for all the things we hope for

Fake smiles (and broken souls)

2012-02-09T18:55:00.000-08:00

I wanted to use my computer during class today which meant that I needed to switch to a seat by the wall instead of my usual one in the back. My computer battery has taken a turn for the worst and so my computer only works when plugged in. This meant that I sat next to a girl I had never spoken to before. She is in the class for the second time so she hasn't been in our class the whole program.

A Culmination of Emotion

2012-02-08T13:19:00.000-08:00

Matt and I have both been on an emotional ledge of sorts lately. Feeling incompetent, fragile, and just generally down in the dumps. I've not kept my history with mental illness much of a secret but I definitely don't find myself being as open about it as I am about our miscarriage. Now that I am in my psych nursing class, it is always on the forefront of my mind. I am worried about how

February Challenge & other random life

2012-02-05T22:38:00.000-08:00

This month is yoga month. So far, I've just been doing a few poses when I wake up and then a few before bed. I feel like I don't wake up with the aches that I used to which may just be from the stretching but I have a new addiction for sure. I am planning on trying a hot yoga class on Tuesday morning but since it is just luck that I am out of school that morning, it doesn't look like it will be

It's getting so close!

2012-01-28T15:57:00.000-08:00

Happy first ICLW of 2012!

2012-01-21T21:55:00.000-08:00

Giving ICLW a shot again and hoping that finding time to participate won't cut into practicing for my calculations assessment next week. My procrastination must end soon! For those of you who don't know about ICLW, check in out in my side bar. You can find mine and the other 111 blogs and get more info here. You can go here to find more about me (and Matt) here. Right now, I'm waiting to ovulate

The whirlwind begins

2012-01-18T10:56:00.000-08:00

I had my first day of my last semester of nursing school yesterday. The instructor talks faster than anyone I have ever met and is just kind of a spaz, bouncing from story to story and having random little bursts of energy where she calls on people. I bit all my finger nails off during class today. No more anti-anxiety meds like I had last semester since they don't really go along with making a

At least it was quick

2012-01-12T07:46:00.000-08:00

I guess I should be thankful in some odd way that I don't have some crazy long luteal phase. Clo.mid has given me pretty consistent 28 or 29 day cycles so I knew I wouldn't have to wait long to find out if this month had been just another bust. I spent all day yesterday in a lovely place of both hope & optimism, as well as resilience and resolve. I aimlessly searched through charts on fertility

The most simple DIY headboard

2012-01-11T11:13:00.000-08:00

I have kept myself very busy over this semester break which has meant that very few of the projects for our house that I had meant to do, just haven't gotten done. Since school starts back up next Tuesday, I knew I was running out of time and I am finally being able to check some boxes off my forever long to-do list. You may notice some changes around the blog (and this blog too) and changes

And onto 2012

2012-01-01T17:33:00.000-08:00

We had too much fun trying to get a pic w/ us both in it I have made New Years resolutions the past few years (2010 here and 2011 here) so I thought I'd carry the tradition over while updating all my lurkers about this Clomid cycle and adding in random pictures from our fun Christmas hike out near the Buffalo River. I have also been inspired by Keiko over at Hannah Wept, Sarah Laughed

Time is flying by

2011-12-21T14:46:00.001-08:00

It has already been a week since my last final and I have not accomplished anything. I have been working a ton at Dixie and with the kiddo so I haven't had a single day to just do nothing. I did get in a couple of hikes last week but just haven't had time the last few days. Check out my pictures of the beautiful trail. Tonight will be my last dose of clomid and I am definitely noticing a lot

My 20lbs

2011-12-02T16:05:00.001-08:00

Maybe not quite as noticeable as I would have hoped, but you can see more of my belly button and just how pear shaped I am. I will never have a problem with a square torso. Just wanted to post them here to I can better keep track of my progress. I will post more pictures once I hit 179 which will hopefully be by Valentines day.

