Silicon Valley Moms Blog

Silicon Valley Moms Group Acquired By Technorati Media

2010-11-15T16:34:30-08:00

Reports of our demise, as the saying goes, were premature. The Silicon Valley Moms Group of sister sites is taking up residence in a new location. Look for that great timely, opinionated, poignant, and sometimes just plain funny parenting content you're used to seeing on this site over at The Women's Channel at Technorati. After 6 great years of blogging here, we've moved to a new home.

Fondly,

Jill Asher, Beth Blecherman & Tekla Nee

Co-Founders, Silicon Valley Moms Group

5 Stages of Grief: Saying goodbye to SVMoms

2010-07-06T02:17:00-07:00

by Angela O.

Perhaps you’ve heard of Dr. Kubler-Ross ’s five stages of grief, a framework for helping patients with terminal illnesses understand the psychology of dealing with death. While coming to terms with the end of the Silicon Valley Mom’s Group isn’t even near the same ballpark, much less in it, by looking askance at this framework I thought maybe I could find a new way to process my feelings of grief and loss. (Lest you think I’m being mean, or that I’ve really gone off the deep end, the following psychological break-down is tongue-in-cheek.) It went something like this:

1. Denial Nope. Not happening. This is NOT ending. Management team members, I’m going to sleep on your doorsteps until you admit that this is a joke. You’re just trying to get rid of the rif-raff, right? I mean, please, 400+ writers?!? Who could possibly handle that many bloggers without going insane? No, no, no. Someone is going to swoop in and take over. There are just too many ‘net-savvy parents on this site to think that none of them would be willing to buy you out and save us all. I’m sticking around and you’re not getting rid of me. I can wait out the coup d’etat. So there.

2. Anger Really? Have you Founding Mothers slipped on your kids’ iPods and hit your heads? After all these years, all this time and energy and expense--not just yours, but your contributing writers’, after all the momentum, great press, and positive feedback you’ve garnered, you’re going to just drop SVMomsGroup like an over-heated Dell laptop? You have some serious sass thinking you can boot us all out like this. And-anothuh-thing. What about our old posts, hunh? Are we high-and-dry there, too? Are you just going to close down and that’s it? THIS SUCKS!

3. Bargaining Okay, okay. I get it. You all have a lot on your plates. Maybe there’s more going on here than any of us contributors are privy to. But pleeeese, please-please-please, pretty-please-with-sugar-on-top, won’t you move Heaven and Earth for us? We love you, we love the site, we love each other; we just can’t lose what we’ve built, here. I saw your email--I know now ALL of the posts will stay up as an archive. But I double-pinkie-promise to write twice a week if you’ll keep SVMoms active! I bet I could get us all to swear to it, if you’d just find a way. See? I’m still laying here on your doorstep, see? Hi, yes, that’s me, tearfully waving through the little window in your front door. Oh--sorry. That noise that woke your kids was my, er, Magic 8-Ball…I dropped it when my rosary got tangled up in my, uh, Buddhist prayer beads... Sorry. I’ll... Yeah. I’ll just, um, go back to my--my car now.

(If I leave you alone, will you reconsider then? Pleeeese??

4. Depression I received your second message just now (thank you) and I get it, I really do get it. You tried, I know you did.

But I can't take this.

So I’m texting you from my car. No, I haven't left your house, yet. I’m crying too hard to drive. How can I ever write anything other than a text message again? It’s hopeless. I can’t put fingers to keys when I know I have to go back to writing all by myself for my three random readers, with 56-second-long page views and an 85% bounce rate...

You know, mostly? I’m just scared. I suddenly have to navigate the blogosphere all on my own again and it's a scary place, out there! There are so many things I still don’t understand about the nuts and bolts of this process, like exactly how does a feed burner work, and how do you keep your posts from being hijacked by those sites that repost your stuff without asking (or telling) you? Who will answer my HTML coding questions or remind me when I need to check my 6 and change something critical in the text so as not to offend, frighten, or freak out my mother? What the heck am I going to do now? Who am I going to turn to in my hour(s) of need?

Writing is so damned lonely without the mom and dad bloggers by my digital side. They make me feel special, make me belly-laugh and weep in sorrow and in joy, make me think hard about life and parenting and--

And there will never again be a group this amazing, an organizational team this dedicated, a platform growing this fast that could one day--

Oh, heck. What’s the point. Life will never be the same.

5. Acceptance ...Okay. Okay, I know. No, I do. Really. SVMoms is over.

I can admit that, now. As I can admit the great pride I hold in my heart for having joined, even for one brief year, this community of writers, readers, commenters and dedicated team members.

My little patch of this colorful quilt of personalities was threadbare and tired before it was given new life, held together by the seams that surrounded it. And, although I still feel sometimes like I am unraveling, I will never, ever forget where and when I discovered that I really do belong in Silicon Valley...and that I really can be the writer I always dreamed I could be.

*Sigh* I’m back home now, staring at my computer, again. On the SVMomsGroup internal message board are offers for writers looking to sign on with both new and growing ventures. It may even be that this splintering off allows the brave and enterprising to boldly go where they might otherwise have never gone, creating whole new genres, master-minding all new adventures. Maybe I’ll get to be a part of more than one of them, if I work hard enough.

In a strange way, I feel like a young adult again, out on my own for the first time and without a safety net: scared, excited, bewildered...and free.

My friends, it was one helluva run, while it lasted. I'm indebted to you all--especially you, dear readers. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

And good night.

As Angela O., this is my final original post to the Silicon Valley Mom's Blog. You can still find me at A World of Words, From Basic Training To Black Sash, and on Twitter: @AngelOrr Thank you for being here with me. I hope to find you again along the road ahead!

Packing Up (for Vacation and) My SVMOMS Blogs

2010-07-05T15:12:59-07:00

It's the end of an era - I'm packing up for vacation, and at the same time this is my last blog EVER as a contributing writer to the Silicon Valley Moms Blog. It's not my last blog because I'm packing up and leaving the team. Au contraire. It's due to the startling announcement from the SVMOMS executive board that they have decided to "end this journey as a company and as a mom blogging community".

When I received news from co-founder Jill, along with the rest of the writers for this wonderful national blog, I was startled. I've enjoyed blogging for them for the past year and a half. So much of my heart is poured into each entry; my blogs are pieces of my soul captured in writing. Hearing this news is like a death - of everyone's heartfelt, amusing, entertaining, educational and sometimes bitter, but always honest essays about life as a parent. It provides a release to put meaning to our lives in these regular blogs. They are all tid bits about life, observations, memories.

Now, all of our blog posts will be preserved in the blogosphere; packed up like a time capsule, to be read for all Internet eternity. Or when someone pulls the life out of our blog posts, whichever comes first.

I am packing up copies of my posts so I have them preserved for my children. These are my journal entries about my past year and a half as a parent. I've packed them neatly into chronological order, into a nice MS-Word document, and tucked it away into a folder in case SVMOMS ever gets lost in Internet time travel.

And as I do this I also pack my clothes and travel items as we get ready for vacation. I'll be away when Silicon Valley Moms Blog official shuts down. The last post will be uploaded and release on July 1st from someone's laptop onto a server that houses svmoms.com - and then all of our blogs will be tucked away, but hopefully read, by moms from all walks of life. Four years and thousands of blogs ready to set sail.

And like the sadness you have at the end of a great vacation where you bid adieu to newly forged friendships or ancient ties with life long pals, I tip my hat to all of the wonderful moms and dads who have helped widen my view on life and enriched my soul with their take on life. Like capturing a lightening bug in the cup of your hands, each of us has captured some of life's amazing moments forever on Silicon Valley Moms Blog.

Adieu my fellow bloggers, until we meet again.

This is Tina Case's last blog on SVMOMS, but she hopes to return in the next reincarnation wherever and whenever that may be. Please stay in touch with Tina and her blogging and business friend Sidney on www.parentgrapevine.blogspot.com and www.gotogals.blogspot.com. Our businesses can also be found on www.picturethisfundraising.com and www.case-rust-photography.blogspot.com.

