put me in delinquent status AND I'd owe them a $35 fee on top of the next payment. Ouch! (All disclosed in the bill, by the way.)

2. The same lender changed the terms of our original agreement. Instead of no interest until January 2012 (the original agreement) they changed it to end in 6 months, which happens to be THIS October. That's right, if did not pay in full next month, I'd be responsible for paying all back-interest. Good thing I had the money saved anyway before I bought the item. (All disclosed in a separate mailing, by the way.)

3. Another lender increased my monthly owed amount by $2 or something stupid. See #1. Same late fee too. (All disclosed in the bill, by the way.)

4. I found out my student loan servicer has the right to capitalize all my interest in the event I "change the status" of my account. I had no idea what that meant. So I dialed up that "Live Chat" feature and waited to speak to their rep. Yes - I know how annoying that is - it takes forever, and the person always has 20 or so automated greetings and questions you have to answer before they talk to you like a real person. But I did it. And I found that any time you change your terms, defer you payment, etc. they will capitalize your interest. That's a big deal. For those who don't know what that means, exactly, it's taking your interest balance, and adding it to your principle balance. So if you are always asking for deferments on your student loans - you are just hiking up that principle balance (and now it's corresponding interest). (All disclosed online, and probably the original agreement, by the way.)

Just another interesting thing to note: all these weirdo changes began shortly AFTER the government enacted legislation to improve disclosures on credit card mailings and to curb "predatory lending practices." What a joke! The things I've described above are the little, insidious ways lenders are (predictably) loopholing their way around that legislation and probably raking in late fees and interest charges from "uninformed and irresponsible borrowers" with great success. The late fees are all $35 dollars instead of the $25 they used to be. I think the legislation has made things worse. But that's just me.

So, check your accounts today! Oh - and if you are one of those people who truly, truly does not understand this stuff - get some help! Just call the 1-800 number until you get the answers you need! Schedule an appointment with the financial planner at your local bank or credit union - they'll probably do it for free if you have accounts there. Take responsibility for your finances. Don't just assume you are at the mercy of lenders - you aren't! You are in total control.

Also - I'm not perfect, sometimes I miss these things and get a stupid late fee. But I never blame the lender, I always blame myself for getting lazy and complacent with bill paying.

Parenting is really hard. Just for the record.

2011-08-31T14:29:00.004-04:00

Usually when I can't stop thinking about something, it's time for me to write about it. That's what happened when I read this NPR article on parenting and I woke up still thinking about it.

Parenthood Got You Down?

A baby is like the worst houseguest ever: endlessly demanding, keeping you up at all hours, needing to be fed and making a mess of the whole place.

And the little darling never leaves.

People don't talk about this enough. It's really hard, being a parent. At times, it's crushing. But you're never allowed to say this.

There is a lot wrong with just this opening thesis and the language used to describe babies/children. The implication of "it's really hard, being a parent" sets up a false dichotomy, as if something "really hard" cannot also be "really amazing" or "really rewarding" or "really the best thing that's ever happened to me, really."

Talk to a marathon runner who is blabbering about the runner's high. Running for miles on end, (usually resulting in blisters, fractures, and fatigue) on it's surface, sounds grueling. However, I can still understand how for someone else it could be an exhilarating and worthwhile pursuit, though "really hard." Insert anything else quite difficult, yet rewarding: becoming a doctor, playing professional football, being a CEO, climbing mountains, becoming a monk, etc. Becoming a parent is no different! It's "really hard," yet, "really rewarding." That's why the combined value of a stay at home parent's "services" is six figures! People making six figures generally work "really hard." But I'm guessing they do so because they think it's worth it.

The author claims, "People don't talk about this enough." Really? Isn't that what every family-themed movie and sitcom is about (like that super-popular-because-it's-so-relatable-show-Parenthood)? Isn't that what every mommy blog is about? I dunno, I bet if you Google "It's hard being a parent" you'd find plenty of complaining and support for the cause. The author also says (as if it's an indictment on the parent),

People feel the need to extol the joy a child has brought into their lives, even and especially at those moments when their frustration or anxiety might be at its peak...

In contemporary culture, we're able to share almost every other type of problem. Say you got mugged — all your friends will tell you their crime stories. Admit that there are members of your family with mental illness, and you'll be amazed how many people struggle with the same issues.

But parents are not expected to complain, to say how — maybe just on this particular day, at this very hour — it's not all lavender and honey. Instead, a creeping feeling of inadequacy and social isolation only makes those bad parenting days worse.

I think contemporary culture makes complaining too easy, and if anything, it should be a little less acceptable to share your latest non-life-threatening problem - of which, parenting is one. Describing parenting as a problem is problematic itself. Parenting is not an illness; it is not a mugging - so the comparisons to those serious, completely involuntary problems is incongruent, dishonest, and quite frankly, insulting to people who are in situations where their lives have been threatened. Parenting is more like a job or a vocation - something taken on purposefully, with forethought, and desire from within - that while the pursuit may be difficult, it is often met with genuine, abundant joy.

Reading between the lines it seems this author is collapsing the two aspects of parenting (the mechanical vs. the psychic) and saying, "Oh wait, I thought babies and kids were supposed to be fun...I'm not happy all the time...someone told me this was great...that must mean parenting sucks...I better tell everyone since no one knows!" and is just getting confused.

The author finally asks,

Parents: Let's make a deal. Let's be honest with each other, or at least one friend, that there are times when the whole enterprise feels like a bad idea. Let's be less alone with this and maybe even laugh about it, putting aside for just a few minutes the earnest need always to say, omigod it's so great.

I don't know. The phrase that really gets me is "whole enterprise." Nope. I'd never say that. I'd never say, not even think to myself, "Actually, in toto parenting is or feels like a bad idea." That would be a lie. It's not. Omigod it IS the best thing ever. Sorry you don't feel the same.

I dunno, I don't lie to my friends when they asked me about my pregnancy, and now, parenthood. Here is what I might say,

Me on Pregnancy and Labor: It sucks! It was pretty much the worst time I've had in my life except maybe the second trimester. But I'd do it again in a heartbeat because it was awesome. And you get a baby at the end...oh my thoughts on that?

Me on Parenting: It sucks! I have no free time, I'm always tired, and I'm always second-guessing myself. But pretty much the best thing I've ever done and I've never been happier. I miss her if I'm gone for even an hour or the second she goes to bed at night!

There is nothing incongruent about my statements. "It sucks" and "It's the best" live in perfect harmony. That's because the statements are really, "It sucks (because from the mechanical perspective, it's repetitive and I'm tired)" and "It's the best (because from a psychic perspective the knowledge and reward that I made a human I love and who loves me back and is learning and growing is a frickin' miracle every day and that never escapes my notice.)"

So, yeah. Parenting is really hard. Just for the record. Hope no one is caught off-guard anymore.

What do you think?

Coco and me, gloriously happy, all the time. Even when we are cranky and tired. : )

Neatness: One Virgo’s Obsession

2011-08-25T08:05:00.003-04:00

I’m a neat freak.

Anyone who has known me or lived with me for even a short period of time (sorry college roommates) is likely laughing in hysterics at that sentence. My outward environment has been anything but neat my entire life. In fact, I’m chronically and hopelessly disorganized.

I've always read in horoscopes that Virgos are anal-retentive, stuck in their ways, and neat freaks. I thought, “Seriously, I HAD to have been born in August. I’m no Virgo…have you SEEN my room?”

My mother, also a Virgo, was always frustrated with me and my messiness. She tried all kinds of ways to get me to clean up. To help out. Thought up games. Rewards. Threats. Nothing ever worked. (I was really good at detecting when my mother had had enough of my messes, and I came up with every excuse, from going to sleep in the middle of the afternoon, or simply make myself scarce when I could “feel” a cleaning coming on.) I remember spending hours in the bathroom reading Archie comics, all the while telling my mom I had a tummy ache. It was only half-true. I’m pretty sure the mere thought of cleaning brought up psycho-somatic symptoms.

