Single Black Male

The Independent Woman

RightCoastLexSteele — Fri, 10 Jul 2009 05:00:25 +0000

***** Admin Note *****
Remember … we’re trying to get this award … so take 30 seconds and bless us with a vote … pretty please.

And don’t forget to also vote on the new poll. This is America … exercise your rights!
- SBM
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Whether it was by circumstance or by choice, we’ve always had independent women amongst us. Change is inevitable, and the role of the independent women has changed from single women raising kids on their own due to whatever circumstance to single women doing it on their own because they don’t want a man, don’t need a man. Or maybe I should say the cliche of the independent woman has changed. After all, I can’t claim to know the history of the independent women, not being a independent woman historian, nor father time. I’m sure there were some women back in the day that chopped their own wood, did their own hunting and clubbed dudes over the head and dragged them home. (Kinda like they do now.) And there are plenty of women presently raising their child or children on their own because the father has either passed away, been locked up or simply just doesn’t care. That being said, the question at hand is whether or not the present day Independent Woman intimidates men. Well….yes and no.

At work, the independent woman scares the sh*t out of men. Most men won’t admit it, but they do. Not so much because they make men shake in their boots, but because men don’t exactly know how to match the intensity of an assertive, independent woman. Ironically enough men find themselves in this situation because their egos tell them that if they match her intensity, she’ll run away sobbing uncontrollably. Which is usually not the case, but this is the information passed to our brains from our egos. Especially when dealing with a female boss men always have a hard time dealing with the fact that a woman is in charge or holds some weight. Can’t really explain it, it’s a guy thing. They probably won’t admit if you ask them so don’t bother asking your close guy friend if this is true, ’cause he’ll probably BS you. But it’s usually difficult staying focused at work while trying to keep your ego in check, especially when the person checking your ego smells like jasmine vanilla body wash.

On the dating scene however, independent woman are not so intimidating, for the simple fact that unlike the work scene, we can avoid independent women altogether. Of course, there are men out there that are attracted to independent women, but for the ones that aren’t, they can simply choose to ignore them. They are practically invisible. It’s not like men aren’t attracted to successful women who have their own this, that and other, but when you add the “better off on my own” attitude to the mix, it’s just easier not to deal with the drama. If you’re so much better off on your own, then go ahead, knock yourself out. Half the time, these women are feeding into the idea of being independent but still dabble back and forth between feeling they need a man, then deciding they don’t. You know what “they” say, women don’t know what they want. (The “they” usually being men.) The one thing that hasn’t changed is that it’s still a man’s world. And whether women like it or not, men have the option of totally avoiding independent women altogether and finding someone more suited to their taste. So while avoidance is not exactly dealing with issue of the intimidation that exists, it works because we can do it. Most people avoid things that aren’t pleasant. And sometimes, dating an “independent woman” is not pleasant, so we avoid it. Simple. And men have to be some of God’s simplest creatures.

Just being single doesn’t qualify you to be an independent woman. Cuz let’s face it, some women still rely on their family to help them out. And that’s what family is for. But aside from answering the question of whether or not independent women are intimidating to men, I want to know how you define an independent woman. After all, they all aren’t Beyonce….

Independently owned and managed,
RightCoastLexSteele, Back in Business

The Get Over It Series: Men are Judgmental

Dr.J — Thu, 09 Jul 2009 05:00:38 +0000

Dr. J by the way of SBM continues on his series on things that women will just have to Get Over. Last week we touched on who’s at fault for women being single. I actually retrieved the following quote as an update from the Wedding Date: “Every woman has the exact love life she wants“. I thought that was pretty interesting. Anyway, today’s entry takes a look at how we all hate to be judged, but in reality, you’ll just have to get over it.

1) All Women are a Trophy in Some Sense of the Concept

Women do not like to be compared to possessions but they will inevitably be thought as such, therefore, get over it. It’s usually not on purpose and not so materialistic as women think. It’s because his woman is a reflection of him. A perfect parallel is a resume. If you have worked at Microsoft and Google, you wouldn’t want to work at McDonald’s next. What will Apple think about that once you apply for a position there? And this is why men try to find something and pursue something they don’t mind taking out to stunt. Most women want a guy who isn’t afraid to take them out in public, maybe like the movies, dinner, or a picnic in the park. Well, the thing is, if he doesn’t want to be seen with you, you won’t be making an appearance at anything outside the house, unless it’s dark, no one he knows will be there, and it’s the 30th of February.

