The ever-popular dance show, which will no doubt be awash with sparkly lapels, titillating tassels and anything else that glitters, is set to dazzle as a host of celebs take to the dancefloor.

Paired with professional dance partners, the likes of hunky Welsh rugby player Gavin Henson (calm down ladies) and world-famous Destiny’s Child star Michelle Williams will aim to impress the judges with their seductive and enchanting dance moves.

Left: Paul Daniels. Right: Paul Daniels' shadow.

Felicity Kendal, best known for playing Barbara Good in The Good Life and Pamela Stephenson, wife of Billy Connolly and who rose to fame as a sex symbol on Not The Nine O’Clock News, are also set to entertain audiences with dances such as the famous foxtrot and the saucy samba.

They will be joined by Waterloo Road actress Tina O’Brien, famous for playing Sarah-Louse Platt in Coronation Street and Patsy Kensit – singer, actress and ex-wife to four musicians including Jim Kerr and Liam Gallagher. These dancing divas will all battle it out to be the belle of the ball but do any of them really have what it takes?

There really is nothing like diversity to make the world go round and Strictly Come Dancing has plenty. Metal-mouthed DJ Goldie will dance (resisting the urge to put dance in quotes, he may have a few tricks up his sleeve) in the show alongside Lord of the Rings star Gollum (sorry, I meant magician Paul Daniels). Yes, that’s right, Goldie — quite obviously the coolest guy around — will appear on the same show as magic man Daniels. It doesn’t get better than that. Fact.

And just when we thought things couldn’t get any more bizarre we hear the news that former England goalkeeper Peter Shilton will be shimmying onto the stage. He will join feisty female and former MP Ann Widdecome and hunky ex-Blue Peter presenter Matt Baker who certainly has the physique for those incredibly tight trousers.

Moving on. It’s a well-know fact that Strictly wouldn’t be Strictly without an EastEnders cast member and this year it’s Scott Maslen who plays smoldering bad boy Jack Branning. He follows in the footsteps of past and present EastEnders stars Christopher Parker, Letitia Dean, Jessie Wallace, Natalie Cassidy and Ricky Groves.

Take away Brucie and replace him with a statue of Queen Victoria and you would be forgiven for thinking that the dance show we all know and love has been replaced by a Walford reunion down the local, as two other ex-EastEnders prepare to take the stage. Dashing actor Jimi Mistry who made his name as Doctor Fred Fonseca in the soap will take part in the show alongside stunning actress Kara Tointon who played the role of single mum Dawn Swann.

Will an EastEnder finally win the Glitter Ball trophy?

Whoever it is, the odds of us seeing them on the stage are high. Not only has Strictly embarked on live tours, but a number of contestants have gone on to appear in the West End, including Ali Bastian in Burn the Floor and Kelly Brook in Calendar Girls. Then, of course, there are those participants who already have West End experience; Lesley Garrett played Mother Superior in The Sound of Music and Claire Sweeney and Michelle Williams both starred in Chicago the musical.

Strictly Come Dancing starts Saturday 11 September on BBC One at 6.45pm.

The play centres around Sydney Bruhl, a once-thriving playwright now struggling to write another success, his wife, and a promising new playwright, Clifford Anderson, who has written a potential goldmine.

Jonathan Groff and Simon Russell Beale in Deathtrap

Levin explores the lengths people are willing to go to when driven by desperation, ambition and pride, and delves into the after-effects of a sinister plot.

Without giving away too much of the plot (the production requests a “what happens in the Noel Coward stays in the Noel Coward” approach), there is a nice balance of dark comedy and dramatic tension which keeps you in a state of anticipation without the threat that you’re going to wet yourself with terror.

The strength of the cast is a true asset to this production. Seasoned thespian Simon Russell Beale is the perfect choice to play a character that is well-versed in (and weary with) the theatre industry, conflicted by his simultaneous passion for writing and the pressure to produce new work for a critical audience.

Jonathan Groff (who many will know from the original Broadway production of Spring Awakening and most will know from Glee) brings an earnest naivety to the role, but is equally as adept at subtly portraying the darker elements of the character through the various plot twists.

But as dark as that all sounds, the production is actually very funny, and the rest of the cast (including Outnumbered’s Claire Skinner and Oscar-winner Estelle Parsons) contribute to the humour of the piece.

