Sincerely M

Because Sometimes You Get Tired of Being Mad.

2013-08-12T20:13:00.002-04:00

So as the summer days start to count down into the crisp, beautiful autumn days, I reflect.

I've taken these days and just relaxed, although I must admit that can be somewhat difficult for me. I can be a bit of an overachiever, more like take a pile of a bunch of things on one plate and watch me explode! So I've tried doing the complete opposite of that and enjoyed the long dog summer days and relax. Several days were spent doing nothing but watching seasons of many shows on Netflix or Hulu, reading, cooking, and everything in between. And I must admit it's been really nice.

And as I reflect on my peaceful moments after so many months of tension and angry, I've decided that I'm tired of being mad.

Without going into too many details there's been a lot of things and people I ultimately x out of my life. Several of the incidents were a result of not wanting unnecessary drama or negative energy in my life. And if I'm being honest other situations were a result of me being angry, bitter and trying to be right.

I've realized that I don't want to be right all the time. I don't want to hold on to grudges. I don't want to be angry anymore. And in attempt to get rid of negative energy, I've harboring it within myself. And that does me no good. Of course all things take time and you have to let it pass before you're willing to let go. And I think I've come to that step. I've committed wrongs as well as experienced them, but today I am willing to let it go. Its time. I will let go of things that no longer hold a place in my heart or soul; letting go of that baggage. I will let of harboring that negativity, that anger - that holds me back from progressing with my life.

It will start with this and simple hellos. I will open my heart and soul to all the good that this world and life has to offer me.

Instagram as of Late.

2013-06-13T23:08:00.000-04:00

oh welcome the dogs days of summer. wait, is it officially summer?

either way. i've been spending most of my days as of late - working, sleeping, reading and relaxing.

one of my favorite hobbies is reading. ever since i was a child i would hours upon hours reading books and fortunately it's something that hasn't changed. my latest favorite place to buy books is at the thrift store. i was utterly amazed by the amount of books there, several new releases. and the best part the books are anywhere $1-$3.00 a book. seriously! how awesome is that!

so while i spend my days in far away places - i will still be snapping away and on occasion sharing my experiences.

ta da for now.

I suffer from this. :)

Flowers before the leaves;tree outside my dad's apt./Flowers from the bosses for Admin Day/Me 6.10/New Ink

Dinner Chicken Stir Fry/Wonder Woman-Yup that's Me/BBQ Meat Platter/Mother's Day w/my mom and sister

Me 4.17/Chupacabra DC/Modern Disney Princess Office Decor/Me 6.12

My Bella/Boots/Butterflies Office Decor/Turkish Embassy Beautiful Robe

Me Day.

2013-05-27T13:37:00.000-04:00

so i have been having a stressful few weeks at work and i finally talked myself into having a couple days off from work. and i have enjoyed every finger licking day!

i planned a couple of things but for the most part i just went with the flow. i did exactly what i wanted - no interruptions.

i ordered breakfast at one of my fave spanish bakeries. but i don't go in there for the typical spanish breakfast, pan, (pan is for us what muffins are for americans. except pan is much larger and sweeter. most people dip their pan in their coffee. soggy goodness.) i go in for a torta. mmmmm....torta. this is something that i surely can't eat everyday, unless of course i want to work out and we know that's not gonna happen. so i enjoy a torta every now and again. a torta is basically a sandwich, but better. it's on freshly baked bread - more like a mini loaf - with mayo, shredded cheese, sliced avocado, lettuce, tomato, jalapenos, and your choice of ham, chicken or beef. and finally the sandwich is grilled.

the bread is a mix of soft inside with the crunchy just grilled exterior. the cheese melts into the mayo. the avocado and tomato mix together into a veggie galore. this "sandwich" makes your mouth water and biting into it is a little bit of food goodness. food that makes you dance a little when you eat it.

i took my breakfast sandwich and drove over to one of the local parks. i sat, ate and watched the birds dance in the sky. my favorite part of the morning at the park is the silence. people glanced at each other with mild smiles. you hear the soft passing of cars. the birds chirping. the soft breeze. the morning is still wet and slightly cool. the sun hides shyly behind small clouds. perfection.

after the quiet, almost meditative breakfast. i head over to the subway. i park my car and decide that if i will be traveling to various parts of the city, going on the train is my best option.

sometimes letting someone else take you to your destination is relieving. all you have to worry about is getting off and on the right stops. growing up in the city, you learned to ride the train before you knew how to ride a bike. it's just something everyone did. owning a car was rendered useless. of course, once my family moved to maryland, that no car concept changed. i rarely ever take the train. so it was enjoyable taking a seat and reading a book.

