Simple Observations of the Ridiculous to the Benign

Eliminating the Dream

2021-02-06T09:16:00.003-06:00

There's a drastic difference in dating when we talk about men and women, and it's probably based on the patriarchal society more so than personalities. Since most of my friends have been guys because of work over the last 30 years, I've noticed the differences and for the most part decided the main difference works against online dating... for women. What is the difference? Men eliminate. Women dream up.

So first let me explain. When movies say most women have decided in person in the first few minutes whether a man even has a chance, most women will nod emphatically, even me. But it's part of the patriarchy. Women for hundreds, even thousands of years, would get a chance introduction, not be allowed to have any real or meaningful conversations and have to answer a marriage proposal. Read any classic about women, particularly in the 1800's when women were finally able to write about it. Men who had only a glimpse of a woman would come to see her at her parents, maybe stroll along a garden or just sit on a porch with her for less than an hour and then propose in the next day or so. Women had to draw pictures in their minds based on these short encounters on whether or not to give their whole entity to this man. Rebuking an offer often wasn't even an option for some women. A great example is from one of my favorite books where the heroine is asked by a man only less than a couple days after meeting him to marry him. She refuses and is warned she might not get another offer. Later, her best friend accepts an offer from the man only a few days later with her friend explaining this offer is probably her last chance since she's not as strong, pretty, etc as the heroine. Okay. Got it. We have had this ingrained into us from a young age and most of us don't even think about it. It's natural after centuries of it being a cultural norm. Women make a more snap decision on men and tend to see the best qualities first.

Men, on the other hand, typically didn't have to make any decisions at all. The more money they had, the better looking, women were drawing perfect pictures of them. They hardly had to try. Just a hundred years ago men needed nothing but a large income and other men would pay them dowries to take daughters off their hands. Men could be more choosey. They could hold out for prettier, smarter if that's what they wanted, more docile, less docile.... They could hold out for decades and never be rebuked for not marrying, never referred to as a "burden" on the family because of not marrying and not being able to work. As a result, men in general are eliminating.

What do I mean by eliminating? Men tend to look at women for our faults or even what they decide makes us "out of their league". On one occasion a guy spoke to me for about 45 minutes, nice looking, good job, seemed alright. When I told him I was an engineer, he asked what my degree was in. When I told him mechanical engineering? He looked disappointed and said "oh you're too smart for me" and excused himself politely although fairly abruptly. My education level compared to his own "eliminating" me from further effort in his mind. One of the guys I grew up with "eliminated" almost every woman. She could be beautiful, smart, friendly, literally near perfect; he would find something wrong with her. He reminded me of Eddie Murphy in "Boomerang". Eddie's character obsesses over "perfect feet" and ends up played as a result. Men can become fixated on their version of perfect and eliminate near perfection.

How does this affect online dating? Women talk, text for a bit, they've got a picture, probably more like a movie short, of what a man is. Women dream up the man they've been communicating with. Often by the time they meet, if there's any attraction on the woman's part, she's got this version of who he is in her head. He could tell her anything, true or not. She really can't be sure because most things we learn about each other over time. The picture is there nonetheless after centuries of grooming. Men don't really have a picture in their minds of what she is, but rather a picture in their minds of what they see as perfect. Men are comparing to that picture, whether it's realistic or not. Online dating means they have a plethora of women to choose from. No one is measuring up, so next. Women now are forced to hedge their bets because men always have been able to hedge their bets.

Women don't usually hedge their bets. In the past women who rebuked or refused a man who was considered viable by their father was often chastised as being full of herself, warned she might not get another offer, but worse? If they had multiple suitors at the same time, society frowned on that if she seemed to take her time picking one. Men could just go house to house until someone said yes, if they were so inclined. So internet dating gives them a never ending row of houses. Let's not get into the 20 something females, some fake, some real, trolling for sugar daddies making this whole fiasco even more complicated. Or the catfish just using other people's pictures because they are bored, manipulative, lonely, whatever. Just the real people using online dating are going to have enough problems without the fakes out there pretending to be perfection.

Does this all sound jaded? Yes and no. I'm kind of sick of it, yes. But long term, not in my lifetime and certainly not with men my age, this will balance out. Younger women are better educated, generally have their own jobs, self sufficient, don't need a man to have a home. They can literally buy their own now, but in actuality, this is all very, very new in societal terms. Just 50 years ago, a young woman, never married, not living at home with her parents? Buying her own home? This was very upsetting to people usually. I'm not joking. We have come a long way, ladies. These norms have shifted and over the next 50 years so will dating. We see it already. Millennials and the Zs are marrying later and tend to have more stable marriages than Boomers have. Their expectations not the same so online dating for them to tends to work a bit better.

There's a bigger problem with online dating and it's the "addiction" of something better out there. A female acquaintance said to me once of a guy she met online, "if I could land this guy, maybe I could find even a better fit (guy)". What she meant was this guy wasn't her dream, so maybe she could start over with a new guy and a new dream of his imaginary perfection. I had a guy I used to work with just bragged how many women slept with him. He had no intention of giving that up. He eliminated women as soon as he got into their pants. In the past, at least based on the norms, we knew better than to give up on near perfection because there might not be another opportunity. In online dating, there's always another opportunity.

Now I know online dating is about the only way to actually meet anyone anymore. Most men don't talk to women in public anymore. There's no ego attachment to being ignored or rejected online. Move on to the next profile. In person, there was always that crash and burn in front of the other guys you know possibility. Women playing the eye contact game, again up until maybe 50 years ago. Can't do that with online dating. It's really taken the personal out of one of the most personal things we do in our lives.

Probably why I've never gone out on more than a couple dates with anyone I've met online. Literally, it's been a total waste of my time. I have never dated anyone seriously that I met online. This blog started with laughs over some of the most ridiculous dates I had from online dating. I've never made any real friends from online dating either. Unlike a lot of people, I can honestly say, I've never even been intimate with anyone I've met online and I figured out why. I can't dream up the perfect fit for some guy I've never met in person. I know other women can but I can't do it. Online dating let's me be more like all the guys I've worked with and am friends with over the years. I'm eliminating.

In fact, based on a recent dating experience, I'm even eliminating in person now. Not that I wasn't able to dream him up better than the guy is. But I was quick to see where he didn't live up to that. It was work trying to decide how to handle that while getting frustrated by what a total shitbag he actually is. It's one thing to watch the dream picture we see initially fade and have a guy be a good guy overall. It's a reckoning when you have realized he's actually a shitbag on top of it. Would it matter if I wasn't eliminating? I mean really. I know other women that hold onto their illusions still. I mean dream and keep dreaming. So much for my fairy tale ending.

But you're darker than I am...

2021-02-02T19:38:00.001-06:00

Why, why oh why, would Trump women even exist? I mean the open misogyny was disgusting. He has more open ties than any other man in the country to Jeffrey Epstein. No one woman with any knowledge of this could possibly back a man to the point that they would vote for a man like that. But 56% did in 2016... and 63% did in 2020. I know, for the average minority women and the almost 40% other white women (yes that 63% represents only white women), we all stood by expecting them to vote against the female hate. I guess this is how the suffragettes felt. What women would actively protest against women getting the Right to vote? The same ones that would actively back the policies of the far right that Trump has become a God over. So, we need to decide what and why.

First why do we need to understand them? Who cares? Well, unfortunately, the reality is Trump's control over white men dropped from election to election, and it took a drastic drop after the insurgence at the Capitol. But white women? Not as much, let alone the increase from election to election. There's something wrong that any women would vote against themselves, but it goes deep and we have to acknowledge it.

Women, a large majority, have all of self value tied to our looks, and whether we like to admit it or not, to our "color". I know this because I'm not different than anyone else. I am the spitting image of my mother when she was younger and even her last living brother will tell you he sees her when he looks at me. My mother was Polish and German. The family roots with direct DNA and historical links to Berlin, Warsaw and Lviv (used to be Poland, now Ukraine). My mother's skin was a slight shade lighter than mine but not once I stayed out of the sun. My ex sister in law and I were often mistaken as sisters. She very Italian looking but half Scottish and half Italian. Both of us always thought of ourselves as "white" but because she spoke fluent Spanish (and her looks) people often assumed she was Hispanic. Neither of us ever liked that. I have to be honest. It's simply because of the way people say it when they incorrectly assume. They're being assholes. It's never genuine curiosity. It's always peppered before and after with insults. Before because they're racist f**ks and after because they are positive in their own pea brains you're lying. They couldn't possibly be wrong. God friggin forbid. So we get taught early and over and over our looks, but even our skin color means something to someone.

Except I grew up in a large Slavic area. Polish, Hungarians, lots and lots of various Slavic decent, and lots of full blooded Germans, mostly Berlin decent. My grandfather was 6'5-6'6" and dark blonde hair, somewhat olive and his entire family (and our DNA proves) is almost entirely back to Berlin. (We won't get into how tight knit German Americans were for almost a century leading up to WWII. Three of my grandfather's cousins answered the call to the Fatherland in the 1930s.). I'm so German my grandfather would speak German to me when I was little.

Now I've met German decent folks in the South. Yeah, they have no idea what I'm talking about. Lutheran churches are almost non existent compared to the Great Lakes. They complied with not speaking German or being looked at like aliens and going up North where it didn't become a travesty until after WWI.

Okay why all the history? So I haven't been insulted about the color of my skin till Trump, by a wrong assumption of my race, until this idiot not since the last election, so let's call her Karen (it might be ironic if that was her real name, wouldn't it?). She and I had similar experiences with men belittling our value at work. Poor, poor Karen. We had common ground. But her introduction of common ground was only preface to find out my race. She was quite convinced I was Native and quite flabbergasted that I told her I wasn't. I know my background, even have had a DNA test done. She absolutely had to know what it said. No Native. She just "couldn't believe it". Oh for fucks' sake Karen. Every one of you dumbasses. My immediate thought was my sons are "whiter than you".

Then I glanced down at our hands. I'm whiter than she is. I pointed it out. She was so flustered she started to argue her hand, her skin was actually lighter. It was something with the lighting, which was aimed and shining brightly on both of our hands. I held back laughing in her face. I explained that pretty much all Slavic have olive tones. Oh no, no, she insisted. I couldn't possibly be German. Her husband is German and Germans are blonde hair and blue eyed. She went on about how her husband's family knew all their roots. Nevermind that he was barely 5'6 to 5'8", dark brown hair, dark brown eyes--short and stocky. Hardly blonde, blue eyed or tall. Nothing Arian about him. I held back.

Now she went into the open conspiracy theory nonsense, the media, every thing is a lie except Trump. Okay. I held in my laughter. Come on honey. I did point out that since she was darker than me and she never had a DNA it was likely she had some Slavic or Eastern or Southern European like Italian or Greek. She was adamant she was Irish. Maybe I said but Irish don't have olive skin at all, and being the smart ass I am, again I pointed how how she was a shade or two darker than me. Yeah, she might have been close to coming unhinged. I really didn't care. Our common ground that we might have capitalized on in a sisterhood was way, way less important than her desperate need to be better than another woman.

Welcome to who these women really are. They really need to be better than other women so badly and find their value from men valuing them more than other women. They can't find the common ground with us because their value is nothing, still, without a man's approval and praise. Well, isn't that all of us?

Well, yes at some level. My grandfather and my father fed my ego well. I don't need any man's praise on how I look. I look how I feel and like to look. But I'm sure that's more because I still know what impressed the two of them. I know who I am and am secure in who I look like because of them. I don't need a random man's approval, and for better or worse, I don't need a man I date or marry to approve either. (They probably should if they're going to like being with me but that's really not about me so much as their security.). But it was clear, she needed her short, stocky husband's approval, at bare minimum. She also had tied herself to this belief system. She had to be better than me based on skin color and I'm guessing my nose. Which is sadly very Polish. Several of my Polish Americans cousins (more Pole than me) have it too. In fact, if you look up Melania Trump at 14, that's me at 14. So Melania and I would probably be pretty close in looks if she hadn't had bone shaved off the front of her skull. I don't know why women do this. But I had a grandfather tell me all the time I reminded him of his favorite cousin and how beautiful I was. Pure German American cousin. So yeah, my security even with this poor little shallow thing who couldn't recognize her husband hardly represented the blond hair blue eyed stereotype she had of German.... While mind boggling, very telling.

These women have no value other than the level of disrespect they temperate and tolerate. Their value is tied to women like Farrah Fawcett and Marilyn Monroe. Dye in a bottle. Drug addicts. Whores. That is what we told them was sexy and deep in the darkest corners of their minds they still believe it even with all the evidence to the contrary. What is more praising to misogyny, than convincing and confining women to being proud to be fake, fake hair color, fake bone structure, fake skin colors, and real whores and drug addicts? Singing a sleezy version of happy birthday to one of two brothers you've screwed in front of the one's wife and the entire nation?? Falling over drunk and coked up in interviews with everyone from Barbara Walters to Johnny Carson to David Letterman? This is who these women believe they should be. Should we be surprised that my counterpart and all that plastic surgery is appealing and defendable to them?

Eh, but what do I know? I don't have a man. Sure, but maybe that bar was set super high from the jump. My grandfather told me how I could do anything a boy could do. How beautiful I was and how amazing I could be. He told me take no crap. My father treated women with the utmost respect. He deserved my mother's and step mother's respect because he treated them like they were the only women in the world that mattered to him, respectively. With examples and the confidence they instilled in me at a very young age? Are we surprised? Really? I'm pretty sure my friend with her PhD would say my confidence is textbook level for a boy who's given all the love, support and confidence to be successful. How sad is it that all of that is often used to attack me as a woman?

So excuse me if Karen was laughable and a bit on my nerves when I gave it a thought. Her insecurities were why she insulted me, why she blew by our common ground and why it was so easy to aggravate her in response.... But it's also indictive of why 60% of white women voted for Trump. He promised them they could be better than other women again, if only for the most shallow worthless reasons. When and how do we get them to look in the mirror and live and love themselves enough that shit doesn't matter and the only thing that matters is we all have been lessened by some man just because we are women and thousands of years we have been nothing but property? Black men have suffered horrible injustices, but even now, black, white, purple, green, women get raped and it's us who get demonized. And this Karen and all her other Karen friends voted twice for someone who wanted to keep us there. Literally more worried about being more "whiter" than uniting over our common ground. And yeah Karen, I'm still "whiter than you".

Why Trumpkins Get Dumped As Friends

2020-10-10T17:03:00.000-05:00

Most trumpkins surround themselves with people that agreee with them. They haven't realized they did this, and if you point it out, they will instantly claim it's by design. It's your fault you don't want to be around them anymore. Anyone with family that they are not speaking to over Donald Trump understands this better than anyone. Family for most people is the one bond you overlook those annoying flaws of your drunken uncle and at least tolerate him at family gatherings. Yet, not anymore. People have divided from friends and even family over what can only be described as a cult response on a unrecognizable level since Nazi Germany.

Four years ago, a good friend said she wasn't talking to her parents anymore. What? She and her parents had always been close, yet suddenly her father, and even her mother, would yell and scream at her about the fact she didn't like Donald Trump. They watched Fox news, read only Breitbart if they read anything other than memes that agreed with Fox on Facebook. She was at her wits' end. She did Thanksgiving but refused to do Christmas. Her husband's mother was an independent and couldn't stand Trump. They felt more comfortable there. Her parents haven't barely spoken to her since 2016. She doesn't call them because she doesn't want to get yelled at, even now, about the "hoax". She's worried about them but for the most part has given up.

Does her story sound familiar to you? Either side? If you think you are the parents here, and even if you don't, the parents literally think she's the one that needs to come to her senses. But does she? I mean parents tell you what they think when you are doing something they think you shouldn't, right? But they don't call her. It's like tough love, but not over drugs, alcoholism, stealing or some criminal activity. They literally have no desire to talk to her over Donald Trump. Is this still you? Have you screamed, yelled, name called, carried on, about how great Trump is to the point you've forced someone to decide they can't stand you?

Yes, I know the standard response here is "they were yelling at me". Funny how that works. You yell and they respond with yelling. You name call and they get upset. You insist Trump is the best of the best and just keep insisting even with example after example of some of the most ridiculous stuff anyone, not just Presidents, has ever done. You don't care. You scream how great he is. That's it. They didn't even have to say a word. A friend's husband, who has never been that fond of me anyway, just started yelling at me, drunk, about Trump. Not even because I brought him up, because for her sake I was avoiding it completely. Didn't matter he started ranting, she made him calm down and I cut my visit short. I haven't talked to her since other than in text and only because he's been extremely sick. But otherwise, why bother? Besides the fact he doesn't need to get hyped up over me versus Trump. I don't want to listen to that crap just because you know I disagree with you. No one does. But rather than try to discuss or argue it out, anyone anti Trump have had to decide whether they have to cut people like that out.

Here's my favorite example, only from my own life. A friend's husband allowing someone to call me racist names online because he was a "Korean War" vet and deserved to be able to say whatever he wanted. He served in Korea in the 1960s after the shooting stopped. I served in the Gulf. He saw less action than I did. That was disrespectful of me to point out anything anti Trump. Really? But it was perfectly fine for this ahole to call me a couple racist slurs during his rant at me. I'm born and raised American citizen but because I'm not white male enough, my service compared to his service was nothing they BOTH mansplained to me. I cut him out and as a result his wife. The hypocrisy and disrespect was aimed at me and the only thing I did, no name calling even, was say I didn't like Trump and point out a couple of the idiotic things Trump has done. We all have experienced it if we don't like Trump.

Don't believe me? Go to a trumpkin and point out Trump still hasn't responded to the fact we know Putin has been putting bounties out on American military in the Middle East. Nothing. Nada. Zip. Zilch. They will respond with some crap about Clinton or AOC or Biden's "dementia". Biden's "dementia" is completely hilarious considering Trump bragged about a one page cognitive test that asks you to draw a cube and identify 3 wild animals. Let alone on top of it, claiming how hard it is. O-kay. Biden's real problem is he grew up with a stuttering issue. Some of the most intelligent people in the world suffer from stuttering and other similar issues.

Still a trumpkin reading this will tell you or me or anyone that will listen that I'm just a hater. A liberal. Snowflake. Pansy. C*nt. Dumb b*tch. Just mad because Trump doesn't like illegals. A slew of racist terms that don't fit because I'm not "white enough" in their minds. Yes, these things have literally ALL happened over the last 4 years. From friends I've known and thought the world of for years, a couple even decades. Friends. At what point do you say enough?

Trumpkins will tell you it's you. Gaslighting you into thinking it's you not them. But I snapshot the Facebook interactions when they happened. I recorded some of the verbal interactions. It starts off with them yelling and me trying to stay calm. It starts with them starting to call names and me trying to explain my position. And eventually one of two things happened at these exchanges. Either I got mad and they danced around like idiots pleased because now they claimed I was the one that got mad first (if they even admit they were screaming and name calling at all). Or I got fed up and cut them off. I've got over 2 dozen of these exchanges that I kept for review because I am one of these people who had dated an abusive asshole (maybe a couple). One thing that is recommended is to prove to yourself you are correct. Documentation helps to prove to yourself you are better off without the abuser.

When you do this? It's like my friend with her parents. They were good parents but when she went back through things her father said, so hateful. She had even had a confrontation after Charlottesville with him where he said something very similar to several friends of mine I've cut off. Something along the lines "I'm more prejudice/racist now" than this or that or then. I've gone back and can say at least half a dozen of my so called friends said crap like that too. But she pointed out that it wasn't that they were "more" now. It was they were not "allowed" to be before. Society frowned on it, but with Trump, they were free to say and be "more" racist. It wouldn't be Trump's fault except the only thing all these half a dozen plus have in common with each other and her dad? Trump and they are "white" in their minds. (I'm not getting into the "white Hispanic" nonsense other than to point out to be Hispanic means you have a mix of some South/Central America Native blood which makes "Hispanic" therefore white Hispanic is an oxymoron.)

Can we wake these people up? I look back at my grandmother who loved Richard Nixon. Nixon was a power hungry, insecure, albeit smart man. He had stepped down in shame, caught in a criminal conspiracy. She didn't believe it. Even with the majority of the country agreeing he was. By the very last live interview with David Frost, my grandmother was convinced Nixon was still the good man she dressed him up to be in her mind. Right up until Nixon lost his cool, screamed at Frost that he had done what he was accused of, and how dare anyone question him. She never talked about Nixon again. You couldn't even mention his name without a dirty look of quiet rebuke. And Trump has done far worse than Nixon ever did and in the 1970's a shit ton more was more acceptable compared to today. It's almost bizarre to watch Trump get away, even brag when he does something heinous, and people like my grandmother just keep defending him. Bizarre is probably an understatement, but definitely makes it questionable whether short of Trump going to prison.... Well.... If Biden wins, NY State has the indictments waiting....

