Silverback Gorillas

Scattered Thoughts

2011-11-19T08:49:00.001-05:00

Everything looks better with a Lego Death Star.

With the NBA officially in an apocalyptic tailspin, I decided to take a break from my respective gigs at Warriors World and Forum Blue & Gold to make my triumphant return over here at the SBG.

Now, some people predicted that with the absence of the National Basketball Association, that I would turn over my attention to Major League Baseball, the National Hockey League or perhaps even NCAA Football, but that’s just not me; instead, I stuck to my guns and focused even harder on the things that I already liked and wanted to question. In that sense, I’m like a pimp trying to rededicate himself to his craft by finding new ways to apply powder to my hands.

Welcome back ladies and gentlemen to my Scattered Thoughts.

ENTERTAINMENT

Last week, Bill Simmons wrote a brilliant career arc piece on Eddie Murphy that made me quite nostalgic. After reading the article, I came down to one big conclusion: no artists/entertainers have influenced me more than Michael Jackson and Eddie Murphy; and really it’s not close. Here’s the breakdown…

Michael Jackson

One of Michael Jackson’s greatest accomplishments was his ability to transcend race. Indeed, fans worldwide did not view him as a black entertainer, but rather as a man of music that just seemed to appeal to all. But Jacko did not just render his fans color-blind, he actually turned all of us into cult followers.

Sounds a bit harsh or perhaps too strong right? Well consider this: how many artists today could get away with routinely grabbing their crotch and yelling at a lady in a music video on the street and look completely cool doing it? Sounds weird and creepy, and yet that’s the premise for the video of The Way You Make Me Feel.

Once Michael did something, it automatically became socially acceptable. Tight pants that barely reached the ankles, shiny white socks, crotch-grabbing, dancing on the tip of your toes and screaming like a girl were all tolerated in the spirit of emulating Michael Jackson. But the one reason MJ shaped my childhood: he made me dance.

The King of Pop was a legend in his own right, and he turned a shy young boy into a kid willing to put himself out there to sing and dance regardless of whom was watching. Michael made me and a multitude of other kids around the world jump on their beds and dance to Smooth Criminal and attempt to recite lyrics that no one could seemingly understand. It’s one thing to do that to people in various cities, but to have that kind of impact across the globe? Unreal.

And here’s how I know there will never be another Michael Jackson: when MJ would release a new video (especially in the 1980s); the world would literally stop to sit down and watch it. You didn’t want to be the one person who missed its first airing and not be able to discuss it with friends the next day. Name me one artist today that could do that.

Just to put things into perspective, here are my five favorite music videos of all time:

1. Thriller

2. The Way You Make Me Feel

3. Beat It

4. Smooth Criminal

5. Billie Jean

Yup, my top five is essentially a Michael Jackson playlist.

Eddie Murphy

My favorite movie of all time is Coming to America (in French mind you) and Beverly Hills Cop and 48 Hours easily make my top 20 favorite movies list. But Eddie Murphy converted me into a fan for life with his classic stand up acts in Delirious and Raw.

Times might be different today but a lot of the jokes are still funny to this day no matter how many times I have watched the performances. For my money, Mr. F*ck You Man is the funniest man to have ever been involved in showbiz.

Eddie’s genius as a comedian stems from some of his multiple skills…

· Voices: he could mimic the voice of just about any celebrity ranging from Mr. T. to Elvis Presley and even capture their mannerisms and act like these said celebs. Watch Eddie Murphy act like Bill Cosby by clicking here.

· Storytelling: Those of you familiar with Charlie Murphy’s Hollywood stories on the Chappelle Show would probably be amazed at Eddie Murphy’s ability to recount stories in a comical way regardless of whether they were fictional or not. Have a look at Eddie Murphy act out a story on an Italian man after seeing the movie Rocky over here.

· Real life situations: A lot of times, being a comedian means taking every day situations and presenting them in a different perspective that makes people laugh; and Eddie Murphy was able to do so routinely. Have a look at how Eddie portrays unfaithful women here.

And after seeing Eddie Murphy perform on stage and in his movies, it was clear to me that he would be remembered for a long time and that he would probably leave his mark on many much like Richard Pryor did before him.

TELEVISION & MOVIES

The Three Musketeers

I have yet to speak with someone who has actually seen the movie; but after following their story from a very young age, it only made sense for me to go see the movie. For those unfamiliar with the storyline, it occurs during the 1600s in France with Louis XIII serving as the nation’s king. His three best “soldiers” go by the name of the musketeers. These men are master swordsmen and could also be viewed in a way as the predecessors of Jason Bourne. All three musketeers come with different skill sets:

· Athos: Although it’s rarely stated explicitly, he is the leader of the group. He is a master strategist as well as the one person willing to discuss matters diplomatically before engaging into battle because he always has his eyes on the big picture.

· Aramis: He is the stealth agent that often does the scouting of the terrain and of the enemies in order to gain a tactical advantage. He is also highly religious to the point that he prays for his enemies.

· Porthos: He is the brute of the group. He is physically imposing and the strongest one of the trio. He prefers to deal with opponents by way of hand-to-hand combat in order to demonstrate his strength and inflict punishment as opposed to simply finishing off his enemies in a quicker manner by way of his sword.

The trio is inseparable and also seemingly impossible to defeat. Thus, they take their orders from the king and do their best to preserve the honor of the country in the name of their leader. Complicating matters though is the Cardinal Richelieu who is Louis XIII’s second in command; but who thirsts for the king’s power. Consequently, he is constantly concocting plots to bring the king to his knees unbeknownst to the leader of the kingdom.

The musketeers are well aware of Richelieu’s plans but without concrete proof they are unable to explain to the king that his minister is in fact a traitor.

