Silver Top Tortoise

Now we are 3

noreply@blogger.com (Ben Blench) — Mon, 27 Sep 2010 20:28:00 +0000

On Friday, I became a father :-)

Here's how it all happened, according to my Twitter feed:

So, what shall I do for the rest of the year? Oh yes - become a Dad LOL!
11:29 AM Sep 21st

Hey, why didn't anyone tell me Flevopark was so nice?
3:54 PM Sep 22nd

So... Debs is actually having our baby. Like, right now!
1:31 AM Sep 23rd

That is to say, contractions are proceeding apace
1:42 AM Sep 23rd

Ouch
2:03 AM Sep 23rd

Nature is a bitch
2:21 AM Sep 23rd

Lots of effort, not much progress :-(
3:56 AM Sep 23rd

Aaaand we're off to the hospital for some good, old-fashioned sedation. Nothing wrong, just a tired wife who needs some rest.
4:21 AM Sep 23rd

Baby update: Debs is on her way home! Things are starting to move a bit, so we're back on for a home birth
12:08 PM Sep 23rd

Which is great - she really wasn't happy in the hospital.
12:09 PM Sep 23rd

I have managed to snatch about 6 hours sleep in the past 30 hours...
12:10 PM Sep 23rd

Not so bad you might think.
12:11 PM Sep 23rd

THINK AGAIN
September 23/2010 12:11:15 PM

My shoulders feel like they're made of scaffolding
September 23/2010 12:12:11 PM

Just up after 4 hours sleep. Debs sounds tired and miserable, but I will push this baby out for her! Er... if that's possible
September 23/2010 12:22:04 PM

This is all quite exciting! Though I'm sure Debs would not describe it in quite such upbeat terms...
September 23/2010 12:40:04 PM

Hooray! She's home again, looking a bit done in, but much more relaxed
September 23/2010 13:11:04 PM

Deb: snoozing, woozing, contracting. Me: A perpetual motion machine fueled only by Yorkshire Tea. And tweets.
September 23/2010 13:41:12 PM

Can't believe how my selfish wife has made me miss 3 frames of Ronnie vs Jimmy. THOUGHTLESSNESS!
September 23/2010 14:28:01 PM

Ice cubes and puking
September 23/2010 18:09:18 PM

Also, we have passed the 36 hour mark! GREAT!
September 23/2010 18:09:38 PM

Pop go the waters!
September 23/2010 19:15:12 PM

Aaaaand we're off to the hospital again. This time, three of us will be coming back.
September 23/2010 19:42:17 PM

So, just discovered a KPN hotspots. I can now continue to tweet the heck out of this birth.
September 24/2010 01:44:18 AM

Which we are now 42 hours into. FORTY TWO HOURS!
September 24/2010 01:44:59 AM

Currently in the VU (a hospital). Debs is shattered, but soldiering on.
September 24/2010 01:45:59 AM

She managed a couple of hours of sleep earlier, amazingly. I think the pethedine helped...
September 24/2010 01:46:48 AM

I'm not sure, but I think we might be rounding the final bend into the home straight
September 24/2010 01:48:11 AM

Thank you to everyone who has txtd or tweeter their love and support - much appreciated by us all :-)
September 24/2010 01:48:57 AM

We had no fucking idea it might last this long.
September 24/2010 01:50:58 AM

We've nearly got to the bit where the Doctor says "Push, Mrs Blench, PUSH!"
September 24/2010 02:12:00 AM

There's a little bed being warmed up with those kruiks they love so much over here
September 24/2010 02:25:15 AM

And a little changing mat with a range of clothing laid out, ready for our new friend
September 24/2010 02:26:10 AM

He or she is apparently "quite hairy" by the way
September 24/2010 02:26:43 AM

Fuck, this bit looks hard
September 24/2010 02:45:51 AM

Ow
September 24/2010 02:47:35 AM

It's the "PUSH!" bit!!!!
September 24/2010 03:01:23 AM

IT'S A BOY!
September 24/2010 04:18:28 AM

Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome to the world my son, Beau Shotton Blench, weighing in at 3.7KG. Mother and baby are doing great :-)
September 24/2010 06:58:26 AM

Twit gift rig lift

noreply@blogger.com (Ben Blench) — Mon, 03 May 2010 19:12:00 +0000

Feast yer peepers on this little beauty! Weep with jealousy at the news that I just won it! Then gasp in disbelief as I reveal that I'm not talking about the keyboard, but the smoking hot Cordinated Cable perched provocatively on top.

