sin(t) and cos(t)

Fwd: Awesome quotes

2013-07-05T16:11:00.001+05:30

--
Mahesh

Fwd: More than just photographs

2013-05-27T02:02:00.001+05:30

--
Mahesh

Fwd: Some great ideas!

2013-05-27T01:48:00.001+05:30

--
Mahesh

Fwd: Solution To ALL Problems

2013-05-20T01:14:00.000+05:30

THE BUZZARD:

If you put a buzzard in a pen that is 6 feet by 8 feet and is entirely open at the top, the bird, in spite of its ability to fly, will be an absolute prisoner. The reason is that a buzzard always begins a flight from the ground with a run of 10 to 12 feet. Without space to run, as is its habit, it will not even attempt to fly, but will remain a prisoner for life in a small jail with no top.

THE BAT:

The ordinary bat flies around at night, a remarkable nimble creature in the air, cannot take off from a level place. If it is placed on the floor or flat ground, all it can do is shuffle about helplessly and, no doubt, painfully, until it reaches some slight elevation from which it can throw itself into the air. Then, at once, it takes off like a flash.

THE BUMBLEBEE:

A bumblebee, if dropped into an open tumbler, will be there until it dies, unless it is taken out. It never sees the means of escape at the top, but persists in trying to find some way out through the sides near the bottom. It will seek a way where none exists, until it completely destroys itself.

PEOPLE:

In many ways, we are like the buzzard, the bat, and the bumblebee. We struggle about with all our problems and frustrations, never realizing that all we have to do is look up! That's the answer, the escape route and the solution to any problem!

JUST LOOK UP.

Sorrow looks back. Worry looks around. Faith looks up!

Live simply, love generously, care deeply, speak kindly and trust in our Creator who loves us.
Nice to share with a friend…I did.

--
Mahesh

Fwd: Human Brain! Why?

2013-04-23T22:37:00.000+05:30

--
Mahesh

Fwd: Rules of men!

2013-04-20T22:29:00.000+05:30

Rules of men:

At last a guy has taken the time to write this all down
Finally, the guys' side of the story. (I must admit, it's pretty good.)

We always hear 'the rules' from the female side, now here are the rules from the male side:

These are our rules!

Please note. These are all numbered #1 on purpose!

1. Men are not mind readers.

1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one:
Subtle hints do not work!
Strong hints do not work!
Obvious hints do not work!
Just say it!

1. Yes and no are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.

1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions and neither do we...

1. All men see in only 16 colors, like windows default settings..
Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say 'nothing,' we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear..

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine...really.

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as football or motor sports.

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. I am in shape. Round is a shape!

1. Thank you for reading this. Yes, i know, i have to sleep on the couch tonight.. But did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping...

--
Mahesh

Useful advice to women.

2013-04-11T09:29:00.000+05:30

Please pass it on.

1) What should a woman do if she finds herself alone in the company of a strange
male as she prepares to enter a lift in a high-rise apartment late at night?

Experts Say: Enter the lift. If you need to reach the 13th floor, press
all the buttons up to your destination. No one will dare attack you in a lift that stops on every floor.

2) What to do if a stranger tries to attack you when you are alone in your
house, run into the kitchen.

Experts Say: You alone know where the chili powder and turmeric are kept.
And where the knives and plates are. All these can be turned into deadly
weapons. If nothing else, start throwing plates and utensils all over.
Let them break. Scream. Remember that noise is the greatest enemy of a
molester. He does not want to be caught.

3} Taking an Auto or Taxi at Night.

Experts Say: Before getting into an auto at night, note down its registration
number. Then use the mobile to call your family or friend and pass on the
details to them in the language the driver understands .Even if no one
answers your call, pretend you are in a conversation. The driver now knows
someone has his details and he will be in serious trouble if anything goes
wrong. He is now bound to take you home safe and sound. A potential attacker
is now your de facto protector!

4}What if the driver turns into a street he is not supposed to - and you
feel you are entering a danger zone?