Adding to the intrigue is a teenager by the name of D’Artagnan who leaves the area of Gascogne to make it to Paris with the hope of joining the ranks of the musketeers. D’Artagnan is brash, overconfident and at times cocky; but he believes in his skills and with good reason. He has spent his entire life training to be one of the king’s fighters, and only wants a chance to prove his worth.

Upon arriving in Paris, he realizes that his journey will be a difficult one but ultimately is able to demonstrate his excellent fighting skills as well as his impressive swordsmanship as he tries to infiltrate the ranks of the musketeers.

In a nutshell, that is the story of The Three Musketeers, but I would strongly recommend watching the movie to see the multiple twists and turns that come along with defending a kingdom that more often than not does not realize it is under attack. The musketeers are stealth agents that protect their nation at all costs and in a very entertaining manner. The movie captured the true essence of the story all the while making it the script a little Hollywood-friendly, but without compromising key points of the adventure.

Allen Gregory

I initially believed that this new cartoon/sitcom on FOX was essentially a remake of Family Guy, but that would be selling the show short. Allen Gregory (voice by Jonah Hill) is a youngster (I would venture and say he is around eight years old) in the same mold of Stewie Griffin but much older though. He wears suits and speaks with great intelligence, often belittling the people around him.

What makes the show so interesting is the things that Allen Gregory desires to have but cannot. For instance, he wishes the school bully would befriend him but he just cannot seem to get that to happen. Also, our star has his sights set on the school principal that is well within her 50s but she declines his every advance.

These situations by themselves are not all that interesting; but when you factor in that Allen Gregory carries the last name DeLongpre (which is synonymous with power and wealth on the television show) and that his father wants things to go his son’s way; well that brings a new level of intrigue to the show.

For instance, after finding out that his son was getting bullied at school, Allen Gregory’s father (he also happens o be openly gay) demanded that the school dance changes its format and instead require boys to ask boys to the dance, and for girls to do the same. The rationale is to put all the chances on his son’s side to in fact communicate with the school bully and befriend him; a strategy that obviously backfires.

I recommend watching the show for comedy’s sake. It’s a different kind of television cartoon-sitcom that’s good for a few laughs and could potentially keep you coming back for more.

Two and a Half Men

With Charlie Sheen gone and Ashton Kutcher now fully integrated in the show; we can finally answer the one question that everyone has been asking: can the show survive without Sheen? And the answer is no.

Kutcher plays the role of Walden Schmidt who is a billionaire idiot trying to reclaim the love of his wife who has left him. During his grieving (his wife wants nothing to do with him at this point), he befriends Alan Harper and buys Charlie’s house. Mind you, Schmidt is an emotional wreck and Alan is there to see him through tough times and help him bounce back onto his feet.

The scene becomes all too familiar when Walden goes to a bar with Alan and picks up women that he promptly brings back to his house for some fun time while Alan realizes once again he is left out on the sidelines.

There are two major problems with the new direction of the show:

I. We have been conditioned to expect the man of the house to be a middle-aged drunk womanizer who just cannot wait to get rid of his mooching brother. Instead we are now treated to a handsome young man who manages to almost sleep with women by accident and that actually loves having the moocher around.

II. Make no mistake, Walden Schmidt is the star of the show but Alan Harper is slowly becoming the central figure on Two and a Half Men. More often than not, we are following him throughout his life problems and waiting for Walden to step in and save the day (whether he does or not). Consequently, every scene with Kutcher almost seems secondary; as though he is there to just fill up the missing time left in the episode with his goofy movements and words.

Watching the show now is the equivalent of watching the Los Angeles Lakers with Manu Ginobili starting at shooting guard instead of Kobe Bryant. Indeed, the replacement has talent in his own right and can perform adequately but the team was not initially built around him and thus the team just is not as good.

Sous le Signe des Mousquetaires

When I was younger, my cousin and I would religiously watch this show. It’s a Japanese television series about the Three Musketeers. The show is in French but I would venture and say that it can be found in English as well. Mind you, if you are trying to learn or teach French to your kids, this is the perfect opportunity to do so.

Much like the movie the The Three Musketeers, the television show occurs during the 1600s with Louis XIII serving as the king of France. He is married to Anne of Austria and has the Cardinal of Richelieu to serve as his minister.

Although the series does not necessarily rehash actual historical events, it does nonetheless help its viewers get a greater appreciation of the history of France and England by presenting actual people that affected the course of history of these respective countries.

The show may be for children, but the storylines will captivate adults as well and get them to want to follow on. Thus, when my friend Karim offered to hook me up with the whole series; I gladly accepted.

I have been watching the episodes for the past few weeks and it resulted in getting me a little more intrigued in the history of France (especially in the identity of the Man in the Iron Mask) and also in improving my French. Sous le Signes des Mousquetaires uses an old style of French that is understandable but that will nonetheless improve your vocabulary guaranteed or your money back.

ShynePhone Rotation

· Legendary by Royce Da 5’9

· Sucka for Love by DMX

· Can’t Get Enough by J. Cole ft Trey Songz

· You the Boss by Rick Ross ft. Nicki Minaj

· The Illest by Slaughterhouse

· Why Would I by Joe Budden

· 2011 BET Cypher by Eminem ft Yelawolf & Slaughterhouse

· The Real Her by Drake ft. Lil’ Wayne & Andre 3000

· I’ll Do Anything by Ginuwine

· Same Ol’ G by Ginuwine

· Ex-Girlfriend by R. Kelly

· Sure Thing by Miguel

· Shit God Damn by Chris Brown ft. Big Sean

· Damien by DMX

· Buckingham Palace by Canibus

Questions or comments? Feel free to leave them in the comments section or you can contact me by email at Shyne@SBGorillas.com.You can also find me on Twitter with the handle name @ShyneIV.

Scattered Thoughts

2011-10-04T22:20:00.001-04:00

Scattered Joker Cards.