The third party myth that Libertarians swear by

2020-09-06T09:54:00.001-05:00

So I'm just going to point out that there's never been a true third party win in a presidential election. It's a myth.

Back in the 1859-60, where the famous myth forms, there were two parties. The Democrats and the Whigs were twists of the original two parties that formed from the Jeffersonian democratic thinkers and the Hamilton republic thinkers. There's always been just two main parties.

These two parties right before the Civil War were both of divided minds. The Southern and Northern Democrats who were divided only on the issue of slavery. All races were still inferior to white. The Whigs had a bigger problem because of the time, they were the "intellectuals". So they were all opposed to slavery, but they had differing views on what the end of slavery meant. Full equality? Give them passage to the Caribbean or Africa? Or some brand of Jim Crow? The first two grouped together whether they agreed on full equality or not. The third group, incensed by the idea Natives, Africans, etc. could be equal, ran their own candidate, as did the Southern Democrats. So you had 4 candidates from the 2 major parties. The main body of the two parties ran a Dem who wanted to keep slavery legal but "free new births" or some other hocus pocus, basically find a nice way to end slavery. The third group of the Whigs (the smallest but most vocal ironically) ran a guy who was basically the same. The Republicans (the Whigs who wanted an immediate end to slavery and the majority of the Whig party at the time) ran Abraham Lincoln.

We know that Lincoln won. What we rarely know is he represented the majority of Whigs. It was not a third party coup d'etat. It was the majority of a party taking their party back from a minority who kowtowed to the money and power base.

There's no third party winning historically. A myth to try to transform the Republicans of the late 1800s into a wrongly elected end to slavery. In a strange twist, the Republicans used a repackaging of the third party myth to make themselves the "Grand Ole Party", aka. GOP. The myth it could happen again when it's really never actually happened before? Some feel good nonsense for the disgruntled to think they can find a way to fix what they view as wrong.

However, right now as our laws stand it's actually an impossibility. The two major parties "own" the Presidential debate as they always have. The last 3rd party candidate to be allowed in the debate was Ross Perot, only because of a massive donation he made. Next, even if the 3rd party candidate can get on the stage, he/she would need to be on all 50 states ballots. Since Perot, only Gary Johnson in 2016 was able to pull this off. And finally, the Electoral College. So many want to talk about how it should be abolished. It can't be. The whole reason it exists is so lesser populated states have a fair effect on the outcome of the Presidential election. (Believe it or not, it works exactly as the Founding Fathers' planned.)

We know only 2 out of 3 are fair right now for a 3rd party candidate. Lawsuits to force the debates to allow the 3rd party candidates still haven't managed to get all the way to the Supreme Court. This won't change until it gets that far, if it does then. Even if it gets the SCOTUS okay (it should, not the point), the CPD will still be able to place limits like having to be on all 50 ballots. But the big hurdle is the Electoral College. All but two states, Nebraska and Maine, give 100% of the electoral votes to the majority vote. In Nebraska and Maine, a candidate gets what percentage of the state they take. In Nebraska (5 electorates), if a candidate gets 20%, they get one of the 5. This would actually open up the ability for 3rd parties to overcome the electoral hurdle. It would also mean where votes are close, people in certain states wouldn't be disenfranchised that their vote doesn't "count" because they are "red" in a "blue" state or vice versa. However, you can see where neither party can be very invested in making this happen. Red or blue is pretty much in their favor, so why would they encourage a change that means both might lose?

While I'm all for both being changed and those 3 things that keep us couped up with only 2 "real" choices, I have had plenty of conversations with Libertarians that have no idea what the hell they are talking about. They talk about the government being limited, but ramble on about walls and protecting ourselves from some real and mostly imaginary threats. Or likewise, others (same party) who ramble on about no infringements at all. Mostly they don't want to pay any taxes. (So unrealisitic that's all it will get.) They can't even organize around the definition of what is or isn't "big" government. So it's not going to appeal to anyone until the majority in their party are on the same page. But does it really matter? Maybe, maybe not. If we ever break the winner take all for the electoral college votes for each state, then we all might feel better about being 49% of the population in our state, regardless of what the 51% are. Until we address that, a third party is nothing but a joke. A group or several that can't agree on what they want to believe in, let alone pitch it, with no hope of ever winning an actual election.

Trump's Deep State

2020-08-30T09:30:00.001-05:00

Facebook is just as culpable for last night's shooting as Fox news and OANN. (Lincoln Project shared proof, added in comments.)

FAKE information and home grown terrorist organizations have been allowed to flourish here. So much so, these groups act here unencumbered by any sense of decency. Even reporting various threats get ZERO response from Facebook.

“Nothing exists except an endless present in which the Party is always right.”

When George Orwell talked about "big brother", this is what he meant. Home grown terrorists who would take over by elections and then terrorize the rest of us into submission.

"We shall squeeze you empty, and then we shall fill you with ourselves.”

When these types of people come into power, they use divide and fear as their hoist to more power. More hate, more anger, more intimidation, more killing. They do not denounce it, because they feed on it.

"Always, at every moment, there will be the thrill of victory, the sensation of trampling on an enemy who is helpless."

When people talk about the "deep state", Trump's created it. The people who pretend to be paranoid about it are it. They are the weapons that have been mobilized. They don't see how the deep state was the people held at bay, that lied and still lie, to feed their own power, their own ego.

"...always there will be the intoxication of power, constantly increasing and constantly growing..."

And when it's finally over and all of people who have been organized and pulled into this feeding frenzy decide they want their say, they will find there was never any voice for them either. Just obedience with Trump.

"The heresy of heresies was common sense.”

I truly want to believe the United States of America that I fought for, that ALL People have Inalienable Rights of LIFE and LIBERTY, still exists to grow and flourish. But anyone with a gun against a fellow American must realize that is against everything we declared we are about. The RIGHT TO LIFE AND LIBERTY for ALL. That's what I fought for. NOT Americans KILLING other UNARMED Americans...

"...a nation of...fanatics, marching forward in perfect unity, all thinking the same thoughts and shouting the same slogans, perpetually... persecuting..."

I fear this has gone too far. That November will not be the end of this, but just a rocket boost into the depths of a hell this entire planet thought we ended with World War II. And even if it ends the way I hope and pray, that the glorification of hate is too enticing.

"We know that no one ever seizes power with the intention of relinquishing it.”

Maybe it will be fine. November's election will come; there will be skirmishes. But, 95% of us well be relieved it's over and want to move forward, forgetting what brought us here. The brink of Trump's deep state from '86 to '16 to seize power almost destroying a Nation that only 80 years ago was so full of resolve. They will need to be exposed fully, instead of us breathing a sigh of relief.

"..the object of waging a war is always to be in a better position in which to wage another war.”

Or they will regroup, try again, over and over, until they succeed.

Vote Biden not because you like him. But because the Deep State has always and still is people like Trump greedy for power and money. He is the Deep State, for God's sake.

The Way of the Brontosaurus

2020-05-27T15:39:00.000-05:00

When I was in elementary school, my father took me to the Met, as in NYC Metropolitan Museum of Art from the front entrance on 5th Avenue.. The architecture of the building was a bold statement that even people that have never been to New York recognize. It's an icon often used on TV. My favorite exhibit was the dinosaurs and my favorite dinosaur was the Brontosaurus. We knew they traveled in herds, are plants and were bigger than a T-Rex. The sight of the skeleton was humbling. Then in 2012, a discovery made the Brontosaurus go away. Just like that one of my favorite "animals" was gone, much like Pluto was no longer a planet. Did I scream denying conspiracy theories all over YouTube? No. Rush to fight over school books and lesson plans? No. Scream that scientists were wrong? No. Frankly, because I'm not an idiot and it's not my field of expertise. A couple years later, the Brontosaurus was back, because science had found another piece of evidence that proved there were three, not two, similar animals. I was quite pleased. So I understand some people have a hard time wrapping their minds around "new" science, and how things like the disappearing, reappearing Brontosaurus might be confusing

Sometimes things exist or are accepted to exist until something proves it was incorrect. Certain things have been proven. Gravity for example. Sir Issac Newton "discovered" gravity, that it had a fixed rate of acceleration on Earth and a formula that has been proven consistently over and over. There's no doubting gravity. Yet suddenly we have people believing in "flat earth" nonsense. (I'm just going to call it what it is.) These people want it taught in schools to your kids. Forget that gravity wouldn't actually exist without the rotation of the sphere we call Earth. Forget that Magellan sailed around the world literally in 1519, 500 years ago, proving the Earth was round. US Navy carrier groups often do *world cruises". Thousands of Marines and sailors each time would have to lie and/or be fooled on every single one for more than 2 centuries. Yes, that's how absurd the flat earth conspiracy "theory" is.

So one huge problem? We need to stop calling these "theories". Theory in science means it's been hypothesized, then verified by multiple other sources. A hypothesis hasn't been proven and independently verified. Scientific theory has been verified by multiple scientists and data. We have done a great disservice by using the term "theory" colloquially for any lame brain idea that pops into some idiot's head and gives their conspiracy nonsense some semblance of reality, even with every known fact flying in the face of the nonsense. Flat earth conspiracy is just one of the dumb ideas nutjobs around this country want to teach your kids.

Who cares? Why do I need to know? Because these snake oil salesmen are pushing schools to teach this garbage and the current GOP is making it happen. How dumb do you want future generations of Americans to be? We are talking 3rd world level hocus pocus, fear based, nonsense that would weaken our nation. How can we compete if the next generations are basically educated like this is 1620 instead of 2020?

Maybe the most horrifying is the story of Adam and Eve Creationism is on the rise again. Most educated people are familiar with the monkey trials in 1950's Tennessee. This was already decided. Creationism is a religious thing. It in fact is an Abrahamic thing; only Christianity, Judaism and Islam believe the world was created this way. Buddhists do not believe God created the world. The world just is. It has no end and no beginning. It is ever changing much like the shoreline does as tides roll in and out. The universe as a whole just ebbs and flows. Wicca believe Mother Earth created the world as we see it but nature only. It's unclear who created the rock nature is built upon. Neither of those religions agree with the Abrahamics. In fact, no other religion agrees. These 3 can't even agree. Christianity, the youngest of the 3 claims the Sabbath is on Sunday. Muslims claim Friday. And Judaism is Saturday. All 3 have the exact same book of Genesis as their reference. Even if their views were exactly the same, why as a Taoist would I want my kids taught what I find completely unacceptable both from my religious beliefs and scientific knowledge? More importantly, why would any Americans want our kids to be taught something that has no basis in actual science in a science class?

Back to flat earthers. What is this? Complete nonsense. Yet, 650+ attendees at the last "Flat Earth" convention. It's like Scientology minus Tom Cruise. It's one man's ramblings on YouTube rather than in a book. Nevermind if lthe flat earth conspiracy were true, you couldn't fly from Hawaii to Hong Kong in 12 hours and to San Francisco in 5 hours. They cut the Pacific in half. So you could do one or the other but not both. The whole premise of a flat earth is idiotic. Yet people who are "home schooling" their kids are teaching this crap because they don't have the educations to be teachers in the first place. This YouTube clown is convincing them even though we have over 500 years of proof he's an idiot. Worse? Now, he wants your kids to be taught this garbage in real schools. As if it couldn't get worse, some GOP elected officials believe this nonsense and agree with him.

Now, if flat earth and creationism don't scare the bejeebies out of you? There's also a group that teaches the moon is a hologram. Nevermind we don't have the technology to create a hologram that large. Seriously, these people don't believe we can build rockets capable of going to space but they believe we can create a hologram hoax of the moon for thousands of years. Nevermind the proven fact the moon's mass controls the ebbs and flows of the tides--because that's all faked too on flat earth. Nevermind its gravitational pull is what keeps our atmosphere just right. The moon is a hologram. The moon landing was a hoax. The pictures astronauts and cosmonauts alike have taken from the space station of the beautiful sphere we call Earth are all faked. You've got to be thinking this is ridiculous. However, think back to the dumbest kid in your 3rd grade class, not paying attention, and only listening to the dumbest people in his family, now 40 something with his own YouTube channel. Voila. Suddenly that guy has got all kinds of people believing this nonsense and wanting to teach it to your kids, in public schools you fund with your taxes. Never happen? Yet 7% of Americans believe this and are home schooling their kids and... and vote almost exclusively GOP.

Sure 7% is pretty low and most people don't believe that garbage. Yet, 20 years ago only about 30% of Americans believed in Creationism. Today? Around 40%. *eye roll* How is that even possible? Does it even matter? Yes, it does In the SE USA we allowed the states to teach that African Americans liked being slaves all the way up into 2010's in one state. As a result, I know people in their 40's and up that still believe that because that's what they were taught IN school. Nevermind the idea of being a slave goes completely against our own American Doctrine that happiness is tied to liberty and freedom. Only a complete idiot would believe anyone liked being a slave, right? But kids are basically idiots with a sponge for information. If the information you put in there is garbage, they will think the garbage is true for what may be the rest of their lives.

Hell, scarier? Yes these conspiracies get even more ridiculous. How old is the Earth? Geologists say 4.5 BILLION, yes billion, years. Yet, 40% of Americans now believe it's only 6000 years old. That we lived and rode dinosaurs. Obviously people who have never actually seen an actual Brontosaurus skeleton.

These people aren't screaming to reopen libraries and schools. They are screaming for us to reopen churches and bars. That tells you everything you need to know about them. Make no mistake; some college educated are this undereducated too. They majored in business, basket weaving, even some in engineering and sciences (although so minute in comparison). They just didn't pay attention in elementary to high school, or worse, this is the crap they were taught not just at home but in schools. So they want to take a giant leap backwards as every other westernized nation moves ahead of us in the sciences because we are letting these conspiracies run rampant thinking facts will win out.

When you vote for a Republican, and especially Trump which is crazy since he doesn't even go to church at all (unless we count Twitter), this is what you are voting for. Not just the dumbing down of America. Complete and utter stupidity where we will have multiple generations of people so undereducated they will be slave labor for everyone else on the planet. Science may be taking a beating and starting to look like the loser here. But it's time for a big comeback like the Brontosauruses, for the sake of our kids, multiple generations of Americans to come, and for God's sake, for truth. God didn't make fools. They choose to be and then they want to spread it like a cancer. I've used a quote from the Dalai Lama before in similar blogs. "If science proves (a fundamental religious belief) is wrong, then we simply quit believing in it.".

How to Live With a Guilty Conscience

2020-05-17T14:39:00.001-05:00

Many years ago if my boys want to tell you they will tell you that two amazing women helped me raise them. The first one because as a mechanic/electronics/maintenance tech in a plant, third shift was my only option, and this amazing woman, who was really like a sister to me, negotiated with her supervisor to leave her second shift job just couple minutes early to take my boys home with her, provide them a good night's sleep and be like we expect family to be. A few years later, another friend, an empty nester whose children were grown, college bound, and who had so many indirect familia ties, also helped. She was so like we expect family to be that my boys referred to her and her husband as Aunt and Uncle. It's really debatable if her husband was really ever more than an unwanted brother in law, but that's family, yeah? Both of these amazing women helped take care of my boys for the better part of a year and a half to two years. Both were absolutely like family to me. These two women are my sisters. I would never forsake them like I have my blood family at times.  Yet, a couple years back, I had to realize that I didn't treat them the same. What? Was one more unfair? Was one less giving? Was one or the other a better friend? Was one more consistent? No, no, no...no to all of. Both fantastic to my boys, like they would be to their own children. These women, in spite of husbands or real family or even ugly so called friends, were amazing to me and to my sons. Both of them unquestionably my sisters, unquestionably family. So why did I raise my sons to call only one of them "Aunt"?

If you've read this blog, you know a couple years back I was attacked by some "white" asshole in a very nice brand hotel for not being "white" enough. He assumed, wrongly, that I was Hispanic in descent. It wasn't that it was the first time. I went to Clemson after getting out of the military. Clemson was an oasis, but 15 minutes back then in any direction and I learned, very unpleasantly, that as "white" as I had always been treated all over the USA, I wasn't "white" enough for some people. It was a rude awakening, and yet none of those experiences came close to this "white", supposed-self identified CEO of a company, self identified graduate of the University of Wisconsin, screaming at me in a drunken stupor that I had no Rights in the country I was raised in, that I served in a war, that I was a various number of Hispanic slurs AND NOT A LICK Hispanic. Yes, it bothers me still. I can't imagine what it would be like to fear some random asshole acting like that to me daily. While I was at Clemson, late 90s and early 2000s after serving my country, yeah, I never imagined. But over the years, I've met men like him. Way more than anyone should ever have to, but I would stand there stunned as the on-lookers at the hotel did.
A racist schmuck screaming bloody epithets. Inciting. Hurtful. Cruel. Just based on the color of someone's skin tone. I'm a light olive. I look Italian, Slavic, Polish, Hungarian. No joke. I should I'm descendant of at least two of those. Yes, that is me being smart-ass-ish, but I grew up "white", or so I thought. And no one was changing that in the Deep South, but he wasn't Southern and we weren't in the Deep South. We were in Michigan, at a higher end hotel, both I presume for work. It was a really rude awakening.

I had to process. It was devastating. At the same time, one of my former friends, beautiful, blonde, blue eyed, 1970's stereotype of "All American" ran a DNA test. She decided she wanted to know about her ancestors. There were blanks in her family tree and she was hoping that a DNA test would fill those gaps. Imagine how she reacted when the blanks traced back to a black slave who was so "high yella" (yeah I didn't know what it meant till I came South but it's just a rude way of saying "white" enough black to pass for "white")....Are you picturing a Cheryl Ladd look-alike? Maybe more like Farrah? Somewhere between. That'd be about right. Her DNA came back 1/8+ African American.  So what, right? Two grandparents had "black" blood. It was 2018, yet she went ballistic.  That might even be an understatement. She was ill, pissed, angry to the point of accusing the DNA companies of lying. Like yeah, they would lie. They don't even know her. Our friendship was destroyed by this revelation. She was "white". Well, by visual, absolutely. But one thing most people don't know about the falling out, was it was shortly after I had been attacked and she said to me that I couldn't possibly understand how "important", HOW IMPORTANT, it is to be "WHITE". How fucking important is it? Like that statement in itself screamed "white privilege", superiority, how she viewed herself in reality better than anyone that she perceived as less white and suddenly I saw her for what she was. A bigot, a racist, and the worst kind. Nice to your face while sub-consciously believing down to her core she was better just based on the color and heredity of her skin.

The silence in that conversation could have choked both angels and demons alike. I grew up "white". Slavic, Polish, Italian, Eastern European, Hungarian,...I grew up with people that looked just like me. In the Deep South, she had grown up that if you looked like me you were either "black passing for white" (her words in another forthcoming spew of shit) or Native. "My people", the Natives she presumed, were mistreated-ish, but now they have casinos and money so it all "evens out". Tell that to the Navajo Nation...."eye roll". But I'm not any of those, so it all just made me more angry and more ridden with guilt. I'm not "white" but I lived where I could assume I'm "white" so I'm "white" until I meet someone, worse a friend, who just threw it in my face that I'm not "white" and therefore "obviously" I would take the non-white position??? Wow. Not "white enough" and i "already knew that". That experience in Grand Rapids Michigan had happened before. But not really. Only in South Carolina. Never anywhere else in the USA until the racist f*s crawled out from their rocks. Everywhere else in this country, no. She thought that was the norm, ALL MY LIFE, EVERYWHERE in the USA, because it was normal in her minute little world of 25 miles radius around where she was born and raised.  Just another day in paradise in her mind. I had no reason to be upset with her, afterall, she had treated me "white" and not allowed anyone like this asshole in Michigan to treat me as less than "white". But I was "less than white" in her opinion. We had never discussed it. I assumed it didn't matter. I assumed that it wasn't even an issue to be discussed. She assumed I wasn't "white" and knew I wasn't "white" and therefore there was no discussion necessary.

What a rude awakening. I wasn't "white" enough. I really never had given it any thought until then. My sons are blond, blue, hazel and green/blue/grey'hazel (changing colors based on mood). White. Dimples. Surfer looks. Farm boys. They look like my grandfather or my ex or Parker Stevenson. I wasn't "white" enough. She didn't say it direct. She didn't need to. She made it clear. Only a "white" woman could possibly be upset by finding out they aren't "white" and she was "white" no matter what some "bullshit" DNA said. Three DNA tests...She's still "black", whether we're friends or not. The end of our friendship didn't change that. According to Blue Book laws here, she's less than 95% "white" and therefore she's a mulatto. Her path of acceptance has been a long one as we have a mutual friend still. I'm not sure she's there yet. But this isn't about her, but the opening to me to do some real self evaluation.

