Single & Blessed

Going Private

2012-04-24T06:30:00.002-05:00

In yet another attempt to improve "my brand". I'm making this blog private and starting a new blog named: Master of My Dark Twisted Make-Believe. The title is mesh up between Kanye West's My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy and Santigold's Master of My Make-Believe.

The new blog will focus on my writing adventuers, movie reviews and books.

I'm looking forward to making this blog private. I can now talk more open about dating with children, and balancing my life. Of course anything you write on the internet is fair game, private or not, but alteast I can pretend if the blog is private.

The new blog is here. I'll give this blog a week and then it goes private. If you'd like to be a member just request it. Either way, you're all welcome to friend me at my new home.

The Master Of My Make-Believe

2012-04-23T06:00:00.000-05:00

l saw this picture and I was awestruck, flabbergasted, speechless, and IN LOVE. This picture so describes me. There's the two sexy ladies holding the fantasy like staff-yall know how much I love fantasy. They are obviously guards, but they are scantily dressed in swimsuits which says they are both domineering and submissive. The cross dresser in the middle symbolizes my love of gender studies. And then the woman in the back, in her sexy white pants standing in her seductive pose--it tells me she is doing what she loves, going after her dreams, and living life with no regrets. SIGH. LOVE IT! This picture is so me! I think Santigold can read my mind.

BTW, this is the cover Santigold's new album. It's titled Master of My make believe. --How perfect is that.

Think Like a Man

2012-04-20T06:00:00.000-05:00

I don't usually see Black romantic comedies because mostly they include Black men in drag-and the others are just crappy. Crappy or not, there is so much black beauty in this movie that I gotta go see it. I look forward to ogling Michael Ealy and Taraji P. Henson (she rocks in Person of Interest).

First Quarter Weight Lifting Results

2012-04-19T09:34:00.000-05:00

My first quarter training session is over. Compared to the previous quarter, I felt like I definitely gained a lot more strength, and I was much more consistent with my workouts. I had planned to end the last week with a bang, but it was more like a whimper. Thankfully I worked hard at the beginning of March, so I’m able to brag about gaining strength AND losing weight. Anyway here are my results.

Chest press 45-->65 lbs (+20 lbs):
Shoulders 25-->35 lbs (+10 lbs)
Deadlifts 40-->90 lbs (+50 lbs)
Bench Dips 30-->45 lbs (+15 lbs)
Squats 65-->105 lbs (+40 lbs)
Lunges 55-->85 lbs (+30 lbs)

Weight 146-->140

Last session my strength increased by the same amount, but I also gained weight. I much prefer to lose weight while gaining strength.

This quarter, I’m going to focus less on gaining strength and more on form, making sure I get deep into each rep. In order focus, I won’t increase any weight for the first month.

Strength Goals for the next session:

Chest press: 80 lbs (+15)
Shoulders: 45 lbs (+10)
Deadlifts: 105 lbs (+15)
Bench Dips: 60 lbs (+15)
Squats: 120 lbs (+15)
Lunges: 100 lbs (+15 lbs)

Watch It: Don't Trust the B in Apt. 23

2012-04-18T21:03:00.000-05:00

This post is probably better for twitter, but I suck at twitter. I'm loving Don't Trust the Bitch in Apt 23... It so Anti "The New Girl." Its a nice dose of absurd and bitchiness. From the few episodes of "The New Girl" that I could stand to watch, it's only about a gutless, weird woman--and she's not weird in a good way.

Weekend #3 Weight Maintenance Results

2012-03-19T07:00:00.000-05:00

Friday: 140 pounds
Monday: 140 pounds--YEAH
Total Challenge Weight loss: 4 lbs.

This challenge has been effecting my self esteem so I was thinking about ending it early. But if it was easy it wouldn't be a challenge. So I followed the advice of a friend and hid my scale during the week. I only weighed myself on Monday and Friday. I had to be really confident about what I ate since I would no longer be receiving immediate feedback.

