Simply Tarok

Smart Indian Taxi Driver

noreply@blogger.com (Fifi) — Mon, 19 Apr 2010 06:34:00 +0000

A naked and drunken woman boards taxi in London one night.

The Indian driver keeps staring, and does not start the taxi.

Woman: “Haven't you ever seen a naked woman before?”

Driver: “I’m not staring at you lady ........................
Just wondering where have you kept money to pay me!

Unusual tattoo

noreply@blogger.com (Fifi) — Mon, 15 Feb 2010 15:42:00 +0000

This man thought he had the BEST tattoo in the world ....UNTIL

Until.... he landed in jail!

Wild Love Making

noreply@blogger.com (Fifi) — Sun, 24 Jan 2010 17:37:00 +0000

A trucker was driving his fully loaded rig to the top of a steep hill...
Just as he was starting down the equally steep other side, he noticed a man and a woman lying in the center of the road, making wild and passionate love.

In total disbelief, he blew his air horn several times as he was bearing down on them. He realized that they were not going to stop or get out of his way, so he slammed on his brakes and stopped just inches from them.

Furious, he got out of the cab and walked to the front of the truck. He looked down at the two, still on the road, and yelled, "What the hell's the matter with you two? Didn't you hear me blowing the horn? You could have been killed!"

Eventually, the man looked up at the truck driver, obviously satisfied and not too concerned and said, "Look, I was coming, she was coming, and you were coming. But you were the only one with brakes."

Dear penis

noreply@blogger.com (Fifi) — Thu, 31 Dec 2009 17:36:00 +0000

Happy New Year 2010.

Dear Penis...I dont think I like you anymore,
You used to watch me shave,
Now all you do is stare at the floor!

Oh dear penis...
I don't like you anymore,
It used to be you and me, a paper towel and a dirty magazine,
That's all we needed to get by...

Now it seems thing have changed,
And I think that you're the one to blame.
Dear Penis, I don't like you anymore,

He says...Dear Rodney,
I don't think I like you anymore,
cuz..when you get to drinking,
You put me places I've never been before,

Dear Rodney, I don't like you anymore,
Why can't we just get a grip on our man-to-hand relationship?
And come to term with truly how we feel,

If we put our heads together,
We'd just stay home forever,
Dear Penis
I think I like you after all,
Oh and Rodney...while you shavin....shave my balls!!!!

Song sang by RodneyCarrington.com.

What is your Peace of Mind

noreply@blogger.com (Fifi) — Thu, 03 Dec 2009 03:28:00 +0000

If you were to ask your neighbor,
"What would give you peace of mind?" he might tell you,
"A vacation in Bermuda !" or
"An extra hundred grand would give me peace!", or
"A new Ferrari would make me content!"

But going to places - and getting stuff - is usually a temporary solution ...

Peace of mind rarely comes from getting more stuff.
Getting more stuff usually leads to wanting even more stuff!
Peace of mind starts with being grateful for what

we have right now.

GRATITUDE is POWER

When we are thankful for what we have - for the friends we have, and for the things we've got, we attract more good people and good things! People who always complain about what they DON'T HAVE, stay stuck.

Complainers attract more things to complain about! It is a law of life. It's hard to explain, but you can observe it around you. We get more of what we dwell upon. That's why all the spiritual masters have taught the same lesson:

"Start by being thankful. Be happy with what you have now, and more will come your way."

It's a practical advice:
Every time you say a silent "thank you" become more peaceful

HEAVEN is when you have:
AMERICAN salary,
ENGLISH car,
CHINESE food, and
INDONESIAN wife.

HELL is when you have:
AMERICAN wife,
ENGLISH food,
CHINESE car, and
INDONESIAN salary.

Awesome BMW

noreply@blogger.com (Fifi) — Thu, 26 Nov 2009 02:15:00 +0000

Who doesn't like cars? I do!

Are you drinking the right tea?

noreply@blogger.com (Fifi) — Thu, 12 Nov 2009 16:28:00 +0000

I'm a tea lover. However, little did I know the following below!

1. People who use their 'brain' to work or students who study hard day and night should drink more ch! rysanthemum Tea.

2. People who need a lot of body energy to work or those people that do a lot of exercise everyday --- should drink Wu Loong Tea.

3. People who travel on a bike or work in dirty and polluted places --- should drink Green Tea.

4. For people who likes to sit down all day long and not doing anything even exercising --- must drink Green Tea and Flower Tea.

5. People who smoke and drink a lot of alcoholic drinks --- should drink more Green Tea.

6. Carnivore (those people who must eat meat) at least once a day, or feel sick or not feeling well --- try to drink some Wu Loong Tea.

