Shut up. I'm typing.

A Rant About My Shitty Tablet Device (Part 1)

2011-06-29T00:22:00.000-04:00

Tablets are the new technology. Period. The innovative touch-screen of the iPhone and its ability for developers to create hugely popular applications made it a smashing success. The iPhone has sold over 100 million units as of March 2011. This incredible game changer for technology had only one major drawback: a phone.

To fix this glaring problem, Apple decided to make the iPhone about five times bigger and remove the phone. It was the greatest invention of the year. But even that wasn't good enough, because only a year after the iPad was released, Apple released a second one that was obviously better because it had the number '2' on it. See? Progress!

It was incredible. The whole idea of it was incredible, to consumers and corporations alike. Soon, every company that ever made a fucking battery thinks its tablet is going to be the next big competitor to Apple. And they're always completely wrong.

That is why I am stuck with this piece of awful dogshit:

No, it's actually uglier in real life.

Yes, friends, this is the Pandigital Novel. An awful name for an awful product. As with all iPad ripoffs, it looks promising initially due to its similarities (namely, being a fucking tablet) and its significantly cheaper price tag.

Let me start off by saying there's a reason this looks like the kind of iPad passed off in South African slums by street bums selling DVDs on carpets while he's sitting on a milkcrate counting his $18 over and over. This shit has too many warning flags already.

It looks like Leapfrog for young adults who are in denial over their sexuality and you are greeted to this lovely message when you start it up:

"Contains Reader Mobile technology by Adobe Systems Incorporlated"

No, that's not a typo. The fucking startup message has a blatant typo in it. Either that or Adobe Systems Incororlated has been making quality products despite us never hearing of them. I will not ask why they share a name with a better tech company.

I'll finish my rant in part 2, probably tomorrow. Or maybe it will extend into part 3, I haven't planned this out.

2012 Presidential Election/Gay Marriage in New York

2011-06-26T23:48:00.000-04:00

NOTE: This post is for all my followers kickin' it here in the states.

What are your thoughts on the 2012 presidential election? Will Obama win, or will one of the GOP candidates win? I personally think Obama will win, or at least I'm hoping that will happen. Considering almost all the GOP candidates are fucking stupid, I can only hope America has some common sense and picks what some would call the lesser of two evils.

Like anyone with some shred of dignity, I try and stay out of politics. It's too complicated. I say if a political ideology can't be summed up in 140 characters you need to get the fuck out. But some issues are close to my heart, so I feel I should talk about them, if only to get them off my chest. For example, gay rights.

That's the second thing I want to discuss. What does everyone here on Blogger think of the recent vote in New York that allowed gay and lesbian couples to marry? I personally think it's a great move towards equality, and as an advocate of gay rights I hope this will become a trend in America. but of course, some of you may disagree, so please leave your opinions in the comments.

Well, hopefully I can avoid discussing my political opinions for awhile, but I think such a big issue should be acknowledged and I'm glad it was.

Curse you, computers. You have bested me yet again.

2011-06-24T19:05:00.000-04:00

Computers and technology in general are important aspects of our lives. In a modern hustle-and-bustle world, humans can't keep track of every important thing in our day. That's why we have technology: to provide us with all the information we need in a quick and simple-to-understand way.

Unfortunately, when we need our technology to work for us, but we don't have thousands of dollars to upgrade it, it fucks up everything with its needlessly complicated troubleshooting. I am the not-so-proud owner of a Dell Dimension 4600. Well, owner isn't the word I should use. I found it when I moved into my apartment a few years ago. That should have raised a red flag in my head. This computer was such a piece of shit, the original owner wouldn't even take it with him.

But I was naive. So naive. Anyway, the computer worked surprisingly well for its age. I'm pretty sure this thing is from 2003 and it still works like a charm. For the most part. But recently I downloaded Team Fortress 2 since it was now free and I was too cheap to buy it years ago like everyone else. Anyway, after five hours of anticipation the download was complete. I clicked the 'Launch game' button and...

My graphics card doesn't meet the minimum requirements. That means I have to spend $30 - $50 to play a game that I wasn't planning on buying in the first place. But now that I got the game I figure it would be a waste of time if I DIDN'T buy the graphics card. Fuck you, Dell. Now I have to spend $50 to get killed by veterans that bought the game three years ago.

Oh god. The horror.

2011-06-22T17:46:00.000-04:00

I just saw the infamous video. A video about a man who hasn't ejaculated in 38 years. His balls... oh god. His balls were like... I don't know how to describe it. It was like looking a shopping bag filled with two miniature pumpkins. And when he finally came... it was like Yellowstone.

He just wouldn't stop. It was the first time I ever vomited just from looking at something. I think I should call a lawyer. I can't provide a link. Just look it up for yourself if you're so damn curious.

Am I the only one who feels like this?

2011-06-21T01:35:00.000-04:00

Am I the only one who is legitimately scared by these mesothelioma commercials and ads for law firms that feature lawyers talking about how Avandia or some other drug is going to kill your entire family? The creepy music plays and I basically shit myself.

These commercials scare me more than 90% of the horror movies I've seen. My heart rate jumps and my palms get clammy. The only thing left to do is ask myself: did I die from taking this drug? And then when I'm done doing that I make a comic in MS Paint.

Readers, a personal question:

2011-06-20T02:37:00.000-04:00

What's the worst thing you've ever gotten away with? I recently asked this question on a forum I frequent and got some interesting results. I personally have not done anything very bad in my life. I'd saythe worst thing I ever got away with was stealing a cheap McDonald's Happy Meal toy from a friend's house when I was 6. But that doesn't even count, as I returned it.

Call me a pussy, but back then I had the idea of a terrible and wrathful God instilled in me, so my behavior was affected by that. But my religious beliefs are neither here nor there. I ask you, internet, what's the worst thing you got away with?

Blogs are for idiots. But if you can't beat 'em, join 'em.

2011-06-19T20:00:00.001-04:00

And here's my blog. My fans (read: me) have been pressuring me to create a blog for quite some time. Well, peer pressure wins again.

Peer pressure - (smoker death toll) + 1, Rational thinking - 0.

What will I be posting on this blog? Good question. But I won't answer it yet because I have no fucking idea. Maybe I'll just type what's on my mind or what I've done recently. Maybe I'll put the spotlight on current events and my take on the subject. Maybe I'll answer hate mail from my twelve readers. Either way, it should be fun.

So, see you for now. Hopefully I'll have the determination to actually post regularly. Until then, auf weidersehen. That was German, by the way. It makes me sound intelligent.