sociopath: noun 1. a person with a psychopathic personality whose behavior is antisocial, often criminal, and who lacks a sense or moral responsibility or social conscience.

“But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control. Against such there is no law.” -Galatians 5:22-23

I hope that you are starting to notice a pattern emerging from this series. I talk about the gifts of the Holy Spirit an awful lot, and there is a good reason for that. A few months ago I wrote a post about love, the most important fruit we have, but today I want to focus on the key to being able to use the gifts of the Spirit at all times, even when we don’t feel like it. Today we are going to talk about self-control.

The Makings of a Selfish Sociopath

If selfish ambitions have been the prison in my life, self-control has been the key that opened the door for my release. What does that mean? Well, if you look at the works of the flesh (found in Galatians 5:19-21), you will notice that self ambition is on the list. Self ambition, which means that you care more about yourself and your desires than others, will cause us to fail at every single one of the fruits of the spirit. But why? Well in our flesh, we are selfish. That means that we are capable of doing whatever it takes to get whatever we want. It means that I am capable of becoming a sociopath. That is in direct contrast with loving, being peaceful, being kind, being gentle, and so on and so forth — you get the idea. Apart from the Holy Spirit, every single one of us is capable of murder, molestation, rape, and adultery, just to name a few. This may shock you. If you believe that you are above committing any of these sins, you are being deceived. According to the Bible, our hearts are deceitfully wicked, and the works of the flesh are evident. Look at these two verses with me:

“The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked; who can know it?” -Jeremiah 17:9

“Now the works of the flesh are evident, which are: adultery, fornication, uncleanness, lewdness, idolatry, sorcery, hatred, contentions, jealousies, outbursts of wrath, selfish ambitions, dissensions, heresies, envy, murders, drunkenness, revelries, and the like; of which I tell you beforehand, just as I also told you in time past, that those who practice such things will not inherit the kingdom of God.” -Galatians 5:19-21

Let me go on the record to state that I know that I personally am capable of doing all of those things on that list. I am capable of murder, lewdness, adultery, idolatry, outbursts of wrath, and the list goes on. I will say it in plain language. I know that I am capable of harming another person, planning a murder, and doing perverted things (lewdness). You may be tempted to say something like, “Don’t say that Kristin, I know you! That isn’t true at all.” But it is. It is true for all of us, according to God’s Word, if we give into our flesh and our heart’s deceitful desires. We think that there are levels to our sin, and we say that certain things are worse than others. But God only makes two distinctions when it comes to sin; blaspheming the Holy Spirit in Matthew 12:31 (denying and deciding permanently that God doesn’t exist), and stumbling a child in Luke 17:2. On this scale of mild sin to severe sin, we deceive ourselves into thinking that even though we may lie and envy, that we would never commit murder or heresy. But that isn’t biblical, and that kind of thinking gets us into serious trouble. That is the exact place that Satan wants us to be, caught off guard by our own sin.

How Can I Stop This

The only way to be set free from the punishment we deserve for our sin is believe entirely that Jesus Christ took the punishment for all of my sins, and cleansed me on the cross. But is there a way that we can stop sinning? The answer is unfortunately, no. However, believers do go through a process called sanctification, which is a kind of purification. Let’s go to 2 Timothy for a clearer explanation.

“But in a great house there are not only vessels of gold and silver, but also of wood and clay, some for honor and some for dishonor. Therefore if anyone cleanses himself from the later, he will be a vessel for honor, sanctified and useful for the Master, prepared for every good work.” -2 Timothy 2:20-21

Wood and clay are full of imperfections that can never be taken completely out without completely destroying them. Silver and gold however, can be purified by being melted down with fire, and be an even stronger vessel. If we avoid the imperfections, aka sin, and allow God to purify us, over time we will become vessels of honor for our Master, aka God. But how can I start the process of sinning less? How can I possess the gifts of the Holy Spirit? Those are great questions.

Self-Control – My New Best Friend

As a baby Christian, I never realized how valuable self-control was. It is the last fruit of the Spirit on the list, after all. Shouldn’t that mean it is the least important? I think it is at the end of the list because without it, everything before it would be impossible to achieve. I don’t know about you, but I don’t always feel like being kind or long-suffering. I definitely don’t always feel like loving, and many times I want to embrace grumpiness and forget about joy. So often, my pride demands that me being right is more important than peace, and faithfulness, that’s just too hard. But if the Bible says that I should have these gifts if I have the Holy Spirit in me, then why is it so hard to do them?

The key is self-control. We have to choose how we respond. Every time I have an opportunity to be kind, I can utilize self-control to make sure I am kind. When my deceitful heart tells me I can’t be longsuffering right now, I can tell it to shut up, and I can choose to be longsuffering. But self-control isn’t just talking yourself into doing something, it is a gift that God has given us, as believers, and it means that through the power of the Holy Spirit, we have control over what we do. I love that, don’t you! We aren’t under the control of our sinful flesh anymore. Praise God! Hallelujah!! I’m using exclamation marks because I really mean it.

Teaching My Kids Self-Control

I feel like the most important thing I could teach my kids, aside from the loving salvation found in Jesus Christ alone, is how to have self-control. Before my kids get saved, it is not a topic that we discuss. I don’t expect them to be able to have self-control apart from the Holy Spirit. The Bible doesn’t tell me that I should expect non-believers to have self-control. But as soon as my kids profess and accept Jesus Christ (we are waiting on one more… he’s still a bit young through), I start talking about self-control, a lot. I bet my kids are tired of hearing about it, to be honest. Last week, my daughter was mad about the way I brushed her hair. She started to throw a fit, crying, and thrashing around her room, throwing things. My husband told her that she had two choices, she could stop throwing a fit and she would be able to go to the park, or if she continued to throw a fit, she would have to stay home. She chose poorly. I checked on her a few times after my husband and the other kids left for the park to meet up with friends. At first she still had anger in her eyes. When she is angry, it is written all over her face. A few checks later, I could see it. Repentance. She was sorry that she missed  going to the park.

I went in and asked her a question, “Sweetie, do you understand that Daddy gave you a choice, and you chose not to go to the park?” “Yes,” she whispered. “If you would have chose to have self-control, you could have stopped throwing a fit.” “I know,” she said. “Listen, it is my job to teach you how to have self-control. Do you know why?” Cue slow blinking. I continued, “Because if you don’t have self-control now, with Mommy and Daddy to help you see which choices are good, you won’t be able to have self-control when you grow up. When adults don’t have self-control they can’t keep a job, no one wants to be friends with them, and most importantly they don’t choose to obey God. Does that sound like the kind of life you want to have?” “No mommy! I don’t want to have a life like that.” “Well, through the Holy Spirit, through God, we can use their power to have self-control. That’s what the Bible says. Ok?” “Ok,” she said, through her slow crocodile tears. The same is true for us as adults. If we don’t allow the Holy Spirit to empower us with the gift of self-control, we are going to miss out. We will miss opportunities to point others to Jesus through love, and we will miss out on our ability to encourage others through kindness, gentleness, and faithfulness. The gifts of the Spirit are tools that are only enabled to children of God, and we ought to be using them. But the only way to make sure we use them even when we don’t feel like we can, is through the gift of self-control.

Even In One Thing

After our mother-daughter conversation, which ended with hugs and kisses, God showed me something that shocked me. He showed me a picture of what my life would be like if I hadn’t exercised self-control in one choice, many years ago. While I was in college, God asked me to take a break from having a dating relationship with anyone. He asked me if I would be willing to go on a time-out, to spend two years getting to know Him better, so I could learn to depend solely on Him. I reluctantly said yes. I knew I needed it, and I wanted to deepen my relationship with God. I understood that I needed to learn how to let God be my everything. But it was really difficult. I was in college and there were cute guys all around me. I will admit that I was easily distracted back then. There were different opportunities where I could have pushed my way into a relationship, but I remembered what God had asked me to do. I decided to have self-control.

Meanwhile back in my kids’ , God showed me the consequences of the choice I had in made in college to have self-control in this area. Without that one choice I wouldn’t have met my husband, I wouldn’t have my three wonderful children, and I wouldn’t have the life I have now. These relationships that I treasure so dearly would have never existed.

For Every Believer

Don’t forget about self-control. It is available to you, as a child of God, and I suggest you use it every chance you get. I’m not saying that I never lose it. I do. But more often than not, these days at least, I remember that self-control gives me a choice and chance to respond to things in a way that honors God and allows me to be a better vessel for my Master.

Let’s pray…

Dear Lord,

Thank You so much that You have given us the gifts of the Holy Spirit. Thank You, Father, that we are no longer at the mercy of our flesh, and that you sent your Son to save us. Please help us to remember the gifts, to use them, and to have self-control. We know that without You, we wouldn’t have this amazing gift. Please help us to grow in our faith, Jesus. We love you so much!! Thank you that because of you, we have the liberty not to be slaves to the works of our flesh.

In Jesus name,

Amen

I know I still haven’t done a post about my new book, but I’m planning to have it up for free on Amazon on August 1st, so I will probably do a post about it then. If you can’t wait, click here.

Until next time, God bless you.

Sincerely adorned,

Kristin

The post The Basics: I’m a Selfish Sociopath that needs Self-Control appeared first on Sincerely Adorned.

The last post in this series was about praying. If you haven’t read it yet, I highly recommend it. But what comes next? Well if you want to get to know God better, and start trusting Him, you need to give Him opportunities to talk to you, to teach you, to love you. This starts with the regular intake of God’s word, but we need the Holy Spirit to help us understand what God is trying to tell us.  We need to hear God’s still, small voice.

Nothing At All

One of the things that alluded me most when I was a baby Christian was hearing from God. I remember that I wanted to hear from Him so badly, but days would go by without anything. Not a verse, not a word, not an answered prayer. I read my bible every day, but some days I didn’t understand the connection between the words on paper, and my life.

