People with higher self control and self discipline have been shown to be less likely to be obese, happier on average, score higher on standardized tests and earn more money.  Self discipline is highly correlated with accomplishing personal goals.

What you may not know however, is that self discipline and willpower is a skill that can be exercised and improved.  In this article I’ll discuss:

• What I mean by self discipline
• The benefits of self discipline (supported by research)
• What affects self discipline (again, supported by research)
• Finally, what you can do today to improve your own personal self discipline

Note:  I’m always learning, so if you disagree or find fault with something, I’m open to revising the article.

What Is Self Discipline?

I searched online and found a number of definitions for self discipline, but my personal favorite is this:

Self discipline is the assertion of willpower over more base desires.

I love that definition, because it clears up a misconception that people often have – that self discipline or self control is all about denying ones desires.  I disagree – it’s not about denying yourself at all. Self discipline is about freeing yourself from the shackles of base desires.  My research on pleasure, analyzing where I waste time online and calling my time wasting weaknesses procrastination thumbscrews is a direct reflection of the way I see things – these base desires are what hold me back.

Constantly giving in to weaknesses holds me back from taking advantage of opportunities and achieving my dreams – and that is why I pride myself on my self discipline.  To me, self discipline truly is the assertion of my willpower over my base desires – seeing past the short term so I can accomplish my goals long term.  It is not a replacement for motivation – self discipline rather is an expression of my motivation.

Other names for self discipline include self control, self restraint and self regulation. I prefer self discipline, because I don’t like to think of myself as “controlled,” “restrained” or “regulated” towards my goals – I prefer to think of myself as “disciplined” and working towards them.

What Does The Research Show As Benefits of Self Discipline?

• Higher scores on self-control correlated with:
  • Higher grade point average
  • Better adjustment (fewer reports of psychopathology)
  • Higher self-esteem
  • Less binge eating and alcohol abuse,
  • Better relationships and interpersonal skills
    Source: PDF High Self-Control Predicts Good Adjustment,  Less Pathology, Better Grades, and Interpersonal Success JP Tangney, RF Baumeister, AL Boone also on PubMed
• More likely to be a healthy weight.  Children who scored low on their ability to delay gratification were more likely to be obese years later (Abstract: Ability to Delay Gratification at Age 4 Years and Risk of Overweight at Age 11 Years Desiree M. Seeyave, MBBS ).
• Having self control resources full is correlated with subjects being more honest, while depleted self control resources are correlated with higher instances of dishonesty, and subjects placing themselves in situations to be tempted (PDF Too tired to tell the truth: Self-control resource depletion and dishonesty Nicole L. Mead  Roy F. Baumeister, Francesca Gino, Maurice E. Schweitzer, Dan Ariely)
• Self discipline is important to financial success – in particular, self control problems impede wealth accumulation (PDF Measuring Self-Control John Ameriks, Andrew Caplin, John Leahy, and Tom Tyler.  )
• Self discipline is more important to academic success than a student’s IQ across a variety of metrics including final grades, hours spent on homework and attendance in class. (PDF: Self-Discipline Outdoes IQ in Predicting Academic Performance of Adolescents Angela L. Duckworth and Martin E.P. Seligman )
• Delayed gratification is a very specific form of self discipline .  After ten years, children who were able to better delay their gratification were:
  • More academically competent
  • More socially competent
  • More able to cope with frustration
  • More able to resist temptation (unsurprisingly)
  • More verbally fluent
  • More attentive
  • Able to cope with stress more maturely
    Source: PDF Delay of Gratification in Children W Mischel, Y Shoda, ML Rodriguez

My empirical evidence also suggests that when I am better able to exercise self discipline, I accomplish more, and make much faster progress towards my goals.

What Does The Research Show As Affecting Self Discipline?

I reviewed a variety of literature, and these are the results that jumped out as most relevant to me. Based on these studies, we can then decide how to approach the problem – and steps we can take today to improve our self discipline.

• Self-discipline is a psychological resource – and can be depleted.  Subjects exercising self discipline on one task did worse than a control group when attempting to exercise self discipline on a second task (Mark Muraven, Dianne M. Tice, and Roy F. Baumeister, PDF Self-Control as Limited Resource: Regulatory Depletion Patterns ).  As a resource:
  • Self discipline is replenished by sleep, self affirmation exercises and positive emotional experiences (Google Books Preview: Handbook of self-regulation: research, theory, and applications By Roy F. Baumeister, Kathleen D. Vohs page 127 and also Abstract Restoring the self: Positive affect helps improve self-regulation following ego depletion by Dianne M. Tice)
  • Stress depletes self discipline (Baumeister and Heatherton PDF Self Regulation Failure: An Overview)
  • Depleted self discipline can be somewhat counteracted by having a plan on how to achieve your goal. (Abstract: Can implementation intentions help to overcome ego-depletion? by Thomas L. Webb and Paschal Sheeran)
• Self-discipline is correlated with blood glucose.  Actively engaging in acts of self discipline depletes glucose levels, while replenishing glucose in the body helps counteract the depletion of self discipline.  ( PDF The Strength Model of Self Control Roy F. Baumeister, Kathleen D. Vohs, and Dianne M. Tice)
• Self-control is like a muscle – it can be strengthened and improved (Journal Excerpt –
  Longitudinal Improvement of Self-Regulation Through Practice: Building Self-Control Strength Through Repeated Exercise Mark Muraven, Roy F. Baumeister, Dianne M. Tice)

What Steps Can You Take Today To Improve Your Self Discipline

• Don’t Unnecessarily Waste It: Remove Temptation.  One of the best decisions I ever made was a zero tolerance policy towards chocolate, cookies, etc in my house.  I’ve always had a weakness for desserts, and when I have them readily available, it’s a constant struggle to avoid them.  By removing the temptation, I no longer have to expend any willpower on sugary snacks – and can better focus that reservoir towards other items.
• Stabilize Blood Glucose.  Low blood glucose is associated with diminished self discipline.  One of the ways blood glucose levels drop is by consuming high glycemic foods  – foods that quickly to glucose in your body.  I’m going to oversimplify here, but briefly this causes a rush of glucose in your blood stream (a “sugar high” or “sugar rush”).  Your body responds with insulin, which (oversimplifying) stores the glucose, and causes the level of glucose in your blood to plummet (the “sugar crash”).  Avoiding these kinds of foods can help stabilize your blood sugar – and likely improve your self discipline. Of course, it’s a bit of a catch 22 – it takes self discipline to avoid eating tasty, sugary foods to begin with!
• Remove Unwanted Stress.  Easier said than done – and removing unwanted stress probably has many benefits outside of improved self discipline.  You may not be able to immediately dump extra commitments, but I have an idea that just might work:  I have friends who meditate daily to calm themselves, and though I was unable to find any research supporting meditation improving self discipline, it is possible that may help.
• Sleep.  Make sure you get enough of it.  Like removing unwanted stress, this is likely easier said than done for some people.  The best advice I can give here really is take a look at what’s urgent and important in your life – and try to carve out some time to sleep.
• Enjoy Life.  Positive emotional experiences appear to replenish your self discipline reserve.  I love to take breaks and run, play guitar, hike and do other activities that inspire me – find what works for you.
• Use Self Affirmations.  Personally, I like using my start pages.  I built them specifically so I could focus on a single thought and purpose.  My favorite at the moment is value your time.  Find your own mantra if none of those if for you, or shoot me an email and I’ll put one together to add to the list!
• Have A Plan.  I like to maintain a todo list, along with long term written goals.  I definitely find that when I have a plan in place that I am executing, it is easier for me to stay motivated to complete the task than if I am just flailing around.
• Long Term – Strengthen Your Self Discipline With Exercises.  Self discipline is a muscle – focus on small tasks that you can control, and build up to bigger ones.  Some examples of exercise include:
  • Straightening your posture
  • Using your non-dominant hand for tasks
  • Regulating mood
  • Monitoring and recording eating
    As a side note, I’ve noticed that when I’m more diligent about recording what I eat, I am also more diligent about working out.  I don’t know the exact mechanism of why it works – I just know it does.

Enjoy this article? You should Tweet This and share it with your friends, or feel free to share it however you like using this shortened link: http://tr.im/mywill

Final Thoughts – And Your Feedback

I really enjoyed writing this article, and if you have any information to add please let me know – I’d love to continue to build on this resource.  I think self discipline is vital to success in any field, and is a large part of why I have been successful in many of the things I’ve tried – I continue to push forward and produce in spite of how I feel inside, or discouraging results. I’m not perfect though, and I still have a lot to learn.

I would love to hear your stories, and also any advice you may have.

