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Trip report: Can a 65-year-old woman survive Peru's Inca Trail? Yes, with a guide and a few good pharmaceuticals

2012-05-24T19:39:00.000-07:00

The fourth morning of our journey on Peru's Inca Trail, the guide woke us well before daybreak. We struggled out of our slightly damp sleep bags, pulled on our boots and crawled outside while the porters scurried to brake down our tents behind us. I'd been sleeping in all my clothes for the prior two nights to ward of the damp cold, so getting the hiking boots on was the only "dressing" I did.
In a few minutes, we had thrown down some hot tea and cake for breakfast and were on the trail. The first dim shadows of dawn began to outline our path. The goal: Arrive at the mountain-top Inca ruins of Machu Picchu at sunrise.We, along with a couple of hundred other trekkers, had the same mission.
Getting to Machu Picchu on the trail would be a physical triumph for me after four demanding days that took us from 9,000-feet to 13,800-feet elevation then back to 8,000 feet. At 65 but in pretty good shape, I still knew it would be tough. Twenty-five years earlier I'd climbed Oregon's Mount Hood at just over 11,000-feet. I remembered how hard the last 500 feet of that climb had been. Ten years earlier, I'd climbed Idaho's highest peak, Mount Borah at 12,000-plus feet. That was nine hours of hard hard work but I was better adjusted to the elevation.
With a good guide and some specialized pharmaceuticals, I was making it to Machu Picchu.
There was the afternoon on Day Three when Victor, our guide, had given me a flying piggyback ride down part of the 2,100-stone step descent then had hiked next to me for another portion near the bottom in order to get me to camp before dark.
In all, our group hiked more than 32 hours over four days, covering 26 miles at high altitude. That's way more hiking per day that the tour company had outlined.
That last morning, as we approached Machu Picchu's Sun Gate entrance, we faced one last physical test - a near vertical set of stone stairs that demanded three-point climbing. I found myself in a race to the top with a petite silver-haired woman, a Canadian hiking club member who wasn't going to let me be first. Tens of others we're climbing behind us, so I let her prove herself to herself. She sure wasn't proving anything to me. I was just glad to make it under my own steam.
Looking down on Machu Picchu from the Sun Gate was a pure emotional moment. After a week of exploration out of Cusco into the Inca's Sacred Valley, after days of cultural immersion, after meeting the Quecawa (Keh-chu-wah) highland people and spending four days on the trail with its jaw-dropping vistas, all I could say to myself was, "wow, am I really here, is this really happening?"
Yes, I am glad I signed up for the Inca Trail. Would I do it again? Nope.
Multi-generational family group
Age really does make a difference. In our three-generation family group, the 14-year-old had no problem. The 40-year-olds did fine except for the evening when dehydration caught up with one of them. We 65-year-olds definitely found it hard going although we were not the oldest people on the trail. We met a mother in her 70s and her 50ish daughter who were slower than we were but made it. There was the Canadian hiking club with some members looking 50ish, if not 60ish and a bit out of shape. But younger is better on the Inca Trail. I can proudly say I explored the limits of my physical and mental self and didn't quit. Things got a bit more challenging when the altitude or "bad" water, or both, began to play havoc with our intestinal tracts.
Why do the trail? If you want to understand the Incas and what they accomplished, there is no better way than on the trail, which takes you near several of their high-mountain city sites with terraces and central building complexes. With every step, you literally will appreciate their love of stone. The Incas built stone trails, stone steps, stone buildings and obviously thought nothing of arranging stone terraces for growing corn and potatoes. All required huge amounts of physical effort. The beauty of their stonework is remarkable. They had an eye for layout and made their settlements look like they belonged on the steep slopes...always facing the rising sun to the east.
We were lucky to have Victor as our guide (arranged through our Cusco-based tour company, Inca Explorers) because he spoke very good English, along with Spanish and Quecawa. He could give us the name of an avocado in all three languages. Quecawa is interesting to hear because it uses a distinctive guttural k-sound in certain words.
Victor was good at spotting many of Peru's 35 highland hummingbird varieties that flitted from one flowering plant to the next. He pointed out wild orchids, wild tobacco and yucca plants that looked like trees in the misty and lush "cloud" forest.

He also managed a group of eight porters and two cooks who packed our tents, sleeping bags, dinner ware, food and cooking equipment up the trail. We still had to use our own backpacks for essentials such as rain coats, water and fleece outerwear.
A pleasant aspect of the hike is that you are rarely away from running water. While the larger rivers fade from view as you climb farther upward and into the mountain peaks, fresh spring water rushes along the trail at nearly every point. Some of this water comes from ancient stone ditches and fountains built by the Inca.
Temperatures in the 60s during the day were perfect for hard and steady climbing. At night, it cooled into the 30s. We were lucky in that we'd planned our trip to start at the beginning of Peru's winter "dry" season. Rain caught us only on one day.
Initially, I thought walking sticks were for wimps but quickly changed my mind after finding that I could take weight off my knees using them on descending stone stairs, which the Incas built for miles. It also helped that Victor carried my pack in his pack part of the time.
Lunch and dinner...meals on the trailOur cook prepared great meals...lunch and dinner. Fish, rice, vegetables, soup, bread, tea and dessert. Touches of altitude sickness suppressed our appetites, which made it hard to choke down all the food. Popcorn was my favorite pre-dinner snack. It settled my gurgling stomach and also replenished salt that my body was casting off in the form of sweat.
There were so many variables in terms of what might be affecting our bodies that it was difficult to determine treatment. Altitude sickness and altitude sickness medicine can create similar symptoms. Bad water, dehydration...same thing. For me, the ultimate treatment was aspirin, which I popped going down hill to kill the pain in my knees. Altitude sickness medicine seemed to prevent headaches, but not much else. Never mind all that.
I'd be lying if I said there wasn't deep satisfaction in sitting on a grassy, sunny outcrop above Machu Picchu that last morning looking down on the magnificent ruins and the swarming tourists below with their shorts, T-shirts and tennis shoes. They had come by train.
I had experienced so much more than they.
Criteria for the trail:
- You are fit, have done some mountain backpacking and tent camping.
- You're ready for long days of demanding hiking at elevations near 11,000 feet.
- You can handle a squat pit latrine. You have your own toilet paper.
- You're curious about people, their manners, customs and courtesies.
- You are a student of history, enjoy nature and have a good, but portable camera.
For more:
Train to Machu Picchu and Aguas Calientes, click here.
Books: "The Last Days of the Incas," by Kim MacQuarrie.
Travel books: Moon Handbooks, Cusco & Machu Picchu.
Textiles of Peru, click here.Cusco, a city at 11,000-feet, click here.
Peru bird watching, click here.
What to take, click here.

Downsizing for baby boomers: How to use an Estate Sale Service

2012-04-26T11:41:00.000-07:00

Dear sixtyandsingle readers,
In many conversations with women my age, we all ask ourselves what are we going to do with our "stuff?" That stuff might be everything from great-great grandmother's handmade bed spreads from the 1800s to the Gorham silver service that our mothers "started" for us when we were still babies. Over the years I've collected blue medicine bottles, toy tin motorcycles, Western dinnerware and table clothes. Lots of fun.
Turns out that most of our children are not interested. There's no sentimental connection to the quilts. The silverware is too fancy for Millennial tastes. Besides it needs polishing!
So what to do with our stuff? I've talked recently with several women who work in the estate sale services business. They've seen it all from the siblings who were so mad over how things were being divided up that they could be in the same room at the same time when sorting through mom's stuff. They've seen hoarding old ladies who were hiding cash and valuables in empty pizza boxes. Let's hope we can avoid those situations.
Below is my report on estate sale services and how to get the most for your money when you use one. I key the report to the Portland-Vancouver, (Wash.) metro area where I live but the advice applies to most other regions of the country. To me an estate sale sounds like it might be efficient, fun and worth the effort. But the industry offers a few warnings on how to hire and contract with the right estate sale service.
Cheers,
Julia

Tips for a Successful Estate Sale
1. Trust the estate sale appraisal price. These people know the market.
2. Stay away from the sale. Buyers don’t want to hear about grandma’s tea set.
3. Don’t throw anything away. Old wallpaper is collectible. Same for dusty napkins.
4. Give the kids and your family their shot. Get family and the items they want out of the way before bringing in the estate sale service.

What to ask when hiring an estate sale service:1. Can you provide references from the past six months?
2. Are you bonded and insured?
3. Will you provide a written statement of services?
4. How are you paid: commission or fee?
5. If commission, what percentage of sales will you charge?
6. How long do you take to prepare and conduct the sale?
7. Will you write receipts for all sold items?
8. What other services do you offer: Boxing, bagging, clearing out leftovers, readying a home for sale?
9. How soon after the sale will I be paid the money owed me?
10. Do you prepare a written final accounting with receipts and inventory of items sold?
Source: www.graceful-exits.com.
BY JULIA ANDERSON
Patsy Rushing is never sure what she might find when she meets with a client who wants her services for an estate sale.
“It could be a family that’s cleaning out the home of a favorite aunt who is downsizing to assisted living or a baby boomer couple going to a smaller home,” said Rushing, who owns and operates Always P&P Estate Sales in Vancouver, Wash.
Whatever the circumstances, Rushing advises those thinking of holding an estate sale to “not throw anything out.” That’s because what may be one person’s junk is another’s treasure. Old wall paper rolls, for instance. Or Christmas wrapping paper and magazines from the ‘40s.
“Just because something is old and dusty doesn’t mean it might not have value,” Rushing said. Her “don’t toss” tip is one of many that professionals in the estate sale business offer to those who want to downsize.
Even though the housing slump has caused many to stay put in their homes rather than move to smaller quarters, there’s plenty of demand for estate sale services in the Portland-Vancouver market and throughout the nation. In Portland, the Web site www.estatesale-finder.com lists more than 50 upcoming sales in the metro area scheduled over the next several months. Similar Web sites throughout the country do the same thing.
Karen Rhinehart, Gaston, Ore., who has operated the Portland area Web site for the past seven years, said that typically there are as many as 25 sales on any given weekend.
“People are kind of fanatically about estate sales and garage sales here,” Rhinehart said. “There are lots of eBayers looking for re-sale items, second-hand books are a strong seller because of our book stores and we’re kind of an artsy town.”
As many as 100 or 200 people might be lined up to get into a “good” sale on the first morning, she said.
Like Rushing, Rhinehart also advises those holding the sale to not toss out anything before the estate sale appraiser has had time to look around.
If you’re cleaning out the house of a dotty old aunt, make sure you check all containers (even old pizza boxes) before discarding them, said Beverly Amundson, who has operated Amundson Estate Sales & Auctions in Brush Prairie, Wash. for nearly 30 years.
“One old lady was eating out of cottage cheese containers and begging her nieces for money,” Amundson remembers. “Turns out she had $30,000 in savings bonds and cash hidden in sock drawers and a pizza box. She was living like a pauper…her nieces were sending her money because they thought she was broke.”
How estate sales work BUSTER
Typically, estate sale services such as those run by Rushing and Amundson will be conducted over several days. But it may take two weeks or longer to set up a sale with good display, items well-priced, labeled and advertised.
Services will price items to sell and prefer to have you off the premises during sale hours.
That’s because buyers really don’t want to hear your story about grandma’s tea set. They may feel constrained from making a purchase when the owner is standing around or hovering over the estate sale manager.
“If you have family treasures such as hand-made quilts from the 1800s or sterling silverware, find a family member who will appreciate the items as a gift,” Amundson said. “A 75-year-old woman I know is doing her family a favor by giving these things to them, now. It’s best to have family out of the picture or let them have first opportunity to buy before the actual sale starts,” she said.
Most estate sale services charge a commission in the range of 25 to 35 percent of the gross revenue generated from the sale. Estate agents should be willing to provide a written contract, references from recent sales and guarantee receipts for all items sold with a list. Some services will box or bag unsold items and take them to a donation center. Some will clean the house, readying it for sale or rent, all for extra fees.
What to ask when hiring an estate sale service:
1. Can you provide references from the past six months?
2. Are you bonded and insured?
3. Will you provide a written statement of services?
4. How are you paid: commission or fee?
5. If commission, what percentage of sales will you charge?
6. How long do you take to prepare and conduct the sale?
7. Will you write receipts for all sold items?
8. What other services do you offer: Boxing, bagging, clearing out leftovers, readying a home for sale?
9. How soon after the sale will I be paid the money owed me?
10. Do you prepare a written final accounting with receipts and inventory of items sold?Source: www.graceful-exits.com.
Establish fees with a contractMost services will not take on a sale unless it will produce a minimum of $1,500 to $3,000.
To generate buyer interest, most estate sale services in the Portland-Vancouver metro area use Karen Rhinehart’s www.estatesales-finder.com Web site where they post up to 20 photos of the most interesting items in the sale. The sale and the photos can be posted well in advance but the address won’t go up until the night before the sale to prevent “early birds” from knocking on your door.
Newspaper advertising most often allows for both a print ad and an online posting on the paper’s local Web site for double-coverage advertising.
A new generation
Chris Palmer of Palmer/Wirfs & Associates, which produces three huge Collectible & Antique Shows at the Portland Expo Center and another in Clark County every year, notes at her Web site that the growing number of collecting-based reality TV shows such as Pawnstars, American Pickers, Auction Kings and even Antiques Road Show have generated renewed interest among younger people in collecting and buying vintage items.
What’s hot among this crowd? Mid-century appliances from the 1950s and ‘60s, colorful ‘50s table clothes, items such as paper napkins with strawberry shortcake images around the edges or even old men’s shoes from the ‘40s and ‘50s. Kids like the vintage look.
“The small things that are ‘memory triggers’ or are collectible, you can ask a little bit more for,” said Patsy Rushing. “They may sell for $2 or under, but they sell better than say the newer slow cooker that you paid $130 for five years ago. If I can get $300 for a newer living room sofa, I’m on my knees with thanks,” she said.
Reality TV isn't necessarily realityUnfortunately Antiques Road Show and other TV reality shows, while generating interest, can also create problems for estate sale people because sellers often have unrealistic expectations of value.
“The Road Show is great entertainment, but it is fairy land when it comes to price,” Rushing said. “Most often what someone thinks they have is not worth what they saw on Road Show.
No matter what route you go to downsize, take time to research the value of what you are selling, say the experts. Do a search at online sites for similar items for sale, check the price of recently sold items in the same category.
You can always go the garage sale route but that means you do all the work yourself and you have to haul off all the unsold items. Who has time for that?
HELPFUL WEB SITES:
www.estatesales-finder.com
www.freefromclutter.com
www.estatesales.org
www.graceful-exits.com
http://www.foursales.biz

