Simply, Kate

2015-04-11T14:30:00.000-05:00

2015-04-05T11:05:00.000-05:00

2015-03-26T11:31:00.000-05:00

Photo Courtesy: Kate F, Drake Passage, Tierra del Fuego, 02/03/2014

Never stop

2015-03-23T11:12:00.000-05:00

Cupcakes for two...

2015-03-21T10:48:00.001-05:00

It's 11pm on a Friday night and you've been studying for the last 5 hours. You have to take a break, but you know that getting on Facebook is only going to make you jealous of all your friends who aren't in school and are enjoying a night on the town, hanging out with friends, spending time with their significant other, or who headed out of the city for a weekend adventure... and you still have 382 pages to read, 17 power point presentations to go over--and that's for just one of the 3 tests and 2 practicals you have next week.

And then the craving hits--you just HAVE to have a cupcake. And now that's all you can think about. There's no way that you're going to be able to memorize the specificity/sensitivity of musculoskeletal special tests, read that research article, or work on that group project until you have a cupcake.

I found this recipe several years ago, lost it, bookmarked it, Google Chrome dumped all my bookmarks, and came across it again yesterday. This recipe made Friday study nights so much better, raised my grades, made me a physical therapist, and saved my life. (Ok, I might be slightly exaggerating, but this recipe is a life-changer!) And best of all, you can mix it up with a fork/spoon/some sort of stirring implement inside a mug/bowl/glass/coffee thermos... this recipe is sink-full-of-dirty-dishes-and-I-don't-have-time-to-wash-them friendly!

One Bowl Vanilla Cupcakes for Two

1 egg white

2 tablespoons sugar

2 tablespoons butter, melted

1 teaspoon vanilla (yes, a full teaspoon – they are super vanilla-y!)

1/4 cup flour

1/4 heaping teaspoon of baking powder

pinch of salt

1 1/2 tablespoons milk

Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Line a muffin pan with 2 liners.

In a bowl, add egg white and sugar and whisk until combined. Add in vanilla and melted butter and stir until mixed. Add flour, baking powder and salt and stir until smooth. Stir in milk. Divide batter equally between the 2 cupcake liners.

Bake at 350 for 10-12 minutes, or until cake is set. Let cool completely, then frost as desired.

Independent Career Woman AND/OR Sweet Romantic Girly-Girl: My thoughts on the endless controversy

2015-01-11T12:17:00.000-06:00

When this post originally came out on ThoughtCatalog last month, I gave it a quick read, then laughed and moved on. In subsequent weeks I've had several discussions with co-workers in a similar vein and decided to finally publicly share my thoughts on the matter. This isn't the first time I've struggled with the either/or vs. both/and viewpoint.

Feel free to comment below and share your own thoughts. If you're a girl, do you agree with these 16 thoughts? If you're a guy, do you think us girls are off-base/too worried about it and would you date a girl that viewed herself this way?

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16 Struggles Of Being Both An Independent Woman And A Hopeless Romantic

By: Kim Quindlen

1. A lot of people think the two things are mutually exclusive. You either have to be a doe-eyed romantic stumbling around desperately looking for love, or you have to be a strong, aggressive, ambitious career woman who doesn’t need a man. A lot of people try to tell you, through their actions or their words, that you’re not allowed to be both.

I've never been particularly boy-crazy (ahem!), but even while talking to my closest girl friends I do find it difficult to quickly switch conversation topics from work & careers to talking about their upcoming weddings, husbands, what we're looking for in guys, and asking for advice.

2. There aren’t a ton of women similar to you represented on the big screen. Sure, there are some. But not enough. Most of the women in the film are portrayed as one-dimensional love interests for men, or cold-hearted, career robots that learn to change and “soften up” when they fall in love. A lot of films make us feel like we can’t have both.

Um... The Devil wears Prada, No Reservations, Legally Blonde, The Wedding Planner, Erin Brockovich, You've Got Mail, and even to some extent Mary Poppins! I'm sure if I thought about it, I'd be mildly annoyed at Hollywood's portrayal of career-minded women... but I'm such a sucker for a good romantic comedy!

3. If you manage to have both a stable career and a healthy relationship, people often like to ask you how you do it, as though one of the two things must be suffering because there’s no way to possibly have both.

I'm still working on this one! The semester-from-hell in Spring 2012 where us PT students had 4 full-length semester PT specific classes to manage on top of joining the medical students for their 10-week block neuroscience class (where they only had neuroscience and an ethics class) taught me so much about how I handle stress and relationships. I'd like to think I've grown so much since then... we shall see.

4. You feel bad for enjoying a guilty pleasure novel or TV show or movie every once in a while. If it’s a story primarily about love and not a self-improvement book like Lean In, you feel like you are wasting your time and should be doing something more productive. Sometimes you just want to relax and enjoy silly love stories, but you often have to deal with the annoying guilt you make yourself feel afterwards.

In a recent post on my Facebook timeline about Nicholas Sparks' reported divorce, I wondered if I should even publicly admit to reading all (and owning most) of his books? (May I recommend The Rescue as my favorite) But then again, it's MY Facebook profile and hopefully you won't judge me! To be fair, my to-read list has everything from The World is Flat, to Love My Rifle More Than You, to Margin, to Ally Condie's new YA dystopian book Atlantia.

