Single Mom Gets Sexy

Finally, The End is Near

noreply@blogger.com (PM) — Wed, 05 Jan 2011 18:05:00 +0000

Yesterday my ex-husband texted me. Normally, this makes me roll my eyes and grunt out a couple words in response. This time, though, it was good news. After shuffling his feet, my ex is finally ready to get our divorce official. After a long, slow wait I may have my freedom at last.

My ex-husband is the king of procrastinating. The man would take a two hour shower if he knew we had to be somewhere in 30 minutes. All through my pregnancies I was never on time to a doctors appointment because he would not get around until five minutes before we had to be there. So it was no surprise that the divorce was going to be slow going as well, even with his new girlfriend hot on his heels to hurry up and marry her.

According to his text, in February we meet up to file our final joint taxes and make the last payment to the lawyer. Then I'm on the road to having this train wreck approved by the state.

Ahhh, sweet freedom.

We have been apart for so long I sometimes forget that we're not yet officially divorced. He was slipping away before the words ever came, and as soon as he found a girl who did not mind sleeping with a married man he jumped the track. I've been doing this solo-parenting gig for long enough. It's time to make it official.

I've been trying to decide what to do to celebrate the end of my marriage. Male strippers come to mind, but I think that's just the va-va-voom talking. Maybe I'll just keep it simple with a few drinks and dancing at the nearest club. Even if I just stay home and watch Sex in the City reruns, it will be a blast. My divorce is coming, and I can't wait!

photo credit: amtrak_russ

Baby, Its Cold Outside

noreply@blogger.com (PM) — Mon, 03 Jan 2011 14:15:00 +0000

Who knew that living in Southern Texas meant still having cold winters? I could have sworn when I moved down here that I was escaping all that coat and gloves and three layers business!

Add the weather to my list of reasons why being divorced sometimes sucks. Cold days mean my kids are bouncing off the walls inside. They hate the cold as much as I do, but they did not get my desire to curl up under a blanket and read. Instead they explode all their energy across my living room. It isn't a pretty picture.

Once upon a time, days like these meant I could take the cuddle time, and their father would cover the energy burn-off time. It was a good trade, and worked well for our different personalities. I'm a laid back mom, he was the rough house dad.

Now, things are different. And still the same. The kids still need to run and jump and wrestle. I still need to sip a soy latte with my extra thick socks on. These two things do not mesh well together.

I've tried to find a good compromise with the kids. I'll crank up the stereo and let them dance through the house. Or call out animal names that they have to pretend to be. Unfortunately, they have not liked my idea to race around cleaning the house. Go figure.

I hope spring comes early around here, because I cannot stand this cold weather much longer.

photo credit: wnstn

Ending The Year With A Bang

noreply@blogger.com (PM) — Fri, 31 Dec 2010 13:55:00 +0000

After feeling sad about my recent bad luck in dating, 2010 decided to end in a bang. The boy-toy came over, brought me take out food and a new CD, and rocked my world. If you know what I mean.

The boy-toy is certainly something special. He's a few years younger, and fresh out of the military. That means he is still rocking rippling muscles from all those push-ups. He's a big ball of dreamy.

It's not even all about the sex. Not that the sex isn't amazingly hot in a million ways. No, it's all about the go boost. With my ex, I never felt sexy or exciting. I felt frumpy, and fat, and boring. Sex was usually over as soon as it begin, and foreplay was that magical thing found only in movies.

With boy-toy though, damn! He wants me and he's not afraid to show me. Suddenly I feel like a sexy bitch. One swish of my hips can drop him to his knees. Getting him excited is almost as much fun as the sex itself. I had no idea, after years of ho-hum, it could be this thrilling.

I hope 2011 stays as fun as 2010 ended. We all need more va-va-voom in our lives, in what ever way we can get it.

photo credit: pshutterbug

Am I Undatable?

noreply@blogger.com (PM) — Wed, 29 Dec 2010 14:05:00 +0000

I'm starting to get a complex.

I was supposed to go out on a date last week, but it got canceled due to my ex not sending child support thus making me spend my gas money on groceries. OK, no problem, we just rescheduled for this week. Then, he canceled on me because he had too much going on this week already.

