Silver Speaks

Emotional Health

noreply@blogger.com (Silver Rose) — Thu, 12 Nov 2009 20:34:00 +0000

I’ve always had this theory that people drive the way they think. I developed this after observing two people:

The first was my Dad who drove incredibly slow and seemed oblivious to the impact it had on drivers on the road with him. People thought it was because of his age but he drove that way even when he was younger. His thought process mirrored the driving—he took a lot of time to think about and articulate ideas and didn’t care if he was holding things up. He would let you know his thoughts when he was good and ready. As an impatient young child living in his house, this habit drove me a little bit crazy.

The second person who inspired this theory was a manager I worked with years ago. One day we went to lunch and, on the harrowing drive to the restaurant, she tailgated every car that had the misfortune of being in front of us. As I reflected on this, I realized that in the office she did her own form of tailgating —she was an impossible micro-manager who put fear into the hearts of her staff.

I’ve started to refine this idea even further because I now understand that the way we drive is also an indication of our spiritual and emotional health. This may have been inspired by the following story someone sent me in an email:

A man was being tailgated by a stressed out woman on a busy boulevard. Suddenly, the light turned yellow, just in front of him. He did the right thing, stopping at the crosswalk, even though he could have beaten the red light by accelerating through the intersection.

The tailgating woman was furious and honked her horn, screaming in frustration, as she missed her chance to get through the intersection, dropping her cell phone and coffee.

Mid-rant, she heard a tap on her window and looked up into the face of a very serious police officer. The officer ordered her to exit her car with her hands up.
He took her to the police station where she was searched, fingerprinted, photographed, and placed in a holding cell. After a couple of hours, a policeman approached the cell and opened the door. She was escorted back to the booking desk where the arresting officer was waiting with her personal effects.

He said, ''I'm very sorry for this mistake. You see, I pulled up behind your car while you were blowing your horn, flipping off the guy in front of you, and cussing a blue streak at him. I noticed the 'What Would Jesus Do' bumper sticker, the 'Choose Life' license plate holder, the 'Follow Me to Sunday-School' bumper sticker, and the chrome-plated fish emblem on the trunk; naturally…

I assumed you had stolen the car.''

The Law of Attraction says that you get more of what you focus on. If you’re not sure about where your focus is, don’t look to affirmations you are praying, bumper stickers you are displaying or positive words you are saying. Too often they are indicators of how you’d like to be or how you’d like others to think you are. Look instead to how you are responding to everyday situations.

It doesn’t take much personal fortitude to behave in church or temple. But in the midst of traffic, when everything seems to be going wrong and you are late and stressed to the limit, that’s when you can see the state of your spiritual and emotional health.

Here’s the fun part. If you discover that you are not where you want to be, an easy way to quickly turn it around is to shift your focus.

Look, the vast majority of drivers on the road are skilled and courteous. If, however, you spend all your time focused on the few who are not, then your driving experience is going to be very stressful (and you’ll attract more poor drivers around you.)

Try this: for the next week, decide what kind of person you want to be all the time, even while behind the wheel of your car. Then do whatever is necessary to be that person even when no one is looking. You’ll soon discover that your health, spiritual and emotional has improved considerably, both behind the wheel and everywhere else. And you will be bowled over by what you start to attract.

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Working too Hard

noreply@blogger.com (Silver Rose) — Thu, 05 Nov 2009 22:51:00 +0000

The longer I apply the principles of the Law of Attraction, the more I realize that, for most of my life I’ve been working way too hard. Can you relate?

This universal law says, “You attract more of what you focus on.” There are three steps to attracting what we want:

Step One is to identify a desire or a preference. You don’t have to concentrate on this—you are doing it all day long.

“What?!?” you may well want to shout. “That can’t possibly be true! I would never have asked for some of the things in my life!” The word “ask” is what throws us off. We think we ask for something by putting in a verbal request. Unfortunately, that’s not the way it works. Whatever you pay attention to is what you are asking the Universe to deliver.

Here’s an example. Let’s say you work with eight people at your job. Seven of your co-workers are people you genuinely enjoy; they’re great and you’re glad they’re on your team. But there is one member of the team you think of as The Jerk.

Who do you pay more attention to, your loveable team or The Jerk? Whichever it is, that’s what you are telling the Universe your preference is—more people like that. Your attention is the same as a request.

Step Two is not your work—the Universe responds to your preference and sends out what you have asked for. No exception.

The Universe, you see, does not sort between what’s good for you or bad for you. That’s your job; the Universe simply takes note of your preference and delivers.

Step Three, to allow, accept and receive is your work. What you receive is all up to you.

When you are at work or thinking about your job who has your attention—the co-workers you like or The Jerk? Who do you talk about with your spouse or friends? Who do you lie awake thinking about?

The more you pay attention to The Jerk, the more of his/her tribe you are allowing into your life. Pretty soon you’re encountering Jerks on the freeway, at the grocery store, even at church! People you have never had problems with start acting like Jerks. This is a clear example of just how good you are at manifesting what you ask for (see Step One).

If you want to know what you are allowing in any given moment, the only thing you need pay attention to is how you feel. When you feel good, you are allowing the things you want that will please you. When you are feeling bad, you are allowing those things into your life that you don’t want. Either way, you are the one manifesting.

I have spent the last 20 years working on leveraging the Law of Attraction’s three steps to allow more of what I want. The journey has been remarkable and the results have been concrete:

• My 30-year depression lifted, never to return
• I am in recovery from alcoholism
• I no longer lay awake consumed with worry
• I do work that I love
• I have great relationships with family and friends

These results are major and I’m thrilled to have them. However, they came more slowly than need be.

In contrast, over the past several months, some major dreams have suddenly come true for me in such a profound way that I’ve wondered what caused the floodgate to open. I didn’t have to wonder long; I know exactly what is different. Since July I have been meditating every day for 30 minutes or more.

Why would the simple act of daily meditation make such a difference? Meditation puts you in touch with the pure, positive energy of Source (many call this energy God—your name for it is your business). When you are connected to this energy, you release all resistance, all negativity. When there is no resistance, all the things you’ve been asking for over the years, those things that have been held in escrow waiting for you to allow yourself to receive come flooding into your life. Things that would have taken me more hours than I have to orchestrate are happening for me, easily and effortlessly. The same is available to you.

I’m done working so hard—what about you?

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Asking

noreply@blogger.com (Silver Rose) — Fri, 23 Oct 2009 16:26:00 +0000

I once attended a Professional Coaching conference where I had the pleasure of hearing Julio Olalla, founder of The Newfield Network speak. One of the things Julio said that captured my attention was, “There is tremendous suffering around our inability to ask.”

That has been my observation, as well. Our inability to ask for what we want—from others, from ourselves, and from life—is the root of nearly all suffering. That’s a pretty strong statement. Here is why I make it: the only way to draw into your life what you want is by asking for it. The trouble is, most of us don’t realize what we are asking for moment-by-moment because we have a fixed idea of what asking looks like or sounds like.

The most direct way of asking for something is to say, “Could I have that please?” That’s pure and simple. As long as you are looking at the object of your desire and feeling confident that you can have it, it is also the quickest way to get it.

But most of us don’t look at what we WANT. We look at what we don’t want and resist it; we try and push it away. For example, we say the words, “I want a job I love,” while our full attention is focused on what we hate about the one we currently have.

When you pay attention to something, it is the same as asking the Universe, “Could I have that, please?”

You see, the Universe is energy-based. As such, it is ruled by the Law of Attraction which, in its simplest form says “Like attracts like.”

The Universe has no ears. It cannot hear your words. Instead, it reads energy. When your energy is focused on something, the Universe interprets it as a request for delivery. The longer you focus on it, the sooner it gets delivered. The stronger your emotions are at the time (positive or negative), the more intense your energy. This also causes whatever you’re focused on (or something very similar) to be delivered more quickly.

The Universe does not discern on your behalf whether what you ask for is good for you or bad. It simply receives your request (i.e., “Please deliver more of what I hate about my job”) and fulfills it.

Does this mean we can’t change our minds? No! What is required in order to cancel a request we inadvertently made is to shift our attention to its opposite and strongly visualize that being delivered.

It sounds far-fetched unless you’re awake to how it’s happening in your life every single day. Haven’t you ever noticed that the more you don’t want something to happen, the more it seems to come your way? That is where expressions such as, “It went from bad to worse,” come from.

It works to our advantage as well. Success does indeed breed success. The rich get richer and the poor get poorer as long their focus is on “what is,” because their attention to it is tantamount to asking for more.

So how do you know what you’re asking for? Pay attention to how you feel. When you have a good feeling in your gut, it is your signal that what’s coming your way is going to feel equally good. Remember, “like attracts like” so the only thing you can attract when you’re feeling good is something that’s a match to that feeling.

If you have a bad feeling in the pit of your stomach, start looking for what you’re focused on that’s making you feel bad. When you identify where your attention is, say to yourself, “That’s clearly something I don’t want (as evidenced by my negative reaction) What do I want?” Once you identify what it is, put your full attention on it until you’ve replaced the negative feeling with a positive one.

It’s really very simple. Ask the Universe to send to you only those things that will make you happy. How do you ask for that? By giving your FULL ATTENTION to what you already have in your life that makes you happy. Then, open up the delivery dock. Good things are headed your way.