What started to change? My own views. The one experience was the catalyst and the other the push forward. Did I have my own sub-conscious issues? My grandparents were racist, but by 1960's standards quite progressive. Times do dictate appropriate. As we grow, what was appropriate is considered inappropriate as we consider others' feelings and equality.  I know most people don't self analyze like I do. But I look at everything that happens to me as a learning experience. I take the Buddhist, Taoist view, that each experience is an opportunity to see something in myself. I wanted to understand, maybe release myself, from my own racism. Most "white" people see racism as they are blatant racists or they are not. They either use racial epithets or they don't. They refuse other races or they don't. They hate or they don't. But life isn't really black or white, is it? Puns intended. Life is a hue of everything, and each of us harbor what we grew up with whether we want to acknowledge it.  Whether we recognize it or not. Suddenly I had to think about my view of the world. I'm not racist. I would've stood up and defended a woman in my position with some jerk screaming racist insults at her, whether I knew her or not. I call people on that behavior, both in my past and to this day. I don't allow that behavior in my presence.  I'm not racist. Yet, neither was my blond bimbo friend either in her own eyes. Deep breath.

So I asked my friend, the one who had arranged to get off work early to help me with my young boys, who treated them like her own, who's son is like my own. My fair skinned "black" friend. She let me off the hook. I could've taken it. She told me that because I was "ambiguous' looking it was just how some people were. I'm still "white" enough was the basic message, but I didn't want what I wanted to hear. I wanted her view. Her view? She prays everyday for her son. That he won't be in the wrong place at the wrong time. That he won't move too fast or too slow and spook at cop at what should be a normal traffic stop. How everyday she knows her son is an amazing educated young man, but how she worries he might be driving the wrong car, look at the wrong person, lean over the wrong direction. What. The. Fuck. Suddenly, I was a bit guilt ridden. I hadn't gone through this. I worried about wrong decisions my sons might make. That I might not have been the best parent. She worried about those things too, but she had this other worry that I didn't even imagine, let alone think about daily.

Over the last two years, I've cut off a lot of my "white" friends. I was so shocked as I discussed these things with some how they would tell me that "of course" I would be "sympathetic" because i wasn't "white" enough. Or how, "those" people ask for it. Or how I was obviously stepping out of my "zone". Sigh..And I'm not racist, but somehow I seemed to have a LOT of racist friends...

But that wasn't the worst of it. Suddenly, I realized that I had two women that were like family. Helped me with my boys. One was Aunt and one was not. The two both gave so much I could never repay either. Yet, the Aunt was the "white" one and the one that was not? Was not. I'm not saying one was more or less than the other. In fact, quite the opposite. They were both so good to me and my boys. They were both my sisters and my sons' aunts. They both earned that. So it hit me like a ton of bricks. Why was one "Aunt" and the other was not? It was my own, bit of sub-conscious racism. Both are family. I just didn't openly acknowledge my non-white friend was an aunt to my sons and a sister to me. They, both of these women, deserved the same level of respect. I had just been inconsistent in applying that respect.

What's the take away? If you are "white" America and you think you aren't "racist" because you aren't blatant, you aren't screaming at other races, you smile, you are polite, you do your "best" to be a "good" person? That doesn't mean you aren't racist. What means you aren't racist is you self analyze. You recognize you have no non-white friends and you make the effort to change that. We all work with multiple races, so you can. You don't roll your eyes when you see a couple kids of another race. You don't assume too brown, isn't it nice they are Native, brag how Native you are when you look "whiter" than bread. You simply start to acknowledge we fail no matter how "non-racist" we are. I'm not saying go out there and kiss ass. I'm saying the Indian couple whose wife wears the full garb and with the Hindi dot on her forehead aren't weird and why did they move into your neighborhood isn't a problem for you. I'm saying the asshole neighbor who you drink beer with twice a week who's bitching they moved in? You tell him to shut the hell up nicely once and then if he keeps saying shitty things? You quit drinking beer with him until he realizes he's being an asshole. If he never realizes he's an asshole? You go over to the Hindi neighbors with a fruit basket because you looked up that food baskets are considered respectful and you are making the effort, no matter what that asshole you thought was a good guy says. And when he asks you? You tell him flat out. Nice neighbors. Different? Yeah, you suppose, but you like diversity and how amazing the wife's stuffed grape leaves are. It's not enough you are not blatantly racist. You have to try to overcome the underlying racism that we all have, the underlying racism so many of us allow by inaction.

Here's my way. I am so sorry to one of my best friends, a sister, that my sons didn't call her Aunt. She earned that. I just had underlying racist beliefs, ones that should never have endured. I'm not using them as an excuse for my guilty conscience. I know it was wrong. I'm sorry it took me this long to know it, and that it took even longer to grow a pair and admit it. I cannot correct it. My sons are grown. I'm just glad that I did everything to teach them that I wasn't perfect and that skin hue was never a reason to judge anyone, whether capabilities, intelligence or friendship. I just wasn't completely consistent with my message. Fortunately for me, they knew I was wrong before I did.

Survey Says... That was a lie.

2020-04-26T17:08:00.001-05:00

This morning I opened my news app and a Newsweek article about a Pew Research poll that liberals don't want to date Republicans or Trumpers. (Let's not get into the fact it's disturbing that my news app knows I'm single.) I read the article and it went on and on but lacking substance, as in statistics. It didn't go into male versus female or age groupings. Just on and on ramblings for what at best sounded like a "praise be you" to Trumpers. Well, if you know me you know, I went and looked up this magical poll. I mean I participated in a You Gov poll last fall/winter and it's results were like 53-47, Dems and Trumpers not willing to date the other. Okay, so what are we missing here? Besides the Newsweek article reads like a pat on the back for the good old boys.

So I found the Pew poll. It was showing 47 of Trumpers were not willing to consider dating people who voted for Clinton and only 24 of the Dems were willing to date a Trumper. But wait. Did you notice what I left out? Percentage, as in % symbol. I realized as I reviewed the "poll" it was not a population percentage. These were numbers. They talked to less than 100 people each who they already knew were Dems and Republicans, Trumpers and non-Trumpers. Even better. Newsweek wrote about this like it was recent. It was last October. Like right after the YouGov poll that apparently was done in mid-October. The YouGov poll showed about 53% of Dems didn't want to date Trumpers and 47% of Trumpers didn't want to date Dems, Never Trumpers, etc. Yours truly participated in that poll which is why I remembered it. It was more in depth. Took about 30 minutes. The analysis asked about friends with other views, dating people with other views, etc. But it pointed out that women 48% are more uncomfortable than men 40% dating across party lines. It didn't say what percentage of women were in each party though.

So I looked up party demographics In 2017, women were 56% Dem or Dem leaning. Now, women are 65% Dem/Dem leaning. Men were 48% GOP/GOP leaning. Now, not to disturb you ladies, but now they estimate 42% of men still lean GOP. And if they consider themselves Euroamerican males (some Hispanic men do which is why the census asked straight up "White, not Hispanic"), that percentage of GOP leaning jumps up to 61%, compared to only 47% Euroamerican women.

There's a distinct disparity here where it doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out why Dems are less likely to want to date a GOP, particularly one who's a Trumper. They are more likely to be female. Males are typically less intimidated by women who have their own point of view. Except, now 65% of females view themselves as Dem or Dem leaning whether they want to say it outloud or not. So, it's not really surprising women who don't really feel comfortable standing up for themselves just prefer not dating anyone who they might feel "bullied" by.

Bullied? Honestly, yes, I get plenty of Trumper, GOP, conservative guys swiping right for me. And I've gone out on a couple dates here and there with a couple different Trumpers. First, every one of them is a miserable date. They are more likely to brag about how much money they have. I don't care, especially when I make more than the ones who brag. It's not that I'm looking for someone who makes more than me. It's that they are insulting me indirectly by assuming I make less than they do. It's almost laughable now it has happened on every date with a Trumper. I'm tits and ass and fairly attractive for my age, so I couldn't possibly be making more money than them. The one that was living off disability was actually so laughable I sat there smiling the whole time trying to pretend I didn't want to strangle him. If they go to politics, I tell them I'm a moderate. If they push, I tell them I am a fiscal conservative. Oh yes, I know, I'm dodging the question. They're just not smart enough to. "Who did you vote for?" Three out of 5 had to push it there. I voted for Johnson I reply. You would think at least I didn't vote for Clinton and they would drop the conversation like a hot potato someone just shoved up their butts. Ah but no. One of them got so irate he was screaming at me by the time he worked himself into a tizzy that I was a femi-Nazi bitch and I could've put that into my profile instead of "wasting his time".

Right now all of you are thinking this may have ended with him eating his teeth, but you don't remember seeing me in one of those jailbird magazines some of you buy religiously. But my friends that know me, know I get quiet, cold and calculating in these types of situations. I was completely aware that everyone in a 15' radius was at a stand still waiting for this to play out. When he took a breath, I simply stood turned to him and said loudly enough for the immediate peanut gallery, "Well, this has been a horrible experience." Grabbed my coat and purse, and punchlined, "if I were a femi-Nazi bitch, I'd pay the bill. Instead you are."

Honestly, I can see over half my friends in tears, regardless of their political affiliation. Which may have prompted God knows what. More screaming with "snowflake" or "pansy ass liberal" or any other slew of insults most Trumpers like to hurl like they were raised in seaside brothels by whores and sailors. I can't imagine why most women wouldn't want to endure that. I promise you that's my last time enduring it.

Now, since that nightmare, I've basically hardly bothered with dating at all. I don't swipe right for anyone claiming to be a "conservative" anymore. Just the sight of a guy in his profile with that MAGAt hat makes me cringe. I imagine at least some of the conservatives I'm swiping left on are Never Trumpers. But I don't care. I don't want to experience that ever again. The next time, the guy might be lucky to walk away with his trachea intact. I don't care what your political beliefs are. You do not have that right to scream at me or any other woman like you are a 3rd grade bully telling me I can't play with the ball. And I'll tell you right now, I don't care how strong any of the women I know are. None of them want to put up with it either.

So Newsweek and their article can kiss my ass and probably at least 65% of the women out there feel the same way. Same goes for Pew Research. If you aren't going to take full demographic data and analyze it your results are shit. Here's the facts fellas. Women are still tired of being crapped on. We almost all have been, and if we haven't been, we know someone who has been. One of our good friends has definitely put up with some man's crap. We are tired of it and you can scream MAGAt at the top of your lungs. Most of us realize what you really want is to dial back when boys were men and men were boys. Women were property, arm candy, barefoot and pregnant, and held by financial "gunpoint" in dependency. Some feel "good", "I'm a man", skewed poll isn't going to change most women don't want to go back there, if they remember how bad that really was.

What we want are partners, respect, someone who understands give as much as take. What we don't want? To be bullied into submission. So yes, most Dem/Dem leaning being a majority of females? It doesn't surprise me 71% don't want to date you in a tiny skewed poll. What surprises me thinking about it now is that a statistically sound poll showed 47% of us were willing to last October. I was one of them. Thank your MAGAt behavior for turning me into one of the 65% of Dem leaning women when I've been registered GOP all my adult life. Leaders lead by example because followers mimick. Donald Trump is a pig and you decided that meant you could be too. Survey says, that was a lie.

How to piss off a Trumper

2020-04-18T16:01:00.001-05:00

1. Don't like Trump.

2. Make it clear you don't like Trump.

3. Say anything with the word "Trump" in it after #2.

That's it. No repeat necessary. Trumpers will keep coming at you until you give up.

Hoaxers and the Dalai Lama

2020-04-10T12:40:00.001-05:00

You have to be a very strong person to make points to Hoaxers. You have to have the facts, be ready to share them and be able to post the links yourself because Hoaxers can't Google. Often you will have to have legitimate medical sites, proof of anything you share with credentials.

Even educated ones will try to jump all over you as long as they outnumber you and can "bully" their view. They have a tendency to get snarky with no facts. It's hard not to get snarky back. Afterall, you've got facts. They've got an opinion based on other opinions, often devoid of any relative facts. Sometimes devoid of any facts at all.

What I find most interesting is how often facts just aren't enough with them. They've tied their egos up to something that seems trivial. Should a person's ego be tied up so tightly to the idea something is a "hoax"? Should a person's ego be so tied up to incorrect information? Is this really normal behavior?

For example, I have friends that are very tied to certain religious beliefs. Their religion gives them strength through hard times. Makes them thankful for what they have. Often helps them cope with daily life and sometimes tragedy. They often believe in intangible things. Things we can't see. Things they take on their faith. To some degree, we all do.

Using my own beliefs further to my point, I believe in reincarnation. I also believe in Karma. I often see posts by some of my Christian friends posting a vengeful version of karma. That's not really what Karma is in teachings. Karma isn't good or bad, so much as lessons. Some might view good Karma as a reward. But in teachings, it's not a reward. It's an opportunity to grow more. I don't point this out. My friends that share this aren't talking in facts. They are talking in opinions and views and interpretations. They interpret the word "karma" as they perceive "heaven" and "hell", rewards and punishment.

Could I explain this difference? Sure, I could. And honestly, since most of my friends are not tied to my religious beliefs, it might confuse some, interest others, but I doubt any of them would then have 3 to two dozen people pelting me with arguments like bullies in a school yard.

Even if they did, would they all be right or wrong? I have no way to prove reincarnation. There's no science behind it really. I cannot prove their interpretation of karma isn't really correct. It's like splitting hairs at that point. Am I tied to my beliefs? Of course I am. But I have no proof. I have religious texts but those are not scientific proof. I cannot share a Harvard Medical study showing how Karma works. There are no facts, just my belief.

Yet, medicine works in facts. There is science behind it. There are studies, lots and lots of them. There are experts who can show you pictures of the viruses and bacteria and who have scientific proof of exactly how the body's immune system works. Do they know everything? No, but they know, factually, way more than any one else.

When someone says, I don't care what the facts are and accepts a narrative with false facts, we call that beliefs. It's not. Beliefs are in things with no facts. Zero, none, zilch. Beliefs we take on faith. Like some of my friends take on Faith God is there for them. Or that heaven or hell will be where they or others end up. Even my own beliefs in reincarnation and Karma. These are beliefs. We have no proof; we just believe.

Hoaxers have somehow tied themselves up into fact denying, twisting, even faced with the numbers of the dead. They believe. They use all kinds of weird things that often don't make sense factually. But the strangest part is they ignore facts. I said a few days ago, dead is dead. 16,700+ today. Somehow the Hoaxers have let go of the 2009 flu narrative of 16,000+ in 6 months was bad and moved on to "new" numbers. It's a moving scale for them. How in the hell is that even possible? I think the answer is clear. Ego.

Years ago, the Dalai Lama was asked an interesting question in an interview.

"What would you do if science proved there was no such thing as reincarnation?"

The Dalai Lama replied, "We would stop believing in it."

Hoaxers, regardless of religious beliefs, you could learn a lot from the Dalai Lama. Even if your ego, everything you believe is tied into something, in the face of facts you quit believing. No one's ego is more than facts.

Is it really that bad? Coronavirus versus the Flu

2020-03-08T21:47:00.003-05:00

I have seen a couple of comparisons of the newest Coronavirus to the Spanish Flu in 1918 from both the worry warts and the naysayers, along with more and more desperate attempts to even compare to diseases that we have vaccines and cures for but simply never get distributed to the poorer countries. I think we all need to understand what's actually known versus not, so we can attempt to protect ourselves.

The overly worried point out how quickly this new virus has spread similar to the "Spanish" Flu, how there is no cure in either case, and how the government has lied or mislead about the severity making the spread worse. All true. The naysayers point out how the Spanish Flu killed millions, how it had no cure and that this is mild in comparison. The first 2 are true. But the 3rd is representative of exactly why the "Spanish" Flu was so bad in 1918. So here's an explanation of the differences.

COVID19, The newest Coronavirus

Let's start with the "Spanish" Flu. This is the H1N1 virus. If it sounds familiar, that's because H1N1 was redesignated as "Swine" Flu and we had a huge surge of it in 2009. Same bug. Not all Influenza viruses are H1N1. But they are, as far as I have researched, given an H and N designation. Now, I'm guessing a couple of you are scratching your heads. Why call it the Swine Flu if it was the "Spanish" Flu? Probably two or three reasons. First, the US government mislead the American public. H1N1 started in Kansas at what is now Fort Riley. The US government refused to discuss the outbreak and did everything to keep the news from reporting it. The Spanish, as in Spain, were the only country reporting it regularly in their news. So the public incorrectly designated it as the "Spanish" Flu. Secondly, the "Spanish" Flu still strikes fear if you were to Google it. The death toll was super high. No one wants people panicking. Third, well, they figured out where it started, with pigs. Why not just call it H1N1? No idea. We like to give scary things fluffy names I guess. Make them less scary and more comical.

So H1N1. It still kills, even today. It attacks 20 somethings faster than most. In 2009-10, they estimated it killed up to 575,000 globally. In 1918, they estimate it killed 50M globally, 675,000 in the USA alone. Wow, right? How come the number is so much less, if it was the same bug from 1918?

Medicine and our knowledge of how these diseases start and progress in 1918 versus 2009 was very different. We have vacc;ines to help prevent the different strains of the flu. Hell, in 1918, we didn't even know what caused it. The H1N1 virus was not identified until 1931 in pigs. In 1933, it was isolated as the same as the "Spanish" Flu and probably why scientists renamed it then. By 2009, they saw no reason to call it the "Spanish" Flu. Yet, it still kills, because we don't actually have "cures" for these bugs. The death rate was lower because we know more about how it spreads, what helps and what doesn't, and more importantly, we have become more accepting of the science behind how these things work.

H1N1 aka. Swine ("Spanish") Flu

We know how flu viruses are transmitted. We also have developed vaccines for them. Plus, we communicate faster, more effectively what the risks are. In 1918, the main treatments were blood letting (yes taking people's blood out), putting them side by side in huge rooms or tents, telling people to stay outside, and trying to reduce the fever. There were no drugs they knew would help. Some doctors would give morphine because in later stages the eyes and ears would bleed. Until recently, we thought the morphine may have made it worse. Recent studies do not support that. But back then, no one knew what was causing it, so there was no way to establish what would work or not. They were experimenting with the sick. If the sick died, they assumed it wasn't working, or if they didn't, they assumed it did.

By 2009, we knew what caused it. We knew how it was transmitted host to host. This made isolating the sick from the healthy important versus shoving them in beds side by side. We knew how to protect medical workers. We also discovered how to treat the symptoms better. Keeping the fever down. Keeping the sick hydrated. Amazingly, back in 1918 no one realized dehydration was causing the body to shut down on top of fighting the virus. Still, as we saw in 2009, no cure. People still can die from H1N1 and even from its less potent family members.

Now, I intentionally picked pictures that made the two above similar looking with the color but that's really from the microscope used. What they really look like when dissected doesn't look as similar. If you look at the pictures below, you see that the interior and the exterior of the two are different.

H1N1 dissection

COVID19 dissection

The two are similar with hemagglutinin, but notice the new spikes on the Coronavirus referred to as Spike Glycoprotein. No, I'm not about to get into a whole discussion about what this is. I have no idea and that's what some scientists way smarter than me do for a living. I'm just providing layman's information. Suffice to say in laymen's terms, these are different and they can't automatically be assumed to be similar in treatment, transmission, or even life spans. What we do know about the H1N1 is it has never been eradicated, and the biggest problem with the Coronavirus is, by the best information we have, neither will it.

Which brings us to the worry warts. Yes, they are right. COVID19 is highly contagious. It is harder to kill than the H1N1. There's no cure and right now treatment is only an educated guess. The government has been very misleading which we know makes it worse not better from 1918's experience. It got the opportunity to spread when it shouldn't have. But does that mean you should stop and worry about dying from it? Probably not. Kids seem to be near immune. NEAR. It doesn't attack them like the H1N1 attacks younger hosts. H1N1 favored younger, healthy hosts. For COVID19, the elderly seem to be the most susceptible. To the worry warts points though, how many of us don't have elderly family? Smokers and people with other conditions seem to be affected also. So some of us may need to be more careful, if not for ourselves, for our loved ones.

Now further to the worry warts points, almost nothing we know about this Coronavirus is actually based on it. Instead most of it is based on the two previous ones, SARS and MERS. (See below.)

SARS virus dissection

MERS virus dissection

Now, it doesn't take a rocket scientist to see there are similarities and differences. This is why we cannot assume what we know about one applies to the others, but also why we assume that at least some, even a majority, of what we know about one applies to the others. It's not an ideal science at this stage. Researching these things takes a lot of man hours and a lot of people with the dedication to study these things. Time is never on their side.