Experts Say: Use the handle of your purse or your stole (dupatta) to wrap
around his neck and pull him back. Within seconds, he will feel choked
and helpless. In case you don't have a purse or stole just pull him back
by his collar. The top button of his shirt would then do the same trick.

5} If you are stalked at night.

Expert Say: enter a shop or a house and explain your predicament.
If it is night and shops are not open, go inside an ATM box. ATM centers
always have security guards. They are also monitored by close circuit television.
Fearing identification, no one will dare attack you.

After all, being mentally alert is the greatest weapon you can ever have.

--
Mahesh

Some joke

2013-04-08T01:03:00.000+05:30

Girlfriend: Hey

Boyfriend: Who's Hey?, don't ever call
me back.

Girlfriend: Sorry! My Love, how are
you doing??

Boyfriend: I'm Fine! And You??

Girlfriend: I'm fine, but I need
something from you..

Boyfriend: What???

Girlfriend: Sweetie please could you
SEND me 15k?

Boyfriend: 15k for what??

Girlfriend: 5k for my clothes, 7k for
my hair+nails and 3k for my shoes.

Boyfriend: Aww sure my love, here..
k,
k,
k,
k,
k,
k,
k,
k ,
k,
k,
k,
k,
k,
k,
k .
count
it, its complete and take this extra 2k.
k,k that's for your perfume. :) :p :D=))

--
Mahesh

Fwd: Nursery Student's poem

2013-02-24T20:41:00.000+05:30

--
Mahesh

Fwd: Trust me: I'm an engineer...

2013-02-11T00:23:00.000+05:30

Trust me: I'm an engineer...

--
Mahesh

Fwd: Winter Boots...

2013-02-10T23:42:00.001+05:30

Winter Boots

(Anyone who has ever dressed a child will love this)

Did you hear about the teacher who was helping one of her
pupils put on his boots?

He asked for help and she could see why.

Even with her pulling, and him pushing,

the little boots still didn't want to go on.

By the time they got the second boot on, she had worked up a sweat.

She almost cried when the little boy said,

'Teacher, they're on the wrong feet.'

She looked, and sure enough, they were.

Unfortunately, it wasn't any easier pulling the boots off,

than it was putting them on.

She managed to keep her cool as, together, they worked to get the boots back on,

this time on the correct feet.

He then announced, 'These aren't my boots.'

She bit her tongue, rather than get right in his face and
scream, 'Why didn't you say so?'

like she wanted to.

Once again, she struggled to help him pull the ill-fitting
boots off his little feet.

No sooner had they got the boots off when he said,

'They're my brother's boots. But my Mom made me wear 'em today.'

Now she didn't know if she should laugh or cry.

But she mustered up what grace and courage she had left to

wrestle the boots BACK onto his feet again.

Helping him into his coat, she asked,

'Now, where are your mittens?'

He said, 'I stuffed 'em in the toes of my boots.'

--
Mahesh

Fwd: Interesting tweets.

2013-01-20T01:00:00.001+05:30

Any chance of Rahul Gandhi entering the cabinet? Isn't it time Sonia did some beta testing?

Maybe Yeddy could be sent to Kashmir. In a few years, all the land will belong to his family, and all problems will be solved.

Government of Egypt blocks all internet access. The country can now be renamed gypt.

100 phones tapped each day per operator. Finally we have a government that listens to us.

Vote for Baba Ramdev. He'll be the PM who can help you make your ends meet. Your head and toe, that is.

Mayawati, Jayalalitha & Mamata should now form an alliance. They can call it Behenji-Amma-Didi. Or BAD, for short.

Kalmadi's aide is in jail. Raja's aide is dead. Satish Sharma denies ever having an aide. India seems quite serious about eradicating Aids.

Police Manual: if it's one guy, take a bribe. If it's a couple, harass. If it's a bunch of people, lathi charge. If it's a mob, disappear.

