Single Gal In The City

The Big Reveal

2010-02-12T10:02:00.006-05:00

For several weeks now, I’ve been alluding to my Grand 2010 Plan. At long last, the day has finally come for me to reveal it, along with Single Gal In The City’s brand-new address. So, update your bookmarks and head on over to www.singlegalnyc.net to find out what I’ve got in store….and how you can be a part of the excitement!

SGITC Reader Perk: CafePress Valentine's Giveaway

2010-02-11T13:48:00.028-05:00

With Valentine’s Day right around the corner, I’m excited to offer Single Gal In The City readers a special giveaway, courtesy of the generous folks at CafePress.

The irreverent online retailer – which features customizable t-shirts, mugs, and even underwear – is giving one lucky SGITC reader a free tee. If you win, you’ll get to choose between two top sellers: this pink “Kissing Bandit: I'll catch you if I can” confection…

Are you a Kissing Bandit?

…and, one of my personal favorites, this cheekier t-shirt that reads, “It’s not you, it’s me (I’m lying, it’s you)”…

I love this shirt!

For the not-so romantically inclined, CafePress offers (huzzah!) 320,000 anti-Valentine’s Day gifts.

To enter the giveaway, simply post a comment here or Tweet me about your favorite or least favorite thing about Valentine’s Day. Winner will be announced next Thursday, February 18th.

Speaking of announcements, stay tuned for the big reveal of my Grand 2010 Plan – along with SGITC’s new address – tomorrow!

Meet And Greet With Jackie Collins: Part Two

2010-02-10T18:00:00.014-05:00

As Monday’s meet and greet with Jackie Collins continued, the delightful bestselling author shared her observations about life, love and writing.

Jackie happily signed copies of her new novel Poor Little Bitch Girl

“The pleasure you give,” she said intently, “is the pleasure you get and that applies to everything, especially sex.”

Speaking of sex, Jackie noted how it doesn’t sell without a good story and interesting characters. Women in old novels -- confined to sex and cooking -- inspired her from a young age to write strong, powerful female characters free to do whatever they desire.

Her favorite creation? The beloved Lucky Santangelo, who will reappear in the upcoming Goddess of Vengeance.

“She’s so strong. Women love her, she’s like a female James Bond,” she said.

Jackie’s passion for the craft of writing, and for having her finger on the pop culture pulse is reflected in how she approaches her work. She writes longhand in leatherbound volumes, a practice she’s maintained with all 26 of her books. And, she keeps her stories fresh by submitting them months -- instead of a year -- ahead and doing all of the editing herself.

“If I fail, I want to fail on my mistakes, not somebody else’s.”

Jackie’s recipe for success has added up to sales of 400 million copies in more than 40 countries. How does she define success?

“Success,” she said wryly, “means I can call up Mr. Chow’s in Beverly Hills and get a table on a moment’s notice.”

For the chance to share a meal with Jackie, head on over to her website for details about an exciting new contest. If you win, you'll enjoy every minute -- literary stars don’t come any more gracious or enchanting than Miss Collins.

Meet And Greet With Jackie Collins: Part One

2010-02-09T19:25:00.015-05:00

Yesterday, I headed over to Bar Seine at NYC’s swanky Hotel Plaza Athenee for a blogger meet and greet with author Jackie Collins.

A True Star: Jackie Collins and me with her latest page turner

Celebrating her new novel, “Poor Little Bitch Girl” -- in bookstores today -- the intimate gathering of about 15 people offered the opportunity to dish with the bestselling author about her work past and present and, of course, her experiences in Hollywood.

I’m happy to report that Jackie is as sassy, charming and fabulous as you would expect from reading her books.

A Hollywood insider since her adolescent days, Jackie says the inspiration for “Poor Little Bitch Girl” came from the pampered and privileged celebrity offspring she has encountered.

“The new accessory in Hollywood is a baby,” she said. “What happens when the baby becomes a grown child, and you don’t want to deal with the kid that becomes an adult?”

