simon sebastian

my child

2020-11-10T16:20:00.000-05:00

boy

immigrant child

what. are you thinking

what're yuh doin'

where yuh goin'

don't let them

hurt you, touch you, see you

beat you, tell you what you

can and can't do

be strong, young fella

know right from wrong

lil guy, be brave my sun

moon and ocean wide

love of mine

be kind

HALF ASS

2020-02-07T19:08:00.000-05:00

The stallions
didn't want Miss Maree,
so she married a Jackass
and had a john mule.

A sorrel colored,
patient, hardy,
independent
smart half donkey.

102

2019-10-30T21:29:00.000-04:00

you been in love?
me, 100 times
no OneHundredandTwo
ways, times, to listen to it
When It Hurts So Bad
The Miseducation of Lauren Hill
why does it feel so good
broken CD case pressed against my skin, again
i'm a cutter
shhh...hhiitt...ahhh
yes, i mark myself
102 times already
don't
please don't tell,
say anything
when it hurts so bad
why does it feel so good

him

2019-05-03T22:20:00.000-04:00

afraid to live
afraid to dream
he's afraid to die.

he's afraid to die
but he wasn't present
when he had the chance,
wasn't respectful of life
didn't learn, evolve
afraid to love.

now
he's afraid to die.

C1 the nineties

2019-04-03T19:52:00.001-04:00

combing the crowd
bodies, whole bodies
multitude of characters and shades
my eyes burn, delightfully
taking it all in
over there up the stairs this way that
around the corner in the light
on the stage, everywhere
it excites me
i'm a part of something
bespeaking
looks and attitudes, ready
am i cute
will someone approach
will i catch one

We March

2018-11-16T10:14:00.003-05:00

We march today,
and every day.
Our feet bear no weight
as heavy our heart.
We speak for young voices
Silenced, shunned, ripped apart
We walk without tears
The river runs over;
cries gone before us.
We rise together
A million screams
we carry on our shoulders.
The cost too dare
Their anger we bare
We choose to live;
refuse to die.
At your hand
We demand to live
as you and I.
Our own brand
We march and sing
Let freedom ring
We assemble
in pain, love,
without fears.
We are weary,
but we march.
We never give
We march
We
deserve
to
live.
We
march.

da da O

2018-07-24T11:43:00.003-04:00

i wanted u 2 b different
respectable o
but i learn u got dramas
baby mamas o
u daddy rich
so u's a biish
to the material game o
already mental scars
u got bars
but not musically
da da o

whatever this kinda thing is

2015-10-11T13:09:00.003-04:00

I wish I could love you close

sorry
I can only love you from afar
if only you knew
this was meant for you
love means
never having to say you're
not sorry, I'm not sorry
because whatever this kinda thing is

that we got going
is the best kinda thing
I've had going
in a long time
and it feels so
goo_goo_
much closer
than I know
it is or can be
and I want you
to be
all right
with that
selfish...
I know
not
sorry
fiction

(maybe)

You Can't Hang a Giraffe

2014-10-21T12:21:00.001-04:00

You Can't Hang a Giraffe.
Wit

What it means
I don't know
But.

Better than,
Failing At Death.

Another pebble in my shoe

Pushover

2014-07-14T10:51:00.001-04:00

You feel like a pushover when you stand there and the wind blows in your face. And you say nah, nah, again, in mih face so? Not today wind, you're hurting my cheeks into a frown. So you rail against the wind. Boxing with bright eyes and determination. But the wind has friends. The cloud is ominous turning dark like a kid wildly coloring with a black crayon. The rain pelts itself at you *pudow pudap*. Your spirit, or is it ego, continues the fight, manifesting in ways to express itself - value me, be thoughtful, see me as I am. The wind replies, you're a horrible student. The lesson is simple. See yourself, value yourself, think about and for yourself, and when you do, the cloud, rain and I will pass you by.