The set and lighting were also very effective. Although the action takes place in one set, comprised of Bruhl’s study and a few well-placed doorways, Rob Howell’s detailed design and well-considered set dressing does an excellent job of setting the scene, not only atmospherically but also in keeping us planted firmly in 1978. Hugh Vanstone’s subtle lighting does an excellent job of not being noticed until necessary; the mark of a truly clever design.

Deathtrap is an engaging and polished production from a talented cast and creative team. I’d definitely recommend seeing this high quality version of such an entertaining play.

Celeb writer? Sorted. Now to find the cast. I smell a reality TV show!

We’ve all known about plans for a Mamma Mia! style jukebox musical featuring the music of Scary, Baby, Ginger, Posh, and Sporty for some time now, but this latest nugget of news really sets the tone of the upcoming production. Jennifer Saunders is writing the book.

Yup Jennifer Saunders, star of Girls On Top and Muppet Treasure Island. The lady who wrote Jam & Jerusalem and Absolutely Fabulous (in which she also starred) is to write a “contemporary story about friendship, celebrity, and fame with the music of the Spice Girls”. This is good news.

The show’s producer, Judy Craymer, seemed confident about Saunders’ writing, saying: “Jennifer is brilliant at writing about these themes and the Spice Girls’ songs connect powerfully in a smart and moving way.”

Saunders herself seemed remarkably humble considering she may well be writing the next Mamma Mia!. Speaking about her work on the musical so far, the award-winning comedian said: “I’m thrilled and terrified at the same time. It is very exciting to be writing a musical that encompasses the music and energy of the biggest girl-band of all time. My daughters grew up with The Spice Girls, I had to do it for them as well as myself. It’s been great fun working with Judy Craymer. We have had some hilarious days together in the process so far.”

Viva Forever is expected to open in the West End some time in 2012, until then let’s just remind ourselves just how brilliant the Spice Girls actually were/continue to be.

Of course, it has ‘closed’ before, only to be swiftly reopened in a new home – but this time it looks like it’s really going to happen, so it’s time for a tribute review to the funniest show on the West End.

The show is famous as being ‘the one with the swearing puppets’ but it’s much more than that.

Cassidy Janson in Avenue Q, playing Lucy the Slut.

Avenue Q tells the story of Princeton, an unemployed graduate who is searching for his purpose in life and who moves to a run-down area – the only place he can afford. He falls in love with neighbour Kate Monster, a kindergarten teacher who wants to open her own school, and makes friends with the various other characters who live on the eponymous street.

The mixture of human and puppet characters is different to what you may have experience before. The actors controlling the puppets aren’t hidden from view, in fact they are very much meant to be seen. Watching the actors is just as entertaining as watching the puppets and being able to see their faces gives the rudimentary features of the puppets more life. After a while the two merge together and flicking between actor and puppet becomes second nature – sort of like watching a subtitled film. When the actor smiles, the character on their hand is smiling too.

Don’t expect a marionette masterclass though, or flawless ventriloquism for that matter – for the most part, Avenue Q’s puppetry is the kind of thing you’re able to do at home with a threadbare sock. But it doesn’t matter – the lack of “artful” puppetry is not to the show’s detriment and the style presented here will be familiar to anyone who grew up with The Muppet Show or Sesame Street.

There are characters who are visual parodies of Miss Piggy and Bert and Ernie, while Trekkie Monster sounds like the Cookie Monster while looking like Animal from The Muppets after a year-long steroid bender.

The hat tips to Jim Henson don’t end with the puppets though, and there are some very funny Sesame Street-style interludes displayed on screens in between scenes, that draw some of the biggest belly laughs of the show.

And there are a lot of laughs. Go prepared for broad, not-particularly-subtle humour, and you won’t be disappointed. Despite the hype, Avenue Q is not as subversive as it would like you to believe. It’s certainly ruder and more cutting than almost anything else that has found a home in the West End, but overall it’s about as risqué as an episode of How I Met Your Mother. That’s not a criticism, just a reassurance to anyone who may have been put off by the ‘Most Offensive Show Ever’ hyperbole.

Like a friendly American sitcom, beneath the gags there’s a moral. Look past the songs about porn, racism and closeted homosexuality, and Avenue Q has a message; friendship, togetherness and helping others are more important that where you live or what you do.