Still smitten with the entertainment world, Jackie shared some favorite stories -- from interviewing neighbor Al Pacino to receiving a handwritten note from Frank Sinatra after Kitty Kelly published an unauthorized biography about him.

“Kitty Kelly is fiction, yours is the truth,” he wrote of Jackie’s truthful take on life in the fast lane.

Though she’s a regular at A-list parties -- Clive Davis’ legendary annual pre-Grammy soiree among them -- Jackie admitted celebrity gossip sites are one of her guilty pleasures. A self-professed pop culture junkie, she raved about Paris Hilton’s album, “The Hurt Locker” and Neil Patrick Harris.

“I love Hollywood,” she said. “I’ve been there since I was a teenager and I still find it a fascinating place.”

Up next…Jackie shares her best dating advice for women and talks about whether sex really sells.

Queen of Quirky Takes Manhattan

2010-02-08T18:01:00.024-05:00

Over the weekend, I had the pleasure of catching up with Queen of Quirky blogger and galpal Stephanie.

A Kansas City native, Stephanie and I clicked at the big BlogHer conference in Chicago last summer, finding we had both blogging and journalism-to-PR career trajectories in common. It was Stephanie’s first visit to NYC, so we enjoyed an action-packed girls night out on Saturday.

Girls Night Out: Stephanie and me at Buddakan

The evening’s festivities began with dinner at swanky Buddakan, site of Carrie and Big’s rehearsal dinner and one of my favorite restaurants. It never disappoints and this meal was no exception.

For appetizers, we indulged in chili rock shrimp, taro puff pork lollipops and wok hay frog legs. The gastronomic bliss continued with braised short ribs and shrimp and lobster chow fun, and for dessert, a carrot-ginger cake with cream cheese ice cream that was beyond heavenly. Steph is quite the foodie, not to mention a great cook, so I can’t wait to try her take on Buddakan’s braised ribs.

After dinner, we headed over to the Gansevoort Hotel, where we took in the dressed-to-be-seen scene at both the rooftop bar and Tanuki Tavern.

Big Drink: Steph with Tanuki Tavern’s oversized cosmo

Our last stop of the night -- Irish pub O’Flanagan’s, for some final cocktails and the sounds of cover band Planet Groove. We danced to some classic tunes (“500 Miles” and “Sweat--La La La Long” among them), toasted our friendship -- and talked about how Steph’s hometown will figure into my Grand 2010 Plan.

Stay tuned for the big reveal on Friday!

Opening The Vault: Part Sixty Three

2010-02-07T17:43:00.009-05:00

As you cross the one year mark in a relationship, you can’t help thinking about what it’s taken to reach that milestone -- and what it will take to reach future ones. I had all of this on my mind back in 1999, when I celebrated one year with then-boyfriend David.

In The Den: I was sitting here with David during our heart to heart (June 1999)

The beginning of our anniversary weekend got off to a rocky start. A big night out at a charity gala proved to a big disaster while I struggled to cope with David being in one of his silent moods. The evening’s end found us having a tough conversation about our different temperaments. I now Open The Vault and take you back to June of ‘99..

June 21, 1999
New York, NY

Dear Diary,

David said that, at the gala, he had no idea anything was wrong because I just took off with my friend and he assumed I just wanted some girl time.

“I’m not a mind reader and you should’ve told me what was bothering you,” he said.

On this, I had to concede was right and I apologized. Still, I would not back down on the issue of me having to carry the weight of our relationship. I told him back in January that I need him to take a more active role.

His behavior at the Copa was a reminder that I still have to decide what we do when we’re together, to plan everything, and I’m tired of it.

“I feel like those conversations might as well have never happened,” I told him.

“The easy thing to do would be to walk out the door,” David said in a shaky voice. “But I haven’t. I’m trying harder with you than I have with anybody in my entire life. I love you more than I’ve ever loved anybody in my entire life.”

“I love you too,” I said.

I moved into his arms and we were quiet for a few minutes until D said--

“I’m sorry.”