Now, the comparison to H1N1 that I eluded to earlier that makes scientists of any caliber cringe. H1N1 was a nasty little devil. It appeared towards the end of the winter in 1918. When it started to warm up, the transmission rates lowered. This is because the most common ways these are distributed is via droplets of saliva when the sick cough. This is why we eventually started telling people to cover their mouths. Back then, no one realized this was the primary route of transmission. In fact, up until the last 10-15 years, we also thought it was okay to cough in your hand and it wasn't transmittable. Then we realized these things have a shelf life outside the body. H1N1 for the most part lasts up to 8 hours on almost all surfaces. After that, it's dead, even without cleaning. But from the other two coronaviruses, we know these babies have a shelf life for days on some materials. They haven't actually established for certain the shelf life of COVID19 is the same, yet. We also know how to contain H1N1 and provide better treatments. We know that because we had over 70 years to test it. H1N1 was "discovered" in 1931 and traced to pigs. In 1933, it was confirmed to be the same one from the 1918 epidemic. By 2009, we knew a LOT about it. But it still killed 575,000 people globally in 2009. We only have had a little over 16 years to study the new coronaviruses.

Believe it or not, none of that is even the scariest part. The one thing we know about H1N1 that scares scientists when they have a new virus to deal with? In 1918, they thought it was gone, eradicated by summer. They had no idea why. The reason that these viruses start to dwindle off in the summer? Because the way the moisture in our voices, in our coughs dissipates. In the winter months, these droplets remain larger. Bigger carriers with more likelihood to get into a non-sick person. By summer, the temperature makes these smaller. They dissipate faster and they become less communicable. That all sounds good, right? By summer it's gone? Not exactly. First, I already explained these babies are never completely gone. Neither flus or the coronaviruses go dormant. Instead, they mix with other viral strains, effectively mutating. As I've already explained, H1N1 in 2009 is the same H1N1 in 1918. The coronaviruses are exactly the same. They just mutate, mesh with other viral infections. Nice, right? But, they hold on--going from place to place, maybe even person to person during the summer months, lying in wait. At least that's what H1N1 did in 1918. Most of the deaths from H1N1 were in the fall and first half of winter in 1918, not the spring of 1918 when it first appeared. It resurged because the virus held on and no one was protected. They didn't know how.

So in 2020, scientists don't know how long before they can figure out how to contain it. The things they are telling us aren't based on what they know about COVID19. They are basing it on the previous two novel coronaviruses. Isn't that special? Looking at the dissections of the 3, you can see how that would work, but you can also see how that might not. They are similar but not the same. When they talk about the first two meshing to form a third, you can see how COVID19 has a mix of the SARS and MERS inside its "shell". They are best guessing that it has the best of both right now to treat it, but it's an educated guess, which is still just a guess. They also know they are working against the clock. It took over 20 years to know what caused H1N1. It took decades after that to understand as much as they do about Influenza. Science and its equipment, even the scientists now, are better with more accumulated knowledge from the past and present. But that clock for them will continue to tick until next winter.

Resurgence is the bigger concern then. SARS was found in 2003 did not resurge. That doesn't mean COVID19 won't. Right now, they think it's a mesh of SARS and MERs. MERS first strarted in 2013. It resurged last year, 2019. COVID19 has taken more lives than both. When someone says summer can't come fast enough. They're right. It gives scientists some time to try and figure out how to combat it. It also gives a little hope that it won't resurge, but that depends highly on us keeping it contained to a minimum number of people. If everyone is running around like this is no big deal like they did in 1918, well, that can help this virus resurge in the fall.

I've said it over and over. No reason to panic, but no reason to be irresponsible and ignore history either. The winners here are the worry warts. The naysayers do not have history or science on their side. History and science tell us keep this thing to a minimum. Take care of yourself. Don't intentionally take risks that aren't necessary, but don't be completely worried and home bound unless you are in the at risk categories or sick. It's that simple. Listening to the naysayers increases our chances of this thing getting worse.

***

I'm not even going to go into the whole virus versus bacterial and parasitical diseases some people have taken to trying to compare this to. There's literally no comparison. Total different root causes and total different solutions. If I see a whole bunch of that nonsense, I will, but I would like to think most people remember a tiny bit of high school biology.

Every Flawless Diamond Started in the Rough

2020-02-21T12:16:00.001-06:00

My boss told me the other day that I take constructive criticism well. I think this was a very high compliment. I am always trying to be a better me, and I feel even inputs I don't agree with are opportunities for self reflection and improvement. We are all diamonds in the rough. I'm no exception.

Constructive criticism is a positive. We are often told it isn't, but that's because a lot of people don't do constructive criticism. The stereotype is criticism is bad. It can be. It depends on the delivery. There certainly are people that only criticize others to drag them down, put them in their place, make them feel bad about themselves. Positive criticism isn't that way. The person genuinely wants you to succeed. They see an inclusion that needs to be polished or filled.

Now I know a couple of my friends look to improve themselves and always listen and then self evaluate. I also know some of you let someone tell you everything they think is "wrong" with you. Some of you internalize what's being said, but it's often because you've been over exposed to negative criticism ~ how you aren't good enough and never will be or you must conform to their wants, their lives, who they are. That's not constructive criticism. Nasty people like to pretend they are "helping" while tearing you down. They don't want you to be your best because they aren't and will never be their best.

Sure, we all have our rough edges in certain aspects. No diamond is perfect. Even a "flawless" diamond has inclusions. They just aren't visible under 10x magnification. None of us will ever be "flawless". You have to accept that, and when those negative ninnies are telling you how "wrong" you are in their minds, you give that the value that you give the person talking. Are they a positive in your life? Are they dragging you down? Sometimes we value the opinions of people who only want to see us fail. These are the people who we should give little value to their opinions. It doesn't hurt to give it some thought, but don't overwhelm yourself with it.

If it's constructive, and if you know yourself you know what positive, constructive criticism should look like, then you take that opportunity to improve you. But never let anyone beat you down. You aren't perfect, but no one is. All we can do is try to improve ourselves everyday, and constructive criticism affords us the opportunity to see what we may have missed. Not all criticism is bad and you shouldn't shirk from it. Never, ever let negative people criticize you to the point you "lose" your ability to work towards your "flawless". Be as brilliant as you can be and work every day to be even more brilliant.

Those who can't, teach, or some such nonsense

2020-02-19T07:20:00.000-06:00

I often have heard people say, "marriage is work". These people if you sit and listen to their stories often regale moments in life they had to give a piece of themselves up or vice versa. They required their spouse to give up a piece of themselves. This is work. Giving up a piece of who you are. I have no doubt this can "make" a marriage work, but from observing many truly happy, great marriages over the years, if it is "work" or ever was, it's not a good marriage, let alone a great one.

Now I know I never had a great marriage, but as the old adage goes, those who can't, teach. I think it might be because it's much easier seeing how these things work best, pun intended, when you are on the outside looking in. There's only one ingredient needed to make a great marriage, yes, one. But, it must be from both sides, it must be genuine, and it must be understanding. Love. As another adage goes, "Love conquers all."

Oh nonsense? My grandparents appeared to have the most amazing marriage looking at it on its face value. It was years in the making, not even sure I've fully reconciled, that my grandparents, especially from my grandmother's side, hated each other. Certainly my grandfather seemed extremely proud of some of my grandmother's accomplishments. A welder during WWII for example. Yet in hindsight, I see a man who thought he married one woman and got another. He probably married more for money than my grandmother did. He came from a farming family, so not rich albeit not poor. My grandmother on the other hand was the daughter of a banker. I don't need to explain my great grandfather had money. My grandfather married a sassy, independent, outspoken woman. So when that was squelched by the world around her, marriage, not being able to work in anything that she really wanted to, and my grandfather out drinking, having a life, while she stayed at home and waited, taking care of children, the house, cooking and cleaning with little else for herself, eventually that alone was too much for her. Whatever love she had for him died in a house she felt trapped in, slowly, as if dying from a hidden cancer, until it was replaced with contempt, loathing, and hate. Sadly, as was the lot in life for a lot of women then (you married and there was no divorce), she simply made "peace" with it and then it was just "work".

Their marriage was never work for my grandfather. He probably perceived it as such. As I stated earlier, the woman he married was not the woman my grandmother was forced into. It wasn't necessarily either of their choices what her lot in life was regulated to. He loved the woman he married, he knew it was the same woman, but there was no denying she wasn't her anymore. So he longed for what was gone and regaled me in stories of who she was to remind himself. Oddly, I don't believe it ever occurred to him that it was partially his fault she withered away from him. In his imaginations, he just didn't see that he could've easily encouraged her to have her own business freeing her from the fetters of society and not been out carousing with his male buddies while she silently suffered alone as the maid, the cook and the caregiver. It simply never occurred to him that he was just as much to blame as society for crushing the flower he once loved.

Love is precious. I might be deluding myself that they ever loved each other. But I also know my grandmother would say "it's just as easy to marry a rich man as a poor one." Is it? What she was really telling me was the difference between her father's choice, another man from similar upbringing and wealth, versus my grandfather. We're they ever in love? I believe so.

We certainly repeat the mistakes we see as children. What I thought I saw was a "perfect" marriage, at some subconscious level. As a result, my marriage was a mirror of theirs. A man who thought a woman's place was in the home but still tried or feigned it wasn't. When I realized that was the track I was on, I understood that was going to be "work" and wanted no part of the lives they had at a conscious level.

Oh yes I know. That's examples of failure. How is that proving love is the only ingredient? So you hear these words compromise, commitment, dedication, loyalty, friendship, never go to bed angry, these all are great advice. But these alone, hell every single word you throw out there on how to make a marriage "work" is bullshit if you don't love someone. Love is selfless, bending (not breaking), kind, forgiving, supportive... Love is the glue. One of my favorite sayings when not happy with someone I love, "I love you but I don't like you right now.". You don't always like, approve of, or even want to be around the person you love. Anyone with kids that they love understands this saying. The difference with a spouse is you choose this person. They chose you. It's not implied as it is for a parent. If you kill it, all the compromise, dedication, loyalty, etc in the world won't change the rest of your marriage is going to be "work". Selfish behaviors are often the slow cancer that kills love. Affairs eat at a person's ego, eventually cutting deep enough to end any love that was ever there. Again this is from long term observation of marriages marred with this behavior. Even if they stay married like my grandparents had to, the smiles and niceties, masks of toleration, don't hide the truth. Even a child will see it even though they don't know what they see.

Friendship often can't repair the damage done. It doesn't hurt, but then that friendship, something that takes time to cultivate, can't be the main ingredient. Why? Because so many people that marry for love only 2 or 3 months in and last a lifetime. Or the guy who meets a girl and says immediately by the end of that evening that he's going to marry that girl and spends the rest of his life head over heels for her. Doesn't happen, right naysayers? George HW and Barbara Bush. That's actually their story and while extremely rare not actually uncommon for those couples that make it the long haul. Love, true love, is then the glue holds everything else in place.

There are lots of movies where we see women of the Silent and Boomer generations hate the men they married. It's a slow process to that point because it had to be. When you were stuck married for your livelihood or for your children, you keep trying to tell yourself it's what you want. You can work through it. You can "fix" it. You can't. Once there, it's like the trap that goes around and around. In a movie (bonus if you know the movie), a strong, wealthy, Southern matriarch tells her only son's wife when the younger woman catches her husband, the son, cheating that if she wants to be married to a man like him (wealthy, arrogant, etc) she's got to be stronger, put her foot down and accept on occasion this will be an issue because he's a wanderer. Oh for fuck's sake.

No, no, you don't. A man has never, NEVER, had to put up with a woman running around unless he's a geezer married to arm candy and doesn't want to be embarrassed by having to admit he was taken in by a gold digging ho-bag. So bluntly, no woman should have to either. If you make this choice, then own it. But again, settle on the fact your marriage will always be "work" and no matter how much you love him, or her, there will be times that you won't believe he (she) loves you. In fact, at those times, he/she probably doesn't. Love isn't selfish and it drives you passed most of those more selfish behaviors if you really love someone. A single mistake can be a learning moment. Several of the same mistakes is a pattern for contempt and loathing.

Sure, I do know people who love each other who have made it over a rough patch. Not many. Most honestly end up divorced sooner or later. Again, once the love is gone a crack in the relationship becomes like a cancer that's only treatable in the very early stages. There's always one trying to cling to what's left. The other one staying for a myriad of reasons. It goes back and forth for several years and then crash and burn. The only exceptions I've seen are where they come to some mutual benefit view.

Let's call this mutual benefit the Clinton theory. No one in this country believes Hillary and Bill Clinton love each other, even themselves. His very public affairs alone make both men and women cringe and cause even their most ardent supporters to acknowledge theirs is much more a business relationship than a marriage. As the advice of that matriarch says it in so many words. Suck it up buttercup and get what you want out of this relationship. Hillary Clinton set women's rights back 20 years with her version of Stand by Your Man. No one I know ever denies she stayed and got what she wanted out of it. Whether a Senator seat and almost the Presidency or a cushy retirement, financial stability, maintaining status quo, people that make these compromises to make a marriage "work" become embittered. Sure some of you say Hillary isn't bitter. No probably not anymore, but I bet after the 1st, 3rd, 5th, she was. Eventually she came to terms with it.

The Clinton theory is simple. You feel screwed and you decide to get yours. You give up on love and make peace with the fact that you've worked your whole life to some end. And a divorce will, in your mind, end everything you worked for to date. You will start over. You don't want to do that. Doesn't matter why. You've come to that conclusion. Your marriage is now not a loving relationship but a business partnership where you overlook your partner's failings. In a loving relationship, you overlook or even find those failings endearing. In these partnerships, they grate you, but it is what it is. You "work" through it for the business partnership and ignore any further dilemmas regarding a real marriage.

What's a great marriage look like? Love. I know this wonderful older couple. They have been married for 57 years and they love each other like it was just yesterday they married. This is a man who never cheated even though he could've because he loved his wife so. This is a woman who could've found better options if she had wanted, more money, more this, less that, but never gave those things a second thought because of how much she loved him. They don't describe their marriage as "work" but as love. They don't deny they have had tough and rougher patches. But those aren't how they describe their time, their lives together. They still are just this adorable loving couple. But neither of them ever forced the other to compromise their love and make it "work". They may look older but the sass, the joking, the loving looks, all those things we picture as the ideal marriage after so many years, they still have. That's all rolled into one word, Love.

Of course, there are limits each of us have. Almost all, I'm sure there are some rare exceptions, believe cheating is a deal breaker. Men will almost always cut it off faster than a woman will faced with their spouse cheating. But cheating isn't the only one. For some it might be a handful of things that add up to a limit. If we think about our limits, those things we will or can't live with, then we know our deal breakers. Ideally, we have no shame in sharing what those limits are when we fall in love and vice versa. When those limits are crossed, especially if they have been vocalized as to not being ambiguous, then there's only two options. The Clinton theory aka. "work". I'm not talking about who takes out the trash. If you can't overlook the petty ante stuff, you shouldn't be married to that person in the first place. But if you thought it was going to be split chores and suddenly you are taking out the trash, mowing the lawn, doing the dishes, laundry, vacuuming, dusting, toilets, while Billy Boy (or Girl) sits on the couch drinking beer and scratching himself? Well over time even that can kill love. It's a small crack that propagates into the cancer, and when it's over, it's over. In the in-between, the whole thing will be... You got it. WORK.

My boss would tell you I love work. Even most of my previous bosses would say that, but they would all be referencing my actual work. Job. A relationship shouldn't be a job. A relationship can try your nerves, but love really does conquer that. You find those things become the most endearing eventually. The thing you wouldn't change because it's become your special thing about the person you love. Something you would be annoyed by with anyone else but somehow it's not in the least bit bothersome because of love. Think about it from another perspective. I love my boys. They could grate my nerves but the love I have for them has always made it easy to continue to try and help them become the best men they can be. Sometimes I'm really not happy with them, even not liking what they have done, but I still love them and still want to find a way to help. That's what love is. It's the glue between us and our children when they drive us crazy. It's the same glue when your spouse does something ridiculous. Eventually love makes you look back at it in humor. Once love is gone? It's just one more thing that you hate.

Sure I'm not really the one to be giving advice, but truth is simple. I've never remarried again because I've never been in love again. I've never gotten to that point that "this is the one" again. I've seen it happen for other people. Divorced isn't the end of the world. But if we've ever been in love, we know the difference. Initially there's just something that happens. You can't put your finger on it. It's intangible. A moment where you just know. Not a moment where you think. Not a moment where you settle. Just that split second where it comes into focus. I'm not sure it happens at the same time for both parties. I suspect it doesn't since we are afterall still individuals. So then it has to happen for both to have that perfect equation. Maybe as we get older, we get less bright eyed and everything looks hued over. Maybe I just figure if I'm going to do all the "work" I may as well be single. But being single has given me the luxury of looking in and at some of the most and least successful marriages without my own cluttering my mind. Those who can't, teach, because those that can't see the good and the bad of everyone else's choices.

Fake it until you're still just faking it

2020-02-09T15:18:00.001-06:00

We live in a world of phonies. I think when most people think of what made America "great" we tend to idealize it. When men were men and women were women, when hard work paid off, when kids could play in the street from dawn to dusk and no one had to worry. Then our rose colored glasses got stripped off. Men beat their women to pulps and everyone turned a blind eye. Hard work didn't pay off. It meant you worked for the guy who was a total asshole who would back stab you if you crossed him faster than diarrhea. Where rich men got rich off other men's hard work. Rockefeller, Vanderbilt, Carnegie, Edison, JP Morgan, Westinghouse. These were our idols growing up. Successful businessmen. We are only now realizing, in spite of books and news articles of the times, often portraying these men as vindictive, uncaring, making their money off other people's hard work, we somehow began to idolize the idea of being an asshole to be successful. As far as kids being kids, well, I left the house regularly in the summer at the break of dawn on my bicycle, bag lunch in tow, to go hangout with my friends on the shores of Lake Erie several miles away. We thought nothing of this. But I remember when they first started putting kids pictures on milk cartons also. I don't remember ever seeing the same one twice, although I'm sure I might have. To my point, there were a lot. We just didn't realize how big of an epidemic abductions were. The world of phonies had re-written history quietly turning themselves into heroes and scarring our make up for the last 100 years, if not the next. Phonies and bullies are who we idolize most.

The first time most people got a glimpse, and some still haven't, at what phonies were in control back then was when the Tesla story came out. We knew him, if we knew him at all, as a brilliant scientist that died a destitute drunk loner. These images couldn't be further from the truth. Tesla is the reason we have just about everything we have developed in the last 100 years. Tesla in his creative ideas expanded our capabilities exponentially. Wireless power? Tesla. Water power on a mass scale? Niagara Falls ringing any bells? Tesla. Wireless communication and radio? Now credited correctly to Tesla instead of Marconi. DC, aka. direct current? Many people gave Edison credit for this even now. However, this is in fact laughable upon closer examination. Edison was notorious for running around the country stealing other ideas (more than 2000 of his patents invalidated due to theft). Tesla was under his employ when he supposedly "developed" direct current. In fact, Edison did create one thing--the intellectual property contract. Everything that Tesla developed under Edison belonged to Edison. In fact, Tesla's rarely mentioned in anything Edison "did" while Tesla was in his employ. It is therefore to this day in debate whether Edison or Tesla actually created DC. We know the famous light bulb was a mistake--not even Edison's mistake. A glass blower's. We also know that everything that Edison's labs created from DC were in fact Tesla's from Tesla's research books. Therefore, it's highly unlikely that Edison ever created anything except a mistake and a contract. In support of my opinion, I would point out that even the patents that have not been revoked that still remain in Edison's name would require that he was submitting a new patent for approval every 3 days from his first to his last. Add in the known stolen intellectual property that resulted in half being revoked, he would've been creating a new patent every 1.5 days. Really. Yeah, any idiot that knows anything about new ideas, 1.5 days would have been impossible, even for Tesla. And Edison, in spite of all his blustering, was no Tesla.

Why then did Edison for a century have this admired reputation? Because Tesla was a genuinely nice guy. He worried about other people. He had empathy. He was not a loner. One of his best friends was Mark Twain. In fact, when Edison was telling everyone how "dangerous" the Tesla coil was, Tesla's initial experiment to prove wireless power was safe, Mark Twain (Samuel Clemmons for you pickier people) volunteered to help Tesla prove to the world otherwise.

Mark Twain holding a Tesla Coil 1894

Almost all of you have touched a Tesla coil. They were super popular in the 1970's and 80's and anyone could buy them at their local mall in Spencer's. None of you died from it as Edison had claimed. Surprise, surprise. But Edison had made it his life's mission to "end" Tesla and erase his name from history. Tesla had several patents on the radio way before Marconi. Yet, for decades, even after the Patent Office had invalidated Marconi's patent for the radio in 1943, schools and universities, yes universities, were still teaching Marconi had invented the radio in 1901 as late as 2010. In fact, Tesla had done so 5 years earlier, patent and all. Yet, again, Edison would praise Marconi for decades. Edison was a vindictive, petty little man, and when I was 7 he was my idol. If you didn't know he was a fake, you probably still are idolizing him.