Family Vacation

2010-07-02T02:42:00-07:00

It is hard to believe that school is but a memory. The temperatures have quickly elevated such that I lie on top of the bedspread instead of snuggled beneath the covers. My nightly ritual of watching dandy shows like Toddlers & Tiaras and Wipeout with my kids is now done with the "big window" wide open, with the drapes pushed aside to allow maximum breeze. I sleep in. In fact, my husband will tell you that I sleep waaaaay in, now that I don't have to drive the kids to before-school Spanish lessons at 7:30am.

The one thing that isn't on our summer slate is a family vacation. Why? Well, we didn't procrastinate: the very same day school let out, we took off for the Mouse House. Sure, the kids were tired, but we all know that even the thought of vacation sends us all into alternating emotional states of panic, excitement, fear, and exhaustion. So why not just jump right in?

No surprise, the kids melted on the second day of our trip. But with a well-timed nap back at our hotel room, we were then able to party the rest of the evening with no problems. We decided not to "push it" and instead let our moods and desires dictate the pace instead of what the textbook description of "a trip to that place in Southern California" might read.

We enjoyed ourselves fully, but of course every vacation must come to an end. After all, Husband and I had to play "catch up" at work, and the kids needed some rest after their whirlwind of "end of school" activities turned into watching fireworks, eating mouse-shaped ice-cream sandwiches, and fighting Darth Vader.

Upon returning to the "real world" I soon learned that our community here at SV Moms is shutting down. I couldn't help drawing a parallel between how I wish I could have stayed in Fantasyland forever, and how things such as SV Moms eventually come to a close. I know it isn't realistic for things to stay the same forever, but change sometimes hurts a great deal.

As my kids lamented having to leave the giant waterpark at LegoLand in Carlsbad, CA, I informed them that there are at least two waterparks relatively close to our house, neither of which we've actually visited. We're lucky here in Northern California to have several amusement parks, many museums, and plenty of destinations for family fun, many of which tourists specifically travel to the San Francisco Bay Area to experience! Likewise, there are other online communities, blogs, forums, and ways to interact with our friends beyond SV Moms.Our friendships will not simply disappear.

I'm guessing that had we not gone to the waterpark down in Southern California, we may not be considering the one just down the street. What is in front of us sometimes takes a different angle to see. And should we have stayed down in Southern California for many more days visiting theme parks, our magical experience may not have been so special because we would have ended up too exhausted, and too far behind on our responsibilities. As it stands now, we have pleasant memories of SV Moms Group, and can look towards new opportunities.

Finally, as much as I am enjoying sleeping in and not having to "assist" with homework, I expect that I'll be eager to get rid of the kids come September (or perhaps much earlier!) when I'll want more time alone to get work done or have my own appointments. Summer is terrific, and family vacations are a treat, but change is needed to keep us fresh, challenged, and "present" in life.

Sure, the SV Moms Group wasn't exactly a "vacation," but the time I spent as part of this community was definitely special. While I am sorry to see it go, I understand the rationale and look toward the future optimistically. Thanks to all for making my time here an adventure!

---

Original SV Moms post - Kari can be found at The Karianna Spectrum, and will look forward to "meeting" you all elsewhere online.

I'm Not Dumb...I want Respect!

2010-07-01T09:47:30-07:00

I really, really wanted to have my last post at SV Moms be a super sugary sweet look back at my time here. I was hoping to touch on the good, the bad and the ugly. I wanted to embrace, enjoy and feel the Mommy Blogger love I have sort of evaded my entire blogging career. But, then the hand of God......er, my right hand while I was watching The Daily Show I checked my blackberry and I read this article on Blogher. These days, I do more reading and less commenting - but um, well I feel the need to comment on this one. I sort of think this is my last swan song to everyone, you can all thank me (or stone me) later.

If you did click on over and read the Blogher post you might know where this is going, or if you are too lazy then let me help ya out and catch you up to speed. Robert Pattinson of the Twilight series.....hold on I am blushing, and let me catch my breath and remind myself I am 40 and he is....ewwww, okay I am back. While speaking to Entertainment Weekly for his upcoming Eclipse cover story, Robert Pattinson made a comment about Kristen Stewart’s comments last month, where she compared the paparazzi to rapists (totally gross statement, I agree - but not what I am here to discuss). While Kristen saw the error in her statement and she even apologized for it, Edward, eek I mean Robert Pattinson made a statement about the comment; “That whole system of Internet journalists, where no one is called to account, is almost entirely about hate,” he said “All these people get away with doing it because they have no responsibility to anyone… there are so many little nerds behind their computers, on their little blogs.”

I re-read the Blogher blog post a number of times, then I did a google search on the whole article. The one comment from the Blogher blog post that struck me was this one, "But that's not really the most important point to make about those 'little blogs.' End of the day, who cares if Twilight had never become the phenomenon it did and if you'd never moved on from small roles in big films or big roles in forgettable films? The world would not - forgive me Twilight moms - be poorer for your absence as a movie star. But you know what? It would be poorer without all those little blogs. Because those little blogs contain some of the best writing from the best writers writing today (all those little nerds are literate and poetic, and they are storytellers of a quality that matches or exceeds that of the creator of your Edward.)" Uh, uh, OUCH! Was that necessary? My initial response was....um when did he call out Mommy Bloggers? He said you were nerds, not bad writers...and uh no offense some of the blogs out there are bad, as bad as some of his films, okay?

And since when did bloggers make him who he was today? My gosh, I get that we (not really me, but the rest of you movers & shaker bloggers) really rock the blogging world, but Hollywood....come on now! Ladies, ladies - let's not get our super comfortable extra elastic panties in a bunch...he is um 20 something and defending his lady. And he said "nerds with computers"....uh duh - he is sort of right, isn't he? Don't fight it....own it! I am more of the um he is so not looking at me. Get with it people, stop being so self-absorbed.

I do not recall the same fury, hatred and anger towards Mr. Steve Jobs earlier this month when he said something similar at The Wall Street Journal's All Things Digital, "I don't want to see us descend into a nation of bloggers," Mr. Jobs said during an on stage interview. "I think we need editorial oversight now more than ever. Anything we can do to help Newspapers find new ways of expression that will help them get paid, I am all for." Yes I blog, and I suppose I should have been offended, but I was not.

There are a gazillion blogs out there right now. Yesterday on CNN there was even two bloggers that told us how to get our blog popular. Uh.....okay, I guess that sounds great, but I sort of have a social life - you know that life where we interact with real human beings? You remember who those people are? I love blogging, I love writing a blog, but I am not willing to go all "Motrin Mom" on everyone because of some stupid (ya I said it) advertisement about cramps and headaches (please do not make me go there....the commercial was dumb, end of story). I can already hear Seth Meyers of SNL in my head, going "This is our new segment titled, "Mommy Bloggers....Really??"

I don't mean to kick a girl (Mom) while she is down, but just 'cause your blog is super popular, and at Blogher you get to sit at the popular table....it does not mean that Mr. Pattinson knows who you are. Nor, does it mean he was looking at you, or any of your blogging friends. He is an actor, and I am guessing does not read blogs - let alone Mommy Blogs. He never ever said Mommy or even female bloggers. Why must people assume he means us, you, me? I do not read some article about blogging and think, "Oh my gosh they are talking to me....I must have my dress tucked into my underwear? Or they know I am lacking with comments....Must.Write.Evil. Angry. Comeback."

One of my favorite trilogies was the Godfather series (you thought I was going to say Lord of the Rings right? Gotcha - I am not a nerd with a laptop though....). I even wrote a paper in college about it and got an A- thank you very much. I always loved Fredo's speech at the end of Godfather II, it is a classic, and I think relative to some blogger's view of themselves, "...It wasn't the way I wanted it! I can handle things. I'm not dumb Christ, not like everyone says. I'm smart; and I want respect!" This is how I see some bloggers, they so want to be considered part of the game...but they are just Fredo. Hell, I am Fredo. On the sidelines, running a few casinos here and there, but not the family. They have no say in what the family (that would be Hollywood) does.

