Ah. . .that would be my son, the Sizzler.

Elsewhere, children were happily engaged in a friendly game of tag at the group family camp out <cue soundtrack of squealing, playful-but-still-safe children making laughing sounds>. But oh, wait. Whose feet are those dangling from the bottom of the chimney indicating that someone had left the playful group and was now stuck in that giant unused (we hope) outdoor Barbeque?

Ah. . .that would be another Sizzler. (It took about an hour to get him out. No kidding. We were minutes away from calling the fire department.)

And what did all the other parents have to say. . .

. . .about our outgoing, curious, fearless Sizzlers in these situations?

How energetic?

No.

How delightfully different?

No

How lucky and blessed are the parents of these special and interesting kids?

Not even close.

Some things are better not repeated.

Our sizzlers are often out in front, doing things, trying things. . .things that other children would never even dream of. Their minds receive the slightest bit of input which instantly causes the rise of a great idea, which now itches feverishly in their brain requiring that they act upon it.

And off they go to try things without thinking of the dangers or risks involved, to themselves or others. It can cause an unintended alienation from other kids and their parents. I recently got a note from a mom about finding the right social circle for her Sizzling child. Before I try to answer, let’s take a look at her letter.

How do you find a homeschool group that accommodates sizzlers?

Granted, last year was my first attempt at homeschooling and my kids are young (5, 3, & 1), but I was incredibly stressed to attend the group get-togethers and outings with my 3 year old acting his normal self (curious, quiet when wandering, loud, playful, breaking through a fiber glass table at a nursing home, etc.).  I understand many say this is typical behavior of a 3 year old, but I have siblings who behaved the same and were told they were bad.  I’ve been told that I just need to do a better job keeping this one in line (even my youngest “behaves” better).  This kid’s got a good heart, but he’s just like Curious George…gets himself into all kinds of predicaments out of curiosity and wanting to play with everything.  I don’t want to punish him, and I do think I provide the structure that he needs (just enough, but freedom to be himself), but I have such a difficult time around others who just expect him to behave and be a good little boy. 

Can I expect to find a group?  I could really use the support and encouragement, but I feel ostracized because my son is just so full of energy.  What can I do?  I LOVE this child of mine, I love his life and his energy and know that God can use this little boy to do some amazing things as a man someday.  I don’t wish to punish him for who he is all of the time, but I feel like I am expected to ‘make him behave’ a certain way.  (Again, he’s not malicious or hurtful towards others, and his siblings are just very calm in comparison to my wild child).

Are ya feelin’ the love?

Yeah, me neither. Big sigh.

I ache for this kid, and his mom. I’ve sooooo been there. So let’s see what we can come up with.

Let Go of the Notion of Understanding Masses

The typical person will probably never fully appreciate our kids. We need to let go of the wish that they will one day get it. I know. I know. It’s a dream we all had. You say just the right thing and BAM. They’ve got it.  <cue the heavens-parting music and flood bright light of understanding over the face of  aforementioned unappreciative parent.> But, truth is, it’s not likely to happen. And I don’t hold this against them. In fact, I suspect that if I weren’t blessed with two high-energy, into-everything, thinks-a-mile-a-minute Sizzlers. . .I’d be the one not appreciating the Sizzlers around me. I’d be the one looking at the parenting practices of the mom and dad and thinking less than kind thoughts. I’d be the one who “didn’t get it.” I’m pretty sure of it.

The first thing we have to do is to admit some things.

• Our kids ARE more talkative, almost like incessant tape recorders played at double speed.
• Our kids ARE more rambunctious than other children.
• Our kids ARE harder to keep up with. You can look away for just a moment, and they can disappear down a trail because a flitting object in the trees caught their eye.
• Our kids ARE more likely to break things and there are admitted inherent dangers in that.

So in truth, I understand why some parents take two steps backwards when they see us coming. We are a bit much to handle. I’m rather loud, fast-talking, and intense myself. I’ve long believed that I make people tired. So imagine how they feel when they see me AND my Sizzlers heading their way. <feel the semi-panicked need for a Zen getaway vehicle.>

So I understand their retreat.

But I also understand that they completely miss the joy that is my child. I no longer require their understanding in order for me to go ahead and delight in this amazing human being. I wish they got it, but I no longer need them to. And in the end, the loss is most assuredly theirs.

That said, there are some things we should do for our own sakes and for the sakes of our much loved children.

1.  Create Smaller, More Manageable Groups

When the local homeschool group plans an outing at the zoo or science museum, and you know that there will be at least 60 kids in the group. . .just say “no”. Our sizzlers will amp up just by being part of a big crowd. Their level of excitability will notch up significantly simply by the presence of so many other laughing, moving, chattering people. Don’t put your child in that situation and then expect them to keep a calm and level head about themselves. It’s asking too much.

Instead, create your own mini-group. Find one other family, maybe two, and go on your own. Choose a calmer group of folks. Try to keep the volume and pace slower, more thoughtful. Instead of flitting from the monkeys to the lions to the bears, pause and ask questions that take the experience a layer deeper. This will not only help your Sizzler to keep the flit-factor to a manageable level, it will make for a more educational experience.