5 Steps to a Successful Retirement: Wednesday, April 11 in Camas

2012-04-05T11:27:00.001-07:00

SPECIAL ALERT: "WOMEN & RETIREMENT" WORKSHOP from Julia Anderson

Sixtyandsingle.com readers in the Portland-Vancouver metro area are invited to attend a FREE Women & Retirement workshop hosted by the Camas Public Library on Wednesday, April 11 starting a 7 p.m. I will be presenting my 5 Steps to a Successful Retirement workshop. There will be plenty of opportunities for questions and answers during the 90-minute session.
My five steps to retirement:
No. 1 Know the facts about women and retirement. Will you be on your own?
No. 2 Plan for the long-term. Who can you trust to help with financial planning?
No. 3 Look at the big picture. Where will your retirement income come from?
No. 4 Make a retirement budget. What will change when you retire?
No. 5 Bridge the gap. What will it take to get your living expenses in line with your retirement income? Does it have to be all or nothing?
There will be plenty of hand-outs including the Social Security Administration pamphlet "What Every Women Should Know."
Please call and SIGN UP for this FREE Workshop.

EVENT:
5 Steps to a Successful Retirement from Julia Anderson, founder of sixtyandsingle.com.
WHEN: Wednesday, April 11 beginning at 7 p.m.
WHERE: Camas Public Library, 625 N.E. Fourth Avenue, downtown Camas.
TO REGISTER: Call 360-834-4692, press ext. 1.

Hosting these workshops is very rewarding for me as part of my ongoing mission to help women plan and save for retirement. Whether or not you use a financial adviser, I believe that you need to have confidence about investing and managing your money. The mistakes are yours, the gains are yours!
What will I be covering?
How much money will you need in retirement? Where will that money come from? How much will I collect in Social Security benefits? How do I make a retirement budget? Will I need to join a commune to keep a roof over my head?
My 5 Steps to Retirement will give you answers to many of these questions or at least show you how to make a plan. But, of course, if you're really serious about retirement that planning should start well before you're 50. This message is for our daughters, too!
And MEN are welcome at this event as well.
According to the latest U.S. Census Bureau information there are more than 40 million Americans already 65 and older with 10,000 more turning 65 every day. That total is up 15 percent in the past 10 years.
There are nearly 5.5 million people 85 and older in this country. That number is up nearly 30 percent in the past 10 years. Many of those 80-year-olds will be women living on their own.
Cheers,
Julia

What the Census Bureau numbers tell us about ourselves: $36,931 in annual earnings

2012-03-26T12:45:00.001-07:00

According to the U.S. Census Bureau, March is Women’s History Month.
The roots of a national women's history month, surprisingly go back to 1857, when women in New York City factories staged a protest over working conditions. International Women’s Day was first observed in 1909, but it wasn’t until 1981 that Congress established National Women’s History Week, set for the second week in March. Later, Congress expanded the week to a month.Here's what the Census Bureau can tell us about ourselves.
- There are 157.0 million women living in the U.S. according to the 2010 census. That compares with 151.8 million males. However, at 85 and older, there were more than twice as many women as men.
Marriage and motherhood
- Many of us are mothers with an estimated 85.4 million women who were mothers as of 2009.
otherhood We produce an average of 2.3 children, down from 3.4 children in 1976, the year the Census Bureau began keeping such data. The percentage of women giving birth was 81 percent in 2010, down from 90 percent in 1976.
- Last year there were 64.9 million women 18 and older who were married. The number includes those who were separated or had an absent spouse).
- Number of stay-at-home mothers nationwide in 2010? Five million.
Education
- In 2010, there were 30.7 million women age 25 and older with a bachelor’s degree or more, higher than the corresponding number for men (29.2 million). Women had a larger share of high school diplomas (including equivalents), as well as associate, bachelor’s and master’s degrees. More men than women had a professional or doctoral degree. In the fall of 2010, 11.3 million women were enrolled in college.
On the job
About 71.9 million owmen 16 and older were participating in the labor force, representing about 58.6 percent of the total 16-and-over female population. Of those women 15 and older who worked year-round, full-time in 2010, their annual earnings totaled $36,931. That was unchanged from 2009.
Women-owned businessesThere were 7.8 million women-owned businesses in the U.S. in 2007, according to the Census Bureau generating $1.2 trillion in revneue. Those businesses employed 7.5 million workers. Top business categories included repair and maintenance businesses, personal and laundry services, health care and social assitance. Women-owned businesses accounted for 52 percent of all businesses operating in the health care and social assistance sector.
There were four states with at least 500,000 women-owned businesses in 2007. They were California, Texas, New York and Florida. California had 1 million women-owned businesses, Texas had 609,947 or 7.8 percent of all women-owned businesses in the United States, New York had 594,517 or 7.6 percent, and Florida had 581,045, or 7.4 percent.
Who votes?
Only 46.2 percent of all eligible women 18 and older voted in the last Congressional election. Forty-five percent of their male counterparts cast a ballot. Sixty-six percent of female citizens said they were registered voters.
Serving our country
In 2010, a total of 205,500 women were on active duty in some branch of the U.S. militry. Of those, 38,700 were officers and 166,800 were enlisted.
Here's to all the women who are making a difference in the world through their skills and intelligence as mothers, business owners, community leaders, employees and military personnel.
I believe that when women are involved, problems get solved, issues are resolved and people work harder to get along with each other. - Julia

Update at sixtyandsingle.com. I'm running for office!

2012-03-18T09:09:00.000-07:00

Dear Sixtyandsingle.com readers,
We are very busy here at www.sixtyandsingle.com. Here's run down:
- As part of a Life After 50 series of presentations, I will be leading a Women & Retirement seminar at the Camas Public Library on April 11 at 7 p.m. This will be an updated version of my "5 Steps to a Successful Retirement for Women." Men, of cource, also are welcome because retirement planning most often is a team effort.
- In two weeks, I will be working with Vancouver-based Partners in Careers to lead two focus groups about hiring the older worker. One groups will be over-50 people looking for work. The other will be employers who may want to hire older workers. The feedback should help PIC in assisting people over 50 who need jobs. I appreciate the opportunity to help with this project.
- Today, I leave for Idaho to help my mother celebrate her 97th birthday. A guardianship hearing was also scheduled but that (to my relief) has been cancelled. More about all that at another time.
- And finally, I am running for public office. My campaign for Clark Public Utilities Commissioner started last week with press announcements, meetings and a rush of sign-printing and other campaign materials production. This bipartisan post brings together all my skills and knowledge about the economy, business development and energy issues. Please visit my separate blog....ElectJuliaAnderson.com at electjulianderson.blogspot.com
Now I think I'm finally busy enough in my semi-retirement.
That's it for now.
Back soon.
Julia
See my candidacy press release below:

AMBOY, Wa. – Former Columbian business news editor, Julia Anderson, has announced that she will run for Clark Public Utilities Commissioner, District No 1.
Anderson, a north Clark County property owner and self-employed small business person, said that she will bring her passion for public service to the job on behalf of Clark County working families facing tight household budgets. She also will work on behalf of employers who need affordable power to sustain jobs and add jobs.
“Low-cost power is our ace in the hole,” Anderson said. “We must preserve affordable power for the long-term well-being of our children.” Anderson said her 30 years in journalism has given her a first-hand understanding of the economic challenges facing workers and small business owners, as well as those who lead the region’s largest employers.
“Everyone has concerns about the cost of energy at home and at work,” Anderson said. “I will do my best to serve working families, employers and those people on fixed incomes, all who are Clark Public Utilities ratepayers.”
Since leaving her full-time newspaper job in 2010, Anderson has served as a regional board member of Umpqua Bank, as a business news commentator on KXL 101.1 FM radio and as a freelance business journalist covering business news, energy, conservation and personal finance. She is a strong advocate of financial literacy for women. Anderson was named a “Woman of Distinction” by WSU Vancouver in 2009.
A graduate of the University of Idaho, Anderson earned numerous professional awards for her business column writing. She received national recognition for the business section that she managed and edited. Anderson has been writing the Energy Adviser column for Clark Public Utilities but has taken a leave of absence to work full-time on her campaign for utility commissioner. “Doing that column has given me tremendous insight into conservation issues, energy trends and the range of customer services and information provided by our utility,” she said.
Anderson is a member of the Washington/Clark County Farm Forestry Association, Rotary International (Vancouver), the Clark County Historical Museum and the Greater Vancouver Chamber of Commerce. She is a former board member of the Vancouver Symphony Orchestra.
Anderson and husband, Ken Giles, share five children and five grandchildren. In their spare time they are restoring a historic 1920s barn on their timber property.

IRS issues 2012 tax scams warning. Make sure you don't get ripped-off

2012-03-01T10:47:00.000-08:00

The topic of my business news interview with Steve Leader at KXL-101.1 FM radio in Portland this week is tax scams. Many of us are working right now on our 2011 tax returns with the deadline coming up in April. And many of us look for help in getting those taxes done.The IRS is keeping an eye out for tax scams where legitimate taxpayers can get ripped off. "Scam artists," said the IRS "will tempt people in-person, on-line and by e-mail with misleading promises about lost refunds and free money." Here are scams to be most wary of this year:
1. Identity theft: A growing number of identity thieves are using other taxpayer's personal information to file fraudulent tax returns and claim undeserved refunds, the IRS warns. In 2011, the agency stopped more than $1.4 billion in refunds from getting into the wrong hands, and it plans to weed out more identity thieves this year.
If you believe someone stole your personal information for tax purposes, call the IRS Identity Protection Specialized Unit at 800-908-4490 or go to IRS.gov/identitytheft.
2. Phishing: Scammers can steal your personal information from e-mails, phone calls, text messages or social media like your Facebook page. Some fake Web sites are also set up to dupe potential victims into giving out their information. If you see anything suspicious or receive a message from someone claiming to be from the IRS, don't open any attachments or click on links included in the e-mail. Instead, forward the message to the IRS at phishing@irs.gov.
3.Beware of trust transfers. Beware of anyone who tries to convince you to transfer money into a trust in order to reduce your taxable income, deductions for personal expenses and/or estate taxes. The IRS has seen an increase in the number of taxpayers improperly using trusts -- especially private annuity trusts and foreign trusts -- to skip out on tax liabilities.
"While there are legitimate uses of trusts in tax and estate planning, some highly questionable transactions promise big reductions of income subject to tax," said the IRS. " Such trusts rarely deliver the tax benefits promised and are used primarily as a means of avoiding income tax liability and hiding assets from creditors, including the IRS. You could get nailed."
4. Sketchy tax preparers: With about 60 percent of taxpayers expected to use professionals to prepare and submit their taxes this year, be careful about whom you entrust with personal information. There are many preparers out there who will take a portion of a client's refunds, charge more than they should for services and lure taxpayers to their offices by promising unattainable refunds. According to the IRS, federal courts have issued hundreds of injunctions ordering tax professionals engaging in these scams to stop preparing returns, and the Department of Justice has issued many complaints against preparers as well.
The good news: This year, all paid preparers are required to have a Preparer Tax Identification Number (PTIN) so customers can verify that they are legitimate. Be wary if your preparer doesn't sign the return or put their PTIN on it, doesn't give you a copy of your return, promises unusually large refunds, charges a percentage of the refund amount as a fee, adds forms to the return you've never filed before, or encourages you to include false information on your return, the IRS says.

