Size 12 by St Patrick's Day!

Andrew McCarthy, Peter Pan is a Girl Thing from Pre Women's Liberation Times

2024-06-28T11:54:00.000-07:00

"I have never understood the appeal of Peter Pan," says Brat Pack member Andrew McCarthy in his book, BRAT: AN '80S STORY. For those unfamiliar, Peter Pan is a children's tale about staying a child forever. And being able to fly! The female lead is a girl named Wendy, and as the only girl, she is the real main character.

Andrew, try being a girl, and I think you will get the appeal of Peter Pan.

Girl-to-woman is not nearly as desirable a transition as boy-to-man.

I mean, it is moreso today versus when you were a boy in the 1960s, for sure. Today, women can have their own bank accounts. Today, women can have credit cards without a man co-signing. Today, women can buy real estate and cars without their husband or dad cosigning. Today, women are accepted in most careers without a double-take, not just in nursing and teaching.

But.

Women have pre-menstrual syndrome (PMS) and menstrual cramps.

On average, women are still paid less than men for the same jobs.

Women who want to procreate have to deal with pregnancy and childbirth.

Married women still have to deal with their husbands being the main account holder on jointly held accounts.

At the average age of 50, women have to deal with menopausal hot flushes (which are commonly called hot flashes). I myself started getting these at age 36 and am still getting them, 25 years later.

And I could go on and on.

I am grateful that at least now women can vote (in the USA) and support ourselves and own cars and real estate on our own, unlike when Peter Pan was written.

Yes, I'm an introvert. No, I'm not shy.

2020-11-28T10:39:00.000-08:00

I am often the life of a party. Not socially anxious in any way, I can tell stories and jokes like the best of them.

But after any social gathering, I need time alone to recover.

A lot of time.

I've always spent hours alone: mostly reading, but also watching TV. And since the late 90s, surfing the Internet. I adore Facebook. It's got all the pluses of a party without the minuses.I can keep up with my friends and family at my own pace, when I'm ready, sort of like an independent-study class!

I LOVE working from home. LOVE IT. Most of my current job involves talking on the phone. At home, away from coworkers' chit chat, I can handle that for four hours each weekday. I even enjoy it. In an office, I would have to hide in my car during break, to recover.

I tried for thirty years to be a good teacher. I love watching kids' faces light up when they 'get it.' My biggest hero for years was Mrs. Ryan, the teacher who taught me to read. I wanted to be just like her when I grew up.

***

But being around thirty or more kids all day drained my energy too much. I was fine till around 10 am. After that, the kids got the better of me! I had no energy to keep them on task. I barely had time to grade papers each evening before I feel asleep, exhausted.

I wish I had known before I applied for teacher training that:

1) Teachers need to be extroverts.

and

2) I am an introvert.

well, also

3) English teachers have more papers to grade than anyone else!

I also wish this book had been around when I was in my teens. It explains why I'm an introvert! The short version: I have extra nerves. No, really. A dentist discovered an extra nerve in my tooth during a root canal. These extra nerves make me extra sensitive. And extra weary. Suseptible to over-stimulation.

Another symptom of having extra nerves:

Caffeine keeps me awake for a staggering 8-12 hours. Now that I have to get up at 4:30 am to get ready to drive my husband to work, I have to stop drinking Coke Zero at 9am. Otherwise, I just toss and turn in bed.

So, are you an introvert, too?

Camouflage Dog!

2018-07-19T12:04:00.001-07:00

Camouflage Dog is Cherise Kelley's new occaisional serial about her dog Pumpkin's adventures at the dog park.

Pumpkin befriends a young human whose mother is thinking of getting a dog. Pumpkin and her new human friend hope the dog his mother gets will be a Kaxian, but there is the very real possibility it will be a Nique.

All episodes of the serial will be bundled in both ebook and paperback once they total 200 pages.

Episode 1:
Amazon | iTunes | Barnes & Noble | Kobo Rakuten

Pumpkin is our current dog. Her full name is Pumpkin Pie Spice, because her coloring reminds Scott of the spice you use to make pumpkin pie. My mom calls Pumpkin 'Spice Girl.' :)

We rescued Pumpkin from a kill shelter in September of 2014. This is how skinny she was then.

The people at the shelter thought she was a boy and were calling her Silas!

Even today, most people who meet Pumpkin think she's a boy. The camouflage collar, halter, and leash Scott insisted on getting for her don't help.

We had a great deal of fun inviting our dog park friends to speculate on Pumpkin's mix of breeding before we had her tested.

Some were sure she was a Catahoula Cur. Others adamantly called her a Dutch Shepherd. The most common label put on Pumpkin even today is Pitt Bull, because of her brindle coloring.

