I had some problems in a previous department (actually, it wasn’t just me…two of us transferred out and another person walked off the job in a matter of 6 weeks).  So I made the transfer to be a bill collector in the hopes of saving my tenure with the company.

But I was on a timed headset all day long, with an automatic dialer making calls for me so quickly I couldn’t even gather my thoughts in between calls, and customers for the most part treating me like I was scum they’d like to scrape off the bottom of their shoe, just for asking them to please pay their bills.  Not only that, but I had to take a pay cut to move to that department.

It was doomed from the beginning.

I had had a plan to stay there for awhile and save up some money, maybe make some kind of transition, but it just didn’t work out.  Life’s too short, and when I start making myself ill, all kinds of bad things happen psychologically.  I don’t have the constitution for it.

Luckily, I pay all my bills a month ahead of time, so I have a few weeks to figure this situation out.  I still have my second (now only) job as an English tutor, and I have a great work ethic.  Time to find a new job.

I am still kind of getting over the feeling of being punched in the stomach (even though I technically did it to myself).  But at the same time, it was a just move.  That company hadn’t done me any favors, and I worked really hard for them for two years.  They never appreciated any of it.  And as that punched-in-stomach feeling wears off, I am also feeling relief, excitement, the thrill of the hunt for something new and interesting.

It’s going to be okay.

My parents went out of town this week and I got the inspired idea to go use their washer and dryer for a couple days to get my laundry caught up.  They of course were completely cool with the idea of my doing anything involving cleaning (parents…./sigh).  What got me was the fact that it took me FOUR laundry baskets to cart out all the laundry for just my son and I.  FOUR!

So I found this nifty little guide to the minimalist wardrobe here, and started throwing clothes in a box as they came out of the dryer.  I also had my friend sit through a keep/toss session as we went through my closet (either she was eager to be helpful or she hates most of my clothes…either way it ended up in the box!).

Overall I didn’t end up with 30 pieces, more like 50.  But I think I can get that down to 40 and then eventually maybe 30 after all.  It’s a process.  But now I can fit everything in ONE laundry basket each, and my clothes actually have room to breathe in my closet.

My next project for this week is to take a bunch of old towels to the Humane Society.  I decided to keep my best 4 towels and donate the rest…considering my pile of folded towels was approaching 3 feet…yikes.

I am on the donation warpath…no belonging is safe under my gaze!!!

Abraham Maslow came up with this chart – you might have heard of it – it’s called the Hierarchy of Needs.  According to his theory, a person can’t focus on obtaining needs from higher up on the pyramid until they have fulfilled the lower strata.  For example, if you have not eaten for three days, you can’t focus on your social needs.  You want food.

So after mulling this over, I have decided that we seek out friends and people in our lives who are on the same tier as we are.  I have had to let many friends drift (maybe not so subtly) out of my life because I felt like they were ‘bringing me down’ or just plain destructive.  I now realize that it’s because they are focused on a different kind of necessity in life than I am.

I would definitely consider my own quest to be for the very top tier, self-actualization.  I am the kind of person who would give up all earthly possessions and sit in a damp cave by myself for six months if it would bring me some kind of connection to God.  At the same time, I consider myself financially secure, I have pretty good family and friendship structures built around me, and I am self-confident.  So all those other “needs” (according to Maslow) are met, allowing me to focus on WHY I AM HERE.

Some people just aren’t there yet.  Some people don’t have the friends they wish they had, or they have enough financial problems that it draws their focus away from other things.   When we see people lower down on the pyramid than we are, I think that instead of judging them, we have two better choices:

1. Lend a hand (offer some advice, a book, a resource, whatever that can help them find their way to fulfilling that need)

or

2. Bless them on their journey and wish them well.  (And set them free.  They will still most likely make you crazy if you keep hanging around with them.)

So, the little thought for today is just that if you see someone who cannot seem to get his or her act together, can’t seem to take a risk for a new job or something exciting, can’t ever seem to pay his bills on time, whatever it might be – just be patient and realize that they are probably lacking something you are taking for granted.  Everyone makes this journey through life at her own pace.   Let’s not judge others for not keeping up with us.

The first mile was good but the second mile nearly did me in.  My legs and heart felt fine, but I have exercise-induced asthma, never remember my inhaler, and always realize this in mile 2.  I was making every kind of bargain with God that you can think of not to let me drop dead in front of the golf course where all these old golfers were watching.

