simply live

Yes. I'm married to a doctor.

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Sat, 06 Jan 2018 21:02:00 +0000

I've written this over and over again in my mind at least a hundred times. But to be perfectly honest I was too scared to ever put the words on paper. I know that most wont understand what I'm talking a

bout and others will brush it off thinking "oh but it will pay off in the end". A phrase I have grown to loath.

So I guess I need to start off by stating that my husband is a doctor. I use that term very lightly and often avoid it all together. There is something about being married to a doctor that gives people the wrong idea. That is probably why I prefer to say- "My husband recently finished medical school". "He is in medical 'training'". "Oh yes my husband works at the hospital as an intern". For some reason I feel like those statements paint a more accurate, if vague description of our lives.

Before I became in engaged with my husband I had no experience with the medical field. I say that because in my time beside him I have learned a large portion of medical students and doctors alike come from families with other medical personnel. I come from a family of teachers, artists, and blue collar american made dreamers. Not necessarily high wage earners but some of the happiest and kindest folks around. My husband comes from a family of engineers and academics. Brilliant people with advanced degrees working hard to improve the world.

During our courtship he would talk about his dream of helping people. Traveling the world providing services and trainings, otherwise unaccessible to so many. He spent a summer in Honduras helping a charity that worked to improve eyesight and was quickly won over by the miracle of ophthalmology. His pure desires to bless others and be a force of good in this world made me his biggest cheerleader. Medicine was the perfect match for him and to be honest the idea of being married to a doctor to do humanitarian work around the world beside me sounded great!

He studied hard and was accepted to a remarkable medical school in a city I always dreamed of living in just 6 months into our marriage. I remember it was a few weeks before christmas when he played the voicemail from the school offering him a spot. We cried from joy and I felt a rush of relief knowing he was on the path and in 4 short years he would be a real MD. HA! How little we knew. That first round of interviews was one of many to come.

His time in medical school was outstanding! He learned and grew in ways we didn't know possible. And his love for medicine continued. But the reality of the sacrifice for a career in medicine was only starting to sink in. I remember the first few weeks learning about medical school loans I laughed. Yes I laughed. Interest, which was not low, would begin to accrue immediately. After doing all of the math, considering our desire to have a child during that time, and cost of living we ended up taking out around $300,000 for our 4 years of training. Yes some programs are cheaper and some cities are cheaper but for the quality of experience received we wouldn't trade the school or city. At this point I should clarify that we were living in NYC, and no it is not cheap. Sadly, and I mean this very seriously- like I cried for a week about this- his school did not offer subsidized housing for anyone with children. Wanting to have a baby we had to find other options for our time there.

Nervous about the high costs and loans we applied (yes "we" as we shared the essay writing and application filling duties) to as many scholarships as we could find. Comically we were denied all but one- a scholarship for Latinos in medicine. This is funny because if you saw my strawberry blonde husband with the most Welsh last name possible you would know without a doubt that he was not latino. But with a CV full of work in central and south america or heard him speak some of the most elegant spoken Spanish to be uttered by a white boy from Southern Illinois maybe, if you never saw his face, you would give him the benefit of the doubt that he was at least a little Latino. The scholarship was certainly a blessing but at only $5,000 it was just one drop in the bucket. As my husband met with financial aid officers explaining our situation (not dependent on parents, one of six children, wife works full time to support us, baby on the way) none of it mattered. Those government created forms that asked how much the parents of the medical student make are all that matter. Who cares if those parents aren't paying our costs, or if they happen to have other dependents to care for. It appeared that his parents, at least on paper, had enough money to afford his schooling, never mind you retirement or anything else.

As the working and supporting spouse my information was not asked for anywhere on the form and not accepted by the officer. Oh and our decision to have a child- a life choice that would have no bearing on financial aid. It was after these heart breaking meetings that I started to realize the financial sacrifice of being a doctor. And to be honest things started to make a lot of sense. Like why most of his classmates came from families of doctors. How they were able to afford to spend more on alcoholic beverages in one week than we spent on groceries for a month. Or how some of his classmates confessed to a problem taking taxis everywhere knowing that it cost a lot for a person with no income. Especially a person paying the equivalent of a middle income for school. Ok. Ok, yes I know all grad school is expensive, or at least most. I received my masters degree while he finished school, and I did that with a child and while working. It took me a little longer but I had options. In medical school your schedule changes monthly with new rotations and studying takes any free time you may have so a job for the majority of med students is not an option!

