Single Mom by Choice or Circumstance

Littles Gone and New Ones Come

noreply@blogger.com (Mama Melissa) — Thu, 09 Feb 2012 02:06:00 +0000

In January the two little kids, Kayla and Chase, left to go live with their Mom (Jan 7). I hope it works out for them.

Then, I was asked to take a 16YO and her baby sister, 2YO. They came for a weekend of respite and then I decided to accept placement. I guess this is their 3rd week here with us now; they came on Jan 20.

All is reasonably calm for now. Next Tuesday we go to court to see if they will stay here for awhile longer or go live with "Daddy", a family friend.

My sister took Skippy (my male English Setter) for now, because he was stressing me out... he just wasn't happy and it was making us both unhappy. If it doesn't work out there, he'll go back to Sue's. It is unfortunate, but necessary for me. Maggi (my female Sheltie) is doing great. I've let her sleep in my room on the floor 3 nights in a row now.

School has been a challenge for me, just because of everything going on, but I'll manage. I can't wait to be finished with this degree. I really want it, but I really want it done now. lol.

Torrie started school this semester, but is thinking that she's not really ready. That's tough for me. But I'll deal. I've got to figure out how to get the state to still pay for this semester... if that's even possible at this point. :(

I really wish she wouldn't give up.

Peace.

PS. I've convinced Torrie to not fully give up this semester. She's taking 4 classes, and I just dropped one for her. She should be able to do at least the 2 classes if not the 3. We're going to talk about it again tonight. Prayers welcome. :)

Littles

noreply@blogger.com (Mama Melissa) — Wed, 11 Jan 2012 18:56:00 +0000

The littles, or two little kids, that I was fostering left on Jan 7. That was this past Saturday. I have no idea if I'll be able to see them ever again, and am lifting up prayers for them for sure.

Torrie started college this week. That was huge and fantastic. Lil M is glad to have Mommy back, as is Torrie, lol. I also start classes this week, too.

If I take a break (temporary or otherwise) from fostering, it is not because I'm burnt out or overwhelmed. It is mostly because I have my little family in Mia, Torrie and Gabe, and am not sure what would be a good fit for us right now. Torrie told me yesterday that she is planning on staying for awhile (perhaps even longer than a year), while she's in school and such. Prayers would be welcomed. :) We're doing well, it's not anything like that. I just hope she likes school and makes some new friends and does well. I made it my goal to help her with school... and that I plan to continue to do as much as I can.

The next thing on the list is to make sure that the state is paying for her school like they are supposed to be. I do NOT want her kicked out because the STATE didn't pay. Ugh. And they said they would... so, let's see.

Here's a pic of Lil M and Gabe from Christmas. :)

Peace.

New Year

noreply@blogger.com (Mama Melissa) — Thu, 05 Jan 2012 17:06:00 +0000

Well, hello there, 2012! 2011, just sped on by... and here we are. :)

Let's get everything updated, shall we?

Torrie and Gabe moved back/in in September. We had a great Christmas, and T has even broken up with the 'fiance'. I'm praying that stands and she doesn't go back with him. He's not a nice guy. Gabe will be ONE this month, on the 22nd. I can't believe it's already been a year since he was born. Crazy. Torrie starts school this next week (as do I) ... and I'm pretty darn excited about that! I'm hoping to help her get through her first year... or even just this first semester, so she can feel confident on completing her degree.

Mia started Kindergarten in August, 3 days before she turned 5. She has grown a ton this fall... and I need to measure/weigh her to see how much! She definitely had a grown spurt and her hair is halfway down her back, too!

She's in Piano lessons and Gymnastics. Piano started last summer and gymnastics about this time last year. She's doing well with both. Once I got her some private gymnastics lessons she seemed to really start to get it and is doing great. :) She's also learning how to read, and can sight read words like: the, an, a, like, of, and ... and can sound out many 3 letter words. Her handwriting has really gotten better this year, too, and she likes to add numbers together.

Mia has been a great 'big' sister to the younger foster kids I've had in 2011, and now. She and Bri did well together, and when Bri gets to visit, it's a lot of fun.

I had Bri last year for about 4.5 months... she's now with her grandmother, and that's going really well. Yovonne is about my age and has really stepped up to be the parent in Bri's life. She and I are friends and I'm SO VERY thankful for that relationship! It means that I get to continue to be in Bri's life and have a new friend on top of it. :) I have a feeling she'll end up with permanent custody of Bri soon. Of which, I'm glad.