“I know,” I said flatly. “You always are.”

Squeezing me tightly, he said softly.

“I’m trying, Mel.”

“I know,” I replied.

And we kissed.

* * *
Saturday, exactly 365 days after we met for the first time, D and I decided to recreate our first date and do another pub crawl, this time in my neighborhood. I was feeling very nostalgic -- and then very disappointed when David called to tell me he was too sick to come over. No ‘Happy Anniversary,’ no ’I love you.’

Coming so soon after Thursday’s disaster, this was the last thing I needed. I had reached a breaking point.

* * *

Our anniversary would take another surprising turn, while a trio of weddings forced me to decide my fate with David for better or worse.

The Countdown Rolls On

2010-02-06T16:48:00.009-05:00

Two of my favorite blogs -- Sex, Lies & Dating and The Lost Girls -- have undergone a makeover. It must be that time of year because, in just 6 days, Single Gal In The City will be migrating from Blogspot to Wordpress, to a shorter, snazzier domain.

SGITC’s new look will, of course, coincide with the big reveal of my Grand 2010 Plan. It’s a plan that’s been in the works for a couple of months now and I can’t wait to fill you in!

Coming up…a visit from the fabulous Queen of Quirky and celebrating Super Bowl Sunday in NYC.

In Defense of Courtship Rituals

2010-02-05T18:52:00.013-05:00

Earlier this week, I received an email from a male reader with an interesting take on my recent romance with PR exec E.

Based upon my posts about E’s knack for planning elaborate dates, said reader assumed his wining and dining me must have had an ulterior motive – to get me in between the sheets.

As I read his (thankfully) inaccurate take on E’s modus operandi, I couldn’t help thinking how the art of courtship seems to be something increasingly scoffed at in the dating world.

Last year, a conversation with my summer fling during a rare night out found us talking about one of NYC’s five-star restaurants. He asked if previous significant others had taken me there and I said yes.

“Those guys were just trying to impress you,” he said dismissively.

And what, I thought to myself, is so terrible about that? Why is it that, according to the new dating rules, men are often considered foolish for wooing a woman, while women who want and enjoy the experience are made to feel guilty for it?

Over the years, I’ve gone out with men who have taken me out lavishly as as well as those who preferred more low-key courting. Neither approach is wrong, it’s simply -- like the type of person you tend to be attracted to -- a matter of personal preference.

During my time with E, he planned a series of great dates ranging from nights out on the town to quiet, cozy evenings in the neighborhood. He was thoughtful about everything and, when it comes to the art of courtship, there’s nothing more than romantic.

Singles Event Pick: Young Wall Street and CC4C Happy Hour

2010-02-04T17:57:00.008-05:00

City Chicks 4 Charity and Young Wall Street are teaming up for Happy New Year Happy Hour.

Set for tonight from 630-930pm, the event will take place at Traffic Bar and Lounge in Midtown. The $20 donation at the door covers beer and cocktail specials and light snacks, and there will be a raffle as well.

Proceeds from the event will benefit Chess-in-the-Schools, a nonprofit educational organization dedicated to improving academic performance and building self-esteem among inner-city public school children.

For more info, click here.

A Memorable Night At The Adrian Awards

2010-02-03T21:21:00.029-05:00

Monday night, I joined my Quinn & Co. colleagues for the HSMAI Adrian Awards, a.k.a. the Oscars of hospitality marketing.

All Glammed Up: Dear friend & colleague Carla Caccavale Reynolds and me

Held at NYC’s Marriott Marquis Hotel in Times Square, the black tie event draws 1,000 people from the world of travel promotion. There was plenty to celebrate, as we garnered nine awards, including two for my work on Tourism Queensland’s blockbuster Best Job In The World campaign.

Golden Work: Me standing beside one of my award-winning entries

During the cocktail hour, while enjoying some wine and heavenly Artisanal cheeses, I chatted with co-worker Danielle about her upcoming fall nuptials and possible honeymoon destinations. Danielle is the antithesis of a bridezilla – I hope that I have her calm and cool attitude whenever my turn to walk down the aisle comes.