GASP!

I am living in exciting times. Seriously, I fucking love this whole thing. I only started following Cordinated on Twitter a couple of weeks ago, and was wondering how to break it to Debs that I was thinking of buying yet more bloody cables when they ran a "retweet this to win" competition... and the rest is history.

I love cables at the best of times, but this one's a real cracker. Hand made in Chicago by Juli and Dan - he solders 'em, she wraps 'em in yarn - and up for sale on the ever-excellent Etsy. Love the schtick, the look, the whole "supporting independent business" thing, and of course (ad-man wank alert!) love the effortless demonstration of the marketing power of social media.

I can already tell that this is going to be a spectacular addition to my Fender setup (American Sunburst Telecaster and tweed-covered Blues Deville 212 amp). In case you're interested, Effects Bay did a comparative review, and if you want to hear one in action, check out The Nick next time we play.

A little bit of LOLitics

noreply@blogger.com (Ben Blench) — Fri, 22 Jan 2010 10:09:00 +0000

Do your own at the online David Cameron poster generator.

The Barber of Amsterdam

noreply@blogger.com (Ben Blench) — Thu, 10 Dec 2009 11:24:00 +0000

I was hugely looking forward to paying a visit to Mister Pasquale Capone, the Barber of Amsterdam. I wanted to go on my birthday, but he's only open Tuesday to Thursday, so I had to wait until I could sort out a day off work - today!

Pasquale's a true Figaro, who lists his skills as tailor, shoemaker, cabinet-maker, dentist, and of course, gentlemen's hairdresser. On his website, Pasquale gives a full account of his responsibilities, including:

"The most important standards in my trade are: personel attention and individuality. I practice my profession in a most natural way. This is in contrast with the operation of most of the present hairdressers À la minute: modernisation, rationalisation, complex machinery etc. They forget the real profession. SOCIAL and CULTURAL VALUES are neglected and the result is SOCIAL and ECONOMIC POVERTY."

This had all the hallmarks of being a classic Barber shop experience. What transpired was... educational, to say the least.

I turned up at 2 and was warmly welcomed into his delightful "living museum". Then I sat there for 40 minutes while he lectured / humiliated me about social responsibility, integrity and my being "an opportunist".

I was made to read aloud, to the assembled audience, a newspaper article in which he expounded his philosophy and vision - all very sensible and noble. You can read all about it for yourselves on his website.

Having ascertained what I did for a living and how much I earned, he wanted to charge me a cool €200! A little steep, in my estimation. I ended up leaving, unshorn.

As I opened the door to leave, and he addressed himself to one of his regulars, I caught sight of his face. What a transformation! The kindly-yet-playfully-antagonistic old codger had vanished - in his place, a sneering, judgmental old git of a man, happier to domineer and sermonize than to provide friendly service to his customers.

I won't be going back.

6-Face Fun Time

noreply@blogger.com (Ben Blench) — Sun, 08 Nov 2009 11:32:00 +0000

Here's a nice video by Rinpa Eshidan. I'm always impressed by people who conceive of things like this. Even more impressed when they actually do it :-)

If I did a time lapse video doodah, it would totally be about a cable trying to find a hole to plug into. On his voyage of discovery, he'd fall in love with an effects pedal and they'd have kids. In the end the whole family would settle down on a pedalboard. Or something.

Via Coilhouse.

Waveform is analogue

noreply@blogger.com (Ben Blench) — Wed, 04 Nov 2009 13:34:00 +0000

This is rather neat - an analogue representation of digital waveform editing, in the form of "how to make that Prodigy song":

Helps if you have the sound on :-)

I love all this "writing on things in your house" stuff. Reminds me of this.

An Awful Book

noreply@blogger.com (Ben Blench) — Thu, 29 Oct 2009 18:22:00 +0000

Delightful bit of writing on this dressmaking book of Deb's:

Charming and inviting. From 1965, dontcha know? 3 and 6, and worth every penny.

Inside there's a useful glossary, which reveals to me an entirely new meaning for the verb "baste", and has some nice things to say out loud, like "blind hem," "notches," and "catch stitch." Go on, say them now. Now! Feels GREAT doesn't it?