Sadly this is Jamie's last post at SV Moms. You can still find her blogging at JPD Mom where she goes on and on about how hard it is to run a business and raise a family.

Desperately teaching my kids how to lose

2010-06-30T09:44:04-07:00

Okay, how many of you have this problem? My kids HATE to lose! Mention any competitive game in which there's a winner or a loser and they run for the hills! Connect Four, Candyland, Wii... it matters not! My husband and I are devotees of Stanford psychologist Carol Dweck's finding that you praise for effort, not results. It changed our parenting when we read the New York Magazine article. Praising for skill or innate ability only leads to fear of failure, and hence, actual failure. Praising fo effort leads to increased effort, and hence, eventual success. We actually practice what she preaches! You rarely catch us saying "Yay, you got so many blue ribbons"! We try to say, "Wow, you worked really hard"!

Obviously, nature sometimes doesn't want to conform to nurture. I tried to be supportive and encourage, but not "force" them into competitive situations. Well that's changing. The last straw came for me though when my 7-year old daughter accused her 5-year old cousin of cheating when the cousin beat her in a Wii game. My daughter claimed she wasn't ready and that her cousin started "early." Well, sorry honey, but you had to click the "A" button to start the game!

So here's my radical and probably controversial new approach... no, new edict! We must play a competitive game everyday, no exceptions, no complaints and no tears! I have my 7-year old and 4.5-year old go against each other... there will be a winner and a loser. The loser must say "congratulations" to the winner, and the winner must say "thanks, good game" to the loser. Until they can come up with their own gracious statements, they can stick to the script. I appraise both for their efforts and give them stickers in they were good sports. If there's any crying, whining or tantrums... they lose play privileges.

So far so good, well, as good as can be expected. There were tears on each side in a soccer match as each faced the prospect of losing, but in the end they finished in a close game and wore smiles on their faces (small smiles, but i'll take them)! They know that Mom and Dad don't care if they win or lose, just that they tried their best and are gracious either way. But hopefully someday, they'll understand. For now, will it be Scrabble or Bingo today?

This is an original Silicon Valley Moms Blog post.

Original Silicon Valley Moms blog post.

When Kristen isn't officiating win-lose games, she's busy delivering the news M-F mornings on ABC7 News.

Wanted: A Place to Blog With Moms

2010-06-30T05:00:00-07:00

The Silicon Valley Moms Group recently announced it will be closing its blogging doors at the end of July. A press release quotes SV Moms group founder Jill Asher as saying “considering the needs of our 400-strong writer group and those of our customers and advertisers, the business is not sustainable without additional financial support.” All 13 regional sites are affected.

To which I say: how sad!

I’ve been involved with the Silicon Valley Moms for two years now. In that time, I’ve enjoyed hearing the perspective of moms in Silicon Valley on topics such as local schools, competitive soccer, parenting, shopping, volunteering, traveling, health care, sex.

The collective blogging voice of this group was strong.

SV Moms provided a focal place for me to interact closely online and in real life with a great group of mom writers. Not only in Silicon Valley. I also met moms (some vitually, some in real life) from the Deep South Moms blog, LA Moms blog, Rocky Mountain moms blog, Chicago Moms blog, et al.

On top of all that, Silicon Valley Moms Group gave me a unique place to share my male perspective, letting me, a blogging single dad, write for the group.

As a dad with teens, I’ve shared my parenting perspectives, and also learned a great deal from other parenting bloggers. But as a single father raising two kids half-time for the past 10 years, and running a household solo, working from home for much of that time – I’ve experienced family life in a way that traditionally has been the domain of Stay At Home Moms.

By sharing stories with other mom bloggers, I hope that some of these moms and I have opened up to new parenting perspectives, broken through some mom/dad gender boundaries, and questioned traditional thought patterns and roles. I also got to share my views on divorce, cooking, aging, technology, raising teens. (With some sexy and funny tidbits thrown in from my dating life – you can never have too much car sex, spooning, or sexy texting!)

My personal blog, Dad's House, has a majority of female readers. Many are single moms, or just plain single women, but I credit the SV Moms group with helping expand my readership to married moms, as well. Without my writing for the Sillicon Valley Moms blog, a good number of moms may have never taken a look at my blog, or any of my writing. And I wouldn’t have received the many comments they left.

The SV Moms Group reach extended beyond its regional blogs. SVMoms had syndication deals with McClatchy News Service, so that a handful of Moms Group posts were picked up each week. I was lucky enough to have five of my SVMoms posts appear in news outlets all over the US: Will Ref for Gas, High Cost of Company, A Father Puts the ‘F’ in FDIC, Giving Back Starts Young, and Inexplicably Craving Holiday Card Year-End Recaps.

For all that, I am entirely grateful that SV Moms gave me a chance to write for their group.

With the SV Moms blog closing, I would love to find a new moms group to blog with. There’s a great group of single moms in the single parent blogosphere who I already connect with daily. But contributing to a communal blog with mostly moms is something I’d enjoy being a part of again.

Thank you, Silicon Valley Moms Group, for a wonderful ride!

This is a Silicon Valley Moms Blog original post. David Mott authors DadsHouseBlog.com, with stories and advice on single parent dating after divorce, older men younger women relationships, recipes like how to cook beets, jerk chicken recipe for the grill, and a great margarita recipe. Voyeurs welcome. Contact David Mott through his Facebook page: http://www.facebook.com/DavidMottWriter

Saying Goodbye to Old Friends

2010-06-29T09:19:03-07:00

The world has become a pretty small place and most of us move around a lot. We move away for school or a new job, and most people I know have friends across the country and around the globe. But even with cell phones and instant messages, email, Facebook and Twitter, I find it difficult to maintain close friendships with people who live far away.

I had a dear friend in business school. We had great times together, as roommates in New Haven and going to New York City whenever we could. After graduation, I moved back to L.A., he went to the city. I visited as often as I could, and he would come to California. But time passed. I met someone and so did he. I had kids and couldn’t just come visit for the weekend anymore. This was not a romantic relationship, so there was no break up, but just a gradual drifting apart. I still think about him often, but we aren’t really in touch any more.

Another friend of mine moved back to her home town of Albuquerque when her father was ill. As his health improved, rather than return to California, she and her family moved to Texas to follow a job and less expensive real estate. We were close almost from the day we met and I pictured us in the same town, taking our kids to the park together and having family barbecues. We do still talk and email, but it’s not like before. She has never met my kids, and I’ve met her daughter, going on four years old, just once.

I just learned that another friend of mine is moving out of the area. She’s moving back East, closer to family and a vacation spot on Cape Cod. She’s a newer friend; we met when our now three year olds were babies. I’ve met a lot of new people since having kids, but she is one of a handful I’d consider a true friend. I’m sure we’ll keep in touch, hope we’ll get to visit occasionally, but of course it won’t be the same. And clearly this is going to put a serious damper on the future nuptials between our children. (I’m only partially kidding about that one.)

Why is it so hard to maintain long distance friendships? My friend from Texas was recently here and we spent an evening together. It was great, but impossible to really catch up in just a few hours. You can talk about the big stuff, but there is a lot of pressure to get it all out before your time is up. So much of day to day life is in the small stuff, the things you’d never want to waste time with if you only had a few hours with someone. But the everyday details are what allow you to know someone fully, to take the pressure off a single visit and focus on the moment.

I should accept that friendships come and go. That’s not to say that people are expendable, just that as we move to new phases of our lives, some relationships naturally drift apart and others form. So why do I have such a hard time letting go? Each of these people represents a cherished part of my life: having the confidence to leave home and California for the first time; returning to start my career and my true adult life; the exhaustion and excitement of having your first child. As these friends move away, and the distance between us grows, it feels like I’m moving farther away from what those times in my life represented. Especially now, when my life is challenging and often seems out of control, I am nostalgic for times when the future seemed so bright and full of endless possibility.

