Vaisnavacharya Chandan Goswami

Birthday Gift From Dwarkadish

2012-02-13T03:36:00.003+05:30

1st February 2011, I arrived at Indira Gandhi International airport, in Delhi with pain in my body and my heart. Coming back from my tour in the UK and Switzerland, somehow made me feel indifferent. I was not sure what I did on my tour was right or not. I was numb, hopeless but I did not give up. Yearning for quality, pushed me to fight…and continue to fight. My mind was churning with limitless thoughts. Kidney stones pain were playing with my will. After passing the long passport checking queue and the cold-faced immigration officer, I came out of the airport. My eyes were searching for any known face; my driver, or anyone who could offer me a shoulder, for my burdens. I badly wanted a pain killer injection. Taxi drivers were approaching me and I was in another world. My facial expressions were motionless. In midst of this surreal existence, my phone rang, “Maharaj where are you? I am at gate 4, please come here.” It was my driver. I walked down to the location. He was so happy to see me! He started asking questions about my trip. I was not enthusiastic at all. I was missing something; there was hardly a smile on my face. He took me to the car, loaded my bags and asked me to sit. I sat in the car with empty eyes, heavy pain, and I told the driver, “Fly your car as fast as you can, don't have any fear of death.”

“Don't worry Maharaj! You will reach fast.” The driver replied.

I switched on the screen of my phone, noted the time, turned my mobile towards the driver’s face and said, “You have only two hours to take me home.” He replied, “Please give me more time?” But I was already in another world. All his words blurred into my ears, as if he was part of a distant dream, I was having. I made a call to Eka (my sister) from Skype and pretended I was still in the UK. I was curious…curious to see if everyone was at home. They had no idea I was coming back early. Pain started to irritate me with a vengeance. Memories of some heavy argument with my friend in the UK were haunting me too. Reaching Vrindavan, with the juggles of the mind and body, I didn't feel happy. In fact, I felt completely lost in the small alleys of Vrindavan. When the car arrived home, I saw baggage carried out from my house and placed in another car. With my eyes in a daze, I asked one of our servants, “Whose bags?”

“Everyone is going somewhere on holiday.” He replied.

I looked at him and started to think, before I left the UK, someone very bluntly messed up with my birthday program there and now, in consolation, I turned to my family. I came back to Vrindavan to celebrate my birthday with them and to give them a pleasant surprise with my unexpected arrival. But I was the one who received a surprise here! Well!! What to do? I took a deep breath. I said to the servant, “Ok.”

I entered home with an exaggerated smile on my face, greeted everyone, touched the feet of my parents and took Charnamrta (Holy Water). I sat down with my parents to catch up with them, but they were in a hurry. Everyone was running here and there. When I got their attention for a minute, they said, “We are going to Ahmadabad. If you had told us earlier, we could have booked your ticket.” I looked at them and said, “Tomorrow is my birthday? I want to share it with my family.” Mother replied, “Enjoy your time however you can.” And then, they left.

I was all alone in the house. Pain had become a joy to taste. Peace at home became the melodies of my juggled mind. The darkness under the blanket became a friend of mine. I had no idea when I fell asleep, but when I woke up, it was three in the afternoon, the next day. It was my Birthday, I was suffering from heavy jet lag. I turned on my phone to see if I received any birthday wishes. My phone blinked couple of times. Some of my relatives had texted me. According to everyone, I was still out of town…maybe they were trying to connect with me on my UK number. Whatever situation I was facing in that moment, I really didn't expect to celebrate my birthday, surrounded by the four walls of my bedroom…walls which were standing tall, in front of me and staring back at me, blankly.

In the evening, my mother called me. I was still half asleep. My family wanted to greet me and sent their birthday wishes. After I finished my rounds with everyone, mother came on phone and asked, “Would you like to go to Dwarka? If yes, then let me know by tonight. I will send you your ticket.”

Nothing could be a better gift then this! After this news, hope began to grow inside, and gave some coolness to my head. With a heavy voice, I replied, “Yes, why not. I am up.”
She said, “Your train is tomorrow. Catch it on time.”

In my heart, I had no idea, what I was doing but I can't say no to holy places. They are my life. I get positive vibes, association of devotees, temples visits, Holy Names, and katha from these pilgrimages. I took my train to Vadodara. From there, I had a connection to Dwarka. When the Ahmadabad stop came, my family joined me but my seat was in different compartment. It was early morning, on February the 4th. The waiters were asking again and again if I wanted breakfast. I pretended I was not hungry. But this instant was soon to be the heaviest moment of my spiritual life. Someone was eating an omelette next to me. The aroma of the omelette hit me, I became mad and suddenly I felt the urge to try it; something I had never considered to eat before.

I was frightened by my thoughts. Was this a fight of sense control or was an astrological planet pushing me? Or was this the result of some bad karma I had? This negative side was taking control of me. If the darkness won, I was going to be impure and from this moment on, the outcome of my entire life would change forever. Was this to be the last day of my preaching life? Even of my service to Radharaman ji? I was praying Lord Krishn to help me from this situation. I was losing the battle between the forces of positivity and negativity; negativity was winning.

The waiter came and with all my courage I asked him, “Can I have an omelette please?”

WHAT? What did I ask? What was I doing? Had Chandan become so weak that even the scent of forbidden food could ruin his spiritual life? But I was truly defeated this time, looking at the waiter’s face, “Sorry sir, the omelettes finished just a few minutes ago.” The waiter replied.

I shook my head in disbelief. Now tears were rolling from my eyes. I was thanking Krishn. He saved His fallen devotee! He came today to save His servant…He came today to show that the forces of positivity still exist and will prevail!

With pain, I reached Dwarka and I entered the Dwarkadish temple. I held my head in shame. I was of no calibre to take darshan of Lord Krishn, the deity. A goswami from the temple came towards me with a peacock feather and said, “This is for you, it is a peacock feather plucked from His crown”. I was surprised! Amongst the whole of my family, why did this Goswami came to me or was I chosen by Krishn to have this? Then I reflected. Krishn from Dwarka is not accepted by the Brijwasis. He is the king in the city of Dwarka and embodies a completely different mood, compared to His mood in Vrindavan. But a peacock feather is something, which is common to both forms of Krishn, to the Krishn of Vrindavan and Dwarka, and peacock feathers are originally from His Vrindavan lila, which is accepted by every Brijwasi.

I took this as a positive sign but I looked at Him. I grabbed my ears and asked Him to forgive me. It was aarti time and I was right in front of Him, but His smile gave me a reassuring feeling. Almost as if He was saying, “Don't worry Chandan, I am always there for you. I take care of my devotees.” But this was not enough for me. I was feeling terribly guilty and I wanted to know why did I ask the waiter for an omelette on the train?

Sometime after my Dwarka trip was over, I went to Delhi for some work where I met one dearest devotee of Lord Shiv, spiritual aspirant and a Photographer by profession, Richa Maheshwari. She took me to an astrologer, which I had intended to do a few months ago. According to Richa, the astrologer knew me and my father. But his name was quite unknown to me. I went there, met the astrologer and showed him my chart. A few minutes after reading the chart, he spoke, “I hope you are not eating non-vegetarian food.” I replied, “No.”

“The planets are aligned in such a way, that they will provoke you to taste non-vegetarian for one more month.” He spoke again.

I was shocked and surprised after knowing the reason behind the omelette incident on the train. Time is very potent. In a Krishn lila, once Krishn saw the moon on the fourth day of August/September month. According to the scriptures, one is prohibited to see the moon on this particular day otherwise one gets bad fame. Thereafter, Krishn was falsely accused of stealing the Syanmantak gem and killing King Prasen.”

Krishn, by this story demonstrated the strength of the planets. But in the epic battle of Mahabharat, Lord Krishn showed that if you love Him, even if you are suffering, like the Pandavas suffered, and problems are chasing after you, He will come and stand before your struggles and rescue you from them, in each and every difficulty you will face.

My spiritual life is a gift from Lord Krishn. It is my rebirth. I thank Krishn, who wears a peacock feather, dressed in yellow attire, who is the destroyer of the three-fold miseries, and the only refuge for all souls. O Krishn, the attractor of the minds of the gopis, thank you for the most beautiful gift on my birthday. I forgot to turn to you when I was feeling alone but You, the Father of all souls…You remembered me and called me to Dwarka, to show me the right path.

Shri-krishna rukmini-kanta

gopi-jana-manohara

samsara-sagare magnam

mam uddhara jagad-guro

O Lord Krishn, O lover of Rukmini, O attractor of the minds of the gopis, please uplift me, for I am immersed in the ocean of birth and death, O spiritual preceptor of the universe.

Jagannath Yatra (Part-1)

2011-08-26T11:17:00.002+05:30

After my Haridwar trip I met one interesting personality, Rahul Acharya, Head Priest of Jagannath Temple, Puri, Orissa, who has become very close to my heart since both of us got along really well with each other, spiritually speaking, and we decided we would preach together in the future. He is such a treasure in simple terms, a real pearl, which I was searching on my Haridwar trip. Meeting with a great Vaishnav like him was just mercy of Lord Krishn, when he came to Vrindavan to visit me. During our first meeting I could feel Rahul bhai’s magnetic presence and his profound knowledge of the scriptures blew me away, which made me eager to get to know him more. He invited me to Jagannath Puri. I was hearing Lord Jagannath’s name and listening to the nectar of His glories during our chat.

Rahul bhai organized my trip to Jagannath Puri and told me, he was not calling me. In fact it was Lord Jagannath ji’s call for a Brijwasi. This was indeed a great mercy, I never thought about Lord Jagannath nor did I have the idea of visiting Him. After my Haridwar trip I was trying to go to Badrinath (the place where Lord Krishn meditates) but on five attempts, it was cancelled and finally I gave up on the plan. Jagannath Puri is the place where Lord Krishn eats and it is one of the main Holy places. If I am right, it is only the temple, which is revealed in the scriptures.

I was in Jagannath Puri in 1993 and I remember my mother told me, ‘Whatever you will ask Chakra, situated on the roof of the temple, remember it is non–different from Lord Jagannath Himself.’What would a 10 yrs old boy ask? I was in school and all I asked for was passing my exams, with first rank. I had given half yearly exams and I was awaiting the results at the time. I prayed so hard for the top spot. After I returned from my trip, my class teacher announced, I came first in rank. I was so happy! I always remember that golden moment of my life, when I felt the power of my prayers working but then a moment later she said, ‘You ranked first from the bottom.’ My heart, which was jumping so high, stopped working all of a sudden. Students started giggling, and I lowered my head, thinking, God you are very clever. It was my first ever experience of His naughtiness.

I felt so ashamed; I couldn’t face anyone and was thinking why did I ask this thing from God? Since then I became very careful with my demands and this time, when I was invited to Jagannath Puri, I was more conscious of my words because of that first unforgettable experience with Lord Jagannath. Rahul Acharya lives in Bhuvneshwar and I stayed at his home with his family. He wanted me to be a witness of the Hidden Rath-yatra, which falls every year in the month of October and starts from Nav-Durga, lasting 16 days. It was shocking to see how they follow nine days of Durga (Nav-Durga). Everyday they spent a lot of time on every minute details of puja and a major part of the day is used in the preparation only. I was thrilled, witnessing such detail in Puja but I was not fully satisfied by such preparation.

One day, I asked Rahul Bhai, ‘Why do you spend so much time on such details, maybe it helps you but you’re wasting a lot of time in preparation and whenever you’ll do Puja, little details will always bug you for example did you miss or overlook anything in your preparation? Infact during Puja, your mind will be more focused on details and not on Bhakti.’ He gave me some answers but none of them actually satisfied me. I understood this because of the upbringing of two devotees, Rahul bhai and me, was different. I was into devotion and he was into Jnana. Nevertheless, I was enjoying all of Jagannath ji’s nectar that Rahul bhai was sharing. I was getting more and more enthusiastic to take darshan of Lord Jagannath. One day, Rahul ji took me to the temple and asked me to follow him. He told me that we don’t directly go to take darshan of Lord Balram, Subhadra and Jagganath. It was my first visit and during Nav Durga, I received tense vibes inside the temple.

According to the custom temple priests visit temples, which are situated inside the premises of Temple. Rahul ji narrated all the pastimes stories of all those temples. By hearing the stories I was shocked to discover that they follow Goddess Durga more than Lord Krishn. After paying obeisance in all main temples we entered the Jagannath Temple. He first took me to the Garuda pillar, where Sri Chaitanya Mahaprabhu used to take darshan and Rahul ji showed me his finger prints on the wall. After paying my Pranaam to the sacred spot, and losing my patience, I eagerly moved to view the Jagannath deity, whose glories I had heard for so long. Once I moved, my heartbeat stopped. The temple was closed, so I asked Rahul ji to give me some time to chant. He left me in the courtyard of the temple and went for some work. My mother had given me instruction to do some chanting in the temple. But it was quite impossible to do when temple was crowded and people were screaming. After sometime, Rahul ji came and asked me again to follow him. As a blind follower, I went with him and asked him, where is he taking me? He said, ‘You will see.’

He took me away from the courtyard and asked me to enter another gate of the temple and told the guides and Pujaris, I was with him. Once I entered through the gate, Rahul ji asked me to stand in the queue. A security guard was collecting white colour receipts and when my number came, Rahul ji came with the receipt and handed it over to the guard. As soon as the guard allowed me to enter a section of the temple, I saw the gigantic deity of Jagganath! Rahul ji said, ‘I thought it would be good for you to take close darshan of the Lord of the Universe.’ Rahul ji left me completely speechless! I was struggling to find the words to express gratitude for this arrangement.

He instructed me not to take out any money from my pocket. He had grabbed my hand and said, ‘Don’t listen to anyone.’ I knew why he said that. From my childhood I had heard about the aggressive guides and pujaris of Jagannath Puri. They ask for money and speak harsh words to the devotees. I shook my head and went inside the deity room. The deity room was packed! Rahul ji was pulling my hand and I was following him. A few moments later, I was standing in front of Lord Jagganath. I could not believe it! Lord Jagannath was before me, I touched and paid my obeisance to the throne where Lord Balram, Subhadra and Jagganath were sitting and one by one, I took darshan of the main deities. Then Rahul ji took me in a small dark alley beside the deity room, which was a small parikrama for deities. After I performed a parikrama, Rahul ji put left me in the corner of the room and asked me to meditate Him.

The way everything happened, so rapidly, I felt there was no need to meditate with my closed eyes. I asked for forgiveness from God and gave Pranaam, on behalf of everybody: Radharaman ji, Girdhari ji, Mahaprabhu ji, all the Brijwasis, my family and all devotees. Soon after the Pranaam, security guard came towards us and asked me to leave because it was his lunch time. I stepped out from deity room, turned my face and started to take steps back, so by this I could see Him longingly…just a little more tonic to my eyes and let my eyes capture His extraordinary beauty.

But as soon as we left the temple, I felt, as if the entire experience was a dream. Sometimes we see dreams and when we wake up, we forget everything. It was the same case with me. My mind was blank and I could not enjoy this ecstatic moment in my life. I started to close my eyes to relive His beauty I captured on the way out, but He was not even coming. I became really sad. I recalled one verse from SB 10.31.15 “When You go off to the forest during the day, a tiny fraction of a second becomes like a millennium for us because we cannot see You. And even when we can eagerly look upon Your beautiful face, so lovely with its adornment of curly locks, our pleasure is hindered by our eyelids, which were fashioned by the foolish creator.”

I tried to remember my experience so I could enjoy those precious moments again, but I was failing in that too and I felt I had missed a golden opportunity. I was in the car, in the front seat and Rahul ji and his mother were sitting in the back. I was struggling with my thoughts and tears were rolling down on my cheeks.

I was completely lost in my sadness because I didn’t know when I could get another chance to be with Him again. With a very heavy heart, I left Jagannath Puri and started to blame myself. Did I commit any mistake or offense, which had made my God distant from me? How will I meditate on Him; His charming face, His sweetest smile, His beautiful eyes and glorify Him when I am not able to see Him in my thoughts anymore?

Which God to follow?

2011-07-28T01:36:00.011+05:30

I am often asked by devotees why don’t I preach about Shri Krishn only? Why don’t I spread the word of Shri Caitanya Mahaprabhu and teach people who the Supreme Godhead is? Devotees wonder why I am so liberal when I belong to a sect, famous for fanatics. But this is not true; not all of the Gaudiya Sampraday and the Acharyas are fanatical. As an Acharya, my first job is to make people spiritual afterwards make them capable to choose their own path. I don’t like to pressurize someone to follow this and that God. Secondly, I belong to the place where Bhakti Maharani (devotion) became young again. It is my own experience; at present everyone talks about different Gods but are not focusing enough on devotion. There is a need to focus on love i.e. devotion before focusing on God because devotion is the only key to meet God.

I always tell devotees that most relationships are made when we are born but there are two relationships that are made by our intelligence. The first relationship is made in the presence of God, when one chooses his Spiritual Master and becomes a disciple, and the second, in the presence of Fire, during the marriage ceremony when one chooses his life partner.

Please read carefully now. There are two types of weddings; one is a love marriage and the second is an arranged marriage. There are also two types of relationships with God, Love and Arranged.

Love marriages:

Have you ever wondered why anything is loved at all? The initial and most abrupt answer to this question is usually that the object is attractive; that which attracts and evokes the sentiment of love for that particular object. But why does that object appear attractive? There are two things in the world, which attract us immensely - the beautiful and the sublime. Nothing else can attract us in the same way. The full moon is beautiful; a blossomed lotus or rose is beautiful. We start to follow the Gods or Goddesses whose beauty we find attractive. When a girl loves a boy it is because she is attracted to some qualities, which he possesses. If that boy is imperfect for the girl’s family, the girl doesn’t care because she feels he is perfect for her according to her understanding and belief. If her family push her and ask her to divert her love to another boy, who is more perfect, it will be very hard for her to do so. In fact, she will become unhappy. What would happen if her family push her and make her marry someone, who they feel is perfect? The couple’s life will be miserable because there is no love between them. When love is not there, then there is a lack of devotion, dedication and respect. She will find it hard to attach herself in his service.

