Singles and Youths

Rape

2012-01-15T20:53:00.000+01:00

The issue of rape is another sexual challenge that is confronting the world today. It is becoming more serious and severe and it has affected lots of family physically and emotionally. Some relationships have been kaput, just because a spouse was raped. Lots of relationships have also ended based on this agony act of rape. The youths and singles are the highest victims of the act of rape.

Rape is an issue that is altogether more confusing as people tend not to know how to handle it. Recently, as at the time of this writing, I saw a headline in one of the Nigerian local newspaper with the caption, “Two men raped a 2-year old child.” “What nonsense!” you might exclaim, but this is what is happening in our world today and this is to tell you how the subject of rape has contaminated our society, and the trend is progressing by the day.

Campuses are filled with the news of rapist in the hostels, the corporate world is also not left out of this mess and the religious institutions are also part of this predicament. Surprisingly, as we will discover, the issue of rape is not only peculiar to females only but the males too. Some might ask, “Can men be raped too?” A thousand times yes goes for the answer. We have been deceived to think it is only the females that are victims of this sexual assault due to the information we receive from the media, they only show us movies and stories that prove the first case to be true.

The subject of rape is becoming more pathetic and perplexing, the government is bewildered on how to handle this sexual challenge, the educational institutions seem not to have a lasting solution to it and the media are only contributing to the advancement of this dilemma in question.

I heard a case of a rape incident that took place right in my secondary school days. A girl in the senior class was raped by seven boys. Moreover, this happened when we were about writing our school certificate examination and the amazing thing is that all these boys were also students of the school.

What Exactly Is Rape?
Rape is simply forcing someone to have sexual intercourse without his/her consent. It can also be said to be the act of forcing somebody into sexual intercourse without asking for their acquiescence. The main tools that drive rape is force, coercion and intimidation.
It might interest you to know that our English word rape is actually a derivation from the Latin word rapere, which means, "to seize", so this gives us an insight into what rape is about. It is an action with force.

There is lot of confusion as to what usually lead to rape and how it can be handled. It is a pity that most precautions that were usually suggested are merely theoretical and not practical; they are only effective on paper not in action. We need to understand that to deal with the issue of rape; we really need to work and study the human mind. That is where all rape activities are planned, masterminded and executed before the physical manifestation. It is always a terrible, terrifying and devastating experience.

We shall be discussing the types of Rape in the the next issue. Til then, stay vibrant and strong.

How do I Control My Sexual Urge? (Pt 2)

2011-12-19T15:46:00.000+01:00

1. Guard your Thoughts

This might look childish and immature, but I tell you, it works. You see, thoughts are mechanisms that fight for our attention and notice. Any attempt to break that off, is a strategy to make the thought of no effect. Have you ever noticed that you tend not to think of anything else when that thought comes to your mind? The reason is because the thought had captivated your mind and attention to the extent that you find it difficult to consider any other thing or event that may be of importance and relevance.

Most youths and singles that engage in premarital sex and later regret the act are in this category. They were always carried away with the thought that shrouded their minds at the moment, to the extent that other options become a difficult task for consideration.

Immediately you find yourself having a strong sexual urge try as much as possible to get busy or involved in activities that will shift your concentration or focus off that thought. I need to let you know that thoughts can be distracted and one of such is the one in question. Just like a youth said, getting involved in activities takes your mind away from what you are thinking about at the moment which is as a result of your outward reaction of wanting to have sexual intercourse.

You will discover that the tension and urges to have sexual intercourse will slowly but surely subside and vanish out of your mind. This takes discipline and self determination. I have always found this helpful personally and lots of youths find this same effective and worthy of use.

2. Your Association Matters

Most young people have found themselves do certain things just because of their friends and associates. If you are a person that hangs around individuals that discuss issue of pornography and sexual abuse, you are very far from controlling your sexual urges. In fact, instead of mitigating your sexual urges your association tends to magnify it.

If you stay among friends or association that give no damn as to how to control one’s sexual urges, you stand the chance of being aroused more than ever. Such gathering stimulates your sexual appetite and develops it overtime; this makes you more vulnerable to external attraction and distraction.

Even when you have made up your mind to abstain from premarital sexual intercourse, they still have the potential of corrupting your mind and overriding your belief by making you look stupid and immature. By the time this continues for over a period of time, you will begin to consider their point and eventually, if care is not taken, start acting and demonstrating such actions, and thereby seeing no big deal why such things should be avoided.

3. Stay Clean Internally

I personally discovered that controlling one’s sexual urge is more of the internal than the external. So many youths and singles who wish to control their sexual urges had failed many times, due to the fact that they still had some hidden items in their mental faculty.

Amongst all other laws that govern the universe, there is a commanding law called the law of attraction. The law states, “Like attracts likes.” This is simple but yet a profound law that has been in operation ever seen the inception of the world.

Let me explain a little further. You see what happens to you is as a result of your thoughts and actions. Before anything happens physically it must have been concluded mentally. Here is what I mean; before you decide physically that you want to go into a restaurant for lunch, you must conclude it in your mind some few minutes or even seconds before the actual event takes place.

You can’t be successful in controlling your sexual urges if you have some element of sexual stimulations in you. Here is a brief exercise. Check out your mobile phone, iPod or any other storage device that you have and see how many phonographic items you have in there. Well you might as well be shocked to find out that you have enough of them, and perhaps it may be one item that you possess, but I tell you, the damage that the single file can cause is unimaginable, you wouldn’t believe your eyes when it is activated.

Most singles and youths wonder why they have not been able to control their sexual urges, despite the fact that they have checked all their activities and see no traces of sexual stimulation around them, but they forget easily about the ones that are internal, and little do they know that it is capable of causing great and enormous damages.

Just like a magnet, you attract your like, that is why you might find it very difficult to control your sexual urges, because you possess some elements already, and this is what you see outside and react upon.

Have you ever wondered why you reacted to some incident very sharply and smartly? It’s quite simple. This is due to the fact that you already have an element of support for such event, so the external one only compliment what you have inside of you. Assume that you are a girl and someone told you how sexually wild a young guy is, if you haven’t been in contact with such events (viewing pornography, X-rated movies etc), you might not really be moved by such conversation. However, if you have been an ardent reader of playboy magazine, absorbed pornography like water, then you will begin to feel the impact of such words on you, because as the words come out, you will begin to visualize them based on the information that you had earlier received and stored into mental faculty. Then and there, your sexual urges begin to pop up like yeast in bread.

So, for you to effectively control your sexual urges, you need to put and stay clear of any item(s) that is in your possession and in your mental faculty that prompt them. The more you have them in you, you are guaranteed to fall a victim and be controlled by your sexual urges.

Hope this helps you make a better decision. Let us know how this has impacted your life.

How Do I Control My Sexual Urge?

2011-12-05T15:33:00.001+01:00

Many youths would have been wondering that despite all the preventives that were mentioned earlier, they still find themselves wanting to have sexual intercourse and they cease not to ask the question on how to control their sexual urge. This is an important question that has been hanging in the heart of most youths and singles, and we shall be looking at practical ways of handling it.

The first thing you need to know is that your feeling is a normal thing that every youth undergoes and therefore does not make you abnormal in any sense. God designed it that way. Human beings are made to have sexual feelings and expression, this is not a sin, but the way we go about handling them is what really matters.

God is not really concerned about the sexual urges that you feel. He created and made you that way, so He understands, but He is more concerned about how you handle and respond to the feelings. Your sexual feeling started from the beginning of creation and this can be seen in the life of the first man on earth, Mr. Adam.