Also: "Bodge". There's one I haven't heard in a while.

In-trays and postcards

noreply@blogger.com (Ben Blench) — Tue, 20 Oct 2009 06:16:00 +0000

Here's a good one for everyone in England enjoying the postal strike.

Debs heard a thing on Radio 4 a few months ago which told a wonderful story about a man who would go to work in the morning, check the contents of his in-tray (probably while smoking a pipe), and then, having gauged the amount of work he had to do that day, send a postcard to his wife letting her know what time he would be home for tea.

How very civilized.

But for all that we have lost... how much we have gained :-)

Here are all the wires...

noreply@blogger.com (Ben Blench) — Fri, 16 Oct 2009 15:05:00 +0000

This explains everything!

Via Bonerparty.

Ad bash

noreply@blogger.com (Ben Blench) — Mon, 21 Sep 2009 20:03:00 +0000

Let's mock some adverts. Sorry if this is boring to people who don't get British TV... actually no, I'm not sorry at all.

1. 8x the size. Could be "8 weeks worth of stuff", not sure, can't remember

No idea what brand this advert was for (FAIL!) but the premise is something like "What if you had to buy 8 weeks worth of stuff in one go?". Not a particularly daunting idea, really, especially since the first product they use to illustrate this ghastly scenario is a gigantic tube of toothpaste - like 2 metres long or so.

Toothpaste.

A product you use maybe 3g of per day. I don't know about you, but a tube of toothpaste 2m long would probably last me a decade. I can proudly boast that a standard tube easily lasts me eight weeks.

How come the agency was allowed to get away with this?? Who is the client? How come I can't find any pix or videos to illustrate my frustration? Why are you all looking at me like that? IT'S AN INCREDIBLY ANNOYING ADVERT!

2. Dulux - What would you change?

I dunno, it's something about the link between colour and emotion, so therefore... buy paint!

Except that even after the crying woman has had her room repainted (probably by her henpecked husband who we never actually see - I suspect he's down the pub by now) - even after that, and even though by the end of the ad her mouth is smiling, she still has a look of such empty desperation in her eyes, plus that apologetic little mouth motion... hot damn, it makes me want to adopt an abused puppy to redress the balance of good and evil in the world.

This execution FAIL is the most horrific thing I've seen in ages. Conspackulations, Dulux!

3. Glade's "I want to do a poo at Paul's" abomination

I know this was invented by the Germans or something, cos it looks funny and is clearly dubbed, but even they should have realised that children don't give a fig what a bathroom smells like after they've relieved themselves. Concept FAIL.

Even so, a lit match is a far more pleasant solution than some airborne chemical stink. Product FAIL.

DOUBLE FAIL!

Plenty more where this came from, if I can be bothered. In case you can't wait, read this neverending thread of other people letting off steam about dreadful TV commercials.

Copyright and ownership

noreply@blogger.com (Ben Blench) — Thu, 17 Sep 2009 16:46:00 +0000

All right, here’s question for all the millions of copyright lawyers who regularly read this: Let’s say I’ve downloaded a full TV series from a filesharing site or via a torrent service.

Illegal, right?

But what if that series has already been shown on a TV channel that I pay for? I could have recorded all the shows, then converted them into digital files before putting them on my hard drive… ended up in the same place I am now - and been completely within my rights.

So what’s the difference? Isn't downloading simply a more convenient way of getting hold of media I have already paid for?

The same thing applies to albums I own on vinyl. I could spend a couple of hours recording, chopping and converting my LP into MP3s, or just download them in a fraction of the time.

But since I already own the songs, what’s the difference?

For me, there is none - morally. If there is a legal difference, it surely only exists to protect the interests of media and music companies, who want us to pay several times over to get the same thing in different formats.

Bullshit, right?

I await the comments of my learned friends with scarcely concealed excitement.

Barbershops of the World - Extra

noreply@blogger.com (Ben Blench) — Sun, 12 Jul 2009 09:59:00 +0000

Poland! I went there with Debs. And because we were going to the wedding of some friends we met while travelling, I seized the chance to resurrect the popular Barbershops of the World feature from our travel blog. That way I would look all smart for the big occasion, and also publish something exciting here.

It went mostly according to plan.

