It’s the last day of my vacation (regular posts resume this week), but it doesn’t mean that I don’t have a list of people for you to follow. This week is fairly small, but enjoyable! This weeks photo is from bc cf on Flickr

@Aussieinthecity – one of my favorite women of all time, she’s also a wonderful friend! How I miss this woman!

@chelseyDC – a person who isn’t a stranger to my #FF lists, Chelsey is a tall, enthusiastic woman from Washington D.C.! I <3 her dearly!

@howaboutwe – a wonderful dating service, just one of my favorites.

@SingleGalNYC – one of the most interesting NYC female dating bloggers. I find her articles and ideas refreshing if not entertaining. She’s often trying to explore the dating world through a different lens, one that I wish more people peered thru.

@taylorcast_UD – one of the writers for @theurbandater, Taylor is interesting, honest, and at times, enthusiastic

As I’ve mentioned last week, I’m on vacation. I don’t come back until Saturday, but I did want to share some advice when it comes to meeting important people in your dates life. The friends, and family of the person you’re dating are significant in her evaluation of you. Their opinion of you, will help shape her impression of you. Getting along with her friends and family, means being further integrated into her life, and being in her life for the long term.

Here’s some tips I’ve learned in how to come out unscathed when meeting important people in your dates life.

Be yourself, don’t try to hard to impress. Many tend to overcompensate or make extreme efforts to impress others. For some it’s an reaction to the stress and anxiety of meeting the important people of her life. The reason she’s with you is because, she like’s you for you, not some overcompensating, overbearing individual. Maintaining your composure, and natural sense of self displays a confidence that everyone will enjoy. Importantly, they will know you’re being authentic.

They don’t have to love you, they have to like you. This can be reworded as “don’t try to please everyone.” Everyone is different, and in life, you’ll end up disagreeing with more people than agreeing with them. Her friends don’t have to love you, or agree with everything you say. They just have to like you. The only person that has to love you is your date.

Mind your words, and discussion topics. If you’re a brash person, the first time you meet her best friend isn’t the best time to be brash, unless it’s invited. As well, you don’t have to begin a conversation about a controversial project, unless the discussion already exists. Don’t try to rock the boat, keep things simple, easy, and generic; sports, art, books, are great starting points. If the conversation becomes more involved, follow the conversation in that direction, but stop when it seems you’re heading towards fisticuffs.

Smile, damnit, you’re having fun! I enjoy the company of others and generally a happy person. In the past, I’ve been so anxious during a meeting, there I would forget to smile. Many people read your nonverbal and may assume the worse. Trust me, they will talk about you later, if you’re not smiling it will seem as if you’re not having a great time when the opposite is true. Display your enjoyment, smile.

Remember, this is about her, not you. This may seem counterintuitive, you’re meeting her friends, they are going to judge you. At the end of the day, the focus and the importance of this meeting is her, and her friends. You’re meeting her people, and they are going to talk to her afterwards. Not you. Remember, while you play a part in this meeting, it has very little to do with you, but her. You’re representing her, as well as yourself, so make sure you don’t make her look like a fool.

Photo by @MSG

Adding a new wrinkle to the weekly #FollowFriday posts, I’m also going to include a favorite picture as a part of the post, just to promote great photography. This photo is by Crguerra on Flickr. Why a beach picture you ask? I’m going on vacation this week, and going to enjoy the beach!

This weeks list includes foodies, San Fran, and people of great conversation.