Looking back on those times has made me think about you, dear reader. I have spent a lot of time praying about this specific topic, asking God to show me what He would have me say to you about it.

The Practicing Stage

When I was praying about it God reminded of a common scene that took place in my life at that time. I can still see myself, sitting at my desk (under my lofted bed), resting my feet on the ledge while I reclined in my office chair, quiet. Not saying anything. Trying not to think. Practicing. Listening.

“My sheep hear My voice, and I know them, and they know Me. And I give them eternal life, and they shall never perish; neither shall anyone snatch them out of My hand.” John 10:27-28

I don’t mind being the dumb sheep in this equation as long as the brave, strong shepherd is Jesus Christ. Sheep know the specific voice of their shepherd, but why? Because they hear it over and over again. They spend time with the shepherd until one day they would be able to tell his voice apart from any other voice. That is the same thing we need to do when we are getting to know Jesus. We need to spend time listening to Him. That doesn’t always mean we will hear Him, but we need to practice so that day can come when we can tell His voice apart from all of the others. We need to invest time in trying to understand our Father in heaven. Do you ever pray and then just sit there waiting for an answer? I used to do just that. I would sit there and try to focus on hearing from God. Many times nothing would happen, but it was good practice, and these days I do hear from God a lot more often.

Sitting Still

“Be still and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth!” Psalm 46:10

I could take this verse very literally and say, “Sit still!” when you want to hear from God. But I don’t think that is what this verse means. On one level, sure, but there is so much more to it than that. For men maybe this verse means, “Stop trying to fix this!” For women I feel like this verse means, “Stop worrying and overthinking everything. Relax and trust me. I’m God. Stop letting your mind run scenarios like a hamster on a wheel, going nowhere. I’ve got this.” Notice that God has to use a few more words to get through to us women I don’t know about you, but I am very tempted not to sit still. I want to do something when I have a problem or something comes up. I always want to go talk to someone about everything. In fact I want to go talk to many someones. I think talking over everything in detail will make me feel better. Over the years, however, God has shown me that I need to take my worries and hurts to Him first. First of all, I may be overreacting, which He lovingly reminds me of once I calm down if that is the case. Secondly, I don’t want to involve anyone else in gossip, if the thing that is upsetting me has to do with someone else. Sometimes the best way for me to tell God about what is really bothering me is to think about what I would say to a close friend, and then say it to God instead. Being still means that you don’t react based on your emotions, but take a moment, talk to God, and try to deal with the situation based on God’s Word and God’s desires for your life. As a parent, I am constantly being tested in this area.

Am I Really Saying That God Speaks

I know that everyone has different experiences when it comes to hearing from God. I think we all know when He is speaking to us through a verse in the bible, when we hear the same phrase from several different people within a few days, or when someone prays for us about something that we never told them about. These are generally accepted ways of hearing from God in the Christian community. But then there are arguments about whether people actually hear from God individually. I can tell you that in my own life, I also experience God as a type of consciousness.

“Your ears shall hear a word behind you saying, ‘This is the way, walk in it,’ whenever you turn to the right hand or whenever you turn to the left.” Isaiah 30:21

Sometimes I hear a voice in my head telling me to do something, or responding to a question during prayer. It sounds a lot like my inner voice (like when you read) but it is a lot quieter, gentler, and doesn’t get angry like I do. This voice also says things that are far too wise to come from myself. If you think I’m being crazy, I don’t care, that’s ok. But if you relate to what I am saying, then I wrote this for you.

That Other Voice

If you already thought I was being crazy when I talked about hearing a conscious form of God speaking to me, you are not going to like this next part. There have been a few times in my life when I have experienced hearing another voice, kind of like the voice I described earlier. However it actually sounded and felt different— it wasn’t wise, at all. It was condemning and challenged me to do stupid things that would put my family and I in danger in a quest for self righteousness. God would never do that. I don’t want to scare you, I just want you to know to be careful. We do know this about satan:

“The thief does not come except to steal, and to kill, and to destroy.” John 10:10a

This is Jesus talking about satan… whom he calls, “the thief.” If you don’t think that satan will try to imitate God’s methods of communications to make you an ineffective Christian, you are wrong. Use discretion and listen for the Holy Spirit warning you, telling you not to listen to this destructive force that seeks to manipulate, steal, kill, and destroy.

That is all I have for this week about hearing God’s voice. If you have any questions about this topic, please send them in and I would love to do my best to answer them.

Next time, I will be talking about my new book, “The Truth About Godly Confidence,” that will hit online retailers next week. I hope you will join me for that.

Let’s pray.

Dear Heavenly Father,

Thank You for this time. Lord, I pray that You would please help my sisters to know how to hear from you. I know that there is a specific way that you desire to speak to each one of them. I pray that they would learn to be still so that they can hear Your voice, which we all need so desperately. Thank You that You actually want to communicate with us, and that You love us so much that you sent Your Son to die on the cross so that we can be with You in heaven for all eternity. We love you Lord.

In Your Son’s precious name,

Amen

I hope you tune in next week!

Sincerely Adorned,

Kristin

The post The Basics: To Hear God’s Voice appeared first on Sincerely Adorned.

One of the most fundamental problems in any marriage today is the problem of unrealistic expectations. We have unrealistic expectations for our husbands. Women all over the world are battling with the same problem, they desire to feel loved. When I first got married, I thought that I would finally feel loved and desired. I thought that all the issues from my past would melt away. Daddy problems, bam, gone. Insecurities, boom, permanently dissolved. Low self-esteem, p’wned (that is a gaming term for owned, or defeated). Loneliness, forget about it, I would never feel lonely again. But I was very wrong, and these insane expectations I thought my husband should meet put horrible stress on our marriage.

Sinful People Cannot Be Perfect

I am not saying that your husband shouldn’t cherish you, or love you the way that Christ loves the church. What I am saying is that your husband is not Jesus. Your husband could never take the place of Jesus in your heart. Not only that, but your husband is a human, made up of sinful flesh, just like you and I. That means that you cannot expect him to be perfect. Husbands make mistakes. Wives make mistakes. Jesus does not make any mistakes. Some of the most lonely moments in my life have been right next to my husband. I was lonely because I turned to my husband to help me through a situation where he did not understand how I was feeling. He could not understand. But the reason I was really lonely is because I wasn’t taking my problems to Jesus, the only One that truly understands every situation I go through. He is the only One that can love me the way I need to be loved.

My Husband Failed, Let’s Have Some Kids

A lot of times, women realize that their husband will not be able to fill this void in their life, so they decide to take the next step. Surely, having children will fill that void. It will give my life purpose and guarantee that there will be someone that loves me unconditionally. First of all, this is a huge mistake, because you are going from placing unrealistic expectations on your husband to placing them on your unborn child. Secondly, your quest to fill the void in your life will fail again and you will start to become bitter. Children of parents that expect them to be their, “everything,” will always tell you that they felt trapped and unequipped to meet the demands of this emotionally dependent parent.

The Return Of Mrs. Thirsty

Remember Mrs. Thirsty from John chapter 4? We talked about her in this post from the self-esteem series. She was looking to be satisfied, to have that same void filled in her life, but a string of unsuccessful marriages and living with her most recent boyfriend did not even come close to filling that void. She needed Jesus. He told her that if she drank the water He had, she would never thirst again. She would never feel that void again.

“but whoever drinks of the water that I shall give him will never thirst. But the water that I shall give him will become in him a fountain of water springing up into everlasting life.” John 4:14

Not only would she never thirst again, but she also would have eternal life. That is an awesome deal, if you ask me.

Changing The Pattern

So how can we free ourselves, our marriages, and our children from the heavy unrealistic expectations that we place on people to give our lives meaning and make us feel loved? The short answer is, we can’t. Only Jesus can. But we have to allow Him to do this work. We need to accept that Jesus is the only One that will be able to understand everything we go through. We need to find our worth in His love for us as individuals. We need to believe God when He says that we are fearfully and wonderfully made. We need to acknowledge that we have made our husband and children into idols, and put their acceptance and understanding of us above God’s acceptance and understanding of us. We need to repent, and apologize to our family members. Only when we see our pattern of sin and repent, can we have victory in our walk with God.

A Place To Start

If you are experiencing the unnecessary stress and pressure of placing unrealistic expectations on your spouse the first thing you need to do is acknowledge this pattern of behavior. The second thing to do is start a new pattern of behavior, and look to Jesus to fill this void in your life. He is the only one that can truly make you feel loved. He is the only one in your life that can heal the hurts that are still buried deep down inside of your heart. He is the only one that can satisfy the longings you have been passing onto to your husband. This is something that I had to start doing in my own, every day life. Whenever something upsetting happens, or I remember a past hurt that threatens to fill my heart with bitterness, I pray. I tell Jesus what is bothering me. I ask Him to help me see my sin, if there are any specific sins that need to be addressed regarding this issue. I ask Him to help me through this, to comfort me, and to give me His overwhelming sense of peace.

“Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.” Philippians 4:6-7

See, it says right there, let your requests be made known to God, not to anyone else. That doesn’t mean you can’t talk to other people, like your husband, about things that are bothering you. In fact, you should frequently share with your husband, because that creates intimacy, which is God’s desire for your marriage. But you should go to God first. Your husband cannot give you that sense of peace that God can, no matter how hard he tries.

Husbands Like To Fix Things

If you do take all of your problems to your husband first, without taking them to God, you are putting your husband in a horrible position. Men like to fix things, and when their wives expect them to fix problems they are not capable of fixing, they end up in this infinite loop of frustration. This is not an equation for a happy, God-centered marriage.