The reason the Tesla versus Edison story is so poignant? It illustrates the greed, vindictiveness, lies they were willing to tell, just in their petty grab for cash and notoriety. Tesla is also unique in that he crossed paths with Westinghouse and JP Morgan, who also would abuse Tesla and his memory relentlessly. Westinghouse's contract with Tesla is well known today--he paid Tesla $60,000 for his patents (1887's $60,000) and $2.50 per hp (horsepower) of electricity sold, plus a salary as a consultant. Edison and Westinghouse had long been rivals prior to Tesla entering the picture, but Edison's attacks in the news media and his propaganda ads purchased in various medium had some people terrified of both. Westinghouse went to Tesla with a sob story about losing everything, and Tesla famously tore up the contract. Westinghouse no longer paid him the $2.50 per hp, and Tesla's money dried up. Arguably, this shows Edison was a petty little man and Westinghouse's greed trumped any friendship anyone thought they had with him. Tesla' interactions for funding then lead him to JP Morgan who had become a true believer in wireless power. That ended abruptly when Morgan found out that Tesla had no way of measuring the power once delivered and Tesla in fact wanted to distribute "free" power to everyone on the planet. JP Morgan had no vision. No real intellect. An actual intelligent man with any vision would've realized that once the wireless power was created a tracking system could be created. He was not as vindictive to Tesla as Edison or scheming as Westinghouse, albeit he did make it impossible for Tesla to gather any further funding. These men were not visionaries. They were greedy and they didn't care how they got rich so much as they got rich.

Rockefeller Political Cartoon in reference to concerns of his creating a monopoly via legal and illegal means

All 3 of those men though didn't hold a candle to Vanderbilt, Carnegie and Rockefeller in their quests for money and power. These men didn't work hard. They were notorious bullies earlier in their quests. We now know that Vanderbilt was horrible in their treatment of the Irish and Chinese immigrants they brought over to build the railroads. These men and their families treated like indentured servants, little more than slaves even after we abolished slavery. Carnegie was known as a brutal boss who hired Pinkertons to bully (possibly even kill) workers' leadership and workers who didn't like the long hours and shitty pay. Ironically, he's the most hypocritical of all, with one famous saying attributed to him, "The man who dies rich dies disgraced." Perhaps, that is why Carnegie in his old age began to fear for his soul. One of his most famous donations was to his wife's cousin to start a university in Tennessee that we now know as Vanderbilt University. His extensive giving includes the now famous Carnegie Hall and an endowment that keeps it up to this day. It's certainly debatable whether it was more on his wife's fears for his soul than his own that he became such a benefactor of the arts and education, but in Vanderbilt's case, he was actually demonized fairly regularly. Older than the other two, we as a society let the bigger dogs eat the smaller dogs back then. So Vanderbilt's only philanthropic donation of his entire life, shortly before he died, was to a university made in his name to the same cousin Carnegie donated to (yes, these families were so intertwined it's a bit of a straight tree back then). In fact, both Carnegie and Vanderbilt are given credit for the "founding" with their initial donations for the university to Minister Holland McTyeire. Who? McTyiere's wife was second cousin to Vanderbilt's second wife and Carnegie's wife. Seeing a pattern here? It was the wives more likely that pushed for their husbands' souls. Eventually both families turning into quite active philanthropists, but a couple generations later--not the men who we supposedly revere. William Vanderbilt was more demonized than his father Cornelius, albeit this was arguably because newspapers of William's time were no longer owned by only a handful of rich people that used them exclusively as propaganda. William faced even more trouble in the papers with his anti-people rhetoric. These men we somehow have been convinced were "good" because they wore a smile, while stabbing their friends, their competition, and anyone who they perceived as crossing them as disloyal and something to be crushed, bullied, ended...Sound like anyone you know?

William Vanderbilt Political Cartoon circa 1890's: Running over and holding up the average man

Arguably, anyone that worked for one of these men, hard work didn't actually pay off. Finagling, learning when to dodge a bullet, kissing ass, doing questionable things both legally and morally questionable, was the order of their day and failure to comply was the end of a career. Worse with a vindictive nightmare following you around until the day you died preventing you from being anything but a milkman. Their companies had notorious harsh work environments where men and women from the lower classes would work 12-20 hour days, often 6 to 7 days a week. Where children would start working as young as 9-14 years old. There was no medical coverage. There was no dental coverage. There were no breaks, just a lunch once a day. Workers were expected to do as they were told regardless of the danger that might entail and regardless of whether there was a better way. Ideas from non-management were non-existent. They didn't want to hear your ideas. "Shut up and do your job" was how both my grandfather and my father describe most managers. Why both eventually went to work for themselves one in the late 40's and one in the late 70's. Not much had changed in 30 years. Hell since the 1800's. These men would walk through and smile at everyone, and then arbitrarily tell managers and supervisors to fire people because they didn't like the way they looked. God forbid you tried to explain you had an idea that might make your job easier or more efficient. They might blackball you from town. This was the world for almost all workers, regardless of education into the 1980's. Hell, who am I kidding? This is still the world for some people here in the USA. Except we do have laws to protect the hourly. You can't work 20 hours a day legally unless you are salary. You get health benefits if you work a full time job (40 hours or more). You have legal recourse if certain laws are not followed. So, yeah, not exactly the same. Unless you are salary. Then you better work for a good company and good boss or some of what I'm describing might still be part of your daily routine. Things weren't better then. People just didn't have enough time to think about it and they were too tired to fight about it if they did.

Pullman (which would eventually become Pullman-Eastman then Kodak): Using the "mill hill" to keep wages low and then charge the same workers high rents for property owned by Pullman.

What we did find time to fight for? Our kids' futures. My grandmother was a young girl, pre-teen when women were fighting for the right to vote. She and her older sisters had spent more than one night in jail for being "difficult" young ladies "fighting" for the right to vote. We call them Suffragettes. Yet, it's hard for most of us to fathom that women only were given the Right to Vote 100 years ago this year. She had also been a welder in the Jeep plant during WWII. The "taste" of her own accomplishments, her own "real" paycheck (female welders in WWII were still paid way less than male counterparts), and her own sense of dignity? It was priceless. To be sent back to being just a teacher? I think it was humiliating. My grandfather would often tell me while sitting in the barn working on Bertha that my Grams was the best welder he had ever seen. Her other grandchildren had no idea. She never talked about it, like when a piece of you dies because you know you will never be able to see, do or hear something again. The one time I asked years after my grandfather had passed. She looked at me blankly, a tear rolled down her faee, and she said, "I haven't thought about that in years." Why not, I had inquired. "It's not something I like to think about, but you girls can do anything you want to do now because of us." It was a bit gut wrenching (still is) when I think there were others just like her that found they could do something a man could do and love it...but couldn't, simply because they weren't men. Half of our population limited in what they could contribute because of one chromosome. Wrong chromosome meant you had to fake being happy being a housewife. Sounds silly, doesn't it?

1920's political cartoon: "PROTECTION Motherhood is the noblest profession in the world. Therefore, You must be given inferior jobs; the lowest pay and your hours for work shall be limited. (Except in the HOME)"

Sure, we knew, at least the women of the day knew, that we were needlessly limiting our children. But there were men also who knew. How difficult would it be to have a son who you knew was an Einstein, or at least a genius, that was never going to be anything more than a coal miner in our society because you were a coal miner? True story. Homer Hickam Jr. (b. 1943) was the son of a coal miner who was very intelligent and didn't quite fit with your average coal miner. Inspired by watching the launch of Sputnik, young Homer wanted to figure out how to launch a rocket. His father more than once told him it was a pipe dream, accept his lot in life. Born to a coal miner meant you were going to be a coal miner. End of story. Lucky for the United States that didn't happen. Homer Hickam Jr and his friends solved a rocket propulsion issue. Hickam Jr would eventually join NASA and work on the Space Shuttle missions. Where would we be if some of these geniuses were pushed into their "lot in life"? I don't know. I still hear idiots who say to their own children, "It was good enough for me; it's good enough for you." That is what is killing the American Dream and has been slaughtering before it got started even when we look back 100, 200, 400 years. What if Homer Hickam had decided to fake it as a coal miner to appease his father? The only reason the Dream keeps living are the Homer Hickam's out there that ignore nonsense talk and march to their own drummer.

Herman Pulk, age 9 in 1911, working in a canning company for $0.25/day

Still how many of those Homer's were beaten into submission by their fathers? We have learned over the last 50 years how children have been abused by their own. Abducted and murdered without a single trace. It's not that these things weren't happening. It's that we didn't all have phones that vibrated with an Amber Alert as soon as one goes missing. Remember I mentioned those milk cartons. I know anyone 40 or older remembers these. I honestly never gave them a thought. I would glance as I ate my cereal usually imagining it they were abducted by an estranged parent. We know that's not true now thanks to how quickly we get information now. We lived in a bubble. The bubble wasn't really a bubble though, was it? Those monsters were very real and still existed. We just had rose colored glasses on that made us naive and think those things didn't exist. But talk to an old cop. They all know of that one case, if not more, that haunts them to this day. Child, woman, sometimes even a man, went missing. No trace. I've never met a retired cop that doesn't have one of these stories, and they usually are more than willing to share if you ask. That hope of finding some random stranger that might unravel the whole thing so they can finally bring peace to the families, to themselves. It wasn't a safer place. We just were unaware it wasn't as safe as we thought. The world was worse, because we literally had no idea unless it happened to us or someone we knew. Worse, we know now that many of these predators can fake being the most amiable person you've ever met. We would still be looking at all the homeless guys and blaming them, like was the most common assumption for decades, if not centuries. Centuries? Really, centuries. Little Red Riding Hood got eaten by a wolf? Or was it a story that little girls shouldn't be walking alone after dark because some crazed man might abduct them? Hansel and Gretel? Same story only now a woman abducting a boy and girl. We tell these horrific stories to our children to warn them in some "cute" story...for centuries. These human monsters have been around for as long as we can remember. We just didn't realize how many of them there were, because we allowed them to fake being nice, fake being good neighbors, and if they could fake it really well, we ignored anyone who tried to voice concern. How often have you seen interviews with so many people (ID channel will have you sick to your stomach in just a couple hours) go on and on about some sociopath was such a nice person and only one seems to be like "oh you knew something was wrong with him"? Yeah, fake it till everyone else thinks you are what you are not.

Children in a southern cotton mill working for an average of $0.11/day in 1909

The United States was founded by a bunch of men that didn't necessarily know what all these things were, meant. They were not all geniuses. Some of them just didn't want to pay taxes. Who does? But what the smarter ones in the room knew, and were able to convince the others of, was we can grow. So they wrote the framework, the Constitution, to be a living, breathing document. It was to be the backbone of a society that would endeavor to be better with each new generation. Sometimes, that has been realizing we were wrong. Sometimes, that has been rallying our strength. Maybe the Silent Generation faced both. They were wrong about WWI; it was not the war to end all wars. The verdict is still out whether they set us on the path where WWII would be the war to end all world wars. The Founding Fathers intent was never for us to move backwards in an effort be "great". It was always intended that we would move forward, dealing with obstacles with the knowledge we accumulated as a collective.

Were any of them "faking" it? A new country? Maybe, but probably not. Our systems from Congress, the Courts, even our military structure still follow a very similar structure as the parent they kicked out--England. They built upon what they already knew, and then tried to improve it moving forward. They didn't dream of going back to being a colony. The Silent Generation didn't dream of going back to 1840, like some dream, or delude themselves, that 100, hell 50, years ago is better than now. If you look back at papers we knew who some of these bad men, like Edison and Vanderbilt were, but we let them write their own version of reality. Most of which now we all know was crap. They didn't work hard to get where they were. They did on the backs of those that worked hard for them. We have allowed "fake it till you make it" to become the genre of the American Dream. You can't be a great basketball player by faking it. But unlike in sports, those that have actually worked hard, often go completely unrecognized in our society. They may or may not have mild to middle level success, but that's on us. Men (and women) who are good at what they do, but not cut throat, backstabbing nutjobs, those like Tesla just always doing the "right" thing, still are often mediocre in our collective view. Fake tax cuts, fake economic boosts, hiding real issues like market instability, savings and retirement savings at all time lows, average middle class families one to two paychecks away from losing everything. "Faking it" isn't working, and fake is not the American Dream. There's a never ending cycle to those faking it. It never stops because it's lie upon lie and still another lie upon that. The one thing we all know, whether we admit it or not, no matter how well you fake it, you are still just faking it.

It will never wash off...Rule of Law versus Law

2020-01-31T17:58:00.000-06:00

First this week there will be two blogs. One on the fiasco in the Senate right now and one humorous. This is the somber one, and by request. I'll give you as much as I can without sharing my opinion, but as a Constitutional Conservative, I truly believe there's no wiggle room this time.... But let's go into this and let you decide.

Today, Senator Alexander from Tennessee released a statement saying he believed Trump had broken the "rule of law", believes the House Committee proved its case, but that it's not impeachable or reason to remove from office. Is that a true statement? For that, we will need to break it down.

First, as a Senator, he can form a decision to whether the House proved its case. He says they did. One might then assume he would vote in favor of Impeachment. But in his "qualifying" what he thinks is "rule of law" he attempts to create wiggle room to agree the House is correct without taking action warranted if they are correct. Confused?

Which brings us to "not" a reason to impeach. The Constitution is usually pretty vague. Lots of interpretations can be made, thus why our legal system costs a fortune. However, the Constitution on this matter is really, unusually clear. Article II, Section IV is one sentence. But not ambiguous like the First or Second Amendments. It states:

"The President, Vice President and all Civil Officers of the United States, shall be removed from Office on Impeachment for, and Conviction of, Treason, Bribery, or other high Crimes and Misdemeanors."

Well, that says on Impeachment for... Bribery. Seems fairly cut and dry. But believe it or not, here's where I have to dissect it more for everyone.

"... and Conviction...". So, we have to go back to 1972. In 1972, Nixon's legal team asserted that he could not be indicted (charged in a Federal or any state, county or city courts) while a sitting President. How can you be convicted if you can't be indicted? Basically, this shreaded these two words. You can't be convicted of selling meth if no court can indict you. They asserted "Executive Privilege" meant POTUS can't be indicted. This, of course, makes it impossible to convict. There's never been a challenge in court to this assertion.

There was a legal challenge in the court system by Nixon's team on Executive Privilege, but it only addressed that all documentation must be handed over to the House. In the United States versus Nixon, it was deemed "Executive Privilege" did not protect any President from handing over all documents and witnesses for Congressional review, including recordings. This is because the Constitution requires Congress to provide oversight on the Executive branch. As a result, the Watergate tapes were turned over and Nixon resigned.

Back to the current case, the House's obstruction charge under "High Crimes" is clear then. The Supreme Court ruled in 1972 all documents and tapes must be turned over.... Yet, Trump and his legal beagles haven't turned over anything. Even the "transcript" wasn't an actual transcript, but rather a summary with excerpts. Really pathetic when we consider the excerpts actually include the Bribery. (Yes, I did actually read it.)

So now, as Senator Alexander stated, the House proved its case. There was Obstruction, aka. a High Crime, that totally ignored the Supreme Court of the United States ruling made in 1972. Basically, in laymen's terms, Trump has ignored Congress and the Supreme Court, effectively shreading the "checks and balances" of the Constitution if the Senate fails to remove him.

That doesn't even include the primary charge of Bribery. There's not supposed to be anyone in office that bribes anyone. Period. The Constitution uses the word. And Trump literally admitted to this on both the White House lawn and interviews on camera, let alone the several times on his Twitter.

None of which addresses what he wasn't charged with, Treason. He attempted to Bribe a foreign country. The "foreign country" part is where we get to treason... Now, that is debatable on the Treason since he really wanted personal gain. Probably why the House committee decided to leave it out. Stick with what they could prove. Bribery and the High Crime, since 1972, Obstruction.

Finally, is "personal gain" a crime? In terms of elections, yes. We have all kinds of laws, both Federal and State laws, about what you can and cannot do if you are a candidate. Using taxpayer money for personal gain is also illegal, per 18 US Code 641 which makes it illegal for any personal gain at all using taxpayers' money. Also something the House committee chose not to charge in the impeachment to remove Trump from office. Sure some, maybe even a majority of them are guilty of misusing our money... But how many of them have blatantly bragged about it? Let alone gotten away with it after bragging?? We wanted the "swamp" cleaned up? This will be a green light they can do anything they want. Quite the opposite. Cleaned up versus openly in your face are definitely not the same thing.

Yet somehow, we are in a dilemma. Alexander has admitted the House team "proved" their case, but he doesn't believe it is impeachable? Yet, there's no wiggle room. Really none. "Rule of Law" was established in 1972 on the Obstruction. Trump ignored a Supreme Court ruling. That's actually Rule of Law.

The difference between Rule of Law and Law? Appeals' courts rulings. Federal and State appeals courts right up to the highest Court of the USA ~ Supreme Court of the United States of America. Once an appeal has been reviewed and "ruled" on, it becomes "Rule of Law". SCOTUS ruled on what would be Obstruction and Nixon complied and resigned. So Trump hasn't complied with the Rule of Law at all. Yet, this is Senator Alexander's argument.... It's the circle jerk from hell.

But there's a much big picture at stake. Two things will be decided by the Senators' vote that aren't actually officially being voted on.

One, the simpler problem, is the two party system is a failure? if Trump is acquitted, it is. Senator Alexander's statement means Trump is guilty. Failure to remove him from Office means the great Constitution's "checks and balances" has failed. It's a piece of paper. The United States is not about the higher ideals we all learn in school. They are just smoke and mirrors.

As if the first shouldn't cause enough pause, the second issue is all you need is to "own" the USA is the Senate and Presidency. The Senate will have eliminated its ability to hold the President accountable. It will have made the House little more than a figurehead, because the charges were "proven". The House was right and did the right thing. This goes beyond parties. It must. If it doesn't, there's no democracy. There's no republic. Just who can spend the most money and win those two.

Now, for those Trumpkins that have gotten all the way through this and think doesn't matter.... Remember sooner or later the Democrats will be in the same position Trump and his cronies are, only this will mean they "own" the Presidency and the Senate. It will happen. There will be no "checks and balances". There will be a lot of backroom dealings with no one holding anyone accountable, because of all right here and right now.

If the GOP votes against removing a man who openly admitted and even bragged initially about his "quid pro quo", there's no coming back. The Constitution is worth less than toilet paper. Bribery. There's no question it wasn't Bribery. There's no question the Constitution forbids it. There's no question Trump committed Bribery. He admitted it over and over. What do you think the Constitution is? Is it the Law of the Land? Or just a beautifully hand written piece of toilet paper made to fool the masses into thinking we have a clean ass?? The biggest illusion of all because none of this will ever be washed off.

Online Dating Profiles on a Sunday Night

2020-01-26T22:07:00.001-06:00

First, let's start by saying all of these examples are from men's profiles. I cannot speak to the women, although given the number of men with some serious issues, I'm absolutely positive there are equally bizarre women out there. Some men even bitch, hell even I have, in their profile text about the weirdos. So I have some "proof" these examples probably could easily be from females.

Very first one... Actually needs me to give a disclaimer....Since I've done this a couple times over the last decade, I can honestly say I've never seen anyone put pictures of a politician, unless they are the politician. In fact, I can honestly never remember anyone ever coming up to me ever and saying "I'm a huge (insert name of politician) fan. Can I buy you a drink?" I don't know why Trumpkins are so bizarre but way more than one include pictures of Trump, sometimes even trying to Photoshop him into one of their own photos. So this first guy shown today? Takes a picture of himself without his shirt on and photoshopped a really fat 73 year old orange man who hasn't seen his own penis in at least two decades, not even in a mirror, thinking that somehow ups his physical appeal. Nope can't make this shit up. Swipe left.

Next...Several pictures of a guy with new shirts with the tags visible, upon a little closer review, taken in a dressing room. Oh boy. With greasy snagglepuss hair. Left.

Duck dynasty beard claiming to be 43, looking like about 58-65 with a couple pics with his friends who also look around 60 give or take. Left.

Picture of a little girl. Another pic of the little girl. And another. That's it. A 40 something guy or pedophile?? Really. Reported and swipe left.

Couple. Dominant male, heavy set... Okay fat. Chick with nose ring. The submissive. She's better looking than he is but not by much. No I'm not joking. You can't make this shit up. Left.

Another 58-65 geezer trying to pass himself off as 43. Is there some magic in the number 43? Left. Another. Left. Another only he's claiming 45. Left....

Dirt bike helmet. Next pic? Duck dynasty beard that hasn't been properly washed in a year that looks like something is about to crawl out of it. Oooo, a picture of the trailer and trailer park he lives in.... Left.