A giant rambling update

2011-11-30T20:59:00.001-08:00

Life has been busier than I knew was possible but it has been so amazing. I had a wonderful Thanksgiving, even if it felt way too short, where I got to see almost every family member all in one day. I also got to spend time alone with my sister in law which hasn't happened ever! It was fantastic and I enjoyed getting to know her a lot better. Things are constantly changing so I will take you

I fail

2011-11-14T18:55:00.001-08:00

I am not a finisher. I start tons of projects, to do lists, blog posts, etc. but few of them get completely done. Right now I am procrastinating. I should be doing one of the many things on my existing to do lists but I am just worn out. I left my house at 6:30am Saturday and didn't make it home until after midnight. Then I had to wake up at 8 Sunday to work at Dixie. And of course we were

It never ends

2011-11-09T21:33:00.001-08:00

Big test tomorrow and I am feeling so unprepared. I'm going to just hope for the best and take extra anxiety meds with me. Wish me luck! Sharing with you what our pups looked like almost a year ago and what they look like now.

Drowning

2011-11-07T20:00:00.000-08:00

I'm barely keeping my head above the water and my grades are definitely showing that. Long day at clinicals today, more studying to do before bed, and I just want to run away! Ugh, and now rain that just makes me want to climb in bed.

Exhaustion

2011-11-06T20:38:00.001-08:00

Today has kicked my butt! We were super busy at Dixie and I ran around for 3 hours straight with barely a chance to catch my breath and since the majority of my patrons were over the age of 65, I do not have much to show for it other than sore legs. I wasn't near as sore this morning as I expected to be after that run yesterday but once I got home from Dixie everything began to ache. I completed

Great day

2011-11-05T21:19:00.001-07:00

Head some fun pictures taken by a previous doula client of mine, pushed orr bodies running, and felt an earth quake. Now to deal with the muscle soreness of tomorrow...

Putting pen to paper

2011-11-04T20:42:00.001-07:00

Today the prompt deals with preference between pen and paper. Despite how infrequently I actually write in my journal, I really prefer it for the more heavy stuff, the most private of my thoughts, especially as this blog has grown more frequented by my real life peoples. It is so nice to just go hike out a few miles, find a nice spot by the water for my hammock, and pull out my journal. I've been

Multitasking

2011-11-03T16:29:00.001-07:00

Todays prompt had to do with listening to music while blogging and I could do just about anything while listening to music. I clean best, study best, and definitely work out best when music is playing. I have to have a couple different things going on at once to function at top level. Maybe it's from being one of four kids but quiet just makes me uneasy. Some of our friends with kids tel me to

Last Meals

2011-11-02T19:51:00.001-07:00

It is fitting that the day two prompt for NaBloPoMo is about what you eat if your next meal were to be your last because hard core diet time starts tomorrow. Since convention I have gained back 4 of the 16 I'd managed to lose and it is time to reverse that asap. Matt and I have decided to do the couch to 5k program and hopefully run a 5k in January. I am excited to see the transformation in both

NaBloPoMo

2011-11-01T13:21:00.001-07:00

I have decided to use this next month to catch everyone up and participate in NaBloPoMo at the same time. I just got elected into a state board position with the Arkansas Nursing Students Association which will swallow even more of my nonexistent free time. I promise to talk all about the state convention, campaigning, and all that fun stuff on Thursday. For today, I am going to use the prompt

An Incredible Story of Kindness

2011-10-10T10:22:00.000-07:00

I had one of those experiences that left me feeling inspired, humbled, and restored all my faith in the world. Every single little moment in an entire series of events fell into place at exactly the right time, in exactly the right place, and I am still in awe of the world. This all happened Friday evening, after Matt had left to go spend the weekend with his family in Bald Knob (about 4 hours

I love my hectic life

2011-10-06T07:04:00.000-07:00

These past few weeks have been awesome. I attended an amazing (and insanely long) birth that you'll be able to read all about at my doula blog pretty soon. I ordered some awesome business cards that I can't wait to show off. I had some amazing clinical days at an elementary school and a developmental school. Those incredibly precious kids and some great deals on Craigslist have me so much more

One thousand and ninety five days

2011-09-19T07:37:00.000-07:00

I felt today sneaking up on me like a slow motion cresting wave of emotions just waiting to crash me into the rocky shore. It's always interesting to me the way time feels. All at the same time things can feel so recent and raw but so far away. Three years have passed since I was irreversibly changed by loss. Matt and I spent a little bit of time talking the other night about how it has changed

That was intense

2011-09-13T14:01:00.000-07:00

It has been a whirlwind couple of days. Arkansas Children's Hospital is such an amazing place and all of the nurses I worked with were incredible. I can't go into specifics (HIPPA and all) but I got to take care of sick kids and babies and really felt like I was in my groove. I tried to keep myself sheltered from the children that are pretty much living there abandoned but just hearing my