If you find someone who is a perfect match for you, and this person makes you happy and as a result, you are in relationship with him/her, lasting many years, will you leave him/her for your family because they think your partner is not suitable for you? You may say NO! No matter what, you won’t leave your partner. Very few of you will listen to your parents’ advice because you may believe that they think for your betterment only. Your family will consider education, family background, wealth, beauty, career etc, but what will you consider first? Love, and then you will consider future plans such as money and other things, which are also important aspects. So what is lacking between you and your family’s considerations? It’s Love! For you Love is the main factor, for your family it is the least important reason.

Let us take a situation where the girl is perfect (she can love, has wealth, comes from a good family background, has grounding in spirituality, and is smart) and has a perfect partner. What if she then makes others jealous and taunts their lovers, by degrading them and points out what they don’t have that her lover has? What will happen in this situation? Some girls will get angry, some will try to take revenge and some will try to change their lovers and try to find someone more perfect. Some will become unhappy because there is no use in proving he is perfect, when they are already in love with someone, who they believe is perfect for them. Just because of one girl the harmony will be disturbed because she is so proud to have a perfect match. In her bubble, she forgets people have different minds, and different mentalities and their priorities are different too. People use their intelligence and take their nature and moods into consideration when they search for someone.

Now imagine, if you are a girl who loves many Gods or Goddesses and someone who loves Krishn, Shiv, Durga or any other God, tries to shake your faith. This person tries to manipulate your beliefs by saying his or her God is the Supreme Godhead and your God is nothing or your God can give this but your God can only give this much. Such an act can disturb the harmony of the spiritual world. No one is allowed to degrade and insult other Gods and their devotees just because he or she worships a God, who is Supreme Godhead for him or her. Be happy with your Lord and let others be happy also.

Jiva Goswami says in Bhakti Sandarbha, “Lord Kapil has condemned the disrespect even of ordinary living beings, what to speak of disrespect of Lord Shiv & other Gods.”

Arranged Marriages:

One, who doesn’t have a lover, who is neutral, who believes that his parents, family and relatives will take the right decision for his life, goes for arranged marriages. In this marriage, one life is fully dependent on the decision of others and those people become the decision takers. He then accepts all the good and bad aspects of the decision of others. This marriage can be compared to someone who doesn’t know about love, spirituality or God and will surrender himself to a Spiritual Master, who will show him the spiritual path. The master will teach him how to develop love and devotion and focus on a relationship with God. But if I talk about my teachings, they are only based on Shri Caitanya Mahaprabhu’s pure instruction “Prema Purmurtho Mahan” (Love is Supreme); Narad Muni's Bhakti Sutram describes the Supreme Godhead as "The Supreme Love."

I don’t like to offend people and insult their beliefs; I fight for their rights and especially when it comes to love because I believe there are two reasons, which are very compulsory. Who is Pati-Vrata Patni? You may say “one who follows her Pati” (husband). This is not completely true. Pati-vrata Patni (wife) means one who follows her husband and his family, and keeps a good relationship with all of them. To follow the husband doesn’t mean to only love him, whilst you fight with his parents and his friends. To follow your husband means, to love his family, his beloved ones and to follow him. In the same way, one who worships His God should respect other Gods and Goddesses. By that, one can make his God happy. God never says, love me, but hate or ignore all other Gods and Goddesses.

The Gautamiya Tantra & Bhakti Sandharba say, “If one worships Krishn but disparages other deities, not only is there no question of attaining transcendent religion but even the effect of one’s previously performed religiosity is destroyed.” Therefore, in the incarnation for the Narayan Kavach atonement is provided for such an offence, “May Lord Hayasirsa protect me from treading the path of becoming an offender to the gods.” (SB 6.8.17)

According to Srimad Bhagwatam, “Element is one but nature is different.” The source of all incarnations is one. When we say, Ram, Rahim, Jesus and Buddha are same, why is there hatred? Secondly, in the Kalki Puran we find very interesting verse “If one worships Surya Dev (the Sun God) for a thousand years, he gets the mercy to worship Lord Ganesh. If one worships Lord Ganesh for a thousand years, he gets the chance to serve Mother Durga. If one worships Mother Durga for a thousand years, he becomes a Lord Shiv devotee, and if he worships Lord Shiv for a thousand years then he finally gets the chance to serve Lord Vishnu.”

It is stated in Adi Varaha Puran, “After properly worshiping Lord Shiv for thousands of lifetimes, a wise person whose sins have dissolved becomes a Vaishnav.”

In the Kartik Mahatmya section of the Padma Puran, Lord Krishn informed Satyabhama, “Just as rain water reaches the ocean, the worshipers of the Sun, Shiv, Ganesh, Vishnu and Shakti attain only Me. Just as one man named Devadatta is referred to by different appellations, like son, brother, and father, similarly I, Krishn, am one, but I manifest in five ways according to My different activities and names.

Fanatical people may think, “this proves that Krishn is Supreme Godhead”. Liberal people may think, everyone is in the cycle, why disturb other people’s faith when everything happens by the Lord’s wish and by the result of our past life’s action fruits. Each person chooses their God according to their mood, interest and attitude.

I believe in the scriptures and accept this Kalki Puran, this very verse and deep meaning of it. As an Acharya, my first duty is to make people spiritual and then show them the right path to follow, keeping in mind, their love and interest and using these points as a guide to direct people.

If Krishn and other Gods worship are like classes in school then according to Kalki Puran, Krishn's worship is like studying for a Masters. Now in this example what happens: those who are studying for a Masters, chastise their juniors and laugh at them instead of helping and giving them advice. They show a pride, which Lord Krishn never accepts. Pride is the biggest obstacle in devotional life. There is a very nice quotation in Mahabharat. Duryodhan said to Lord Krishn, “Hai Krishn! I know what Dharm is and I know what Adharm is but there is some invisible power, which is pushing and convincing me to do Adharm.” That invisible power is Lord Krishn Himself.

All of us may have different ideas on the nature and characteristics, the form and attributes of God. One person may believe that God has the form and qualities of humans. Another may believe in a God devoid of human form and merits but yet manifests in incarnations and someone else may believe in a formless God altogether. Each one of these examples can be found in the Veds. For those who have faith in God, and believe that God can be ours by love only, no matter what Yog or religion you practice or what kind of marriage you go into, the truth is, you will be happy by knowing everyone are on same path. :)

Search of real pearls

2011-07-23T23:56:00.004+05:30

A night of sadness… I was really sad because I experienced some problems with a few devotees and eventually I was finding ways to get some answers for myself.

I didn’t have energy to do my daily morning puja that day. But late in the night I decided I would try. When I sat for the puja, a strong thought wave came into my head and started to push me to go somewhere away from Vrindavan. The more I was going deep into my meditation, intense thoughts of leaving Vrindavan kept flashing in my mind. It was so shocking; I could not concentrate on my meditation properly and I was thinking why is this weird and overpowering idea hitting me so badly? Two places came into my head: first was Agra, because I had some registration work pending there, to register my organization, and my maternal family also live there, and secondly, I was thinking, Delhi would be nice because I can spend some time with Yogesh, my cousin.

But somehow, I didn’t want to do this also. I wanted to find answers and not just enjoy some leisure time. Every other moment of my sadhna was weighing heavily on me and I was feeling like someone was just pulling me away from my practice. Anyhow, I managed to finish my sadhna with the idea of going to New Delhi. I made a call to Yogesh instantly and asked him if he wanted to spend sometime with me. In my heart, I was waiting for him to say yes. Luckily, he agreed. I told him, within half an hour, I was planning to leave from Vrindavan. I instructed Yogesh to prepare my food and I let him know that I would be with him within 3 hours.

I got in the car, but I didn’t reveal anything to my family; it was late in the evening and they would not allow me to drive alone. I thought I would explain everything to them the next day.

I started my complicated journey. I was happy but at the same time confused with everything that was happening. Mid journey, I thought, what am I going to do in Delhi? Cook? Watch movies? This trip won’t be meaningful without spirituality. An idea struck me; go to Haridwar. I can take a dip in Ganga River there and have some quiet time and maybe I can search for some perals (sadhus) of our Sanatan Dharma and associate with them.

I made a call to Yogesh and asked him if he was interested in going with me, he said yes, but at the same time, Yogesh got an important call, so he put me on hold. Once he was free again, he called me back and asked if we can leave in the morning for Haridwar. It was a request from his fiancé, which undoubtedly showed he has someone very caring in his life. I asked Yogesh to make the most of his bachelor independency before marriage and he replied that it won’t be practical from any point of view to leave late as Haridwar is 5-6 hrs drive from Delhi.

‘We won’t get good sleep and whole journey will be tiring,’ I said. In fact, I told him that I will drive the car if he wants to sleep.

Once I reached Delhi, I called Yogesh and asked him to warm up my food, pack it and leave his house, as I didn’t want to delay our trip by sitting at his home and eating. He was excited for this trip too and was ready to leave for Haridwar as soon as I arrived at his place and off we went. When the Haridwar idea came into my mind, I was thinking ‘what was my purpose for going there? Was it to explore Haridwar's spiritual energy and observe those conditioned souls who are not getting a chance to enter Lord Krishn's adobe and wasting their time at the door (Hari- Lord Krishn dwar- Gate)? More importantly, I wanted to take a dip in the Ganga, at Har-ki-Paudi (Ghat of Ganga), which I had never done before. I asked Yogesh to drive the car as I had to eat. We started our journey and had good conversation on various topics. In the back of his mind there is a longing to join spiritual world but he wants to enjoy the material life too. It is not always easy to convince your friend. In Gita also, when Arjun (Krishn's friend) wasn’t able to understand Krishn because of his own fickle mindedness. Then Krishn gave up before his uncertain mind and asked him to surrender first.

On the way to Haridwar, at one police post our car was stopped by one drunken cop. He tried everything to find a fault, only a bribe could ‘fix’, but luckily everything was good. But here something strange happened…all car papers were inside the glove compartment and it was locked. I turned off the engine and gave a key to Yogesh to unlock it and asked him to show the car papers. After cops were satisfied they asked us to leave. I took the key back from Yogesh and when he returned it, the key had deformed. I was more then amazed what caused this key to bend. I asked Yogesh.

‘You gave the key to me like this only,’ Yogesh replied. I said, ‘Yogesh, this key can’t fit in the ignition like this. I gave you the key in good condition.’ ‘Bhai, I have no idea how it became deformed, I wasn’t even in the car,’ Yogesh replied.

Yogesh went out to find a stone to make it straight again and all cops started to look at him suspiciously. It looked like we had another key and what did this key open? I caught their thoughts and gestured Yogesh to mend the key inside the car only. After trying for 5-10 minutes, we made the key a little straight, started the car and headed off for Haridwar.

Once we reached the very energetic city, I was thrilled to see the morning liveliness of Haridwar. Devotees were all around, doing japa, chanting Holy Name, bathing in holy river Ganga and sitting on Her bank; spending some free time while meditating.

I said, ‘Yogesh, In Vrindavan, in the whole of Brij, either we see little bit of crowd at Mangla Aarti or after 10 o’ clock when darshan opens in various temples, but look here! It seems like it is a peak time at 6:30 in the morning.’

‘We find a small crowd in Loi Bazar (vegetable market) only in the morning,’ Yogesh replied.

It was such a different mood, and the best thing I liked in Lord Shiv’s land was the energy levels of His devotees, which I felt was more elevated than that of any other devotee I had come across. They know the importance of morning prayers and they rarely escape their puja. I was feeling so fortunate to share this beautiful and enchanting morning with all the sages and devotees in the streets of Haridwar, whilst we searched for a good hotel. Yogesh and I decided to find a hotel near to Har-ki-Paudi. But it was Sunday, Haridwar was packed and we were left with the choice of empty, filthy and dirty hotel rooms. After 2 hours of searching, when we actually ended our search, we managed to get an ‘ok’ hotel for a few hours.

We were really tired from driving all night on the highway, walking and travelling in rickshaws, through the alleys of Haridwar. So, we thought to take a nap before heading to Har-ki-Paudi. Yogesh went to sleep and I was buzzing with excitement since we reached Haridwar. So, while Yogesh was sleeping I thought I would do my chanting. While chanting and feeling calm, a disturbance occurred. My mobile rang. It was my mother.

‘Where are you?’ She asked. ‘Why are you asking this?’ I replied. I was pretty sure by her questioning she had definitely read my Facebook status ‘off to Delhi.’ ‘Where are you Chandan?’ I thought I would pull her leg. So, I replied, ‘I am in Delhi.’ ‘No, you are not in Delhi. Who are you with? What kind of urgency came in the night?’ She asked again. She became a bit suspicious or maybe the way I said, ‘I’m in Delhi,’ wasn’t convincing her. She caught onto my lie or maybe her sixth sense was coming into play. I got a bit annoyed by her suspiciousness. It was early morning, I was chanting and now all these question. I could not take it. So, I finally said, ‘Mata, I will speak to you after a little while.’ And I switched off my phone to chant more.

Now, while I was chanting, I was thinking about her. I was thinking she must be worried. In fact, it became another disturbance. So finally I called her and before she could speak, I asked her to give me chance to speak. She made me explain my situation. She felt really happy after hearing that my journey ended in Haridwar. She gave me few tips for my spiritual life and asked me to do some offerings for our family.

After I had a chat with her, I resumed my concentration on my chanting. Twenty minutes later, a sound broke my meditation. Someone was banging on the door. I found he was not even banging, he was trying to come in. I was really freaked out by it. I opened the door and a Nepali waiter was standing in front of me. I shook my head and asked what?

‘Is there a Chandan Goswami?’ the waiter asked. It was another freak out moment. I was shocked and again asked WHAT?

‘Is there a Chandan Goswami?’ He asked again. ‘No,’ I replied. It was my personal tour and I booked my room under my official name, not my initiated name, so it was pretty shocking to see someone asking about me. He went but stopped for a moment and again asked, ‘So there is no Chandan Goswami in the room?’ I gave him cold numb look so that he would walk away.

He was very surprising to me. I didn’t know which follower of mine was following me. I didn’t know who recognized me in the crowded alleys of Haridwar. I didn’t know how many hotels he checked before sent someone at our door. One and half hours had passed since we had checked in. So, many questions left unanswered in a few hours of this journey….

But it was just the beginning of the mystical day in the magical, energetic and lively city of the Sages, Haridwar. After a short nap we went to Har-ki-Paudi (Ghat of Ganga) to take a holy dip. It was really crowded. Many people were engaged in their prayers. Many were looking after their family’s belongings, and I could see many families holding hands with each other and taking a dip, whilst praying to Mother Ganga, to cleanse their mind and soul. It was such a warm feeling to witness so much love from people for their families. Yogesh and I found one place where the intense Sun was not burning the ground and we searched for a spot, which was carpeted. Yogesh felt a little shy removing his clothes in front of thousands of people and he looked for a changing room.

After few minutes, when he didn’t find one. I said, ‘In the crowd no one cares. If was only 5 or 10 people, then definitely they might look at you strangely. Change your clothes here and go.’

First, he went into the river and after touching the water he said, ‘It’s freezing!’ and he was happy to sprinkle the water on himself, instead of bathing. I asked him strongly to take a dip so Yogesh grabbed the iron chain, by the bank of the river and started to take a dip.

I screamed and said, ‘Go in the deep water to take a dip. Don’t act like a baby.’ He didn’t listen and after taking few dips he came out and said, ‘Your turn now.’

I happily went into the Ganga but after touching the water I understood why Yogesh rushed out quickly. The water was really cold and the strong breeze was making the situation harder. I looked at him and said, ‘It is so cold down here!’ He replied, ‘Now you know why I didn’t go in there.’

I went in the river and started to take dips. It was such a struggle after 6th or 7th dip. My ears were hurting, I had goose bumps and my body started shivering. But I had taken an oath to do precise numbers of dips. I started to chant to divert my mind and started to imagine I was not in the Ganga but I was Golok Vrindavan; in the nectar of love where I was not getting cold but warm feelings after witnessing the Supreme Love, Krishn with Radharani. While I was enjoying the darshan of Divine Couple, I diverted my mind and finished my target numbers of dips.

Once we finished bathing, we headed back to the hotel. Yogesh said he needed to reach home by 8pm in the evening because of a family dinner. It was already afternoon and we didn’t have any time left to do anything else. I became sad. We had planned to go to two Goddess temples and I was seeking real pearls (saints). Now, it felt like we had to dismiss all plans because we had to leave right away for Delhi. I was not in no position to insist anymore as I already had the fortune of having Yogesh with me and because of him I was in Haridwar.

We went to hotel and checked out. We picked up our luggage, filled some containers with Ganga water and left. I was happy with this trip and sad also because I didn’t get chance to find real pearls.

While I was deep in this thought, I got a call from my uncle’s house. I picked up the phone and said, ‘Radhe Radhe!!’ My grandmother was on the other end of the line. I was shocked because it was the first time I got a call from her. After I paid my respect to her, she said,

‘Chandan! Come home, I have some real pearls for you. I was amazingly surprised. I said, ‘What do you mean amma (grandmother)?’ she replied, ‘I have some real pearls for you come and collect them.’ I told my grandma I was in Haridwar and once I reach there, I will come and see her. After ending the call, I had a huge smile on my face and I started laughing to Lord Krishn. He was seriously very cheeky with me, as usual. The pearls I was seeking, He had given me. I made a call to my mother and told her about the whole incident.

She said, ‘Chandan, it shows Naughty Boy (Krishn) always loves to play with you. Wait and watch you are going to grab the opportunity to have real pearls of wisdom in your life.’