You asked for them.

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How Not to Help

noreply@blogger.com (Silver Rose) — Thu, 01 Oct 2009 19:25:00 +0000

Most problems I see in the workplace are generated by three things:

1. Direct meddling
2. Gossiping
3. Indirect meddling, i.e., sitting in judgment

meddle—v. Interfere in something that is not one’s concern.

It’s obvious why direct meddling would be a problem. No one wants to be told how to do their job, even if (and this is the funny part) the person telling you is your boss.

It’s obvious, too why gossiping about how others do their work would be a problem. You’re not only meddling; you’re recruiting others to join the team.

But indirect meddling can be equally destructive. Just because you don’t say anything out loud doesn’t mean your message isn’t being delivered. Non-verbal communication is stronger than verbal. If you doubt this, think of how teenagers and moms communicate. Both can speak volumes with just one look.

When we put ourselves in a position to judge, we generally think we know better than the other person. Rarely do we question whether or not it’s true.

Just because someone isn’t doing a task the way you would, does not mean they’re doing it ineffectively. When we try and force our will on another it can only lead to trouble. (Trust me I know this from direct experience. I’m sure my daughters and some of my friends will forward this column back to me. LOL.)

It’s actually amusing when our brilliant advice is rejected and we respond by being hurt, “I was only trying to help,” we say and then we sulk.

Are we really only trying to help or are we showing off? When someone ignores your advice, if your response is to be hurt or angry, chances are it’s your ego at play, not your benevolence.

Getting along in the workplace (and at home) would go much more smoothly if we did one simple thing—honor each other’s expertise. Allow the person who is tasked with doing something to do it, unburdened by unsolicited (and usually unwelcomed) advice from you.

“But,” you protest, “I really can make it easier for them!”

So what? If your meddling makes them uncomfortable or resentful, what is served? Chances are it’s your ego.

I’m not saying don’t offer. People often do want our help. Don’t, however do it by asking the usual, “Can I help?” This puts the other person in the position of having to reject your gesture. If instead you say, “Let me know if you need any help with that,” it leaves the choice up to them. The difficult part is when they decide to forge ahead without us. I have literally had to bite my lip to keep from pointing out how someone could do a task better. Or sometimes I whip off an email with all my good ideas. This, by the way, is where having a 5-10 minute delay on your email “sends” comes in handy. If you hit “send” and then realize you’ve given unsolicited advice, you can fish it out of your “outbox” before the damage is done.

The problem with meddling is that it is interpreted in a variety of ways. The person may think you’re saying, “You don’t know what you’re doing,” or “I’m smarter than you,” or even (and this does real damage), “You’re incapable of figuring it out.” Many of us routinely do this when interacting with our loved ones at home. It only follows that we would do the same at work.

So what if you’re the boss and it’s your job to develop this person? Here is how to honor their developing expertise. Describe for your employee the end result you seek and then say, “Walk me through how you would approach this task so I can be sure I’ve given you all the information you need.” And then stop talking and listen. If they tell you an approach you think will work, give them your blessing to move ahead. If some tweaking needs to be done you can say, “I’m not sure about this aspect of your plan—are there other ways that might work?”

Honor people’s expertise and your relationships (at work and at home) will flourish!

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Happy Moments

noreply@blogger.com (Silver Rose) — Thu, 24 Sep 2009 03:30:00 +0000

A happy life is just a string of happy moments. But most people don't allow the happy moment because they are SO BUSY trying to get a happy life.
- Esther Hicks

The quote above arrived in an email this week and it impacted me like a cold bucket of water on a hot summer’s day.

My oldest daughter, whenever she is reminded of something she already knew but forgot, inevitably says, “Ohhhh yeahhh!” When I read this quote I had the same reaction.

How easy it is to slip back into the habit of postponing the experience of a happy life until all the circumstances line up perfectly. It’s so LOGICAL to think, “When my bills are paid off,” or “When I get that promotion,” or “When my health improves” THEN I’ll be happy.

I ate breakfast at a restaurant this morning and was lucky enough to have a young family sit nearby. The two young boys looked to be about 3 or 4 years old and were cousins (okay, I was eavesdropping). Asian, they had dark hair sticking up straight in today’s style and wore matching green t-shirts. When they laughed, their faces would light up and their eyes disappear. And they laughed a lot. The older of the two would do something comical (like drink two drinks out of two straws at the same time) and his younger cousin, of course, had to follow suit. They were having wonderful, happy moments, for no reason whatsoever except that it felt good to laugh and be silly. I was having my own wonderfully happy moments watching their unapologetic joy.

I don’t know if I would have had those moments before I read the quote that woke me up. I’d been feeling sorry for myself of late, worried about a troubled friend. I’d been postponing my own happy life until she “got better.” How silly. My delaying my own happiness won’t help her get better. On the contrary, it will probably delay it.

Each day, we have many opportunities for happy moments. Beyond the obvious (sun shining, birds singing) there are the not-so-obvious, things like:
• completing a task on time
• being able to help a co-worker
• the boss commenting on a job well done
• getting to work in plenty of time to have a leisurely cup of coffee before plunging in
• finding a solution to a challenging problem
• the sudden realization that you’re really GOOD at what you do

When you finish reading this, I invite you to spend the rest of the day having happy moments. Every time you have one, put an asterisk on a piece of paper and, before you go home for the day, add up how many asterisks you have.

Once you’ve counted them up, pause for a moment and ask yourself the following questions:
• Were you clearly more productive as a result?
• How do you feel right this minute?

Then go home and ask whomever you live with (even your cat), “What were YOUR happy moments today?” The answers may surprise you.

I do want you to have a happy life but that is no longer my wish for you. Instead, I wish for you a never-ending string of happy moments.

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Creating Your Own Flow

noreply@blogger.com (Silver Rose) — Thu, 17 Sep 2009 05:38:00 +0000

Now that I’m actively participating on the social networking site Facebook, I’ve become even more keenly aware of how we shoot ourselves in the foot when it comes to using focus to our full advantage.

I see postings like, “Another day of drudgery at work,” or “Is it time to retire yet?” or people whipping each other into a frenzy over the latest political snafu.

I believe we naturally want to bond with each other and we think the fastest route to that end is to share negative feelings that others can relate to. I mean, who wouldn’t utter a heartfelt “Amen!” to someone’s posting: “Just two more days of sleep, that’s all I need!”

Unfortunately, all this negative banter gives us exactly the opposite of what we want.

What would life be like if we were to live each day fully harnessing The Law of Attraction that dictates, “You get more of what you focus on?”

Let’s first understand that whether we use it on purpose or not, the principles of this Law have tremendous impact on our day-to-day lives. It’s where expressions like, “It went from bad to worse” came from. Fortunately, it’s also where expressions like. “The better it gets, the better it gets” come from.

In order to harness The Law of Attraction to full advantage, we would need to be careful about where we place our focus. No more self-indulgent negativity. No more “being right” about how awful things are or how people are rude or how the country is going to hell in a hand basket.

Focusing on what we don’t want is merely a habit. We can just as easily create the habit of focusing on what we DO want. The challenge is to do it when so many others are doing just the opposite. It requires swimming against the tide.

One thing I would need to do, for example, is begin focusing on the positive postings on Facebook—there are many. It doesn’t mean I won’t see the others; they are there. It simply means that I have the opportunity every day to simply skip over the ones I don’t agree with and find the ones I do.

Facebook is really a metaphor for how we live our lives. It is, after all, a social networking site. How we engage there is how we engage face-to-face. We can go there to find things that make us feel good (like all the fun games and silly tests) or we can look for things to push against. Whenever I think of which I’d rather do, I imagine the difference on the faces of people who are holding a candlelight vigil for something they believe in versus the angry faces of people who are protesting against something they vehemently oppose. Which way would I rather feel?

If we actively sought to use The Law of Attraction to our advantage each day, we would focus on what makes us feel good. When we get up in the morning, we’d be happy to be alive one more day. When in the shower, we’d thrill to the feel of the water on our bodies. We’d savor our morning beverage and be grateful for food to nourish us.

As we went about our day, we would look for people who please us—the clerk at the store who smiles when we purchase the morning paper; the drivers on the freeway who leave room for us to merge into traffic; the co-worker who pleasantly greets us as we arrive on the job.

We’d look at our circumstances and be grateful for what we have: clothing to keep us protected; beautiful scenery to enjoy; a roof over our heads and a bed to sleep in each night.

As we become more grateful for what we have, we begin to notice something wonderful. The more grateful we are, the more we get. Suddenly, things we’d wanted for quite some time are ours. Circumstances seem to line up magically.

It’s important to actively harness The Law of Attraction each day precisely because we DO get more of what we focus on. Use your focus carefully. Use it as the gift that it is. Watch what happens when you decide to swim in the opposite direction of the negative flow. The waters are much warmer, more refreshing and the current will easily carry you when you swim downstream in the river of positive focus.

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Adventures in Living

noreply@blogger.com (Silver Rose) — Thu, 10 Sep 2009 03:09:00 +0000

I once knew a drummer who played with a Blues band. He told me the story of working with a singer well into her 80s who was so infirm they would roll her onto the stage in a wheelchair and place the microphone in her lap. The band played the opening strains of the song she was to sing over and over and simply waited. When she was moved to do so, she would pick up the mike and start to sing. It was always worth the wait.

