Simply Love 101

Should You Play Hard To Get With a Man?

noreply@blogger.com (Simply Love 101) — Fri, 02 Jan 2009 16:00:00 +0000

Do you play hard to get because you do not want to come off as too easy? Does playing games make you more desirable?

When you play hard to get, the only type of men you will attract are players. Players are thrilled with the chase and those who love the chase are the ones who will break your heart.

By playing games, you spark a lot of interest and curiosity and make it all extremely exciting. However, this excitement dies as soon as he has 'caught' you. In most cases, chances are, he will leave you as soon as the game is over. When you play games, you are pretending. You are not your true self. So unless you keep on playing games for the whole duration of your relationship, the excitement that was initially created will die. This is because players do not want a long term relationship. They are happy with a short term passionate affair where they can move on and enjoy the next game that leads up to another conquest. Relationships that start off by playing games never last. Besides, why would you ever want to be in a superficial relationship?

Playing hard to get is not love. It is CONTROL. Relationships that are based on control, where one person dominates is NOT healthy. In this case, the only person you need to control is you.

Mind games are tiring. REAL men do not play games. They know what they want. A REAL man who is truthfully seeking a long term and mature relationship wants an upfront woman desiring the same thing and not someone who plays hard to get or who feels dating is merely a game.

If you pretend to be someone else, you may ward off the good men and end up with players who will only break your heart. When you're genuine, you will attract mature, genuine and quality men that you truly deserve.

Because you deserve the very best in love!

Overcome Shyness and First Date Jitters

noreply@blogger.com (Simply Love 101) — Wed, 22 Oct 2008 11:39:00 +0000

Believe it or not, I used to be really shy when it comes to making new friends. Being shy can be a disadvantage especially when it comes to meeting men! I have overcomed that now and even though I still get bouts of shyness inside me every once in a while, I can still hide it pretty easily. Right now, many won't believe me if I told them that I am a shy person! :)

So how did I do it?

-Train Your Mind-

I am big on psychology and the human brain so what I always do is to simply TALK to my brain. I know it might sound like I'm crazy but it works! Let's say I am feeling extremely nervous about going on a date with this new guy I just met and whom I really, really like. So before going out, I would TALK to my brain and tell it convincingly, "Oh I know this guy really well. We hang out a lot and we've been friends for ages!" I just keep telling the same thing to myself each time I meet someone new. That's all I do. By repeating these words to myself, I am manipulating my brain to believe that it is true. This is what psychologists call cognitive dissonance. Initially, your brain may not believe what you are saying. After a few days, your brain and your conscience will work hand in hand and simply accept whatever you are telling it. It works like magic!

Now, I've come to a point where I am no longer shy when I meet new people. I have trained my mind enough to believe that I am not a shy person. In fact, I get a lot of people who tell me that they enjoy my company and they feel as if we've known each other for a long time - when we've only known each other for barely a week! Amazing, huh? Overcoming shyness is not an impossible task. It can be overcomed with the right techniques, mindset and attitude.

-Causes of Shyness-

Shyness can happen not only to the introverts but extroverts as well. So what causes it? It could be due to several factors. Here are a few:

Poor self esteem or self image leading to self-consciousness.

Traumatic events that occurred in childhood or the formative years. This leaves a wound, making a person retreat and unwilling to open up again.

Not having enough opportunities to interact and to grow socially. This leads to feeling awkward and out of place in social situations. They may in turn express it with shyness or withdrawal.

If shyness is getting in your way of meeting men, then it's time to do something about it. Understanding what causes shyness is the first step to developing effective techniques to conquer shyness. To know more about shyness and overcoming it, here are two websites that provide some good information:

Shake Your Shyness
Social Anxiety Disorder and Shyness Info

-Tips on Overcoming First Date Jitters-

If you are getting first date jitters or are shy on a first date because you are constantly feeling self-conscious about yourself, then here are a few tips:

Think present. Do not worry about what will or should happen next. Go with the flow and let things naturally take its course.

Do not worry too much about what he thinks of you. You don't need an evaluation from him. Just plan on being you - he will appreciate your true self.

Be in the moment. Focus on what is happening around you instead of worrying whether an inch of hair is out of place. Immerse yourself in the present. Feel the breeze. Appreciate the food that you're eating - the taste, the feel. Anything to take your mind off from yourself for a while.

It is not about you. It is about him. Concentrate and truly listen to what he has to say. Get to know him more.

It is one thing to know and another to actually do it. Understanding what causes shyness and developing effective techniques is the first step. My next advice is to jump into the pool. Get yourself out there. It will take time but don't despair. As long as you do not let setbacks stop you, shyness is something that you can slowly overcome and could eventually set your path to meeting Mr. right ;) All the best!

Because you deserve the very best in love!

Guide to Getting a Guy

noreply@blogger.com (Simply Love 101) — Wed, 20 Aug 2008 09:20:00 +0000

When I hear about women having dating and relationship problems, I hear the same theme of issues coming out every time: you can find a man, but not the right man. Or it may be a case of not being able to hang on to them for more than a few dates. Similarly, it may be a case of feeling as though all the quality men have been snapped up and all that are left are ones that you aren't attracted to. Have you ever felt as though all of this is sometimes out of your control? The ones you are attracted to are already married or in relationships, and the single ones that you do end up dating don't seem to last.

Your dating record may be characterized by a string of dismal failures, but after all that time you still aren't any closer to getting "the one."

I'm sure you've read guides that promise to take you in hand and teach you how to dress, act, behave, even down to how you hold your body. Sure, many women follow this advice blindly, in the hope that they can be convincing enough to get a guy's attention. But isn't a relationship about much more than just getting the guy?

That's where author Mirabelle Summers has a striking point of difference. In her ironically-named "Get a Guy Guide," the first thing she professes is that it's not about getting the guy as it is gaining the knowledge, skills and ability to be authentic, creative, and irresistibly attractive - very much what I believe in!

Rather than catching the guy, it's about freeing yourself from your past limitations and getting in touch with your most attractive self, and letting this guide you to living the lifestyle of your wildest dreams. Empowering stuff huh?

When I started to flick through this book, I was surprised at how applicable this stuff really is. If what Mirabelle is telling you in the book doesn't get through completely, she reinforces those thoughts and ideas with exercises, called "Actionable Attraction Challenges." It's a great way of reinforcing the strong mindsets and concepts coming through in her revolutionary take on dating and your attitude.

In fact, this 250+ page ebook is literally bursting with dating and attraction advice, and tips that will turn your life around. It's like having your own mentor or personal success coach right there in front of you.

Get a Guy Guide

Why would you be interested in it? Because the approach you have taken to dating and attraction hasn't worked for you thus far. You may have achieved success in other endeavors in your life, like your career and your friends, but your relationships have remained the great unknown.

Now it's time to find out what YOU can do to empower and prepare yourself for the right man and relationship when it comes along. Rather than focusing on finding out what men want, finding out what men do wrong, and finding ways to trick them into wanting you, this book is going to teach you methods to develop your attitude and inner attraction so that you are able to see attraction when it happens, and know how to maintain it.