Pic from really far away. Next on bike. Next of everything but a close up. No age. Last pic close up of geezer chest. Nice. Not. Left.

Super, really super hairy chest from the top to below the belly button, just the chest, no face. I know some women go for super hairy but ewww. And why in the hell is that your only pic?!? Probably a cheater. Definitely a Loser. Swipe left.

Oh boy. "School of Hard Knocks". Code for guy who thinks he's smarter than he actually is. Yes, speaking from previous experience. Swipe left.

Sure there were actually more this evening, but the rest were just normal guys. I don't even think I saw a bot today. Guess they're busy getting ready for election season.

Time for a bit of honesty....

2020-01-22T17:53:00.000-06:00

This blog started more than 11 years ago as a way to tell a couple friends who purchased dating memberships for me the stories their investments had created and to laugh at. Mostly hilarious dating horror stories. In fact, just about all of them. The handful that went well, well, they simply weren't worthy of a sentence. Who wants to read that? Within a couple years, my readership had topped 600+ for some of the more ridiculous stories, and even the less hilarious stories were registering 200+ readers. My friends shared with other friends and suddenly my dating was more entertaining than most sitcoms. Unfortunately, the best have been deleted, as Google allows only so much space for free.

Eventually though, having given up on those dating sites, the blog evolved into just random observations, then sometimes educational, fact checking...2015 was just trying to point out the obvious. No one that has ever claimed bankruptcy is a financial genius. No one. We all know it. Pointing it out should never have been necessary. But more often than not, it was still about my experiences. A pepper of my life with observations that might, maybe, help others.... Or at bare minimum have people laughing, or entertained, or even better, thinking.

My interest in writing didn't stop although the blog seemed to whimper out, even with a sabbatical, I came back to over 100 readers and then within months I was back at over 200. Then suddenly, it was recently pointed out that I had suddenly stopped again, only posting very rarely. I thought about that conversation where I was asked a simple question. Why?

Sure, I could tell you the staple answers. Easy answers for an "easy" question. Work, the job I actually get paid for. That wouldn't be honest. I did get busy, but this has always been like a weekly therapy session for me than a chore. Another easy answer would be that I got frustrated at the level of ignorance I was seeing on social media. Anyone who barely knows me would know that was a lie. Sure it was annoying, but I see annoyance, under educated misnomers via memes and repeated lies, as a challenge to the whole human race. A challenge to be stepped up to, knocked back on its ass with education and facts, not a thing to cower from and allow George Orwell's 1984 to become the new Bible. So... Why?

The simplest of all answers. My ex's wife was stalking it. He told me bits and pieces from a blog and said he didn't read it... His wife does. Then, not only his wife. I end up being told by a mutual friend, there's a couple of these women who stalk my blog for.... Who the hell knows. Two women who married the same clown who tricked me into what can only be described as the worst rebound relationship in history have such menial lives that somehow, even though they never knew each other in person, literally like a thousand miles apart, would stalk a blog from a 3rd woman they only had in common was a man, not even my ex. Nope, it's so ridiculous you just can't make that up. I could elaborate the details of many of the acts of mental illness I've observed over the years with these 3, let alone my ex. I could even try to explain it... Except only a really experienced, knowledgeable psychologist would be able to explain. I have no idea. But I didn't want to know. Ever. At all. Be honest, you read that and you are either laughing or saying "I wouldn't want to know if I was you either. Holy shit." Even those two are probably trying to say to themselves, "she's not talking about me".

However, at the revelation, I did suddenly want some privacy. I took to only writing on my FB and blocking both those women, the man the 3 of us had in common and my ex. There. Restored privacy.

Okay, yes, an illusion. My favorite actually. I like my privacy. People think I talk a lot, which I do. I'm a terrific writer for that reason. Depth and detail. But most people never realize I don't tell them much about me. I'll make tiny comments here and there about who I am, but most of the time you know a whole lot about the people around me and nothing about me. Refer to previous paragraph. I've told you more about them than I've let on about me. Yours truly prefers to be a shrinking violet. I know that sounds completely counter intuitive to anyone who thinks they know me. I don't like a lot of attention. I don't like the spotlight. I really feel a bit uncomfortable if someone brags about me. And, in spite of loving a good debate, I really can't stand to argue.

What? I think some people mix up the one thing that brings me out faster than a testarossa. I don't like bullies and I'll stand up against a bully, particularly in defense of someone else. But I find bullies exhausting and less then interesting. At a certain point, too predictable and boring. I enjoy a good conversation with someone who has facts and has given it some logical analysis. Love those people. But arguing just for arguing's sake? Nope. I'm going to go sit in my corner, people watch and make personal notes on human behavior. (I'm betting a couple of you are looking back and thinking "damn it, she did do that. A lot.")

Bigger surprise? Anyone that knows me can tell you something that shocks just about anyone that thinks they know me. They often demand that I grow a pair and stand up for myself. Odd? Not if you know me. The book's cover barely exposes the title page, let alone the chapters, perhaps volumes, that culminate into the story that's me.

So maybe now on reflecting, every lesson, every moron I've had to put up with, was simply because I didn't ever "fight back". I was under the delusion that play nice, or opossum, and eventually people, would go about their business and leave me alone. Sigh.... And there's why the blog ended. I wanted peace and quiet, and although I have no interaction with these crazy people, I didn't see why I would open them up to any of my thought processes.

But alas, I did say I had been reflecting, and truth be told, I don't really care. What little bits and pieces of me that I put here don't even scratch the surface of who I am. Layers upon layers. You can't be me. I've raced cars because I had no sense and it was in the blood. I jumped out of an airplane just to see what I would learn about myself (holy crap what I learned in just half a minute). I raised 3 boys on my own, financially and emotionally, because I never asked for a single penny increase in child support over 18 years even though an increase was warranted both legally and morally... And I did that just because I'm stubborn and wanted some peace. I made a really good living because I'm actually good at what I do, and that made it possible to never bother with increases in child support. I have "loaned" people in need money and told them to pay it forward. "Never loan anything you can't afford to give" as my grandfather used to say. Add in, I was a child prodigy, spoke 3 languages fluently as a child, skipped two grades. Graduated from a top university without any help from my family... after basically telling them off and going to do it the hardest way I could choose--all on my own. And still this just barely makes a tiny scratch of the surface of who I am.

My advice ladies? Quit reading my blog. I'm going to start writing again and frankly you will never measure up. Spare yourselves, because yes, you must feel a need to measure up if you are stalking this blog all these years. One of you has some serious issues. Fourth "wife" getting in contact with first wife online (or vice versa) and becoming "best" friends while stalking second "wife". Really don't care which of you nutjobs instigated the whole communique. Did you two even meet in person after all those years when my son was in that wreck almost 2 years ago? You were within an hour's drive... Seriously folks I'm not even making that up. And yes ladies, the ones that know me enough to know I don't lie about anything, even they are thinking you are both totally looney. Hell if you read that like it wasn't about you two, you both would realize how nuts you both sound.

So sure, in my position, wouldn't most love a big bit of privacy? Especially when someone told you about these nuts? Hell, I'd think one someone was making it up if my ex hadn't confirmed it. It was and still seems surreal. But, seriously if you need me to talk about so you have something special in your lives? Have at it. I enjoy writing. I have friends that enjoy reading it. If it means you two are twisting in your own fumes because I still somehow after all these years grate your nerves? Woohoo. Bonus points for me. My life right now is great.

Mainly because I finally will stick up for myself when I feel I need to. And thank you. You two actually helped me realize that last piece I was missing. Only two miserable idiots would still be worried about me. Little old me. And honestly, straight up honest and sticking up for myself, you don't hold a candle to me or there would never have been a need to stalk me in the first place, let alone form some weird twisted friendship online. There's a couple honest words that describe you both to a T. Total wackos. Have fun reading ladies because let's be honest. Neither of you are intelligent enough to move on or you would've way before I stopped my blog for a while.

The Same Spanks No Matter Which Rank

2019-10-02T06:49:00.001-05:00

Yesterday I got a massage at the Spa while on my vacation in Paradise. I'll have to admit since I have the attention span of a gnat I was reluctant to have an hour long one. After a couple minutes waiting, I was propped up on my elbows thinking "well damn it". However, I came to the conclusion that I would just have to talk to the masseuse so I wouldn't be fidgety. The talk took an unexpected turn when she shared that some men, even with their wives present, will start playing with themselves. (WHAT THE FUCK is wrong with some of you a-holes? With or without your wives present, the lack of class, couth and respect deserves to be pointed out.) Anyway, she went on to explain how some wives and girlfriends are so insecure that even if they don't want a massage themselves they will insist on being present sitting there watching for up to 80 minutes. At what point have women had to be so untrusting, so indelicate, so demeaned, that they feel they actually have to sit there for an hour just watching a damn massage? Really ladies, at a major resort? You think another woman would risk her livelihood for your hairy, balding, oversized pig who walked in with his Walmart flip flops and his $10 special swim trunks. Honestly, I don't care if he is wearing Gucci. He's gone tomorrow and she knows it. And she's got bills to pay, maybe a man at home, and she's not interested in your idiot's fantasies. If you barely are, be sure she definitely isn't.

What it definitely is? A reflection of how women have been treated and how it has resulted in a self deprecation going back centuries. Regardless of color, there are some things only women endure. Whether we are hated by other women by being too attractive, body shamed for not being thin or attractive enough, being degraded for turning down a drink, being taunted for not having a man (wow, so many single women I know say they've endured this), feeling like we have to work harder than everyone else to get the same recognition, being immediately stereotyped as a "bitch" if we stand up for ourselves, assuming we can't trust our men, feeling like we have to be a housewife to be "okay" in society, or the opposite feeling like it's not "okay" if we choose to be a housewife, to being stereotyped as feminazis if we are strong, independent women. Believe it or not, all of this goes back centuries. One Queen of England, hell 3, doesn't change 4000 years of male dominated societies, maybe even more. We have come a long way, but we have a long way to go.

How far have we come? Well no matter where you are from, women have had the Right to Vote for less time than the men. What most people don't realize is most men didn't have the Right to Vote either. At the founding of the USA, only roughly 16% of the US population was allowed to vote. They had to be land owners, "white" and male to be citizens up until 1856, when all "white" men were given the Right to Vote regardless of financial or social standing. (Yeah since technically all citizens have always had the Right to Vote by the Constitution, not even all "white" men who were born in the USA were "citizens". Isn't that just lovely. Next blog.) Women couldn't vote. Black men, although many States circumvented it for another 90 years, were given the Right to Vote in technically in 1868. Women still had no legal Right to Vote. We didn't get that until 1920. That's only the last 100 years in a country more than 244 years old.

The reason I focus on voting, because if you have no voice, you cannot expect to be treated like a human being. Women had legally remained "property" even after being granted the Right to Vote. Doweries continued, fathers kept their daughters up until they married, women paraded themselves around hoping to land the best husband--best looking, most money, etc. Women couldn't work, unless their family took a more "progressive" view on it, and even then the majority of educated women were relegated to two jobs. Nurse or Teacher.

Yet, even that was frowned on. An educated woman, in the sense that we think of now, was considered "unusual" and "not good marriage material" (straight out of an etiquette book of the early 1800's). Women who came from good families were taught those things that would make them entertaining and proper and more likely to land a man. Small talk, crochet, drawing, playing the piano, how to dance. Basically we were taught how to be silly and artful while being taught the main goal was to land a man and knowing when to shut the hell up. I'm sorry, to mind our place. Look pretty and play dumb.

We all know that though, right? What most of us don't know is that we remained martial "property" in every State in the USA until 1978. What do I mean by marital property? Your husband could legal rape you in every State, all 50, and every territory of the USA. More than 58 years after we won the Right to Vote, we still didn't have the Rights to our own bodies if we were married.

More shocking? It was only in 1962 we, as in the USA, made it illegal to rape a woman. Wha? Yes, ladies up until 1962 you were a hole and anyone could rape you legally. That's where we had been groomed for centuries to believe if we wore the wrong clothing, if we ventured out of our comfort zones, if we left the house, if we drank too much, rape was all on us. Because no one, no man, was ever going to be legally responsible for raping you. It was all on you. Your fault. You were in the wrong place. You were wearing the wrong outfit. You were asking for it. You wanted it. You deserved it. You're just a little snake making it up because you want to ruin a good man. All those excuses sound familiar? Sure they do. We still hear them today.

But that 1962 law? Didn't save a married woman. She could be raped daily, multiple times a day, if her husband wanted. Again, the first State to change their law was Oregon making rape, well rape, married or not. Don't be too happy ladies. In 1978 that law was case tested, Oregon versus Rideout (seriously the husband's name, no pun intended). The husband had raped and beaten his wife. He was charged and a jury of his own peers (rolling my eyes) acquitted him. However, the facts surrounding the case were a slap in the face. Women made up half the population. We all had the Right to Vote. We were divided on whether she asked for it. Whether she was a spiteful, little snake, just wanting to cause her husband problems. We, a large percentage of us, still looked at her like it was her fault and she should've just accepted it. Fortunately, a majority of us and a lot of men realized this acceptance needed to stop.

So now we weren't martial property? No. Come on now. You didn't think it was that easy to change the laws, let alone mindset, did you? From 1978 to 1993 only 24 States outlawed martial rape. In 1993, we finally had enough support from the male dominated State Senates that martial rape became illegal in all 50 States. In 1994, we somehow had finally garnered enough support for Federal law to address violence against women. The sad part is married women still have a really hard time proving martial rape in some States that have loopholes and higher bars for the women to "prove" rape. South Carolina remains the only State that states a woman must prove threat of violence. Like rape comes in any other version than violent. The victim is physically violated, not just her space but her body. What's more violent than having something in your body you didn't want there?

Still that's not how we usually think about it, even now, 100 years after we got the Right to Vote. We still question whether sexual assault happened, let alone rape. And so many of us, as in us women, don't realize that sexual assault still gets poo-poo'd by us, let alone the men. Dr. Ford ringing any bells ladies? How many of you called her a liar or know another woman that did? Take a long look in the mirror ladies. We aren't equal because of ourselves. I have no doubt Dr. Ford was sexually assaulted, because a liar wouldn't have stopped the lie at assault. Let that one settle in..

Why? Think about it. Seriously. We are our own worst enemies. Literally. The woman who catty talks other women and sometimes even men. She's feeding that stereotype. I'm not talking about gossip between you and your bestie (my bestie and I would have some explaining to do). I'm talking about that woman in meetings cat talking about how so and so does this and how she can't stand her. In front of a bunch of professionals, especially mostly male. Save it for when you get home and tell your husband or your bestie. It's not high school ladies. It's your job. Act like a professional.

She's not the only example. How many of you are that woman sitting in the massage room or laying on the next massage board and "letting" your husband or boyfriend lay there, playing with himself like a dumbass, and allowing him not just to disrespect you, but letting him disrespect another woman? Or even worse than that, thinking it's her fault that he's a dumbass? All on you ladies. We're not equal because we let them disrespect us and other women.

How about ones of you that blame the other woman? Oh sure, there's a point where if she knows about you, she has some culpability. However, why is it you assumed it was her fault? He would've been faithful if it weren't for her? My ex was screwing 4 other women while I was pregnant. It was all on him. And here's a newsflash ladies. Even if it's just one, it's all on him. Sure if she's your best friend or even friends with you, she knows you, that's an issue. But he's the dumbass who promised to be there for you not her. Place the blame squarely where it belongs. On the footstep of the man who's treating you like a doormat.

The truly sad part is this all goes back to centuries of grooming and only one century with the Right to Vote. Sure, we've made huge strides. But we are still blaming each other. We still raise our girls to be catty, little mean girls, and it shows once they get to high school. We've even made bigger strides in the last couple generations. Millennial women are less likely to be like I describe than GenX. So that's good news.

However, if you read the last blog on the "white" male issue, well, just like that, it's what we were taught at a young age. It comes down to what is ingrained into us at a young age and then a lifetime of trying to be better than that. Many of my friends know I almost always wear heels, except for work. I don't like going out of the house for a small errand without showering and getting dressed properly. I do feel my best if I look my best (I think this is human nature), but I get mad at myself if I catch myself slouching. I can't stand the sounds of snapping or chewing gum. "Like a cow chewing cud," my grandmother would say. I can even hear her voice in my mind when I hear a woman snap her gum. Sure, it's rude, but it's ingrained learning from a young age. Lessons my grandmother and mother taught me. Catty wasn't, thank God, but we each can probably cite at least half a dozen negative things we do or think about each other simply because that's what we were taught.

And it's no different for the lessons the men in our lives as we grew up taught us. My grandfather was one of my favorite people. Really. It was really hard to reconcile what a colossal a-hole he was to my grandmother, my aunts and my mother when I found out. I suppose he knew it by the time I rolled around, because if it weren't for him, I probably wouldn't be the one writing this now. We repeat the mistakes our mothers make. A majority of us do, anyway. Ironic he was the one to tell me never to take any man's shit. Interesting too. And he more than anyone drove it home that women can be worse than men when it comes to beating each other down. He broke that mold for me. Isn't it high time we break that mold as a whole?

Different Spanks for Different Ranks

2019-09-29T06:31:00.001-05:00

I started my morning how I start every Sunday morning. Reading the Post. I generally will then surf WSJ, the Tribune, the Free Press, BBC and DW (Deutsche Welle). I read only one article this morning. Just the Post dis-secting Trump's self victimization portrait. It has been the staple of his brand. Donald Trump is a success or he's the victim. It's someone else's fault. The man simply cannot conceive of his own failures. But it's more. It's his self serving sense of entitlement.

Last week a friend commented that he "likes" Trump's "values" because they "are the same" as his. I know most of us immediately flash to the racist rhetoric because ultimately Trump is completely unapologetic for saying the most racist things and certainly is not ashamed at all by his endorsement from the KKK. In fact, consistently referring to them as "good people" while the rest of us cringe at the history of cross burnings, lynchings, and the famous murders including the murders of civil rights activists in Mississippi (Refer to the movie "Mississippi. Burning" if you have no idea what I'm talking about.) Things most of us don't want to talk about anymore, but that Trump has shoved in our faces like a lightening rod setting an entire forest on fire. We can't deny it's part of his "brand" from the 70's where he wouldn't rent to "coloreds" to the 80's when his full page ad accusing 5 black men of a horrible crime actually ended with NY taxpayers paying $41M in restitution because the same men were wrongly convicted to now, where he spearheaded the infamous "birther" conspiracy, attacks black athletes for invoking their Constitutional Rights, calls "all" Mexicans "rapists" and "murderers", and refusing to condemn white supremacists. Why would he? The KKK is pouring a lot of money his way through their endorsement in 2015 and again with the endorsement for 2020 this past July. (It must be a LOT of money to be the only President since the 1950's not to distance himself.) So I'm sure anyone with any sense would wonder are these the "values" that match this friend's?

I promise you if I had confronted him, he would swear up and down that isn't the case, but he seemed equally oblivious to the black woman who he had given the answer to was wretching with every fiber in her body. If she or I had said anything along that lines, he would've simply shut down, exasperated for being "stereotyped" through his own words. The general population view it quite simply. You voted and support an openly racist man? (We've already covered why.) Then you're bound to be stereotyped like you're a racist.

Let's be honest. "White" America is racist. Every last one of us, even the women. Even me (yes I grew up around Hungarian Americans that looked just like me--but that's a story for another day). The mass majority of us grew up believing everyone was equal. Some of us ventured out of our comfort zones and discovered that wasn't true. It was an illusion and it's still an illusion. We all, including me, those of us that have realized it's an illusion, have to fight what was ingrained at an early age what we were taught was "right" versus what is actually true. My friend, well, he's living in la la land. He wants to leave those rose colored glasses on. Who can blame him? Wouldn't we all?

But the reality is that he, as a "white" looking (because just because you look it doesn't mean you are) male in America, well the reality is: He has had it better than roughly 65% of other Americans just based on his sex and "color". Women are over 50% of the population--in fact have always been at least 45%. Minority men make up roughly half of that 65%. Yet, one only needs to look at Corporate America's upper echelon, the number of Congressmen, Senators, even the Presidency (getting really sick of the sycophants on the far left (Trump haters) and the far right (Obama haters) not capitalizing the word because they think an idiot or black man means to disrespect the Office). One black man in over 200 years and no woman in the main office shows you exactly how much easier it is to be a "white" male.

It's not a reality most "white" males want to look at in the eye. It's difficult looking in the mirror and thinking "I've worked hard for what I have" and reconciling that some people didn't get that Right just because they were born female or a different "color". That's where the racists, the supremacists, step in. "Poor you. They don't get it. They have the same opportunities you do. They just don't...." Blah, blah, blah. The same bullshit they've been selling for a couple hundred years. Packaging is a little different, but just the same tired victim mentality that Trump loves. Thus why he won't condemn them. And here's a reality check. That's why these "white" Trump supporters can't let go either.