That's when I got a call from the boy-toy. He's younger, and sexy, and has the hots for me. When he called asking if he could come by last night I nearly did flips through the living room. After jumping in the shower, shaving, and grabbing my slinky black top I got a text from boy-toy. Some people that he works with decided not to show up, leaving him to cover the load. So that got canceled.

This has not been my week when it comes to dating. Rationally, I know that it's still the holidays and most people have a lot on their plates. I get it that coworkers are likely to not show up from all the celebrating. That isn't stopping the emotional side of my rain from getting worried.

I'm over 30, divorced, and have three kids. My hips are wider than they used to be, my breasts are saggier, and I've got stretch marks almost every where. Am I undatable? Have I reached the point where I should give up looking for excitement, and start looking for the bald, pot-bellied, middle aged guys that will be reliable? Is it wrong that I want to get back some of the fun I missed out on when I married young?

photo credit: Mike Licht, NotionsCapital.com

The Christmas That Didn't Happen

noreply@blogger.com (PM) — Mon, 27 Dec 2010 13:14:00 +0000

Thanksgiving was a mess. My ex was supposed to see the kids for two days. Instead he hemmed and hawed, left late, and made us stay at a hotel in a strange city over night while he took his sweet time coming to the pick up spot.

So when the idea of Christmas came, I didn't bother. I sent him a simple text message telling him that he was free to come join us on Christmas morning and left it at that.

So imagine my non-surprise when he didn't bother to even call the kids. No cards came in the mail, no gifts arrived from daddy, not even a Skype visit.

This is what makes divorce suck the most. At least when we were still together he was there. Sure, he was sitting on the couch barely paying attention. But at least he was there. The kids did not have to ask where their daddy was. They knew where to find him when they wanted him.

I wonder if he realizes that he is missing out as much as them. The sheer excitement of watching them fly through wrapping paper. The mountain of chocolates that they happily share with everyone. The thrill of finding that last secret treasure at the bottom of the stocking. For all that they miss him, he missed those magical moments. Every smile, every squeal, every laugh. He missed them all.

I don't know when the kids will get to see him again. He's promised new bikes and a fancy doll stroller for their presents. But seeing them, or even calling them, is often too much work. And part of them knows it. They felt it in the two Christmases we had this year. The one full of laughter and fun, and the one that didn't happen.

How I Stay Sexy

noreply@blogger.com (PM) — Thu, 23 Dec 2010 13:55:00 +0000

Yesterday I ran to the short for a couple last minute Christmas gifts. While I was there, I slipped over to the ladies' department and bought a zebra print bra. For no particular reason.

When I was still married, I didn't feel sexy often. Pregnancy took it's toll on my body, leaving it a lot lumpier and bumpier than it used to be. After a day full of cleaning, cooking, chasing kids, and changing diapers, my sex appeal was out the window.

Now, I'm fighting to get it back. I am still a sexy, young woman. Sure, my curves have curves now, but I can still wear a v-neck sweater like nobody's business. So I tossed all my frumpy undies, and have been replacing them with the kind that look good. Even if there is no one to appreciate me in them, I feel sexy just wearing them.

Sure, I had my post-divorce depression. When I lived in baggy sweatpants and stained t-shirts, certain no one would ever want a used up old woman like me. Then, one day I went to the grocery store, and the cashier flirted with me. Blatantly flirted. That's when I realized that there was some life in these old bones after all.

I bought a pair of jeans that hug my curves, and a blue silk blouse that belts around my waist. And my first pair of leopard print lingerie to wear underneath. And dammit, I felt sexy.

Yesterday I bought the latest in a growing collection of undies and bras that make me feel good. I wear them to pick up the mail, to run to the grocery store, or just to take a walk around the block. Who cares where!

I feel good!

photo credit: Mangiu

My Single Christmas

noreply@blogger.com (PM) — Tue, 21 Dec 2010 13:29:00 +0000

When I was married, there were a few things I wanted but never got. It was fine at the time, the art of compromise and all that. Sometimes I couldn't get what I wanted, and sometimes he couldn't.

Not this year.

This year is my first Christmas as a single mom, and I'm thinking I deserve a gift. Something big. Something shiny. Something I always wanted and my ex shot down. Santa knows I've been good.