5. The bar scene can be exhausting. You want to meet a sweet, interesting, and intelligent person – and you want to be yourself – but sometimes you feel pressure to dumb the conversation down just so you’re not scaring them away. You know you shouldn’t hold yourself back, but sometimes you can’t help yourself.

THIS was the conversation I had with one of the Physical Therapy Assistants at work last week. Apparently, in order to not scare off an interested guy, I need to "not act so smart." That seems so backwards to me, and it's honestly hard to do after a full day of working with patients and using every bit of SWAGing (Scientific Wild-Ass Guessing) I possess!

6. You feel stuck in a Catch-22 situation. If you get dolled up and wear a pretty dress and enjoy feeling bright and vibrant, you’re told no one will take you seriously and that guys will just try and sleep with you. But if you try to tone down your appearance and focus more on the conversations you’re having, it feels like guys hardly give you a second look. You’re made to feel like you’re too conservative or too boring or too serious or too something that’s not the right thing.

This is the dilemma I face every Sunday morning staring into my closest trying to pick something to wear to church. And heaven forbid I wear a skirt and cute boots to work!

7. You want to be in love, but you don’t want to have to dumb yourself down to get there. You don’t want to have to worry about your girlfriend or boyfriend or fiancé or husband feeling inadequate if you have a lot of success in your life. You don’t want to feel guilty for that, and you absolutely shouldn't, but sometimes you do.

I often wonder if my doctorate-level education and potential for a very well-paying job is intimidating to other 20-something guys. (Please chime in, ya'll!) But then I remember that I want to give it all up and work in a place where I could be delivering babies because I have more women's health education than most, and in a place where I'll be relying on others for financial support. This current stage of my life does have an expiration date.

8. Some people make you feel like if you put love first, that you’re anti-feminist or you’re too dependent on your man or you don’t care about your career. And it works the other way too. If you put your career in front of your love life, you’re a cold-hearted ice queen who’s going to end up alone. It often feels like guys are respected and admired if they have both a great work life and love life, but if a woman has the same thing, people assume she must be half-assing one of the things because it’s impossible for her to have both.

This is going to be a fun one to navigate...

9. If you want a career and a big family, people give you looks as if you’re crazy. They smirk or smile at you sympathetically, as if to say, that’s cute, sweetheart. Eventually you’ll choose one or the other, though. According to a lot of people, you’re not allowed to have both. You can work for a little while, and after a few years, when things are financially stable, you really should settle down and focus solely on your family.

At some point, I do want to "give up my career" for family. That's been the plan all along, and the reason why I chose a career where I can work part time, weekends, or just on-call. I look forward to discussing this with my guy and seeing what ends up happening if/when I get to be a mother.

10. People make you feel weird or selfish or bossy or demanding for having high standards. Standards like expecting a guy to make an effort to get to know you. Standards like expecting your companion to treat you like your career and your success are just as important and impressive as his. Standards like wanting to have a stable and independent life outside of your relationship.

I am capable of making my own decisions. To the guys who think I'm dragon-guarded (see this post for context only--I'm not saying I agree/disagree with his opinion) and don't want to do my own dirty work, I sincerely apologize. Please forgive me and allow me a chance to explain. I do expect the guy to work for it--nothing valuable "just happens." I also want someone to value all the work I've put in to become who I am and get where I am now.

11. You don’t want to be referred to as the Head Bitch in Charge or the Ditzy Love-Obsessed Hopeful or the Needy Girlfriend. You’re tired of being stereotyped. It’s possible to be a successful, powerful woman who has standards in love. You’re capable of being strong and soft at the same time. And you’re tired of people trying to squeeze you into unflattering and unfair one-dimensional boxes.

At one time or another I've been each of those 3 stereotypes... yikes! But I pride myself in being able to switch quickly from being supportive and your biggest cheerleader to being sensitive and sweet to being competitive and occasionally argumentative. I've been told I have more sides than a perfectly-cut diamond!

12. You run the show, but you still want hearts and flowers. And you don’t think you should have to explain yourself. Just because you work hard and have a well-rounded life and are independent doesn’t mean you should have to apologize for wanting to experience romance with your companion. And yet if you give off the vibe of being a talented, successful woman, guys often make the mistake of thinking you want nothing to do with date nights and sweet surprises and cute text messages.

I do not want to have to tell a guy that I need romance. This girl gets a kick out of sweet stuff like that! (And about 30 minutes later you know I'm gonna call up or text my girl friends to go "gaga" over it!)

13. You sometimes feel like you have to keep these two different parts of yourself separate. At work and in your independent life you have to be one way, and in your romantic life you can be another way. But you feel the need to keep your love life quiet at work for fear of not being taken seriously, and you sometimes feel like there’s no room to talk about your work life in your relationship without boring or intimidating your partner.

Sometimes the best part of my day is clocking out and sliding into my car for the drive home with the windows down and a mixCD or Spotify playlist of "Hopeless Romantic" songs. But all too often I bring my work home and I need to vent about a particularly frustrating event or tell someone how excited I was about the tiniest improvement my post-stroke patient demonstrated today! If you spend any time with me, get used to learning all the physical therapy lingo--I talk about work a lot. But maybe that's more because I love what I do and not necessarily because I'm a workaholic.