Never never never did I want to clean. Neither did I want to bathe! You know that Peanuts character that had the dirtball floating around him and always carrying a blankie, even though he was way too old for it? Yeah, that was me. I think I stopped sucking my thumb in 4th grade or something like that. Horrifying for every parent, I know.

Anyhow. I never bathed, never brushed my hair. It looked like a bird’s nest and was embarrassing for the immediate family who went to school with me. My sister, in a desperate attempt to have a normal little sister, spent hours brushing mats out of my hair one night, exclaiming that people were starting to make fun of me behind my back. Actually they made fun of me to my face. Asked me why I had my hair in a "bun" which was really just a giant mat. You know, like those people with one weird, giant dreadlock? (Clearly ahead of my time.) But I didn't care.

At the time, I was actually sort of proud of myself, for my economizing on time and resources. Going to Catholic school meant wearing a uniform every day, and I’d extol the virtues of “not having to change into pajamas at night, since you could just wake up in the same outfit the next day.” I went entire weeks without ever changing out of my clothes. I don’t think my mom knew about this. If she reads this today, she’ll be mortified. In fact, I'm mortified.

All this is to say that I wish I had been more neat and tidy my whole life. Just like I wish my mom had made me "stick with playing the piano." It would make my life now a lot easier! Maybe? Because now that I’m married with a child and am a homemaker, the Inner Neat Freak in me has emerged - but's it's not good at cleaning. It's never had the practice. It's never honed its skill, yet is just as obsessed as any Virgo should be.

I cannot fulfill the fantasy and desire of having a neat home. Yet, all I can think about is organizing and cleaning. I've subscribe to FlyLady and ChoreBuster. Bought books on Speed Cleaning. (I gave up on Martha Stewart and Real Simple, it just made me depressed to look at all the perfect, minimalist, shabby chic model homes. They all have maids anyway!!!) I donate perfectly good items I have to go out and buy again because I keep thinking if I "declutter" enough the house will *poof* magically become neat! I rifle through the IKEA catalog as if I can manifest the rooms on the pages if I just focus on them enough. I drool over multi-functional rooms and furniture, begging Mike to turn our dining room into a dining room/child’s playroom/guest bedroom/office/art studio.

I’ll shoot off emails with links, “Look honey! An ottoman with storage that cantilevers out into a coffee table!” “Look honey, a day bed that we could use in the dining room as seating as well as for guests to sleep on!” "Look, a gateleg table! All we need are stacking chairs and casters and we can roll everything out of the way for Coco, and back out when guests arrive!"

Oh yes, these guests of ours. We are eternally preparing for their eventual arrival. These fictional guests we’ll be throwing elaborate parties for, having over for cocktails and card games, out-of-towners who can’t wait to spend the weekends with us! Just as soon as our house is perfectly organized and decorated with all the multi-functional furniture.

And then Jennifer Schlossberg (whose blog I’m obsessed with even though I stopped reading all blogs once my baby was born) writes this post about cleaning and teaching your kids to clean. I’m realizing that some of my panic about neatness is because Cordelia is understanding her world, which is largely comprised of the mess I’ve surrounded her with! Toys! Everywhere! Books! Everywhere! Toys and books. And random paperwork. That’s our house. No matter what I do, no matter how much I shuffle things around, how many storage containers I buy, it’s toys, books, and papers.

Ack. How will I, or she, ever learn, to be neat?

Glorious Dehydrated Kale Chips Recipe

2011-07-28T10:14:00.004-04:00

Photo by krupp

I am pretty excited about this recipe - which I adapted from "Kale Crisp" recipe on the delightful blog We Like It Raw. And while I'm one of those "no seriously, bark and dirt is soooo healthy and delicious" kind of people, I honestly think these kale chips are delicious even for the non-adventurous eater. Even my baby ate them and she hates yams which are objectively delicious.

The directions are long - which is annoying, but it's actually really easy to make these. Just read through all directions once if you are unfamiliar with dehydrating foods.

Here's the recipe and some things to think about:

1. See if you are lucky enough for your oven to have a dehydrate setting. If so - skip to step 2. If not, decide if you want to shell out the money for a "real" food dehydrator. Do you have the time to clean it's annoying parts? Have the counterspace to house it's gigantic footprint? Do you really think you are going to become a raw foodist? Will your significant other let you buy yet another kitchen appliance without an ultimatum (or at least one you can live with?) If your answer is "yes" I recommend the Excalibur
dehydrator, for no other reason than I did my research a billion years ago, was highly recommended then and has served me well ever since. I cannot tell you if it's the best on the market now, but whatevs. If the answer is "no" (to the dehydrator), you'll have to look up instructions how to bake kale chips on high heat or in the sun I suppose. I've got no experience with that. (Keep in mind a dehydrator is REALLY useful for drying leftover veggies and fruits as an alternative to freezing/canning them. You can also buy in bulk, dehydrate and save for soups, seasonings, etc. We dry our herbs at the end of the summer and they will last us all year so we don't have to buy them in the store, etc. Tomatoes dehydrate well - you can puree fruits and make leathers, etc.)

2. Get some organic kale. Get 2 or 3 bunches, because honestly, you will eat all the kale chips right away and then be all mad you'll have to repeat these steps again since you must have more. So just make a lot right off the bat. Share with the skeptics in your life.

3. Okay - you'll need these other ingredients:

2 lemons

2 tsps garlic powder (not garlic salt!)

2 tsps dill (fresh or dried)

2 tsps sea salt

3-5 Tbsp olive oil or coconut oil

2-3 Tbsp of Agave nectar to cut the bitter/tart of kale/lemon (optional - and not necessary in my opinion)

4. Wash and thoroughly dry the kale if you don't like dirt. I don't wash it because I buy organic, I'm usually pressed for time, and I have a fairly high tolerance level for bugs and dirt in my food. (FYI - I wash food for guests, just not myself! Really! You can come over for dinner and not be afraid of dirt and bugs.)

5. Cut out the ribs if you don't like chewing on very tough parts later. (I just pull 'em out like fish bones after all is said and done - I think it's easier that way) Then cut into approximately 2 inch strips. That will seem kind of big, but you will be massaging the kale and it will inevitably break into smaller pieces, so trust me.

6. Add the kale and all other ingredients in layers into a very large bowl. What I mean by this is get a bowl that looks way too big for the task. It won't be too big since you'll be using your hands to toss around large amounts of glorious, springy kale. Then add some kale - some of the other ingredients - some more kale, etc. so there is an even coating of everything.

7. Massage your kale for about 3 minutes or so. Don't worry about hurting the kale, it's pretty tough. You want it to get a little wilty and allow it to break down a bit. Taste it! It should taste like delicious salad! Adjust the seasonings if you want more of something, as I purposely made the amounts low for those afraid of seasonings and fat. You will likely need more oil unless you don't mind the kale being kind of flaky and powdery. Otherwise, I recommend more olive oil, lemon and dill.

8. Spread evenly on your dehydrator sheets. Try not to get piles of kale, as they won't dehydrate as well.

8. Dehydrate for 2 hours at 145 degrees, then lower to 115 for 4 more hours. The link above has different options for dehydrating, but this is the quickest and supposedly still preserves the raw enzymatic power of kale, and we all know the sooner we have kale chips, the better.

9. Eat 'em up!!!!

Comparative Advantage and the Part-Time Life: Part 2 (or, How Your Crappy Attitude Makes It Seem Like You Have No Time)

2011-05-04T09:30:00.002-04:00

Since I wrote my last post, I decided it would be a good idea to time myself doing everything. This has been illustrative. While my goal was originally to go about my day as if I wasn't "being watched" it became clear there were some time wasters that could be eliminated immediately. For example, Facebook usage has been banished except for 1 hour in the afternoon and after 6pm, and even at that I only allow 15 minute allowances each hour it's "open."