How Your Husband Can Help

One of the best ways to allow God to do a work of healing from past hurts is to talk about them with and pray about them with someone you love and trust. This is a great opportunity for your husband to co-labor with you towards you being fulfilled and healed in Jesus Christ. Some husbands are great at listening and offering loving and biblical advice, but not all men are created the same (which is a good thing if you ask me). Your husband may not know how to navigate through these types of hurts, so if you need to, ask your husband to attend counseling with you. This way he can be there for you, but the pressure is off of him if he does not know how to respond, or what questions to ask you in order to move your healing process in the best direction.

Let’s Pray

Dear Jesus,

Help us to be the wives that You want us to be. Help us to find our complete fulfillment in You. Help us not to thirst ever again. Help us to take these impossible burdens off of our husband’s shoulders and give them to You. You are more than capable of carrying them, and helping us get rid of them forever. Heal our broken hearts the way only You can. Help us to know that You love us, and that really is enough.

In Jesus name,

Amen.

There is a lot more I could say about accepting God’s love for you and understanding you are a beautiful creation, but I think we have covered enough for today. Please feel free to write any questions or concerns you have about this post below, or email me at kristin.n.spencer [at] gmail.com.

Sincerely adorned,

Kristin Spencer

The post Unrealistic Expectations And Your Husband appeared first on Sincerely Adorned.

We talked about the word of God (at length) in the last post. Today I want to talk about the other half of the conversation. In “Trusting God” I introduced the idea of an ongoing conversation with God, the goal being a more intimate relationship with our Creator. Now that we know that God speaks through His word, we also need to consider how we can talk to Him.

Before I get started, I know this is Prayer 101, so I will not go into prayer too much as a spiritual weapon (that  will be for another post), but I do want to say that prayer is the #1 most underrated weapon in our arsenal against ungodly influences. Now back to prayer basics.

When People in the Bible Prayed

“Return and tell Hezekiah the leader of My people, ‘Thus says the LORD, the God of David your father: “I have heard your prayer, I have seen your tears; surely I will heal you. On the third day you shall go up to the house of the LORD.” –2 Kings 20:5

This is an interesting read in the bible. Hezekiah is sick, really sick. He is dying. Isaiah the prophet comes to him and tells him that God says to put his house in order, because he is going to die. Hezekiah is heartbroken. We don’t know all the details, but for some compelling reason, Hezekiah wants to live longer. So he prays and begs for God to remember how he has served God in truth with a loyal heart. God’s response is that he will add fifteen years to his life and deliver the city from the king of Assyria. All good news, right? But what I want to point out in this scripture (one that is not often quoted in a lesson about prayer 101), is the intimacy that prayer displays and creates. There is no way you can read this verse without recognizing the relationship between God and Hezekiah. It was a relationship that went both ways. You can see that they care about each other. That is the same relationship God desires with you and I. He wants to have this same closeness with us.

“But certainly God has heard me;

He has attended to the voice of my prayer.”

Psalm 66:19

We also see throughout the book of Psalms how close David is to God through his repeatedly mentioned prayer life. David was serious about prayer, and through these prayers and psalms, we can see how this one aspect of David’s life created a friendship with and dependency on his Lord.

“For I know that this will turn out for my deliverance through your prayer and the supply of the Spirit in Jesus Christ, according to my earnest expectation and hope that in nothing I shall be ashamed, but with all boldness, as always, so now also Christ will be magnified in my body, whether by life or by death.” –Philippians 1:19-20

The Apostle Paul knew how vital prayer is, and he literally looked at the prayers of others for him as a life line, spiritually speaking.

Prayer Modeled by Jesus

“But you, when you pray, go into your room, and when you have shut your door, pray to your Father who is in the secret place; and your Father who sees in secret will reward you openly. And when you pray, do not use vain repetitions as the heathen do. For they think that they will be heard for their many words. Therefore do not be like them. For your Father knows the things you have need of before you ask Him.

In this manner, therefore pray:

Our Father in heaven,

Hallowed be Your name.

Your Kingdom come.

Your will be done

On earth as it is in heaven.

Give us this day our daily bread.

And forgive us our debts,

As we forgive our debtors.

And do not lead us into temptation,

But deliver us from the evil one.

For Yours is the kingdom and the power and the glory forever.

Amen.”

Matthew 6:6-13

Why do people always quote this prayer? Why do people pray this prayer over and over? Well, it says right in this chunk of scripture that you shouldn’t pray vain repetitions. So that means if you don’t mean this prayer, don’t pray it. If it has lost all meaning and has just become something you do, stop. Stop it. God doesn’t want to hear something said with that heart or those intentions. But this prayer is very popular because Jesus gave this prayer as a model of what prayer ought to be. It is full of good examples to use when we pray. It is also meaningful in and of itself. So let’s break it down a little and mention the things we can glean from this awesome prayer to implement in our own prayer lives.

Starting out, give God glory for Who He is. This is a great thing to do because God deserves to be recognized, as He is an awesome God, and it also helps us to remember how big and powerful God is. When we start praying in this way, we automatically put the focus on God, the God that is so much bigger than the worst situation we could possibly find ourselves in.

Then we want to pray in supplication (just like Jesus did when asking if he really had to die on the cross), asking God’s will to be done. Whatever else we pray, ultimately we want God’s will to be done. If His will trumps our request, then by all means, ignore that request.

Then we pray for God’s provision. The bread here can represent food, nourishment to our bodies, which is a practical need. But it also symbolizes Jesus’ body, representing our spiritual need for nourishment as well. Our spirits crave Jesus, and we can get a daily dose of Him through prayer and reading His word.

Forgive us, but not just that, help us to forgive the way that You, Jesus, forgive us. See how clever King Jesus is? He is telling us to ask for forgiveness, but also to remember that in our freedom to ask God to forgive our sin and foolishness, we also need to offer that same forgiveness to those that have wronged us. Jesus knows our hearts, and He built this loving reminder into this amazing example of prayer. Forgive! Don’t let bitterness enter into your heart.

Do not lead us into temptation. This is a reminder, because we know from the bible that God will not give us any temptation that we cannot resist (1 Corinthians 10:13) that is not common to man. This part of the prayer says, “God will not lead you into temptation, remember that, but you need to pray against temptation, fight, fight!” We need to continually pray to be delivered from the evil one. “Pray that you may not enter into temptation.” -Luke 22:40 “Watch and pray, lest you enter into temptation. The spirit indeed is willing, but the flesh is weak.” -Matthew 26:41

But His is the kingdom, power, and glory. Ending our prayer in another God glorifying statement shifts our focus back to Who God is. He is over everything. He is doing a work. He hears us and sees our tears. He is in control.

Amen means I agree. I agree with You, Lord.

Pray Without Ceasing, But How?

“Pray without ceasing,” –1 Thessalonians 5:17

In speaking with many people about this verse, I have found that it seems to haunt people. I’m not going to get too much into the scripture to explain the meaning of this verse. I just want to be very practical and tell you what this verse means, in plain language. This verse does not mean that you are to be shut up in your prayer closet all day, doing nothing but focusing on prayer. God knows that you have things to do, because He is the one that gave you those things to do. This verse is especially troublesome for moms of small children because they do not have a lot of time to have focused prayer. Praying without ceasing simply means that you live your life, talking to God as if He was there, doing things with you.

When I wash the dishes, I pray. When I walk the kids to school in the morning, we pray together. Before we eat, we say a quick prayer. We spend time praying every night as a family. My husband and I pray before we go to sleep every night. When I’m sewing, I pray. When I’m reading, I pray. I’m praying on and off right now as I’m putting this post together. If I’m talking to you, odds are I’m praying for you and about what God wants me to say to encourage you. Maybe this sounds exhausting to you, but I promise it isn’t. In fact, now I shoot up these prayers as a part of my every day life. It is normal to me. It happens without me even thinking about it.

But when I don’t pray, I feel it. I don’t have as much patience or love. I don’t see things as clearly as when I’m praying throughout the day. Listen, I don’t carve out extra time during the day for prayer, I just pray as I go along. It is something I am starting to notice my children do as well. To them it is just what one does. You’ve gotten an ouchie? Pray for God to make it feel better. Mommy has a headache? Let’s lay hands on her and pray for it go away.

Invite God into the mundane aspects of your life. They are not mundane to Him. “Draw near to God and He will draw near to you.” James 4:8a

Praying without ceasing also means you keep praying, even when it seems like God is taking a long time to answer. Persist. Keep going and don’t give up. God is hearing you! He is going to answer in His timing, and in the meantime He is building good habits in your prayer life with Him. Remember though, dear sister, that sometimes God says, “No.” And He means it when He says it (I have learned this lesson the hard way).

Concentrated Prayer

In Matthew 6:6 we see that God wants private, concentrated time with us at some point. I find that it is best to practice this every day (sometimes more than once if I really need wisdom). I wake up an hour earlier than my kids every day, so I have time to read my bible and pray. Sometimes I am definitely tempted to turn off the alarm and get more rest, but I have learned that the extra rest isn’t worth my spiritual unrest. This is where I put on my spiritual armor, and go to battle. I battle for saints all over the world from my small bedroom every morning. I battle for the nation I serve in, the nation I’m from, and for the purity of my heart and mind. I battle for my children and my husband. I cry out for the sick, the poor, and the weary (sometimes that includes myself). What I spend time doing in my room every morning before the sun has poked his head over the horizon is very important. I am spending time with my Creator, listening to Him through is word, and speaking to Him intimately through prayer. If you haven’t begun this practice, please determine in your heart to start it, and have someone encouraging keep you accountable.

A Note To Mothers of Infants: I know you are probably feeling discouraged right now. In between diaper changes, several middle of the night feedings, cleaning, working, and taking care of everything else you just don’t have time or energy to spend an hour reading the bible. That’s ok, give yourself some grace! But try to spend at least 5 minutes a day reading your bible. I promise, you can find five minutes somewhere. I’ve been there and I understand. The five minute bible reading was my life line! Try to pray when you are feeding your baby. You will, with God’s strength, get through this phase, and then you can start to add more time to your bible study each day. God will meet you where you are, and He knows how to find time in your busy day to minister to you. He loves you!