When Adam saw Eve, he discovered that there was a difference compared to what he has been seeing so far (the animals). So, to prove to us and to the rest of the animals that he had found something special, he had to put it in expression. And the result is what we later see recorded in the Bible. He uttered, “This is the bone of my bone and flesh of my flesh, and she shall be called woman......” (Genesis 2 : 23 )

This comment was as a reaction to the sensation that Mr. Adam felt on the inside, and the only way we get to know about it was when it was translated into words. Many youths and singles have lots of unexpressed sexual urges fighting in their minds everyday. This battle is so serious that some try to satisfy it by all means, even if it means engaging in premarital sex.

The truth is that even if you can’t prevent these thought from flooding your mind, you definitely can control it. I have lots of young people who told me that when such thoughts, come they find it very difficult to resist; this is as a result of latent reaction towards the thought when it surfaces.

You need to understand that thoughts do not just come into your mind and initiate reaction(s), they take time to establish after which they are executed. So, if you let thoughts (especially those you don’t want) stay in your mind for too long without the appropriate measure to check them, they will start forming and causing reactions in your system.

That is why they are called information. These words have the potential to change a person in whatever the content might be. Just as the word implies, information are meant to cause an inward formation in an individual. It might be interesting for you to know that the word information is contraction of two words, in-formation.

This implies that, what it does is that it changes an individual internally and manifests externally. Most of the actions and reactions of people are based on the inward formation, that is, the in-formation that they have received. So the information we receive will determine our future.

Now, we shall be looking at some practical ways we can manage our sexual urges as youths and singles.

That is what we are going to be looking at in the next issue. Stay vibrant and strong

Women Are Not Sex Object!

2010-11-07T21:27:00.001+01:00

Women Are Not Sex Object!

The world is becoming more complicated with her views of things, events are changing, minds are getting filled with information, whether relevant or not and one of the phenomenon that we can’t deny today is the issue of Women being a SEX MACHINE.

There is no doubt that everywhere we turn to now, from the advert of an helicopter spare part even to the toothbrush that we use in our homes, you will discover that woman are mostly used for these stuff, and even more alarming is the fact that women are now seen as nothing less than a SEX MACHINE. We see these in the playboy magazine, pornography videos and many other electrical communication systems, such as the internet.

We now live in an age where most reason for relationship is based on “what is in it for me”, this kind of thinking from some men most times, render and position the women to the point of being an object rather than seeing them as a being. Now there is a big difference between the two. And we shall look at the two together briefly.

Women as an OBJECT.

Most men now see women as an object of sexual satisfaction both mentality and physically. This implies that they don’t see any relevance in women than that of being an object of self gratification. Think of this for a moment. When you turn to an advert on your local television station, and you see a woman who is almost naked advertising a piece tooth brush, then you ask yourself, what is the relationship between the two of them? Now, to some men, that is a perfect illustration that you can ever give them, reason being that, they feel that the highest value that a woman has is all about her sexuality. And they call it “A MARKETING STRATEGY”.

We also see this most times in musical videos where women are displayed as a sexual tool to arouse and seduce the men, then I ask, to buy what? Some artist goes as high as getting some women they tagged or consider professionals in the job. This is what the status of the women had been changed to in our world today. This explains the reason why Boss of some companies want to make sure that they get under the ladies and women seeking for employment under them, this is really sad. All is due to the fact that, the women are seen as an object of sexual manipulation and desire. Is it true that the women are no good or useful than the way they have been displayed?

We shall be looking at the second part of this in the next issue. Till then stay vibrant and strong

Truth about RAPE

2010-10-06T11:31:00.000+01:00

The issue of rape is another sexual challenge that is confronting the world today. It is becoming more serious and severe and it has affected lots of family physically and emotionally. Some relationships have “kaput,” just because a spouse was raped. Lots of relationships have also ended based on this agony act of rape. The youths and singles are the highest victims of the act of rape.

Rape is an issue that is altogether more confusing as people tend not to know how to handle it. Recently, as at the time of this writing, I saw a headline in one of the Nigerian local newspaper with the caption, “Two men raped a 2-year old child.” “What nonsense!” you might exclaim, but this is what is happening in our world today and this is to tell you how the subject of rape has contaminated our society, and the trend is progressing by the day.

Campuses are filled with the news of rapist in the hostels, the corporate world is also not left out of this mess and the religious institutions are also part of this predicament. Surprisingly, as we will discover, the issue of rape is not only peculiar to females only but the males too. Some might ask, “Can men be raped too?” A thousand times yes goes for the answer. We have been deceived to think it is only the females that are victims of this sexual assault due to the information we receive from the media, they only show us movies and stories that prove the first case to be true.

What Exactly Is Rape?

Rape is simply forcing someone to have sexual intercourse without his/her consent. It can also be said to be the act of forcing somebody into sexual intercourse without asking for their acquiescence. The main tools that drive rape is force, coercion and intimidation.

It might interest you to know that our English word rape is actually a derivation from the Latin word rapere, which means, "to seize", so this gives us an insight into what rape is about. It is an action with force.

There is lot of confusion as to what usually lead to rape and how it can be handled. It is a pity that most precautions that were usually suggested are merely theoretical and not practical; they are only effective on paper not in action. We need to understand that to deal with the issue of rape, we really need to work and study the human mind. That is where all rape activities are planned, masterminded and executed before the physical manifestation. It is always a terrible, terrifying and devastating experience.

In the part 2, we shall be looking at types of rapes. Till then, stay vibrant and strong.

The Youth's Sexual Challenges

2010-01-20T16:58:00.001+01:00

Sexual Mental Visualization (SMV)

The human brain is very powerful. You never can fathom how potent and creative it can be, you can only get to know it when the resources projected in it have been transferred from the world of the abstract into the one of physical or manifestation.

Think for a moment about the automobile that is of great assistance to us today, the electricity that brings joy and illumination to our world, the comprehensive structure of the computer system that we manipulate, the magnificent power of the cell phone that we use for communications, and the grand mastermind of the aircraft that ensure an easy conveyance from place to place. All these were the manifestation of the efficiency of the human brain and what it can achieve, and according to the scientist these are just a glimpse of what the brain is capable of accomplishing.

The brain power is inexhaustible and limitless. I discovered that one of the acts that prompt serious brain teasing and tasking is masturbation. As we will get to discover, masturbators are very creative in their process to get things done, they manipulate objects and human to satisfy their purpose and goal: sexual gratification.

How It Works
The sexual mental visualization is the act of exercising the process of sexual intercourse dominantly in the mind. In what I call sexual mental visualization, the brain is usually the principal tool put to use, and there are always sex partners or rather sex-slaves made available for manipulation. It is worthy of note here that there are no sex partners in the real sense of this exercise but sex-slaves.

The reason why I have decided to call them sex slaves is because they do not have the choice to do what they would have done if they were involved in sex physically; therefore, they are subject to whatever the masturbator, either male or female, makes them to be or do.

It is very amazing what these masturbators can do with their sex slaves; they can make her enjoy the act or otherwise. The later is common with those who have had an issue with one of their sex-slaves. As a way to punish them for the wrong they have inflicted on the masturbator, they (the masturbator) make them look sadistic and unhappy during the very act of masturbation. The act or the process of enjoying pleasure that causes displeasure to the sex-slave in a sexual exercise is known as Sadomasochism. We shall be discussing this term later.

Sexual mental visualization is another stimulant of masturbation. Like I said it has to do with brain power, in others words, the brain is heavily exploited and put to work at this particular moment of sexual gratification.

Here is how it works, in this mental fantasy. There you have the masturbator with his or her mental power creating an abstract but convenient venue to carry out the sexual act with the chosen sex-slave, then takes this sex-slave of his to the prepared spot for the main act, and right there and then the intercourse begins. Now, it is very important to know that the sexual fantasy is just a preparatory process for act of masturbation itself.

