Shunammite Movement

Get Over It - Everyone Else Has...

2015-04-16T01:10:00.000-07:00

Do you ever feel like no one cares about what you're going through? Or No one calls to check up on you or comes to your rescue? Guess what sweetie ! NO ONE FUCKING CARES! Yep, You read correct. No one cares, well at least not the way you want them to. We get to an age where everyone is doing their own thing, focusing on themselves and strategising their next career moves or business venture. We all have people who care for our well being, but they aways seem to have their own interest and agendas. Good old fashioned selfishness! But who’s wrong in this situation them or you? while you are standing around feeling lonely , you're neglecting your most powerful ally… yourself!

This was a situation I’ve found myself in one too many times. If you know me (hi guys) i’m a vocal, animated and very sociable. Possibly one of the most confident people you’d ever meet. However, I was an extremely secretive person in regards to pretty much everything. From dudes, bad childhood experiences to family issues. It was like I needed to feel like I was in control of everything, so ultimately my friends were as much in the dark as a stranger off the street. I submerged my self into helping, advising and coaching others because it gave me purpose, it gave me taste of the very thing I was starved of. Later, my unofficial shrink told me this was called deflection. Apparently It helps me ignore the negative feelings and emotions I have inside, which inturn make the situation worst.

Now, I have some pretty amazing friends, who when I have let in, have helped me tremendously. But before, I when went through the ‘no one cares about ME stage, I just wanted someone to stop and look beyond the ‘i’m fine’ responses and help me pull out some of the monsters in my closet. How fucking ridiculous. Stupidly I wanted others to care more about my life than I did. I wanted someone to host a sympathy party for issues they had no idea about. It was so backwards but I believed it to be true. I was only seeing thing from my own blind perspective. I was selfish in the wrong way. I wanted attention from others that I wasn't giving myself. I wanted everyone to stop being concerned with their own shit and smell mine. I needed to be selfish in a way that was progressive and concentrated more on diffusing the issues I had rather than refueling them.

I had to realise and I had to realise fast that I had to stop feeling sorry for myself!. I got some pretty dark stuff in my closet and I could rely on that stuff to be my crutch which I could use to explain certain negative behaviour and situations in my life. This totally stripped me of responsibility, which ultimately limited my control over myself.

When I opened up to my friends of course they were supportive and offered me amazing advice but we didn't dwell on these past happenings, we didn’t stay in that moment. As fast as it came was as fast as it was gone. This was my wake up call . Their reactions helped me more than the words that came out their mouths. They didn't cry for me or throw me a sympathy party. It’s crazy how something so small can change your whole outlook on life. Oh, and please believe I was waiting for the BIG BANG aka my entrance as guest of honour to my pity party. However, I realised that the world doesn't stop for you and in the fast paced life we live no one has time too! You got to deal with the matters head on and stop avoiding them. Spend time on yourself analysing situations, dealing with the emotions attached and remembering tomorrow is a new day. Don’t over-indulge in your issue. It’s a distraction from the amazing path your life going towards….the FUTURE!! I had to realise I was a self sabotaging fool and I was blocking my progression because I refused to let go of that hurt that had ironically become my comfort zone. I had to be apart of my own rescue and get off my arse and refocus. As deep rooted and painful as some truths are, you have to pluck them out eventually. So cry for a week if you need to or write down your issues and face them. Whatever your process is, do it; because sooner or later you have to get the fuck over it - everyone else has.

Women Should Be Allowed To Pay For Dinner....

2015-03-11T01:41:00.000-07:00

After her interview with @FacebookHQ, Emma Watson revealed she loved chivalry, "but women should be allowed to pay for dinner". This has sparked a debate as to whether feminism is only one dimensional and has not yet expanded into every area of our lives. It made me wonder, although women should be allowed to pay for dinner, do we REALLY want to? I mean we've all rallied together in the name of feminism to fight for the equal rights of women, however do we really want feminism to effect the "perks" of being a woman? Do we really want to split the dinner bill in half, all to satisfy the principles equality. I think not! I'm drawn to believe that women want to have the ability to pay for the bill without actually paying for it. We want the freedom to open our own doors and push our own chairs under the table, but enjoy it being done for us. I think this begs the question are women really ready for an equal society?

For example, a friend of mine was asked on a date for Valentine's Day, (you can imagine her excitement) only to be told she has to pay for dinner and he'll pay for the hotel. She was absolutely disgusted. She went on the date assuming that he was joking. When the bill came they stared at each other with an awkward silence. He slid the bill towards her, to save herself any more "embarrassment", she reached into her purse and quickly paid for the bill. Less than 24hrs later she asked him for her money back (I'm sure you all know the status of that relationship). With all this being said, my friend considers herself an active feminist. Someone who stands up for the cause of equal rights and opportunities for women. But can she really call herself a feminist? Do her actions not make her just as guilty of inequality as a man that believes a woman is not worthy enough to be a manager?

I think most of us have been so focused on the battle of feminism that we have neglected to think about the aftermath of winning the war of equality. We have to be prepared to accept it when men use the equality card on us too. They may ask us to change a tyre or take them out on an anniversary date, who knows. I definitely don't. But what I do know is thats it's time for the conversation to start. Just think, if women become the leaders in equality and collectively practice what we preach then others will have no option but to follow.

Feminism - is a collection of movements and ideologies that share a common goal: to define, establish, and achieve equal political, economic, cultural, personal, and social rights for women. This includes seeking to establish equal opportunities for women in education and employment.

Are You Really A Boss....Bitch?!

2015-03-03T01:36:00.001-08:00

Ladies, can we just discuss this phrase “Boss Bitch” because somehow I have seemed to have lost all understanding. The amount of women calling them self a “Boss Bitch” is ridiculous and annoying. Now, you know that I am pro female empowerment, so anything I do say is said in order to empower young women, therefore don’t get offended just take notes.

First of all I really want to explain to everyone what the word “Boss” actually means, ‘a boss is a person who is in-charge of workers or an organisation’. If none of the above applies to you then you are NOT a Boss, I repeat you are NOT a Boss. This is crucial to understand if you intend on becoming a boss one day because your ignorance will get you NO WHERE!

Working a 9-5 shift in a stuffy office Monday to Friday, emailing your colleagues beside you does not make you a boss, it doesn’t even make you important in the eyes of society it just makes you a regular, simple, working class human being. I could even be generous enough to say that it makes you a hustler (and a bitch depending on your attitude) … but in no way shape or form does this make you a Boss.

(not saying working in an office is not great by the way). I’m guessing at this point you’re all thinking what type of female empowerment is this, she’s breaking females down and discrediting their hard work, when actually I’m doing the opposite. Think about all the protesting feminist have endured for the past century in order for women to acquire equal rights. Now in 2015, although not all equal, it’s the best it’s ever been for women and its only getting better. It’s time for us to now use this new found equality and uphold the same standard as men when it comes to being a Boss and producing results… I mean real results (not the type of results that gets you gold star next to your name on a crooked board that your line manager created), the type of results that create financial independence and influential power.