But luckily, God invented something wonderful, called Other Runners.  Something about seeing other runners out there makes you feel like you’re part of the club – some of them run slower than me, most of them run faster, and I remember I’m just on this part of the journey.  I used to run slower and someday I’ll run faster, and for right now, it’s totally ok to jog slower than I could probably walk, and punch my fists in the air along with the music on my iPod, and enjoy the process.  Every time I passed another runner, he or she would smile and wave, and I felt encouraged.  And I kept going.

And by the time I was halfway through the run, I got my wind back and was grinning again, and I started imagining how much time I’ll have for running when I’m on my 3-month road trip.  So I started imagining how it would be to travel the country participating in races and homeschooling my son…how we could manage to get a dog with this nomadic lifestyle..how many farmers markets we’ll be able to visit…I wonder if I could teach him math at the park using chalk and marbles…and soon enough I completely forgot I was even running.

Life is good.

I spend a lot of time reading the blogs and books of others who live ‘alternative lifestyles.’  Extreme minimalism, living in a treehouse, biking across the country, going on a roller coaster tour of the U.S., whatever.  I always think to myself, I am so excited!! In 12 years when my son is an adult, I’ll be able to do that too!

Because let’s face it, those people with alternative lifestyles are always saying, “Oh, don’t make excuses just because you have kids.  You can live this way too!”  And as parents, we always laugh and say, Yeah.  Right. And to some extent it’s a fair argument, because people without kids have NO idea what it’s like, and I don’t mean taking care of kids, I mean the pressure from society that bears down on you like a nuclear explosion the moment you get pregnant.

Strangers feel like they have a right to comment on, or at the very least judge, your parenting abilities (or lack thereof).  I have been criticized for being vegan, for being too strict, for not being strict enough, for being a working mother, for how often my son catches cold, and the fact that he doesn’t have a bedframe for his boxspring and mattress.  I have been criticized for living too far away from my family, living too close to my family, not being married, and how skinny my kid is.  He has too many toys, he has not enough toys, his hair doesn’t look good with that hair cut.  Seriously.  People have nothing better to do.

I know we are not supposed to let other peoples’ opinions get to us, but I think all of us do at least SOME of the time.  I sure do.  But that’s why I named my blog Simplicity and Strength.  Because sure, you can live with simplicity, but if you do, you are going to have to grow the backbone and emotional strength to stand up for your lifestyle choices.

ANYWAY.  All this rambling has been a preamble to my actual decision: I have figured out a financially viable way for me to quit my job next summer (2012) and take my son on  a 3 month road trip.  We will camp, we will eat local foods, we will explore, we will bond.  And most of all, I will force myself to get over my need to please other people with the way I live my life, and start doing things on my terms.  I plan to write a book on the experience – how a single soccer mom with an MBA (soon-to-be!), an SUV and a grey cubicle tossed everything away to live on the road and bond with her kid.

I have a very elaborate plan for this and I am still developing it.  After all, I have a year.  (I am waiting that long because I’m under contract with my current firm due to getting their tuition reimbursement.)  But I think a year is perfect.  It will give me time to pare down my belongings, pile up cash, and plan the route.

And somehow find the strength to overcome the many, many objections that are going to come from this.

It’s gonna be amazing.

Is there something in your life that’s been bugging you for years?  You really want to try it, you think it would be exciting, but it seems too overwhelming or scary and so you haven’t done it?

The fact is that the pain of failure is almost never as bad as the pain of regret.  You might get the wind knocked out of you if you jump off the diving board and land wrong in the water, but you’ll live.  It’s a lot better then the first time I walked out to the end of a diving board, decided I couldn’t jump, and had to clamber past all the kids behind me on the ladder as they teased me for not jumping.  Later, once I did decide to jump, I realized it was no big deal!  I wished I hadn’t been so afraid and just jumped the first time.

Just recently we went ice skating and I admit, I was terrified for days before we went, thinking I would fall and break something, or worse, crack my head open.  I hadn’t skated in 10 years.  But before I stepped on the ice, I reminded myself of something – the worst thing you want to be when you’re on skates, skis, or a bike is unsure of yourself.  You’ll fall (or crash) in a heartbeat.  You just go out there and pretend you know what you’re doing until you actually DO know what you’re doing.  I skated for an hour and a half without falling down once, and I had a blast!  To think I had almost let fear talk me into calling my friend to cancel.