2. Create Your OWN Support Group

Any time you find another family with a Sizzler, make a connection. Have them over to play. Share useful Sizzle-friendly resources.  Let them know they are not alone! They need you as much as you need them. These are people who already “get” your child. No educating needs to be done. There aren’t as many of us out there, but we need each other more.( That’s precisely why Sizzle Bop got its start in the first place.)

I remember having one particular Sizzler in a homeschool co-op class. So many other teachers struggled with this preteen, but I adored him and his unique mind. I approached his mother one day and said I wanted to chat with her about her son. Her face instantly dropped. I could see the “What now?” look on her face. I instantly corrected her perception and told her how much I enjoyed the mind of her child. I explained that his unique ways of thinking were going to take him places that other kids wouldn’t be able to go.

She began to cry.

She had heard so much to the contrary that the slightest support was overwhelming.

Reach out to others with kids like ours. Not only will you build a base of those who walk a similar path, you may help heal a wounded heart.

3.  Don’t Apologize for a Tighter or Looser Leash

Please forgive the leash analogy. It’s got some unneeded baggage. But don’t miss the point. There are times when I keep my sizzler on a VERY tight leash. While other parents would give a mild correction to an action, I seem to bark like a Storm Trooper, to instantly stop the action. A mom once commented on this too me. It seemed over the top for her. I took her concern very seriously, and then realized why she was wrong. First of all, a milder correction often doesn’t even make it onto my child’s radar screen. He simply won’t hear it unless it rises far above the noise level around him. Second of all, I know that there is a level of excitability that once reached, my son will gleefully propel himself headlong into whatever snippet of an idea that has popped into his head, with no regard whatsoever for the safety of himself OR this other mother’s child. I must keep him reined in a bit more tightly. Because I know the ramifications of crossing that line that this other mom can’t even see.

On the other hand. . .there are days when I will allow a much longer leash. By that I mean that I sometimes will let them behave in the silliest and most annoying of fashions. I will permit them to bounce like a bunny down the empty aisle of a grocery store even though the woman at the end of the aisle looks with a disapproving glance. I will let them sing and do wild hand motions to a favorite song as we walk along a wooded trail, even though it turns a few heads.  I will join them in a wild dance on the driveway even though the dog walking neighbor produce that “There they go again” look. Why? Because A) it burns of excess energy and B) there’s no harm in it. I know. We’ll never win the “most normal American family” award. But, I’m good with that. And with the slightest bit of consideration, I don’t think I want that award anyway.

4.  Have More Than ONE Social Group

This one came from my husband, a Sizzler in his own right. It’s very important to have several separate and distinct social circles for your Sizzler. There will come a time (trust me) when they do something that causes them personal embarrassment in their group. And if they have only ONE group, it is now devastating. But if they are active in 3 or 4 different groups (even if only mildly active), then when they have a falling out with one, they have others they can naturally gravitate toward. When the smoke has cleared, if you want, you can reestablish in the original group. But with several in the mix, no single loss has to be catastrophic.

We are privileged to have these kids in our lives. We are enriched by their delightful (and yes, sometimes quirky) ways that are missed in many families. We are certainly challenged by their unique needs, but the pay-off is a richness of color and experience that I wouldn’t trade. If your child is having a hard time fitting in, maybe it’s time to accept and even embrace some of that.  You’re not raising a Johnny B. Typical. You’re raising a Thomas Edison (another well-known Sizzler)– he may never fit in with typical folk, but he’ll find his own colleagues, he’ll find his own way, and he may one day light the world.

Right–followed through on with consistency by mom.

Yeah, that’s the problem, isn’t it? There’s a good chance that your Sizzler got that distractibility somewhere, meaning, there’s a 1 out of 2 chance he got it from you.

My kids were doubly doomed; both parents are highly distractible. So what’s amazing for us isn’t that we had a Sizzler, it’s that we were ever able to produce even ONE child that was not a Sizzler. (She does exist, but asks that you hold her up in daily prayer. )

Here’s the problem with those organizational systems. . .I create that wonderful wall chart with all the movable colored markers of success. We make the character figures that represent each child as they accomplish great things, and get to move their character upward upon our poster of Mount Chores! (Yodel ay hee whoo!)
We divide each room into zones and make up the ZONE CARDS, laminate them, and distribute them to the walls of each respective room.
We have a little rah-rah party (break out the cupcakes) with mom dressed as a mountain leader (where does one find lederhosen in my size?) to kick off our new let’s-change-our-world system.
I am SUCH a good mom.

Day one. . .miraculous. I can just feel the clean and order about me. The rush I feel is almost as good as ice cream. The children are psyched. I sleep straight through the night.
Day two. . .almost as good as day one, but two of the markers of success are missing. We’ll stick chewed gum up in their places for today.
Day three. . . Rachel’s little character has taken the lead up the Mt.Chores trail. The other children are plotting revenge (which incidentally has nothing to do with simply doing better work and climbing with her.)
Day four. . .a ZONE card has vanished. Looked everywhere. Did our best without it. The legs from little Rachel’s climbing character have mysteriously gone missing. No one is confessing. More success markers have disappeared.
Day five. . .Hooray! Level I reached! However, can’t remember what I told the kids they’d get as a reward when they achieve level one on Mt.Chores. I thought it was dessert of their choice. They believed it was a trip to Disney World. (Could I have said that? Self-doubt sets in. Insurrection mounts)
Day six. . .Children rise to see mom around small bonfire in back yard. All traces of Mt.Chores mysteriously missing from house.