• @BroadwayGirlNYC – An awesome girl who I need to catch up with, she’s the source of gossip, news, reviews and sightings of Broadway. Read her blog over at http://broadwaygirlnyc.blogspot.com/
• @CarinaOst – Food blogger, Carina Ost, has just started a new blog LAtoSF.com which begins with her transition from the glamour city to the techie city. I have a love for SF, and loved her first post, and excited to see how things continue on her adventures.
• @DeeZeegirl – one of my original followers, I’ve kept my undying love for DeeZee hidden :-P A geek girl who loves her dogs, video games, and NIN.
• @Leftos – The Leftos website is a question, answer, and opinion website for all of your dating and relationship needs. It’s a really cool website (review and info coming soon), and I highly suggest people play around with it!
• @theminty – Blogger from Los Angeles, Minty blogs about foods and events on the West Side, add a touch of sass and great food photo’s and you have one of my new favorite bloggers. I think I also have a little crush. Between her and FoodPornDaily I’m going to get fat!
• @ScarlettL – “Ginger” blogger from DC, ScarlettL blogs about her life and love, in a humorous and fun way. Add that with the fact that we’re twins from completely opposite mothers, and have an impending Opera moment and Lifetime movie on the way, she’s one chick to follow and enjoy!
• @URWingman – I often pimp out Thomas Edwards when I can. I’ve written all about how awesome he is and how he has helped me in the past. Today, he was featured on Maxim Magazine providing tips on how to be the best wingman!
• @Whyimsingle – The person who I affectionately call “Mother Nature” (inside joke), she has a fun Twitter account to follow (oh and lets not forget the blog!)

I’ve been meaning to write this post since the inception of Single City Guy. Erectile Dysfunction is possible the most crippling condition any man can have. It directly affects what men hold important to our lives. I’m thinking beyond just our sexual activity, men often feel crippled with the thought of impotence, and even feel worthless. The thought of impotence is every man’s biggest fear, more so than being alone.

When I was first afflicted with erectile dysfunction, I didn’t quite know what to think. I quickly brushed the fears aside, and determined it was only a temporary issue. I thought due to my lack of sexual experience, it would resolve itself. However, when the situation kept arising, I was devastated, frightened, and unsure of my own masculinity. I was ready to quickly enter a world of deep depression.

ED has often been associated as an aging problem, the older you become the harder it is to enjoy sexual activity. With the increasing awareness of Cialis, Levitra, and Viagra, “Erectile Dysfunction” has become a common word in any relationship. In some ways, it’s brought a comfortability about the topic, allowing a sense of ease and awareness enabling more men to approach the subject. The condition varies in it’s intensity; from the person who unable to “get it up” for a night, to someone who’s completely impotent.

The causes for impotency are numerous, it can vary from stress to psychological to physical and medical. The one thing I’ve learned is it can affect any man, regardless of age. While ED is commonly found in older men, the right amount of stress, psychology or health habits can and will cause a younger man to be plagued with bouts of ED. In my case, what contributed to my situation was that sex had become stressful (due to my unsuccessful history with it), I began thinking too much and wasn’t able to perform. While there were moments of success, there were more moments of doubt and fear that I would be ridiculed in the bedroom. I often was. To help overcome my fears and the ridicule was that this wasn’t about my age or who I was as a person. There were a million other elements that I had to take into account.

The ridicule from women was just mean and inconsiderate, but that’s a different post.

This post isn’t about how to handle erectile dysfunction, but that it can affect anyone. Men aren’t told this but, all men have their moments of impotence, sometimes it lasts a day, sometimes longer. It can affect all men, of all ages, for a multitude of reasons. Most importantly, if you suffer from it, you shouldn’t be afraid. There’s nothing “wrong” with you, you’re just going thru a difficult situation. A situation that can pass quickly, if you work on the root of the cause. Additionally, men shouldn’t be afraid if they are afflicted with ED. Finding proper medial, psychological or professional help usually fixes any issue.

sleep by jenny downing

Note: This form will be changing in the near future, and upon that change, directions will be provided.

Women often ask their male friends, “Why do guys love [insert sexual activity here] when it comes to the bedroom?” The response we give women range from “I don’t know we just do, why do you love shoes?” to a blank stare as if you were a Martian from a different planet. The fact is, there are some facts as to the way we think about sex. You don’t have to understand them, you just have to know them.