One may now ask that how would the whole process go, what are the actions expected in the scene? The answers to these questions are quite simple if you remember that masturbation runs on information. Whatever happens during the act of masturbation is mainly a calling up of past memories that the sub conscious has stored (see details on pornography), and the intensity of the action involved will at great length be determined by the percentage of information that has been stored in the brain.

Now, it is very possible to see an individual of the opposite sex and spontaneously begin the sexual mental visualization. This is what the ancient wise teacher Jesus meant when He said in the book of Matthew 5:28: “But I say unto you, that whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her hath committed adultery with her already in his heart”

At first, people would have wondered what Jesus meant by this mysterious and powerful statement, but the truth of the matter is that Jesus fully understood the mental ability to manipulate situation, events, activities and even human to suit our purpose and desire, and this is exactly what a masturbator does. An excerpt from the book “Youth and Sex”

Overcoming Masturbation

2009-07-22T17:25:00.000+01:00

Overcoming masturbation is one of the task that the youths and singles have to face in this generation of ours. However, it has not really been easy to overcome this sexual challenge, but it is very possible to surmount it and this of course requires determination and a great measure of will power.

A. Shun Pornography.
One of the easiest ways to overcome masturbation is to shun pornography. Pornography in this context goes beyond the normal mental picture of what we think it is.

The more you stick to pornographic objects and items, the more you are tempted to go into masturbation. Keeping yourself from such things this will help you overcome the thoughts and grip of masturbation. Remember that masturbation runs on information, this implies that you need to starve yourself of pornographic information that keeps the act running.

B. Watch your Associate.
Friends and peers that you associate with could be a force to reckon with when deciding to overcome masturbation. They could be influencing you, especially in this sensitive aspect of life to the extent that you might find it difficult to make a choice as to whether quitting masturbation is the right decision.

What you need to do is to find a friendly way to disassociate with such people, because the more you stay around them the more you feel you are doing the right thing. This is usually a painful thing to do, but you have to remember that this has to do with your life, hope and future and not theirs.

C. Be sensitive to your thoughts.
Your thought is another major factor you really have to work on, it is a very powerful tool that influences your life either positively or negatively. Remember thought comes then action. Whenever you think about masturbating and you don’t control the thought immediately, you stand the chance of giving in, and that is where it all set in.

I am not saying that you have to check your thoughts every seconds and moment, of course that will be brain tasking and is not ideal, all I am saying in a nutshell is that you can control your thoughts.

This implies that you manage these thoughts, and decide if you will either allow them into your mental system or not. Now, you have to be careful here, you need to check the thought and see if it will either make you vulnerable to the act (of masturbation) or not, once you notice that it has an iota of masturbation in it, you have to quickly shun it.

Therefore, you really need to take notice of your thoughts to actually manage the power of masturbation over your life. Many people had overcome it and you too can, just decide to and you definitely will.

In the field of psychotherapy (the treatment of mental disorders by psychological methods) there is a very effective technique called Aversion Therapy. When we associate or think of something very distasteful with something which has been pleasurable, but undesirable, the distasteful thought and feeling will begin to cancel out that which was pleasurable.

If you associate something very distasteful with your loss of self-control it will help you to stop the act. For example, if you are tempted to masturbate, think of having to bathe in a tub of worms, and eat several of them as you do the act. It sounds stupid, but it actually works, just give it a trial!

D. Watch where you go
Another way to overcome masturbation is to watch where you go. If you are the kind of a person that visits area that stimulates the sexual act of masturbation in you; you really need to stop visiting such places if you mean business.

Staying or hanging around places that has object(s) that stimulates the act of masturbation must be out of thought for you. Do not ever think that you can overcome those tempting objects or items, you will only have yourself to blame at the end of the day. Many young people had tried their best by using their instinct to overcome masturbation in such cases, but they only regret the after effect of such action. You do not need to make the same mistakes

E. Don’t give up!
Does this sound funny; you may even ask yourself that what is this guy talking about? One thing that makes people a failure is not the fact that they fail, but the fact that they fail to continue trying. You might have tried so many times without much success, but this is just part of the exercise, the more you tried the more you are getting nearer. So don’t ever stop trying.

Let me give you an illustration. Whenever a farmer walks into the farm to get a wood for himself and he started cutting the wood, initially it seems nothing is going on, but actually, he is getting somewhere. He might not even get the wood down in a day, but he is sure of getting it down. Eventually, in a moment, in a time, in a jiffy the wood will fall flat. So don’t give up on your way to overcoming masturbation, it is sure not going to be easy, but you will ultimately overcome it.
Overcoming masturbation would not be an easy task, but with your mind made up, you sure going to overcome.

E. Ask God for help
Whenever there is a problem with an item purchased (especially electronics), it is usually given to those that specialize in repairing such product, why you attempts to give it to them is because you are rest assured that they know the components of the products and that they are in the best position to render the service perfectly. Additionally, there is a measure of confidence that you exhibit toward these individuals because of their acquired skills over the product(s)

God can never be left out of this business, because it is His in the first place, so how can you excuse an expert on a matter if you want a maximum success? You need to understand that you were made by God and this implies that the only person who can help you is God Himself.

All you need to do is to tell Him to assist you on your decision as against masturbation. You will never regret you did, and He will be more than willing to give you a hand, you can always count on him.

The Law of Attraction Pt. 1

2009-03-22T14:20:00.000+01:00

The planet earth is governed by many laws and principles, and each of these laws is effective in our daily lives. Maybe we realize their efficacy or not, the fact remains that they are still there and are very much in operation.

Among the profound laws of the universe is the law of gravity which states that “whatever goes up comes down”, here is a powerful law that is still in effect today. No matter whom you are or the status you have attained in the society, this reflective law will catch up with you, and this we can see in action till today.

There goes another commanding law known as the law of cause and effects, and here is what it says “every material effect must have an adequate cause”, in other words, for every cause there is an effect. This is a profound law that can change your life significantly. And this law is what usually leads to the profound law we are going to be talking about, that’s the Law of attraction!

Most things in life are virtually controlled by this powerful law, our immediate surroundings, the relationship we keep, our lifestyle and mentality are as a result of this magnificent law. And this law is capable of giving back whatever has been deposited into it.
The law of attraction is part of the law that has been put in place by God, a good expression of this is found in the bible book of proverbs 23:7 “For as he thinketh in his heart, so is he”.

The Law of Attraction

The Law of attraction states that “likes attracts like”, in other words, there is always going to be an agreement between your thoughts and the outcome of events in your life. The Law of attraction delivers to you what you predominantly think about, either positively or negatively.
You will be amazed to discover that most things that occur in your life are basically what you attracted to it. Now I know this might sound hard for you to believe, but it the truth as you will later realize.

Success in life, work and relationship has to do with what you attracted to yourself. If you attract failure to yourself, it is most likely you end up being a failure. But the big question is how does the law of attraction works?

We shall be discussing this in the part two of the article. Till then, keep on attraction all the goodies into your life. Wish you a happy successful life.

Sex and Love; One and the same?

2009-03-09T03:38:00.000+01:00

The issue of sex and love is one major issue that has really been of challenge to the human race generally, especially with the singles and youth. We live in a age where sex and love are misrepresented. The ambiguous understanding of this subject has caused lots of broken hearts, hatred, bitterness and breakups among members of the opposite sex. How many ladies will relate to us of how they have been cheated and maltreated in a relationship, how many young men are complaining of being abandoned, let down, and disappointed by their girlfriend just because of the issue of sex and love?