This week is Spring Break and the kids and I are going to Grapevine, TX for a few days. This will definitely affect my eating habits, but not much. I'm cheap and I will only pay to eat out once a day. We will be packing sandwiches and healthy snacks. We'll also be doing lots of walking and swimming.

and totally off subject, while in Grapevine, we're going shopping. I haven't shopped in three months anticipating this shopping trip and for fun, I created a pinterest board to help plan my shopping spree. ::I am such a nerd:: Anyways, here is my board for anyone on pinterest. Grapevine Shopping Trip

Random Sunday 5 AM Thoughts

2012-03-18T05:25:00.000-05:00

Two fo my closest friends had their boyfriends marry them within six months. Now I understand why. After around six months, the initial love stupor is over and the man becomes a little more distant. He stops doing the things that made you feel he loved you. So you force the guy to marry you since marrying someone is the ultimate proof of love and commitment. But once you are married, the insecurity doesn't go away. You realize he can still leave you and marriage doesn't make him do the things he did in the beginning to get you.

You look for things to prove to yourself that he still loves you, but then you also look for things to prove that he doesn’t love you, and the later are always the things that stick out. The “He-Doesn’t-Love-You” things are the thoughts that keep you up at night. Those are the things that you concentrate on, because in the past when you’ve tried to concentrate on the the things that proved to you that he loved you, it turns out that you were concentrating on the wrong things because obviously the ex didn’t really love you.

Relationships are hard work, mon. Now I see why there was so much arguing when i was kid. It’s so much easier to display anger than it is to communicate and risk rejection. It’s much easier to be perceived as a bitch than it is to be perceived as a nag. But men don't really communicate either, its so much easier for a guy to be indifferent and pull away then it is for them to tell you he is unhappy about something. It’s so much easier to give a shoulder shrug or say i don’t know than to tell someone no. So with all this non-communicating and fear going on, how the heck do relationships work? Man, I have no idea.

Melissa Harris-Perry on Failure

2012-03-14T05:53:00.000-05:00

Curly Nikki has an interview with Melissa Harris-Perry. I really like the advice Harris-Perry gives on failure:

CN: Advice for success and achieving your goals?

Well, I'm always so reluctant to give advice because the single most important thing about success is that everybody's pathway is so different. I hate the idea that everybody has to march in line for that one thing... that there is only one way to get there. It feels inauthentic. If I had to give one piece of advice, it's that you have to be really comfortable with failing. Because the only possibility of reaching whatever success means for you, will require taking risks. Sometimes those risks are going to pay off and be great, and other times they are going to be really spectacularly painful, and sometimes public failures. And also sometimes, you'll have to deal with lots of criticism from people that you care about. It can be hard to take those really, really tough hits. You can't always take it as, 'oh, they're just haters and I don't even care', you have to actually take them and listen to them. 'Cause sometimes, even when somebody is hating, they're right. It's completely plausible that they're hating and 50% of what they're saying is absolutely accurate. So you have to learn to be comfortable with your own imperfections and try to figure out how to take the useful criticisms even out of the things that seem like they're hateful.

Essentially, don’t be scared of failure and don’t be scared to take risks. We've heard that before, but I like how she points out sometimes you have to pay attention to the haters. Maybe, just maybe their haterade may have something important mixed in it.

Monday Morning Blues

2012-03-13T06:00:00.000-05:00

I woke up Monday morning in a bad mood. The BF said something really rude to me…insulting.. It pushed that button. It made me unhappy. He apologized. But I see now why people nag. Just because something has been apologized for, doesn’t mean the hurt goes away. I replayed the comment over and over in my head trying to figure out why someone would feel like that was okay to say to me. How am I supposed to forget it? So the unhappiness of the comment reminded me of all the things I’m currently unhappy about and some possible solutions to those problems. So here we go:

Problem: My mom and her boyfriend are not paying their rent. Solution: Use my tax refund to fix the house and sell it. They are taking from me and my family and they don't seem to have any qualms about it. I haven't even received a "Thank You" for covering the rent for the past few months.

Problem: Dog keeps getting out of the yard. Solution: Stop being cheap and get an electronic fence.

Problem: Weeds and ants. Solution: stop being cheap and pay for a professional.

Problem: The desire to move. Solution: this problem fixed itself. Ant’s school just told us that it’s closing next year and Maya has decided not to attend the charter school. So I have to stay where I am.