The cast are excellent across the board, but Rachel Jerram and Tom Parsons, who play Trekkie Monster, Nicky and The Bad Ideas Bears, deserve a special mention. Of everyone onstage, they seem to be enjoying themselves the most, and it comes through in their performances. Also, Delroy Atkinson, who plays Gary Coleman (who should surely be changed for another has-been celebrity if/when the show is revived) has a wonderful voice and it’s a joy every time he sings, even when signing about the kind of stuff you wouldn’t want your mum to know you know about….

It’s a shame that Avenue Q is leaving the West End; there aren’t enough reliable comedies out there. Besides, Mark Kermode hated it, which is more than enough of a reason to keep it alive.

The musical closes on October 30, so if you want to see it, book Avenue Q tickets before it’s too late.

The iPhone has plenty of free apps for theatre fans

You may well wonder why I’m sharing my latest impulse purchase with you, after all I didn’t write a blog about my remote-controlled Dalek or any of the other slightly overpriced gadgetry that litters my flat. You see, dear reader, if you also own Apple’s wonderphone, you’ll know that we theatre-fans have a surprisingly decent choice of free theatrey apps to choose from, so for once my latest whim is relevant to this blog.

Since I’ve spent an inordinate amount of time trying out a variety of free apps this month, it only seemed fair to recommend a few of my favourite theatrey ones to you lovely people.

We Will Rock You – The Game
If you’ve ever thought you can run Queen’s jukebox musical better than the current team, now’s your chance to prove it. We Will Rock You – The Game is a reasonably simple little management simulator which allows you to make creative decisions, ‘do’ marketing, and peddle merchandise for your own simulated version of the show.

If you’re lucky then you can advance your production from a small-scale, local affair to a mega-hit at the Dominion Theatre. Or alternatively you could, like me, realise that the heady world of theatre production is best left to the professionals.

The Stage Jobs & Auditions
A real treat for all you performers out there, The Stage Jobs & Auditions is a must have for any actor, singer, dancer, or performer of any sort. There’s not a great deal to say about it, it looks tidy and if you’re looking for a job in the performing arts then you really should already have it.

Legally Blonde The Musical
Not the most creatively named theatre-themed app available, but fans of the show will no doubt enjoy the video content and soundboard. However, unlike We Will Rock You, which is a fun management game in its own right, if you’ve not seen Legally Blonde or didn’t enjoy it, this one’s not for you.

Jersey Boys
Quite similar to the Legally Blonde app, the Jersey Boys app features images from the show, video content, and a soundboard with clips from all your favourite Jersey Boys songs. The addition of a minigame within the app is a nice touch, but don’t expect it to hold your interest for too long. The slightly disappointing game aside, the sound board alone makes this app essential for Jersey Boys fans.

iTheatre
If you find yourself in London and in the mood for an impromptu visit to the theatre, iTheatre is about as useful as an app can be. It combines a what’s on guide, reviews, currently available special offers, and directions to the theatre. You can also book your tickets through the app, though that functionality isn’t great so you’re probably better off just phoning the ticket provider. Of course you could always plan ahead and book a London theatre break with us instead.

Broadwayworld
There are not many West End news apps (come on The Stage, get Scott on it) so for now I’ve been using Broadwayworld’s International News tab. It’s nicely laid out and regularly updated, perfect if you’re the sort of theatre fan who likes to keep abreast of the latest news.

Leona seems to be visiting the West End a lot recently, could she be considering taking a role of her own?

X Factor winner Leona Lewis has been spotted in the West End again, this time at hit dance show, Burn the Floor.

Earlier this month, the Bleeding Love singer was spotted at Avenue Q at the West End’s Wyndham’s Theatre. After the show Lewis popped backstage to meet the cast before tweeting: “Had such a laugh at Avenue Q tonight! It’s my second time going, it’s just hilarious! Go see it if you haven’t already.”

In her second trip to the West End this month, Lewis was slightly less retiring. During the interval of Burn the Floor she was seen reenacting the show’s smouldering dance moves with pals. Lewis’ passion for the show was not restricted to the impressive dancing, as she was allegedly rather taken with Venezuelan dancer Karen Hauer and kept shouting out, “She’s so hot!” leading several theatre blogs to brand her “disruptive”.

Grease the Musical is one of the most popular stage shows of all time, while the movie continues to pick up new fans.