Having spent hours wandering around Praga - the hip/upcoming/creative bit of Warsaw - and finding nothing suitable, we spotted a cute little shop in the cab on the way back to the fancy schmancy Old Town.

We had to wait for his 90 minute lunch break to finish, then at 3 o'clock we waltzed in, slightly startling the elderly barber, Tadeus. We had a quick chat - him in Polish, me in half Russian half Polish - and came up with a plan. Grade 2 on my head, grade 1 on my face. Simple! Or so I thought.

It's part of the rules not to interfere once Mr Scissors has started work. Debs doesn't understand why, and neither do I, but it's just more fun like that. So I sat back and enjoyed as his crazy, shaky hands proceeded to skin my head at about grade 1, then wave the clippers over my cheeks and chin, achieving a very patchy grade 1-and-a-halfish.

He also nicked me just behind my left ear with the cut-throat. At least it had been nicely sterilised by dipping it into a pot of... stuff beforehand. Er...

I left with a neat and tidy head, but giant fluffy patches all over my face. Not the greatest cut in the world, but quite amusing nonetheless. He also loses points for not making use of that rotary "Barber's Stool" device which is attached to my chair in the above pic.

Cost PZL30 (EUR 6)

Cut quality 5/10

Fear factor 4 - shaky hands razor man

And as usual I left with little bits of hair all over my clothes. It always happens, no matter how tight the cape is around my neck. Debs reckons it's because they use the same brush on everyone, thus depositing as many bits of hair as they manage to remove. Smart barbers might like to try a hairdryer, instead.

Diary of a Grinder

noreply@blogger.com (Ben Blench) — Thu, 11 Jun 2009 19:22:00 +0000

I know, I know, nothing for 3 weeks, then 2 blogs come along at once.

If you're really bothered about getting regular, small doses of blenchtext, get onto my twitstream.

Which is what I'm writing about here: that is, I'm recommending Diary of a Grinder to you.
It's a twitter novella, apparently written by a recently bereaved man on the verge of marital collapse who, in his time of need, discovers the joys of grinding everyday articles into powder.

Sample tweet:

"Feel so satisfied. Drunk whole bottle of port. Ground empty bottle. 22 secs. V good."

So far he's lost his job, and his wife only shows up to shake her head disapprovingly, cry and leave again.

More time for grinding!

Check him out on the all new face of internet excitement that is Twitter.

Bastard's got more followers than me and I've been doing this for about 2 and a half years. What a rotten swizz.

I'm assuming the grinder in question is something like the one pictured above, and not one of these designer "spiceboy" devices. I still have a sore thumb from using this to grind 2 tablespoons of cumin a full 2 weeks ago.

No chance of doing a bottle of port in this. No way.

Under Armour 11

noreply@blogger.com (Ben Blench) — Thu, 11 Jun 2009 17:52:00 +0000

<Alan Partridge>And another!</Alan Partridge>

This tasty site promoting Under Armour's new soccer boots has just gone live today. This is the most fun project I've been involved with so far in my glittering career.

I spent a couple of weeks working with the Perfect Fools in Amsterdam, hanging around at the Amsterdamsche Football Club, meeting and interviewing the players, eating cheese toasties and fending off rude comments from the French dudes about my (tatty) ski-jacket...

And then I sat in front of my keyboard and wrote a load of stuff about football boots, the players themselves, and translated some French (and some Scottish) for video subtitles... et voilà!

The centrepiece of the experience for me is the tidy, full-screen videos. Here's one now (obviously not at full-screen res though innit):

As usual with a Perfect Fools production, there are some lovely details. The Keepy-up game during the preloader is sweet, the Flash mini-games they use to illustrate the boots' features are cute, and they get the simple syndication thing right too - embedding the above video was 3-clicks easy.

Adidas 12th Man

noreply@blogger.com (Ben Blench) — Wed, 20 May 2009 20:06:00 +0000

Another, "I did that" post.

It's the Adidas 12th Man campaign. As produced by 180 and seen all over the place. Hopefully.

If you haven't already seen the "virals" (hate that term), no worries, what do you think I'm here for?

I didn't write these web-spots, I can't take any credit for them. Here's the Chelsea FC one anyway.

What did I write? This Liverpool quiz! And this Chelsea quiz! And - hopefully coming soon - more quizzes for some other clubs which haven't gone live yet as far as I can work out, so I'm not about to fuck up any potential elements of surprise / chances of being rehired by mentioning them here.