In December, noted in my last post, I took in two foster kiddos. They are 3 and 4, boy/girl respectively. They are still with us; it's been 3 weeks today. No word, yet, on when they go back to their Mom. I suspect it will be by her next hearing, Jan 26, though, it could always be sooner or later depending. Yes, they were with us for Christmas. No, she hasn't had even ONE visit (her choice) with them in 3 weeks. Makes me fairly angry, actually, but what can you do.

The Dr said they are both a little delayed (nothing school won't take care of)... and that I'm right to get them into Head Start. I'm trying to do that, but haven't been able to get them on the phone yet. I've been extremely fortunate that my friend Melissa (and Torrie, when not working) is taking care of them for now. Yovonne said she'll even watch them next week for me. So blessed. I want to give them consistency and let them stay close to home until they go to school... if I have to put them in daycare (DC), I will... but for now, I'm glad they get to be at home while I'm working.

So, yes, I do work. I work full-time still. I'm also still working on my Masters. I should *hopefully* be finished Dec of this year. :) I've just got a ton on my plate right now, I do know that. But life is good and it'll settle down sooner or later!

I'm not sure how much longer I'll foster. I might continue this year, or I might stop after the littles go home. We'll see. You know many years ago I felt that God was telling me I'd have a lot of children. I didn't know how it would turn out back then, but growing my 'family' through adoption and fostering has been a blessing in my life. Back then, I didn't intend to foster. Although, soon after that, I did realize that adoption was definitely a possibility.

I've officially had 5 foster kids now. Torrie, Bri, Brit, Kayla and Chase (my only boy, not my nephew). 6 children total, with Mia, of course. I pray that God always stays right with each of them and helps them live fulfilling lives. And, if I get to be in their lives (the fosters), then that would be completely awesome, too. If not, I know that God will take care of them for me. :)

Peace and blessings for this new year.

Fosters

noreply@blogger.com (Mama Melissa) — Wed, 21 Dec 2011 20:11:00 +0000

On Thursday of last week (Dec 15), I received a call for two foster children in need of emergency placement. A little boy, age 3, and a little girl, age 4. C and K, respectively. I said yes, and did end up with the placement (oddly, since a DCBS family would usually take them... but no one would take 2 children at the same time).

So, they've been with us a week tomorrow. They may or may not be with us for Christmas. I will know more tomorrow. Their normal SW said that they would likely go home before Christmas. We shall see. They could.

I finished my semester with two B+'s. They weren't tough courses, just a tough semester.

I wish you and yours a very Merry Christmas.

Peace.

Thankful

noreply@blogger.com (Mama Melissa) — Tue, 22 Nov 2011 16:53:00 +0000

I am so very thankful for my family and the love of my daughter. We've had a full fall and will likely have a busy winter, too. I have one more year or so left on my Masters degree. T got into NKU. Lil M is learning to read. She's also doing gymnastics and piano lessons. We're having fun. :)

What are you thankful for?

Peace.

Puzzle(d)

noreply@blogger.com (Mama Melissa) — Wed, 19 Oct 2011 13:58:00 +0000

Ok, I'm not puzzled exactly... we've been doing lots of puzzles lately and so the past tense would be puzzled, right? ;-) Just trying to think of some kind of funny title this morning. Yep, I'm a goof.

So, T and G are living with us officially and have been here since Sept 17. In the past month we've celebrated T's 19th birthday and gotten all but a couple of things from the BF's house. I had to get all my paperwork, et al, completed for my annual Therapeutic FP licence. And, she applied to my Alma Mater. We got a copy of her HS diploma (yay!!) and transcripts. Praying she gets in to this school. That would be a HUGE blessing for her. One benefit for her is that she was still in foster care at 18 and, so, gets her college paid for! I keep praying she'll take full advantage of that and get her degree.

Oy, I just realized that this Saturday is our annual Foster Parent conference... that'll be all day. Ugh. I don't mind it, except it'll be a long day.

Baby G is settling in nicely, as is Torrie. She's a big help around the house. Mia likes having them around, I know. We got to have Baby B... who is no longer a baby ... this weekend. She turned 3 last week!!! So, what shall I call her now? Ok. Bri, it is. :) It was great having Bri over. I've been able to have her about once or twice a month since she left.

I received a call on Monday asking if I'd take a 10YO girl, potentially. They've put in my home study, so let's see what happens. She is the first that *might* be available for adoption at some point. I'm praying and praying over this one. Not to get her, necessarily, but that if I do that she's a good fit. I've asked if it is possible to meet her before placement (in the event I'm chosen)... but there are never any guarantees.

