There are worse things a girl could be doing on a street corner. And she IS quite a good waver!

Photo from Flickr

Many smart people have spoken of making a list of the qualities they would want in a mate. It’s a great idea. And my dear friend Rowan wrote a post in my honor today, encouraging me to do so. I’m still not sure I’m ready. But I’ve printed her list out and posted it in my home office (aka bedroom). And it just might be the impetus I need.

Have you ever made a list? Would you be willing to share what qualities you’ve added to it?

In the meantime, here’s the biggest item on my list. The one item that gives me inspiration and hope, and that I dream about in the only kind of relationship I would consider settling into for the remainder of my life:

A solid and true best-friendship.

I dream of having a true partner someday. In my dream, we honestly enjoy each others’ company. We laugh together a lot (as we find each other hilarious). We talk about everything that there is to talk about – family, religion, politics and the gossip column. But also we sit next to each other, legs or feet touching, drinking our morning coffee in comfortable silence.

I’m not under any delusions about perfection. But I dream of being with someone who I enjoy and respect and feels the same way about me – and the rest seems like it could be manageable.

Inspired by this post on love after marriage

This post is a gathering of random thoughts, a la Ts-Quest (who writes her blog posts in this format). Who also, speaking of which, I am sending positive thoughts out into the universe for. I have had two bouts with depression in my life, where I didn’t feel like there was any end to the tunnel… and I wish I had something more helpful to send her than just my positive wishes.

Random Thought #2: Something always has to give

I’m pondering lately (i.e. today)  if you can really expect to be fabulous at your job and be a single parent. I can’t work late nights like I used to. I can’t work weekends. Even if other people are burning the midnight oil… I am off at 4:30, hell or high water, picking up the kids so that I can make dinner, do homework and baths and bedtime.

I had a competitor say to one of my clients, “are you sure you want to go with Syd? You do know she’s a single mom and likely won’t be able to give you the attention you’ll need.” And 99% of the days I think he is a jackass. But days like today when I am so tired I could almost cry? I wonder just a teeny tiny bit if he might be right. I mean, I’m confident in the work that I do. But I only do it until 4:30PM. You know?

Random Thought #3: Probably you should try Bacon Salt

Hey listen. If you have never heard of it before, you should seriously try bacon salt. It’s a seasoning salt and it makes everything taste like bacon. For reals. I had been talking about my chickens, you know, and how I am going to have eggs coming out of my ears soon (figuratively speaking, of course). And my client pulled a shaker of bacon salt out of her purse and recommended that I put it on hard boiled eggs. She let me borrow it for two weeks and now I am hooked. It is delicious. It’s so good you carry it around in your purse.

Then we canned strawberry jam. What in the world is better than homemade strawberry jam that you helped make yourself?

If you haven’t ever tried canning, I recommend starting with jam. It’s the easiest canning project, with the least steps to mess up. And you hardly need any tools – in fact, you could gather up everything just from things you have in your kitchen except for the jars themselves, and the pectin (which costs about $1). All you need is a lazy afternoon! And if you are married, you’ll also need a spouse who will forgive you for the disaster you make out of your kitchen.

One of the big pieces of the puzzle is money. I am drowning in debt. I went into debt to get my college degree. And then I started my own business, and went further into debt. When I got a divorce, I piled on some more debt (car, house, credit cards). Then I was a single mom with a really lot of debt. And then I went and done got knocked up. There were a couple months there that even my mortgage went on my credit card (yes, they really will let you do that).

But I’ve found my life raft, and his name is Dave Ramsey. I’m just about done with the first baby step to financial freedom from his book, The Total Money Makeover. The people who have followed the plan are totally inspiring. I can’t tell you how much I am looking forward to having control over my finances. But even more than that, I am ecstatic at the thought of passing on successful money management skills to my daughters. These are Dave Ramsey’s steps:

1. $1,000 to start an Emergency Fund
2. Pay off all debt using the Debt Snowball
3. 3 to 6 months of expenses in savings
4. Invest 15% of household income into Roth IRAs and pre-tax retirement
5. College funding for children
6. Pay off home early
7. Build wealth and give!
   Invest in mutual funds and real estate

And here is the free Excel spreadsheet I downloaded (because I’m a geek) from Vertex42, for calculating my Debt Snowball.

Wish me luck, I can use any I can get. And man oh man, if you’ve got tips for living frugally or paying off debt, puh-leeease send ‘em my way!

The chicks are almost 2 months old now. The good news is that they are no longer living in my kitchen. Because even though they’re super cute when they’re little puff-ball chicks, they stink to high heaven. And good lord they’re high maintenance. Poop. Food. Water. In the coop. Out of the coop.

On the weekends and in the evenings, we let them roam around the yard. But before bed time, Joy and I have to herd them back into the coop. And I’d swear the neighbors are eating popcorn and watching out their windows in leiu of prime time TV. Joy chases the chicks toward the coop, while I try to catch them and put them into the coop. But the coop door is too big to close while you’re catching the other chicks – so even if I get one into the coop, it might fly back out as I’m catching the others. And repeat the whole process from the beginning.

Someday, though, they’re going to start laying a lot of eggs. And when that starts happening, well… I’m going to start cooking a lot more egg recipes. Any suggestions?

How is it that some women exude sex just walking down the street… and I can’t seem to flirt even when I genuinely try?

There’s a woman who works at my office, and she basically leaves a trail of drooling men everywhere she goes. Recently I was standing near the door when a young man walked in with a bag of muffins. He asked if I would give the muffins to her for him. “Would you like me to go get her, so you can give them to her yourself?” I asked. “Oh, no, that’s OK.” He responded, as he practically shoved them at me and hurried away. Another man in my office looked at me with a completely straight face and said, “you should take notes from her.”

“You should take notes from this,” I said, and flipped him the bird. But really…. maybe I should be taking notes? And what exactly should I be taking notes on? I really did mean it when I said I’m not looking to date or get into a relationship right now. But I’d be lying if I said I’m not just a little curious what that pheremone is, or those feminine wiles that some women seem to have where they can reel in a man with a flip of the hair, or a flutter of the eyelashes.

I’m not joking. This is not a rhetorical question. What is it? And are some women just born with it… or can it be learned?

Photo from Buzzle

This evening I did some more painting on my deck in the fading light of the evening, wearing an old black Japanese slipdress that used to belong to my grandmother and slippers. I had BB King playing on the radio, the chickens running about the yard and the sprinklers watering the gardens.

My dream is to someday be that eccentric old lady of the neighborhood… and tonight felt like a little glimpse into my own future.