dc is great because of all the places that there are to see. and if it isn't a place there's always an event. seriously if you ever see the tourism site for dc there's something to do every single day and night! having a dull day is almost impossible. i also believe that its a borderline sin if you live in or near the city and have not seen any of the historic sites, monuments or museums!

i visit my favorite museums at least once or twice a year - they are always changing the exhibits. however, there was one that i hadn't visited in quite some time. the National Museum of Natural History. as a child this was the first museum my mom took me to and it changed my whole concept of life. you know that the world is large and vast but coming here made me realized how great this world is and how immense knowledge is. it boggled my mind and forever changed me. this place was the foundation for my drive and thirst for knowledge. this place truly changed me and coming here was like meeting up with an old friend. and i always feel like i'm going on a expedition when i enter this place!

after spending a couple of hours here, i finally decided that i wouldn't be able to see the whole place but that i would return another day. i walked out to one of the food stands, bought a Nathan's hot dog and coke. i picked out a nice shaded spot under a tree, laid my jacket over the grass, sat down and enjoyed the view and food.

This view can't be beat - the Capitol on the left - the Smithsonian in the center - and the Monument on the right

After a nice break, i decided to go shopping! Yes, shopping! Seriously, am a woman how could i resist the temptation of shopping. A couple of hours later and a few new items, i went to one place that i've been trying to go to for some time but never had the time, District of Pi. i had passed this place dozens of time and it's hard to ignore it and the wonderful, tasty aroma seeping through the doors. However, until me day, i never had the time to go in. so needless to say i was rather excited to finally get a chance to try the pizza.

I was immediately offered a seat either at the bar or table. I wanted to relax and enjoy so I sat at a table. My waitress was so helpful and attentive. i had the Caesar salad and the south side classico pizza. this big portion of salad was tasty and full of creamy Caesar dressing. but of course my main purpose for this visit was the pizza. when this deep dish pizza was placed on my table, i knew immediately that i wanted to eat all of it but i wouldn't be able to. firstly i ate my entire salad and even though i ordered the regular size pizza, the thing was quite massive. so of course this makes me happy. my first bite and i could taste the richness of the thick tomato-y sauce. then the layer of the sausage, cheese and veggies mix in together. and not too many people like pizza crust, this is not me. the crust was crunchy and crispy. i absolutely loved it. overall i was beyond happy that i finally made into this place. i am a pizza fanatic, seriously i can have it like 2-3x a week and never be bored of it. but this pizza is a new level of pizza making. i won't call it gourmet because this pizza is not pretentious, it's inviting. except it's different, tasty and rich with fresh ingredients. this is a big recommend. so i ate about 3 slices and saved the rest for leftovers for P.

after all the sights and food, it was time to go home. me and my boxed pizza walked over to the subway station and took the train home. as i walk out of the station and headed towards my car. i remembered that i still had one more place to visit, the nail salon. a perfect way to end the day, a relaxing mani/pedi.

i truly suggest that everyone takes at least one day to themselves, do whatever you want. my goal was to see places i hadn't in a long time, relax, take my time and eat. and i did just that. you would think that i would be exhausted from all this running around, but truth be told i was refreshed. i needed this time strictly to myself. and if a thought of "oh my goodness, i forgot this or that" entered my mind, i kindly reminded myself that it could wait till my day was over. it was liberating.

this day was the fresh breath of air that was much needed. it was perfection.

"Hell" Week.

2013-05-21T22:01:00.001-04:00

Every year for the past few years, once a week in April, I experience my "hell" week. When I say "hell" I joke of course...sorta!

It all starts on the 21st - my darling sister's birthday. Then comes the 23rd - my ever so precious niece's birthday. And lastly on the 25th - my cutie pie of a niece's birthday. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, you did count three! Three birthdays...in one week!

In all seriousness, I'm happy that I get to partake of the madness of celebrating all these birthdays in one week. But it can become chaotic and not to mention exhausting. After everything is said and done all you want is a beer...a few beers.

Here are some pictures of the week. And happy birthday to my little ladies!

My little sister, who of course is not so little anymore. I was told that when you were a baby I guarded you like a hawk would guard its prey. As we and our relationship developed, the bond broke. I thought for so long that I would never truly get to know you. But time changed us again. And we had no choice but to grow together. And now I couldn't imagine my life without you. You are the energy, the sound, and the balls of my life! I am so proud of how far you come! And love how you are who you want to be without a care of anyone else's concern. I love you!

My Bey. I could on and on about why you are so important and precious to me, but there wouldn't be enough time in this world. You and you only taught me what love is. It is eternal and instant. It does not judge, it only cares and cherishes. My life would not be complete without you. And when I see you, I still see that baby with pretty curls and the smile that brighten up my world. I love you more than life itself.

Bey with her Birthday Sprinkles Cupcakes!!! Yummy!