Now comes Grease: The Game, released today for the Nintendo Wii and DS, and we have a copy to give away, along with a Nintendo Wii, microphones and balance board.

Publisher 505 Games have created a fun party game where you can sing and dance along to the songs and scenes from the musical, using microphones and the Wii balance board.

The game contains 16 songs from the movie, includes clips from the film and up to eight people can play at once.
If you want to know more, check out the game trailer, or visit www.greasethegame.com

Enter this brilliant giveaway, and you could win:

• - Grease: the Game for the Wii
• - A Nintendo Wii console
• - Nintendo Wii Balance Board
• - A pair of microphones

To enter, just answer this simple question:

Who played Danny Zuko in the 1978 Grease movie?

To enter, send your answer to competitions@show-and-stay.co.uk by noon on September 27, 2010. Please remember to include your name in your email entry.

Don’t forget that Grease theatre breaks are available now.

Terms and conditions
Prizes can be replaced with one of equivalent value.
By entering this competition you accept to receive news and offers from Show and Stay via email.

We don’t feel sorry for the casts who performed in these West End turkeys, they got paid, after all. We don’t even feel pity for the creative teams who suffered public embarrassment when their creations were savaged by critics. They’re thick-skinned folk, we tell ourselves.

Let’s hope that they are, because today we’re reminding ourselves of ten of the floppiest West End flops ever.

Gone With The Wind, a truly horrendous musical.

10) Gone With The Wind — The Musical

You’d think from the moment Sir Trevor Nunn first sat down and wrote those words he’d have known, deep down, that it was a ghastly idea. Sadly, he never seemed to work it out. With the help of Margaret Martin, an appalling, bloated, and boring production about how tough it was to be a slave-owner made it to the New London Theatre in early 2008.

The show starred Darius Danesh and relatively unknown US actress Jill Paice. They both put in decent enough performances but the half-hearted sets, sub-par narration, forgettable music, and sheer length of the production killed it dead.

Gone With The Wind closed after just 79 performances. Several critics couldn’t even offer the public a full review simply because they couldn’t bear to return to the auditorium for the second half.

9) Imagine This

Let me set the scene. Shuki Levy, the man who wrote the theme tunes for Inspector Gadget, Power Rangers, Big Bad Beetleborgs, and She-Ra, decides to write a musical. He turns to his pals, David Goldsmith and Glenn Berenbeim, and says “hey chaps, let’s write a musical set in the Warsaw Ghetto and let’s tie it in with the story of the battle of Masada (a siege which ended with the mass suicide of over 900 Jewish people)”.

In a moment of madness both agree and Imagine This was born. Needless to say, it wasn’t very good at all. In fact, it was somewhat offensive.

The production gathered a handful of favourable reviews but The Guardian suggested that “On Broadway, a street where Jewish sensitivities are much more acute than they are here, I can’t imagine Imagine This lasting a week”. The public agreed.

8 ) Behind The Iron Mask

Out of all the flops mentioned so far, this one is the only one which could have, theoretically, been pretty good. 17th century France, a mystery, songs and a scary mask; it all sounds rather promising.

At the helm was Professor John Robinson, an aerospace engineer who set up his own production company when he was in his seventies. He made a demo of a few of the songs from Behind the Iron Mask and miraculously, considering how dreadful they were, managed to secure almost £500,000 from private investors.

Almost as soon as it opened (in dangerously unpredictable August), Behind The Iron Mask was mauled by critics and after a few weeks of being bombarded by savage reviews, the show closed 78 days early.

7) Too Close To The Sun

You’ve got to admire the tenacity of John Robinson, even after the humiliating failure of Behind The Iron Mask, he returned to the West End in 2009 with what may well have been the worst piece of musical theatre ever made.

Too Close To The Sun was a fictionalisation of the last days of Ernest Hemingway featuring ghastly music, a clumsy plot, and far too many references to Mr Hemingway’s gun (not a euphemism). Even the most dedicated fans of Theatreland cheese could find nothing to love about this car crash of a musical and it closed six weeks early.

The highlight of the entire production was Helen Dallimore accidentally falling through a table. The table became a temporary star and was subsequently bought for unknown purposes by a Twitter pal of ours, @BatBoySings. It says a great deal when flimsy wicker furniture is the highlight of a musical.

