Six Billion Idiots, So Little Time

Idiots #3 and 4: You're doing it wrong

2011-04-07T20:38:00.000-05:00

There's a time and place for everything, but I think these two didn't think their plan through.

Mr. Cheese wants to know why you would do this thing, on this, the day of his daughter's wedding

Two men pleaded not guilty today in Framingham District Court after Natick Police said they started a fight during a child's birthday party at Chuck E. Cheese on Saturday.

Okay, so far so good. I've never been in a Chuck E. Cheese and not wanted to hit something.

According to a police report, the pair were at Estime's son's birthday party and appeared to have been drinking. Estime got into an argument with his son's mother's cousin because Estime was harassing that man's daughter who was playing air hockey.

"His son's mother's cousin." Okay, the redneck picture is starting to come into focus.

During the argument, Estime shoved both the man and a Chuck E. Cheese employee, while Tavares punched the man, police said.

Okay, here's why these two are idiots. I heartily endorse violence at Chuck E. Cheese, but why the heck are you hitting another human being, when you could go postal on this:


Bring it, punk. I've got an itch that cheese won't scratch.

Idiots.

Idiot #2: "At Least I Still Have My $20" Guy

2011-03-31T08:04:00.002-05:00

Kenny Rogers had it all figured out. "You've got to know when to hold'em, know when to not be an idiot."

A bird in the hand is worth $16 million in the bush

A hapless state information-technology worker who usually joined his office lottery pool took a pass last week -- only to learn that seven positive-thinking pals nailed a whopping $319 million Mega Millions jackpot, said a deli owner who knows the winners.

Great timing, Amazing Creskin. Chipped in for weeks, and then skips the one time when it would actually count. The only question left?

"They asked him twice. They said, 'Are you sure?' and he said yeah, he was going to pass this time. I feel horrible for him."

Does he count as just one idiot, or does he take up one spot on the idiot list for each time he said "Nah, I'm gonna pass this time." ?

Idiot #1: The Guy Trying To Cut In Line

2011-03-30T22:30:00.002-05:00

Let's start things off with our very first example of an idiot...

Asbury Park man accused of pointing loaded gun at city woman

A 50-year-old city man has been arrested and charged with assault with a deadly weapon after pointing a loaded gun at a woman who wouldn't let him cut into a checkout line, according to police and court documents.

Okay...so far, so good. He remembered his Boy Scout training and went shopping prepared.

Wait your turn, dammit.

Why is he an idiot?

Avorn Brown, of Mattison Avenue, has been charged with illegal possession of a .357 magnum Smith & Wesson handgun and two hollow point bullets for the gun.

Two bullets? What kind of idiot leaves his house "Armed With Intent To Not Wait To Check Out" and only brings two bullets?

Idiot #1, that's who.