As usual, I’m exaggerating the downward spiral of our chores system excursions. But it feels much like this. Somehow, without even knowing how, we’ve lost pieces of “the system”, lost our enthusiasm, and lost our way. I really do believe in systems. I  really do. I just no longer believe in my ability to be consistent in executing them.

So. . .having accepted that truth about myself, I have instead adopted strategies that work in bursts of productivity, or self-rewarding systems, self-regulating systems, or simply lessening the stuff that has to be cleaned. Don’t misunderstand me–If you can make a system work, DO it! It is still the best choice. But if you’re made a bit more like me, consider some of the following options.

Ten Minute Tidy
We call this the TMT in our house. And we put it on the daily lesson plan.
For just ten minutes, we gather together and quickly complete a task. We each are assigned a part of the task, we mentally prepare ourselves to work like a well-oiled machine, we set a timer and the BOOM! We’re off.

• Perhaps it’s pulling everything out of the fridge, wiping it down and putting it back.
• Maybe it’s ten minutes of decluttering, dusting and vacuuming the family room.
• Maybe it’s seeing how much of the mess can be cleared out of the garage.
• Maybe it’s wiping all the fingerprints off of each of the 20 (count them. . .TWENTY!) individual little windows in the French Doors that sounded like such a beautiful idea when we were first saw it in House Beautiful Magazine.

Here’s why it works. You never ever ever go over the ten minutes. Your kids need to know that this is not a trick to rope them into something else. Where ever you are in the process, when that timer goes off, hands fly UP in the air and you say “Done!” It’s also just fun because everyone is working together. It becomes a game, even a family bonding time. And we always laugh at the frenzy. But when it’s done, something is significantly cleaner. Can’t beat that.

27-Fling Boogie
This is a concept from www.FlyLady.net Again, a timer is set–Lady recommends 15 minutes, during which time you carry a garbage bag through the house in search of 27 things you can be rid of. I like to take 2 garbage bags; one for items to be thrown away, another for items that can go to Goodwill. She recommends putting on a song like “Please Release Me, Let Me Go!” while boogie-ing through the house.

Getting Rid of It While Keeping It
This idea came from Pat, a friend of mine. She knew her daughter was struggling to keep her room clean mostly because there was simply too much stuff. It overwhelmed her and was impossible for her to maintain. The solution: Give her just enough stuff to be able to keep ordered. How? She gathered up almost everything from her room into CLEAR plastic bags. She left her with ten or so favorite toys that were easy to keep ordered. The bags went up to the attic. When the child missed a toy and wanted it back, she had to swap something from her room for the item from the attic.

Some of us become so frustrated with the mess in our kids’ rooms that we have a Goodwill delivery and wa la! Instantly cleaned room. But, the result can be a heartbroken child. This bags-to-the-attic was not traumatic because the child knew that none of the toys were actually gone. They could be accessed whenever she wanted.

Holding Pen
There are times when I walk through a room and see signs of various family members. A stack of papers here. A used cup there. An open cupboard. A pair of socks. Several pairs of shoes. I could call in the owner of aforementioned items each and every time I came upon them and have them deal with their mess. Some moms are really good about this. And it probably does do a good job of training them not to leave so much out in the first place because it will certain interrupt something else when they are called to come and retrieve it in the second place.
But. . .when you call a Sizzler away from their task, there’s a good chance that they will now be OFF that task for a very long time. Getting back “on task” may take more of an effort that with other kids. And if that task happens to be a math lesson or reading “Ali Baba and the Forty Thieves” the last thing I want to do is break their focus. So, I have a holding pen for each child.

Now, when I go flying through a room doing a major pick-up, there is a box for each family member somewhere where I throw items that have been scattered about. The box is always hidden away, under a chair, in a closet, somewhere out of my sight. Then, when the box is full, THAT is when I will call them out to deal with it. Far fewer interruptions to their focus.

True Forgetfulness Tools-Wrist Reminders
Sometimes kids “forget” to do their chores because it’s convenient. But sometimes, more often than we think, I believe they truly become distracted and just forget. If this is the actual cause, then these little wrist-bands of wonder may do the trick. I started by assuming the best. I assumed my son was honestly forgetting, that he wanted to remember and sometimes just couldn’t. I developed a reminder that actually attached to his body. It is a long strip of heavy paper (like that used in folders) covered with clear plastic tape so that I can use a wet or dry erase marker to write his assigned task on it, and a loose band slip-knotted through a hole at the top so that it can slide easily onto his wrist. (we use soft hair bands. Whatever you use, just make sure it is loose enough NOT to cause any restriction on his wrist.)

Here’s the key: the strip of paper must be long enough to be annoying. That way, the annoyance factor keeps him reminded (and not incidentally, annoyed–and thus anxious to be done with the task so that he may have it removed.) The other key is that ONLY MOM may removed the reminder. That is how he checks back in with you. That’s also how you don’t instantly lose all the wrist reminders you  have made.

Rewarding the Right
There’s one behavior modification application that encourages punishing the wrong. But the flip side of this is to reward the right. What I’m about to share may seem to simple, too obvious, too candy-oriented. Don’t send me letters. Just choose something other than candy. But let me tell you where the idea came from.