Renowned USA Today business travel writer and Hotel Check-In blogger Barbara De Lollis kicked off the two-hour awards ceremony, which recognized the crème de la crème of hospitality PR, advertising and web marketing. One of my personal favorites -- a San Diego Zoo ad campaign featuring talking elephants.

Barbara De Lollis: A true travel pro and brilliant blogger

Dinner was exceptional. I’ve attended many functions over the years at the Marquis and can say this was one of the finest meals ever served there. Our delicious three-course dinner featured spinach salad with cambozola blue cheese, pears and wine vinaigrette, melt-in-your-mouth beef tenderloin and a heavenly dessert foursome -- baked chocolate chiboust, caramel slice, bittersweet chocolate sorbet and a chocolate mousse shot.

Best of Show: Me with my Q&C colleagues John Frazier and Florence Quinn, and Tourism Queensland’s Shana Pereira (holding the award)

The icing on the cake, so to speak, came at the night’s end when Best Job took home the night’s top honor, Best of Show. It doesn’t get any better than this, especially when you have wonderful colleagues to share it with.

Coming up…a defense of courtship rituals and a look at the question of whether to settle.

Looking Back As You Go Forward

2010-02-02T18:01:00.007-05:00

When you find yourself on the verge of a new direction, life has a way of reminding you of the journey it took to get there. Lately, I’ve enjoyed a few unexpected strolls down memory lane.

Junior’s Restaurant: Lunch at this Times Square eatery with an old friend kicked off my week of reminiscing (photo courtesy: chowtimes.com)

It began last week, during a delightful lunch with my former Fox News colleague Frankie. Though Frankie and I hadn’t seen each other since I left Fox nine years ago, we picked up right where we left off, reminiscing about the hilarious stunts we pulled in the name of TV production (including one involving "Star Wars" costumes). He asked me if I wanted to come back, and I was grateful to be reminded that some doors never truly close.

A few days later, I was at a deli on my lunch break when I ran into former “Days of Our Lives” actor Matthew Ashford. Having grown up watching Days, I was genuinely excited to see Matthew again (our last encounter was during the ’04 Daytime Emmys) and to hear about his new gig – playing one of the dads in a national tour of “Mamma Mia.”

As we talked about the shifting TV landscape and uncertain future of daytime dramas, I thought about how soaps were to my teenage years what “Sex And The City” has been to my thirties. It’s surprising and sad to think of the genre eventually being no more.

Speaking of surprises, the third one of the week happened at home when I was going through boxes of childhood mementos. Turns out one of the boxes was mislabeled, so I was floored to open it and find a collection of dolls that I assumed were lost in a move years ago. What a welcome flashback.

Yes, there’s definitely something to be said for the occasional backward glance. In the course of just a few days, I reconnected with three very different periods of my past – all of which have contributed to the woman I am today. As I take stock of where I’ve been, I feel even readier to embrace what comes next.

Dream U.S. City For Singles: The Winners

2010-02-01T17:30:00.001-05:00

In December, I asked Single Gal In The City readers and followers on Twitter the following question -- if you could explore any U.S. city as a single, which would it be?

I'm happy to announce that fellow New Yorker Mimma is the winner of a SingleTease t-shirt. Mimma nominated San Francisco as her dream town for singles.

"I hear so many great things about this city," she says. "I would love to try the different wonderful foods and meet the locals and walk the hilly streets."

Arkansas resident Autumn, winner of a $15 iTunes gift card, chose Washington D.C. as her top pick.

"I love museums and history, so DC is right up my alley," she says. "Plus, there are lots of people there on business who take time out to visit the monuments and museums too."

Thanks to everyone who weighed in. And for those who didn't, feel free to post a comment here. Answers will be rolled into the big reveal of my Grand 2010 Plan, coming just 11 days from now!

Find Your Luvah Party: Part Two

2010-01-31T16:41:00.016-05:00

Friday, after chatting with matchmaker Steve Ward, I rejoined the sizable crowd at Purple Lab’s speed dating party.