“How I Know God Answers Prayer” by Rosalind Goforth

If you want to read a book that will encourage you to dive further into prayer, here is a free resource that anyone can access. It is an amazing testimony of the power of prayer, and the power of our Almighty God. I try to read it every few years just as a reminder that God does indeed answer prayer. There is a plain text version, but there are also e-reader versions available for various devices.

And since it is particularly relevant to this post, let’s pray!

Dear Lord in Heaven,

Thank you, God. You are so amazing. Please help us to enter into a closer, more intimate relationship with You. Give us the time and determination to spend more time in prayer. Draw us near, Lord. We praise Your holy name.

To You be the power and the glory forever and ever,

Amen

Next time we will be talking about hearing God’s small, still voice.

Sincerely adorned,

Kristin

The post The Basics: Prayer 101 appeared first on Sincerely Adorned.

I Just Can’t Say It

When I was a teenager, I was looking for someone to love me. I didn’t understand God’s love for me, and I felt distanced from my family due to different circumstances. The lack of love I felt finally led me to have difficulty saying, “I love you,” back when people said it to me. There was too much at risk when I said it. I became dramatically aware of this problem when one of my close friend’s mothers told me she loved me before their family was getting ready to move away. I was shocked that she said it, even though I had so desperately wanted to hear it, that I just stood there and said nothing. I remember thinking, “What is wrong with me? I’m supposed to be a Christian, an ambassador of Jesus’ love, and I can’t even tell this woman that I actually do love, that I love her too.”

The Risk

If you are self conscious, you will understand me when I say that saying, “I love you,” was a risky phrase. Every time I said it was volunteering for rejection. Thoughts like, “What if they don’t say it back?” “Will they stop being my friend if I say this?” “Why should I make myself vulnerable?” raced through my head constantly. I reserved these three words for family and a few select friends. I was not willing to risk anymore of my already dwindling confidence. No matter how much I wanted to show people the unconditional love of Christ, I wouldn’t make myself be that open.

When Things Started To Change

Over the last few years, God helped me to deal with my insecurities (read this series all about it) and to replace my deceitful pride with godly confidence. Once I realized that God’s love and acceptance for me is all that I need, I was able to sacrifice my own feelings on His altar in a very open way. I started to realize that since I don’t look at other people or myself to give my life value, that I’m not risking anything I can’t afford to risk. Do my feelings still get hurt? Of course, but now I don’t see, “I love you,” as an opening for an eternal wound.

Unconditional and Selfless Love

The purpose of love is to show someone that you care for them in such a way that nothing they do can change how you care for them. Something I tell my kids often is, “I may not always like the choices that you make, but I will always love you no matter what.” This is the love that Jesus inspired by dying on the cross for our sins. He showed us His love by sacrificing His life. I believe that Jesus was also clear when He said, “A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another; as I have loved you, that you also love one another. By this all will know that you are My disciples, if you have love for one another.” John 13:34-35

We are commanded to love each other. The verse doesn’t say, “weigh out the pros and cons of loving someone and then decide if you should.” This verse specifically addresses the love between believers, but it also tells us that the testimony of loving others will identify us as followers of Jesus Christ.

What Is Love?

… baby don’t hurt me, don’t hurt me, no more. Just kidding. I couldn’t help myself. But in all seriousness, what does biblical love look like? It is a choice that we make, whether or not we are going to care for someone, no matter how they treat us. Everyone will point to 1 Corinthians 13 at this point, because it is true. Not because it is some cheesy poem about love. This chunk of scripture challenges us to do the most difficult thing any person can do, choose to love in extremely difficult circumstances.

“Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself; is not puffed up; does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.” 1 Corinthians 13:4-7

You may have these verses memorized, but I want you to understand how selfless love really is, so I am going to give you examples of how these play out in real life.

“Love suffers long and is kind”

Love puts up with a lot of undeserved things. Even when people are mean, try to assassinate your character, or try to punish you for things you didn’t do, it is nice. Love gives grace and mercy over and over again. Love chooses to suffer instead of letting everyone know that they are actually being wronged. Love let’s God defend it.

“Love does not envy”

Love doesn’t get jealous, and if it does, it rebukes itself and reminds itself that God has already provided everything it needs. I find that women are especially guilty of being jealous over affection that is showed to other people, but not ourselves. Listen, it is not ok to be jealous of someone else’s relationship with a person you love (aside from marriage of course). If you have a best friend that has been spending time with someone else, rejoice in the fact that your good friend has another faithful friend. It is anti productive to play these games where we try to make sure that we get as much attention as someone else, and it puts unnecessary stress on our otherwise healthy relationship. Plus, if we look at jealousy all by itself, we realize it is selfish in origin. It is a sin. “Jealousies” are listed under the works of the flesh in Galatians 5:19-21. We all need to stop justifying our sin. As women, we need to stop competing with each other.

“Love does not parade itself”

True, self sacrificing love, does not go around saying how great it is. When Jesus was on the cross I don’t remember Him saying, “I love you so much, I’m dying right now for your sins, aren’t you so grateful for my love? My love is awesome.” Although He could have said all of those things, and they would have been true. That isn’t the example Jesus left for us. His love is humble.

“Is not puffed up”

True love and pride cannot coexist. Pride is sin, after all. Love doesn’t say things like, “You’re so lucky I’m doing this loving thing for you. Aren’t you so blessed by my awesomeness?”

“Does not behave rudely”

Listen very carefully on this one. There is no biblical excuse for being rude. No matter what is going on, the fruit of spirit known as self-control should be exhibited by believers at all times. Even when other kids are picking on my kid. Even when someone is unjustly accusing me behind my back. No matter what is going on, being rude is not ok. You can be polite and still protect your kids. You can lovingly point out the truth if someone wants to debate with you, but don’t give into the temptation to be rude. It will ruin our witness as disciples of Jesus Christ every single time. I’m not saying that I am never rude, I’m sure my younger brother would be quick to disagree with me if I did, but I really try hard not to be. And if I do give into temptation and adopt a rude attitude I pray for God to help me repent quickly.

“Does not seek its own”

This is one of the gems in this passage of scripture. When you refuse to love someone because you are afraid of getting hurt, you are seeking your own. I have been too guilty of this overall in my walk as a Christian. But now that my loving Father has spanked me (spiritually of course) and I realize what I was doing, I make every attempt to place my feelings in His hands, trusting that He will take care of me when I obey Him by making myself vulnerable to others. When I say, “I love you,” to a sister that needs encouragement, I don’t expect her to say it back. If she doesn’t say it back, it doesn’t hurt my feelings. I am saying it because it is true, and God has commanded me to love others. Love does not consider its own feelings first, but always puts others ahead of itself. This kind of love is what will transform the world. True, biblical love seeks nothing in return for what it has given.

“Is not provoked”

This one is difficult. It means that when someone is actively trying to provoke you, make you angry, or push your buttons, that you refuse to give into your annoyance, and instead keep on loving them. This is what Jesus was talking about when He said to turn the other cheek. If someone is going to provoke you and insult you, don’t do the same thing return, but let them continue to insult you. Self-control also plays a huge role in being able to achieve this. Let’s all pray for more self-control. We also need to have wisdom about when to remove ourselves from a bad situation. I think we have all had, or unfortunately been, those people that like to annoy a certain person to see if we can get them into their flesh. I have three children, so I get to see this unfortunate chain of events more often than not. It truly grieves my heart. I think God must feel the same way when He sees His children exhibiting this sinful and selfish behavior.

“Thinks no evil”

That means you don’t sit around and think about how wrong someone was, or what they deserve to get because of how they have treated you. Thinking no evil means that you actually refuse to let evil thoughts about that person wander around in your mind and fester. We all have thoughts that come into our heads. We are sinners after all, living in a fallen world. But we can control what we allow to float around in our heads for minutes, hours, days, months, or years. Another great passage that deals with this issue can be found in Philippians 4:8.

“Does not rejoice in iniquity”

This means two things. First that you do not rejoice in sin in general. Second, that you do not rejoice when bad things happen to people, no matter what they have done to you in the past. Even if their bad situation is a result of sin, real love has no reason to rejoice over it.

“But rejoices in the truth”

Love loves truth. God loves truth so it is only natural that love would rejoice in truth. Even when the truth is hard to deal with, we need to rejoice that it is truth. We also see that when people practice biblical truth, there will be positive and exciting things that happen in their lives such as answers to prayer, fulfillment of prophecies, and other spiritual blessings. These things are also reasons to rejoice.

“Bears all things”

Love helps us bear one another’s burdens. Love can deal with any situation. Unconditional love means that you can still love someone even when they sin against you. We also know that Jesus said, “Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For My yoke is easy and My burden is light.” Matthew 11:29-30

Jesus will teach us how to bring our burdens and the burdens of others and leave them at the cross, where we will find rest for our souls.

“Believes all things, Hopes all things”

These two go together. Love believes that people can change, that the transforming power of the love of Jesus Christ is accessible to anyone. Love says, “Yes I believe that a serial killer can be born again.” Love hopes for the best. When everyone else says, “That person will never understand God’s grace,” love is the one that says, “I hope that one day they will understand God’s grace.” Hope also says things like, “Well, I understand you heard them say those nasty things about me, but until I talk to them one on one, I hope that they meant something more positive.” Love gives others the benefit of the doubt. Love is the one that says, “Innocent until proven guilty!”

“Endures all things”

All things. Not some things. Not things that people can generally tolerate. Love can get over anything. Love leaves its hurts and wounds at the cross with Jesus Christ. Love endures. Love perseveres.