14. You want your partner to treat you both as a strong, impressive, intelligent woman, but you also want them to be gentle and loving and complimentary and smitten with you. But a lot of the times, they only seem capable of treating you one way or the other.

I have a lot of people who only want to get to know me for free advice (if I have to answer another "how do I get rid of shin splints" question, I might just scream! Just go read this from MoveForwardPT.) I need a mix of "damn, you really know your stuff!" and sweet, sensitive compliments.

15. You’re afraid of looking weak or vulnerable. But at the same time, the point of having a relationship is having someone you can be weak and vulnerable with. You’ve spent your whole life relying on yourself and working hard to get where you are. You’ve always depended on yourself, and even though you know you want to share your life with someone else, the idea of giving someone else the chance to hurt you and affect you so deeply is extremely scary.

I've gotten to where I am now because of my incredible family and friends, my parents' undying love and support, a very patient and wonderful God, and a fabulous mix of professors, study partners, and mentors. You'll never hear me laud my own accomplishments without a lengthy "acknowledgements" section. But be gentle with me and allow me to let you in at my own pace. Trust me, it's gonna be worth it.

16. When either one of these sides of you is going through something tough, you turn to chocolate. And, for some reason, chocolate is still not fat free, nor is it zero calories. And that is probably the biggest struggle of all.

*gasp* someone must have told this article's author about my chocolate drawer... um, make that chocolate drawers!

Move...

2015-01-07T21:21:00.003-06:00

"Move." I couldn't agree more. There's a lot to be said for trying new things, meeting new people (maybe making new friends), eating new foods, listening to/learning new languages, learning new skills, picking up new hobbies, and seeing new sights.

Until I went to college, I'd never been around a group of diverse people who had strong--and usually well-founded--opinions of their own, who were aspiring to dreams and passions of their own, and yet looked at the world so differently than I did. There, I about learned the wonderful world of Spore, WoW, Guitar Hero, and Halo mixed in with getting calculus homework help and attending a class on entrepreneurship & creative design process along with 60+ of my fellow dorm residents. Some of my favorite memories are of the lively 2am discussions in the hallway about the ethics of genetic research, global climate change, how ESPN's player stats are run through the wrong statistical model, and why the students alternate rows to "saw 'em off" during the A&M fight song in order to maintain the structural integrity of the student section of Kyle Field.

When I got to graduate school, my classmates were more streamlined and I had less time to spend with outside friends. Although the 35 of us were on a similar path, we were still quite diverse with unique reasons for pursuing physical therapy and different dream jobs post-graduation. I found a group of people who challenged me to study hard, strengthen my clinical reasoning, maintain my patient empathy, and work as a team more than an individual. Several classes were integrated with students from the other allied health programs as well as with the 1st year medical students; in those class discussions we worked through case scenarios from each of our disciplines' perspectives and formed a cohesive multidisciplinary hypothetical treatment plan.

Currently, I work and live in an culture that values sameness, tradition, tried-and-true methods, and personal relationships. I often find myself caught between these two worlds... and it's not easy. This restless girl with the travel bug occasionally feels trapped. This passionate forward thinker occasionally butts heads with "how we've always done it." Yet I continue to move as often and as far as I can. I try to bring others with me and expand their horizons. And I tell them my stories to inspire them to step into another's shoes or open their heart to new possibilities.

If we sat down and talked, I'd tell you about the time I made friends with a young girl in Germany who spoke less than 20 English words. I'd tell you about the time I played soccer in East Malaysia with a ball made of plastic bags and twine. I'd tell you about the 4 hour church service in West Africa where the only word I could sing along was "Hallelujah amen!" I'd tell you about the kind fellow passenger who helped me up when I fell on a hike in Antarctica. And I'd tell you about the autobiographical books I'm reading now that make my heart ache, laugh, and cry alternately with each page.

How are you going to "move" today?

Contemplations on Chocolate: Flourless Chocolate Cake Recipe

2015-01-04T20:11:00.002-06:00

First off, chocolate is a must. Life would be incomplete without chocolate. I'm convinced that the world revolves around chocolate. I mean, where would we be without chocolate!

My mom has an apron--well-used and quite faded--that starts off with "Oh, how I love thee, chocolate! Let me count the ways: broiled, steamed, flambaéed, diced, braised..." It's probably the first apron I grab when I start to cook; I just love it!

Just this week I had some friends over for a New Year's Eve party and one friend showed up with 3 bars of Ghirardelli dark chocolate. I have to say that was a pretty wonderful hostess gift!

Now, on to the real reason for this post. This flourless chocolate cake will rock your world. It's from one of my favorite blogs, A Beautiful Mess. Go head over there and subscribe, like, follow, and pin their amazing projects, how-tos, gift ideas, recipes, and home make-overs. Or just hang out and you'll see some of their projects pop up on here.

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Flourless Chocolate (Coconut) Cake

Adapted from Martha Stewart's Cakes via A Beautiful Mess

9 ounces dark chocolate (I used 3 of our Toasted Coconut bars)
6 eggs
1/2 cup sugar
6 tablespoons butter

In a double boiler, or in the microwave, melt together the chocolate and butter. Allow to cool for a few minutes. In the meantime, separate the egg whites from the yolks. Add a small amount of the warm chocolate to the bowl with the yolks and stir to combine (this will temper the yolks). Then stir the yolks into the chocolate mixture.