Further Reading:

• How To Get Motivated – 8 Tips to Break Your Motivational Funk
• How To Actively Take Control of Your Time and Your Life
• Procrastination Thumbscrews – Know Your Procrastinating and Time Wasting Weaknesses
• My Favorite Free Online Personality Type Tests and Psychology Tests
• Personal Development Roadblocks – Pushing Pleasure Buttons
• Mental Bias – Would You Like Fries With Your Warm Fuzzy Platitudes?

Favorites This Week:

• Why You’ll Never Be Finished (And How to Figure Out When You’ve Done Enough) over at Aliventures
• Should You Trust Your Intuition? over at Rat Race Trap
• Simplicity Is The Path – Not Just The Destination over at mnmlist
• Inspiration From A Starbucks Coffee Cup over at TheBridgeMaker
• What I Learned About Entrepreneurship From Watching the World Series of Poker over at GigaOM

Did you know ... this list of articles is custom generated for you? If you enjoyed this article, you may enjoy these similar articles:

1. Stop Wasting Time Online! Tips and Start Pages To Improve Concentration Online
2. Personal Development Roadblocks – “The Situation”

© Sid for SidSavara.com, 2009. | Will Power: How To Improve Your Personal Self Discipline

I’ve been inspired to write about my experiences hiking trails before, and today I’d like to tackle what happens when you’re hiking a trail, or making changes in you life – and the going gets tough!

Smooth Sailing

I headed out with a friend to the trailhead one afternoon with my hiking backpack loaded with snacks, water and medical supplies.  The sun peeked out through the clouds, and a light breeze coasted over the mountains

We parked on a sleepy little side street, applied our sunscreen and entered the trail marked by dirty pink ribbons. After climbing sideways through a few switchbacks we made  it onto a small clearing. We could see the ocean, mountains in the distance, and our destination straight ahead:  a summit peak far down the trail.

The Peak Ahead

From where we were standing the peak appeared to be an hour or two of solid hiking.  There was a small forest at the base of the hill we would need to climb – and along the way we would face elephant grass, cactus, rocks and good old fashioned heat: there was no shade anywhere once the clouds gave way.

Undaunted, we set our sights on the peak ahead and started hiking.

After hiking most of the way the obstacles we had encountered started taking their toll – our arms and legs were (and actually still are) scraped up from the elephant grass, thorny plants, rocks and the occasional branch or tree stump.  The sun was beating down on us, with only occasional relief from tradewinds.  With sweat in our eyes and vog (volcanic fog) scratching our throats we trudged forward making steady progress.

A Rough Patch

There was only one way that we could reach our goal – that was to suck it up and climb through that elephant grass hill

We came across a portion of the trail that looked particularly difficult and taxing – a brutal, steep hill climb through some dense, tall elephant grass.  We were sure to get cut up, likely get lost inside it, and there was no way that any wind was penetrating that thick grass forest.  Just standing next to it we could feel the heat emanating out of the grass.  It was a short section, but uncomfortable and difficult.

We were unenthusiastic about conquering this section of the trail, so we took a step back and surveyed our options:

• To the left, a steep fall off the ridge and certain doom.
• To the right: a steep fall of the ridge into cactus plants, certain pain, and uncertain doom.
• Straight ahead – suffering, but hopefully eventual triumph

There was only one way that we could reach our goal – that was to suck it up and climb through that elephant grass hill.  It was either that or retreat.

After gathering our breath, we buckled down and began to push through the grass.

It took a a very long time – we could see the ribbons marking the trail ahead in the distance, and every step required concerted effort and (optional) grunting and yelling.   Finally I punched my hand through the last of the grass, grabbed some tree trunks and pulled myself up the last few feet of the hill – the salt from my sweat burning in my scrapes.

After crossing the elephant grass forest, everything else was easy and we reached the peak at the end of the trail.  Along the way I remember thinking at that particularly taxing section:

This is the bridge – and I must cross it.

This Is The Bridge – And I Must Cross It

That phrase has helped me through some difficult challenges in my life.  Just as we had to choose what we wanted to do when faced with the thick elephant grass forest, in life we often come across situations that really only have two options:

• Retreat and accept failure
• Realize that this is the bridge – and that we must cross it.

I define a bridge as any type of experience or path that will take me from where I am to where I want to go – or need to be.  Very often I’ve seen friends and colleagues see a bridge in front of them, and then get stuck.  They know it’s there, but are afraid (or simply in denial) of the chasm that exists.  They sometimes get bogged down in metawork, or they simply make no effort to cross it and other times they retreat.

I think part of this is because they don’t realize that a bridge is just that – a connection.  It’s a temporary situation, but one that must be endured to get to the other side.  I approach bridges with the mentality of “This too shall pass” – the difference being that we choose to put ourselves in situations that I call bridges.

In my life I’ve encountered a few difficult situations – but simply realizing that I had come to a bridge, and needed to cross it, has made all the difference.

Crossing My Bridges

Here are two example of bridges I’ve encountered in my life – where I could have retreated, but chose to instead push forward.

Lifting Weights In College

Eventually I was no longer out of place in the gym – I felt like I belonged.

When I entered college, I weighed 114.5 lbs – at 5′11.  I decided I wanted to gain some muscle, and convinced some of my friends to come down to the gym to lift weights with me.  When we got there, I learned that I was much weaker than all of them, and significantly less muscular than all the college athletes also training in the gym.

I was a little intimidated and considered giving up on weight training, or perhaps put it off until later – and that’s when I realized I had come to a bridge – and I had to cross it.  Until I gained muscle I would always be the smallest guy in the gym.  I decided I could either give up, or just accept the feeling of awkwardness & discomfort – and cross this bridge.

So I continued to go to the gym, in spite of my awkwardness.  One of the regulars there, Jarius gave me some advice and helped show me proper form.  Another friend of mine, Justin, helped to keep me motivated and we discussed nutrition.  It was a slog, but eventually I was no longer out of place in the gym – I felt like I belonged.  Today I weigh about 170 lbs – a significant improvement, though still not where I want to be.

Making New Friends In Los Angeles

I moved to Los Angeles in 2003, and I knew only a handful of people there.  After being there for a little while I started to feel a little homesick, and missed my friends and family. I considered moving back home – and that’s when I again realized I had come to a bridge – and I had to cross it.  I could either retreat back to the safety of home, or I could push through the awkwardness of learning my surroundings and making new friends.  It was a temporary situation that I could change if I chose to.  So I did – I stepped out of my comfort zone, and for the first time met random people through Craig’s list.  I actively organized social events, and made friends with strangers everywhere.

I have always loved the culture and music of big cities, but by the time I left Los Angeles I enjoyed that as well as a healthy social circle – cultivated one person at a time through music, tennis, running and networking events.

Neither of the above two cases were easy for me – I had to work hard to get from where I was to where I wanted to be.  The important thing I realized however is that in each case, I was simply on a bridge – and had to make steady, dedicated progress to get to where I needed to be.  As long as we continue to put one foot in front of the other, we’ll eventually cross our bridges.

Progress Is Progress

Against difficult obstacles, sometimes slow progress is the only kind of progress you can make

Oftentimes when discussing goals and motivation we’ll talk about peaks and valleys – times when we are very motivated, and times when our motivation and passion fades.  I think that one mistake we make however (and I do this as well) is believing that our progress with our goals is tied to the way we feel.

We believe that when we are highly motivated and feeling great that things are progressing quickly – and they often are. Conversely when things are difficult, we feel less motivated, and it feels like very little progress is being made due to obstacles we encounter on the way.  We think that we’ve hit a valley, and ge discouraged.  This is where I think a change of perspective is in order, because against difficult obstacles, sometimes slow progress is the only kind of progress you can make.

Instead of viewing difficult situations as a valley, I mentally change my perspective and tell myself this is a bridge – a crossing, and that going through this is the only path to the other side, so I might as well get on with it.

Our progress through the elephant grass was much slower than walking through a golf course fairway, but nobody would expect us to go any faster.  So when things get difficult, and progress slows, I like to step back and see what I’m doing wrong – and in some cases, there is nothing I’m doing wrong – it’s just the nature of the task at hand.

That’s when I remind myself that:

• I am responsible for everything I want in my life
• I’m still making progress.
• This is the bridge – and I must cross it.