Think about it, could you imagine a man calling himself a Boss and all he does is work night shift at a supermarket…NO, this would never happen, because men have been taught the true meaning of what it is to be a Boss. On the other hand we women have been taught that if we aren’t at home cooking and clean all day then congratulations “You are now a Boss Bitch” – Computer says no (little Britain voice lol). Have you ever experienced talking to a male friend or any male for that matter and telling him that you want to start a business or even run an organisation? Well if not, the two main reactions are raising of eyebrows or sheer disbelief that you, a female, have been able to adopt a Boss mind set and to be honest I don’t blame them. Being a business woman myself, it’s hard to respect or accept anyone who calls themselves a Boss without really embodying the meaning and it’s actually quiet insulting that a huge number of women continue to do this and attach this stigma to our gender. Now I’m all for speaking things into existence (yes, I read ‘the secret’ too), but flippantly using the term “Boss Bitch” to describe yourself without really seeking the reality, doesn’t mean jack shit!!!!

It may sound harsh, but I’m saying this because us women are so much more than claiming false titles and accolade to make ourselves feel better in the moment. We actually have the skills and ability to become what we desire. I think it’s so important for all women to put a stop to this now because the younger generation is watching. Not to sound all Oprahish, but there are some many young girls thinking that all they need to do is put on some make up and pair of shoes and wahlah, they are now a ‘Boss Bitch’, without putting in any work or fulfilling any goals. At this point in history we are a nation of feminists, where the world really is our oyster. What are you going to do? Are you going to continue to call yourself a “Boss Bitch” or are you going to become THE BOSS…BITCH?

To help you become a real Boss Bitch here are 5 steps to follow;

1. Ownership Ownership Ownership -

You must own something that you use or could potentially use to create some financial income. Whether it is a product, a business, copy rights, publishing, trademark, shares in a company, property anything – ownership is everything!!!

2. Taking risks –

Becoming your own boss or the boss of an organisation means you have taken the biggest risk you will ever take as your money is no longer determined by the accounts team at your job, it is all on you. As a Boss you have to take risks, playing it safe will make you a good manger but an awful boss. Bosses take risks, managers execute them as safely as possible.

3. Be motivated and faithful –

Becoming your own boss means you have to remain motivated, determined, faithful and optimistic at all time. The good, the bad and the ugly will happen to you when you are the Boss, but you can never allow any of these four attributes disappear from your character.

4. Make money –

Money does not need to be your main motivation to you becoming a Boss but it must be one of your goals. In reality if you are not making money it’s so easy to become de-motivated and lose your Boss mindset.

5. Influence and encourage others -

When you become a Boss you automatically become a leader. You must be aware of this and be willing to lead and influence those around you to strive for greatness.

C xx

The Lonely Hearts Club

2015-02-14T01:42:00.000-08:00

“Roses are red, violets are blue....I'm scared of being alone and that's why I'm with you”.... Happy Valentines Day !!!

Around the Valentines day period, I notice a lot of people mysteriously coupling up, taking selfies with captions like "date night with bae." But two weeks prior they were screaming the single life! For some reason we always need to feel attached or connected to someone at all times. Has the fear of loneliness enslaved us in dead end relationships? Has it crippled our ability to appreciate our OWN company?

We all have that one friend that invests all her energy into that prick guy who disrespects her (even though he has no job, no ambition and is wearing his net-worth every time you see him) just so she can go on a date in a fancy restaurant (that she will probably pay) and take a f**king selfie. Only to leave the restaurant with an empty purse and deflated self esteem.
She exhausts herself, constantly attempting to build this everlasting ‘Jay & Bey’ romance with an uninterested & unloyal dude, all in the name of ‘love’. Usually followed by a bunch of excuses as to why he hasn’t called in 9 days *rolls eyes*

When did the fear of 'loneliness' override our standards?! Allowing less than decent men run through our emotions, time, effort and lady gardens just to feel attached to a somewhat relationship. What would happen if we took all that energy and dedication and started to ‘dating’ ourselves? Not in a creepy Fifty Shades of Grey way guys, but a real genuine, self indulgent kinda way. In a world where we are constantly surrounded by others, whether it is your partner, Twitter constantly pinging or 1 of 6 group chats alerting you for 3 hours straight! We hardly get space to breathe let alone finding the time to embark on a self exploration. We get caught up in our relationships, especially the toxic ones, and lose ourselves. Our wants, desires, goals and aspirations, mould to fit someone else’s expectations or plans and the further we drift from ourselves. People use being single as a hunting ground for their next potential bae than a time of reflecting, self development and refocusing. When you indulge in yourself, you won't have a lonely day in your life. Recognize your self worth and be patient.... The real roses are coming!

Beni x

The Number Between Her Legs Review

2014-11-09T15:51:00.000-08:00

After reading this I began to wonder if I am a victim of the fear of being slut shamed or evening slut shaming. This book is one that should have been written hundreds of years ago as that’s how long it’s been needed. It is refreshing to hear a young woman have such a liberating outlook on sex. Exploring your sexuality is not a crime, it’s an option!

A great line in this book is “we are made to think our value lies in our vagina”… WOW…spot on!!! Women are made to think that this is their most valuable asset and if too many men enter, it “depreciates in value”.

This gave me goose bumps as it simply articulates the sexual discrimination loaded on women (me included) and the “standard” to which society feels we have to up hold our own vagina.

However, while reading this book I could not escape the questions running through my head, like when is the line of self-respect crossed? Or is it ever? Does a woman’s self respect rely on the number of sexual partners she has had? Or is this just another one of society’s brain washing ideologies?

No matter what the answer is, reading that Felicia Garcia was slut shamed to death was more than enough for me to say NO to ‘slut shaming’ and yes to freedom of choice without judgement. However, I do not support under age sex!

C x

Catcall or Compliment????

2014-11-04T09:09:00.000-08:00

Please watch our response video surrounding the issue of Street Harassment. Is there such a thin line between objectifying a woman and admiring her that we should avoid the two all together?

I have a few reservations. Have we taken the definition of harassment and twisted it one step too far??

Please watch, comment, debate and share!!!!

Here's the link to the original video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b1XGPvbWn0A

Check us out:
blog - shunammitemovement.blogspot.co.uk
Twitter - @Shunammite_Move
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"Are Women Only Confident When Naked?"

2014-10-28T05:24:00.000-07:00

I thought I’d start this article with a witty first liner comparable with that of Carrie Bradshaw but unfortunately that’s not going to happen. I’m sitting in a coffee shop, pondering over a discussion I had with my fairly misogynistic male friend. He remarked that I could not be as confident when relating to men, as men could be with women. I’m not talking about the ole’ double standard of men being able to sleep with lots of women and being praised and women doing the same and being called ‘sluts’ (we know, Lilly Allen, Eve etc have taught us that already). I’m talking about the idea that women who are confident are seen as intimidating, ‘man eaters’ and sometimes as lesbians, because they play hard ball. Pardon the pun. However when men are trail blazers, cocky and full of bravado-they’re simply manly, a man’s man. Since when did confidence become a male only attribute?