Beat the egg whites until they become foamy. While the mixture is running, slowly add in the sugar. Beat until soft peaks form. Gently fold the egg whites into the chocolate mixture.

Generously butter the bottom and inside edges of a 10" springform pan—or, as I like to call it, a cheesecake pan. :) Pour the batter into the prepared pan and bake at 275°F for 45 minutes.

The cake should pull away from pan towards the end of baking. Allow to fully cool before you try to cut into the cake. Serve with a little more toasted coconut, fresh whipped cream, or vanilla ice cream.

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I made this cake just this afternoon and enjoyed it with a tall glass of cold milk. Delightfully moist, not-to-sweet, and not as dense as other flourless cakes.

Make this cake. Like now.

P.S. If you're looking for a chilled flourless cake (well it's more of a mousse) that would be perfect for Valentine's Day, try out this Flourless Red Wine Chocolate Cake.

I'm back!

2015-01-02T19:23:00.000-06:00

It's been almost three and half years since I last posted on here.

At the time, I was trying to keep my head above water in physical therapy school and was trying to figure out the whole living-on-my-own-in-a-big-city thing. During the unintendly long hiatus, I've thought about blogging again. Instead, Facebook became my creative outlet and way of keeping people updated with my life, as well as a place to post inspiring quotes, funny pictures/memes/videos, and a platform to take a "stand" for various current events (the efficacy of this approach is rather widely debated, and I've decided social media is usually a horrible place to talk about things of substance).

But here it is, 2015, and it's time to resurrect this blog. It's therapeutic more than anything, since I don't usually write explicitly for my readers.

Now that I've made enough excuses for my absence, here's a video you really MUST watch! It was originally posted prior to New Year's last year, but to the best of my knowledge it fell into internet oblivion. I came across this on Facebook a few days ago and can't get some of the lines out of my head. I have no idea who the speaker is, nor does it really matter. Give it a watch (or read the transcription below).

Now doesn't that get you excited for 2015? I'm working every day on my dreams, making them one step closer to reality, striving to become phenomenal, and challenging the enemy within so as withstand all the enemies without. What about you?

Video transcription:

There will never be a time in your life where it's the right time to do a great thing. If you're waiting for that perfect moment, that perfect timing, it's not going to happen. You know what you have to do? You have to create the perfect time, and the perfect opportunity, and the perfect situation.

A lot of people become comfortable. They stop growing, they stop wanting anything, they become satisfied. People getting ready to go to jobs that they don't like. Jobs that are making them sick. You see, when you're not pursuing your goal, you are literally committing spiritual suicide. When you have some goal out here that you are stretching for, reaching for, that takes you out of your comfort zone, you'll find out some talents and abilities you have that you didn't know you had. When the messenger of misery visits you, what are you going to do? What will keep you in the game?

There are things that you think you will never need to know, that you may only need to know one time in your life, but that could save your life because you had that knowledge.

Unless you attempt to do something beyond that which you have already mastered, you will never grow. What is it that you looked at at some point in time and you decided that you couldn't do it? That you talk yourself out of it? You waiting on your next door neighbor to make it happen for you may not happen. If you're waiting on your mother or your father, they may be so ancient in their thinking that they don't understand this opportunity that you have. And if you waiting on them, it may never get done.

You don't beg average people to be phenomenal, you don't beg good people to be phenomenal, you just are phenomenal, and you will attract phenomenal!

What reason can you remember that you can call on, that you can reach on that can make you get back up? Find that reason. If you're not where you are, if you're not where you want to be, if you don't have what you want to have, if you're not where you think you should be at this particular point, it has nothing to do with the system, but it has everything to do with the fact that you're not making the sacrifice.

I want you to make that dream become a reality, because if you don't you will be working for somebody else to make their dreams become a reality.

[There may come a time that] everybody's against you or don't believe in you no more, and let me tell you something, that's a lonely feeling. It's a lonely feeling. Particularly people that you're doing it for.

Most people take their greatness, take their ideas to the graveyard with them.

Listen to me, if it was easy everybody would do it.There are people right now who are working who don't want to work. There are people who hate their jobs, but they keep getting up to do it.

The wealthiest place on the planet is the graveyard. Because in the graveyard we will find inventions that we were never ever exposed to. Ideas, dreams that never became reality. Hopes and aspirations that were never acted upon. The question is, what are you going to do with your time? What drives you?

Greatness is a lot of small things done well. Day after day. Workout after workout. Obedience after obedience. Day after day.

When things don't work out for you, when things happen that you could not anticipate, what are the reasons that you can think of that can keep you strong? You will never ever be successful until you turn your pain into greatness, until you allow your pain to push you from where you are to push you to where you need to be. Stop running from your pain and embrace your pain! Your pain is going to be a part of your pride! A part of your product! I challenge you to push yourself.

See, it's easy to be on the bottom. It doesn't take any effort to be a loser. It doesn't take any motivation, any drive, in order to stay down there on a low level. But it calls on everything in you, you have to harness your will to say, "I'm going to challenge myself." I'm mean that what you did last week doesn't count today. Today is the only important day. There are 86,400 seconds in a day. And how you use those is critical. You got 86,400 today. And what you do today is going seep into who you are. No one will ever talk about what you did last week.