One day they were commiserating backstage. He was in his early 20s and just starting in the business. He asked her, “You’ve been around so long. What advice do you have for me? She looked him straight in the eye as she replied, “Honey, whoever dies with the most adventures wins!”

What a great approach to life!

What is an adventure, anyway? Isn’t it whatever you say it is?

We all know people who define an adventure much differently than we would. My friend Betty rates vacation spots 5-star only if there is no running water or electricity. She wants to be out in the open, under the stars enjoying nature at its naked best.

It’s not my cup of tea but it sure makes her happy!

Other adventurers do things like jump out of planes or off bridges tied to bungee cords. My heart beats rapidly at the mere idea.

But every day can also be an adventure! It’s all a matter of focus. The Law of Attraction says that you get more of what you focus on. What might your life be like if you looked at it through the lens of adventure?

A great role model for this is the cartoon dog Snoopy who could take the simple act of eating and turn it into a jungle hunt for prey.

What if getting ready for work each morning were an adventure of “human against the clock?” Rather than dragging yourself through the morning yawning and moaning, you could turn it into a high stakes game that gets your adrenalin pumping and makes you feel alive. Of course, some of you do this already but in a negative way. You get up too late and then it’s a heart-in-your-throat adventure to get to work on time or at least to your desk before your boss notices you’re late. What kind of impact do you think this type of adventure has on the balance of your day?

How could you turn work into an adventure? What would be your equivalent of a bungee cord ride? Perhaps you can focus on what you are discovering (also known as learning) as you move through your day. Many of us get excited when, on vacation or over the weekend we go to a museum or on a tour of a park. We can’t wait to tell friends all that we learned from our guides. What if we shared what we learn at work with equal excitement? Is it any less of an adventure? It’s actually even better because you’re getting paid for learning!

Take a look at your life over this past summer. Make a list of the adventures you’ve added to your list. Maybe you survived the ordeal of a co-worker’s vacation when you were left behind to carry his workload. Is this any less exciting than someone in the news who survived being stranded at an airport for 48 hours by the weather?

Perhaps you figured out some amazing shortcuts for doing your work faster or better. Are they any less impressive than finding shortcuts while on a forest hike?

The kinds of lives we lead all have to do with perspective. I know rich people who are miserable and poor people who are happy as can be. It all has to do with their points of view. One finds life a series of adventures (how little can we spend this week by using coupons at the grocery store?) and the other finds life a chore (“Why can’t I have a drink? Last call doesn’t apply to me!”)

Helen Keller said it perhaps best, “Life is either a daring adventure or nothing at all.”

Remember—whoever dies with the most adventures wins. It could be you!

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What does your energy attract?

noreply@blogger.com (Silver Rose) — Thu, 03 Sep 2009 01:44:00 +0000

I pulled a book off my shelf this week that was gathering dust. It should not have been; it is a very worthwhile read. In 1989 Stuart Wilde wrote The Trick to Money is Having Some! and it’s still relevant to today’s world.

I opened up its pages with hope in my heart and excitement in my belly. You see, I have used the Law of Attraction to heal many important areas of my life: my relationships, my physical and mental health, and my spiritual connection. There is one area I continue to struggle with—money. According to Wilde that struggle is a root cause:

“Effort is a natural part of our physical state, but struggle is effort laced with emotion, and that is unnatural and unholy. Inside the energy of abundance, there is no struggle, only flow.”

As I made my way through this wonderful book, the theme that stood out is that money is simply a form of energy. So I asked myself, “What kind of energy am I putting out around the topic of money?”

Clues abound when I look at what I attract. First, I have a belief that everything always works out. Not bad, right? It’s certainly better than, “Yikes! I am REALLY in trouble!” Unfortunately, although things do work out, it’s usually by the skin of my teeth. A more satisfying belief would be that I always have more money than I need in any given moment.

Secondly, I have a core belief that you have to labor really hard to make a lot of money. Over the years, I have worked on softening that belief but it is still there. This is also unfortunate because, to tell you the truth, I have little interest in working really hard. I don’t think anyone wants to do that, even if they are. Most people I know who work really hard believe that someday they won’t have to. That “someday” doesn’t ever seem to arrive.

Finally (and this is the ironic part), I have trouble focusing when it comes to attracting money; it has never motivated me. I am motivated by learning cool things. I generally have several projects going at once, none of them getting the focused attention that would manifest the desired results. Because my energy is scattered, so are my results. But here’s what I suddenly understood as I was writing this column: if I make “creating abundance” a learning project, it will definitely capture my interest. How cool is that?

The solution to any area in your life where you’re not getting what you want always lies with The Law of Attraction which dictates that you get more of what you focus on.

The more we focus on lack, the more of it we attract. We need instead to nurture an abundant consciousness.

• When we see someone spending gobs of money on something we deem frivolous, it is important to say, “What fun!” instead of maligning him/her.

• Rather than scanning the news for signs of corporate greed, scan for business people who are also philanthropists, using their money for good. Then imagine yourself doing the same.

• Get into the habit of receiving. If you see a penny on the sidewalk, pick it up. When someone offers you something, don’t talk them out of it. Say, “Thank you. I accept.”

More than anything, it’s important to work on increasing our positive energy. Wilde wrote, “In a world where everything is ordinary and dull…if you invest energy in things, people respond.” There are millions of people for whom price is irrelevant. What they want is energy. If they can get it from hanging around you, they will reward you with abundance.

I know this to be true because, in my research I’ve discovered that people who get promoted up the ranks are usually the ones who have the kind of energy the organization wants. Of course, those of us who are not in the habit of abundant thinking make up stories like, “She got that job because she’s a brown nose,” or, “He has political connections or he wouldn’t be here.” That kind of thinking only keeps us stuck in our world of lack.

So if you’re going to invest your time and money in something that will pay the greatest dividends, it would be wise to do whatever you can to increase your positive energy. That’s the trick—to money and to anything worth having!

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Choose Your Addiction

noreply@blogger.com (Silver Rose) — Thu, 27 Aug 2009 01:05:00 +0000

Last week I attended a class about addiction. It was fascinating.

The Law of Attraction dictates that you get more of what you are focused on. The Law of Addiction, according to our instructor is: stress = cravings. Once the cravings set in, your reptilian brain (the one that reacts without contemplation) sends a thought to your cerebral cortex (the thinking brain) that it’s definitely a good idea to use what you are addicted to whether it’s food, alcohol, drugs or your credit card. Once that happens, the addict has no reasoning ability to say “no.”

If you’ve ever done something or put something into your mouth that caused negative consequences and afterwards wondered, “What was I thinking?!?” then you have uttered the addict’s lament.

Addiction counselors will tell you that there is a road to recovery but no cure. Once the neural pathways in your brain make you an addict, there is no evidence that you can go back to normal behavior in that one area.

So what works to prevent a relapse in addictive behavior? When your reptilian brain is in charge, you can forget about relying on your mind to support you; the best defense is a spiritual connection with a power greater than yourself.

There is always a part of us that is connected to that power—the instructor referred to it as your true essence. I think of that part of me as who I really am or my inner guide. Some refer to it as soul, gut instinct or intuition. When we practice any addiction, that truest and best part of ourselves is buried and difficult to reach.

The good news is that your true essence may be covered up but it remains ever present and you can access it whenever you choose.

Addictions create a barrier to connection which is ironic given that there is a large body of thought that the very thing addicts seek is a spiritual connection. Who do they generally talk to when things get out of control? Who do they bargain with? (“Please, God, if you get me out of this I’ll never do it again!”) It’s their higher power.

If the Law of Addiction is stress=cravings, then what happens if you are addicted to stress? That seems a ridiculous proposition but think about it. When you get stressed out, it triggers the release of the stress hormone adrenaline. The effects of adrenaline cause, among other things, physiological arousal, alertness, energy and it prepares the body for explosive activity.

When you live your life in emergency mode, you guarantee that adrenaline regularly floods into your system. This is the “fight or flight” syndrome we’re all familiar with and it resides within your reptilian brain. Much like speed or cocaine, the immediate effect might make you feel better but the long-term impact can be devastating. In addition to attracting other addictions (coffee, sugar, sleeping pills to calm down), it wreaks havoc with your body. It inhibits judgment and interferes with fine motor control, making the use of complex skills difficult.

We experience the preparatory flow of adrenaline into the body typically as 'butterflies in your stomach'.

The ability to reduce stress is a compelling reason to learn how to harness the Law of Attraction to your advantage. Rather than focusing on all those undone things that make you break out in a cold sweat, if you can instead pay attention to what you’re accomplishing, that one shift alone will reduce your stress level considerably. Here are some other ways to use focus as a tool:

• Consider problems or obstacles as an opportunity to exercise your
creativity:

• If you’re competitive, compete against the clock or your last best
performance just for fun;

• Meditate daily. There is no other single tool that is more effective to
reduce stress.

We all have addictive tendencies. Why not become addicted to feeling good? Serotonin, although a much less dramatic hormone, is much more fun than adrenaline. The easiest way to produce it is by focusing on that which makes you happy. Change your focus, change your life!