I cannot write this without saying I was blessed with a wonderful job that helped us cover rent and food and other living costs while we attended school. A job I could take my child to. Really it is the only way we did it. We learned how to find amazing deals and free activities all over our city and enjoyed every thing it had to offer but as interview season rolled around again I learned that once more as a medical "trainee" there are no freebies. The board exams, practice tests, study materials, the interviews (close to 20), every flight, hotel, car rental associated was coming from our thinly lined pockets. Our friends in business were shocked to learn programs didn't fly him out for interviews. That is when I realized how little most people know about this process. Residency programs are competitive especially in smaller fields like ophthalmology. We were quickly taught to be grateful for the opportunity to interview at so many schools and not to complain about the costs associated. Yet in the back of my mind I couldn't help but think this system is flawed. How many brilliant minds are choosing not to persue medicine simply because of the cost? Some students wont apply to top rated programs because of associated living or relocation costs. Is this why the classes are filled with students whose parents have been down this road and are willing to back them? I am not saying parents should pay for their children's graduate studies- not at all. But can we look to find ways to encourage those whose parents aren't?

By the time he finished medical school I was a few months shy of 30 and my husband was 28. You can imagine my excitement at no longer living the "student" life. He would have a salary! A salary!!!!!! As my peers are busy buying homes and discussing career changes, I'm sitting over here ecstatic about finally having income! haha. Well it is easy to say that my joy quickly fell when I learned that loan payments were due and the interest already accrued was almost as much as his entire salary. Oh. And that glorious income. It would be less than 60K and that wouldn't really change for the following four years. $60,000 is nothing to mock. It was a livable salary in this country. But after 20 years of education you would expect a little more. Regardless we moved forward with a smile, forced at times but still there.

Entering intern year I was prepped by many about how this would be the start of the real struggle. I laughed it off thinking- hey at least he is getting paid. hahaha. Once again how naive I was. Financially loan payments had to be made, even though those payments are only lightly scratching the interest owed. Oh well. Not a big deal right? As the rotations across general medicine went from ICU to ER, Surgery, Internal Medicine I learned what working 80 hrs a week really looks like in a family. In NYC we had banker friends and lawyer friends who worked all day and night. I pitied their poor wives and children who never saw them. But in the end they had promotions, and bonuses - sometimes the size our our entire annual salary! They would comment on feeling poor when the bonus at the end of the year was less than $20,000 and I would go home and cry thinking that these young couples, many in their early or mid 20s felt poor while my humble income was supporting my family at a stage of life I didn't expect to be comparing myself to others financially.

One day I foolishly calculated my husbands hourly wage based on his paychecks and the hours he clocked that month- lets just say that you should never do that in medicine. It is depressing. Lets just say a local fast food joint recently had a sign advertising a better wage.

Alas, I would be amiss if I only talked money. To be honest money comes and goes and the happiness in our marriage and the love in our home is simply not dependent on it. Or so I keep telling myself. But what is hard is trying to support a man who is mentally, emotionally and physically exhausted. Working 6 days a week is hard. And when a good day is a 12 hour shift and a long day is 30 hours straight, you can imagine that the one day off is spent resting. Oh if only that was the case. With a 2 year old and 8 month pregnant wife the day off is the day to get things done, to read books and play dolls with the 2 year old who cries when she doesn't get to see him for a while.

How do you support your spouse who that morning had to tell someone they have an aggressive form of cancer and might not live to see another year? Who had to deal with a family irate because of the condition of a loved one. Who performed CPR on a patient for 45 minutes only in the end to realize there was nothing more they could do. How do I express my frustrations of lost keys, toddler tantrums and feeling overwhelmed with the world when he has come home carrying those burdens? My husband actually rarely tells me about these things. He comes home with a smile on his face every day, ready to help and love us.