Do you want to simply observe your love life, or do you want to participate? If you are serious about making positive changes in your approach to men and getting to the bottom of attraction, then this book is essential to helping you move forward.

Everybody has areas in their life that they feel they can improve on or wish they could do better, and the fundamental first step is in believing that change is possible. The next step is to read this guide.

Do you want to discover more about the kind of man you want?
Do you want to recognize the ideal man when he comes along?
Do you want to let go of the baggage and misconceptions that have previously held you back?
Do you want to learn how to attract the right type of man into your life?
Do you want to learn how to develop the right mindset that is going to draw men to you in a way you have never experienced?
When you do attract him, do you want to know when to take it to the next level without jeopardizing your chances?
Do you want to know what to expect from him, and what he expects from you in return, when you are in a relationship?

Even for people that think they have what it takes already, there is still heaps in this book that can guide you towards making further improvements and keep your relationship thriving. With 250+ pages, it's attractively laid out, professionally designed, and contains everything you need to make concrete changes and bold steps toward dating success in your life.

The book is launched 20th August and it is at a special launch price of $29.95 only for the first 200 customers. So get this guide and get your guy ;)

Get a Guy Guide - From Initial Reaction To Life Long Attraction

All the best,

Because you deserve the very best in love!

Article: The Dangers of Blogger Love

noreply@blogger.com (Simply Love 101) — Mon, 04 Aug 2008 12:28:00 +0000

Previously, I wrote on the topic of washing your dirty linen in public.

Recently, I came across a related article by Joshua David Stein that was featured on Page Six Magazine. The article talks about his experience dating a co-worker who is also a blogger. You can access the article on his website.

What are your views and opinions? Do share them in the comments section.

Because you deserve the very best in love!

True Love Story Of A Man Who Hand-Carved Over 6000 Stairs For His Wife

noreply@blogger.com (Simply Love 101) — Sat, 05 Jul 2008 22:50:00 +0000

I checked my inbox today and received an email from a friend. I may have come to know of this beautiful love story pretty late but I think it's worth sharing.

I'm not sure where the original source of this email came from. There is a watermarked url, www.cqwb.com.cn, on one of the photos but it seems like the site is no longer there. I have copied and pasted the whole email here so as far as the issue of copyright goes, I would give the credit to the rightful writer. Read on...

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An incredible love story has come out of China recently and managed to touch the world. It is a story of a man and an older woman who ran off to live and love each other in peace for over half a century.

The 70-year-old Chinese man who hand-carved over 6,000 stairs up a mountain for his 80-year-old wife has passed away in the cave which has been the couple's home for the last 50 years.

Over 50 years ago, Liu Guojiang a 19 year-old boy, fell in love with a 29 year-old widowed mother named Xu Chaoqin.

In a twist worthy of Shakespeare's Romeo and Juliet, friends and relatives criticized the relationship because of the age difference and the fact that Xu already had children.

At that time, it was unacceptable and immoral for a young man to love an older woman.. To avoid the market gossip and the scorn of their communities, the couple decided to elope and lived in a cave in Jiangjin County in Southern ChongQing Municipality.

In the beginning, life was harsh as They had nothing, no electricity or even food. They had to eat grass and roots they found in the mountain, and Liu made a kerosene lamp that they used to light up their lives.

Xu felt that she had tied Liu down and repeatedly asked him, 'Are you regretful? Liu always replied, 'As long as we are industrious, life will improve.'

In the second year of living in the mountain, Liu began and continued for over 50 years, to hand-carve the steps so that his wife could get down the mountain easily.

Half a century later in 2001, a group of adventurers were exploring the forest and were surprised to find the elderly couple and the over 6,000 hand-carved steps. Liu MingSheng, one of their seven children said, 'My parents loved each other so much, they have lived in seclusion for over 50 years and never been apart a single day. He hand carved more than 6,000 steps over the years for my mother's convenience, although she doesn't go down the mountain that much.'

The couple had lived in peace for over 50 years until last week. Liu, now 72 years, returned from his daily farm work and collapsed. Xu sat and prayed with her husband as he passed away in her arms. So in love with Xu, was Liu, that no one was able to release the grip he had on his wife's hand even after he had passed away.

'You promised me you'll take care of me, you'll always be with me until the day I died, now you left before me, how am I going to live without you?'

Xu spent days softly repeating this sentence and touching her husband's black coffin with tears rolling down her cheeks.

In 2006, their story became one of the top 10 love stories from China , collected by the Chinese Women Weekly. The local government has decided to preserve the love ladder and the place they lived as a museum, so this love story can live forever.

******************

Because you deserve the very best in love!

Do You Wash Your Dirty Linen In Public?

noreply@blogger.com (Simply Love 101) — Sun, 29 Jun 2008 15:42:00 +0000

The birth of weblogs has made the process of setting up websites a total breeze. Many use blogs as a platform for airing their opinions, documenting day to day activities and their life journeys. Blogs really are the new personal diaries to the old book diaries that used to be kept hidden away from prying eyes.

In this digital age, personal journals are no longer personal. Once it goes online, it is there for the world to see. Your private life is no longer private. Every little detail of your life that has been documented is made known, even to strangers.

If you own a blog, be careful of what you choose to write.

picture source: marriedtothesea.com

When your relationship is going through a rough patch and you need a place to vent your frustrations, blogging is NOT the way to go. Unless it is the general nice things about the relationship that you want to share, it would be wise not to blog about it at all.

You may have heard of this before: Never date a blogger - because he/she will blog about you. I pondered further and could understand why someone would come up with such a quote.

Here are 3 reasons why you should not blog about your relationship:

#1 Giving others the bad opinion

When you air his dirty linens in public, people who read your blog will not only form a bad opinion of him, they may also form a bad opinion of you. Yes, YOU. Surprised? Well, when you go to the extent of broadcasting every dirty secret about him, you are indirectly telling others that you are not someone who can be fully trusted either. Even if he did something really bad, there are other ways of handling the situation. Blogging about it will only give other people a bad opinion of yourself.

#2 Risk losing his trust in you

When you blog about the bad things that he has done, of how he has disappointed you, of all the nitty gritty little details of your relationship, it is like giving him a kiss and then kicking him real hard. Imagine what it would be like if you had your dirty linen exposed by him for everyone else to read. How would it make you feel? Angry? Betrayed? Do you think you can still trust him? Do you think you can still share your feelings with him freely without them being made known? It is certainly not something you would celebrate about, would you? These are exactly how he would feel too. If you ever feel tempted to vent your anger and frustrations online, be aware of how it would make you feel if the tables were turned. Also be aware that you will create a huge dent in your own relationship, once he finds out about it.

#3 Scare away the good men

The woman may or may not realize that by broadcasting the relationship, she is actually sending a warning signal to other men. Perhaps she might think it is a way of showing other men that she is not someone to be trifled with. Well, if she keeps that up, she may just get what she asked for - men, good or bad, who would rather stay away from her.

A relationship is really an involvement of two people. Realize that you are the woman he trusts and love. So keep that special and sometimes not-so-special bond only between the two of you.

