SikhNet Discussion Forum Connect and discuss issues related to the Sikh Community 2012-05-28T05:55:51-06:00 http://www.sikhnet.com/discussion/feed.php 2012-05-28T05:55:51-06:00 http://www.sikhnet.com/discussion/viewtopic.php?t=6253&p=32837#p32837 <![CDATA[Questions and Answers • Re: sikhi to the max 2]]> Waheguru ji ki fateh

Don't use STTM 2 so can't help with that.

But you can try

http://www.sikhitothemax.com/search.asp?spicy=1

http://searchgurbani.com/

[Gurbani Search is enabled to search Sri Guru Granth Sahib Ji , Amrit Keertan Gutka, Vaaran Bhai Gurdas and Sri Dasam Granth Sahib. New Search option "First Letter Start" searches for verses beginning with the "first alphabet of the words in the verse in sequence" , it is very important search option in searching for a Gurbani . Searching for Verse line" pootha maaata ki aseess", the search keyword would be "pmka", the 2 options 1.Begining of Verse 2 Anywhere in the verse.]

Waheguru ji ka khalsa
Waheguru ji ki fateh
]]> 2012-05-28T05:48:49-06:00 http://www.sikhnet.com/discussion/viewtopic.php?t=463&p=32836#p32836 <![CDATA[Questions and Answers • Re: ~ arranged/love marriage ~]]>
Jyoti1982 wrote:
I lived in India (Punjab of all places) for 10 years before moving to New York and I've seen things that have taught me lessons to last a lifetime. I am not saying all women in India are abused and I agree that it is not as bad as it may have been in the past. This is why I continue to state that I am glad to see things are changing with more women being educated and being able to understand for themselves what is best for them.
Nihal Singh - For some reason, you seem to continuously miss this statement.

If you listen to or watch a 24/7 Indian newschannel, about half the news is about women and young girls getting raped, abused, or murdered. If this is the amount that is being reported, I can't imagine the number of news not being reported. Again, I understand that things are improving and I hope that they will continue to improve as more women learn to think and provide for themselves.



You lived in India for only 10 yrs. how much of maturity does one get in the first 10 yrs of their life to really understand what's happening in the country as a whole ?

Anyone relying on a 24/7 Indian new channel to get a idea of what's happening in India really needs to wake up, a 24/7 New channel main purpose is to sensationalize news, one time they showed a dog and snake fighting as breaking news (spent a day marketing that news as breaking news for tomorrow). My brother was being interviewed for something , they refused to show it coz he sensationalize or exaggerate the issue(the reporter was constantly asking him to do so)

Concept of arranged marriage working more than love marriages is not rocket science, people look for compatibility , not just in 2 ppl but also in the families, couples enter the marriage with a view and commitment to make it work, they don't get into marriage coz their partner has promised them stars or that their infatuation doesn't allow them to see things clearly.

Some ppl nowadays have a tendency of writing off anything traditional without understanding its purpose and evaluating its relevance,doing that is nothing less than an ignorant traditionalist who writes off anything remotely modern

-Nihal
]]> 2012-05-28T05:45:59-06:00 http://www.sikhnet.com/discussion/viewtopic.php?t=6250&p=32835#p32835 <![CDATA[Relationships • Re: Helpless]]>
Find a counselor of Indian or punjabi origin.

Religion is one part of your problem.
Obviously there are cultural, economical and educational differences between both families.

Honestly all the parties are to blame.

Why didn't he take consent of his parents before marriage ?

After taking an independent decision why is he still acting like mama's boy ?

How could you or your parents agree to marriage without meeting his family ?

They might be Fraud's, who scam people.

Frankly the onus lies upon him to salvage the situation.
]]> 2012-05-28T05:23:42-06:00 http://www.sikhnet.com/discussion/viewtopic.php?t=6212&p=32834#p32834 <![CDATA[Sikhi Discussion • Re: Question about Cleaning]]>
Like I said before, we should do everything to preserve SGGS respectfully and treat SGGS as a living Guru.

Sukhasan and Prakash, both have a spiritual purpose, you start your day with spiritual guidance from SGGS and end the day thanking your guru.

Carrying SGGS on the head is a mark of respect it also assists in focusing your mind to be careful while carrying the Guru, careless\casual carrying carries the additional risk of dropping the Guru and harming the pages.

Temperature controlled, clean room are best practices to maintain and preserve any book or document, so its acceptable to have a separate temperature controlled room for Shabad Guru

Fanning the Guru ,I think traditionally before the advent of fans, AC etc , Guru was fanned so that mosquitoes and flies do not sit on the guru and the Granthi is not irritated by the buzz of the flies, The tradition may hold some values in some places.

