Thank you, Yahoo! Shine for posting an article about the “10 Things You Shouldn’t Say to Singles.” I’ve seen these articles about the things you shouldn’t say to a bride, pregnant woman or mom, so it was refreshing to see an article that acknowledges the dumb things that people say to singles. Whether someone’s been married for 30 years or three months, I feel like they’re prone to “married person amnesia” that makes them forget about what it was truly like to be single.

I’ve noticed that as I get closer to 30, there’s a lot more unsolicited advice and questioning about my marital status (or lack thereof), so it’s good to know that I’m not the only one who hates hearing these things. Here are some of the things that especially irk me:

1. “Why aren’t you married?”
I get this one a lot. Whether it’s from a family member or a stranger, I stumble over what to say. “Guess it’s not my time yet” is what normally comes out, but “none of your freakin’ business” is what I’m really thinking.

2. “Have you tried online dating?”
This one is especially bad when it comes from the over 50 crowd that’s been married since high school. Online dating looks awesome in commercials. But it was a sad, yet hilarious, experience for me that didn’t yield any dates. It’s great that it worked for your co-worker, niece, sister, cousin, etc., but I’m not doing it again anytime soon.

3. “Stop being so picky.”
Sometimes people try to set me up with “guys who’d be perfect” for me. Honestly, this is typically code for “random black guy.” Your boyfriend’s token black friend and I may totally hit it off, but I like to know more about someone’s background and personality before I’m going to go on a date with them. Same situation for the really nice waiter you had at Red Lobster last night and the security guard in your building. If that’s pick, then I’m definitely picky.

5. “What ever happened with [insert ex's name here]?” 
He has a receding hairline. Next.

8. “You should smile more/flirt more/wear your hair differently/wear more makeup.”
I was seriously told by someone that I’d be married if I didn’t cut my hair. And don’t get me started when random guys on the street tell me to smile. I will not date these men. Isn’t kind of weird for someone to smile all the time?

I think people who say these things often mean well, but they usually just leave me frustrated. Maybe we can all make it a rule to be polite and not ask nosy personal questions. Are there questions and pieces of advice that annoy you?

Man, it’s been a long time since I’ve blogged. I blame this on my favorite hobby: sweepstaking. Okay, that’s not true (work, volunteering and other commitments are the true reasons behind my slack blogging), but my sweepstakes experiment continues to take up a few minutes of each week. I still haven’t won a car, cruise or cash, but here are some the prizes I have won recently.

1. Grey Poupon Gravy Yacht
Grey Poupon describes the gravy yacht as “perfect for every occasion when ordinary gravy boats just won’t do.” Watch this video to take in the brilliance.

2. Dateline NBC Snuggie
I live in a vibrant and fun part of the city with lots of trendy clubs and restaurants. This gives some the impression that I’m partying it up on the weekends, but most Fridays you can find me at home doing laundry and watching Dateline. This blanket with sleeves is my new favorite accessory.

3. popchips Autographed by Katy Perry
I have a bit of a popchips obsession, so I was really excited to win a month’s supply (24 bags) of katy’s kettle corn popchips, including a bag signed by Ms. Perry herself.

4. $25 Target Gift Card
Target took ordinary tweets and used them in their Everyday Collection Tweet-to-Runway Fashion Show. They chose one of my tweets and sent me a $25 gift card. Somehow I don’t believe that the model reading my tweet struggles with eating an entire frozen pizza in one sitting.

5. Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show Hoodie
I wear this when I’m feeling angelic. 

6. Litter Genie Disposal System
I don’t have a cat and I’m highly allergic to them, so this prize went to a friend.

The journey for bigger prizes continues, but these random surprises in my mailbox still brighten my day. Have you won anything lately?