Brit-Brat! My little doll! I never expected you. You have added so much joy and tears to all our lives. You are one of the sweetest, kindest and smartest kid I know. And sometimes you surprised me with things you say and make look at you in awe - you are truly wise beyond your little years.

Missing Out.

2013-05-21T21:48:00.001-04:00

the problem I have is that I over analyze every detail. sometimes I go over one thing over and over again or sometimes I am so caught up on one thing that I miss out on other things.

i must stop this. --- as i type this i'm trying so hard not to go back over all the non-capitalized 'i'

there are times that i get so consumed with work that i don't have enough time for say...my boyfriend, my family, my friends or even typing up a new blog post. and then there are times, that i'm working so hard on this blog (over analyzing every detail) that I miss out on what's going on at home.

i must find a happy medium.

so i will try my best to type about my experiences and if i don't share about a couple of things here and there, i will try not to beat myself up about it. i will stop holding onto rough drafts of my posts...seriously. and i will live my life and stop missing it.

ps. sorry to all my English teachers --- the next few posts will have all sorts of errors.

Annual Easter Party.

2013-05-06T19:08:00.000-04:00

Sorry it took so long to get this up! I tried a couple of times while I had some free time at work but the pictures weren't loading right! It's rather way beyond Easter but....

As I mentioned in one of my previous posts, me and my family have an annual Easter party/egg hunt. It's really fun for the kiddos and a nice way to reconnect with the family.

We all have so much going on and we don't get to see each other as often as we would like. My family is constantly growing and changing and small gatherings like this help us stay tuned in to each other.

Anyways, here our some pictures of the decor and stuff. Fortunately, I was having too much fun to take pictures of us all playing, eating, and talking!

The "Happy Easter" banner

Mini Cupcakes with the Bunny Picks

The kids table - bubbles, coloring books w/basket, and those blowie things.

Center piece - Great idea from Pinterest

Dating my Best Friend.

2013-04-24T16:12:00.000-04:00

One of the negatives of constantly moving around is that well...you don't keep too many friends around. And this was always the case for me growing up. I was lucky if my mom decided to stay 3 years in one spot, but after that it was a new place, new school and new friends. That is until I moved to Maryland. This is the one spot that actually stuck.

I started high school in MD and was lucky that I got to be done with it in the same school. I meet a lot of new and great people, but the one that lasted was my friendship with T. We met in our drama class and instantly became attached at the hip. This in all was something new to me, a best friend.

I'll be the first to admit, that one of my most horrible flaws is that I'm not such a great friend. I forget things, miss the obvious signs of "help me please", and I don't call as much as I should. Trust me it's something I'm working on.

So anyways, yes, having one singular person that I called my best friend was truly new to me. She was the first friend that ever slept at my house and the first person that my mother allowed me to sleep over their house. And if you know anything about a Latino household - this is totally a big deal! I shared things with her that I had never even told anyone. We dreamed of graduating high school and moving to New York to become big time actresses. This was the girl who would be in my wedding. And that our future children would be best friends, like us.

Of course, sometimes life has another plan for you and things don't always plan out as dreamed. But the one thing that did, was our friendship and it was stronger than ever. Yes, we had our fights but for the most part because I tended to get angry over small things and did I mention that I can be a bit of a bad friend, well...those fights were usually started by me. But sooner or later, we would make up and go on as if nothing ever happened.

We ended up being roommates, coworkers (in another field), and eventually sister in laws. Yes, sister in laws. At heart she was always like my sister but life had that the love of her life was also my brother. (I told you life works in funny ways) Granted at first, having my best friend date my younger brother, how do I say this, was gross, but then I realized that T loved him. And how could I not understand. We had already overcome so many things together and calling her my official sister was the greatest feeling.

But again, life happens. Needless to say, our bond of eternal sisterhood was abruptly ended by my brother. Without going into too many details, because after all it is very personal information of someone else...the marriage between T and my brother did not last. And things got really crazy, really fast and it ultimately ended our friendship.

Nearly two years went by and almost no contact between the two of us.

I had experienced heartbreak before. I had my first love tell me that he didn't love me back. Another, broke my trust in a very hurtful way, that caused me to question motives of future relationships. I've had my heart broken and knew the pain and anguish of it. But never did I experience such pain and hurt and heart break over a friendship. Honestly, I didn't even know that that was possible.

I missed her terribly. I lost my kinder soul.

I would sometimes think of her and cry. I wanted to call her so many times but I couldn't. I wanted to tell her that I was sorry. That I should have been there for her. That I was sorry for being such a bad person and a bad friend to her, which she didn't deserve. But I couldn't. I thought that it was done and beyond repair. And that I would only be reminding her of her pain and I wouldn't be allowing her to move on.