The true answer surprised me. It turns out there are at least 18 breeds of dog who commonly are born with brindle coloring. We were sure our dog was not a Pitt Bull, and so we bought a Wisdom Panel dog breed DNA test from Amazon, swabbed our dog's cheek twice, and mailed the swabs in. Two weeks later, we got the answer.

Wisdom Health is 100% certain Pumpkin is half brindle Boxer and half German Shepherd. I had never met a Boxer before, and so I studied up on the breed. Oh, yes. She's half Boxer, all right. She's nuts! She has calmed down a little now that she's five years old, but when we first got her I couldn't walk her three feet without her grabbing a stick and tossing it in the air and catching it, then shaking it as if to kill the stick!

I am so glad she got the German Shepherd mouth instead of the Boxer mouth! I will say, she sure does camouflage well!

David Gerrold is the nicest author I've met

2016-08-19T20:37:00.000-07:00

So this is the second time I met David Gerrold, at Worldcon 2016 in Kansas City, MidAmericon II. He was really nice about posing for a photo together and even was the one to ask his neighbor boothie if she would take the picture.

The first time I met David was at last year's Worldcon, in Spokane. We all laughed as I told him the story.

I was running the newsletter, and he stopped at the door.

"Come on in!" I said.

"Oh, no," said David, "If I come in there, you'll put me to work!"

"Muhahahaha! That's right! Come on in!"

"Well, I have prep work to do for the Hugo Ceremony."

"Oh my God, you're David Gerrold, aren't you!"

If you don't know who David is, he wrote the Tribble episode of the original Star Trek series, and he continues to write.

Dog Park Fun!

2015-10-22T17:31:00.003-07:00

I get so much enjoyment out of watching Pumpkin play in the park! It's our daily dose of fun, no matter what else is going on. And she is really good about making me walk, lol!

My First Worldcon

2015-08-23T19:01:00.001-07:00

Thanks to all five thousand plus of you who made Worldcon 2015 a great time! Thanks to Glenn Glazer for making me and Rose-Marie Lillian Worldcon Heroes. :)

It was wonderful working on the newsletter with Tom Galloway, Kaye Thornbrugh, Bonnie Packert, Ruth Pitt, Judith Herman, Cathy Thornbrugh, Kelly Thornbrugh, and Heidi Garret.

Thanks again for your help with the restaurant guide, Bonnie Packert, Ruth Pitt, Gwen Nicodemus, Cathy Thornbrugh, and Kelly Thornbrugh!

Thank you, Scott for coming along with me on this adventure and having just as much fun as I did so that I didn't feel guilty for spending so much time on it. :)

Auto Awesome by Google Android

2015-03-28T13:35:00.000-07:00

OK, I've got to share this with as many people as I can, because it's so fun! This is our new dog, Pumpkin, hunting a squirrel at the dog park this morning. Sure, I was trying to get her in the picture, but mostly I was concentrating on all the gnarly mossy branches. How cool is this gif Google made out of these photos for me?

I confess, I only bought an Android phone because of the cool "Droid" commercials on TV. I had no idea my photos would automatically upload to my Google account, let alone that Google would add special effects for me and email me highlights.

I discovered this by accident. My friends get frustrated with me because I take twenty pictures when they say one will do. Well guess what? Google automatically takes multiple photos of the same target and makes gifs for me! I don't have to know how to make gifs or even be planning on making gifs. Google does it for me auto-magically.

I kind of love you right now, Google.

Dog Aliens 3: She Wolf Neya Is Out on Kindle!

2014-12-19T10:28:00.001-08:00

The last book in Cherise Kelley's Dog Aliens trilogy is now available. Get it here:

Dog Aliens 3: She Wolf Neya

For dog lovers of all ages, but
geared toward readers aged 9-12.
100% clean content safe for children.
Minor violence between wolves and dogs.

Neya wants to start a new pack with Raffle, the dog alien who calls her into psychic visions daily. Her pack would kill him if they knew. The wolves and the dog aliens are ancient enemies.

Raffle says he can't leave his humans, who would kill her if she came near. Neya decides to make Raffle jealous with another dog alien. But lone wolf Cholf keeps getting in the way!

Meanwhile, Lido spies and Baj flies.

The Dog Aliens Series

Kaxian Duty - A Dog Aliens Short Story
Dog Aliens 1: Raffle's Name
Dog Aliens 2: Oreo
Dog Aliens 3: She Wolf Neya

Hugh Howie Contributed to Our Free Book of Short Stories!

2014-12-18T09:26:00.000-08:00

Hugh Howie, the author of the Wool / Silo books that have been picked up for a movie by Ridley Scott, contributed a story to our free book of short stories. Stories on the Go: 101 Very Short Stories By 101 Authors, is now free for Kindle, Nook, iPhones and iPads, and Kobo Readers.