2) Their Family & Friends Network

Women must get over the fact that his friends and family will have a significant effect on who he chooses to date. His mother/father have instilled in him a certain threshold for women he dates. Some mothers will tell their sons; “Don’t bring home any white girl,” “Don’t date a Haitian,” or “She should come from a good family.” (I got love for my Haitians, but please stop acting like people’s parents don’t tell them that.) And although a man doesn’t commit these statements to memory and repeat them every night before leaving his house, they become ingrained in his head after hearing them so many times. His friends are the people who he goes to for the majority of the affirmation he gets. If his friends think you’re a ho, he doesn’t want to have to deal with defending you all the time. Or that his friends think he’s trying to turn a housewife into a ho.

3) Their Desired Image or Prototype

Personally speaking most men have an image in their head about what they want their wife to be. For me, based on what I see, i’m usually torn between Eva Longoria and Vanessa Bryant (Kobe’s wife). Eva is beautiful, she knows it, she takes interest in being as beautiful as she can be, she loves that she is a sex symbol, and she really loves being a wife. It’s so obvious that she’s into Tony Parker, she’s at his games, she’s always next to him at any chance she can get. Now Eva has her own career and has her own life. She without Tony Parker still is a person and business. And that’s hot, but it presents some problems because she’s got her own schedule and Tony’s got his. Now Vanessa Bryant, is more naturally beautiful because she doesn’t have a team of stylist around her to make her look so good she has to do it on the solo. She’s young, takes care of the kids, but she’s a full-time wife and mother. There is no scheduling issues, she’s always there. Almost like your favorite toy, always waiting for you to come home. I’m still torn between Eva and Vanessa. But the point here is this, when an man has this image of what he wants his girl/wife like, you better be sure you fall in line somewhere, because if you don’t he might be just wasting time with you, while he keeps searching for that desired image.

In conclusion, women say they hate to be judged, but at the end of the day, all women are judged because there’s a full 40-point inspection he’s going through on his own side. So if he finds out that you had a threesome back in college and all his friends know about it, he can’t respect you as a potential girlfriend. Maybe you come from a broken family and you don’t have a good relationship with your mom or dad, if his moms is not going for that, then he’s going to judge you as not the best option. And if you are not the type of girl who is going to be a #1 Stunna when he walks in the room, just give up, you’re already too far behind.

This is brought to you by the Get Over It Series, don’t try to flip this back on men, it’s about women, not men. “It’s a thousand you’s it’s only one of me.” - Kanye West

SBM Readers, i’m turning the floor over to you. Are any of you reconsidering that decision to get on the strip pole later tonight?

“The Best I Ever Had” Video … Drake … I feel you

SBM — Wed, 08 Jul 2009 05:00:26 +0000

***** Admin Note *****
I hate to admit it … but after watching Drake’s new video … I was so inspired I had to hijack my man’s Streetz post day … and put up something special. Don’t worry … you’ll get a double dose of him next week.

Also … VOTE FOR US … WE NEED AN AWARD!!! I promise … if we win … everyone gets … something! And it will be good!!!!
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Apparently, the new hot and coming (pause) artist Drake, who has a super street buzz with just a couple mixtapes (I just don’t get it. He is OK at best … in my opinion) has been getting a lot of heat for his first video “The Best I Ever Had” … his first big radio hit single.

For those of you who haven’t seen it, it basically shows Drake coaching his own basketball team of gorgeous, big breasted women, in low cut jerseys, who have no business in any way shape or form playing basketball. I won’t ruin the end of the video for you … but as you can imagine … the game doesn’t end well.

The song itself is about how Drake’s current woman is “The Best [he] Ever Had”. Technically it’s a rap song … I guess … but when I first heard it … sounded like some more of that ol’ soft ass cry through the whole song R&B song …. which I hate. But … I found it growing on me and myself turning up the radio whenever it came on.

Now … oddly enough … women are mad at this video. It seems there was this expectation that this heart felt love ballad would actually produce this soft and sweet video, telling a story of one super light skinned brotha’s love for a special someone. The type of video that women and their girls would watch in groups, and sigh together in unison at the love that was conveyed through the unique combination of words and images.

HA!