See, the biggest enemy you have to deal with is yourself. There's an old African proverb that says, "If there's no enemy within, the enemy outside can do us no harm."

You have this opportunity of a lifetime. It means absolutely nothing if you don't take advantage of it in the lifetime of this opportunity. I got a saying that when life knocks you down, try and land on your back because if you can look up, you can get up. If you want a thing bad enough, to go out and fight for it, to work day and night for it. To give up your time, your peace, and your sleep for it, if all that you scheme and dream is about it, and life seems useless and worthless without it.

See it's time now, if you want to make this your decade, you've got to start saying "Yes" to your life. You got to start saying "Yes" to your dreams. "Yes" to your unfolding future. "Yes" to your potential. As opposed to saying "No."

When you die, leave no dream left behind guys, leave no opportunity behind. When you leave this earth, accomplish every single thing you can accomplish. Listen to me, you gonna be here one day, but you'll never get here if you give up! If you give in, if you quit. And finally guys, you gotta want to succeed as bad as you as you wanna breathe!

REBLOG: Home Again

2011-10-06T22:09:00.003-05:00

Ali, a nurse I met on the Africa Mercy last summer, just arrived back on the ship after 14 months away. Her blog is one of raw honesty--the times patients don't make it, the dengue fever she wound up with while in South America for a few months this summer, her heart being torn between ship life and "home" life... I love following along with her life, although I doubt she even remembers me from our brief time aboard together.

I wonder if this is how I'll feel when I arrive back in Africa after being "home" on furlough. I hope so...

Home Again

strawberries

2011-10-06T17:44:00.003-05:00

With summer on its way out and strawberry prices at $2.99/box, when I found them for $.99/box I was ecstatic!

... I bought 5 boxes. My freezer is full of these crimson gems of awesomeness. 'nuf said.

REBLOG: hello, life.

2011-10-04T21:09:00.000-05:00

Sarah, an old friend I've reblogged from before, posted this today. Food for thought. How do you tell the difference between a growth spurt and a time of discouragement and struggle?

hello, life

Today I woke up to a friend's text message canceling early morning coffee, and thanked God for an extra hour to sleep. Today I gulped a cup of black coffee and then sipped a cup of black tea, and chose to linger long over the Bread of Life, the Word of God, savoring every ounce of life it would give me... read more

Holiness...

2011-10-04T20:47:00.001-05:00

A few weeks ago I joined one of the women's Bible study groups at Grace. After hearing about The Amazing Collection for several weeks, I decided to buck up and do it. :) It's only a 10-minute drive to church for our hour and a half study on Wednesday evenings, I love the 11 other women in my Year One group, and I'm excited about going through the entire Bible in 3 years! One book a week is a pretty fast pace, but the daily homework and the teaching video we watch as a group help bring out just the highlights in each book.

This week was Leviticus. Yes, that long book of random laws, tons of blood, and weird sacrifices and feasts. I've read it twice before--as part of reading through the Bible in a year--but never stopped to really think what, if any, relevance it held for the modern Christian.

Then a quote in today's homework caught my attention. Maybe I'm sinking a little too far into the whole healthcare field! :) Read the bottom of page 38 from J.I. Packer's Rediscovering Holiness. (I love Google Books)

What do you think about Packer's statement? Do you think it's true?

6 Ways to Tie a Scarf...

2011-10-04T20:28:00.001-05:00

This showed up in my Google Reader today... what a pleasant way to welcome fall!

2011-09-12T21:45:00.000-05:00

From The Rules of Ladies

"I Will Wait For You"

2011-09-07T20:00:00.000-05:00

check.this.out.

REBLOG: Stop Serving Jesus Breakfast in Bed

2011-08-24T11:11:00.001-05:00

Do you think she's right?
Stop Serving Jesus Breakfast In Bed

REBLOG: "The Gospel of Busyness"

2011-08-12T00:01:00.000-05:00

Today, a friend commented that I hardly ever just sit down and rest. To which I replied with a rather lengthy explanation that I do indeed rest, I'm just always doing something while I'm resting; I like to always be intentional about what I do and make sure that I'm doing something that is going to last beyond the next few minutes or hours. When I saw this post tonight, I started thinking...

"The Gospel of Busyness" from A Deeper Story
by MASON on AUGUST 11, 2011

“How have you been recently?”

“Oh not bad, I’m taking a few classes, working two jobs, volunteering at church, and on the side I’m writing a novel. Hardly sleep, and practically live on coffee, but it’s great. How about you?”

“Me? Just work I guess.”

“That must be nice – thinks: slacker.”

Ever had that conversation? I have, and I’ve variously found myself playing both roles over the years.

It’s an interesting phenomenon really, and you can see it played out on a smaller scale every Monday at work and every Sunday in church lobbies. People who haven’t seen each other in a few days or weeks meet, and the talk quickly becomes a recounting of how terribly busy we all are.

The sad thing is, we’re proud of it.

And not very secretly proud either.

Oh sure, we complain about how we haven’t had a real day off in weeks, or how much work it all is, but somehow all our complaining sounds rather like bragging.