Additionally, my goal was to prove I have no time for anything and that I need to do more trading off of tasks with other people in order to have my life work. While that may be true, the numbers reveal that is far less my problem than other things...

Myths Busted
If you asked me prior to beginning this experiment where my time went I probably would have replied, work, dogs, and the baby. That's not entirely true. The time I spend with the dogs and the baby are usually of the multi-tasking variety, i.e. working out, cooking, or cleaning while Coco watches, or is carried on my back, cuddling with the dogs on the couch while I write this blog post. You might argue having to do all my tasks with a baby on my back, or being continuously interrupted by either the baby or the dogs' needs is more difficult and stressful so that it seems more time-consuming, however, by just the raw numbers - the dogs and baby are not taking up as much time as I thought.

Full disclosure: my mother babysits for me a lot. She is a saint. Without her help - my life would be completely unmanageable. My time analysis does not account for any of the time she spends taking care of Coco, during which I'm usually working. Based on the numbers, she, my husband, and babysitters account for 50% of the time-care for Coco. That is significant.

The following analysis is based solely on my activities in a 24 hour period (over the past 6 days.)

Initial Time Analysis

I spend a little over 11% each (33% total) of my life on 3 tasks: Baby care, Home Care, Work for Pay.
I spend a whopping 31% of my time sleeping. I thought it would be much less, but that figure doesn't speak to quality of sleep.
The rest of my time is either what I classify as "wasted time" (Facebook, putzing, emails, wandering around the house wondering what to do) or "me time" which includes working out, hanging out with friends/family, watching TV, reading.
The time I spend with Mike is usually watching TV or chatting (however, we spend a lot of that chatting time complaining or being generally stressed out.)
I switch tasks excessively and spend only an average of 20 minutes per task (!), which leads to a feeling of not getting anything done and stress despite the fact that actual time allocated per task is high.

Next Steps

I will be honest, I was shocked by the initial results of my time analysis. I was convinced that all I did was take care of the baby, house, and dogs, never got to see my husband, and got zero sleep or work done. All of that is false. In fact, I spend a lot of time with my husband, but it's of a low quality, mindless variety. The baby and dogs do not demand all that much from me, and I would like to spend more quality time with them too! Keeping house is odious. With the exception of cooking and gardening, I could probably hire someone to do the other tasks, and make up the money spent with more paid work I enjoy and feel more fulfilled doing.

UPDATE: (2 hours after writing this post.) I think another thing "wrong" with my life is that my To Do list is darned near endless. I spend most of my time doing one thing while simultaneously worrying about how I'll possibly get the next thing(s) done. So, even though my time allocation of tasks seems reasonable, the sheer amount of tasks I have either volunteered for, contracted for, expect myself to do, or merely want to do is astonishingly huge. If I compare the amount of time I have in my life (the same 24 hours a day everyone else gets) with the things I anticipate being able to accomplish, I roughly estimate about a 1:3 ratio. As you can see, the math is pure fiction. Essentially, I am living in a fantasy world. I must be stopped.

I'm going to continue this time analysis into the next week and see if I can implement the following changes:

Change my crappy attitude. I'm always negative and stressed out. Objectively, my schedule is full, but it does not appear to be as unmanageable as I had once believed, and I am getting a considerable amount of additional help from my family. I'm mystified by the apparent disconnect between the external material conditions of my life (pretty good) and my crappy interpretation of it.
I'm disorganized and constantly being interrupted. This is real. This is probably the largest factor contributing to my crappy attitude. I basically feel like I cannot get anything done, when in reality, I'm getting everything done - I'm just mad and stressed out doing it. I've got to find a way to change that. Maybe just the knowledge that I'm not falling behind is enough?

I will try to focus on tasks until completion instead of running around like a chicken without its head.

Spending more quality time with my family. I think I'm on auto-pilot - floating from one task to the next without any real intention or purpose. I'm always working in panic mode (even though I apparently don't have to) and that leads to my crappy attitude seeping into moments that are anything but crappy and could be a lot more fun, like hanging out with my mom, my husband, my baby, and/or my dogs. I could put on music, I could dance around, I could just know that I'll have plenty of time for everything else and just chill the heck out!

Even after all this - I'm sort of unconvinced that the numbers are telling the right story, which is comical. What it likely points to is how married I am to the idea that I have no time, and my life is unmanageable, rather than the reality of the amount of time I have per task. Don't get me wrong, my analysis reveals poor time management skills and an unusually high rate of switching tasks, which probably leads to a lot more wasted time than I need. But I'm beginning to think my internal life is far more stressful than my external life.

Comparative Advantage and the Part-Time Life: Part 1

2011-04-28T09:31:00.004-04:00

Note to readers: While this post is about the concept of comparative advantage and the time management hurdles of a part-time working mother, the issues brought up are not unique to women with babies, but anyone who has a "baby" that takes up time they previously had for other things. For example, a man with a hobby like being in a band, or a woman who wants to become a caterer on the side in her spare time, or a couple paying 2 mortgages, living in one home, while remodeling their dream home.

We all have "babies" that need and deserve our attention. This post series is about how to navigate and make decisions about how we spend our time when everything seems important.

Part-Time Mama

I work part-time, and yet, I'm a full time wife, mother, and homemaker. It doesn't add up.

Yesterday I revealed to the other mothers in my play group I feel more irritable, tired, and overwhelmed than usual and of course, since having a child. The group leader, an expert in child development, mother of 4, and leader of many groups of new moms said, "The part-time working mother has it worse than the full time working mother. It's obvious to the full time mom she can't do it all and doesn't ~~feel guilty~~ think twice about getting daycare or a maid to help clean up the house. The part-time mom thinks she shouldn't get any help and really ends up doing 3/4 of both jobs, working the equivalent of full time and a half, yet always falling behind in both!"

While I had my suspicions this was the case, I have to admit there was something tremendously validating about hearing it from an "expert." (Update: this is not to say full time moms do not struggle with guilt and what they are capable of, but at the very least, they are fully aware the X amount of hours they work outside the home must be compensated by someone else doing X amount of work they are missing for them.)

After hearing this I actually had the idea that I should ~~hire someone~~ find a computer program that could track my every movement throughout the day and after a week's time spit out a thorough analysis of what exactly I'm spending my time on. My rough estimate is it would go something like this:

Minutes in a day	1440
Days in a week	7
Minutes in a week	10080

Task
Wandering around trying to figure out what to do, Being interuppted	840
Playing with/feeding/tending to babby	1260
Cooking/Eating	630
Grocery Shopping	480
Working (Mostly Paid)	1200
Working Out	240
Putzing online	630
Sleeping! (or trying to sleep)	3360
Cleaning, Organizing, Shuffling Items from one place to another	840
Laundry	210
Showering, Makeup, etc.	315
Watching Netflix	630
Checking emails/to do list	630

Total	-1185

Minutes Used	11265

As you can see, even by a rough estimate, my tasks exceed the number of minutes I have in a week. Because of this, I tend to shave time off of areas like Cleaning, Laundry, Eating, Sleeping since those are the least enjoyable/easiest to ignore in the short term and only when chronically ignored have major repercussions.

Because I work part-time for pay, I have been thinking to myself, "Well, I don't work all that much, I don't need much extra help." This ignores the fact that I am still working much of the rest of the time without pay. Yes, caring for my child is a worthwhile and enjoyable endeavor, but it's not all fun and rainbows, and it is both physically and psychologically exhausting.