So the insult was good for something, it made me address all unhappy things in my life. But what to do about the insult itself. I don’t know. --he’s apologized; the only option I have is to forgive and move on. That’s much easier said than done. I may be overly sensitive, but I don’t ever want to become insensitive to the person I’m with being rude to me or putting me down. NEVER. I shouldbrood over it. I should not feel guilty about feeling bad because I was insulted. ::sigh::

Weekend #2 Weight Maintenance Results

2012-03-12T14:59:00.002-05:00

Friday: 139.8; Saturday: 142.2; Sunday: 140.2; Monday 142.0. I gained 2.2 pounds over the weekend. for the second week in a row, I failed the challenge, but I’m still winning with a total loss of 2.4 pounds since February 27th. At first I was sad at not maintaining my weight, but today I’m wearing a sleeveless shirt and goodness my chest and shoulders look awesome. And I can see muscle definition in that little area immediately below my chest. Wow! The scale doesn’t always tell the complete picture. I’m pretty sure the two pounds I gained was pure muscle.

Speaking of the scale, number watching sucks—it sucks big time. The weekend challenge is making me obsessed with my scale and the scale is making me look for things that are wrong with my body. I need to have body confidence no matter what the scale reads. I need to be aware of what I eat over the weekend, because heavy lifting plus not watching what I eat equals bulk. But I shouldn’t let the number rule my mood. I need to find a balance between being conscious of what I eat over the weekends and the scale.

It's The Weekend

2012-03-09T04:41:00.001-06:00

It’s Friday, I’m off work, and so the weekend officially starts. I have an extra day to party, relax, and eat.

Monday I weighed 144 lbs. Today I’m 139.8 That’s a loss of 4.2 pounds. Last week I was sick (stomach flu) and my period started so I only lost one pound, which isn’t typical. A loss of four pounds is more typical. I've never been able to say that in my life. I usually have to fight crazy-hard to lose two pounds in a week and that's by working out two times in one day, three times a week and eating salads for dinner. By loosely following the lean gains guidelines with my half-marathon training, I usually average a loss of four pounds (which I gain back by Monday). Its going to be super hard not indulge this weekend. I have a lunch date with the BF and a movie date to see Project X with my daughter (#badmommy).

Saturday morning I'm running and then doing a Body Pump class with the homie. The best time to indulge is right after a workout, so I'm going to indulge a little on the lunch date. For the movie I'll stick with popcorn and a diet drink. --no whole box of movie candy--and probably have some wings before the movie starts. YUM.

Sunday night---Salad night. I'll let the kids choose which type of salad we have that way they won't be as freaked out by having a salad instead of the typical delicious fatty/fried and starchy meal.

Anyways, that's the plan. Lets see how it goes.

WeeKend No. 1 Results

2012-03-08T06:00:00.000-06:00

Weekend No. 1. Results

Monday 2/27= 144.4 lbs

Friday 3/2 = 143.4

Lost 1 pound

Friday night I had a big burger and BF took us out for ice cream---Saturday Morning weigh in: 144.6 lbs (+1.2 lbs)

Saturday I ran 5 miles and took a Body Pump class with a friend. Sunday Morning weigh in: 142.6 lbs (-0.8 lbs)

Monday Morning weigh in results: (drum roll please): 144 lbs. I gained 0.6 pounds since Friday.

So I flunked the challenge this weekend, but I still have a net loss of 0.4 pounds for the week, which isn’t a lot, but it’s 0.4 lbs I would have gained back if it weren’t for the challenge.

I messed up on Sunday. I figured since I was still under, I would have a fried burrito with chili and cheese for dinner as long as I only had one serving and stayed below my allotted calories. I stayed below my allotted calories, but the burrito and the chili was still processed and processed food equals more sodium which equals a higher number on the scale the next day.

Next weekend, I’m going to designate Sunday night as Salad night. Mondays are usually salad nights at my house, but for the purposes of this challenge I’m moving it… and I’ll probably keep it that way.

The Weekend Challenge

2012-03-07T19:46:00.000-06:00

This was supposed to be published last Wednesday (2/29/2012) but it didn't. So I'm posting it a week late.

There are four more weeks left of my 2012 1st Quarter Training Session. Compared to last quarter, I kicked butt. I’ve probably done 88% of my scheduled workouts. With the solid lifting goals I got from Leangains.com, my strength as increased much more than I imagined it would. I am so proud of myself!!! I’m also training for the Memorial Marathon and I’ve learned that if I keep my average pace under 12 min/mile my arches only hurt minimally while I run and they won’t hurt at all the next day. ::score:: Admittedly, I haven’t ran over five miles yet… let’s see how I feel when I get to eight miles.