Do you have a 'sell' strategy? Here's some advice

2012-02-28T16:54:00.001-08:00

Investment guru and retired Princeton University economics professor Burton G. Malkiel points out in his classic "A Random Walk Down Wall Street," that "the past history of stock prices cannot be used to predict the future in any meaningful way."
In other words, luck is a factor in any investor's buying and selling decisions. My personal experience is that I'm an OK stock picker but selling at the right time is much more difficult. In fact, even now I ask myself, do I have a "sell" strategy?
Malkiel is of the opinion that you buy and hold your investments for the long term. Let the dividends reinvest. Build a diverse portfolio with a mix of quality investments and get a good night's sleep every night. That can be tough for many of us who fret when there's sell-off like the one we experienced in the third quarter of 2011. It can be tough when you look at a loser in your portfolio that needs to be jettisoned. Instead you hold on until it at least breaks even, right? I wasted a bunch of upside earnings doing that in the past five years.
So what rules can help you sell at the right time?
It may be easier, if you stick to some sort of self-imposed formula rather than trying to guess when a stock tops out and begins to show weakness. Rebalancing may be the best strategy. In other words, if your investment portfolio is 60 percent stocks and 40 percent bonds, but stocks shoot higher to a mix is 70-30, then sell off some of the stocks and put the money back into bonds, rebalancing the mix. The same strategy can be applied to individual stocks that become too big in your portfolio.
The people a Morningstar Information Service, which evaluates and ranks mutual funds, suggest that if you are poised to sell a stock, ask yourself why you bought the stock in the first place?
Did you love the company's fundamentals, they ask.
"Then you should know when they are changing for the worse. Was the company the industry leader? Then you should keep a close eye on the competition, and know when it is catching up to your company. Did you love the industry? Then you need to watch for an industry downturn. Did you buy the stock because it was undervalued? Then you should have a firm idea of what you think fair value is."
All of this requires that you at least once a year, evaluate your holdings in light of what's changed and why those changes have occurred.
My mother has been a very good stock picker. Over the years, she bought Exxon, GE, several large drug companies, 3M and Idaho Power, among others. Most everything has done well. Her banker now wants her to sell some of her Exxon to "rebalance" her portfolio. Fiftween percent in one stock is too much, she said. My mother is resisting.
Deciding to buy a stock is usually the result of some serious research but selling can get more emotional. I've tended to sell when I get disgusted with as stock's performance or with markets in general. That's always been a mistake. In many cases, it does no good to sell after the stock price has fallen. So again, why does my mother own Exxon? She likes oil as a basic commodity that's in demand around the globe. She sees little down side unless there's a big oil spill and the company gets sued.(BP for instance).
But if the reasons for owning a stock are still intact, the Morningstar advisers say, "then the rational approach may be to buy more of it at a lower price."
That strategy would have worked for me 99 percent of the time...except for the mortgage insurance company that finally filed for bankruptcy last year.
"Investing for Beginners" at About.com suggests that it would be nice if we could recognize an investment mistake before the stock takes a big hit.
If you are no longer confident in the company's prospects, "be willing to cut your losses and sell the stock. There is no law that says you have to hold onto a loser until you break even. Selling at a loss can also help offset capital gains tax consequences elsewhere in your portfolio," they point out.
When to sell according to About.com: - When earnings were not properly stated. Let's use Enron as an example of lying and cheating.
- Debt is growing too rapidly.
- New competition is likely to seriously harm the firm’s profitability or competitive position in the market place.
- Management’s ethics are questionable.
- The industry as a whole is doomed due to a commoditization of the product line.
- The market price of the stock has risen far faster than the underlying diluted earnings per share. Over time, this situation is not sustainable.
- You need the money in the near future – a few years or less.
- You don’t understand the business, what it does, or how it makes money.
While I generally agree with these reasons for selling, I also know that you don't make money by sitting on the sidelines with your money in a money market account that pays $113 of interest a year on $30,000. That $30,000 should do far better in some sort of mutual fund or stock with a 3 to 5 percent dividend, plus the potential for price growth.
So, yes, it's OK to sell, to rebalance, but be ready to get back in there, reinvest in something that you've investigated, understand and like as a new way to sweeten up your portfolio. Just keep your holdings consistent with your tolerance for risk.
And keep in mind what Professor Burton Malkiel said at the end of his book: "The game of investing is like lovemaking. It's much too much fun to give up. If you have the talent to recognize stocks that have good value, and the art to recognize a story that will catch the fancy of others, it's a great feeling to see the market vindicate you." Read his outlook for 2012 in the Wall Street Journal.
So sell the dogs and find some winners.

Making intelligent financial decisions? Get input

2012-02-27T15:34:00.000-08:00

Dear sixtyandsingle.com readers, Below I again share with you the wisdom of Beverly Fogle, a friend and a long-time financial adviser. Beverly shared a panel with me recently at a Women & Money Summit. Here are her thoughts on how to make good financial planning decisions.
Cheers,
Julia
Making financial decisions (if you're on your own) by Beverly Fogle, CFP."One of the biggest challenges of being alone in this world is making financial decisions. This seems counter-intuitive. After all, when you only need to consider your own needs and desires, it seems you would be able to make decisions on the basis of your personal needs and preferences.
But it doesn’t work that way. Not having somebody to talk with about a decision can lead to being frozen in one’s tracks --- inertia taken to the extreme.
Important decisions deserve to be treated with respect. They deserve serious attention. It’s very easy to get caught up in the daily minutia of life and never get around to the big decisions or activities that are our real heart’s desires. We make decisions by default. We’ve all experienced this, entirely too often. It’s time to reorder our priorities.
We’re all social creatures at heart, and the process of examining and sharing information and options and opinions helps us significantly in examining the trade-offs, so we can then decide what we really want. Sometimes an important (or even minimally important) decision can require multiple conversations and analyses. Having several viewpoints and other people’s ideas changes the relative value of each option. Making the decision and following up with a plan to implement that decision becomes a shared joy and a shared risk.
If one doesn’t have a natural partner for this decision-making, enlisting some outside partner or listener to help with the thought process can be highly rewarding. This can be a friend or neighbor, but it’s helpful if they know something about you and about the situation under consideration. You might want to enlist your financial planner, your therapist, or even a personal coach to help you through major transitions.
Investing a bit of money for an hour or two of objective professional consultation can be the best money you’ll ever spend. This is especially true if you’re working on major life decisions and the process brings clarity to your choice of directions.
What is the most important decision facing you today? Not the most urgent, but the most important. What will make a difference five or ten years from now? What information would you like to have before you can make an intelligent decision? Is that information available to you? Is it possible to predict outcomes? What options can you live with - comfortably? What really is your heart’s desire? How does that relate to this decision? These are some of the questions to ask yourself."
For more on decision-making:
"Five Mistakes Married Women Make," click here.
"4 Emotional Decisions to Avoid," click here.
"Men vs. Women: Financial Decision Making," click here.
"Women Step Up to the Financial Challenge," click here.
"Why men and women differ in financial decision-making," click here.
"The Financial Judgement and Decision Making Process of Women," click here.
"Fact Every Woman Should Know about Money," click here.

Old and broke. AgingOptions offers an alternative

2012-02-18T11:14:00.000-08:00

Because he's Indian-born, Rajiv Nagaich has a unique perspective on American life and how families manage late-in-life planning. An attorney in Seattle, Nagaich (pron. nah-geesh) has built his practice by offering what he calls "holistic elder care" services. This is way more than writing wills and trust documents and setting up power-of-attorney directives.
Drawing from his own experiences, Nagaich wants his clients to have an end-of-life plan that makes emotional and financial sense. In other words, a plan that outlines a step-by-step process for how you want things to go when you no longer can manage your own affairs.
Nagaich's passion for elder care sprang from his frustrating experience of watching his American-born wife try to help her mother and her father who contracted Alzheimers disease. The cost of years of institutional care for the father left the parents at the end of their lives with no assets, living on Social Security and Medicaid.There are better ways to manage these situations, Nagaich tells his clients. Families must step beyond traditional planning to something he calls a "LifePlan" that helps people avoid institutional care, protects assets from probate and estate taxes and from uncovered long-term care and medical costs.
"All of my clients deal with estate planning issues," Nagaich says at his Web site http://www.agingoptions.com/. "The majority of my clients who have planned their estates have done so under the traditional notion of estate planning which, unfortunately, leaves them largely exposed to the threat of uncovered long-term care costs."
Based on my own experience with my aging mother in Idaho, I'd say Nagaich is right. We do a great job of making plans for everything until we become incapacitated and must make tough decisions about where we will live...at home or in a care facility...and how we will pay for it.
Last Monday, I sat in on a free seminar in Bellevue, Wash. presented by Nagaich, who also hosts a weekly radio show on KTTH 770-AM in Seattle. I learned plenty about Medicare and Medicaid regulations and how there are ways, if you're married, that you can set up estate planning that protects core assets from the costs of long-term care. As usual it's better if you're married than if you're single.
Too often, says Nagaich, the care givers in our lives: our physician, our estate-planning attorney and our financial advisers are not talking to each other. And none of them look at the end-of-life situations many people face because we are living longer....living longer in ill-health, incapacitated by stroke, heart disease or dementia.
The time to address how you want to spend your last years is now, before there's a crisis. The time to address these issues is now while you are mentally and physically able to put a plan in place that you and family agree about.
As with all my reports here at www.sixtyandsingle.com, I am presenting AgingOptions as another resource to explore. The message from Nagaich got me thinking. He's right, we do a lot of planning except for how it will go when we get really old and start draining money from our savings, relying on family for help and turn to expensive institutional care because we think that's our only choice. AgingOptions suggests there's a better way.

Facing your money fears. Here's some advice

2012-02-08T10:07:00.000-08:00

Dear Sixtyandsingle.com readers,
Below is the second installment of a series of investment advise columns that I'm running written by Beverly Fogle, long-time friend and certified financial planner. Bev and I share many of the same thoughts about saving, investing and planning for retirement. Women, more than men, may need to face their fears, talk about money and get a handle on the future. Here's Bev's advice.
Enjoy, Julia

FACING YOUR FEARS by Beverly Fogle, CFP
"Life can be scary. Especially in situations when we find ourselves alone, facing major life transitions, or just needing to make changes. We may know exactly what is wrong, or we may just be uneasy. We seldom know intuitively where we want to go, and our fears become more dominant than our goals.
Have you ever felt this way?
Try looking your fears squarely in the face, writing them down, and then assessing them.
The hard part is acknowledging and defining them. Many of our fears have obscure origins, often dating back to early childhood. Fear of the dark, fear if being left alone, fear of being ridiculed at school, fear of not pleasing the adults in our lives, fear of hunger or not having the right clothes --- all of these typical childhood fears can come back to haunt us in adulthood.
If you suspect they still exist, take them out and look at them in the cold light of an adult day. Are they really so bad? They’re easy to wipe out if you’ve looked at them objectively, but they can really dominate your life if you’ve never faced them.
Lessons about Money
What did your father teach you about money? Your mother? Your community? Your church? Many of our attitudes toward money stem from these early influences. Our sense of financial insecurity generally has a very early basis, and most of us feel at least somewhat insecure.
Is it safe to talk about money? For many Americans, the answer is “no”. We were taught as children not to discuss the family’s finances with anybody. In fact, in most families children were kept in the dark about this important subject. Is it any wonder so many of us can’t talk with anybody about our money? Yet we need that open window and fresh air on the subject in order to make good decisions.
Facing the future
Will I end up being a bag lady? Many, many women have this fear, no matter how unrealistic. It’s the “bogey man” of womankind. While such a fear may motivate men, it seems to paralyze women. We typically don’t grow up feeling a great sense of control over our lives. We have to leave room for Prince Charming. We often feel at the mercy of the whims of the world, at least when it comes to money. Take Charge!
You CAN control your financial life."
For more:
"Facing Your Money Fears" check list at wife.org, click here.
"Frugality and Facing Your Fears" click here.
"Nine Steps to Financial Freedom" from Suze Orman, click here.
"How to Squash Your Nagging Money Worries" by Ben Edwards at moneysmartlife.com.

'Clarifying Your Values' as part of a financial-planning strategy

2012-02-02T20:38:00.000-08:00

Beverly Fogle is a certified financial planner and a friend of mine who has worked in the Portland-Vancouver metropolitan area since 1982. She's been a great source of information for me on topics large and small...all related to investing, money-management and retirement planning.
Not long ago, Beverly and I shared a podium at a Women's Financial Planning Summit in Vancouver. Her presentation was to the point, informative and helpful. Beverly's personal passion is flying airplanes. Maybe that's why she's such a good financial adviser. She knows how to get from point A to point B. Below is Beverly's piece, "Clarifying Your Values."
This is my first guest article at www.sixtyandsingle.com. Thanks Bev.

CLARIFYING YOUR VALUES by Beverly Fogle, CFP®
When you’re faced with making major decisions, it’s time to Apply the Values Test.
Go back and look at your own personal value system. Evaluate your options in this light. Many of us have thought seriously about our values at some time, but this kind of introspection and personal analysis often gets lost in the tumult of daily adult life.
Do it again!
Review your basic values. We all have family responsibilities and commitments, personal goals, and lots of life experiences. These can alter, modify or reinforce the values we defined for our younger selves. Age and maturity have a lot to do with it.
Write them down! There is power and genius in the written word. A goal or value that is actually written in one’s own handwriting has staying power. Saving these pieces of paper, and reviewing them periodically, is one of the mental disciplines of many highly effective and successful people. Some of these thoughts and words are most valuable when shared with others. Others are meant for the privacy of one’s own heart.
All have major importance when it’s time to make life decisions.
What are your family values? Will your vision of family be affected by this decision?
What are your spiritual values? Does this dictate including or eliminating options?
What are your social values? Can this decision make the world a better place?
What relative value do you place on your professional or occupational goals?
Who (or what) would you miss most if you lost that part of your personal universe? And how do you define your personal universe, anyway?
These questions are meant to help you get started in redefining and updating your personal Credo – your personal statement of values. This takes time, and must come from your heart. It can be hard work. Don’t get distracted by failures --- we all have them. It’s called being human.
Don’t be too hard on yourself. This is meant to be a forward-looking study. It will help you be comfortable in your own skin, and honor your values in your future decision-making.
For More:
Defining your values, click here.
How to define your personal values, click here.
What are your Values? click here.
Simplify Your Week, Define Your Values. click here.