My church started off the year with a great sermon series called “Breathing Room.” The concept behind Breathing Room is that our lives are face-paced and hectic, and that we’ll burn out if we don’t slow down. You can watch all four parts of the series here, but I particularly love that part three talks about finding breathing room in our finances. Sometimes it can get awkward when money is discussed at church, but this message does a great job of showing that money doesn’t always raise the quality of our lives.

Hearing this was a great reminder that I need to avoid cultural pressures to raise my standard of living by spending money on things that I don’t actually need. While I’ve worked to advance my career and my salary has increased over the past few years, my standard of living has remained about the same. I like to think that the 70-something version of myself will be grateful that I’m using my extra income to save for retirement, instead of blowing it all on new clothes and takeout.

On the other hand, I’ve been kind of horrible at achieving the concepts mentioned in the other three parts of Breathing Room. From looking at this sporadically written blog I might appear to be a slacker, but I’ve been lacking margin with how I’ve been spending my time lately. We’re in the middle of a hectic season at work, everyone seems to be pregnant or getting married (and that leads to lots of baby showers, bridal showers, bachelorette parties….) and my issue with learning to say “no” has led to a bunch of volunteer commitments. I’m tired.

I realized while eating a sleeve of Girl Scout cookies for dinner at 9:45 pm the other night that I should probably try to achieve more margin in all areas of my life…not just finances. Sometimes I think my life lacks margin because, as a woman without a spouse or kids, I wonder what my legacy will be if I don’t push myself to do everything. I’m starting to learn that it’s okay to turn down opportunities and to not be guilty about doing it. With the six-month countdown to my 30^th birthday here, I’m still hoping to tackle much of my 30 Before 30 list, but also realize that my time is valuable and that it’s okay to slow down and enjoy it. It feels good to exhale.

Do you have breathing room in your finances and in your life?

I have a confession to make: late last year I got a little obsessed with subscription boxes.  I ordered everything from beauty boxes to pet boxes because I love good deals and getting surprises in the mail.  Over a month or so, I amassed a ton of sample-sized products and spent more money than I should have.

Luckily, one of the boxes I received in the mail was full of normal-sized goodies and it was free thanks to Influenster!  Influenster gives people who love to try new things an opportunity to share their feedback and occasionally get VoxBoxes with products that fit their profile.   My first box from Influenster was the Cosmo VoxBox filled with a Venus Embrace razor and Olay blade refill, Pilot FriXion pens, a Ghiradelli Sea Salt Escape chocolate bar and Forever Red Perfume from Bath & Body Works.

I quickly tried each of the products in the box and genuinely loved each of them.  I also like that the site has reviews on a wide-range of products from books to beauty items.  Influenster knows me well because just as I was about to run out of dish soap, three bottles of Palmolive Fresh Infusion Bottles came in the mail today.  One of my New Year’s goals is to make more meals at home, so I’m grateful to have soap with a fresh scent to make cleaning my dishes more pleasurable.  The Ginger White Tea dish liquid got the gunk off of a dingy pan and left my kitchen smelling spa-like.

If you’re interested in becoming an Influenster, check out their website or send me an email for an invite.  I also received several $1.50 off coupons for Palmolive Fresh Infusions and will be happy to share them if you send me an email at andrea(at)singleandsaving.com with your contact info.

Disclaimer: As I mentioned, Influenster sent me the items mentioned in this post.  They didn’t pay me anything to write about how much I enjoyed using them.

I love the excitement of the arrival of a new year, but I’m feeling a little sad while I take down my Christmas decorations.  The weather in Atlanta today is rainy and gray, and I think the twinkle of Christmas lights and shiny ornaments was keeping me from getting SAD (seasonal affective disorder).

I’m down to two last cups of eggnog in the fridge, so I decided to toast 2013 with one cup and make some rice pudding with the other.  So I bid adieu to my favorite holiday beverage with this quick and easy dessert.  There’s also a recipe below for the 11 months of the year when eggnog isn’t readily available.  You can easily use a cup of leftover rice from your takeout, instead of cooking your own.