Torrie is funny because she acts all jealous when I tell her about possible referrals and such... and doesn't want to give up her room, of course. I think she realizes, even subconsciously, what she's got in me and Mia. I hope so, anyway. She's like... um, Melissa, you don't want her to teach Lil M bad things. LOL. She's right. I don't. And she'd say this about any potential referral, which I find kind of amusing. :)

I have about one year left for my Masters... I'm SO NOT motivated this semester. Can't seem to get in the groove at all. Oh wait. Maybe that's 'cause I've been so busy?!!

Peace.

Update - I did not get the placement of the 10yo girl... just didn't want y'all to freak if I forgot to post that part!

yellow and lime green

noreply@blogger.com (Mama Melissa) — Thu, 22 Sep 2011 14:35:00 +0000

mmmmm coffee. Cinnamon Vanilla decaf, to be exact. :) That's what I'm drinking as I sit here contemplating what to write about this morning.

Let's see, it's been a week since Manna passed. Maggi is so sad she pooped in her bed. Ok, maybe not. But she did crap her bed. :(

Lil M likes school, but she didn't seem to want to go today. I think she just needed a day off, like I do. lol. But she's there (school) and I'm here (work)... so, I guess a day off will have to wait. :)

T and G are at the house this week... they've been with us since Saturday. She's painting 'her' room (her words) ... and it talking about getting all her stuff from the BF's house except some clothes. She seems fairly serious, since she's a) painting and b) hasn't asked to go back all week. So, let's see. I would like her to get away from the BF, but I'll remain cautiously optimistic until it actually happens. Oh, she registered for college this week. I was SO excited. :) Even told him that she wants to go back to school so that she doesn't have to make minimum wage for the rest of her life. Good girl. :) See... Mommy nagging can sometimes give you a glimmer of hope... again, cautiously optimistic here!!! LOL.

I've got to get a move on with my own classes this semester. Been somewhat out of it and, as usual, very busy. Not focused. But, I've only got one year left and I'll be done!! So. Get 'er done, right?

Did I mention that T's room is bright yellow and lime green??? She picked them. Yellow for her. Green for G. It looks like Lil M's room when we moved in, actually... except, there wasn't lime green on the walls, just in the window treatments. Which, I might suggest T use for her room, now.

Peace.

And then there were 4

noreply@blogger.com (Mama Melissa) — Thu, 15 Sep 2011 20:14:00 +0000

Right now there is just Lil M, me, Maggi and Skippy in the house. That's kind of weird. We've been a 'family' of 5 for 5 years now.

I have no idea what the future holds, but Lil M is already asking for a new puppy or kitty. Sheesh. I doubt we'll get another kitty. We might, but it's fairly unlikely.

Lil M seems to like school so far. :) And is wanting to learn to read, so we've been reading a lot. She can spell cat, hat, dog, a, at... and find them on a page. She can find other words when we spell them and look for them, too.

Yesterday was fairly stressful for me, but I managed. First, Maggi broke her lead. No news there. She does that often. She's still looking gorgeous after her grooming Tuesday. Love that. Then, work was stressful because we've got a release going in this weekend, and it was completely hosed yesterday. Things are better today... but as I sit here and type this, I hear my Lead talking about another issue. Great.

Then, Lil M had a make-up gymnastics session. That was good. But when we got home, I smelled something funny and realized I should check the laundry room... that's where I found Manna. :( So, I got a hold of the Vet and they let me take her there for cremation. 10,000 questions later (from Lil M, who doesn't grasp death, yet), and we get home...

Then, I couldn't find my work cell phone.

Egad.

I looked everywhere. Twice, thrice, 4-times... to no avail. Maybe I left it at gymnastics? Hmm... I run out in the rain to make sure I didn't drop it in the driveway or the road... nope.

Must. sleep.

....

As I was getting ready for work this morning, I received a call from the Vet's office saying they found my phone in the parking lot. It was a little wet, but seemed fine. Well. That's why I couldn't find the dang thing. Alrighty then. Thank goodness they found it. It probably helped that my morning alarm was ringing. :)

I told my boss about the potential loss, and he said it wouldn't have been a huge deal... thank goodness. But I'm so glad they found it. :)

What do you think the odds are that Lil M will convince me to buy a new pet here soon?? LOL

peace.

Manna Fanna

noreply@blogger.com (Mama Melissa) — Thu, 15 Sep 2011 19:48:00 +0000

My very beloved cat, Manna, passed away yesterday. She was with me for 18 years, and was the very best cat, ev'a.

She walked through a huge portion of my life with me... college, guys, moves, apartments, house-buying, graduation, cats, dogs, adoption, job changes, fostering, college again... She was a GREAT companion and I will miss her greatly.

Rest In Peace Manna
7/2/1993 to 9/14/2011
May you have all the tuna you could ever want
up there in Heaven with the big Guy. :)

Peace.