My good friend, Melinda Boring (who incidentally has an on -line store chock FULL of products and resources geared to Sizzlers) shared a solution that she used when one daughter consistently failed to put away the hair dryer after using, much to the profound annoyance of the other sister, who liked things orderly in their shared bathroom. Melinda’s solution? A little bowl of Tootsie Rolls sitting in the bathroom. Every time the hairdryer was put away, the daughter was allowed to reward herself with a single Tootsie Roll. Such a simple thing. And yet it spelled the end of the hair dryer wars. If you’d like to see her original article on this, go HERE.

I decided to try this in our house. One of my pet peeves is that the pantry door is always left open (everyone has something. . .this one’s mine.) So I placed a bowl of skittles by the pantry doors in a little bunny bowl with the instructions that if they closed the doors, they could have a skittle. And what’s more, if they noticed that someone else had left the door open and they closed it for them. . .they got TWO skittles. Such a small thing. And yet it spelled the end of open pantry doors. (If you’d care to see our bunny, I’m going to do my best to get it up on our Sizzle Bop Blogtoday.)

You may one day visit my home and found three dozen purposefully placed bowls of Skittles around my house. One where we keep all our girly hair paraphernalia, one by each neatly made bed, and more by dust rags, vacuums, and folded towels! The possibilities are endless. But till then, I shall stand proudly by my ever-closed pantry doors.

Daily Computer Key
One thing that my youngest Sizzler is greatly attached to is her daily computer time. It’s not a lot of time, but it’s something she really enjoys– make that really really REALLY enjoys! So we created a “key” that “unlocks” her computer for her. It’s simply a slip of paper with a key on it and some blank lines onto which I’ve put down the items she must complete before she has access to her computer. Sometimes it’s cleaning out that box I mentioned above. It might be getting everything up off of the floor of her room. Emptying the dishwasher. Sweeping down the back stairs. Whatever needs to be addressed that day goes on the list. Usually there are just 2-3 items. But because she starts the process with computer on the brain, it usually takes her just a few minutes to complete the tasks. It’s really just a fun way of saying, “Do your chores before you can go play.” A new twist on a very old concept.

My daughter watched, unblinking at the screen, while the camera painstakingly worked its way through a woman’s home. Apparently, years ago this mom had suffered the loss of two children, only six months apart, and her inability to cope had sent her into a hoarding downward spiral. Suddenly, my eleven year old turned to me in utter seriousness, put her hand on mine and said, “Don’t ever do that. Just don’t. If, heaven forbid, I were to die. . .<insert big pause> . . .take up knitting.”

I laughed out loud. Her concern was so heartfelt. Her face so serious. Yet, the idea of me as a hoarder. . .

would bemuse most of my family. I was raised in the military. And that means every few years you throw away everything you don’t feel like packing. This usually leaves me with several books and a coffee pot. I feel practically giddy when throwing things away. I look at a horizontal piece of table or shelf that was once covered with stuff, and find that once it’s cleared, I have a reaction that must be something like smoking crack. Who needs drugs. . .when a polished cleared table produces such an effect? <feel the swoon>

A few members of my family however, hover dangerously near the hoarding disorder line (and they’re ALL Sizzlers, now that I think of it.) They have a very difficult time throwing things away. My youngest Sizzler believes that almost everything “would be perfect in my room!” My father has long collected obscure and odd-shaped things “that we just might need one day.” And my husband believes that anything that our children have ever breathed around is now precious, and must be preserved with sacred solemnity. The beginnings of tell-tale piles easily form around them.

I pick my battles carefully. My father and husband are on their own. But my Sizzler is still under my influence, and I decided that perhaps we should watch LOTS more of this show, Hoarders. Why? Because I remember so well how watching another TV show impacted my son (the older Sizzler) to change how he views reckless and rash behaviors.

Previously, I had spent vast amounts of breath telling him not to climb on the roof, not to walk with scissors point-up, not to open the car door before the driver had stopped, etc. He constantly thought I was just over-reactive mom. Hyper-worry mom. Dismissible and amusing over-careful mom. Then one day we accidentally stumbled upon a TV show, 911 Emergency, that showcased actual ambulance calls. Each show started with a recreation of the accident, then followed up with the emergency action taken to rescue the victims. My son was hooked. Suddenly he saw, in vivid detail, just what happened when kids run through a glass window, ride a bike without a helmet, or venture out on thin ice. The show fascinated him; it also validated me. In time, he became the voice of caution, the resident crossing guard, the home monitor and safety patrol. It should come as no surprise that he also eventually became an EMT and firefighter.

So the question then becomes, why did this show work where the words of a wise and experienced mother did not? I think it has something to do with repetition and visual imagery. This TV show brought its message with sight, sound, color, and drama. And not just drama, but drama that was safe, while still “experienceable”. All the wise words in the world can’t compete with that.

But I also believe that Sizzlers need more. More of everything. More intensity. More voices. And most of all. . .more repetition, to get some concepts.

So I find myself in an odd position of advocating television use. Carefully. Moderately. And with a noble purpose. It may seem counter to traditional educational thought, but there it is. I’m putting the TV show “Hoarders” on our schedule. I’m hoping that my daughter will eventually develop a fear of becoming what she sees on the screen. And that she might, one day, view her room with a different eye. 