So many singles had been disappointed based on the misapprehension between sex and love. Most had become broken hearted because they gave their precious gift of virginity to the unserious, sycophantic and the unreliable guys out there. Consequently, most young men had also been discouraged based on the pressure they received from the opposite sex as a sign and proof of love in action.

Lots of potential relationship which would have metamorphosed into a blissful and idyllic companionship had been terminated just because of the misunderstanding they have concerning the issue of sex and love.

The major victim of this challenge is the youth and singles; they have been told and brainwashed to belief that the only way to express their love for each other is through sexual intercourse. Though, this is an erroneous idea, but it has eaten deep into the mentality of most singles. We now live in a world where sex and love has been mixed up and mistaken for one another, a society that promotes sex without intimacy and love.

Nevertheless, there are connections between sex and love, but, they are two different things all together, additionally, sex without or outside of love is simply Lust. Lust is a product of selfishness and self-gratification, but love is sacrificing and self-denying.

Another deadly lie that the youth and singles have come to accept hook, line and sinker is that, if their partner does not love them he wouldn’t have demanded for sex in the first place. This lies has made many young men and women contracted STI such as Gonorrhea, HIV, AIDS and the host of others. Therefore, the rate of this mistake is on the high, and there seems to be no remedy as to the prevention and avoidance of these fatal norms. Therefore, a careful study of this disheartening predicament is usually borne out of infatuation and not love.

Understanding Love
The word love has variety of meaning to different people; most times it is usually attached to sexual intercourse. To the youth and singles, the word love has a very powerful and intense feeling of romance and sex.

Whenever the singles and youth talks about love, what they usually think about is a romantic experience that could possibly be achieved through sexual intimacy. The girls would think of the perfect young man that will fulfilled their dreams and make them his centre of accentuation and priority, while the guys will imagine a young lady with a perfect body shape and structure, who could give them all the love and attention they desire and most importantly must be sexually active.

This are good aspiration, but the problem is that most of this wishful thinking does not often come to reality, so we ask ourselves that what could possibly be the cause of the whole problem, why were those goals and dream not achieved and the desire eventually shattered? The problem is that most of this aspiration are based on something that looks like love but isn’t love, and that the word infatuation.

Infatuation and love look very much similar but, with lots of apparent difference if carefully studied and premeditated on. The problem with most of us singles is that we are quickly driven and deceived by our hormones, which most times do us no good. A careful study of infatuation and love will give us a clear understanding of what we should do when confronted with such challenges in relationship.

I have heard some young men told me that they are madly in love with a girl and after a while when the relationship seems to have hit the rock, they will eventually come to the understanding that it wasn’t love in the first place, it is a mere infatuation.

Infatuation, as the case has always been had been a stumbling block to many singles and youth, deluding them of the real personality of the individual that they are dealing with, most times they felt they are at the peak of their love experience, and the next thing they experience is most time beyond description therefore the only way they could express it is to burst into an excruciating tears and utter the word “he broke my heart”.

Most singles and youth lack the understanding what of happens to them when they are thrilled by a young lady; they feel “how can I be without this girl? We sure going to make a perfect match and produce a satisfying love life”. Some found it difficult to express themselves being short of words and full of emotions and sensation declared with all sincerity that they have "fallen in love". I am really not going say much about this for now; we shall be looking at the issue of infatuation and love in my forthcoming book, with much detail and explanation.

You need to understand as youth and singles that love is beyond mere feelings and sensation; it has to do with your personality, your life and your future. Love although has an element of romance but it does not rely on that for survivor. Love looks into the future not the present, love understand its action rather than mere guessing and speculating.

Love is not spontaneous, it grows. Most youth find this very difficult to believe. They think you need to feel love for you to ascertain your position and stand, but that is not always true. Now, it might seems I am trying to mitigate the excitement that could be or is expected to be felt in a love relationship, but what I am trying to say is that love is more than a feeling, it is an experience.

It is a pity that most youth and singles jump into relationship that they know nothing about, they felt they are in love, not knowing that are only falling for an image, this is very easy to do. Young girls are most times victims of the action and thought. They immediately conclude that they are in love with a guy they have just meet for some week, then you ask them, how do you know you are in love, and the next thing you hear them say is that “I can feel it strongly”

It is infatuation that makes young people after sexual intercourse with one another to develop an unexplained hatred of been hoodwinked and therefore jilted. They try to locate the so called love that they had for each other initially and find it difficult to explain. It is then that it dawns on them that what they had for each other wasn’t real love, it is a quick runs of their hormonal reaction and weren’t wise enough to detect this, they therefore fall victim of the same.

Therefore, there is a great difference between love and sex, though they are sometime related and connected. The fact is that there could be sex without love, a good example of this is what the commercial sex worker does, they exchange sex for money not for love. So you need to be careful as a youth and single if you are tempted to think or be led to think that sex and love are the same.

I need to let you know that love does not coerce to have sex, it is not under pressure for sexuality, it consider it action and review the outcome. So when next your prospective partner tell you that having sex with you is a proof of your love to him, you need to correct his impression and eventually be careful of such relationship, itf could be heartbreaking and regrettably at the end.

Wish you a happy relationship.

The Effects of smiles

2009-02-22T02:40:00.000+01:00

Smiles is one of the greatest gift that God have ever deposited into the emotional reservoir of mankind, but it is shocking and alarming that we allow such a valuable endowment to waste away every blessed day.

Lots of individual would have change their situation and atmosphere if they can wear a little bit of smile everyday. Smiles are one of the greatest means of communication, yet the amazing and incredible thing about it is that it can be gotten and used at no cost!

What is smile?
Before we begin to analyze some of the powerful effects of smiles, I think it will be helpful for us to understand the meaning of this powerful means of communication known as smile.

Smile is said to be a facial expression in which the corners of the mouth are raised, usually expressing amusement, pleasure, or approval.

We are going to be looking at some of the amazing things that we can easily accomplish with our free and simple but yet a dynamic smile. You will be startled at what you can do with your smile or rather what your smile would do for you.

Effects of Smile.
The following are the effects of smiles:

1. Make an individual approachable.
The first thing you will be able to achieve without stress with your smile is the ability to be approachable. Have you noticed that when you give a little smile, especially to a person you are meeting for the first time, it prompts such a fellow to open up and want to relate with you?

The reason for this is quite simple, it is because your smiles is telling the other person that you are an interesting person to be around with, and tell me who doesn’t want to be around a happy fellow?

I personally discovered this to be true. Humans are emotional being, and we most times talk through our emotions than gestures, verbal or any other means of communication that we might have available or would rather want to use.

And there is something interesting about this, it gives you the opportunity to connect emotionally to the person you are communicating with, the emotional bonding found in this kind of act is very influential and commanding.

So, giving away some smiles will boost your image and personality, which would want everyone to be around you. Why don’t you give it a trial and see the effect.

2. It improves your physiognomy.
There is a saying that goes like this “I have never seen a smiling face that is not beautiful”.

This is exceptionally true and factual. I also personally discovered that smiling make me look more handsome that I would ordinarily look.

This explains the reason why actors, model and influential people do express some bit of smile; this is quite powerful and effective. One powerful effect that smiles will have on you is to improve or uplift that facial expression of yours.

Check this out, try to remember those people that you consider ugly and unattractive, you will notice they look more eye-catching and striking when they wear just a simple smile. The reason is not far fetched, this is the same principle we have discovered and it is simple. A smile improves your physiognomy!

3. Changes your Atmosphere.
This is very effective and powerful. Do you know you can drastically change your atmosphere through a simple smile? This might sound easy and cheap, but I tell you, it’s quite incredible as this aspect have been utilized without much notice and awareness.