People have commented on my daughters lack of night time routine but if there is any chance she can see him why not let her stay up till 9?! And God bless him, he even puts our daughter to bed at night when he can and then feels bad when he falls asleep next to her crib. He works tirelessly. He works passionately. And then every day he rises way before the sun and puts on his coats and scarves to ride his bike back to the hospital to do it all again. He never complains about letting me use the car. He says he likes the exercise. But in the rain and snow I have to question his honesty.

We miss him.

The short time we get with him is precious but not without stress of studying for another board exam, or worry that he is not doing enough research to get into a fellowship program. Oh and don't get me started on away electives or holidays. We only have 5.5 more years of this lifestyle. (4 years residency + 2 years fellowship) But hey- it will pay off right?! Yes when we finally finish fellowship we will accept a job somewhere in the country and continue to live as students in a small rental for a few more years as we pay off the loans. But it is worth it in the end right?! I mean doctors make a ton of money right?! With the way medicine is changing and insurance is a constant mess right now. In my humble opinion I think there should be more incentives to get the best of the best into medical schools-- low cost or even tuition free. And then pay residents and fellows well enough that they can support a family. And then pay Attending Physicians a nice salary- nothing extreme but some thing that reflects the years of training. Moderation sounds pretty good right?

All I can say is I am grateful he is in this for the right reasons. Countless times he has reminded me that regardless of salary, he will be a doctor. Not to hold the title. Not because he looks dashing in a white coat. Not because of the associated respect. But because to him the purpose of his life is to bless the lives of others and through medicine he hopes he can do that.

So next time you hear someone say that doctors make too much money, or catch yourself making assumptions about the lifestyle of a medical practitioner- pause. And maybe ask yourself if you would be willing to delay financial stability well into your 40s to spend long days at a hospital caring for strangers in some of the most discouraging circumstances known to man. And please remember the sacrifice they and their families have made so that on Christmas morning when your child is taken to the ER with a broken bone or illness someone is there with the proper training to make sure they will be taken care of.

My Sandy White

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Sat, 07 Mar 2015 21:39:00 +0000

My first memories of Aunt Sandy White are filled with antique toys, fresh garden food and bloomers. I don't know if she actually wore bloomers but they always poop into my head when I think of her. She is a master egg hider and a wonderful listener and sounding board. Her home provided me with a refuge and peace when life was a little too hectic or when I just need stillness. I will never forget the warm summer days biking to her home and filling my little bike basket with fresh tomatoes, apples and grape juice fresh off the vine. Jaimie and I would rush home to make applesauce and dream of the day we could have a garden as magical as the one Sandy had created. I counted on Sandy for her honest opinion on everything from boys I dated to food preparation.

Although I cannot bike to her home to sit and chat all day I can get on a plane to and visit- see you in 5 days!

backup plan

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Thu, 05 Mar 2015 20:28:00 +0000

While walking "my kids" to school yesterday.

T: (said through a permanent smile and with the most amazing eyes God has given) Camille how will your baby get out of your tummy? will it pop out?

C: yeah, kind of like that.

T: what if it pops out into the muddy puddles on the street?

F: (looking up from the stroller with her adorable pigtails and cute smile) We will catch it!!!

T: and if its a boy I will teach it to play legos

F: and if its a girl I will teach it ballet

T: Camille how old are you?

C: 27

T: and when will you die?

C: I am shooting for 102

F: (visibly concerned) when you die who will take care of us?!

T: (with great confidence) don't worry Fi, ken can watch us.

Good to know they sure have it all figured out- because I certainly don't!

I love my life and these kiddos.

old snowy film from yesteryear

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Wed, 04 Mar 2015 17:57:00 +0000

Spring is playing a horrible game of hide and seek and I am not happy about it! I am tired of hearing the morning dove outside my window to then go outside and freeze my little fragile fingers off.

baby mine

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Wed, 18 Feb 2015 19:15:00 +0000

Until today it wasn't real. The sickness, headaches, and general business of work and school was distracting from what was happening inside. I knew you were there but you weren't yet mine

Today you became mine.