10 Things Women Don't Know about Retirement. And what to do about it.

2012-01-21T12:48:00.000-08:00

Dear http://www.sixtyandsingle.com/ readers. When we are in our 30s, retirement seems a long way off. There's a lot going on...family, careers, kids in soccer, vacations. But that's the time when women must seriously be thinking about retirement and what it will look like when they are over 60. Having said that, it's never too late to take charge of your long-term financial planning. My mother was an investor into her 80s.
Whatever your age, ask yourself these questions Or better yet, ask your daughter:
- What income will I need when I stop working and where will it come from?
- What plans do I have for being financially on my own if I lose my spouse?
- What can I do right now to bring my retirement goals in line with my current income?
- Worst case, what could happen and how can I prepare?
The 10 Facts listed below summarize what many women don't know but should know about retirement. We offer suggestions for what they can do about it:
Fact No. 1. By the end of our 60s nearly half of American women will be single and financially on their own because of the death of a spouse or a divorce. Women live longer than men and most of us will out-live our spouses. But 20 percent of single women in this country are living at or below the poverty line without savings for retirement. The standard of living for women drops substantially when they become single. For men, less so. What to do: Expect that you will be on your own and plan accordingly by saving more, investing wisely, if not aggressively, and discussing these issues with your spouse and your family.
Fact No. 2 Women don't save enough for retirement or plan for retirement on their own. That's because women are more likely than men to work in part-time jobs. Part-timers are less often eligible to participate in workplace retirement plans. Women also tend to spend money on short-term rewards such as shopping, vacations and kids and women are more likely to interrupt their careers to care for their families. That means less income, less time to participate in a 401(k) retirement plan and lower income to apply to future Social Security benefit payouts. What to do: Of the 61 million wage-earning and salaried women in the U.S. between the ages of 21 and 64, only about 46 percent participate in a retirement plan in any given year -- much lower than the participation rate for men, says the U.S. Department of Labor. Women should be putting the maximum amount allowed into a 401(k) plan or a self-directed Individual Retirement Account. The savings goal should be close to $1 million.
Fact No. 3: The average American woman who retires at age 65 is likely to live 19 more years -- about three years longer than the average man. Therefore men are less likely to need long-term care insurance because their wives will fill in as caregiver if they become ill. Women on the other hand may need long-term care services. What to do: Long-term care insurance is a way to protect core assets if expensive long-term care is needed. Women should carefully look into that option. There are numerous programs and coverages. Make sure you do your homework before purchasing coverage.
Fact No. 4: Working past full-retirement age is a good way to get the most bang for your retirement buck. Age 80 is the new 65. Regis just retired at 80 from his morning TV show. The number of women working into their late 60s has increased by more than a third in the past 10 years, many because they can't afford to stop working. What to do: Plan to work until your full retirement age of 66 or older. That way you get the highest Social Security benefit payout. This also gives your retirement nest egg more time to grow. Consider part-time work in something that you're passionate about as a way to delay tapping your nest egg.
Fact No. 5: Age-discrimination is alive and well in the workplace. The worst offenders are often younger women who see you as an obstacle to advancement. What to do: Keep your skills up to date, take on new challenges at work, expand your horizons. Be ready to accept change as organizations grapple with market challenges and budget issues. Make yourself valuable. Network for that next great opportunity.
Fact No. 6. Debt reduction is a sure way to a successful retirement. Paying off debt must be a top priority as you approach your 60s. Doing so will bring your lower retirement income in line with your ongoing living expenses and travel budget. What to do: Get rid of debt. Pay off your mortgage. Don't buy things on time. Always pay off your credit cards each month. Set goals that will give you control of your finances and keep you ahead of the curve.
Fact No. 7. You will need $1 million in retirement savings to live comfortably in your later years. That sum can spin off between $2,000 and $3,000 a month. Along with your Social Security benefits your annual income will be between $43,000 and $55,000. Not great but OK. What to do: Save like hell.
Fact No. 8. You can lose weight after 60. Weight loss is a sure way to feel younger and stay healthy. What to do: Losing weight is hard to do on your own. Find a program that works for you and stick with it.
Fact No. 9. In our 60s, some of our long-time friends will drift away as family priorities become more important or spouses retire or die. What to do: New relationships await for those who get out there and meet people.
Fact No. 10. You can continue to work part-time after retirement from the big job. That option gives you more flexibility to travel but still avoid tapping your retirement nest egg. What to do: Match up your passions with a new part-time job. Network with those who might find your skills useful.
Bonus Fact. Sixty is not old. Our 60s are an exciting time in our lives. We're young enough to get out there and explore the world, to live it up, meet new people and find friends or a companion with whom to share life's wonderful joys. It is possible to fall madly, crashingly in love after 60. What to do: Don't bother with expensive online dating services. Trust your friends to help you meet men who might be a good match. If you find someone, all you need is a pre-nup and some term life insurance to make everybody happy.

Insurance, boring but important. Here are 6 money-saving tips for retirees

2012-01-08T12:16:00.000-08:00

Auto and homeowners insurance cost-savings tips for retirees:

1. Combine homeowners insurance and auto insurance in one account with the same company. Such consolidation can save you money.
2. Be open to a higher deductible. If you can bare a bit more risk, you will see greater premium savings. Make sure you are given several options for deductibles, coverages and premium rates.
3. Make sure your agent has details about you: If you have a college degree, a good credit score, that your mortgage is paid off, that you have no loans on your vehicles. Make sure your agent knows if there are young drivers in the household, They may qualify for "good student" discounts – 3.0 GPA or better. This is important if grandparents have grandchildren living with them... a growing trend. A better grade point for the grandson may translate into a lower insurance rate.
4. Change agents, if you're not satisfied with their service. Interview several agents. Conduct background checks through your state's insurance commission on agents and their firms. Make sure the company selling the insurance has a long track record and is rated among the best. Seek out agents that have earned industry designations such as the CIC (Certified Insurance Counselor), which means they have completed a course of study and take additional classes every year. Get recommendations from friends, co-workers, family.
5. Choose an insurance broker or agent who cares about you and your needs. Your agent should check in at least once a year to make sure nothing has changed and coverages are where you want them. Select an agent that conveys a sense of personal interest.
6. Meet at least once a year with your agent to talk about what's changed, what your agent should know about. Look for ways to hold down costs without sacrificing coverage.

By Julia Anderson
www.sixtyandsingle.com
If you are on a more or less fixed retirement income, saving money on your annual car and homeowners insurance bill is one way to reduce ongoing household expenses. That said, the bottom-line cost of your insurance should not be the only criteria for selecting an insurance agent or the company they represent. As with everything, there are trade-offs between quality service and cost.
In the past 12 months I've taken several steps to bring my ongoing household expenses in-line with my retirement income. Those steps include refinancing my home mortgage loan for a lower monthly payment, signing up for mandatory Medicare, which has reduced my health care insurance costs, and moving my insurance business to a new agency and consolidating coverages at a reduced cost without sacrificing too much on coverages.
In that process I came to know Audrey Brouwer, a certified insurance counselor in my home town. She expertly walked me through my options for coverage and the cost of that coverage for home, farm and auto.
Over lunch, I followed up with her for what general (insurance) advice she might offer retirees, particularly women on their own.
"Buying insurance," she said, "should not be complicated. Insurance is understandable...you ask questions and then you can make informed decisions."
In many households, however, one spouse may handle all financial matters. In older couples it's usually the husband. Younger couples more often work together, she said.
A newly 60-and-single woman should feel comfortable asking questions, getting the hang of insurance lingo and finding an agent who has her best interest as their No. 1 goal. Look around until you find the right fit. This meeting to establish a relationship and evaluate premium coverages is important. For those who like studying up on topics, get a copy of Insurance 101, a what-you-need-to-know brochure from the American Insurance Association.
Building a relationship
Consumers of all ages should expect a solid ongoing relationship with their insurance broker, Brouwer said. People approaching or moving into retirement likely have worked hard for their assets and want to protect them. They need an adviser who is interested in their needs, first. That may sound like so much industry hype but I switched brokerage firms last year because every time I called that office, I talked to someone different who really didn't know my story or my concerns.
If you are newly single, an appointment with your insurance agent should be near the top of your to-do list. And if you start a new relationship or re-marry, insurance coverages must be discussed. There's money to be saved through consolidation without sacrifice.
"Clients must take the time to sit down, be willing to talk about what's going on in their lives and what their needs are in terms of coverage and cost," Brouwer said. "They need to ask questions and make sure their agent or broker is taking time to answer questions and explain coverages and cost trade-offs."
A good agent should stay in touch at least once a year to find out what might be changing in your life. An ongoing relationship means the insurance agency is fulfilling its role as circumstances change, she said.
Be ready to answer these questions when meeting with an insurance broker:
1. What do you want protected? What needs to be protected?
2. What kind of trades off do you want to make in terms of coverages, their costs and your ongoing household budget?
3. Be ready to listen to your broker when she talks about risks faced by seniors and what you need to protect. Don't be so cheap that you endanger your core assets, if something bad happens.
4. Be ready to share information about yourself, your financial situation, your property and what's on your mind. An agent can't help you unless you tell them what they need to know. For example, do you have an RV, a vacation home? Make sure everything is on the table.
"Yes, you want to stay on a budget, but clients should consider several scenarios in terms of the risks they can take on versus the coverage needs," Brouwer said.
Finding an agent
When considering a new agent or new coverages, it should not be a one-time meeting across a desk. A first meeting would determine your needs. Once the agent knows those needs, she can go to the insurance companies she represents and come back with a summary of premium rate options. Those options should be discussed in a second or third face-to-face meeting as the dialogue continues.
"Buying for price alone can leave you with inadequate coverage," Brouwer said. "Each person has insurance needs specific to them. This is not a cookie cutter business."
For women who want to learn more about insurance costs and coverage, a good strategy is to take advantage of the training received by your insurance agent. Let them be a resource to identify risks and make sure you have the right coverage at the right cost. Long-term care insurance was discussed in a previous http://www.sixtyandsingle.com/ post. Annuities and term life-insurance were also addressed, previously.
Thanks Audrey for your help with this post.
For more:
Washington State Office of the Insurance Commissioner, click here.
Oregon Insurance Division, click here.
Tips for Choosing an Insurance Policy, click here.
Consumers' Guide to Homeowner Insurance, click here.
American Insurance Association, click here.
Directory of Insurance and government resources, click here.

Opening another door. Helen Keller's simple message

2012-01-02T13:17:00.000-08:00

"When one door of happiness closes, another opens; but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one which has been opened for us." -Helen Keller, 1880-1968.