Do you remember finding yourself in an unpleasant, obnoxious and horrible situation? And possibly by chance you stumble on something that stimulates that unused effective communicative tool in you, how do you feel thereafter when you released that idyllic smile, you feel relaxed and fulfilled.

That is exactly what a simple smile can do for you. It gives you an opportunity to re-create your atmosphere at will. This is quite interesting, this implies that you can easily place yourself right there in your own world of pleasure and bliss, and guess what you can achieve this without any formal training and it’s absolutely free of charge!

4. Make somebody’s day.
Another powerful thing you can achieve with you smiles is making somebody’s day, and I bet it you will never be forgotten for that simple act.

Looking around your neighborhood, office or even your home you will discover that there are lots of people that are desperately stressed and need some sort of encouragement to move on, those individuals awaits your smile to make their day. You never can tell the power and effects of your smile on such individual until you extend your smile to them.

I have lots of people tell me that they would have made more imparts on their society if only they have sufficient funds. Some even conclude that they would have loved to give but they do not have money to do just that.

But I bet to that there is something you have that can be given at will, and that is your smiles. You can make much impart by just smiling towards an individual today. And as you would realize that this cost you nothing except you willingness and your interest.

By sending out that smile, what you are doing is that, you are telling the person that he is worth your attention and time even though it is petite and short. Merely giving an attention to smile or return a smile is a great thing that could ever happen to an individual. So by doing that you are already making an impart that is more than having a fund. Because at times you might run out of funds, but never can run out of smiles!

So, why don’t you make somebody’s day through your smile? They are waiting just for that smile of yours to motivate them to the next level. You will everly be grateful you did.

Here are simple steps yet powerful enough to cause a change in somebody’s life. I believe you will experience transformation as you involve yourself in this exercise.

Just like fellow said “Dale Carnegie, in his book How to Win Friends and Influence People, best summed up the lasting impacts of a smile: "It costs nothing, but creates much. It enriches those who receive, without impoverishing those who give. It happens in a flash and the memory of it sometimes lasts forever”.

Love or Infatuation; Knowing the difference

2008-12-19T07:12:00.000+01:00

She seems to be the perfect one you have been looking for and he also look like that special one that satisfies your very heart desire. You can’t just get your mind off him and you think she might be a perfect match for you. Nothing seems to matter any longer, she seems so perfect and great; an utmost desire of your very act, nothing you say could ever change your love for each other.

But the question is that “how do you know if you're really in love”? It's easy to mistake infatuation for love. Although we always hear that infatuation is a shallow emotion, it's actually quite powerful. Lots of people claim to be in love when in reality they are only being infatuated. We hear words like “I just know he is the one for me”, when asked why, they tend not to give a convincing answer, some ended up saying “I feel it very strongly”. But one thing that these individuals do not take into consideration is that infatuation is also a feeling.

It’s heartbreaking and alarming that most of the relationship that develops overtime end up in frustration and anger. I believe that a proper understanding of what love and infatuation is will prevent you as a youth and single from having a painful love experience in life, and this will help you from hurting yourself and others.

To start with, it will indeed be very helpful if we can define what love and infatuation is, this will give us a simple and laconic understanding of what they entails.

What is Infatuation?

Infatuation is an intense but short-lived and irrational passion for somebody or something. I think this is the simplest definition of infatuation to the best of my knowledge. Now, let’s see what love is.

What is Love?

I must say at this point that defining love might be a little bit difficult, reason being that it is a word of different meaning to different people and circumstance. Wouldn’t you be surprised when a person says he loves his job and few minute later turn to his wife and say “I love you”, you wonder what the difference between the love he’s exhibiting towards his job and the one for his wife is. This is so, because the root word from which our English word Love was translated has levels and categories, but those level and categories was not found in the English. So, that explains the reason why there is confusion in the usage of the word Love.

In a nutshell, Love is a strong unselfish feeling of interest and affection expressed towards an individual. This expression could be casual, plain, intimate, romantic or natural.

It’s very sad today that most youth and singles uses the word “I love you” without even knowing the weight or the implication of the word on the other person. I remembered sometime back, I was actually going to send a text-message to a male friend of mine (because I am a text message freak) and ended with the word “love you”, and I sent this same message a female friend of mine forgetting the ending word. Thereafter, when we got to see each other, I discovered that she was reacting to the text I have earlier sent to her, so I decided to check her phone some few weeks after the whole event, and to my surprise I discovered that the message was still intact in the phone.

Now, let’s take a look at the characteristics of Infatuation and Love, to determine the difference between the two experiences.

CHARACTERISTICS OF INFATUATION

Here are brief features of infatuation, please considered each of these features carefully, if you discovered that you are exhibiting anyone of these features, you can immediately adjust and make correction(s) when necessary.

1. Based on Physical Attraction.

This is the most commonly exhibited traits expressed in infatuation. True love is not only based on physical attraction. An infatuated individual can be attracted to 30 people in a day due to physical attraction. I am not saying that beauty does not count in love, but it’s not the key factor neither is it the ultimate. One thing we need to realize is that physical attraction eventually fails as people get older and age. What count most are your lasting virtues – the inner qualities that you possess as an individual. So, if the reason you are in that relationship is wholly based on physical attraction, you had better think twice and make things right.

Recently, I had an encounter with a young biker on my way to school. I noticed that he displayed a strange gesture at a particular girl while the bike was on motion, so I decided to ask if the girl has offended him earlier, but he said no. Because I was curious to know the reason for his action, I kept on asking and he finally told me the reason. Guess what he said? He said he likes the girl.

Well, there is no problem liking a girl, but his was different. Due to his reaction, I further asked him if he would like to marry her, to that he answered an interesting yes and said something interesting. He said he sees 30 different girls in a day and his attracted to all of them!

To be very sure of what he was saying I asked if like those girl he has been seeing, and he echoed a resounding and an exciting yes. What this young man is saying in essence is that, he falls in love with 30 different girls in a day! That is what infatuation is all about; it gives you a burning but not lasting desire. If you are in the same shoe with this young man, you need to consider your feelings carefully and make sure you are making the right decision.

2. Selfish Aspiration: One of the apparent features of infatuation is the tendency of expressing selfish desire in a relationship. If all you think is what you can get and not give in return, you are likely to be infatuating. Infatuated individuals only think of themselves and nothing more, they do not consider the welfare of the other person.

That explains the reason why every decision made out of an infatuated mind is all about self centeredness and egocentricity. If all your partner is saying or doing is to his favour and does not put you into consideration, then you can be sure that it wasn’t a true love.

3. Always in a rush: One of the prominent features of infatuation is the fact the infatuated individual will always want things to be done in a hurry. One of the reasons why they do this is because they are uncertain of their next moves and feelings, and they felt they are unpredictable. And that is what they truly are, capricious.

For instance, if you are in a relationship and your partner is asking you for sex as a proof of his love for you, it implies that you are not loved but lusted after. One of the reasons why most young people give in to this sex crazy lifestyle is because most of them cannot discern between true love and infatuation. You need to understand that true loves waits and it is patient, it is not in a hurry to do things, especially in the area of sexual intercourse.

Listen ladies, if that guy truly loves you, he will definitely wait for you. But, if he says that he cannot wait, then, that is a sign that he wouldn’t have the time to wait for you in marriage and this is the most devastating aspect of a relationship – not getting along with your partner.

4. Does not last: Another major feature of infatuation is that it does not last. Love on the contrary can stand the test of time, but infatuation cannot. Infatuation tends to be shot lived based on the fact that it a reaction based on peripheral and not from the genuine longing of the heart.

This is most times seen in relationship that evolves among young people of the opposite sex. When a relationship is based on infatuation, the individual seems to be the perfect being on the surface of the earth. Therefore, reality is no where to be found. It is only when infatuation has been fully maximized that the individual will come to the understanding that they are not truly in love. This might be painful at times as one of the infatuated individual suffers the consequence, or at most the two.