Extreme Speed Dating: Purple Lab’s event drew 400 people

About 400 people turned out for the event, evenly split between men and women.

During the cocktail hour, I found myself chatting with amiable twenty something Jersey natives Edmund and Colby. We talked about what kinds of questions are appropriate for a three-minute date. I had a good chuckle when Colby suggested this one -- if you were a drink, what would you be?

Both Edmund and Colby were speed dating virgins and so, based upon my informal polling, were most of the men in attendance. Not surprising, given the age spread of 21-35 (most speed dating events have a more targeted range).

Around 9pm, the round robin dating began. Despite impossibly loud music, I managed to have a few memorable conversations. One of my favorites -- Matthew, a music producer whose opening gambit was to say he’s only interested in women for sex.

“I’m just trying to keep it real,” he said of his candor.

How romantic.

Thankfully, the other men present appeared to have more than booty on the brain. Like adorable real estate exec Frank, who charmed me with his passion for cooking and appreciation of his Italian heritage.

“I would love to hang out with you,” he said. Sign me up.

After speed dating was over, I ran into Edmund and Colby and we headed over to a nearby Irish pub, where we enjoyed a few laughs about the evening’s festivities.

Upon sharing my story about the randy music guy and how taken aback I was by what he’d said, Colby said--

“If a guy heard that from a woman [he just met], he’d be like ‘Alright! Let’s get out of here.’ “

I laughed again, amused to be reminded of the biological differences between men and women. And happy to be reminded also that, sometimes, the most fun connections to be made with the opposite sex are those of the platonic variety.

Find Your Luvah Party: Part One

2010-01-30T11:57:00.014-05:00

Last night, I headed to Hoboken for Purple Lab’s “Find Your Luvah” speed dating party.

Strike A Pose: All smiles at the W Hoboken

Held at the swanky W hotel, the action-packed event promoted the brand’s new Luvah lip color and featured cocktails and hors d’oeuvres, a swag bag and Vh-1 “Tough Love” host and Master Matchmaker CEO Steve Ward.

Known for his no-nonsense approach to dating and relationships, Steve tells it like it is -- and yes, he’s even more adorable (not to mention very, very tall) in person.

What A Charmer: Vh-1 “Tough Love” host Steve Ward and me

His top dating tips -- be yourself, be honest and don’t overthink things.

“Women try really hard and make it really complicated, when it’s really simple,” he said, adding that a little common sense goes a long way.

When I asked him the number one question he gets from single women, Steve said it’s invariably about failed relationships.

“If it doesn’t work out, it’s always about the other person, it’s nothing [women] attribute to themselves,” he said. And yet, he added, women are far more inclined to look inward about their dating behavior when they’re unattached.

His Rx -- do that introspection regardless of your relationship status.

“There’s always something you can do differently, I don’t care if you’re Drew Barrymore or Joe the Plumber,” he said.

Up next…a look at the big speed dating crowd and the two Jersey boys who made my night.

Girls Night In: Williamsburg

2010-01-29T12:51:00.019-05:00

Wednesday night, my good friend Caroline and I headed out to Brooklyn for an evening of fun and fabulous food at our Quinn & Co. galpal Morgan's abode.

Girls Night In: Caroline, me and Morgan

Nestled in the hipster hamlet of Williamsburg, the apartment that Morgan shares with France-born hubby Arthur is a perfect reflection of them -- chic, inviting and warm.

One of the most well-matched, likeable couples you could ever hope to meet, Morgan and Arthur treated us and a handful of friends to a scrumptious homemade meal that included two kinds of quiche, chocolate pie and, bien sur, plenty of wine and cheese. It's no accident that the French are renowned for their hospitality.

Joined by Morgan's lovely galpals Prune and Judith, we toasted with a round of cosmos before settling in for the evening's main event -- a "Sex And The City" marathon.