Original post to Silicon Valley Moms Blog. Jen has enjoyed writing for Silicon Valley Moms Blog and is sorry to see it moving away. She’s staying put at her personal blog, Anybody Want A Peanut? You can also find her at Autism Sucks and is excited to be a part of the newly formed From Left to Write, which will be carrying on the SV Moms book club tradition. Follow her on Twitter @wantapeanut.

Happiness is a State, Not a Location

2010-06-25T05:00:00-07:00

We only lived in London for half a year, but I talk about it like we were there for half a lifetime. Consider yourself warned.

One day, I was living the cush life of a suburban housewife in Dallas, Texas. Both sides of the family within driving-distance, tons of friends, a house, two cars in the garage...

Four weeks later, I was driving my husband to the airport so he could start his new job in Great Britain… because yes, that’s how much notice we had to sell the house, pack our stuff, and relocate our entire existence overseas.

When my husband accepted a position at one of London’s top effects studios, it was supposed to be for an indefinite amount of time. Having lived within a forty-five minute radius of my family for most of my life, I was ready for an adventure.

Strike that. I was DYING for an adventure! So I threw myself whole-heartedly into the idea of living in the UK. We all did, even our then two-year-old son.

But settling was hard. Living in a city with a toddler was tough. Not having a car or being able to open a bank account on my own was frustrating. I couldn’t find maple syrup or frozen waffles and that sucked. Nothing made sense!

I must have wept daily once the jet lag and shock wore off and day-to-day life began. Then, eventually, I started to figure things out. I bought a map, made some friends, and fell in love… with London that is.

As soon as I did, the economic meltdown which brought the world to its knees also curtailed our adventure. A lapse in funding led to the termination of our work/companion visas, and before anything could be done about it, my husband had already accepted his next job in the Bay Area.

Again, it was an offer we couldn’t refuse. Again, we had less than a month to pack up and move. Then in the midst of it all, I realized I was pregnant with our second child.

Settling into our new life in Silicon Valley was even harder than settling into our life in London. Perhaps it’s because I was no longer a novelty and no one pitied the silly American girl. Or perhaps it was the long hours and weekends that my husband started putting in shortly after our daughter was born

I spent my days isolated and alone with two children- no friends, no family, and no help- in a town where the biggest news was the opening of a new Target.

It wasn’t even a Super Target, just a normal one. Stab me with a fork!

All I could think about what how much I missed living in London. I missed the culture and the art and the history. I missed the sounds and even the smells. I missed the accents (even though I had trouble getting past them sometimes). I missed the opportunities that were just opening up. I missed our fabulous life. Most of all, I missed the friends I left behind.

Why did we have to leave London?! WHY, Husband, WHY?!

As I was pouring out all of this and more over Skype to a dear friend and fellow American expat still living in the UK, she simply wrote back three little words:

Miss.

Target.

I laughed out loud, because that was exactly what I needed to hear. I missed Target too when I lived in London. I even missed my open-24/7 Super Wal-Mart. So much so, that I may almost missed the fact that (insert fake Cockney accent) “ ’ello, ‘ello, Love. Bes’ter snap aaaht ‘ov it. You're livin' in Lon’on. Nuff said, yeah?”

I think we made the most of our situation, but looking back I wish I had spent even more time enjoying it.

So the next day, I bought a map, made some friends, and it may be early to tell… but I think I just may like Silicon Valley after all.

Ultimately, the choice isn’t where to live. It’s whether or not to be happy.

This is an original post to Silicon Valley Moms Blog.

You can read all about Grace Duffy’s adventures and missteps overseas in excoriating details at American Mom in London. These days, you can find her at her personal blog, Formerly Gracie, or you can follow her on Twitter @graceduffy.

When it takes a long time to heal ...I wonder?

2010-06-24T05:00:00-07:00

When I was a kid and broke my arm while being chased on my tricycle, I never remembered thinking it would take a long time heal. In fact I thought the cast was cool, even though I screamed bloody murder each time I was presented to the X-ray machine, or doctor, because there was some type of table to lay on. I was only 4 or 5 years old at the time. You must remember, some 45 years ago, hospitals were never kid friendly, nor did the instrumentation seem that fun either. When I was in second grade, I kept hoping to get better from yellow jauntis, so I could return to class. That took a few months at least, and then it was over. Now as an adult I flip flop between "hurry up and fix it" and the patience and wisdom of avoiding surgery and exercising. Dam I hate the practical part and being patient...but it is the wise thing to do.

Fast forward, to today, and I am three and a half years into rehabbing a ruptured disk. My daughter was three when the incident happened. She still remembered it, she said, "Mom you fell when playing basketball, I saw you through the window." Yup that was how it happened, a slow "leaning tower of pizza tumble" and it felt like tissue paper tearing in my back. Yes it was more painful after the

incident for months. It meant no lifting my precious little Margo, no chasing her, for fear of injuring my back further. I was forced to leave her in "play care" at the gym while I worked out and attended physical therapy sessions every week. I was at the gym 5 - 6 days a week, she was in "play care" 5 - 6 days a week.

It is strange, how in many ways my life ranparallel with little Margo's. She too has been involved in weekly Physical Therapy sessions to address her muscle weakness, and poor motor planning. In fact that turned into Occupational Therapy two and a half years ago. She still goes to OT, more likely at least another year, actually, who knows how much longer. For now she is continuing to improve in terms of balance, and movement and even strength. I can see it now in her, just like I can feel myself improving too. BUT IT IS SO VERY HARD TO WAIT FOR HEALING!

When we WAIT we also DO to help the process move along. And sometimes during this process we discover other areas that are a little broken, or become exposed. For me it was my knee becoming so irritated by the exercises for my back. Next I was at PT for my knee once a week and my back twice a week. Eventually I was able to get the knee under control, but I needed to continue with my back exercises and now leg/knee exercises. Most recently this past fall, I injured my right hip, with a very small labrum tare. (It happened from too much exercise, I thought I was strong enough for a fitness class.) Back to PT, to discover Water Therapy and to finally be strong enough to swim laps. (Did I mention my thyroid was removed during this time too?) But with all this Doing, and Healing and WAITING for me to get healed, I was being trained in patience so I could become an advocate for my little Margo as she went through her developmental and physical struggles.

It takes a long time to heal, and the "something else's" that always seemed to happen were not comfortable. With Margo, going to the physical therapist at three, soon turned into her needing to be evaluated for other possible issues, like ADD or ADHD or Autism and other possible spectrum disorders. It was scary, really really scary! We were assured she was not "on the spectrum", but then to be wary of possible learning disorders on the horizon. And so we went forward with Occupational Therapy, and were told she was dyspraxic. It is not bad, really, just a long wait for her healing. But her healing was not about 'getting better', it has become an exercise in learning to get the most out of her life. She has learned about exercise and going to OT, because I went to PT and exercised regularly. She knew when she played, or swam or worked out at gymnastics this was good for her future.

I have learned to embrace her different way of thinking, awkward way of moving, and need to help her develop some emotional management skills. It all will just take a really long time. I have learned and am still learning to enjoy the process of healing, and embracing all the junk that seems to happen in between. My little three year old is now 6 years old, she is growing and enjoying her life. I am now three and a half years into my back rehab, and I am just starting to chase her around a little bit without fear, my disc will rupture again. And somehow, though these three years have been challenging for both of us, we are better, and maybe, just maybe a little more healed than I first thought.

Come join Maxine as she writes her blog, stories with little Margo, between her gym workouts and Margo's workouts, and play dates, and swim meets, and all the crazy activities we do to help our children grow. Gee I am tired already from reading this list.

This is an original post to SV Moms Blog.