I’ve maintained my weight through intermittent fasting (IF). During the week, I’ll lose one–to-four pounds and gain it all back by Monday. Tsk..tsk…. There is nothing wrong with maintaining, but with a little extra work I can rock this training quarter! So with four weeks left (and two weeks until spring break)…I’m upping the stakes. I will IF on the weekends too, challenging myself not to gain back the weight I lost during the previous week.

Complaining

2012-02-28T09:56:00.002-06:00

I am PMS’s. I feel mopey and I want some meat. I have lots wonderful blog topics in an excel sheet, but haven’t had the enthusiasm or the time to write about them. So instead, I’ll spend my precious energy and time to complain.

The spring is coming… well spring is here according to my yard. And I have to start mowing my yard and I have to figure out how to stop weeds and ants from taking it over. I love my house, but… I’m starting to feel a little resentful. I don’t like the upkeep. I don’t have the skills to take care of it like I should and I resent having to pay someone else to do what I can’t do. I don’t like decorating or remodeling. ‘Tis not me. Thankfully, the boyfriend is handy (YEAH) and has saved me lots of money over the last few months, but I don’t like asking people to do things for me –I am working on that though.

I also hate that I want to move but I can’t. Next year, both of my children will be going to a school out of the district. I want to move to an apartment near their school or downtown, but I’m tied to the house and my mortgage and the tax break I get.

Yes, yes. complain, complain--- I know if I really wanted to move I could. I could fix the house up and rent it out or sell it. Both are daunting options because I don’t want to be a landlord and I don’t want to sell my house. I’m too nice to be a landlord, just as my mom- who only pays partial rent -knows. And I don’t want to sell it because I still believe my house is a good asset. I want to either leave it to my daughter or eventually move back —maybe when the kids are out of school.

I’m complaining, I’m not a complainer, I’m a planner. So… I need to figure out what I want, what are my options, and how I’m going to get there.

Book Review: WordPress Power Guide by Lambert Klein

2012-02-17T06:00:00.000-06:00

In an effort to blog more efficiently, I've been reading Wordpress Power Guide by Lambert Klein. Honestly, I chose Wordpress Power Guide because it was a free ebook on Amazon, but now it’s $4.97 unless you are an Amazon Prime member.

I thought it was going to be a step by step process on how to set up a Wordpress site, but the Wordpress Power Guide turned out to be more geared towards Search Engine Optimization (SEO), how to get followers, and which plug-ins best help manage your site AND get more followers. I've never read anything about SEO or Wordpress so I’m not the authority on either topic, but the book was definitely quick and meaty. If I knew how to freaking set up a Wordpress site, I’m pretty confident that by following the advice in this book that I could get a pretty good following within three months.

I took some good notes from the Wordpress Power Guide and I really, really want to tell you how he writes his posts for SEO, but then I’d feel like I’m taking his advice and giving it away for free.... so I’m not. I’d definitely recommend the book even if you just have a personal blog (like me) and you use blogger. **I loosely used the advice in Wordpress Power Guide to write this post; let’s see if I can get a 100 new followers overnight. j/k

Modifying My Body For Life Workout

2012-02-15T06:00:00.000-06:00

Workout Wednesdays: Modifying My Body For Life Workout

Last September, I tried the Body for Life Challenge. It went bust, but it was a great learning experience.

Here is what I learned:

1. I’m a lunch exerciser. I was tired of planning my day around gym classes so I dropped the gym classes and moved exercising to later in the day because I didn’t want to work out at lunch with a lot of people. Not a good idea. The later in the day I plan to exercise, the least likely I am to go.

2. I’m still struggling to control my portion sizes. Diet/ maintaining a healthy lifestyle is 80% about what you eat and two years later it’s still super hard to control my portion sizes.

So beginning in January here are the tweaks to my regimen.

1. I’m still doing the Body For Life exercise regimen but instead of doing the 3 month challenge, I’m doing a personal year long challenge. Doing it for a year will ensure that I’ll look at exercise as a long term commitment instead of a short term goal.

2. Because it’s a long term commitment. There is nothing wrong with losing weight slowly if at all. Because really… honestly. I’m at a happy weight. I could lose weight. No big deal. But what I do want is to be consistent. (secretly I hope that being consistent will help me get a bod like that picture).

3. Instead of six meals per day, per Body For Life. I’ve been doing intermittent fasting (IF). Which is mostly me skipping breakfast and my 10 AM snack. I love dinner and IF lets me indulge in my favorite meal with my family.