With Peyton Manning on the shelf for a fairly lengthy period of time, I just could not bring myself to write about the NFL. It was just far too depressing to watch my beloved Colts play in what looked like a WWE handicap match against the WWE World Heavyweight Champion and UFC champion all the while writing about it.

But at some point, something has to give right? Instead of making it a full-fledged NFL post, I instead decided to give the best of both worlds and hook you guys up with my Scattered Thoughts. But first, a quick public service announcement…..

Competitiveness is a funny thing; people try to outshine one another in every aspect of life but it never dawned on me that such would be the case in writing. To my surprise, writing isn’t unlike rapping and sports; in that once the established stars feel threatened, they are not above taking shots at you to knock you down a few pegs.

I guess it just never occurred to me that I might matter to some guys at the top….on with the Thoughts.

SPORTS: NFL

32. Indianapolis Colts (0-4)

Let’s get them out of the way right?

31. St. Louis Rams (0-4)

So much for everyone picking Sam Bradford and the Rams to win the NFC West. And to think, a few weeks back I was in Vegas and could have hopped on that bandwagon but thought better of it.

30. Miami Dolphins (0-4)

I’m surprised LeBron James hasn’t been blamed yet for the Dolphins record. I guess fans will probably wait for the last quarter of the season….

29. Minnesota Vikings (0-4)

It seems the Vikes were in fact better off with Favre at the helm huh?

28. Kansas City (1-3)

How long before Todd Haley ends up in a fight with one of his players? There’s just something about him that seems to rub players the wrong way and we keep seeing it on Sundays. Mind you, ever notice how he only seems to chew out offensive players and not defensive ones? Wisely picking his battles….

27. Jacksonville (1-3)

These guys are still in the NFL? Then again I should talk, they have a better record than Indianapolis.

26. Arizona Cardinals (1-3)

For everyone saying that Philadelphia should have considered keeping Kolb in the city of brotherly love, the Eagles and Cardinals both have the same record. So would he really have helped?

25. Seattle Seahawks (1-3)

You mean to tell me Seattle let Hasselbeck walk away so they could sign Tarvaris Jackson?

24. Denver Broncos (1-3)

Things not looking so good in Denver.

23. Cincinnati Bengals (1-3)

The first win in the Andy Dalton era ladies and gentlemen!

22. Carolina Panthers (1-3)

The Panthers might have a losing record, but other than the Eagles, they might just be the most exciting losing team in the league.

21. Philadelphia Eagles (1-3)

I’m not sure why the media keeps making a big deal out of every Philly loss. They are the best one-win team in the NFL, which has to count for something right? Dreat Team indeed…

20. Cleveland Browns (2-2)

Peyton Hillis annoys me. Know why? Instead of the Madden Curse leading to him missing time due to injury, my PS3 keeps freezing every time I reach Week 13 in my Madden season. So yes, even in Madden, my Colts can’t make the playoffs.

19. Atlanta Falcons (2-2)

We expected more out of this team but it seems that they just might be overrated.

18. Dallas Cowboys (2-2)

17. NY Jets (2-2)

Romo played brilliantly early against Detroit and then essentially gave the game away to the Lions. Mark Sanchez on the other hand felt as though Romo was getting too much attention and thus pitched a stinker against the Ravens.

16. Oakland Raiders (2-2)

Who knew Asomugha would join a stacked team and watch his former team (Oakland) win more games through four weeks than his new one?

15. Chicago Bears (2-2)

Devin Hester now stands alone in history with 11 punt returns for touchdowns. He is bar none the best punt returner the league has ever seen.

14. Pittsburgh Steelers (2-2)

If Big Ben is going to finish up this season, he is going to have to start to get rid of the ball quicker with that banged up offensive line. But the real issue in Pittsburgh, what’s up with the defense?

10. Tampa Bay Buccaneers (3-1)

Could they win the South?

12. San Diego Chargers (3-1)

The Chargers under Norv Turner have historically underperformed early in the season. Given their current record now, one wonders if they will finish with perhaps one of the top seeds in the AFC given their ability to usually finish up the regular season strong.

11. San Francisco 49ers (3-1)

After a big win in Philadelphia, perhaps we should start paying more attention to the Niners.

10. Washington Redskins (3-1)

The question might have once seemed ridiculous, but now one can only wonder: Tony Romo or Rex Grossman?

9. Tennessee Titans (3-1)

Chris Johnson is officially back and you have to figure that the Houston Texans are at least somewhat concerned that they will have someone to fight for the division crown.

8. NY Giants (3-1)

Leading the toughest division in football right now.

7. Houston Texans (3-1)

How does Houston handle prosperity after being mediocre for so many years?

6. New England Patriots (3-1)

Oddly enough, the Patriots win big on the road and still fly under the radar because of the Lions and Packers. Just remember, in recent years New England has not properly handled playing with the target on their backs. With them now not garnering much publicity, I’d keep an eye out on them.

5. Buffalo Bills (3-1)

Just a bump in the road in Cincinnati or a sign of things to come?

4. New Orleans Saints (3-1)

Their defense needs to play better but that offense can sure cover up a lot of mistakes.

3. Baltimore Ravens (3-1)

The Ravens defense did one hell of a job against the Jets and then their ground game showed up late in the third quarter to help them put away the game.

2. Detroit Lions (4-0)

MEGATRON!!! *Transformer sound and jet flies away*

1. Green Bay Packers (4-0)

Still rocking the belt.

RELATIONSHIPS: DATING

The Ex

Last week, one of my friends mentioned to me that he had started talking to this lady and that she seemed to be a keeper at first glance. She was pretty and appealed to him physically. The one issue he faced with her is that she seemed to be stuck on her ex-boyfriend.

Granted, these things happen fairly frequently and thus at times it comes down to simply toughing it out for a few days or possibly a few weeks while the woman in question gets it out of her system (if you are willing to wait). But then he mentioned how he had complimented her at one point and she replied: “I know right? Why wouldn’t he want to be with me?!?”