Enjoy this article? You should Tweet This and share it with your friends, or feel free to share it however you like using this shortened link: http://tr.im/crossit

Further Reading:

• How To Get Motivated – 8 Tips to Break Your Motivational Funk
• How To Actively Take Control of Your Time and Your Life
• The Path, The Opportunity, Is Only Here For Today
• Why Our New Year’s Resolutions Are Doomed Before We Even Begin – And What We Can Do About It
• The Essential Motivation Handbook By Leo Babauta and Eric Hamm
• Reclaim Your Dreams by Jonathan Mead

Favorites This Week

• Doing The Opposite of Everyone Is Valuable by Derek Sivers
• On Becoming Great over at Rat Race Trap
• NaNoWriMo: A Pep Talk And A Warning over at 43 Folders
• The Key To Quitting Your Job For Good over at My Wife Quit Her Job
• Rising Above The Context by Dragos Roua
• And a big thanks to Ali Hale for including me in her list of 6 Bloggers Who Tell It Like It Really Is over at Aliventures =)

Your Thoughts?

What do you think? Do you agree with my metaphor, disagree?

© Sid for SidSavara.com, 2009. | This Is The Bridge – And I Must Cross It

I hadn’t thought about this, but it’s true – most people I know don’t need to check their email 50 times a day – they could get away with checking it twice a day without any real issues (heck they could probably miss a day or two), but they have an urge to continuously check for new email.

In this article I’ll discuss some of the reasons we constantly check out email, and along with each one propose a solution.

(By the way, if you do need to check email every 20 minutes just to keep up, you may want to read one of my previous articles: Strategies for Dealing With Email Overload – How To Get To And Maintain Inbox Zero)

Why Do We Constantly Check Email – And How Can We Stop?

Reason #1:  My Inbox Is My Todo List

We know this is wrong, bu we do it anyway:  store emails in our inbox to remind us of something we have to do, someone we have to follow up with.  So of course we check our email constantly – not to see what’s new, but to see what we have to do next.

Solution:  Get A Proper Task List.  We all know the solution to this issue, it’s  just a matter of implementing it.  If you don’t like task list software just use a text file.  The point is just to get away from checking your email constantly to see what else needs to be done today – because then you risk getting sidetracked by new emails that may have come in (and likely aren’t that urgent or important).

Reason #2:  That’s Where All My Documents Are

We’re been spoiled by GMail and other free email providers.  In the past, with limited  email storage, we’d regularly clean out our inbox and move documents to where they belong.  Now, many of us just use our inbox as our default file storage.  At last count I had some 7 GB of free space in my email account – plenty of room for all my different documents, images etc.  If you use your email account as a personal file server and regularly need access to documents stored there, you’ll constantly be breaking your workflow logging in and searching for items you need.  Worse, you risk being distracted by new email as well.

Solution: Use a Proper Filing System.  I used to email myself files all the time – and I still will occasionally if I need to move a file to someone else computer (more likely, I’ll email it to them).  Lately however I’ve been using Foldershare and Dropbox.  They work great for keeping my files synchronized across my computers, and you can use it to synchronize across your work computers as well (though I would first check with your IT department to make sure they are ok with it). When someone emails me a new document, one of my first thoughts is “Ok, where can I file this?”  In some cases, just saving the email is appropriate for archiving – but if it’s a document I am going to be referring to a lot, I’ll download it into a folder for the project I’m working on.

Reason #3:  We (Occasionally) Get Time Sensitive Emails.

Most of us don’t get emails every day that require an immediate response – but sometimes, we are waiting for one particular email, or we remember a time months ago when someone urgently needed a response.  This leads to us anxiously check email constantly to make sure it doesn’t happen again.

Solution#1:  Explain The Situation.   One easy solution that I’ve started implementing is instructing my colleagues to either text or call me to confirm I’ve received their email.  When I email them, I explain that I don’t check email frequently, and if they want to make sure I get back to them promptly, it is up to them to call or text me if an urgent reply is needed.  You can bet that when it is important to them, they work hard to get me on the phone and verify that I’m on top of it.  Most items are not urgent, and can wait an extra day until I have time to deal with them.

Solution #2: Set A Day To Follow Up.  One of my favorite personal development books, Getting Things Done advocates the use of a “@Waiting” list – items that you are waiting on other people for. I love this list and use it constantly. I shoot someone an email, decide when I’ll follow up with them, and throw it on the @Waiting list. If they don’t get back to me by the appropriate time, I follow up via email, in phone or in person – whatever is appropriate.  I often will mention the specific day and time I’ll follow up in emails I send now – and like magic, I get responses before the designated time.  Since I know it’s on the list and I won’t lose track of it, I can stop thinking about that particular email, stop checking for it to come in – and focus on my other tasks.

Reason #4:  We Are Biologically Hard Wired To Seek Out New Information.

I alluded to this briefly in my article about how to quickly read articles online.   As Dr. Irving Biederman explained to the Wall Street Journal, our brains are wired such that new information gives us a small natural high:

“[C]oming across [...] new and richly interpretable information triggers a chemical reaction that makes us feel good, which in turn causes us to seek out even more of it. The reverse is true as well: We want to avoid not getting those hits because, for one, we are so averse to boredom.

It is something we seem hard-wired to do, says Dr. Biederman. When you find new information, you get an opioid hit, and we are junkies for those.”

Sounds to me like plain old fashioned boredom.

Solution:  Find Something Else To Do. Oftentimes if we’re checking email with no real purpose it means we’re bored (or procrastinating) – and looking for that “opioid hit.”  Go for a walk, wash the dishes, clean your room – just don’t check email as a way of killing time.  Focus on checking email when you want to, not when you can’t think of anything better to do, and you’ll find yourself less dependent on it.

Reason #5:  We’re Psychologically Dependent On Email Due To Variable Reinforcement

When we check our email there are a number of unknowns that could potentially give us positive reinforcement. These unknowns include:

• Whether we actually have any new email
• Whether any particular piece of new mail is “good” (good news, new information, something we can act on, etc)
• How “good” any individual new email is.

Because “good” emails come at random intervals I would argue we are psychologically dependent on email for positive reinforcement.  Similar to gamblers at slot machines, we check email constantly due to the variable ratio schedule of reinforcement – we never know when the big “payday” is coming. Loosely translated, this means that we check emails more frequently, and will give up on it far less easily, because the results come sporadically and randomly.

For those interested in more detail, Jeff Atwood also recently wrote an article going into some depth about this issue Email – The Variable Reinforcement Machine:

“We’re so ecstatic to get that single useful email out of hundreds that we can’t keep ourselves from compulsively pressing the new email lever over and over and over, hoping it will happen again soon, like the caged rats in Skinners’ experiments.”

Note: Before I discuss solutions I want to point out I am not a doctor, and if you have an internet addiction and cannot stop yourself from going online, you may want to seek professional help.

Solution #1:  Recognize And Break Your Psychological Dependence.  Just understanding that we check email because it psychologically rewards us is the first step.  Following from that, before you check email ask yourself – “Is this a good time to be checking email? Is there something else I should be doing? Am I checking email because it is the right thing to do – or because I have some psychological longing to check it?.”

Solution #2:  Self Reward and Self Punish.  Another way to break your dependence is to give yourself rewards for not checking email – and punish yourself when you do.  For example, when I was trying to check email less often, I told myself that if I checked my email when I wasn’t supposed to, I had to go to my Google Reader and “mark all as read” and unstar everything I was saving to read later (essentially missing out on all the new articles that were there).  I only slipped up a couple of times, and quickly learned my lesson.  Another trick I used was only letting myself listen to music or podcasts while working out if I hadn’t slipped up and checked when I wasn’t supposed to – an easy way to reward myself for good behavior, and punish myself for bad behavior.

If you enjoy discussion about how we are controlled by our responses to external stimuli, you may enjoy one of my previous articles on the subject of dopamine and pleasure.

Reason #6: It’s My Home Page/It’s Always Open.

If the first thing you see when you sit down at your computer is Yahoo, or MSN, or what have you – of course you’ll constantly check it.

Solution #1: Close The Browser. Or, if you are like me and have two monitors, move all the junk (open email windows, chat windows, etc) over to a second monitor – and then turn it off.  Just having that extra step (having to open a new browser, or turn on the monitor) gives me enough time to catch myself, and ask myself whether I should be checking email right now – or doing something else.

Solution #2: Set A New Home Page. Pick something that reminds you of your purpose and why you’re sitting at the computer in the first place. I like using my start pages.  You may prefer to set your home page to one of those start pages, or perhaps your online calendar.  Find out what works for you – just move it off your inbox!

Reason #7: We Just Do – Out Of Habit

If you’re like me (and likely many other people), you check email out of habit. Specifically, checking email for me was a trigger driven habit – and it’s possible you have email triggers too:  when you wake up, when you get home from school, when you finish work, after you shower, etc.