Infatuated individuals at the end of their blind love for each other later became the greatest enemy. The hatred and bitterness that follows is always alarming, as one will find it difficult to believe such individuals who seems to be moving along intimately could change in just a twinkling of an eye.

The truth of the matter is that, infatuation, is sporadic in nature, it comes and goes. So, if you discover that you are experiencing such feelings, try as much as possible to control yourself, because you will later discover that those young men or women that you are aphrodisiac about will later be of no interest to you, for some explicable or inexplicable reason(s).

These are the few features of infatuation that you need to watch out for, if you discover that you are exhibiting any of these, please make a quick correction before you regret the relationship.

CHARACTERISTICS OF LOVE

Having check out and examined the features of infatuation, it will be more helpful for us to examine that of Love too, in order to make the difference between the two vivid and clear. Here are the characteristics of true love.

1. Love Respects: This is one powerful aspect of love; it gives respect irrespective of the status, category or condition of the individual.

A relationship that is based on love is one that is full of mutual respect for the member of the opposite sex. This is one major feature that is lacking in infatuation. True love is not possessive and dominating, it gives rooms for the other person to express themselves by sharing their point of view while infatuation does the opposite.

Let me cite an example here for more clarification. If two young people are in a relationship, that is foundational on true love and not mere feelings, they see each other as two different people coming to a term, with the recognition that they are committed to tolerate each other’s perspective on the issue of life.

Love goes beyond mere feelings, true love takes a person the way they are, not the way they want them to be. This is yet another mistake that most young people make in relationship. They are always looking at changing an individual into what I called their Mental Creative Robot. They want the person to become their dreamed personality or robot that has no choice but to yield to their desires, this terribly mistake, please don’t make such.

2. Love Grows: This is an outstanding feature of love. I discovered with the little experience I had about relationship that true love is not spontaneous, but it grows. Most young people are usually deluded with the thought that love is magical and could be out of the blue. This thought in summary is what is known as love at first sight, but the truth is that you can’t love the person you don’t know.

Most young people fail to realize that true love doesn’t jump into conclusion without verification, it is not something that happens abruptly, it takes time for it to develop and grow based on understanding and communication. It baffles me when young people say they are madly in love with someone they have hardly known, not even from Adam. Love is not just a feeling, it is more than that.

I personally discovered with the little experience that I have with individuals that true love is not something that comes boobs; it is a systematic process that takes time to grow. Most people that I have come to love today is as a result of their personality and that is really what makes them beautiful and always good to have around.

Just like so many young people had been deceived to believe in the principle of love at first sight, many youth and singles has been entangled in the trap of this ambiguous feelings and mindset. Many youth through this principle have come to discover that their partner is not really who they taught he was, they were only been deceived and hook winded by their hormones and sensation.

Many youth have confessed to me that it seems they where being under a spell and where controlled by a force beyond their strength and resistance, thereby being a prey of this deadly and heartbreaking experience. Most of the love at first sight experience is borne out of infatuation and not true love. You need to understand that love is tangible and can be measured and evaluated, but not so with infatuation, that explains the reason why most infatuated individuals when asked for the cause of their feelings they tend not to give a substantial reply of what it is all about.

3. Love Gives: This is one outstanding truth that I have come to understand about true love. True love will want to give to other no matter how little it is. This same principle was expressed in one the most popular verse in the bible, John 3: 16 to be precise. It state that God love was demonstration thought the act of giving, it is sure an exceptional qualities that can’t be found in infatuation.

Though this feature is very efficient one, it has been abused and misunderstood especially when used under pretense and deception. You have to be very careful here, for the fact that someone gives and bombard you with gift does not indicate that they love you; some do these to merely take advantage of you. Therefore, how do you get to know that there is an ulterior motive behind such act, it the demands and reactions that accompany such action.

I heard of a case in which a guy who wanted the love of a young girl by all means, trying all he could but with no result decided to use this technique, so as to show the girl that he loves her. He gave her a financial gift and started making demand thereafter thinking that his supposedly act of generosity and care would earn him the girl’s heat. But he was strangely surprised when the reaction he expected were not forthcoming and it seems his hope of getting his selfish desires is being smash against the rock, he decided to make demanded that his financial gift be returned to show that he wasn’t in love with the young girl initially.

You need to be vigilant as a young person, once you discover that a demand is being made based on the gift(s) that you had received, please check out the relationship, it possibly going to be an infatuation and not true love and might likely end with a bitter experience that you couldn’t have ever imagined. But true love gives out of the genuine and unadulterated feelings of passion towards another person for the purpose of making the other person a better individual.

There is a common saying that there is love in sharing, that is exactly what love is all about, it share with others so as to make them experience the same peace, joy, happiness and tranquility that he has. Here is the motto for infatuation there is infatuation in selfish demanding.

With these little explanation, I hope you will be able to discern between true love and infatuation. Stay vibrant and strong.

Shyness: How to handle it.

2008-10-25T23:44:00.000+01:00

Have you ever asked yourself question like; why was I not audacious like my friend, why do I almost lose my breath at a sight that seems uncomfortable, why do I find it very difficult to talk to the opposite sex confidently? These and many other questions are still hanging in the hearts of many youths and singles today, and were yet to be answered. We live in a world full of people living with timidity and introversion without any sign of concern or probably the solutions to this tends not to surface through an attempt made to get rid of it. This aspect of life has no respect for age, race, profession or achievement; it plagues almost anybody that gives it the opportunity to do so. This is the phenomenon called Shyness.

I believe that there is hope for the youth and singles, reason being that there is still time to deal with the issue of shyness now before they get old of which at that stage in life, it would be extremely difficult to change or adapt to any habit or norms. I am not saying that there is no hope for the oldies, all I am saying in a nutshell is that it easier to correct an habit when an individual is still young than when he is old.

Okay, what is shyness anyway? It is act of being uncomfortable, reserved, and diffident, in the company of others. I remembered during my secondary school days, I use to be a victim of a very high level of shyness. I do not speak with the girls in my class. Therefore, I do everything possible to avoid them, because confronting them meant trouble for me, so I decided to stay off them, but this is just for a short while. After some time I began commanding attraction from them (unwillingly and unknown to me) and finally, what I have been trying to avoid came up to me face to face! It was hell for me when a girl in my class walked up to me and started discussing some stuff. I felt very scratchy, my BP (blood pressure) rises very fast, my heartbeats increased rapidly. I was controlling my hands and legs because they were shaking and finally, my body was covered with sweat, all these happened in few seconds.

Thereafter, I began to wonder why I was not myself at that point, I began to speculate why I could not put my body tension under control, I later realize that it is the sentiment that we all refer to as “shyness”. Shyness is not necessarily bad, because it is a normal feeling, but there are actually negative things that could be caused by shyness. If a person is shy then he or she can miss many opportunities that may have contributed to that person’s success.

So, what are the causes of shyness and how can we deal with them, is there any way out or do
we have to accept it as our fate and live with it forever until we enter six feet below; is there no hope for those us that wish to break off?. Well, I am happy to say that there is good news, because I am a product of this transformation, so I know what it takes to be in the confine of shyness and finally be set free.

We shall be looking at some of the causes of shyness and the way out.

CAUSES OF SHYNESS

1.Sometime Hereditary: Some research has shown that shyness runs in families. That explains the reason why some youth and singles find themselves in the claws of shyness for an inexplicable reason(s). Before you start looking outside, take a close look at your mum and dad and see if there are any traces of shyness. Despite the fact that it is sometimes hereditary does not indicate that it could not be handle, it depends on the individual’s willingness to let go.