Cheers: (from left to right) Judith, Morgan, Prune, me and Caroline

The men played cards as we curled up with season one of SATC which, outdated hair and fashion notwithstanding, holds up surprisingly well a decade later. Or maybe it's just, now that I'm a mid-thirtysomething single, I relate to Carrie & Co. on a more visceral level than I used to.

Whatever the case may be, one thing's for sure. Like a pitcher of cosmos, laughter and good food are infinitely more enjoyable when experienced with your girlfriends.

Singles Event Pick: Valentine's Week At Havana Central

2010-01-28T13:54:00.019-05:00

NYC’s Havana Central is celebrating Valentine’s Day with a Week of Love. Two of the Cuban restaurant’s three locations are hosting fun events for singles.

On Tuesday February 9th from 7-9pm at Havana Central Times Square, kick off Valentine’s Week with the Love Potion Cocktail Challenge.

Cocktail lovers are invited to create a unique “Love Potion” cocktail using Bacardi rum. The winner will receive a $250 prize, credit on menus and a plaque commemorating this first-ever Cocktail Challenge at Havana Central.

Havana Central: The Cuban restaurant chain is hosting a series of Valentine’s-themed events

Entries should be emailed to lovepotion@havanacentral.com and click here for full contest rules and regulations.

On Thursday February 11th, join relationship experts Tamsen Fadal and Matt Titus for an evening of dating do’s and don’ts, featuring a panel of three men-about-town on hand to answer questions. Tickets are $15 and include one “Love Potion” cocktail. For reservations, email ylanfranco@havanacentral.com.

Finally, start off Valentine’s weekend with Spice It Up Speed Dating at Havana Central’s uptown location on Friday February 12th.

Geared toward singles ages 25-45, the event runs from 7:45 to 9:45pm. Ticket price of $59.95 includes tax, hors d’oeuvres and one Havana Central classic cocktail. To purchase, call 1-800-406-0832 or visit the following links:
Women (ages: 22-32) and men (ages: 24-34) , women (ages: 25- 35) and men (ages: 27-37) and
women (ages: 30 – 38) and men (ages: 34- 44) .

Dating Help From Three Matches

2010-01-27T17:32:00.016-05:00

Whether it’s online dating or speed dating, I’m a big believer in taking advantage of modern methods for meeting the opposite sex. That said, I’ve always been curious about a more traditional resource – the matchmaker.

I think there’s something endearingly old fashioned about entrusting your romantic fate to an expert, not to mention the appeal of saving time by having potential partners selected for you.

And, as a thirtysomething single, I would welcome the opportunity to sit down with a matchmaking pro and explore where my romantic journey has taken me so far, and where I hope it will lead in the future.

Thanks to their generous invitation, that’s a conversation I’m looking forward to having with the team at Three Matches.

Founded by mother and daughter team Margaux & Nicole, Three Matches connects couples in London, Paris, Tel Aviv, Montreal, Miami as well as here in New York. With blind dates becoming an increasingly rare occurrence in Gotham, it will be fun to find out who Three Matches pairs me up with.

What do you think about matchmakers? Yea or nay?

Coming up…A meet and greet with VH-1 “Tough Love” host Steve Ward and gearing up for my Grand 2010 plan.

YourTango's Twitter Top 10

2010-01-26T17:48:00.016-05:00

I’m a big fan of YourTango.com – and not just because the site gave Single Gal In The City its very first media rave back in the summer of ’08.

YourTango is chock full of great dating and relationship advice (including romance-related celeb news), and features a talented team of editors. Which is why I’m especially excited to be included in their new Twitter Top 10 list of people to follow for dating advice.

I’m #2 on the list, just behind Match.com. Among the other fabulous Twitterers who made the cut are @The_Single_Girl, @eFlirtExpert, @HowVeryLucky, @okcupid, @gelato_dating, @sws_DC, @JessDowney and fellow Gotham gal @KB_in_NYC.

What a thrill to be in such good company. Thanks again, YourTango!