I cut the call and again started to wish for REAL pearls. :)

Let's go to South Africa

2011-04-15T17:57:00.001+05:30

There was something preventing me from going to South Africa for a spiritual awakening tour and each step I took closer towards the journey, I faced some hurdles. I had attempted to go there prior to this trip but I had a hard time with the South African Embassy and for some reason, I gave up trying. Then Karnamrita Dasi and Kalyani Dasi came to my rescue and gave me a new light of hope. Kalyani is a lawyer in South Africa and she knew exactly how to deal with the Government officers. On the other hand Karnamrita had charisma, which got things done. They found a woman, Moyo, in the Embassy who was ready to help me with my visa. Karnamrita phoned me in the evening and said “The Embassy has asked your travel agent to supply some more papers, which you have not yet submitted.” I called my travel agent who had hired another agent to handle my visa. He said “It is not true; the agent has confirmed the papers have been sent.”

When I passed this message to Karnamrita, she asked me to go early and re-submit the papers and she will try to get the visa. I collected all the relevant documents. At four in the morning thousands of devotees were taking part in the Vrindavan parikrama, on a Rang-bhari Ekadashi, playing Holi and screaming ecstatically “Bol Bansi wale ki Jay, Bol Shri Radheee!!!”

It was really hard to sleep all night because of the noise and also, I was anxiously waiting for morning to arrive. When the taxi arrived in the morning, I discovered my driver was none other than Sunil Goswami (Goswami of Sringar vat). Any chance of sleeping in the car faded away. He is a crazy driver and few years ago we had an accident whilst he was driving.

This time I asked Gusain ji to keep his car’s speed in limit. I was in no hurry. He replied, “Chinta mat karo guruji” (Don’t worry guruji). I was thinking in my head, the chinta (tension) had started as soon as I realised you were my driver.

We commenced our journey after paying obeisances to Shri Radha, Krishn and sweetest Vrindavan. Sunil, as usual, picked up his speed and I opened my eyes widely to watch the highway. Fifteen minutes into our journey, he attempted a risky overtake, so I again asked him to calm down as I was in no rush.

He took me seriously for five minutes and again resumed his fast speed. It was dark, a little foggy and visibility was poor. I was a slightly shaken by his driving and kept my hand on the hand break. After fifteen minutes I sensed something blocking the entire road. I screamed “Brake Lagao!” (Slam the brakes!) He suddenly hit the brake and the car tyres started to make screeching sounds, leaving skid marks on the road. I eventually pulled the hand break too and our car stopped, just a few feet in front of a tractor, which was obstructing the highway.

The driver intentionally turned off the lights, whilst smoking his Biri (Indian cigarette) on the side. It appeared to me as though he wanted an accident to happen. He glared at us, sat in his tractor, started his engine and cleared the road.

Sunil spoke “Guruji aaj tumne bacha liya, mere to pair kaap rahe hai” (Guruji! Today you saved our lives, my legs are still shaking)...I replied “Maharaj! I want to go to South Africa. Not be turned into ashes before I reach.”

“No matter what happens, I will drive slowly from now on” Sunil replied.

I had a feeling and some indications on the road that my work today won’t happen. But I thought I should still give it a try.

Sunil started to drive safely and we reached the Embassy on time. I submitted my papers there and discovered that the travel agent, who was hired for my visa application, had quit his job a week ago and this was the reason the Embassy did not receive any information. Later Karnamrita asked me to talk to Moyo about my Visa.

I made a call to Moyo. I don’t know who was on the phone but I gave all the references Karnamrita had asked me to give. But Moyo did not acknowledge knowing anyone by the name of karnamrita or any other person. She was none other than a jailer on the phone and I was sounding like a prisoner. She was just screaming on the line and asked me not to make calls to her and hung up the phone. I was like, Krishn! Am I going to greet such people in South Africa? No etiquette on how to talk to others, with civility. I told Karnamrita the whole story. This time she made a call, but it appeared to me that this Embassy actually loved to hang up the phone without even considering the plea of the caller. After four hours of calling and spending a couple of hundred dollars, Karnamrita hit jackpot. Moyo denied receiving a call from me and she was very disappointed because all this time she was waiting for me to call! Karnamrita told her that I had submitted all required papers. Moyo checked and realised that the papers were on the table since morning and no one made a log of them. But on request, she recorded my papers and told Karnamrita, she was leaving for South Africa now, so she could not help anymore.

I was so baffled. Whilst this drama was taking place my day was coming to an end and I was still waiting for some positive result. The officer on the counter asked me to come in the evening to check if my visa is ready. With pessimism, Karnamrita eventually asked me to wait for one more day. I had a feeling that I would reach South Africa, last minute. It was Thursday already; I had a Gaur Purnima program on the Sunday, and if I was not getting my visa on time, this big event was going to take, with thousands of devotees participating, without their main speaker...ME. It was actually the only key program in my itinerary. I made a call to one of my friend’s; I asked him if he could make lunch for me and if we could catch a movie afterwards. He was more than happy to accommodate me and I enjoyed a delicious lunch at his flat. Later, we decided to watch a movie, but my mind was distracted with the visa issue. I was constantly on the phone. Rekha, from South Africa, managed to get hold of a recommendation letter from the Immigration officer, which could help me to get the visa.

I went left the theatre room to credit my phone, whilst my friend enjoyed his movie “My name is khan.” I joined my friend at the theatre again after the intermission. I felt this movie was hard to digest; all the sad scenes were really weighing me down. I asked him if we could leave the movie. It was becoming difficult to tolerate anymore tears and sadness. We went out and started to discuss spiritual topics; my friend was having a tough time coping with spirituality as well as working. We had a deep, fruitful discussion and when he was satisfied, I dropped him at his flat and made my way back to the Embassy. The officer at the counter looked at me and said, “Maharaj, I will call you later.” After waiting two hours, he called me and told me my visa was not ready and to check again tomorrow morning. With a heavy heart, I left and reached my relative’s house, where I was staying for the night. Feeling edgy, I took a sleeping pill so that I could switch off from my crazy day of forty hours without sleep. It was very much needed. After having three to four hours sleep, I was up again and went for my puja, preparing for the long day ahead.

I reached the Embassy in the morning and I was the first one there. Even the staff recognised me now. The officer told me that my visa was not done yet, and to come back in the evening. I asked him “I have a recommendation letter from the Chief Immigration officer, will that help?” He replied “No.” Now, I had no other choice but to follow his order. I went in the car and read stories from scriptures so that I could spend some time with God.

I went in again at 3 o’clock but the officer asked me to wait. Others came to the Embassy got their visa and still, at seven in the evening, I was only the one sitting there alone, chanting the Lord’s name. The officer called me over, and he said seeing a young guru impressed him. He said he was a Muslim but he would love to know more about my teachings. I expressed my happiness at his curiosity and briefly explained to him the philosophy I follow. He said, my visa was not ready but by his personal request, the visa officer granted my visa and this was the only reason he asked me to wait. He asked me to forgive him for that. “Allah knows you didn’t do anything wrong, so don’t ask forgiveness.” I replied. My eyes sparked when I was handed my visa. After blessing the Muslim officer, I left the Embassy. I was more than happy to win this battle. Now I had to see if there were any flights available.

Luckily, I got my flight. To share this excitement, I made a call to my friend but he seemed busy so I went to print out my ticket and prepare my lecture, ready for Gaur Purnima. At night, whilst I was heading for the airport, Sunil took a wrong road and I had to ask him to be careful and get us back on track for the airport. He said “Guruji, don’t worry; I will drop you at airport on time.” I was thinking I wish Krishn was my Saarthi (driver) then I really would have no tension or worries. Sunil made me one hour late but when we reached the airport, he said “See! You are on time.” I looked at his face and replied with a smile “True.” There was nothing I could say or do. I just had to accept it. I checked in and asked at the counter if I could have an aisle seat. The officer claimed he has booked my request but after boarding the plane, I realised, he had lied to me and I gave me a middle seat.

When my journey started, one gentleman next sitting on my left was eating seafood and to my right, a passenger was eating non-veg. I was in the middle enjoying my Jain meal and smelling their food. I looked at their faces, smiling to myself and said to my heart, let’s go to South Africa. I had a feeling, this trip was going to be very challenging; I could sense some mystical powers obstructing me and I was constantly fighting against them. I boarded my transit flight from Dubai to South Africa. Now I was restless and overtired, due the strange symptoms and uneasy feelings I was experiencing over the last two days, yet I pretended to be ok. I was thinking…my goal is just to preach. When my duty is to spread the Holy Name, why am I being hampered? Who is obstructing me? Was it my enemies? Or some external forces? Or in fact Lord Krishn Himself? Whilst I was juggling my thoughts, I tried to freshen up before we landed and keep myself hydrated. After a while, I went to the bathroom and there was a note lying next to the sink, "Seat No. 24F (my seat number), Life is full of exams, don't worry you will have more.”

I was blown away yet happy. At least these exams were teaching me to fight and overcome difficult situations and by reading the words "Don't worry," I understood that God within my heart is taking care of everything. :)

Turning point

2010-06-04T00:35:00.000+05:30

Often I was asked by devotees, why in this early age have I chosen to follow this line of preaching as generally preachers aged 50+ preach around the world. I thought of sharing my hidden truth with my lovers. When I was in college, I got two bollywood movie proposals and a few offers from modeling agencies. One of my dear friends after college went for a cabin crew course and later he got selected for it so, a new glamour life which I was hearing from his mouth gave me an attraction to think about it too.

I started to think about my carrier as a model, actor or as an air host and I thought, I could go there and enjoy the glamorous life and eventually could become the first Bollywood Goswami from Vrindavan.

With the full desire of exploring my brijwasi beauty to the world, I went to my parents in the morning when they were enjoying their morning tea after their Puja. I told my father, that I know, I have to be in this spiritual line at some point of my life but I really want to do something in my life for my own and enjoy my freedom.

He asked me very calmly, "I understand your feelings; tell us, what do you want to do?"

I said, "I have three ideas in my mind and when I will reach the age of 35-40, I will have to leave those professions, so then I can join you spiritually and before then enjoy this material world nicely."

"Share your ideas with us." He again asked.

I still remember how I had collected guts to approach them because they never listened to my future plans before. By my father’s behavior, I was confident that today no matter what, he is in a good mood and he will grant my wishes. I started to share my innermost ideas with them.

I said, "I have got a couple of proposals for from bollywood. I am now thinking to try for bollywood. It is something which none of us (goswamis) tried in 500 yrs."

"So, do you want to run around near trees with actress?" He asked

I thought, this for sure I don’t want, no matter what. It looks like a waste of time and really funny in bollywood movies. Running here and there and singing a romantic song whether there is need or not. So I replied, "yes you are right I don’t want that and it happens in most movies."

I said, "I have another offer from modeling agencies. I just have to work on my physique and then I can try to be a model."

"So, if the Rupa Company (India’s most famous undergarment company) hires you then all Gaudiya followers will find the next generation guru in inners with half naked girls. Right?" He asked.

I thought, no matter what, he is saying the truth. To become a model obviously many times I will have to appear in front of the media in undergarments only. So, I said, "yes, you are right. I can’t do that."

Now, there was one last choice left, which was attracting me over the past few months. I said, "I want to be a flight attendant."

He replied very gently, "So you want to be a waiter in an aeroplane?"

I was shocked, I never thought or expected such a reply from him.

He continued with his words and said, "I can ask one my disciples in a 5 star hotel, and they will pay you the same salary which you will get as a flight attendant. Moreover, he said, he can give me that same salary here only if I’m STILL willing to work as a servant here."

Now, obviously my heart was broken and my father made me speechless. I was nowhere, my desires were killed very silently and all my dreams which I was seeing for past few months were disappearing in front of my eyes.

I looked in my father’s eyes, and he began with his words, "Chandan, if a plant gets whatever he needs in the beginning then lastly he becomes a tree, he can be strong enough and give shelter to many birds, humans beings, give fruits, oxygen and when he dies we can use his wood. He becomes useful but he can become that when we take care of him in the beginning only. In such a way, it is your time to study scriptures, so then by that age you can start giving shelter to devotees. If you want to join spirituality in your late thirties then when will you study and when will you teach and preach?"

Whatever he was saying, I was listening from one ear and taking out from the second. I was more concerned on my dreams which were killed silently just a few minutes ago.

Since, I had obtained a professional business degree; I wanted to do something in life. With a sad mood I came back to my room and there were one big portrait of Shri Radharaman ji. I was angry and frustrated. I asked him, "what do You really want? When I had my desires, you killed them. Now what? I am at that age where every young boy feel miserable. But today when I tried to live my life, you had broken my heart. Now what am I supposed to do?”

When the day was over and night arrived I went to sleep in anger. I saw a dream, I was playing hide and seek with a beautiful girl in the caves. Now it was my turn to seek her, I was running after her and she went in one dark cave and when I entered there, I couldn’t find her. There was a 5 year old boy standing there with his stick.

I asked him, "who are you?"

"Don’t you know me?" He replied

I said sarcastically, "if I knew you, then would I ask this question?"

He said, "you called me today to give you an answer."

"Did I? When? Lala! pahle je bata woh chori kaha hai? (boy, tell me first where is that girl?)" I asked.

"Forgot your morning questions? I came to give you an answer." He said.

I felt something in His voice and looked at him and asked, "who actually are you?"

"I am Radharaman. This girl you are seeking, is none other then Maya who is playing a hide and seek game with you and you are wasting your time to catch Her when I am here." He replied.

I realized His powers and presence there and I bowed down to Him and with folded hands started to look at Him.

When I am in front of you and gave you a birth in Vrindavan, as my servant, in a spiritual family to be a preacher but you want to run for Maya. In this human life, everyone wants to become what they think is good for them. But I gave you a birth not for chasing Maya. I want you to listen to your parents and start to live for others. Everyone lives for themselves. There are very few who lives for others.

I remember very nicely, after this dream was over, when I woke up I found that portrait which was hanging on my wall, lying next to me on my bed.

I was thrilled by this experience. From that day, I disconnected myself from the world for sometime and focused on Ekaant (Silence), started to study Vedant and adopted the Sidhaant (philosophy). And later, by Gurudev's permission, this dreamy boy started to act like a Guru. :)

A flight of emotions

2010-05-16T01:46:00.000+05:30

Today I was really miserable with my emotions. It was my last day in South Africa, but I was not prepared to leave just yet. I wanted to spend one more week in this beautiful country with all the sweet devotees. With a very heavy heart I reached the airport and I revealed my emotions to Kamaal prabhu: that I wanted to stay longer, that I wasn't ready to leave. He replied, “You can stay here as long as you want Maharaj.” But because of my commitment to go to Dubai, I had to leave on that day. Kamaal prabhu with his sweet family & Gauri were there to drop me at the airport. With my sadness I was going away from SA and thinking about all sweet moments of my journey. One girl from the airline ground staff was trying to flirt with me. She was approaching me again and again and complimented me on my diamond ring, my hair and attire. For each compliment I was smiling in reply. During the check-in time, while I was boarding, she came to collect the boarding passes of my queue and when my number came she grabbed my boarding pass and didn’t return it to me. I looked at her with a question mark on my face and she said, “I like Indians, and you are very handsome.” I took my ticket from her hand and walked away from there.

When I was sitting in the plane, I was called out again. I went down with curiosity and wanted to know what was going on. That girl who was bugging me all the time at the airport was there; she came to me and said, “Tell me one thing; what is it in you which is so attractive? It's driving me crazy.”

"By your action I am becoming mad right now mam." I replied.

"Can we exchange our contact details?", she asked

"Mam! Maybe I am attractive to you and you want to be with me, but neither have I liked nor am I allowed to do such things. I respect your feelings, I don’t want to hurt you, but I am not seeking anyone." I replied.

"But I still want you.", the girl replied.

"If you really want me, then chant Jesus' name and ask Him if He can show you any way to get me. Can I leave now? Allow me to go seeing a smile on your face. I don’t want to have a sad ending of my SA trip.", I replied and walked off.

While I was walking up the stairs, I was thinking: why do I encounter such girls? I came back into the plane. The passenger who was sitting next to me was from Singapore. We introduced each other; he showed me a photo of his wife on his mobile. She was Indian. They got married a year ago but now they live separately. He wanted his freedom and is living in SA for the last six months and she is living in Dubai with her relatives. He was on his way to Dubai to visit her for one day only to see if they could somehow work something out. I gave him an advice and pointed out his mistakes. I told him to wake up from his bachelor mood and to invest more time if he really wants the relationship to work. It was easy to talk with him because he had spent six months in South India and knew what Brahmins and Acharyas are. But this discussion was a cherry on the top of my sadness cake. The more I was looking for peace and a happy ending, the more I was getting involved in girl and family problems.

After the meal, everybody started to prepare themselves to sleep and he asked me to watch Avatar. He said, he is a fond lover of Indian movies but he wants me to watch Avatar. I replied, “I have watched it in Johannesburg.”

He said, “Watch it for me.” It was strange request but I thought there is no harm watching that movie again. So I did. A story of a blue couple. When the scene of the actor's initiation came and he became one of the members of the blue alien family, Neytiri (actress) and Jake (actor) went to the jungle and she asked him to marry a woman for he had become a part of her community. This scene was full of love and perfection.
I always have to smirk when Neytiri looks so sad when she talks about Ninat (another woman). That scene made me cry so badly. I had watched Avatar four times continuously and was constantly crying. I guess it was all my heaviness and emotions which were coming out when I was seeing the love between two souls. I was so confused with my emotions and wanted to know why I am acting in such a weird manner?

I became so sad; I stopped watching the movie and looked outside the window. I could see all the stars and the beautiful moon and its silver light. And when I looked down, I dicovered clouds with lightening and thunderbolts. My plane was between the sky and the clouds. It was such a mixed mood, deep, vast & calm sky and on the other side, thunders, rain, clouds and disturbance. I felt as this whole scene is my answer and started to figure it out. It was even abnormal to see such a scene.

I started to figure it out. The moon is like a God. All the stars are like saints and sages who are above all material bondages. The clouds are like a family or a married couple, when two clouds come together, they generate the lightning. This lightning is a baby or child who lights up the following generations. And I am in between of that as I don't belong anywhere as I’m traveling in a plane.