It is understandable that at times we need to seek a listening ear and someone to talk to. In this case, talk to someone close whom you can trust. It is best to keep it to only a few close friends - 1 or 2 is best. This may be difficult for women because we usually like to share our feelings with friends. Just make sure the friends whom you choose to share with will not spread gossip about your relationship to others. Remember that it is a matter of building and keeping the trust in your love relationship so keep the sharing to a minimum.

Because you deserve the very best in love!

Go, Going, Gone

noreply@blogger.com (Simply Love 101) — Wed, 18 Jun 2008 09:10:00 +0000

You are a social butterfly. You have no problem talking to strangers. Then one day at a friend's party, you see an attractive man standing across the room.

You both exchange glances and a slight smile. You want to approach him but you're tongue-tied. He looks interested too. You wait for a few minutes. You still haven't talked to him yet. He has not approached you either. You both steal glances at each other once in a while. A few hours passed. Nothing happened. Again, your eyes met his. Still, nothing happened. So the session is over and everyone headed home. There goes your chance of ever seeing each other again.

Have you ever been in a similar situation before?

Well I have.

So what can you do about it? Should you wait till he comes up and talk to you? What if he never comes round to it? While some may prefer the traditional role of waiting for the man, there is also nothing wrong in being the one to make the first approach. There is nothing desperate about it. In fact, men welcome the gesture. It shows them that you are a confident woman - men love a woman who potrays confidence! If a man feels threatened by the prospect of a woman making the first approach, it could be that he has some major insecurity issues. Men would rather take away the guess work when it comes to knowing whether or not you're interested. It takes some pressure off of them too. So if you ever decide to be the one to make the first move, here are a couple of things you might want to keep in mind:

3-second rule

Next time you're stuck in this situation and at a loss of what to do next, just remember the 3-second rule. If you want to talk to someone you do not know for the first time, count up to 3-seconds and then just GO ahead and introduce yourself. Do not take any more than 3-seconds because if you feel shy or nervous for some reason, all these feelings will start sinking in and you will start talking yourself out of it.

It is not a marriage proposal

Do not put pressure on yourself. Think of it as if you're meeting a new friend. Doing a self introduction and making conversation is simply that. It is not the start of a marriage proposal. If the conversation leads to something more and you both feel that you want to see each other more often, then it's a bonus. If not, you would have made a new friend or acquaintance and that would be a great thing too.

What if he doesn't notice you?

If the man you want to talk to does not seem to notice you, then pick a good time to talk to him and observe his body language. Is he too engrossed in a conversation with his friends to notice anything else around him? Does his body language indicate signs of being open to chatting and meeting someone new? When all is clear, go up, introduce yourself and start a conversation.

More pointers for first approach

Do it tastefully. You do not want to come across as being trashy.
Think of it as if you're talking to an old friend and let the conversation flow naturally.
If he does not seem interested, be graceful about it and do not take it personally.

Because you deserve the very best in love!

Dealing With Your Own Emotions Instead Of Relying On Him To Make You Happy

noreply@blogger.com (Simply Love 101) — Fri, 06 Jun 2008 11:02:00 +0000

Ever felt angry and frustrated to a point of 'losing it'? I think each of us would have experienced this intense emotion at least once in our life. We get angry at someone or something for some reason. It is not a very good feeling to begin with, not to mention that it is bad for our emotional health too. Let's take a look at this in a relationship context.

No one can make you feel better but YOU

When your emotions get the better of you, it's easy to rely on your partner and expect him to make you feel better....or worse, you vent it out on him. One thing you must understand is that having a partner does not mean he has to be responsible for your happiness.

It's totally alright to seek some comfort from your partner after a bad day. After all, going through the smooth and rough times together is part and parcel of being in a relationship. However, remember that ultimately, no one can make you feel better other than yourself.

Dealing with Your Own Emotions

You have a CHOICE

It's all about being in the right frame of mind and how you choose to see the things around you. When you get angry, it's because you CHOOSE to get angry. When you feel sad, it's because you CHOOSE to be sad. Sure, you can blame something or someone else for invoking those feelings inside you. By doing this, realize that you are actually giving the other person control over you. If you react badly to the situation, you are actually giving them what they want.

It works just like a vending machine. When you slot a coin in, you will get what you want. You have the control over the machine and what you want to get out of it. You see, the machine does not have a choice. It was programmed to work that way. Whereas you, as a human, have the ultimate power over your emotions. No one can slot a coin in you and tell you to get angry or be happy. A person can only go as far as to tell you to cheer up but whether or not you choose to listen and take action, is again, your choice.

Say: "No thank you"

If someone was rude to you, you can either take it or say "no thanks". When you refuse to accept their invitation to become angry, you have control over yourself - and you're not giving it away to anyone. The tables may even get turned and the person who was trying to make you angry may get frustrated himself for not getting the reaction he wants out of you.

How you feel is entirely up to you. You have absolute power over your own emotional choice. I'm not suggesting that you suppress your emotions and become feeling-less. Emotions are essential. The difference is in HOW you use your emotions - it can either work against you or for you. So use them to your advantage. No one can ever make you angry unless you give them the permission to do so.

Because you deserve the very best in love!

A Man Reader Comments

noreply@blogger.com (Simply Love 101) — Sun, 01 Jun 2008 19:35:00 +0000

My reply to a reader's comment. Click here to read the post.

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saint_sinner wrote:
Sad to see that you have picked the guys who are in a relationship. That puts a bias on what they will say and it does not really say anything about what guys are looking for. the statistic You have is just that a statistic. Man do look for a certain physical attributes in a woman before they start a relationship. the man that were asked in this survey were the men who have already done that. The first thing that we see is someones physical appearance and we do not like what we see no amount of "bubbliness and cheeriness" will change the first impression. Humans, whether man or woman, are no different from animals when picking out a mate. Whether we are aware of it or not it does not matter and it also has nothing to do with how shallow a person is. In fact the only people who call someone shallow are the people with low self esteem and/or those that are, to be blunt, ugly.
although as You suggest not all guys look for the same thing. Everyone has their own opinion of beauty. I for example am attracted to woman that appear healthy physically. Healthy enough to bare a healthy child that is. That of course does not mean that I am not attracted to skinny blonds it simply means that the one I am more likely to marry is the one who can bare healthy children and the skinny blond will simply be a brief fling.

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He has brought up a couple of good points but let’s clear things up a bit shall we? :)

The statistic you have is just that - a statistic.

In the broadest sense, "statistics" involves a range of techniques and procedures for analyzing, interpreting, displaying, and making decisions based on gathered data or relevant information. While these statistics may not be 100% accurate, they contain meaningful data that can lead us to something useful. It does not do justice to simply imply that statistics are just statistics.

Men do look for certain physical attributes in a woman before they start a relationship. the men that were asked in this survey were the men who have already done that.

Well of course. It's EXACTLY what I am emphasizing on - relationships on which men want to go on to the next level, which is marriage. These are the things over 60% of men would use to describe their future wife and why they chose to marry a certain woman. If we want something specific, we go to the source - If someone wants to buy meat, going to a fruit seller will not give them what they need.