Eggnog Rice Pudding for One

1 cup water
½ cup rice
1 cup eggnog
¼ teaspoon vanilla
¼ teaspoon cinnamon

Heat water in a saucepan until boiling.  Stir in rice, cover, and reduce heat to low.  Simmer 20 minutes or until all water is absorbed and rice is tender.  Add eggnog and vanilla to rice and raise heat to medium.  Cook for about 25 minutes, stirring occasionally, until all of the eggnog is absorbed.  Remove from heat and sprinkle with cinnamon.

Rice Pudding for One

1 cup water
½ cup rice
1 ½ cups milk
Pinch of salt
½ teaspoon vanilla
¼ teaspoon cinnamon

Heat water in a saucepan until boiling.  Stir in rice, cover, and reduce heat to low.  Simmer 20 minutes or until all water is absorbed and rice is tender.  Add milk, salt and vanilla to rice and raise heat to medium. Cook for about 25 minutes, stirring occasionally, until all of the milk is absorbed.  Remove from heat and sprinkle with cinnamon.

The ability to give to great nonprofit organizations is a big reason why I’m frugal.  Charitable donations can make a tremendous difference in the lives of individuals and for communities.  Giving is important, but it’s also important to make sure that your donations are made wisely.  A lot of our motivations for giving are emotional, but putting some thought into our donations can make our money go much farther.

Make a Plan
I work in fundraising, so I think about it way more often than the average person.  Many people don’t put a lot into giving money until a major disaster comes along or a friend is raising money for a charity race or mission trip.  You don’t have to be rich to be a philanthropist, but incorporating giving into your budget can help you make intentional gifts that make an impact.

Do Some Research
There are several great online resources that can help you understand how a charity spends its money.  GuideStar and Charity Navigator provide information about nonprofits that help donors make informed decisions.  You should first make sure that the organization is legitimate, and then do some deeper digging to see if you agree with how an organization handles its money.

Volunteer Before Donating
One of the best ways to understand an organization is to volunteer for it.  Volunteering often gives you a chance to see, firsthand, how a nonprofit is achieving its mission.

Don’t Give Over the Phone
A big lesson I learned in my first nonprofit management class was to be wary of telephone solicitors.  A telemarketer is often taking a big part of your donation.  Our professor advised us to always ask “Are you a paid solicitor?” if someone asked for a donation over the phone.

Write a Check
Giving online is easy, but more of your money goes directly to charity when you write a check.  Nonprofits often have to pay credit card processing fees for your online gift.

Consider Your Privacy
Some organizations sell donor information and that can lead to your mailbox getting filled with unsolicited requests for donations.  If your privacy is important to you, check to see if a nonprofit has a donor privacy policy.  These policies typically dictate that an organization won’t share or sell a donor’s information without permission.

Are you giving to charity this year?  Let me know your favorite organizations to support in the comments.

Photo: Source

Thanksgiving and Black Friday are almost here, so it’s time to start thinking about ways to make it through the holidays without overspending.  Here are six things I do to maintain my budget during the most wonderful (and expensive) time of the year:

Make a Reasonable Budget
I’ve been making a Christmas shopping budget each year since I was ten.  It started with a list of family members I wanted to buy gifts for, but has now expanded to include all of the events that surround the holidays.  Presents for gift exchanges, hostess gifts, dinners with friends, holiday light tours and the list goes on.  Determine a realistic amount for your holiday spending and begin to make a budget.

Prioritize Your Money and Time
Once you have a number in mind, think about the people who you would like to buy gifts for and the events you would like to attend.  Sometimes saying “no” to an invitation or restraining yourself from spending on the perfect (but way out of your budget) gift can feel painful, but your sanity and finances will thank you for prioritizing what’s important to you.  After you have settled on whom you will buy for and the social events you will go to, set a dollar amount to spend for each gift and party.