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How to Program Your Crystal Ball

noreply@blogger.com (Silver Rose) — Thu, 20 Aug 2009 01:18:00 +0000

Close your eyes and think of a person in their late seventies. Who did you think of? When I took Anthony Robbins’ CD-course The Time of Your Life, he challenged his listeners to do this. I instantly thought of my friend Jill. At age 76, she is in great physical shape, fashionable and has a wicked sense of humor. Imagine how pleased I was with my choice when Robbins declared, “Whatever you visualized is where you’re headed.” If you envisioned someone hunched over and shuffling, that’s where you’re headed. If you saw someone in a hospital bed with tubes shoved up his nose, guess where you’re going? If you envisioned Jack LaLanne or John Glenn, both over 80 and in great shape, then that’s where you’re headed.

When you peer into your crystal ball, predicting what your future holds, do you see a wondrous reality or your worst nightmare come true?

For many of us, “future-tripping” means that we are frightened and worried about lies ahead. That’s unfortunate because the way the Law of Attraction works is that you get more of what you focus on.

If, for example, you’re worried about holding onto your job, it would serve you well to shift that focus. You can do it through visualization, if you like, because your brain does not know the difference between pretend and reality. If you start to act as if you’re secure, you will be and it may not have anything to do with your current job. What I mean is you may work for an organization that has strict rules—last one hired, first one laid off. There’s nothing you can do to shift that so, when you visualize your future, picture yourself working but do not limit it to your existing job. It could be an even better one!

If you don’t believe visualization is enough, then for you it will not be. In that case, what you want to do is take whatever action is necessary for you to feel as employable and secure as possible:

• Find out which software skills employers are hiring for and learn the appropriate computer programs.

• Do research to find other organizations or industries that could use your specific skills. Apply for jobs even if you’re not currently looking. It is good practice and a bit like saving for a rainy day. By the way, most people who have thriving careers do this on a regular basis.

Whatever aspect of your life you’d like to improve, it is important for you to “act as if” you’ve already achieved the growth you want. When you do, you are utilizing the Law of Attraction to your advantage. It’s important that you manage your mind to focus on what you want. We have pretty much perfected our ability to focus on what we don’t want and we’ve seen where that has gotten us so far.

Using your powers of fantasy, daydream about how life will be when you get “there.” Remember, your mind doesn’t differentiate between pretense and reality so, while you are feeling like you have arrived at your desired destination, you will naturally attract whatever supports your dream.

When you develop the picture of what it will be like when you have arrived, go into as much detail as possible:

• What are you wearing?

• Who is around you?

• What do you see as you look around? Is it day or night? Are you indoors or
out?

• To whom do you need to send “thank you” notes?

• How did you get there?

The journalist’s formula of covering the details of who, what, when, where, why and how will help you with this.

We all have a crystal ball—it’s called our mind and you are continually programming your future. Do you like what you see? If not, you have the power to change it. Isn’t that great?

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Let the Energy Flow!

noreply@blogger.com (Silver Rose) — Thu, 13 Aug 2009 07:30:00 +0000

As I look around at others and also into my own life, I notice that many of our problems may boil down to a simple blockage—a blockage of energy.

Allow me to explain. All day, every day you and I are summoning life energy through our desires. Every time we notice something that we don’t like, we immediately put in a silent request to the powers-that-be for the opposite. This contrast between where we are and where we want to be is what summons the energy of life. When people give up wanting, they quickly become depressed because they have stopped summoning all but the slightest amount of life force.

Haven’t you noticed that your desire for more money is strongest when you are going through a financial crisis? A cry for health is emitted not when we are already healthy but when we fall ill. And sadly, we fervently wish we could shower loved ones with affection often after they’re gone and it’s too late.

The gap between where you are and where you want to be is where creativity occurs. Your life has everything to do with your own creativity—that desire you were born with to do better and have more.

When you have great desire and you don’t let that energy through, it’s called resistance. It starts out small, maybe a little impatience or a tiny ache behind your eyes. If we don’t do something about it, then the symptoms get stronger. We move into full blown frustration or an actual headache. The more we ignore the signals that tell us we are not allowing the energy we have summoned, the stronger the negative impact.

These thoughts were triggered because I’ve been having problems with my back for the last three days which coincides with having delivered three all-day workshops. I love delivering programs and I had a lot of fun and so did the participants. But, as I look back, I realize that I was letting far less energy flow through me than what I was summoning. Afraid to be too “out there” with my audience, I unconsciously ratcheted things back a notch or two so as not to “look foolish.” What a shame. Not only did I end up with back problems, I also know that I could have delivered even better workshops had I opened the spigot all the way.

Is that what holds us back? Looking foolish? That’s why some people resist the energy. For others it is fear of being disappointed again. What if I give it my all and it doesn’t work out? So we mistakenly believe that “not getting our hopes up” keeps us safe when the opposite is true. By not letting the energy flow, we pretty much guarantee we won’t get what we want and, to add injury to insult, we develop aches and pains, emotional and physical.

By all means, desire much. Summon the energy. But let it through once you’ve summoned it. When I look around at the elderly, I can see so clearly those who let the energy through and those who have resisted and resisted until their bodies are bent or they can barely move for the pain in their limbs. Unfortunately, we are also seeing that in younger and younger people. We block the energy through eating until we become too big to move. We block the energy through alcohol and drugs until we are in a stupor. We sit for hours in front of the television wishing we could be like those we are watching but not letting it through!

So what would life be like if you really allowed the energy you are summoning to flow freely? What if you didn’t block it by “not hoping for too much” or “being realistic?” I think the possibility was best captured by the author Souza:

dance

as though no one is watching you

love

as if you have never been hurt before

sing

as though no one can hear you

live

as though heaven is on earth

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The Company You Keep

noreply@blogger.com (Silver Rose) — Thu, 06 Aug 2009 02:18:00 +0000

According to Daniel G. Amen, M.D. in his book Change Your Brain, Change Your Life, “Spending time with positive people is essential to the health of the brain’s deep limbic system - the bonding and mood control center.”

Who do you spend more time with than anyone else?

No, it’s not your co-workers or your family—it’s you!

So…. if YOU’RE no picnic…. perhaps you are in some trouble.

The Law of Attraction says you attract more of what you focus on. When we indulge ourselves in negative states of mind, it is more impactful than spending time with a roomful of Oscar-the-Grouch wannabes.

We all know the impact of being surrounded by negative people. How often have you thought, “Well, sure! I would be in a much better mood if it weren’t for all these grouchy co-workers!” When that thought occurs, who’s the closest grouch? It’s actually funny—you’re being grouchy about grouches!

If hanging out with curmudgeons is such a powerful influence, imagine the impact when we’re alone and the only negative person in the room is the one looking back at us in the mirror! We can’t walk away or hide. What we need to do is counteract the negativity.

How?

When you’re experiencing any kind of negative emotion, (anger, despair, frustration, impatience) the Law of Attraction guarantees that it will get worse. Remember, like attracts like. If you envision your emotions as a whirlpool, you would see that the spiral is cycling downward. The trick is to reverse the spiral so it’s moving in an upward direction. The easiest way to do this is to go for some relief. Here are some suggestions:

• Call someone who makes you happy.

• Set a timer for five minutes and have a rip-roaring rant-and-rave. When
the timer goes off, stop. I guarantee you’ll experience relief from how
you were feeling.

• Ask yourself, “How do I want to feel?” This points you in the right direction.

• Look around for something that will bring even the teeniest of smiles to
your lips.

• Go to a “feel good” movie.

• Take a nap. When you sleep, you release all negativity.

• Do something kind for someone else.

In order to attract the positive people you’d like to spend time with, it’s important that you understand how to shape your own mood. It’s always fascinating that we want other people to conduct themselves in a certain way so that we will feel better. That’s not the way it works. In order to attract people who act the way we want, we must first make sure that we are behaving in that manner. You cannot attract behavior that is different from how you are being in that moment.

So become the person you would most like to hang out with. Treat yourself the way you wish others would. Give yourself the gifts you want others to present to you. Say the kind things to yourself that you long to hear from them. In a very short time, you will notice that you are surrounded by people who are good for your deep limbic system. Your moods will be better and you will be bonding with the kinds of people you always wanted to.

That’s because you’re now the kind of person you always wanted to attract and, as a result, you’re always in good company.

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Expand those Goals

noreply@blogger.com (Silver Rose) — Thu, 30 Jul 2009 01:22:00 +0000

Goal-setting can be a double-edged sword. On the one hand, it’s always good to be clear about what you want to create and where you want to go. On the other hand, some goals can be very limiting.

I’ll never forget Tony Robbins telling the story of a man in one of his workshops who wasn’t happy because he hadn’t yet reached his goal of $5 million net worth. He had only reached $4.5. On the one hand, he knew what he wanted to create; on the other he was limiting his enjoyment of what he had already accomplished by delaying the enjoyment of his abundance until he reached his final goal. A good goal for him might have been, “Create a net worth of $5 million and enjoy the heck out of getting there.”

We continually nod our heads when people say things like, “It’s the journey, not the destination,” or “You have to stop and smell the roses.” But how often does our behavior reinforce that? We rush around continually focused on what we haven’t accomplished instead of enjoying what we have.