The first thing that we see is someone’s physical appearance and if we do not like what we see, no amount of bubbliness and cheeriness will change the first impression.

This post is not about first impressions and what men look for BEFORE starting a relationship.

Those things are also VERY IMPORTANT and if you actually read my earlier post carefully, I said: Although initial attraction is important, it is the woman behind the physical looks that he is going for - Initial attraction here has got to do with first impression. I did not elaborate too much into detail on that point because do understand that I cannot possibly put everything into one blog post. Otherwise, I might as well write a book :) I do plan to go more into detail on these topics soon. (For your info, there are actually two types of first impression - of which I won’t go further into for now).

I did mention too that women should plan on looking the best that they can be. After that, forget about the way they look (because they are already looking their best) and then just plan on having fun – being in the present moment instead of worrying at every second if an inch of hair is out of place. At the same time, I have never suggested women to look ugly and rely solely on their personalities.

It does not really say anything about what guys are looking for.

Again, I am not talking about just any guy but the kind of men who are ready to take their relationship to the next level of commitment. I think my post title probably confused you. Lengthening the title to: What Men Really Like About The Woman They Choose To Marry – would perhaps give a clearer picture. (I have since changed this. Thank you!)

I, for example, am attracted to women who appear healthy physically. Healthy enough to bear a healthy child that is.

I mentioned that what men really want is a woman who can bring more than just good looks to the table – this truly means that yes, men want looks (including looking healthy) but if the woman does not have a healthy mind or a healthy personality, I believe no amount of surgery is going to make him want to marry her.

The only people who call someone else shallow are the people with low self-esteem and/or those that are, to be blunt, ugly.

SOME men would only date women who are at least 8/10. I’ve had men approaching me to the extent of never ever acknowledging a friend who is obviously right beside me. Looking at their body language, I could tell that perhaps, to them, I am the better looking one. I happen to think these men are shallow and I would not want to be with someone who only likes me for the way I look. We’re not in a Barbie world. Besides, there would not be enough Kens to go around :p. I would not consider myself over the top model gorgeous. Neither would I consider myself ugly. That said, I am actually someone with a high self-esteem. So while there is a degree of truth in your statement, it is a very one sided theory.

I am writing for women who want to find a true relationship with the right man. If I want to help women find men for flings, it would be as simple as merely telling them to just look plastic pretty. This is not what I am going for. As you said, the skinny blond will simply be a brief fling – my point exactly! I believe the world is full of good men and women should not be settling for less than what they deserve.

Because you deserve the very best in love!

What Men Really Like About The Woman They Choose To Marry

noreply@blogger.com (Simply Love 101) — Sat, 31 May 2008 10:28:00 +0000

Think it's long legs, big breasts and a pert bottom that men go for? Wrong! When describing what attracts them, more than 60% of men said it was how classy, positive, enthusiastic, bubbly or friendly their fiancee were.

Notice I mentioned fiancee because we're talking about the kind of men who are ready to take their relationship to the next level of commitment. To these men, physical outlook is a bonus but it is the personal characteristics of a woman that attracts them. Even men who are marrying beautiful women were more likely to emphasize their fiancee's personality over her physical beauty.

These men said things like, "She is so well-mannered" or "She is the kind of woman any guy would be proud to be with" or "She seem so at ease and full of life" - On a more wholesome level, what men really want is a woman who can bring more than just good looks to the table.

I've touched a bit on this topic on an earlier post: Beauty Queen vs Girl Next Door.
Have a wonderful day!

Because you deserve the very best in love!

How To Tell Your Partner That You Need Space

noreply@blogger.com (Simply Love 101) — Tue, 27 May 2008 00:48:00 +0000

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Here’s a question by a reader to an earlier post.

I agree with you that we need some space but how do I tell my boyfriend that?

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When asking for space, you need to choose and speak your words wisely. Simply telling your boyfriend, “I need space” may put him on a defensive. Reassure and tell him WHY. Do explain that needing space does not mean you are no longer attracted to him or that the relationship is over. Let him understand you need some time to yourself so that you don’t lose who you are as a person – the woman he first fell in love with.

Avoid words or sentences that are accusatory. Be careful not to say things like “you’re too clingy” or “you’re suffocating me”. Instead, put sentences using the word ‘I’. For example, “It has nothing to do with you. I am someone who loves spending time alone watching TV at least once a week.” Don’t make up stories. Be honest and truthful about it. Make sure you communicate to him in a kind, gentle and loving manner so he can accept what you want more readily.

Also, pick a suitable timing. Talk to him when you are both in a calm and good mood.

If your boyfriend feels very uncomfortable with the idea, compromise with him by setting up a date in advance. Agree to meet up on a specific date and place. Then stick with it.

Here’s a better approach:

Instead of simply saying “I need space” you can get a little playful and say something like “Hey, what do you say we not see each other till Tuesday?” Then look at him with a playful grin and say “Bet you’ll be all over me the next time we meet.” ;) Chances are, you and your boyfriend will start laughing and teasing. Now would be a good time to open up the conversation on a more serious note. Tell him what you want. You could go, “Well, I would really like to catch up with my friends for a bit…” Then let the conversation flow from there. This approach is great because it takes away the tension or resistance you may otherwise get if you were to just blatantly tell him that you need space.

Here’s a short summary:

Pick the best timing.

Choose and speak your words wisely.

Reassure and explain WHY.

Avoid using accusative words or sentences.

If needed, come to a compromise.

Because you deserve the very best in love!

You're Not Glued To Each Other

noreply@blogger.com (Simply Love 101) — Sat, 24 May 2008 17:00:00 +0000

When you're all dizzy in the love zone, it's natural to want to spend as much time as you can being together. While this may be a good thing, it is also important to understand that your partner and yourself are both different individuals - separate and unique. Couples who spend too much time together, sometimes become a mirror of each other and in the process, lose who they are as an individual. They become so much of each other that slowly, they sink into a monotonous relationship without realizing it. Nothing comes as surprise anymore - not until the day they broke up.

To some, the thought of giving each other space may be scary. But if you want a healthy relationship, being glued to each other is not the remedy.

I am a very independent woman and unlike many I know, I certaintly can't stand having someone to 'report' to about my daily whereabouts. I certainly hate having constant contact in a relationship. I am someone who needs S-P-A-C-E. Yes, I was an extreme case. I am telling this to highlight to you that the key is not having too much or too little space. Rather, finding a comfortable balance that is just right for the both of you. It could be one or two days spent by yourself doing the things you love. What you do is entirely up to you. Catch up with some old friends. Go read a book. Pamper yourself with a foot massage. Do the things you love - things you used to do BEFORE you were in a relationship.

It is really ok to spend some quiet time alone once in a while so you will not forget who you are

Absense does makes the heart grow fonder and you will both appreciate each other more the next time you meet again.

Because you deserve the very best in love!