Did Too Close To The Sun give birth to the world's first celebrity table?

6) Wilde

Mike Read was once a Radio 1 DJ, he was the one who famously would not play Frankie Goes To Hollywood’s Relax on the breakfast show due to “obscene” lyrics. He also wrote and directed a musical about the life of Oscar Wilde which lasted for just one night. What a career!

Read had good intentions, to celebrate one of the greatest minds that the United Kingdom has ever produced on the 150th anniversary of his birth. However, the musical was trite, poorly written, and poorly staged.

It opened on 19 October 2004 at the Shaw Theatre and was pulled the very next day with a depressingly honest statement from a theatre spokesperson: “After the first night, bookings were low and reviews were poor.”

5) All Bob’s Women

All Bob’s Women described itself as a “new sexy musical comedy”. On the face of it, that sounds good; we like new, we like sexy, we like musicals, and we like comedy. Somehow, despite the promising ingredients, All Bob’s Women was a painfully unfunny mess of a musical which the Telegraph’s Charles Spencer described as “rancid bilge water”.

Originally written in Italian, it could be argued that the subtle nuances of the production were lost in translation. However, the panto-like naffness of the humour (more than a few jokes were directed towards the size of Bob’s manhood) combined with a clunky, unlikeable score suggest that All Bob’s Women should have never left the continent.

The cliché-ridden musical failure managed just nine performances in the West End before it collapsed under the weight of its own awfulness.

Disappointing

4) Murderous Instincts

As with many flops, Murderous Instincts is a brilliant example of what happens when people with too much money and not enough talent get bored and decide to have a crack at writing.

The “salsa-comedy-murder-mystery” opened at the Savoy Theatre in 2004 with Broadway producer Manny Fox at the helm. The show muddled through the story of a recently widowed wife of a booze tycoon and her many feuds with family members over her dead husband’s money. Add to the mix lots and lots of Latin music and the world salsa champion and you have a bright and shiny, but ultimately vacuous musical.

After an unsuccessful opening and more than a few negative reviews, Fox obviously decided to cut his losses and returned home to Puerto Rico, informing the cast and crew that the show would close via email. In the end, Murderous instincts only managed a week in the West End.

3) The Fields of Ambrosia

When we think of West End musicals we usually think of good, happy things. Even after reading through this shameful list. However, in 1996 The Fields of Ambrosia came to the Aldwych Theatre and tried something a bit different. It didn’t work.

Basically, The Fields of Ambrosia was about a travelling executioner who wanders around America in 1918 blasting people into Kingdom Come with ‘Old Faithful’ (his electric chair, seriously).

The executioner then falls in love with Gretchen, his first female victim/client and horrible shenanigans ensue. There was male-on-male prison rape, prisoners sneaking off to visit the “exhausted” local hookers and warders sexually assaulting literally anyone unfortunate enough to stand in front of them for any length of time.

Unsurprisingly, The Fields of Ambrosia only managed just 22 performances.

2) Bad Girls: The Musical

Bad Girls was a bit of an institution at my house when it was on ITV, so when in 2007 we saw posters for a musical version opening at the Garrick Theatre I managed to persuade my family (who are suspicious of musical theatre) to take me to see it.

The experience was so mind-numbingly bad it put everyone except me off the West End for good. I am literally the only one who ever went back to the Theatreland after that fateful evening.

The show never really decided if it was a gritty drama with songs (as we foolishly assumed) or a campy romp through the apparently hilarious world of a women’s prison. The resulting production was jumbled, with truly gritty storylines placed alongside Chicago-style fantasy song and dance numbers.

Despite a few surprisingly positive reviews, Bad Girls: The Musical barely managed two months before it posted closure notices.

1) Which Witch

An “operamusical” written by Norwegians and inspired by the 1486 witchfinder’s handbook, the Malleus Maleficarum (The Hammer of the Witches), sounds pretty awesome to me, but by all accounts it was a horrific failure.

It opened at the Piccadilly Theatre in 1992 with the Telegraph almost immediately quipping “Flops don’t come much floppier”. The story of a young lady being tried as a witch and subsequently burned at the stake failed to win over London audiences, even when the King and Queen of Norway showed up to lend their support.

Despite a truly vicious panning by London’s most acid-tongued critics, Which Witch lasted ten whole weeks, which for this list isn’t too bad of a run.