One day all the feeling that I had buried inside of me for almost two years became unbearable. So I decided to send a Facebook message. I apologized. I told her how much she really means to me. And that her friendship was truly unlike any other I had ever had. And that I appreciated her.

Sending her that message was probably the best thing that I could have ever done. And I know for her to response to my message was very difficult for her. But this message opened the door for us.

We messaged back and forth - pretty much pouring our hearts to one another. I was happy to hear that she missed me too. And I was comforted with knowing that our friendship, our bond is a strong one.
After some time of messaging each other, we finally exchanged numbers and started texting each other. We started catching up on each other's lives. And after a couple of months of texts, we finally decided to meet up.

It was like meeting someone new, so you're excited but nervous. Seeing her again, was like I had found my missing piece. And I could breathe again.

It was also odd and funny in a way because it felt like I was dating her. Slowly communicating before you finally decide to meet up. And in a way it was like dating her. Getting to know each other (again) and finally deciding if the "pursuit" is worth a chance.

I know that things have changed, people grow. It's not exactly how it once was, but it's definitively a work in progress. And I know we both care about one another and we'll probably be right where we left off, just on another path, together.

I didn't realize how important a friendship is. We get so caught up in our lives: work, relationships, personal issues, and family, that sometimes we neglect to make those important friendships a priority as well. These relationships that our outside of our families also mold us into the people we become. They are a reflection of ourselves.

I thought for so long that I had lost her and the most important friendship that I had ever had. That I would never get to speak to her again. I'm glad that I was wrong. I'm glad that I put my pride and fear to the side and opened that door. I am so glad that she decided that our friendship was important to her too.

My Instagram Week(s).

2013-04-20T13:33:00.000-04:00

Healthy breakfast for the babes

My beautiful niece

Messy work desk - it was a busy week

Delicious burgers made by P

Me and P walking around downtown DC

Kinda love my new mouse

Watching movies on the couch with P

Outfit Post: Tooth Hound

2013-04-08T15:50:00.000-04:00

I’m not much of a ‘patterns’ girl – For the most part I tend to keep my style simple and basic. And if you must say it – quite timeless.

However, tooth hound has really captured my eye. When I see any clothing with this pattern I automatically run to it. It has the basic-ness that I love, two solid colors but with a creative kick.

So once I found this dress I was stuck…and lucky. There was only this one dress and one size and fortunately it was my size. And the fit was on point! Lucky!

Not only do I love the pattern but I love that the style of the dress makes it very environmentally versatile. I can wear it to work, to dinner, to church, or even to a casual wedding. Awesome, right?!

On this day I wore the dress to work and paired it with a simple bangle, pair of studded earrings and a jean jacket. I looked prim, neat, and proper! What more can a girl ask for…in a dress!

Jacket - Old Navy Dress - Forever 21 Leggings & Shoes - Seriously you can get those anywhere

Easter Party Banner

2013-03-26T11:00:00.000-04:00

So for the past month I have been planning our family's annual Easter party. It's something that started a few years back by my best friend. My family and I never really ever did anything for Easter other than the typical of every Catholic family; church and eat fish.

Seriously that's all I remember of Easter growing up.

Versus my best friend who grew up on Easter egg hunts and Easter baskets. I remember one year my best friend asked me what I would be doing for Easter, specifically for my niece, and I replied nothing. She stared at me with a look of extreme shock. She couldn't believe I hadn't grown up with the same traditions as she. Let alone that I would have my niece grow up with the same dull Easter traditions as I. She even said what kind of childhood did I have without Easter baskets! Ha!

She quickly started the tradition with our family of egg hunts and baskets, even if it was just for my niece. Now the small "get togethers" have become quite an affair.

Anyway as I was saying I've been a month into the planning and fortunately I have the help of my sister and cousin, who have helped greatly with the to-do list.

This year I have added some decorative elements to the party. Not too many or I would probably freak the hell out!

In my opinion, the most important decoration of the any party is the banner, along with table covers. I have no idea why I think table covers are so important, but to me they are.

So after searching online for the "perfect" font. I was able to find a bunch of different kinds of themes, not just Easter themes, on catchmyparty. I decided to go with the polka dots, not too girly or boyish, perfect.

So here are the probably unnecessary, but super easy instructions on how to make your very own banner!

And there you have it folks, banner all done!!!

I'll post a picture of the banner hanging once its party time. I currently have it pressed in between a couple of thick books, so the ends won't curl up.

This week in Instagram.

2013-03-25T20:49:00.000-04:00

Chicken Wreath.

2013-03-23T17:18:00.001-04:00

I first had this tasty, fatty, and oh so yummy dish a few years back. My best friend made it for dinner once and I instantly felled in love with it!

When I tell you this is good, its better than good. Its God little gift to my tummy!

So I finally decided that I should try my hand at duplicating the recipe. I was able to find a basic and simple recipe online and ta-da!