Journal Entries

2014-07-14T10:47:00.002-04:00

June
One simple kiss
My lips
on your lips
I lay next to you
Talk to your heart
Your eyes touch
Your hands say
Hug me, hold me tight
Make me feel all right
My breath
on your bare skin
What we do
Love wins

July
Roses are pink and red
They grow on your tree
They stretch across the earth
Like your love
Unencumbered and free

Violets are purplish blue
What I am
Is because of you

This is just a simple poem
I wrote at 5:03
Just to let you know
How much you mean to me

August
i wanna dance naked through your thoughts
i wanna lay like chocolate mint on your pillow
i wanna smile through your mind's eye
i wanna be the sweet wine dribble on your lips
i wanna shiver at the sight of you
i wanna be the sounds you close your eyes to
i wanna run as fast as i can
and slow around your heart and head
and back again
i wanna be in your every dream scene
i wanna escape into your touch
i'm delusional thinking you wanna too
i don't care
it's want i wanna
let me float
inside my teardrop
slowly falling from my face

September
I died a little today
I'm at a shop
Around the corner
Having a cup of black
At least you could have said goodbye
Why do I have to ask you why
Where did I go that led you
Saying you will never come back
That you really don't care
I chew the inside of my lip
I taste my blood
Like sickness in my mouth
I'm collapsing from the inside
Gnawing pain in my wrist
Body in a twist
I'm having those thoughts again
I think today will be the end
I can't settle on how to do it
A gun, pills
Jumping off a bridge
To go means to never come back
I wouldn't care but
I want to see you again
And if I leap
You win
But I'm a better player
I know the rules
I wrote them
But the rookie rises, surpasses
And I slouch on a counter stool
Eating two sugar cookies
Looking for my pride
At the bottom of a coffee cup
And the courage to leave the shop
What happens now
I go home and wait
Contemplate
Maybe you will come
Get your things
I didn't see this

October
i hate you
I hate you
I Hate you, Hate you
I HATE you
HATE you, HATE YOU
HATE, HATE
I HATE, HATE YOU
I HATE YOU
I HATE YOU
HATE, HAtE Hate you
hate, hate, i
i hate you
i i I
If only I could
Hate you
I Hate
Hate that
I LOVE you
so damn much

November
One simple kiss
My lips
on your lips
Ah hell no
One booty call
My blank
in your blank
just blanking, blanking
blanking, blanking
blanking

It's My Face

2014-02-11T09:22:00.002-05:00

My father thinks I love my black too much
Friends say I'm not black enough
White students told me I was not
like those blacks
Black students wondered
why I lived
the other side of the tracks

My sister put my hair in cornrow
My father yelled, fuck no
A part down the side
That's a respectable boy
Your name is not Troy or LeRoi

They stopped me on the street
to ask which parent was white
LA knew
I must be part Korean or Indian
Paris anointed me
French and even Mongolian
Are you Arab? Muslim?
I thought you were Dominican, says NY
My ex, she said, you know,
you could pass for Puerto Rican

Which part of Africa are you from,
asked the African man who sat
next to me on the train as
we rode through Italy

They're still guessing,
asking,
wanting to know

I think there's a Pacific Islander thing about your face
We're intrigued we can't figure out your race
Every possible combination flies out of their mouth

I think you're just a little black, if at all
No, you're just a black boy from the south

They see what they see
And that's okay
They need a box, a bag
A solid check mark on a form

But
I will tell you this
I walk pridefully
I don't need a sewn on badge
Because I know
I'm a Bago Trini

Brother

2014-02-11T09:07:00.002-05:00

Through thick and thin
Me & you, my better twin
The skinny and fat
years
Fights and fun, laugh tears
Shakey's pizza, soccer
Fishing, tennis camp
Summers in Toronto
Caracas travel stamp

Arcola library
My paper route
Your paper route
Our crushes, first cars
College, frat
Georgetown bars

We worked and worked
Remember that second job
we both had at night
that would never end
Was it telemarketing

Well, life got serious
We drifted apart
And we could never
find our way back
to that new start

But you've been with me
Everywhere I went
You who moves like Superman
While me, Clark Kent

I'm so blessed today
Dear God, I win
I have my brother
yes, again

For Christmas

2014-02-11T09:00:00.002-05:00

All I want for Christmas
is ham baking,
pastelles making,
poncha creme,
and the smell of sorrel boiling
on the stove.

