Today I received this picture from a friend and I found it very apropros to where I'm at right now.

Dreams are what keep us alive.

I'm still a goldfish, but I'm looking out at the great sea we call life and pondering what could be.  These are likely waters filled with more turbulence and danger than my current fish bowl, but there's also a life to be had out there that I'll never know until I jump out out my current safe spot.

There will be more coming from me this week, but for now I'll just say that this was a day where I paused in wrestling with the "Why?" of my disability and, instead, began to ponder "Now what?"  I was created the way I was for a reason (apparently) and now I've got to figure out how to help others within that.  In other words, how do I live out of my story more?

I can't say I won't go back to asking "Why?" tomorrow.  But today was a blessing and I got to catch a glimpse of the ocean on the horizon and it made me want to swim.

Indeed, mom, it was Jonah who didn't want to go to Ninevah -- not Noah.  Noah was the one that built the ark, huh?  Both stories involved water and their names share four letters of the alphabet.  A very weak defense, I know.

Thanks for the correction.  Love ya, Mom!

(The correction has been made in the previous post.)

-- 2 Corinthians 12:9-10

Over the past couple weeks I've been exploring what it means to be a goldfish when others around us have come to believe we might just as well be a shark.  Oh, what a difference it makes to see below the surface!

My disability, though, often makes me feel like a goldfish and I've spent some time thinking about the ways that I get through those moments, days or weeks where I feel totally inadequate.  Tonight I want to take a look at why I think weakness is actually the sign of strength within my faith tradition.

This concept turns everything we believe on its head - especially from our Western, logical perspective.  What you see?  The opposite is true.  The poor are rich.  The foolish are wise.  And, the weak are strong.

It's one thing to believe this theoretically, but another to understand it within your soul.  To experience it in your day-to-day, to truly discover the joy of weakness.  This happened to me a couple of weeks ago in speaking at a Catholic school up in Mountlake Terrace.

A friend of mine who teaches Kindergarten at the school invited me to come speak to 125 to 150 kids, ranging in age from pre-K though 8th grade.  Honestly, I was terrified heading into it!  I kept telling God that some other setting would have been preferred for my first time speaking in public - a college classroom, a Sunday school class, etc.  Anywhere I could use my intellect and humor -- things I couldn't really employ with younger kids.  Plus, I knew young kids would ask the darnedest things! They just have no shame.

But, the kids were exceptionally gracious and they seemed amazed by me.  Maybe God realized I needed an easier audience to start with!  Overall, I walked away feeling like I was on a roller coaster -- having no sense of control, not seeing where I was headed, but loving the ride.  I drove away from the school that day with a sense of joy that I haven't felt much of as of late.  It was a feeling that was so different than Christmas "joy" or "joy" to the world -- at least in how I think of it.  I felt alive, desirous and humbled all at the same time.

In summary, I needed God to be what I couldn't be -- and He met me in that.  The best part of the joy I felt that day was that it wasn't me who had done some great thing.  Granted, my talents and abilities were put to use in my visit to the school.  But, in my sense of weakness God was able to be the strong one.

This story is true in Moses asking God to choose Aaron.  In Jonah not wanting to go Ninevah.  Even in Jesus asking that the burden of the Cross be lifted from Him.

When we say we're scared, incapable or not wanting to take that next step -- that is where God steps in to meet us.  Meets us in order to be everything we can't be.  Everything that's opposite of our abilities.

1 Corinthians 1:19-31

¹⁹For it is written:

“I will destroy the wisdom of the wise;
the intelligence of the intelligent I will frustrate.”

²⁰ Where is the wise person? Where is the teacher of the law? Where is the philosopher of this age? Has not God made foolish the wisdom of the world? ²¹ For since in the wisdom of God the world through its wisdom did not know him, God was pleased through the foolishness of what was preached to save those who believe. ²² Jews demand signs and Greeks look for wisdom, ²³ but we preach Christ crucified: a stumbling block to Jews and foolishness to Gentiles, ²⁴ but to those whom God has called, both Jews and Greeks, Christ the power of God and the wisdom of God. ²⁵ For the foolishness of God is wiser than human wisdom, and the weakness of God is stronger than human strength.

²⁶ Brothers and sisters, think of what you were when you were called. Not many of you were wise by human standards; not many were influential; not many were of noble birth. ²⁷ But God chose the foolish things of the world to shame the wise; God chose the weak things of the world to shame the strong. ²⁸ God chose the lowly things of this world and the despised things—and the things that are not—to nullify the things that are, ²⁹ so that no one may boast before him. ³⁰ It is because of him that you are in Christ Jesus, who has become for us wisdom from God—that is, our righteousness, holiness and redemption. ³¹ Therefore, as it is written: “Let the one who boasts boast in the Lord.”