Solution #1:  Replace Checking Email With New Actions. To break this habit, all you have to do is have a set action (or multiple actions) to do immediately after one of those triggers. For example, you may decide that as soon as you wake up, you are going to walk to the kitchen and drink a class of water. You will then ask yourself what you need to do next, and then once you know – you can do that instead of checking email

Drinking water is one of my favorites, because I generally don’t waste a lot of my time in the kitchen – and I actively dislike going there, since I don’t like cooking or doing dishes. If this doesn’t work for you, you could pick something else. They key is it can’t be too unpleasant or you won’t do it.

My Closing Thoughts – And Your Thoughts?

As I discussed in my article about how to stop wasting time online, you can certainly take extreme measures such as blocking websites, but I don’t think that’s necessary.  These are some of the common reasons I (and some of my friends) check email constantly.  I’m interested in your feedback as well:  What do you think? Are there other reasons you constantly check email that I’ve missed?

Do you have any suggestions for how people can stop checking their email so frequently – or do you recognize things about yourself in this list that perhaps you may want to change?

Enjoy this article? You should Tweet This and share it with your friends, or feel free to share it however you like using this shortened link: http://tr.im/stopemail

Further Reading:

• How To Actively Take Control of Your Time and Your Life
• Procrastination Thumbscrews – Know Your Procrastinating and Time Wasting Weaknesses
• Stop Wasting Time Online! Tips and Start Pages To Improve Concentration Online
• Strategies for Dealing With Email Overload – How To Get To And Maintain Inbox Zero
• How to Effectively Read 12,853 Articles, Forum Topics & Blog Posts a Week

Favorites This Week:

• The Key To Making Wise Decisions over at Advanced Life Skills
• Luciano’s Productivity Principles over at Litemind
• Free Ebook: More For Your Money over at Aliventures
• Why To Do Lists Don’t Work over at Find Me Fit

And don’t forget – I share many other articles like these via Twitter and StumbleUpon – I only share a portion here, since I come across so many interesting things every week. You should definitely follow me on Twitter if you want more.

Did you know ... this list of articles is custom generated for you? If you enjoyed this article, you may enjoy these similar articles:

1. Simple Time Saving Tip #62 – Stop Self Inflicted Junk Email
2. Strategies for Dealing With Email Overload – How To Get To And Maintain Inbox Zero
3. Positive Talk Creates Positive Action – How to Stop Talking Like a Loser
4. Stop Wasting Time Online! Tips and Start Pages To Improve Concentration Online

© Sid for SidSavara.com, 2009. | Seven Reasons You Check Email So Frequently – And How To Stop

In soccer (football) it is illegal to slide tackle a player from behind.  This is a good rule – such a tackle could easily result in a serious injury for the player dribbling the ball.

Nonetheless, players do it – sometimes because there is no other way to stop an attacker from getting towards the goal.  Sliding in from behind is a way defenders can trip the attacker and stop the flow of the game.  When this happens and the offensive player somehow manages to keep dribbling despite the desperate (and illegal) attempt to tackle, Andy Gray yells one of my favorite phrases:

“He’s been knocked off his stride, but not off his feet!”

Just like one of Andy Gray’s other phrases (”Is This The Moment“), this really resonates with me.  I’ll start off by telling a short story that illustrates this, and then discuss the implications in our lives.

“I Say No To Every Idea The First Time”

When my dad worked in a large corporation, he observed a process he found inefficient – and that he could improve upon. He reviewed the problem, came up with a solution and went to present it to his director.  He was was sure his proposal would be implemented, because it was an improvement over the old situation, and was better for all the stakeholders involved – including the company.

He explained his proposal and expected to get the “go ahead” to implement the solution – but his director waved him off, and said no.

Puzzled, he returned to his office to reconsider what was wrong with his proposal.  After reviewing it, he was sure that his proposal was an improvement – and that his director had made a mistake turning him down.

So my dad went back to his director and explained that he couldn’t understand why his proposal had been rejected – it was a win-win for everyone involved, and would benefit the company immediately.  He told him he was sure he was right, and wanted to know why it had been rejected.

“Well,” his director told him “every day I have dozens of people who come up to me and believe they have a great idea.  Many of these ideas are good, but people simply do not follow through and we end up with a half finished solution.  So my policy is simple – I say no to every idea the first time. This takes care of all the ideas that people were not especially excited about working on anyway.  Even the bad ideas, only a handful of them will come back to me for reconsideration.”

Since it was clear my father was passionate about implementing his solution, his director now considered the proposal on it’s merits – and did finally give my father the “go ahead” to implement.

Sweat – And Celebrate – The Little Things

So often we hear stories of famous people who have overcome failure on their way to their goals.  I find such stories inspiring, but I think when we glorify only the large triumphs, we lose sight of what’s right in front of us – the small obstacles that stop us.

For every story about someone who had to overcome intense hardship and turmoil to achieve their dreams, I would argue there are hundreds and thousands of people who failed before they even got started – perhaps due to a minor setback,  or just plain old fashioned procrastinating and watching too much tv.

So let’s not just celebrate those who have overcome large obstacles – let’s celebrate ourselves when we overcome a small obstacle that could have been a showstopper had we let it.   Circumstances where, like in my father’s case, it would have been easy to give in to “the situation” and just walk away – but where we chose not to.

I am not proposing anyone continue down a path in spite of everything that happens: of course it’s important to know when to admit we’ve failed, let things go and to learn from our mistakes.

I would argue however, it’s even more important to recognize instance where we’ve encountered only temporary setbacks.

We need to recognize times where obstacles are surmountable.

We need to recognize when we’re just making excuses and pretending things are harder than they really are.

We need to recognize when it’s time to buckle down, get motivated and push back against forces that stand in our way.

We need to recognize, as Andy Gray says, those moments where we’ve been “knocked off our stride – but not off our feet.“

Enjoy this article? You should Tweet This and share it with your friends, or feel free to share it however you like using this shortened link: http://tr.im/stride

Further Reading:

• Is This The Moment?
• The Flip Side of “HELL YEAH!” Or No – How About “HELL WHY NOT!”
• How To Actively Take Control of Your Time and Your Life
• The Path, The Opportunity, Is Only Here For Today
• Reclaim Your Dreams by Jonathan Mead

Favorites This Week:

• Make Yourself Presentable by Jason Santa Maria
• Embrace Disaster In Customer Service over at My Wife Quit Her Job
• How To Deal When Following Your Passion Leaves You Broke over at Aliventures
• Jerry Yang’s Commencement Speech over at Yahoo’s Corporate Blog
• What I Learn About Happiness From My Dog over at Find Me Fit

And don’t forget – I share many other articles like these via Twitter and StumbleUpon – I only share a portion here, since I come across so many interesting things every week. You should definitely follow me on Twitter if you want more.

Did you know ... this list of articles is custom generated for you? If you enjoyed this article, you may enjoy these similar articles:

1. The Path, The Opportunity, Is Only Here For Today
2. Personal Development Roadblocks – Taking Things for Granted

© Sid for SidSavara.com, 2009. | Persistence – Knocked Off His Stride, But Not Off His Feet

I’ve been turning down a lot of commitments lately.  I have no doubt that this upsets some people, but there are only so many options one has when reducing external commitments.  The way I see it, it’s simply a matter of emptying my commitment “bucket” and there are two ways to do this.  You either have to:

• Reduce or remove a current commitment from the bucket (moderately difficult) or
• Decline new commitments as they come in, or come up for renewal (easier).

Unfortunately, because this approach is logic driven and does not consider the other person’s (the “declinee”) emotions I am sure this can lead to hard feelings.  For that reason, I have devised a mechanism for saying “No” without (hopefully!) souring a relationship: The Empathy Sandwich.

Where I Got The Idea

It occurred to me there had to be  a better way than bluntly saying no to people.  I was turning it over in my head when I remembered a strategy I used for delivering criticism: the criticism sandwich. I didn’t come up with it, I’m sure it’s in one of the personal development books I’ve read.

The basic premise of a criticism sandwich is that to make criticism easier to swallow, you “sandwich” it between two pieces of praise.

Contrived Sample: “Sid, you did a fantastic job on [first task]. Your work was commendable.  However, in [second task] you [made this mistake, and here is how you should correct it].  Thanks again for your great work on [the first task].

I figured if it’s good enough for criticism, maybe it’s good enough for turning down things I don’t want to do as well!

Sid’s Secret Sauce:  My Formula for the Empathy Sandwich

The empathy sandwich formula is simple enough:

Empathy Sandwich = Empathy Blurb + No I Can’t + Empathy Blurb

The Empathy Sandwich In Action

Them:  ”Sid I’m swamped this weekend, do you think you can handle [task that they want Sid to do] for me?”