A SMALL PEBBLE IN A POND:: In Honor of Awareness, Friendship, and Understandi...

noreply@blogger.com (Mama Melissa) — Mon, 12 Sep 2011 15:36:00 +0000

Love this post, so I'm sharing it. :)

A SMALL PEBBLE IN A POND:: In Honor of Awareness, Friendship, and Understandi...

A farmer had some puppies he needed to sell.
He painted a sign advertising the 4 pups and set about nailing it to a post on the edge of his yard. As he was driving the last nail into the post, he felt a tug on his overalls. He looked down into the eyes of a little boy.

"Mister," he said, "I want to buy one of your puppies."

"Well," said the farmer, as he rubbed the sweat off the back of his neck, "These puppies come from fine parents and cost a good deal of money."

The boy dropped his head for a moment. Then reaching deep into his pocket, he pulled out a handful of change and held it up to the farmer.

"I've got thirty-nine cents. Is that enough to take a look?"

"Sure," said the farmer. And with that he let out a whistle. "Here, Dolly!" he called.

Out from the doghouse and down the ramp ran Dolly followed by four little balls of fur.

The little boy pressed his face against the chain link fence. His eyes danced with delight. As the dogs made their way to the fence, the little boy noticed something else stirring inside the doghouse.

Slowly another little ball appeared, this one noticeably smaller. Down the ramp it slid. Then in a somewhat awkward manner, the little pup began hobbling toward the others, doing its best to catch up...

"I want that one," the little boy said, pointing to the runt. The farmer knelt down at the boy's side and said,
"Son, you don't want that puppy. He will never be able to run and play with you like these other dogs would."

With that the little boy stepped back from the fence, reached down, and began rolling up one leg of his
trousers.

In doing so he revealed a steel brace running down both sides of his leg attaching itself to a specially made shoe.

Looking back up at the farmer, he said, "You see sir, I don't run too well myself, and he will need someone who understands."

With tears in his eyes, the farmer reached down and picked up the little pup.

Holding it carefully he handed it to the little boy.

"How much?" asked the little boy... "No charge," answered the farmer, "There's no charge for love."

The world is full of people who need someone who understands.

Peace.

Today's thoughts

noreply@blogger.com (Mama Melissa) — Wed, 07 Sep 2011 15:14:00 +0000

I've been doing a bit of reminiscing these past couple of weeks that Lil M has started elementary school.

Up to this point, Lil M has been somewhat sheltered. I say somewhat because she did attend a daycare/preschool for 4 years and has made friends in that setting and has had teachers. It wasn't a religious school, but her last two teachers were definitely believers and they were great. She did well there.

She learned how to share and make friends and clean up when asked. She learned her ABC's and counting and writing her name. She listened to stories and got to have water days and go to birthday parties. Hopefully, she'll get to continue some of those friendships well into her life.

Time has literally flown by.

I can't believe it was over 5 years ago that we came home together. She's always been a beautiful child. Quiet, 'refined' personality. She can be precocious and definitely silly. She has a fabulous laugh and an infectious smile. She is very caring and gentle. She is a happy girl.

I get to learn more about her every day. Like the fact that she didn't like all eyes on her at her birthday party. It made her uncomfortable. Like the fact that she hardly ever cries, even now. And when she is upset, it feels like it takes an act of God to get her to talk... but she is doing much better these days. It takes awhile, but she is starting to trust that it is truly OK to talk to Mommy when something is wrong. I love seeing her open up and telling me when she is upset. It is a huge step, IMO.

She is stubborn, just like her Mommy. She won't budge unless she wants to. Thankfully, most of the time she wants to. :)

When asked, she says she has two sisters. One older and one younger. (Torrie and Bri). And said if she had another she wouldn't want a brother (go figure, lol)... personally, I think that if given the chance, she wouldn't have to share Mommy at all... :)

She's been talking about her first Mom recently... and talks about China fairly regularly. I'm going to try to get her into Chinese school here soon. I hope she likes it and she continues to share her thoughts. When asked if she looked like me, she said an emphatic no. She said she has brown skin and I don't. I wonder if she'd say the same thing about Mimi and me... since Mimi has a nice tan right now and I'm still quite pasty white. Ok, no luck there since we're twins, I guess. LOL ;-)

Peace.

A Nickel birthday

noreply@blogger.com (Mama Melissa) — Mon, 29 Aug 2011 14:46:00 +0000

Birthday girl... turned 5. :)

We had a great weekend. I think Lil M might remember this one. :D

Peace.

