shut that chicken up

Another Dancer Worth Mentioning

2008-10-05T16:12:00.000-07:00

Song by Ethiopean badass Mulatu Astatke

This Guy Kills My Inner Chicken

2008-10-05T15:41:00.000-07:00

Click Below

Directed by Eric Wareheim (Tim & Eric) in association with Warp Records and Warp Films. Music by Flying Lotus. Co Directed/ Animation by Devin Flynn. Co Directed/ Edited by Eric Fensler. More info at dancefloordale.com

The Only Christmas Album

2007-12-02T07:55:00.000-08:00

Does anyone out there actually like Christmas music? It's the second day of December and already the trees are out at the shopping malls and airports and the music is a little worse. It's strange that Christmas is the only time we let music suffer so - countless versions of the same song, stupefying spoofs of those songs - but let me bring some light to the subject. . . It doesn't have to be this way. You see there was a visionary musician, a god father of soul who foresaw all of this and labored hard to bring about change. Unfortunately the hardest working man in show business will have to enjoy this dream's fruition posthumously. I'm talking about James Brown's Funky Christmas, the only Christmas album - nay only Christmas music you ever need to hear. Including such tracks as Santa Claus Go Straight to the Ghetto and Hey America (It's Christmas Time) the songs are both compelling, festive and funky. Funky Christmas is actually one of the only two James Brown albums you need to own (the other is James Brown Funk Power). for those who heed my advice and check out the album I also suggest seeking out the eleven minute version of Hey America in which Mr. Dynamite even speaks a few words in Yiddish and pays homage to hava nagila "because this is the United States you know . . ."

Missed Connection: Tapas at Costco

2007-11-20T19:19:00.000-08:00

You: Ninety-something little old lady using a walker at the Costco on Morena Blvd.

Me: Twenty-something in a brown sweatshirt. Waiting in Line to taste a warm apple blossom with whipped cream squirted on top. I waited for 3 minutes patiently as the taster lady kept announcing how much time remained on the microwave.

You: Saw the "hubbub" and screeched in your best new yawk accent "You mean I have to stand on line for these?"

Me: "Absolutely"

You: In disbelief continue screeching "You've got to be kidding me!"

Me: "It's no joke(!)"

You: "Let me through!"

We all thought you meant let you through so you could move on from this supposedly ridiculous wait for a tasty treat. But as the now small crowd divided to let your walker through you stopped short and cut right in front of me to the beginning of the line. You reached out just as the apple blossoms were served and grabbed the biggest piece and said "I'm sure you wont mind if I . . . [inaudible] mwah mwah mwah gulp(!)"

Happy Saturday

2007-11-10T12:24:00.001-08:00

Can't get enough of this animoto thing.

Some More Pics of Istanbul

2007-11-08T18:28:00.001-08:00

I'm posting this from something called Animoto. Hope it turns out ok.

Prayer Battles in Turkey

2007-11-05T07:43:00.000-08:00

It's kind of like the prayer version of a rap battle or some kind of prayer duet. It is rather beautiful. Take a look at my first original youtube video:

This was my view from the Hotel Arcadia in Istanbul. The Mosque on the left is the Hagia Sophia which was once a Christian cathedral and was later minaret-ed and mosque-ified. The mosque on the right is the Blue Mosque. They do this 5 times a day including in the middle of the night. And also I swear there is an El Torito not two blocks from here.

The Parenthetical Exclamation Mark

2007-09-27T10:47:00.000-07:00

I'd like to introduce you all to the parenthetical exclamation mark . . . (!) there he is is say hello. I love the parenthetical exclamation mark(!) It shows excitement or anger without going overboard. It can even stand on its own:

(!)

The Spirit of Truth

2007-09-27T10:03:00.000-07:00

This guy is fully self actualized . . . or high.

Eli's Dirty Jokes: Rawr

2007-09-20T19:27:00.001-07:00

What's it gonna be?

2007-09-17T20:59:00.000-07:00

Them Chickens Part 3: Ringles

2007-09-16T22:15:00.001-07:00

Y'all know how I feel about ringtones. Despite the current ringtone boycott that is expanding at an impressive rate; ringles are a new last ditch effort by the record labels to save music (profits). A ringle is just like a music single only it comes with one or two new songs, one or two old songs, and a ringtone, and it costs $7. Last time I checked I could get that for about $3.96 on iTunes. Hopefully friend to music Rick Rubin will be able to get the RIAA and the record labels on track and out of the way. Look for music mags like Rolling Stone to put Double-R on the cover soon under a headline of "The Man Who Saved Music."