Sid:  ”
Empathy Blurb 1: Man, I feel your pain.  I can totally relate.  It’s so hard to make time isn’t it?  I remember you telling me last week how you’ve been working long nights at work and have been stretched thin.

No I Can’t: I’m sorry, but I can’t handle  [that task] for you.

Empathy Blurb 2:  I sure hope the pressure eases up on you soon, I know how hard you have been working these past few weeks and it seems like you always work harder than anyone else at your office. “

This example may be a big exaggerated, but you get the idea.

Note:  I do not use this at work with coworkers, since that tends to be very fact and schedule driven.

The Empathy Sandwich Formula Expanded

This format works especially well for emails.  With email, since it is an asynchronous communication medium, I can take my time to craft an appropriate response rather than trying to create verbal empathy on the fly.

I have taken it a step further, and now have a canned response template, which I fill in like a form.  Feel free to use it in your email communications, it’s not polished because these are the rough notes I used to tell myself what to fill in.

Legend: [ Brackets ] denote optional items, while the starred* items are required.

Hi _____,

Just took a quick read over your email about ______. * (restate the exact issue for clarity)

[Honored] Really honored that you would consider me to help you with ___….

Empathy Blurb 1* – I hear where you are coming from/have been there myself
[Reminder] – Reminder that I have helped in the past, I do care
No I Can’t* – I’m sorry, but I can’t commit to ____. (state exact issue)
[Offer Others to Help] – Have you tried asking ___? Do you mind if I put you in contact with ___ who has more expertise?
Empathy Blurb 2* – I still totally understand where you are coming from
[Can Help In Future] – I can’t help this time, but perhaps I’ll be able to be of assistance in the future.
[Inquire About Other Projects] – Ask about other projects in the person’s life, is another way I can assist.
[Friendship Appreciation] – Remind them how much I appreciate their friendship, professional contact, etc.

Thanks,

Sid Savara

Items That Do Not Appear To Decrease Irritation at Being Told No

As I was working on my formula for the empathy sandwich, I considered what kinds of items I should mention verbally or in email.  Here are a few that I used to mention, but no longer bring up because they do not appear to affect the the person’s mood and ultimately, that is the whole point of empathy.  It’s not about me, it’s about making sure the other person feels l have heard them and can relate to their situation/cause.

• How Busy I Am – As a general rule, nobody cares how busy I am.  They still need help, and knowing that I am busy does not get them any closer to their goals.  So, when using the empathy sandwich don’t talk about your work, or family, or whatever – the purpose here is to empathize, keep the focus on them.
• Whether I Would Actually Like To Help – Perhaps it’s because of who I am, people assume that I generally want to be helpful.  And it’s true: I do want to help people.  However, I don’t always want to fix someone’s computer, or take hours out of my day to do something they could easily hire someone to do.  Being told that I actually am not interested in helping doesn’t seem to do anyone any good, so I don’t bring it up.

Items That DO Appear To Decrease Irritation at Being Told No

• Reminder That I Have Helped In The Past.  There’s a fine line here, and it really depends on who I am dealing with. Some people try to guilt me into helping them, and I in turn respond by showing how much I have helped already. I never rub their face in it – the spirit of telling them this is not to show off how amazing you are at helping; the spirit of this is to show empathy and remind them that I care.
• Inquiring About Other Projects.  Sometimes people work on projects/jobs that are pretty thankless, and may not even really need any help – they are just reaching out to see if anybody notices.  In this case, inquiring about how the project or other projects are going may be all that is necessary – they are just looking for a little attention.
• Appreciating People’s Friendship.  Similar to the previous item, sometimes people feel that their friendship is being taken for granted and that nobody appreciates the amount of work they put into things such as planning events.  In this case I need to remember that while I appreciate people’s friendship, I don’t always verbalize it – and some people need to hear from me how much I appreciate their friendship more than others.
• Prompt Response.  I try to be as up front as I can, and when I need to cancel a commitment, and I can only assume that providing a faster response rather than later can help with planning. One thing I do (as I discuss in my article on overcoming email overload) is even if I know right away I am going to decline something, I may still let it sit in my drafts folder for a couple hours or a day.  Sometimes I change my mind – other times, at least it doesn’t look like I read the email and replied 2 minutes later with a “no” (which I don’t think any amount of empathy would help with!).

Final Thoughts On The Empathy Sandwich

In this case I’m specifically talking about turning down commitments, but I’ve been trying to add empathy into more of my discussions with people since so much of it occurs online (and especially through email).  With a medium that is so cold and emotionless, injecting a little of my personality can completely change the tone of the message – and let people understand that I’m there for them, regardless of the situation.

Finally, if you do use the empathy sandwich, make sure you mean it.  I try and put myself in their shoes and consider that even though I (Sid) may have plenty of my own things going on, the person who is asking me for help too has a lot going on, and if I do empathize then I should verbalize that.  Sure, I have a canned template to help me organize my thoughts, but there is no hypocrisy in it:  they’re still my sincere thoughts, and it’s just a more efficient mechanism to help me get the email written faster.

What do you think? Anything you’d like to add, or let me know if I’m wrong?

Enjoy this article? You should Tweet This and share it with your friends, or feel free to share it however you like using this shortened link: http://tr.im/howtosayno

Further resources:

• How To Actively Take Control of Your Time and Your Life
• Strategies for Nurturing Your Professional Network and Professional Relationships
• Speaking in Public: A Step-By-Step Guide to Overcome Public Speaking Anxiety
• The Best Personal Development Books Reading List
• Sid Cancels Commitment, World Does Not End. Sometimes, You Need To Just Let it Go

Other articles I’ve enjoyed this week:

• How To Maintain Your Enthusiasm over at Advanced Life Skills
• Learning To Say No In Business over at My Wife Quit Her Job
• 7 Ways To Say No by my friend Dragos Roua
• Empathy by Seth Godin

I’m also excited to have a guest post up at Problogger this week:

• 5 Plugins To Make Your WordPress Blog Blazing Fast by Sid

And don’t forget – I share many other articles like these via Twitter and StumbleUpon – I only share a portion here, since I come across so many interesting things every week.  You should definitely follow me on Twitter if you want more.

© Sid for SidSavara.com, 2009. | How To Say No With The Empathy Sandwich

With just seconds remaining in the game he takes possession of the ball and finds himself in shooting distance, with only the goalkeeper to beat.

The crowd is on their feet and all the pressure is on him, on this one last chance to score.

In the cacophony of cheering, Andy Gray’s voice rings out:

“Is this the moment!!!”

Is This The Moment – In Your Life?

I’ve been thinking about that phrase a lot lately.  Is this the moment. When I am faced with a difficult choice, opportunity or feel like giving up I wonder:  Is this the moment that defines the direction my life will take? Is this the moment that will determine success – or the moment where I taste failure?  Will this moment be a moment of weakness – or will it be my finest hour?

When I was younger I remember setting various goals and milestones that I would later achieve such as being valedictorian for my class or performing in front of a crowd with my band.

In many of my goals, there was always one moment that I looked forward to – a single moment where I could absolutely say yes, this is the end and  I can check this off my todo list as “accomplished.”

As I look back on it however, I realize I was mistaken to put so much emphasis on those single isolated moments.  I don’t think those moments actually define who I am or what I did, because my life is not made up of isolated moments that take place months or years apart.

Those moments were important, but only to symbolize the culmination of all my hard work and prior success.   They are special because they are the end result, but many of the real defining moments came much before that – and passed by without me or anyone else noticing – and it’s time that I started paying more attention to those moments and those decisions.

Looking For My Band’s “Moment”

I had started to play guitar and quit a number of times before I finally brought my band together.  I remember the day we started it – my friend Ron and I were hanging out late one evening talking about music and I told him we should start a band, because I had an idea for a song. I showed him the melody and hook I wanted to use, and he was in.  We began writing the lyrics that same evening.  Was that the moment?

Once we decided we were going to start the band, I finished a first draft of that song in a couple days. I played it and he laid down what would end up being the lead guitar portion. Now, perhaps that was the moment?

Soon after that we recruited a couple friends to be our  drummer and bassist.  Was that the moment?

Finally, we wrote a number of songs, recorded ourselves playing and played in front of a live crowd for the first time.

I don’t know what moment made the band –  I do know however, that failing at any of the earlier moments would have broken it (or perhaps, resulted in a different band).  Getting up in front of a crowd and performing was just the last step – and by the time we got there, we already had a number of accomplishments and many, many hours of practice. Every one of those hurdles, at that point in our band’s progress was “the moment.”