What started to appear in my mind after this argument was the amount of times I’d heard women justify and lift themselves up. “I’m a confident woman” I’ve heard countless times. There’s nothing wrong with saying that, but what’s scary is the fact that I’ve never heard a man say “I’m a confident man,” have you? And I wonder why that is? Do we women proclaim we’re confident women as a way of reclaiming the self-esteem that’s been taken from us through years of misogyny? Is it a small way of saying ‘I can.’ Whatever the reason is, it seems pointless somehow in a world where career women, female politicians, celebrities etc are still viewed as power hungry, with whispers of ‘she’s a bit bossy’, ‘she’s intimidating’, if we demand what we want without apologising for it.

Thing is, the few times men seem to respond to powerful women in the media, women like Marilyn Monroe, Beyoncé, Rihanna and the likes-these women seem to appeal very much to the one thing men all want.

S E X

Nicki Minaj is one female music artist who, looking past some questionable lyrics and videos-gives a very strong and confident pro-female message. And after declaring 2010 that she wasn't going to follow in the steps of her predecessors Foxy Brown and Lil Kim and that ‘she intended to subdue her sexuality because’, as she said in Vibe Magazine in 2010 she “(wants) people-especially young girls-to know that in life, nothing is going to be based on sex appeal. You've got to have something else to go with that.” And yet, the video to her recent single ‘Anaconda’ contains purely sexual lyrics, with female strippers in the music video and Minaj herself opening her limbs and twerking throughout. It would be naïve of us to think that she’s simply had a change of heart. Why, when ‘Anaconda’ was delayed to be released, to announce the bad news, she posted a picture of herself in arse baring clothing with her legs yet again wide open on her Instagram profile.

All this makes me wonder, how confident women can be when we keep our clothes on. For when we take them off, like Miley or Nicki or RiRi, we’re greeted with excessive attention from males and revered as ‘top b*tches’. However, in day to day life, in the board room, in the work place and home-if a woman is confident, she is likely to be held to be domineering and over bearing. That leads us to ask the question, are women only allowed to be confident when they are sex symbols? Or is the more important question, are men intimidated by women when they refuse to be sex symbols?

Sincerely Oghosa x

Attention Seeking Men!

2014-10-15T16:30:00.002-07:00

Last night I had an epiphany or a revelation if you will … men are just as, or if not more, attention seeking then women. Let me take you back to last night. I had a conversation with one of my guy friends and he started explaining his weekend “frenzy” (in his eyes). He and his friends went to a party in Essex and popped champagne (Cristal and Dom Perignon) in the pursuit to attract the attention of four blonde haired, blue eyed, big boobed and massive assed women. They spent over £5000 in club; just to get their attention. Not to give credit to £5000, it’s definitely not life changing, but to a lot of people that’s a lot of money to spend to get the attention of a bunch of strangers. However, this group of men felt that it was money well spent because the women had sexy bodies and were “Instagram famous”, meaning they had over 100,000 followers. The women were so impressed, that they posted a picture of one of the guys on their instagram and he received thousands of likes. This whole conversation made me think, ‘is it possible that men seek just as much attention as women but use their money to gain it?’

You see, I figured out why men’s attention seeking is not as obvious as women’s, it’s simple…. Women seek attention through their bodies and sexual gestures whereas as men use their money. Let me break it down…
Women’s bodies and sexual gestures are not seen to be of much value; men can pay for women’s bodies all over the world. The better the body the more they’ll pay! To a lot of men a woman’s body as a dime a dozen (sorry girls). In this world money talks, equalling power and respect. The fact that we see money in this way means when men splash thousands of pounds in the club, the element of attention is perceived as inevitable and not intentional, when indeed it is!

In the eyes of men the attention they receive reflects their worth and their success and in the eyes of women the attention they receive reflects love and affections. Both reflections are quiet sad, but true. It begs the questions ‘are we all insecure, fearful humans seeking approval and affirmation?’ I doubt any of the men I described will see it this way, but I definitely do. To pay £5000 for the attention of strangers, says it all!!!

School Blues..

2014-10-01T01:49:00.000-07:00

I’m in my final year of secondary and things are beginning to get very serious and very stressful. We all know that in times of hardship we have to try and keep our head up high and not sink beneath the waves. However, it’s easier said than done. It’s like none of my teachers help!!! All they do is pile on more and more homework expecting me to do it in the two days I have to relax…And so the waves get higher and like all other 15/16 year olds, we are drowning ourselves in problems and stress.

In recent news we’ve seen that grade boundaries have gone up, meaning much more is expected of our generation! We have to grow up yet still be kids for the comfort ability of “adults”? I’m failing to understand how this works and the pressure is on for me to know how NOW!

In all of this you can lose yourself, lose direction and lose hope.

I’ve noticed my attitude is sinking deeper into negativity and I sometimes don’t realise how hard it is stay positive. For instance, maths is not my best friend, nor my associate; we can litro call maths my enemy! But putting myself down about it isn’t going to help! All I’m doing is sinking deeper and deeper while everyone else seems to be walking on water.

Right now I’m lacking motivation and concentration which is a combination for disaster. So it’s now time for me to put on my superwoman (or superkid, which ever makes you feel more comfortable) cape on and not allow negative distractions stop me from flying over this hurdle. I can’t fail I’ve been in education for 13 years all for the sake of achieving great GCSE’s!!! My mock exams are coming up very soon and I need better myself before I learn the hard way!

Next year when I go to school to collect my results I want to have a massive smile on my face because I got the grades I wanted, not a frown of disappointment because I didn’t try hard enough when I had the chance.

NOW it’s time to swim up to the surface and lift my head above water and put all my faith in GOD.

- Ocean T x

Yes, No, Maybe?...

2014-09-24T08:34:00.000-07:00

When we talk about sex and consent, it is usually in one way. We often associate the right to consent with a woman and it seems as though only a woman can determine whether the act of sex occurs or not. This only emphasises the poor general assumption that guys always want sex and do not have the ability to turn it down. This is in fact a generalisation made by plenty of women who haven't experienced being turned down for sex just yet. When I told a friend about the topic of this article she said to me 'guys don't say no to sex though', as a man who has said no to a woman who wants to have sex, I can vouch that some men do say no.

I'm sure some of you reading this are also thinking "Well, guys think about sex 24/7 so of course they would not turn down a woman who wants to have sex". Wrong.

Growing up during the ages when puberty hit, it was common to assume that if a guy was not interested in indulging in sexual activities with the opposite sex he was either homosexual or just plain weird. Our minds were conditioned to thinking that having sex with a woman somehow validates us as men. Young women are taught to respect their bodies through their clothing and conduct and a big fuss is often made when a woman decides she wants to sleep with multiple men. But when she says no, there is no fuss made. However, it is completely the opposite for men. When a man has multiple sexual partners he is praised and seen as more of a man, however when he says no to a woman's sexual advances he is seen as less of a man, what do these double standards say about our society?

We argue that equality should be shared amongst genders however when it comes to sex apparently the rules change. Why is it so shocking for a man to say no to a woman in this day and age of 'equal rights?'

It is through self awareness, self respect and self admiration that I realised I can have preferences and standards, therefore if I turn down a woman's sexual advances it does not mean I prefer men, it means at that particular time I do not want to have sex. I did not say no to sex until I became confident in my looks and respected my body, I realised that I didn't have to settle and get involved every time a female wants to have sex. In fact, the more I appreciate and value myself the less willing I am to get sexually involved with just anyone.