And that’s when I told him, GET OUT! It’s one thing to be hung up on your former lover and having trouble moving on, but the impression I got from my friend was this lady wasn’t even trying to move on. Instead, she was trying to understand why this man had turned her away and could not get past that. And thus my advice was that he cut his losses now before he become involved in a love triangle.

The Changes

A phenomenon seems to have taken over the world. Women now seem to expect men to basically change the core of whom they are for the sake of pleasing them. It would seem that specifically women who have recently had their hearts broken by their one-time lover have made the executive decision that there are things they will not stand by; which is fine, those are called standards. However, where things get complicated is that when these women meet a man that seems to fit most of their criteria, they take a particular interest in him but set out to change some of the characteristics they do not like.

For instance, if he is not a hugger, she will force him to hug, if he does not like to purchase flowers or go to the movies; well his refusal to acquiesce to such demands will become a matter of national security with the lady in question.

Remember when you were an early teenager and would watch early Saturday morning teen shows and they would always preach to remain yourself and to never try to be someone else because people should appreciate you for who you are? That message seems to have been lost on certain women when dealing with men. Approach with caution!

MUSIC

Hip Hop Power Rankings: Top 3

3. Joe Budden

Jump Off Joey has no shame. He puts his feelings as well as his life on full display and has us live his life through his songs. In his new mixtape Mood Muzik 4.5, Joe touches on issues like the loss of Aspen (his unborn daughter) and finally getting closure from breaking things off with his most recent girlfriend as he raps about their fights and her suspect behavior with a known NFL running back on No Ordinary Love Pt. 3.

Joey just keeps doing his thing and we are all better for it.

2. J. Cole

Cole came to Montreal last month and literally killed the show by performing hit tracks such as Who Dat, Can’t Get Enough and Farewell to name a few. The Carolina rapper had me reeled in then and there but then he took it even further and dropped his LP The Sideline Story.

The album is titled in a way for you to think that it’s everything that is on the side in his life but it’s actually the opposite. Cole’s album is the window with open blinds into his life.

The Jay-Z protégé raps about the path he had to take to reach his goals in A Dolla and a Dream III, the quintessential rags to riches story that focuses on his being poor.

No Hip Hop album would could termed as such without a radio friendly single in which the rapper boasts about his skills in the bedroom and The Sideline Story is no exception, as the Carolina rapper spits game on Can’t Get Enough with Trey Songz on the hook. Here’s a quick verse:

“Won’t brag but the boy been blessed man,

Let you play with the stick

Ovechkin…”

But ultimately, the album hits hard and hits home because Cole shares with us a piece of who he is and why he is the man he is today. He gets deep and introspective on Lost Ones when he acts out a conversation he had with a girlfriend when he was younger and faced with the prospect of raising a child with her in poverty. Essentially they are discussing the possibility of an abortion and Cole tells her (and us) that he isn’t too proud to say that he cries sometimes about it; it may not seem like much, but he sends a powerful message in the song.

And finally on Breakdown, the rap star explains the sadness he felt when his father left him when he was younger and how his mother and brother had to take care of one another. There may be some resentment on his part, but Cole squashes the notion when he states that he just spent some time by his father for the first time in a long time and that all of it rendered him extremely emotional.

There are more tracks to listen to and appreciate on The Sideline Story and I would invite you to do so. Between the production, the lyrics and the radio friendly songs, this album is clearly a must-have for Hip Hop enthusiasts.

1. Eminem

The beats, the lyrics, the words, the word play and the content that Marshall handles in his songs just elevate him above everybody else in the game.

ShynePhone Rotation

DJ Khaled ft. Drake, Rick Ross & Lil’ Wayne – I’m On One

Joe Budden – No Ordinary Love pt. 3

Royce Da 5’9 - Vagina

Jay-Z & Kanye West – Otis

Crooked I – Fast Car Freestyle

DMX – Sucka for Love

R. Kelly – Ex-girlfriend

Sean Kingston ft Nicki Minaj – Letting Go (Dutty Love)

Gyptian – Beautiful Lady

Rock City ft. Gyptian – Hold Yuh Remix

Wayne Marshall ft. Mavado – My Heart

Mohombi ft. Nicki Minaj & Gyptian – Hold Yuh Remix

Royce Da 5’9 ft. Travis Barker – Legendary

Drake – Trust Issues

Black Rob – Get Involved

Royce Da 5’9 – Second Place

YC – Racks

Lil’ Wayne ft. Drake & Rick Ross – She Will

Drake – Club Paradise

Questions or comments? Feel free to leave them in the comments section or you can contact me by email at Shyne@SBGorillas.com.You can also find me on Twitter with the handle name @ShyneIV.

Struggles of Women to Hit on Men

2011-09-01T20:11:00.000-04:00

Melinda hits on Eric in an episode of Entourage.

Last week, I stumbled across the August 2011 issue of the magazine Cosmopolitan. Never one to shy away from reading their content (some of articles are often hilarious from a male perspective), I gave it a quick view and landed in the Q&A section. Those are often the best places to get insight on people given the fact that it is an open forum to ask questions in complete anonymity.

After going through a few of the interrogations and answers and chuckling a bit, I landed on a question that piqued my curiosity. One lady sent this in:

“Recently I saw a superhot guy at a baseball game, but I was too shy to ask for his number. What’s the best way to pick up a guy without being too obvious?”

The answer did not matter as much as the question as far as I was concerned. In what was purely coincidental, this was the second time in the last week that I had heard a woman express discomfort about the idea about approaching a man. And considering that this could be an issue that is far more serious than I ever thought, it dawned on me that perhaps I should provide some advice on this topic and even give women the proverbial playbook.