 One more thing to try. . .

I’ll wake early, before anyone else, and be amazed at the immensely satisfying night’s sleep from which I just emerged.
Feel the rest.

My feet won’t even become cold because. . .. . .I will have remembered to leave my slippers right by the bed for the first time this year. My stars, the cat (which I don’t actually have–remember–it’s a dream) actually spent the night in them, pre-warming them for just this magic moment.
Insert now, and wiggle the toes.

Out the window, a snow has been going all night and the much wished for “White Christmas” has arrived, right on cue.
Oh…I think I hear bells!

I manage to get the fire going, the coffee perking, the Christmas music playing and the breakfast holiday baked goods all perfectly placed on my beautiful table (laid out, of course, the night before), and all this is done before the first stirrings sound from upstairs.
Feel the efficiency. Martha Stewart will be calling me shortly for advice on her Christmas dinner plans.

My family arrives from their slumber, one at a time, each wrapping their loving arms around me and thanking me for all the hard work and sacrifice I do to make this day possible. (tears well up)
Each child plops themselves before the breakfast table, and waits with anticipation for their fellow family members.
Feel the familial affection.
The conversation is good natured, kind, full of encouragement and quiet excitement. Not one unkind word is spoken, or indeed…even thought.

When all have arrived, we move on to the tree and begin the process of sharing love in the form of packages.
Everyone is appreciative.
Everyone says the right things.
Everyone feels loved, warm and fuzzy.
The Middle East declares peace.
All nuclear arsenals are dismantled.
And the baby wildebeest never ever again breaks away from the herd.

Deep heaving sobs of joy….

Yes…this lovely mental meandering was brought to you by “Every Idiot Has a Dream”
And now…the Christmas Elf, Senor Get-a-Grip, will be waking you.

Wakey wakey.
Are you back now?
Good, because Get-a-Grip and I have some words of advice.

LET GO OF THE DREAM!!! …whatever it is.

This day is almost guaranteed to veer off of any plan you may have.

Release expectations.
Make no assumptions.
Be prepared to be ill-prepared.
And plan to roll with the day, even, yes, to laugh.

I heard a great quote a few years back.

Expectations are often just premeditated resentment.

I have to confess that expectations are my very worst enemy.  I have a set ideas of just how my child should behave.
Well of course, we all do. That’s not earth shattering.

BUT…there have been times when my harsh and angry response to my child has been out of embarrassment,
out of how they made me look to others.
In other words, there have been times when my pride was wounded, and I used it as a excuse to be more concerned with how things looked than with what my child actually needed to grow and develop.
I was more concerned with how I looked to you, instead of what my Sizzler needed from me.
And as a result, my reactions were often far over the line of what was needed.

Of course you’re going to need to give your Sizzler extra direction during these holiday events.

They are really going to struggle with all the change of schedule, different smells, massive amounts of input overload, tiredness, unusual foods, and challenging social situations. Without a doubt, you will need to guide them, even more than usual.

But make sure that guiding them is your primary motivation.
They probably will embarrass you sometime over the holidays.
But don’t worry what others think.
Don’t worry about your bruised parenting image.

Love this child.
Guide this child.

Because, ya know what???
40 years from now, what those people in that room thought of you won’t matter a smidgeon when compared with the relationship you will have with your grown children.

So make a commitment ahead of time to simply take the day as it comes.
—With all the noise
—With all the less than perfect responses
—With all the frenzy
—With all the possible misunderstood judgements….

Take it all in stride…
and love your child with abandon.

Merry Christmas & Happy Hanukkah Everyone.
Carol Barnier &
Your friends at www.SizzleBop.com

Then. . .I went round one more curve and was suddenly greeted by a mom and her son, dancing wildly on the driveway. They held onto each others’ hands, and dipped hard to the side. It looked like a jitterbug fest had broken out. They were oblivious to us. They only had eyes for each other. And there was some serious joy going on at that house.

I smiled for a good half mile. I kept thinking back to them. Swirling and giggling. Dipping and laughing. I loved that mother for what she had  given that child. What a send-off before heading out to school. What a great positive mindset to give this child before he got on the bus. What a home to want to come back to. What a love language. Her simple moment of Driveway Delight said I just like being with you.

We homeschoolers spend so much of our time directing the academic objectives of our children–which is good–but it can start to take the place of relationship. Sizzlers, especially, can eat so much of our energy that all they get from us is Serious Administrative Parent.

So today you have an assignment–an action prompt.

Determine that you will do something with your child PURELY for the delight factor. It only has to take a few seconds.  Nothing has to be learned. Nothing has to be made. It has to be something that delights your child. All it has to say is I just like being with you.

And if you don’t get it done by the time bedtime rolls around, then make bedtime special. Blow bubbles on his belly. Tell a bedtime story with her stuffed animals. Do a goodnight dance, holding your child tight while you sing a good night song. Let them know that even when there’s nothing to do, you like sharing that little bit of nothing with them, because you just like being with them.

SHARE IT. If you have delight to try or a result to share, by all means share it in the comments. You can bet there will be other moms and dads reading this looking for ideas.

But I’m going to share with you the most successful writing program we ever used. And the good news is. . .you won’t need to buy a thing.