Girl in Translation by Jean Kwok: A SV Moms Group Book Club

2010-06-23T01:00:00-07:00

Transplanted from Hong Kong to New York City as a (very poor) young girl with her mother, Ah-Kim or Kimberley, struggled to make things better for her family, to learn English, to walk the line between traditional Chinese duties and the Americanized teenager she grew into. Join us today as we discuss the book Girl in Translation by Jean Kwok.

Here are what the SV Moms Group contributors ave to say today, all inspired by the book Girl in Translation:

Marinka from Motherhood in NYC tells her immigration story in America, Baby
Pamela from 2 Much Testosterone felt empowered
Emily from Mama Sick has hope for her son
Sharon from Channeling Ricky recognizes her own childhood embarrassment
Vanessa from Chefdruck Musings goes for a taste of America
April from It's All About Balance is a girl in gratitude
Emily Paster from West of the Loop examines secrets below the surface
Melanie from tales from the crib just wanted to fit in
Elena from Cara Mamma reflects on dreaming big
Lisa H. from Hannemaniacs has aunts just like Aunt Paula
Alma from Marketing Mommy had culture shock
Kristine from Mommy Needs Therapy or a Bottle of Wine was moved by the reality of immigrants who come to the U.S. for a "better" life
Rox from Rox and Roll has thoughts about honor
Julie from Just Precious opens her eyes in her own neighborhood
Jen B from Anybody Want A Peanut? tries to translate autism

Silicon Valley Moms Blog is hosting the book club discussion this month. Please leave a comment below to join in the discussion.

Past SV Moms Group Book Clubs have included:

I am Nujood, Aged 10 and Divorced by Nujood Ali
The Body Scoop for Girls by Dr. Jennifer Ashton
Just Let Me Lie Down by Kristin van Ogtrop, Editor of REAL SIMPLE magazine
National Geographic's Green Guide Families by Catherine Zandonella
Top 100 Finger Foods and Top 100 Baby Purees by Annabel Karmel
The Possibility of Everything by Hope Edelman
The Mominatrix's Guide to Sex by Kristen Chase
Coco Chanel & Igr Stravinsky by Chris Greenhalgh
See Mom Run by Beth Feldman
Close Encounters of the Third-Grade Kind by Phillip Done
This is Where I Leave You by Jonathan Topper
Do One Nice Thing by Debbie Tenzer
Birth Day by Mark Sloan, M.D.
What Happened to the Girl I Married? by Michael Miller
Testimony by Anita Shreve
Comfort Food by Kate Jacobs
Much to Your Chagrin by Suzanne Guilette
It Started with Pop-Tarts by Lori Hanson
Who By Fire by Diana Spechler
The White Trash Moms Handbook by Michelle Lamar
Writing Motherhood by Lisa Garrigues
The Vaccine Book by Dr. Robert W. Sears
The Other Mother by Gwendolen Gross

Click here to read all about the SV Moms Group Book Club.

Get With the Game, America!

2010-06-22T14:00:00-07:00

The World Cup tournament has kicked off, and just like we did four years ago (and every four years before that), our family has been following the tournament closely, watching at least one match a day, following the other matches online, painstakingly writing each match's score on our World Cup poster and testing our knowledge of probability to the limits by figuring out possible outcomes for our favorite teams (if Brazil draws with Portugal and Ivory Coast beats North Korea by more than 2 points, can they get past the Group of Death?). As always, there's no shortage of emotion at the World Cup -- this year's tournament is already full of surprises (Switzerland beat Spain!), disappointments (England hasn't won a match yet!), controversies (Why was that third US goal against Slovenia disallowed??) and scandals (Two words: French team). The nicest surprise is how well Team USA is doing; no one thought they'd have a chance, but the team managed to hold England to a tie and came back from a 2-goal deficit to tie Slovenia in the most exciting match in the tournament so far. If they beat Algeria tomorrow they stand a good chance of moving on to the next round, and who knows how far they could go?

If only the rest of the United States would notice. When we turn the tv off and head out into the streets, the lack of interest in the world's most popular game could not be more apparent. This stuff makes headlines in every other nation on earth, but around here World Cup stories get buried deep in the sports pages of newspapers, and our local TV news barely gives the tournament five minutes of air time, let alone gives it a regular spot. When Mia Hamm, Brandi Chastain and the rest of the US Women's Team won the Women's World Cup in 1999, I thought for sure that football would finally start gaining traction in the US, but I'm not sure I'm seeing it.

I really wish Americans would get with the game and embrace football for the Beautiful Game that it is. Football is the world's most popular sport for a reason. You don't need fancy equipment to play it; all you need is a space to run and a ball. In the poorest nations, even a tin can will do. You can kick a ball around all by yourself, or you can join a huge group and play. You don't have to be very tall or huge to play, so people of all shapes and sizes can enjoy the game.

But football continues to take a back seat to the Big Four of US sports: baseball, basketball, hockey and football -- American football, that is. We're the only nation in the world that has a different name for football -- soccer -- because the proper term is already taken. It has always irked me that American football is even called football, because players don't really use their feet to drive it across the field, and it isn't even shaped like a ball. Likewise, it irritates me that the winners of the Superbowl call themselves World Champions when the rest of the world couldn't care less about playing it.

Alfie reassures me that times, they are a-changin'. It has to; we are a nation of immigrants, and the people who come to America bring their love of football with them. By 2042, whites will be outnumbered by Americans who call themselves Hispanic, black, Asian, American Indian, Native Hawaiian and Pacific Islander. Many of these minorities will retain strong ties to their ethnic homelands. Guess what the most popular sport in Central America and South America is? America is consumer driven, if nothing else, and I'm hoping the call for more coverage of football (okay, soccer) will be heard.

When we arrived in the US 16 years ago, there wasn't a soccer goal to be seen on any elementary school playing field. Now Stanford University has a gorgeous soccer stadium and practice fields; their varsity team holds soccer clinics for girls and boys throughout the year. Every weekend we see hordes of young, aspiring Ronaldos and Rooneys running from goal to goal with their parents cheering from the sidelines. The MLS provides thousands of soccer fans with great games to watch, and breeds amazing athletes like Landon Donovan, Maurice Edu, Tim Howard and Clint Dempsey (who, by the way, are playing with the best of them in leagues around the world). Maybe one day we'll even win the World Cup. Here's hoping that all of America will be cheering in the streets when they do!

Original SV Moms post. Bonggamom also blogs on Finding Bonggamom, her personal blog.

Comp Soccer. It's Complicated.

2010-06-22T05:00:00-07:00

Last winter, my husband took our son, Gobez, age 7, and daughter Didi, age 8, to try out for U9 competitive soccer. Both kids easily made their respective teams, and we committed them both -- and our family as a whole -- to a year-round program involving professional coaches, hours of practice, World Cup-worthy uniforms, weekend traveling tournaments, strained muscles, and a vocal collection of parents who really want the teams to win.

I feel like we have opened Pandora's box.

First, let me tell you about Didi. A few months ago she was diagnosed with dyslexia. We arranged for her to begin a tutoring program at The Reading Clinic at about the same time that spring comp soccer started gearing up. The Reading Clinic's application form asked, "How many hours per week does your child spend in organized sports?" Gymnastics, 1 hour. Basketball, 2 hours. Tae Kwon Do, 1 hour. Soccer, 4 hours. Writing it all down gave me a rude shock -- we'd been devoting far more time to sports than we had to dealing with our daughter's reading struggles.

The experts told us the only way for Didi to finally learn to read was to spend 3 - 8 hours per week in individualized tutoring for about 6 months, and I panicked -- where was the time going to come from? I didn't want her to drop any sports, because athletics gives her a place to shine, and the reading issue has left her self-esteem tattered. We ended up scheduling the minimum 3 hours per week of intervention for the duration of the spring soccer season, and thankfully, her reading skills started to improve almost immediately -- yet I'm still left wondering if I'm making the right choices.