When Faced With Obstacles And Opportunities Ask Yourself: Is This The Moment?

“If you are going to achieve excellence in big things, you develop the habit in little matters. Excellence is not an exception, it is a prevailing attitude.”
– Colin Powell

Is this the moment. I’ve been using that phrase a lot lately to push through laziness and procrastination to work towards my goals.

• When I am working on a software project and want to quit, I ask myself: is this the moment? Is this the turning point where I go on to build something great – or  is this the day I let my opportunity to change the world pass me by?
• When I know it is time to head to the gym, but am not really motivated to work out, I ask myself: Is this the moment? Is this where I push forth in spite of how I feel, or is this the moment I falter, blame the situation and nothing comes of all my effort?

Many of the biggest successes and moments in my life did not come out of nowhere – they were the result of tiny moments, moments that at the time seemed insignificant – but that in retrospect have made all the difference.  A day that I decided to give away my frying pans on craig’s list.  Books I picked up on a whim at the bookstore due to a friend’s recommendation. Times where I didn’t feel like taking a chance but said HELL WHY NOT and did anyway.

The next time you’re faced with a tough obstacle or an opportunity, and you feel fear, apprehension or just general apathy, here’s another mental trick I use: I start off by imagining my life ten years ago.

I imagine all the little decisions I’ve made and how those seemingly insignificant choices have turned me into the person you are today.  The chances I took, and the different paths I  could have taken if I had done things just a little differently – the things I may have had an opportunity to do, or the things I may have missed out on.  I give myself some perspective, and realize that this single action I take will today will affect all of my tomorrows.

I don’t know what awaits any of us in the future, but I do know this:  when I  feel like taking the easy way out or pretending I don’t have to make a choice, I hear Andy Gray’s voice in the back of my mind, passionately yelling at me -

“Is this the moment!!!”

Enjoy this article? You should Tweet This and share it with your friends, or feel free to share it however you like using this shortened link: http://tr.im/isthisthemoment

If you like this article, you might also enjoy one of the new start pages I put up – Be Present In This Moment.

Some of my favorite articles this week include:

• You Can Only Change Once You Accept You’re In Control by Ali Hale over at TheBridgeMaker
• The Economics Of Fear (Don’t worry about the title – great inspiring read)
• Be True To Yourself over at Upgrade Reality
• Success Starts With The First Step by Lorenz over at at FindMeFit
• How to Deal With People Who Think You’re Crazy to Quit Your Job over at Aliventures
• Overcoming Procrastination Instantly Using Self Talk – one of my favorites over at Litemind
• If You Think You Haven’t Found Your Passion by Derek Sivers

P.S. – I’ve always shared articles like these via Twitter and StumbleUpon – I only share a portion here, since I come across so many interesting things every week.  You should definitely follow me on Twitter if you want more.

© Sid for SidSavara.com, 2009. | Is This The Moment?

“Pleasure is the object, duty and the goal of all rational creatures.”
-Voltaire

Pleasure.  Regardless of the goals we set, what motivates us or how disciplined we are, we are still biological creatures that respond to and crave stimuli that give us pleasure.  If you had a magic button that let you experience intense pleasure and euphoria whenever pressed, you might push that button thousands of times a day, and beg me not to take it away when I tried to stop you.

Why is this?  It has to do with the way our brain’s “pleasure centers” are wired*, and it just might hold the key to why we procrastinate and take part in activities that we later regret wasting time on, and that get in the way of achieving our dreams.

In the rest of this article, I will discuss:

• What the research shows us about our pleasure centers
• What naturally stimulates our pleasure centers, and theorize why it evolved to respond to such stimuli
• New man-made stimuli that are stimulating our pleasure centers – and perhaps gaming our brain’s reward system

The Pleasure Center – Experiments & Research

There is some fascinating research on the subject of pleasure.  The experiment which sparked interest and led to further research in the brain’s pleasure centers was conducted by James Olds and Peter Milner:

“In 1954, James Olds and Peter Milner accidentally implanted an electrode into the [pleasure centers] of a rat and discovered that it became very energized, so they purposely set up an apparatus such that whenever a rat pressed a bar it generated a small electrical stimulation to the area. The rats pressed the bar until they collapsed, even to the point of forgoing food and water. [...] The effect has since been found in all mammals tested, including humans.”
– Page 113 The Mind of the Market by Michael Shermer

Other accounts of the research state that the rats would press the bar 6000 times an hour.  Well sure, you might say, but there are two issues with that experiment. One, those are rats, not humans, and two, how do we know what they felt when that area of the brain was stimulated?  We have the answer to both those questions, because Dr. Robert Heath repeated these experiments – with human subjects:

“[A]n electrode was implanted into [the patients' pleasure centers] and turned on — these patients experienced a euphoria so powerful that when the researchers tried to end the experiment, one patient pleaded with them not to.”
– Page 113 The Brain that Changes Itself by Norman Doidge

So we know that stimulating the pleasure center (electrodes implanted in subjects’ brains) provides intense feelings of pleasure (euphoria) – the next questions to me are:

• What is the evolutionary purpose of this pleasure center?
• What naturally stimulates (and is supposed to stimulate) the pleasure center?
• What is stimulating our pleasure center that perhaps shouldn’t be, and (like rats pressing a bar) is artificially giving us pleasure?

The Purpose Of Our “Pleasure Center”

There does not appear to be any definitive answer on why we evolved to experience pleasure, but the theories and discussions I have read appear to all suggest the same thing:  if we acquired the ability to reward ourselves with a feeling of pleasure when presented with certain stimuli, then it was most to reinforce behaviors that increased the likelihood of survival and reproduction.  This is supported by some laboratory studies:

“Dopamine is released naturally from [...] the [pleasure center] when hungry rats eat or when sexually motivated rats copulate [...].  Moreover, blockage of dopamine receptors may block the rewarding effect of food or sexual contact [...].”
– Page 207, Psychology by Peter O. Gray

I found this fascinating.  So not only do we experience the “normal” benefits associated with food or sex but in addition to that our brain rewards us with a feeling of pleasure.

These are not the only things that stimulate our pleasure center however.  New stimuli (items we ingest as well as activities)  have been shown to stimulate the pleasure center as well:

“Novel events are known to produce arousal and increased attention [...] This motivational aspect of novelty may be considered adaptive in nature, since approach to novelty may promote survival as it encourages the location of new food sources, mates, and identification of potential sources of danger [...].  [L]esions [...] in the [pleasure center] have also been demonstrated to produce a transient disruption of novelty-seeking  behavior.”
– Page 112 in Dopamine Receptors And Transporters by Anita Sidhu

Items That Stimulate And Hijack Your Brain

“Direct access from the outside to the brain’s dispenser of pleasure, its reward system, was never intended by nature. It is too dangerous, a circumvention of the evolutionary forged link between work and reward, a key to adaptation.”
– Page 108 Inside The Brain, by Ronald Kotulak

We’ve already established that food, sex and novel stimuli activate the pleasure center.  Let’s look at some other stimuli that have been shown to activate and perhaps even hyperstimulate this part of our brains –  in particular items which were likely not readily available while our brains were evolving.

• Drugs (cocaine, amphetamines) , Tobacco, Alcohol. Alcohol zips directly to the brains pleasure center to make us feel pleasure, almost as soon as we start drinking.  Drugs and tobacco act in similar fashion.
• Video Games. Research shows that the pleasure center is stimulated and dopamine levels in the brain increase during video games.
• Television.  “Television [provides] unnatural levels of sensory stimulation. Little in real life is comparable to this. Television may overpay the child for paying attention to it, and in so doing it may physically corrupt the reward system[...].”
• Music. Research has shown increased levels of dopamine, as well as increased activity in the pleasure centers when listening to music.
• Fast Food (High Fat, High Sugar Foods). High fat, high sugar foods were not a part of our natural environment – fast food is a man-made creation, and since we have not had time to evolve and adjust to this stimuli, they hyperstimulate the pleasure centers. The levels of fat and sugar are so high in these foods that our body does not know how to respond, and so responds with extremely large reward

Look familiar? Television and video games are two of my procrastination thumbscrews. I bet some of you notice other items on this list as well as perhaps particular weaknesses.

Note:  For the sake of keeping this article readable, I’ve broken out my research for this list of items into a separate sidebar:  Television, Video Games and Other Stimuli That Hijack Your Brain’s Dopamine Reward System.  Feel free to give it a read now or later =)

Should We Give Up Pleasure?