Looking at Ken's face during the appointment I realized everything changed.

He was beaming as the ultrasound tech joyfully announced;

"There is something in there!"

Between giggles and a few sweet tears we became parents today and you became ours.

he is soo good

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Tue, 03 Feb 2015 22:08:00 +0000

My husband is kind, patient and has shown me how to be a more meek, ambitious and peaceful person. In return I have taught him how to dance, play, walk fast and take lots of study breaks. I think it is obvious that we need each other :)

Nanny Mom

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Wed, 05 Nov 2014 22:10:00 +0000

As a nanny/sitter/friend to little people I am often called by name or title but every once in a while one of those little humans will slip and call me the one word I long to hear. Mom. In these cases it is often when they are not thinking. Maybe they are trying to convince me that they need another cookie or are upset with a form of discipline I offered. But sometimes, when the stars align they say it maybe because in that moment they feel my love for them. And I do love them. I know I am not their mom but lately more than ever I have wanted to be someones mom. I don't know if I am infertile, I don't think so? but I am waiting. It's funny how after years of thinking I would have kids right before I biologically wouldn't be able to, my desires changed. It seemed overnight that I went from thinking children were fun to hear about but not really deal with to wanting my own child more than a high paying career, admiration from the world or the freedom to live for myself. I didn't seek a job as a nanny to fill some kind of void. It was actually the only job I could find that allowed me to be outside, wear what I wanted and not have to sit in a cubicle- all while making enough to pay rent and offer a flexible schedule for me to still play and eventually go back to school. I originally thought being with kids would push my baby calendar back but it has had no such consequence. Granted I watch adorable children, but they are still children. They cry, scream and throw fits all in public and at home. But they also give wonderful compliments, hugs and kisses and are a bunch of fun to play with. But at the end of the day, they are not mine. Someone else, who rightfully deserves the title, is called mom. They are hers and she is theirs. Now I just want mine.

Mexico to NYC

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Sat, 30 Aug 2014 18:36:00 +0000

I love traveling more than anything. Possibly because of the amazingly peaceful feeling I get when I return to my home; my sacred space. Although I wanted to just cuddle in bed for days, the NYC pace of life quickly came back and made the lazy siesta lifestyle of Mexico City a mere dream.

-We arrived home on Saturday.
-Kenneth flew out to Illinois for a tonselectomy on Sunday.
-I started work on Monday.
-For one week I worked, cleaned, unpacked, did laundry and prepared for school.
-Following Tuesday Kenneth returns home from Illinois (Thanks Ray for driving your son home to me!) and the same day Karina arrives.
-Wednesday despite pain Ken begins catching up in his classes after missing the first few days
-Friday Ken has a test, I work and show Karina all of the fun the city has to offer while caring for a sick husband on a liquid diet and working
-Monday Ken's best friend Geoff calls from Iceland to announce he will be in NYC for a week to see us- yipee! (We were really excited to see him- but I was also really excited to have my home to myself again)
-Tuesday Geoff arrives
-Wednesday Karina leaves
-Friday Ken's birthday
-Saturday Geoff leaves
-Sunday I clean my house and walk around in my underwear- the master of my home once again!

Although I start school in 2 days- after 23 days of insanity, I welcome the routine school may offer.

*this is in no way to discourage visitors. I LOVE when people come to stay with us. This is to remind me to never return from out of the country, schedule a surgery and have multiple visitors while preparing for grad school and going back to work all within a few weeks of each other.*

Colorado Film

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Fri, 18 Jul 2014 20:59:00 +0000

Film makes me nostalgic for a time I never even lived in.

A tearful end to tutoring

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Wed, 11 Jun 2014 16:35:00 +0000

This week was my last as a tutor. Over the past school year I have made lesson plans, relearned math (thanks common core...), spent countless hours on trains to park slope and greenpoint, prayed my students would do well on their exams and came to absolutely adore two amazing girls. Daily I was reminded to live in the present, fulfill my potential and see the good in myself.

I hope they remember that not only are they smart but that they are capable of more than they know.