So I wrote this long boring post to say that I’m working on being consistent. That’s my fitness goal for the year be consistent with eating and exercise.

2012 Business Plan

2012-02-13T06:00:00.000-06:00

I haven’t been absent from my blog solely because of the love stupor. Mostly I’ve been absent because I feel guilty blogging when I should be writing. Blogging seems like wasted time…

On a positive note, I actually printed my whole, entire manuscript: 115 pages!!! Wow! I still have a lot to do, but its close. Oh so close. So I've started working on my query letter. That milestone doesn't sound as impressive on paper as it does in my head.

Anyways... Having to write the query letter has once again reminded me that I have to start working on my brand. Gross—working on my brand-- The term sounds so clinical, boring and most of all scary. My introverted self is scared to fully engage social media. I'm scared of people knowing my flaws, I'm scared of making mistakes, scared of my family, whom I have always kept at a comfortable distance, discovering my hopes and dreams and asking me questions. (why?-- that is a whole new couple of blog posts).

I’ve been gone to damn long to bore you with another plan, but yall know how I role. I always gotta have some type of plan...even if most don't work out.

~~Writing~~ Business plan:

1. Keep receipts on what I spend for writing purposes and start claiming the money spent on my taxes. Why? Because then that would signal me to stop treating writing as a hobby, as optional. It’s not.

2. At work, I’ve begun listing all of my assignments/projects. I choose five projects from the list to focus on and I work my butt off to finish the project for the week. If I don't finish the project that week, it's carried over to the next week and becomes prioritized over everything else. This has helped me stay focused. I’m prone to project-hopping, favoring the easy, new projects over the older, more difficult projects.

I’m going to start keeping project lists for writing, like editing, creating, facebooking, blogging, outlining and research… I’m going to keep it updated and finish what I start.

Indirectly, doing the above reinforced the importance of having a plan, writing it down, taking notes when plans change, and following through. Ironically, when I would come into work on Monday and spend 30 minutes planning, I would feel like I was wasting time. But when Friday comes along and the plan is usually complete I end up grateful that I took those few minutes to plan. So maybe blogging isn’t such a waste of time after all. I probably just need to make sure I’m blogging about things that aren’t a complete waste of time.

Misc.

3. Set up twitter account under my name… I’m thinking constanceb.

4. Finish my query letter

5. Create List of publisher and litter agents to send cover letter/query letters to.

6. Learn html

8. Learn Wordpress so that I can set up a professional website. According to popular opinion wordpress is better for professional websites. Any advice?

9. Most importantly, HAVE FUN!

Chaos Breeds

2011-11-02T06:00:00.000-05:00

Chaos in one area breeds chaos in other areas. In my love stupor, I’ve been neglecting writing AND my finances. Gulp. It’s payday and I’m scared to look at the damage. Yall know what we do on this blog when fear pops up. We analyze it and, if necessary, we come up with a plan to kick its ass!

In my defense, I bought lots of house stuff I’ve been putting off buying. I got a vacuum, a microwave, and a dishwasher --all used and from Craigslist-- and a new faucet for my leaking bathroom sinks. A special shout out goes to the New Guy for installing my bathroom faucet and halfway installing the microwave. But admittedly a good portion was just mindless spending. So excuse me while I check out the damage and see how much I’m gonna have to cut this month in order to come out even for December. But still it feels damn good to have a dishwasher and a non-leaky sink. If I was worrying about money I wouldn’t have gotten them fixed… which is why it’s taken me so long to fix them.

Day 1

2011-11-01T11:42:00.001-05:00

This morning I wrote 300 words. shameful. Most of my time I spent trying to figure out Scrivener. ::double shameful:: liquid story binder has wbeen working great, but have too many files and trails of thoughts and its getting confusing. I love you, LSB. You helped me create my first novel, but I need some space right now. I need to date other writing software. And Scrivener has been flirting with me for years. And he finally seems ready to settle down.

Did I tell you guys at the Siren’s conference I got to sit in the same room with Scott Westerfeld and Jusine Larbalestier and Nnedi Okorafor? Well I DID!!!!! I really, really did. Anyways, Scott and Justine did 30 days of Nano tips and I jacked the following from his website and reposted it below. Don't forget to friend me if you are doing nanowrimo this year. My name is ConstanceB.