Screenshot!

Desperate to know what the answer to question 7 is? Don't come running to me, fatso. Work it out for yourself.

(And the questions are randomized every time, anyway, so...)

I used to love this: Ragga Twins

noreply@blogger.com (Ben Blench) — Fri, 08 May 2009 00:12:00 +0000

Having rudely slagged off the Red Hot Chili Peppers last time, I'll pick a disc I'm going to be nice about. This time, it's Ragga Twins - Reggae Owes Me Money, an album as completely awesome now as it was in 1991.

I ended up paying almost £30 to get a CD of this album on eBay a few years ago, just cos I had to have it. And then last year they released a Best of the Ragga Twins compilation on Soul Jazz. Oh well.

There's an astonishingly poor entry for them on Wikipedia. Good grief! These guys - rejoicing in the names of Flinty Badman and Deman Rocker - pretty much built jungle with their bare hands! Great voices, more or less incomprehensible to me at the time, but spilling over with energy and attitude. Wonderful, instinctive badness which mixed up hip hop, sound system, and techno. Check out Spliffhead:

And get a whole load of Hooligan 69. Just last week I was monumentally disappointed when it turned out the DJ was playing the Prince track, rather than the Twins' remix.

Oh Jesus! God bless YouTube for having this on it - it's the video for Hooligan 69 original version, the one above being the remix - look at those little dudes go!

A quick note to all the "youth" who are currently going completely NUTS for Caspa-style dubstep wobble: ferchrissakes do yourselves a favour and check out the Ragga Twins. It's what the stuff you love used to sound like before it was neutered and pumped full of Xanax.

Verdict: Guilty of wickedness in the 1st degree.

Sentence: Eternal everythingness! Free pass to do whatever, whenever. Bow down to the rulers!

All of which reminds me to get my hands on some Iration Steppas ASAP.

Cyber-cock bonanza

noreply@blogger.com (Ben Blench) — Wed, 06 May 2009 21:14:00 +0000

Rejoice! A fun project that I worked on has gone live.

The Pacifico Alarm Clock is a joint production by Perfect Fools Stockholm and Creature Seattle for Pacifico beer. They were responsible for the concept, design and build of the website, iPhone app and Adobe Air desktop app.

Me... I wrote the words. Yes indeed, El Gallo de Pacifico is all my own work. Well, mostly. As tends to happen with interactive projects, especially ones that are produced by various groups worldwide, there's a certain amount of "teamwork" involved. But hey, I got the main bits sorted and set the tone of voice, so I'm happy.

Below is the blog widget that you can snaffle from the site. Enter your date of birth and enjoy live rooster streaming action!

And here's how the iPhone app looks - check out that little night vision dude :-)

Finally, there's this clever little bit of behind the scenes backstory / seeding action via the Claudio and I blog - written by the Swedish guy in Mexico who's taking care of Claudio, running the webcam and comissioning Mexican sign painters to do rooster murals.

Clock-a-doodle-do!

Action / Reboot

noreply@blogger.com (Ben Blench) — Mon, 04 May 2009 12:09:00 +0000

Trying to think of something to speak about at Reboot 11. This year's theme is "Action".

Plenty of chaff; not so much wheat.

Yet.

Leaning towards doing something frivolous... Intrigued by Flemming Funch's proposal of The art of not-doing - I was thinking along the same lines...

How often does this happen?

noreply@blogger.com (Ben Blench) — Thu, 16 Apr 2009 11:08:00 +0000

About a month ago I backed up all the data on my iMac.

Last week, it did a big crash... and I lost precisely no data whatsoever.

Thank you, Western Digital 1TB HDD.

Bye bye, iMac G4. I loved you for a long time, but then you got all slow and stuff, and then you totally gave up the ghost.

Unusual story, innit? Almost as boring as it is unusual, in fact...

Sucking the Corporate Teat

noreply@blogger.com (Ben Blench) — Wed, 08 Apr 2009 22:15:00 +0000

My colleague Wortel Jones is unwell, so I'm gonna seize this opportunity to run this bitch on my own. Plan is to get the CFO shitfaced, then badmouth Jones to him in the hope of wangling a place on that inter-agency golf tournament next month. Not the sort of thing I'm proud of, you understand, but you know, a man's gotta get ahead in this game...