First Dates to Soul Mates - Pre-Launch!

noreply@blogger.com (Simply Love 101) — Wed, 21 May 2008 06:20:00 +0000

I am excited to tell you that Amy Waterman has been working extremely hard on a new book, First Dates To Soul Mates. Not only has she recorded over 4 hours of interviews with well known dating/relationship speakers, she has also written over 350 pages of amazing content! Yes that’s a very long book, but it isn’t heavy reading. In fact, it promises to be a fun and pleasant read with beautifully designed graphics. Most importantly, it is packed with incredibly powerful life-changing information that will benefit your love life for years to come.

You will learn how to develop a mindset that fosters and encourages genuine love and commitment, from the moment you first meet someone, to the time you are married and looking for ways of keeping the spark alive.

I'm sure many people will gain HUGE benefits in their love lives as a result of reading this book (or listening to the audio edition which will also be included), and the extra audio interviews.

First Dates To Soul Mates will be available from 10th June at a much lower pre-launch cost - almost half the original price - for the first 475 people only. So order early!

"From First Dates To Soul Mates - How to Take Things to the Next Level of Commitment … Without Screwing It Up!"

Because you deserve the very best in love!

A stroke of Insight: An Inspiring Story

noreply@blogger.com (Simply Love 101) — Tue, 20 May 2008 14:00:00 +0000

Women are right brainers? This commonly voiced myth is false. Evidence has shown that on the average, women tend to be more left-brained whereas men are more right-brained.

The left hemisphere is responsible for language and speech. When women get together, they can sit down over a cup of drink and talk the night away. When men get together, they go for games or watch football on TV - sitting down and engaging in deep conversations is not something they do as often as women. Now we know why women get a reputation for being the talker in relationships. Women are also usually more expressive. Not that men are not capable of expressing themselves. It's just that being able to express their feelings is not something most men were naturally born with. The left brain is also responsible for reminding us of the past and makes us think of the future. How many times have you come across women who think far ahead in five, ten, twenty years down the road and how many times do you hear men say..."Wait wait wait...you're thinking too far ahead...one step at a time".

The right hemisphere is devoted to spatial and visual activities. This is probably why we see more men who are pilots. Perhaps too...we can't really blame men for being visual creatures who can't help but notice when a beautiful woman walks by? This part of the brain is also the one responsible for the present. It is the part that gets us to "live in the moment".

I want to share a truly amazing video. It is not much about love relationship but just something I came across while reading on the topic of the human brain that I thought would be worth sharing.

This is her story:
Neuroanatomist Jill Bolte Taylor had an opportunity few brain scientists would wish for: One morning, she realized she was having a massive stroke. As it happened - as she felt her brain functions slip away one by one, speech, movement, understanding - she studied and remembered every moment. This is a powerful story of recovery and awareness - of how our brains define us and connect us to the world and to one another.

Being in this busy world, we often get so caught up with our daily lives that we forget to stop and ask ourselves - who we really are and what truly connects us together. Perhaps it's time to use more of our right brain once in a while - to embrace the simplicities of life - be in the present and live in the moment.

Because you deserve the very best in love!

Blind Date

noreply@blogger.com (Simply Love 101) — Fri, 16 May 2008 21:00:00 +0000

Some light humour for the day. Have a wonderful weekend!

Because you deserve the very best in love!

He Cheated. Should You Give Him A Second Chance?

noreply@blogger.com (Simply Love 101) — Wed, 14 May 2008 21:55:00 +0000

First of all, be very sure that you know he has really cheated on you. Do not assume or make wild accusations. Going beserk over something that is based on assumptions is the start of a total disaster in any relationship.

When your partner has cheated on you, there is a good chance that he will cheat again. Yes, you read that right. There is a tendency of him cheating on you if he has done it before.

If your cheating partner is someone you are planning to marry, I would be VERY worried. 100% of the time, I do not recommend a second go with a man who has cheated because honesty and loyalty in a relationship are one of the top priorities for me. Whatever the reason behind the cheating was, it is an UNACCEPTABLE behaviour! No exceptions!

By giving a cheating man another chance, it is what I call settling for sub-quality. Once you do this, the only kind of men you will attract in the future are the sub-qualities.

Once you raise the standards of the men you date by not accepting intolerable behaviours, you WILL find yourself attracting quality men who will want to make you happy. Smart women know this.

All men cheat? NO. There are available quality men who DO NOT cheat. So be wise.

It's a matter of loving yourself enough to walk away from a behavior that is truly unacceptable. So don't do it for anyone. Do it for yourself.

I still suggest you ask questions and talk to him to see what went wrong so you can learn from your current relationship and become a better partner when you move on to the next.

What you can do is to dig deeper into the issue. Look at the issues of WHY the cheating occured.

Take a step back and think. Why would he cheat when he had you? Ask yourself questions along these lines:

Did you two feel uncomfortable around each other for a while?
Did you both not enjoy each other's presence as much anymore?
Have you or him been paying less attention to each other recently?
Was it something you did or said to him that triggered a negative feeling towards you?
Was he overstressed about the relationship or were you?

For every question that was a yes, ponder further to ask why or how. Doing this will help calm you down and think straight rather than act at the spur of the moment and regret your actions later on.

Once you think you've 'hit' the issue, try talking to him calmly and ask him if the issue that you've 'hit' was the reason why he cheated. If not, get him to talk and tell you about it but make sure you're calm. Often times, you may not realise or see the issue until you both talk about it. This is why open and honest communication is an important factor in every relationship.

Ask yourself: Is his cheating behaviour typical of him or something that is out of character?

Also, was he willing to admit to what he has done even though you know for sure that it did happen? If he refuses to admit to it, it could mean that he can easily deny to things later in the future. This not the kind you man you'd want to end up with.

It may happen that he will never cheat again but this is not something I would place my bets on.

If you do actually decide to give him another chance, make it clear to him that once a trust is broken, it would take some time before you can regain that trust back 100%. Let him gain back your trust SLOWLY. Don't feel compelled to rush back into the relationship because you feel sympathy when he came begging back to you. If you make things too easy for him, then the next time he cheats, he knows that all he has to do is use the same tactics to get another chance from you. You don't have to resort to manipulative ways of making him suffer. You're better than that.

However, bear in mind not to let him take you for granted. Do realise too, once he has cheated on you that he could cheat again in future. Don't say you weren't warned.

Because you deserve the very best in love!

The Best Places To 'Shop' For Men

noreply@blogger.com (Simply Love 101) — Mon, 12 May 2008 21:20:00 +0000

Here's my take on the best places to 'shop' for men ;)

Go to clubs

By this, I don't mean night clubs.
I'm talking about clubs that cater to different interests and needs. If you are into public speaking, do some research and try out a couple before joining one that you feel comfortable in. I went to one recently. Of course my objective was not to meet men but I noticed that most of the members consisted of at least 80% male. I also noticed that these group of men seem to hold good jobs. Oh, just remember to find out if these men are married first!

If public speaking is not your thing, you might want to try out the archery club. If you like men who cook, join a cookery club. You want to meet men with an entrepreneural mindset, go to clubs and events that cater to these. There are numerous clubs available. Go find out. You just never know.