Well … personally … I love the video. And not just for the jiggly eye candy unique artistic vision, but for what I personally believe was Drake sending a message out to everyone. I love this video for its rejection of the one inherent tag that many men and every R&B artist is faced with … and Drake’s blatant attempt to not succumb to the same curse. I love this video because … to me … SBM … Drake is saying:

N****S!!! I AIN’T SOFT … and yes … I do go hard!

Any man who has ever done something really nice, ever showed more than 3 emotions in a single day, ever wept for … any reason outside the death of Michael Jackson their father or mother … they are at a dangerous risk of being labeled as “soft”.

Yes … the life of a man is that difficult. Being nice is a negative, and if you’re not beating the pum pum your chest on the regular there is some guy ready to call you soft or some girl ready to accuse you of being a down low associate. This has often manifested itself into blatant overzealous outbursts of violence and machismo. Hell … look at the Bush Administration … 8 years of consistent and nonstop “Check me out n****s … ain’t no one rolling on the US and The Big W. I go super hard”.

I’m not a big Drake fan. I’ve tried to make it through his “So Far Gone” mixtape about 5 times … but my hatred for R&B makes me lose interest as he has to be the single most R&B sounding rapper alive. As I listen to the album now as research I keep thinking “is this hip hop? Stop singing!” and am quick to write off the bootleg download potential purchase down the line.

I mean … sh*t … he even looks soft.

But … all this changed as I watch the buxom beautys get their shots blocked, fail at dribbling, and do nothing more during practice than contort their body’s in some of the most erotic and tantalizing stretch positions I’ve seen since … well … my last late night pum pum session ever.

Drake … you have earned the respect of one random reggin (read it backwards) on the internet. I’m gonna give you a chance and I’m looking for the next vid.

And Kanye … get at me. I want you to direct “SBM … The Movie”. I’m shooting for an NC-17 rating.

Any fellas out there with stories of their fight against the “softness” label? Any women actually not mad at the video? And can someone … anyone … tell me what is the big deal with this dude besides the fact he is working with Wayne?

- SBM aka Mr. Anti-Downy

Friendship is Essential…or Is It?

Slim Jackson — Tue, 07 Jul 2009 05:00:04 +0000

****** Admin Note ******
If you ever do me one favor, show me one molecule of love, or even remotely laughed at one of our jokes … please vote for this site as “Best S*x And Relationships Blog” for the Black Weblog Awards. I promise my undying love … n sh*t.

-SBM
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After readin’ SBM’s post yesterday on things that aren’t dates, I got to thinkin’ about the courting process in general. If real dates are somewhat a rarity, then how is it that people are gettin’ to know each other so well and makin’ the decision to start a relationship? Eh, maybe that’s the reason that so many of ‘em end. A poorly built foundation will usually lead to travesty down the road anyway.

I know that I haven’t done much in my lifetime in terms of dates. It was always obvious that there was an initial interest on each side, which we both kept in mind as we hung out and prolonged our peachy phase. I think I can count the number of pre-relationship dates I went on with just one hand. None of my relationships began as true friendships. “Getting to know each other” pretty much meant that we were assessing our compatibility.

I wonder if they were friends first?

I thought of the people I know that have been in long term relationships or that are married. I even managed to question a couple. I started thinkin’ that developing a relationship with someone after being friends with them for a while was just some ish you see in one of those romantic movies that get women all googly. Y’all know exactly what I’m talkin’ about. The things that make you say aww. What else could be better for providing for a long standing relationship that a foundation of friendship that has lasted for a long time? From a couple couples I identified, there are some pros and cons. Let’s start with the good:

The Pros

You most of the time get to see the person in candid form

When you’re great friends with someone, you get to learn their good and bad relationship/courting/dating habits. You know if they’re prone to sliding off. You know what they do when their mad at their significant others. You get to know their resume and body of work more in-depth than you probably ever would if y’all just started seeing each other from the jump.

Trust is established

I’d hope that most of us trust our good friends. If we can’t trust them, then they prolly aren’t that good a friend. Trust alleviates a lot of the potential for insecurities to rare their ugly heads. Trust is also one of the key components of the foundation of a relationship.

Increased optimism about where the relationship is headed

If you’ve been good friends with someone for years and you develop feelings for each other, you don’t need to spend as much time wondering if it’s too good to be true. You’re also goin’ to be more compelled to ensure that the relationship works cuz once you cross that bridge, there’s usually no turning back.