Things Love Doesn’t Do

I want to be clear that even though love can heal any hurts and love means self sacrifice and self-control, love does not mean you should actively let people harm you or your family. You can love someone without letting them be a ruling influence in your life (if I remember correctly that is God’s job). Not defending yourself doesn’t mean that you allow someone talk poorly about your spouse in front of you. It surely doesn’t mean that you let someone demean your children. But love deals with these problems maturely, and without anger. If someone wants to manipulate you, you can still love them from a distance without letting them cause you to sin. Love should never be used as an excuse for someone else to drive us to sin. Remember that as Christians we are told by Jesus Himself,

“Behold, I send you out as sheep in the midst of wolves. Therefore be wise as serpents and harmless as doves.” Matthew 10:16

We have to be smart, but gentle. We can speak the truth when people are lying, but the way we speak it is very important. We can say things in love, or in self-righteousness. Sometimes there isn’t any other to deal with a problem in love, than to stay away from that person and pray. I have been in that situation before, and even though it was difficult, I knew that was the only thing left for me to do. To pray, and hope in love that someday those hurts would heal and there would be repentance for sin.

Saying I Love You

As Christians we are called to do all of these things for others, including our family members, spouses, children, and brothers and sisters in the fellowship. I’m not saying you should go around saying, “I love you,” to everyone in your church. Be wise. If you are a woman, make sure you do not say this to man in a way that could be misconstrued. In general I don’t say this to men, I let my husband be the one to say it. Likewise he doesn’t say it to women, I do. Maybe there is someone in your life that needs encouragement. There are people in our lives that do not understand God’s love for them, and we are to be that picture of love in their lives. A simple, heartfelt, “I love you.” can go a long way in someone’s life.

Let’s pray.

Dear Jesus,

Thank you for your love for us. Father, help us to be willing to give up our own feelings, to be confident in Your love for us, and to be open about our love for others that need to be reminded that they are loved. Help us to be more and more like You, and less like our sinful selves.

Amen.

If you have any questions about this subject or simply want to leave a comment, please do so. I would love to hear your thoughts and convictions on this topic.

Sincerely adorned,

Kristin Spencer

The post Saying, “I Love You.” appeared first on Sincerely Adorned.

This is the second post in the series, “The Basics,” which goes through the basic things we believe as Christians.

Today I wanted to talk more about why it is important to know God. In the last post, “Getting To Know God,” I talked about why it is important to know what the bible is, how to use it, and why we all need to let our relationship with the Lord get way more serious. I quoted many bible verses. The next thing we need to talk about is trusting God.

As a Christian there are certain perks (or advantages) that we have, because we know Someone that has inside information into everything. God knows everything that has happened in the past, and He knows everything that will happen in the future. He is all knowing (or omnipotent). In fact He created everything, so He knows exactly how things are supposed to work. Not only does He know, but He gave us the bible, which is a love letter that contains details about how everything in our lives should be approached for maximum joy, growth, and fruitfulness.

Can you imagine what your life would be like if you had a friend that knew literally everything (let’s also try to imagine that this person isn’t extremely arrogant. I know, unlikely, but stay with me). Wouldn’t you ask their advice before you made decisions? Wouldn’t the fact that you knew someone with access to any type of information change the way you live your life? Let me throw one more factor into this hypothetical situation. Imagine you have not known this person for very long and you don’t know if you can trust them. Wouldn’t your ability to trust that person shape the way you behave when they give you advice or information?

Trust is something that determines all the different aspects of your relationship with someone else. The same is true about your relationship with God. And if you don’t know Him, how will you be able to trust Him? God makes so many wonderful promises to us. These promises are supposed to help us live in victory, knowing our Father in heaven cares for us and will take care of us. But if we don’t trust God, these promises cannot be the tools for victory and confidence that God created them to be. I lived under a cloud of doubt for many years, even as a Christian. Even though I believed that God was telling the truth in His word, I wasn’t trusting Him that those truths applied to me. I didn’t believe God when He told me about His hope filled plans for my future. In my heart I said things like, “Well I know that is true for everyone else, but surely not for me.” Lies, lies, lies! There were reasons why I didn’t want to believe that I should trust God with my life. Maybe they will sound familiar.

I Was Afraid

I didn’t believe that God knew the best thing for me. I wanted certain things, and if God didn’t want to give them to me, well I was not going to go along with His plan. I was afraid that if I didn’t fulfill my future goals, or become successful that my life would be wasted. I cared more about what other people thought of me, and I wanted to prove myself. I was afraid that God would somehow let me down if I surrendered everything in my life to Him. Obviously, I didn’t know God very well!! God doesn’t let people down! That isn’t to say that as followers of Jesus that everything will be flowery and easy. No, I am not saying that. But if we trust God and surrender everything to Him, He will give us the best possible life according to His plans to allow us to take part in furthering His kingdom (helping others understand how to join us in heaven).

I Cared Too Much About People’s Opinions

I can’t overemphasize this point enough. I feared man (I cared more about what others thought about my life) and my own opinion of myself more than I feared God. As a result I did stupid things. Looking back, I understand why. The bible is very clear on this issue. Do you want to make smart decisions? Do you want wisdom?

“The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom, and the knowledge of the Holy One is understanding.” – Proverbs 9:11

Make the decision right now that you are going to fear God more than man! You won’t be sorry. God has amazing plans for your life, but He won’t force you to follow His will. And let’s go ahead and close the fear section out with this verse, that talks about fear in relation to God’s perfect love for us.

“There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear. For fear has to do with punishment, and whoever fears has not been perfected in love.” – 1 John 4:18

It Sounded Too Good To Be True

I loved the way God’s promises sounded, but my wicked heart would not let me believe them. Watch out for self-condemnation! That is where satan kept me nice and uncomfortable.

“If God only knew all of the terrible thoughts I have, the horrible things I have done and continue to do, He wouldn’t mean what He says in the bible.”

Lies, lies, lies… again! God DOES know! That is the amazing thing. He knows everything you have thought, you will think, you did, and you will do. God knows it all dear sister. Yet His infinite grace and mercy have you covered. That is why Paul writes this verse to the Romans:

“There is therefore now no condemnation to those who are in Christ Jesus, who do not walk according to the flesh, but according to the Spirit. For the law of the Spirit of life in Christ Jesus has made me free from the law of sin and death.” – Romans 8:1-2

The Romans were struggling with the same thing that you and I struggle with. They were feeling condemned, as sinners, even though Jesus Christ had clearly taken the punishment for their sins. Don’t let satan fool you. Keep walking in the Spirit. Are you going to fail? Of course, we all fail. We all sin. That is why we needed Jesus to die on the cross in the first place. But don’t you believe for one second that because you made a mistake that God’s promises no longer apply to you. When you sin, take it the cross, repent, meaning that you turn away from it, and move on. Spend more time memorizing scriptures that will help you stand up to temptation, but don’t stop moving forward in your walk. God’s promises are for me, you, and every other person that is following Him. His plans for you are good (Jeremiah 29:11), He loves you unconditionally (John 3:16, 1 John 4:16, Romans 5:8), He created you and He does not make any mistakes (if you don’t believe me, please check out “Self-Esteem – Part 3”).

Learning to trust God takes time, effort, and a stubborn determination of will. However, that doesn’t mean it is impossible. When you start to understand who God is, all He’s done for you, and how He feels about you it becomes much easier to willingly put your life into His hands. That cannot start to happen unless you start taking time to get to know your Creator by spending time with Him, reading His word, and praying.

In the next post, we will be discussing what it means to listen for God’s small, still voice. In every healthy relationship there has to be a lot of listening going on.

Let’s pray.

Dear Heavenly Father,

Thank You that You are extremely trustworthy. Please help us not to listen to our wicked hearts. Please help us to understand that Your promises are for us and that we only need to fear You, in order to gain true wisdom and understanding. Nothing else in this life can offer us that, so thank You, Lord! Please help my sisters and I to get closer to You every single day. May we glorify You with every thought, word, choice, and action. In Jesus name, Amen.

Thanks for joining me today and I pray that these words, verses, and confessions have blessed you and encouraged you in your walk with God.

Sincerely adorned,

Kristin Spencer

The post The Basics: Trusting God appeared first on Sincerely Adorned.

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This is the first post in a series titled, “Becoming a Better Wife.” Before you get too deep into this post, if you are single, it is God’s will for your to abstain from sex. Why? Go read my personal testimony and you can learn from my mistakes.

This post has been on my heart to write for a while now. I counsel married women on a regular basis, and lately my husband and I have even been doing marriage counseling. It’s not something we were looking to do, but I guess God thought we were qualified because He brought people to us. I really hate to say this, but it seems like there are several issues we hear over and over and over again. It seems to me like satan has convinced quite a few Christian women that certain behaviors towards their husbands are ok, even though what the bible says is clearly opposite. I’m not saying that women are the only ones to blame for painful marriage relationships, but I’m a woman so I am going to speak to other women. Before we start talking about this very sensitive subject, I want to say that I’m not the perfect wife, by any means. I’m a sinner just like everyone on this planet. However, as a wife, I feel like there are some things God has shown me in the last few years so that I can be a better helper against (that is what the Hebrew says) for my husband. I want to honestly and openly share them with you. In fact, let’s start this conversation out with prayer. It’s that important.

Dear Jesus,

Thank you for creating marriage. Please help us to be better wives to our husbands. Help us to follow Your word and Your will for our lives, especially when it will cost us something. Heal our broken hearts and help us to follow Your model for marriage, instead of whatever culturally acceptable picture the world gives us. Help us to be selfless, just like You are.

In Your holy name,

Amen

We Withhold Intimacy From Our Husbands

Yes, I am going to talk about sex. Please don’t stop reading. This is so important. I feel like if we could just become aware of the impact of this one area in our marriages, we would be so much more effective as children of God! When women come to me in marital distress there is always one question I ask first. It helps me understand how much damage has been done in the relationship.