By the way, night clubs are best only if you are looking for a girls' night out or a fling. Not to look for men with whom you want a long term-relationship with.

Join a voluntary organisation

I help out at a voluntary organisation on some weekends. I know many fellow volunteers who met each other while helping the less fortunate. Most of them who got together ended up getting married. In case you're wondering, this is not the reason I chose to volunteer my services...just something I happened to find out along the way. So if you have a heart to help out, do so and you may just be rewarded ;)

Be a gym regular

This is also something I stumbled upon. Gyms are infested with men! (duh!) If you like a man who keeps fit and takes care of himself, then this is where you should go. The best thing is to go there at regular timings.

My sis and I go to the gym almost each week. When we first started out, we would usually go regularly on tuesdays at about the same time after work each evening. People who work there as well as the gym regulars actually recognise and started talking to us. We like making friends with the towel assistants too they are the nicest bunch! So yes, being a familiar face helps. Of course, being one who hates routines, I don't go at regular timings anymore. Still, it is a good place for 'eye-washing'!

If going to the gym is not your thing, try heading out for a game of volleyball at the beach or a game of badminton at the nearest neighbourhood facility. You might even want to try night cycling.

If you prefer catching rather than being in the action, go to a soccer match. Go places where the men go.

Dating agencies

Who says dating agencies are only for the desperate? In business, if you want to become successful you go out and get prospects before you can ever expect to close a deal. It's the same thing in your love life. If you want to meet men, you have to be proactive at it. Best thing about going to dating agencies is that most of these men have one thing in common - they WANT to find a woman whom they could end up marrying. So you know you don't have to deal with men who have serious commitment issues.

Even if you don't end up with a man, what's the worst that could happen? Maybe you end up making 1 or 2 friends. Again, these friends could end up introducing you to friends of theirs and one of them could end up being the right one for you. The possibilities are endless!

Take up night classes

If you have always wanted to take a short academic course, now is the time. There are many courses that are conducted in the evenings. Even if you don't meet eligible men, you will definitely expand your social circle. I know this for a fact because my social circle have definitely expanded since I took up night classes. Again it wasn't something I planned. And who knows? One of them could inroduce you to a friend who could end up to be just your type ;)

Host social dinners

Let your friends know that you want to meet more friends. Invite single friends over for dinner. For each friend that you invite, get him/her to bring one friend of the opposite sex so you can have some gender balance. If you can, host dinners like these more often and get your friends to bring along a different friend each time. Soon enough, you will meet more people and among those, may just be your suitable match.

Before joining anything, make sure that you at least have a bit of interest in it. This way, when you meet a man, you would already be sharing a common interest - not something made up.

In anything that you've decided to take up too, remember not to make man-hunting your top priority. If you do this and end up not meeting anyone, you will be very disappointed. My advice is to go with the objective of meeting men but once you're there, forget the objective, be yourself and have fun! Things can happen when you least expected it and most of the time, it happens when you're having fun. So in whatever you have chosen to do, be immersed in it and simply have a good time!

Because you deserve the very best in love!

A Happy Relationship Begins With a Happy You

noreply@blogger.com (Simply Love 101) — Sat, 10 May 2008 23:42:00 +0000

Generally, men tend to seek the company of a woman who can be at ease and happy with herself. When it comes to relationships, men are most happy when they know they have made their partner happy. This is the probably the most unselfish thing about men.

When you're out on dates, genuinely smile and laugh at his little jokes. It shows that you are enjoying his company and nothing will make him happier knowing that he is able to put that smile on your face. This makes men feel good!

Men would rather not feel like work when it comes to pleasing a woman. If you have been constanly unhappy lately, your man may start thinking that he is probably not good enough for you - that no matter how hard he may try, he can never make you happy. Worse, he might even take it that you no longer enjoy his company. By being constantly unhappy, you are carrying a negative vibe about you that will eventually rub off on him. Since he does not feel good around you, soon enough, he will start drifting away and start looking elsewhere.

So remember to take care of your emotional health because a happy relationship begins with a happy YOU!

Because you deserve the very best in love!

The Incredible Effect Of Wearing A Skirt

noreply@blogger.com (Simply Love 101) — Thu, 08 May 2008 19:15:00 +0000

In this modern age, we see less and less women in skirts or dresses. Some women wear skirts only when there is a special occassion like a wedding.

There are some women too, who are so used to dressing up in pants that putting on a skirt feels awkward to them! Such a tragic!

Fact is, most women look GREAT in a skirt or dress. Most importantly, men LOVE to see us in our skirts.

Back to the olden days, pants were only worn by men and the women were only seen in skirts and dresses. These women project an image of femininity and gracefulness about them.

If you watch the Grammys or any other award shows on TV, most women choose to appear in dresses beacause it makes them look beautiful, femine and elegant. Even if they had chosen the most beautiful pantsuit, it can never beat the attention that a dress can get from the media.

I don't wear a skirt often but I love the feel of wearing one every now and then. It brings out the feminine side of me. When I walk, my steps automatically become more gracefully. Best of all, when I do wear a skirt once in a while, I notice more stares and attention from men than days when I am wearing plain jeans.

That's the incredible effect of wearing a skirt!

Do be careful about wearing your skirt too short though as it might get you the wrong kind of attention. Other than that, skirts are flattering! If you are a plus size, skirts can actually make your figure look more appealing than if you were to wear pants. So it really doesn't matter what size you are. Skirts look great on women.

When was the last time you wore a skirt?

You don't have to wear it everyday if you feel uncomfortable but try to make it a point to wear it once a week if you haven't done so. It can make all the difference!

Because you deserve the very best in love!
Niza A.

Are You Testing His Love For You?

noreply@blogger.com (Simply Love 101) — Wed, 07 May 2008 17:19:00 +0000

Have you ever noticed that when a group of people hang out together, they usually have some similiarities that appeal to their own group of people? Do you see party-goers hanging out with each other or individuals who enjoy the quieter side of life hanging out with their own 'type' of people? Perhaps you've also seen business-minded people mixing with people of their own 'kind'. Do you ever wonder how gangsters find each other to become a part of a gang? What about in a school setting? You will notice students somehow form groups or cliques with similar friends. All these groups usually have some sort of distinct character to them.

When individuals 'click' together, sometimes almost effortlessly, it is because they have a common ground. There is something similar about them which may not always be instantly visible. The world is a huge place and yet these people somehow found each other and 'clicked'. Pretty intriguing don't you think?

Well actually..... there's nothing intriguing about it.

When people of the same type somehow 'find' each other, it is called the law of attraction. I'm sure many would have heard of it. It is what we sometimes refer to as like attracts like.

When people of the same 'type' somehow 'find' each other, it is NO COINCIDENCE.

So what has all this got to do with testing him?

By testing him, it shows your insecurity and the undesirable part of you. Since like attracts like, you will either bring out the undesirable side of him OR drive a good man away from you. In other words, you will attract a man who is typical of WHO YOU ARE. This is the law of attraction.

Now, unless the undesirable outcomes are what you want - which I'm very sure you wouldn't - then the most important thing here is to be genuine. Be who you really are.