Pay with Cash
While I don’t normally use the “envelope system,” I find it a really helpful tool during the holidays.  With your budget as a guide, take out the amount of cash you’ll need for gifts and use that predetermined amount instead of a credit card.  Using an envelope of cash labeled “mom,” for instance, makes me more focused on buying her gift and helps me avoid impulse buys.

Don’t Shop for Yourself
Speaking of impulse buys, use the holidays as a time to take a break for buying things for yourself.  More than half of shoppers admit to buying themselves a present while holiday shopping.  While you might feel like you need a new sweater, dress or pair of shoes for holiday parties, use this season as a time to focus on giving to others.

Use Coupons
You don’t need to get up early on Black Friday to get great deals.  Lots of money-saving offers will flood your inbox and newspaper until Christmas.  Don’t buy anything online without looking for a coupon code first.  And stock up on great deals on holiday baking supplies and potluck dish ingredients while they’re on sale and have great coupons to use on them.  Freebies at drugstores also make great white elephant gifts.

Find Ways to Make Extra Cash
Earlier today, I spent some free time entering some online sweepstakes and won a $25 gift card, t-shirt and hoodie.  Even if you don’t win cash or gift cards, many prizes make great holiday gifts.  You can also take surveys or do some mystery shopping if you have some free time.

How do you save during the holidays?

It’s been awhile since my last blog post, so here’s an update about what I’ve been up to over the past few weeks:

I Realized What I Want to Do With My Life
It was actually about two years ago when I realized that development, or fundraising, was something that I really enjoyed.  I love helping others understand the impact of personal philanthropy and wanted it to be a bigger part of my job responsibilities.  I began looking for a job that focused on individual giving and I started reading blogs like Classy Career Girl and Ask a Manager more than personal finance blogs and….

I Found and Started a New Job!
I started my new job a week ago and I feel 100% confident in my decision to work for a nonprofit I have loved for most of my life.  It was hard to give up walking to work (and a pain to clean out my office after five years at my old job), but a raise, good benefits and doing what I love make me extremely grateful for this new phase of my career.

I Went to Dollywood
I’m not sure how the daughter of Motown-loving parents ended up a Dolly Parton fan, but I always wanted to visit her theme park.  My friend Niwana and I took a road trip to Pigeon Forge last month, so I could cross “Visit Dollywood” off of my 30 Before 30 List!  Be on the lookout for a “Dollywood on a Budget” blog post.

I Finished Reading Happier at Home and Met the Author
The Happiness Project is one of my favorite books, so I was excited to see that the book’s author, Gretchin Rubin, would be doing a lecture on her latest book in Atlanta.  I didn’t love Happier at Home as much as its predecessor (probably because I didn’t feel like the marriage and parenthood chapters applied to my life), but it was exciting to meet someone who wrote something that inspired me.

I Consumed A lot of Pumpkin and Apple Products
Fall is my favorite season.  The weather has been beautiful and there’s a plethora of pumpkin and apple products for sale.  From pumpkin spice lattes and pumpkin pie pops from the King of Pops to apple slushies at the Apple Barn in Pigeon Forge, I can’t get enough of autumn foods.  Are you as addicted to pumpkin products as I am?

While I don’t love group birthday dinners, I LOVE birthday freebies.  There are a lot of birthday deals out there, but the ones below don’t require you to purchase anything to get your freebie.  You will have to sign up for emails to receive most of these.

Aqua Blue: Get a free 2 lb lobster. You can only go Monday through Friday of your birthday month and must make a reservation before you visit.

Baskin Robbins: Get a free scoop of ice cream or a small soft serve cone. Look for the “Birthday Club” and enter your email address.

Benihana: Receive a $30 Benihana certificate.  The certificate is only valid Monday-Thursday, but that’s plenty of time to enjoy sushi or hibachi.

Buca di Beppo: Get a free brownie sundae.

Caribou Coffee: Get a free drink on your Bou Day.  Haha…Bou Day.