The problem with doing that is the Law of Attraction which dictates that we get more of what we focus on. The more we treat the gap between where we are and where we want to be as a problem, the further away we are from reaching our goals. The gap is where all the fun is!

It’s why we so often experience a letdown when we actually achieve a goal. It was fun dreaming about it, planning how to achieve it and taking the steps to get there. Once we’ve arrived, it doesn’t feel nearly as great as we thought because the journey, not the destination, was the point.

We’re much more excited about the idea of the job we’re seeking. When we land the job, even if it’s all we thought it would be, we get used to it very quickly and begin to take it for granted.

We’re very excited about the idea of finding the love of our lives and yet, how quickly do we adjust to his/her presence?

Understanding that it’s the journey toward achieving the goal that is the point helps us to set those goals in a much more thoughtful way:

• To identify all the aspects of my dream job, enjoy the process of finding it and once I’m on the job to proactively keep it fresh and interesting.

• To run a marathon, be enthusiastic about the training, be aware of and enjoy my weekly progress and once the goal has been reached to fully appreciate what I’ve achieved and to continue to enjoy what it did for my overall health and vitality.

• To pay off my debt, enjoying the challenge, the budgeting and planning, and celebrating every milestone along the way. Once paid off, enjoying the feeling of freedom and doing everything in my power to stay debt-free

When we enjoy the progress toward achieving our goals, we reach those goals more quickly and we have fun as we do it. Because you are keeping a picture in your mind of what it will be like when you reach the goal, you are, in that moment, already there. And because your brain does not know the difference between pretend and reality, you are sending out signals that will draw to you circumstances that are a match to how you feel. That’s one of the reasons the achievement of a goal is anticlimactic—you’ve already, in your mind, arrived many times. The actual manifestation seems like old hat.

So take a look at your goals and determine whether you are limiting yourself. Do what you need to build into the goal the enjoyment of the journey.

Perhaps the best goal of all is the one I once heard my spiritual mentor Esther Hicks avow (and I’m paraphrasing here): It really doesn’t matter what goals I set because I’m busy achieving my ultimate goal of living happily ever after.

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Oh, What a Relief it Is

noreply@blogger.com (Silver Rose) — Thu, 23 Jul 2009 03:36:00 +0000

I wish the Law of Attraction worked differently, don’t you? If only we could attract whatever we want by repeating our wish list over and over. By now I would have won the lottery, developed a killer body without doing a single sit-up and be married to Hugh Jackman.

Alas, it doesn’t work that way.

The Universe pays no attention to the words we say or think. Instead, it notices what we are paying attention to and delivers circumstances that are a match.

If I want to win the lottery because I am desperate for money, my intention might be to attract more money but my attention is not on prosperity, it’s on the lack of money. Under those circumstances I would attract more debt, not abundance. That feeling of desperation is the polar opposite of how a lottery winner would feel and therefore not a match.

Learning to manage your focus is the quickest pathway to achieving what you desire. The more fervently you focus on what you want and the more faith you have that it will be delivered, the more quickly it comes to you. Our minds, however, trip us up by telling us it cannot be that simple or by distracting us with worry (the opposite of faith).

The simplest and most effective way to manage your focus is by doing what Joseph Campbell advised us in the book of the same name: Follow Your Bliss. Do everything in your power to get happy and stay there.

Achieving happiness is not an overnight accomplishment. It is a skill you learn moment-by-moment, day-by-day and year-after-year. And you cannot go from being in despair to being happy through the snap of a finger or through repeating happiness mantras. You move from where you are to where you want to be through a process of finding relief, reaching for thoughts that make you feel better until you slowly stair-step your way to happiness.

When you are happy, you begin to naturally attract other things that are a match to that happiness.

I may not yet be rich, buff or mated to the man of my dreams but by following my bliss, I’ve made huge strides in my life. I’ll bet you have, too.

I used “follow your bliss” as the means to slowly pull out of a 30-year clinical depression. I had to learn to think better thoughts. This is a technique they use in mental health called Dialectical (or Cognitive) Behavior Therapy. In the depths of my depression, my daily focus was that of a victim. I continually looked for evidence to prove that life, starting with my childhood, had delivered to me a raw deal, that it wasn’t my fault or, on the worst days that it was ALL MY FAULT. In that state of mind, I continued to attract proof that I was right and I was miserable.

I didn’t go from depression to happiness overnight. I’m still working on it. The level of happiness I’ve achieved so far is the result of seeking thoughts that triggered feelings of relief:

• Does it feel better to think you’re a victim and feel depressed OR to get mad and want revenge? (A strange choice, to be sure, but revenge feels much better than depression.)

• Does it feel better to want revenge OR to be angry enough to take action to get better?

• Does it feel better to be angry enough to take action to get better OR to feel proud that you took action?

You can see that each step has the capacity to make you feel just a little bit better and that is the surest path to happiness. As you get better at managing your thoughts and your focus, you’ll find that the circumstances you are attracting improve, as well.

It’s like I always say, “If you want to change your life, change your focus!” Lottery ticket, anyone?

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Focused Meetings - What a Concept!

noreply@blogger.com (Silver Rose) — Thu, 16 Jul 2009 03:39:00 +0000

If you’ve ever thought your organization has secretly decided to dispose of you by using a “death by meetings” strategy, then you will be happy to know that there is a way to hold meetings that are short, to-the-point and more productive than you ever dreamed possible.

Not surprisingly, the key is focus.

I just completed a training course entitled Designing and Leading Effective Meetings put on by the California Workforce Association. (www.calworkforce.org). It may not be the path to world peace. (Then again how will we know unless we try it?) However, the techniques I learned reminded me that too much of my life has been wasted in meetings that seemed destined for the Guinness Book of World Records in several categories: (1) longest; (2) most boring; and (3) biggest waste of time.

During this incredible training I learned how to better facilitate a Consensus Workshop, an Action Planning meeting and my personal favorite, what they call a Focused Conversation. Besides the obvious connection to my tagline Change Your Focus, Change Your Life, the reason I so like the methodology behind the Focused Conversation is because it provides a solid framework for and expands upon a technique I’ve been using for years—employing questions to get yourself and/or others to focus.

Using questions for the purpose of focus is a technique as old as Socrates and no doubt someone taught it to him. One would think it a simple thing to do. After all, we ask questions all the time. But when you use them purposefully to get others to focus on something specific, the design of the question is crucial. For example, see the difference in these two questions:

Question #1 - How should we design our new training program?

vs.

Question #2 - What elements should be included in our new training program?

Question #1 will trigger a free-for-all covering a wide variety of topics from what type of software to buy to whether the training guide font should be Comic Sans or Times New Roman. At the end of the meeting, the only likely decision will be that a committee should be formed to take on the project. Meanwhile, the new training program remains in the idea phase with no clear path toward completion.

Question #2 succeeds in getting participants to focus on specifics. At the end of the meeting, the training program has been fleshed out and a decision can be made on the next steps for full implementation.

That is the power of a Focused Conversation. When it’s done by a trained facilitator, participants are engaged, heard and part of the final decisions. It can be used by itself or as part of other types of meetings.

Not everyone reading this has a budget to hire a facilitator or to attend a training to learn it themselves. That, however, does not mean that you cannot take advantage of some of the techniques. The best facilitators spend hours in preparation for meetings. Take a page from them—preparation is the most powerful way to impact the outcome of a meeting. Plan your questions in advance. Make sure they are open-ended; the best ones begin with the word ‘what.” Make sure they are designed to get participants to hone in on what you want to discuss or resolve. Then analyze each question to determine if the answers will bring you closer to action or will create a further delay.

There are many varieties of Focused Conversations. You can have one with a group, with just one other person and with yourself using paper and pen. The most important consideration is how to formulate the kinds of questions that will most quickly bring you to action. Whether that action is in the form of a decision made or a list of steps that need to be taken, either transforms a conversation or meeting from a waste of time to time well spent.

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Finding Your Oasis

noreply@blogger.com (Silver Rose) — Wed, 08 Jul 2009 22:42:00 +0000

For the first time in my life, I’ve been meditating daily and SURPRISE! all the things I’d heard about its benefits are true:

• I’m calm – For over 20 years, I have been in recovery from clinical depression. Over the years the amount of time that elapses between feeling fine and feeling melancholy or depressed has gotten shorter and shorter. Before I began meditating, when I ran up against something frustrating, it often knocked me off course for a few hours. Since I’ve been meditating, I have not had any such episodes. Now, when I run up against an obstacle, instead of being thrown into a negative tailspin and losing productive time, I’m able to keep things in stride and move forward.

• I have faith. Over the years I’ve gone from obsessive worrying to using self-talk to calm myself when worries creep in. Having said that, I still had a nagging sense that problems might be just around the corner. I’ve had to work hard to keep fear at bay. Since I began meditating, I’m not concerned about what the future holds. I have complete faith that I will land on my feet. If I look at my history, I always have been fine but worried that my “luck” would run out (as though I had somehow exceeded my quota.)

• I know what to do. If there were a contest for second-guessing, I’d have won many years in a row. I have no problem taking action but often wondered whether the action I was taking would turn me in the “right” direction. I was plagued by “what ifs. “What if I marketed my business one way and it was the wrong way? What if I didn’t respond to a request for proposal and it was “meant to be?”