I fail to understand how washing with floor with milk is a form of respect, I would have thought in the olden days it would have attracted more flies, thereby defeating the purpose of cleaning. I am trying to understand what purpose it serves now or the purpose it served in olden days to establish if it should be stopped or continued.


-Nihal
]]> 2012-05-28T05:00:00-06:00 http://www.sikhnet.com/discussion/viewtopic.php?t=6248&p=32833#p32833 <![CDATA[Questions and Answers • Re: I am Ungrateful as My Mind Always Thinks of Maya]]>
Try watching the movie 'Eat, Pray Love'

Will help you a lot.
]]> 2012-05-28T04:50:18-06:00 http://www.sikhnet.com/discussion/viewtopic.php?t=6250&p=32832#p32832 <![CDATA[Relationships • Re: Helpless]]>
What you are facing is not a North v/s South or Sikh v/s Non Sikh issue, don't make it that and get diverted from the real thing.

Him not telling his parents, taking money from yours for studies, should tell you a lot about his personality, so how he is behaving now shouldn't come as a surprise to you.

On top of that from what you have posted it seems the guy is in between his parents on one side and his wife and her family on the other side, I don't see you thinking as a couple and both your parents on either side, it comes across as you supporting your family and alienating\cornering him, in such situations with his personality its healthier if the couple doesn't take any sides.

For all intensions and purposes you are married, the issue is just to have the process formalized, take every effort to drive him this point to both your families (including yours), Its not like you are not married, just that you both are having a traditional wedding.

There is generally a relative from both families who act as middle man to iron out these issues, try and find a educated relative from your family who can take the initiative, similarly he can find one from his side, They both can get together and sort it out.


*** Other Details ***

(Traditionally in Middle class Sikh families, where Groom and Bride are from middle class families)

A typical Sikh Punjabi wedding doesn't involve gold as much as it does in south Indian weddings, no where close to what it does in South Indian weddings, in Sikh weddings bride parents give the groom a Gold kada, sometimes a watch as well.

The bride gets jewellery (generally 1 set) and clothes from her parents (that depends on how much her parents want to give). The groom parents also give the bride jewellery (generally 1 set) and clothes

For Clothes,
a) Grooms Reception clothes
b) There is generally 1 suit, 1 pugg , per close relative couple, and those suits generally go from one marriage to other (ppl don't generally get them stitched),
c) Milni (meeting of both families before marriage), pugg and kambal, for grooms close relative (like father brother, Brother in law) and pugg for others , its generally whatever suits both the parties.

Traditionally if anything is "asked" then its considered Dowry (I agree even the above is considered dowry but that's the tradition I have witnessed uptill now) .

-Nihal
]]> 2012-05-28T03:13:52-06:00 http://www.sikhnet.com/discussion/viewtopic.php?t=3808&p=32831#p32831 <![CDATA[Questions and Answers • Re: Is Kundalini mandatory for a Sikh?]]>
you have been given a terribly wrong advise ! this question is inherently wrong . Its akin to asking - 'Is namaaz mandatory for a hindu ?' Or say " is bathing in ganga mandatory for a mohammedean?".
So the point i am trying to convey is kundalini and all such stuff are as irrelevent to a sikh. As a sikh your only worship/ religious practice is to read , contemplate gurbani , remember the name of 'waheguru' every moment of your day whenever it is possible , read sikh history (which will give you the correct information about sikhi so that such confusions dont bother you).

Asso , you will find various terms associated with Hinduism , islam , Jainism and buddhism etc occuring in gurbani e.g. Namaz, vrat , neoli karam etc. This does not mean that these are prescribed for a sikh. In fact the message is exactly opposite- stay away from these things and perform only simran , sewa and gurbani. Dont bother how many around you try to mislead you. Read yourself and get acquainted with sikhi.

Moderator Note: This question is same as asking, ‘Is broccoli mandatory for a Sikh?’ ‘Are white clothes mandatory?’ or ‘Is aspirin mandatory for a Sikh?’ The answer is no. Such practices do not represent the Sikh path. Avoid making statements like “stay away” from practices that could be good for someone’s mental physical (and thus, spiritual) health. Please avoid putting others down, or we will have to close this topic.
]]> 2012-05-27T21:22:24-06:00 http://www.sikhnet.com/discussion/viewtopic.php?t=6253&p=32830#p32830 <![CDATA[Questions and Answers • sikhi to the max 2]]>
Thanks
Waheguru Ji ki fateh waheguru Ji ka khalsa
]]> 2012-05-27T19:52:23-06:00 http://www.sikhnet.com/discussion/viewtopic.php?t=6252&p=32829#p32829 <![CDATA[Questions and Answers • Questions about becoming Sikh...]]>
Would I be accepted into the Sikh faith, or seen as a 'wannabe' or 'fake'? Can non Indians (white) become Sikhs and be accepted?