You see - men are not clueless. They can sense when you are trying to test them.

So forget tests. Be genuine. Pay more attention to his actions and the things he does for you. If his actions match most of the things he says, then you know you've got a good one. If he loves you, it will show and you will know.

Remember that one of the fundamental foundations of a strong relationship is trust. With trust, there is truly no need for any sort of tests.

Because you deserve the very best in love!
Niza A.

Now That He's Married: Will He Change?

noreply@blogger.com (Simply Love 101) — Tue, 22 Apr 2008 18:56:00 +0000

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I mentioned that I will be on a break but just last week, a newly-wed friend was talking to me about some troubles in her marriage. It saddens me to know of her situation. So it got me to write this article that I hope could help some of the women out there who are experiencing some rocky times.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

When it comes to change, we have to understand that it is something which cannot be forced on a person. Change has to come from WITHIN. The person should want to change because he/she really WANTS to.

In relationships, women try to change everything about their man. They try to change his clothes, hair, the way he walks and talks...anything they feel would need some kind of improvement.

Women think:

Well since I can't get my dream man, I might as well turn him into the man of my dreams! Then they go waving their magic wand on the man, hoping their spell would work permanently.

On the other hand, men do not want the woman in their life to change. He sees something that made him fall in love with her from the beginning - and he wants her to remain that way. When he gets married, he will never try to change her nor will he want her to. He loves her for who she is.

Think that a man would change just because he is married? You will be very disappointed. If you want him to be someone he is not, chances are, marriage is NOT going make him any different. In fact, being married is when the true person in him shows up even more.

Let's say, for example, that the man you're with is someone extremely laid back, totally contented with his life and doesn't see the point in chasing dreams. While you are attracted to a man who is ambitious with a sense of direction and dreams to pursue, you chose to ignore his laidback nature and went into a relationship with him. Now, the reason you're still together is that deep down, you are hoping and truly believe that one day he will change into the MAN of YOUR DREAMS.

KEEP DREAMING.

I'm not saying men can't change. They can. Although more often than not, it rarely happens. You've heard the saying: A leopard will never change its spots. Well, that's pretty much how it is.

*****True story:
I know of a friend, Alya (not her real name) who was in a relationship with a man who is constantly out of job and money.

It's not that this man couldn't get a decent job...he just doesn't try hard enough. At every place he has worked, he resigns at the first sign of a minor problem. He job-hops and stays joblessless for long periods of time.

Each pay-day, he uses all the money he has earned on entertainment and taking friends out for drinks without a worry about burning a hole in his pocket. During those periods when he was broke, it was Alya who provided some money for him to get by.

The situation went on like this for 10 years! TEN years - that was how long they were together. And mind you, they were already making plans to get married.

Alya is a very giving and patient person. Deep inside, she truly hoped to change him into a better man. She wanted him to be more responsible. She truly believed SHE could be the one to change him. She did not like men who drink so she hoped too that he would one day kick his regular drinking habits. He never did.

She got 'stuck' with her belief because she truly loved him. After all, the relationship wasn't always dark. As in any other relationships, there were many good times too.

Well, I guess love really made her blind.

It took her 10 years to finally see him for who he really is. She left him after realizing that he will never change.

By then she had wasted 10 years. During those times, she rejected every man who showed any signs of interest in her - men who could have been her better match.

It took a really long time for her to get over her 10 year relationship. I could never imagine what it was like for her. Still, I am glad the relationship never led to marriage.

I met her recently and I must say, even though she is still single and searching, she is looking the best I've ever seen her - bubbly, cheerful and radiant - none of these were evident on her face all those times she was in a 10 year relationship with the wrong man.

**************

This is why it is SO IMPORTANT not to place your bets on a man's potential. If you want to find your dream man, look for someone who ALREADY possess the important characterictics that you are looking for. See him for who he really is. If he doesn't have the traits that you truly want in a man, then you're probably better off looking for one who already possess those traits that you are looking for. They are out there.

I am not a marriage expert but I believe you DO NOT have to WAIT until you are married to know all there is to know about keeping a happy marriage. Whether you are married, are already making marriage plans or are looking to get married in future - if you are really serious about learning what is involved in a successful marriage and how to keep yours that way, then I recommend you to try out this book:

Save My Marriage Today!

The heartache and pain from marital trauma could be avoided. Learn how to communicate openly with your spouse and deal with your problems.
Bring the two of you closer together and let yourself rediscover why you fell in love: Save My Marriage Today!

Because you deserve the very best in love!
Niza A.

I'll Be Back

noreply@blogger.com (Simply Love 101) — Tue, 01 Apr 2008 16:23:00 +0000

Hi all,

It's been a while since I've put up any new posts. I'm taking a break from writing for a while now due to my hectic schedule. I shall be back after May.

Till then, be happy and have fun!

Because you deserve the very best in love!
Niza A.

Too Tough To Hold On, Too Good To Let Go.

noreply@blogger.com (Simply Love 101) — Mon, 25 Feb 2008 16:03:00 +0000

Arguments are unavoidable in relationships. In fact, arguments are essential doses to healthy relationships, provided both partners take each argument as a potential to grow and learn. Then again, just how much argument is healthy and how much is too much? If you find yourself in a relationship that is in constant argument and neither you nor your partner are truly as happy as you were before - then it might be time to ask yourself if it would be better to move on and let go.

Often times when couples have been together for long and known each other too well, the thought of letting go is almost unimaginable. When things between a man and a woman has become too comfortable, we enter a stage that I would call the 'comfort zone'.

When you have known each other inside out as a couple, doing things together and always having someone to talk to, the familiarity would have become a part of your whole life that it is almost like a routine. Naturally, the thought of suddenly not having him there and not being able to pick up the phone to call whenever you want to hear his voice is truly NOT something you would ever wish for.

The thought of being alone may seem scary AT FIRST but would it be worth holding on to something that brings too much sorrow?

A good friend of mine just came back from a vacation and during that time, she had a chance to go prawn catching. There, she noticed something puzzling about the prawns that she had caught and pointed it out to me.

Look at the picture of the prawns in the tank and the ones caught inside the basket. The ones in the tank were swimming freely and seemed to be very carefree. The ones caught inside the basket were alive but NONE moved. WHY?? Well besides the fact that there isn't enough water for the prawns to be swimming freely, there didn't seem to be a slight sign of struggle or movement as you would see in fishes that are captured. Maybe the prawns were just surrendering their lives to fate, waiting to die just like that without even trying!

Well, I don't know much about prawns and their characteristics of living but the reason I am telling you this prawn story is because I think it does very much reflect the realities of our own lives.

When couples are happy and in their comfort zones, they simply stop trying. They stick to what they know, to the people they know and to the lives they already know. Without realizing, they are stuck to their own surroundings that is all too familiar to part with. Since the fear of venturing into the unknown is too much to bear, they put up with unfavourable situations that make them unhappy. They complain but they never do anything about it. In other words, just like the prawns, they surrender to 'fate'.