2. Exposure to new situations: Now, this is very practical. So many youth and singles had not been exposed to some certain atmosphere or situation and they tend to express shyness when confronted with such. I remembered the first time I told a female friend of mine that she looks beautiful, see looks surprised, dazed and uncomfortable, for whatever reasons that may have seems, to me all those gestures were shyness in expression. Do you still remember the experience I cited earlier with the girl in my class? These entire events are quite new to some of us and may take some time to acclimatize into our system.

One situation that usually brings out the shyness among youths and singles is during dates (going out wit h a friend) with the opposite sex. Dates are usually spontaneous and vague; you may never know what will happen next so you tend to be shy. You try to impress your date but at the same time, you feel shy and nervous. The feeling of shyness is most common during first dates. Additionally, being introduced to a person for the first time can also bring out the shyness in you. Because individuals do not know anything about the person, they are being introduced to or because they are unfamiliar with them, they tend to be shy.

Moreover, being complimented with the way you look, speaks, act, or for your work can also bring about shyness. Some youths become self-conscious and shy when they are given compliments. I personally notice this in females; oh, females could be so consternated after an unexpected compliment. Recently I was walking within our compound and saw a lady from another domicile; I noticed her beauty and so decided to give her a compliment with the word “you look beautiful”. She exclaimed “Ah” (because she was not expecting it and therefore could not imagine herself being appreciated that much) eventually, she manage to say, “thank you” after a while. That was a good example of shyness borne out of an unexpected remark or compliment.

3. Low self-esteem: This is one of the severe causes of shyness; this particular factor is so rampant that it has almost plagued everyone at a point in time. A person with a low self-esteem mindset will not regard himself relevant to the society, he feels he is a minus instead of being a plus to the social order, and therefore fail to see his relevance and usefulness to his community. I remember in my secondary school days, we used to have some students in the class, all they do is to agree to whatever have been discussed without contributing to any of the exercise, they always believe that their opinion is useless and invalid, probably they were intimidate by the presence of those they consider to the “lucky students”.

Moreover, an individual who think they have nothing to say or who does not believe they are worth interacting with will not likely be bold enough to come forth, on the contrary, they will draw back from such instances, anticipating rejection. Individual with this state of mind are not far from the care of shyness, because they always look at others being better off than they are, so they decided to continue in this state and often expresses shyness to the highness level.

4. Broken Families: This is also another major cause of shyness. A youth or an individual with a parental predicament can sometimes be a victim of shyness. Broken relationship often affects them in the sense that they live their lives with the guilt of the incident and tends to maintain it in their mental faculty, and this memory, which seems latent, emerges when they see individuals with a blissful family life.

EFFECT OF SHYNESS

Definitely, nothing comes without its effect(s). Therefore, the same goes with shyness, here are some of the effects of shyness.

1. Difficulties making friends: Individual that exhibit shyness often finds it extremely difficult to makes friends, because the act of making friends is about coming out of one’s comfort zone to meet with people of different background, mentality, culture and values, it therefore requires self-expression, which is very difficult for a shy person to display.

2. Lack of Expression: You hardly can communicate with a shy person; neither will you understand them, because they barely express their emotions. Humans are emotional being and this aspect of our lives is what makes our values, principles, ideology, mentality and personality known to others, in others words, if your values are not known they stand the chances of being abused.

3. Low self-esteem: We mentioned earlier that low self-esteem is one of the causes of shyness, but that is just a part of it, it also manifest as an effect of shyness. You will notice that when an individual possesses the act of shyness they always exhibit low esteem alongside with it. The reason being that they felt so discouraged, unworthy of their presence, values and contribution, therefore creating a boundary of low self-esteem around themselves. This also makes accessing them a very difficult task.

OVERCOMING SHYNESS

After we had discovered the causes of shyness and its effects, we can go to explore the ways by which this can be handled and managed, here is a few guiding principle that will do.

1. Building self-confidence: This is the first step to take when attempting to overcome shyness. This step is very helpful, reason being that the act of shyness is a mental exercise; this indicates that it evolves from the mind, therefore, to have an effective triumph over shyness; you have to start developing a positive view of yourself. One of the ways to do this is to value and appreciate yourself and do not view yourself as irrelevant, but as important as others. One of the things I do personally to boost my self confidence is to take pictures with my phone, additionally, I use words of motivation for myself, such as “I am looking terrific (exceptionally good)” this is one of the effective and simple ways to boosting your self confidence.

2. Create an impression: Act the way you want to be and feel. Try this exercise in your privacy and most importantly in of your mental visualization. I remembered during my secondary school days, I used to be very shy because I do not have a self worth. Therefore, whenever I decided to answer a question in class I have to start with the clause “just want to try”, this I say because of my low self esteem and it serve as a hiding place for me in case I botched the question, but you know what, it almost turn that I am right all the time. This also explains the reason why I use the clause when I am answering a question even though I know it, because it’s almost becoming part of me. Create a great impression for yourself and you will discover that you are changing in no time.

3. Realize that you are unique: One of easiest way of overcoming shyness is to realize that you are unique. You have to know that you have something to offer the other person either to improve their lives or create a solution in a situation. You also need to realize that you are one of a kind, nobody is like you and no one else can do what only you can do. There is a unique potential inside of you, which is exclusively for you and can only be utilize by you and no one else. In addition, when you have a thought or idea that deserves to be heard, you are not only hurting yourself by keeping quiet, you are hurting the people around you.

Think about this; think of a football player that has an open shot that he can make, and he decides to pass instead, that player is being selfish and hurting the team. When you pass up the chance to excel because of shyness or the fear of failure, you are hurting the group to shelter yourself and this is very unhelpful. You have to understand that other people need you. They need your intelligence and insight. They need your help to work through problems. By hiding behind shyness, you limit the help you can give to your friends, family members, and colleagues.

4. Be involved in social works: Here is another way that can help overcoming shyness. Be engaged in a socials gathering, this gives you the opportunity to meet with various categories of people and serves as a vital tool to dispel the spirit of shyness. Meeting different individuals in a gathering boost your self worth and make you feel the same level of importance with others. If you do not have the confidence to approach someone new then, smile and try to be approachable. Most people are receptive to a smile and a friendly face. Overcoming shyness can start with something as simple as a smile! Give this a trial and see its great effect and impacts on you life. You will greatly be surprised at the rate you will conquer your shyness.

5. Examine why you are shy: Another effective way to overcoming shyness is to examine the reason(s) for the shyness itself. There is a saying that goes like this “knowing who the enemy is in a battle makes the battle an easy warfare”. This indicates that for you to conquer your enemy in the battlefield, you need to have an appropriate understanding of his nature and characteristics. Knowing the reason(s) why you are shy can also be an effective way of overcoming shyness. Look into some of the causes discussed and see the one that applies to you, then take these practical steps, when you do, you are sure on your way to overcoming it. I believe, with these simple steps considered and practiced carefully, you will extremely overcome the general phenomenon called shyness.

Until we meet again, stay bold, valiant and strong.

How to keep Friends

2008-10-25T23:41:00.001+01:00

Do you know making friends and keeping them are not the same, do you also realize that it is one thing to make friends and it is altogether another ball game keeping them?, some youth and singles find it easy making friends but find it difficult keeping them. Therefore, what is the secret of keeping your new friends, what are the things that will help you maintain them and make the relationship last? This is exactly what we are going to examine in this issue.

Like I said in the last issue, that making friends is one of the most challenging thing that disturbs the youth and singles, but keeping them is more perplexing, why do we need to go all the way to keep these friends of ours, why do we need to stress ourselves that much to maintain our relationship with them?.