I have been toying with getting additional help with the running of my life (even though I already ask my mom to babysit at least a few hours every week, and I have a mother's helper come over from time to time). Clearly, the amount of help I'm currently getting is not making up for the overage in work I am still doing/expected to do. The thing is, what is stopping me is guilt, rather than a rational analysis of the situation. The overly emotional, self-chastising part of me says: if I were a good mother, I wouldn't need help. If I were a good mother I would never want/need to be away from my child. If I were a good mother, I'd be rich and wouldn't need to work. Of course, none of these thoughts are even close to rational.

However, if I accessed the economist in me, I would make my decisions to work and get help based on the following questions:

What am I very good at, or what is most worth spending my time on in terms of returns (both psychic and monetary)?
Will the outcomes be worse if I let someone else/hire someone else to do X?
Is my time better spent on task Y or can I earn more money doing Z so someone else can do Y?
Am I more qualified to do A?
Can I/Should I eliminate B from my life altogether?

So far, I make all these trade-offs, decisions and mental calculations in my mind, on the fly, tempered by emotionalism. The end result is constant guilt, constant exhaustion, and no solutions.

In my next post, I will attempt to do an analysis of these questions, as well as starting to more accurately track what I spend my time on. This should be interesting.

Drinking the Organic Kool-Aid

2011-03-26T15:43:00.001-04:00

The Organic Paradox

I found the research article, "Organic Paradox," by Debra Van Kamp to be interesting because it's rare to read a piece of criticism about the organic food movement. I took issue with some of the assertions/conclusions however overall there was some good information in the article.

It begins with the premise,

Recent market research studies and consumer experiments...provide evidence that consumers have come to expect that organic foods deliver product-specific attributes beyond what organic standards guarantee. The goal of this paper is to analyze two common misconceptions about organic food; namely that organic food is 1) healthier and 2) safer than conventional food. These unsubstantiated claims are perpetuated and sometimes created by organic food companies and trade organizations.
--
Explicit or implicit claims that organic foods are healthier or safer are inherently misleading for two reasons. First, comprehensive and peer-reviewed analyses of the scientific literature have consistently concluded the there is insufficient empirical evidence to support any claim that organic foods are more or less nutritious, beneficial to health, or safe than conventional foods (Williams, 2002; Bourn and Prescott, 2002; Siderer et al., 2005; Dangour et al., 2009; Dangour et al., 2010; Magkos et al., 2006). Secondly, current U.S. federal organic regulations do not specify or guarantee that organic foods meet a more rigorous nutrition or safety standard than conventional foods. “Organic” is a process-claim that guarantees that the food has been produced, processed, and handled in accordance with specific federal regulations. It is not a product-claim, and therefore, makes no reference or guarantee of the attributes of the final product (Magkos et al., 2006; 7 CFR, pt. 205, 2011).

I am embarrassed to admit I have been enthusiastically drinking the organic Kool-Aid until recently, also blindly assuming and proclaiming that organic food is somehow automatically superior to conventional food. (Just a note, I'm not saying it's not, or can't be, but I'm saying it's not rational to assume it is.) This is because I rarely kept in mind the organic food content or preparation, which is more likely to be important for one's health than whether the food itself is organic, per say. To use an extreme example, there are people who might think to themselves, "Hmm, I should skip the conventional salad, and have this organic fried doughnut instead?" and choose the doughnut.

This could be because my (and many people's) relationship to food is in large part emotional and psychological in nature. Many people would claim to be interested in "eating better," yet this term does not mean anything as it is never clearly or rigorously defined. Therefore, there is no way to know what "eating better" means for any one person. For some people "eating better" means consuming chemical-laden diet food or dangerous weight-shedding supplements and/or prescription drugs. For others it means barely eating at all and exercising obsessively, whether one has a negative body-image induced eating disorder or whether one believes in life extension via caloric restriction. Then there is someone like myself who proclaims they are committed to "eating better" by focusing on natural, whole, mostly-local, organic, grass-fed, raw foods. So, who is really "eating better"?

Of course I have long believed I'm right, having found a "middle way" of sorts - no diet food, but no restriction. But there are serious flaws with my thinking which I believe stem from my blind love of the labels I mentioned above. Emotionally and psychologically I want to believe what I'm eating is good for me, whether it's broccoli or ice cream. So, while I might think ice cream is something I should eat minimal amounts of in general because large amounts of sugar make me feel like crap, if it's organic ice cream I admit tend to feel better about myself for eating it, even if the physiological effects are the same. This doesn't make sense. In other words, I give myself an excuse to eat stuff that makes me feel crappy because it tastes good; justified and supported by the fact it's organic.

According to Van Kamp, research confirms my erroneous thinking is echoed among consumers who are "into" organic foods:

Several market research studies and consumer behavior experiments have provided evidence that consumers wrongly believe that the organic label means food is healthier and safer. A 2005 study found that 81% of U.S. organic consumers choose organic food because of its nutritional content and stated, “Many consumers believe that organic and all-natural foods can serve as preventive medicine against health risks and help cure illnesses” (FMI, 2007). A peer-reviewed study by psychologists at the University of Michigan, titled “The ‘organic’ path to obesity”, reported that organic claims biased subjects’ perceptions of calorie content and healthfulness of indulgence foods (Schuldt and Schwarz, 2010). Subjects inferred that foods with an organic label had lower calorie content than those without an organic label. The study also showed that when evaluating the behavior of a person with a weight-loss goal, forgoing exercise after eating an organic dessert was deemed significantly more acceptable than after eating an identical conventional dessert. These examples illustrate the “health halo” that many consumers perceive with the organic label.

The Health Halo

The health halo. I love this term because it so accurately describes the aura about organic anything. Organic makeup, organic clothing, organic cotton balls, tissues, etc. Anything organic is somehow getting a free pass to healthfulness these days - whether or not there is any rational, scientifically-based reason for it! While perhaps it is true that minimally processed products made with highest safety standards in mind are healthier, the questions become: 1) How much healthier? 2) Is the cost worth the benefits? 3) Are currently available organic products even produced to such high standards? 4) Are consumers being duped by these seemingly saintly organic food companies?

I think it's important to realize that organic or conventional food can only be as healthy as the processing techniques used to make it into the final, edible good that a human consumes. That is to say, the healthiest choice of food is probably the freshest and most minimally processed (or at least processed according to what is scientifically proven to maximize and/or balance nutrient content with the human body's ability to assimilate it, no matter its origins. In other words, if you could choose between unprocessed, whole, properly soaked and cooked conventional grains* versus highly-processed, high heat, extrusion molded organic grain flake or puff cereal, there should be no doubt as to what is truly more healthful.

And the Cynic in Me Says...
The author makes some strong assumptions about individuals' inability to think for themselves as well as concludes the best remedy to some obvious misinformation problems is more strongly coordinated government efforts and regulations over the organic food industry. I think this would be a huge mistake, and would lead only to compounding some of the problems mentioned in her article. I have no confidence that the organic food industry is impervious to the seductive ability to buy advantageous legislation, thereby bypassing real scrutiny of their claims. Ugh. I don't have time to parse why this is wrong, but just know that's where I stand.

Oh, and this is a totally unsubstantiated stab in the dark, but I'm guessing there is probably a lot more room to profit off people's health fears via higher food prices by labeling something organic than there is if you are a conventional food producer, since when it costs $15 for a small bag of raw, sprouted, gluten-free, carob coated, sustainably harvested, fair trade organic cashew clusters, the assumption is, "Ooh, sprouting is such a time-consuming mysterious process, and this is probably made in small batches in some gluten-free CSA co-op farm house...with love..." No one bats an eyelash. (I'm one of those people, but can make fun of myself, can't I?)

*If you are unfamiliar with the concept of soaking grains before cooking and eating them, I invite you to delve into the cookbook, Nourishing Traditions by Sally Fallon and the work of the Weston A. Price Foundation (WAPF). As a disclaimer, there are plenty of people who take issue with the teachings of the WAPF, so do your own homework and don't blindly take my (or anyone's) word for it when it comes to your health.