I am not suggesting that anyone should give up everything that gives them pleasure; rather, I like to be aware of why and how I make choices.  This research has led me to realize that perhaps sometimes we are being held hostage to brain chemicals – and can fight back.  Stimulating the pleasure center for a dopamine rush is a short term “fix” – the feeling doesn’t last, and so I think it is worth considering whether that short term buzz is worth sacrificing progress towards long term goals.

I had a great discussion with a friend recently about life and who we are.  One issue we talked about was how we looked back at some of the stupid things we did in the past, and days we just unproductively wasted away - days we wish we could have back.  I mentioned to him how when hooked directly into their pleasure center, rats spent all their time pressing the lever – in ways that suggest they were almost incapable of pulling themselves away from it.  We talked about how now, if I feel like spending a whole day playing video games  I ask myself:

Do I really want to play video games ?

Or am I just like those rats?

Am I just pushing my own, artificial pleasure buttons?

• What It Takes to Accomplish Your Dreams by over at Advanced Life Skills
• Staying Motivated to Develop When Business is Going Well over at Aliventures
• F*** Someday over at FindMeFit
• Reboot Your Brain over at Life Design Project

Did you know ... this list of articles is custom generated for you? If you enjoyed this article, you may enjoy these similar articles:

1. Personal Development Roadblocks – “The Situation”
2. Personal Development Roadblocks – Taking Things for Granted
3. The Best Personal Development Books Reading List
4. Will Power: How To Improve Your Personal Self Discipline

© Sid for SidSavara.com, 2009. | Personal Development Roadblocks – Pushing Pleasure Buttons

Do what you love.

Work on projects you believe in.

Be passionate about everything you do – and don’t commit to anything you aren’t prepared to fully throw yourself into.

His philosophy is simple, and I love it because it falls in line with my latest push to let go of some commitments. Before applying it to every decision, though, I want to discuss why Derek Sivers undertook this new philosophy and then consider this – does this philosophy lead us to pass up opportunities we really should be saying “yes” to?

Where It All Began – Why “HELL YEAH” or “no”?

The whole premise of “HELL YEAH” or “no” is Sivers has “taken on too much. Saying yes to less is the way out.”

The specific example he used was three conferences that were going to require 12 days of his time, along with expensive flights and hotel stays.  After initially committing to these conferences, he later realized wasn’t that excited about attending them. My read of his analysis was as follows:

• He had signed up for three conferences and “had said yes to all of them out of habit or obligation” (“yes”). He later realized he was not completely enthusiastic about attending, and that they were going to suck up valuable time and money for him to be there.
• He had another project he was passionate about and really wanted to work on (a “HELL YEAH”)
• He found time for his project by canceling his attendance at said conferences (“no”)

Laid out like this, I agree with his analysis and can see the reasoning behind his actions.

When Is “HELL YEAH” or “no” Appropriate – And When Is It Not?

I think if you’re busy, overwhelmed with commitments and have trouble finding a moment to breathe in your jam-packed day – then I absolutely agree you should ask yourself whether that new project is a HELL YEAH.

If you’ve already got a ton of things going on, there’s no reason to commit to yet another project if you’re not passionate about it – there’s no way you’ll find time for it.

On the other hand, if your time is not being utilized at a high rate, before using HELL YEAH (or a lack thereof) as a determining factor, ask yourself – am I going to do something productive with the time I save by not taking on this project, or is this just a cop out?

You don’t have to say yes to everything that comes your way – but I would at least consider dipping your toes in if you don’t have a better option.

Don’t Write It Off Just Because You Don’t Think It’s A HELL YEAH

I don’t advocate everyone attempting to do everything – but I do think it’s important to choose to live your life.  We do a great disservice to ourselves when we shut out opportunities, just because we assume we would not be interested in them.  I have a number of personal examples, and I’ll share a few.

When I first started running, it wasn’t a HELL YEAH – it was just something I tried out for a couple weeks. Now for years I have run 3-6 times a week and love using it as an excuse to take a break from my computer to go get some air – and inspiration.

When I first started developing software as a hobby, it wasn’t a HELL YEAH – it was just be fooling around with some code and programming. That led to me majoring in Computer Science, earning a Master’s degree in Computer Science, and having a successful career as a software engineer where I’ve met incredibly intelligent people and been part of some amazing projects.

In fact, just about every important hobby in my life from guitar to yoga to weight training started out as something I had a small interest in, and grew into being a part of who I am.

If you want to really consider what might never have been, you might be interested to know that even Steve Wozniak, Steve Job’s cofounder, didn’t initially want to leave HP to start Apple:

“…I told Mike and Steve that I wouldn’t leave HP,” recalls Woz. “My love wasn’t starting a company and making money, it was designing computers and writing software. Things I could do without a company. I loved HP and wanted the greater job security. Steve went into a frenzy and had my relatives and friends call me and convince me that it was OK to start a company and just be an engineer.”

The Flip Side To HELL YEAH – Time For HELL WHY NOT

So, don’t commit to projects when you can’t do them justice – and if you are overwhelmed, then I think a “HELL YEAH” or “no” analysis is the right choice for you.  Until you get to the point where you simply cannot spend even a few moments trying something new, however, I say ask yourself instead:

HELL WHY NOT?

• “Hey, want to meet up for some coffee?” “Oh, well I’m kind of in the middle of some things…HELL WHY NOT, sure I’ll come.”
• “Hey, let’s go check out this band I like.” “It’s really not my thing…HELL WHY NOT it’s just a concert.”

If you don’t have a HELL WHY NOT, maybe it’s time for you to start saying yes.

Even if it is just a meek yes.

Even if it is just a “let’s see where this goes” yes.

You never know what opportunities are passing you by – so grab them when they come your way and see where they take you.

HELL WHY NOT?

Enjoy this article? You should Tweet This and share it with your friends, or feel free to share it however you like using this shortened link: http://tr.im/hellwhynot

PS – What do you think?  Be sure to share your thoughts in the comments too!

Did you know ... this list of articles is custom generated for you? If you enjoyed this article, you may enjoy these similar articles:

1. Persistence – Knocked Off His Stride, But Not Off His Feet
2. Is This The Moment?
3. The Path, The Opportunity, Is Only Here For Today
4. Nerdy Productivity: Covey’s Time Management Matrix Illustrated with XKCD Comics

© Sid for SidSavara.com, 2009. | The Flip Side of “HELL YEAH!” Or No – How About “HELL WHY NOT!”

And she walked off.  I was still numb from the shock.  I hardly ever got sick, and had never had surgery.

This was not the way my Christmas vacation was supposed to begin – yesterday I was at Disneyland!

Two Phone Calls and I’m Out

I called my boss and left him a message saying “Sorry, I won’t be in today – I have to have surgery.”   I called my dad and told him the same thing – he said he would fly out to take care of me, but I told him I was fine and would be ok.  He wasn’t buying it.

They took me upstairs and promptly knocked me out with some anesthetic.  I remember that for about 10 seconds, I felt extremely calm – then I woke up feeling a little groggy, and confused before I remembered where I was.

Oh, right: I’d been sliced open, my appendix was gone and my clothes were somewhere in a plastic bag.

The Surgery is a Success

They told me the surgery went smoothly, and that it was a good thing I had come in when I did (after toughing it out  thinking I had a stomach flu).  So far so good – then the bad news.

• Only liquids for a week
• No physical activities and no carrying anything over 25 pounds for at least a month
• I would be in some pain, and would need pain meds

I mentioned to my surgeon I was in the middle of bodybuilding- bulking up and lifting heavy weights.  He was unsympathetic:

“Not anymore.”

Frustration – Can’t Think, Groggy from Pain Meds

Unfortunately, while I was conscious and felt fine, I was stuck in the hospital for a day to make sure there were no issues.  While I was waiting I asked my roommate to bring some software development books so I could at least make some headway on those.

What I didn’t realize was I felt fine because I was hopped up on all the pain meds they gave me – and as a result, my brain was fuzzy.

So imagine how demoralizing this was -

• I couldn’t go to work, so I was burning vacation days.
• I couldn’t lift weights (doctor’s orders) .
• To top it all off I was unable to do anything mentally productive because of the haze from the pain medication.

It was frustrating.

And only liquids for a week?  Good thing I love chocolate milk.

No Weight Training = Suffering

I used to think the hardest part of weight training was 20 rep squats – and I was be wrong.

The hardest part about weight training is wishing you could lift weights but not being able to.

Lifting weights, yoga and running are a big part of my life – but I never realized how much they meant to me until they were gone.  Those activities define who I am.  Every day I felt a feeling of anxiousness to get back in the gym and workout.

I thought of all the times I had complained about going – how often I had skipped a workout because I felt sore, or because I was lazy, or simply wasting time online.  I wished I could have had all those days back.