Since my birth I was taught by my family and community, “Your duty is to get married so another generation can come and serve Shri Radharaman ji.”

But since I had started my spiritual life, I had stopped thinking about that and was finding myself very happy in this single status. I was ignoring my mother’s request all this time because I wanted to shift in that beautiful sky as a star without touching the clouds. Moreover, when I had tried to be with someone who was perfect for me to marry, her family gave a big time problem for our relationship, so I had turned numb. But today I realized my mistake, I can’t ignore my duty, I can’t ignore my Shri Radharaman. I can’t ignore this birth. While I was thinking and juggling with my thoughts, this person who was sitting next to me asked, “Have you got your answer?” I asked him, "What?" He replied, “I don’t know why I asked this.”

I smiled at him and replied. "But I do." :)

Can one serve the Guru or Host?

2010-05-16T01:43:00.000+05:30

I came to South Africa because of Shri Radha Govind Ashram, PMB. The couple from this ashram had taken my shelter as a disciple and wanted me to spread the holy name of Shri Radha & Krishn. It was my first spiritual awakening tour here in South Africa. This couple was living a laborious spiritual life and was enthusiastic to learn more about Hindu Religion.

Unfortunately, there were some conflicts between their thoughts and that of mine. As I spend more time with them, I found myself bounded. It was because of their views as well as their behavior. I tried my best to explain everything to this couple but all my efforts were going in vain. They were not ready to listen and sticked at their meaningless point that When we are hosting you and spending money and energy then you shall follow us only. They didn't want me to go to meet other devotees who were their anti. When I went to meet other devotees this couple said, “Gurudev (i.e. me) has betrayed us, he has lied while we were hosting him.”

Earlier also , I had tried to make them understand that one cannot control his/her Guru in anyway. I am not a professional musician who will sing for one company only because I have signed the contract. But they blamed me every time saying that, “In Indian tradition, one should respect their host and should not visit their host’s enemies”.

If you have invited your Guru to come to you and enlighten you. And for the same you have made arrangement for his stay and everything else. Will you call this “hosting him” or “serving him”? It is an important point which I want every devotee, and especially my followers, should understand very clearly. I don’t want that any of my disciple and follower shall use such nonsense and act in such a stupid way in future.

Let me explain this by an example- There was a father with two sons. Both sons hate each other and don’t like to see each others face. Father had tried everything to sort out the troubling issues between them but nothing worked. Suppose, elder son is taking care of his father. Now,

* Does father has to take elder son’s permission to meet his younger son?
* Can the elder brother say to his father that - “Don’t meet the younger brother. I am feeding you and taking care of you. I am your host. Don’t meet my envy“?
* Can the elder brother ask for some money from his younger brother to meet the father?

Now use your intelligence and tell me- What will you call it?? ‘Control on father’ or ‘unconditional service to father’? Can son HOST his father?

According to me, son should serve his father and not control his father or put any condition for his service. We don’t host our family, we host only guests. Further, if father meets his younger son, without intimating his elder son and the elder son, after finding this, throws the belongings of his father out of his house. What will you call this behavior? Isn’t it Ego?

Can he say that his father has cheated him by meeting the younger son without permission? Can he say that—“I am bearing all your expenses and the younger son has done nothing for you. If the younger son wants to meet you, he should bear at least half the expenses.’ Can he blame his father as -a cheat, a bogus, a liar for what he has done. Can he?? Now the question comes, who can control whom? According to Hindu religion, Son can’t control his parents because son is a part of parents. He always has to follow them, no matters what they do or ask. But father can control his son because he is his father and more elder to him. And he knows everything better then his kid. Lord Ram and Lord Krishn are the best example of that. They never disobeyed their parents.

How fight starts between young boy and parents in the present world? Young boy starts thinking that he knows everything and feels like his parents are ruling him. He believes what he is doing is right. But actually parents have more experience. They have gone through all such things so they tell & advice their children for their betterment. Now if one won’t listen to his parents and won’t even give them the chance to teach him then he is actually disobeying his parents and being Stubborn. If you say to your parents that-“ I know, I am right” and stick to it despite of your parent’s advice then obviously you are disrespecting your parents. You are not giving them the chance to teach you. When one feels that he is right and intelligent then he actually closes the door for everyone to tell him why he is wrong. That is the time when conflicts starts and one’s ego grows which leads him to the darkness.

It is a materialistic story but if you take it in a spiritual way, Guru is the spiritual father. When you take initiation you surrender yourself and you make the very divine relationship with your Guru. He becomes your father and you become his disciple. Now who is supposed to follow? The Guru or The disciple? If disciple is saying that –“Guru dev! you think you are right, please think again, because I think I’m right”. It shows that he has not surrendered to his Guru. He is still following his own things and he doesn’t want to follow his Gurudev. He is being stubborn and thinks that he is more intelligent then his Spiritual Master. I remember one more story from Gita. When Arjun was on the one side, asking Lord Krishn to show him the right path and on the other hand he was arguing with Him. Then Lord Krishn told him, if you really want to listen then surrender first. After surrendering Lord Krishn very firstly spoke about Karma Yog because of Arjun's attitude. What is Karma Yog?

"Karma Yog is selfless service unto humanity. Karma Yog is the Yog of action which purifies the heart and prepares the Antahkarana (the heart and the mind) for the reception of Divine Light or attainment if Knowledge of the Self. The important point is that you will have to serve humanity without any attachment or egoism." The practice of Karma Yoga prepares the aspirant for the reception of knowledge of the Self. It makes him a proper Adhikari (aspirant) for the study of Vedanta. Ignorant people jump at once to Bhakti Yog or Jnana Yog, without first having a preliminary training in Karma Yog. That is the reason why they fail miserably to realize the Truth. Various impurities lurk in the fourfold mind (Antahkarana). The mind is filled with likes and dislikes, jealousy, etc. They indulge in all sorts of useless controversies, vain debates and dry, endless discussions. Their philosophy is only on their lips. In other words, they are arrogant.

A man who is easily irritable and who can easily be offended for trifling things is absolutely unfit for the path of Karma Yog. He should have all the organs under perfect control. He should lead a very simple life. He should bear insult, disrespect, dishonour, censure, infamy, disgrace, harsh words, heat, cold and the pain of diseases. He should have absolute faith in himself, in God, in scriptures and in the words of his Guru. If he leads a life of luxury, if he wants everything for himself, how can he share his possessions with others? He should burn his selfishness to the very root. Let me remind you the words of the Gita: "Restraining and subduing the senses, regarding everything equally, rejoicing in the welfare of all, these alone come to Me." Such a man becomes a good Karma Yogi and reaches the goal quickly.

If you organise programs and do something FOR YOUR GURU, it is known as service to your Guru not hosting. Not a single disciple can control his Guru by saying that, Guru, if you will go there then I will leave you. It shows if Guru will go there then your EGO will get hurt. You can’t host ( or control) your Guru. As a disciple, you can only serve him unconditionally. And as a father, he is free to choose wherever he wants to go because he is not the father of one son. So please be clear, a single disciple shall not take himself as a host. If you have really surrendered yourself to your master, the word ‘I’ should not exist. What is the use of this word now? What is making you so egoistic? Have you forgotten Gita and Bhagwatam?

There is still one point left--- If I went to see another son (devotee) without asking them- Had I lied to them?

Firstly, when I went to meet my disciples, this couple didn’t ask anything to me and I also didn’t speak anything to them. So it was not telling a lie. Secondly, if one has a problem with other person, that is his personal materialistic problem, he should not bind his relatives, friends and others, especially his Spiritual master, to follow his wish.

Also, according to Mahabharat Udyog parv, one can speak lie in 8 circumstances. One of those 8 circumstances is when one is going for Hari Katha or to attend lord’s program.

“Leave them those who keep you far from devotees and God because they are being conditional and trying to control you”. Skand Puran 5.5.18

The example are given also, Bali Maharaj had rejected his Guru Shukracharya. Vibhishan rejected his relatives, Prahalad Maharaj rejected his father, Bharat rejected his mother, Brijwasis rejected God Indra, Gopies rejected their husbands.

Even IF you are hosting a Guru, ved says, “Atithi devo bhava” which means “Guest is your God”. But such thing could happen when they were NOT my disciple but even on that time also, such insult would harm the host. Because you are not allowed to treat your guest badly in any way. The exact vedic hymn is,

Dharmam charah satyam vada adhyanaat ma pramati-tavyam

Matri devo bhavah Pitr devo Bhavah Acharya devo Bhavah Atithi Devo Bhavah

"Follow dharma, speak truth, and never show your laziness to study the scriptures, Mother is like God, Father is like God, Spiritual Master is like God and Brahmin Guest is like your God."

This couple loves their material parents but forgot how to behave with Spiritual parent. If you cannot think of insulting your material father because he is your father then how can you even think to do such thing with your spiritual father and put the conditions? I was thinking, if one day their father/son will go to enimies house then what this couple will do?

When you don’t know how to pay respect to your Guru, then I doubt on the existence of your very so-called spiritual life. Always understand, Spiritual father is far superior then your parents. Always pay your respect and follow your guru order's as God order. If you won't and start to insult your Guru then get ready for the punishment from God & Guru, if you don't believe then watch this couple's future to learn a lesson.

The unsaid truth

2010-05-16T01:39:00.000+05:30

People say spiritual preachers are bogus. They run after money and women. They are mostly involved in illicit sex and misuse their position to fulfill their own desires. I can’t say that this is wrong but I don't fully agree with many things. Being born in a spiritual family is an advantage which has helped me to see the views of devotees and gurus. Since birth, I have seen all the ups and downs of so many lives of different gurus and know the real faces of many gurus. When I chose to pursue the spiritual line myself, my family was worried because of my looks. They thought many women could be attracted to me and there would be plenty of chances that I could fall down from the high standards. They always taught me to never use the donation money for your own living, but to use it to fulfill the purpose it has been donated for. Otherwise you, your family and many generations after you will suffer.

It is true, if you are a successful guru, you can get whatever amount of money you want. The society nourishes the faith in Guru & God and people who have this faith in the Guru’s words donate money. Because of this MANY stupid preachers are preaching in this world, although they don’t even have any knowledge of shastras. Many of them are soft-spoken and use all the marketing tools and I guess these are the only key of their success. But since I am pursuing the same line and by God's grace having read many scriptures, I explored their dirty mentality of making money.

I must say, they are making fools of themselves and basically they are cheaters. Since I have started giving Srimad Bhagwatam katha, people have started to take me in such a way, many of my so-called friends approached me with their money making experiences and said, “Money is not God but the value of money is not less than the God in Kaliyug.” Once these words left a heavy impression on my mind when I was on my England tour. I was not so happy with my program schedule. Because of my cousin brothers and other preachers’ influences, I acted in a weird manner; I called a few devotees and a couple of temples asking them to invite me. I hate to be invited from people who are inviting me because I asked them to do so. It is against my moral conceptions. Because I am here with my self-respect and those devotees who want to listen to me, who want to hear Hari-Katha and get my association will invite me. I am not here to make money. I am seeking love, respect and most importantly devotion.

It was written in my destiny to call them, and so I did and planned my whole trip. It was my first and last mistake and the England trip was not a successful one. I neither gained nor lost anything, but I learnt a lot from that. I am a Vaishnav. Nowadays many stupid things are dominant in the culture, people want your CD or DVD first if you ask them to arrange your katha, they want your flyers, they want to know how big your ashram is, and they want to know how many charity programs we run and so on. They don't just see how you speak and what the standard of a preacher is. Who are they to decide who speaks nicely? Are they looking for Pure Harikatha or artificial preachers where money is involved? The funny thing is that 95% of the bhagwatam preachers have never even passed high school. All of them were a failure in school and so their parents told them to start preaching for money.

I made a rule straight after that, no more artificial Bhagwatam katha and no more calling anyone to organize my program. If there are pure Vaishnavs, who would like to hear Hari katha from anyone, I would be very happy to recite Hari-katha there only. No more drama and show off. I don’t want to be a fancy Srimad Bhagwatam preacher. I am the Acharya and I have to behave like that only.

Sastroktam dharmam uccarya svayam acarate sada

Anyebhyah sissayed yas tu sa acaryo nigadyate

“He who always presents the scriptural injunctions, who follows them himself, and also teaches others to act accordingly, is called an Acharya.

Since then, many devotees tried and asked me to give them my CD so they can watch it and arrange my programs in their cities. It is not their fault.

Krishn nitya dasa jiva taha bhuli gelo

Sei dose maya tara golaya bandhilo (Caitanya Caritamrta)

“The living being has forgotten that he is Krishn’s eternal servant, and due to the fault maya has bound him around the neck.” I know the value of Guru Name and I am not going to misuse it for the sake of money. NEVER.

I have seen the standard of money-minded preachers and these organizers and I always pray to God for their betterment.

Wherever money is involved, sex definitely finds its place after sometime. The spiritual world is non different from the material world now. Both things have taken place in kaliyug.

In the past I met 6-7 topmost astrologers in different places with my chart and each of them said, “Maharaj, you are a flower, and honeybees are there to suck your spiritual essence. It is upto you how to save yourself when you are in this line. Because once you are sucked on, your downfall will start.”

Women have always approached me with their stupid intentions, so I wasn’t really worried about the astrologers’ words. I thought, why should I be worried with this, since the beginning I am handling such things and I am doing fine in controlling such women.

Since I have started my spiritual life and became a Guru, I guess I can understand why many gurus fall down from their standard. It is one of the facts which gurus don’t want to discuss because of their reputation. After starting the Srimad Bhagwatam discourses, many girls and women approached me directly; all of them wanted to talk to me every night or wanted to be my friend or my dasi, or to be my woman for a day or for a certain period of time or for life. Many girls have approached me with their families and it makes me very sad to say that their parents were coming with them and asking me to talk with their daughters or wanted my contact number for their daughters. My heart was crying to see the big change in the Hindu culture. Are kids ruling their parents or are the parents really blind and have no sense for what they are doing? I have experienced and heard so much from my family and friends, that women try to sleep with their spiritual master so they can get blessed. I always ask, how do these mad women get blessed by this?

A guru tries to help everyone and we never see who is approaching us. All we do is, we try everything for the betterment of those who take shelter with us. But in India, I am really shocked to see such stupidity. When we go to any city to recite the lectures, Harikatha etc, people approach us to help them. Women or men come with their questions like; my husband's business is going down, what can we do to save it by your blessings? My boy/girl is very old now and unmarried; please tell us something for his/her marriage? My son is not doing well in exam, how can he focus his mind on the books? What is the future of my son/daughter? We have family problems because of such and such person, how can we get rid of that? My brother wants to switch his job, when is a good time to do that? The real problem appears when the Guru starts counseling a woman when she is stuck in a big mess. A woman lays open her emotions and shares her secrets with the Guru so that he can save her from all the problems. The Guru tries to make her feel confident and later, the woman thinks that this Guru is the man of her life and she falls in love with him and acts crazily to get him.

I remember many incidents in my life where only my heart cried. Once I was in Delhi to give lecture, a few of my followers had arranged my stay in their house. In the night, the daughter-in-law of that family came into my room with her husband and said, Maharaj! I want a second child. I replied that “This is nice. I will give you one mantra and the process of puja which a pregnant lady has to do when she desires to serve Lord Krishn as her baby. This whole process and mantra is written in one scripture and we give diksha of that mantra to our followers.”

She said in front of her husband, “We want that you should be the father of that child.” I almost fainted but I replied, I would be his spiritual father that is what I am for each of my disciples. But her husband said, Maharaj, she wants to raise your baby in her womb so our whole family and the future would be blessed, and then they grabbed my feet.

I became so angry because of their stupid behavior. But that was not the moment to say anything to them. Even I didn’t want to make a big scene in front of their family. I asked them to come back the next morning. After they left, I was thinking, Alas! What is happening with everyone? Why God! You are playing with your devotees who are trying to save every conditioned soul in this kaliyug? Why are you testing your devotees when our intentions are pure? Or is it our routine check up? Why are you using those devotees who are struggling with their devotion? I know some answers are unsaid but it gives so much pain in my heart.

The next morning after the class, I left that house and warned both of them. Since then, I have experienced so many disgusting cases which only made me cry but also made me stronger, that I have so much work to do and fight this disgusting idea of illicit sex. I always get proposals from women as well as men. It made me realize how tough this job is when such kinds of people exist in this world who attend the classes to look at your external beauty, who listen to your lecture to hear your sweet voice, who try to get the blessings so we can touch them. The whole idea is so sick and I believe in most cases, the Gurus who have fallen down from their standards are not the only ones who are wrong. The society is equally wrong as well. The arrow of Kaam-dev is one of the strongest weapons and only Shri Krishn won that in Maharaas, not even Lord Shiv won.

Guru Krishn rupa hon sastrera pramane (Caitanya Caritamrta)

“The Guru is another form of Krishn.”

Lord Krishn said in Srimad Bhagwatam (11.17.27)

Acaryam mam vijaniyan navamanyeta karhicit

“O Uddhav! You should consider the acharya meaning gurudev, to be I Myself, and never disrespect him.”

For me, the most valuable item I carry is Reputation, Prestige, the state of being held in high esteem and honor- The Guru position. I always pray to God that He may give me enough strength, so I can keep this reputation of Guru Name and worship this post as Krishn only in this kaliyug.

Who is the Supreme Godhead?

2010-05-16T01:34:00.000+05:30

Devotees ask me often, who is the Supreme Godhead? Is Krishn Supreme Godhead? Is Vishnu Supreme Godhead? Are Krishn and Vishnu same or different? Is Lord Shiv Supreme? Is Shakti Supreme Goddess? Today I am thinking to clear all devotees’ doubts. I will write here all the differences and try to let you know why our sects have differences. (I won’t talk what Sampraday Acharyas said. If you want to know the answer ‘why I’m not’. Read this article)

As all of you know we have some main scriptures. 3-4 Vedas, 18 Purans and 17 sub-Purans, 19 smirities (law books)

But the problem is, “Shurti Bhinna Smirti Bhinna” Ved have differences, law books have differences and Puran also speak different things. So I will try to talk about Purans here because they talk about Supreme Godhead.Ved talks about Brahm and Smritis talk about Gayatri mantra and how to save ourselves from any offenses.