Photo by All Organic on Flickr

Support Women's Reproductive Health Your Own Way

2011-02-24T07:37:00.004-05:00

There is a lot of Support Planned Parenthood talk online as if it is synonymous with The Only Possible Way to Support Women's Reproductive Health. I'm not going to get deep into the debate, but simply want to point out there are myriad other ways to support women's reproductive health than via the tax system. You always are free to donate directly to Planned Parenthood even if Federal tax dollars are no longer allocated to them, so there should be little to worry and get upset about - yet people miss this obvious and simple fact and instead demonize those who would rather choose for themselves where the money they earn goes.

Furthermore, if you are among those who do not support Planned Parenthood's mission, not only does it not mean you are against supporting women's reproductive health, as many people are falsely accusing, you too are still free to donate to any number of other organizations whose mission to serve women's reproductive health does resonate with you.

That, in a nutshell, is the beauty of freedom of choice.

To that end, I thought I'd share a company I personally support and have donated to that allows you to participate in their program of sending cloth menstrual pads to women in need in Uganda. From GladRags.com:

Please help us meet our goal of donating cloth pads to 150 women in Uganda. The deadline to donate is June 1, 2011. The pads you donate will change the life of the Suubi village women. Thank you for your generosity!

Watoto Childcare ministries (www.watoto.com) is a holistic orphanage in Uganda, designed to rescue, raise and rebuild the country of Uganda. Over half of the population is under the age of 15 and meeting the needs of the orphans is overwhelming. Watoto takes the children into a home and allows them the opportunity to lead the country of Uganda into a better future.

In July, Deana B. will travel to Uganda with a medical team to build onto the Suubi village clinic, teach life-skills, and provide physicals to the women of the community. Deana says, "Our work with the mothers of Suubi includes helping them with health and hygiene products. These ladies have faced challenging lives. Most are widowed from a civil war battle or AIDS. Our goal is to help these ladies with a monthly issue all women can relate to."

Links for 2011-02-14 [del.icio.us]

2011-02-15T00:00:00-08:00

Zotero: The Next-Generation Research Tool

Chocolate, cherries, and pecans: An economic warning sign?

2011-02-07T18:46:00.000-05:00

photo by bcmom
I love chocolate chip cookies. And despite the fact that I spent two solid years of my life on a strict sugar and grain free diet, my favorite thing about going off that crazy diet is baking again.

I learned to bake with my grandmother, spending time with her each summer in her lovely home in Saugatuck, MI. She was exceedingly patient as I dumped ingredients into a turning mixer, splattering banana bread batter all over her utility room. She acted as if she had done just the same thing yesterday, and cheerfully helped me clean up after myself.

I remember the first time I made a loaf of bread on my own. (With yeast and everything!) I don't know how old I was, but it was young enough to impress my father who had to tell a corny joke in my honor, "Because you know how to make bread, you'll never run out of dough!" That moment still brings a smile to my face. I was so proud of myself. My father loved bread, and I love my father.

So I'm not an expert baker or anything, but I would say I bake something almost every week and try new things from time to time, but I hate wasting ingredients on experiments because there is nothing more disappointing than baking all day and having nothing to eat later. Lately I'm much less inclined to take baking risks because throwing away a botched batch of something is a gut-wrenching experience in more ways than one.

Because I bake frequently, I have a vague mental tally of how much special items like pecan halves, extra dark chocolate, and tart cherries cost. I have noticed the prices going up. Now, this is significant, despite the fact that I'm somewhat obsessed with saving money, because even I'm not one to forgo inelastic goods like chocolate, for which I believe there is not a sufficient substitute. However, not only is chocolate increasing in price, but so are those pecans, as well as the cherries, flour, sugar, butter and eggs.

As I was mixing the ingredients for the cookies I thought, "Geez, I halved the recipe and these ingredients are going fast!" I panicked a bit. This seemed odd, irrational, unusual. I'm not one to panic about baking ingredients. I am usually so absorbed in the daydream of eating the goods in the near future.

What I'm getting at is that I have always considered myself a very frugal person who does not spend their money on excess, but things like chocolate chip cookies seemed a reasonable luxury. In today's economic environment, I'm beginning to think I'm wrong.

If this all sounds very trite and you are disgusted by my senseless pining after cookies I'll not be eating when there are people who may not even have a meal to eat today, understand it is much bigger than cookies. Me and my cookies are a microcosm. If I have to forgo cookies, other people far worse off than I am will have to forgo much, much more. This is why what is happening in Egypt is happening. I understand that increasing food prices directly contributed to the unrest.

So, I'm looking at my cookies and wondering, "When will this end, or is this just the beginning?"

Does Your Own Underwear Gross You Out? How I Made the Leap to Cloth Diapers

2011-02-07T08:39:00.006-05:00

photo by cote

Cloth diapering is not for everyone. (It also will not single-handedly save the planet.) Prior to having my baby, I had all the same objections I hear from everyone who finds out I'm using cloth diapers. But in all honesty, cloth diapering is no big deal and I really love it, here are the reasons why:

1. Cloth diapering is not difficult.

Cloth diapering is easy. You do not have to wrap towel-like cloths around your baby's bottom and secure with pins if you don't want. There are diapers that function just like "real" diapers. (Bummis Tots Bots are my current faves by the way!) You can get them new, used or even on etsy for much cheaper than buying them from the big corporate cloth diaper makers. You can even make them much cheaper yourself if you are handy with a sewing machine.

"So what," you say, "I don't care if it's easy, it's gross."

2. Cloth diapering is not gross, nor is it unsanitary*

While I do understand the cognitive hurdle that must be overcome, *cloth diapering is not any more gross or unsanitary than other gross, unsanitary things you are probably already quite comfortable with. Unless you are grossed out by your own underclothing and routinely bleach everything in your home to "get rid of germs," (and I mean daily, because humans are gross, dirty creatures) there is nothing any more gross or unsanitary about cloth diapers than anything else in your home. (Come on, you've seen those studies about how disgusting people's water bottles and work spaces are!)

Also, to point out the obvious, people seem to forget that underwear is basically the same concept as a diaper (and don't tell me it's not because you don't "go" in your underpants, there's a reason for the barrier, you know it and I know it, otherwise you wouldn't wear underpants). Regardless, most people are not overwhelmingly grossed out by themselves for not using disposable underpants, nor do they obsessively bleach them.

3. But what about the POOP!!??

I hate to break it to you, but you should have thought of that before you had a kid. (Also, if you happen to have a pet, and do not use underwear on them or wipe their behind every time they do their duty - you already have poop EVERYWHERE. Just think about it rationally.)

Anyway, poop and its effective removal/disposal will be a regular part of your daily life no matter what kind of diapering system you use. Cloth or disposables will not hold in all the poop your baby can produce and it will get all over your child and his or her clothing, bedding, and you.

4. But what about the extra step involved with the POOP!!!???

This is a fear I hear about all the time, and trust me, I had the same apprehension before I started cloth diapering until I was reassured it's no big deal, and it is not. This supposed extra step not only takes little effort but using disposables does not "exempt" you from the step anyway! It's against the law. Yep, this is true, not hyperbole. You legally cannot put human excrement into the garbage, since the garbage was not designed to get rid of it, but the sewage system is. This should be obvious enough, but I never even thought about it.

You might be thinking, "Ugh, I hate stupid environmentalist wackos telling me what to do, and the government should stay out of my business!!" I can really, really respect that - I'm sick of crazy environmentalists too, but feces in landfills causes human intestinal viruses to basically thrive and multiply there, traveling back to us via the water system and insects. So, illegal or not, it seems actually more gross to me than putting poop in a toilet where it belongs and can be effectively removed by a system that was designed to do just that.