I think one of the worst possible things that can happen to you in life is to come to the end of it and realize the risks you never took weren’t even a big deal.  You always wanted to write a novel?  What the heck kept you from doing that?  I wrote one last year, and sure, it’s terrible and may never get published, but I LOVE the feeling of knowing I actually wrote one.  There are probably millions of people who will always dream of doing that and never do it.

“Feel the fear and do it anyway.” ~Susan Jeffers

Whether it’s something as simple as learning to rollerblade, or something big like skydiving or opening a business, just remember that if you try, sure you might fail – but there’s also the chance that you’ll succeed – and probably have a blast in the process.  Either way it’s better than the regret of never taking the chance.

What is the thing you’ve always wanted to do but never really thought you could? Do you think you can overcome the fear and do that thing anyway?

Photo courtesy D. Sharon Pruitt

Last week, a computer named Watson competed on Jeopardy against the two reigning (human) champions of the game.  What’s more, Watson won!  I listened to an interview with one of the human competitors, Ken Jennings, on NPR and he said something that really stood out to me.  He pointed out how even after all the time and effort that went into making Watson, even with all the data Watson had access to, the human brain is still a MUCH more phenomenal machine.

Think about how much information we really do store in our heads.  How the brain is simultaneously processing that and running all our organs and blood and muscles.  How we can interpret body language or react quickly to danger.  How we can learn new things and make connections.  The human brain is really something miraculous.

I have started a little garden in my windowsill this year, growing some basil, chives, and dill.  I have a little pot on my desk at work in which I stuck a few seeds for forget-me-nots.  And as these little plants are starting to spring up from the soil, I’m fascinated – what a miracle.  These tiny little blips that could just as well be dirt hold all the intrinsic knowledge to create a healthy, thriving plant.  When you really stop and think about it, it’s hard to comprehend.

When I was pregnant with my son, I remember thinking, “I have no idea how to make ears!  What if he doesn’t have ears!?!”  ”What if my belly doesn’t grow and make room?” and perhaps most importantly, “I have no idea how to get him out of me!”  But none of that mattered.  My body knew, and God knew.  And he came out just perfect.

The 13th century poet Rumi suggested to “Sell your cleverness and purchase bewilderment.”  I love this quote, and whenever I start to look around at these amazing miracles that are so often taken for granted as “everyday” or “commonplace,” it can’t help but reinforce my belief in a divine, amazing Higher Power.

What miracles do you appreciate that most people take for granted?  What do you take for granted in your life that is really something incredible?

Photo credit: Nasrul Ekram

This is a continuation of yesterday’s post about discomfort.  The truth is that ignoring it or covering it up is only going to make it last longer, and you will end up like Eeyore with a rain cloud of emotion following you around everywhere you go.  Worse, sometimes pain, grief or discomfort can hang around for years if not dealt with in a healthy way.

The first step to processing painful emotions is to recognize when you are feeling them.  It took some time for me to make the connection, but most of the time I can tell I’m having a painful feeling if I end up in the kitchen.  Foods produce endorphins (the feel-good chemical) in the brain so by eating I’m literally medicating my bad feelings.  I’m learning to notice when it’s a bad feeling rather than hunger driving me to eat – but fighting the urge to eat something feels almost impossible sometimes.  That’s because my ego is so desperate to save itself from pain that it is literally compelling me to medicate myself.

This is the time when, if I am able to notice that trigger and redirect it, I am able to do the most work towards processing and releasing pain.  Sometimes it helps to curl up on the sofa with a pillow and a blanket and just feel sad or upset or whatever it is I’m feeling.  If I’m angry or stressed or overwhelmed, I prefer to take a long run, because exercise is another activity that produces endorphins, and at the same time I feel like I’m physically beating the bad feelings out of my body with every step.

The key is to be with your feelings and accept them. Trying to pretend they aren’t there is just denial.  My pain has stemmed mostly from a bad relationship, and so I have a lot of feelings of low self esteem, worthlessness, and betrayal when I start thinking about that situation.  Rather than eating to quell the pain, it’s important for me just to sit and be quiet with those feelings for a little bit.  Sometimes I even feel the need to cry, and that’s ok too.  That’s part of the process.

But you can’t just wallow forever.  As you experience your bad feelings, you can turn them over to God, or whatever Higher Power you believe in, and lift the burden off your shoulders.  For example, when I’m feeling down on myself and really hurt by this relationship, I remind myself that everyone is perfect in God’s eyes, so that means I am perfect as I am.  Just because that person maybe did not recognize the qualities that I like about myself doesn’t say anything negative about me – in fact, it says more about the baggage that he is dealing with in his own life.  Most importantly, I think about the fact that God knows what’s best for me, and even if it is painful, He is showing me that this was not the relationship I’m meant to have.