I bring you the chicken wreath!

What I love about this recipe is that you can add pretty much add whichever vegetable you like or if you don't like veggies you can omit that.

I didn't add the water chestnuts, added extra cheese and I brought some store made rotisserie chicken (I was in a bit of a hurry, but it worked just as well). Pair up the done and freshly baked wreath with some sour cream and you have yummy, creamy, delicious cheesy goodness.

Everyone I know who has tried this, has fallen in love with it as much as I have. Even my niece who absolutely hates veggies, loves this dish. I'm sure this will be the next hit at the dinner table!

First Outfit Post.

2013-03-12T00:53:00.001-04:00

So this is my first official outfit post.

Now now, I will be the first to admit that my sense of style is well...ever so evolving. Basically I'm still trying to figure it out. I've never really fitted into one type of style: preppy, classy, labeled, rockstar...

When I was young I wore what my mother gave me. And usually what my mother gave me was what she could afford, which wasn't always much. Then once I had my own money, I really couldn't figure out what clothes looked best on me.

So as I said I'm still trying to figure it out.

Plus I think this would be a nice way of documenting my change, not only style, but also my weight-loss.

Oh did I mention that I've lost some lbs...oh I didn't. Well long story short...this is the year of me. And me includes health. And if making sure I'm healthy results in some weight-loss well that's a plus.

Top: Gift from my sister and niece Bottom: Forever 21 Shoes: Rainbow
Bracelets: Heart - Forever 21 Pearl - Well I brought that so long ago, I don't remember.

Everywhere but here.

2013-03-05T12:27:00.000-05:00

So needless to say that title explains it all...I've been everywhere but here. I can go into a lengthy explanation as to where I have been, but I won't bored you with that.

Let's just say I've lacking inspiration or motivation. And I've been quite ill. But I have certainly not forgotten my "baby".

With that being said --- this site is currently going through some construction, so please bear with me while I finalize some changes.

In addition, I've become an Instagram whore. So I've pretty much been there and lacking everywhere else. And this what I've been up to...

Friday Night.

2012-12-18T17:05:00.002-05:00

So I go out Friday night with one of my good friends, K. I hadn’t seen her in a while plus I needed some time away from…everything. We head out to a local bar/restaurant. We sit at the bar and order some pizza and have our share of drinks. Hello Margaritas!

Later into the night the chairs are being taken away from the bar – more space for the dancing that’s about to start.

So here we are standing by the bar, sipping on our drinks, and just like that this guy is right in between us. He introduces himself and is very clearly interested in K. He talks to us for quite some time, tells us about his journey in the Navy and buys us a couple of drinks – even though we tell him not to. K is not interested but because he seems like a nice guy, we continue to talk. Then he starts to ask the same questions over and over and over again. Which I guess is ok and understandable because he completely wasted, but then again most of the guys there seemed completely wasted. Navy guy starts to tell me “I don’t think your friend likes me very much” I’m too nice and tell him that K just has a hard shell, so it’s hard to get to her. So here I am people watching and all of a sudden I feel a slap on my butt. And I’m not too sure where it came from. I immediately think it’s this Navy guy and I almost go off, but there are several people around this bar area and I can't say for sure who did it, so I just drop it and keep my ass facing the bar. After a while Navy guy asks us for a smoke. Which we both reply no thanks, but of course this isn’t a sufficient answer, so he comes to my ear (that’s the only way you can hear in this place) and says “let’s go for a smoke, bitch” ----- YES! HE SAID BITCH!------ It’s a bit laughable now but at that moment all I could think of was you’re an idiot, I don’t care how drunk you are. You never call a girl you don’t know, a bitch. K doesn't hear it and my face doesn't imply shock, so I'm thinking I’m out with my girl, trying to enjoy myself and the last thing I want is to get into it with a guy who is drunk and thinks it’s ok or cool to talk to a person like that. I step away and completely ignore him, soon after that he disappears and we don't see him for the rest of the night. ---Good for him.

WORD OF ADVICE: Don’t call any girl, any name, especially if you want to hook up with her friend! This will guarantee that you will not even get a single number from her – no matter how many drinks you buy her.

So me and my friend continue into the night and go onto the dance area.

I love to dance – it’s about the only time I feel free, like there isn’t anything in this world that can bother me while I’m dancing. We dance for a while, then K and I decide to go sit down.

And this is where things start to get a little…strange. I say strange because the following has never, ever, happened to me.

As me and K leave the dance area to go sit down, this guy magically appears in front of me. And of course you can tell he has been drinking. He proceeds to tell how he wished he had danced with me. We stay there and talk for a little while. We make simple conversation, like what’s your name, what do you do, do you live around here, where are you from. You know those typical questions. During all of this he tells me how beautiful I am and apologizes right after.