We are looking at a basic idea in their heads, but it's not racism. The basic, right down to the nitty gritty of it, is far more internal. Most of "white" male America, okay half based on Trump's polling numbers, is upset with the equalization of inequality. That's right. They're not mad about race, per se. They're not upset about women, per se (thus why some women jumped on the train too). They are upset that they are facing equalization. Something they always fooled themselves was "equal". But the numbers don't support that everything was ever equal. The numbers aren't even equal now. The reality, and they all know it, is things are not equal and never have been.

But that's where we get into this word "values". My friend's values are not racist. He's not a card carrying member of the klan. He's opposed to those heinous assholes just as much as anyone with any common sense is. His "value" is what he's been taught since we were kids. "Everyone is equal." He's just having an impossible time admitting that was a lie. He knows but he's not able, not wanting to admit, that his middle class, educated life, well, that it was NEVER offered to everyone. It's a tough pill to swallow.

The reality, all of our reality, is that the greatest country in the world (personal opinion), the great USA, is still unequal. Maybe even less equal than other countries. We hate that. I hate that. But some of us face it and try to remind ourselves that it's still not equal. We remind ourselves it's a work in progress. In other cases, like my friend, well he's "white" and male, so as that equality comes he's easily duped into what he's supposedly missing. He's not missing shit. The rest of us are just catching up. The 80¢ on the dollar the average American female makes compared to her male counterpart (salary, because the high school or less educated hourly are protected by Federal laws, if they realize they are) is the epitome of inequity. And it's the same for minority men. It's getting better. Yes, grant you. But certainly a whiny bitch in the White House who stokes the "value" that somehow "white" men have lost something.... Well suddenly it all makes sense.

If you are one of these guys, it's tough. I get it. You feel fucked by a system. Even though, it was always and still is in your favor. Albeit not as much. Do you realize how sad and pathetic that actually sounds? Probably not. You still think we were all equal to start with. You might even cite how poor you grew up. Isn't that cute? Doesn't that prove your point? That might bring it closer--except a poor trailer trash "white" male has been President more than half a dozen times from President Grant to President Clinton. So no, compared to only one black male and zero women Presidents? Cry me a river. Grow the fuck up.

I do get it. I have "white" sons. My problem is you don't get it. Your precious "value" you share with Trump? Is whiny bitch. How dare the rest of us, 65% give or take, want to be treated the same as you. Taken seriously if we are women. Not targeted if we are the wrong color. Geesh, you think, get over it. Now THAT would be fine coming from anyone but you, but that's because then it sounds "fair". But even when you hear it from some special "privileged" minority, you know. Deep down you know. They are the exception and you are the rule. And that is only the start of different spanks for different ranks.

Next time. Ladies version of different ranks... From with men to between ourselves. Have an amazing day!

Move on...It's never too late....

2018-07-29T08:08:00.001-05:00

Many of you, particularly my female friends, often post about people judging you or your life being none of their business. This "rant" and it's advice doesn't just apply to the ladies though.

First, I know, understand, empathize and sympathize with everything each of you complains about. It's not easy being you. I don't care what you do for a living or how much money you make. Shit happens and you have to deal with it regardless of your circumstances. Bills still have to be paid. Groceries still have to be bought. Kids still need help with their homework. Dinner all needs to be cooked. The daily routine all needs to happen even when someone is in the hospital. You suddenly have to take care of your sick mother. The tire went flat, and you find out you out it can't be fixed and have to buy a new one. Your kid has an emergency and needs to borrow money. The water heater isn't working and had to be replaced. You dropped your cell phone and now it's not working. The list goes on and on and on.

Believe it or not, it's just life and it happens to all of us. Nothing ever goes 100% to plan. It's even mathematically impossible technically. For every variable that you have no control over, there's up to an exponential possibility of the plan not going to plan. So when even the best laid plans go completely off track, just know there are always those factors you have no control over.

The best you can do in those moments? Well, my particular favorites are to fret over nothing, try and talk myself into reason with logic, or privately mope about it until I figure something else out. Every so often, screaming about it might be an option too (seems like this option is more common at at certain time of the month for me). Sure, none of that sounds very adult, but that's only because we've been told it isn't.

What isn't adult? Kicking someone while their down. Hell "kicking" them at all. Pointing out their flaws like big billboards. Trying to belittle and demean, especially behind someone's back, to others. You know why you feel "judged" and are tired of it? These worthless people do it to other people right in front of you. You say nothing. You might even agree with the mean or hateful or spiteful things they say. Problem is you know when your back is turned, they are probably doing the same to you. Hell, it's not even probably. You know they are. They are like little high school kids who never grew up. They look all grown up, but poof, they are petty and mean for no real reason.

Many times I'll post comments when I see these. Always with the same message. Ignore these types. When you identify people who are like this you just cut them out of your life. No, you don't have to go to the extreme of deleting them from FB or your Twitter or whatever. You can still be polite when you see them. Just consciously lower your opinion of them.

Trust me. This makes a huge difference. I have always given everyone the "benefit of the doubt" as my Grams called it. I might have took it too far. Some people take advantage of you being a good person, so they are stabbing you in the back while you are defending their piss poor behavior. Makes you look weak, and when you realize it, feel weak. But you can also as Grams would say, "take the high road". It doesn't mean take their shit. Be polite. Call them out politely if needed. If not, ignore them. But then, consciously say to yourself "they are not who you thought" and place them at a lower level in your mind in comparison to those who have proven themselves. Sounds easy, right?

It really is that easy. Just do it with one person. Cut them out of your life. Don't do it with the one closest to you that does it all the time. That will be hard. Take baby steps if the majority of people around you are like this to the point of you needing to start small. Cut that obnoxious jerk who dates your friend out. He's going? No. Going to stay home. You have to go? Eh, be polite. Don't engage. Sure. You'll feel initially that you are being unfair. That's you being a nice person. But, once you cut one out? The ease of removing yourself from the rest becomes quite simple.

Sure. You might feel a bit frustrated with the whole thing when you look around you and realize how many people you are removing from an impact on your life, but here's the keywords there: YOUR LIFE. If you go to work, pay your bills, take care of yours, do what you have to do to meet your responsibilities? Well then screw them. Look at them closely. They have all kinds of things that are wrong in their own lives which is why they point out what's wrong in others lives, or even worse, they just love to watch drama unfold like they are at a theater. But again. It's your life, not their entertainment.

What's even more amazing? You're going to feel more comfortable with you. You're going to be able to appreciate your accomplishments more. You're going to be able to feel good about setting new goals for yourself, because you will start to feel like you can do it. Most importantly, you'll realize you were the only one holding you back. They were feeding you with their ugliness, their insecurities, like rats in a sewer leaving more compost for the rest of the world to deal with.

It's time you are good to yourself and walk away from anyone who keeps you from being good to yourself. My favorite saying is "it's never too late to become who you were meant to be". Hop to it.

Pay attention and listen to your gut and put them in jail

2018-07-15T14:11:00.000-05:00

Recently I promised a blog on fraud here in the USA. It's at an all time high suck fest. I had no idea how bad it was. I knew a friend who had her wallet stolen around Christmas a couple years back, and they cleaned out her accounts. But she eventually got all the money back from the bank's insurance. But how many of you will never get your money back that get scammed? Oh, what? Did you just read that right? Never get your money back? Oh, yes, I just re-typed it and yes, I mean in most scams you will never get your money back. So pay attention...

One woman I know sent $10,000 "bail" for her grandson. Her grandson wasn't in jail, but whoever it was had enough detail about him for her to send $10,000 without calling his parents to see if they knew anything about it. She never thought to ask to speak to her grandson. She wired the money to "save" her grandson. Poof. Gone. No way to track, and contrary to public belief, law enforcement isn't running out there and tracing your money right away. They aren't going to the Western Union to get video surveillance. They won't know who screwed you for years, if ever. Gone.

Another scam, calls you that you owe the IRS. Who wants to hassle with the IRS? No one. Never. Not a single person wants this. I know other people who had this call who got scammed out of anywhere from $500-$5000, yes five thousand, cash. They ask you to wire it and that account will be gone by the time you figure it out. Or the latest is asking you to get Apple or Google Pay cards. I got one of these calls. I bust out laughing at the bitch. I know I owe the IRS I told her and you've got the wrong amount. "Plus," I said, "you don't sound like the dude that's actually handling the case. So I'll give him your phone number when I talk to him next week." Click. She hung up on me. Haven't had that or any scam call since. But in these cases? No, you will not be getting your money back. Poof. Gone.

Another scam call is that you are going to jail for not paying a bill to a jail, to the county, to the state. The cops are coming right now if you don't pay them now. They'll be at your door. Right....In the USA we do not have a "debtors' prison". Hang up.

Of course, a lot of people I know have had to take out emergency loans. Most people that have to do this go to some place locally, but recently, these people have started doing this online. You know payday loans type places. Like those aren't a big enough scam on their face value. But, nothing like kicking a dog while it's down, right? Scammers are now fronting themselves as these "payday loan" type places online. They get you to give them your banking information, and poof, they clear out what you had left in your account and whatever the bank will allow you to overdraft. You're stuck with the bank fees and the loss. But that's covered right? Technically? NO. You provided your bank information. So, you're out what they scammed you.

Or they will give you a loan, but they need to deposit money into your account to prove it's you and your account. They deposit to your account with a fake check, you take the money that isn't really ever going to be there (fake) from your account and purchase an Apple or Google pay card. You give them the money back and they will deposit the full loan. Both checks are bad. You're out the money you took out of your own account and the bounced check fees and now you have a whole mess to clean up on top of whatever bad thing is going on in your life already. Oh and you are out all the money they scammed you out of. Poof. Gone.

Another scam? There's so many I'm just hitting the highlights. Even legitimate companies will pull scams. Quicken Loans is notorious for charging people $200 to $800 to help process their loans and then never approve the mortgages. They'll basically lead you down the path of you are already approved and you're out if they don't approve. This has actually happened to 4 people I know and yours truly. They took me for $400. They took a really good friend for $600. The other 3 people I know of are people who told me their stories after they heard me telling someone else. Buying a car? We all know used car salesmen are "greasy". But, CarMax? The cars are guaranteed, with warranties for the duration of the loan usually. But the cars are severely overpriced for the market and the loans have extremely high interest rates. Yet, they pray on the "Buy here, pay here" concept that people with poor credit have to accept. Miss a payment? They come get the car before they legally can. I've known a couple of kids, twenty somethings, that got taken by them. Legally, they can't take a car until you've missed that actual 3rd payment, but they don't expect the kids to know this. And honestly, did you?

Even when you buy online, it's buyer beware. A friend ordered a pair of shoes. She got the wrong size and couldn't get a hold of someone to exchange them. But when I spoke to a lady who works in the fraud department of a credit union, she told me this is just the tip. One woman got a pair of used flip flops instead of $200 shoes she ordered. Technically, the company was gone before she ever got the flip flops. The credit union, Visa or whoever, still hadn't decided to pay her the money back, because "she had received the goods" and the receipt basically said "product may not be the same as the picture". What the hell? Yes, and she probably is out the money. It's not even considered a "scam" at that point technically. So for obvious reasons, it's better if you buy from proven vendors that you can trust like Amazon, websites for actual stores you know, or go to the brick and mortar store if you want to buy something "special".

What are some tips to avoid being scammed?
1. Ask questions. Learn to question everything. If it sounds like a scam, walk away. Even if it's not, you're better safe than sorry.
2. Don't immediately agree to anything. No Apple Pay or Google Pay. No wiring money. No account numbers to anyone that you don't know for sure is legitimate.
2A. Double check website addresses. Some scammers will send you a link that looks like a store you visit. Before entering any personal information, make sure that website is the actual store's website. Most common they will use something like gapp.com instead of gap.com. You'll miss it if you aren't paying attention.
3. Never, ever give anyone your information over the phone when they call you. If they have called you, they should know who you are. If they ask you to confirm this phone number, work number, email address, social security number, birthday, what bank you use, say no. JUST SAY NO.
3A. If they call and leave you a number to call them back, double check the number is their number on the company's website or the back of your card. Do not call back a number that isn't legitimate. Call the legitimate number and report it to their fraud department.
4. Remove the sense of urgency. No one is coming to take you to jail or a loved one to jail because you didn't pay the IRS. Even if you owe the IRS, they're not coming. Unless you committed mass tax fraud, but then you already know it. They've seized your assets, frozen all your accounts, and you probably have hidden accounts in the Cayman Islands to try and leave the country before the FBI is coming to get you. The average American like you or me? Hell no. Hang up.
5. Your child, grandchild, best friend, your dog is NOT in jail. Tell them you will have to call their mom, dad, cousin--make up a name if they ask for one, get as much information as you can, but don't give them any information. Ask to talk to whoever they claim. This should be hilarious if it's your dog (yes, the dog example actually comes from a friend these scammers called--please record so your friends will have a good laugh). Say you have to follow up, because you don't have what they are asking for. Where can you get in touch with them. What's the name of the jail, the town, the person calling? You start asking questions--they will probably hang up. IF they are willing to tell you, call the FBI in your state with all the details that you got before they hung up.
6. Post the basic gist of any scam to social media to warn your "friends". They tend to call several numbers from the same area for a few days. Just don't post the phone numbers--they will use these numbers for a while if they don't get called out. In many cases, that is one way they might get caught. I know it's tempting to post everything. But don't. If you turn it over to the FBI, they probably have a larger picture and you want them to be able to use it to catch these people.

Since odds are actually pretty good you will not be getting your money back, your goal should be gathering as much information and giving it to the FBI. Maybe they will recover some money and get you some back. But you want them at least sitting in jail, so they can't scam anyone else for a while and you have the satisfaction of knowing they're behind bars.

Yup, definitely not that serious...

2018-06-30T12:51:00.000-05:00

So I've always been curious about those matchmaking companies. Several reputable sources say they are great. Sure maybe in major metropolitans like NYC or Cali. Anyway, there's no way to research them, and I'm the research queen. I looked for reviews, but the only ones that came up in Google or Yahoo were their own websites reviews.

There's also no cost to be found anywhere. We all know that likely means extremely expensive. The old adage "if you have to ask, you can't afford it" type thing. This in fact sparked my curiosity more. How much more than Match or eHarmony could it be?

So partially out of curiosity, a little bit from beer nudge, eh, what the heck? Let's fill out the site questionnaire and see what happens. (Note this is a site that genuinely had been talked about on real professional websites and newspapers like the WSJ.)

So the next day four phone calls from an unrecognized number on a workday. In the evening I finally answered. The young woman was super polite. Very inquisitive to what I liked, didn't, etc. Not in the nosey Nelly way that would make you want to scrub yourself clean and worry about your finances way. She seemed really sweet, like that perfect realtor who listens to what you are looking for and is genuinely going to help you find that house. Yet, after a very lengthy sales pitch that was super friendly and asking me to sign up, she still had not told me the price. In fact, she wanted me to go sign up, and yet still without the price tag.

When I buckled because I wanted to know the price? Tap dance around the price while explaining to me that I'm not getting any younger. Well, no shit. And it doesn't get easier as you get older, particularly when you get to 50. Wow. Okay. But this is me she's talking to. I simply tell her that of my 40 something friends, she's probably right. Most of us are single and struggle, but most of my 50 something girlfriends seem to hit the jackpot in their 50s. I know 3 right off the top of my head.

Yes, that's nice, but.... I kind of cut her off. How much? ..... Well, she begins to explain this 10 month membership and that they will screen everyone, etc. How safe it is because they have participating restaurants. How they have several men in this area. How many? Several. Several is an interesting number. How about a rough estimate on how many between Charlotte and Atlanta? In the state of SC? Nope. Several, several. Oh boy. So more than one....

Again push for how much? Finally for all this...$4800. LMAO. I went silent. Come on. I know PT Barnum said there's a sucker born every minute, but that was the most insane number I had ever heard. She then goes into hard sell tactics. Now I am getting old and I don't have much time and blah, blah, blah. I wasn't hearing her. So what did I think? Holy hell. What did I think?

But she had been so sweet overall, I simply told her I couldn't see spending that much money on dating. What else would I do with my money? $4800? Was she kidding me? Vacation, ticket to Europe, all inclusive resort. I don't know, anything sounded better.

Here's the final kick, desperate sales pitch: well how are those vacations going to be if you're sleeping by yourself?? WTF. Did this tactic actually work? On who? Like someone who's totally down on themselves and has nothing going for them? Then, here comes what apparently would close the deal normally: Is it really too much money so that you don't have to be alone? It was the same as going on vacation. I started laughing. No, it definitely wasn't like going on vacation. Would anyone ever say first dates are like super relaxing like a vacation?

But no, she didn't stop there. "Isn't finding the love of your life worth $4800?"... No. "You don't want the love of you life." Not for $4800, nope. And the punchline: "I don't think you're taking finding the man for you very seriously."

BAM. Yes, you're right, I tell her. I'm really not that serious about it. Definitely not serious enough to spend $4800.... I had to block the emails and the calls because they kept coming for the next couple days. $4800? That kind of money will buy a lot of toys.

Finally find a group of reviews they can't get rid of... On Yelp. 90% claim nothing but a scam. But hey, I learned something about myself. I'm not serious enough to not being alone to spend 2 round trip tickets to Europe. Girl is going to start planning some vacations though.

Please go back to drinking beer and scratching yourself....

2018-06-24T12:34:00.003-05:00

So...I'm not expecting a lot of readers this time. I had given up blogging for a while--technically, more than 6 months. In an intentional, initially non-intentional, experiment, I needed to focus on other things. I wanted to buy a house and get my personal life "back to where" I was a decade ago. Like a majority of Americans, the last 10 years has been a strain. While we all probably were ready to leave 9/11 behind us, we entered an era of financial uncertainty and an economy that was crushing many of us. This fed a division in this country that egged on old demons like racism and anti-female sentiments. Right now, we are so divided that most of us have felt like we had to choose sides. If we didn't like this, we had to be that, even if that was an impossibility. I'm notoriously middle in everything. One of my best friends points out I try to assess as many facts as I can get a hold of before ever making a decision. (It took me 3 years to decide what car to buy.) She tells me all the time most people don't do this. She does I counter-point, but then she points out that if she really wants more facts she calls me. Ummm. Okay. Mentioned this to another couple different close friends, and well, they were all in agreement. My sister calls me a walking encyclopedia. I read, listen and absorb--everything, and generally can recall it relatively easily.

My one bestie actually said it's probably a curse in some ways. Maybe. It certainly serves me well when it comes to work. I can remember details about how things are supposed to work, what's required, what's not, what things I need to get done, priorities, et cetera. But I can visualize anything back like it just happened. It's not hard for me to recall with a weird precision more things than apparently is "normal". I can remember coming home to my grandmother watching a new show in the 80s, some woman from Chicago who was just becoming an afternoon favorite with the women who were still housewives, you might know her--Oprah Winfrey. I sat on the floor next to Grams on the sofa and asked her what she was watching. She shushed me and said this was important and I needed to watch. It's really nice to be able to recall that like it happened yesterday and see my grandmother in my mind sitting on her sofa. It gives me comfort while bringing tears to my eyes. But what was so important I watch was the discussion on one of those subjects that would eventually become one of those polarized subjects where you are either this or that and there can be no compromise. The subject was abortion. Nope, we're not going there.

Where we are going? Well, unfortunately abortion is just one of many subjects that you have to be this way or that. The polarization in this country is where we are going. The far, extreme right, likes to use a term that Nixon coined in the 1970s, "the silent majority". Ironic, since the far right has never been silent and certainly has never been the majority. The last time the "far right" was the majority was the original million man march in the 1920s. World War II changed everything in this country. That's right. What we all argue about now? In some way, everything stems back to WWII and it's aftermath. I'm not talking about global issues. I'm talking about the American psyche. All the things we "argue" about and have become so polarized about all stem to changes we had to make to win the war. We were changed forever.

WWII proved that race or sex weren't a real factor in abilities. The racial structure of this country is rapidly changing. Most of us don't really care about race anymore. We are almost all mortified when we watch some racist rant and rave like a lunatic in a restaurant, yet all those old tensions that many of us were raised around have been coming to a boil over the last decade. The original million man march was in the 1920s and was conducted by the infamous Ku Klux Klan. Most people don't even realize there had been an "original" march, even many of the men who participated in the 1990s version, didn't realize it. But by the middle of the 2020s, an hundred years later, the majority of Americans will be some shade of olive. Estimates are a little "darker" than I am. Are we okay with this? I don't know, but it sure has become a polar point. You are either a fan of this or you are racist. I had a "white", German-Polish in descent, friend, unfriend me and calling me a racist because I didn't like Obama. I didn't like my increase in taxes that made my life more difficult, and yes, I blamed Obama. But, seriously my ultra-white stereotype friend that I had been friends with for more than 30 years calling me racist? It was laughable. When I pointed that out, she called me a slew of bigot slurs and ended our friendship. Frankly, she had become so far left she didn't see the irony in her own accusations, but it was tantamount to where we were headed as a country. If you don't like this, you have to be that.