“How often are you having sex?”

I usually get some puzzled look from the woman I’m talking to. In her mind this is not the first thing we should be talking about. The first thing women want to talk about in relation to marital distress is emotional neglect. I want to talk about emotional neglect as well, but first I need to know where things are on the husband’s end. For men, emotional care is linked with physical intimacy. I hate to give the devil so much credit, but to me it seems like he has figured out the beautiful circle that maintains marital relationships, and found a way to break the chain. I am a visual person, so I feel like a few images will help illustrate how this whole things works. Let’s take a look.

You can see that for women, emotional care and stimulation lead to sexual desire. But you already knew that. However, I would like to introduce a piece of information that may be news to you (it was to me!). Sexual satisfaction in men is the main connecting factor. It is the glue that holds you together in their minds and hearts. If you are physically intimate with your husband you will unlock his emotions towards you! Sexual satisfaction and fulfillment lead to the emotional response and intimacy you are looking for. That is why I ask this question first. I want to know if withholding physical intimacy is a factor in the emotional neglect a wife might be feeling.

You can see in the next illustration that God has perfectly balanced these two desires which are mutually fulfilled when sexual intimacy happens. By taking away physical intimacy from our husbands, we are making the situation worse, not getting the emotional intimacy that we so desire.

When I am feeling emotionally neglected by my husband, the first thing I ask myself is, when is the last time we had sex? If the answer is recently, then I can check that off of my list. There is another issue. Maybe I was disrespectful to my husband. Maybe I need to lovingly remind him of my emotional needs (not yell at him about it). Maybe he has anger in his heart towards me that the Holy Spirit needs to convict him about. Whatever the problem is, rejecting my husband by denying him the physical intimacy God created him to crave is not going to help our situation.

If you are withholding physical intimacy from your husband to punish him for emotional neglect, you are in sin. In fact, the bible says that your body is not your own. When you get married, you are agreeing that you are becoming one with another person, and that they have dominion over your body. In fact, we see the circular model I talked about displayed here in scripture:

“Let the husband render to his wife the affection due her, and likewise also the wife to her husband. The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. And likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. Do not deprive one another except with consent for a time, that you may tie yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again so that satan does not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.” 1 Corinthians 7:6

Ok, stay with me here. Don’t panic! It says that husband and wife should give affection to each other, and that they own each other’s bodies, not just one way. It also says that we should not deprive each other, unless we are fasting for spiritual reasons. Why? “Because of your lack of self-control.”

This is where withholding intimacy gets into messing up our husband’s walk with God. I’m talking about withholding sex. When we deny our husband the intimacy they are used to getting, what are they left to do with their normal, marital, sexual urges? They are left to struggle!! Do we want that? Our husbands are faced with temptation to look at inappropriate images (which are EVERYWHERE) daily, and it is difficult enough for them to battle that when you ARE sustaining their sexual desires. If you asked a man about this topic and he answered honestly, he would tell you that men that are sleeping next to their beautiful wives every night, wives that reject them physically and emotionally, are much more likely to give into the temptation of masturbation and/or pornography. They are sleeping next to you every night! They love you and that is manifested in their desire for you. To have your husband desire you, and make it a priority to stay pure for you, is a huge blessing from the Lord. Have you ever thought about it that way?

When I’m Exhausted

There are things in all of our lives that zap our energy. Whether you have kids or not, living life, among other things, is enough to wear a sister out! If you work full time, make time for your hubby, do some kind of ministering to others, there are going to be times when you feel too tired to make love to your husband. If you have kids, well, kids are energy suckers. It’s just the truth. But an extra 30 minutes of rest is not worth the risk it may be to you or your spouses purity. I’m not trying to be dramatic. You never know what will happen tomorrow. You never know what unexpected temptations may arise. Let me tell you what I do in these situations. I hope it will encourage and help you. I pray! I pray, pray, pray. I can tell when my husband wants to have sex, and he knows when I’m tired. He won’t even ask me. He’ll simply be quiet, let me fall asleep in peace, and wait patiently until the next day. But I don’t want him to do that. When he wants it, I want to give it to him, even if I don’t actually want to. Oh boy, that doesn’t make sense, but I’m sure you get my meaning. I want to make sure that he is ok, and I am ok. So I pray. This is what a prayer during these exhausted moments may look like:

“Oh Lord, I’m so tired. Please help me! Help me to serve my husband and to desire him even though I can feel this weariness down to my bones. I want to honor You by honoring my husband. And please multiply my rest afterwards, Lord.”

And then I usually attack my husband because it works better for me than easing into it. Why do I pray to desire my husband during these little bursts of prayer? My husband can tell when I’m not into it and that hurts his feelings, and I don’t want that either. I have never, ever, experienced a time when God has not heard this prayer or neglected to answer it. God is faithful. Please don’t forget that.

When I Can’t Do It

I understand that there will be times in all of our lives when we genuinely cannot take part in physical intimacy with our spouses. Whether you are injured or ill, sometimes it simply is not possible. What should a wife do in this situation? There are other ways besides intercourse to relieve sexual urges. Help your husband out. I have been on the opposite end of this struggle as well, with my husband suffering from a chronic auto immune disease (Ulcerative Colitis) there have been times when we were unable to be intimate for months, as he was physically too weak. It was difficult for me on so many levels, but God showed me that worshipping Him gave me a peace that nothing else could bring. Then of course there are times when I haven’t been able to due to injury, or having just given birth, or illness. I did my best to make sure my husband was ok, and I prayed for him to make it through these seasons. He has told me on more than one occasion that he felt these prayers and God sustained him throughout.

Since I’m talking an awful lot about sex this post I thought it would be good to end with some positive spiritual principles to take into your marital love life.

Pray Together!

Making love to your spouse is actually an act of worship. Have you ever thought about it that way? When my husband and I started praying together before committing this act of worship, we noticed a difference, especially in our spiritual connection. If your spouse isn’t interested in praying with you before, for whatever reason, don’t let that stop you! Go ahead, pray, ask God to use the time to bring you both closer together and as a way for you to minister to and serve your spouse.

Don’t Fake It

You know exactly what I mean. Don’t fake an orgasm. This is a deceitful behavior and God isn’t going to bless deceit. I don’t ever do it as a matter of maintaing honestly within my marriage. My husband appreciates that, and if it doesn’t happen, he is ok with that. We have had conversations about this very topic because I want him to know that just because that did not happen, for whatever reason, does not mean that I did not enjoy my time being close with him.

An Act of Service

There are few things that all cultures in the world have in common, but one of them is the idea that sex is all about self satisfaction. That is not God’s idea. In fact, sex is one of the most intimate ways we can serve our spouses. Let that dictate your behavior in the bedroom. God sees your heart, and don’t you want it to make Him smile? However, that doesn’t mean that you should prevent your spouse from serving you as well.

Communicate

If you like something, it is ok to be vocal about it. The same is true if something bothers you or you don’t like it as much. Good communication is important. Just remember to be loving in your speech. I’ll use a non-sexual example to illustrate. For years I straightened my hair on a regular basis anytime my husband and I went out. In fact some people would comment on how they didn’t like my curly hair if I didn’t straighten it. Then one day we were in a rush and I told Travis I still needed to straighten my hair and that was going to make us run late. His response was, “Why do you need to do that? I like your hair better when it is curly.” Needless to say, now I usually wear my hair curly.

Let’s say a quick prayer to end this post.

Lord, Thank you so much for this time we could spend together. Please help us to honor you by loving our husband. Thank You for the model of marriage that You have given us in that Jesus Christ loved the bride, the Church, so much that He gave his life for it. We love you Lord.

Amen

If you have specific questions feel free to leave a comment, or email me at kristin.n.spencer [at] gmail [dot] com.

Sincerely adorned,

Kristin

The post Withholding Sex & Biblical Attitudes Toward Love Making appeared first on Sincerely Adorned.

The first thing we need to do is talk about Jesus. Who is Jesus? Well historically we know that He lived over 2,000 years ago in the middle east. He is acknowledged as an insightful and wise teacher among most religions in the world today, but He is so much more than that. We can learn everything we need to know about Jesus in God’s word, an inspired book, written about God, Jesus, and their relationship with sinful people.

The Bible is the only living book that has ever existed, and it continues to be a very important tool in our journey of getting to know God better. If you live in the Americas or Europe, you are very blessed to be able to get ahold of a Bible and read it whenever and wherever you want. Not all Christians have this blessing. In some countries in the world, the Bible is banned and illegal to own. That is how powerful this book is.

The Holy Spirit aka The Helper

When people first come into a personal, saving faith in Jesus, they may not know what the next step is. The next step is very important one. Without it you will not be able to fully understand the bible no matter how smart you are. Pray and ask God to baptize you with the Holy Spirit, aka the Helper, which is one of the three forms of God we read about in the bible. This Helper will help you understand the bible.

Matthew 3:11 has this to say about the Holy Spirit, “I (John the Baptist) indeed baptize you with water unto repentance, but He (Jesus) who is coming after me is mightier than I, whose sandals I am not worthy to carry. He will baptize you with the Holy Spirit and fire.”

I know this may seem like a lot to take in, and I promise we will talk about the Holy Spirit in detail later, but for now, pray for the Holy Spirit to be a part of your life. It will help when it comes to reading God’s very long love letter, also known as the bible.

What God Tells Us About His Word

I realize I am about to throw a ton of scripture at you with very little commentary, and there is a specific reason for that. Spend time reading these verses and trying to understand them. Pray for God to help you have understanding. Memorize them, meditate on them. God’s word is where you are going to start your amazing relationship with your loving Father in heaven.

Now let’s look at some principles about God’s word that are found in the bible.