The Cons

You most of the time get to see the person in candid form

Yep. One of the biggest pros is also one of the biggest cons. Some things are better left unknown. It doesn’t matter how confident or forgiving you are. For most men and a lot of women, knowin’ a significant other’s history and body of work isn’t as funny as it was when y’all were tellin each other about one night stands and who was da bomb in the sack. At least the dude knows if he’s gonna be “that guy” who is potentially dating the neighborhood smeeze.

You’re too comfortable with each other

It’s nice to start a relationship knowin’ you don’t have to impress each other, but if you’re not careful you may fall into the comfort zone. As it was explained to me, there needs to be a transition once the relationship starts. Yes, you’re still friends but you should be treatin’ each other like significant others and not just homies that spoon, use terms of endearment, make hot love, and communicate with other love languages. You can talk about past “encounters” in front of the homies, but not in front of the boo.

There’s no turning back

It’s one thing to start off with someone as a relationship prospect, then break up and remain friends afterward. It’s another to start off as great friends, start dating, then go back to being great friends. If things don’t work out, you risk losing a critical part of your life one way or the other.

Hopefully I’ve gotten everyone’s wheels churnin’ with this one. So for today, I want to know what folks think of these pros and cons as they were provided to me and as I have witnessed? Is it essential for there to be a serious foundation of friendship to ensure longevity of the relationship? Have folks been able to make the transition back and forth? Anybody else got questions for the SBM readers as it relates to this? I’m really curious what folks have to say.

Interviewing couples while enjoying tea and crumpets since 2009,

No sweetheart … that’s not a date

SBM — Mon, 06 Jul 2009 05:00:15 +0000

Sleepless in Southeast (DC): “SBM, I just don’t understand you guys”
SBM: *rolls eyes in a matter that shows he knows where this is going* “And why do you say that my dear femal friend?”
SIS: “Well, I’ve been seeing this guy for about 2 months, and I just don’t know what’s the problem.”
SBM: “Ok, well lets start at the basics. Define ’seeing’.”
SIS: “Well, we date, smash, and chill.”
SBM: “Ok … define ‘date’.”
SIS: “What do you mean?”
SBM: “Tell me the 2 best dates.”
SIS: “Well, one time he brought over my favorite wine and movie. Oh … and another time he served me champagne and strawberries at his spot.”
SBM: *sighs and puts head in hands* “So have you ever gone out … to like a restaurant or movies?” *said with head still down*
SIS: “Hmmm … welll”
SBM: “B* … that’s your problem … your not dating him. Your a f*ck cut buddy or a friends with benefits.”

I have been dishing out relationship “advice” for years. Since the first time I had a female friend who I didn’t want to smash, I have encountered countless women who just don’t know the definition of a date. You would think this is basic stuff every mom, aunt, or non slutastic good female friend would pass on … but I continue to encounter it now that I’m an old man.

Because I hate to see any woman that frequents this nice little spot I’ve set up here … I’ve decided to go ahead and release some classified male information. Simply stated, there are several outings that are often gussied up as dates … but they are not.

So … I present

SBM’s List of Dates … that aren’t really dates

*** disclaimer ***
This applies to adults who are no longer in high school or college, and aren’t experiencing major money issues. Just because your broke, doesn’t mean you can get away with this sh*t … but if your homeless … well aight … you get a pass.

More importantly … this is only for the “courting” phase. That awkward stretch of time when things are new and undefined. This does not apply to your husband, boyfriend, or guy you have been dating (the real kind) for months.
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Alcohol and DVDs

This combination has resulted in more college late night pump sessions than drugs and frat parties combined. “You wanna come over and watch ‘Love & Basketball’? I got some smirnoff too!” I kept at least one popular black romantic comedy and a fifth of vodka in the fridge all throughout college because of how effective it was. And since everyone was broke and studying … it was allowable. But if you already have the degree, or your above the age of 21 … this isn’t a date. Its just another attempt to get in the draws.

Group Outings

There is food, its a restaurant, and drinks were purchased … so it’s a date … right? Slap yourself. I don’t care if he managed to get you on and him on a separate check and pays for you, I don’t care if you leave the group to slob his knob in the bathroom sneak some kisses in private, or whatever nonsense you may have drummed up in your head … it’s not a date.

Last Minute Errands

He needs to go to the mall to pick up them new Jordan’s and you get invited … really? If your tagging along while he is doing some stuff, don’t be impressed. He’s prolly thinking “true … free date … and maybe she’ll gimme some butt after”.