I guess where I need advice is where to begin! I have read much of the Sri Guru Granth Sahib (English translation) and I have the Banis downloaded. I guess I need advice on the daily practice. What do I recite and when? I have an app for my iPhone that has the Banis and lists the morning and evening ones... but there are a bunch of others in there as well, so I don't know when those would be recited, on what occasions etc. Oh and what is acceptable head covering for reciting Banis?

I would go to a Gurdwara to meet Sikhs who I can learn from, however there is not a large Sikh community here...
]]> 2012-05-27T17:53:38-06:00 http://www.sikhnet.com/discussion/viewtopic.php?t=6250&p=32827#p32827 <![CDATA[Relationships • Helpless]]> I should specify that i met my sikh partner as he worked in the south, we fell in love, and my parents adored him, we dated for a year and then wanted to pursue our studies further, my father agreed to send me here as he trusted my partner and had accepted that we would be married once we both settled down.
I and my partner both came out here to study and i finished my degree first as it was a shorter course. The background is that me and and my partner are already married, we got married 2 years ago after coming here as i needed help with my visa and he financial assistance to finish his degree, so i helped out with half his uni fees - we did this as it was the only way, we didn't want to get into more bank loans, and moreover it was our decision to come out here. I told my parents and they thought about it and always felt we were eventually going to get married and agreed. He told my father that his parents are very traditional and that he did not want to tell them to upset them as they would take it in the wrong way, he said he would tell his brother which he never did.

We now both hold stable jobs and are well settled and our parents wanted to get us married. His parents never met me, apart from his brother, yet they were happy to have their son marry me.

Now we wanted to get officially married and everything was going well, but his parents are very traditional they want us to have a typical sikh/punjabi wedding.. with us giving them gold, clothes, and they want to have the wedding in the north, they weren't offering to even put us up or look after our accommodation.. this was putting a toll on my father as we had to spend on travel, accommodation, host our own relatives there, plus host the wedding ourselves, they don't believe they should pay for anything apart from what they give me as this is how their relatives see it to be.
My Dad eventually said he could not do everything himself and offered to host the wedding in the south (which is tradition isn't it for the boys side to come to the girls side?) We offered them that we would conduct the whole wedding even take care of their accommodation and my dad said they could bring 20 -30 people down and after the wedding, they could conduct a reception for their guests as well in Punjab. This did not sit well with them and they kept pushing us to do it their way.
This put alot of pressure on our relationship and thus my partner decided on his own without talking to me about it to tell his folks that we're already married. Now they are extremely disappointed with him and say that they will agree to the marriage as long as we follow each and every tradition, else we have to divorce. The problem is when they asked him why he got married he didn't have an answer and still doesn't know what to tell them, i have offered him more support, love and understanding and so has my family, i have offered to help him with this and mend his relationship with them, but he doesn't do anything, it's been almost a month now, and my parents are worried about me, they trusted my partner from the very beginning, and they feel he needs to make a decision now and make his parents understand - why we got married- and that we can't do this whole gold thing.

My partner is Sikh and his parents are very traditional and are demanding gold to be given to the mother, father, sister, sis in law brother and uncle, we are able to give gold to my partner and no more. His mom is also asking that we give 8- 10 suits each to about 7 women in their family.. each suit should cost upwards of 2- 3 thousand rupees. My parents are happy to give one suit each as a token of appreciation, isn't that what shagun means?

I believe weddings are to be two people coming together and everyone celebrating their love and sharing in it, i feel like this is a business deal. I am well educated and still work and earn almost as much as my partner does.

I find this to be a form of dowry and after having been with my partner for over 5 years i am stunned at his family's insistence, they now want him to chose between me and them just over this whole gold issue. They are more concerned with their position in society and don't care about what my family believes in. My family agreed to host the entire wedding but wanted to do it in the south as it's more feasible and economical for us, and we wanted to have one reception in Punjab and one down south, we agreed to a gurudwara wedding, agreed to give my partner a gold kada, chain and ring.
At this point, i have tried reaching out to him, and i am tired of trying and being ignored and disrespected. He keeps saying he doesn't know what to do, i have asked him to talk to his friends or other elders that will surely offer us some advice, but he does nothing. I have given this relationship everything, i believe in talking things out and finding a solution. I don't know what to do now, i am emotionally drained and i can't work properly and haven't spoken to my own family in days.
I feel that this is a wedding and people are meant to come together and be happy and put their differences aside and i believe that loving both your parents and in laws are more important than what society dictates and what a girls side gives the boys side.
The issue is that our families are from 2 separate worlds - different thinking styles, different beliefs. I am under so much pressure from my family as well, as they feel that they have trusted my partner wholeheartedly, sent their daughter here, supported us through everything and now feel that they made a mistake and are feeling helpless.
I would appreciate any advice as i really am at breaking point.
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