Sometimes it is the simplest of thoughts that have the most power to pull us forward, to carry us out of sadness and depression and the most power to motivate us to embrace the world we have, not the one we've lost. Looking back five years to the year of my deepest grief when I became 60 and single, I now see how beautifully in tune I was with the world around me. Every flower, every shadow, every loving look from my Black Labrador dog, every meeting with a friend meant something and presented an opportunity to be loved and more importantly to love. Every quiet evening alone offered opportunity to think about where I was in the world and where I wanted to go.
Being alone...as lonely as it is....gives one time to ponder profound truths, embrace your most creative self and to give love in the moment to all whom you encounter...including yourself.
The start of a new year is the perfect time to reconsider the universe and our place in it. Each new year offers an opportunity to learn something new, broaden our experience, express ourselves and to find satisfaction in the relationships with family, friends and work colleagues.
Becoming 60 and single opened my heart to a new life with new experiences, new relationships and provided a profound way to help other women in my age group cope with the challenges of modern American life. More than anything, I've learned that those who embrace the moment are most likely to see the door opening that Helen Keller speaks about. We walk through this door with a full heart...a heart filled with both sadness at our losses but also with hope. And hope, as my older son reminds me, will always beat hate.
The letter
Early in 2011, a woman contacted me by e-mail after reading my posts at http://www.sixtyandsingle.com./ She was (and still is) in the midst of the painful break-up of her long-time marriage and was shocked by how much it hurt, how devastated she felt. I recently checked in with her to find out how things are going.
Below is part of her response:
Julia,
"I am not really all over the place but it is weird to be so immersed in my feelings. It seems as if I was so stuck before in the marriage that I am so raw in the world. Everything is new and so often it feels like I’m not ‘good’ at anything, when I used to be excellent at so much. I’m not sure if you are familiar with the work of Brené Brown, but I’m working on accepting the gifts of imperfection and cultivating vulnerability.
I used your email (query) as a opportunity to pause and consider where and how I am now.
Thank you for asking. You have occasionally floated through my mind over the past months like a guiding star. A bit ago I had breakfast with a couple of gals that I hadn’t seen in some time, one of whom has been divorced for some time and in her mid 50’s. She is only now starting to see the possibility of her worth, of maybe there being a future of love with someone."
--- And, "I am almost divorced, it seems like we have almost reached a settlement, though now there is some debate over the values of retirements, as if he hasn’t been earning more than me from the beginning. It is so hard not to take personal these sorts of debates and having to continually provide proof and stand up for the black and white objective truth. It is just draining and also maybe this impacts the struggle to feel worthy in the fight with someone who I loved for so long."
---- "I have been so surprised to realize that I can imagine a future with someone else, that I hold that as a possibility and a desired one. I don’t know where my life will go, but I know that I want that even though I struggle to feel worthy of that. I have a place of pain and shame perhaps from being rejected, yet I don’t believe it owns all of me." Thank you for thinking of me.
Take care, Carol (not her real name).
Making the most of ourselves
In her ten guideposts, Brene Brown, author of "The Gifts of Imperfection: Letting Go of Who We Think We Should Be and Embracing Who We Are" (Hazelden, 2010) explores "how we can cultivate the courage, compassion, and connection to wake up in the morning and think, "No matter what gets done and how much is left undone, I am enough," and to go to bed at night thinking, "Yes, I am sometimes afraid, but I am also brave. And, yes, I am imperfect and vulnerable, but that doesn't change the truth that I am worthy of love and belonging."
Here at sixtyandsingle.com, our goal is to change the way women think about retirement and give women information and tools for managing their financial lives and their retirement on their own. I also spend time commenting on singleness, how it feels and why we must embrace life in the moment with courage, emotion and enthusiasm.
I've discovered that retirement for most women is not about sitting on a beach with a good book. It's about coping with loss, dealing with change on all fronts, wrestling with financial issues, managing new relationships and trying to help the people closest to us by giving love and sharing wisdom. As the New Year begins here are a few good quotes to get us on our way.
Quotes for the new year:
- "Let go of who you think you're supposed to be and embrace who you are," Brene Brown, in "The Gifts of Imperfection."
- "It’s not that some people have willpower and some don’t. It’s that some people are ready to change and others are not. -- James Gordon
- "You have to get to the point where going for it is more important than winning or losing," -- Arthur Ashe
- "The first step towards getting somewhere is to decide that you are not going to stay where you are," -- J. Pierpont Morgan
- "When we do the best we can, we never know what miracle is wrought in our life, or in the life of another." – Helen Keller.
- "If you can’t make it better, you can laugh at it." – Erma Bombeck.
- "I’ve learned that you shouldn’t go through life with a catcher’s mitt on both hands; you need to be able to throw something back." – Maya Angelou.
"The most effective way to do it, is to do it." - Amelia Earhart.
"If you don’t like being a doormat then get off the floor." – Al Anon.
- "Anything you want to ask a teacher, ask yourself, and wait for the answer in silence." – Byron Katie.
- "It is only when we truly know and understand that we have a limited time on Earth and that we have no way of knowing when our time is up that we will begin to live each day to the fullest, as if it were the only one we had." - Elisabeth Kubler-Ross.
- "When you forgive, you heal your own anger and hurt and are able to let love lead again. It’s like spring cleaning for your heart." – Marci Shimoff.
- "Forget about the fast lane. If you really want to fly, just harness your power to your passion." -- Oprah Winfrey.
- "Your own words are the bricks and mortar of the dreams you want to realize. Your words are the greatest power you have. The words you choose and their use establish the life you experience." - Sonia Choquette.
- "Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away." -- Maya Angelou.
- "I don’t think of all the misery but of the beauty that still remains." -- Anne Frank.
- "Life should not be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, chocolate in one hand, champagne in the other, body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming….. WOO HOO…. What a RIDE!”
Happy New Year,
Julia

Tax-sensitive and age-related rules of retirement. What you need to know.

2011-12-28T15:26:00.000-08:00

The process of retiring in our 60s is an age-related continuum with many options along the way. Do you start taking Social Security at 62 or do you wait till full retirement age or later? How long do you keep working? And how do you make that change, "cold turkey" or by moving to part-time?
What do you do with your 401(k) nest egg if you leave the big job? When should you start withdrawing from that account? What does your financial picture look like when mandatory withdrawals kick in during your 70th year. Below are a few answers:
For me it's been a continuous learning experience as I decided to start taking Social Security in January 2011 at age 64 and moved over to Medicare and Medicare-advantage coverage when I turned 65 in October.
The age-related changes continue. However two key pieces of my planning are turning out to be different than I first assumed.
Assumption No. 1: I could pay back Social Security for the benefits received by using inheritance when my mother died. Mom hasn't died and Social Security has changed the rules, eliminating the pay-back option.
So now I'm stuck with a lower-payout rate than I would have received if I'd waited until my full retirement age of 66. I'm at peace with this decision since I really had no choice because of my "early" retirement from my full-time job nearly two years ago. The combination of part-time work and Social Security has given me flexibility to travel, do pretty much everything I want and not have to tap into my real nest egg. Meanwhile this year, I refinanced my mortgage, reorganized my insurance coverage, went on Medicare and have applied for a reduced property taxes through a forest preservation program in my county. All that has reduced my everyday household living costs.
The good news: This year I couldn't make more than $14,640 in earned income without facing reductions in 2012 Social Security benefits. Now going into 2012 -- because I'll be 66 in October -- that threshold increases to $38,880. In 2013, there will be no limit on my earnings while also collecting Social Security benefits. However, up to 85 percent of my benefits in 2011 could be subject to federal income tax depending on how much I earn from other sources. I'll keep you posted on that when I get into my 2011 tax return reporting process.
Assumption No. 2. When I planned out my next 30 years, I expected to continue to accumulate wealth through my tax-deferred 401(k), now Rollover IRA account. I should have read the rules more carefully. Yes, I understood that I would have to start making withdrawals from my Rollover IRA at age 70 and one-half. What I didn't realize is that the government dictates how much those taxable income withdrawals must be. The mandatory amounts are much greater than I planned.
In fact, if I live as long as my mother who is going on 96, the federal mandatory withdrawals will mean I'm out of savings before I die. At least that's what I think could happen. I'm going to have to adjust my strategy....save part of what I have to withdraw from my nest egg, pay taxes on it and reinvest it. It turns out that there are BIG penalties for not making the withdrawals at 70 and one-half.
For all of you with Roth IRAs, good news: You are not required to take any withdrawals from any Roth IRAs set up in your name. That's because the taxes have already been paid.
Changes in Social Security at 70
At 70, the rules also require that you start taking Social Security benefits, even if you don't want to do that. Since I am already tapping my benefits, that's not a worry for me. If you wait until 70, your deferred benefits will be higher than if you start earlier. That's a good option if you don't need those benefits and can wait, and are in good health. As will all my reporting information, check this out for yourself, make sure you understand your options and don't take anyone's word for this. I have received information from friends who think they know what they're talking about and from brokers, who should know better.
In the coming year, I will:
1. Reexamine my long-term retirement and investment strategy in light of the mandatory Rollover IRA withdrawals.
2. Continue to adjust my household expenses.. that means.cutting, leaving more money for travel.
3. Ramp up my part-time income to the maximum allowed in 2012....$38,880. It's a matter of trade-offs in time, energy and effort. Working at home has its challenges and rewards.
4. Upgrade my www.sixtyandsingle.com Web site to make it revenue positive. Another exciting year in retirement. Yahoo!!!
For more on age-related milestones, click here.

Sixty and single: Is a good night's sleep possible? Maybe, yes!

2011-12-13T12:21:00.000-08:00

Women 60 and single have a lot on their minds. All of those worries, issues and concerns can come to bed with you every night and prevent you from either going to sleep or staying asleep.
In my case, I often go to sleep but find myself awake at about 1:30 or 2 a.m. I can be awake for hours reading my smart phone, playing Solitaire and lately, watching episodes of the TV series about a high school chemistry teacher gone wrong called, Breaking Bad.
Yes, I know, that show is the last thing that's going to put me into a restful state. I'm into season No. 3, most of the viewing done in the middle of the night.

News flash: Last night, I may have found a solution. Instead of doing the usual middle of the night threshing, I used Google to do a smart phone search on "getting a good night's sleep." Up popped the Mayo Clinic Sleep Center Web site on the topic, which mentioned hypnosis as a possible tool. That in turn got me to thinking about smart phone apps. I went to the apps marketplace on my phone and did a search using one word: SLEEP.
There were many many apps to choose from with a download fee, most ranging from 99 cents to $4.99, but there also are many that are free. Since I wasn't too confident on the whole thing, I choose a free app labeled "Sleep Soundly Hypnosis" offered by Kym Tolson,a clinical social worker and therapist based in Chesterfield, Va. Kym's 10-minute hypnosis sleep session worked.
With my ear buds secure, I followed her softly spoken instructions to relax, get comfortable and take my mind to an uncluttered place where I could let go and go to sleep. The first time through got me to a level of relaxation that usually eludes me. I then went to sleep before the second round ended. When did I wake up? Seven hours later. I felt restored, if not liberated.
There must be tons of people who aren't getting a good night's sleep based on the billions spent advertising sleep medications on television. I've tried a few, myself: anti-anxiety medicine, prescription sleeping pills, over-the-counter medicines such as Tylenol PM. All of them have negatives from drug hangovers to allergic skin reactions.
My strategy is going to be to use Kym's relaxation-sleep hypnosis session every night for as long as it works. The good news is that there are many more sleep apps out there that I could switch to, if this one loses its effectiveness.
For those without a smart phone, may I recommend an iPod download or some other recorded way to set up a regular nightly "going to sleep" session. For me, the result was waking up feeling sane and rested.
For me, sleep makes the difference between coping with life's challenges and not coping with them.
Based on my first late night experience, I may have found something that will work for "getting a good night's sleep." Additional resources:
National Sleep Foundation, click here.
"Ten Tips for a Good Night's Sleep without Pills," click here.

Medicare, Social Security, part-time work, guardianships. You name it.

2011-12-09T14:38:00.000-08:00

As 2011 winds to a close, I'm feeling a need to update my readers at sixtyandsingle.com. You may have noticed that my posts have been a bit further apart as I continue to try to balance demands on my time from my freelance work as a business news writer, from family, my transition to retirement and travel with Ken.
In January, I started taking Social Security benefits. In October, I marked my 65th birthday...half way to 70! That meant signing up for Medicare. When people ask me what I'm doing since leaving the full-time job at the newspaper, I say I'm semi-retired. The reality is that I'm doing about as much writing as I did on the job. The difference is that I don't have a bunch of meetings to go to all day long. I write more about what I'm really interested in and less of the boring stuff. Nevertheless, the pace is hectic.
My freelance work is a top priority because the part-time income is allowing me to postpone taking money out of my rollover IRA. The IRA earnings only are taxable when I reach 70, so I'm trying to let the nest egg grow untapped until I really need it. Meanwhile, the weekly deadlines keep coming around.
Since I retired earlier than my full retirement age as determined by Social Security, I have to keep my freelance earnings at about $14,000 a year. This is a bit of self-imposed financial hardship. I'm definitely on a budget. If I go over that limit, Social Security will hold back benefits until I reach full retirement age.
Studying to be a guardian
My family has also been eating up my time. Right now, I'm taking an online guardianship training class offered by the Idaho Supreme Court to prepare me to become my mother's guardian. This preparation is in response to a court petition by my bi-polar sister who is asking the court to make her my mother's guardian. This move blind-sided everyone including my mother's long-time attorney and my mother...who had been telling my sister for months that she didn't want a guardian.
All this happened after my mother fell at home and broke a hip. After hip-replacement surgery my mother spent nearly three months in convalescent care. When it came time to make a move from there, my mother decided to slide over to the assisted living unit in the same facility. It was a difficult decision not to go home but that became less of an issue since my sister meanwhile had torn out the farm house bathroom for a remodel. The project wasn't finished. Other issues complicated a move home. Among them that my mother's doctor said she needed 24-7 care to keep her from falling. The cost of that care at home would have been around $11,000 a month. Assisted living is running more like $4,500 a month.
While my mother still wishes she could be at home, she's telling me that she "prefers" to stay where she is. When she falls...there's someone there to pick her up. That happened twice in the past 10 days.
Meanwhile my sister's petition to be mom's guardian is alive in the local court system. I'm expecting there will be a hearing in January. The interesting thing is that in most, if not every state, all attorneys involved in such a case can submit their fees to the estate of the person (my mother, in this case) who would become a ward of the guardian. My sister's attorney, my mom's attorney and my attorney (oh yes, I've got to have my own lawyer) all are paid by my mother's trust, now managed by a bank.
The bill will be at least $10,000 but could be much more if we get into a "court like" contested hearing. The sad thing is that mother has tried to do all the right things....setting up a power of attorney, if she needed that. Setting up power of attorney for health care decisions. Putting her assets in a bank trust. An ordinary family would typically have come to some agreement about what was best for mom with her as a lively participant in the decision. Does she need a guardianship? If you look at the history of the past several years: There's been "serial" rounds of power of attorney assignments. There's been undocumented spending out of her checking account. She's not had control of her check book for a year. She doesn't know how much money is in her checking account and can't see well enough to read documents or know what she's signing.
At 96, she probably does need a guardian. The court will decide who that is.
Rehab on the ol' barn
On the farm front, we've just learned that we've won a grant from the Washington Archaeological & Historic Building Preservation Department to put more effort and material into saving our 1920s historic barn here on the farm. The work will involve new support beams, new footings and a drain around the upper side of the structure to manage water runoff. It's an exciting project, which will get started next spring.
Right this minute, we've got lots of plans for the holidays with gift-buying well under way.
New topics coming up at sixtyandsingle.com:
- How to get the best deal on insurance.
- Communal living for women, 60 and on their own.
- How to sell stuff your kids don't want.
- How the demographics are changing -- 80 is the new 65.
- Revisiting 5 Steps to a successful retirement.
Please send your ideas to grinnellroadfarm@gmail.com.
Thanks
www.sixtyandsingle.com
Julia

Retirement budgeting. How to save big bucks.