Crappy Home Cooked Meals

Now … this is a gray area … a very very gray area. I have preached to many that cooking a woman dinner is an excellent way to get some draws their attention and show them that your serious about giving them the long and strong but there are plenty of negros who know this is a cheap and easy way to impress a female without working. There are a million and one 30 minute dinners that impress easily. So … the rule of thumb here is … if he had to go to the super market for the the meal … it counts. And if he doesn’t attempt to smash … then it counts as double!

His Friend’s Party

I will admit … the boy does earn some points for foregoing the potential treasure troves of “yeah … this is my friend’s house” punany that he could be running through that whole night … so don’t discount the gesture … but it’s still not a date.

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Print this out, put it up in your office, remember each and every example. Then append the list, pass it out to your friends (the one’s you like), and please stop playing yourself.

But … as infallible as my wisdom is … I know I’ve missed one … or two … or more. What fake dates did I leave out? If you got a story … just leave poor dude’s name out.

P.S. - Any dude I ousted who’s lite night back breaking session has been ruined because I spilled the beans … my bad. But n****a … let your mouthpiece save you … step your game up and dig deep for that inner game. No need for smoke and mirrors.

The Get Over It Series: You’re single and it’s your fault

Dr.J — Thu, 02 Jul 2009 05:00:21 +0000

In this life, there are some things that we will have to get over, double standards are one of them and stubborness is another. In the next few weeks, i’m going to dive into these topics, and present to you and inside, fly on the wall view of what men think about you. Honestly, I know several single men who will say, “I got to pick a wife out of this bunch? I’m good, i’ll just rock it solo for now.”

1) You’re stubborn, you start every conversation with what you aren’t going to do. You think you can do and say whatever you want to do and men are just going to have to put up with it.

Most, if not all men, hate when they go on a date and get hit with a list of requirements and rules. Perhaps the most popular is, “I’m not having sex until i’m in a relationship.” However, there is a long list of things that women start their conversations off with that will turn a man off right away. Let me give you ladies some advice, you need to figure out what comes out of your mouth that will probably piss a guy off. Saying things like, “I’m just not into giving head like that,” I hate to admit this, but keep that to yourself until later. “I don’t call guys, they have to call me,” that’s just stupid. My basic advice here is that what you will want to do is keep the decisions you’ve made about future relationships completely mute unless asked. It’s just a big turnoff to a guy to hear that the woman he is seeing is already dictating what the rules of a non-existent relationship are. And rules are wack.

2) You have this “i’m fine” attitude problem, you’ll have to understand that you need to be constantly improving yourself. And sometimes that means taking away some things about yourself that don’t help you reach your goal.

If I had a dollar for every time someone said, “I’m not changing for nobody.” I’d be a rich man. However, ladies if you are single, and you can’t seem to find a man, or your past relationships haven’t turned out healthy or good, it’s probably time to look in the mirror. It’s time to start evaluating what’s working and what’s not working. I know it sounds nice to say, “A man is going to love me for me.” But wait… this is a secret… He won’t. Ladies, you have that friend, don’t front, that friend who has gained a few pounds in the last few years and you didn’t say anything, and she can’t seem to get a man… look I said, don’t front. You need to tell her, no man is going to love you for you, lose some weight, or at least make an attempt. You have a friend who cusses too much. While Dr. J does not mind a woman who cusses, excessive unnecessary cussing is a turnoff to most men. If you must end your sentences with the unnecessary “shit” or every female you know is a “bitch” or every man you know is a “n*gga,” example: “Then this b*tch thinks she’s slick, she rolls up on my n*gga, and I had to tell the b*tch, nah f*ck you and that lazy ass trifling n*gga….. sheeee*t,” YOU NEED TO CHANGE SOME ISH ABOUT YOURSELF. I think you guys know where i’m going with this one.

3) You think every dude is out to get you, obviously they aren’t…..

I had to sit and think about if I really wanted to step into this bee’s nest. To be quite honest, it’s nothing worse than a man/woman with no confidence. Actually there is, someone who has no evidence, rhyme or reason for the confidence they tote. I mean, when I hear that some chick thinks she’s the baddest girl on the block, but she’s single, i’m seriously confused. Ladies you know you got that one girl, who be in the club, who think every dude in the club is looking at her, and they not… be real, let her know. I know that some women choose to be single, sometimes they don’t want to be in a relationship, but don’t let me hear that your reason why you are not in a relationship is because every dude is out to take advantage of you, or he’s just trying to get in your pants. That’s not true, because if that was the case then one of these good men would be trying to get in your pants and it’s obvious he ain’t if you are SINGLE.