In my daily meditation, I receive answers to my questions about which direction I should take. It’s difficult to describe what happens but I’ll try. I’ll think of something I’m planning to do and some plans will generate a feeling of absolute certainty and excitement and others will fall flat—it’s as if I presented the idea to a panel of judges and I either get a unanimous “thumbs up” or the panel acts as if they didn’t even hear me.

When I feel that surge of positive emotion for an idea, I am then inspired to take action and I know it will turn out well for me (and it does).

• I feel connected to who I really am. We are all born with an inner guide that I believe is our connection to Source Energy. Some people refer to this guide as their soul; others call it gut instinct or intuition. Whatever you call it, it is always guiding you but not through your thoughts. It guides you through your emotions. When you feel positive emotion, it is your guide saying, “If you stay focused where you are focused, you are really going to like the results.” The strong surge of positive emotion I receive in meditation when I think of something I’m planning to do is a very clear message from my guidance system that I am on the right track.

Beyond that, I experience a very strong connection to my highest self and I am completely confident that I am being guided to my highest good. It is a delicious experience.

Whether, like me, you suffer from depression or melancholy or you simply want your life to get better than it is now, I highly recommend you try meditation. Thirty minutes, usually in the morning, is what works for me. I use a meditation tape but you don’t need one. You can listen to classical music, sounds of nature or nothing at all.

There are two highly effective ways to meditate:

1. Empty your mind of thoughts. Focus on your breath. When a thought occurs, simply notice it and go back to focusing on your breathing.

2. Go on a rampage of appreciation. This is by far the quickest and most satisfying way to connect to Source Energy. As you journey through all the people and things you appreciate in your life, the positive emotions will be the best high you’ve ever experienced. It’s your personal oasis.

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Defeating Fear

noreply@blogger.com (Silver Rose) — Thu, 02 Jul 2009 00:45:00 +0000

Silver is travelling. Please enjoy a repeat of this column from October, 2002:

I’ve felt the presence of an old adversary this week – Fear. I don’t care much for Fear. We lived together for about 30 years of my life and when I finally tossed him out, I thought it was for good.

But Fear is a sneaky guy. He patiently waits for an opening and makes himself right at home, as comfortable as if he never left.

At first, I didn’t even notice he was there. The feeling was so familiar it felt like a cozy old sweater. It wasn’t long, however, before it started to make me itch. In very short order, I had a full-blown rash. I am, you see, allergic to Fear. Everyone is.

That’s when I became aware that Fear was back in my life. I immediately began to look for the tools I’ve used in the past to successfully banish him. Here they are:

• Identify what you’re afraid of. Whatever it is, it’s ALWAYS something that you do not want. Once you see what it is that you don’t want, ask yourself, “Okay, what DO I want?” (Usually the exact opposite of what you don’t want.)

• Once you’ve identified what you want, put your full attention on it. What will it be like when you have it? How will you feel? Where are you, physically? What environment are you in? Who is there with you? Paint a compelling picture. You’ll know you’ve succeeded when you feel as if you’ve already gotten what you want.

• Take action.

Action cancels fear – every single time.

• Focus on the solution. Fear thrives in any environment in which people are looking at the problem instead of the solution.

• Ask yourself, “Is everything okay right this minute?” Usually fear is about something we’re afraid might happen.

Worry is using your imagination to attract something you DON’T want.

- Esther Hicks

Fear will always be with us. It actually serves an excellent purpose. When we feel it in the pit of our stomach, it is a clear signal that we are in the process of attracting something we definitely do not want. As one of the Emotional Messengers that guide us through life, Fear’s purpose is to let us know when we are seriously off course in the pursuit of achieving what we want. Once we learn to read Fear for what it is—a signal that we need to make a course correction—we can take the action that will put us back on track. Having fulfilled its purpose, Fear leaves.

So you see, it wasn’t really an adversary that visited me this week. Fear is simply a messenger. I read the message, am making the course correction, and things are getting back on track, and rather quickly.

That’s the way the Law of Attraction works—you get more of what you focus on! Fear can help you to identify when it’s time to shift your focus.

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What's Your Dream?

noreply@blogger.com (Silver Rose) — Thu, 25 Jun 2009 02:13:00 +0000

Here is what all negative emotion is. It is what you feel when you are focused on something that separates you from who you really are. For example, while you focus on the economy with the conviction that it’s a terrible mess and “we’ll never survive,” your Inner Guide is focused on all the positive aspects of the same economy. The fear or anger or frustration you feel (depending on how strongly you are focused) is the rift between you and your Inner Guide who refuses to agree with you. Your Inner Guide is not fighting you—you’re fighting It. That’s what all negative emotion is—the separation between you and who you really are.

Most would agree that there are many people who are thriving despite what you see on the news day after day. And I’m not talking about those who use the situation to take advantage of people. I mean the many ethical, good people who have not experienced problems due to the economy or, if they have, are using the challenges to progress in a positive direction.

It turns out that the old adage, “You’re either part of the problem or part of the solution,” is a great way to tap the power of the Law of Attraction which says, “You get more of what you focus on.”

Those who are focused on the problem are fighting their Inner Guide and attracting more problems. Those who are focused on the solution are aligned with their inner guidance system and attracting more possibilities.

Susan Boyle is a great example of the power of the Law of Attraction. A 47-year-old woman from a small village in Scotland, her dream was to be a professional singer. She spent her entire life lining up the energy to get to where she wanted to go. As life circumstances caused her focus to shift over the years (her buy-in to the cruel things people said about her appearance, the need for her to care for her ailing mother, etc.), her focus on the dream ebbed and flowed but she never gave up. Every time she focused on her dream with the belief that it could happen, her Inner Guide agreed and Susan was aligned with who she really is. Whenever she focused on how impossible it was, she was fighting her Inner Guide and she felt dejected.

It’s very clear that the majority of Boyle’s focus was on the belief that achieving her dream was possible. How do I know? Let’s look at the evidence. Her dream did not come true as it does for many singers—step-by-step over a period of years as they struggle to make a living doing what they love. Instead, when Boyle was finally in a position to achieve her dream (her Mom had passed away and she was mature enough not to let cruel people convince her that someone who looks like her could never be a professional singer), she rendezvoused with the television show Britain’s Got Talent and the rest is history. She stepped out on the stage and was greeted with disrespect and snickers. When she walked off the stage she was a professional singer whose You-Tube video received millions of hits in the first week. She and her magnificent voice became world famous overnight. That was one powerful alignment of energy.

Her overnight success threw her into a tailspin but that’s probably because, when she envisioned her dream, she never looked past “wowing” audiences. That part has come true and so has her ability to make money with her voice. Now it’s up to Boyle to use her focus to attract the kind of career she wants. The possibilities are limitless and I trust she’ll have what she wants—she’s already demonstrated her ability to harness the Law of Attraction to her advantage.

Can you achieve your dreams more quickly than Boyle did? Absolutely; people do so every day. What’s required is to stay in harmony with your Inner Guide. When you are feeling positive, you are in alignment and the fulfillment of your desires is headed your way.

Susan Boyle “dreamed a dream” and it made her an international inspiration. What’s your dream? What are you waiting for?

To see Susan’s amazing debut, click here:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9lp0IWv8QZY

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Resistance - A Pathway to Pain

noreply@blogger.com (Silver Rose) — Thu, 18 Jun 2009 02:58:00 +0000

With all that’s going on in the world, it is tempting to spend a lot of time resisting “what is”, even though reality is fleeting at best. As my mentor Abraham Hicks says about reality, “There it goes again. There it goes again. There it goes again.”

When we resist what is happening we place our entire focus on what we do not want. Admittedly, it’s difficult not to when it is right in front of us in full living color! And yet, the more we resist the more we attract that which we are resisting. This is what the Law of Attraction is all about—you get more of what you focus on.

There are lots of people who are either out of work or losing money in other ways. Many are spending a good deal of time and energy being upset about it. Of course being upset is an understandable response at the beginning. No matter how enlightened one is, when something happens that threatens your security, you take a hit to the solar plexus.

What’s crucial is what we do after we’ve absorbed the hit. Reality gives us two options. We can:

1. Turn upstream and struggle against the current; or

2. Turn downstream, relax and enjoy the ride.

When we turn upstream, the struggle is fierce which for some of us seems to be the point. In our society, we have been taught that it is noble to struggle. That’s why so many people are mad about Bill Gates having billions of dollars. He appears not to have suffered enough to deserve it. If he had been tragically orphaned at birth or were in a wheelchair or even a minority, we wouldn’t begrudge his wealth. But he has the audacity to make it look like accumulating all that money was fairly easy. For him, it was easy (and continues to be), which is why he has it in the first place. He does not resist wealth; he expects it and he attracts it. Billions!

If I had one shred of evidence that being upset about reality did any good, I would not be writing this. However, the preponderance of evidence is that it is actually quite bad for us. Resisting reality is a direct pathway to pain. It causes stress which in turn floods our bodies with chemicals that do real damage.

Plus, it feels awful.

Being in a state of negative emotion is completely the opposite of who we really are. Our original design can be seen when we watch small children who are completely devoted to their own happiness. If a small child’s allowance is taken away from him, he takes an emotional hit to the solar plexus and throws a tantrum. However, within 20 minutes or so, he is off having a good time focused on something else. He doesn’t fret about the lost money. He doesn’t tell everyone he meets about it. He doesn’t form a support group around it. He moves on because he knows what’s done is done and his happiness is more important than crying over something he can’t control.