2011-11-28T13:03:00.000-08:00

Staying on a budget is no small task especially with those cyber bargains are just a couple of clicks away. But year-round budgeting and cost cutting are the only ways to improve our financial profiles in the face of a fixed retirement income. For me it's about "finding" more money for travel, for enjoying my kids and grandson. It's about more money to do the things I want to do. I accept the need to cut back on certain expenses in order to have more money to spend elsewhere.
This won't be easy since I have always been what I call "careful." There's not a lot of wiggle room in my budget for more household cost-savings. But here's what I've done this year:
- Refinanced my mortgage loan from 6.1 percent to 3.7 percent for a monthly savings of $300.
- Signed up for Medicare and bought a supplemental coverage plan that cut my health insurance costs from nearly $400 a month to about $200 a month. This happens at age 65.
- Cut back on credit card spending related to clothing and eating out. Everything gets paid off, monthly.
- Negotiated for free barn siding through Washington state's Heritage Barn preservation program for a rehab project on our old 1920s barn where we store hay for the horses. I have applied for a grant for more work on the barn in the coming year.
- Consolidated home and car insurance coverage through a new brokerage firm with higher deductibles and other savings. Costs went down by several hundred dollars a year.
- Continued to work part-time rather than tap my "nest egg" IRA rollover savings. So far, so good.
- Shopped discount clothing stores and recycle stores such as Goodwill and a great Seattle store called Gather for real bargains. My best score was a clever, like-new vest with faux fur lining.
- Looked for cheaper entertainment options at smaller theaters in the Portland-Vancouver urban area where tickets are $15 to $25 per person rather than $75 and up. My toughest decision was deciding $100 tickets to attend a "Journey" concert in October were too expensive. Cheaper venues include the Alberta Rose Theater and the Aladdin Theater in Portland and the Old Liberty Theater in Ridgefield, Wash.
- PS: I dumped my satellite TV hook-up a few years ago. Cost savings: $600 a year.

There are still danger zones. I can spontaneously go off budget on clothing, eating out, my kids and gifts. But I am determined in the coming year to make more progress on cost-cutting.
Brett Arends, writing at Fidelity.com and the Wall Street Journal has come up with a list of great ways to save money. Here are a few of his ideas along with my editing and embellishments.
- Use loyalty programs aggressively to get discounts on car rental, air travel and other deals. Credit cards sometimes offer huge bonuses like a free airline ticket to new customers.
- Switch banks and credit-card companies for less expensive services. Drop cards that charge fees.
- Cut the frequency of services such as pedi-cures and house cleaners.
- Leave the car in the garage, ride a bike.
- Axe the landline and switch to a new Internet and phone provider.
- Refinance the mortgage home. (see above).
- Team with trusted friends or neighbors to make purchases through warehouse clubs.
- Don't pay someone else to do what you can do yourself. Your federal taxes, for instance. Home maintenance, for another.
- Use eBay and Craigslist more.
- Cut back on new books. Download classics from Gutenberg.org for free. Sell books back to Powell's Book Store in Portland or to Amazon.com.
- Use last minute websites such as vacationstogo.com to find savings on vacation deals. Swap your house instead of paying for a hotel.
- Go green. Stop wasting hot water and cut your heating bill by purchasing new lower-flow aerator showerheads and using cold water to wash clothes. Slowly move to LED and CFL lighting in your home. By a "smart strip" to turn off peripheral electronics when not in use.
- Volunteer to get in to music events for free.
- Go to happy hour for lower prices on drinks and food plates.
- "Return sanity to the holidays," say Arends. Set a budget, swap oraments instead of spending big bucks on gifts people may not need or want.
Good luck, Julia.

'Angel' investing may be an option for some. Here's how they do it in Portland, Ore.

2011-11-25T13:39:00.000-08:00

On the list of investment opportunities, putting money into "angel" funds ranks over on the risky side of the spectrum. Having said that, if you have a spare $5,000 sitting around doing nothing you might consider looking into angel investing. The experience would not be so much for the potential return on your money but for the learning opportunity as a participant in the selection and mentoring process associated with a start-up.
Angel funds in general invite investors to pool their money in a loan fund, which is then meted out to promising entrepreneurial early stage businesses. These businesses are usually too risky for banks to consider but have potential worth supporting. The money goes to such things as general financing, business growth, product development, hiring and operations.
Angel Oregon LLC, a Portland-based angel investment group, is soliciting 2012 investors and is hosting an informational session this Wednesday, Nov. 30 from 5-7 p.m. at the Lane Powell offices downtown. If you want to attend, contact Julie Brown at Oregon Entrepreneur's Network at 503-222-2270 or julieb@oen.org. Angel Oregon is a collaborative part of OEN.
So how does Angle Oregon work? Pretty much like any angel group.
This year Angel Oregon is hoping to raise $325,000 with a minimum of $200,000 to be invested in a winning "launch stage" company, says Shelley Gunton, Angel Oregon co-chair.
Over an eight-week period starting Feb. 6, 2012, investors review between 20 and 30 start-up companies. Through a thorough review process (due diligence) the field of competitors is narrowed to between five and seven companies in two categories: Launch stage companies and concept stage companies.
These finalists then present at the Oregon Entrepreneur's Network conference on Wednesday, April 18.
The event draws 300 investors, business students and others. The outcome produces the winners of the Angel funding.
Typically the investment is made in the form of a convertible note and converts to equity as part of a "qualified equity financing," said Gunton. Investors often remain involved with these companies as advisors and board members.
So what's the possible reward for a $5,000 investment? The payback typically may not come for five to seven years, when and if the company sells stock shares.
Gunton said Angel Oregon typically sees 50 to 60 people in the annual investment pool but women make up only a small portion of those investors. "We want to see that increase," Gunton said.
The angle experience gives investors a unique insider opportunity to be engaged with a start-up business that has the potential to success.
"Our angels come from a variety of backgrounds, which adds immeasurably to the experience for everyone," Gunton said. "The common factors are curiosity, the desire to help early stage companies, an interest in expanding their personal networks and the opportunity to investment," she said.
Investor meetings kick-off on Feb. 6 from 5-7:30 p.m. at Lane Powell in downtown Portland. Meetings include presentations by participating companies, discussions on due diligence by investors, voting at certain milestones in the selection process and networking.
There are angel investment organizations throughout the U.S. In these challenging economic times, they appear to be playing an even bigger role in supporting start-up businesses with great ideas that need financial backing. Typically in the old days, investment minimums were much greater in the $25,000 and $50,000 range and appealed only to the wealthy who may have had success with their own start ups.
Now with $5,000 minimums, the outreach is much broader and may even be more rewarding for all involved from entrepreneurs to investors.
For more information about Angel Oregon, contact:
Shelley Gunton at shelley.gunton@castorpolluxpet.com or Drew Smith at drewcsmith.@gmail.com
For MORE ON ANGEL INVESTING:
"Angel Investing: Matching startup funds with startup companies" by Robert Robinson, at amazon.com.
Angel Capital Association
"What's an Angel Investor" from the Wall Street Journal.
Angel Investing 101 from NBA&I.

Surviving the holidays. Coping strategies for those 60 & Single

2011-11-22T12:02:00.000-08:00

"The most profound relationship we'll ever have is the one with ourselves." - Shirley MacLaine

By the time we reach age 60, memories of holidays past can fill up our brains to over-flowing. As a kid Christmas and Thanksgiving were a potent and emotional way for my family to come together despite underlying power struggles or ongoing disappointments.
Those memories reach back to my early childhood while growing up on an Idaho farm when one Christmas my younger sister found a "magic" wand under the tree, waved it and discovered a saddle horse waiting for her outside at the fence. For me the best memories were from the night before Christmas when we turned out the lights, built a fire in the fireplace and munched on grilled tuna sandwiches and drank hot chocolate. It was so perfect. I was so happy there in the dark with the flickering fire and my family.
Memories of Christmases with my own children and extended family include grandparents arriving from afar and tons of food and presents. There was singing, big family dinners, open houses for friends and church choir concerts. A ton of activity. That was 20 years ago. This is now.
My children are grown and attending a East Coast family reunion this week with their father. Grandparents are either gone or so feeble that travel is out of the question. A divorce has changed my relationship with former step-children. An estranged daughter-in-law makes access to my only grandchild difficult.
Friends my age are in ill health. Those "family" experiences have slipped away to be replaced by something new. My situation (in limbo between past and present) is no worse and in many ways much better than many. I've moved on, I have a new relationship and new wonderful people to get to know.
But being single at 60 (widowed or divorced and even remarried after 60) during the holidays is a bit like walking through a mine field never knowing when something will blow up, triggering memories and the nostalgia that floods in with them. Death, separation, divorce, illness, family trauma, job loss or moving to a new location result in great losses that make the holidays difficult, observes writer Toni Coleman.
So how to cope? There's plenty on the Internet about "Surviving the Holidays" if you're single. My personal advice: TAKE CHARGE! Make this special time your own.
The first year that I was 60 & Single during the holidays, I went out alone on my farm property one snowy afternoon with my dog. Equipped with a hand saw, I found a tree the proper size for Christmas, cut it down and hitched it to the back of my SUV with a chain. I felt triumphant dragging it back to the house. "I can do this," I said to myself. As well, I gave myself time alone to grieve over my losses. You've got to keep processing what has happened, everything that's changed in your life.
Laura Petherbridge has written plenty about how to cope during the holidays when your marriage dies. Toni Coleman offers "Tips For Singles On Enjoying (and surviving) The Holidays." Below is my edited summary of their advice. Hey, being single during the holidays means having the freedom to make them your own in new ways. Down the road those memories will add to the rich pattern of your unique life.
Don't just sit there, do something. Instead of dwelling on what's missing, find ways to fill up your heart by giving love rather than trying to find it. It may be a simple as sitting quietly next to your dog and feeling the love between you. Or it may be visiting with a friend over coffee.
People come and go from our lives. We all die.
Rent some funny movies. Laugh. Sing. Be engaged in life. Go for a jog, get on the tread-mill.
"Surviving the Holidays" Tips from Laura Petherbridge:
- Don’t hibernate or wait until the day before the holiday to make a plan. Force yourself to be with other people, even if only briefly.
- Develop a coping strategy. Review whom to call or where to go if the stress or pain becomes too severe.
- Create new, meaningful traditions.
- Help your child or grandchild make a gift for an ex-daughter-in-law or former in-laws. This communicates your permission to love the other family, and greatly reduces fear and tension.
- Take notice of a married friend who may be discouraged or rejected. Remember, some of the loneliest people on the planet are married.
- Try out a new “family-focused” restaurant. Avoid the ones that cater to couples or may have romantic overtones.
- Have a potluck supper with other singles.
- Do something completely different. Go roller-skating, skiing, hiking to the mountains or to the beach.
- Send a card, flowers or a small gift to someone who has comforted and loved you.
- Write a poem or journal entry listing things you’re grateful for.
- Treat yourself to a massage, manicure or pedicure.
- Immerse your family in assembling a Lego adventure or a jigsaw puzzle.
- Get out the hammer and build something.
- Treat yourself to cozy bed linens or a new nightgown in a magnificent color.
- Try a new pillow or neck exercises. They work wonders for tension.
- Make yourself a warm comforting drink, such as hot cocoa, chai or herbal tea.
- Invite friends over for dinner and use the good linens and china.
- Attend a hockey or basketball game, or participate in one.
- Get enough sunshine. Winter’s shorter daylight hours can take their toll on the emotions. If you work where there are few windows, take a walk during lunch or on your break.
- Exercise. It produces natural stress reducers, and it’s a great way to meet new people.
- If you’re feeling suicidal, seek help immediately. The phone number of your counselor, pastor, close friend or hotline should be taped to your phone. Don’t minimize the effect the holiday can have on your mental state.
- Don’t drink too much. Alcohol is a depressant.
- Tuck away photographs or items that will trigger melancholy.
- Don't go to couples events.
From Toni Coleman:
PREPARE – The ambush of emotions can attack at any time; prepare beforehand.
ACCEPT the difficulty of this time of year and your loss. Remind yourself that it’s a season and it will pass.
SOCIALIZE – Don’t hibernate. Insecure feelings may tempt you to isolate, but force yourself to go out even if it’s only for a short time.
LOWER your expectations – Movies and songs paint an unrealistic picture of the holidays.
DON’T ANESTHETIZE the pain with drugs or alcohol – Numbing emotional distress with chemicals creates more depression.
TRIMMING – If old ornaments or trimmings cause too much pain, don’t hang them this year. Put them aside for another time.
GET UP AND MOVE – Take care of your physical well-being. Healthy foods will give you strength; fattening and sugar-filled foods can worsen your depression. Exercise produces natural stress reducers.
SHOP online if going to the mall is too stressful.
COPING STRATEGY – Have the phone number of your counselor, pastor, church, close friend or hotline already taped to your phone. Make the commitment to call someone if negative thoughts get fierce.
LIGHT – Get some sunshine. Winter can take its toll on your emotions by the loss of sun you experience.INVITE a new (same-sex) friend to see a movie, have dinner or help decorate the house.
SET BOUNDARIES – Precisely explain to your family and friends what you are capable of doing this year, and what you aren’t. Don’t let others guilt you into taking on more than you can handle.
REACH OTHERS by discovering people who might be alone during the holidays.

Elder Abuse: A national emergency. What women need to know.