In conclusion, am I deploying a bootstrapping method to dating? Well yes and no. I just don’t think that when women sit around trying to figure out why they’re single that they should talk about the men. They need to be looking in the mirror, both figuratively and literally, and asking what’s wrong with themselves. I know it’s all important to have self-esteem, but if you can’t tell that there’s something wrong with you, or an area for improvement, well then you must be ready for heaven. Don’t blame others for your misfortune until you have exhausted all the possibilities on your side. There are other women in relationships so it can be done. Be real with yourself, go talk to those women, and if you don’t have anything in common with them, take out a pen and pad and get to work.

This is brought to you by the Get Over It Series, don’t try to flip this back on men, it’s about women, not men. “It’s a thousand you’s it’s only one of me.” - Kanye West

SMB readers, I open the floor to you. What do you think? Gentlemen do you agree? Be real, son. Ladies, are you fighting change? Prefer to think you’re perfect?

– Dr. J

SBM Answers: The Problem With The Super Black Woman (46)

Can you love God and s*x?

streetztalk — Wed, 01 Jul 2009 05:00:32 +0000

****** Admin Note ******
Another skribit topic … just for you … cause we love ya’ll … n sh*t.
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In college we used to have these forums all the time. They were pretty prominent across all colleges because it’s a question that undoubtedly gets asked when college is so focused on partying and sex, oh and education too (innocent smile). Well, me and Streetz about to go Marty Jannnety and Shawn Michaels on the topic and drop some knowledge on the subject.

Do I love God? Yes, and I fear his wrath too. Do I love s*x? Love is such a strong word, but I do enjoy it.

Dr. J: No let’s be real people, you cannot love God and s*x. Nothing ruins good sex, but thinking about God and baby Jesus. Well, if you’re married then it’s ok, but you cannot similtaneously love God and sex at anytime. Growing up my mother always said, “What ever you do just act like Jesus is in the room with you when you do it.” Now i’ll be the first to admit, it’s been several times when Jesus has been in my bedroom shaking his head at me.

Streetz: See, I beg to differ. You can definitely love God and love sex. Similar to oil and water, the two shouldn’t be loved at the same time. You shouldn’t be in church thinking about the shorty you gonna break off after Mass as I have before and tried not to but the devil be a recurring memory. Don’t judge me! Same way as you said thinking about God while you suicide dive into the coochie may prove bad for business. Although some women have shown their versatility by shouting out God, Jesus, Mary, and all 12 apostles (Judas too!) while we do the do. I applaud their multitasking ability.

Dr. J: Well, as Stan told Cartman, “Dude don’t put pigf*cker in front of Jesus.” So it always screws with me a little when the lady is screaming, “Oh God” unless she’s referring to me as Zeus or Rai. But… I mean, if we gon’ be here we might as well be here. No one is perfect we all have our weak moments. Once you taste the fruit of the tree of life you know what it’s like and it’s DELICIOUS. Robin Williams once said, “My favorite word is p*ssy, we’re all from there and we try to get back as often as possible.” So what are we supposed to do? Once you have it, you got to have it again. One word of advice to the virgins, DON’T DO IT. It will ruin your life. Or as Andre 3K says, “I don’t want to move too fast, but can’t resist your sexy ass, so spread…. spread for me.”

Streetz: Church. Tabernacle. Synagogue. Mosque! What’s crazy to me is how we denote sex as “being bad”. I’m like a Catholic nightmare in the sense that I don’t always agree with my church’s views on certain issues, but I rep the 60 minute service clique to the death! I’m not a paragon of scripture, but I don’t remember anywhere saying premarital sex is wrong, that sex in general is wrong. I know that if someone has a wifey and you covet her, that’s wrong “Commandment #2″ and Adultery is also a no-no. So why did the church deem sex as horrible? Things to make you go “google”.

