In one of my favorite new books, The Power of 2 by Rodd Wagner and Gale Muller, develop core elements of a great business partnership. What they discover easily applies to small groups. In chapter five they explain the importance of Acceptance. Most people choose to be with people who are a lot like them. There is a problem with that, though. The authors put it this way, "[the problem with like-minded communities] it makes you less likely to create strong ties with those who would bring something you lack to the partnership. Many of the potential collaborators you need most are those who will be, because of their difference from you, most difficult to learn to accept. You don't need an identical twin as much as you need an opposite..." This harkens back to Genesis 1 and 2 if I'm not mistaken.
We benefit deeply when we are with people who challenge our thinking, have a different frame of reference, and different strengths. The key, according to the authors is celebrate each other's strengths, not weaknesses. We're all human. No one is perfect. So don't focus on the imperfections, instead, focus on the strengths.
So how does this play out in a group? I think we have to embrace humor and grace when we are in a group with people who are different. Instead of convincing people to act and think like us, seek to understand them. Ask questions and follow up questions. The best discussions happen when people know they will be accepted even when sharing their true thoughts and opinions. As group leaders, we can encourage honesty and then thank our group when they share it.
Acceptance, it's a core truth in business partnerships and small groups.
A healthy group is rooted in trust. This is very obvious. If you mess this one up and break trust it's hard to sew the group back together. In The Power of 2 Wagner and Muller explain that Trust is pivotal for for strong partnerships to endure. For them, trust is more than the keeping of confidences. "Every partner needs to be able to depend on his counterpart." Wagner and Muller go on to explain that a community thrives when partners can count on each other to be there for them.
There are a few simple implications for groups:
So here's a couple of questions for your group:
Over the last few weeks I've been drawing small group principles from one of my new favorite books, The Power of 2: How to make the Most of Your Partnerships at Work and in Life. In chapter two Rodd Wagner and Gale Muller discuss how important it is for successful partnerships to share a common mission. The authors explain that relationships often gel around shared common goals, purpose, and mission. It makes sense, doesn't it? Think about your group experiences. If you pursue a shared goal with the other people in your group it will draw you closer.
Usually when we use the term "missional" small groups we mean that they do something to serve others. That's not necessarily what Wagner and Muller are saying. For a small group the common mission might be to learn a new piece of truth, like biblical stewardship or Christian marriage for example. The mission might be to build relationships and forge friendships.
However, a healthy group doesn't have to share common MOTIVES for the goal. "Successful partners often have different motivations for making the climb." The authors claim. Let's say the goal is to learn to handle money more wisely. One person in the group might share that goal but be motived because he is facing a personal financial challenges. Another person might share that goal but she is motivated by a desire to learn some new information (because she is a knowledge junkie). And still another person shares the goal but he is motived by a desire to walk in complete obedience to Christ and this will help him get there. All are different motives but all share the same goal. So don't worry about the various motives represented in your group. Instead, think about the goal(s)!
So here's some questions for your group to discuss:
There are three key convictions to a relationship that values complementary strengths:
In their book, The Power of 2, Wagner and Muller discovered an ancient Biblical truth - healthy relationships celebrate complementary strengths. The Apostle Paul wrote about this very concept in Ephesians 4:11-16 and Romans 12:3-8. Paul taught that each Christian is endowed with gifts from the Holy Spirit in order to build other believers up. Here's the deal, as much as we'd like to be independent, we are very interdependent.
Wagner and Muller put it this way, "...most people see themselves as more well-rounded than they really are, above average where they are weak, and close to average where they are incredible. But they're wrong. Instead of complete circles, people are puzzle pieces."
A strong small group is not made up of "circles" but of "puzzle pieces." Each person interlocks with the others. One person might be a good teacher, another person has a servant gift, another keeps track of details and organizes the group, while another hosts with their gift of hospitality. No one person has it all together. We are better together than we are on our own. Great communities are made up of people who complement each other. It's an ancient truth in a modern context!
"Humans are made for collaborating." That is an amazing sentence from Wagner and Muller in their new book, The Power of 2. In their introductory chapter they explain what that means then they address some of the barriers to relationships:
"Yet over time, humans created so many conveniences that we now can survive without each other. we live indoors rather than in the elements. We can eat microwavable dinners instead of hauling in a fish net with someone else. we no longer tell real stories around the fire; we turn on the TV and watch familiar strangers pretend."
Later they point out that, "Isolation is bad for you. it poses dangers as serious as cigarette smoking, high blood pressure, high cholesterol, obesity, or lack of exercise, one research summary concluded. Conversely, the more good partnerships you have in your life, the more likely you are to say that you experienced the feelings of enjoyment much of the day yesterday, that you recently learned something interesting, and that you've been doing a lot of smiling and laughing - all key measures of your happiness." [taken from pages 2-4 in The Power of 2]
So here's what hit me right between the eyes - God wired us for community. At the very beginning of the story he made humans in HIS IMAGE which means we are created in the image of the God who lives perpetually in community as Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. We have a void in our lives that only can be filled through human relationships. God made us that way.
So here are two Gallup research writers who discover that the data concludes that we are "made for collaborating" and we live healthier, happier lives if we have partnerships in life! I love it when secular researchers discover ancient truths!