That last day coming home, I cried on the G train. Sure a lot of people cry on the G train, but for me those tears were a mix of love, exhaustion, sadness in endings and joy that in over the past 10 months I made new friends, learned a lot and helped two girls see how smart and amazing they are. I will miss you both dearly but look forward to hearing about your future accomplishments.

love,
Miss Camille

2 Year Anniversary in the HAMPTONS!

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Sat, 17 May 2014 19:41:00 +0000

The day before our 2 year anniversary Ken told me to have the weekend free. Clueless as to what he had planned I was a little anxious for what was going to happen but really excited. This would be our first anniversary celebration because last year on april 26th we were busy graduating from college! Not a bad way to spend the 1 year mark but definitely not romantic or private as we were surrounded by family and friends all day. Oh- and the fact that we were moving the next day and selling all of our furniture and cars.

This year I craved some quiet down time but I did not expect for Kenneth to show up at the subway station where I transfer from work with bags packed. As we took a bus to the airport I started to doubt my previous guesses. Turns out the airport was just to throw me off as he picked up a rental car to drive us out to the Hamptons.

The following weekend was filled with lighthouses, peaceful drives (you forget how fun those are when you don't have a car), vintage stores and my favorite activity: House Hunting!! Although we are far from buying a home and we are very very far from buying a home in the Hamptons it is always fun to window shop.

My favorite house is this little cottage gem. Kind of like the one Aurora from Sleeping beauty stayed in with the fairy godmothers.

At the Easter Parade!

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Fri, 16 May 2014 18:00:00 +0000

One of my all time favorite movies is Easter Parade with Fred Astaire and Judy Garland. Getting excited to show Ken this under-appreciated film I googled "easter parade" and found that New York still carries on the tradition. Every Easter morning, crowds gather along 5th Ave to enjoy, and showoff their easter frocks and most importantly their easter bonnets. It may not be as classy as it was in the early years, but today you will find some of the most imaginative and outrageous hats on not only humans but animals alike.

"Happy Easter, To You!"

Isn't he just so cute!

Happy (belated) Birthday Trev!

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Thu, 15 May 2014 17:43:00 +0000

You know that one kid who just seemed to have it all. He was athletic, good looking, well liked. Basically he was good at whatever he did with what seemed like little effort.

That kid was my brother expect that he deserved it all.
He was well liked because he was extremely kind.

He was a great athlete because he worked hard to perfect everything he was taught.
And was good at music, and everything else he tried because he had the ability to focus almost obsessively until he was satisfied by his progress.

When I am with him, he inspires me to have greater passion for the things I do and invest fully in what I care about.

Trevor was my favorite friend to spend time with throughout high school.
In college I may have not been ideal and ideal roommate, but I am grateful for the many times, almost daily that he would make me laugh and remember to loosen up.

Thanks for being such a good friend. I hope this year is a special one.

love you Trev

Spring Captured in Film!

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Thu, 15 May 2014 16:22:00 +0000

Spring seemed to come and last only a few days before the trees went from pink and white blossoms to full green coverage. And then came the heat. If I had a say in how the seasons work, I think I would make winter as short as this past spring and let spring linger as long as winter did. Regardless of the length I have loved the flowers, breezy jackets, and a wonderful visit from my sis Collie and Kendra, Cyrus and adorable Atlas.

The Dominican Republic, Las Galeras and Las Terrenas

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Mon, 21 Apr 2014 23:21:00 +0000

Every few weeks I go a little crazy and start to crave water. The vastness of the ocean calms me and provides a wonderful balance to the busy life in the city.

I love the SUN

Ken's happy place

Our wonderful friend Ezekiel and his machete

Horses in the woods

The waves at this cafe were reaching heights of more than 18 meters! The owner said that this event was one for the history books.

Dominican Baseball!

Our First Spring Break! Part 1 Santo Domingo

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Mon, 21 Apr 2014 23:12:00 +0000

We just (2 weeks ago- yet feels like a year) returned from our first spring break ever! Through out our undergraduate years we heard stories and saw pictures of that mysterious week off in the spring. We dreamed of warm beaches, no teachers or work and the opportunity to spend a week away from it all. This year Kenneth informed me early on that this will be his only year in medical school with a spring break and so started making plans to take full advantage of it.