Dr. J: [Gives Streetz the Negro Please Award] I will say this though, people lie, cheat and steal everyday, since when are we picky about sin? And why must be so picky about which sins we will break? A person has got to make some decisions with their own life, but let me be the first one to tell you, if you’ll tell a lie then you’ve broken a sin. And show me a person who says they don’t lie and you are looking at a liar. Now don’t get egregious with it, I agree with the above, it’s not a good idea to be coveting thy neighbor’s wife. Alls i’m saying is don’t be so picky.

Streetz: LOL, I’m saying I’m in church every Sunday and worship! I mean I don’t even have an excuse to miss it since the church is across the street from my house, but it’s the effort that matters. Two wrongs don’t make a right, but at the same time I know devout christians who have sex, and I know prude’s who break commandments on rotation. Faith and love of our Creator is unconditional on both ends. You try to emulate what He wants and follow the good path. For some people, certain lifestyle choices are a matter of “this is how I’m rockin and hopefully it doesn’t count against me” To be candid, if sex is going to overshadow the rest of the way I lived my life and condemn me to a life of selling ice cream in Hell, then that would be a travesty.

Dr. J: Oh hells yeah, (no pun intended), but I refuse to believe that things are so absolute. And as they say, “The Lord is my Shepherd, and He knows what I want.“ So I doubt that if the Creator created something as enjoyable as sex, that he didn’t think that people would be enjoying it outside of marriage. I’m just saying…

So what do you think SBM community? Can you love God and Sex? Do they intersect or are they mutually exclusive. Are Streetz and Dr. J heathens and “need more gospel”? Holla back,

Make or Break

Slim Jackson — Tue, 30 Jun 2009 05:00:04 +0000

Scenario 1

Boo’d Up Dude: Yeah man, me and shorty headed to the Caribbean. Lookin’ forward to it.
Concerned Friend: Dude, you know this could be it right?
BUD: What you mean? I’m not bringing a ring with me or anything.
CF: Man, vacations can either be the end or beginning of the heart of the relationship.
BUD: Come to think of it, you may be right. A lot of couples beef before and after trips.
CF: I wish yall the best man. I hope things go okay down there.
BUD: Things are always okay when I go down there…
CF: You perverted Bastard.
BUD: Yep.

Scenario 2

CF2: So you and shorty talkin’ about potentially living together?
BUD: Yeah, we still in a recession man. Gotta save the loot. We get along well though.
CF2: You do know that once you move in together, there’s no turning back right?
BUD: We’ll be aight. We spend a lot of time spooned up as is.
CF2: That’s cool and all, but if yall decide to go back to separate apartments after a year, the relationship is done B.
BUD: Can’t people just be happy for me!?!?!?

There are a lot of things at play that can make or break a relationship. Aside from people slidin’ off or just treatin’ their significant other like sh*t, there are more subtle yet equally as monumental events that can either strengthen the bond or make it dissolve like alka-seltzer. The 2 scenarios I presented above are things that should be “happy events”. Key words for this are “should be”. I used to just think that these things were myths. How could going on a vacation with your boo be a potentially bad thing? How could making an informed decision to move in together backfire? I used to be a young and naive fellow. Then I started consulting and playing therapists for family members and friends. It was at that point that I realized the perils of each situation.

Vacations: Too Much Quality Time?

Many of us have been on vacations with our boos. I’m talkin about happy vacations where we go and take cute pics to put up on Facebook, Myspace, or Twitter. The type of pics that will have shorty and her girls saying “awwww” and his boys sayin’ “you are one poptart arse negro!” Yes, you know exactly what I’m talking. Vacations are supposed to be a time to relax and enjoy each other’s company. But honestly, when you’re on an island or resort with that same person for hours upon hours without a real excuse to get away, this dramatically increases the opportunity for OD deep talk and arguments. Sometimes we don’t see the true someone until they are completely relaxed. A vacation is one of the ideal times for someone to relax and let the real them shine through.

Movin’ On In

This one may be a bit more obvious, but moving in with the boo seems great on the surface even though it can prevent major obstacles down the road. Once yall move in together, you really can’t go back to gettin’ your own places if things don’t work out. If yall can’t resolve your issues and continue to renew the lease, the relationship def won’t be renewed. I never been through this one, but it seems to be one of those unsaid things.

So for today, what do yall think? Are vacations and shacking up really make or break situations or can a couple recover? Are there any other major or events or situations that can seal the deal? And lastly, what are your stories? Have any of the readers here shacked up and broke up or went on vacation and ended up crappier than when you started? Let’s discuss.

Tentatively taking romatic trips,

Single Black Male

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