“All scripture is given by inspiration of God, and is profitable for doctrine, for reproof, for correction, for instruction in righteousness, that the man of God may be complete, thoroughly equipped for every good work.” –2 Timothy 3:16-17

God’s word is perfect. It is also beneficial in so many ways! In this verse we see just a few of those ways, and I hope they blow your mind. God’s word is profitable (brings something positive and worth-while into our lives), and helps us to become competent people, able to do good. It makes us complete! Are you looking for completion in your life? I know I am!

“Your word is a lamp to my feet and a light to my path.” –Psalm 119:105

God’s word guides us! It shows us the way we should go.

“Blessed are the undefiled in the way, who walk in the law of the Lord! Blessed are those who keep His testimonies, who seek Him with the whole heart! They also do no iniquity; they walk in His ways. You have commanded us to keep your precepts diligently. Oh, that my ways were directed to keep Your statues! Then I would not be ashamed, when I look into all Your commandments.” –Psalm 119:1-6

Following God’s word will bless us and keep us from being ashamed.

“But He (Jesus) answered and said, ‘It is written, ‘Man shall not live by bread alone, but by every word that proceeds from the mouth of God.’ ”  –Matthew 4:4

“I have not departed from the commandment of His lips; I have treasured the words of His mouth more than my necessary food.” –Job 23:12

God’s word is literally our nourishment. It is good for us, even better than food. It also tells us what will poison our souls. Do you eat? Are you a Christian? You cannot afford to ignore the word of God. Jesus said it is more important than physical food.

“For whatever things were written before were written for our learning, that we through the patience and comfort of the Scriptures might have hope.” –Romans 15:4

God’s word gives us encouragement, endurance, and hope. Those are three things we need so desperately!

“With my whole heart I have sought You; Oh, let me not wander from Your commandments! Your word I have hidden in my heart, that I might not sin against You.” –Psalm 119:10-11

God’s word keeps us safe from a wandering heart and sin (which is always accompanied by destruction).

“Be diligent to present yourself approved to God, a worker who does not need to be ashamed, rightly dividing the word of truth.” –2 Timothy 2:15

I wish that bible verse had an exclamation point at the end of it, hahaha. It is such a powerful verse. If you rightly divide the word of truth, meaning that you understand and apply the bible to your life, you will be a worker that is approved to God! This verse still hangs in my husband’s old room at his father’s house, and I often think that one, very powerful verse, is what has inspired him at every turn to become the transparent man of God he is today. If we are following God’s word, we won’t need to be ashamed, and our transparency and love can be an accurate representation of the love of Jesus Christ.

“In God (I will praise His word), In God I have put my trust; I will not fear. What can flesh do to me?” –Psalm 56:4

God’s word literally drives away fear. Seriously, what can flesh do to me? The psalmist makes a good point.

“Heaven and earth will pass away, but My words will by no means pass away.” –Matthew 24:35

Everything else in this world is going to pass away except for the words of God.

“And you shall know the truth, and truth shall make you free.” –John 8:32

God’s word makes you free. It is truth, it gives you identity, and it gives you purpose.

“But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, long-suffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control. Against there is no such law.” –Galatians 5:22-23

God’s word tells us what we should start to be like. Memorize this list and every time you are doing something you feel like you shouldn’t, ask yourself if it falls under one of these categories. If it doesn’t, don’t do it.

“For if anyone is a hearer of the word and not a doer, he is like a man observing his natural face in a mirror; for he observes himself, goes away, and immediately forgets what kind of man he was. But he who looks into the perfect law of liberty and continues in it, and is not a forgetful hearer but a doer of the work, this one will be blessed in what he does.” –James 1:23-25

God’s word must be put into action. If you only read it and don’t let it soak into your heart and change your sinful ways, then you won’t be blessed in what you do. The bible says it right here.

The Relationship – Things Are Getting Serious

When you start becoming friends with someone or dating someone you spend a lot of time talking to them. You ask them questions and find out about their life. When you care about someone, you invest time in finding out more about them. This situation is different, because God already knows everything about you, since He created you and all. But you need to spend time finding out more about Him, and when you do you will learn that He cares for you in such a way, that He wants to hear everything you have to say. He wants to talk to you. Even though He made you, He still wants fellowship with you. Think about people in your life that you love. Even though you may know all of their stories or everything they love and everything they absolutely do not like, you still want to spend time with them. That is how God feels about you because He loves you.

“In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God.” -John 1:1

If you want to get to know Jesus better, start with God’s word.

Making Time

If you are a busy woman, a mother, or a wife, making time to read your Bible may be very difficult. I’m right there with you, I understand! Try to wake up just five minutes earlier so you can spend at least five minutes with God every day. This is just a starting place, of course. But it will make a difference in your life and in your day! I personally believe once you see these differences you will be willing to sacrifice more of your time to spend in God’s word, even when it is painful (for example at 5am in the morning).

Let’s pray.

Dear Jesus,

Thank you so much for Your love for us. Thank You for the bible. May it be the road map for our lives. Help us to grown in our love and understanding of Who You are and all that You desire for our lives. Help us to be more and more like you, and less like our sinful selves. Thank You that You loved us while we were still against You.

In Your holy name,

Amen

Next time we will be talking more in depth about making time for God, and listening for His small, still voice. Until then…

Sincerely adorned,

Kristin Spencer

The post The Basicis: Getting To Know God appeared first on Sincerely Adorned.

What Self-Esteem Really Means

Let’s summarize the definition of self-esteem again since we are going to address the sin connected with it.

Self-esteem is the idea that I am able to competently deal with the challenges of life and that I think it is natural for me deserve success, achievement, fulfillment, and happiness. The simple way of defining self-esteem is thinking I am awesome at dealing with life, and I deserve all the good things coming to me.

Now let’s take a look at the first and most basic definition of “pride” according to Merriam Webster’s dictionary.

“Pride is a feeling that you respect yourself and deserve to be respected by others.”

You see what I did there? Pride and self-esteem have the same basic meaning. I am tempted to go off on a rant about the ambiguity of the English language and how we use the word pride to mean different things. When your child does something well, you say you are “proud” of them, but that isn’t the same kind of pride we are talking about. But I will refrain from my rant and simply say that the word pride in the bible is never in reference to feeling joy on the behalf of others, the way we use it in English.

What The Bible Says About Pride

When pride is mentioned in the bible, it is always in reference to respecting yourself, and is used alongside of words like haughty and wicked when talking about individuals. The same word is also used in Hebrew to denote God’s majesty and splendor, but it is not used in this way towards the individual person (aside from God). If we look through the book of Proverbs we can get an accurate idea about God’s feelings toward pride:

“The fear of the Lord is to hate evil; Pride and arrogance and the evil way and the perverse mouth I hate.” Proverbs 8:13

“Where pride comes, then comes shame; But with the humble is wisdom.” Proverbs 11:2

“By pride comes nothing but strife, but with the well-advised is wisdom.” Proverbs 13:10

“In the mouth of the fool is a rod of pride. but the lips of the wise will preserve them.” Proverbs 14:3

“Pride goes before destruction, and a haughty spirit before a fall.” Proverbs 16:18

“A proud and haughty man – “Scoffer” is his name; He acts with arrogant pride.” Proverbs 21:24

“A man’s pride will bring him low, But the humble in spirit will retain honor.” Proverbs 29:23

You get the idea, pride is bad, sinful, evil behavior, and it is in stark contrast to wisdom, humility, and honor.

I Feel Like I’m Going To Throw Up

I’m going to tell you straight out, when God finally opened my eyes to the fact that my “low self-esteem” was a clever device satan used to blind me to my own pride I was shocked. I remember feeling sick to my stomach. But the word of God tells us straight out that pride is deceptive, “The pride of your heart has deceived you, You who dwell in the clefts of the rock, Whose habitation is high; You who say in your heart, ‘Who will bring me to the ground?’” (Obadiah 1:3). When we operate out of the pridefulness of self-esteem we place ourself on the high places, believing that no one else can determine how good or bad we are. That no one else can determine our worth. We saw in Proverbs that one of the swiftest paths to destructions is through pride. That is why satan has been so clever to disguise pride with the concept of self-esteem.

Now What?

But that isn’t the end of this story. You may be thinking, well what good thing can replace the evil concept of prideful self-esteem in my life? God is so much more clever than satan!! He has laid everything out for us so that we don’t need pride or self-esteem. Our worth comes from Him, and Him alone. One of the reasons I fell so fast and easily into the trap of low self-esteem is because I didn’t understand that God is the One that has already determined my worth. I am valuable to Him, the King of the Universe! This is one of the reasons that so many Christian women cling to the title, “Daughter of the King.” Their value comes from the fact that they are loved and created by the King. What a great place to cling! Through those words, we are acknowledging that we need the cross of Jesus Christ! But please, don’t take my word for it, let’s look at the words written to us straight from our Heavenly Father…

“So God created man in His own image; in the image of God He created him; male and female He created them.” Genesis 1:27

We are created in the image of God Himself!! That is valuable, isn’t it? Don’t you value the image of God? Well guess what? You are made in it!

“For we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand that we should walk in them.” Ephesians 2:10

God made us carefully and thoughtfully, and God doesn’t make mistakes! God loves you so much that He took the time to make you according to His will. Not only that, we were created for Him,

“For by Him all things were created that are in heaven and that are on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or dominions or principalities or powers. All things were created through Him and for Him.” Colossians 1:16

That means you!! You beautiful daughter of God!!

And God is all about real beauty. We see that specifically in reference to women in 1 Peter 3:3-4, “Do not let your adornment be merely outward – arranging the hair, wearing gold, or putting on fine apparel – Rather, let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the incorruptible beauty of a gentile and quiet spirit, which is very precious in the sight of God.”