According to Census 2011, there are 940 females for every 1000 males in India. Those 60 unfortunate men join the Ram Sene, i guess.

Dear Baba Ramdev, we can't ban 1000 & 500 rupee notes. We are a secular country. So we need to respect all denominations.

On most days, Digvijay Singh makes no sense. On some few days, he is silent.

Two weapons against corruption: Lokpal and Chappal.

A documentary on Air India's planes Saare Zameen Par.

I really don't understand why people consider alcohol to be a problem. Chemically speaking, it's a solution.

Since 1977, West Bengal has been crawling along at approximately 0.00000000001 kmph. They've just covered 3 CMs in 34 years.

If P&G buys Unilever, the unified entity can be called Procter and Gamble and Lever. Abbreviated to PaGaL.

Gandhi would have been a great bowler. He could spin as well as fast.

Baba Ramdev is going to create an army with a headcount of 11,000. Or a leg-count of 22,000. Depending on which side is up.

Three generations of Bachchans BigB, WannaB, and now BayB.

25-paise coins to go off circulation from Jun 30. The govt feels they can't handle one Anna, so there's no need for four annas.

Every night families in rural U.P. must be shuddering in anticipation of Rahul Gandhi dropping in for dinner and whacking their charpai.

I think Manmohan should get VVS Laxman into the cabinet. The UPA is in major trouble in its second innings.

Kalmadi: So what are you here for? | Anna: Jan Lokpal bill. And you? | Kalmadi: Er€¦ video bill, sponsorship bill, catering bill, etc.

All MPs to get iPads. Awesome. As some would say, from anPad to iPad in 3 days.

It's been a pretty decent tour for india. We beat three teams Sussex, Kent & Leicestershire. And lost to only one England.

The word Engineer is derived from Anjaneya (or Hanuman), who built a bridge and didn't hang around with girls.

Bangalore may have a nice past. And a great future. But there's no current.

Infosys: More profits means great quarter.
UB: More quarters means great profit.

BJP guy gives 500 rupee notes to journalists for +ve Rath Yatra coverage. He must have heard that a good reporter always takes notes.

Anna Hazare breaks vow of silence. So Manmohan Singh wins this one.

A big time Eid Mubarak to all. Except of course, goats. Who tend to look at EID backwards.

Think of the tiger. Think of hockey. All national icons. Now you get it? The real problem with the rupee is that it is the national currency of India.

PM says India and China are good friends. Of course we are. We have so much in common. Like Arunachal Pradesh.

--
Mahesh

Fwd: Pretty Useless

2012-12-15T21:24:00.001+05:30

Mahesh

Fwd: Random acts of kindness

2012-12-15T21:15:00.000+05:30

If you never learn the language of gratitude, you will never be on speaking terms with happiness.

A father and mother kissing their dying little girl goodbye. If you are wondering why all the medic people are bowing: in less than an hour, two small children in the next room are able to live thanks to the little girl's kidney and liver.

--
Mahesh

Fwd: Girls vs Guys talk

2012-11-08T20:31:00.000+05:30

--
Mahesh

Fwd: OMG! Really...

2012-11-03T00:16:00.000+05:30

--
Mahesh

Fwd: Scientists at Work

2012-10-07T09:44:00.000+05:30

After digging to a depth of 100 meters last year, Russian scientists
found traces of copper wire dating back 1000 years, and came to the
conclusion that their ancestors already had a telephone network one thousand
years ago.

So, not to be outdone, in the weeks that followed, American scientists dug
200 meters and the headlines in the US papers read:
' US scientists have found traces of 2000 year old optical fibers, and have
concluded that their ancestors already had advanced high-tech digital
telephone 1000 years earlier than the Russians.'

One week later, Indian daily newspapers reported the following:

.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.

After digging as deep as 500 meters, Indian scientists have found
absolutely nothing. They have concluded that 5000 years ago, their ancestors
were already using Bluetooth and Wireless technology.** *

--
Mahesh

Fwd: Age and skill will always overcome youth and treachery!