The demands of this schedule have been intense for an emotional girl who needs a lot of downtime to hold it together. On the soccer field, Didi is an aggressive, fearless competitor, famous for inadvertently knocking over more tentative players. However, this spring she often came home from comp practices in tears, because a teammate had hurt her feelings or one of the coaches had been "mean." The little girl she complained about is loud and forceful, but not malicious. The coach who is "mean" gets rough with his words at times, but I've also heard him dishing out praise and encouragement. You could say that being on this team is an opportunity for Didi to learn to deal with different kinds of people and to "toughen up" -- but I wonder, must she master all of this right now, at the age of 8? This is a girl who lived in an orphanage for many years before we adopted her. She doesn't need toughening, she needs TLC. Would it be better for her to step away from the stress of competition for a few years?

And then there's Gobez, who feels no stress whatsoever about the demands of practice or games, but cries instead when practice gets rained out. At the age of 3, he could already drop kick and head a ball; soccer comes as naturally to him as breathing, and is just as vital to his survival. His dream is be a professional soccer player, and plenty of teachers, coaches and other kids' parents are already stoking that dream. I got a taste of things to come when Gobez was still in preschool: one of the baseball coaches from Santa Clara University stopped me in Peet's Coffee to invite my son to attend one of their youth training camps.

"I noticed him playing ball in the park," the coach said. "He's talented."

"He's four," I replied.

For years, teachers have been telling me, "I'm saving Gobez's autograph because he'll be famous," or "That kid is going to make a lot of money for you someday" (as if my husband and I would take any money that our son earned!)

As a parent, I should be thrilled for my son, and I am, but I'm also worried. I fear that at age 7, Gobez is already being put into a box by the adults around him, and I don't know how to stop it. He is an unusually gifted athlete, but he is also Black. Barack Obama aside, it is easier for our society to expect and celebrate a Black professional athlete that to expect and accept a Black professional. Knowing ALL my son's strengths, I can picture him as a fire fighter, a computer programmer, an architect, a chef, or a comedian more easily than I can picture him playing in the World Cup. Many things can derail a sports dream -- injuries, burn out, hitting the limits of one's ability and more. I want Gobez to know that his talents and his options are unlimited -- but will he listen to me when he's being bombarded with so many other messages?

All these fears swirling around in my brain recently spilled over at the dentist's office, of all places. My dentist, Dr. X, is an affable guy, but when I brought up soccer, he turned serious.

"Your kids are already in comp at ages 7 and 8?" he said. "If they're that talented, you need to pull them out of the Bumblejuice League and get them into something better, like the DeAnza club. Bumblejuice is dysfunctional, and I waited too long to pull my son out, but thank God I finally did. You'll have to drive the kids farther to practice and games if you switch leagues, but it will be worth it."

Thanks, Dr. X. One more complication, one more worry. Right now both teams are on summer hiatus, so I'm going to try to forget about soccer for awhile, while I still can.

This is an original post to Silicon Valley Moms Blog.

Sharon also writes the Be Bold or Go Home blog for Adoptive Families magazine, and covers adoption news, politics and policy at Whatever Things Are True.

Yes, the cyber playground has bullies - Teach kids cyber safety

2010-06-18T05:00:00-07:00

IT’S LIFE

Bullies exist in nearly every stage of life, with or without access to the Internet. I believe that having regular discussions with your children can be an opportunity to get closer to your child and help them navigate the choppy waters of life, especially now that we live in a digital world. There will always be people you don’t like or that don’t like you. The same applies to your children. There will always be bullies. The question is can you help your child/children identify a bully and be aware how not to do the same to someone else? I am happy to see that our public school embraces this topic. Earlier this year there was a very good assembly from a troop of two thespians that taught kids about passive and aggressive bullying. I attended, and I was impressed. I was able to discuss it later with my children and to help them spot when they were passively bulling one another.

MY EXPERIENCE REVEALED

I feel that there is just a lot of involved parenting that needs to take place. Kids need to know you care and that you are thinking through these issues amongst many others to help keep them safe. Bullies may prevail and find new ways to be difficult but hopefully you can find ways to instill in your child that they shouldn’t be victims.

For years my eldest has had a friend that SHE adores who has always verged on being a bully. I know her parents, I know the entire family, and I have often wished that I could just remove her from the friendship equation. This child has always been abrasive and bossy and often tried to tell me how things are going to be. I have never cowered to her direction, if anything I’ve been more direct with her than most adults. I took the approach early on to be a friend to the monster. I knew if I chose my daughter's friends, she would likely someday rebel. She would have to decide on her own how to handle this willful child that often bullied her or hurt her feelings. I had to teach her and prod her with questions to help her decide on her own how to deal with this “friendship” (or help her move on from it).

To this day, six years later, the girls are still friends and share some fun times together. They are not close, nor do they do see each other outside of school on a regular basis. By talking about this problem friendship, I feel that we have helped our daughter address how to best deal with her friend's attempts at bulling. I was truly proud the other day when she told me flippantly, “Well you know XXX, she’ll never change and she can just take her mean-ness to someone else, I am fine not doing what she wants me to do! Ta-da. And all this before age 10. I felt a flashing moment of success in this tumultuous road of parenthood. It was a savored moment and one which I felt would be a tool in her arsenal for the future world ahead: cyber and physical.

BULLY GOES TO CYBER BULLY

I think that there are truly three cyber-safety issues at hand: cyber bullying, cyber safety and cyber etiquette. It is something we think about often and yet we have not managed to arrive at a final position on how we will ultimately handle this new evolving world our children are growing up in. While technology has created a new playground for modern-day bullies to pick on peers it is not easy to determine how to monitor and best protect them from these new exposures. In some ways I equate this to children’s access to candy, it is nearly everywhere, so how I can instill in them the best way to proceed when we are not around to protect them?

BULLY OPPORTUNITIES/PARENTAL CHEAT SHEET

This week I had the opportunity to speak with Catherine Teitelbaum, Director of Child Safety at Yahoo!, and was pleased to gain her insights on Cyber Safety. With cyber bullies the opportunities are vastly expanded and parents need to be aware that:

Cyber bullying can occur any time of the day or night.
Cyber bullying messages and images can be distributed quickly to a very wide audience.
Children and youth can be anonymous when cyber bullying, which makes it difficult (and sometimes impossible) to trace them.

As a parent, I know that I can do few things to improve cyber safety by keeping the home computer in a common living area to help monitor the situation, discussing what cyber bullying is regularly to make sure that the little ones know that cyber bullying is harmful and unacceptable behavior.

FIND YOUR MANNERS THEN YOUR CYBER MANNERS WILL FOLLOW

And then I think cyber etiquette is very important to teach kids as well. Since second grade my eldest (now in 4^th grade) has been asking for a cell phone, (while you may not think this realm falls into the ‘cyber world’ with all of the digital content now available from portable devices -phone or games- this is NOW a cyber risk) so that she can text her friends and because her friends have them. Well, you know the old ‘if Sally jumps off the bridge, are you going to do the same?’ argument. Question is, I wonder if this story is still relevant. Or is it now more along the lines of: If Sally gets a cell phone do you think you should have one too? Will she make fun of you if you don’t? Is Sally a bully? What do you need a cell phone for? I think a good time to get you a cell phone would be X. How about we work on general house phone etiquette first and then move to the cell phone?

In the mean time, you can also work to define those other points of access from various devices that may put the child at risk with questionable information/content.

While this may not seem like rocket science, I will confess, it is a work in progress. Don’t be too hard on yourselves. Open dialogue is always the best way to parent on any issue. As Luke Skywalker would say, May the force be with you….on this month of safety.