As adults, we encourage this kind of resilience in children but when it comes to our own recovery from tough circumstances, we have more of a tendency to turn events into full-blown tragedies. Our news media reflects this. Jennifer Aniston and Brad Pitt have been divorced since 2005 and the news media is STILL milking the “tragedy” of their break-up. The funeral for this marriage is lasting longer than the four-year marriage itself. Hey, news media! It’s time to move on.

I don’t mean for one moment to imply that a child losing his allowance is comparable to someone losing their pension or their job. The comparison is simply to show that we were designed to float downstream, enjoying the ride. While you’re floating you can either focus on all the rocks that “might” hit the boat or you can focus on how beautiful the scenery is as it drifts by. The more you can do this, the more you will attract circumstances to you that will more than make up for whatever you have lost.

Plus, it’s really enjoyable.

When someone asks, “How are you?” do not tell them your reality (there it goes again!). Tell them instead, “I’m on my way to something amazing!” And you will be.

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From "to do" to "Ta Da!"

noreply@blogger.com (Silver Rose) — Thu, 11 Jun 2009 00:51:00 +0000

How does the Law of Attraction impact our productivity?

The simplest explanation is to say that, when we focus on the multitude of tasks we need to accomplish in a day, week, month or year we become overwhelmed, maybe even discouraged. Because it’s true that you “get more of what you focus on” the tasks seem to multiply because you are focused on them.

If, instead we focus on the outcome we want to produce, the tasks fade into the background even as we gain enthusiasm for doing them. And, if we add a third component— why we want to produce this outcome, then projects get very fun indeed.

Magicians amaze and delight the young and old. As we watch them perform their wizardry, we may find ourselves trying to spot the sequence of tasks that lead up to the finale of the trick but it is not how they did something that makes us gasp with pleasure. When they flourish their capes and loudly proclaim, “Ta Da!” we clap enthusiastically for the mind-boggling outcome they have just produced before our very eyes.

The best magicians are very clear about the outcome they want (the trick itself) and why they want to do it.

Some are driven by a desire to do what seems impossible. The famous magician Houdini, for example, performed feats that got more and more complex as he gained fame and fortune. He would master one amazing trick and immediately want to do an even more difficult one.

Other magicians are driven by applause. The more amazing their tricks, the louder the applause and the more their fame grows.

And I’m certain there are magicians who are driven by money. You don’t make much money if your best trick is pulling a quarter out of a child’s ear but if you can make a tiger appear out of thin air…your bank account grows in direct proportion.

Imagine if each magician spent their time focused on the tedium of their practice sessions. If they made a “to do” list like so many of us do, it would have the same steps on it for weeks (sometimes years) as they learned how to do a trick flawlessly. Same old thing, day in and day out.

Instead (and I am surmising here) they are completely focused on the VISION of what will happen when they unleash their new trick on the world, one audience at a time. They see the looks of envy from fellow magicians; they hear the gasps of delight from the audience followed by thunderous applause; and they envision the dollars flowing into their bank accounts.

Whenever I feel overwhelmed it is because I have shifted from focusing on the outcome I want to produce to the tedium of the steps it will take to get from here to there. I have forgotten (or I never knew) why I am doing whatever it is I am doing at that moment.

If you want to produce your own “Ta Da!” it is important to know:

1. What the “Ta Da” is (what’s your vision?);

2. Why you want to (or have to) do it

3. What it will take to get you there.

Let’s say you want to land a new job, a task many people today are facing. You could go out and get a job mowing people’s lawns in your neighborhood That would be sufficient to enable you to look at your to do list and check off “get a job.” But if you had a very different job in mind, then you haven’t produced a “Ta Da!” You have completed a “to do.”

By following the three steps outlined above, you significantly increase your ability to flourish your own cape and proclaim, “Ta Da!”

The most important steps are #1 and #2. When you create a compelling vision and take the time to understand why you want to realize this vision, then step #3 will take care of itself. You will be inspired to action and the tasks on the “to do” list related to this vision will get done.

Those around you will begin to think you are a magician as you accomplish more than you ever have. Just don’t forget to say, “Ta Da!”

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Filters

noreply@blogger.com (Silver Rose) — Thu, 04 Jun 2009 03:00:00 +0000

I had a major disagreement this month with a friend and, after the dust had cleared, it turned out to be a complicated series of miscommunications. As I listened to his version of what he thought had happened and compared it to mine it was clear that our respective filters had been at play.

We all have filters—points of view about how life works. When something happens, our interpretation of it is significantly impacted by these filters. It’s why there is such a wide variety of stories about the same event.

I began to wonder how filters tie in with the Law of Attraction that dictates, “We get more of what we focus on.” Another way to say it is, “You get more of what you expect.”

If, for example, Lucinda has a filter that people don’t appreciate her, then all her interactions are flavored by that belief; she expects a lack of appreciation. She turns in a report to her boss, hoping for a “Thank you,” but hears none. She does things for others hoping they’ll appreciate her efforts but it doesn’t happen. She volunteers for a task that no one else wants to do and it seems to go unnoticed.

The interesting thing about all of this is that Lucinda’s filter is so strong that even when her boss does say, “Thank you,” she can’t hear it. Others appreciate her efforts but because they don’t express themselves in a gushing manner she had anticipated, she feels slighted. And someone who was about to mention how great it was that she volunteered decides not to because of the scowl on her face.

What are your filters? Here are some common ones besides the one already mentioned:

• No matter what I do, it’s never right.

• I am unlovable.

• I don’t get the respect I deserve.

• No one understands me.

• All women are ________ (fill in the blank).

• All men are __________ (fill in the blank).

So how can we avoid the impact of our filters? What steps might we take when one of them gets activated? The solution is a difficult one because it requires us to admit we might be wrong in our interpretations. And have you noticed that human beings would rather be right than happy?

In order to reverse the impact caused by our filters it is necessary for us to start looking for evidence that we are wrong. For example, Lucinda’s lack of appreciation filter could be counteracted if she conducts a scavenger hunt for moments of appreciation. She could make it a game, giving herself a reward for finding five examples of appreciation in one day and giving herself an even bigger prize if she reaches ten. If this doesn’t work, then there is one more step she can take—giving herself a prize for five examples of appreciation that she has given others, and an even bigger prize for ten. We get more of what we focus on and Lucinda were to focus on giving appreciation, she would, very quickly, start receiving it herself.

Another very important way to counteract the impact caused by our filters is through communication. My friend and I would have avoided a lot of pain if we had simply sat down and said, “This is what I heard you say. Do I have it right?” Instead, because we were thoroughly convinced that our viewpoint was accurate, we nursed hurt feelings, stopped interacting and, because of our filters said to ourselves, “I can’t believe this has happened to me again. I was right.”

Why are we so afraid to talk to each other? The worse thing that could happen is confirmation that our interpretation is correct. Since we already think so, what do we have to lose by asking?

The next time you have hurt feelings or anger, ask yourself if maybe, just maybe, you are reading the situation through a filter. Rather than feeding Miracle-Gro™ to your self-righteousness (like I did) ask some questions OR start acting in the way you wish others would.

Maybe I should adopt a new slogan: Change Your Filters, Change Your Life!

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Relax

noreply@blogger.com (Silver Rose) — Thu, 28 May 2009 01:31:00 +0000

Like so many of us, I am guilty of over-complicating what it takes to attract the life I desire. The Law of Attraction says you get more of what you focus on. That’s useful information. However, in a world where there are so many things competing for our attention, how can we choose wisely? Actually, how do we choose at all? We can’t seem to decide where to specifically focus so we give our attention to whatever is parading before us in any given moment.

Recently, I was given an instruction that may be the very best formula to achieve the results you want. I was told, “Get a clear vision of the outcome you want and then relax!”

When you relax about achieving the result you desire, you are in a mode of expectation; you’re confident that the outcome you want is coming. The more we relax into the expectation, the more quickly it arrives.

But we don’t relax, do we? We grow impatient. We want it RIGHT NOW! We fret that we’re not going about it correctly. We worry that some higher being is going to deem us unworthy to receive it. And the more we notice that it’s not here, the further away we push it.

This is not true in every area. We’ve all had instances where we attracted something we wanted pretty easily—especially in an area about which we feel self-confident.

For example, if you know you are good at sales, you go into a sales meeting expecting to close the deal and the majority of the time that is exactly what happens. Maybe you are self-confident about your ability to make friends and, as a result, you are surrounded by them. If you know you’re a good cook, even your experiments turn out well.

Each of us has areas in which we attract what we want easily and effortlessly. More often than not, we take this ability for granted thinking that, if WE can do it then it must be as easy for everyone to do. This is simply not true. If everyone had equal skill in attracting what they want then Oprah wouldn’t battle with her weight and Larry King wouldn’t be on marriage #8. Both Oprah and King are brilliant in the areas of career and attracting money but fall short elsewhere.

Maybe you’re fit and trim. Oprah would like your secret. Maybe you’ve been happily married to the same person for lots of years. Larry King could use your advice.