2012-09-02T19:12:00.001+05:30

One day an old Dog starts chasing rabbits and before long, discovers that he's lost. Wandering about, he notices a Lion heading rapidly in his direction with the intention of having lunch.
      The old Dog thinks, "Oh, oh! I'm in deep trouble now!" Noticing some bones on the ground close by, he immediately settles down to chew on the bones .. with his back to the approaching Lion. Just as the
      lion is about to leap, the old Dog exclaims loudly, "Boy, that was one delicious Lion! I wonder, if there are any more around here?" Hearing this, the young Lion halts his attack in mid- strike, a look of terror comes over him and he slinks away into the trees. "Whew!," says the Lion,"That was close! That old Dog nearly had me!"
      Meanwhile, a Rabbit who had been watching the whole scene from a nearby tree, figures he can put this knowledge to good use and trade it for protection from the Lion. So, off he goes.
The Rabbit soon catches up with the panther, spills the beans and strikes a deal for himself with the Lion. The young Lion is furious at being made a   fool of and says, "Here, Rabbit, hop on my back and see what's going to happen to that Stupid old Dog!" Now, the old Dog sees the Lion coming with the Rabbit on his back and thinks, "What am I going to do now?," but instead of running, the dog sits down with his back to his attackers, pretending he hasn't seen them yet, and just when they get close enough to hear, the old Dog says... "Where's that stupid Rabbit? I sent him off an hour ago to bring me another Lion!"
      
Moral of this story...
Don't mess with the old dogs... Age and skill will
always overcome youth and treachery! (^^,) 


-- 

Mahesh

Fwd: Auto correct fails :)

2012-07-24T23:05:00.000+05:30

--
Mahesh

Funny Parents' texts to their Children :)

2012-05-21T10:25:00.000+05:30

--
Mahesh

Fwd: Advice on maturity :D

2012-05-20T10:53:00.000+05:30

Maturity - Useful Advice!

I've learned that whatever hits the fan will not be evenly distributed.

As I've Matured... I've learned that you cannot make someone love you. All you can do is stalk them and hope they panic and give in.

I've learned that one good turn gets most of the blankets.

I've learned that no matter how much I care, some people are just jackasses.

I've learned that it takes years to build up trust, and it only takes suspicion, not proof, to destroy it.

I've learned that you shouldn't compare yourself to others -- they are more screwed up than you think.

I've learned that depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.

I've learned that it is not what you wear; it is how you take it off.

I've learned that you can keep vomiting long after you think you're finished.

I've learned to not sweat the petty things, and not pet the sweaty things.

I've learned that ex's are like fungus, which keeps coming back.

I've learned that we are responsible for what we do, unless we are celebrities.

I've learned age is a very high price to pay for maturity.

I've learned that artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.

Finally, I've learned that I don't suffer from insanity - I enjoy it!

--

Mahesh

Fwd: Old age jokes.