Last day of 4

noreply@blogger.com (Mama Melissa) — Fri, 26 Aug 2011 15:01:00 +0000

First pic is of Day 2 ...getting ready to leave for Kindergarten.

The next few pics are of this morning... my girl's 3rd full day at Kindergarten and her last day of being 4YO. Big birthday tomorrow. :)
After today, I'm not allowed to walk her to class. So, I had to have the teacher-aide take this for us. :D

Peace.

First day of Kindergarten!!

noreply@blogger.com (Mama Melissa) — Wed, 24 Aug 2011 15:45:00 +0000

Lil M's first day of Kindergarten. :D I am such a proud, proud Mama!!!

I can't believe we're at Kindergarten already. Time has just flown by! I'm so wistful today. And thankful. And blessed.

We went to Starbucks this morning before the start of the day. She and her friend MK2 matched today, but that was just a fluke! (they matched on orientation day, too, which was funny!!)

Man, was it CRAZY at school this morning! There is no bussing, so all the parents were there with their kiddos to walk them to their first day of school and class. (Which we are only allowed to do this week. After this week, we have to drop them off at the front door! Yikes!)

Lil M is waiting here for her turn in front of the big sign. Isn't she stylin'? :)
My beautiful girl, looking quite grown up!! (sniff, sniff)

They gave out pencils to all the kids. Here's Lil M waiting to get her pencil!

All set and ready to go!!

Peace.

Kindergarten orientation

noreply@blogger.com (Mama Melissa) — Fri, 19 Aug 2011 19:12:00 +0000

A few days ago we went with T and baby G to the park... they all had fun on the slide. We get to see T&G almost every week still, which is nice. T is trying to find a job, and I hope she finds something soon.

Little Miss M had her Kindergarten orientation last night. :) She starts next Wednesday and seems excited about it. I hope she likes it. The class seemed fine, but it doesn't look like she'll know anyone in it at first. So, let's see how it goes.
This will be our first experience, obviously, with official school. I am praying that she does OK and that we don't experience any adoption related issues. Or any issues, for that matter. The biggest challenge, so far, is that I'll have to get her there by 8am each day. Ugh. Let's see how that goes!!!! yikes.

Oh, I think I forgot to mention stats from Lil M's dr appt... she's 35.9 lbs and 40.75" tall (as of this month on Aug 10). :)

Peace.

My baby's almost 5!!!

noreply@blogger.com (Mama Melissa) — Mon, 15 Aug 2011 20:31:00 +0000

I can't believe my *baby* is almost 5 years old! AND she's starting Kindergarten next week!! Oh my goodness!!

I never thought that her going to K would be a problem for me. I mean, we've been calling daycare "school" for years now... but, it IS a big change for her and for us. She's a big girl now.

She's starting to get better about telling me what is wrong or when she needs/wants Mommy-time or me to herself... which is great. She's never actually liked to share me much, and I'm so proud of how she shared over the past 2 years of fostering.

T came over and helped me clean this weekend, thank goodness. She's a life saver. I just haven't been motivated. With the kids moving in and out, it just wasn't worth all that work. But I'm SO glad it's better now and I think it'll look ok for company during Lil M's birthday party. Lil M was great at playing with baby G this weekend so T and I could get things done.

...But back to school. My little girl is growing up!! It feels like it was just YESTERDAY she came home and we started this little family of ours. And then other days, it's hard to remember all the details! It's gone by so very, very fast. People say it goes by fast, but seriously... blink, and you'll miss it!! And I don't want to miss even one moment! :)

Next week we're going to do a pool party at the house and I'm hoping to do gifts first, then cake, crafts and then swimming... let's see how that goes. I just know last year we did gifts last and that was just too late. She wants Kai Lan... or maybe Hello Kitty. I've got to nail that down this week. LOL. :)

Crafts for the kiddos... painting wooden face masks (on a stick), stringing beads, coloring/painting, and making bubble makers. I need to get invitations out this week! YIKES.

Peace.

vacation

noreply@blogger.com (Mama Melissa) — Tue, 09 Aug 2011 03:12:00 +0000

Lil M and I had the opportunity this month to take a small vacation (4 days). We went to Maine to visit family and here are some pics from there. It was great weather and I'm glad we got to get out of the heat for a few days.

Business and pleasure

noreply@blogger.com (Mama Melissa) — Thu, 04 Aug 2011 14:02:00 +0000

Last week was tough for me. I had to go on a work trip that lasted 5 days. This is the 2nd time I've been away from Lil M that long. And I hate that. It's not that I think we can't be a part... but, a couple of days is different than a week. I liked the trip and love to travel, but this trip was tough because we had 3 12-hour days of travel for 2 days of visiting our staff. Ugh. I had hoped to take Lil M with me, but she would have had to deal with all that, too. So, it was best that she stayed here this time. Maybe the next time I go I can take her with me. :)

Lake Forest was gorgeous and we got to eat at a place overlooking the ocean. That was awesome. Anacortes was nice, and the weather was amazing. They sit on a bay and the office overlooks the water. Color me jealous. :) However, it is a small resort town and I'm not sure how much fun it'd be to actually live there.