There are several fantasies most men have. The most popular is having a threesome. Every man thinks about it, and if given an opportunity, most men would participate. Another not so well known fantasy most men have involves domination. This old Time article explains it a bit more in depth, however if you think about it on a practical level, this sexual fantasy makes plenty of sense. Men are fed a masculine image that is persuasive throughout every action. We must act manly, be manly, and always remain as the “Alpha”. It’s the same reason many men enjoy rough sex, or often fantasize about forced sex (bondage, etc.). It’s about the man being in power.

Other than the fantasies, there are several activities most men enjoy or would like. I don’t know of a guy who doesn’t enjoy being on the receiving end of oral sex. I would like to think, regardless of your sexual preference, a blow job lands high on the “to do” list. Anal sex is a different argument, most men fantasize about engaging in anal sex, as others are scared away. The reason we often seek it, it’s a completely different feeling and sensation. There’s also a level of trust and as previously stated, display of male masculinity in the act.

I could go on about the majority of things most men enjoy. I’ve barely touched the surface of clothing (stockings and socks is a common male attention getter), the reasons we love bigger breasts than smaller ones, and why we love younger women. Some of these topics are future blog posts. However, the point I would like to make, there are some hardened facts about male sexuality that shouldn’t be questioned. Women aren’t going to change the mindset of the entire male population anytime soon. There are common sexual activities we enjoy (the basics listed and described above), they are as factual as the sky is blue. While scientific and anthropological reasonings can be used to detail these phenomena, we men don’t call up scientists and our local anthropologists to figure out why women have closets filled with shoes. While we may question and never understand women’s shoes fetish, we often accept them as fact.

When it comes to sex, there are some male facts that women should just accept, and determine their own comfortability with them.

Photo by courtneyBolton

• @AXE – one of my favorite corporate Twitter’s to follow, AXE is the Twitter account of the AXE hair care products. There was also talk about farms, and llama’s last week, I’m still waiting on the pictures!
• @citygirlsworld – An interesting blogging duo from D.C. and Philly, who have a sense of humor and fondness for niche porn (my suggestion: Transformer Porn). I like their sass and take on the world; also they are cute!
• @KerriAK – one of my sweet and favorite friends. One day I swear we’ll hang out for drinks. I also have to give Kerri some respect, she’s been doing the Follow Friday blog posts well before I thought about it! Check out her blog as she navigates thru her interesting and crazy life.
• @KittyKate19 – life blogger Kitty Kate and I had some fun over the @oldspice guy this week. Flattery got her a mention on this weeks #FollowFriday, along with her sense of geek humor and laughing at my Calculus Pickup Lines.
• @Moxieinthecity – One of my favorite reads is “And That’s Why You’re Single”, as her advice is honest, blunt and fresh. A recent post of her’s caught my attention as she discusses if a woman can turn her Friend With Benefits into something more. Her advice mirrors  something I’ve mentioned in the past on the same subject.
• @OldSpice – after the bit of awesomeness that was the video responses to people’s Twitter questions this week, OldSpice is a must follow! I’m thinking of tossing out my Degree deodorant and switching to nothing but OldSpice after this bit of genius!
• @technomanceblog – Jewels, author of Technoromance, is a blogger, geek who thinks it’s okay to break up over IM. We had an interesting discussion over this topic on Twitter (it begins here), and while I see her point, I still believe you should break up face to face.
• @theurbandater – Often times I think of him as the west coast version of myself. The Urban Dater is an interesting, and honest read. He can also domesticate Lions by merely snapping his fingers.

If you’re  using pickup lines to approach a woman, you’re not going to get far. Traditional pickup lines often don’t work with women, and in many cases they are derogatory and insensitive. Most of them make one thing clear, you want to have sex with her. If you read any of the books, or techniques from pick-up artists, their methods aren’t pickup lines, but instead pickup conversations, or sets. Their engagement with a woman is focused on a series of questions and answers aimed at engaging in conversation. It’s an area where where dates are created on a daily basis.