Chili’s: Get a free brownie sundae.

CVS Beauty Club: Get $3 off any purchase at CVS. 

DSW: Get a $5 certificate. This isn’t enough for a pair of shoes, but there are lots of accessories around the store around $5. I bought shoe polish with mine.

Fifth Group: Receive $20 on your FGRewards card during your birthday month.

Firehouse Subs: Free medium sub when you show your ID on your birthday.

Georgia Aquarium: Present your Georgia ID at the ticket window and you’ll get free admission to the Aquarium.  You also get a birthday button!

Godiva: $10 to spend online or in Godiva Boutique.  I bought two chocolate covered strawberries and they were a great splurge.

IHOP: Get a free Rooty Tooty Fresh ‘N Fruity (or another item of equal or lesser value). My favorite is the funny face pancake.

Jason’s Deli: Receive a $5 off any item.

Moe’s: Receive a Complimentary Entrée (Excluding fajitas).

On the Border: Get a Brownie Sundae or Bowl of Queso. Brownie sundaes are popular, huh?

Red Robin: Get a free gourmet burger (you need a registered Red Robin Rewards card to receive it).

Ruby Tuesday: Get a free handcrafted burger.

Scholtsky’s: Receive a free regular sandwich.

Sephora: Free Fresh Sugar Kisses Mini Lip Duo.

Starbucks: Get a free drink of your choice.  You must have a registered Starbucks card.

Victoria’s Secret: Free $10 gift certificate.

Which Which: Get a free regular which. Click “Join the Vibe Club” to sign up.

Did I miss any of your favorite birthday freebies?  Let me know in the comments.

The birthday dinner is a great thing, in theory, but they can also be budget breaking, inconvenient events too.  I loved celebrating friends’ birthdays over dinner in college when we had $7 entrees, split a pitcher of margaritas and paid separate checks at the counter of our favorite cheap Mexican restaurant.  Yet, as we got older, birthday dinners started getting crazy expensive and awkward.

It seems like the following scenario is getting increasingly common: the birthday guy or gal picks a trendy (aka pricey) restaurant for dinner.  After valeting your car or paying at an expensive lot, you greet the person you’re celebrating and all of the fellow diners (most of whom you don’t know) and head to the table.  The restaurant is really loud and you’re sitting at a table of 16 people between people you just met and can hardly hear over the soundtrack playing the background.

Since this is one of those places that charges $15 for a cocktail, you get a sweet tea and one of the lower priced entrees on the menu.  Sure, everyone else is getting multiple drinks, appetizers and dessert, but you’ve got a budget to stick to!  Then the check comes.  It seems to be settled that you’re going to split things evenly and also cover the cost of the birthday person, and the evening ends with your wallet lighter and only a few minutes of conversation with the friend you came to see.  Ugh.

Maybe it’s just me, but this isn’t fun.  I really love birthdays and celebrating them, but too many expensive nights out make it difficult to focus on sticking to my budget.  Here are some ways I think celebrating your birthday can become more budget-friendly for your friends:

• Choose an affordable place to celebrate.  Sure, I might be dying to try a new restaurant, but I don’t want to inconvenience my friends by selecting somewhere that has expensive entrees.  There are plenty of nice, but moderately priced restaurants that have good food and atmosphere.
• Don’t invite everyone you know.  As we get older, we expand our friend groups.  Instead of inviting your high school friends, college friends, grad school friends, old co-workers, current co-workers, church friends, etc. think about just celebrating with one or two groups.  It’s hard to have some time to talk with all of your friends when you have 20 of them around a dinner table.
• If you do want to invite everyone you know, plan an activity for everyone to do instead.  Go bowling, have a game night or do something that’s interactive and gives everyone the opportunity to talk and get to know each other.  It can be hard to sit at the end of a long table with people you don’t know.

Am I overreacting about bad birthday dinners or do you agree that they can be less-than-fun occasions?

Photo: Source