Lil M and I get to take a long weekend trip together, though, and I can't wait. :) I guess this will be her 4th airplane trip (China to home, Atlanta, NOLA and now ME), which is quite cool. It's a short trip, but I think it'll be awesome to have just Mama/Lil M time.

On Tuesday we went with our friend MK to see Lil M's big-girl school. She starts Kindergarten this month, and so we went to see what class she'll be in and see if there was anything else we could find out early. Lil M and MK2 will not be in the same K class, which was kind of a bummer, but it'll be OK. MK and I both thought that this school only had one class of full-day Kinders this year... but apparently, they had the demand for two. And so it goes...

Anyway, Lil M asked me today when will she get to go back to her new school. I'm glad she liked going over there to see it the other day, and I hope she likes it when she starts. This will be a big transition for us, her especially. She will be in the room with 21 other kids (13 girls, 9 boys total).

I can't believe my baby is almost 5 years old!!! I'm trying to live fully and cherish every moment we have. We've been having fun, and she is still just as amazing as she's ever been.

Peace.

As best I can

noreply@blogger.com (Mama Melissa) — Fri, 22 Jul 2011 15:47:00 +0000

Lil M has been taking piano for about 4 weeks now... she's doing pretty well, but getting her to practice is a little tough. I'm trying to think of good ideas for a reward for practicing each night... at first, it will be very small (ie a piece of gum, or extra snuggles) ... then I think I'm going to go for like 3 days at a time... or a week at a time and do something a little bigger... like getting her nails painted or something. She does like it when I am right there with her, helping her practice. She likes it when I sing the notes and we practice some of our music together. So, I'll continue that, as well.

She seems to be learning a bit, which is nice. I wonder how long she might like to take these lessons. We'll see. It might be something we're just trying out, like we did last summer with other things (soccer, dance, swimming).

Lil M does like gymnastics... it's pretty fun for her. So, we're going to stick with gymnastics for awhile... she's been doing this since about January, and I'm glad she likes it. I think it is good for her for several reasons... large motor skill development, small group teaching/interaction, physical space recognition, plus the tumbling and exercise.

The piano is good, I think, because of the finger dexterity, reading notes and numbers, following items on a page, the one-on-one teaching, the musical ear learning... so, I hope we can stick with it for awhile, too.

She will be one of the younger/est ones in her class, and I'm wondering if that'll be ok. Her aptitude is good, but I'm wondering about her attention span... We have a lot of stuff going on this fall and I'm kind of glad that it's just the two of us right now.

Which leads me to the fostering stuff. I am not taking an 'official' break right now... and I still need to keep up on my training... but I'm glad that I haven't gotten any calls for referrals in the past week. The past several months wore me down and I need a break. I need to focus on my own daughter and our lives right now. I'm excited to do that, actually, and am not feeling as guilty about that as I have been. Don't berate me for feeling guilty. It's something I was brought up with, and it's hard to let go of that tendency.

Lil M needs my full attention right now as she enters kindergarten. She needs to know that Mommy is right here and can help her move into this big school and transition in her life. I know it seems small... but it really is a big deal. As least for the next short while, IMO.

I thought I'd feel more guilty because I have moved more into the mindset of 'helping' others by fostering instead of what I want/ed... to family build. I'm extremely happy with having my daughter, and if I don't get to have a 2nd, then we'll be OK. In the mindset of helping, though, that was making me feel kind of guilty that I wanted a break... but I've been praying about it and I feel much more peace about it all now.

I can't do it all. I can't be all things to all people. I need to choose. And I choose to be Mommy to my daughter and to be the best I can be in all areas of my life. That just might not include a foster right now... we'll see when it does again... could be a few weeks, or longer.

Baby B seems to be thriving with her gma. T and baby G seem to be doing alright, even with the limited resources... I continue to support and develop relationships there as best I can. I do love them all.

Peace.

Life is Good

noreply@blogger.com (Mama Melissa) — Fri, 15 Jul 2011 16:13:00 +0000

Life sure has its share of ups and downs, doesn't it? It's been much more quiet since the B's left... we've gotten to have Baby B over a few times, and that's been great. Lil M and I are having fun, and are getting to hang out with other people, like T and the MK's.