However, I do understand that saying no to a woman holds greater repercussions as it can affect her confidence and self assurance that she is attractive. There is a misconception that the only way a heterosexual man will say no to sex is if the woman is unattractive, he is secretly homosexual or he has something wrong with him.

The question I ask is, why?

Discussions about consent often focus on the woman's ability to say yes or no without considering that there are guys who may not want to have sex in certain situations but do because of the pressures and expectations society and peer groups place on them.

I've asked many females what they think about a guy turning them down when they want to have sex, the responses have been varied in the choice of words but very similar in the message "If a guy turned me down, I'd go mad, is he alright?!". Well let's flip that and see what you think if a guy reacted in the same way to a woman turning down his sexual advances, we would be worried right? What words come to mind? Rape? Force? Respect? Consent?

In a society where we ask for equality amongst genders why is there such an obvious difference when it comes to sexual matters?

Do men have the same right to pick and choose when and whom they have sex with or must we do what is expected of us and go along with it even when we really do not want to have sex?

It is another general assumption that men are sexual predators driven by the desires of our penises when in fact we do have standards and preferences! As women do, we men also possess a brain which is capable and responsible for the decisions we make. It says a lot if you think all men are the same and sex is the number one driving force for men, in fact, if you really think that men only think with their penis then complaining when your partner has sex with someone else doesn't make sense (but I digress, that is another topic for another day).

I understand how being rejected may affect one's self esteem but when you know your worth you will understand that there are many reasons why a guy can turn you down. It may not even have anything to do with his preferences towards you, he could be tired after a long day; he might not be in the mood; or it may be too soon and that isn't his thing. When a woman gives these reasons as to why she doesn't want to have sex, men should respect those reasons and respect her decision not to proceed, however, this should also be the same the other way round.

You've probably said that a woman can't rape a man, well, that is something to be explored. Personally, I'm not too fussed about whether or not a woman respects my decision if I say no to her, I just don't want my penis chopped off if I do say no, I'm sure many other guys think the same thing (I've heard some scary responses when I asked what some women would do if a guy said no to them)!

But the question still remains, when it comes to sexual matters, can men and women be treated equally or will double standards plague us forever?

This blog post was written by Author, Poet and Motivational Speaker Tony Supreme! He will be featuring on a weekly basis, covering a variety of topics from a male perspective!

Make sure you check out his blog http://tonysupreme.blogspot.co.uk and follow him on twitter @TonySupreme_

Meet our bloggers!

2014-09-19T02:12:00.000-07:00

We’ve been on the search for some great writers to come on board as contributors towards our blog. We asked the writers to share their opinions and views on different topics such as love, sex, relationships, self esteem and body confidence!!! Watch this space! #TakeOver

Meet #MrSupreme
Hey guys! I go by the name of Tony Supreme but you can call me #MrSupreme! I am a spoken word poet, writer and motivational speaker amongst other things. I'll give you a mans perspective on some of the issues that affect young women, in particular love, sex and relationships, hopefully I will be able to answer any questions you may have! I hope you enjoy my blog posts!

Meet #SincerelyOghosa

I like to believe I speak for those who have no voice. Especially women like me who feel things society tells us not to feel. I like to believe I'm a symbol of speaking up for what I believe in, what I have seen and struggled with. I'm #SincerelyOghosa and I speak up about things society doesn't want women to speak about, you’ll find me blogging about self esteem, confidence and lots more!

Keep an eye out for the next blog posts, and don’t forget to get involved, comment, share and let us know what you think!

SM xo

Stylist 'Life Lessons' Event

2014-09-17T03:56:00.000-07:00

Last week Thursday, I attended the Stylist Magazine ‘life lessons’ event, with guest speakers Leyla Hussien, Kirstie Allsopp, and June Sarpong.

In case your wondering who these women are, here is a quick run down for you:

- Leyla Hussien is a psychotherapist and Co-Founder of Daughters of Eve ( a non profit organisation that works to protect girls and young women who are at risk from female genital mutilation (FGM).

- Kirstie Allsopp is a British Television presenter (location, location, location)

- June Sarpong MBE is a broadcaster and co-founder of WIE (Women: Inspiration and Enterprise network)

The event was held at Ham Yard Hotel, in Soho, stylish location, constant flow of red and white wine (which I loved) and literally got talking to other women while waiting for the event begin….

At around 7:00pm the event started and I quickly rushed to the second row to get the best seats in the conference room, yes I was excited to receive some real life lessons!….

Leyla Hussien was the fist to speak “Never forget the power of your own story”

She went on to detail her experience through FGM, which literally brought tears to my eyes, and that once she was cut ‘it was like her soul was being cut’ I can’t even begin to imagine, the emotional scarring she must bare up to this date, let alone physical scarring as a constant reminder - she said that her mission ‘was to make sure her daughter didn’t go through what she went through’.

To think this is something accepted, and deemed as the norm in some cultures is beyond me! Not to mention scary. At first when I heard about the #StopFGM campaign on Twitter I actually had to Google what it was! After reading I felt quite disturbed…My main thoughts at the age of 7 were what was on Disney channel, and girlie sleepovers! Not about anyone cutting my private parts. Leyla really revealed some of the harsh realities that happen around the world.

Next up to speak was June Sarpong, who I remember for having the glossiest lips on TV! She was an amazing presenter, (personal opinion) and I loved her simply because she was a dark skinned woman with big lips on telly - and she was someone I could identify with.

Her talk was ‘Questioning your beliefs’….”Questioning your beliefs can change your life and the world”.

June went on to speak about misconceptions, and how she prejudged a man on set one day in the USA who was covered with tattoos and appeared ‘ruff and tuff’, only to find out that he was a lovely sound engineer, she went on to explain that as a woman of colour she knows first hand what its like to be judged on something that has nothing to do with ‘what she is’, and there she was judging someone else. From there she started changing her beliefs.

Ok. Pause. I love June - like I stated before, but isn’t this just a general life lesson wrapped in a pretty pink bow!? Don’t get me wrong I did nod along in strong agreement, however I was looking for a real ‘Oprah ah-ha moment’ and I was left feeling underwhelmed.

Last to take the stage was Kirstie Allsopp, ok so where do I start from here?! (Did you read my recent blog about the article she wrote on ‘ditch university and have a baby by 27’) I was so ready to fire questions at her during the q&a - however my perception of Kirsite changed as she gave her talk on the fertility window. It felt as though this talk was an extended version of the article she had with the Telegraph, only with more explanation.

Kirstie said that ‘women are being lied too’ in terms of how late we can have babies, and that there is a strong emphasis put on careers, rather than building a family, she said that she was lucky enough to have her first child at 32 and her second child at 37 - literally in time before her biological clock was about to burn out! Ok I get that now, I one day do want to have children, however I am very career driven but I guess its all about finding that balance - although not right now….

She spoke about how desperate she was in her 20s to get a boyfriend and have kids, - she even said she had ‘please marry me’ tattooed on her forehead - WOWSER! .