My First Day Back At The Gym

I don’t remember all the details of the first day I was able to work out again, but I do remember this – a feeling of relief, happiness – and newfound motivation to make up for lost time and to get more serious about the things I wanted.

A promise to myself to be, as my friend Dragos writes, exceptional.  And I was.

I made more progress working out in those six months than in the three years prior.  I ate perfectly, slept perfectly, never missed a workout and did not eat one cookie that was not planned for in my diet – and it was the happiest I have ever been weight training.  I looked forward to it every day – I was thankful just to be back in the gym.

Stop Taking Things For Granted

I’m sure there are many lessons I could take away from that experience.  You don’t know what you got till it’s gone?  Take the chances you have?  Or perhaps, when you’re in excruciating pain go to the hospital, because it might be appendicitis.

My biggest realization though, was that taking things for granted has stopped me from achieving my goals more than the breaks that never came.  All those years I could have worked out, I could have had laser focus – but I didn’t.  I procrastinated, I wasted time and then only when I lost what I had taken for granted the whole time did I wake up and get serious. I didn’t need a big break – I just needed to take the chance I already had right in front of me.

When I am motivated and fighting towards a goal, it doesn’t matter the obstacles I come across. It doesn’t matter what is standing in my way, or how many times I have to beat against the walls to knock them down – I’ll find a way to get done what needs to be done.

When I am complacent and take my situation for granted however, it doesn’t matter what I have on my side – if I take them all for granted, and don’t act in that moment I can still fail, because one day that moment – and with it, those advantages, those opportunities – will be gone.

Comments?

Any thoughts or comments?  I’ll leave you with one of my favorite quotes from Reclaim Your Dreams by Jonathan Mead, a reminder to me to not take these things for granted:

“We no longer have to toil in farms and factories for the larger part of sunlight.

We have an amazing gift to even have the opportunity to pursue our dreams.

To squander that is a crime against yourself.“

Additional Resources

• Start pages that inspire me to Be Grateful and Value Your Time
• Great article by Alex Blackwell on How To Live Passionately and Not Just Survive
• Jonathan Wells talks about How Focus Defines Our Life over at Advanced Life Skills
• Classic article from Luciano at Litemind on Will Do Lists for your commitments
• Alex Shalman on Finding The Why To Motivate Ourselves
• Cody Mckibb, a guy who really inspires me, remembers a friend in this article, A Reminder Of The Shortness of Life
• One of my favorite articles this week, What Are You Waiting For? by Ali Hale

Enjoy this article? You should Tweet This, or feel free to share it however you like using this shortened link: http://tr.im/granted

Did you know ... this list of articles is custom generated for you? If you enjoyed this article, you may enjoy these similar articles:

1. Personal Development Roadblocks – “The Situation”
2. Personal Development Roadblocks – Pushing Pleasure Buttons
3. The Best Personal Development Books Reading List
4. Will Power: How To Improve Your Personal Self Discipline

© Sid for SidSavara.com, 2009. | Personal Development Roadblocks – Taking Things for Granted

Demotivated.

Uninspired.

Call it what you want, we all know the feeling.  Where my goals are concerned, if needed I  am capable of just working through whatever needs to be done regardless of how I feel.  Wouldn’t it be better though, if I could first get motivated and then get to work?  I think so – I work harder, get more satisfaction out of it, and suspect I am more effective when I am motivated rather than just trying to get through a task.

These strategies for getting motivated aren’t silver bullets – there will absolutely be times where you simply can’t get motivated to do something, and have to do it anyway.  In most cases though, I usually am able to use one of these strategies to break out of a motivational funk.

8 Tips For How To Get Motivated Today

• Find Your Mantra or Slogan. A mantra doesn’t have to be long.  Raam’s mantra is taken from Aristotle you are what you repeatedly do.  Raam expanded on it and gave me permission to post the full thing. I love it -
  

  “Get out and do something. Move. Interact. Explore. Breathe. Take a chance.

  Stop voluntarily wasting your life. Stop complaining and saying you’re bored. It’s your life. Do something with it.

  You are what you repeatedly do.”

  You’ve probably already guessed my mantra if you’ve read the past few articles:  value your time.  Everyone has their own life to live, and I can’t tell your what your mantra is – but I bet you probably already have something in mind.

  If you need some help coming up with your mantra, you can always sign up for free updates to Sidsavara.com and download my free motivational quotes ebook, The Little Book of Big Motivational Quotes.

  
  

• Remember Your Peak Moments. I used to call this being in the zone, but I much prefer the terminology from  Find Your Great Work:  peak moments. These are moments of triumph and they remind me who I am, what I am about – and why I am chasing my unique goals. :
  

  “A peak moment is a time when you felt you were at the top of your game [...] Your Peak Moment connects you with that time when you felt most fulfilled, most stretched, most present[...] a moment of insight where you say: yes this is something to remember, this is a moment of me at my most essential, me at my most authentic and best.”
  – Find Your Great Work

• Do Less. “Make everything count. Whatever you do or keep in your life, make it worthy of keeping. Make it really count.”  - from The Simple Guide to a Minimalist Life, page 8.  I often feel unmotivated when I feel like I am carrying the world on my shoulders, and because of this completing tasks doesn’t actually make me feel good – it just makes me feel anxious and worry “what’s next?”  Simplify. Let go of commitments.  By making room in my day for the things I want to do, I am much more motivated to get started on them – and I don’t worry about a large to-do list that’s waiting for me.
• Nip It In The Bud – Don’t Let The Slump Start.  Often for me it’s the little things that lead to a motivational slump.   It’s skipping one workout to hang out with friends, then two.  By the next week, in the back of my mind I’m already rationalizing why today is a bad day for the gym – there is so much momentum working against me that it’s hard to get started again. Don’t fall into that trap – recognize the activities you do to procrastinate, and nip it in the bud. Take action right away, no matter how small the victory, and use that momentum for further tasks.
• Get Active.  I have only empirical evidence to back this up, but I’ve found that when I’m not exercising, my other goals suffer as well. I’m not sure where in the process the magic is, but there is absolutely some relationship between productivity, running, high-energy workout music and a refreshing shower afterwards. While I don’t understand the interplay between all of them, taking a break and running for half an hour can change my perspective and get me motivated to go again.  In fact, often while I’m running I get inspired, and am tempted to cut my break short to get back to work. (P.S. – the running guy in the picture is Eric Hamm from Motivate Thyself.  Appropriate eh?)
• Remember This Moment Is Precious – And Only Here For Today.  Sometimes when I’m not motivated to do what I know needs to be done, I remind myself that if I waste this opportunity, this one chance, I’ll never get another.  My minutes, hours and days come around one time – and it’s up to me to live the life I want, right now.
• Dream.   I really enjoyed Jonathan’s book Reclaim Your Dreams, and came away from it with renewed motivation to work hard for some of my true long range dreams.  This may just be semantics, but I always feel like the word “dream” is more liberating than “goal.” I enjoy having and day to day focus on my goals – they tend to be concrete, discrete and (for me) more short term.  Dreams remind me why I’m focusing on short term goals – you may have a goal of visiting Australia, but you dream of traveling the world.
• Use My Start Page.  I’m proud to announce today my motivational start page.  I was really excited to finish it, and so if you follow me on FriendFeed or @sidsavara_email you got a preview of it before this was published =).  Thank you for your suggestions, I fixed the formatting.

Further Resources On Motivation

I’ve found a few other resources you may enjoy:

• Using Demotivators Posters to Find Motivation by kikolani
• Passion Maintenance: Keep Your Drive Alive by Eric Hamm of Motivate Thyself
• How to Turn Enthusiasm Into Action by Ali Hale of Aliventures

Books

• The Essential Motivation Handbook by Eric Hamm and Leo Babauta
• Find Your Great Work by Michael Bungay Stanier
• Reclaim Your Dreams by Jonathan Mead
• The Greatest Salesman in The World by Og Mandino (brief synopsis in my article about the best personal development books)

Your Thoughts?

I’ve been enjoying everyone’s comments on the past few articles – both here, on Twitter and in personal emails. I’ve love to hear what you’ve got to say.

Enjoy this article? You should Tweet This, or feel free to share it however you like using this shortened link: http://tr.im/getmotivated

Did you know ... this list of articles is custom generated for you? If you enjoyed this article, you may enjoy these similar articles:

1. Stop Wasting Time Online! Tips and Start Pages To Improve Concentration Online

© Sid for SidSavara.com, 2009. | How To Get Motivated – 8 Tips to Break Your Motivational Funk