I used to love this: Red Hot Chili Peppers

noreply@blogger.com (Ben Blench) — Tue, 31 Mar 2009 23:15:00 +0000

Since The Red Hot Chili Peppers were my inspiration, I should start with them.

My era: Freaky Styley, Uplift Mofo Party Plan, Mother's Milk.

I loved them for this: they made a crazy noise I had never heard before. Funny, bouncy, unusual rocky stuff that sounded to me at the time like pure fun. Consider that I grew up in Beaconsfield.

Holy shit, did you know George Clinton produced Freaky Styley? Ha ha! Apparently the spoken word intro and outro to "Yertle the Turtle" were performed by Clinton's drug dealer, who wrote off George's debts in return for being on the album. Witness the awesome collision of capitalism and creativity!

I went off them when they released Blood Sugar Sex Magik because I found the name and a lot of the songs really embarassing, especially "Give it away". Truly, that is some appalling funk/rock/rap fusion right there. It won a Grammy ZOFMG WTF LOL?

The only good thing on that album is "Under the Bridge" - unfortunately since ruined by the All Saints cover.

So anyway, those three records were the ones for me. Skatepunk teenager, happy to pledge eternal allegiance to a band that puts a picture of totally hot topless girl on album cover.

Brief pause to locate said album cover:

Still good.

HOWEVER. Have you heard their stuff recently? I mean, since 1992... It's probably a result of their being off drugs or something but bugger me, they have lost their edge and disappeared up their own bumholes to an extent only rivalled by the likes of U2 and er... can't think of anyone else. Their stuff is just plain limp. They overwork the instrumentalism like it's going to make up for the lack of songs or ideas - it doesn't.

Was it always thus? No! They used to have spunk. And terrible hair and trousers. As did I.

Um...

Verdict: They were always wankers. I grew up. That's really not fair, though. I think I'm blaming them for my own enormous lameness, but so what? Get out of my court! Bailiff!

Revised verdict: They always sucked, that's why I don't actually own anything of theirs. I only liked them because I was also a wanker.

Sentence: DEATH!

I used to love this record!

noreply@blogger.com (Ben Blench) — Tue, 31 Mar 2009 22:59:00 +0000

I was in a car ~~the other day~~ about 14 months ago - in the unfortunate position of having to sit through someone else's selection of the Red Hot Chili Peppers' latest CD - so I sat there thinking "I used to love these guys... but they seem to have become complete wankers - what happened?"

And so I have decided to start a regular feature on this blog right here to work out if the bands and records I used to love have stood the test of time. Do I still like them, did they go all wrong in the meantime, or was I going through a phase of terrible taste?

I'm going to randomly trawl through my memory and record collection to rewind my thoughts and feelings and see how they match up to today's me. And then grade it. Please try to contain your excitement.

Based on the results I've had exploring my vinyl library over the past few months, this stands a pretty good chance of being rather embarassing.

Let us play.

"I have a deliciously full bosom"

noreply@blogger.com (Ben Blench) — Mon, 30 Mar 2009 11:31:00 +0000

One of my favourite websites ever is Miranda July's promo for her book "No one belongs here more than you".

Strong concept, GSOH, etc. Effortlessly beats plenty of high-budget Flash jiggery-pokery things. Falls down slightly because of a lack of syndication tools, though.

I had forgotten all about it until this link to a list of "hand-drawn websites" jogged my memory. Not that the list mentions this site, but you know...

So I went back and found brand new funnies. An update! A year ago! Nice to appreciate the value of slowness and solidity in these atomised, accelerated times.

All of which reminds me of the "back and forth, forever" bit in "Me and you and everyone we know". Not entirely suitable for viewing at work, but you can probably get away with it if you use headphones and stifle your incredulous giggles.

Excellence.

Corporate Whores - Promotion!

noreply@blogger.com (Ben Blench) — Thu, 26 Mar 2009 19:41:00 +0000

Once again, me and the mental merkin are playing songs in a bar. The CEO has been so impressed with my recent 7" performances that he's put me in charge of the 12" account. If you're very lucky I'll even play that Cylob remix.

Freelance haiku

noreply@blogger.com (Ben Blench) — Mon, 23 Mar 2009 15:55:00 +0000

Client wants too much

Budget is small - so sorry

Deadline approaches.