Mind you, before engaging the shy women of this world, let’s give it up for the dudes. Seriously, it is far more difficult for men to approach women and obtain a positive reaction from them. To be fair, a lot of the guys out there often have no clue what they are doing and end up being disrespectful; but that’s not who we’re talking about here. Some guys are often courteous, polite and smooth even; but still get shot down much like Sarah Marshall did to Peter Bretter in Forgetting Sarah Marshall (yes I am well aware that Peter and Sarah had been dating but the example still holds, thank you).

In addition, no matter how handsome the man might be, there is still the chance that the lady he is approaching might be in state of mind that is conducive to rejection. Indeed, studies show that women who are on their period typically favor a man with a look that seems a bit more primitive. Thus, a fellow with a scruffy beard and ripped jeans might appeal to her more during that time of the month.

Furthermore, even if the man is successful, there is still the possibility that she has little to no interest in him; and that she is merely a gold digger looking to get things purchased for her by some unsuspecting sucker.

Things are far more simpler for women believe it or not. If a lady chooses to approach a man and is somewhat nervous about the whole thing, here is the most important piece of information to remember: for the most part, women own men. True story.

Granted, a lot of times, the ability to put the moves on someone comes down to circumstances. For instance, if an attractive woman decides to attract a handsome man, there is a possibility (albeit a small one) that he might reject her. However, it takes a unique set of circumstances for such a thing to occur. Have a look at the list:

· He is with his kid(s)

· He is already attached (wife, girlfriend, blowup doll, cat or dog)

· No attraction whatsoever

· Homosexual

· He has company with him that you might not have spotted

· Criminal on his way to committing a felony.

That about sums it up. Long story short, the odds are in favor of women emerging successfully from flirting with men.

Mind you, I can already hear women wondering: “we get your point dude, but there’s one problem with what you just said; I know I’m attractive but that might not mean he thinks I am”.

And for the most part, this article is meant to reach out to the women who employ that train of thought. Indeed, people who are confident in their look and abilities generally do not have a problem with approaching a potential conquest whereas those who have even the tiniest amount of doubt within themselves often opt to sit on the sidelines.

If this is your dilemma, allow me to walk you through it. It can be nerve wracking for a person to try and make small talk with a complete stranger with the intent of progressively getting to know them. Thus, it’s important that if you do chose to approach a man under these sets of circumstances that you give the illusion of having a seamless conversation.

It’s not necessary to have majored in magic in some fancy college to pull this off; but rather to simply do things in a way that sparks conversation. For example, if you see him out in the open, you can give him the “hey I’m interested look and smile” but then again men do not always do well with subtlety and thus you might have to elevate your game a bit. That would be the perfect opportunity to walk to him and ask for directions, say he looks familiar or that you want his opinion on the dress you are wearing because you have gotten a lot of negative feedback from some people about it.

Heck, you can even come up with some creative ways such as stating that you are conducting a survey on how men and women differ in their opinion of what they think is sexy. If he responds positively (by this I mean: he engages you into conversation, smiles and/or seems genuinely interested in your statement) then the conversation should dictate itself and you should be able to obtain his contact info (dirty little secret: most men want the attention and are not opposed to reeling you in even if they do not think you’re hot). By the way in this day and age, even if you are shy about asking for his phone number, you have a multitude of tools available to you to get in touch with him that you can casually ask:

· MySpace

· Facebook

· Twitter

· Skype

· Yahoo Messenger

· MSN

· Email

· Etc…

Thus, in the event that you are unable to close the deal and get some type of contact information, the blame falls square on your shoulders.

Before sending you off into action, there are certain situations that should be avoided at all costs when approaching men:

· Do not approach him if he is with a group of friends: men tend to act different are their boys and can do or say things merely to impress them, and well at times that could result in him disrespecting a lady.

· Know when to cut your losses: if he looks like he is waiting for someone, refrain from approaching him. On the off chance that you decide to still approach him, if he fails to display even the slightest interest, get out of there quickly because his wife, girlfriend or date could potentially show up and make a scene when she realizes you are practically humping his leg for attention.

· Never be someone else: who you are should be enough to get a relatively decent guy to take interest in you at first glance. If that is not sufficient, chances are you probably would not click. Thus, it’s important not to attempt to mimic the techniques of some of your friends unless they just naturally come to you.

And with that ladies, I’m sending you out into the wild to get acclimated with new men. Good luck (although you will probably not need it) and get in the open and get results. I mean, how hard could it be, men do it right?

Questions or comments? Feel free to leave them in the comments section or you can contact me by email at Shyne@SBGorillas.com.You can also find me on Twitter with the handle name @ShyneIV.

I Hate Getting Messages From You...

2011-08-25T22:02:00.000-04:00

One of the most unfortunate facts of life is that relationships end. Whether that bond is one of friendship, love or simply a casual friends with benefits type of situation; at one point or another the possibility will arise for the situation to come to a term.

And for all the good or great times that occurred, the end is often not pleasant and leads to wounds that can remain on the surface or perhaps just manifest themselves in subtle ways that we fail to fully comprehend at that moment in time.

In an odd twist of events, the more I listen to Drake, the more realize that the man is conflicted but that he understands the harsh effects that relationships can have over people.

I finally got around to listening to his song Messages From You; and Drizzy goes on to explain that he has met a new lady by the name of Lorraine that seems to be good for him. She is from Los Angeles, provides good conversation, makes him laugh and even pays for drinks. The meeting with Loraine is stalled when he receives a text message from his ex-girlfriend that brings up emotions that he thought were now non-existent. The content of the text message: “I miss you”.

And just like that, his ex-girlfriend has him all over again. If you have ever been in that situation, you are fully aware that several reactions can come from such a moment: joy, sadness, confusion, apprehension, infatuation, despair or even possibly hate.

Given the fact that this lady is the one that broke up with Drake; his reaction is instead one of self-questioning followed by hate. Indeed, the fact she ended things and then turned around and sent him a message (right as he was getting over her might I add) manifesting her feelings for him sets him off and rightfully so.