The pro-choice movement has suffered from the same attacks. If you are pro-choice, you can't be pro-life. Again, ironic, since the pro-life movement has openly sanctioned murders of doctors and nurses. I'm pretty sure that's life too, so it's really kind of a pick and choose what life matters at that point. But if you are pro-choice, well, you had to hate babies. This was a meme I saw in the last 10 years. What? Come on. Common sense should prevail, right? Pro-choice simply means you don't think other people's problems are your business. MYOB. But suddenly, faced by a former friend who was an extreme Bible thumper, I was bombarded with me sanctioning baby killing. I wanted to buy her a ticket to Somalia. There's plenty of already born babies dying there all the time. She didn't want to hear about those babies. You were either on her side or you weren't. Well, I'm all for saving babies, but I think the ones that are already alive might be more important. There was no in between for her. I was sanctioning baby killing if I didn't agree with her. If you don't agree with this, then you have to be that.

As we strolled through the last decade, most people's blinders have become more like full eye patches. A friend suggested, she's a middle of the road person for the most part, that maybe it's because I've got too many far right leaned friends and acquaintances. My perception might be skewed. Okay, so the great experiment: Get active on far left leaning discussions with the "middle" view, neither right or left, and see what the response was. OMG. The same. Honestly, I think the far left leaning nuts are more volatile and hostile. But, really, redneck trash has been in bar fights or definitely know people who have been, and therefore, at some point, they know they might be pushing a limit. The left, for the most part, as Jay-Z puts it, "wouldn't bust a grape in a food fight". But oh my gosh, can they run their mouths.....People like to say you can't hear if you're talking. Not true. We love these old adages, because they are simple one liners that sound like golden nuggets of wisdom. No, you can't hear if you have closed your mind. If you have polarized yourself, and yes this is all on each of us, you can't hear what others are saying, because you have reached the point where no matter what someone else says, it has to fit your narrative or it's untrue. We close ourselves off to "hearing" what we don't want to hear and we can't see the forest for the trees.

Compromise, a friend said recently, has become a thing of the past. Yet, I have conversations with a lot of my good friends that even when we disagree, we both walk away with something to think about. The best friend that suggested that I always have more facts, well, she always teaches me something. When we have differing views, I've learned more about a subject and vice versa, and both of us walk away with more information to digest. She and I have discussed this polarization at length. We both agree that it's ruining this country and neither of us have the solution to get out of these polarized ruts. It's like 2 ditches on the opposite sides of a road. If you fall into one, there's no way to get out of it, and the road of compromise in between is getting narrower and narrower.

This goes on all the time a friend told me. It's part of daily life. Yes, I suppose for some people this is true. An acquaintance said I needed to make up my mind and get off the fence on a certain issue that was going on between two friends. First, it's between them. I'm riding the fence, because really it's none of my business. Bluntly, it isn't really the acquaintance's business either. But it got me thinking on all this. So the second point? Why in the hell do any of us have to pick a side? I can think they both are wrong, both are right, anything in between or have no opinion whatsoever. Finally, everyone that started picking sides? Well, those aren't really mature adults, are they? They all started demanding everyone pick sides suddenly, like they were in a bad movie with Lindsey Lohan. That is what we've digressed to in every subject in this country, and all I can say is I like the middle road. I'm not here to win a popularity contest, and real adults wouldn't be either.

Years ago, a guy I worked with, "Chance", said when all Americans were engaged in political debates it would be a nightmare. They wouldn't have a clue what they were talking about the majority of the time, they would digress into high school antics and nothing would get done. We were better off, he said, if the ignorant portion stayed ignorant watching their NASCAR or basketball, drinking beer and scratching themselves and as far away from politics as possible. They would turn the whole country into one big joke. "Chance", I concede. Twenty-five years later, and the internet, have proven he was right. People who really are too lazy to know what they are talking about too easily grab one liner memes and run with them. It was better when people who didn't know what they were talking about didn't pretend to be in the know. We could talk like he and I did that day and then just agree to disagree until one of us was proven wrong. I was wrong. I long for the days where people too lazy to pretend to know just go back to drinking beer and scratching themselves. Leave the politics to those that actually really care, are the true middle majority, and who are capable of compromise.

New Year's Blog...

2018-01-28T13:38:00.000-06:00

Okay, granted the new year's blog is a bit late coming this year. It wasn't that I didn't keep my goal last year. I did, but it's about how that goal expanded early on in the year also. I wasn't sure how to express that, and honestly, I was wondering what I wanted to state as goals for 2018. I suppose I could have separated them, but truth is I might still be digesting the impact of the 2017 goal. Maybe I'm just going to be extending the goal, but finally I decided that isn't actually a good approach. New goals keep us moving forward. Some goals might take more than a year to accomplish, but the goal should be to get started and create a new mindset, what some might refer to as a habit.

Towards the end of 2016, I had promised that I would quit dating anyone that I didn't really have any interest in. This became a promise for the new year. No more guys that had serious red flags. I had developed a habit of dating someone that was somehow not ever going to be long term--some just by something minor, others by glaring issues. How I developed the habit was because I had always put my boys needs first. Anything that potentially was going to interfere with me being able to care for them always got put to the side. I had a month to myself in the summer, and it was usually when I actually started "dating" someone. After a year, year and an half, I was out. It was somewhat amusing, because I started to realize I was doing this even now with the boys being full grown men. It had practically become part of me at the subconscious level. Last year I read a book on the more recent subconscious studies and findings, and in retrospect, I had been doing the same thing over and over when it came to dating. I thought because I never dated anyone that was similar to anyone else, different jobs, different educations, different backgrounds, et cetera, that I was avoiding a "type". In fact, my "type" had become two main things: Different from anyone else I had ever dated and had a glaring reason to be dumped eventually. I even stayed in relationships that had zero tangible reason to even launch, just because the timeline had become part of my subconscious.

For most people, this sounds like it should be pretty easy. But the truth is that the conscious mind has little to do with what we do. There used to be a scientific belief that most people use less than 5% of their minds, and that even geniuses like Albert Einstein used only 10% give or take. We now know, true but not true. Our minds are actually using a lot more but not the way we would like to think. We are consciously only using 5 to 10%. The rest is all subconscious. That makes sense though. How often do you think about your heart rate, your blood flow, taking breaths? We don't give any of this a second thought, but we don't because our minds, subconsciously, are actually giving it all continuous thought. But more recently they have found the idea that we create habitual patterns that become so subconscious that our conscious is not even making those decisions. It seems obvious if your pattern is dating a physical stereotype. However, mental stereotypes are far more powerful. My mental stereotype was intentionally avoiding any real relationships. I used to joke "I have my stupid conversations with my friends." So I tended to date guys that I felt would add to my intellectual growth. I really had to consciously pick apart what was actually similar, and deciding consciously to stop it. Sounds easy, but it's really difficult. Try chewing a stick of gum. Do you chew with your mouth open, closed or a mix? Now try to chew differently and start watching the television. At the first commercial break you will notice you've started chewing the way you always do. It's a habit. (I chose this example because it works for everyone that stops paying attention to chewing intentionally different.) Now imagine this override is in everything we do--including dating.

The funny thing is I already said this was a success story. I have successfully stopped doing this nonsense. I believe that most of us can break most bad habits in 3 months. I'll admit this has been more of a year long endeavor. Most bad habits, like chewing your food with your mouth open, we can break relatively quickly. But once I realized that I was able to break this habit, then I realized it wasn't just dating where I was allowing toxic people into my life. There are friends that you meet and within 3 to 6 months you know they are always going to be friends, but with others you get that nagging feeling that even though consciously they seem to be a great friend that you'll never be able to trust them. There's an irony here, because most people can only pick out lies less than 60% of the time. The more you are around "good" liars, the harder it becomes for you to discern truth from lies. It's also proven now that most people lie daily. It's debatable though, because you lie when you tell someone you're having a good day when it's not that great. So I look at these statistics as iffy. A lie is relative. It should be okay to tell a busybody it's none of their business, but a busybody will call you an asshole behind your back for being honest. For many of us, it's just easier to not say anything or tell a white lie. So earlier last year, one of these lying types, well, she hit my limit, but I was still maintaining being her friend, although I had realized that she was a user. You know the types. They manipulate people to do what they want and they do tend to be smarter than the average bear, so some people might not even realize they are being manipulated. How do you deal with people that you know are no longer any value add to your life?

Certainly a manipulative person, male or female, has no value to your life. These aren't "good" people because by nature manipulative people are about themselves. You are always secondary to what they want, what they believe they need, and you will never be their real priority. It will always be about what they can get out of you if they do something for you. Arguably, this may be at a subconscious level for them too, but from a conscious level, how much of you are you willing to give up for much less or even nothing in return? When this particular person attempted to get me to change my vacation to accommodate her, it was the final straw. She was supposed to come along on my dime. But thanks to her, I realized I was keeping people in my life that were not value add either. Subconsciously, I was trying to accommodate her manipulations even though I knew she did it, because I was doing the same thing with so-called friends. I would try to give them the benefit of the doubt, not with a timeline, but until they had really taken advantage way passed the acceptable level. All of the sudden, I looked around at the friends I had. Some were value add and some were not. There was no value add having a manipulative person in my life. She had been in an abusive relationship, so perhaps there was reasoning that she was doing this consciously and subconsciously. However, what am I willing to have in my life? Subconsciously, I may be keeping these people, but it was time to consciously start living my life free of their nonsense. We all have enough issues of our own without adding others issues.

Now, I'm not advocating leaving proven friendships that have been value add. We do all have our own issues, but manipulative, users, backstabbers, et cetera? I see posts from a few friends on social media quite regularly about being screwed over again by yet another so-called friend. It's not that we cannot make friends with new people. It's that we should drop the people that are not proving to be value add to our lives. The people who are value add, well, they make up what helps us understand ourselves better. Our honest friends in their hardships help us be better people by allowing us to develop sympathy, empathy, and compassion. Being value add isn't about what we get from the friendships but what we exchange. As one of my best friends said to me the other day, "you make me think and a better person." She makes me think and a better person too. And that is what is real friendship. Subconsciously we might not always pick the best quality of people to be acquainted with, but truly value add friendships make us better people consciously.

So, I said at the beginning, breaking that bad habit of choosing consistently "wrong" dating relationships was a successful effort that eventually evolved into extracting myself from "wrong" friendships. But then I also eluded that somethings might need to be extended, but not really being necessary. As someone once told me, "it's easier to fall in with the wrong people than the right ones." I don't think this is true, but it is something that we have to consciously evaluate whether we are around the right people or the wrong. Plus, right or wrong is relative, but most certainly if you're on social media wondering why you don't have the right person in your life, why you have all these backstabbers as friends, it probably time to evaluate what you choose to have in your life. It's still your choices, albeit subconscious, but still on you. It's on me, and although it was just a goal for 2017, it's a constant life choice, every day, every week, every year. Building a good subconscious habit is only the start, but it's the good foundation that was the goal, the habit of choosing better.

So what about 2018? Maintain the 2017 foundation on being better to myself and surrounding myself with friends that have value add and that I provide value add to their lives. I'm really quite content. I'd say I'll read more, but I already read quite a bit. Maybe next blog...

Shoot for the Stars - 2017 Holiday Blog

2017-12-22T06:39:00.001-06:00

This time of year I try to do a couple different "staple" blogs--one is related to the "holiday' season and the other is a New Year's goals. For the holiday blog, I wait for some inspiration and it's usually directly related to the holidays. This year my inspiration started with a rainy morning and ended with a friend talking about her son. What did the two have in common? Two young men--one trying to better himself by walking to work in the rain to pay for school and another who's mother wants him to go to a tech school or college. But that's not what both of them had in common. Similar stories, but the punchline to both were the same. Others are telling them that they can't, shouldn't, that school isn't important, and the worst of the worst, the one's father is telling him that his life is good enough for the son. I mean really, "the good enough for me, good enough for you"? So this blog isn't for all you idiots that tell other people to fail, because you yourself are incapable or are just too lazy to become what you were meant to be. This blog is for those two young men and everyone that is in a similar situation, whether male or female. For all of you that dream of going to school to be a police officer or a doctor or a dental hygienist or whatever requires you to put a little or even a lot into yourself, into your education and takes more effort than working an hourly job and struggling to pay your bills for the majority of your life.

First and foremost, if you dream it, you can achieve it. Sure, there's only one President of the United States and plenty of kids think they might want to be President and never do become President, even if they go to an Ivy League school. But no one that has an Ivy League education is starving to death unless they choose to. I won't lie to you. With education, all dreams aren't achievable, but without one, no dreams are achievable. We're not talking about social dreams. Perhaps, you dream of getting married and having children. This portion of the dreams in your life are available no matter what your professional dreams are. But what is it you want to achieve for yourself? No one should tell you what you want to achieve in life. There's only one person that will have to live with your decisions--good or bad, and that's you. Your dreams can either be inspiration or just wishful thinking that you eventually look back on with regret and have to reconcile with. You make decisions that can help you achieve your dreams or you can give up. There's nothing wrong with your dream being to work hourly on a plant floor for the rest of your life. I have plenty of friends that this has been more than enough for them and they have been content. But if you are someone who dreams of something different, you will never be happy making decisions that keep you from trying. You will eventually resent the people who held you back, but in a weird twist, you will actually resent the people who have achieved in some cases.

Why would you resent those that did what you wanted to do? It's human nature. Deep down you give up a piece of who you are when you don't try to achieve your dreams. I had a good friend who married right out of high school. She was going to go to college. She was going to go to Paris, NYC, and she wanted to design clothes for the runways of major fashion shows. Okay, yes, sure that all sounds a bit unrealistic in real life. She might have ended up being an art teacher, or while in college she might have been inspired to go into architecture since she was actually fascinated by art--all art including drawings, paintings, architecture. She might have started college and in some wonderful strange twist became an art restorer. Yes, it's a real job that major museums and even the Vatican have. A whole job just centered around restoring and preserving some of the most beautiful creations of some of the most talented people in history. How do I know about this particular job? Well, someone she met, not even sure how she knew the lady, was one of these and she hated her. In my friend's mind, this woman had somehow taken her dreams. Of course, that was idiotic, but the resentment was real.

So she got married, got pregnant shortly after which ended her plans of college, and eventually had a couple of kids and the fairy tale that started with a beautiful wedding...ended with a divorce and her struggling to find a job just to help her make ends meet. But what made very little sense to me at the time was how angry she was at her ex because she hadn't gone to college. This had been her decision afterall, right? But it hadn't. Perhaps if her fairy tale had the ending we grow up thinking of, she wouldn't have cared right? But it's a 50/50 shot that a marriage will work, and right out of high school it actually has less than a 2% chance of making it. If you get married right out of high school (or before), you have a 98% plus chance of divorce. The odds are not in your favor. So in her case, they were in that 98%; it didn't work. What I eventually realized is that it really wasn't her decision to give up her dreams. She had thought she had to give them up, and in her mind, it was all his fault. Was it really his fault? No. She had made a series of decisions that landed her where she was at. Now, perhaps many of those decisions were pushed by others, even her ex, in a direction different than what she really wanted. But ultimately, the decision was hers. And no matter what, these decisions that others might be pushing you into are yours. You won't have anyone to blame but yourself. Giving up your dreams because mom or dad or whoever is telling you to, no. They might have bullied you, but in the long run, it was always your decision.

Of course, how would I know? I lived most of my life by the time I was 16 being told what I was going to do and having little impact on changing any of it. I was regularly told what I was capable of and even having a fairly regular input belittling me compared to another family member. I understand being told what you are capable of and what you should be doing from both the positive and negative aspects. In truth, there's not a single one of us that aren't told by someone growing up what we can or cannot achieve. Some parents actually push and push to the point one might want to walk away and go their own direction. Others might constantly be told they aren't smart enough. When you look around you, know that everyone has someone telling them what they can or cannot achieve and even what might appear like positive reinforcement might not be. You haven't got the ability to compare your circumstances to theirs. Don't focus on how much "better" or "supportive" another person's circumstances might be. You might be starting behind the proverbial curve ball, or you might be starting well ahead. But when all is said and done, it's still your your energy, your efforts and your decisions that will allow you to achieve and make your dreams into your reality.

Perhaps you know exactly what you think you want to be. Perhaps you only have an idea of what. But if either of those suggest you need a college education, then no matter what they say, you need to think about you. It's okay to not "know", and it's perfectly okay to figure it out first. Not everyone can afford to go to college for a couple of years just to "figure it out", and that's okay too. Maybe you need to save some money first, because you are starting behind that "curve ball" due to financial limitations. Again, don't let someone tell you that money or you not being exactly sure keep your dreams at bay. Another thing some people will tell you is they don't use any of their high school education or classes and they do just fine. So one thing you need to keep in mind is that the degree is the background knowledge needed to do your dream job. You've heard someone say, "Another day of not using algebra". Well, if you go grocery shopping, live on a budget and have to decide how much you can spend on what, well, here's a just a fact. They all are using algebra every single day. The fact they don't recognize it as algebra, because what little they absorbed of what they learned is how successful they are at balancing their budget. They need it and they don't even know they are using it.

Let's say you can't decide two or four years. If you decide to go to a two year school and get an associate's degree, you'll have less "fluffy" classes. Most of the classwork will be directly related to what you want to do. We as a society need machinists, robotics technicians, dental hygenists, bookkeepers, etc. But you'll still have "fluffy" classes. The extra English is so that you will sound more polished when dealing with people that have higher educations. The extra math coursework will almost always be applicable to coursework associated with your chosen discipline. The truly "fluffy" classes like art history electives you'll manage to completely avoid. Of course, let's say you want a bachelor's. Those extra extra "fluffy" classes are to make you even more well rounded. Give you more of the world, a bigger picture, so that you can go beyond just fixing problems but see beyond to critical thinking and how to come up with solutions to problems. No degree above associate's actually is all of what the job is. It's going to be the building blocks to go into a career. At the bachelor's level and higher, you will get what you effort you put in. I know some people with bachelor's degrees that may as well have nothing but a high school diploma. I had a boss once with a bachelor's in marketing and an MBA. You would think she wouldn't understand when I explained engineering projects to her. She understood the basics enough to understand project goals. I understood finances enough to add the things that she was actually concerned about. On the other hand, I had another boss with an engineering degree who couldn't engineer his way out of a paper bag with a pair of scissors. She had walked away with a better education from the same university as him. How? Effort in equals the knowledge you get out of it, regardless of which degree or major you choose.

Most importantly, remember all these people usually telling you don't "need" this or "need" that really have no idea what you will need or what you won't need. I cannot even tell you what you will or won't need. I was great at statistics. I'm an engineer. These seem completely unrelated. Unless you end up as a root cause analysis engineer or quality engineer. Then statistics will be a way of life regularly if not daily. Sometimes it's just a quick calculation in my head, but sometimes it's a long drawn out DOE (design of experiment) that is very detailed and requires a lot of knowledge and applying that knowledge. I didn't know I would "need" it eventually. I thought it was just a required "fluffy" class. Turns out I was wrong. I didn't even know what I was going to need, so you might not know what you will "need" yet. Therefore, be realistic when people tell you that you don't "need" something. You can't know for sure, so they definitely don't know.

Don't be afraid to be you, follow your dreams, turn your dreams into reality by setting goals, going to school and achieving those goals. This is how your dreams will become your reality. No one should try to take those away from you. But dreams aren't tangible until you've done all the work to bring them to fruition, right? The person standing in your way telling you to accept failure before you even get started is definitely tangible. But no matter how tangible they are, they aren't going to be paying your bills are they? They aren't going to be living your life. You will be. You should live your life; achieve the dreams you want to. Are you going to use all the tools, everything you ever learned in high school, in a two year college or four year university? No. You aren't, but you won't know what you're going to use until you get into a career. Most people with a high school education have a job. They work hourly. They do the same thing over and over. Most people with a two year degree are very skilled and have skills that others do not have. Their jobs can be very challenging and rewarding, not just financially but in the sense of accomplishment. The four year degrees open up more challenges, more rewards, and yes generally more financially. Like everything, you will get what you put in. Don't not put in effort because someone else tells you no. Put in the effort as you choose and you can achieve those things that you dream of. This Christmas, or whatever holiday you might celebrate, remember you can achieve. Shoot for the stars and you will be thrilled even if you only hit the moon.