7. People who go to the washroom too often or too less --- should drink more Honey Tea.

8. People with high cholesterol and high blood pressure --- Wu Loong Tea and Green Tea.

9. Those who work with computers everyday --- need to drink a Lots of Tea (any tea will do). Whenever you are working with the computer, you should make some tea; drink it when you are free.

Drinking Tea is healthy --- it can protect and prevent the harmful Ultraviolet light from harming us (when using computer). Furthermore, it can also cure us when we are tired and help make our body feel fresh again.

Miniature Bikes Made From Old Watches

noreply@blogger.com (Fifi) — Fri, 02 Oct 2009 14:45:00 +0000

This is cool stuff I found it somewhere. Next time if you happen to have any old and unused watches, do not throw it away. There is a chance that you can recycle it and do something beautiful. Oh perhaps, people will be interested in buying your creations. Cool right?

How nice if I'm talented to do this and get some extra pocket money! sigh!!

Click on the picture to enlarge.

Ancestors

noreply@blogger.com (Fifi) — Tue, 08 Sep 2009 03:40:00 +0000

A little girl asked her mother, "How did the human race appear?" The mother answered, "God made Adam and Eve and they had children, and so was all mankind made."

Two days later the girl asked her father the same question.. The father answered, "Many years ago there were monkeys from which the human race evolved.

The confused girl returned to her mother and said, "Mom, how is it possible that you told me the human race was created by God, and Dad said they developed from monkeys?" The mother answered, "Well, dear, it is very simple. I told you about my side of the family and your father told you about his."

Why surgeon are highly paid

noreply@blogger.com (Fifi) — Thu, 20 Aug 2009 04:28:00 +0000

A mechanic was removing the cylinder heads from the motor of a car when he spotted the famous heart surgeon in his shop, who was standing off to the side, waiting for the service manager to come to take a look at his car.

The mechanic shouted across the garage,

'Hello Doctor! Please come over here for a minute.'

The famous surgeon, a bit surprised, walked over to the mechanic.

The mechanic straightened up, wiped his hands on a rag and asked argumentatively,

'So doctor, look at this. I also open hearts, take valves out, grind 'em, put in new parts, and when I finish, this will work as a new one. So how come you get the big money, when you and me
is doing basically the same work? '

The doctor leaned over and whispered to the mechanic ........niamahfulat!!...try to do when the engine is running!!!

One drink per person

noreply@blogger.com (Fifi) — Thu, 23 Jul 2009 03:53:00 +0000

In the last company picnic, management decided that, due to economy uncertainty issues, we could have alcohol, but only limited to one (1) drink per person.

I was fired for ordering the cups....

TV and VCR connection

noreply@blogger.com (Fifi) — Sat, 20 Jun 2009 15:19:00 +0000

If anyone of you electronic boffins knows how to connect a surround sound to a
DVD/VCR, please let me know. My next door neighbor keeps on asking me to help and I have tried.

My wife is now complaining about the amount of time I am spending around her place, trying to help her out! I I am really struggling. But I really don't know why?

Below is a photo of what the set-up looks like.

Maybe you can help by looking at it.......!

Drinking water

noreply@blogger.com (Fifi) — Tue, 16 Jun 2009 16:01:00 +0000

One glass of water shuts down midnight hunger pangs for almost 100% of the dieters studied in a University study. Lack of water is the #1 trigger of daytime fatigue. Preliminary research indicates that 8-10 glasses of water a day could significantly ease back and joint pain for up to 80% of sufferers.

A mere 2% drop in body water can trigger fuzzy short-term memory, trouble with basic math, and difficulty focusing on the computer screen. Drinking 5 glasses of water daily decreases the risk of colon cancer by 45%, plus it can slash the risk of breast cancer by 79%, and one is 50% less likely to develop bladder cancer.

Are you drinking the amount of water you should every day?

(No kidding, all of the above are true...)

Of course, too much water may have strange side effects.

One Sunday morning

noreply@blogger.com (Fifi) — Wed, 29 Apr 2009 17:15:00 +0000

A minister decided to do something a little different one Sunday morning.

He said 'Today, in church, I am going to say a single word and you are going to help me preach. Whatever single word I say, I want you to sing whatever hymn that comes to your mind' the pastor shouted out 'CROSS.'

Immediately the congregation started singing in unison, 'THE OLD RUGGED CROSS.'

The pastor hollered out 'GRACE.' The congregation began to sing 'AMAZING GRACE, how sweet the sound.' The pastor said 'POWER.' The congregation sang 'THERE IS POWER IN THE BLOOD.'