We went through the list of countries small enough to enjoy in a week and close enough to not waste too much time on a plane. Our finger landed on the Domincan Republic. Although many suggested the all inclusive resorts, our travel style is a little more local. As a result we stayed with a wonderful family in Santo Domingo before journeying on to the beaches in Samana.

One of my favorite things about traveling with Ken is that he makes friends with EVERYONE! The older ladies seem to be especially drawn to him. I am also grateful for his amazing ability to speak Spanish so fluently. Not only does it help us get around but it blesses the lives of many fellow travelers who also become fun friends.

We watched many games of dominoes but feared we lacked the competitive domino face that the players wore, to join in. As we watched we met many kind people, many who taught us the game, led us to homemade coconut ice cream- amazing, shared stories of their lives and introduced us to fellow New Yorkers. (It seems that everyone in the DR has a friend or family member living in the city! Felt more like a NYC borough than a different country)

*all of the pics are from our instagram accounts so pardon the grainy enlarged look*

Dominican Republic Film!!

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Sat, 19 Apr 2014 20:07:00 +0000

Finally Got My Film Back!

Spring Break 2014 in the Dominican Republic

Making Your Desires a Priority

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Thu, 17 Apr 2014 14:27:00 +0000

Yesterday I received wonderful news that my best friend and travel partner will be moving to Budapest with her husband for a year. I am more than thrilled about this adventure. She expressed how many people were confused about their moving to another country and even surprised that it was even a possible option.

After speaking with her I remembered a time while sitting in classes studying people who had just done amazing things and thinking wow I wish I could do that. I wish I could travel, or move to NYC or learn another language. I don’t know when I realized that the only person holding me back was me. Yes I could make excuses forever but I could also stand up and take accountability for the live I was living. While talking to a friend of mine who with his wife has served many Church missions around the world I asked how he did it. He simply said that we made our desires our priority. They desired to travel so with their family they went without fancy clothes or a big home. They always had enough for their needs. And then they put their energy and money towards traveling and now in their latter years, serving missions.

Of course it sounds much easier than it is, because there are often very good excuses as to why we are not doing what we really want to be doing. But how good are they really? My father is a remarkable example to me of priorities. His priority was to be with us kids growing up and I cannot think of a day when he was absent. Granted he sacrificed high paying career options for a job that pays enough but allowed him time to be with us. No money or prestige is worth more to me than the memories I have as my family spent time together playing games, attending events or just laughing.

So what does it take?
While working as an intern I met a man who one day just got it. He walked in with a huge smile. Before I could even ask what he was thinking he said, Hey Camille so today’s my last day- I quit. Now let me explain our job was great. We worked with people in the community developing health programs. But like most jobs we spent only a small portion of our time in the community, the rest was at a small desk in a grey cubicle. A rather quiet man every other day, he was busting at the seams to tell me his plans. He had no job lined up but he wanted to work with his hands. Maybe he would throw hay bales or make Indian jewelry. He didn’t know but he was excited. Although his degree was in line with our job, he needed to find what made him happy. It wasn’t money, or even following societal norms. He was happy when he worked with his hands. I don’t know where he is but I hope he is doing something that increases his happiness.

My last example is of a girl I met in my Italian class during college. After not seeing her for a few years I assumed she had graduated from college, and that was the end of it; when I saw her at a Zumba Fitness instructor workshop. I immediately asked how she was doing and if she was done with school. She smiled and said "yes I graduated from the business school (one of the best in the nation may I note!) and after working in a huge office with amazing pay and benefits, in other words, everything I believed I wanted, I realized that getting emails at 1 in the morning and sitting in meetings all day made me depressed." So she quit. She is now a Zumba and yoga instructor who loves teaching fitness and working with people every day. She has never been happier.

I have met a businessman who quit his job to move to Gaza to teach drawing. I have met an actress who has given up a life of fame to focus on her children because she wants to be a wonderful mother.