“You’re so beautiful. I’m so sorry. Is that bad?”

Somehow or another there’s a distraction and me and K go sit down. K and I are talking and as I looked up, there is Beautiful guy walking right to our table. Honestly, this is too funny to me. Of course he continues with the “you’re beautiful – I’m so sorry. Is that bad?” As we look into each other’s eyes (I have a thing when someone looks me in the eyes, I don’t look away – I think it shows confidence) and he licks his lips likes he is LL Cool J, he tells me “I want to kiss you – I’m sorry. Is that bad?” In between the can we hang out and the beautifuls and permission for kisses – I decide that as much as I love the attention I have to tell this guy that I’m not single. The statement makes him glare into my eyes even further as if I will change my mind. I must admit the guy was my type and was pretty good looking, but 3 years of being with someone does not compare to a few complaints and 15 minutes. He gets up from the table, comes to me and half hugs me and tells me how much he wants to kiss me as he kisses my forehead. He walks away.

And I kid you not, not even 10 seconds go by and then ANOTHER guy sits at our table. NOT EVEN 10 SECONDS. At this point I’m thinking this guy wants to talk to my friend, not me, right? And I ask him this and I’m totally shock to hear him said, no I want to talk to you!

Now I’m thinking I must be like fresh meat in high school or the last grab before the place closes, right?

This guy is also attractive and he proceeds to tell me how beautiful I am. And I’m thinking was he overhearing the Beautiful guy??? I say thank you – because I’m trying to learn to accept compliments, but before I can ask him his name. He asks me if I have a compliment for him – like how handsome he is.

I can’t help but to laugh!

I tell him I have a boyfriend but my friend, K is single. He looks at me like, Damn! And asks if he can get a hug, which I comply, and as I stand he stands. And the guy is so tall! He apologizes for being so tall, I tell him no, that women love tall men. He then says, “damn and you’re Latin too!”

I am literally surprised and shocked. I look at K in awe. – and ask myself did this really just happen?- I don’t want to seem conceited but honest to goodness I have never had that happen to me, but it felt good.
Attention and compliments felt good.

P will compliment me, but never like that. P is not the typical romance guy. He is different, much like a loner. In public he never gets so close to me. He will sit next to me but never gets as close to me as those bar guys did. Even when we first started dating, he barely even held my hand. That type of stuff is not his cup of tea. He's like Red from That 70’s Show. And I know this but every woman wants to feel wanted.

As we start walking out the bar, I see Beautiful guy and he starts his "rant" again. He asks me yet again...
-if we can hang out.
-we can go to his place, it's only 10 minutes away.
-no not like that, he doesn't expect anything, he just wants to hang out.
-how he wants to kiss me.
-how beautiful I am.
He says these things looking deeply into my eyes and licking his lips. And it kind of turns me on - the looking into my eyes part. I've always had a thing for eyes. I respect someone who looks me in the eyes and not turn away.
I simply tell him – because I’m a freaking flirt myself – “we’re on social media, find me!” and leave. Which I know we’ll never see each other again, not like it matters.

As we walk towards the car and this random guy who is with his friends tells me “you look really nice, take care” --- I'm pretty sure he said beautiful too, but I can't remember.---

I thinking I must have my nipple showing or something because….I don’t know how this is happening to me. I felt like I was in the twilight zone. I’m not the girl who gets the guy; I’m the guy’s best friend. I was never the hot or cute girl in school. I never had boyfriends who were in my school. It was always an older guy or just arrived to this country guy, never the "it" guy in school. I’ve since grown into my face and body but still…

This was indeed a rare and interesting night. And I enjoyed myself thoroughly. But it also made me feel bad. Bad in a way that I knew I felt this but never acknowledged. I told K that apparently I need more attention, I need attention from P. And I feel like a child when I say that, but it’s true.

We women need a healthy balance of appeal. We love to feel sexy, desired, and wanted – especially from the men were with. And I realized that I’m not getting enough of it. I love those random kisses on the forehead or neck. I want to feel like I am the most beautiful women he’s ever laid his eyes on. I want to feel like we just met.

I know that after 3 years not every day is going to be like that. That sometimes romantic equals take out and a movie at home. That beautiful may be you took a shower today. But that spark, that energy, and that passion shouldn’t completely die. With living life sometimes having that spark is difficult and it’s usually last on the to do list.

And maybe that’s the problem, why is that on a list? How does it feel new again? I know I don’t have the answers to everything. Obviously I have more questions than answers. But this is my thought and I think that thinking out loud sometimes helps with trying to get an answer.

And my question is how does it feel new again?

sick.