Lorraine who is right there next to him is now a distant memory; instead the Young Money rapper is now trying to figure out what led to the message. His journey into self-reflection leaves him angered given the fact she broke things of but still had the gall to tell him she missed him. His date and his day are now officially ruined. Whatever it is that Drizzy had set off to do for the remainder of his day, he can no longer commit to because his mind state has been completely altered and left him a soon to be emotional wreck.

And for the most part, Drake’s situation perfectly illustrates why some people are weary of remaining in contact with people with whom they have severed ties. It can be challenging to deal with old wounds, especially when we believe that they had completely healed. That might be the most important message in the song as Drake concludes it as such:

“I thought that all these feelings went away,

Ouh I hate that sh*t you do

I hate that sh*t you do

But I still text you back

To say I miss you too…”

In a nutshell ladies, that’s why at times we hate getting messages from you…

Questions or comments? Feel free to leave them in the comments section or you can contact me by email at Shyne@SBGorillas.com. You can also find me on Twitter with the handle name @ShyneIV.

Caribana in Toronto: The Weekend That Was

2011-08-03T21:30:00.000-04:00

The last time you heard from me, I had just finished wandering around the streets of Toronto and took the time to observe and describe the ambiance of the city. But let’s be honest, that’s not what people want to read about. For the most part, readers were probably excited to read about the parade and the events that transpired in the heart of the city on both Saturday and Sunday. So without further ado…

On Saturday afternoon, the sun was shining and the heat was fairly tolerable. By the time I made it to the parade, it was jam packed and there were people all over the place. Ugly people, good looking people, weird people, normal people and of course a few crack heads (what would we do without them right?).

The parade was happening down on the street, which was fenced off in an attempt to limit the amount of people that would actually join in and directly interact with the dancers. Indeed, several people climbed the fence (I would venture and say it was somewhere between eight and 10 feet high) and made their way onto the street. The sheer comedy came from the umm overweight people that decided to climb the fence in order to make it out into the streets. They struggled to get there and essentially needed a lift to make sure to get to the top of the fence.

Obviously, the women were provided with some assistance by the dudes rocking the tank tops to show off their muscles while the overweight men were left to themselves to figure out how to make it out into the street.

One thing that always kills me about this weekend is the nature of the comments that men make. For instance, this one dude literally stood in a corner and every time a woman passed by and licked her ice cream or popsicle, he would ask her if she would want to share her expertise with his candy (keep in mind, I’m cleaning up the language here).

One dude even asked a woman if “she gave good top” (I think I’m getting old, I have no idea what that means) and then he went to tell his friend that was walking to his left that unfortunately his girlfriend was not enamored with giving him “top”.

In previous years, I felt as though the parade was far more interesting and got people more invested. The ability to walk amongst the dancers and dance near the music trucks in years past made the experience far more enjoyable and obviously led to more people dancing with each other. The current setting with the gated parade made it as such that you were more often than not just looking from the sidelines or walking along the way to have a look at the scenery and the people dancing.

Granted, the people that made it onto the streets probably have a different account of the situation.

The evenings were quite intriguing as people either hit clubs or simply took to the streets to enjoy scenery. I opted to avoid clubs altogether and instead patrolled the streets.

The funny thing about such a weekend is that people feel that because they are traveling in a city where they do not reside, it gives them a license to act a fool. Indeed, a few times some cars filled with ladies stopped by to try and strike some chatty moments and figure out what plans might be worth contemplating for the remainder of the night.

Being the observant person I am, I often spotted the license plate before these cars stopped by and thus knew what city these peeps were from before they even spoke to us. Several of them were from Montreal, which is funny because that’s where I live. Some ladies tried to make the conversation quite interesting given the fact that they expected us to be either local residents or people from the States. Boy were their dreams crushed when we told them we were from their city (piece of advice: ladies, if you are going to speak in creole to make sure the guys do not understand what you are saying, at least make sure these men aren’t Haitian; just a thought).

Men have the ability to get around without truly ever feeling any remorse, but women are a bit trickier. Some of them do, some of them don’t and several of them don’t want you to know they do. So for the latter group, the trip outside of town is a huge blessing from them…until they talk to someone like me who spots them and recognizes their entourage. Good times right?

The weekend was fun all around and involved tons of liquor, food and laughs. Not sure there will be a repeat next year, but it was still worth it and produced some fun highlights.

See you next year T-Dot? Maybe…

Questions or comments? Feel free to leave them in the comments section or you can contact me by email at Shyne@SBGorillas.com.You can also find me on Twitter with the handle name @ShyneIV.

Reporting from Caribana

2011-07-30T03:47:00.000-04:00

As we grow old, we tend to accumulate responsibilities and thus have to pick and chose what we can and cannot do. Hence, those that are married, have kids, are in committed relationships or are incarcerated in prison rarely have the opportunity to get away. And that’s why I decided to write this post; because well, although some of you might not have the opportunity to enjoy Caribana weekend for whatever reason; you can still live it vicariously through me.

Please try to contain yourselves and avoid clapping all in unison to signal your gratitude. Although it is appreciated, it is not necessary.

How can you tell when Caribana Friday has started?

There are multiple signs that one can point to, but the most obvious one involves the police. Anytime you see police officers on their bicycles pulling over a dude that’s driving while indulging himself in the finest ganja Canadian money can buy; you know things are about to get interesting for the remainder of the weekend.

Indeed, that’s when you start noticing all the guys walking around in size extra small wife beaters, to make sure you notice their muscles and tattoos. As far as I’m concerned, if you are going to play it like that, go all out: rub your body with oil. I mean, more often than not, these guys already look ridiculous anyhow right?

Women on the other hand play the same card, but do it differently. They get themselves a top that’s probably two sizes smaller than my boxers and rock it just to make sure you notice their cleavage jumping out and literally talking to you.