Maybe it’s time we ask ourselves what matters most. What are our dreams? What are we doing to make them a reality? Where are we putting most of our energy? I don’t think I have the solution. By all means I am still trying to figure out what my desires even are! They seem to change very frequently. But I am asking myself the right questions and taking those scary steps towards realizing my dreams.

How to identify our desires and where our energy is being spent
My high school science teacher once led our class through this simple exercise that I try to repeat at least once a year

1. On a piece of paper number 1-10 along the side.

2. Starting with 1 list your priorities from most important to least.

3. Next to each of these items write how many minutes or hours a week you spend engaged in this activity or doing something to realize this priority. For example if health is a priority how many hours do you spend exercising.

4. Flip the paper over and write 1-10 along the side.

5. List your daily and weekly activities. Include eating, sleeping and work.

6. Next to each of these items write how many minutes or hours you spend engaged in the activity.

7. Now take a few minutes to compare these lists. Of course somethings are necessary and may not be negotiable such as a science class but they may contribute to another priority such as education.

8. This is the time to make changes. Where do you want to spend less time and how can you give more time to your real desires.

By no means does this solve our problems but it does help see more simply if we are on track to fulfilling our dreams.

Rainy Days

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Tue, 15 Apr 2014 21:06:00 +0000

There is nothing better on a rainy day than candles, makeup free faces, and trevor hall playing the background.

Trevor Hall The Mountain

I am Camille. This is my attempt to define what that means.

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Sat, 12 Apr 2014 22:17:00 +0000

I sometimes go through periods of following. I wear what the people I am around wear. I do the things people around me do. Please don't misunderstand. I am grossly independent and yet I struggle to stand on my own two feet when thrown into a new environment. After a week away from the city I realized I may have started to follow again.
So before I let this city define who I am, I better do it myself.

I love dresses and feel more comfortable in them than in pants. (This might be the result of my LDS mission and my fear of skinny jeans)

I have nice full lips and look better when I don't try to hide them- no nude lipstick for me

I LOVE to travel and will never turn down an opportunity to do so, even if that means skimping on groceries and other essentials for a while

I like to wear clothes that are unique/I hate dressing like other people

I have absolutely no idea how to do my hair

I love photography and want to use it to help people see how truly beautiful they are without photoshop

I feel best when I am creating

I get moody when I don't have a physical release (dancing, exercise, running)

In the winter I hate going outside after dark. I would rather cuddle up in a blanket

I really really love my husband

Dance is the greatest outlet for my frustrations, anxiety, joy and all other emotions

I like flowers, especially wild ones found in an open field

Although I love the idea of being vegetarian, I love eating meat

Seeing a sunset makes the world stand still and hold it's breath. I hate to miss a good sunset

When I am home alone I have to be listening to music

I cannot sleep when my house is empty

Regardless of how warm I am, my nose is always cold

I prefer doing things with other people than alone

I am learning to appreciate solitude

I stink at making new friends, especially ones my own age. Children under 8 and adults over 40 seem to like me, but I am just sooo awkward around my peers

I love food, especially ethnic foods

I love trying new foods

I love cooking unusual dishes

I miss school, a lot

I could eat sushi every day

I only like water. No other beverage does it for me

I like smiling at strangers

I feel sad when I see couples or families spending time on their phones rather than with eachother

I love my Lord and know that God loves all of His children

I want to be of service to everyone around me throughout my life

I am five feet tall and hate when people don't notice me

I do not want to be defined by my current job or position but rather by how I make those around me feel

I want to be known as a happy person although my resting face is more of a glare

*I hope this list continues to grow and change, So edits may appear.

Nanny Love

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Thu, 10 Apr 2014 22:10:00 +0000

Today I told the boy I nanny that I would be leaving for the summer. He asked why I had to go to mexico. I explained that ken is going to do research there. He quickly looked up at me with those big sad eyes and said "Don't go to mexikco. Stay where you are and be my sitter. I never want a new sitter."

It always feels good to know you're loved.

Our Captured Winter Moments

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Thu, 03 Apr 2014 00:53:00 +0000

With the hope of warm weather taunting me and upsetting me as I long to pack up those winter coats in exchange for summer dresses, I might as well put up the last of our winter photos.