Them Chickens Part 2: Blind With Anger Argument

2007-09-16T22:13:00.000-07:00

For example when arguing for the death penalty someone says something like "If a guy brutally murdered your wife and child wouldn't you want him dead?" My answer: "Why yes if I was hysterical with anger and rage I guess I would agree with your opinion." Shut that Chicken up! (and die)

Eli's Dirty Jokes: Five Birds

2007-09-16T17:08:00.000-07:00

I like your thinking.Masterfully unedited!

Them Chickens Part 1: Bad Fonts

2007-09-05T19:02:00.000-07:00

A new series begins. Every now and then STCU will post about chickens that need to shut it. Here is the first: Fonts where the capital 'i' and the lower case 'l' look the same.
As in . . . Pavoratti (RIP) really had a father and a grandfather also named Luciano. When designing a font it's always a good idea to make each character different. That's font making 101 son(!)

Future Douche

2007-08-30T15:22:00.000-07:00

It's official the future douche has arrived. What is a future douche? You may remember seeing Back to the Future II where the hero, played by Michael J. Fox, roams around the future trying to fix his sons life without getting his ass handed to him by future douchers (see below).

What's disappointing is that the future douche arrived before the hover board (didn't everyone hear of a friend who's cousin already had one in a far away state?). I confirmed the arrival of the future douche last night . . . I watched some television which is a rarity as I don't own one and I took in a sampling of reality tv. These shows all have writers and producers that come up with the zaniest of situations for famous people and douchers alike to live through. I just wonder if they are yelling "cut" and doing retakes yet. In a show called sunset tan a bunch of losers (a closet homosexual, 3 hottish bitches and a pair of twin idiots) are watched over by future douchers Jeff Bozz and Devin Haman. Jeff Bozz is without doubt the closest thing to a future douche:

So which came first? Did Bozz watch bttf2 and adjust his style accordingly? Or (since they're in the future) did Griff and the gang's style morf out of the likes of Bozz? I think it's a shut that chicken egg kinda thing.

The Endorsement: Cornmeal Pancakes

2007-08-25T18:17:00.000-07:00

I don't like pancakes. I don't even like sweet breakfasts. IHOP is a deal breaker for me. Want to go to IHOP for breakfast? Great . . . have yourself an order of pancakes . . . for one. However there is one type of pancake I do eat and they are delicious; a hearty version of the pancake that savory breakfaster's the world over love. I'm talkin' bout cornmeal.

Run

2007-08-25T15:44:00.000-07:00

Looking for a way to quiet your inner chicken? Go for a run. I'm not a runner but I just ran two and a half miles of some of the prettiest urban coastlines in the United States (click above to see the path) and I feel turned up to 11! Again . . . I'm not a runner but maybe I'm a lil afraid of man boobs.

Funk Dat!

2007-08-24T15:07:00.000-07:00

Mega Man livin the STCU lifestyle.

Ringtone Boycott

2007-08-24T14:30:00.000-07:00

It's time. Take your phone out of your pocket and set it to silent. Ringtones are out and silent is the new pink. Let me make this clear: there is no such thing as a cool ringtone. Unless you are 12 years old no one is going to say "Eh man! that ringtone is tight!" Your ringtone sucks man . . . get over it.

I have been doing this for the past month and I have only good things to report. Silence takes a little getting used to but once you overcome the adjustment it's a freedom you will come to love. I missed a few calls before my ear was attuned to listening for the vibration of my phone against any table or surface it was left on. But other peoples ringtones become laughable when you are free from yours.

This is actually a throwback to the beginning of the answering machine age. If you remember you could buy tapes that would play random douchy songs such as "Nobody's Home" sung to the tune of Beethoven's 5th by the Douchbagger Quartet as your outgoing message machine. The novelty is over and if you haven't already . . . take out your phone and shut that chicken up!

Bad Decisions

2007-08-16T14:02:00.000-07:00

Bad decisions should be made regularly. When you go to a club and you meet an older hottie and her friend sexy ugly and they invite you to go to an after hours burning man party the answer is yes. All other answers are incorrect unless you've got a "worse" decision to make. The magic of bad decisions is that you invariably end up with at least a memorable story and at most some strange ass. You remember strange ass right? It's ass you've never had before (not weird ass). Do you make enough bad decisions in your life? If not it's time to shut that chicken up and make some bad decisions.