Hold on.

I get where Kirstie is coming from with her ‘warnings’ or raising awareness, but there is no state of emergency here! As a single woman I would like to meet my partner naturally not as a form of desperation - moving on….

She ended with this note to women: be honest with each other, with your partners, daughters and sons - know that you can have careers at any age, you can go to uni at any age.

Nature is not a feminist and that's just the truth.

Overall I enjoyed the event, and thought that it was very informative as I was made aware of FGM and my biological clock….However I didn’t feel as though I really learnt any impactful life lessons, it was more of each woman sharing their personal experiences, which I can literally find on their website (#sorrynotsorry) I was there ready with my note pad and pen to write down a real ‘Oprah ah ha moment’ but there was none, not knocking any of the women in fact I applaud them for being able to share such intimate parts of their lives with a bunch of strangers (especially Leyla) -

But maybe Stylist Magazine should rethink naming the event ‘life lessons’ and rather pick a theme for each event #justsaying …I couldn’t really say it was ‘life changing’ - but hey that’s just me, there were plenty of women during the q&a asking Kirstie questions about the fertility window - which could of been a life lesson/ changing moment for them.

V x

Looking for writers to contribute to our blog!

2014-09-08T03:12:00.000-07:00

We are looking for writers to contribute towards our blog!

Get in contact if you would like to feature or contribute for:

-Love, sex and relationships

- Self esteem & body confidence

- Events

Email: info@smovement.co with 'SM Blog' as the subject!

We look forward to hearing from you!

Valleys

2014-08-20T06:26:00.001-07:00

There will always be darkness. It's our decision whether we find peace within.

I've come to a stage where I've been stifling the sounds of my anger, anxiety and all other repressed issues that can no longer be bound and are screaming right in my face. I've lacked in energy, focus...EVERYTHING. I'm tired. After church on Sunday and a subtle but mind awakening talk with Cherelle, I realised that I don't have things under control that I have tricked myself in to thinking I did. These insecurities and issues had started to pour into things that are important to me; like the Shunammite Movement, family and work. I had so many blinding lights of negative voices, comparisons to others, lack of faith that then lead to my decreasing productivity; and I refused to see the signs. I've realised that when you find yourself in a hole; you must stop digging.

Now in this darkness. I feel at peace. Aware. Still in my spirit. Now I can move. Now my creativeness can be reignited. In each dark valley lies a lesson that will take you to another level. However, if all you're focused on is the fear of the unknown valley you can miss the reason you have been placed there in the first place. To grow. To change an environment. Everything is purposeful. However, you MUST step out into the purpose or it will forever remain in the yonder.

So, no more fear. No more anxiety. No more doubt. I will live by what I believe is promised to me will come to fruition and I will do all I can to get there.

I'm no longer afraid of the darkness; I thrive in it.

B x

Cut Myself A New Path..

2014-08-08T06:29:00.000-07:00

Quite recently I wasn’t satisfied with the path I was on, so instead of complaining and feeling defeated, I made a bold decision and cut myself a new path.

You see, in life most of us are lucky enough to have the power of free will and choice, so why do we choose to stay stuck in situations that stagnate our growth? Make us unhappy? Or don't fulfil some sort of purpose? Whether it be our relationships, work, friendships, or life.

I have realised that a lot of us operate out of fear, we don’t do things that we love, or even dream of doing because we are afraid…But afraid of what? Maybe of failure, maybe fear of what others may think – friends, family or even society.

I’ve been reading a lot recently! And I now fully realise that “life is one big experiment and the more experiments you take the better” – Ralph Waldo Emerson. After all we only have one shot at life and there are NO re-runs! (This isn’t a movie #justsaying). I’ve decided to take control, I’ve decided to push fear to one side, and follow my passion, some people go for the traditional route, but I’m cutting my own path, and beginning a new chapter in my journey.

I was inspired by Sophia Amoruso founder of online fashion ecommerce site Nastygal who told the Huffington Post.

“The world tells you: go to high school, get good grades. Go to college, get good grades. Start your first job and then you’ll get a better job. And that works for many, many people — but none of it worked for me. I tried, but I couldn’t find the reward in it, and I think there’s a lot of people who have varying degrees of that frustration, asking ‘where do I fit in?’ and ‘what do I want to do with my life?’ ”

“We think we want to do something, try it, don’t like it, feel like a failure because we spent time on it, and shift gears — and I think no one really talks about that, and the fact that that’s OK. Those cumulative experiences can turn into something really awesome. If you’re patient with yourself and you learn from your mistakes, you can achieve a lot.”

There’s also my favourite line from Maya Angelou’s book ‘Wouldn’t take nothing from my journey now’ which influenced the name of my title.

In new directions. “I looked up the road I was going and back the way I come, and since I wasn’t satisfied, I decided to step off the road and cut me a new path” How simple, yet so powerful.

Don’t stay stuck.

V x

Booty Talks

2014-08-01T05:05:00.000-07:00

So, I’m minding my own business, doing my normal morning Instagram scroll and BOOM! BOOTY GALORE!! I’m sure we’ve all Nicki Minaj’s new cover work for upcoming single ‘Anaconda’; which ironically doesn’t correlate with the title or cover but that’s neither here nor there. As soon as my eyes glanced her perfectly shaped, thong infused derrière; I knew all hell was about to break loose on this one! We all know that Nicki isn’t in any way shape or form Miss Prim & Proper, but even I (a pro big butt committee member) was taken back on first sight. Especially since Nicki was always very coy about having her massive rump on show, and now after the wigs and crazy styling has gone, she has reverted to what she knows works.. BOOTY! Donning a way too late parental advisory sticker and seeing flashbacks of Lil Kim flash before my eyes, the question stands. Too much or just Nicki?

After receiving a media backlash after posting, Nicki took to Instagram. She posted pictures of predominately white or mixed women with smaller frames and ‘extras’, all in skimpy bathing suits with the caption ‘Acceptable’. SHADEEEEEEE! I believe it is true that women with smaller ‘bits and bobs’ get a huge leeway in being near enough naked, on the other hand a woman of fuller assets is deemed over sexualised due to their body type. Aye, discrimination is discrimination in my books, and I don’t think it’s fair to chastise one and not the other. We must also remember that Nicki Minaj is first a business. Sex sells. Is it right? Maybe not, but, money is what makes it all happen and this has been an industry strategy for yearsssss. Let’s not act silly either, because Nicki has been talking about her vajay – jay and other sexually explicit activities from when I can remember. She’s not quite the candy coated rapper now is she?! Especially as she is returning to her 'rap roots' on her latest project. Also, is it not freedom for a woman to display and be empowered by her body? Feminist scream that women should be equal and live free...but just not TOO free. Where’s the line and who notifies you when you cross it?!

Let me not be naive, there are some serious implications of images like this floating around in the media. Nicki being so influential and having a huge younger generation following her every move, we must be weary of how these images are counteracted in our normal lives. Media, culture and entertainment industries have created prototypes; whether it be big booty girls or skinny models. So whether girls are getting butt injections or starving themselves, the underlying issue still is not being faced. Is this how we want our young children growing up and seeing women? Bent over with baby G Strings? Young boys thinking it is ‘ok’ to see women close to naked while scrolling through iTunes? It affects us all! How many of you have seen the increase of young women in waist trainers, squatting and lunging like there’s no tomorrow to emulate the images we see every day which is deemed ‘Thick’?!