The place where my kids got stuck it seemed was on starting.
And then producing.
They had great ideas, but they never got beyond that.
They were waiting for inspiration.
They had writer’s cramp.
They had writer’s block.
They had a cramp in their writer’s block.

I grew weary of the excuses.
I just wanted them to write.
I didn’t even care if they said anything worthwhile.
I just wanted them writing.

And that’s when it hit me.

They needed to learn that they CAN write, any time, about anything, at the drop of a hat, with little or no prompting.
Heavens knows they can verbalize any time, about anything, with little or no prompting (and incidentally, little or no real knowledge either).
So writing shouldn’t be much of a stretch.

Thus, for a whole year, this was my only writing objective.
Here’s how it worked.

FIRST–Talk about Reporters.
I explained that journalists and reporters don’t have the luxury that most students do.
They don’t get to pick their topic.
They don’t get two weeks notice.
They are told to rattle off a thousand words on a topic of the editor’s choice.
It may be dull.
It may be unpleasant.
It may be a topic that holds absolutely no interest whatsoever for them personally.
And oh yeah, it may also be due in one hour.
Ready.
Set.
Go.
That’s the real world of journalism. There’s no time to sit and whine about waiting for inspiration.
They must simply start writing. . .NOW!

SECOND–YOU, dear teacher, are now the Editor
Create Your Assignments. I created 25 or so writing prompts. You can make your own as well. Or, you can find a gazillion of these on line. Just google the words “writing prompts” and you find them by the hundreds. You’ll also find page after page of them at the on-line Writer’s Digest Site.
More HERE
and HERE
You get the idea.

Here are some of the one’s we used, just to give you an idea.
Sometimes they were really short and simple.

• Write about a woman who has a phobia about string
• Describe your dream house
• Write a short piece that includes three shades of blue

Sometimes they were more substantial prompts.

• Babies typically talk in babbles that adults can’t understand. But one day, while at the park, you’re sitting on a bench next to two babies. They start their babbling, when all of a sudden you realize you can understand them. Even more, they are plotting a nefarious plan. Write this scene.

• “What piece of junk are you keeping?  Open the ‘junk’ drawer in your life…it’s probably in your kitchen, your garage or your desk.  Take one item out of it that’s been there for a long time.  Write a piece that explains why you haven’t thrown the item away yet.”

If you want some prompts that take your child far into the story line before expecting them to write, take a look at a book called Story Starters by Karen Andreola. These have several paragraphs of lead in and are accompanied by a beautiful illustration to further encourage imagery for your child.

If you think these prompts are not appropriate for your younger writer, just add “for kids” to your “writing prompts” google search and you’ll find plenty created for the younger child.

Once I had my 25 prompts chosen, I typed and printed out each prompt. I put each one in a separate envelope. Sealed it. And dropped it in a basket.
Now even I didn’t know what was where.

THIRD–Daily Writing Time
Each day, for a mere 15 minutes, we had writing time. Five days a week.
We set a timer.
My daughter sat at one computer. I sat at another. For us it worked better if more people participated rather than less. But you can decide what works for your crew.

My student selected her “assignment” from the pile of envelopes.
We set the stage of being journalists in a buzzing office. Our assignment editor was coming up to our desk.
The pressure was on. We were told what we must do.
She tore open the envelope, read it aloud, hit the timer and then we both began to write.
We wrote till the timer buzzed that our 15 minutes was up.

Then we just read to each other what we’d written and filed it away.

There is nothing amazing or astounding about this process. But there was an amazing outcome.
My daughter learned that she could produce–on the spot–some kind of commentary or fiction about anything.
And after a few weeks, she owned the fact that she could write on demand.

The next year I worried about shaping the writing, proper spelling, line of thought, etc.
But we no longer suffered from the pain of just getting started.
And it turned out that this was about 90% of the battle.

If your Sizzler hates writing, this may be the ticket.

As always, we endeavor to continually supply one more thing to try.

Yeah. Me too. The question is. . .when you get to that point, what do you do next?
Take a look at a note from a mom who is right at the crossroads.

I am homeschooling my 2 very active boys. Age 7 and 5 and I am stuck. I think the biggest reason I am stuck is that I taught special education in the public school system for 9 years and I just have in my mind how our school day “should look” and it doesn’t fit and honestly homeschooling is really frustrating and I don’t like it.
 I just can’t seem to break out of that and embrace what works best for us! I also think I have “too many” ideas and things I want to cover and have trouble focusing on what is best.
Anyway…. I would love your thoughts and prayers.

                                                                                                                   –Losing Heart

Dear Losing Heart,

I have SO been where you are. I understand your heavy heart.

You might expect I’ll give you a pep talk saying “Never give up! You can’t surrender! The collapse of family structure is on the line” and so on. But those talks tend to heap loads of guilt on someone who’s simply looking for solutions. My guess is you already have guilt (It’s a mommy’s way). The truth is you can give up and it would not be the end of the world. I won’t join the ranks of those who tell parents that if they quit homeschooling they’ve failed.

All that said, I still don’t believe you need to give up. There is so much of value in the homeschooling life that I’d hate to see you and your boys lose out on. So we’ll go straight discussion B.