I have my list narrowed down to three things. 1: My nose pierced. I had it down back when I was wild and crazy in college, but my ex thought it looked trashy. I loved that little flash of silver on my nose, though. 2: A tattoo. There has been a design I have wanted for years. It means something to me. But, like the piercing, the ex called it trashy. Hmmm, maybe I'm seeing a pattern here. 3: Maid service. My house isn't a pigsty, but with one mom and three kids it can get wild. It would be heavenly to have someone come out once a week to help tidy up.

I'm still weighing my options and trying to decide which to get. The excitement of getting myself a gift that I really want this year is almost present enough. Who knew Christmas could be as fun for the adults as for the kids?!

Did anyone else go wild their first Christmas or birthday after the divorce? What did you always want and finally splurge on because you finally could?

photo credit: James Whitesmith

All My Friends Are Married

noreply@blogger.com (PM) — Mon, 20 Dec 2010 14:21:00 +0000

Sunday afternoon I met up with some girlfriends for coffee and laughter. For the first time that I can remember, I was the third wheel.

While they laughed about their husbands, all I could do was sit back and watch. There were no amusing anecdotes of my own to share about the husband doing this, or forgetting that. No sweet moments that make it all worth while.

After a while, I wondered if any of them even noticed I was still setting there. I had seemed to take a back place, left out of the conversations they were having. Needless to say, it was pretty uncomfortable.

These were women that I knew before my divorce, that supported me during the divorce, that helped me afterward. But now, I'm just the odd single woman in a sea of happily married couples. I know that any of those woman would do anything for me if I asked, but they can't think of anything to talk about that lets me join in. The tribe moved on without me.

Which leaves me wondering what to do. Do I seek out new single and divorced friends? Do I stay on as the third wheel in the background? What do single moms do when all their friends are married?

photo credit: samcaplat

Unsexy Morning

noreply@blogger.com (PM) — Sun, 19 Dec 2010 15:22:00 +0000

Mornings are still my hardest part of the day.

Get the kids up, dressed, fed, teeth brushed, shoes found, and somehow make myself resemble a real person before I head out the door. And all without the help of their father.

I cannot count how many times we've been in the car before I realized the kids hadn't brushed their teeth yet. Or I sent them off with mismatched socks and drive-thru breakfast. And lets not even talk about the time I headed out in a nice blouse and my PJ pants.

Needless to say, mornings are when I miss having a partner in crime the most. Someone who can come in from the other side and help get this stuff done until we meet in the middle. Someone to remind me to drop the phone bill in the mailbox before I get out of the driveway.

Most single moms I talk to complain about the evening. Dinner time, bed time, those are when things come crashing down. For me, it seems to be first thing in the morning when I need help. As much as I am loving dating around and seeing who is out there, I'd love to have a live-in husband there when I get up.

photo credit: brooklyn

Let's Call Him "J"

noreply@blogger.com (PM) — Sun, 19 Dec 2010 07:14:00 +0000

J, my first serious attempt at dating after my divorce.

Oh, let's be real. The first guy that didn't hear the words "divorce" and "kids" and run for the hills. J was divorced himself, and had a couple of kids, so it seemed like a match.

He certainly seemed to have everything. Good looks, smart, funny, caring, and amazing in bed. He could have been husband #2, easily. Within a few short months of dating, I was certainly falling for him.

And then...

He disappeared. The same old lines about life being too hectic right now, not wanting to move too fast, hope we can still be friends. Underneath his words, though, there was something else. It felt like he was looking over his shoulder to make sure no one was watching. I was certain he was seeing someone else.

So what's a freshly divorced, shell-shocked woman to do? I followed him.

It wasn't pretty. I took the long way home to drive past his job and see if he was there. I called at random times to ask "important" questions. Like "Do you remember the name of that place we ate at on our third date? I want to take a friend there. Oh, Pizza Hut. Well, thanks." I even started getting gas at the station near his house in hopes of bumping into him.

It wasn't pretty.

I never did find any dirt, but I did learn something about myself. One: I would make a crappy private investigator. And two: I really wasn't ready to start dating again. Lesson learned.

I'm sure we all make mistakes that first jump back into the dating game. Sure, we all don't go psychotic stalker, but I've always been an over-acheiver.

photo credit: Liz Grace