5. But what about the POOP in your washing machine! Ahhh! Eww! Gross!

Yes, I hear you. I too was worried that my entire washing machine would be full of poop forever. I was wrong. Again, the sewage system is designed for such things and if you understand #3 and follow #4, there will be no poop residing permanently in your washing machine.

6. That doesn't sound very eco-friendly, all that washing and drying.

You may be right about that. I've heard the cost-benefit analysis is about equal, but I do think that they save lots of money and if you plan your laundry well (I put the other soiled baby stuff in on the hot cycle once the poop has been rinsed out), and air-dry on a regular basis anyway (which I do) you are probably saving more money and energy in the long run. Babies are expensive energy hogs, again, you should have thought of that before you had a kid. And if environmentalism is your thing, at least you are not taking up space in landfills with diapers, but reusing stuff.

7. But cloth diapers themselves are so expensive.

Yeah, depending on the kind you get, they can be costly, but like I said, there are ways to save as well as all-in-one systems like the Econobum "Full" Kit that are convertible and will fit your child for most of their diapering days. Most people spend a ton on cloth diapers because they are super cute and they are more like clothing than diapers. So, there is no need to spend too much if you do your research and purchase wisely. Also, keep in mind that you can lend the diapers to a friend or family member or use them for future kids, so you will get your money's worth the longer you use them.

8. I just don't wanna.

That's totally cool, and I don't care what your preferences are, it's none of my business, really. Just please stop telling me your preferences when you hear about mine, and that the reasons are because cloth diapers are too gross, too costly, or too time-consuming.

9. Other things I think are great about cloth diapers.

You'll never run out of diapers!
You will enjoy changing diapers more, because they are super cute!
More fun to photograph!
Cute in the summer when baby wears nothing, but still looks like they are dressed up!
The more kids you have the better deal they become!

10. Other benefits/negatives I see or have heard about that I cannot 100% verify, so take them for what you will. (Also known as the part where some people will try to scare/shame you into using cloth diapers, but that's not my goal.)

Disposables hold a freakish amount of pee. This is because of their awesome super-duper absorbent capabilities. These capabilities are the same as in tampons/pads, but way more extreme. The chemicals needed to do this can literally burn a sensitive baby's skin (which may look like diaper rash, but isn't, it's a chemical burn) as well as harm the reproductive system, especially for a girl baby. And yes, tampons/pads can do the same thing, but at least you aren't wearing those day in and day out for two years straight. Oddly enough, the main ingredient in absorbent diapers, polyacrylic acid, is "not meant for skin contact." It was removed from tampons in 1985 because of its toxic properties and higher incidence of toxic shock syndrome. So, I don't know, maybe the paper barrier is very effective at separating the acid from the skin, but it is porous. On the other hand, there are plenty of very good disposables that don't contain this chemical, so it is avoidable, but maybe not quite as absorbent.

People tend to not change their babies frequently enough in disposables, not because they are horrible people, but because it is harder to tell when the baby has "gone." It's harder for the baby to notify you via crying since they also don't feel the mess as readily. In cloth they can immediately feel the wetness and get uncomfortable, signaling you to change them. Instead, in disposables, it is more likely that the poor child will be left sitting in its own pee and poo for longer than it would in cloth simply because it goes unnoticed. This breeds bacteria, (which is gross, right?) and leads to needless irritation for baby.

There are also some questions about the effect of the chemicals on baby's reproductive system. Dioxins that are toxic and alter hormones, chemicals that are known carcinogens (I know, it's about scale, so that's why I'm not using this as a main reason, but it is enough to freak me out personally) as well as the internal temperatures of disposable diapers increasing scrotal temperatures and damaging future fertility for males. Cloth diapers are breathable and allow more air circulation, but I suppose you could always just change very frequently and let your baby go commando in between changes for a break from disposables.

Supposedly cloth diapers services are cheaper and easier to use than doing it yourself, but I wouldn't know.

Yet Another Thing That Will Kill You and Your Child (and an excuse to buy new makeup)

2011-01-02T18:20:00.005-05:00

I just learned baby powder containing talc is not recommended by the American Academy of Pediatrics because it presents a danger upon inhalation and can also contain asbestos contaminants. Yikes! While I had been using the cornstarch variety, even that is not great, since you or your baby could still be inhaling the stuff if you apply it willy-nilly. My pediatrician told me to use it sparingly by applying a small dab to my finger and then to the baby, if needed. (I have found the best way to prevent diaper rash is frequent diaper changes and letting baby "air out" from time to time.)

But being the saavy (read: paranoid) internet-loving mother that I am, I reasoned, "Talc must be in all SORTS of products! Let's find out!"

Yes, it's in almost everything you imagine it's in, most notably powdered makeup, so you may want to switch to brands that do not use talc (Aveda and Physicians Formula both have good, talc-free makeup.) However, in short, you could spend the next week obsessing over this topic and find out all the other names talc could be listed as, how many products you use or ever used contained talc, and whether you are now at increased risk of dying, or just conclude that talc is best avoided whenever possible, but if you happened to use it, don't stress. (Stress is probably more deadly than talc anyway.)

But if you like obsessing, here are some links I found interesting and useful:

Talc is a level 3 (moderately hazardous) ingredient according to Skin Deep
Abstract of "Baby Powder - A Hazard!" from the AAP website (full article requires a subscription)
Also from Skin Deep - baby powders and their hazard level from best to worst so you can figure out what to buy if you still want to use it (big surprise is that a Burt's Bees products ranks very poorly!)
Baby powder alternatives, especially useful for cloth diapering
Eliminate the need for powder or creams altogether: reasons diaper rash could be happening
What the deal is with the asbestos scariness aspect of talc

Why I Wake Up More Than My Husband to Take Care of Our Baby

2010-12-31T19:29:00.010-05:00

This study on gender differences in sleep interruptions from U of M is interesting, and I wondered how I compared to the women in the study, as well as my own reasons for what both Mike and I agree is a disproportionate burden on my part in terms of sleep interruptions.

According to the study,

Working mothers are two-and-a-half times as likely as working fathers to interrupt their sleep to take care of others.

--

The gender gap in sleep interruptions was greatest during the prime childbearing and child-rearing years of the twenties and thirties, [researcher Sarah Burgard] found.

Among dual-career couples with a child under the age of one, 32 percent of women reported sleep interruptions to take care of the baby, compared with just 11 percent of men. The proportion reporting interrupted sleep declined with the age of the child, with 10 percent of working mothers and 2 percent of working fathers with children ages 1 to 2 reporting sleep interruptions, and just 3 percent of working mothers and 1 percent of working fathers with children ages 3 to 5.

"What is really surprising," Burgard said, "is that gender differences in night-time caregiving remain even after adjusting for the employment status, income and education levels of each parent. Among parents of infants who are the sole breadwinner in a couple, for example, 28 percent of women who are the sole breadwinner report getting up at night to take care of their children, compared to just 4 percent of men who are the only earner in the couple."

Interesting? Yes. Surprising? Not really.

While most feminists will cry foul at what I'm about to say: let's face it, women are biologically driven to take care of their children! But that aside, speaking for myself only, I feel compelled as if by some invisible force to respond to my child's needs. I'm guessing this is the hormones that are designed to do just that working. As I mentioned in a previous post, I can literally feel physical rushes of and emotional changes when I interact with my child. This strikes me as amazing biology happening. Mike does not report exactly similar feelings, which leads me to believe that I, as a woman, have been endowed with some special chemical reactions. This seems logical and special to me. There are other clear biological traits I have (uh, the ability to create and nurture human life within my body as well as for years outside my body should I choose to do so). Far from feeling like I'm being oppressed by the misogynistic agenda of evil men everywhere, I feel blessed that I get to enjoy a unique mother-child bond that sadly, (in my honest opinion) men do not.