We are going to examine some of the ways we can develop and maintain our friendship with others. Although, these steps are simple, they take time to develop, so if you find out that you are not getting all that you wanted at a shot don’t feel dejected my dear, give it another trial before long, you will discover that you are already on your way to keeping and maintaining your friendship with others.

To make our friendship a lasting one, the following step should be carefully considered:

Follow Up: This is the first thing you should do when you have just found a new friend. You can give them a call or send them a text message to let them know that you are mindful of them. We humans generally loved to be remembered either in a little way or otherwise and we are also emotional in nature, so applying this to your friendship act will really go a long way to boost your friendship and make your potential friends become comfortable with you.

Constant Communication: This is one the most widely used method of keeping friends; it’s very effective and powerful. Most singles and youth tends to miss out from this great opportunity often times without realizing it, because they expect the prospective friends to call or pay them a visit, not knowing that they are the ones that needed to open up the channel of communication, which should later be developed into a constant way of relating with their friends. One thing that we need to know is that friendship is just not all about receiving but also giving.

Now, one of the ways we can keep the constant communication is to either call our prospective friends on the cell phone or text-message them or better still, make an appointment for a time out where you can meet and discuss with them. Text messaging is my favourite, I love text messaging and this has indeed carved a niche for me in keeping a circle of friends, so discover yours and use it effectively.

Giving: I mentioned earlier that friendship is not just all about receiving but also giving. I discovered that most singles and youth want a friendship just because of what they felt they can get from such friends, probably money, fame, sex, security etc and had not really taken time to think of what they can give to develop the other person. This kind of friendship is a selfish and imbalanced, and it will eventually end earlier than expected.

Giving makes friendship stronger and solid, it create room of cheerfulness which is an opportunity for intimacy, it also create a sense of belonging and importance to your friends, because no matter how small your gift is, it will always be appreciated (If your friend is the type that value gifts, which I bet most does). This is sure way of keeping your friends.

Facilitating: One of the greatest ways of maintaining friendship is through facilitating. This means that you show concern for the needs of your potential friend and see to their welfare. This aspect of maintaining friendship is incredibly real to me, because I have experienced this so many times and it proved to be true. People naturally appreciate those that appreciate them, so they tends to stay close to the people they felt could help, encourage and assist them in the time of challenges.

Lots of youths and singles will then ask the question, “but, how can I give when I do not have enough money?” What we need to understand is that our life is not base on what we have but what we can give. Start with the little you have. Moreover, there are other things you could give your friends apart from money, your time, advice, keeping company would also go a long way to show your commitment and love for them. You can send text in order to inspire them with motivational words and sometimes give them a call to say hi. This act might be simple, but this goes a long way showing your affection towards your friends.

I sincerely know that incorporating this particular act in your friendship maintenance will surely guarantee you a happy and a healthier companionship, which might eventually metamorphose into a deeper relationship.

We shall be discussing how important are our friends to us, and ways they could affect out lives positively or negatively. Till then, remain strong and vibrant.

Making Friends

2008-10-21T00:22:00.000+01:00

Blessed are they, who have the gift of making friends, for it is one of God's best gifts. It involves many things, but above all, the power of going out of one's self, and appreciating whatever is noble and loving in another. -Hughes

Do you really have a good friend? If not, would you like to? Almost everyone wants to have a close friend, yet for some this goal seems unattainable. Many simply had not been taught how to make and keep good friends.

Making friends is one of the most challenging issues that disturb the youth and singles, while some find it very easy to make friends; they probably end up making and keeping the wrong ones. On the other hand those who were introverts (a shy person who tends not to socialize much), finds making friends a very difficult task, so the issues remain altogether more complicated, which eventually leads to confusion and unhealthy activities among the youths and singles.

Making friends could also be rewarding either negatively of positively, but we shall deal later with the positive and the negative effect of friendship as we proceed in this issue. One of the most challenging aspects of the youth and singles is the power to love and be loved in return,

I have heard many youth saying that they do not have friends, while others profess that they do not even know how to make one. I also remembered entering into secondary school and deciding that I would not be involved in any kind of friendship, neither will I have a friend but, to my greatest surprise, I discovered that I made a new friend that very day in the apartment I was placed for admission! So if having friend is inevitable, why were many singles still complaining of not having friends and what is the big deal making friends anyway?

It will be of interest to discover that our English word friend was from the old English word frēond, which was originally derived from the Germanic, which means, "to love". now this explain the bases and the starting point of any kind of friendship, in other words, the first and easy way to make friends is to be loving, care, affectionate, in a nutshell showing affection. This seems to be simple and undemanding, but can be very difficult to practice if not considered. So how can we make friends that will eventually add value to our lives and destiny? Here are a few strategies that will do:

Ways of making Friends

1. Be Loving: As mentioned earlier, one of the ways of making friends is to be loving. When you are loving you are automatically opening a door for friendship, many youth and singles were victim of this first factor, most are not friendly and one hardly have to relate or interact with them, by implication they are constantly giving a signal either knowingly or unintentionally that they are a danger zone, so keep off!.

2. Be Interactive: Another way of making friends is to be interactive; this is one of the easiest ways of making friends. This implies that you involve people in communication; this is also very effective as many issues will raised and discussed, therefore ideas and thoughts will eventually be exchanged and deposited to each other’s mental faculty, and you will discover the more interactive you become, the more the chances of you making more friends.

3. Be Lively: The youthful and the single stage of life is the most interesting and energetic, it therefore requires a charging force to spark it up continually. The youth and singles generally do not encourage or welcome dullness, because they are full of energy and vibrancy, they always want to express and exploit it at any given opportunity. I do not mean that you have to be rough or vulgar, what I meant is that if you are not vibrant, exciting or vivacious, you will really have a hard time making friend, because no one will want to hangout or interact with you, and by implication you remain in isolation.

4. Be a good Listener: One of the secrets of making friends is by lending an attentive hear to others, in other words, you have to be a good listener. Most singles tends to be loquacious (talkative), and do the all the talking most times and eventually not giving their prospective friend an opportunity to express themselves. Though, this is not really surprising as most youth longs to express their abilities and be heard, notwithstanding, we have to be careful not to ruin this great advantage, this particular incident had robbed most youth and the singles who want to make friends their chances to do so.

5. Be trustworthy: Another way of making friend is being trustworthy. Generally, the youth and singles have some things they would rather discuss with you than the world, and once you loose the chance of being faithful in that aspect you might have a hard time making friends. Friendship is based on relationship and the relationship must grow overtime for authenticity and acceptance. Before people even feel comfortable opening up to you, however, you need to build trust. Be honest about yourself and your beliefs, and do not gossip about others or spread rumors which will really cause making friends a difficult thing to do.

6. Appreciating Others: I personally discover this technique to be very effective, because I had practiced it many times and the outcome has always been amazing. I discovered that humans generally longs to be appreciated and cherished, but this is more evident in the lives of the youth and singles, most especially the females. When you appreciate and admire others by giving them a sense a worth and importance, you are already calling for a friendship, and you will be surprised at the level the friendship will grow.

Though, most individuals hide under the pretense of appreciation, when in reality are only being sycophantic (deceptive)in nature, and because we react to forces that tends to agree and appreciate our kind of person, therefore, we decided to flow with them even without inspecting the motive(s) behind it. Due to this fact, lot of youths especially the girls has been spellbound under the name of appreciation, while the other person has an ulterior motive behind his actions.

I believe with these simple steps you are sure going to find friend making an easy and enjoyable task. But, what are the kind of friends you intend making and keeping, why do you decided to keep them, what effect does it have in your life and how can friends influence your destiny?, these and many more will be discussed in the next issue, till then stay vibrant and strong.