An 80's Style Birthday Celebration

2010-01-25T19:08:00.030-05:00

Saturday night, I headed down to SoHo for a birthday celebration with my cousin Chris and ten of my best galpals.

Happy Birthday: Making a wish over a candle-lit slice of ricotta cheesecake

The evening’s festivities kicked off at Petrarca, an Italian bistro long on great service, delicious pasta and excellent wines. Over a delicious dinner (creamless cauliflower puree soup and risotto with porcini mushrooms for me), we talked about my friend Andrea’s new PR gig and the fun of being flooded with birthday wishes via Facebook.

Girls Night Out: (counterclockwise from right): Leila, Sara, me, Caroline, Rachel and Bobbi at Canal Room

After dinner, we headed over to my favorite NYC nightspot Canal Room, which graciously comped our admission for the show. Performing was my favorite 80’s tribute band, Rubix Kube.

Rubix Kube: Best 80’s tribute band ever

I’ve had the pleasure of seeing Rubix Kube a handful of times and they never disappoint. I was especially excited when keyboardist Rich Forman gave me a birthday shoutout.

What could be better than celebrating with good friends and revisiting the music of your childhood? I found out when I jumped on stage and rocked it out with lead singer Scott Lovelady.

A Little Respect: Rubix Kube’s Scott and I jammed to the 80’s Erasure hit

You can enjoy the sounds of Rubix Kube most Saturdays at Canal Room. The band will also be part of Canal Room’s Help For Haiti benefit concert on Wednesday February 3rd, featuring four tribute bands. Tickets are $20, click here for more info.

Opening The Vault: Part Sixty Two

2010-01-24T16:59:00.015-05:00

When you reach one year with a significant other, it feels like an important milestone. That was most definitely the case more than a decade ago with my then-boyfriend David.

During that year, our relationship deepened as David helped me through the devastating loss of my mother -- and taught me for the first time what it meant to be with a true partner and take the good with the bad. As it turned out, our anniversary was a stark reminder of this. I now Open The Vault and take you back to the summer of '99...

June 21st, 1999
New York, NY

Dear Diary,

I’m miserable at the moment, having just experienced one of the worst weekends I’ve had since Mom’s funeral.

Thursday was supposed to be the official start to the anniversary celebration for me and David. I bought us tickets to a charity benefit at the Copacabana featuring dinner, dancing and gambling. Unfortunately, David was in one of his quiet, distant moods.

The Copacabana: NYC’s legendary nightclub provided the backdrop for a surprising evening with David

When we arrived at the Copa, he showed little reaction to the festive atmosphere. Then, when we sat down to eat, he ignored me to read an event brochure.

I decided to go to the bar and have a few drinks with a friend who co-organized the event. After about an hour, David reappeared with my friend’s husband and seemed to have warmed up considerably.

He was affectionate, told me he loves me, etc. But all I kept thinking was, why did he have to be such a downer for the first half of the night?

I told David we were leaving after he finished his drink. He seemed surprised but, as usual, failed to pursue the issue.

On the way home, David put his arm around me.

“So, have you had a fun evening?” he asked.

“No, I haven’t,” I said with a flat laugh.

We spent the rest of the ride in silence.

* * *
At home, David joined me on the couch.

“Okay, what have I done now?” he asked, in a tone much harsher than any I'd ever heard from him.

Not knowing where to start, I told him that I feel like no matter what I do or how dressed up I get, it’s impossible to elicit a reaction from him.

“I’m not the kind of person who reacts in a big way to things,” he said angrily.

I couldn’t help wondering -- is his quiet, laidback personality the opposite of what I need in a partner?

* * *

Before the night was over, David and I would address where we had each gone wrong with each other. But the larger question of whether we were truly compatible continued to haunt me.

The Platonic Breakup

2010-01-23T14:22:00.008-05:00

Whether it's with a friend or lover, breaking up is a messy business -- a fact of which I was reminded during a recent encounter with a former colleague.

After catching up over a pleasant lunch, said former co-worker unexpectedly launched into a 45-minute monologue about why he needed to pull back from our friendship. He felt ‘stifled,’ he said, adding that he still needs ‘space’ to figure out his feelings.