I contributed a story, too! It's from the dog's point of view, which I'm told I do really well. The title of my story in the book is 'My Master Got a Raw Deal'.

I hope you will pick up this book and enjoy all the short stories. Each one is four pages or fewer.

The book is a sampler of all the different types of stories independent authors are publishing these days: romance, science fiction, thriller, horror, literary, and just about everything else you can imagine, including a few adult titles.

Please read the stories you like and leave the rest unread. It's free!

This free book of short stories came to exist because of a suggestion Hugh Howie made on December 30, 2013 on KBoards, an online forum we indie authors hang out at. At the time, many self-published authors were starting a trend of getting on the New York Times bestseller list by contributing to boxed sets of novels and pricing the boxed sets at 99 cents.

I'm paraphrasing here, but Hugh Howie basically said hey, let's see how many of us we can get into one book and put it on the New York Times bestseller list!

This got a bunch of attention! Three hundred of us were involved and we had a committees to read all the submissions and accept or reject. Lawyers told us how to deal with charity contributions and took months and months drafting contracts for all authors to sign. We had a videographer compiling shorts of each of us saying, "My name is X, and I'm an author!"

The first version of this anthology was nearly ready to go when I pointed out that short story anthologies were not eligible for the New York Times bestseller list. At this point, many of the big names dropped out, but Hugh didn't. He was still up for it, God bless him.

It was funny, though. At this point, the thread about the anthology was so long that no one was reading it all. New people were still jumping in with New York Times bestseller list stars in their eyes. It took months for this thread to die out, but it finally did.

But not everyone was in it for the bestseller status. 100 of us just wanted to be in a book with Hugh Howie!

Andrew Ashling took up the reins, and again I'm paraphrasing, but he said let's get back to the idea of creating a collection of short stories. Let's make it a basic toaster and forget about trying to make it a 1,000 function microwave oven. If giving the money to a charity is a big headache, then let's just make the book free.

So that's what we did. We made it free so we didn't have to restrict stories to the type a charity wished to be associated with. We took stories from whoever wanted to contribute, so there was no need of an acceptance committee. Twenty of us volunteered to proofread the stories. Andrew Ashling formatted the stories into one cohesive book and incorporated our proofreading corrections. Selina Fenech paid Scarlett Rugers to design the cover.

And now, thirteen days shy of a year after Hugh Howie envisioned it, we give you this free book of short stories to enjoy!

Stories on the Go: 101 Very Short Stories By 101 Authors, is now free for Kindle, Nook, iPhones and iPads, and Kobo Readers.

Tail Between Legs

2014-12-07T12:58:00.000-08:00

After reading Kaxian Duty, a lady said she had never seen a dog with tail between legs in real life. Here is a photo I took the other day at the dog park. This newcomer puppy's tail was under his tummy almost the whole hour.

He stayed near his humans for security while other dogs came over to sniff and get to know him. He had his tail between his legs even when friendly dogs or humans came near.

He was afraid. A dog puts tail under belly when he is afraid. Mostly only puppies are this afraid, or rather timid, but at times even grown dogs tuck their tails in this manner.

This is such common knowledge that there is a saying that uses it: "with one's tail between one's legs." The saying is spoken of someone who is defeated, cowed, or humiliated.

Here are some examples I just made up using this saying:

After she turned him down at the party, he had his tail between his legs, he was so disappointed.

He struck out in the baseball game yesterday, so today he's walking around with his tail between his legs.

Her tail is between her legs because she was caught with her hand in the cookie jar.

What Breed of Dog Is She?

2014-09-26T09:40:00.001-07:00

This is our new year-old puppy! We adopted her yesterday at the animal shelter. They say she is a shepherd mix, but I think she looks more like a hound. She has heeler paws, with the thumbs up the leg a little. She uses those thumbs to her advantage by holding onto rawhides while she chews them.

She is a brindle color, which means she has stripes of different colors, like a tabby cat. She has a big snout, and it is all black. Her ears flop. She has a barrel chest, like a greyhound. She's beautiful.

She has such a long tail! It moves just like a tiger's tail. We thought about naming her Tiger, but that is Scott's nickname for me, so that won't work! Scott suggested naming her Pumpkin, and I have been calling her Pumpkin Pie. That's just a bit too sissy for him, though, so he told me that name is not for sure. UPDATE: Her official name is Pumpkin Pie Spice. :) We call her Pumpkin. My mom calls her Spice Girl.

She is very playful outside, running and jumping and chasing toys and flinging them about! Someone taught her manners, though, because once she comes in the house she behaves. She was left at the pound because she suffered separation anxiety. I'm guessing her previous owners worked outside the home and came back to a mess. I work from home, so this will be her forever home.

We went for our first walk this morning. :)

This is part of the fun of adopting mixed breed dogs from the animal shelter: guessing what kind they are! So what breed of dog is she? Or what mix, I should say.