What makes this interesting though, is the sheer amount of good looking people that surround you as you walk down Yonge street. Seriously, I took a quick walk and saw a plethora of pretty women that gave me what I call the “half-eye”. It consists of giving someone a quick glance and letting them know you spotted them but then you keep walking and hope they come seek you out. If used properly, the half-eye can be a powerful tool that lures in the bait. And that’s why women are the ones that can get away with using it on the regular.

Needless to say, the streets of downtown Toronto are full of people and every restaurant, pub and bar seemed to be full as I casually walked by them.

This weekend, people from various parts of North America will have several interactions and will also try to extract a little something from the people whose attention they are able to get. I was almost “hustled” in that sense when three women came knocking at my door because they were looking for a bottle opener. Instead of giving me the half-eye, they gave me their full attention and one of them actually said “Thank God” when I opened the door to see what they required.

I advised them I didn’t have their bottle opener and they went on their merry way.

If anyone could have properly previewed this weekend so far it would have been Trey Songz:

“I want the money,

Money and cars,

Cars and the clothes

And the hoes

I just wanna be

I just wanna be successful”

Stay tuned …

Questions or comments? Feel free to leave them in the comments section or you can contact me by email at Shyne@SBGorillas.com.You can also find me on Twitter with the handle name @ShyneIV.

What’s It Like to Lose Your Pimp Game? Drake knows….

2011-07-17T16:40:00.000-04:00

Imagine this scenario: it’s 1:00 AM, your girlfriend recently broke things off with you, and you decided to drink a little bit of alcohol while home alone. Consequently, all the emotions that have been lying beneath the surface slowly take over and you no longer recognize yourself in the mirror.

Society has dictated that as man, you have to be strong, tough and emotionally stable. Thus, it is not permissible to display any sign of perceived emotional weakness for fear that others will pounce on the occasion.

But in this rare occurrence, the emotions are too raw and the pain too deep. This is where most men go when they hit rock bottom as a result of a woman.

The self-doubt, the loss of what once seemed like a confidence that could never be shattered, the inability to trust and the attempt to fix one’s self by overcompensating in other facets of life such as sex, alcohol, drugs, dancing and flirting to name a few.

One of my closest friends once had a huge meltdown a few years ago specifically because he went through that process. This seemingly perfectly sane and normal individual was up in the club feeling sorry for himself and then decided that he was going to stab the man that he thought caused his misfortune (luckily I helped him cool off).

In short, my friend was living the life Drake appears to be living right now; albeit without the money, cars, clothes and hoes.

If anyone’s been paying attention, Drake’s been telling us for the better part of the last two years or so that not having the girl you want can at times put a strain on your life. On Missing You, Drizzy raps:

“I’m scared that every girl I cared for,

Will find a better man

And end up happier

In the long run…”

As much as men hate to admit these things, at times we do wonder where we will be viewed in someone’s life ladder; whether at the bottom, the middle, or at the top. And once those thoughts set in, it’s almost as if inner conflict becomes inevitable. The good memories overshadow the bad ones and almost like an orphan; the feeling of being left behind arises.

Hence, it’s no surprise that Drake has the voice of someone who appears to have trouble moving on. The complicated relationships that people go through in life can weigh on the mind and even occasionally make one bitter, as seen on Replacement Girl:

“Cuz I do things from he M-town,

To the UK

And from Spain back down to Texas,

This album for my fans

But yo this hook is for my ex..”

Hook by Trey Songz:

“This song is for you girl,

You know who you are girl

You only show your face

Cuz you know that I’m a star girl […]

You had your chance now it’s gone

You had a man,

Now you don’t

Back to basics

I think I made it

Ladies make some noise

If you wanna be my replacement girl”

Once a man’s vulnerabilities have been exposed, a fear arises that others could potentially take advantage of him despite the fact that he willingly opens that door to others. Drake shares his insights on Trust Issues:

“You know what I’m sippin’

I teach you how to mix it,

But you’re the only one

Cuz I don’t trust these bitches,

I don’t, I don’t trust these bitches,

They might catch me slippin’

So you’re the only one

Cuz I don’t trust these bitches…”

Typically, the “quick fix” to these issues would be for one to build back up their self-esteem; and the best way men know how to do that is through multiple conquests. Enter Marvin’s Room:

“After a while girl

They all seem the same

I’ve had sex four times this week

I’ll explain…”

Although these songs come at different points in the rapper’s life, they illustrate that even some of the richest people in the world do in fact get lonely and may have a tough time moving on. Whether it be anger, self-pity, a detachment from people or jealousy; the symptoms are more often than not there for all to see when a playa’s lost his pimp game.

And yet, Drake seems to be perfectly at ease with confronting his mack mortality right before our eyes; it’s almost as if he is giving us the playbook on solving the issue. Perhaps men and women alike should pay close attention…

For this could be happening to you.

Questions or comments? Feel free to leave them in the comments section or you can contact me by email at Shyne@SBGorillas.com You can also find me on Twitter with the handle name @ShyneIV.

Sley's Barbershop Chronicles

2011-07-10T17:16:00.000-04:00

Sley is an occasional SBG contributor and he decided to grace with one of his soon to be many Barbershop style posts.

As I sit and wait for my laser line up or a clean cut taper or my favorite: I got to hurry and get fresh to def cut. I seen the vision like a 27" Zenith in Technicolor baby! My first installment of the barbershop chronicles.

50 said it best: I'm the topic in every barbershop and beauty salon. Nothing beats the overall feeling going to get a cut. Whether your 5 or 85, stories and gossip go like rice and beans baby!

Of course the bond between the barber and client is pretty special (pause!) This means the following:
-You and the barber know each other on a 1st name basis. Meaning ya'll got each others phone number or ya'll are FB/BBM/IM or whatever type of social network type of friendship.
-He already knows what you wanna do with your hair.
-He makes you pass before other clients, because you got it like that. And he makes it happen so smoothly by saying that you had an appointment like Puff Daddy (circa 1994) and Ciroc.