When I first began homeschooling, I tried my best to make my school look and walk and talk like a traditional classroom. That was my model. I didn’t think it was “a” way to teach; I thought it was “the” way to teach, the only way.After all, if it wasn’t, why would teaching schools teach future teachers to use it? Thankfully I stuck in there, and with each passing year, my classroom grew more and more relaxed, less and less structured, more and more able to follow the gifts and interests of my children. This is a transition that almost every homeschooling mom/teacher must make. We all start with what we know. A few continue with the traditional model, but they are rare, and I believe in doing so, they lose out on the many truly glorious options available to them and their children.

Here’s the bad news: moms who’ve been trained as teachers have the hardest time finding new models. You’ve already expressed this awareness. But you need to know you’re not alone in this. It’s hard for everyone. It’s especially hard for teachers.

Keep in mind, the traditional model isn’t a bad one IF you have large classrooms sizes and more kids coming up the ranks. If your goal is to process a lot of children through a system, this system truly isn’t a bad one, but. . .you have to let some other things go. You can’t follow the strengths of the individual child. There isn’t time. There are too many other kids to consider. It’s an okay system for moving groups en masse through a process.

However. . .

• If a particular student takes an interest in rocketry and all the physics behind it, nothing can be done, because the whole class doesn’t share the interest AND. . .it’s not on the lesson plan.
• If a particular student has a gift for writing and would love to delve into Shakespeare and all the unfamiliar richness of the older language, nothing can be done, because the whole class doesn’t share the interest AND. . .it’s not on the lesson plan.
• If a particular child shows an early interest in chemistry and would love to play with a lab kit, learning about reactions and properties,  nothing can be done, because the whole class doesn’t share the interest AND. . .it’s not on the lesson plan.
• If a particular student just isn’t getting multiplication facts and needs three times the usual time allotment to master it, nothing can be done, because the whole class doesn’t share the need AND. . .it’s not on the lesson plan.

We move onward for the good of the majority. And it makes sense to do so. Holding 25 kids back because of the needs or interests of 1 child doesn’t make sense.

But in homeschooling, it’s not about the majority. It’s about one child at a time.

You can follow delights. You can follow interests. You can address challenges.

You can do pretty much anything that teaches a child that learning is fun and wonderful and lifelong.

Before you give up, I would suggest you try different approach. Your kids are so young that you can relax. You couldn’t possibly screw up so badly that they would lose out.

So if you’re going to experiment, try it now.

How about a unit study that focuses on something that absolutely delights them?

Bugs?

Monster trucks?

Military?

Make models, Collect samples. Go on field trips. Watch kids documentaries. Read biographies of people who are into this subject. Role play.

And perhaps most importantly, find another homeschooling mom who has already made that transition and see if you can shadow her in her schooling for a week.

Join together for a time.

Share the school week or month.

Watch what she does differently.

Give yourself permission to step away from traditional, even if only for a month.

When I first began homeschooling I collected Scope and Sequence documents from around the country. Public schools. Private schools. Expensive prep schools. Gifted schools. Montessori schools. I put them all together and studied them to get a sense of the most comprehensive scope and sequence I could formulate for my own school. And I made an amazing discovery. Other than a few essentials in learning to read, and of course math, there wasn’t a clear path. Some schools studied earth science in 5th grade and others studies life science. Some studied Ancient Egyptians while others were learning about Thomas Jefferson. Some learned metaphors and similes while others were learning about proper citations.   For almost everything, there was no clear chronology of learning.

This was very freeing for me. I realized that as long as they got the same information into their heads by the time they graduated, the method and sequence of how they got it could be completely of my choosing!

I was free to make learning delicious.

This should liberate you from designing your school based on how it “should look”.

Instead, apply a new method–

What would you need to do for your child to say “THAT was wonderful! Can we do more?”

There it is.

That should be your method.

That should be your guide.

If you start with that idea and changed just ONE lesson in your day, you would see the difference.

I suspect that soon you would change another. . .and another.

And before you know it, learning in your school is delicious. . .and you’d never want to stop.

QUESTION: What about you? What are some ways you make learning delicious in your house?

“Ugh, <insert impressive moan> I feel terrible.”

“Why is that?” I intoned.

“Because I drank four cups of milk and I think I might puke.”

“Why did you drink so much milk?”

“Because Amelia was here.”

What?

“I wanted to show her how cool it was to jump on the empty milk jug and shoot the lid clear across the room.”

“Ahhhh,” sighs the all knowing mother. <insert impressive but hidden smirk>

So. . .what’s your Sizzler been up to lately?

“That boy is such a jerk. We were playing chess and he was making up rules and telling me I was wrong and saying all kinds of stupid things. I’d move my piece and he’d say it was a dumb move and that I didn’t know how to play and then he’d just knock a piece over and say he won. He was just so STUPID! He didn’t know ANY of the rules of chess. He just acted like he did. It made me so mad!”

She was a whirling swirling cloud of angry.  And while her frustration was reasonable, her level of anger was not. I knew she could stew (and spew) for a very long time if I didn’t help her calm down and find her center again. So, summoning my small reserve of Yoda-like wisdom. . .the first thing I did was say that I had something very powerful to tell her. That got her attention and she at least hit the pause button on her download. Since we were in a very public place, I also said that she would need to come and sit on my lap because I was going to tell her something not only powerful, but also private, something I didn’t want heard by others. It was going to be for her ears only.