Speculative Fiction Blog Hop

2014-06-09T22:25:00.000-07:00

Thank you, RJ Crayton, for tagging me into the Speculative Fiction Blog Hop! I hear it has been going on for years, and no one has been able to trace it back to its source. RJ Crayton is writing the dystopian Life First series about a society that can force you to donate internal organs. Really scary, "run for your life" type stuff! She and I know each other through the KBoards Writers' Cafe, where we both hang out.

For those unfamiliar with speculative fiction

I first heard the term used to describe Sherry Gottlieb's bookstore, A Change of Hobbit. It was my favorite hangout when I was a teen, and only today through her site have I found out it is "the oldest and largest science-fiction and fantasy bookstore in the world." So if you want to know what speculative fiction is, read the fascinating story of why Sherry opened her bookstore. :)

For those unfamiliar with blog hops

They are sort of like the old-fashioned chain letters you used to get in the mail, where you get one and then you ask other people to keep it going. In this particular blog hop, apparently it used to be you tagged three other bloggers, but we have only seen one blogger tagged so far as we traced it back.

Anyway, how fun. On to the blog hop questions!

What am I working on?

My series is about how all dogs are really aliens from other planets. Dog Aliens 1 and Dog Aliens 2 are published, and I am working on Dog Aliens 3.

How does my work differ from others in its genre?

My fantasy superhero is a dog. OK, I just Googled "dog superheroes" and got a Wikipedia page with ten, so maybe that's not so different after all. :( In case you wonder but aren't curious enough to click, they are:
1. Underdog (I can still hear the song in my head...)
2. Ace the Bat-Hound
3. The Comet Dog
4. Dynomutt, Dog Wonder
5. Goofy (Really? He doesn't seem like a superhero to me.)
6. Krypto
7. Lockjaw
8. Rex the Wonder Dog (Road Rovers)
9. Wonder Dog (Super Friends)
10. Yankee Poodle

OK, well, all the dogs in my dog stories are aliens. That's my other genre: dog story. Only, no one has made that a genre, so all of us 'dog story' authors have to list our stories under children's fiction > animals > dogs. What's up with that, Amazon? Barnes and Noble, any help? Kobo? Google Play? No? Now you know. All the dog stories are in Children's Fiction. Yep, even the really heavy dog stories like Garth Stein's The Art of Racing in the Rain.

Oh, I know!

I write happy dog stories where the dog doesn't die at the end. There you go. That's how my work differs.

Why do I write what I do?

I write family-friendly, action-packed, humorous stories so that parents and grandparents can enjoy what they read to their kids and grandkids. Jean Baldridge Yates made the Raffle rock and the photo collage you see at the top of this post. Teachers write and tell me my books are in their 4th and 5th grade classroom libraries. I know families with 8-to-11-year-old kids where the whole family will read my books and discuss them together. One mother says my books are her 8-year-old's favorite books. I get such a kick out of all this! Hearing from readers is the best part of being an author.

How does my writing process work?

I am a slow writer. I type really fast; that's not the problem. I just don't have that many ideas, so I have to grab on to the ideas I do have and let them live in my imagination until I start to hear what the characters are saying to each other. Then, I write that down. :)

My first draft is almost all dialogue. Next, I go through and describe where the characters are and what they're doing. I make another pass through and tell what they're thinking. Another pass to make sure there are funny parts and silly parts. As I go through each time, I also tweak to make sure things make sense and the timeline is consistent. I keep passing through and adding stuff until my deadline.

I thought my writing process was weird and unique until I read Alexandra Sokoloff's blog: Screenwriting Tricks for Authors. She has posted a list of all the types of passes she does, in order of descending importance, until her deadline comes and she has to turn the thing in. It's uncanny how similar our two minds are, yet she writes horror while I write silly superheroes.

Tag! You're it!

I'm tagging Travis Hill, another author I know from KBoards, who writes all kinds of stuff, but one of his stories I've actually read (and really like) is It's Better This Way, which happens to be free right now on Kindle!

I love this bit Travis emailed me about his favorite activity:

"Trying to convince my wife that I need a ninja sword. I mean, they wouldn't sell the things on TV if they weren't invaluable weapons for when gangs of ninja suddenly crash through your living room windows, swords drawn."

P.S. Here you go, Travis!

The Dog Aliens Series

2014-04-22T20:58:00.004-07:00

All the Dog Aliens stories have happy endings. The dogs don't die. For dog lovers of all ages.

Dog Aliens 1: Raffle's Name

Clem is a big dog with a secret: he is an alien from outer space.

Every morning, he digs out of his yard to mine jex. He has a hard time keeping the little dogs from stealing his jex.