It’s simply backhanded bragging, like complaining that you didn’t expect learning Spanish to be so much work after you got such high scores in French, German, and 5^th century Latin.

We’ve bought into the gospel of busyness. We’ve accepted the story we are constantly told – that our value rests in what we can produce, that we are loved for what we can accomplish.

So we push ourselves harder and harder. We sleep less, we work more, and we accomplish a great deal.

But in the process we begin to forget how to sit,

and think,

and breath,

and pray,

and read for pleasure,

and have a real conversation with a friend, or family member, or spouse.

and savor a drink for its flavors and complexities, not its ability to chemically induce either wakefulness or sleep.

Here’s the dirty little secret of the gospel of busyness. It promises us a full and satisfying life but, in the end, it makes our lives emptier.

It uses us for what we can contribute, and in the process we live less, feel less, even love less.

But your value is not determined by what you produce. Your loveliness is not based on what you accomplish.

And the sooner we all realize that the sooner we can stop playing the game of bragging that we’re so very busy.

Even God thought balancing work with rest was worthwhile – perhaps we should give it a try.

"I didn't Know What I Needed"

2011-07-25T20:45:00.002-05:00

Good stuff from Boundless:

Orignal post (Suzanne's side)
Original post #2 (Kevin's side)

New Wife and Mom Insight No. 4: I Didn't Know What I Needed

by Suzanne Hadley Gosselin on 06/20/2011 at 7:30 AM

This may be more of a girl thing, but have you ever said a sentence that begins: "I need someone who …"? Since high school I had an unwritten list like this.

"I need someone who makes me laugh."

"I need someone who I can have deep conversations with."

"I need someone who's a strong leader."

I suppose I was right about some of them. But I was wrong about others. One that you would hear me say again and again was, "I need someone who will draw me out and get me to talk about what I'm thinking."

I was absolutely convinced of this one. Often when I would meet a guy it would take me several interactions with him before I would really open up and be myself. Some guys who didn't really attempt to draw me out would never get a glimpse of who I was. If they did get to know me, they would often say that their first impression about me was false (and usually negative). So it made sense that my future mate would need to possess the ability to get me to open up. I told people often that this was the kind of guy I needed.

Well, you may have already guessed where this is going, but Kevin is not that kind of person. Not at all. He does make me laugh. I can have deep conversations with him. He is a strong leader. But he does not draw me out. (I touched on this in my post about conversational narcissism.)

Turns out I didn't need that … or at least God didn't think so. But there's something odd that has happened as a result of being married to a person who does not draw me out. I have learned to not keep my opinions and feelings under lock and key, waiting for the other person to fish for them. I've learned that sometimes I need to volunteer the information. I've discovered that perhaps my motive in desiring that the other person draw me out was pride--I believed I was important enough that someone should be interested in what I thought. Interested enough to coax it out of me.

My husband does work on asking me questions, because he knows it makes me feel cared for. But he is not the "spotlight-on-Suzanne" spouse that I once imagined. And that's a good thing. I didn't know what I needed.

And then there are things about him that I needed desperately but had no idea about. For example, he is never critical of my mistakes. Because I am very critical of my own mistakes, this is an affirming quality that helps me be my best. I am so thankful that my wise heavenly Father knew I needed this and gave it to me through Kevin.

If you are single and find yourself frequently saying, "I need someone who …", hold loosely to those things. You may need them, but you may not. Only God knows what you really need. And sometimes not getting what you think you need helps you grow into a better person. I love the verse that says, "And my God will meet all your needs according to his glorious riches in Christ Jesus" (Philippians 4:19). The One who knows what we need has the resources to provide it. And He does so generously.

New Wife and Mom Insight No. 4.5: Kevin Didn't Know What He Needed

by Suzanne Hadley Gosselin on 06/29/2011 at 3:34 PM

In my last post "I Didn't Know What I Needed," someone asked if I could get my husband, Kevin, to weigh in. I'm guessing the person who asked was female. Because when I asked Kevin if there was anything he thought he needed that I didn't fulfill, he seemed baffled by the question. "What do you mean?"

So I tried to explain it, and finally he thought of something. Kevin knew as a teen that he wanted to be a pastor, so this "need" is a bit specific to ministry life:

I thought I needed someone who was super-supportive. Suzanne is super-supportive, but not in the way I expected. To me "super-supportive" meant a stay-at-home wife who would take care of the kids, host dinner parties, show up at meetings. As I grew up spending time with different pastors, that's what I saw. To be effective, I thought I had to have a wife whose job was to be my right-hand man.

I thought I needed someone who was immersed in my calling. What I didn't realize was that my wife could be immersed in her calling and still supportive of mine. Growing up in a Christian home, you're told a wife should be submissive and she needs to be supportive. That's why career women can be scary, because they have their own agenda and own thing going on.

But we use Suzanne's talents and abilities in what I do, and we use my talents and abilities in what she does. It makes us more dynamic as a couple because we utilize each other's skills. We're like a dynamic duo — like Batman and Robin rather than Batman with Alfred back at home (I think guys will get that analogy).

When I asked him if there was anything that he didn't know he needed that I brought to the table, he talked about encouragement:

Encourager was never on my top 10 list. I'm someone who when I get into a project I'll go full force, but sometimes I need someone to help me get started. I need someone to say "You can do it," to get going. Suzanne has that quality.