I should qualify my above analysis though - while my husband cares for Coco a great deal (in spirit and in action), he seems to become far more distressed by her distress. Whereas I tend to find delight in caring for her and I am rarely fazed by her needs, often laughing when she fusses, screams, and/or cries because I know she is fine and just needs x, y, or z. Mike does not seem to have the same innate confidence or reassurance she is okay, struggles with what exactly she needs at times, and seems more stressed out and concerned when caring for her. From informal interviews of other men I know with small children, I find his experience is incredibly common.

Though I cannot directly compare with the women in this study, as I am not employed full time, I do work part time and I still wake more frequently and interrupt myself to care for Coco, for all the above-mentioned reasons as well as the practical reason that Mike's work requires uninterrupted sleep and he earns almost our entire livelihood, so I want to make sure his life is easier because we all depend on him a great deal.

Viva La Laffer Curve

2010-08-05T21:21:00.002-04:00

Blessed empirical evidence, Batman! Check out these stats from Australia's little foray into slashing capital gains tax rates!

Those who called for reform of Australia’s capital gains tax regime 10 years ago argued that the Ralph reforms would likely raise more revenue because of the increased incentive they provided for taxpayers to realise capital gains that would otherwise go untaxed. Supply-side economist Alan Reynolds predicted that the reforms would raise twice as much revenue in the long run. He was right. The capital gains tax share of Commonwealth tax revenue nearly doubled between the introduction of the Ralph reforms and 2006–07. In absolute terms, CGT revenue rose from $4.6 billion in 1998–99 to $17.3 billion in 2006–07. CGT revenue growth has been strongest among individuals, who received the larger discount of 50%, followed by funds, which received a 33% discount. The slowest CGT revenue growth has been from companies, which received no discount.

The data suggest that the Ralph CGT reforms have resulted in more tax revenue through increased realisations of capital gains. They have thus strengthened rather than weakened the ability of the tax system to serve equity objectives. The Ralph reforms demonstrate the basic supply-side insight that lower effective tax rates lead to faster growth in the tax base and tax revenue.

Yippee skips!

Google's Role in Child-Rearing

2010-08-04T20:31:00.006-04:00

Sigh. This video could not be more accurate. I particularly like "What is a doowla?"

Supermodels Should Stick to Looking Pretty

2010-08-04T08:20:00.004-04:00

photo by sdminor81

I find some things about Giselle Bundchen inspirational, the least of which are her thoughts on public policy. According to The Huffington Post, in Harper's Bazaar UK she stated, "I think there should be a worldwide law, in my opinion, that mothers should breastfeed their babies for six months."

Her rationale?

"Some people here [in the U.S.] think they don't have to breastfeed, and I think 'Are you going to give chemical food to your child when they are so little?'"

I would not care much about her comment as I'd like to think no one will take it seriously, but I have come to believe the world is a very scary place these days where law-making run amok could take an innocuous and ridiculous comment like hers and make her the World Breastfeeding Ambassador. Just think about it! Victoria's Secret could launch a new line of government-mandated nursing bras and boost their profit-margins with Giselle's little one suckling at a lace-laden teat. The possibilities for corporatism with ever-increasing population control are phenomenal. Sound extreme? Just look at every other public policy decision being made in the name of "better health" or anything "for the good of the children." It is always and everywhere accompanied by some major corporation's involvement in "problem solving" for the government and de facto monopoly, which then everyone decries as the evils of Big Business, neglecting to note it was only made possible by the legislation in the first place!

Anyway, getting back to Giselle's comment - there is little dispute in the scientific community that breastfeeding is best for a child and mother. The benefits are numerous and I don't need to talk about them here. But, if, for whatever reason a mother cannot or does not wish to breastfeed, does Giselle seriously think jail time is prudent? Because, honestly, that's what happens when people break laws. But I'm doubting she thought that far into her position.

I can completely understand expressing frustration that more people don't take advantage of natural and optimal sources of feeding one's child, but what is the deal with people's desire to create a law for every pet peeve or pet project of theirs? "There should be a law for/against that..." is the latest catch phrase (which is really more of a verbal tick).

The fact that Giselle (and every other celebrity) feels so comfortable expounding upon issues of personal autonomy and scarily, much of the public will tend to agree with them is sad. People confuse consensus opinion with grounds for law-making. The funniest part is that if there is truly consensus opinion, there is probably just as much incentive for change, if not more so, than via arbitrary law-making, which then requires policing. But no one bothers to take that extra step mentally. No one realizes that when they propose some activity be made illegal that the consequence is punishment via some enforcement body. They just assume the law is sufficient to change behavior, which anyone with half a brain could easily observe how faulty that logic is. Just look how well making marijuana consumption and selling illegal has prevented it sale and consumption...

Raising a Bilingual or Multilingual Child: First Thoughts

2010-07-28T11:13:00.005-04:00

photo by perpetualplum

There is life after pregnancy and I'm already starting to think about it. To that end, I attended a La Leche League meeting yesterday to get off on the right foot with breastfeeding, and to meet a community of like-minded women. But the most inspirational thing I found was a mother speaking English to the group and Spanish to her child. It was the most delightful thing to hear her say, "No te preocupas..." softly to her baby. It struck me as so special and intimate.

I have had latent thoughts about teaching our child a second language for a few reasons:

1. I want to keep my own language skills fresh.

2. I wish my parents had done that with me as a child.

3. Studies show that multilingual kids are smarter, wealthier, have a better time communicating, understanding and getting to know others. Sound like great advantages! (I know, is it correlation or causation...but still...I think it would be cool!)

However, until I heard this woman and her child I did not think about starting to speak with the infant! I have strong emotional ties to Serbo-Croatian - it was the mystery language of my own childhood, spoken when my parents were mad or wanted to keep a secret from me and my sister, the language spoken at parties and by the adults at holiday events. I remember sitting around tables watching everyone speak in another language...I accepted this as just another thing I wasn't allowed to do as a child...but how I wish I could have been included.

I took 4 semesters of both Italian and Serbo-Croatian in college and traveled to both areas in Europe during that time as well. My proficiency, as well as my love for both cultures grew and I love these languages today. So, I am planning to explore these languages with our child - they also happen to be languages of her own ethnic background (Mike's family is Italian, mine is Serbo-Croatian) so it feels natural to teach her both.

But the hard part is how, logistically? As much as I love the languages and have considerable experience speaking, I'm extremely rusty and don't think my vocabulary and conjugations are up to par. I certainly don't want to teach our child how to speak Italian and Serbo-Croatian poorly!

So, I'm reading some articles, reaching out to other moms and gathering info at this stage. One thing many people/articles have said is separating the use of languages with locations/people/times is important - to have distinct delineations of when one language is spoken versus another and not mixing two languages together in one conversation which can lead to the child learning a strange hybrid language.

From the article, Raising Bilingual Children,

Experts stress separating the languages to make language acquisition easier for kids. When kids are learning two languages at the same time parents need to work out language strategies that emphasize boundaries between the languages. For example:
One parent, one language. Each parent consistently speaks one language while the other parent speaks another language (usually each on speaking his or her native language to the child and possibly the common language to each other).
Both parents speak one language in the home and a second language is used at school.
One language is used in the home and at school and the second language is used in the community.
Both parents speak both languages to the child but separate the languages according to speaking situations or alternate days.
I would love to hear from other parents who are raising multilingual children, their ideas, mistakes to avoid, and resources!

Facebook is NOT a Nation-State

2010-07-24T13:07:00.006-04:00

News alert: Facebook is NOT a nation. Not by any definition of the word. I'm going on a limb and also predicting it will never reach any kind of sovereign status either. That fact that I need to say these things is a little absurd. I know this article is only playing pretend, but I think the less we idolize social networks and simply recognize them as the fun and useful tools they are, we will all be better off.