I’m often surprised by what works to gain a woman’s attention, but then I often thing these are the same things to get anyone’s attention. It’s either a question, a comment, or a conversation starter. If you see her reading a book, you could ask her what she thinks of it, or the title of the book. If you hear her in a conversation about a topic you have some knowledge in, ask some questions about what she may be discussing. Even a “what do you think of this music?” in a club or bar works wonders. The point here is to act naturally with a question or conversation starter.

Having can also act as a source of confidence. I feel intimated approaching a woman with the intention of getting her phone number. Walking up to someone and saying, “Can I have your number?” scares the crap out of me. However, I feel more confident asking within the context of a conversation, “Really, you are in the social media business? So am I, we should swap contact info!” or at the end of an engaging conversation, “Let me get your e-mail so I can send you my top 10 playlist, and we can continue talk music.”

A great conversation has the added benefit of making you more memorable than some of her other suiters. A pickup line makes you seem as just some other guy who’s trying to hook up with her. In most cases, there are plenty.

Photo By MousyBoyWithGlasses

I hate to tell you ladies, one of the biggest reasons we don’t call you, is because you’re not memorable. You may think you’re memorable, or that you should be the person every guy flocks to; but the truth my hurt more than you would like it to. Who cares if you have great legs, large breasts, and a killer figure; if there’s no sustenance to it all, who cares? Think to the dates you’ve enjoyed yourself and had a great time and everything seemed to be going well. At the end of the date he promises to call, and never does. Why? He could be extremely busy, but if he never, ever, contacts you again, it’s because he’s moved on.

When we want something, we go after it. We’ll stay past happy hour with a woman at a bar, or change our plans if we feel there’s the slightest bit of luck. I’ve cleared my back account in a night at clubs because a woman was coming onto me. When we think you’re interested, and we think there’s a prize to be met, we’ll follow. There’s always a point where we determine what we’ll get from a woman at the end of the night. Either her number, or her underwear. If we think we’re going to get laid, we’ll pursue it until the next morning. If we think you’re a great woman and always want you around, we’ll pursue the next morning, afternoon, and evening. We would make damn sure we’ll find a way to get in contact with you.

There’s a few categories we classify women into: never, friend, “I’ll hit that”, and “DAYUM”. Your physique, clothing, and makeup may start you off as a “DAYUM”, but you’ll quickly turn into a one-night stand if you don’t back it up with any sustenance.

So how can you be more memorable to men? That’s another post entirely, but it begins with a few things. First, understand you’re not entitled to anything. This may sound rude, but it’s honest; men don’t owe women anything when we’re going on a date. If we don’t like you, you’re going to pay for your drinks. Second, understand your flaws, you’re not perfect. Work on the things that make you imperfect or be able to manage your imperfections. Don’t pass your flaws onto the men you’re dating, recognize what you’re doing wrong, and work on them. Lastly, RESPECT US MEN!

A quick side note: men are drawn to women that have like interests. Even if differences exist, there must be some cohesion. Television shows, pets, or common traits often do the trick. If more cohesion (not commonalities), there is with a man, the more memorable you are.

Photo by robertnelson

Twitter moves at such a frantic pace, if I make a slew of mentions early in the day, no one may ever see them. I also like to provide reasons why you should pay attention to the people I recommend. Sometimes it’s a blog post, sometimes it’s something they said, other times it’s because they are cool people. I can’t always do that on Twitter.

So starting this week, I’m changing how I handle Follow Friday’s. Every week, I’ll create a post as my weekly Follow Friday post. I’ll include the names of individuals, why I think you should follow them, and what ever other information I feel should be included. I’ll also update my Follow Friday Twitter List (@singlecityguy/follow-friday) so that you can be updated with my weekly favorites.

This is just one step in a slew of upcoming changes to SCG, one that I think will benefit not just the readers of this blog, but add some sanity to the virtual pimping that is Follow Friday.