When you find yourself stuck in a rut in your relationship, find out what the two of you can do to improve the relationship and make the situation better. Otherwise, perhaps moving on is the best option for the both of you in the long run.

Sometimes, both parties badly want the relationship to work out but somehow all they do is lead to more hurt. If you are in a similar situation, it is important to know:

True relationships never live on the dilemma of being too tough to hold on to yet too hard to let go.

Don't ponder too much on the future. Instead, ask yourself what you can do NOW to create a better future for yourself in your love life. You need to have faith, patience and belief that things will work out for the better. Think of your love life as a big jigsaw puzzle. At the end of it, you would have found the missing pieces and that is when you get to see the beautiful picture as a whole. Whether you choose to frame it up for the world to see, keep it in a corner of your room or even undo the pieces back into the box, it is still YOUR call, your love life. Your happiness is ultimately your own choice so ACT upon it.

Because you deserve the very best in love!
Niza A.

How We Think and Communicate~The Difference Between Men & Women~

noreply@blogger.com (Simply Love 101) — Thu, 14 Feb 2008 09:30:00 +0000

Women are big when it comes to the LITTLE things. We love it when a man opens the door for us. We often EXPECT the man in our life to notice it when we just had a new haircut or when we are wearing the new dress. We simply love it when a man does the little thoughtful things. We are also thrilled when he does bigger things for us like buying roses or taking us on that romantic travel getaway. Basically, women NOTICE EVERYTHING, big or small.

Men are opposites. They have a need to feel successful. They do not thrive on the small but the BIG things. They define success in terms of how big their house is, the type of car they own and how high they are up the corporate ladder. Therefore, it is not surprising that the job a man holds, is how he identifies himself as a man. His workplace is where he connects himself with, where he has the opportunity to be a winner and to be successful. Men are competitive. They want to be seen as successful in comparison to other men. They want the woman in their life to look up to them as 'heroes' and the only way they know how to do it is through the things he owns and achieves. It is like having a peace of mind that he is capable of providing and giving you what you need. Imagine how it would be for him if he was a car washer and you are a managing director of a big corporation. Although you may not mind it at all, the man feels like he is a failure to you. Men have this primal need to be the better provider. It is the only thing they can connect with. So how well he succeeds at these things adds up to how he perceives himself as a man. The need for these big achievements also explains why they don't always see the small things that so many women value.

We may argue that the modern women also thrive on success as much as men do. They can be a successful career woman, a mother to 3 beautiful kids and a wonderful, loving wife at the same time. Unlike men, women can have-it-all if they want. There is no denying that in comparison to men, women connect and identify themselves more to the relationships in their life with friends, family, children and significant other - something that men do not NATURALLY possess.

While women have many outlets in which they can express themselves, men are more familliar being in a territory where they can connect with - and the workplace is where they can 'express' themselves.

Therefore, sometimes, we as women, need to appreciate men for what they do. If you find yourself complaining about the man in your life who is constantly working, remember that he has needs to do so not just for himself but also for you - the woman in his life. Instead of complaining, learn to appreciate what he does.

Listen to Dr. John Gray as he talks about the difference between men and women when it comes to thinking and communicating.

Knowing the differences between how a man and a woman thinks does not give us the privilege to try to change our partner's mind to our preferred way of thinking. It is with this understanding that we should embrace our differences and connect with each other in a much more effective way.

Happy Valentine's everyone!

Because you deserve the very best in love!
Niza A.

Valentine's Day Survival Tips

noreply@blogger.com (Simply Love 101) — Thu, 07 Feb 2008 09:51:00 +0000

It's February again and I know many of you lovebirds are looking forward to Valentine's Day already :)

If you're looking for romantic ideas for that special someone, you will definitely find this ebook by Michael Webb as useful as I did ;) Click on the book cover below to download his free ebook on 101 Romantic Ideas. Enjoy!

Well, if you don't have a date for Valentine's Day, don't fret! I'll share with you some ideas to survive Valentine's Day without a significant other.

It's Not Just For Couples

Valentine's Day is about showing love and appreciation for the people you care about. I remember one year on Valentine's when my single friends and I decided to head for a girls day out. We planned a day watching movies, window shopping followed by dinner and lots of chit-chats. Every once in a while we would see a girl walk past with a huge bouquet and a man beside her but we were having too much fun being together that we never let it bother us. The key is to spend the day with the people you care about. They could be your close friends or members of your family. It does not have to be confined only to your significant other so don't be afraid to spread the love to those you care.

Alone, Lonely and Miserable

Do not stay home alone if you all you would do is bash yourself up and wallow in self-pity. Plan a day out. Fix an appointment at the beauty parlor. Pamper yourself. Get busy. If you have a hobby, this would be a great time to catch up on those interests. Call up a close friend and see if they would be willing to engage in these activities with you. Just remember: Your happiness is in your own hands so instead of letting yourself suffer alone in misery, why not 'cook up' an activity and have fun at the same time?

Home Sweet Home

If you're very much like me, you'd probably prefer to just stay home, spend some quiet time alone and basically just relax a lot. You might feel comfortable just chilling at home on the couch watching a couple of DVDs and your favourite tele-series. Don't forget though, if you plan to stay home this Valentine's you can do more than just being a couch potato. PAMPER YOURSELF! I mention pampering yourself a lot because I think we all deserve it! The one thing I LOVE to do at home while watching TV is to soak my tired feet in warm water. I have these small tubs which are just nice to fit my feet into. I would add these nice lemongrass footsoaks which are available at many beauty shops. There are a wide range to choose from. I like to pick out those that gives off a really nice fragrance. After about 10mins when I'm done, I'll just give my feet a little scrub with pumice stone and rinse them off before lathering them with my favourite lotion. Walla! By the time you're done, you're gonna have the smoothest feet ever! You might also like to try putting on a face mask. As you lie in bed with the mask, relax your thoughts. Close your eyes. Bring yourself to a place that makes you feel calm. I like to think of beaches and waterfalls. So what I'd do is to imagine myself being there, indulged in the beautiful view, hearing the birds in the sky and the sound of the waters. It helps me relax and when I'm relaxed, the benefits of the mask would probably be 2 times more effective. There are many more things you can indulge yourself in when being home alone on Valentine's. YOU are the person you care about so don't feel guilty about putting yourself first.

Hello World!

Planning a day out to town? Be it alone or getting some friends to go along with you, all you need to remember is to have fun! You don't have to go overboard and do silly things that you might regret later on. If the simple act of just getting coffee at Starbucks and catching up with some reading is your idea of fun, then so be it! If you think you'd rather hang out with friends for a dinner and a karaoke session to follow where you can shout your lungs out into the microphone then go all for it! If you'd rather spend the day out at the gym for a quick workout and a sauna/steam bath then no one can stop you. Whatever you do, do it for yourself and simply have fun. The best thing about going out, even if you don't have a date, is you can dress up a bit, slap on some lipstick and look your absolute best!

I've shared a couple of things that you can do for Valentine's Day be it as a couple or single. If anyone else has some tips or advice, feel free to share your thoughts in the comments!

Because you deserve the very best in love!

Niza A.