Two years ago, Justine and I did a whole month of writing advice posts in honor of all you brave NaNoWriMoers. We’re too busy to repeat the effort this year, but below is a handy set of links to all our advice of 2009.

The odd-numbered posts are mine, and the evens are Justine’s.Best of luck to you all!

(Also, I just signed a metric buttload of books at Books of Wonder here in NYC. Click here to mail-order these signed copies. There are some of every series I’ve ever written, so call them if you don’t see the one you want.)

And now here at the tips!

Nano Tip #1: Dialog Spine
NaNo Tip #2: The Zen of First (Zero) Drafts
NaNo Tip #3: Dialog Spine Analysis
NaNo Tip #4: Word Count is Not Everything
NaNo Tip #5: Write Your Way Out
NaNo Tip #6: Emergency Unstucking Techniques
NaNo Tip #7: Stealing from Chandler
NaNo Tip #8: Square Brackets
NaNo Tip #9: Meta Documents
NaNo Tip #10: Don’t Skip the Tricky Bits
NaNo Tip #11: Passages of Disbelief
NaNo Tip #12: Turn the Internet Off
NaNo Tip #13: Pace Charts
NaNo Tip #14: Procrastination Can Be Your Friend
NaNo Tip #15: Take the Day Off
NaNo Tip #16: Edit As You Go
NaNo Tip #17: Making Writing a Habit
NaNo Tip #18: Breaking with Stereotypes
NaNo Tip #19: Read Out Loud
NaNo Tip #20: Don’t Wait for the Muse to Strike
NaNo Tip #21: Writers Re-Read
NaNo Tip #22: Read Bad Books
NaNo Tip #23: Change Your Brain
NaNo Tip #24: Writing While White
NaNo Tip #25: Read it Backwards
NaNo Tip #26: Giving Thanks
NaNo Tip #27: Word Clouds
NaNo Tip #28: Take Care of Yourself
NaNo Tip #29: Finish Everything
NaNo Tip #30: Rewriting

2011-10-31T05:53:00.001-05:00

Tomorrow is the first day of Nanowrimo. Yeah. I have no plot but Ima do it. Isn't the concept of nanowrimo based on not having a plot anyway? I need some structure and some well defined goals right now because I've been in a love-drug induced stupor for the past month. Yes, love. After a year and a half, I finally met someone I like without hesitation, no, if and or buts. No settling out of loneliness or hornyness. haha.

So we will not drop all things because we are in love. We will keep all of the important balls in the air. We will focus and finish Nanowrimo and continue to train for the half marathon.

Wish me luck! Anyone else nano-ing. Anyone want to be my nano buddy? My username is constanceb.

What's Up

2011-10-17T20:27:00.000-05:00

Alright, I'm back. One thing changes in my routine and blogging is the first thing to go. Anyways... here is what you missed.

Disney World was a whole bunch of AWESOME!!!!! and FUN!!!! No problems. No stress. I'm thinking the next trip will be Fall Break 2013.

After I get back from DW, I'm energy-less for two straight weeks, I finally figured out that the "health drink" I started taking when I got back for DW was the culprit. I guess I was allergic to one of it's gazillion ingredients.

During this energy-less period, I still wrote and wrote and wrote. I was riding the "I finished my first draft" High. I wrote so much I started feeling like I needed to make an effort to socialize more. and the universe provided. I received a few invitations to go places and I even met a guy. A real life GUY. Not a virtual guy, either. I know, hard to believe, but it's true. More on guy later.

My first trip solo-no boyfriend, no kids- toVail, Colorado for the Sirens Conference was more awesome. Yep. If you would have told me a few years ago, I'd go to an all female conference and have a good time, I'd think you were crazy. Anyways, ladies know how to rock it! I know women can be a little catty at times, but I think the combination of little or no men and being outside of your comfort zone definitely helps everyone bond. I keep forgetting that.

The best thing out of the Vail trip was I got to meet my favorite authors. I even made friends with one of them at the airport. Man. This lady is beautiful. She has the most beautiful smile I've ever seen. Sigh.

I haven't been blogging because I feel like I should be editing my current book and plotting my next book for nanowrimo next month. But since I can't get anywhere with the plot of my next book, i'm thinking that instead of Nanowrimo, I might do Nanoedmo and make it a goal to edit 50-60 hours next month. That way I can be well on my way to finishing the second draft and then I can start submitting it for crits and agents by the beginning of next year.