One of my favorite Kundalini Yoga DVDs, Transformer, has a segment specifically for getting rid of bad feelings and bad habits.  It’s a great DVD and I highly recommend it – I’m not an affiliate, I just like to share with people when I find things that work for me.  Running or other forms of solitary exercise can be very cathartic – maybe try boxing if you are having a lot of angry or hostile feelings.  You could try Bikram Yoga (hot yoga) or repeated visits to a steam room to “sweat” out your bad feelings.

The point is, don’t go down the denial path that most of us find so easy.  Make the effort to process and release these feelings, realizing that it’s okay to feel angry or sad sometimes – even the gurus who seem at utter peace feel frustration and anger sometimes.  It’s part of the human experience.

In Western society, we are taught that discomfort is bad.  In fact, it’s the worst thing that could possibly happen to you, and you should do everything you can to avoid it.  Have a headache?  Take an aspirin.  Cold outside?  Buy a car with a remote starter and heated seats.

Interestingly, I think the “Law of Attraction” movement is one of the worst about selling this idea that discomfort is awful.  I have been and still am a proponent of visualization to get what you want, but some aspects of this movement seem to encourage people to smile through the pain, stop thinking about things that bother them, etc.  Yes, positive visualization is great, but pain and discomfort also have a significant place in our lives, and I think it’s important to process those feelings.

I have been in an immense amount of emotional discomfort – okay, flat-out pain – for months now, and it’s been a really challenging life lesson for me.  I am still in the middle of it and trying to work my way out, but I have learned so far that the easiest thing to do is cover up or deny pain and discomfort.  Think about some of the ways we do this in everyday life –

Long Day At Work Maybe you plop down in front of the television or the computer to numb your feelings and “zone out” for a while.  I definitely do this one way too much.  We might not be feeling the tiredness or the stress but we are definitely not resting and restoring our bodies and minds, and if there is something upsetting going on in your life, your time will be better spent thinking about it or praying about it than ignoring it.

Total Aversion Maybe there are bills coming in the mail that you don’t have the money to pay, or you know a friend is calling to ask you for a favor you don’t want to do.  So you toss the bills in a drawer, unopened, or you stop taking your friend’s calls or pretend to be sick.  This is causing you more pain and stress in the long run than it would to deal with these situations with courage in the present.

Emotional Pain Whether you are dealing with grief, anxiety, low self-esteem, or another kind of emotional pain, this is probably the one most everyone tries to cover up somehow.  This is how people end up with addictions, eating disorders, piles of credit card debt from overspending, etc.  These are all behaviors that we develop to numb ourselves from feeling pain.

So what you really have to ask yourself is, how bad is that pain really?  Am I strong enough to deal with it if I just allowed myself to feel it?  The answer is, yes.  No matter what the situation, it’s always yes because you are able to draw on the strength of a Higher Power to help you deal with whatever pain is inside you.

The next post will be about how to actually feel and process pain and discomfort, but for now let me leave you with this quote ~

“The presence of fear is a sure sign that you are trusting in your own strength.” ~A Course in Miracles.

Something that inspired me to blog in the first place was the way the famous blog Zen Habits kind of used to be – it has evolved into something different and maybe better, but it started out with Leo accomplishing one goal at a time, which turned out to be a long list of really great accomplishments!  But I have always been fascinated with the way he has able to focus – first it was quitting smoking, then taking up running, then whatever came next.

I am one of those hopeless people who tackles EVERYTHING at once.  I will start a new diet and exercise plan on the same day I decide to reorganize my closets and  write 10 pages of a novel every night.  Right.

I wanted to start this blog to help me focus on one thing at a time, a month at a time.  So far, I’m still getting my sea legs with writing (this may take a while) but I do want to start using my blog for that purpose.  Since  I have had an inordinate amount of stress in my life recently, I have decided that this month, I am going to focus on establishing a yoga habit.  My goal is to practice yoga 4 times per week, all month.

I love yoga, particularly Kundalini Yoga, and I have done yoga sessions off and on for years.  But I have never been consistent with it enough to see the results that I want, including a more peaceful outlook on life.  So that is September’s goal – yoga.

If you practice yoga already, what benefits have you seen from it?  Do you have any advice for keeping to a regular practice?