Booty really does talk....

B x

RELATIONboat

2014-07-30T05:08:00.001-07:00

I’m currently in a relationship, well I like to call it a relationboat, as the word ship seems to be huge and overwhelming, whereas the word boat is very small and cosy, just enough space for two people to fit in and no extra baggage. Unlike the titanic, if our boat capsized we’ll just flip it back over or swim our individual ways and build another one. My relationboat is very free and open, there’s no space for compartments of secrets and doorways to a dark past. There’s only space for me and him!

Throughout our journey we’ve been through many rough storms and a couple of times our relationboat capsized due to emotional baggage, but we always managed to flip it back over and continue on our journey through serene waters. However, this time seems slightly different. Once again our relationboat capsized (due to the smallest wave known to man) but when it was time to flip it back over he was nowhere to be seen. Before I go any further I have to let you know, in our relationboat he holds the paddles he rows the boat in whatever direction he desires. So if I did manage to flip our relationboat back over by myself, who would row us away? It would just be little me, in a little boat, in the middle of the big sea… waiting.

After waiting for two days and him nowhere in sight, I decided to flip the boat over myself. Craving affection and scared that my emotional baggage was going to cause the relationboat to sink, I began to de-clutter. First to go was the bag with all the abandonment issues inside it. The abandonment feeling obviously arose when my captain decided to “jump ship” (I mean boat) and leave me out at sea with no arm bands, float or survival kit, or any hope that he will be returning. Next to go was the bag filled with the memories of his affection. This had to go as it was a constant reminder of the love we shared, the friendship we had and our deep connection. There was no way I was going to keep this bag. Affection is an emotion experienced in the present therefore it cannot be replaced by memories!

Last but not least was a box, where in side laid a damsel in distress. This damsel in distress needed guidance, strength, motivation, love, courage, wisdom and communication which she could only recoup from one source… HIM! (This is where the deep drawn out violins begin to play in the fairytale). Without him this damsel in distress won’t have any motivation to row the boat, even if she finds the motivation where will she find the courage to whether the storms? Even if she gets the courage, how will she gain the strength without him? Even if she gets the strength to go through the storm, where will she go? She has no guidance if he’s not there. My heart goes out to this delicate damsel, as she gave him all of her and he neglected to see it.

If I throw that box out to sea it means I will not need him or any other man to row this boat, I will be fully capable of doing it alone and rowing to whatever destination I desire. But as I stand firm at the side of the boat holding the box over the edge, I wonder if I really want to throw this damsel away. If I really want to let go of any opportunity I have of having a captain that may sail me away and maybe the opportunity to trade our little relationboat for a huge relationship, that has compartments of responsibility and doorways that lead to trust. With this in mind, I’ve decided to leave that damsel in my boat hidden away so no one can see her and so I can protect her.

Why can’t ‘Run #LikeAGirl’ also mean WIN the race?

2014-07-21T04:30:00.000-07:00

While I was growing up I was quite tomboyish, so I always used to hear “you hit hard for a girl” or “you don’t act like a girl,” and I was always in a way proud of that fact. It was like an accomplishment not to be labelled ‘girly’ as it had connotations of being inferior, which I definitely knew I was not! After seeing the #LikeAGirl campaign, it really resurfaced some questions I had when I was a young girl living in a boy’s world.

Why have the differences in behaviours between boys and girls compartmentalised into a hierarchy? As one being described as more desirable than the other? Can’t they just be different in their own entities? Do these ‘innocent’ comments made in our childhood effect us in our adulthood?

It’s horrible to feel like your natural state is deemed somewhat inadequate, and as a young girl it kinda makes you feel crap and potentially limiting. The phrase ‘throw like a girl’ might make a child decide that P.E isn’t your strong point, when in fact you could be an Olympian shot putter if you bloody wanted to! It is a potential dream killer! We may not notice and think its a ‘harmless saying’ but words can really stick with people, so it’s a slippery slope we must address.

Women have so many powerful characteristics that can influence, empower and create peaceful atmospheres to name a few. Just because they aren’t as aggressive and apparent as some of the masculine characteristics; does this mean they are not as strong and effective? OF COURSE NOT! Our society has a horrible tendency to see different as better or worse and it could potentially cause stagnancy in our society.

This may sound sooooooo dramatic, but let’s think about it for a sec. Society constantly highlights women not receiving equal pay, inequality in the work place yada yada yada YET choose to brush past these issues that start to mould the foundation for the ignorance to set in. It creates a domino effect and the earlier years of our lives set the tone for the future.

So I want every girl to know that you can be CEO’s, footballers, business owners, athletes, bodybuilders, electricians...well basically ANYTHING you want to be and to know that no industry is exclusively for men or vice versa. When you watch the campaign #LikeAGirl you will understand why this is such an important topic and why I’m rambling on.

P.S. Just because I hit like a girl doesn’t mean it’s not going to hurt! POW!!

B x

No More Page 3

2014-07-17T10:21:00.002-07:00

To be honest before I came across the #NOMOREPAGE3 campaign I really didn’t think about nor have any issues with page 3 or the half naked women in it. But when I read “the 6 reasons page three must go” on nomorepage3.org it really opened up my eyes to the impact that page 3 has not only on those who seek it, but also on the innocent readers who just want daily news.

When I think back on my childhood to the first time I saw a page 3 girl it was shocking to see a female naked in a newspaper and also quiet funny. But after seeing it a few times it became desexualised and very normal. I remember when page 3 girls were becoming mini celebrities with their own TV shows and red carpet appearances.
However, within “The 6 reasons page 3 must go” 1 particular reason changed my perspective completely. They state the fact that page 3 could be classified as soft porn and is easily accessed by children of all ages, as there is no age restrictions on purchasing any newspaper.

That made me think, in the future would I want my son to pick up the newspaper and flick 3 pages in to see a woman half naked and being used as a sexual ploy to increase sales? Let alone my future daughter seeing it and thinking it’s the norm or even aspiring to “grace” page 3.

Recently, Rihanna’s latest perfume advertisement billboard was banned in the UK, as it was said to have been 'too sexual' for children, even though she was not exposing any of her private areas. This then begs the question, how does the British government continue to allow a daily rotation of naked women on one of Britain’s biggest newspapers?

There’s still one question I ask myself, do I care enough to campaign about it? Or even spark a conversation about page 3 with some friends? I hardly feel page 3 has been the root of any childhood trauma or distress (probably the totally opposite for teenage boys), but if I had the option for it to be there or not, I vote not!