Note: While collecting my thoughts on this topic I poked around a few helpful websites and also found ‘Stop Cyber Bullying’ to have some good advice. http://www.stopbullyingnow.hrsa.gov/adults/cyber-bullying.aspx

This is an original post to Silicon Valley Moms Blog. When Gina is not talking tech or winking at a Campari she can be found cooking North of the Golden Gate Bridge or on her blog at http://www.bowllicker.com

My SlutBrella

2010-06-16T17:00:00-07:00

For this year's Mother's Day gift, my husband took our eight-year old twins to Victoria's Secret to buy pajamas. Never mind that our twins are eight and the store is not exactly G-rated. I could overlook that because my husband knew I needed PJs and somehow - oh Victoria's Secret how DO you do this - my husband associates all nightwear with that store.

On Mother's Day I opened my gifts. My family did find me some cute pajamas, but they also picked up a free Victoria's Secret umbrella that my twins were oh-so-excited about.

Eyes widened with love and affection for their mom, my twins said, "Mommy, look, it's your favorite color, hot pink!"

The umbrella advertised "VICTORIA'S SECRET" in large letters on one of the panels. I acted enthusiastic and thankful. Gave hugs. Gave big thanks. The umbrella seemed to shout about the racy undies I would not be wearing. I hoped and prayed it would never rain again so I wouldn't have to take my new SlutBrella to the elementary school to pick up my kids. But it rained, and here's what happened*:

Alix also writes for Med Nauseam Blog, recently voted the #1 General Medicine Blog in WellSphere's 2009 competition. Lauded as "the Al Gore of nutrition, only funnier," she delivers a Vitamin Vampires nutrition presentation to parents of school-aged children. Alix writes for SpiroChicks, a blog about life with Lyme Disease.

*Please excuse the extra-tall aspect ratio problem in my video.

When Education Works

2010-06-16T13:22:35-07:00

Last Friday, I picked my son up from school as I do every day. He is in a "special day class," a full time autism preschool program run by our school district. My husband and I didn't know we would need this type of thing when we moved into our current house. We weren't even married yet, let alone thinking about where to send our future kids to school. In fact, we hadn't thought about schools much; we figured we'd be out of this house and on to our next one by the time our kids were in kindergarten. And while all schools have to provide appropriate services (FAPE), the quality of those services is variable. We were lucky that our district has several good programs. But I wasn't aware of just how lucky we were until last week.

It was the last day of the regular school year. As is typical on the last day of school, parents came with cards and gifts, tokens of their appreciation for their teachers' hard work. But as the special ed classes filed out, and parents said goodbye to the teachers for one last time that year, I witnessed something amazing: these goodbyes were unlike anything I'd seen at a school before. These goodbyes were beautiful and painful, like saying goodbye to someone you've shared a long journey with. The teachers and moms were hugging and sharing words of support, tears welling up in both of their eyes. My son's babysitter, who is working toward her credential in special education, and I were both tearing up just watching them.

Because of the timing of my son's birthday, he had only been attending this school for two weeks. (He qualified to start as soon as he turned three.) We both immediately took to his teacher but I hadn't had enough time to build up a relationship with her nor had I had a chance to get to know any of the other parents in my son's class. Over those two weeks, however, I did see the same moms coming to pick up their kids each day. I especially noticed the moms with older kids, providing a glimpse into what my future may hold. These moms looked so together, full of experience and knowledge. But this last day, I realized how much emotion they continue to have about their children's disabilities, and how grateful they are for caring, wonderful teachers who make a difference in these kids' lives in tangible ways every day. These teachers are not just teaching ABCs and 123s, they are giving their children - my child - a chance to have the lives we've dreamt for them.

The scene was truly remarkable and is something I won't soon forget. My husband and I have been discussing the idea of moving to a new house, but after Friday, our plans changed. Despite ongoing budget cuts and larger class sizes, the thought of leaving this school district right now seems impossible. Maybe we'll move within the district or maybe we'll stay in our small but comfortable home for a few more years. But I want these teachers, the ones who care enough about our kids to cry and hug their moms on the last day of school, in my son's life.

Jen also writes about raising a preschooler on the autism spectrum at her personal blog, Anybody Want a Peanut? You can follower her on Twitter @wantapeanut.

iPhone G4 for a Tech Dinosaur

2010-06-14T02:00:00-07:00

Back in the days of the dot-com boom, I was on the cutting edge in every aspect of my life. I worked for an internet startup. I had friends founding companies. And I carried the coolest cell phone in existence at the time. A chrome Nokia slide phone that looked like an old-school cigarette lighter.

The phone was hard to get. Strangers oo-ed and aw-ed whenever I pulled it out. Airport security invariably scrutinized, then drooled over it. The phone showed up as a prop in a few big budget Hollywood movies. And when the CEO of my startup bragged that he’d ordered one for himself, one of the VPs let him know that I’d beat him to the punch and had been using my chrome slide phone for months.

I was that cool.

After the dot-com bust, my spending habits returned to normal. Sub-normal, actually, since I got divorced and suddenly had a mortgage to pay on my own. I started cutting back on my tech spending habits. New gadgets just weren’t in my budget.

Wouldn’t you know, ten years later, I’m a tech dinosaur. It’s not just my cell phone, but all my gadgets are old. Will I ever be cool again? Maybe… thanks to the new iPhone G4.

First, let’s examine just how un-cool I’ve become. Starting with music, I still have a CD collection and listen to the discs on a boom box in my kitchen. I know, I know, I should upgrade to an iPod. My kids went that route, and routinely buy songs from the iTunes store. They even buy songs from my youth, like Michael Jackson 'Bad'. They’ve already gone through 2 or 3 iPod generations each. (They have an uncle who works at Apple, so they never pay full price.)

While I admire the iPod, I never saw a reason to get one. My CD collection rocks, and works just fine. To put things in perspective, my brother on occasion still spins vinyl. (He also has an iPod, though, so he doubles the cool factor over me.)

TV: I don’t have a flat screen plasma HD TV. There, I said it. I’m not ashamed. I’d love the improved viewing, but as a divorced single dad trying to make ends meet, it’s just not something I can spring for right now. At least I have a DVR.(Did Tivo kill family TV night? Yes and no...)

Gaming systems: my kids play video games at their mom’s house all the time. At my house, video games aren’t allowed. I’d rather my kids read a book, or got outside for some exercise, or created a work of art. I may lose cool points with their friends since there aren’t cool games for them to play when they come hang out, but my kids appreciate that there are more ways to spend your time than trying to get to the next level on Xbox.

Back to phones: I’ve been using a Motorola Razr for years. It’s slim and fits in my pocket. It takes photos (not very well, but it works). I can text like crazy, whether I’m sending sexy texts to a girlfriend, or coordinating after-school rides with my kids.

Recently, though, I noticed lint under the screen blocking some address book entries. And my keypad entry isn’t as sensitive as it once was, leading to all sorts of mistakes. Finally, when I go head to head texting with one of my kids, they complain that it takes me too long to text.

What’s a dad to do to save face?

Enter the iPhone G4. I’ve always liked the look and functionality of an iPhone, with its touch screen, ability to surf the web, read books, look up recipes (jerk chicken marinade, anyone?), and run a plethora of apps. But this new iPhone takes things to a whole new level – it offers video chat. How cool is that?

I figure this new cell phone will rescue my reputation with my kids. They’ll be borrowing the gadget from me constantly, and my cool dad status will be restored.

Now then, if the iPhone G4 had only been designed to look like an old-school cigarette lighter, I'd be in heaven.

This is a Silicon Valley Moms Blog original post. David Mot authors the single parent blog Dad's House, with advice on single mom and dad dating, dads raising teen girls, spooning in bed, older men younger women relationships, and cocktails like a tequila sunrise recipe. Voyeurs welcome.

Where Are the Tasteful Swimsuits for Tweens?

2010-06-13T09:00:00-07:00

If you are like me, you dread the idea of trying on a swimsuit. They always look better on the rack than they do on. It seems that swimsuits fall into two categories: those that require a Brazilian wax or those that my grandma would wear.

Anyway, after shopping with my soon to be 11 year old daughter, I realized that if I thought shopping for a swimsuit for myself was difficult, getting one for my daughter is actually worse.