2012-12-03T23:21:00.000-05:00

laying in bed
partly sick
watching misfits
on hulu
just heard some lana del rey
shut in the room with the door closed
wishing that my love
wasn't mad or rather in a bad mood
you would think i'd be used to it
thinking of grilled cheese and tomato soup
although i don't think i like the soup but it looks so good
sleep should do my body good
too bad my body doesn't speak my language
oh this dry cough is so bothersome
i wish i had an english accent
well how about that i think i might have some soup in the kitchen
but definitely not tomato.

Second TV or Not to Get Second TV.

2012-11-13T17:32:00.001-05:00

So P and I currently only have one TV in our home. And yes it is a glorious TV, it’s the perfect (huge) size, the quality is so on point. And I truly enjoy watching TV on it.

But as of lately there has been a little bit of an issue. I don’t mind watching the same shows as P, but sometimes we have completely different tastes in shows. Some of the shows I want to watch happen to interfere with his scheduled programming.

The only time that I have full control of what I watch is either Saturday or Sunday mornings, when P is full dead on asleep.

So I asked myself, should I get another TV? Doesn’t seem like such a deep question, and it isn’t’. However there are some components that make it a big deal for me.

1. The only place that we could set up another TV is in the bedroom. I’ve never really liked the idea of a TV in the bedroom. It can cause a bit of a disturbance, like not being able to sleep soundly b/c the TV is on super loud. Plus it takes away from the intimacy of the bedroom.

2. Watching TV together actually creates a bit of a bond/closeness. And I worry that having two TVs in two separate rooms will make us not bond as much.

3. Yes, I can watch shows on many streaming sites such Hulu or Netflix or whatever, but not all the shows I like are on the sites.

I’m a natural worry wart, so maybe being “dramatic” about getting another TV isn’t so “dramatic” but I think it’s a legitimate question!

Oh what to do?

My little break

2012-11-12T23:49:00.000-05:00

So I had to disappear for a little while; take a little break. Writing in this blog started to become a chore and a hassle, even though I love to write. But I felt that I had to constantly think of new tasks, ideas, diy, fashion, recipes, lessons, jokes, everything...and it was just too much.

I needed sometime to reevaluate not only this blog but a few other things in my life.

But I also wanted to just breathe. To lay in bed, read a book, watch a movie, play video games, anything to distract me from pressure and thought. And of course one can never truly escape pressure, thought, life. But I think it's good to take a break every now and again.

In this break I realized that the reason I no longer even wanted to write this blog was because I was too busy trying to be like every other blog out here. The initial reason I even started this blog was to vent and express myself, my life, but it turned into gimmicks, attention, and 'is this cool?'

Yes, my life consists of new tasks, of always thinking of new ideas, I love diy and fashion, I love trying new recipes and cooking. I love joking around and hanging around. Truthfully, my life is not as glamorous as many other bloggers.

No, I do not travel around the world even though I constantly dream about it and I know I will get to one day. No, I do not have the best fashion sense. I love to wear what feels best. No, I am not the most creative person, but I enjoy trying out new things.

No, MMs is not the word, its more of an adventure. I'm just taking in what life has to offer and trying to live to the fullest. I can't have this blog turn into another chore or even worse something I hate to do. I'll write when I feel that I want to share, when I have something to say. Yes, there will still be some of the typical blogger stuff, but it will be me, as sincerely as I can possibly be.

Tell me...

2012-07-29T21:31:00.001-04:00

Tell me what love is
Tell me that you love me
forget the vows
because they are too easily broken
even if when they are spoken and promised
tell me that you love me
not when our times are rich
not when our times are good
not when we haven't forsaken God
Tell me that you love me
when I can't see tomorrow
tell me that you love me
when I try to shut away the tears
tell me that you love me
when I want to give up
tell me that you love me
when I have given up on the world
when I can't bear to take another step
when I have lost hope
when my heart has broken
When I say I love you
Tell me that you love me.
I will breath I love you
when you have given up
I will breath I love you
when you have lost hope
when your anger has dissolved you
when we cry
I will breath I love you
When you say I love you.

Getting Old...

2012-07-25T11:56:00.000-04:00

One of my biggest current subject and worry is about age/getting older. Well here's another.

When I was about 16 years old, I used to said that I wasn't concerned about getting older and in addition I would accept it and age gracefully. I was so naive.
I think a reason for this belief was because I sincerely didn't believe that I would live past the age of 18 - don't know why. I guess I couldn't see myself past that age.

Well now I'm almost starting to bump shoulders with 30, almost! So not only have I proven to my rather pessimistic teenage self that I could I live past the age of 18, but I was also wrong about gracefully accepting age.

Honestly I never had much concern for it until a couple of months ago when I noticed...{breath in, breath out} a wrinkle. Yes, right there standing in the bathroom, looking in the mirror, there on my forehead a few faint lines of wrinkles. I screamed and cried a little inside.