Unhappy with the digging, Clem's human abandons him in the mountains, where Clem discovers his talent for manipulating thoughts. This talent comes in handy at the animal shelter, but then Clem goes a little too far with it at his new human's house. In the process, he gets a new name: Raffle.

| Amazon | iTunes | Barnes & Noble | Smashwords

Dog Aliens 2: Oreo

Oreo is a rascal dog. Adopted by a suburban family, all he wants to do is run away and hunt. Prevented from that, he gets his kicks by making trouble for his goody-goody adopted brother, Raffle.

But Raffle keeps saying they're both aliens from outer space.

At first, Oreo just laughs at him.

But then things get weird.

| Amazon | iTunes | Barnes & Noble | Smashwords

Dog Aliens 3: She Wolf Neya

She Wolf Neya wants to start a new pack with Raffle, the dog alien who calls her into psychic visions daily.

But her pack would kill him if they knew. The wolves and the dog aliens are ancient enemies.

Raffle says he can't leave his humans, who would kill her if she came near. Neya decides to make Raffle jealous with another dog alien. But lone wolf Cholf keeps getting in the way!

Meanwhile, Lido spies and Baj flies.

| Amazon | iTunes | Barnes & Noble | Smashwords

Dog Aliens 1, 2 & 3

Get All three novels in one ebook. BONUS: Free short story!

| Amazon | iTunes | Barnes & Noble

Kaxians Featured on Galactic Netcasts!

2014-03-14T15:31:00.000-07:00

Listen to the radio show below! Dog Aliens is a series of 200-page novels for children aged 9-12, available in paperback as well as ebook. All my Dog Aliens books have happy endings, and no dogs ever die in them.

Free Sample!
Dog Aliens Short Story: Kaxian Duty

At three months old, Clem faces his first day of Kaxian duty with anxiety. What will his assignment be? His tail has a mind of its own, which doesn't help matters any.

Dog Aliens 1: Raffle's Name

Clem is a dog with a secret: he is an alien from Planet Kax! Every morning, he digs out of his yard to mine jex. Unhappy with the digging, Clem's human abandons him in the mountains, where Clem discovers his talent for manipulating thoughts. This talent comes in handy when he finds himself in a cage at the animal shelter, but he goes a little nuts with it.

Dog Aliens 2: Oreo

Oreo is a rascal dog who loves to make trouble for his goody goody adopted brother Raffle, who keeps saying they're both aliens from outer space.

Dog Aliens 3: She Wolf Neya

Available soon!

Neya’s body has changed. She has new feelings she doesn’t understand. She wants her own mate and a new pack with him. Now if Raffle would just ask her, already! She decides to make him jealous with Red, another dog alien. But this lone wolf Cholf keeps getting in the way!

My Kaxians were discussed on the radio!

It's an hour-long show, but the Kaxians part starts at 0:32 and goes on for eleven minutes! Listen here:

The Alien Invasion #99 - Poo Or Not

Galactic Netcasts' Anessa Alana Magnus Moyenes said some really nice things about my Kaxians on Wednesday, March 5, 2014. She talked mostly about my Dog Aliens short story, Kaxian Duty, but said she read some of Dog Aliens 1: Raffle's Name in order to fill in the details she needed in order to describe the Kaxians on the show's Creature Feature. :)

A Google alert sent me this. I had no idea it was happening!

Vincent Trigili and his son like my dog alien books!

2014-02-26T14:57:00.000-08:00

Please comment on Vincent Trigili's blog post and thank him for blogging my two free books, everyone. :) He appreciates that I write family friendly science fiction that his 10 year old son loves! This is the best feeling ever!

Here's a recent photo of Raffle and Oreo with some Maple tree roots we see on our daily walk in the park. I find these tree roots beautiful for some reason. Of course, the dogs usually want to sniff the tree for scent messages and then struggle with each other to be the last one to leave their own scent messages. This line of Maple trees is a very popular scent message site for the local Kaxians. ;)

Do you like the new book cover concept?

2014-02-10T19:59:00.001-08:00

This would be for Dog Aliens 2. Dog Aliens 1 would just have Raffle. I asked Midnight Whimsy Designs to somehow increase the contrast on Oreo so that the sunglasses show up better. She is going to see if she can find a Springer Spaniel or a Border Collie with white markings, or perhaps make his sunglasses shiny so that they show up better. The short story, Kaxian Duty, will have Raffle, Lido, and Skil as puppies in a spaceship but without the ties or sunglasses yet. Dog Aliens 3 will be the wolf, Neya, on the grass outside the spaceship, with Raffle in the distance in his tie and sunglasses.

Winter Stars!

2014-01-31T19:54:00.002-08:00

I don't know if these pictures do it justice, but tonight it looks magical out. Something about the way the light

plays off the snow on the trees. Something in the way the clouds part just enough to reveal the winter stars. Somehow the snow clings to the trees in just the right way.