1. According to Brahm-vavrta Puran, Lord Shri Krishn is the Supreme Godhead and Supreme Personality. He resides in Golok Dham and from Him Lord Vishnu, Lod Shiv and Lord Brahma incarnated. Lord Vishnu is the part of Lord Krishn according to this Puran who works for Lord Krishn. Lord Vishnu resides in Vishnu-lok (Vaikunth) and He is the organ of all universes.

2. According to Padma Puran, Lord Vishnu is the Supreme Godhead. First of all, He had born Prakati, afterwards, Mahatatv, Tan-matra, Panchbhut. From His naval-ring, Lord Brahma had born who created the world.

3. According to Brahm Puran and Shri Harivansh Puran, Lord Narayan is the Supreme Godhead. First of all he made the water; by His power he had manifested one big golden egg in the water. From that egg Lord Brahma appeared who designed the world.

4. According to Vishnu Puran, Lord Vishnu is the Supreme Godhead. First of all, Lord Vishnu had born two personalities Prakati and Purush and all emotions. By their mixing one golden egg appeared, from that egg Maha-Virat or Maha-Vishnu came out. He divided into 3 forms, Brahma, Vishnu and Shiv to create the world.

5. According to Narad Puran, Maha-Vishnu is the Supreme Godhead who appeared in the three forms Purush, Prakarti and Time. These forms started to create the world and later changed into Brahma, Vishnu and Mahesh.

6. Srimad Bhagwatam Puran, Lord Hari is the Supreme Godhead who created the Maya first. From Maya Mahtatv, Tanmatras and Pancabhut appeared. By their mixings Golden egg appeared, from that egg Maha- Purush appeared. From Maha-Purush (Virat-Purush) all Gods, Goddesses, Demons, Human beings etc appeared.

7. According to Markandeya Puran, Param-brahm-Prameshwar is the Supreme Godhead who born Prakati first. By her support Mahtatv, Tanmatras and Pancabhut appeared. By everyone support golden egg manifested. From golden egg Brahma, Vishnu and Mahesh came out who are the creator, maintainer and destroyer of the world.

8. According to all Shiv Purans like Ling Puran, Shiv Puran etc, Lord Shiv is the Supreme Godhead. Who incarnated as a light in the beginning of this world. He born Shakti first then Mahtatv, Tanmatras and Pancabhut appeared by Him and later He born Brahm and Vishnu who started to create and maintain the world.

9. According to Devi Bhagwat, Goddess Shakti is the Supreme Personality. From her Brahma, Vishnu and Shiv appeared, and she distributed the work to them.

10. According to Ganesh Upnishad, Lord Ganesh is the Supreme Godhead and Brahma, Vishnu and Shiv manifested from Him only who respectively are the creator, maintainer and destroyer of the world.

11. In few scriptures as well as Veds Lord Sun is the only Supreme Godhead.

Confused? Don’t be now I will speak minute stuff which will make you more confused.

1. Purushamevedam sarvam eko RUDRO na dwitiyaay vidyate |

These Vedic Mantras mean “there is only one PURUSH who is creator, sustainer and annihilator of this Infinite Cosmos. THAT PURUSH is RUDRA ( BHAGAVAN SHANKAR ). ’’

In NILARUDRA Upanishad, it is said that – “ those who differentiate between BHAGAVAN VISHNU and BHAGAVAN SHANKAR goes to the darkest region of Maya.

2. Mahabharat contains Srimad Bhagwat Gita in where Lord Krishn said, He is the Supreme Personality but in same Mahabharat, In the Anushasana Parvan, Book 13, we find this prayer to Shiv:

yo asrijad dakshinad angad brahmanam loka-sambhavam

vama-parshvat tatha vishnum loka-rakshartham ishvarah

yugante chaiva samprapte rudram angat srijat prabhuh

'He is the Lord (ishvara) who from his right side created Brahma the creator of the world and from his left side created Vishnu for the protection of the world. And at the end of the Yuga the mighty Lord creates Rudra from his body.'

In the other story in Mahabharat, Lord Vyas Dev tells Kauravs that Parshuaastra (weapon of Shiv) won’t give any harm to Lord Krishn because Lord Krishn is Lord Shiv’s devotees.

”The blessed Vishnu said: "I salute Mahadeva. Salutations to Thee. O Thou that art eternal origin of all things. The Rishis say that Thou art the Lord of the Vedas. The righteous say that Thou art Penance, Thou art Sattwa, Thou art Rajas, Thou art Tamas, and Thou art truth.” (The Mahabharata, Anusasana Parva Section XIV)

3. According to Srimad Bhagwatam, Lord Krishn- Narayan- hari is the Supreme Godhead but Srimad Bhagwatam reveals this also

SB 8.12.39: My dear Lord Śambhu, who within this material world but you can surpass My illusory energy? People are generally attached to sense enjoyment and conquered by its influence. Indeed, the influence of material nature is very difficult for them to surmount.

SB 8.7.31: O Lord Girīśa, since the Brahman effulgence is transcendental to the material modes of goodness, passion and ignorance, the various directors of this material world certainly cannot appreciate it or even know where it is. It is not understandable even to Lord Brahmā, Lord Viṣṇu or the King of heaven, Mahendra.

SB 8.7.32: When annihilation is performed by the flames and sparks emanating from your eyes, the entire creation is burned to ashes. Nonetheless, you do not know how this happens. What then is to be said of your destroying the Dakṣa-yajña, Tripurāsura and the kālakūṭa poison? Such activities cannot be subject matters for prayers offered to you.

SB 8.7.33: Exalted, self-satisfied persons who preach to the entire world think of your lotus feet constantly within their hearts. However, when persons who do not know your austerity see you moving with Umā, they misunderstand you to be lusty, or when they see you wandering in the crematorium they mistakenly think that you are ferocious and envious. Certainly they are shameless. They cannot understand your activities.

4. Vishnu puran 5.33.46

Yo hariH sa ZivaH sakSad yaH zivaH sa svayamM hariH

Ye tayor bhedamAti stahan narakAya bhave nnaraH

Whoever is Lord Hari, He Himself is Lord Shiva indeed.

Any human being mistakes both the lord to be different, he/she surely go to hell

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Are you confused now? Confusion creates questions. My questions are given below which shall be considered:-

1. We say infact it is written in the scripture, Srimad Bhagwatam is the essence of the Purans. Question comes here... In Bhagwatam there is not a single story from any Shiv's Purans. How can it be an essence when from 17 Purans, half of them are not there? Right?

2. According to scriptures, one who sees the moon of Ganesh Chaturthi gets the wrong blame in the future. Once Lord Krishn saw that and got the blame on Him that He killed and robbed 'Mani'.Gem). Later Lord Krishn had proved that he didn't do that. Since that all devotees never see the Ganesh Chaturthi moon. Eventually all Gods hide themselves inside their deity rooms on this particular day from the moon. When Lord Krishn appeared on the earth, and spread the message everywhere that He is the only Supreme Godhead, then why did he get affected by that moon who belongs to Lord Ganesh?

3. Mainly Lord Krsna, Lord Shiv and Sri Durga Maa are only three supreme personalities which are mentioned in scriptures. There are other two also, and incarnation of Lord Shiv, Sankaracharya put these 5 idols on the altar for worship. He didn’t want us to get confused and start to fight who is Supreme. If we accept one scripture then second scripture is definitely wrong for us which is an offense. So to finish that offense, He put these five Gods on the altar.

4. In our hindu calander, Kartik and Vaishakh months are dedicated to Lord Krishn, Saavan to Lord Shiv and two Nav durgas to Sri Durga Maa. Not other months are dedicated to any other Devta.

5. Lord Shiv meditates Lord Krishn, Lord Krishn meditates Sri Radha ji. So who is Supreme?

6. Lord Shiv worships Lord Krishn and Lord Krishn worships Lord Shiv. However, Sri Durga never worshiped them.

7. In many Purans and our vedic scriptures it is clearly mentioned that Lord Krishn and Lord Shiv worshiped Sri Durga. Why did Lord Krishn or Lord Shiv do that when they were Supreme?

8. Only focus on those shloks which has our stuff in them doesn’t mean we can deny other shloks and facts.

9. When Lord Krsn is ONLY Supreme Godhead then why did He worship Lord Shiv for Sudarshan Chakra. Sudarshan Chakra used to belong Lord Shiv only. After got happy by Lord Krishn tapsaya Lord Shiv gave his Charkra to Him. (Shiv Puran)

10. Could you show me any shloks where Lord Krishn worshiped His other devotees and sang a prayer for them?

11. Did Lord Krsna sang a prayer for any other devta? Why Lord Krishn worshiped only Lord Shiv and Sri Durga?

12. Worship of Shiv take us to Krishn. Worship to Krishn take us to Sri Radha(form of Durga) Who is actually Supreme? Shiv? Krsn? Durga?

13. In the Shiv Rahasya Chapter in the Skanda Purana, there is a shloka of 40 verses where Vishnu praises Lord Shiv as the Ultimate truth etc. but srimad bhagwatan says Lord Krishn is the Ultimate truth.

14. In Padma Puran it is written, Lord Ram installed Rameshwar (Lord Shiv) deity and worshiped Him. On the second hand, Valmiki Ramayan is silent. Now either Padma Puran is right or Valmiki Ramayan.

15. Why does Lord Krishn praised Lord Shiv and Durga Maa as 'THE ORGIN OF THE CREATION' several times? He didn’t praise anyone else like that. What was the reason which made Lord Krishn to speak that? Did He lie? I guess He never Lies. Right? On the one hand He is saying He is Supreme. On the Other Hand He is praising THEM Supreme also.

16. When Lord Vishnu is the part of Lord Krishn according to Brahmvavrta Puran but on the other hand Vishnu and other Purans say that Lord Krishn is the part of Godhead Vishnu, then who is Supreme? Is Golok Supreme or Vaikunth?

There are so many questions and so many differences in Purans, I can write a good book on that. But let me tell you the answer of all questions.

Never do worship of Shiv because He is Vaishnav. It is somehow you are committing offense. Ok He is Vaishnav but in many Scriptures it is also mentioned that Lord Krishn worshiped Lord Shiv. So should we worship Lord Krishn as the greatest SHAIV? NO. We should worship both of THEM as The Supreme Personalities.

I do not see any point in arguing then that this idol is supreme compared to the other idols unless I forget what the ideal behind the idol stands for. This is the reason I believe that Bhakti without proper understanding can lead to fanaticism. History indicates that there were Vaishnavaits and Saivates who were killing each other in the name of Bhakti. This was no different from what Muslims did and still do and Christian did through crusade wars and still does by converting masses now by showing a caret instead of sword. In a same manner, Gyan without Bhakti can lead to intellectual arrogance. I feel that with true Bhakti, Gyan should develop; and with Gyan, Bhakti should develop. This we can see in our lives. We need the devotion (Bhakti) to achieve the goal we seek – And we develop understanding (Gyan) of the goal as we devoutly work to achieve it. These are similar to the two wings of a bird. So I do not see any meaning in arguing that Bhakti is superior to Gyan or Gyan is superior to Bhakti. Start anywhere that appeals to you -Bhakti or Gyan - if you have true devotion to the Lord, Bhakti, or true Gyan, a clear understanding, then one should develop the other. That in fact becomes the definition of what a true Bhakti or real Gyan is! Bhakti is not exhibition of intense emotionalism and Gyan is not the knowledge of the scriptures. These are neither necessary nor sufficient, and many a time can even be an obstruction if this is not supported by true Bhakti or true Gyan. Guidance from a proper teacher will help in avoiding our falling into these traps of fanaticism or arrogance. Ofcourse by definition "a proper teacher" does not guide us in the direction of fanaticism because that in the final analysis leads to self destruction.

At the end, everyone should know, as I have mentioned above there are 5 Supreme Personalities according to all Hindu scriptures. Every Sampradaya which are known as religious schools has their own syllabus from the authentic scriptures which contain, who is their Supreme Godhead, how to attain Bhakti to make Godhead happy, how to reach the higher level, what is the difference between the Brahm, Jeev and Maya, What is the ultimate goal? Etc

Because of their syllabuses we find so many theories, differences in our Hindu religion. Because when they talk in their syllabuses about their Godhead, they put other Gods down. Because of that innocent devotees get fanatic. According to Padma Puran, Four Vaisnava disciplic successions, inaugurated by Sri, Lord Brahma, Lord Rudra, and Sanaka, one of the four Kumaras, according to the scriptural source, appear in the holy place of Jaganatha Puri, and purify the entire earth during the Kali yuga (believed to be the current age in Hinduism). Sri chooses Ramanuja to represent her disciple succession. In the same way Lord Brahma chose Madhvacharya in Brahma sampradaya, Rudra chose Visnuswami in Rudra Sampradaya, and the four Kumaras chose Nimbaditya (Nimbarka Sampradaya)." Number of traditions due to assumption of the god-like status of their founder, rejected the parent sampradaya in favour of the new, as would be an example with Ramanandis, Gaudiya, Vallabhacharya and Swaminarayan. Shiv followers have also main sampradasy such as Samart Sampraday, Nandinatha Sampradaya, Adinath Sampradaya, Siva Advaita, Kashmir Shaivism, Pasupata, etc there is a one Sampraday for Shakti also. There are other schools of Yog like Hatha yog, Integral Yog who do the meditation of Brahm-The Supreme Personality, and few other philosophies like Nyaya, Samkhya, Vaisheshika, Purva mimamsa etc. Every other philosophy lead us to the ultimate goal.

If devotee wants to get rid of these confusions and philosophies, then he should follow one path ( any sampraday) which sounds appealing to him and helps him to gain the bhakti to reach the last goal. Because lastly every other Sampraday talks about Brahm-The Supreme soul. Vaishnav only read vaishnav scriptures and believe on that, Shaivs only read Lord Shiv scriptures and become fanatic. I would suggest to everyone, Follow one and respect everyone.

From Chandan Goswami to Vaisnavacharya Chandan Goswami

2010-05-16T01:25:00.000+05:30

Seva Mahotsav was finishing on 15th of December 2008, and I had my first official Srimad Bhagwat Katha from 18th of December. I needed to prepare for that. For the first time I was going to face thousands of devotees and it was officially the time for me to act as a spiritual master. Due to the preparations I needed to do for this katha, I took a few days off from the altar. However, during this time, Lord Krishn played His lila on me. There was one very sincere devotee who I had blind faith on and I used to think that he is a role model for new devotees and that he could be a good inspiration for anyone but after I took my days off the alter, I found out few of his lies on some issues. I tried to calm myself down and asked him to confess as I had all the evidence lying in front of me, which was proving him to be a big time liar. He started to make false stories to prove himself right and I was shocked and felt used. On every one of his lies, I was feeling as if someone was stabbing me behind my back and I didn’t want to believe that a sincere devotee like him could speak lies. I got so disturbed. All of my followers and near & dear ones know I hate lies. If one can’t speak the truth in this world, is there any chance of that person speaking the truth to God? God resides in everyone’s heart. If we are lying to His devotees, we actually are lying to Him. I started to think, why did I even think to make him a role model for my devotees when she is lying to me after I gave him plenty of chances to confess? What kind of scriptures did he study till now? What kind of association has he had? I got so disturbed and started to point my finger on his every step. I started to think why is there any need to lie?

Due to this incident, I stopped my studies. On 17th December I reached Agra city where this katha was going to be held. I was completely unprepared. My disciples asked me if I was ready to speak or not after they saw my condition. I said that as the date is fixed and I have given my word nothing will change. I will not take a step back, either I am ready or not. I am ready to face this challenge. It is the Lord’s illusion and I’m here to recite Srimad Bhagwatam which is non different from the Lord. If the Lord wants me to recite katha, He would let me do it. On 18th December, everyone was busy in preparation and my Guru Maharaj came to attend the program. Before starting the Shrimad Bhagwatam procession, Guru Maharaj asked me if I needed any kind of help. I was so hopeless because I didn’t prepare anything. I didn’t know what would I speak. I asked him to give me some tips. Lastly He said that an Acharya don’t take any tension an that God will show you the right way.

Confidence is the key of my every success. I was confident but wasn’t prepared well enough. After the procession the katha started. It was my first time sitting on the Vyas Aasan and acting as a Guru. After giving the first days class, I went to Gurudev to touch his feet. He took me on the side, and asked me where the nectar was in my katha? He was disappointed after attending my first days katha. But in a sweet way he realized my mistakes. After he left, I met my maternal uncle who spoke on all my mistakes. I didn’t speak a single word to either of them because on the other hand I was trying to work on that devotee and pushing him to confess for the sake of God. My first impression was bad. After having a long talk with my uncle, I went to meditate and focus on reality. Everyone had big hopes from me and I didn’t want to let them down. After finishing my second days katha I saw the face of one of my followers who looked a bit disturbed, I felt his feelings and he wasn’t happy with the way I was giving class. On the third day I stopped thinking about that boy and focused on my katha. I felt as if this boy was like an illusion and diverting my mind from Harikatha.

I found such a big change in me as well as in the audience. On the first day, a local devotee of Agra told me that not more than 20 people will attend my katha because in the past many big Katha speakers had orgnised their katha in the same venue and never got any success. I replied to them, "Let’s see, God organize this katha and He is listening to the katha. So, I’m not in any tension."

On my third day, everyone started to jump like anything. They started to feel the big change and were getting the nectar of Hari Katha. After I ignored this boy, he actually came to confess me. I almost fainted seeing the Lord’s lila. I was like… God! What kind of lila is this? The next day, I found my answer in Srimad Bhagwtam, "If you go to maya, you will not get anything. If you come to Me, you will find the real nectar." On the fourth day, which was the day of Janmastami according to Srimad Bhagwatam and was a Sunday too, I came for katha and found more than a thousand devotees sitting and waiting to hear my katha. I looked at those local devotees and they were speechless.