“It’s not because of waning interest or because you were too needy,” he told me. “And I’m sure at some point in the future I'm going to want to drop you a line."

I was baffled. How, I wondered, had I suddenly been cast as a jilted significant other, when the man doing the rejecting happened to be gay?

The question got me to thinking about how, unlike with romantic relationships, there’s really no road map for ending a friendship.

In my experience, when friendship fades, it’s a gradual process that bypasses the breakup scene altogether. You start seeing each other less and communicating less frequently. And that fizzling out tends to happen once you no longer share what brought you together in the first place -- a common workplace or dating status, for example.

Interestingly enough, this is exactly what took place with my now ex gay best friend. Our lunch was only the second time we’d socialized in a year, so his I’m-just-not-that-into-you speech seemed more than a little irrelevant.

Still, I can’t help appreciating the irony that he took a page out of the breakup playbook to get his message across. Well done. He just needs to work on his timing.

Ex-cessories.com: Don’t Get Mad, Break Even

2010-01-22T19:08:00.009-05:00

After a breakup, it’s not unusual to wonder what to do with relics from the relationship. Two New Orleans entrepreneurs have answered that question with ex-cessories.com.

An online marketplace for jewelry from past relationships, ex-cessories.com was conceived by founders Allison Hoffman and Elizabeth Rothbeind. While doing some closet cleaning, the two came across jewelry and other mementos from an ex-boyfriend. When it came time to toss the items, their business idea was born.

“Don’t get mad, break even,” says the Web site’s tagline.

I love it.

In addition to buying and selling ex-cessories, you can get tips at the site on everything from food to fashion. Click here to check out the daily blog.

Happy Birthday To Me

2010-01-21T12:08:00.014-05:00

I’m officially 36 years old today. As I enter the -- gulp -- second half of my thirties, I find myself feeling especially grateful for the life lessons this decade has taught me so far.

Job-wise, I’ve learned that one of my exes had it right when he said a career isn’t a sprint, it’s a long-distance run. It takes perseverance and hard work to get where you want to be, and to not lose sight of the big picture.

When it comes to friendships, this has been an era of rediscovering that proximity (or lack thereof) has no bearing on the true ties that bind. Many of the friends closest to my heart are geographically the furthest away, yet our bond remains unbreakable.

Of course, no birthday reflecting would be complete without a nod to the trajectory of my love life. It’s been a fabulous, tumultuous and often incongruous ride as a thirtysomething single gal -- but I think, at long last, I’ve finally learned to roll with the punches (okay, or at least try to!). And to laugh about the ups and downs along the way.

It’s nice to feel like I’m not only another year older but, hopefully, a little wiser too. Who could ask for a better birthday present than that?

Singles Event Pick: Anti-Valentine's Day Party

2010-01-20T20:37:00.011-05:00

If you’re unattached on February 14th, there’s no better way to celebrate being solo than by mingling. And you can do just that at Pros In The City’s Anti-Valentine’s Day party.

Amnesia: Get your flirt on February 13th at this cavernous Midtown nightspot

Scheduled for Friday February 13th, the party will be held from 730-11pm at Amnesia nightclub. Along with icebreaker games, the evening includes hors d’oeuvres and drink specials from 8-9pm, prize giveaways and DJ dancing.

Dress code is business casual and tix are $19.99 if purchased by this Friday. Click here for more info.

New Year, New Look

2010-01-19T19:00:00.007-05:00

When it comes to changes -- be they of the cosmetic or more dramatic variety -- I think there’s no better time to make them than the new year. That’s why Single Gal In The City is in the middle of a makeover.

You may have noticed SGITC’s new look, unveiled over the weekend. Next month, I’ll be moving the blog to a new, snappier URL -- and announcing my grand 2010 plan and how you can be a part of it.

In the meantime, don’t forget to drop me a line and share your dream U.S. city for singles. See sidebar below for contest details.