I didn't dare hope the camera would capture the mood, but then I saw these pictures on my screen. Am I imagining it, or does the one with the porch light look almost like something the late great Thomas Kinkade would have painted? I have no idea how it came out looking like a painting. I used the timer and set the camera on the windshield. I love it, though.

The top photo doesn't show the stars, though, not in this small version, so I'm glad I shot this second look. I love that the stars are visible through the clouds. It's as if they are reminding us that Winter is just passing through and Summer lurks out there, waiting for its turn.

I just had to share this with you, I found it so beautiful.

Who's on First Computer Parody

2014-01-07T12:04:00.001-08:00

Love this computer age parody of Who's on First that Mom just sent me in email! LOL!

ABBOTT: Mac?

COSTELLO: No, the name's Lou.

ABBOTT: Your computer?

COSTELLO: I don't own a computer. I want to buy one.

ABBOTT: Mac?

COSTELLO: I told you, my name's Lou.

ABBOTT: What about Windows?

COSTELLO: Why? Will it get stuffy in here?

ABBOTT: Do you want a computer with Windows?

COSTELLO: I don't know. What will I see when I look at the windows?

ABBOTT: Wallpaper.

COSTELLO: Never mind the windows. I need a computer and software.

ABBOTT: Software for Windows?

COSTELLO: No. For the computer! I need something I can use to write proposals, track expenses and run my business. What do you have?

ABBOTT: Office.

COSTELLO: Yeah, for my office. Can you recommend anything?

ABBOTT: I just did.

COSTELLO: You just did what?

ABBOTT: Recommend something.

COSTELLO: You recommended something?

ABBOTT: Yes.

COSTELLO: For my office?

ABBOTT: Yes.

COSTELLO: OK, what did you recommend for my office?

ABBOTT: Office.

COSTELLO: Yes, for my office!

ABBOTT: I recommend Office with Windows.

COSTELLO: I already have an office with windows! OK, let's just say I'm sitting at my computer and I want to type a proposal. What do I need?

ABBOTT: Word.

COSTELLO: What word?

ABBOTT: Word in Office.

COSTELLO: The only word in office is office.

ABBOTT: The Word in Office for Windows.

COSTELLO: Which word in office for windows?

ABBOTT: The Word you get when you click the blue 'W'.

COSTELLO: I'm going to click your blue 'W' if you don't start with some straight answers. What about financial bookkeeping? Do you have anything I can track my money with?

ABBOTT: Money.

COSTELLO: That's right. What do you have?

ABBOTT: Money.

COSTELLO: I need money to track my money?

ABBOTT: It comes bundled with your computer.

COSTELLO: What's bundled with my computer?

ABBOTT: Money.

COSTELLO: Money comes with my computer?

ABBOTT: Yes. At no extra charge.

COSTELLO: I get a bundle of money with my computer? How much?

ABBOTT: One copy.

COSTELLO: Isn't it illegal to copy money?

ABBOTT: Microsoft gave us a license to copy Money.

COSTELLO: They can give you a license to copy money?

ABBOTT: Why not? THEY OWN IT!

(A few days later)

ABBOTT: Super Duper computer store. Can I help you?

COSTELLO: How do I turn my computer off?

ABBOTT: Click on START.

My Dog Understands English!

2013-11-28T09:34:00.000-08:00

This book is mostly full of true stories about ordinary dogs who obeyed unusual commands they weren't taught. Here is a bit of a different story. Hopefully, we will see more of this story in the comments, so keep your eye on them! Copyright 2013 Cherise Kelley. All rights reserved.

Excerpt

Sometimes, things happen that are just too funny for words. This was one of those times. We have this beautiful parrot that is quite talkative. His name is Ashley, and he sits watching everything in the large family room.

The dogs usually ignore the bird unless he squawks. That is, the dogs ignored it until the bird started learning the dogs’ names. He would call them and they would come running! It gets better.

My son decided to teach the bird dog commands, to see if the dogs would obey.

I did not see any response to this until one day as I was folding laundry.

I heard, “Yoda, sit,” and then “Roll over.”

I peeked around the corner, and there was Yoda in front of the bird cage, doing the commands.

It was so funny, I grabbed the video camera to try to record it, but it was out of charge. Each time the bird would say ‘Sit’ or ‘Roll over’, Yoda would do it. Yoda caught on that it was the bird giving the commands after that, though. I never got another chance to record it. Darn!

Bird Commanding Dog Videos

Cherise again, here. I so wish she had gotten that on video, the bird giving the dog commands! Isn’t that hilarious? I wonder if someone else will try it. If you do, please get it on video, post it online, and leave a comment here with the name of the site and the name of the video, so we can watch it. I would love to see that! I bet other readers would, too.