2011-11-13T15:52:00.000-08:00

It may begin innocently enough with a family member dropping in to help an elderly parent pay monthly bills. It may be a live-in caregiver who begins calling his client “mom.”
How about the financial adviser who offers to manage a large investment portfolio for an elderly couple whom he has met at church?
At some point the person paying the monthly bills is spending all of the elderly person's money and giving themselves an early inheritance. The caregiver has his elderly patron rewrite her will giving him a half million dollars when she dies. The financial manager can not resist the temptation to tap into his clients’ nest egg, stealing more than $1 million.
These scenarios all are true and shed light on a growing national issue ….financial exploitation of the elderly. Nine times out of 10 the abuse is by a family member and experts estimate that only one in 25 cases ever is reported.
Older people are living longer. Older people have all the money. That combination is in some cases tearing families apart as siblings compete for parental favor and money and giving unscrupulous caregivers opportunities to steal.
In some cases what may have started out as a workable plan to help mom turns into a nightmare with the elderly parent trapped in their own home in an abusive and controlling relationship, experts say. Women generally are at higher risk because they tend to out-live their spouses.
“Thieves…family members or not…count on their abusive behavior to not come to light,” said Dianna Kretzschmar, program coordinator for a new Elder Abuse Justice Center in Vancouver, Wash., that opened this year to more effectively handle financial exploitation and abuse cases. The center is the first like it in Washington state where the latest data show more than 12,600 abuse cases were reported in 2009 including 4,061 financial exploitation cases.
Kretzschmar sees the center’s case load expanding “exponentially” compounded by a growing generational gap between haves and have nots.
“Our elderly are generally those who came out of the Depression, who saved and didn’t have credit cards,” she said. “They didn’t take on debt and they lived within your means. They are not equipped to handle the world we have now…frankly they’re sitting ducks.”
Wealth gap
A recent report showed that the wealth gap between younger and older Americans is the greatest that it has ever been. Households headed by people 65 and older have a net worth 47 times greater than households headed by someone under 35. That's the greatest spread ever and five times worse than it was just six years ago.
The problem in going to get worse, especially in these difficult economic times, as people live longer, Kretzschmar said.
Carol Sloan, Adult Protection Services program manager for Washington state, said investigators and agencies are struggling to get on top of the growing problem.
“Every state defines target populations differently,” Sloan said. “New national legislation has been passed but is unfunded.”
With the baby boomer population wave heading toward retirement the number of seniors 65 and older in the U.S. population is expected to increase from 39.6 million in 2009 to 72.1 million in 2030.
Washington Post newspaper financial columnist Michelle Singletary took up the cause this month with support of a nationwide Prevent Elder Financial Abuse Call-in program.
Phone lines were staffed by certified financial planners, heath-care professionals and adult protective services professionals who gave out advice and guidance on how to protect against investment fraud.
The call-in (now completed) was sponsored by the Investor Protection Trust, which offers a wealth of information at www.investorprotection.org.
In her column, Singletary shared the story of Jeffrey Butler, a California man who bilked 124 elderly investors out of more than $11 million in a Ponzi scheme. Butler was convicted and given a 90-year prison sentence. Butler, according to an Orange County District Attorney’s report, first met many of his victims while operating a company that offered to assist senior citizens in creating living wills, trusts and other estate planning structures.
Nine in 10 are family
But investment fraud is a small part of the financial exploitation picture with much greater risk coming from family members who see grandma’s assets and Social Security check as free money.
“As elders become more physically frail, they’re less able to stand up to bullying or to fight back if attacked,” say the experts at the National Center on Elder Abuse. “They may not see or hear as well or think as clearly as they used to, leaving openings for unscrupulous people to take advantage of them.”
On the other hand, mental or physical ailments may make them more trying companions for the people who live with them thus creating an atmosphere of entitlement.
More than half a million reports of abuse against elderly Americans reach authorities every year, and millions more cases go unreported, said center experts.
Abuse may take many forms:
- Physical abuse. Physical elder abuse is non-accidental use of force against an elderly person that results in physical pain, injury, or impairment. Such abuse includes not only physical assaults such as hitting or shoving but the inappropriate use of drugs, restraints, or confinement.
- Emotional abuse. In emotional or psychological senior abuse, people speak to or treat elderly persons in ways that cause emotional pain or distress.
- Financial abuse. That may mean slowly taking over the elderly person’s check book and using it to pay for unrelated personal expenses. It may mean using the elderly homeowner’s money to buy unwanted items such as TVs, appliances and cars. Or it could mean “borrowing” from a savings account and never paying it back, talking the person into an unneeded reverse mortgage to get at more money or pushing a vulnerable person into bad investments with a high commission, over and over. One car dealer in the Vancouver area sold several new cars all in one year to a demented old man because he couldn’t remember the prior deals. He lost thousands on every trade-in. Family members stopped the situation. The money was paid back.
Family abuse has history
Dianna Kretzschmar said in many cases family members are “acting out” long-standing dysfunctional behavior within the family unit.
“Family members may have a sense of entitlement or they may be ill-equipped to handle a disabled parent,” she said. “The problem is that as any greed goes, it gets bigger and bigger.”
Kretzschemar puts the blame in certain situations on the parent who invites an unqualified family member to help them with their finances. An out of work grandson may not be the best choice.
“People should not do what is expeditious but instead put thought into who they might trust in their house or who they want handling your money,” she said.
(Turning your assets over to a bank trust department may be one answer. See my earlier post at sixtyandsingle.com)
Spotting elder abuse
The National Center on Elder Abuse offers these tips for spotting abuse:
- Intimidation through yelling or threats. Threatening, belittling, or controlling caregiver behavior that you witness. Behavior from the elder that mimics dementia, such as rocking, sucking, or mumbling to oneself
- Humiliation and ridicule.
- Habitual blaming or scapegoating.
- Non-verbal psychological elder abuse can take the form of ignoring the elderly person, isolating an elder from friends or activities and terrorizing or menacing the elderly person
- Significant withdrawals from the elder’s accounts. Sudden changes in the elder’s financial condition. Items or cash missing from the senior’s household. Suspicious changes in wills, power of attorney, titles, and policies. Addition of names to the senior’s signature card. Unpaid bills or lack of medical care, although the elder has enough money to pay for them. Financial activity the senior couldn’t have done, such as an ATM withdrawal when the account holder is bedridden. Unnecessary services, goods, or subscriptions
In addition there is a whole category of health care fraud that involves duplicate billings, overmedication and inadequate care even though bills are paid.
According to the national abuse center, “many nonprofessional caregivers — spouses, adult children, other relatives and friends — find taking care of an elder to be satisfying and enriching. But the responsibilities and demands of elder caregiving, which escalate as the elder’s condition deteriorates, can also be extremely stressful.”
The stress of elder care can lead to mental and physical health problems that make caregivers burned out, impatient, and unable to keep from lashing out against elders in their care, said center experts.
Reporting abuse
Abuse experts urge family and friends who suspect elder abuse to call Adult Protection Services in their area.
The National Center on Elder Abuse offers a hot line at 800-677-1116 or at its Web site at www.ncea.aoa.org. Local Adult Protective Services operate in most cities and towns with staff available to look into possible abuse cases.
“This can be done anonymously with no repercussions,” Kretzschmar said. “All you’re saying is that you think there might be something wrong, that you have concerns. APS investigates and may find nothing or findings may be inconclusive. We need to remember that the triumph of evil is for good people to do nothing, she said.
For more:
My radio interview with Steve Leader on KXL 101.1 FM in Portland, Ore., click here.
The National Center on Elder Abuse, click here.
Check List for Dealing with Elder Financial Abuse, click here.
"Stop Walking on Eggshells: Taking Your Life Back When Someone You Care About Has Borderline Personality Disorder" by Paul Mason at Amazon.com
How bank trusts work" at sixtyandsingle.com.
"Making Sense of Life's Changes" by William Bridges.
"MacArthur Fellow Leads Fight Against Elder Abuse," USATODAY, click here.

Elder abuse and financial exploitation. Where to go for help.

2011-11-10T11:59:00.000-08:00

My dear sixtyandsingle.com readers.
I am working on an in-depth piece about elder abuse, guardianships and adult protective services.
It's a big project with lots of reporting.
Meanwhile Steve Leader at Portland's KXL 101.1 FM radio interviewed me today on those topics. You can catch the interview at KXL.com
As follow up to the radio show, I'm posting helpful Web sites and phone numbers on the topic of elder abuse. Here they are:
National Center on Elder Abuse: http://www.ncea.aoa.gov/ for state-by-state contact information, facts and resources.
National Elder Care Locators for adult protection services 800-677-1116.
Adult Protective Services, Region III hotline for Southwest Washington - 877-734-6277.
Vancouver, (Wash.) Elder Justice Center - 360-397-2261
Friends of the Elder Abuse Justice Center at Facebook.com
Washington Adult Protective Services statewide hotline - 877-734-6277
Oregon Adult Protective Services - click here.
Oregon APS by county, click here.
Elder Abuse and Neglect: Warning signs, click here.
Case reports:
Missouri man leaves sick woman rotting alive, click here.
Bellevue, Wash. accountant steals $1 million from elderly couple, click here.
Actor Mickey Rooney, 90, testifies before Congress on elder abuse, click here.
Special Committee on Aging, 2011 testimony, click here.