From that day, the Agra local tv channel started to broadcast my katha and all the big personalities of Agra started to come. Many of them used to escape their offices to hear katha.

On the last day, I remember that moment when I was leaving and my maternal family, devotees were crying and running behind my car. They were touching my feet, grabbing to hug me, crying for more hari katha. The love, the care, the affection I got from them in 7 days is unforgettable.

Meeting with God

2010-05-16T01:09:00.000+05:30

I born in a spiritual family but I had a pressure to finish my academic studies first before join the spiritual world. My respected Guru Maharaj wanted me to understand materialism first. After I finished my studies, I was ready to begin my spiritual life but I had a big doubt in me. Is there really God exist? I actually was not ready to act as a spiritual master and speak such things which I doubted.

By the mercy of Guru and Gaurang, I had chosen CHANTING as a tool to find God. I started to do practice. One should remember so many things for chanting, such as Aasan, Jap Mala, concentration, tilak, mantra, etc. If one sits on the ground (without aasan) for chanting get sadness in result, on wood he would get misfortune, on bamboo he would loss his family, on stone he would get sick, on grass he would get dis fame, on leaf aasan his mind would distract and on the cloth aasan he will loose the fruit of his jap. (Brahmand Purana) One should use proper aasan such as woolen, kusa, etc

We are not allowed to chant when we are engaged in other works. I find many devotees who walk with the vedic tool (Jap mala) on their necks or chant mantras while walking here and there. They all are committing offenses. While shoes are on, they are touching Jap Mala. Is that vedic tool or a toy? Why are you making it impure? Why don't you enter in the temple with shoes on? God wants to see your devotion not body , cloths and shoes. Right? 108 beads of mala is a vedic tool. We are not even supposed to shake our bead bag while chanting. Do you remember any sage photograph who is chanting and his hand which is holding bead bag, on one 'T' shape wooden stick? Have you ever thought why did he use that? Lord says, if you move your bead bag, you would loose the fruit of your jap. In the history of Sanatan religion, not a single guru walked with his Jap Mala here and there or chanted. We are supposed to touch that after take the bath/shower, with clean cloths, sitting on a one place for chanting. 27 beads of mala is allowed to use for daily chanting and by that mala we can walk here and there. It is not even allowed in our religion. It is actually allowed in every religion.

Jewish chants on 27 rosemary beads mala, Sikh chants on 27 iron beads mala, Buddh monks chants on 27 beads, Hindus chant on 27 beads, Muslims chant on 27 beads. Chanting is a science. How can we forget the time? It is a major factor. According to scriptures, if we are going to wear new cloths, to put bangles, to buy new land, to give money to someone, to buy or sell property, to start a new business, to buy a vehicle, wedding, yagya, chanting etc everything has a particular time. Eventually, there are different effects if we start something new on different timings. Good and bad also. All achrayas never forget to suggest good timings to their followers. I personally have tried all timings upon me to check their effects before become a spiritual master. By some timing I have seen some sudden deaths of my dear ones because I started puja on wrong moment. In fact, devotees those who know me have seen me how physically sick I used to be. Because I had done some chanting during bad times which affects body. There are timings of everything, if we start our chanting or puja for some motive. Such thing happens. No one can stop them to happen. Time is the major factor. Some devotees say, Brahm Muhurat is always good to start chanting. It is not true, not a single scripture proves that.

Some devotees do their routine japs everyday. Then they stop it for 10-15 days and start it again when they find time. It is wrong. Absolutely wrong. Because of such things they survive in their devotional life.

Sometimes devotee asks me, In gaudiyas we don't have such rules. I always say, Gaudiya follow each and every rule. In whole Caitanya Charitamrta or in any scripture it is not written that one should chant on the Jap Mala while he walks here and there. Very clearly it is written, Chant holy name of Lord. Nowhere in the portraits of Caitanya Mahaprabhu or any achraya you can find Bead Bag on their hands while they were walking or doing some work. One can do chanting without bead bag also. There is a difference in Harinaam and Mahamantra. Harinaam is Harinaam when you chant without bead bag but it converts into a mahamantra when you use vedic tool (Jap Mala). One starts to fall down while he chants without rules. Shri Caitanya Mahaprabhu asked us to chant harinaam. In the history of Gaudiya sampradaya any achraya (64 mahants & all goswamis) never walked with their bead bags. By Jap Mala we connect ourselves with God. It needs full concentration. On top of that, we are not allowed to do South facing while we are chanting. In the artha ved and Garuda Puran it is prohibited for Vaishnavs. Yam is the God of south side.

Some devotees ask me, is there any need of such rules? God see devotion only. Lets take a example, there is a one student who is studying in school. He is genius but he breaks all rules. Would you call him perfect? If you would break rules then definitely you would pay for them. On the other side, there is another student, who is genius and disciplined. He would be known as perfect student. Did I or any other human being make these rules? NO. in many cases, Lord Krsn gave these rules to His devotees. Chanting and other pujas need devotion as well as discipline. We can't break rules on the sake of devotion.

Many female devotees chant on the japmala when they are on their monthly cycle. They are committing big offense. Story comes in Padma Puran of Lord Krsn and Yudhistar where Lord Krsn said, "Those women will go to Hell and suffer a lot." Every other Smriti (law books of sanatan dharma) stop them. Not even in our religion our Lords stop. Bible reveals the same fact as well as Quran. Women are not even allowed to visit temples. In Indian temples, you can find one specialty. Most of all temple has one window or door in front of the deity room, from there women who are on their cycle and Sudra can take darshan without entering the temple. Now question arise, how will they do their routine jap? If they are alone then how would they do worship of their lords. In such circumstances, they can call any other devotee to take care of those deities or they can ask someone to put dry fruits in front the Gods and ask them to eat until they are not cleaned. During their period they are not allowed to touch japmala or sit on the aasan or do any kind of service of God. They can chant without japmala. After cycle they must cover up those rounds which were missed during that time.

If you are chanting on japmala any mantra even Mahamantra also, you should recite mahamantra with proper pronunciation. NO KRSNA. only KRSN. Lord's name is not KRSNA. Every scripture reveal only KRSN not KRSNA. In fact KRSNA is a name of Shani dev (Saturn). NO RAMA. Chant simply RAM. My name is Chandan Goswami, it is a male name. If someone starts to call me CHANDANA which is female name, how would I feel? We have one Achraya Shri Roop Goswami. Devotees call him RupA Goswami which is again a female name. Are you committing offense? If we change the gender of your name, how would you feel? We all know the importance of Tilak and shikha (ponytail) as well.

There are a lot to do when one go for chanting. I tried to follow each and every rule according to scriptures to find God. After did my first Sadhna of life. One morning, I was on the roof and looking at the Sun. For a while I forget everything and I lose my consciousness and all of a sudden a heavy rainfall came. I saw in my super consciousness that a big light, which was full of blue and golden colours like a sun in the river, along with some structure, came in front of me. I never forget that light and he told me that your birth is more useful if you follow the path of God. He said "I am always with you from now onwards and will guide you from time to time" and when my conscious returned back, after 15 minutes, I found not even a single drop of water around me. After this, I got a surprised occasion to read Srimad Bhagwatam and feel God came in a similar manner many times.

The important words of such light and structure are "aim of my life". After this happening (now every second I feel spiritual experiences but it was my turning point) my life is totally turned and changed towards Spiritual Bhakti and aim is to serve the world without any self interest. Now by God High Command's grace I am having real experience of Bhakti Vibration and meditation last many years. I must say I'm lucky to have Him in my life but Still a part of me wants to see His naughty lilas. Alas! Krsn, I want to be a witness of your lilas, when will you allow this brijwasi? I want to see that naughty smile which steals everyone's conciousness. I want to see how you serve our Radharani. I want to see how do you play with brijwasis. Why my Lord always go on the silent mode when I ask such questions? I only find a smile on His face. Is He teasing me? :(

Lila of Lord

2010-05-16T01:03:00.000+05:30

After my trip to Omkareshwar, I was suffering in pain. I wanted to punish myself so I didnt use any first aid on my broken toe. It was the worst time. It was hard for me to visit the temple and sleep with a blanket. For one month or so, I only used to sleep 2-3 hrs maximum. I committed the big offense and i was regretful because of that.

Sevamahotsav (Festival of seva) started at Shri Radharaman Mandir. I started to go on the alter in mornings only. One day I was sitting in the deity room and reciting my mantras while God was enjoying lunch in His dinning room. According to the custom, we offer three bhogs. First bhog we offer to Lord Shri Radharaman dev & other Shailgrams Shilas. After they eat, we offer second bhog to Shri Radha rani ji and after her, Srila Gopal Bhatt Goswami.

First bhog takes approximate 45 mins. He is male and needs plenty of time during his eating session. Radharani, Ofcourse she is female she would eat little bit We give Her 10 mins only and 5 mins to Srila Gopal Bhatt Goswami because If he would eat alot then who will serve Radha and Krsn during their Nikunj Lila time? :)

We say in Brij, "Bhare pet bhakti nahi hoti" (You cant do bhakti when your belly is full)

Lords lunch time is technically our short break. Today, after 30 mins one Goswami who was helping me on the alter entered the deity room.

He washed his hands and said, Lets finish the first bhog, Its 30 mins already. We are running late.

I shook my head for NO.

He replied, Do this bhajan later.

I said, Just follow the custom. You offered Him a Rajbhog. So much varities are in there, Let Him enjoy His lunch nicely, But Goswamiji did not listen to me. He opened the lock of the gate and pushed the dinning room gate to open.

What is this now? He is trying to open the gate but the gate is not opening. It is stuck. He asked me to help him. With the sad mood I went to help him. I pushed the gate with him but it was not opening. We tried to open it for couple of mins. I was shocked! We were feeling as if someone is stopping us to open the gate.

We were speechless. I looked into the Goswami's eyes. He had understood what I wanted to say. I told him to finish the bhog after 10 mins. We came back, our heartbeats were so high. We opened the lock and I pushed the gate. Miracleeeeeeeee!!!!! just by my finger it opened. We searched in the room to see if someone was there or not and tried to close & open the gate. Everything was fine.

We looked at each other as our eyes were saying, When Lord is sitting here, is there any need to find someone else???

Kaal to OM

2010-05-16T00:58:00.000+05:30

After I had gotten the beautiful blessings of Mahakaal, I made the crazy program to go from Kaal (Mahakaal) to OM (Omkareshwar). I am using the word crazy because we had to catch a train at 6 in the evening from Ujjain and the Omkareshwar temple was a 4 to 5 hrs run by car and we had to make it on time, no matter what. It was already 7 in the morning. I made Yogesh agree to this trip. I told him, that we would be leaving by 8. Maybe we would reach Omkareshwar around 12. One hr for the temple, then 1 hr for lunch and 4 to 5 hrs to come back. I knew i had made a tight program. But I was full of spiritual energy and wanted to feel more.

I remember that when we left, the driver stopped the car at one shop for breakfast. Yogesh asked for the price for one plate of Poha (special breakfast of that state). The shopkeeper replied: "4 rupees per plate."

I could see Yogesh's expressions.. he ordered. "chaar pack ker do." (pack 4 plates for takeaway). I looked at him and we laughed like anything. Because it was so cheap.

Apart from laughing, we were really excited about Omkareshwar. Omkareshwar is situated on mountains. When the hilly area started, I recalled beautiful words...

The mountain valley is the place of nature's gift

Through out the season it showers with beautiful nature

When you stand in between the mountain valley

You feel that the heaven blesses you dearly

You feel that the greenery hug you tightly

You feel that the cool breeze touches you tenderly

You see that the water falls roll over violently

You see that the trees dance to the tune of wind smoothly

You hear that the birds sing nature choir happily

You watch that the animals walk freely

When the nature open its heart widely

It gives everyone a chance to be with nature closely

We were spiritually recharged. This beautiful nature, the cool breeze and peaceful environment made us speechless.

After we reached there, we went to the Mamleshwar temple which was established by Ravana on the bank of the Narmada river. On the other side of the river the Omkareshwar temple was situated.

We heard that the Temple would close by 13:20. Everything was so cheap. We hired a boat for Rs 10 and reached the other side. For one rupee we got lots of flowers and 'bel' leafs. We reached the temple by 13:10. God! The Temple is closed. One panda (guide) came. He said it closes at 13:00 and opens at 14:00. I was depressed, looked at Yogesh, he said, lets wait. We have made this trip. So lets take darshan.

I was worried because of the train. I sat down and started to wait. We were in the queue, after 15 mins. one devotee came and told me, enter from the back side gate. The temple is still open, my eyes sparkled. Ahhh... God sent a messenger. I ran to the back side gate with Yogesh. A few devotees, who got to the temple after us, were coming out from there. I was now fully sure. We approached the gatekeeper but he didn't allow us in. I asked Yogesh if he (gatekeeper) would take a bribe. Indian style :-)

Wow! He denied. I was desperate to get the darshan as soon as i could. I started to look for any corrupt pujari who could take us inside.

After two mins of seeking my eyes spotted one guy's face. Search completed. :) He was sitting all alone. I became confident and told Yogesh to watch. I went to this guy who seemed to be a pujari. I asked him if he could take us in for darshan. He denied.

Kitna loge? (How much money do you want?) I asked.

Kitna doge? (How much would you give me?) He replied. (Genuinely it shows how corrupt he was) :D

Maharaj pahle aap to batao? (you say, how much do you want?) I asked again.

He asked me, how many people?

Two I said.

Rs. 300

Technically I started to bargain with him. I got him down to Rs. 100

He went to talk with the main priest and granted us the permission to take darshan for 2 mins. I became so happy. When you are in Bhaav (devotional mood) 2 mins are nothing. I thought, something is better than nothing. Yogesh complained, Guru, I didnt like this hurry darshan. - We were lucky enough to make it, I pointed to the queue and said, we were supposed to sit there and chant a waiting mantra. Don't worry, we will make another trip soon. At the same time, pride arose in me. For only Rs 100 I got the darshan of the MAIN temple of Lord Shiv. How cheap this darshan was. I started to laugh and in such a blindness i made calls to a couple of my friends to show them how smart i was in bargaining. I became proud.
We safely reached the train on time, but on the way back I got a fever. I told a few people in the train about the height of corruption and how i dealed with it by telling my bargaining story.

On the next day at 3 in the early morning Yogesh said, Get ready, we are reaching Mathura. I went to the compartment gate with my luggage. Yogesh was at the gate. We approached the Mathura railway station but the train didnt stop. Yogesh said, I guess the train is stopping here. I don't know what happened to me but I pulled him back and jumped from the running train and started to scream "YOGESH JUMP!!!" but he didn't. The train stopped at the end of the platform.

After a minute i realized, i was injured. Half of my nail was broken down from the toe and I was bleeding.

Yogesh showed his anger to me. In my whole life I never took such a stupid decision. I was shocked and was thinking why did I do that? At 3:15 in the morning we couldn't visit any doctor or were able to get first aid.

I told Yogesh, Get an autorikshaw and lets go to Vrindavan. In the meanwhile, I started to think, whatsoever Yogesh did on this trip I did too. Why didnt he get this punishment? What was my mistake?

The next moment I heard our Auto rickshaw driver, He was speaking to Yogesh, "Money blinds people. I'm asking genuine charges for Vrindavan."

I got my answer. We went as Brijwasis to visit those temples. As a Brijwasi Vaishnavs we got everything. Yogesh wanted to wait for the darshan. But I was being in a hurry and committed that offense. After paying the bribe I got the fever in Omkareshwar and after this punishment when I was putting my first step into Brij, I got hurt. In Brij, Lord Radha & Krsn want Love & Devotion. They dont want money, pride, selfishness. Somehow I laughed at His great Vaishnav. "Such a cheap darshan" It was definite, by such steps He could become unhappy. I had got the punishment and asked Him to forgive me. I started to cry, it was such an instant reaction from the Lord's side. It means???? Is He really taking care of me? Does he always watch every of my steps?

I guess, I know my answers.

Vrindavan to Ujjain

2010-05-16T00:50:00.000+05:30

Life gets really miserable when God doesn't give you that thing which you look forward to getting from Him. Devotees write and ask me why don't I write my experiences on my blog? Why don't I update this blog like others do? I write my experiences when i start to forget. I only write when my heart speaks and when something really happens in my life. I only write when I really believe that just now I met God. I don't want to express my madness, my foolishness, my craziness here which makes me feel God is everywhere. Today, for the first time i'm feeling more than lucky to be born here in the Holy Dham of Sri Vrindavan, in a Brahmin* family, in a Goswami family, in the service of Shri Radharaman dev. With other deities we do the installation ceremony but Shri Radharaman ji is the real Lord. How blessed I am to be a member of Shri Radharaman dev family.

Last one month I was dying to get Mahakaal (Lord Shiv) darshan in Ujjain but failed to make the trip. At last with frustration, I booked my tickets and called my cousin to give me company on this holy trip. I have never been to Ujjain before. I went to Shri Radharaman dev and asked Him to give me permission for Lord Shiv darshan. With some excitement we left from Vrindavan. Due to my cousin's busy schedule I made a one day trip. And I was only going there to attend the ashes aarti which was held at 3:30 in the morning. While I was in the train I was worried because I didn't know how to enter and get the darshan in the very crowded temple of India at 3 in the morning. We had to register our names somewhere. Not everyone can participate in the morning aarti. I had no clue how to get entry. On the very next moment one couple came and sat on our seats. The talk began; they came to know we were from Sri Vrindavan. This couple seemed very much enthusiastic to know everything about the glories of Vrindavan. The man was a civil engineer at the Railway Corporation and the woman was Bhanjan singer of Bhopal City. We told them that we were going to Ujjain. Then this devotee arranged our meeting with the temple priest there. He gave us all contact details which I actually needed. He arranged everything for us.