And I wouldn't have said I needed someone who was willing to point things out — the good the bad and the ugly. That's something most people say they appreciate in their spouse after marriage, but it's not something they think about needing prior to marriage. But it really helps you grow as a person.

So there you have it. A guy's perspective. It seems in Kevin's case, he didn't ever think in terms of, "I need someone who ... " The things he believed he needed arose more in the form of expectations (maybe that he didn't even know existed) of what his future wife would be like. Because his mom is a gifted homemaker, he pictured being married to that kind of woman. Because many pastors' wives function in behind-the-scenes support roles, he imagined his wife would probably be this way. Clearly, we are thankful that God had something else in mind. As Kevin said, we are a dynamic couple, and it's exciting to see the things the Lord has planned for us to do together.

So guys ... any thoughts on expectations? The Batman and Robin analogy? Career women being scary because they have their own thing going? The floor is yours. (Comments from women welcome, also.)

What have you been telling the Lord you think need in a future spouse? What would you say if He instead gave you what He knows you need?

College is over... Way over...

2011-07-12T13:57:00.001-05:00

Good thoughts... The Best is Yet to Come

Read this...

2011-07-11T00:08:00.001-05:00

Injecting Purpose Into Your Life Before It's Too Late

REBLOG: Sex, Faith & Men: What I Never Knew About Dating.

2011-07-09T22:55:00.000-05:00

She's got some good stuff to say...

Sex, Faith & Men: What I Never Knew About Dating.

by laurennicolelove.com

"Why don't you date him? He's a good guy."

"Just give him a chance. You never know unless you take the risk."

"Go on a few dates. Just because he isn't a Christian doesn't mean he will be a bad boyfriend."

"God can change people. Maybe he's the one. You can make it work.”

"We're just hanging out, it's not serious. It won't go anywhere."

"You're not deciding to marry him right this second. Just see how it goes."

I remember being a freshman in high school and believing heart and soul that I would never date a "non-believer," much less ever have sex with one. Fast-forward five or six years, and I've dated a couple. Fast-forward another year or two, and I'm sleeping with one that I'm not even dating.

No girl wakes up and says to herself, "I'm gonna fall head over heels in love with a man I'd never marry today" or decides over lunch that sex is just sex is just sex, and none of it is a big deal anyway. I didn't. And you probably didn't, but both of those things happen to us.

“Your first perfect Christian boyfriend broke your heart. You weren't supposed to mess around with him, but you did anyway. Now you might as well mess around with the next one. You've been perfect your whole life. You deserve to have some innocent fun. It's just going out for a drink - that isn't committing to a relationship. Cuddling as 'friends' isn't wrong. Marriage is like, a decade away. What are you supposed to do for ten years - be bored? Everyone has sex before marriage. And everyone ends up with a husband and happy in the end. You need to experience everything before you settle down and only have sex with one man for the freaking rest of your whole entire life.”

I don't know how it happened to you, but that's a glimpse of what happened to me. And I was the girl with the best intentions, the highest standards, and the most reasonable head on my shoulders. Maybe you got there a little differently, but it ended us both in the same place.

Why did it happen? Because we're human. Because life happens. Because we get hurt. Because we're built for relationships, but we're born broken.

And because too often as Christian girls, we are given the rules with no explanations. We're told the No's without the Yes's. We're given the worst-case scenarios without a picture of the amazing fun-filled, purpose-filled, hot sex & crazy love filled marriage that we were created for.

As Christian girls, we're told that sex gets us pregnant, ruins sex with our future husband & is SIN SIN SIN. The church has steered us away from sex by way of guilt, shame & fear. The problem with motivating by guilt & fear (instead of truth & life) is that the moment another area of our life collapses (which it will), we give up on everything. Because sin is sin is sin, right?

We say, "What the hell." And we give up a little, settle a little, stop caring a little.

This is what I didn't know about relationships. About men. About myself. About sex. About dating. About marriage. About life.

This is what I didn't know, that had I known, I might not have become addicted to things that slowly began to destroy me.

This is what I half-knew, that I pushed to the back of my mind and heart, believing that I couldn't have or couldn't find.

This is why you can't date a man who doesn't love Jesus, if you have given your life to the God who created, treasures and adores you.

- Because Love isn't enough to get you through anything. You have to respect him, too. There is something in the heart of a woman who loves Jesus that knows she can't fully respect a man who doesn't have God as his number one priority. If you don't respect him as a man, get out. If you question it now, you can expect it to be wholly sabotaged when things get rough. A man knows when you don't respect him, and there are few things more dangerous, problem-causing & explosive than a man without respect.

- When we evaluate relationships, we forget to set the stage at its worst - we just set it for now.Last week, my man hit rock bottom. As the woman who is promising to love & support him (and invest my entire life in him) no matter what, I HAVE to know that God loves, protects, will provide for, and will strengthen this man in my arms. If a man doesn't love God with his whole heart, I can't be assured that what I'm comforting him with is going to be delivered. I can't have faith in a man who doesn't have faith. I can't strengthen the faith of a man who doesn't have any to begin with.