From The Economist,

If Facebook were a physical nation, it would now be the third-most populous on earth. And if the service continues to grow as rapidly as in the three months to July, it will reach one billion in about 15 months—almost the size of India. Not least because of its gigantic population, some observers have started to talk of Facebook in terms of a country. “[It] is a device that allows people to get together and control their own destiny, much like our nation-state,” says David Post, a law professor at Temple University, Philadelphia. For more on social networks and statehood see article.

Hmmm. Has Professor Post ever been on Facebook? Unless I forgot to join the "Control Your Own Destiny" fan page - I am completely lost as to how he can say something like that with a straight face!

Don't get me wrong - I love social media and Facebook as much as the next guy - it is where I post inane things about my pregnancy and trips to the post office, where I upload photos I hope I don't look too fat in, where I stay updated on what is happening in friends' and total strangers' lives, and perhaps hear about an interesting social event once in a while.

Even using the phrase "controlling my destiny" in the loosest terms - Facebook really falls short of the tools I'd need to manage my life effectively. At best, Facebook allows me to stay marginally connected to people so that when I DO eventually see them face to face, I can at least mention I liked the picture of their new kid/dog/car/house. Facebook (like everything online) is not, and never will be, an effective or complete surrogate for real, live interactions.

The full article gushes about how cool it is that the new British Prime Minister pinged Mark Zuckerberg for some helpful tips on transparency and how social networks can help governments. Distinct from thinking Mark Zuckerberg is some kind of political role model, I'm guessing the PM was more interested in how wildly successful Zuckerberg was at pumping Facebook full of Obama propaganda during the last US election campaigns as well as unsubtly signaling to all the kids how "hip" and "with-it" Cameron is in the "well-publicized online video chat [with Zuckererg] this month."

What are your thoughts? Am I missing some of the magic of Facebook?

37 and a Half Weeks and Counting (Obsessively)

2010-07-23T12:55:00.004-04:00

When people ask me how far along I am I lie and say, "Oh, geez - I stopped keeping track...any day now!"

What I don't want to reveal is my obsession with knowing exactly how much time I have left until my so-called "due date," i.e., 22 more days left, meaning I'm approximately 37.5 weeks along, with .5 weeks being equivalent to 3.5 days, but .5 days doesn't really count so I like to pretend I'm a day closer.

I count Braxton Hicks contractions as well as the baby's movement to determine if things are regular or irregular - like there is some kind of biological code I just need to decipher to give me an exact measurement of when I will go into labor.

Then I do things like make lists of stuff I still need to buy but don't bother to get all in one trip just so I have one more excuse to head to the baby department/aisle of every store I visit: I count the number of diaper cloths, receiving blankets, onesies, and baby toys I have. I go over the list of things I still need - 4-4 oz. bottles, 4-8 oz. bottles, 8-10 rubber nipples, 2 dozen more sets of pre-fold diapers, 4 more cloth diaper covers...the list goes on.

Being pregnant...this pregnant...is just a bizarre time - I'm convinced the last 8 weeks of pregnancy should be a time where a woman gets to do and say anything she wants and there should be no earthly or heavenly consequences. It's only fair.

At the same time - I'm still in disbelief that pregnancy will in fact end and I will soon have my very own child in my arms. It's just too crazy to think about. I feel more like I will simply be pregnant forever and I'll eventually stop getting bigger (because it would be physically impossible for me to get any bigger.)

Everyone's a Junior OBGYN or Child Psychologist

2010-07-05T13:58:00.003-04:00

photo by catnipstudios

I don't know what it is about a pregnant woman that brings out unacceptable commentary from the woodwork of humanity. It's as if people see a pregnant woman and they cannot STOP themselves from saying every little thing that comes immediately to mind. There must be a biological mechanism whereby their internal censor shuts off at the sight of a giant belly attached to a hormonally flooded, emotionally spent, sleep and energy-deprived woman.

Here are some of the top questions/comments from friends, family, and total strangers that make me feel even better about pregnancy and impending motherhood (my mental responses are in italics, however, usually I say nothing, smile blankly, and change the subject):

1. Enjoy these last few weeks of pregnancy. Your life will be complete hell pretty soon.

What exactly am I supposed to be enjoying? The chronic backaches, the loose and unstable joints, the inability to breathe, stand, sit, or move comfortably, the persistent dehydration or floaters in the eyes? I'm just curious, because I'm having SO much flipping fun that I was hoping someone could clarify which part I should try to enjoy the most.

2. Cherish all the alone time with your husband now, you'll never get it back.

I'll make sure to clue him in on this one, since the above list of good times I'm enjoying certainly means he is having an awesome time too. I can tell you, he is likely to cherish the fact we no longer sleep in the same bed, I no longer cook, clean, nor dress nicely with any regularity, and I'm likely to either be napping or crying when he comes home from work. So, yes, I'm sure we're going to just cherish these last few precious alone moments together.

3. Oh, you're having an AUGUST baby. Bad timing on your part!

Funny you should mention that. Since I have God-like control over precisely when my eggs are fertilized, I really should have planned better.

4. What names do you have picked out? {Once they hear the names there is usually dead silence and any one of the following responses}

That name is rather old-fashioned...well, at least you know no one else will be naming their kids that!
How could you do that to your child?
I don't like that name.
[They make name suggestions, usually including their own name.]

Why didn't you just begin this conversation by reciting your favorite names so we could skip the formalities and your feigned interest in the names I have chosen?

5. Are you eating well?

I try to have a solid diet of Mountain Dew and beef jerky. You see, the Mountain Dew is for energy and the jerky contains all the meat and vitamins a growing baby needs.

6. [Upon learning I plan to use cloth diapers] You won't want to use reusable diapers, we didn't. Do you know how much work it is? You'll want disposables, trust me.

Why should I trust you? Aside from the fact you possess impeccable judgement since you are the person rudely giving me unsolicited advice. I guess you are right though, since the decision to use cloth diapers is completely irrevocable, I suppose I should choose more wisely.

7. [Upon learning I hope to have an unmedicated delivery] You are going to try to give birth without medicine, huh? I guess that's the new trend, but honestly just take the drugs, it's a lot easier, that's what I did.

Way to be intrusive, inappropriate, and unsupportive when discussing one of the most personal and serious choices I'll make in my life. I mean, really, why aren't you my OB-GYN? Distinct from being a "new trend," unmedicated birth is something millions upon millions of women throughout time immemorial (including the present time) have done without drugs and been just fine.

Furthermore, I'm glad your confidence in my reasoning skills led you to bother to find out the intimate details of my decision and the variety of scenarios I have painstakingly considered and am prepared for in the event medical intervention is required or desired before you spouted your worldview while remaining steadfastly oblivious to others'.

8. Don't homeschool your kids, we would never do that to our kids. Don't you want them to be socialized? What about sports and other group activities? What about the prom?

Do you have any other reference point for homeschooling aside from the peculiar and anomalous family you saw on "Wife Swap" whose unkempt yard they like to call a "farm", claims they teach from "The School of Life," their eldest son wears sweatpants that are unusually small, the father is some kind of conspiracy theorist, the mom never cleans the house so the kids can learn about "science," and no one in the family can perform even the most basic math functions?

I'm not planning on raising feral children kept in cages without human interaction like some kind of freak experiment. And similar to using reusable diapers - homeschooling is not an irrevocable decision.

Oh, and my senior prom was one of the most pointless and traumatic nights of my life, full of underage drinking and otherwise repugnant behavior by teens who I don't believe would pass for properly "socialized" by even the most loose standards, so I won't feel too bad possibly "depriving" my child of such an experience.

9. You're going to breastfeed? (Insert dubious or repulsed expression here.) Just make sure you cover it up in public!

First of all, I can tell by the look on your face you think breastfeeding is impossible or disgusting. As to your exhortation to "cover up" I can only say I understand your trepidation completely. You know me...always whipping out the twins in public. I'm actually just now preparing for the post-natal edition of Girls Gone Wild...

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