After we reached there, we were so tired and the heat was killing us.

"Bhaiya! We are not getting rain", the auto rickshaw driver said.

"Now Vrindavan is here, today you will get some rain". both of us replied.

Yogesh and me looked each other in the face, why did we say that? Our auto stopped in front of the Hotel. God!! Rain started!!!!

The auto driver looked at us and we were like, see… we told you… Really, only God knows how it happened?

In the evening we got ready to visit this temple priest. He told us, after taking darshan, make a call. After we attended the evening aarti of Mahakaal we made a call. But his mobile was switched off. I became really worried. Yogesh said, "Brother! Let's go and find out where he lives." We only had his mobile number. No name, no address and it was raining. I looked up and turned to God with frustration and asked him, what is this? Then we started to go to nearby shops and houses with the mobile number to ask if anyone knew this number. It took hardly 15 mins to find the priest. We reached his house. He was doing his Sandhya Gayatri. After he got free, he told us that Sandipani muni was his forefather. He gave us two passes for the ashes aarti.

"Come early and get the front seats. I wont be there", the priest said.
"Okay", I replied.
After visiting a few more temples we got back to the hotel room. At 11.30 in the night I got a call from the priest.
"I don't know what happened after meeting you. I am coming in the morning and will take you to the ashes aarti and puja", the priest said.
I simply replied: "Okay."
At 2:30 in the morning we woke up, took shower and reached the temple at 3:00 am. Bunches of devotees were in the queue already. My eyes were waiting for the priest. I was wearing Kurta and Pajama which was not allowed for morning aarti. We were supposed to wear only Dhoti. Yogesh was wearing one but I was not. The priest arrived. He arranged a dhoti for me. He bought two jars for us. After entering the temple, we filled our jars at temple kund. Lord Shiv only accepts this kund's holy water.
After we poured the holy water on Him, the priest kept us in the deity room. Hundreds of devotees sat down in the courtyard to watch the abhishek, srngaar (make up), ashes aarti and mangla aarti.
Dozens of priests and pandas were in the deity room with us. We were the only new faces amongst them. Alas! Morning Abhishek started, such a beautiful darshan. We never imagined to be a part of this abhishek. I looked outside, hundreds of devotees were sitting there, but only we were the lucky ones here, very near to the greatest Vaishnav Lord Shiv. A Brijwasi (I) did the pranam to Lord Shiv on the behalf of Brij.
After this wonderful abhishek we came out from the deity room. Now again I became worried. All seats were full. How would we take darshan of ashes aarti? All of a sudden, a cop who was handling this affair, said: "Radhe Radhe!! Sit in the front row." Every other single devotee was staring at us.
We had a very classic darshan of Mahakaal. Such an amazing atmosphere, I could feel so much energy in there. I was trying to live each and every moment.
After the incredible ashes aarti, the cop told everyone to make a queue. Now it was time that we could do puja. One by one we started to enter the temple room.
The main priest called us. In between of hundreds of VIPs, we got the chance to do the first puja. Yogesh touched Mahakaal and right in this moment a garland dropped from the Mahakaal deity and fell on his hand. He looked at me with the question, "Chandan did you see? I got the real blessing." I shook my head. Yes, Lucky champ!!
Our priest took us to the courtyard. He told us, sit here while he is doing preparation for Rudra-abhishek.
After a long while, the cop told us to leave, because no one was allowed to sit there, and everyone was complaining to him. I could see everyone's jealousy. It was but natural. We were being lucky and they were not.

While we got ready to leave the priest came and took us into the deity room. Now everyone came to know that we were from Sri Dham Vrindavan. In the deity room, they started to greet us with "Radhe Radhe!!"
I remember this lady cop who was on duty for the ladies in the deity room, was taking care of us like we were VIPs. The Pujaris were saying Radhe Radhe instead of Jai Mahakaal. We felt like Vrindavan is here in Ujjain.
In the very packed deity room where no one was allowed to stay more than 5 minutes, we got the very safe place, did Rudra-abhishek and other pujas for quite a long time.
When we finished, I gave my dandavat to the Lord thanking Him for making this brijwasis' trip so incredible.
A few devotees caught us and hugged us to get a feeling of Vrindavan.
I made a thank you call to that gentleman who met us in the train. I told him what we got. He was amazed and told me, "Maharaj ji I go there every month, you got everything because you are a Brijwasi and a Goswami of Lord Krsna temple. Mahakaal was really happy to see both of you, that is why He gave you that opportunity which he never gives to anyone"
I never thought in my life that I could get the opportunity to serve Him in this nicest way. When we left Vrindavan we didn't know anything. We were worried. But within a few hrs we became so close to this city and Mahakaal. We got those things which a normal devotee never gets. How could I forget that it is the place where my Lord Krsna studied in Sandipani muni's ashram, the place where we celebrate the kumbh mela, the place which is the navel of India, the place where we worship the Lord of time, the place where one of the main Lord shiv's lingas is situated... it is such a powerful place, and i personally am highly obliged and indebted to Lord Shiv who made our trip so memorable. It feels like home and now I understand, why my Lord Krsna had chosen this place for His studies.
*(those who say Brahmins are by karma not by birth, hide one fact of the scriptures, Basically only those people speak this who are not a Brahmin by birth. Scriptures reveals both facts, Brahmins are genuinely Brahmin by birth. By karma only 3 castes can get the brahmintatv which is not easy to get in kalyug. And each and every vedic scriptures reveal this)

Who was that?

2010-05-16T00:32:00.000+05:30

Sometimes a moment of your life puts you in confusion. Sometimes a moment of your life never leaves you alone. Sometimes a moment of your life makes you feel, "You lost this opportunity." Last year I went to meet a very old Vaishnav near Sudama Kuti. His hut was situated on the parikrama marg near Jagannath Ghat. A great Vaishnav who used to spend day and night chanting the Holy names and for food he used to do Madhukari. He used to wake up at 2:30 in the early morning. For most of us it is late night or it is time to sleep but I found amazing dedication in him.

He was a bengali scholar who had learnt all Gaudiya Scriptures. I had a doubt on a few Bengali texts.

I entered his small kutiya.

Baba! Jai Gaur!! I said.

He looked at me. Alas! Gaurango! He became so happy. He stood up from his aasan and gave me a full sastang. He said, “Gaurango! Aapni aamar Gaurarayaa”(Gauranga! You are my Gauranga!) I was shocked by this act. Many of our disciples from Bengal call me Gauranga and many norths Indian call me Krsna. But I never take them seriously, but why is this Vaishnava acting in this manner? Why did he that? I was mystified. He offered me the aasan. He started to stare at me with a sweet smile. Tears were rolling on his cheeks.

Gaurango! Where were you? He asked me.

Dada, I am Chandan Goswami from Sri Radharaman Temple, not Gauranga. I replied.

No. No. No. You don’t know who you are. Maybe, later you will realize. You are my Gaurango, everyones’ Gaurango. I’m blessed you are here, he said again.

Now I felt embarrassed by his answer. How would you feel when anyone compares you to God? What would you feel when someone calls you by the Lords name? How would you act if someone tells you to accept, you are God?

I smiled at him. Would you help me out? I asked.

Gaurango!! Help me out!! I need your blessings. He replied.

This was irritating. I had no choice other than to give a smile. I said my blessings are always with you.

After that I had a healthy discussion with him. He cleared many things for me which are now wrongly propagated in our Gaudiyas. After blessed this great vaishnav again, I came out from his hut. It was late evening, I was tired and it was hot, and the cool breeze of the Yamuna quickly refreshed me. The whole atmosphere was enchanting, with temples bells, Yamuna, Cows, Vaishnavs and Harinaam kirtan.

On the way back, I was passing Bhoot Gali. This small alley is near to the Gopeshwar temple. There is no light in the night, fully dark. That is why they named this small alley Bhoot gali (Ghost Street). I was walking through this street. Then a dog barked quite near to me. For a moment I got frightened. Oh! Sri Radha Raman!! Why are you scaring your brijwasi? So bad of you. Hardly I could have seen something there. I started to blame myself, why did I choose this street? I could have chosen another road. I didn’t even bring a torch. In between of the fighting of my thoughts one voice touched my ear.

“Kyu darr lag raho hai kaa bhaiya??” Are you afraid?

I was like Krsnaaaa why are you making me scared again?

A Small boy appeared next to me with a lamp. I barely saw his face.

Yeah! Little bit. I replied.

I knew it. That’s why I’m here, to show you the road. Follow me, he said.

I followed him to the end of the road. He came on my back side as there was some lights on the street. He said, “Shaam hai gayi hai.. ghar jaano hai naay toh maiya maaregi.” (Its late evening; have to go back to home otherwise my mother will beat me)

I turned back to thank him. What? He is not here? I cant see his lamp light. I cant see him anywhere. I searched him out there. He was nowhere.

Instantly a question raised, WHO WAS THAT? Brijwasi Boy? Or Krsn Himself? In Vrindavan no one uses Kerosene Lamps now. Goddddddddd.. was it You? Oh! Krsna did You come to show me the path? Was it You who was walking ahead of me. Why was I not lucky to see Your beautiful face? Why was I not lucky to have Your darshan?? I went back to the spot where he left me. He was Krsna, No one can appear in a second and disappear in a moment… I took Dust and applied it onto my body with the hope to become pure.

Still sometimes, that moment of my life makes me feel that I had lost the opportunity to see His Divine face and touch His Lotus feet. :(

Hidden part of my life

2010-05-16T00:21:00.000+05:30

Radhe Radhe!! Devotees ask me, why in this small age I came in this devotional life? Let me share one hidden fact of my life. I have a very different passion. I basically started to read scriptures for God. I used to read scriptures to find a way to meet God. And I have done different types of Sadhnaa just for this passion. I never seen God but has felt HIS presence so many times... Memories are faded but let me share one incident, when I was in 6th standard. I used to hear all pandas in nidhivan (I get the whole view of Nidhivan from my room and Rang Mahal in nidhivan is just few yards far from my house) "Sri Radha ji and Sri Krishna ji perform their Raas (dance) here and after that they sleep in Rang Mahal (bedroom)” they used to speak all mythologies of Nidhivan.

One day I decided, Chandan! No one is at home and it’s a time to watch Raas of this divine couple. I sent one servant to buy one liter of milk, Cold drinks etc for my decided Jaagran. :D

It was a summer time; Temple got closed at 8 in the evening. I sat down in my balcony after that... All night long I was in my balcony, Didn’t see anything and after 6:00 am my sleep caught me in the balcony, but yeah next morning my servant appeared with a bill of cold drinks. :)

Tough Day

2010-05-16T00:11:00.000+05:30

You know sometimes when your heart speaks to you and those things happen. Such things happen with me most of all time. How do you feel when you know it is spiritual and devotional work but your mood doesn’t support you? You feel like ya ya!! Whatsoever it is, I’m not in the mood to do. (This is how we commit sin)

In the evening, Humidity was on the peek, no wind, I was crazily sweating and my dearest cousin asked me for Vrindavan Parikrama. On the same moment, I thought wow! Crazy!! I thought to say NO but it was somehow a sin, I asked him to postponed parikrama till next morning and let’s go for Sri Radharamanji’s 108 Parikrama.

After had a heavy discussion, Yogesh Goswami won :) I got ready for parikrama. My body and mood were not supporting me to do this devotional service.

From the beginning of Parikrama I started to bang him by questions while he was chanting. It was my time when I had committed second apraadha. I knew it something would happen to me, but I was assured it would help me to find GOD. If I commit apraadh He would surely come to punish ME. We do karma and He gives the fruit.

After a km or half I got first blister. Wow! First time I am getting this. God doesn’t want to come.. hhmmmm.. When I finished 3 kms parikrama I was kind of dead by humidity, got 4 blisters as so far. My every single step was telling me, “Chandan! You are done, take a rickshaw and go back.” I literally asked Yogesh, “Maharaj Can I please hire one rickshaw.” First time in my life, these things were happening during Vrindavan Parikrama. I was really dead.

Yogesh replied, as you wish, you go! I will catch you at home. My heart said, Chandan! If God used to come to sinner then each n every sinner would be a saint. Soon the day comes when you would feel HIM. Be practical and don’t commit sins.

I was surprised, Yogesh is giving parikrama after couple of years and he is not getting any blisters and Chandan YOU?? 4?

Cows were asking me join their company but then I thought, NO rickshaw, NO support, I have to prove I can do anything for God. It was really hard; my pain was getting really worse. I wanted to cut my legs. Will-power was there, but we can’t do everything by only will-power. We need to be physically strong enough to face the reality.

It was hard to concentrate but it would be only the way to forget the pain. After a short break, I became capable to chant His name and somehow gave Parikrama. Overall, whole experience of parikrama was weird though. But my heart was enlightened with the Hope to see HIM soon. :)

An evening out

2010-05-15T23:54:00.000+05:30

Yesterday was one of the auspicious day for Hindus. Bat-Amavasya and Lords Shani’s birthday. Day when we get million times multiple fruit after give the donation, feed Vaishnavs and visit temples.

It is one of the day when Hindu married women worship ‘Bargad’ Tree for their husbands long life.

In the evening, I thought to attend Yamuna Aarti. Yamuna Devi is the sister of Shani Dev. So, I was planning to celebrate Lord Shani’s birthday by Yamuna Aarti.

I somehow didnt make it. But I was ready to celebrate my evening spiritually.

So I went to visit Sri Katyayani Maa, took darshan of Sri Gopeshwar, went to take dust from Lord Shri Krsn & Uddhav meeting place, and how can I forget Sri Radharaman ji? .

Proving myself….. 2007

2010-05-15T23:37:00.000+05:30

Life without God is nothing. For me, this is absolutely true. Word to word is right. Some say it is just my craziness which is trying to control me; some say it seems like your passion, some say Chandan ji! Come out from this, it is not your age to do these things. But I do not know what to say. I am speechless. My mind, my heart, my eyes, my senses, my body are searching one missing part of my life, which is really valuable to me. I have veins but the blood is not flowing through them. I have a heart but I can’t feel the heartthrob. Why is my God not appearing? It has been a while without Him. How can He forget His boy? How can He leave me all alone? I am sad, really sad.

Sentiments were driving me crazy. Every day I was accumulating my sadness, my heart was getting all negative waves. Then a day before Nav Durga, the idea came to my mind to meet my God again. I was out of Vrindavan. But in the late evening, I came back and directly went to one scholar’s house. I had a wish to try a new and tough puja on this occasion. So I thought to take some advices from this knowledgeable scholar, but he started to tell me what I actually knew. After a while, He said, “Goswami maharaj, it is late in the evening. How can you start your tough puja from tomorrow morning? You need to arrange so many things, which you won’t be able to do tonight. Drop this idea and chant the Lord’s name. After hearing his words, I looked up at the old wall clock. It was showing me I had spent 2 hrs at his house and got nothing at all. I became frustrated and so rejected by God. When I want to try to meet Him, why is He not letting me try? Why this rudeness? What type of sin have I done in the past? Why is the Lord not allowing me? My inner smile was turning into an inner sadness.

I came back home, got a chance to share my inner feelings with my siksha guru, my mother. She replied, “I can give you something but before that you have to prove yourself.”

‘Prove’, a small word but really tough to attest when someone keeps hopes on, when someone keeps expectations, when someone becomes demanding. On the first moment things always get miserable when someone asks you to prove yourself. You do not know what the height of his/her expectation is?

Prove!! That moment was so irritating. I lost hope and confidence. Without replying her I went into my room with anger and tears in my eyes. In the dark room, I had started to fight with my negative thoughts. My appetite to feel God was not letting me go down. At last, I decided, I can try to prove, maybe it is some kind of exam. I went to my mother. I said I’m ready. She pointed out a couple of scriptures and said what you are looking for is there. Find out and prove yourself.

At 11 in the night, I had started to read those scriptures to find out mantra which could help me to prove myself. After midnight, I got the one which I was looking for so desperately.

I went to sleep with a little happiness on my cheeks. At last I succeeded on something.

In the morning when I got ready to start my puja, Mother spoke to me, “Chandan! If you do this by your devotion you would find how lucky you are.

After I got the blessings of my parents I started my puja. It was not as tough as I wanted it to be; it was not like which I was supposing to do. But to prove my devotion, dedication, commitment, enthusiasm and loyalty I had to accept it.

The Puja was going smoothly, with one sadness, I was not getting time to visit Katyayani temple which I used to do especially on nine days of Durga.

On the last day of my puja and Nav Durga, I finished all rituals and went to my parents to get their blessings. My mother said, “Your time starts now.”

I was amazed to hear this instead of a blessing. I did not ask her anything and left with a doubt in my mind. In the evening, I went to Sri Katyayani temple. 4 to 5 thousands devotees were there. The temple was fully packed. I directly went to the Mahant of Sri Katyayani temple with some gifts for Katyayani Maa.

“Gusai ji maharaj, where were you during Nav Durga?” Mahant ji asked.

I replied, Baba I was busy in puja.

Mahant ji: “You must be busy with kuliyas and ladoos. Hhmmm…”

I only passed my smile, then Mahant Shri Vidhyanand ji maharaj called one boy, and instructed him, He is Gusai ji from Sri Radha Raman Temple, take him to Katyayani Maa. I cut his talk and said, Naa, it is ok. I will go and take darshan by myself.

Gusai ji!!!! I am sending you to see the main deity of Katyayani Maa which is installed in the hidden place of this temple. Mahanji replied

Wow! I was kind of shocked. This is soooooo amazing. No one in my family or any devotee I know had taken the divine darshan of real Maa Katyayani.

There was no electricity. I was following that boy with dieing torchlight. With fast heartbeats I entered into the room. Oh God! Oh Radha Raman!! Oh Maa Katyayani, I am fortunate. I am blessed. The beauty of the world, the goddess of the universes, the Goddess which was worshipped by the Gopis, the Divine source of all living entities, our sweetest mother is in front of me. After seeing her, the first thought that came was, how cute she looks.