2012-05-20T10:36:00.001+05:30

An old man had serious hearing problems for a number of years. He went to the doctor and the doctor was able to have him fitted for a set of hearing aids that allowed the gentleman to hear 100%
The elderly gentleman went back in a month to the doctor and the doctor said, 'Your hearing is perfect.. Your family must be really pleased that you can hear again.'
The gentleman replied, 'Oh, I haven't told my family yet.
I just sit around and listen to the conversations. I've changed my will three times!'
---------------------------
Two elderly gentlemen from a retirement centre were sitting on a bench under a tree when one turns to the other and says: 'Slim, I'm 83 years old now and I'm just full of aches and pains. I know you're about my age. How do you feel?'
Slim says, 'I feel just like a newborn baby.'
'Really!? Like a newborn baby!?'
'Yep. No hair, no teeth, and I think I just wet my pants.'
---------------------------
An elderly couple had dinner at another couple's house, and after eating, the wives left the table and went into the kitchen.
The two gentlemen were talking, and one said, 'Last night we went out to a new restaurant and it was really great... I would recommend it very highly.'
The other man said, 'What is the name of the restaurant?'
The first man thought and thought and finally said, 'What is the name of that flower you give to someone you love?
You know... The one that's red and has thorns.'
'Do you mean a rose?'
'Yes, that's the one,' replied the man. He then turned towards the kitchen and yelled, 'Rose, what's the name of that restaurant we went to last night?'
---------------------------
I love this one!
Hospital regulations require a wheel chair for patients being discharged. However, while working as a student nurse, I found one elderly gentleman already dressed and sitting on the bed with a suitcase at his feet, who insisted he didn't need my help to leave the hospital.
After a chat about rules being rules, he reluctantly let me wheel him to the elevator.
On the way down I asked him if his wife was meeting him.
'I don't know,' he said. 'She's still upstairs in the bathroom changing out of her hospital gown.'
---------------------------
Couple in their nineties are both having problems remembering things. During a checkup, the doctor tells them that they're physically okay, but they might want to start writing things down to help them remember…
Later that night, while watching TV, the old man gets up from his chair. 'Want anything while I'm in the kitchen?' he asks.
'Will you get me a bowl of ice cream?'
'Sure..'
'Don't you think you should write it down so you can remember it?' she asks.
'No, I can remember it.'
'Well, I'd like some strawberries on top, too. Maybe you should write it down, so as not to forget it?'
He says, 'I can remember that. You want a bowl of ice cream with strawberries.'
'I'd also like whipped cream. I'm certain you'll forget that, write it down?' she asks.
Irritated, he says, 'I don't need to write it down, I can remember it! Ice cream with strawberries and whipped cream - I got it, for goodness sake!'
Then he toddles into the kitchen. After about 20 minutes, The old man returns from the kitchen and hands his wife a plate of bacon and eggs.. She stares at the plate for a moment.
'Where's my toast ?'
---------------------------
A senior citizen said to his eighty-year old buddy:
'So I hear you're getting married?'
'Yep!'
'Do I know her?'
'Nope!'
'This woman, is she good looking?'
'Not really.'
'Is she a good cook?'
'Naw, she can't cook too well.'
'Does she have lots of money?'
'Nope! Poor as a church mouse.'
'Well, then, is she good in bed?'
'I don't know.'
'Why in the world do you want to marry her then?'
'Because she can still drive!'
---------------------------
Three old guys are out walking.
First one says, 'Windy, isn't it?'
Second one says, 'No, it's Thursday!'
Third one says, 'So am I. Let's go get a beer..'
---------------------------
A man was telling his neighbor, 'I just bought a new hearing aid. It cost me four thousand dollars, but it's state of the art.. It's perfect.'
'Really,' answered the neighbor . 'What kind is it?'
'Twelve thirty..'
---------------------------
Morris, an 82 year-old man, went to the doctor to get a physical.
A few days later, the doctor saw Morris walking down the street with a gorgeous young woman on his arm.
A couple of days later, the doctor spoke to Morris and said, 'You're really doing great, aren't you?'
Morris replied, 'Just doing what you said, Doc: 'Get a hot mamma and be cheerful.''
The doctor said, 'I didn't say that.. I said, 'You've got a heart murmur; be careful.'
---------------------------
And One more. . .!
A little old man shuffled slowly into an ice cream parlor and pulled himself slowly, painfully, up onto a stool… After catching his breath, he ordered a banana split.
The waitress asked kindly, 'Crushed nuts?'
'No,' he replied, 'Arthritis.'

--
Mahesh

Fwd: Animal humor

2012-04-02T04:28:00.000+05:30

To my good humored and animal loving friends:
These are great and bound to bring a smile to your face (especially the captions!) Enjoy,

--
Mahesh

Fwd: Sweet Creativity Has No Limits

2012-03-05T23:41:00.000+05:30

Sweet Creativity Has No Limits

Mahesh

Fwd: Situations in Boy's life :D

2012-02-24T21:51:00.001+05:30

--
Mahesh