My book, My Dog Understands English! 50 dogs obey commands they weren't taught, is available online:
Paperback: Amazon | Barnesandnoble.com
eBook: Kindle

Dog Aliens 2: Oreo Book by Cherise Kelley

2013-11-03T08:22:00.000-08:00

We all know what the alpha of the pack does. Find out what a defender does.

Oreo is a rascal dog who loves to make trouble for his goody goody adopted brother Raffle, who keeps trying to tell him they're both aliens from outer space.

Raffle is running himself ragged playing mental movies for Oreo, trying to keep him from wrecking his humans' house. Something is up, though. Their dog alien neighbors are laughing at Raffle for claiming to be from another planet.

I promise that all my Dog Aliens books have happy endings, and no dogs ever die in them.

paperback: Barnes Online | Amazon | Powell's
ebook: Kindle and the free Kindle app

This is the sequel to Dog Aliens 1: Raffle's Name.
For dog lovers of all ages, but geared toward fourth grade readers.

The Dog Aliens Series

Kaxian Duty - A Dog Aliens Short Story
Dog Aliens 1: Raffle's Name
Dog Aliens 2: Oreo
Dog Aliens 3: She Wolf Neya

Fall Leaves Pictures and Raffle!

2013-10-22T09:41:00.000-07:00

I've been a photo-taking fool these past few weeks, with all the maple trees turning yellow for fall. They don't turn that gorgeous red color here in Spokane. They fall while they're yellow. Still, the maple trees are magnificent in October.

My Minnesota cousin Kathy thinks pine trees are ugly. Any other time of year I disagree, but in autumn the maple trees outshine the pine trees by a large order of magnitude. I will give her that. Maybe she'll admit that the pine trees make a nice background for the maples, here in Washington State.

I did manage to catch a few pictures of Raffle while he was running around at the dog park. Well, I caught a lot of pictures of him, but I managed to catch a few where he wasn't checking out the scent poles, LOL!

I weighed in at 157.6 this morning. I won't tell you what it was yesterday, only that I lost more than 2 pounds yesterday. We got pumpkin spice bread mix from Costco and have been indulging in pumpkin spice pancakes on Sundays. Oh, yum! I like them even more than pumpkin pie! The mix is made by Krusteaz, and it's really easy. Just add water and eggs. I was planning on getting pumpkin spice pancake mix at Trader Joe's because they sent us a flyer, but then I saw this one on my usual Costco run and saved us a trip. It's only for a Sunday indulgence during October.

What's the Story? #1

2013-10-12T06:00:00.000-07:00

A picture is worth a thousand words, right? And every picture tells a story. What story does this picture tell you, all on its own? Please comment and tell me, before you read my version. While I wait, I'll tell you I walk past this trailer every day. It's in the overgrown backyard of a motor home that has been vacant for a year now, but that used to be rented out. The lot borders the park where I walk Raffle and Oreo every day.

OK, now that you've told the story this photo tells you, I'll tell you the story this photo tells me.

Bobbie used to go on road trips with his big sister and his parents when he was little. They went to Disneyland and met Mickey Mouse and rode on the Matterhorn. They saw Grand Canyon, Carlsbad Caverns, Niagara Falls, and Mount Rushmore. They roasted hot dogs for dinner and watched the stars at night for entertainment.

When Bobbie and his sister got too big to fit in the camper with their parents, they put the camper up on cinder blocks on an inexpensive lot out in the boonies and used it as a guest house when they stayed in their vacation home, a mobile home. Bobbie's kids stayed there eventually, as did his niece and nephew. The family had reunions here.

The family prospered. They bought a nicer vacation home. They kept the mobile home as a rental property. But they just plumb forgot their little camper was out there in the back yard. For awhile, kids played in it, but before too long it was vandalized.

------------------------
I weighed in at 156.4 this morning. That's the same weight I've been for a month now. It's steady. Maybe I'll just stay here. My jeans fit great!

Cherise the Name

2013-09-26T10:01:00.002-07:00

In 50 years, I've met exactly 35 people who share my first name. With two exceptions, every time, it has given us a special feeling of kinship. I'm the only one I know who has counted. There were three of us named Cherise in my class in high school, and the other two are the exceptions. Normally, three women sharing a first name isn't a problem, but with a rare name such as ours, it was.

A guy ran up to me in gym class and proudly announced, "I voted for you for Homecoming Queen!"
"I'm not running," I told him.
"Huh? But your name is on the ballot." He smiled at me. "Maybe someone else signed you up!"
"Nope. Cherese ____ is running."
He looked dumbfounded. Cherese ____ and I couldn't look any more different. Literally, black and white! LOL!

There is at least one other Cherise Kelley online. She is blonde and 20 years younger than I am. Kelley is her maiden name, so I hold out hope that perhaps hers will change.