I asked this boy, can I worship her? Can I touch her? He told me, you are unmarried Brahmin and Goswami, so you are allowed to do. Then he left. Oh Lord! How all of a sudden, I became so fortunate, I started to do aarti. So much excitement was there. I couldn’t control my heart. I was kind of jumping. My mind was not working. Then one moment came, I heard an ankle-bell. Who is here? I thought maybe other devotees are coming to take darshan. No, this sound was coming near to me, but I could not see anyone. I stood up to trace the sound. Oh! The jingle of the ankle bells were beginning to get faster and fade. This woman is running now. I went to check each and every place. But I did not find anyone. It was scary. I returned back in front of Katyayani Maa. I started to worship her. Touched her feet and asked her blessing. I wanted to stay there. But it was looking odd to stay there much longer when I was done with worship. The Boy returned with the question if I was ready to leave.

I came back. My cheeks were holding happiness; I met Mahantji. Before he could ask me anything I asked him to let me go again for Maa’s darshan.

It was an unexpected question for him, infact for me aswell. I didn’t know why I asked this but I had asked him, that is all I know.

Gusai ji, ask to Maa one good bride for you. Okay? Mahantji replied.

I smiled and said, this is your department I can’t ask everything in a one day and went back to Katyayani Maa.

I sat down in front of her. I started to share my inner feelings to Maa, then, while meditating upon her, one small mouse came with one flower. She put that flower near to my foot and left as if she just wanted to give that to me only.

Everything was unbelievable. I picked that flower up, bowed down in front of Maa and left with the mercy and thinking about my mother’s words, “your time starts now.”

Is Kalyug here?

2010-05-05T02:10:00.000+05:30

When our devoted web team was making this blog, many thoughts were coming in my mind. What should I start with? My English is not as good as it has to be. I am not a writer. I might not be up to date like others’ blogs. Then a day came, blog got ready. Time was here to write, what should I write first? About Lord Ganesh? About Braj? About Sri Radharaman ji as i’m known as a Goswami of this temple or something else?

Suddenly, heavy storm started. By that I got my first topic to write. Last 20 to 25 days, weather in Brij is really funny and dangerous. Temperature is crossing 44 degree Celsius. And everyday we are getting heavy storms. Two days ago, storm speed was 250 kms/hr. One and half week ago we got the same speed storm. More than 80 brijwasis were died in that.

Since then news channels are showing Astrologers’ interviews where they are saying, it is a kaliyug effect. These types of storms used to come before Mahabharat. In addition they say, it is an indication of World war-III.

In many documentaries they have shown 21st of December 2012 would be the last day of our world. They show hundreds of yrs old predictions on the wall and stones. As far as they concern, last 400 yrs not a single prediction became wrong from that wall.

I do not know, what will happen but it shows I have a very little time to chant Lord’s name.

Next morning, I read about dead brijwasis in day before yesterday storm, I went to visit two poor families who lost their family members in storm. I wanted to be a part in their sad moments. I was trying to be supportive. But few Rickshaw drivers stopped me as I was the Goswami and Guru. They felt, it was not my work to do. They only wanted my blessings. It was my first time, when Goswami and Guru Title came in between of anything. It was making me frustrated as I was not allowed to help. I found so much respect for me which was making me helpless. I was only allowed to view their sad faces. I could see, poor has good dedication of work in the sad moment, they are good hearted people and really supportive. In this frustrating moment, I found, they were out of money and collecting fund for cremation. My eyes got bright. I became happy; I had found the way to help. I called that poor man who was collecting fund, gave each and every penny from my wallet to both families as they were not capable to buy woods for cremation and all. Then I called some devotees to help them. May be God didn’t want me to help them physically but I am somehow happy as I have supported them in some manner.

First time, I have realized the importance of money. Nowadays, we even are not able to do cremation without money? Oh God! How will poor survive like this? Is it the punishment of those who don’t have money? How would Soul of your devotee reach Golok Dham without cremation? If it is the beginning of Kaliyug then what would happen later? I am sad after seeing your devotees’ conditions. Please give me blessings; I want to help people in cremation. May be by this seva one day I would reach YOU.

The sweet realisation- 2007

2010-05-05T02:02:00.000+05:30

Few months back, the day before Navdurga (Nine days of Durga) I was lying on the roof under the beautiful sky. The waning moon was only decorative and the stars provided the ambient light. I was just taking in the moment when I felt a tremor so faint, that I would have attributed it to my imagination.

All of sudden I started to find out the answer about my life. I was born and brought up in kaliyuga, but in the Goswami family. Everything is so materialistic, God gave me the name and fame where I have no choice to leave devotion and be materialistic.

Internally my material and devotional life make my present life so complicated.

Actually, I was feeling a lack of bhakti in me. My mind and heart were not purely supportive in the worship of God.

The question of how to get bhakti again and how to reach that bhakti level where you go to another world was making me miserable. I went to my mother to discuss my problem. She replied to me a sweet way. Take this mantra and chant it during Nav Durga and your problem would be solved.

Only nine days, one round of japa. So easy! I gave my promise and started chanting. When you start something good, bad powers stop you and God takes your exam. After a couple of days I got so damm tired by japa, so the next day I quit and broke my promise.

The next morning when I woke up, I felt like a loser. I jumped in the bathroom, took a shower and on the second moment I was in front of my Lord asking HIM to forgive me. After finishing the Navdurga, I did not feel any bhakti in me so I started to feel ashamed on myself. Because of my laziness I lost the biggest opportunity. I went to my Lord and ask HIM to give me one more chance.

Few days later, magically I became enthusiastic for worship. I was feeling power in me. I took a decision and spoke to my parents, “I am planning to do 111 rounds of japa everyday for 21 days in kartik.”

This meant that for 21 days I had to give a minimum 10 hrs and I had to cut the contact from material world. My parents became so happy to see the big change in me but were also unhappy as I would not be able to do their work.

After I convinced them, from the very first day of Kartik I started my japa. I told GOD I need your blessings to follow my promise. So smoothly I achieved my goal which was expected. My family was shocked after seeing that and I was so happy. I was feeling like I passed my class and came in upper class. In between of my happiness one Goswami came to my home. He told to my father that he wants to give his turn of worship to Chandan. Father called me and he said, “Chandan! You are going to get the fruit of your puja.”

Oh My God! I’m getting first chance to serve HIM during kartik.

I am going to see HIM on Gopastami, one of my biggest wishes was coming true. I never had seen HIM in Cowherd boy dress & make up. Since birth I somehow always missed Gopastami. Wow! I replied in an agreed way.

Wow! My innermost desire to see Him in that make up is going to be completed. Oh Lord! The day is here. I am not getting darshan. Today, I am fortunate to do HIS make up. What a colorful blessing. Such a sweet gift. He made me cry so much. I got the ever sweetest blessing by HIM. He made my day so memorable.

Still sometimes when I recall those moments, my heart gets mellow, and my eyes get tears and I bow on those lotus feet by my heart who gave me such good Shelter. :.)

Janmastami 2006

2010-05-05T01:42:00.000+05:30

Janmastami, the day of Lord Shri Krsn. The Day of the Supreme Lord Head. The Day which is one of my busiest day. I woke up very early with the lots of work in my mind. I had to do many preparations before temple. As usual, I took my handy first which was lying down next to me. My handy was showing, one message received. I became so curious who had sent me the message in the early morning. That was the unknown number, but the message was... ? said,dont look around because you will be impressed... Dont look down cause you will be depressed... Just look up to ME all the time and you will be BLESSED. Happy Janmastami.

For me this indication was very mysterious. After read that message I tried to call up on that unknown number. But the number was not valid.

I started to do my routine work with the question mark about that message.

I went early to the temple. After washed my hands, I entered in the deity room. Where is HE??? OOhhhh sitting with one Goswami? getting ready for Abhisheka. After entered on the altar I again washed my hands as per the costume. I put some KHUS oil on the hand. Touched His feet?d gave Him the Full Sashtanga with the hope to get His all the blessings.

After that I involved myself in all the preparations with my father. Under his guidance I was learning many preparations which I had never ever done before. In between of that, one order came, Chandan!! Go with young Goswamis to collect Yamuna water. I made a team of four or five young Goswamis who were capable to carry 20 liters pot from Yamuna River. At last when we were ready to go... one old Goswami joined us.. I became happy, with the joyous I started to look at my Lord; I smiled to Him with some tiny tears on my eyes. GOD!! Nothing is hidden from you. You always increase my enthusiasm to meet you. My appetite to get you. I was little bit worried cause of Yamuna flood and young goswamis. So we went to collect the Yamuna water in old Goswami guidance.

After came back from Yamuna safely, we entered in the temple.

Now, everything was ready, all things were done, One Goswami was Putting Sri Radha Ramanji on the abhishek throne, one Goswami was checking His Srngaar(Make up) two Goswamis were having lulla bell, My dad was sitting on the priest seat, Two Goswamis were sitting to distribute the Prasad. Few Goswamis were looking the milk. I was standing with my younger brother. Few Goswamis were chanting Mantras; One Goswami was sitting behind The Lord. After checked out everything, my father gave a signal to open the curtain. Wow!! Thousands of Devotees!!! Without telling to them anything they stood up with their spirit, their enthusiasm for God's darshan... was making them aggressive. Every devotee wanted to come on the first row.

Curtained opened, All bells are ringing, Bunch of devotees group are chanting Mahamantra. Few Sakhis are dancing in courtyard. All devotees wanted to be an eye witnessed of the abhisheka at anyhow.

I am standing next to Lord. Got the indicator to start the abhisheka with Herbs. I started to give the herbs to one Goswami who was putting them on God as per scripture says. According to the scriptures before abhisheka we have to do the abhisheka by some herbs and have to put some herb pastes on Lord. Cause, He is going to take bath for few hours. May be, He could get cold or fever. So it is a precaution.

With all my morning strength I was involving myself. When I poured first Shankha of Milk on Sri Radha Ramanji. A BIG sound of Radha Raman Lal ki Jai!!! Jai Jai Sri Radhe!!!! Came from the devotees. A sound which was waiting for this moment. A sound of love to Him.

The milk abhisheka was going on many Goswamis came to me. They wanted to pour the milk. Firstly I was denying them. Then I thought why my selfishness is stopping other Goswamis for Seva? Why m I only thinking about myself?

Here are so many Goswamis who are having same heritage right like me. I am not superior.

After all the fighting with my selfishness and feelings, I decided to leave the work for young Goswamis. As they have to learn as well.

I went to do the hard Seva. There was a big Iron Tank, full of 200 liters of water. I started to pour the sugar into it. Then I dipped the one big iron rod into the water. It is the very tough Seva during abhisheka. 200 liters of water, 20 to 30 kg sugar, one fat iron rod. My work to mix the sugar with the water, in during of Milk bathing. Means fastly. Not easy at all. But a good punishment for my selfishness. A little far from Him. But in His Seva.

This small incident changed my mind. Before I used to do only that Seva which took me very near to Him. But Seva is that which never want you to be near to Him.

In the meantime, my mind started to think all negative aspects. May be Sri Radha Ramanji wanted someone else instead of me. Might be possible now I am not well enough like before. May be my BHAAVS(true feelings) for Seva are not pure anymore (actually it was somehow right).

Because of Him I got everything in life. A sweet life I am living. And when everything goes alright. Somehow we start to forget our God. We start to lose our real Bhaavs.

You know when real Bhaav comes out? When we suffer, when sorrow comes, when everything goes bad, when we can?ee any good hope.

On that time the real Bhaav comes out from our heart. We show our very real feeling to God. Cause we are in trouble. We need a solution. We need a magic which can take out our sorrows in a second.

But when you get real good time. Then spiritual Bhaav goes out somewhere and Laxmi Bhaav comes out.

In a bad time, whatever happens, we do our daily routine worship even more also. But in a good time. God!! I am having a meeting. I will see you whenever I have time. Somehow, the same thing was happening with me.

But this time, it was not my 100% fault. Last two months I am feeling less Bhaavs for Him. He was very much aware. I begged?terally begged to Him many times for that. If He does not want to give me then what can I do?

Not my fault...Not my fault fully.. thinking!! And mixing the sugar, while one old Goswami started to call me. Finding me... Chandan! Come on your place, do your job! These Goswamis are making the abhisheka late.

Heart enlightened!! Candle got the fire!! Dead body got the soul!!! And Chandan got the tears.

I ran, caught my place, Goswamis were speaking, Do your duty, dont go here and there. In the reply, I only passed my smile, I looked at Him. He is very Naughty. Smiling on me! I started to do my job but was sharing also time to time with another Goswamis.

Hail! Sri Radha Ramanji!!! Nobody can win from You. Play with me softly.. my heart is very soft. you reside in it always.

I was praying to Him and looking up to Him with my tears after finished the abhisheka.

The Goswami came to me who was having worship turn. He asked me to come for Nandotsava tomorrow. I never ever was on the altar during the Nandotsava.

The hidden tears came out on the cheeks with the answer of that morning message. Look up to me and you will be blessed?

Jai Radha Raman!!!!

Appearance day of my Sweetest Lord (13 May 2006)

2010-05-05T01:31:00.000+05:30

Last 7 days I am on the altar and worshipping my Lord. This is the time when I feel so blessed by my Sweetest and NAUGHTIEST LORD. If I get a chance to define Him. I can define Him only in one word. He is RASCAL.. He always plays with Goswamis... very wildly... And we can't win against Him... We always have to BEG Him or show our anger to leave us to do His worship. Even on His appearance day, I was tieing His turban before abhisheka. But I failed... I was trying for 30 mins... to tie the turban... But somehow, it was falling. At last, angrily with the irritation, I told Him, If You (Radha Ramanji) want to take a abhisheka then get ready, otherwise, I am leaving you in this condition... I won't take you outside for the abhisheka... and I am going back home... be here alone... Can you believe this? After that I tied His turban in 2 mins...

After dressing Him... I went to collect Yamuna water with young Goswamis.... I was heading them... you know what??? Because of the turban incident... abhisheka started 30 mins late... Last one week I am doing morning Seva of Him... It is very tough to do. And luckily, I am the youngest one who is doing His worship alone. Otherwise, All Elder Goswamis don't give the permission to any young Goswami. Even many of my cousin brothers (My older Goswami brothers) still didn't get the chance to do any worship of Him... even they are on the altar last many years... To do the worship of HIM. Sri Radha Ramanji is very sophisticated. Because He is a Naughty Kid and He is the King of the Universe... Our Seva on the altar? It is Bhaav Seva. We don't do Rajsi Seva. When I go on the altar, I only feel that I am right now in Heaven... or should I say I can't compare heaven by that feeling which I get on the altar. ;) Everyday, new experience with Him makes me feel good. Even His naughtiness gives me a feeling of His presence in His room. I am so lucky to HAVE Him in my life. I love my God He is the very Sweetest in the world. By His grace I got the chance to serve Him in this life. My thousand _o/_ on His lotus feet...

Janmastami 2005

2010-05-05T00:56:00.000+05:30

Shri Krishn Janmastami has been finished wonderfully. It was really incredible. National tv took my interview. and 8 another Indian channels were telecasting me world widely. It was something beyond of my imagination. I woke up at 7 in the morning. and saw two camera men are waiting for me. some our disciples had sent them to shoot my father and myself. Firstly i took shower... wore new thread and new dhoti and duppatta. Now, i was ready to go on the alter...... BUTTT.... when i reached the temple i saw, all goswamis were doing their jobs. One old goswami instructed me to guide the youngsters. and EVERYBODY gave me order to take the Yamuna water in the silver pots with some young goswamis. I was literally fainted. Cause i never ever did this work before. But i heard sometimes... its really painful to take a 20 liters silver pot with water on the shoulder. And before janmastami i was on the heavy pain killers. and on the janmastami morning i forgot to take the pain killer. EEHHHHHHHHH!!! On that moment i was on that stage... where there i could not refuse the order. But What will gonna happen???? this question was giving me internal pain.

ATLAST..... straight forward i entered into the deity room... HE(Radharamanji) was getting ready for abhisheka. I touched his feet. gave Him the full Shastang pranam. and told him.... only one thing.... "Everything is upto you. I am not in the mood to leave this abhisheka"

and then i went to the collect the water from Yamuna river with 5-6 goswamis.

UHH LA LA.... i reached the temple without having pain. amazing!!!!!!!!! then, all the devotees (viewers of the abhisheka) knows.... By his divine mercy i did his whole abhisheka. All Goswamis even my father were surprised. NO pain. even before Janmastami.... like last 5 days of janmastami.... i only ate 5 chapatis and 200 grms rice. 3 hrs sleep everynight. So much work load i had. was living only on the medicines... But Sri Radharamanji gave me energy to perform the abhisheka. but after janmastami... I am in fever. :((

I was pouring the milk on Him. My eyes went on his face And i saw, His smile was very mysterical. I forgot everything and guessing what will gonna happen next?

I took the little break in between of abhisheka... but my mind was only guessing.... BUT HE IS THE LORD. IF WE WOULD COME TO KNOW WHAT HE (RADHA RAMAN JI) IS THINKING....... THEN There is NO DIFFRENCE BETWEEN GOD AND DEVOTEE.

One Goswami who was sitting behind Him and holding Him during abhishekacalled me up. and he gave his seat to me. THAT WAS TOTALLY BEYOND OF MY HEAD. COZZZZZ.... IT never happened in last 450 YEARS. that any Goswami give thta seat during abhishek to any Goswami...

I started to cry with happiness to get HIS Divine mercy. He is my everything. I dont' know, how i always get His sweetest blessings? So bad i am for many persons. Cause of this.... i thought... my Radha Raman have started to hate me. But now, i am wrong... and i wish i always take birth as a GOSWAMI of Shri Radharaman. My dear Lord, We are having evrything cause of YOU. Our identity Starts from You and Ends on You. Give us blessing to spread Your name in this world.