It's been nice having a break from school, too.

Lil M starts her school next month, and I start back. I am hoping we can do some fun stuff between now and then. :)

Work is ramping up and getting busier. I expect the next few weeks to be a challenge only in that we have a release that is supposed to go out and not enough resources to handle it! I have a feeling I'll be doing a lot of hand-holding and encouraging... perhaps, even testing.

Looks like we'll do Lil M's bday party next month at our house. Last year we did Chuck E Chees3 ... which was fine, but I think it'll be more fun for her to do it at our house. She says right now she wants Kai Lan, but I imagine she'll want the princesses closer to the party. We got an almost 3ft deep pool and I'm thinking that'll be fun for the kiddos... and perhaps get a blow up castle play-thing so the kids can jump around in it, too. She is lucky she has a summer birthday, though, I'm sure it'll be HOT out. Mommy'll just sit in the shade! ;-)

I don't have a foster right now, but did take a respite teen last weekend. It was fine. No drama. Sweet.

Happy Friday...

Peace.

Not surprised

noreply@blogger.com (Mama Melissa) — Sun, 26 Jun 2011 18:14:00 +0000

It took my last foster less than one week (4 days, actually) to be asked to leave her current foster home. Apparently, they talked to her first foster mom (this go around) and were afraid for her to be in their home, lest she hear something she would try to use against them... They didn't want to be afraid to speak in their own home.

Good for them, I say.

I'm recuperating from the week. It was my last week of class for the summer, and I'm praying I got a B... it wasn't a tough class at all, but the timing was a bit rough. If he liked my paper, I might even eek out an A. :) Quiz grades were lower than they should have been, but I was a bit preoccupied the past few weeks. Oh well.

Lil M is doing well. She definitely needs some concentrated Mommy time. We went to the aquarium yesterday with Torrie, baby Gabe, Kamren and us. It was fun. :) Spendy for sure, but fun. Then we went to the park and let them run around for a bit, to the grocery and home. Nice day, even with the studying and quizzes due.

Today, is "relax" day. Though, we'll go see the gma and Baby B for a little bit for a playdate. Hoping that goes well.

Peace.

Lessons Learned

noreply@blogger.com (Mama Melissa) — Wed, 22 Jun 2011 14:02:00 +0000

Baby B has moved to her grandma's house for good. The three weeks we had to do a transition was difficult and not a transition at all. The reason why is because B's mom came to stay with us. That was awful. Well, it started out rough, then I thought got better, but was awful at the end.

The mom was only at my house so she could spend time with B. She didn't want to be there. And she has issues... one of which is lying and sneakery. For example, she likes to record people's conversations without them knowing, so if she can find a way to use it against them, she will. She also lied about several fairly big things (ie., talking to her ex, when there is a no-contact order).

Well, as of Monday evening, the mom left. Baby B left Sunday night. The mom disregarded her curfew (specific amt of hours she was allowed non-supervised time a day), both on Friday and Sunday. Then she didn't go to the foster office on Mon, like she was supposed to. All because she was upset about B going to gma's. I understood, but there are always consequences... to which she replied that she's 20 and not 12, so there wouldn't be consequences.

She was ready for a fight on Mon evening and at one point even got right up in my face (about 1/2" away from my face, even) and acted like she was going to hit me. She had already made up her mind she was leaving. And she did. The story is much more than that, but suffice to say... I'm relieved.

This may mean I don't get to see B like I thought. But that's OK. I did what I could and now it is time to move on from this particular situation. Which is highly unfortunate. But, I guess that's life.

I learned that there are people who are really all about drama and finding ways to get other people in trouble... to try to cover up their own flaws and problems. It is exhausting, actually. I'm not perfect, but sheesh. Being recorded and tattled on over every little thing... most of which wasn't even true or blown way out of proportion... is beyond what I can handle.

I do ask God's forgiveness (more understanding, really) for not being able to help more and for not being able to figure this one out. Especially, for not giving it a full chance... but mostly for not listening and reacting in a gentler manner. I was pretty gentle, but not enough. For example, when the mom texted me and said "push my buttons, please!" I decided a face-to-face might actually be better. But that just made things worse. I should have just walked away for a bit and attempted to let her calm down. I am not sure it would have worked, but it is something I could have tried.

I was trying to protect my own family and self by not giving it a full chance. I didn't think it would last past Baby B leaving, and I was right. But still. I'm hoping this was a one-off and that I can continue to help.

But the other thing I learned during this process is that my agency ... well, they were hugely disappointing. They've worked with this girl before and said they wouldn't buy into her BS, but that didn't seem to be the case. They were FULL of DRAMA this entire time, too, and that is just ridiculous. They were also mean and rude. I'm not sure how much I want to work with them in the future because of all this.