Don't Sweat

2011-09-01T06:00:00.000-05:00

I’ll be leaving in a few hours on a plane with three kids. I feel like i should be nervous and that's making me nervous. When I was younger, traveling was a big deal. But after a few trips, I realized there isn’t much to the actual traveling part. Planning is the complicated part, but once everything is planned, all I have to do is pack, get tickets, get the the airport early, and have a good attitude. After all, it’s all about the journey not so much the destination. Traveling (not vacationing) is about being open to new experiences and getting to meet people. Its about getting away and just being. I am looking forward to getting away and just being. But that engineer in me says I need to plan...

I need to plan for emergencies, plan for the weather, plan for snacking, plan for rowdy kids, plan, plan, plan. Trying to plan for everything and constantly feeling like I've forgotten everything can be/is making me stressed. so I'm reminding myself, to take everything in stride. I have planned for the big stuff, so stop sweating over the small stuff.

Off topic: I know for most of this trip I'll be running around with kids, but I can’t help but think of the downtime I'll have once i get there. I’m gonna try my best to wake up early, pull out my laptop, get me a cup of coffee, go outside and write. heaven... The thought sends waves of pleasure up and down my spine and makes my eyebrows tingle.

Attack of the Moody Teenager

2011-08-31T06:00:00.006-05:00

In one more day, the kids and I will be off to Disney World. I'm sure it'll be fun... The biggest thing thats giving me doubts is being in a hotel room with my teenage daughter. She is the biggest energy drain I've ever met. She is either hyper actively fighting/playing with my son or she is depressingly moody and negative. And since school has started.... OMG the hyperactive play fighting thing has trippled and I've been having to pray to God for patience much more than usual. I'm bringing along my fifteen year old niece to balance her out... but I'm scared that won't be enough. What if adding another teenager to the mix, just makes it worse?????

I just gotta remember that this is a trip for the kids. In one month from now, i'll be in Colorado with no kids. ---A year ago, the concept of traveling without my children or by myself was unthinkable. Now it is all I can think about. Lord give me patience...

Happy Birthday...

2011-08-30T06:00:00.004-05:00

.... To me!

Don't let the exclamation point fool ya. I'm not really that excited. Usually I start celebrating my bday on August 1 and continue for the rest of the month. Because shoot, if I don't celebrate the date of my birth who else will? This is also the time where I call up my emotionally retarded ex boyfriend because my ultimate bday present includes snuggling and nakedness. But this year my bday has barely affected me.
--Maybe that's because i'm happy and content and I don't need an entire month or day to make myself happy.
--or maybe its because I've stopped trying to reign in my labido so I'm not as attention starved as I usually am around this time of year.
--or maybe its because I'm writing on a regular basis and again i'm happy and content. I am delirious happy when it comes to that.

--Maybe because I'm living my dang dreams and that makes Every Day My Fucking Birthday!!!!

The answer: All of the Above

BTW... I'm going out with coworkers for drinks after work! GASP!! A whole "outing" with me as the center of attention is gonna be scary. I hate attention and I don't think I've been "out" for a birthday since before Anthony was born. --I remember that birthday too. It was the bomb dot com with lots of dancing and alcohol. Anyways... I plan on getting way drunk so that should help my social skills immensely.

---I have a question for the ghetto people out there??? Do you find it strange that when ~~White~~ some folks go out, all they do is sit around and talk? That is so damn strange to me. In my family, when went out-we danced. ---You can talk on the phone... It took me eight years, but I've finally adapted. I will sit and talk. Maybe 90% of the words that are coming out of my mouth aren't making any sense, but I've stopped thinking how weird it is that these people are doing nothing. Culture shock... for reals.

Getting Fixed: My Son's Rxn

2011-08-26T06:00:00.001-05:00

While I was in Wal-mart against my will. My seven year old son said, "I wish I had a brother."

"Sorry, Dude. I'm not having any more children," I said confidently, remembering my recent blog post.

"Why?"

Because yall get on my nerve...(I was tired. and all they do is freaking argue!!!) and kids are freaking crazy. Seriously all they do is argue. Right now they are in my room fighting/playing/fighting. But I put on my nice mommy mask and said, "Because I'm not married and raising kids without a husband is hard."

"Oh." He paused then said, "I wish I was a scientist."

"Why?" I asked.

"So that I can make a brother that is half robot and half human."

o_O

My nerd in training!!!!