Adopt a Celebrity

2007-07-06T11:01:00.000-07:00

Let's face it our celebrities are in trouble and they need help. Paris went to jail, Lohan is abusing, Downey Jr. never stopped abusing, Jolie won't stop adopting . . . the list goes on. We the public are the ones who hand out celebrity and if you think about it all of these rich celebs are running around trying to get our attention all of the time by holding their babies out the window and sunbathing within telephoto zoom of the paparazzi. It's so obvious guys . . . stop embarrassing yourselves.

Here is a solution. Everyday people like you and me should adopt a celebrity. I am gonna think long and hard this week and see if I can decide on just one to focus all of my attention on. I've always thought Paris was good inside and terribly misunderstood. We'll see . . .

Poor JK Rowling

2007-07-06T10:47:00.000-07:00

I have to admit I've never given Harry Potter a chance. Naturally when everyone and their mother (literally) is reading something or listening to something I run the other way. If something is so commercially successful and so universal how could it possibly speak to me on a personal level? I am careful about what media I take in . . . I don't have a television and I don't listen to the radio much.

Today I saw this article about JK Rowling sobbing as she penned the final words to the final book of the Harry Potter franchise. This kind of story just confirms to me the over-exuberance of the public regarding these books. People are already whispering about what the final word of the novel will be. Maybe I'm being too harsh but I did recently watch 5 minutes of one of the Potter movies and was bored out of my mind.

Anyway, the point of this post is to make fun of JK crying so let me get right down to it. JK you are now the richest woman in the world. SHUT THAT CHICKEN UP!

Too Much Ringo

2007-03-13T22:20:00.000-07:00

Tonight I went and saw an Israeli band that was huge in the seventies. Everyone knew all of the words except for me and my girlfriend. I flipped through the program before the show started and there was a review that said this band was the "Beatles of Israel." I thought about it during the show and I asked myself if I thought that this band was like the Beatles and I realized that they were except . . . it was kind of like if you went to see the Beatles today and they were all old and all Ringo.

Shut That Chicken Up: Origins

2007-03-09T10:06:00.000-08:00

When I was in college I had to take a flight from San Diego to San Luis Obispo. On that flight was a man in his early 40's who started drinking as soon as the beverage service started . . . lets call him Tom. In the row immediately behind Tom was a young mom with a new baby in her lap. Soon the baby started to cry just a little. It wasn't loud or annoying it was almost like the baby was testing out the air to see if a cry felt right. Tom looked straight ahead took a swig of beer and said loudly and firmly "Shut that chicken up."

I sat there in shock. I could never do what he did. I'm too considerate. The baby kept up his faux-crying and again "Shut that chicken up." In fact the baby kept it up throughout the flight and Tom without fail would repeat those magical four words: shut that chicken up. Once in a while he would mix it up and emphasize different words: Shut that chicken up, or Shut that chicken up. The man must have commanded the chicken to shut up about 30 times in a two hour flight. He never held a conversation with anyone he just kept drinking and telling that chicken to shut up. Everyone else on the plane completely ignored him. I kept looking for someone to make eye contact with in order to share a smile but it didn't happen.

As I get older I find myself re-framing this man in my mind. When I first sat through that flight I thought he was inconsiderate, that he was rude, and possibly drunk and that I was happy he was on my flight because he made me laugh through the entire flight. Looking back now I realize that this man may be one of the few fully self-actualized males I have ever come across. He has no shame. He can get away with this sort of thing because he creates his own world. He does not follow rules he simply lives his life and the rules fall where they may. I'll bet this man is happy.

Most of us think of happiness as something that is on its way. As something just around the corner. As soon as I get that job I want or that girl I saw I'll be happy. I don't think these things actually bring you happiness. I think people are inherently happy or inherently unhappy. I believe this man is the kind of person who is happy. I don't think happiness is reached by telling "chickens" to shut up but . . . I've been wrong before . So this blog will be all about telling "chickens" to shut up. A chicken can be a crying baby, a whiny politician, your ex-girlfriend, your neighbor, your friend, your mail carrier, or even that girl who serves gellato on the corner. Here's to shutting up the chicken in all of us.