All I want for Christmas
is sweet bread, holiday cookies,
drunk black cake,
and butter bread by the loaves.

All I want for Christmas
is children playing,
family praying,
eating, drinking, laughing,
and rejoicing.

What I want
is peace
between husband and wife,
and brother and sister.
Neighbors behaving
Young and old respecting
each other, and the earth.

I want all to have good health;
the honor to reach old age,
and the blessing to afford it.

I want leaders to lead
Teachers to teach
Students passionate-about something
People to speak their truth,
live their best life,
and know their heart's desire.

I want the world
to renew its contract with kindness.
Please
I'm Sorry
Excuse Me
Thank You

This Christmas
give me a song of joy
to lift the heart
of every girl and boy.

All I want
is to be home
because there's no place like home,
home, home.

While you line the cupboard shelves
Wait for Santa and his elves
Celebrate the birth of Christ
Forgive yourself
Live in gratitude, faith
Love
and dream, dream
bigger than you know.

That's all I want.

Wait,
dat ain't all.
I want a wifey
and an old year's night date.
And a Stag right now
Yuh hearing me?

SEX TALK

2014-02-11T08:53:00.001-05:00

I wanna talk to you about s-e-x
Sex
Sex
is one of the greatest acts of your life
It got you here
by a pair
of freak monsters
You may prefer to call them
Mummy and Daddy

But here you are
breathing, thinking,
moving about in the world because of it
And now you want it too
all the damn time

Are you sure?
It changes your life forever
Forever
[you know that apple thing]

And when you’re in it,
you know in it
Watch out
Because it seems

When we have it
Where we have it
How we have it
How it’s had upon us
Why we have it
How we struggle with
holding onto it or not
Who we tell or don’t tell
If we’re having it or not having it
Why we’re not having it
And when we had it last

Is everybody’s fucking business
Or so it seems

Well,
let me just say this
If you’re gonna have it,
and you're gonna have it
be careful about it
Near-misses
Infections
Disease
Death it brings
Sorrow, anger
Pain, a sheet stain
OK let's look on the bright side
Also joy, fantasy
Fun and ecstasy
It brings life
which is a gift
It brought you her
and you're a gift

Sometimes we’ve had enough
Or so we tell ourselves
Until we get it, and
We’re addicted all over again
We possess and obsess about it
Chase it daily
We want it all the time
or is that just men?

You know, what they say right
men think about it every 7 seconds
and women have like 7 orgasms everyday at work
or maybe that's just a woman I know
so who's really having more fun
men or women

7 secs
You know,
I’m thinking about it now
As I read this poem to you
And you’re either wanting it,
or not wanting it, too
And maybe you’re thinking about me and you
Or not
I’m cool with that

hmm sex
It creates a bond
Tears us apart
Exposes us
Makes us feel powerful
Surprises, shocks
Takes and gives
It makes us run away
And stay around
It finds us lost
And it’s like we’re found
(Exhale) ya got a cigarette

It has us questioning everything else
Makes us think of nothing more
Brings us shame
And glory
Gives us a story
A truth and a lie
An alibi

It’s dirty and nasty
Soft and demure
It’s a trade, profession
[Tobago summer boys, Tobago summer boys]
A duty, a chore

It has us on an endless search
And makes us say I do
It keeps us up late at night
And puts us fast to sleep

We sometimes wonder, can’t it get any better
Or why it’s so damn sweet
We want it with others
And ourselves
We’re not always discreet

On the bed, in the car
At your granny's house
In the shop, on the bus, in the park
Some like it in the light
Some, only in the dark

Others want you to watch them
On their webcam [you gotta pay]
Or from their window [uh uh you gonna pay]

We love to hear others are getting it
We hate to hear that too
And when you don’t talk about it
We wanna know…what you do

Man, I choke d chicken
What else, shhh

We wanna know for sure
If you like girls
or boys
or girls and boys
or boys and boys
or girls and girls
or boy-girls and trans girls
and bi girls
Do you want it strange
Or normal noise
With costumes and toys