Here is some smashingly good news--once we’ve learned how to attract success in one area, we can apply the same formula to those areas that are more challenging. At the beginning, when you were first learning how to produce results, you naturally gravitated toward those areas that were easiest for you. Now that you’ve mastered the formula in one or more of the easier areas (easier for you), it’s time to attract what you want across the board.

When it comes to gauging whether or not we are attracting what we want, our emotions are the best barometer. When we are feeling positive emotions, this is our indicator that we are attracting what we want. When we are feeling negative emotions, we know we are focused on and attracting something we do not want.

We don’t focus nearly enough on those areas where we are already attracting what we want. We’re too busy moaning about what we are lacking. And yet, when you consider what you have—your job, your home, your loved ones, your lifestyle—you can come to no other conclusion than this: you are really good at attracting what you want. You just haven’t mastered it and you never will. No one gets it perfect. You can, however, get better at it every day and take your success formula from one area and apply it to another.

Try it. Sit down and analyze the steps you have taken to produce success in one area of your life. Once you’ve identified those steps, apply them to the area where you’d like more.

OR—Get a clear vision of the outcome you want and then relax!

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Why So Angry?

noreply@blogger.com (Silver Rose) — Thu, 21 May 2009 00:13:00 +0000

I’ve been looking for fictional books that are uplifting and in answer to my quest a dear friend loaned me Breakfast with Buddha by Ronald Merullo.

In the book, Otto Ringling, a New York publishing executive is tricked into a cross-country road tour with a Russian guru named Rinpoche. The guru is a gentle soul and Ringling is a tad uptight. During the week-long trek, Rinpoche repeatedly asks his reluctant tour guide, “Why so angry?”

That, my friends, is an excellent question.

I don’t know about you, but when things don’t go my way, I am prone to internal temper tantrums. If there’s no one around these tantrums become externalized causing Paco, the biggest dog in our household much worry (the littler dog could really care less). While I’m loudly expressing my frustration, Paco nervously hovers nearby, ever alert to protect me from whatever danger I am facing. Poor guy—he doesn’t understand that the danger is coming from me.

When I can’t figure out what’s bugging me, I journal; it’s a very effective discovery tool. The question I wrote at the top of the journal page this morning was Rinpoche’s query, “Why so angry?”

I find that most people are rather adept at handling life’s big problems. We glide confidently through problems with kids, friends’ health scares, and airplane delays. But let the copier break down when it is REALLY needed and suddenly we throw a fit, convinced that it’s part of a conspiracy to make life miserable. If you look carefully, the items on the first list share something in common—they are out of our control. But copiers? We have some silly notion that they will do our bidding wherever and whenever we need.

The Law of Attraction says that you get more of what you focus on. When we get upset about little things like copiers (or cell phones or cars) not working properly, what is almost always underneath the upset is a belief that the subject of annoyance is standing in the way of us getting whatever it is we want.

For example, if the copier jams when I am making copies of handouts for a presentation, I become angry because I think the copier is to blame if I show up unprepared and looking unprofessional.

Have you noticed that these upsets usually happen when we have the least amount of time to deal with them? Let’s slow down for a moment and consider that. If I’m making copies for a presentation that is two days from now and the copier jams, I don’t get upset. I know I have plenty of time to get them done and to show up looking professional. But if the copier jams at midnight when the presentation is the next morning, you can BET I’m plenty upset.

When we have to rush to get something done, our complete focus is on time limitations. What do we attract as a result? More events that will further limit our time!

Why so angry?

Because I know I did it to myself. Because there’s no one else to blame. Often I’m angry because I’m re-learning a lesson on a topic I thought I had already mastered.

Anger can be a gift if we are willing to peel away the outer skin and look at what’s underneath. Whenever I have the courage to look, I discover that the anger has to do with not taking care of myself in some way.

• Getting projects done a few days in advance of the deadline is a way to
take care of ourselves

• Being early for appointments is a way of taking care of ourselves

• Planning things so you have all the necessary resources in place when
it’s time to perform the task is a form of self-care.

Why so angry?

For me, it’s because I know I’m the biggest obstacle standing between what I have and what I want. How about you? Why so angry?

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What's The Difference?

noreply@blogger.com (Silver Rose) — Thu, 14 May 2009 03:08:00 +0000

The primary difference between a job you enjoy and a job you dread is where you place your focus.

The primary difference between a life you love and being a victim of life is where you place your focus.

And the only control any of us have over the circumstances of our existence is the choice of where to place our focus.

It’s so simple and yet do we choose our focus or do we more often allow our minds to lead us down a path we would never consciously pursue?

The Law of Attraction dictates that we attract more of what we focus on. If you’re not sure about where your focus has been, you need look no further than the circumstances of your life to find out. When we look, we can clearly see that whatever parts of our lives we have focused on with consistently positive energy are areas where we flourish.

For example, when I look at my own life, I recognize that I have primarily focused on family, friends, spirituality and physical vitality. I know that because in all those areas, I am thriving. I have lots of great friends, I’m in touch with my family regularly and because I feel both spiritually and physically fit, I have been blessed with an abundance of energy.

In which areas do you thrive and what is your evidence of well-being? Take a moment to think about this.

What about the areas in which we are not thriving? If we want a balanced life, it is also important for us to acknowledge those areas that aren’t currently the way we would like them to be. For example, when I look at my financial situation, it is definitely not where I want it to be and it has nothing to do with the economy (believe me, I wish I could blame it on that). The reason I don’t have the financial circumstances I would like is simple: I have not put enough positive focus on this part of my life. In fact, when I DO focus there, it’s most often with negativity and we all know what I’ll attract in that state—more things to be negative about. And so, the more I worry about finances, the worse they get. Sound at all familiar?

Consistent focus with emotional intensity will get you what you are focused on—fast!

To prove the above point, I looked at two areas of my life:

1. I am rich with friends because I consistently and passionately focus on nurturing them. In this case, the emotional intensity is in the form of passion.

2. I am consistently worried about making enough money which ensures that I always fall short. The emotional intensity is in the form of worry.

So what’s an enlightened person to do? Tony Robbins who coaches some of most successful people in the world says, “Success leaves clues.” By examining how we produced such great results in those areas where we are thriving, we can duplicate the process in areas that still need work.

For example, one of the reasons I’m able to nurture my friendships is because they are a priority for me. What if I made my finances a top priority, as well?

We might also notice that certain areas of our lives get most of our positive attention because we enjoy them. What do we need to do to turn our areas of improvement into areas of enjoyment?

Our success models vary. What works for me might not work for you. But what I do know is that Robbins is right—success does leave clues.

The only difference between those areas where we are thriving and our areas of improvement is how we have used our focus. Begin today to uncover your particular success model. Apply it with consistent emotional intensity to your areas of improvement and watch how quickly things turn around.

What’s the difference? It’s the difference between a balanced life in which we thrive in all areas and an uneven life where we’re off kilter more than we want.

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Conversations with Yourself

noreply@blogger.com (Silver Rose) — Thu, 07 May 2009 02:14:00 +0000

The conversations you have with yourself set the tone for your life on a day-to-day, moment-by-moment basis. Because this is true, how you talk to yourself matters more than any other conversation, past, present or future—more than the impact of your greatest mentor or the verbal blows from your worst tyrant.

Intuitively, we understand that we are the choreographers of our lives. We know that our internal dialogue is the music we dance to. And yet, if someone had the ability to monitor our self-talk what might they witness? Would they hear beautiful, uplifting melodies or a cacophony of ugly noise?

Do any of these conversation pieces sound familiar?

• How could I be so stupid?

• What is wrong with me?

• I’ll never figure this out.

• It’s useless; I might as well give up.

• How could I forget something so important?

• Don’t even bother; they’d never choose you.

The problem with all self-deprecating statements (and I’m sure you have some unique ones of your own) is that they attract to us the very circumstances we do not want. The Law of Attraction says that you get more of what you focus on. By focusing on our perceived defects, we attract people who agree with our self-assessment.

Yes, that’s correct. When people who judge us harshly show up in our lives, we have attracted them through our own internal negative focus. People who have high self-esteem do not attract bullies because they do not bully themselves.

So how do you go about shifting negative self-conversation? There are a number of ways to do so:

• Argue with the voice in your head. Just because you have harsh thoughts about yourself doesn’t make them true. Say to the internal critic,” Thank you for sharing. However, I disagree with you.”

• Keep track of what you’ve done well. Your internal critic is masterful at keeping track of your errors. Fight back by mindfully tracking your successes. Write these deeds down and set aside a special place to keep them—a beautiful box, a file folder, or a notebook. Refer to them whenever your inner critic has you by the throat.

• Write yourself love letters (or emails). We spend too much time looking outside of ourselves for encouragement. When we write the kinds of affirming letters of admiration that we wish others would send, we begin attracting people who agree with our positive opinion of our worth.

Keep in mind that these exercises are not an instant fix. You’ve spent a lifetime developing your internal language; it will take some time to shift it to a more melodious one. The more often you use these tools, the more quickly your point of attraction will shift.

Sometimes I wonder why it’s so difficult for us to do things that on paper seem to be so easy. I don’t know why we scold ourselves or have self-limiting conversations. I leave that up to the psychologists. What I do know is that we are the only ones who can do something about it. And that, my friends is a conversation worth having!

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