This winter was full of long snowy walks, waffles and dinges, family visits, thrift shops, watching cute kids, super bowl excitement, chinese new year, new glasses and more games of hide and seek than I though possible.

The beauty in film. Me and my Diana

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Tue, 18 Mar 2014 00:15:00 +0000

There is something beautiful about film. In a world where digital images can alter our memories to a state of perceived "perfection", I am grateful for films ability to help us find beauty in the unexpected outcomes of our images and lives. The way film captures the hazy instants and moments, even with all of the imperfections, film seems to reflect more accurately on the memories I hold so dear.

Happy Birthday Papi! A Song in Your Honor

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Fri, 14 Mar 2014 00:36:00 +0000

Dad,

As a teacher, I think it appropriate to share with you the many lessons you have taught me.

1. Follow your heart. Regardless of how irrational or at times impossible a desire seemed, you were able to put it into a realistic dream.

2. Work hard. Do not shy away from physical work or any job offered. And then do it to the best of your abilities.

3. Have a passion. Find something that soothes you and offers a temporary escape from the world. Do not let it consume your life but instead let it bless you.

4. Live according to your priorities. As a girl I remember wondering why my friends never saw their fathers after school like I did. I knew that our family, second to God was the most important thing to you. I never felt as though money, career, friends or hobbies took a precedent over us.

5. It is never to late to learn something new. You always seem to have a new idea up your sleeve and are willing to learn whatever it takes to figure it out.

6. Never preach, instead provide others with the opportunity to receive their own revelations and understanding.

7. Serve others. You never made a show of your service, and I would often only hear of the many remarkable things you did, years after the fact.

8. Be interested and invested in the lives of others. You have an amazing ability to not only talk to everyone but you also gain their trust and confidence in a way that leads to lasting relationships and amazing encounters.

9. Know and understand the scriptures. I love asking you questions about the specific sections because you always seem to have fresh insights, is if you had just read it for the first time.

10. Be happy. Regardless of the stresses you carried, I remember you most often with a smile.

Thank you for the countless dishes washed, weeds pulled, father-daughter interviews, family vacations, childhood dreams fulfilled, band practices, scripture studies, priesthood blessings, and continual love and support.

I love you.

Millie

*Remember we have both only been playing for 2 months*

Happy Birthday Karina!

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Thu, 13 Mar 2014 18:58:00 +0000

Karina,

Although you are my baby sister, you have inspired me for many years. In your short life you have overcome your obstacles with grace, refined strength and an inspiring power to do good.

I remember going into your room and finding you deep in scripture study. You would ask profound questions and draw conclusions that many adults would overlook. Your example reminds me to ground myself in the gospel daily and live accordingly.

You were always a voice for peace, though often not heard due to the loud voices of us siblings. You never wanted to harm anyone and sought to make friends with everyone, regardless of apparent differences. You could always find reason to like someone.

Throughout your kidney failure, during the years of your life when most people forget anyone else exists, you never complained. Instead you found ways to serve those who you felt were in greater need. I was serving my mission in Slovenia when I got the call informing me that you were in the hospital and that your expected outcome was at that point unknown. Never before in my life had my heart been shattered the way it was that day. I cannot even recall the events without heaviness in my heart. And yet when I was able to speak with you there was no anger in your voice, just a sacred sorrow. You asked how my mission was going and inquired about the details of my daily life. I felt as though you were more concerned about me and my mission than about your own future. Your strength raised many of us to a higher ground. At the age of 15 you lived with a more eternal perspective than I can even begin to understand.

Karina you are the kind of friend that is always there. You are loyal and honest. You have the coolest sense of fashion I know of. You are down to earth and unashamed of who you are. I often wish I could borrow some of your confidence…and all of your clothes. You are my favorite polka partner and cruisin buddy. Although we haven’t lived together in a very long time, I miss you every day.

I am always impressed with how focused you are on doing good in this world not only in some magnificent way but in small daily acts of sincere goodness. You seem to act out of nothing but pure love.

Karina you have blessed my life in more ways than I can begin to express and you continue to bless more people every day.

I hope this next year is a special one. I love you geenz.

your sister,

Camille