I’m going to do a whole series on body image, because it is something I have personally death with and I know that many of you have dealt with it too, but right now I just want to say don’t overcomplicate God’s word. It says what it says, and it means what it says! God created you and He loves you. He made you for His purposes, and one of those purposes is to spend time with you! He wants to be with you!

Break Free From The Bondage Of Sin

I know this whole war path on self-esteem will be looked at poorly by the world, but I have to tell you that self-esteem is a cheap and destructive path to hell that is so pathetic when compared to living with the knowledge of God’s creative and redemptive purposes for creating you.

God loves you, and that is where your real and lasting worth comes from!

I know for me, the bible has helped me to see God’s truth clearly, and not have the lie of self-esteem hanging over my head. We need to pray that God would set us free from the sin of pride that disguises itself as low self-esteem. During counseling recently, I have seen other individuals struggling with this very sin. Someone told them they weren’t good enough, or that they were worthless, when they were younger and they have been carrying this around with them ever since. They have been dealing with the pride of low self-esteem. I really believe that God wants to deliver all of us from the bondage of this sin so that we would be more effective for His Kingdom and His purposes. Remember, God loves us! He made us! His opinion is the one that actually matters.

Let’s pray!

Dear Lord,

Thank You for Your word and how it is full of wisdom and truth! Thank You for using it as a love letter to us to let us know that You created us in Your image and You love us. Thank You that you want to create an incorruptible beauty inside of us that will be everlasting, unlike the beauty that is outward, which will pass away some day. Guard our hearts against pride, Father. Help us to be humble and to seek wisdom from Your word, and from other believers You have placed in our lives. God, You are so good!! You are so loving!! You amaze me, Father! Please help my sisters and I to chase hard after You in all we say and do. Deliver us from the pride of low self-esteem. Thank You, Lord. We praise Your Holy name!!

In Jesus’ name,

Amen

The next series will begin next week and is called, “The Basics” where we will go through the very essential principals of being a disciple of Jesus Christ. In the meantime, God bless you!

Sincerely adorned,

Kristin Spencer

The post Self-Esteem: A Well Groomed Lie – Part 3 appeared first on Sincerely Adorned.

Is Worldly Fulfillment Natural?

4. Self-esteem is also the experience that success, achievement, fulfillment – happiness – are right and natural for us.

I’m just going to address one thing on this list, because it is the most important. Worldly fulfillment. Is fulfillment right and natural for us?

There isn’t any specific verse that tells us, “God made you to desire Him, and if you don’t turn to Him, you will have an empty and miserable life, no matter what you do.” But we do see stories of famous people, people that have it all, committing suicide or overdosing on drugs they are taking to numb the painful emotions they feel. Worldly objects and worldly relationships just can’t fill the God-shaped hole in our hearts, can they? This reminds me of one of my favorite stories in the bible. Jesus is doing something He was always doing, looking for lost people that needed Him. He was at a Samaritan well, during the hottest part of the day, a big no-no at the time and in that culture, and he encounters a woman. Let’s go straight to the text in John 4:6-18:

“Now Jacob’s well was there. Jesus therefore, being wearied from His journey, sat thus by the well. It was about the sixth hour. A woman of Samaria came to draw water. Jesus said to her, “Give me a drink.” For His disciples had gone away into the city to buy food. Then the woman of Samaria said to Him, “How is it that You, being a Jew, ask a drink from me, a Samaritan woman?” For Jews have no dealings with Samaritans. Jesus answered and said to her, “If you knew the gift of God, and who it is who says to you, ‘Give Me a drink,’ you would have asked Him, and He would have given you living water.” The woman said to Him, “Sir, You have nothing to draw with, and the well is deep. Where then do You get that living water? Are you greater than our father Jacob, who gave us the well, and drank from it himself, as well as his sons and his livestock?” Jesus answered and said to her, “Whoever drinks of this water will thirst again, but whoever drinks of the water that I shall give him will never thirst. But the water that I shall give him will become in him a fountain of water springing up into everlasting life.” The woman said to Him, “Sir, give me this water, that I may not thirst, nor come here to draw.” Jesus said to her, “Go, call your husband, and come here.” The woman answered and said, “I have no husband.” Jesus said to her, “You have well said, ‘I have no husband,’ for you have had five husbands, and the one whom you now have is not your husband; in that you spoke truly.”

Say Hello To Mrs. Thirsty

Meet Mrs. Thirsty, the shameful adulteress that had been married five times unsuccessfully. This woman was going to the well in the middle of the day because no one else wanted to be around her. She was an outcast. Please keep that in mind, Jesus loves the outcasts just as much as He loves everyone else. Jesus went after the outcasts of society during His ministry. Mrs. Thirsty is someone I can relate to in so many ways. If you read the verse after this, you will find out that Mrs. Thirsty knew about the Messiah that was coming (4:25). She was searching for something that would fulfill her!! But it didn’t come to her naturally, as Dr. Branden assures us it should in his definition of self-esteem. She had been through five marriages and now she was living with a man she wasn’t married to. This was not culturally accepted during this time, as it is today in the world. She was desperate for something to give her life meaning! At first she thinks Jesus is talking about special water that takes away your physical thirst, but at the end of this story we see that she gets the point. She leaves her water pot (4:28) to go tell everyone else about Jesus. Let me ask you a question. Do you think this woman, Mrs. Thirsty, the adulterer and outcast, left her water pot behind because she wasn’t thirsty anymore? She lived in the hot desert, ok? She was probably always thirsty, but now she wasn’t spiritually thirsty. She was spiritually fulfilled by Jesus Christ, the living water that causes us to thirst no more. And she was so excited about finding the answer to the question of spiritual fulfillment that she ran out and told everyone in town, all the people that hated and despised her so much that she couldn’t go to the well during the cool of the day, to tell them about Jesus. Her encounter with Jesus instantaneously gave her life meaning and took away all of her shame to the point where she became a bold evangelist for Jesus Christ!! There are so many other lessons we could learn from this story, but let’s focus on the issue of fulfillment. I believe this account of Jesus and Mrs. Thirsty at the well illustrates that we are not fulfilled by anything we can achieve in this world. Many women like Mrs. Thirsty and myself have sought fulfillment in romantic relationships that can in no way compare to our encounters with Jesus. I think I have made my point, but in case you are still skeptical, let me ask you a question. Are you really, truly fulfilled with anything in your life apart from Jesus? Maybe you are a mother, like me, and you think your children can validate your existence. Not only are you wrong, but raising your children in order to validate your existence is selfish and damaging to your children! They will never be good enough if that is their purpose in your eyes. Maybe you have an amazing boyfriend or husband. Guess what? They don’t know your heart the way Jesus does. They make mistakes and they will fail. God will never, never fail you. And in the end, even if you feel fulfilled, are you going to heaven or hell when you die? To me these are all important questions. And self-esteem doesn’t have any successful part in any of the answers to these questions. Search your heart. Are you fulfilled without God? I would argue that fulfillment is not natural for anyone who is living apart from God.

And just one more note on fulfillment. If we are looking at the example Jesus Christ set for us, we should ask ourselves, did Jesus seek fulfillment, success, or happiness for Himself? He was fulfilled in His Father, yes, but He did not seek after Himself. He humbled Himself to the point of suffering on the cross for us.

My Personal Struggle With Self-Esteem and Circular Reasoning

So now that I’ve explained the biblical problems with self-esteem as a concept, I want to tell you why this subject has been so significant in my testimony. Let’s start back in 1983, when I was just a cute little baby. All babies are cute, you know. As a young child I never had any inclination that I wasn’t ok. That there wasn’t something inherently wrong with me. The older I got, the more I struggled with others’ opinions of me. Looking back, I can be a bit more objective about this process. At that time I focused solely on the bad feedback I got, instead of looking at both the positive and negative feedback and weighing them against each other. I was told over and over again that my problem was that I had low self-esteem. Has anyone ever told you that?  In response I rationalized with myself that if I could just figure out how to like myself more, life would be much better. But the glaring problem with this whole situation is that liking yourself more doesn’t make you actually worth more. Esteeming myself doesn’t make me a better or a worse person. Thinking I’m pretty enough or smart enough doesn’t actually make me smart or pretty. I’m not saying I’m ugly and stupid. I’m trying to make a point. Believing that I am the president doesn’t actually make me the president. This is a classic case of circular reasoning. Let’s go through this circle together, shall we? Some people have bad opinions about me – I listen to these opinions – Others tell me I have to have more self-esteem so I can have a better life – Maybe I start to like myself more – No matter what I have done to change myself people will still have opinions of me, and some of those opinions are going to be bad… then I find myself right back where I started, hearing I’m not good enough and trying to pump myself up until the cycle repeats itself all over again.

If I’m really being honest with myself, the problem wasn’t that I didn’t like myself enough, but that I wanted other people to appreciate me as much as I appreciated myself, and when that didn’t happen I agonized over it. The truth is that low self-esteem is just a nice way of saying that someone is prideful. Pride is a very destructive sin, and I had to learn that the hard way.

Please listen to what I am going to say very carefully. I am not saying you are worthless or that you are anything less than amazing. You are amazing. But the fact that you are amazing, beautiful, and gifted is not proven by you believing that you are amazing, beautiful, and gifted!! Self-esteem as a positive concept is a lie straight from the pit of hell! And yes, I can prove it.

Please tune in to part three as we finish this series up with the good news about where we actually find our value, but for now, let’s pray.

Dear Heavenly Father,

Thank you so much for opening our eyes to our need for You. Thank You that You came to us when we were outcasts in our sin and in need of Your saving grace. Please guard our hearts against the destructive sin of pride. Help us to be in this world, but not of it. God, let us shine our lights for You, and keep us in Your truth. Thank You, Father!

In Jesus’ name,

Amen

Sincerely adorned,

Kristin Spencer

The post Self-Esteem: A Well Groomed Lie – Part 2 appeared first on Sincerely Adorned.