I also learned that I did like having a 2nd child in the house... not the mom, but Baby B. My hopes aren't quite shattered of expanding expanding our little family one day. (If it happens, great. If not, I do know I'm SUPER BLESSED to have Lil M.) ...But I don't think it'll happen this way, through this agency. So, I've got to think about what I want to do next.

Peace.

Long short week

noreply@blogger.com (Mama Melissa) — Fri, 03 Jun 2011 17:53:00 +0000

The past few weeks have been quite busy and long for us here. B's mom came to live with us as of last Thursday. It's been an adjustment to say the least. I've been quite stressed. But when I take a step back and look at it a little more objectively, it hasn't been that bad.

There is definitely a different dynamic in the house now, and B's mom is doing more parenting. We kind of share the parenting, but I'm trying to let her parent. I only showed my frustration with her one time this week, and I think that's probably good considering the big change for us all!

I think Lil M does understand that B will be leaving, but she thinks she'll go live with her mom. Instead, B will be going to live with her grandma until/unless her mom can get her stuff together and get custody back.

I hadn't heard from Torrie in a few weeks, and that was bumming me out. But, she finally wrote me this week and is going to hang out with me and Lil M tonight while B&B go to Baby B's gma's house. That'll be nice. I'm proud of her because she graduated high school. :) Now, just gotta get her motivated to get work or go onto college.. preferably both! lol. But it'll probably be work. Looks like I might keep baby Gabe tomorrow night, too. :)

So, it's going to be another long (busy) weekend. I'll give you an idea of what I mean...

drop B&B off at B's gma's house 6:pm-ish tonight
go pick up Torrie and the baby
dinner
hangout/shop
take T/baby home

tomorrow morning - 10am take Lil M to a festival with Auntie E for E's bday
4pm, pick up Brit (leave baby B there til Sunday)
5pm dinner with E and friends
Sometime tomorrow pick up or have Gabe dropped off...

sunday - Baby B comes home at 6pm
Gabe goes home sometime... likely noon or 1pm.
homework/cleaning/laundry/playing with Lil M/veg out.... get ready for work on Monday

On a normal weekend, we have to take/pick up B from her gma's house because of visitation. This week has been more work because her mom came to stay. And then Torrie called. And it is Ellen's birthday. And, and, and... lol

Baby B will go live with her grandma by June 17, maybe before. Her mom has the option to stay with us for awhile... but I'm not sure yet what she will do. It would be good if she could stay. But she has to make her own decision. Once we get through this transition into the home and B leaves, I do think it'd be easier for her and I... the longest she'd be with us would be next February. Otherwise, she could leave at any time. If that happens, I might take a short break again... so I can take Lil M on a vacation and such. :)

Peace.

Spring fever

noreply@blogger.com (Mama Melissa) — Fri, 13 May 2011 18:01:00 +0000

Some recent pics.
Easter...
Fun with water (Lil M and CJ - my friend's fiance)

Peace.

Mother's Day weekend

noreply@blogger.com (Mama Melissa) — Tue, 10 May 2011 17:10:00 +0000

This past weekend, B went to stay with her grandma on Fri/Sat. Lil M and I had some time together after I took a mandatory SAFY class (toward my foster license). I then went and bought us some new flowers for the front flower beds and we planted those together. That was fun. :) She's a good little helper outside and I think she'll be happy helping me water them and pull weeds this year.

She gave me a plant that she planted herself at school, for Mother's day. :) She also made me a thing out of construction paper and tissue paper that says I love you Mommy because you read to me before bed. :) The class also did a yearbook style Explorers Cookbook with all the kids and their recipes. It is very cute.

I'm preparing myself for B to leave at the end of this month. And I know what I wrote before about looking into adoption again, but I think I'm just going to keep praying and see where I feel like I/we am/are supposed to be. If I'm not meant to adopt again, I'm ok with that, too, is all I'm saying.

B will be going to visit her grandparents every weekend from now until the end of the month, when the hearing is. So, let's see how that goes. She came home sick this weekend, and had a fever of 102 on Mother's day with a bout of diarrhea. :( She had the potty issue before she left, but not the fever. And, of course, she could have gotten it anywhere.

Lil M graduates from the daycare/preschool this Friday. I'm excited and a little sad... but think she's ready to go to Kindergarten in the fall.

As for me, I just completed two more classes toward my Masters program. I have one more and will get a Masters Certificate. I should be done with my actual Masters degree by the end of next year, hopefully. :)

I hope all you Momma's had a great Mother's day!!!

Peace.