I gotta question
No judgment, no judgment
How come more straight men
are getting their butts licked?
Erogenous? Erogenous
hmm must be the porn in my inbox

Sex tells us who we are
And says nothing at all
A noun, adjective, a verb
Sex, sexy, sexting
We confuse it
for other things
Take it for granted
Expect a ring
Have it rough
Play it sweet
Be an ape
All hands and feet

With sex we play
You know what we play
The power card
The make-up card
The trap you card
The like you card
The hate you card
The get back at your best friend card
The I’m feeling depressed card
The high card
I’m horny as hell card
I’m bored as fuck card
I don’t even need a card I just want it card

Cards
Ain't you tired of playing cards

What about love
What about that

content [adj]

2013-04-18T08:12:00.002-04:00

I wish
I had more time

I wish
I didn't wish
for things not mine

I dream
I no longer dream
for another life

This one
keeps me
occupied

After Noon

2013-01-04T11:58:00.000-05:00

She wants to know what I'm doing
Doing
I'm not doing anything
We're both doing nothing

I'm moving, she's moving
around the house
We're busy
looking for something to do

Come, let's watch TV

She lays across the bed
Her head rests on two pillows
Feet stretched in striped socks,
each toe pushing a color

I have the remotes
One for the screen and
one for the cable box
I'm flipping through
She doesn't know what she wants
to watch, just anything will do
She's happy for the company

She sits up

Do you want cover?
Do you want me to turn on the air conditioner?
Is it too much light for you?
Do you want a drink?

No.
She lays back down

She wants to take care of me
She can't help it
She's done it her whole life

Sammy

2012-10-06T07:29:00.003-04:00

I have a friend,

he's little,

he sits in my lap.

English is not his first language

Sometimes he understands me

At times I understand him

We are learning

He doesn't smoke or cuss, but

barks, it's worse than his bite.

He kindly lets me pass first,

and prefers to walk behind me.

I seem to always forget his custom,

at the door, we politely do a dance.

In his culture he doesn't really hug,

shake hands or kiss,

he licks

many, many times.

He would play all day

if I let him.

I would tell stories endlessly

if he listened.

Eventually one of us walks away,

except in a game of stare-me-down.

Sometimes he blinks first,

other times I lose.

He's fierce.

I call him Sammy

I don't know if

he had another name

before I knew him.

He was growing already

when we met.

I think he's starting to like this one

I love how his ears

flap back

when he runs to me.

I call him again to see,

Sammy.

He's eight weeks old,

wiser than his tender puppy age.

He refuses to let me train him

without teaching me as well.

He proudly sticks out

his little boy chest,

and prances.

He obeys

but knows he doesn't

always have to.

Mister Smelly Belly

Prince of Pee and Poo

Stinker

Little Rascal

Big Boy Cuddles Wants to Play All Day

Leave My Shoe, Leave My Shoe

He auditions for a nickname.

But Sammy will do

just fine.

I hope he's my friend

for a long time.

Monday, again

2012-06-27T01:39:00.000-04:00

The sky pelts raindrops at the galvanized roof

One right after the other

His voice early this morning sets my face

I close my eyes and lay still

Is she well, will she eat, what will she eat

Will she live past one more scream

Better than having nothing

Quiet is a woman in a black shroud

A spoon clanks against a cup

It's the blue one, I'm sure

He's making tea, one for her too please

A whistling sparrow lost in flight

Her mumbles to him fall faint at my closed door

….

Nothing now but mute shouts

I think it's safe

Jerk

2012-05-03T19:17:00.000-04:00

You're stuck

in all that fuck

this and that

Shitting through your mouth

and farting on the screen

Saying you want a queen

But you're mean

Sounding like a boy hurt

Kick rocks

Eat dirt

You're a jerk

How old are you?

Nineteen, thirty-two

We don't know

Do you?

Is Leo even your name?

And is this just a game?