There I was looking at myself in disbelief. What? Why? How? When? I immediately reasoned with myself that this was a temporary side effect on some skin medication I had taken...a month or so ago. No, I would not and could not take responsibility for what I was seeing. I wanted to ball up in bed, crawl under the covers and eat ice cream. I was thinking what makeup is going to help cover this - it's not a pimple and wishing by some miracle I had Botox in my medicine cabinet.

I had already gotten used to the few strands of gray hair that would show up in my bushel of long black hair. I could always hide, pluck, or dye them.

This I could not hide, pluck nor dye.

Then I started questioning my family. Which genetic code had caused me...me to get wrinkles? Did all the women in my family start getting wrinkles around this age and I simply never noticed? Or was it there the whole time, written on their faces and I just dismissed them?

Could I be the only one amongst my friends who was getting old? No. Well how were they hiding "them" so well?

Maybe I am the only one?

I called P to the bathroom and sadly asked him if I was hallucinating...are they there really there? The wrinkles?

P's response, "dang!" He teases me yet still calls me an old lady. I want to cry until I look up at his face and I realize that there on his face, around his eyes, are some small ever so faint lines. I wondered how is it that I had never noticed it before. To me P was the same person (in the physical sense) as he was when we first met 3 years ago. When I looked at his face, I saw the most handsome man in this universe. I saw his smile and beautiful eyes and the love that I have for him. I didn't notice because I didn't care about that. Wrinkles or no wrinkles he was still P.

I was still me.

Age does creep up behind you, taps you on your shoulder and politely asks if you remember them. Birthdays are always fun, exciting and celebrated and well age is a whole other story. We hide from it, try to zap it back to younger days, lie about it and even try to ignore it. But it's there and much like a pesky mosquito, it will not go away.

I'm getting old...no older. I getting older, there's no hiding that. But getting older shouldn't be a curse. Now a days it's a blessing and a gift to grow old. Even with a few wrinkles I still believe I will age gracefully and hell imma have fun doing it.

Yes, it I will have to get use to this logic, but life is too short and the last thing I want to do is waste time agonizing over some lines. Even though I did buy some wrinkle and night cream for those very same lines.

Glitterific Nails...

2012-07-24T15:23:00.004-04:00

I am obsessed with glitter, especially when it's on my nails. I just love the way it sparkles, "like diamonds in the sky."

A couple of days ago I was at my sister's place alone and her whole case of nail polish was on the kitchen counter. And in typical fashion I had already chipped off most of my previous nail polish - terrible habit.

Now shine my sparkles!

Both colors are from Funky Fingers.

Chicken Lasagna Roll Ups...

2012-07-12T11:00:00.000-04:00

This dish is the faster way to getting that taste of lasagna without actually slaving in a kitchen all day long trying to make homemade - from starch - lasagna. So I present to you chicken lasagna roll ups!!!

I almost completely forgot about this dish, if it wasn't for P who kindly reminded me that I hadn't made it in a while. ---- I must admit it did make me feel kinda nice that P like a dish of mine so much that he reminded me that well, he missed it and wanted some.

Sorry for the crap-tastic photo. We ate, put leftovers away and I forgot to take a pic. So this was so last minute, full tummy, sleepy, fudge it photo.

I tend to add a bit more spices for the chicken, as it tastes rather bland with just the Italian seasoning and crushed red peppers. And of course I add loads of cheese. I love cheese!

Enjoy!

MMs Thought of the Day...

2012-07-11T21:46:00.002-04:00

Can I wear Spanx under my swimsuit?

This was my entire thought and I was going to leave it at that, however how lucky was I when I came across this...

Growing Up...

2012-07-02T22:56:00.000-04:00

Yes, I know getting older is part of life, you can't hide from that. However, at times...time just flies by so fast.

You can't relive anything, you can't hit rewind to play back what you missed. Time just keeps on strolling by with her high heels on.

It seems like only yesterday my sister was bringing my brand new baby niece home. She was our little doll. And my heart must have grown at least 3 sizes bigger because of her. ---- Not to say that I was some heartless chick, I just didn't' know I had that capability to love a person unconditionally and instantly.

Now my sweet, sweet, darling Bea is being promoted from her elementary school. And as I watch her sitting in her seat amongst her classmates, waving at me from afar. I want to have a mental breakdown of tears because not only am I proud of her - I see my niece with her own swag, style, being herself...no longer that little baby I use to cradle in my arms.

I hope one day I have enough courage to be as fearless and independent as her. Or just maybe I helped a little in instilling that in her...maybe.

Bea with her mom, my sista.

Me and my Bea.

MMs Thought of the Day...

2012-06-26T20:49:00.001-04:00

I tried this today...

and I died. I am currently writing to you from my grave.