C x

“IT MUST BE ILLUMINATI”

2014-07-10T04:16:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I was having some typical girl talk with some friends about the usual, Kimye’s wedding, Rihanna getting banned from Instagram, and the Jay Z and Beyonce ‘On The Run Tour’, then the inevitable was said…

“It must be Illuminati”

All I could think was “not this again!” Not another regular person thinking they have the inside scoop on the worlds secret society. In the conversation, my friend went on to say that she knew everything, including the sacrifice that each member has to make in order to be in the Illuminati. In my most sarcastic and undermining voice I asked “Where did you get all this information from?” Obviously there was 10 seconds of silence followed by “trust me, I watched a documentary” which I took as “don’t trust me! I’m just a young, naïve and powerless girl who bought a pirate DVD (along with 2 others for a tenna) from Mr Ling on my way home from work”.

I think we’ve all been through that faze of watching the Illuminati DVD’s and listening to Jay Z’s music backwards and watching Rihanna’s video in slow motion, which I can’t deny it does seem very demonic. However, who is this mysterious story teller on these DVD’s?... Who is the person that has detected all this satanic activity?... Who’s to say that we should trust their portrayal of the “subliminal messages” in these videos?... And why is it that every wealthy, powerful and influential person is a devil worshipper?

It’s funny to me how we can assume that Kanye West worships the devil by one slight hand movement he makes on the red carpet, but when he says in an interview “I am a Christian, I believe Jesus died for me and washed away all my sins” the whole world dismisses it and calls it a cover up. Similarly, when Beyonce calls herself Sasha fierce, everyone believes it is her Goddess name in the spiritual realm and ignores the fact that she features on numerous songs that praise God. To me, this shows that people are more willing to believe the opinion of an anonymous narrator than the words of the people themselves. I began to think deeper…

…Could it be that people living dormant 9 to 5 lifestyles are just afraid of the immense power that the Oprah’s of the world possess. And therefore create reasons as to how and why they obtained the success and power, ‘because there is no way they got it through pure persistence, determination and intelligence, that’s impossible, right?’ Wrong! The reason why the average Joe wants to think this, is because otherwise it means their mediocre life is that way because of their lack of persistence, determination and intelligence. These are all things we as humans are all able to acquire, especially here in the western world. There is NO excuse.

We have the ability to possess power, we just have to believe we can!

My opinion is that these Illuminati DVDs were not created to educate us, but rather to scare us into mediocrity. Some weird anonymous narrator wants us to believe that we can only become successful if we sell our souls. These thoughts are killing young people all over the UK and worldwide. They are killing our talent and our drive to succeed. It’s easy for us to say that the government has already handpicked the people who they want to run the world, so there is no need for us to try. However it’s worth saying that “I am in control of my own destiny and I will determine my success!”

Just to let you guys know how ridiculous I think this Illuminati myth is, I have a private joke with my mum, where I say that the moment my face is on the front cover of one of those Illuminati DVDs that’s when I’ll know that I’ve made it, LOL!!!

The Truth About Beauty

2014-07-07T04:52:00.001-07:00

If you haven’t read this article http://www.stylist.co.uk/beauty/woman-has-her-face-photoshopped-around-the-world-to-prove-theres-no-one-definition-of-beauty#image-rotator-1 or currently follow this amazing project I think it’s time that we all hopped on the bandwagon.

After reading this article on Stylist Magazine we immediately followed Esther Honig’s Before and After project.

Esther said that “In the U.S. Photoshop has become a symbol of our society's unobtainable standards for beauty,” We think that is true for the UK also. We are becoming a society where women, especially young women, glorify those glossy magazines with celebs printed on the front cover - and most women (even myself) forget that ALL of the images have been photoshopped!

It's time that we all come together and start making all women aware - you shouldn't feel any less beautiful because you don't look like Lady GaGa or Beyoncé, I'm pretty sure that they didn't wake up with that flawless glossy cover face at 6 am in the morning. Let’s try and be more aware and not swayed by the digitally enhanced version of beauty! You are beautiful the way you are!

Esther says there is 'no one' true definition of beauty (and we agree), it changes all over the world. Check out her project here! http://www.estherhonig.com/#!before--after-/cvkn

Original Image of Esther Honig

Photoshopped images according to different standards of beauty across various cultures.

Do you remember this image below? The infamous image that circulated a while back of Lady GaGa with her before and after shots at the Versace campaign shoot! ...Shocking!

The photo above is not to discredit, embarrass or slaughter Lady Gaga’s beauty but rather to reveal the truth of how she looks without enhancements. Hopefully these images will help change the perception of how 'beauty' is perceived by young women across the world.

V x

She Said What?!

2014-06-30T02:23:00.000-07:00

Who else saw this headline a few weeks ago and was completely taken back?

Kirstie Allsopp tells young women: ditch university and have a baby by 27

Location, Location, Location presenter calls for frank discussion about female fertility and shaking up 'order of things'

My initial reaction was ‘She said what?!’ This article caused a big debate and stir amongst many women all over social networks. I even remember sending this article to my friends, and to work colleagues asking their thoughts all of which varied from “that b**** don’t know nothing” to “she’s right, women need to remember the reason that they were put on earth”.

Allsopp told the Telegraph that if she had a daughter, her advice would be: "Darling, do you know what? Don't go to university. Start work straight after school, stay at home, save up your deposit – I'll help you, let's get you into a flat. And then we can find you a nice boyfriend and you can have a baby by the time you're 27."

Before beginning university the average teenager is 17/18, At 18 I remember being in my last year of 6^th form, studying and attending house parties! Having a boyfriend to build a family with was the last thing on my mind! As an ambitious young woman I was preparing to go to university had a part time job at a call centre and was studying for exams. I know, I know people have different priorities, but a statement like this alienates women who are pursuing higher education which we are all entitled to. After thinking ‘She said what?!’ I thought more rationally… what happened to self-development? What happened to educating yourself? What happened to being financially stable – I don’t want to struggle! Having a child is a big commitment!

More to the point ‘Don’t go to university’ Is Kirstie alright? Women should ditch university, get a flat and have a baby. Huh. Don’t get me wrong I’m not anti-family or pro-university as I don’t hold a degree myself, but I questioned why should young women put their education or career on hold to pursue a family so early in life? I’m sure that can be done later on. Haven’t the times changed at all, this statement was outdated in my opinion.

My mother had her 3^rd child at 40 years old it wasn’t the smoothest pregnancy, and she doesn’t have as much energy as she used to, in comparison to when she gave birth to me at 19 (yes I know wide age gap) she was full of energy and although quite young managed to bounce back and complete college, university and is now in a great career. In saying that the journey was and continues to be a hard one for my mother and she reminds me that no matter what age you have a child you are still have the responsibility of looking after another human being which is stressful in itself.

At the end of the day, I guess its each to their own! You will find a lot of young women who have had children or families earlier on in life and have succeeded and you also have women who have children later on in life when they are more established. But who’s to say, which way is better?

Regardless of what statistics suggest women are standing by their choices, and will do as they please, as a young woman I do want to have children, just later on in life probably 30, I want to accomplish certain things before I have a child, I want to travel more, I want to experience more in life, I’m focusing on self-development, some may call it selfish – and yes it is! But I believe that I’m allowed to be selfish I’m in my 20s and I’m focusing on achieving my dreams.

Which means baby is coming, but baby will come later.

P.S. Kirstie did make it clear via Twitter “I am NOT questioning anyone's choices, all I'm saying is women must have this debate & include young men in it, nature is not a feminist.”