Women traveling solo? You're not alone. Here's what you need to know

2011-10-27T13:08:00.000-07:00

Traveling solo used to be only for adventure-hungry backpacking 20-somethings. Leave it to baby boomers to create a new and growing trend in the leisure travel industry: Seniors -- including many women -- traveling on their own.
Some are traveling for business such as the 65-year-old woman I know who has been in at least eight different countries on three continents in the past seven months leading training seminars for a U.S.-based manufacturer. Or the 60ish mother and her 40ish daughter who just returned from three weeks on tour together in Italy, leaving husbands and children to fend for themselves. (They did fine.)
Then there was my retired school teacher friend, Sharron, 69, who joined a group of 35 on a Road Scholar trip organized through her Atlanta church called "In the Footsteps of Christ," which took her to Jerusalem, the Dead Sea, the River Jordan and Egypt. Of the 35 people, there were only four couples...the rest singles, mostly women.
For Cynthia Anderson and her husband, Donald, co-owners of Sunshine Travel & Cruise Co. and USA River Cruises based in Vancouver, Wash., solo travel and women-only group travel has been among the biggest surprises for their business over the past 10 years. Despite 9/11 and despite the 2008 economic downturn, their travel businesses have been growing like crazy. Women traveling on their own or in groups have been a big factor in that growth. Other travel professionals are seeing similar trends in independent travel.
That’s good news for single women, widowed or divorced, who like to travel as well as for those who are married but may want to take a trip without their spouse. More travel businesses are catering to their needs.
Anderson said women travelers once represented about 20 percent of USA River Cruise business but that percentage has climbed to 37 percent.
“We’re seeing a huge surge of people wanting to take family and extended-family members on trips,” she said. “We’re seeing many in the 55-and-older age group who are opting for small ship travel. Women love them because when you’re on a ship of say 28 passengers somewhere in the world. You end up knowing everybody and it feels safe.”
Travel trends also include more inter-generational travel where grandmothers are taking granddaughters on trips or grandparents are taking grandchildren.
And more international travel of all kinds as baby boomers retire, write out their “bucket list” and see the clock ticking. Friends of mine just returned from 21 days in Turkey and said they had a fabulous time.
What women travelers want
April Merenda, president and co-founder of http://www.gutsywomentravel.com,/ explains that single women travelers want a unique travel experience.
“First of all, single women travelers don’t want couples…they don’t want to feel like a fifth wheel,” Merenda said. “Secondly, they like to linger, ask questions and multi-task. That may mean getting a spa treatment, attending a cooking class, shopping or hearing a guest educator.”
Couples, she said go to resorts and tend to concentrate on one location. Single women are looking for variety, interesting experiences and bonding with other women.
“Women like the company of like-minded women,” Merenda said. “There’s strength in numbers. They will share what’s happening in their lives be it aging parents or teenage kids.”
Merenda, who founded her online travel business for women 10 years ago, said the number of women who are traveling completely on their own without other family or friends has jumped from about 50 percent of her clients to 70 percent.
“Gutsy Women is not about climbing Mount Everest,” she said, “but about having the courage to put your self first.” Women, she said, "spend their lives doing for others. Independent travel is about occasionally making time for yourself to refresh and renew your mind, spirit and body in the company of like-minded women at fascinating destinations.”
Safe but single
Gutsywomentravel.com and travel and tour businesses like them catering to solo travelers emphasize the safety features of their tours. Tours are typically designed to offer a variety of experiences and chances to meet local people.
At gutsywomentravel.com, trips are no more than seven days’ duration or less “as we recognize that women are time-deprived,” Merenda said. Women-only tour groups and the travel industry in general recognize growing market opportunities by catering to women, since women make 70 percent of all travel decisions.
The latest 2010 U.S. Travel Association data show:
- 40.3 million Americans are age 65 and older.
- Of those about 23 million are women with 59 percent married and 41 percent widowed or divorced.
- Of the 17.4 million men, 65 and older, 71 percent are married, 29 percent, widowed or divorced.
In addition to a growing number of solo travelers, more couples are taking separate vacations, Merenda said.
“In this economy, couples may have to leave careers, they may have differing vacation times…. she may take a vacation alone because he may be working or have different interests,” she said. “She can do a cooking class in France and he doesn't mind because she’s in the safety of like-minded women.”
Inter-generational travel
At Road Scholar, a not-for-profit Boston-based travel and learning organization, the trends show an increase in international travel and intergenerational travel.
“Our programs have always offered accommodations for single travelers,” said Stacie Fasola, Road Scholar director of public relations “Our only barrier is ability level in terms of walking, hiking. Our programs are rated accordingly.” Road Scholar encourages solo travelers to share double-occupancy rooms. It charges extra -- in the $200 to $650 per person range -- for a single room.
Fasola said a typical Road Scholar traveler is a retired female educator who may have been a school administrator or librarian. Something close to 60 percent of Road Scholar clients are women who like the educational aspects of travel. The organization offers hundreds of group trips a year with some as inexpensive as $600 for an all-inclusive three day expedition in Arizona. Most are more elaborate and far ranging such as 10 days exploring “The Hidden Treasures of Florence,” for $3,398 including meals, hotel and transportation and airfare from JFK.
Eating alone? Not.
“Our solo travelers may have concerns about safety,” Fasola said. “They likely will not want to eat alone or go to hotels alone. Travel is an experience you want to share. We help make that happen.”
At Rick Steves’ Seattle-based travel and guide publishing company, a growing trend is not solo women travelers, but male solo travelers, said Deanna Woodruff, tour department manager.
“In 2000, we occasionally had a solo male on one of our tours,” she said. “Now it is common to have at least one solo male traveler on each tour and on some tours you may find two or three.”
As for Cyndi Anderson at Vancouver’s USA River Cruises, small ship travel on rivers and waterways throughout the world has become popular for the easy of travel from one location to another and for the safety.
“These trips include shore excursions and independent exploration with a ship’s crew looking out for you,” Anderson said. “We see ship operators putting on more single cabins.”
The best travel operators, she said, will arrange for a pre-trip get-together for their singles travelers. The idea is to meet before you start traveling, she said.
My good friend Sharron, the retired school teacher, said her travel group of mostly women became a little family. "My experience," she said. "was better than a college course. This was more than just sight-seeing...it was a trip of a lifetime."
Don't wait to take yours.
Thanks to Dianne Moore at http://www.zestnow.com/ for republishing this piece on Women Traveling Solo at the ZestNow Web stie.
Travel Web sites:
- http://www.cruiseandresorts.com/ for Sunshine Travel and USA River Cruises.
- http://gutsywomentravel.com/ for women-only travel groups.
- http://www.roadscholar.org/ for travel-education tours.
- http://www.ricksteves.com/ tour travel and guide books.
- http://www.tripadvisor.com/ search “solo travel” forum.
- http://women-traveling.com, group travel for women.
-http:www.journeywomen.com. A travel resource for women.
women.
A few tips for traveling on your own:
1. Use a quality travel agency or travel company with a solid track record to book your trip. Online prices may look good but can be misleading or a scam.
2. Do your homework. Get reliable recommendations on travel agents and tour agencies.
3. When comparing trip prices make sure they are apples-to-apples trip comparisons.
4. Go on a trip with an open mind. You will return with new friends and memories from life-changing experiences.
5. Small group travel means that you’re not really alone but have security and a travel director to assist you.
6. Share your goals with your travel director. If you want a camel ride, say so.
7. Take lots of small denominations in foreign currency to avoid international ATM fees and tipping awkwardness when traveling solo.
8. Never allow a hotel desk clerk to verbally mention your room number when you check in. Instead have them write it down, then look at the number when you're on the elevator.
9. Don't put off your travel dreams just because you're on your own. Looking into your options and prices. Go with other like-minded women. Make something happen.
U.S. Travel Trends
- Solo travelers: 11 percent all leisure travelers.
- Baby boomers, born 1946-54: 15 percent of leisure travelers.
- Mature travelers, born before 1946: 21 percent of leisure travelers.
- Women traveling solo: 30 percent are married, 55 percent are single and 15 percent, widowed.
- 65 and older U.S. population: 40.3 million.
- Of women, 65 and older, 41 percent are married, 40 percent widowed, 12.3 percent divorced and 4.7 percent, never married.
- Travel decisions made by women: 70 percent.
- Leisure industry revenue: $526 billion.
- Leisure travel U.S. tax revenue: $82 billion.
SOURCES: U.S. Travel Association, U.S. Census Bureau, gutsywomentravel.com.

At 65. What I know now that I didn't know five years ago.

2011-10-19T17:14:00.000-07:00

Today, I'm 65. The good news is that I have plenty of company with something like 10,000 baby boomers like me turning 65 every day this year. I've got my Medicare card tucked securely in my wallet, along with the supplemental Medicare Advantage insurance card. Monthly Social Security benefits roll into my bank account every month. I refinanced my mortgage loan.
AARP sends me mail, sometimes three times a week. So do brokerage firms, insurance companies and retirement centers. Yep, I'm 65.
Did we really think about what life would be like in our 60s? For me it was the vague gauzy future where I'd be married, surrounded by successful children and grandchildren, some of them Harvard graduates. I'd be financially secure, active in the community and enjoying a satisfied life of travel and engagement. Some of that has actually come true. Some of it has been dramatically different.
Since marking my 60th birthday five years ago, I experienced an unwanted and devastating divorce and became suddenly 60 and single. I quit my full-time job of 26 years and moved into semi-retirement as a home-based journalist. My best friend from the second grade died of stomach cancer.
Then I met a wonderful new man and after some discussion, we married. Traveling is a more important aspect of my life. Family is important. New relationships are interesting and revitalizing. Life is rich, hectic and good. But not peaceful.
Ticking clock
We agree that the clock is ticking as we see friends grappling with serious illness and even widowhood. We are determined to live life as fully as possible. There's some pressure to do that.
At 65, half way to 70, I would say to those coming along behind that your 60s will be filled with changes and challenges. They will be exciting and a bit scary as we sometimes see bad things happen to good people.You will see friends slow down and grow old, mentally, if not physically.
Some friends will drift away as husbands retire and their interests are more centered on family.
Did we really stay up until 11 p.m. on weeknights? Now I can barely make it to 8:30!
At one end of the spectrum we are still worrying about our kids and grand kids. Worrying about our financial profile, income and strategies. On the other, we have aging parents. My 96-year-old mother meets with her doctor tomorrow to find out if she can go home after breaking her hip. I'll be there with her.
We all know that having control of most anything in our lives is an illusion. I count myself lucky to have my health, to have found a wonderful partner that likes to ski, river raft and live in the woods with me. These past five years of being over 60 have been challenging, exhausting and certainly exhilarating. I've learned a lot about life from top to bottom. I expect that the learning process will continue.
Below I'm sharing a few quotes that inspire me. I hope they inspire and cheer you on your journey.

"One of the conclusions I have come to in my old age is the importance of living in the ever-present now. In the past, too often I indulged in the belief that some how or other tomorrow would be brighter or happier or richer." - Ruth Casey

- "The key to reconnecting is to cherish the gift that abandonment has given you, to remain open to your vulnerabilities and to the vulnerabilities of others. Maintaining emotional contact creates a bridge to true relationships," - Susan Anderson, from "The Journey from Abandonment to Healing."

- "The lesson....is that when we are ready to make a new beginning, we will shortly find an opportunity." - William Bridges from his "Transitions: Making sense of Life's changes."

- "Courage doesn't always roar.
Sometimes courage is the quiet voice
at the end of the day saying,
"I will try again tomorrow."
- Mary Anne Radmacher

- "It is only through labor and painful effort, by grim energy and resolute courage, that we move on to better things." - Theodore Roosevelt

- "Life is like riding a bicycle. To keep your balance you must keep moving." - Albert Einstein

- "Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results." - Albert Einstein

- "Forgive yourself for your faults and your mistakes and move on." - Les Brown

"Laughter gives us distance. It allows us to step back from an event, deal with it and then move on."
- Bob Newhart

-"We keep moving forward, opening new doors, and doing new things, because we're curious and curiosity keeps leading us down new paths." - Walt Disney

"Whatever you can do, or dream you can, Begin it. Boldness has genius, power and magic in it, Begin it now." - Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

"You can only perceive real beauty in a person as they get older." -Anouk Aimee

"To keep the heart unwrinkled, to be hopeful, kindly, cheerful, reverent that is to triumph over old age."
-Thomas B. Aldrich

"To know how to grow old is the master work of wisdom, and one of the most difficult chapters in the great art of living." -Henri Frederic Amiel

"I'm not interested in age. People who tell me their age are silly. You're as old as you feel."
-Elizabeth Arden

"Probably the happiest period in life most frequently is in middle age, when the eager passions of youth are cooled, and the infirmities of age not yet begun; as we see that the shadows, which are at morning and evening so large, almost entirely disappear at midday." -Thomas Arnold

"Old age is like everything else. To make a success of it, you've got to start young." - Fred Astaire

"Aging seems to be the only available way to live a long life." - -Daniel Francois Esprit Auber

"Men of age object too much, consult too long, adventure too little, repent too soon, and seldom drive business home to the full period, but content themselves with a mediocrity of success." -Francis Bacon

"I will never be an old man. To me, old age is always 15 years older than I am." -Bernard M. Baruch

"We grow neither better or worse as we get old, but more like ourselves." -May L. Becker

"To think, when one is no longer young, when one is not yet old, that one is no longer young, that one is not yet old, that is perhaps something." -Samuel Beckett

"Therefore we do not lose heart. Even though our outward man is perishing, yet the inward man is being renewed day by day." [2 Corinthians 4:16] -Bible

"To resist the frigidity of old age, one must combine the body, the mind, and the heart. And to keep these in parallel vigor one must exercise, study, and love." -Bonstettin

"The tendency of old age to the body, say the physiologists, is to form bone. It is as rare as it is pleasant to meet with an old man whose opinions are not ossified." - J. F. Boyse

"Old men should have more care to end life well than to live long." -Captain J. Brown

"You are never too old to set another goal or to dream a new dream." -Les Brown

"A woman's always younger than a man at equal years." - Elizabeth Barrett Browning

"Grow old with me the best is yet to come." -Robert Browning

"Perhaps one has to be very old before one learns to be amused rather than shocked." -Pearl S. Buck

"Age is something that doesn't matter, unless you are a cheese." -Billie Burke

"By the time you're eighty years old you've learned everything. You only have to remember it."
-George Burns

"How beautifully leaves grow old. How full of light and color are their last days." -John Burroughs

"To me -- old age is always ten years older than I am." - Andre B. Buruch

"A man of eighty has outlived probably three new schools of painting, two of architecture and poetry and a hundred in dress." - Joyce Carey

"It is not all bad, this getting old, ripening. After the fruit has got its growth it should juice up and mellow. God forbid I should live long enough to ferment and rot and fall to the ground in a squash." - Emily Carr

"Most people think that aging is irreversible and we know that there are mechanisms even in the human machinery that allow for the reversal of aging, through correction of diet, through anti-oxidants, through removal of toxins from the body, through exercise, through yoga and breathing techniques, and through meditation." - Deepak Chopra

They've promised my mother that she can go home.

2011-10-13T21:32:00.000-07:00

The other day on the phone, my mother asked why was she still here. "Why didn't I die when I fell," she said.
It's been a rough couple of months for her after a fall in her kitchen in July that broke a hip. She had hip replacement surgery and has been recovering in a convalescent center since. Her living space is a small room with a bed, a table, TV and no real privacy. She's been going to physical therapy, eating in a lunch room three times a day with other residents. Last night, a music group entertained.

A few nights ago, she fell again while trying to get to the bathroom when no one was around. So now an alarm goes off if she tries to get out of bed. She hates the prison-like confinement. She hates the alarm.
Before the fall, she'd made good progress with her recovery. Now she seems tired and a bit discouraged, which for her is saying a lot. She has just never let much get her down...she's a steel magnolia, a Scarlett O'Hara, a woman who grew up in the Depression and never looks back.
Now after three months, she's pretty much used up her Medicare rehab coverage and very much wants to go home. A lot of people have been trying to make that happen by building a ramp to the front of her farm house door, making some changes in the bathroom, helping my sister clean up the house and hiring care givers to help her get in and out of bed, to dress, bath and make it to the bathroom when my sister isn't there.
I didn't have a good answer for my mother when she asked why she was still here. Why are any of us here? It's just not her time, I told her. "We still have things to learn from you," I said.
Maybe it's just genetics... both her parents lived into their 90s, so no surprise...here she is.
Mom has had a great life as farm wife and mother, active in her church, women's groups and the community. She lived independently until her stroke at 83. Even after that she had Howard, her second husband, who provided love and companionship. They got along well until his death at age 93. My mother was 89.
She's been widowed twice, the first time when my father died 20 years ago. She was 76 and still a vital and independent woman. Now she's using a walker and a wheelchair to get around. When I visited her at the care facility a few weeks ago, I saw what old, really old, looks like.. tiny white haired women, wrapped in blankets and shawls, sitting in wheel chairs. In some cases, too weak to feed themselves.
Old is old when you get to be over 95.
Mother is trying to stay positive and engaged. Tonight, we talked politics. She's stays up on football (Go Boise State!) and told me about the visitors who recently have come to see her. Next Friday, they've promised to let her go home. For how long, I don't know.
According to the latest Census Bureau stats, there are more than 1 million women aged 90 to 94 alive in the United States as compared to 424,387 men in the same age group. Another 288,981 women are aged 95 and above, my mother at 96, is among them. Do I want to live that long? Nope. The scary part is that I might.