My daughter is very particular about what kind of swimsuit she will wear. She wants something stylish but not skimpy (thank goodness, because this mom is not buying anything that doesn’t provide decent coverage). She wants something she can do a dive in and splash around in without worrying about exposing herself (who doesn’t?).

Anyway, C. would never wear a bikini and when it comes to a tankini—there is only so much tummy she is willing to bare (hallelujah!). On top of her own personal requirements, C’s long torso makes finding a one piece that doesn’t ride up creating a thong like look, nearly impossible.

So given her body type and personal tastes, we thought we’d go the route of a tankini. That should be easy to find right? Tankinis are supposed to have the coverage of a one piece but the ease of a two piece, right? Well think again. These days tankinis are mere inches away from bikini-land.

After looking on my own at Target, Old Navy, and the Gap without any luck, I decided to take my daughter out to find her ideal suit.

My daughter had it in her head that she wanted a swimsuit from Justice. This is not a store we frequent because I find the clothes to be a little gaudy and too mature-looking, but they were having a 40% off sale and she really wanted to look there first.

Imagine my surprise, when the first swimsuit she pulled off the rack had a padded top, forget the sequins and zebra stripe pattern, the suit had full on padding! I couldn’t believe it, a size 10 swimsuit with a padded top! As I went through the rack, I noticed several styles had this same feature—they were just hanging there looking filled out.

Now having an extra liner to provide coverage for developing breasts is one thing but padding is another. My 11 year old daughter does not need to have a swimsuit that enhances her chest.

When I saw the pads in the suit she liked (the one that despite moving her from a 0 cup to an A cup, had a tankini top that covered her bellybutton and had tasteful bottoms), I immediately pulled them out and told her she didn’t need them.

Had I not already spent more time than I cared to on this swimsuit hunt, I would have walked right out of the store. But finding a swimsuit (especially a tankini) that is modest and suitable for a tween is seriously harder than finding something a 42 year old mom would wear at the local public pool.

So if any of you retailers are reading this, please take note----there are girls (and their mothers) out in the marketplace that want a stylish, modest swimsuit and not skimpy, sparkly tini-bikinis. When we shop for a tankini, we want one that covers our innie or outie. And we certainly do not want our daughters wearing swimsuits that create a bust line!

This is an original post to SVMom's blog. When Sidney isn't out shopping for age appropriate swimsuits for daughter (and herself), she can be found blogging at Parent Grapevine or Go to Gals or working on her business with fellow blogger Tina, Picture This! Fundraising--where they turn photos into funds!

My Billboard In Times Square (Yes- NYC!)

2010-06-13T02:00:00-07:00

How could it even be possible? I am not famous. I am not a model. I have not appeared on any terrorist list or in any big time theatrical play. I am not in a TV series nor do I have any other logical connection to having randomly appeared on a billboard in NYC's Times Square over the Memorial Day Weekend. Yet, that impossible became possible, and on May 31, 2010 I had my 15 seconds of fame.

Times Square was packed, it was 11:30PM and despite the fact that the sun had long gone down, the lights emanating from the billboards gave the illusion that it was mid-day. It was there, amongst the visual clutter and confusion, that my billboard appeared.

The promotion- Live you life. Leave your mark. One of kind digital canvas. 15,000 sq feet of LED power. The facts it touts are impressive and really help put the 'Times Square' reality into perspective... 35 million visitors per day; 15,000 hotel rooms; 33,360 households; 158,000 office employees; 234,881 commuters; 486,500 passers by per day and 98,560 daily pedestrians.

For days I had noticed a small smattering of people screaming as they spied their images appearing on the billboard in Times Square. I watched, observed, and yet I could not figure out how this opportunity was coming to fruition. I finally decided that I had to solve the mystery. I went into the store that was located below the marquis and investigated. I saw no visible advertisements for such a promotion. I figured that maybe if I purchased some clothing over a high dollar amount that I could qualify for a drawing or raffle ticket to have my image posted upon this prime real estate piece of billboard. With the 80% of the store canvased I went downstairs to the men's department and it was THERE that I spotted a camera and a few people in line. I gingerly approached the person closest to me in line and asked, "Can you tell me how this promotion works?" The secret was revealed and I promptly rushed upstairs to make my purchase. Upon signing the Visa receipt I was again surprised that no one mentioned the promotion to me ......but figured, 'why question fate?' I hurried back down stairs - hostage in hand.

I waited my turn and the evidence was captured along with a few characters of copy (less than Twitter if I recall correctly) to accompany the image. The deed was done. The photographer snapped our image and then commented on it being a great shot. Having worked with plenty of photographers, I quipped replied, "Yes, and I bet we are the only ones you've said that to tonight, right?" He defended himself and remarked, "You are!" My playful retort, "Really? Huh. Well I guess you can't prove it, so I'll have to believe you." He rose to the challenge and said, "Well to prove that I mean what I said, I will post it more than once on the billboard." .... And while I don't have any proof that he meant his initial compliment, I was thrilled to see the photo appear 3 separate times before I walked away. Thank you again kind sir. I am sorry to have doubted you.

Oh wait, you still want to know what I paid to get onto a billboard in Time Square on a holiday weekend? I think it was a mere $14.99 - and an adorable summer top was the prize that I was able to take home and enjoy long after my wink at fame had passed me by. Thank you American Eagle Outfitters!

.This is an original post to Silicon Valley Moms Blog. When Gina is not talking tech or winking at a Campari she can be found cooking North of the Golden Gate Bridge or on her blog at http://www.bowllicker.com

Uncontrollable Mothering: is it ever smooth sailing?

2010-06-11T20:40:58-07:00

I woke up today and read the somewhat unsympathetic mean spirited post I published last night, moments after I learned that Abby Sunderland had been located alive and well. It’s just not like me to be so snarky. Especially considering I spent much of yesterday in angst about Abby’s safety.

This felt familiar. I was wishing I could hug Abby and somehow apologize to her for my loss of control….when it hit me:

Uncontrollable Mothering. I’ve described this phenomenon before:

There are times in a mother’s life when the primal mothering instinct can suddenly take over your mind and body. There is no forewarning and no way to stop yourself. You have no conscious knowledge or control over what you do. This can occur whether your child is small enough to burp over your shoulder–or large enough that you don’t even come up to his shoulder. It can happen whether your child is across the room or across the globe. In fact, uncontrollable mothering can even take over when it’s someone else’s child. Beware. This could happen to you.

Right now mothers everywhere are heaving a huge sigh of relief for Abby. Except what follows the relief is anger—for what she put us through. The push and pull of motherhood—a perfect example of uncontrollable mothering.

I flashed back to all the moments I’ve felt that way about my own kids out in the world…. one example just last week. Free Range kids can create some fried parents.

I thought: why couldn’t Abby Sunderland just go to her high school prom like all the other 16 year old girls?

Except come to think of it, for a parent it’s comparable on the worry–scale…Would you rather have your teenage daughter at the prom or in the middle of the ocean?

Either way, she’s on her own in the middle of the night. Both are rites of passage. Both involve complicated issues of transportation. Both require an enormous investment in preparation—-time, energy and money. I bet it took less time to shop for a sailboat than it does for a prom dress—and how much more could it possibly cost when you add in all the trimmings? LOL.

The more I thought about this, Abby’s journey took on a new spinnaker spin. There are definitely some benefits to the Indian Ocean as opposed to a high school prom in Southern California.

Rather than springing for a spray-on tan, I’m sure Abby has the real thing. Having no other ships or people within hundreds of miles—statistically way safer than being in traffic on the Los Angeles freeways. And for many parents, being completely alone might be preferable to being alone in the company of a hormonal alcohol-addled teenage boy.

Having just read that Abby is one of 7 children, I could think of other benefits to having a teenage girl out of the house for months.

So sail on, Abby…. maybe you had it right all along.

This is an original Silicon Valley Moms Blog post. Apparently it's not always smooth sailing, since Darryle calls her personal blog I never signed up for this.....