Teasing and provoking the sane

Inflicting word pain

All that crap you write about

And you still get Likes like

you're a poet

Pleaseblowme.com

You're a clown

in a boy suit

Talking to girls

and sounding like a cunt

Chasing the love and fantasy

like you're really on a hunt

Pleasesitdown.org

You bore me

with your trivial mind whine

You're so far behind

in time

In time you'll be gone

Your words will fade

No girls would've stayed

You're played

Your swag rained over

like a two-leaf clover

Move, I got this

Nice don't finish last

Strong, sweet, sincere

Not a thing of the past

Watch this

Watch this right here

for the New Year

2012-03-20T00:01:00.000-04:00

Are you still with that man?
The one you call
"He ain't my husband,
he's just a man I live with"
You know, I'm back in the village
I can't stop thinking of you
Let me give you sweets
for the New Year
Are you still working life down?
Beating your heels on the hot ground
Dodging near misses and close calls
Dragging your crown all over town
I've got a nicer ride
I eat better too
I know it doesn't matter
I'm just telling you
Let me give you sweets
for the New Year
How's the little one?
Does she work the five and dime?
You know, it's a different world
Don't spend her time
She deserves wings
to soar; so much more
Are you ready?
You're holding on
to boogie monsters
Don't be a fool for your strength
Stubborn false pride
Wishing everyday you'd died
Living life like it lied
Let me, let me give you sweets
Sweet nothings, sweet some things
Sweet sounds and silence
Sweet days, sweet nights
Love and balance
Sweet times, peace
Higher aims to know
Sweet inspiration
to get up and go

Dance With Me

2012-03-11T23:46:00.000-04:00

Place your hand with mine
The prism of our time
You and me
We said forever, see
You pull away
Come, dance with me
Near you makes it better
I want to feel
What do you want?
Dance, dance for me
Let me see you smile
Move your hair
Let's just two-step in time
Let our bodies change your mind
These lights, I'll turn down
Is that okay?
This shirt, I don't need
Shall I stop or continue play?
See me as I am today
Asking for again
Give love another chance
Dance, baby, dance
I am a drone with no queen
A drake across the pond
This emptiness I can't take
H e l p m e
M a k e i t
G o a w a y
D a n c e
Dance for me
Hear the conga's heat
Yes
Let it go, let it out
Pound my chest
Harder
I didn't mean to push you
Further
What I once said
I meant, I still do
Yes, these are words
They have no flight
Until mind and action clasp hands
A heart makes it right
I want to dance with you
I am flawed, this you know
But a rainbow
Comes when eyes dry
Don't let me be the dream you fear
We still can have forever
Dance, dance with me

Standing There

2012-03-06T21:22:00.000-05:00

Hazy lazy
No more burn
The day's light dimmed
Half past five
I'm holding on
Your soft skin
So warm on me
Above
The sign of the cross
Is the sway of the palm tree
The earth's whisper blows
Like love on me
A better fit
You on me
Goldfish eyes
Sweet heavy lids
Over my shoulder
One foot lost in the sand
A little orange painted toe
Bores a hole
Like a crab digging out
Inhale exhale
Tiredness says hello
We should head for home
But we don't leave
We can't let go
We're in a close embrace
A lover's moment
We feel too good
Hugging, holding, standing there
A pair

What Is To Become Of Me

2012-02-09T22:52:00.001-05:00

What is to become of me
Now that you are not here
Who can I talk to
While uttering not a sound
Who shall I eat with
When I hunger inside
For your love
What is to become of me
Where can I go
And not see your face
Whom shall I call
Knowing I only want to call you
How shall I dress
When you I dressed and undressed for
What shall I do
When inside me burns still
My love for you
What is to become of me

A Sweet Peace

2012-02-06T03:16:00.001-05:00

In a world of haters
make-believers
wannabe us
stands you
on the corner
of a lullaby
and a happy ending
smile so soft
eyes full of truth.
In a place of hard and easy
my soul shifts
just a little
closer to a sweet peace
your Snow White beckons
let me be your kissing Prince
I don't mind a dwarf named Doc
for a chance others dream
I dare to do
be next to you.
In a time of constant chase
your heart in hand
determines the pace
if to change my world
or set it free
pick me, pick me
sweet peace
pick me.