I love my first name, and I'm so glad my parents spelled it right! Cherise translates to cherry from Old French to English. Not cherries, which it does kind of sound like, but cherry. Modern French for cherry is cerise. In 1989, I visited a French friend where she grew up, in Paris. She and her family and friends found my name just as rare there as it is here in the US.

Cherise is my real name. I'm not French, though. My parents found my name in a book of baby names. I grew up before everyday people had Internet access, so I didn't know the meaning of my name until 8th grade Spanish class. I told the teacher my name and he told me my Spanish name was Cereza. I looked that up and it translated to cherry in English.

Nicknames? My dad's parents thought Cherise was too weird a name to call a little girl, so they called me by a name that was more common in my childhood, Sherry. It stuck. My whole family still calls me that, but we spell it Cheri. In French, that is pronounced share EE, and it translates to dear one in English. To my mom and my sister, I'm Cher. I've had odd nicknames, though. Cherries. Reeses. My friend's dad called me Chartreuse.

A black co-worker gave me my favorite odd nickname: Cyd (For Cyd Charisse, the white 1940s actress and dancer best known for the movie "Singin' in the Rain"). He would say it enthusiastically whenever he saw me, "Cyd!" People's reactions were funny. Even in the early 1980s, almost no one remembered poor Cyd Charisse.

In the late 1970s, a guy my age told me that from hearing my name before we were introduced, he expected me to be more of a model, more glamorous. When an older lady heard my name in the early 1990s, she said, "Yeah, that's a 60s name! It's pretty groovy!" Yes, I was born in the 60s, so that makes sense.

When I got Internet access in the late 90s, I looked my name up on various name sites that asked people if they liked their names or not. This one Cherise said she liked it, but it bothered her that even though our name is Old French, people expect her to be black.

I like that my name means something. The other day, someone said it's only recently that people have named their children by putting together sounds they find "pretty" or "cute." He pointed out that traditionally, names have had meaning.

Pirates of the Coeur d'Alene Kids Cruise Review

2013-09-17T19:11:00.001-07:00

We took the Pirates of the Coeur d'Alene Kids Cruise in June of 2013: Mom, Sis, and me. We really enjoyed it! This is definitely meant for kids and we had so much fun watching the kids get into it. The crew did a good job engaging the kids with crafts, games, stories, acting, singing, and dancing.

I'd say the kids pirate cruise is aimed at littler kids, ages 3 - 8. Adults had fun watching the little ones have fun, but I think teens would be bored.

It starts with face painting and costuming the kiddies inside the lower level of the dinner boat. Then, up top where the cannons are there's storytelling and a fun action sequence that changes every year.

The crew use microphone headsets, so everyone can hear what is going on from every seat.

The vistas from the pirate ship boat are as spectacular as the show. Lake Coeur d'Alene is an international resort destination.

There's a full bar the entire time of the cruise. Snacks are on sale, too, and soft drinks.

There is an adult version of the Coeur d'Alene pirate cruise for those over 21, too. I haven't partaken, but I hear it is worth doing if you're in your twenties.

Window Is Short for Wind Opening

2013-09-09T10:44:00.000-07:00

We only have a one-room portable air conditioner that Scott uses in the bedroom to sleep during the day to be ready for his night shifts at work. The rest of the house is cooled by air flow. We open all the windows and use a series of fans to push air through the house. We point all the fans the same direction as the wind is currently blowing outside. This means one end of the house has fans blowing air in through the window and the other end of the house has fans blowing air out through the window, or wind opening.

So, in my mind, windows are for allowing the wind to blow through and cool the house in hot weather. A neighbor recently asked if I'd seen the new paint job on the back of his house. When I told him I hadn't, he told me, "That's what windows are for." I thought to myself, "No, windows are for letting the wind cool the house off. If windows were for spying on our neighbors, then they would be called 'spyows' (spy openings)."

I imagine people shortened 'wind opening' to 'window' long before they had electric fans to help the wind cool their houses. I wonder when we lost track of why we called them wind openings, but I'd guess it happened fairly recently, with the invention of air conditioning.

That reminds me of a cool story about my family's old farmhouse. My Grandma Anna, second from the left in this photo that was taken in the late 1980s, grew up in tornado country. Her father built this farmhouse in the thick of tornado country. During tornado warnings, she would tell us to open the particular window that appears in this photo. She said that giving the wind this opening would prevent the tornado from tearing the house down.

Unfortunately, this photograph got double exposed. That used to happen sometimes, back when we needed to use film in order to take pictures. I mistook this roll of film for an unexposed roll, and I took another picture on top of this one.

-----------------
In other news, I weighed in at 156.6 this morning, and I will be dieting for the next week or so. The cheesecake our church gave us to celebrate our 19th wedding anniversary sure was yummy, though!