The Pastor said 'SEX' The congregation fell into total silence.
Everyone was in shock. They all nervously began to look around at each other afraid to say anything.

Then all of a sudden, way from in the back of the church,
A little old 87 year old grandmother stood up and began to sing 'MEMORIES.'

Port Dickson

noreply@blogger.com (Fifi) — Wed, 22 Apr 2009 06:24:00 +0000

I don’t know about you but most of the time I will travel to Port Dickson during the weekends with my family for a short break. Port Dickson is a popular local beach and holiday destination situated about 32 km from Seremban and 90 km from Kuala Lumpur. It is located in the state of Negeri Sembilan in Peninsular Malaysia.

If you wanted to visit Port Dickson, there are plenty of 5 Stars beach resorts for hotel bookings. As for budget travelers, there are also budget hotels and accommodation bookings too. I found out that the people there are warm and friendly.

Although during the weekends, this little PD town is packed with holiday seekers people traveled from far to taste the fresh seafood in Port Dickson.

Perfect planning is always essential.

noreply@blogger.com (Fifi) — Sat, 18 Apr 2009 16:01:00 +0000

One Night 4 college students were playing till late night and could not study for the test which was scheduled for the next day.

In the morning they thought of a plan. They made themselves look as dirty with grease and dirt. They then went up to the Dean and said that they had gone out to a wedding last night and on their return the tire of their car burst and they had to push the car all the way back and that they were in no condition to appear for the test.

So the Dean said they could have the re-test after 3 days. They
thanked him and said they would be ready by that time.

On the third day they appeared before the Dean. The Dean said that as this was a Special Condition Test, all four were required to sit in separate classrooms for the test. They all agreed as they had prepared well in the last 3 days.

The Test consisted of 2 questions with a total of 100 Marks.

See Below for the question Paper

Q.1. Your Name........ ......... ......... (2 MARKS)

Q.2.. which tire burst? (98 MARKS)

a) Front Left

b) Front Right

c) Back Left

d) Back Right

Two types of YOGA

noreply@blogger.com (Fifi) — Fri, 10 Apr 2009 16:01:00 +0000

Yoga is a healing system of theory and practice. It is a combination of breathing exercises, physical postures, and meditation that has been practiced for more than 5,000 years. In a recent survey conducted by myself I have came to the conclusion that there are two types of Yoga. As you can see from the first picture the uncle is performing an ancient yoga but the other one lower below is the current yoga!! hahahaha

Want to learn something?

noreply@blogger.com (Fifi) — Wed, 08 Apr 2009 16:29:00 +0000

Hey, got this from a friend today. There are lots of mix goodies I would like to share it with you. It is quite interesting. I'm sure you'll find it interesting. Got lots of pictures to see and at the same time learn something.

The liquids inside young coconuts can be use as substitute for Blood Plasma.

Donkeys kill more people annually than plane crash.

No piece of paper can be folded in half more than 7 times.

I burned more colories sleeping than sitting there watching TV. You believe anot?

The King of Heart is the only King without a moustache.

Most dust particles in your house are made from dead skin.

The first product to have a BAR code was Wrigley's gum.

Walt Disney was afraid of Mice wan.

It is possible to lead a cow upstairs but not downstairs. True anot?

My dentist has recommended that a toothbrush be kept at least six feet away from a toilet to avoid airborne particles resulting from the flush.

Turtle can breathe through their butt!! Wakakaka

and finally I show you one secret which you have not seen before in your entire life. My friend Yinsi Yat practices riding a bike like that. Shhhh!!! you dun go tell him ok? We all quite-quite see. Hehehehe...Nih

Wakaakakaka

The current economic situation today

noreply@blogger.com (Fifi) — Fri, 03 Apr 2009 18:03:00 +0000

Do you think the cartoons say it all at this current economic situation today?

Where is the profit when today people are selling organic apples still at five cents?

Although gas prices has dropped but many corporate companies are making huge losses and cutting off staffs. Unemployment is at the high point now! sigh!!!!

Many banks are at bailout stage and has no money to lend.

Do you like big melons?

noreply@blogger.com (Fifi) — Thu, 26 Mar 2009 05:50:00 +0000

Tell me who don't love boobs? I am fond of boobs. However, the boobs pictures below are way too big and hot for me to handle. Hahaha. Actually I'm pretty sure that those melons are fake. Given the change, I don't think I can even catch it with both my hands.

Big anot?

Watermelon sold in the supermarket also lose out!

Don't wet your PC, ok?

No hands below your table, okay? kekeke

If you put your face in between, sure die of breathing difficulty!

And I found this awesome video for you!!

Don't simply poke! Wakakakaka!