- If you are a woman who loves Jesus, a man who doesn't love Jesus doesn't know who you truly are. Your identity is defined by God. You're lying to yourself if you think that your relationship with Jesus can remain in a box, outside of your romantic relationship. For a while, I told myself that if he understood every part of me except for the God part - that was okay. When you are created a new creation in Christ, ALL of you is "the God part." No part of you is untouched by your love for Jesus. And your man does not see that you - he sees a different woman.

- You need an anchor. One day you're going to fall apart. And you're going to need him to come to your rescue by way of God, not by himself. God is our rock, and our foundation. Max cannot be my savior. I cannot be his. And both of us need one. If you date a man who doesn't know his Savior, you are forced to fulfill that role, which as a human being, you cannot. And he will try to be your savior. And he can not.Everything will be okay because you believe in God, not because your boyfriend “believes in you.”

- When you've made the decision to follow Jesus, your perception of everything becomes wildly changed. Lifelong friendships are built not on similar interests, but on similar views of the world. Marriages are no different. It is said that marriages do not fail for lack of love, but lack of friendship. You're choosing a partner to take on the world with together for the rest of your life. You can't make it through the battle if he's seeing differently than you are. And you can't live with someone you wouldn't be friends with in the first place.

- He can't love you to the best of his ability if he doesn't love Jesus. I'm talking about the kind of love you need to survive a marriage. The love that lasts a lifetime. The lay-down-your-life-for-someone-kind-of-love. The world's definition is but a pale imitation of love. If you want to truly be loved by a man, you need to find one who has experienced unconditional, sacrificial love as is defined by God, the author of it.God created marriage as an image of Jesus' relationship with the church, and Jesus laid down his life out of love for his bride.

- You can't marry them, so why date them? Let's say you've already decided you won't marry a non-Christian - but what's wrong with "just" dating them? Your body is designed to bond utterly & completely with someone, through the release of dopamine & oxytocin. Dopamine is the chemical that drives you back to pleasurable things. In its most innocent form, it teaches a small child that puppies are awesome. In its most powerful form, it creates a natural addiction to the person you are physically involved with. You were created to be addicted to someone for the rest of your life. The addiction starts the moment dopamine is triggered and begins to flood your brain. The question is: are you created an addiction to something healthy, or unhealthy? (When Oxytocin is triggered, it teaches your mind to trust, and reduces fear. Consider the repercussions of programming your body to trust someone you know you shouldn't, and to be safe around someone you plan to break up with.)
It hurts. It's hard. You love him.

I'm not telling you to leave him because you're sinning, I'm telling you to go get addicted to a man you want in your life forever.

We do love.

2011-07-09T22:31:00.000-05:00

This IS going on the wall in my home:

from lovequotesrus

Starbucks proposal...

2011-06-25T23:47:00.000-05:00

I came across this on a friend's Facebook wall... it's just too good to not share!

Original story here

A Starbucks Proposal Story

THURSDAY, JUNE, 23, 2011 40 COMMENTS

I love a good proposal story, who doesn’t?! Today, I’m sharing two super creative proposals. The first is the proposal of Mikaela and Shane. Their first date was at a Starbucks, so Shane decided to build a Starbucks in the woods - seriously! Wait until you see it! :) Shane told Mikaela (who is a photographer) that they were going on a photo field trip to this great place he discovered, well he led her to a clearing in the woods and had Mikaela close her eyes. The moment she opened her eyes, she saw this…

From Mikaela, “The moment I was allowed to open my eyes is a moment that will be burned into my memory forever. It was the most peculiar feeling to see something so unexpected, so creatively carried out, something that took weeks and hours to plan, for me. For this moment. For us. Surreal.

Starbucks in the woods. Our Starbucks, our first date in those two comfy chairs, with our same two drinks – a passion tea lemonade and a green tea lemonade, and that fruit bar Shane had as well. A homemade candle in a Starbucks sample cup flickered, the prettiest bouquet of pink peonies, and music playing in the background. We sat, me in stunned silence and broken sentences. Knowing what would most likely come next, but not daring to think it, at the same time. Derrick ran by in the corner of my eye, leaving behind a video camera, while I caught someone taking photos in the bushes! Another video camera on a table! Crap, why didn’t I wear my contacts tonight, why the glasses? And off they came :) Then Shane pulled out a ring box and said those words and it happened.

‘Ever since our first date I knew you were the one… I fall more and more in love with you each day… Mikaela Ruth, will you marry me?’

He says there was a pause before I said yes! Of course! And then I dropped to the ground to be close to him and to hug him and he slipped the ring on to my finger.”

Check out all the details Shane put into the proposal…Love the wifey instead of Wi-Fi :) And the free download cards!

Any aspect that could possibly be personalized, he was on it…

They went to a Jack Johnson concert last Fall and notice the ‘Congratulations’ card? Details, details!

Close friends and family began to trickle in and Shane snuck away to change into a Starbucks barista uniform – and it was a party! How special that they were able to celebrate with everyone!

Biggest congrats to Mikaela + Shane!! All photos from Mikaela

I've always wanted to be a vampire!

2011-06-23T09:38:00.000-05:00

My friend Michelle is on the Africa Mercy in Sierra Leone right now. I love her recounting of her recent blood donation experience! I never had the opportunity to give while I was on board, but I love hearing people's stories! I am a vampire, I am a vampire, I am a vampire, and I lost my fangs...