My brother Qwest getting lined up.

With all these brothers in one place the basic convos revolve around the following:
-What's popping tonight or what did you do last night?
-Sports talk
-Reminisce about the good old days when ya'll were young dumb and full of cum. Even doing some Wu-Tang skit of saying what was their favorite year?...mines was 1996!
-Who'd you mack ?(i.e: approached a girl got her digits and well you know the rest...)

The entertainment centre plays the latest movie or Urban music videos. The system is blasting the latest MMG (Maybach Music Group) self-made LP (Huuuuuunnnnghh-Rick Ross ad lib). I'm telling you boy, no better feeling than being at a barbershop!

The funniest feeling is when a femme fatale comes with her kid for a cut and everybody just keep silence and observe how the heels compliment her Eye Candy of the month in XXL frame! Another one is the guys that just pass and shoot the breeze for a while or the ones that come at the last minute thinking he's gonna get a cut, but no love on this day slacker. Good times most definitely.

Well it's my turn now so ya'll stay tuned for Part II... Relate

Staring Death in the Eye...Kinda

2011-06-29T19:43:00.000-04:00

I am a healthy 30-year old male that can still occasionally go out on the basketball court and hold my own for about 10 minutes before fatigue starts to set in. But last week, it seemed as if those characteristics described me almost a lifetime ago. And it all happened in one day.

Last Thursday, my body felt tired all of a sudden. I felt like sleeping and going up stairs became a chore for me; basically it rendered me quite short of breath. But even worse, I blacked out in a public bathroom and started becoming dizzy afterwards and had to sit down for fear of completely losing consciousness. If you are an avid comic book reader, I felt as though the mental triggers that were placed on Bruce Wayne during Batman R.I.P. had been put to the test on me.

But after all that happened, I was fine. Or so I thought. I went home and felt perfectly healthy. But then the next day, I had to go up some stairs and once again felt fatigued. There was some dizziness but nothing like the day prior so I thought nothing of it.

Come the Saturday, I woke up with my head throbbing; essentially hearing my heartbeat in my head. By the time the night hit, I had decided that I would go to the hospital the following day. I advised a few people of this, but never really told them just how serious my condition was.

On the Sunday afternoon, my friend Karim drove me to the hospital where we spent a few hours cracking jokes in the emergency room (waiting area). One dad couldn’t handle his kids, while another women came into the emergency room almost like the Hillside Trece gang (Training Day reference), they were like 10 to 12 people with her that followed her everywhere.

When I finally saw the doctor, he checked me out and figured that perhaps I had an ulcer. It took them about another hour and a half to take my blood and run tests to figure out how much blood I had lost. By the way, when the nurse showed me the needle and asked if I preferred to have big or small needle, for the sake of my street cred (I mean come on, my friend was there with me!), I asked for the big one. And yet, she picked the small one.

When the tests came back, it was revealed that I had lost some blood. A lot. A whole lot. As a result, they had to do some uncomfortable stuff to me. No, they did not violate me down there. But if you get queasy fairly easily, please skip the next paragraph.

The inserted a tube into my nose that then went down my throat; and basically every time I swallowed my saliva, I felt the tube right there in my throat. They proceeded to pour some water into the tube that went straight to my stomach. But here’s the “cool” thing; they sucked that water right back out (yes, through my throat, out of my nose in a clear tube) to see how much blood was in my stomach. My friend Karim then flashed some gang signs at me…I think. Isn’t that what you’re supposed to do when you see blood on your friend? Crip walk and rep your set!

After removing all the blood, it took them about another two hours to remove the tube from my nose (it was 12:38 am precisely, I wanted to know my time of death, yes I have issues). Keep in mind, I tried sleeping with the tube in my nose but just could not.

I was then moved to another section of the hospital where I would get a blood transfusion. I was totally against it for these reasons:

· Possibly contracting AIDS.

· Possibility of becoming a mutant, then I changed my mind.

· Having another mutant control me through this “new blood”.

· I am a huge fan of Batman comics and he would never accept a blood transfusion, he’d bring his own blood, and clearly I did not.

· And once again, AIDS.

But it was either that or perish. And to be honest, they did not exactly ask me. They just did it.

By about 3:30 am roughly, three bags of blood had made their way into my veins. Later in the day they put a camera in my stomach to make sure that all was fine (my cousin Philly bragged to all of his co-workers that I was in essence virtually indestructible and G’d up, not kidding). And come 4:00 pm; 23 hours and 50 minutes after first being admitted in the emergency room, three doctors and five nurses later, the hospital released me. I was once again part of the outside world.

I apologize to those that I scared, to those that I did not share this information with prior to now; but more importantly, I want to apologize to my niece Milana. My blood was too selfish to remain within my veins to allow me to take part in the baptism of my niece.

To those that were truly worried about my safety, I pass along this Antwone Fisher quote: “It don’t matter what you tried to do, you couldn’t destroy me! I’m still standing! Still strong! And I always will be.”

Thank you all for being there…

Questions or comments? Feel free to leave them in the comments section or you can contact me by email at Shyne@SBGorillas.com. You can also find me on Twitter with the handle name @ShyneIV.

Crashing the TBJ Mock Draft

2011-06-21T22:26:00.000-04:00

The Basketball Jones conducted a live 2011 NBA mock draft today and had various bloggers make selections for the respective teams. Given my affiliation to the Golden State Warriors blog Warriors World, well I was lucky enough to make the selection on behalf of the Dubs. Here's the mock draft in its entirety (and if you're looking for the sound of my voice, race up to about the 47-minute mark).

Questions or comments? Feel free to leave them in the comments section or you can contact me by email at Shyne@SBGorillas.com. You can also find me on Twitter with the handle name @ShyneIV.