Poking in the wrong hole

noreply@blogger.com (Fifi) — Wed, 25 Mar 2009 06:26:00 +0000

In Hong Kong, the police received a disturbing call from a man in trouble. Xing, a 41 year-old man, was calling from LanTian park in the middle of the night. The lonely and disturbed man had apparently thought it would be fun to have sex with one of the steel sit-up benches around the park. The bench has numerous small holes in it, which Xing used to attempt to satisfy himself. However, once he became aroused he found that he was stuck and could not get his penis out of the small hole.

He panicked and called the police to help him. When police arrive they found Xian stuck face down where he had been stuck for some time. When doctors arrived on the scene they tried to release some of the pressure by removing some of his blood, but the penis was so swollen that they ended up having to cut the entire bench free and take it, with Xian attached, to the hospital.

4 painful hours later, Doctors finally separated Xian from his bench. Doctors stated that if he had been stuck for even an hour longer, they would have had to remove his penis.

Chimp play mommy to white tiger cubs

noreply@blogger.com (Fifi) — Mon, 16 Mar 2009 16:22:00 +0000

Two white tigers were separated from their mother and a chimp came to the rescue. He became surrogate mom and playmate to the cubs, even helping with bottle feeding, according to the source. But here's the truly amazing part. He does this all the time, having raised leopard and lion cubs. I would call this a different kind of love. What do ya think?

A meaningful story to share with you

noreply@blogger.com (Fifi) — Mon, 09 Mar 2009 18:05:00 +0000

A little story we should learn from here.

Once upon a time, a contractor who had made a fortune building homes, told his supervisor of 35 years, "I'm going to build one last house and u will build it for me because I'll be gone for a year" He asked the supervisor to use the best material -- money is no consideration ..make it the greatest house he has ever built. Having given these instructions , the contractor left.

The supervisor thought that this was a great opportunity to make a fortune .He used the cheapest material inside but made the house look beautiful form outside. After a year ,the contractor returned, he inspected the house and asked the supervisor what he thought of the house .

The supervisor replied "it's the best house I've ever built"

THE CONTRACTOR HANDED OVER THE DEED TO HIM AND SAID ....THIS IS MY PARTING GIFT TO U"

MORAL of this story is we should develop a high standard of personal ethics ....and always do the right things, even if no one is watching us.

Difference between Wife &Girlfriend

noreply@blogger.com (Fifi) — Thu, 05 Mar 2009 16:01:00 +0000

Some people say:
Wife is a HARIMAU ...............
Girlfriend is HARI HARI MAU...

And some say:
Wife is like TV, Girlfriend is like Handphone (HP)
At home watch TV, Go out bring HP.
No money, sell TV. Got money change HP.
Sometimes enjoy TV but most of the time play with HP.

TV free for life but HP, if you don't pay, the services will be terminated.
TV is big, bulky and most of the time old but HP, is cute, slim, curvy and very portable at any time.
Operational cost for TV is often acceptable but for HP is high and often demanding.
Most Important, TV got remote but HP doesn’t have.
Last but not least.......
TV do not have virus but HP have VIRUS......
Once get it, HABIS LAH.
So better choose TV lah!! Hahaha

Welcome to the nudist colony

noreply@blogger.com (Fifi) — Mon, 02 Mar 2009 16:01:00 +0000

A man joined a very exclusive nudist colony. On his first day he took off his clothes and started to wander around the area to look see. A gorgeous petite blonde with big boobs walked by, and the man immediately got an erection.

The woman noticed his erection, came over to him and asked, did you call for me?
The man replied, 'No, what do you mean?

She said, You must be new here. Let me explain. It's a rule here that if you get an erection, it implies you called for me. Smiling, she lead him to the side of the swimming pool, laid down on a towel eagerly pulled him to her and happily let him have his way with her.

Later, the man continued to explore the colony's facilities. He entered the sauna and as he sat down, he farted. Within seconds a huge, hairy man lumbered out of the steam room toward him.
'Did you call for me?' asked the hairy man. No, what do you mean? replied the newcomer.

You must be new here answered the hairy man, 'It's a rule that if you fart, it implies that you called for me.' The huge man easily spun him around, put him over a bench and had his way with the newcomer.

The newcomer staggered back to the colony office where he was greeted by a smiling, naked receptionist. May I help you?' she asked. 'Here's my membership card. You can have the key back and you can keep the $500 membership fee.'

'But, Sir,' she replied, 'you've only been here a few hours. You haven't had a chance to see all our facilities.' Listen lady, I'm 68 years old. I only get an erection once a month, but I fart 15 times a day. I'm outta here.'