Read the full article here http://www.theguardian.com/tv-and-radio/2014/jun/02/kirstie-allsop-young-women-ditch-university-baby-by-27

What were your thoughts on this article? Comment below.

The Fat Zone

2014-06-17T13:00:00.002-07:00

CHOMP CHOMP CHOMP!

So, as I enter the topshop fitting rooms; I already know the deal. Benika you will probably leave with 1 out of 11 items because either, It doesn't fit right or doesn't cover your tits or doesn't suit you’re..... Yada yada yada. Millions of excuses to hide the fact that I'm too FAT for topshop, Zara and any other European shop that haven’t yet come to the realisation that I've been consuming plantain(yes, the Jamaican way) since I was 5!

So I drape out, uninspired and feeling a little shit. Let's be clear first. I'm an über confident and boisterous lady. I love engaging, inspiring and interacting with people. I actually like my body but I'm a woman focused on my personal progression, and loving your belly bulge and being content with it are two separate things. I’m a strong advocate for “if you don’t like it, CHANGE IT!”

Now, us big ladies love to scream and shout about how we don't wanna be no skinny bitch, and every man loves meat etc etc; but here I am. In this changing room, Feeling crappy. After unsuccessfully trying insanity, juicing, herbalife and pretty much any other health fad out there (if you do find any more, leave in the comment box, because I'll probably try it); I'm still a little bit on the fluffy side. I refuse to stay on this side of the fence because soon I'll be too out of breath to climb it!

Growing up, I was slim but always round in the right places until I discovered my immense addiction to sweets; and it all went pear shaped. LITERALLY! My looks kinda overshadowed this and still does to some extent, but within myself I know I can look after my health better.

Now, I won't say the media hasn't misconstrued the whole body image consciousness; because it has influenced women as a whole. However, all of the uncomfortable and self conscious habits of pulling down your top every 5 seconds or twisting your neck 110 degrees, to hide the fat just to attain a decent selfie must not be ignored.

So as we wave goodbye to our ex fat camp attendees Monique, Khole Kardash, Jennifer Hudson and Jordan Sparks, we must ask, should we be joining them?

Self-preservation is key, and I intend to treat my body like a temple and not like a waste bin. It's time for me to leave this side of the wobbly fence.

Yours sincerely

The (soon to be) ex chubby girl

Believe them the FIRST time!

2014-06-04T11:30:00.000-07:00

I learnt to do this the hard way. I didn't pay attention to the signs that were shown to me from the very beginning. You’re probably wondering what I’m talking about. My ex, who didn't treat me well. You see I should’ve known that when a guy doesn't call as often as you call him or barely takes you out to lush restaurants, bars or on dates in general, it’s probably not going anywhere regardless of what he says. His actions or rather lack of them, are probably never going to change.

Don’t get me wrong, yes, some people do change, but how long will it take for that change to come around? I realised that he had already shown me his true colours from the start, however, the question is why was I shocked when he revealed himself year in year out? When would I start believing his character and realise the relationship was rubbish and he was taking me for a ride?

Listen ladies, I've learned that you can’t change a man (or anyone for that matter) and we shouldn't want to change them either. Accept the person for who they are or GET OUT!!! – no seriously run a mile, don’t waste precious time!

This revelation came to me when I first watched Dr. Maya Angelou’s interview where she was advising Oprah that ‘When someone shows you who they are believe them, the first time’ … “when a person says to you I’m selfish, I’m mean, or unkind, believe them! They know themselves much better than you do”.

Oprah then went on to tell Dr. Angelou about how she was being let down by the man she was dating. Oprah said Dr. Angelou didn’t understand her frustration. Dr Angelou’s reply was, ‘Why are you blaming the other person? He showed you who he was.'"

That’s when it clicked, that’s when I realised WOW, this guy has shown me all along that he wasn’t serious, honest or kind and that he doesn’t know how to treat a young intelligent beautiful woman. To be honest he wasn’t as interested in me as I was in him and he made that clear.

It was clear through his actions, he showed me who he was and unlike the blind I deliberately shut my eyes and continued to walk behind him with no vision of my future.

However I have opened my eyes and learnt to love myself first… Once you love yourself, you won’t accept anything less than you deserve.

Here’s the video I watched the Oprah and Maya interview: Oprah’s life lessons from Maya Angelou: ‘When people show you who they are believe them’ http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/03/14/oprah-life-lesson-maya-angelou_n_2869235.html

The “I QUIT” Step

2014-05-22T12:12:00.000-07:00

The “I QUIT” Step

It’s easy to say “be fearless and have faith in the unseen,” but when the seen is unpaid bills and debts, fear is very much inevitable. Soon I’m going to have to take that step … the “I QUIT” step. That to me is like taking a step into a dark cellar with no clothes on hoping that the pimps (O2), Vultures (EDF) and Monsters (Natwest) don’t force me into prostitution or bloody JSA. Not saying there anything wrong with a little help from David Cameron, but after 3 years in Uni and 2:1 in Business and Law you can imagine that Mr Cameron’s £90 weekly hand out is not my idea of a credible future.

I’ve seen a couple people fall on their face after taking that “I QUIT” step and I have no role models of anyone who has taken that step and continued stepping on a grand staircase through success, (in my world that shit is unheard of). But F it, I’m going to succeed regardless of any obstacles that come my way because the 9-5 lifestyle is NOT for me. I need to be more than just a self proclaimed “Boss Bitch” on Instagram stuntin’ in a pair of borrowed Loubs. I need to be THE BOSS…Bitch!

I currently work in sales and marketing. In actually fact my official job title is ‘Marketing Director’, which seems pretty decent position for a new graduate with no previous marketing experience (except for a piece of coursework in 2^nd year of Uni) to be in … So I should be happy, right … No!!! No way, I will never be happy living a mediocre life that any Stacey, Sally or Shantel can live or relate to. I want to live a prosperous life, one that is an example of excellence and greatness. How the hell am I going to achieve that by sitting at a desk getting cussed out by Yardie and Asian shop keepers because our prices are too high? Can someone please answer me!?

One day, while he sat down correcting all the daily mistakes, my boss (who is self-made and a true inspiration to me) said “why can’t people just do what they are suppose to do and do it properly, like me?” I was silent, a thoughtful silence, but silent. Then it dawned on me, the reason people don’t work like him is because they are working for a different reason.

‘The Boss works for profit, the employee works for wage’

It’s simple; the profits go up the bosses pockets gets bigger, the profits go down and he struggles to feed the family. However, profits don’t affect the employee, (at least not where I work). Up or down, you still have your job and you still get paid the same dull basic wage at the end of the month. I repeat… this lifestyle is NOT for me!

I am an innovator, creator, opportunist and motivator. How can I exalt any of these attributes by sitting down at a desk all day? I am young and free, with some responsibilities, but nothing massive like a child or husband, so now is the time. It’s time for me to be bold and courageous, full of faith and hope and always remembering God’s promise, (the “I got you” promise). I think it’s time for me to take that step into the unknown and focus on my purpose rather than the obstacles ahead.

There’s only one thing left to say … “I QUIT!”

Cherelle x