This move turned out to provide an unexpected bonus. While sitting quietly on my lap, I mindlessly began to gently rub her back while I started to speak softly. Not only did the tactile input help to distract her and lessen her intensity, but she had to become calm and quiet to hear my almost whispering voice.

Have you ever been fishing? I knew she had not only been fishing, but loved it. Well, while you’re on top of the water watching the bobber, let me tell you what’s going on down below. I went on to explain that the fish see the bait slowing sinking downward through the water. They edge closer to check it out. The smell from the bait begins to waft over them. Eventually, instinct just kicks in. The smell.  The hunger.  A little twitch of the bait and suddenly, the fish has to hit on it. There’s not a lot of thought there. They are hungry. The bait is there. They hit. They don’t really even have a choice.

We, on the other hand, have a power that the fish does not.

When that little boy said that you didn’t know how to play chess, he was, in essence, throwing a piece of bait out there. You know full and well that you can play chess. You’ve had lessons. You’ve studied. You’ve competed and sometimes even won. Just because he said it, didn’t make it true. What he was doing was just throwing a piece of bait at you, pretty cheap bait at that. And just like a fisherman watching the bobber, he was really hoping you’d hit on it.

But here’s the part that gives you power.

You. . .are not a fish.

You have a power that the fish does not. You can recognize that goofy comment for the bait that it is. You can see that little boy throw that bait out there, you can watch it land in the water, you can even see him waiting, hoping you’ll hit on it. And then—here’s the cool part—you can just let it float on by. You don’t have to hit on it, because you are not a fish.

Our highly wired kids can really struggle with reactionary comments. All they know is the moment. They are frustrated. And when they become frustrated, their ability to sort reasonably through their alternative responses for one well-suited to the moment goes right out the window. Typically, they just lash out. They feel someone has taken control of the situation, someone else has the power. But with a little bit of practice (enter the fun of role playing yet again) they can take the power back with the wonderful device of mentally watching the bait float by.

Share this conversation with your child. Empower them with the gift of chosen silence. Help them to build up their arsenal of responses to frustration. And then the next time someone at work makes one of those ridiculously incendiary comments just to get a rise out of you, remember, you too. . .are not a fish. 

The Power of the Ditty
If you’ve known me for awhile, you know I truly believe in the power of the ditty. But if you’re new to Sizzle Bop, let me explain.

The ditty is an amazing tool.
Information can be learned and cemented almost effortlessly.
And yet, for years, I had missed the value of this incredible learning tool.

You see, my son is not musical.
He has no natural rhythm.
He cannot even clap on the beat.
So it never occurred to me to use rhymes or rhythm in teaching him. I assumed it would be a pointless and frustrating exercise to even try.

But then one day . . .

I discovered him repeating his spelling words over and over until a natural and rhythmical pattern emerged. The use of rhythm cemented the spelling into his mind.
I was stunned.
Then I opened my mind to the possibility that he might actually be able to learn with little rhythms.

So we tested this theory.
We put his fraction rules into rhyme.

Here’s the full version of that rhyme.

ACTION IN FRACTIONS
(please note, matching shoes means the denominators are the same)

When adding or subtracting fractions, you can’t lose,
Just be sure before you start you’ve got matching shoes.

Once your shoes DO match, keep your shoes the same.
And work straight across the top. That’s the name of the game.

(Chorus)

There’s ACTION in FRACTIONS
That gives you satisfaction.
Through numbers I stroll finding
Pieces of a WHOLE.

To multiply two fractions, it’s so easy if you got ‘em.
Multiply across the top. Multiply across the bottom.

When you’ve got two fractions that you need to divide,
Just flip the second fraction and multiply.

To my astonishment, he had them memorized instantly. He never again struggled with adding or subtracting fractions.

Since then we have created (or found) ditties for many other things.

• The Planets in order from the sun
• Speed of Sound and Light
• Days in a week and a year, months in a year.
• Parts of Speech
• Presidents in order
• Boy Scout Knife Safety Rules
• Elements of the Periodic Table
• Important historical events (we have over a dozen of these)
• Books of the Bible
• Rules of Grammar
• Vowels
• Even how to calculate the circumference, area and volume of a sphere.

Ditties are now a daily part of our school.
We start every morning with a period of “Recitations”.
Done repeatedly, every day, a child learns them easily, even effortlessly.

I have fallen in love with the power of the ditty. It is an amazing and often overlooked tool.
But please note…
A ditty is NOT great poetry.
It is NOT wondrous literature set to rhyme.
It is NOT a delightful twist of the tongue engaging your love of wordplay.

It is simply rhythmical language (sometimes rhyming, sometimes not) with facts worthy of memorization.
I am absolutely sold on the value of daily repetition of chosen ditties.
***For those of you who have been asking, the Ditty CD has finally been completely recorded and is now in editing. I really, really, really hope to have this available soon. And best of all, we have some wonderful skip counting ditties (tunes actually) that work wonders for the kid who just can’t make flash card math facts stick. I’m sorry I can’t share them here. They simply make no sense in print. You have to hear them. I’ll keep you informed.

So, if your child is struggling to remember a basic rule, consider putting that rule to a simple rhyming scheme.
The simpler the better. Don’t be wordy and clever.
Keep it simple.
Then repeat it a few times each day.
Within a couple of weeks, with virtually no effort, they’ll have it memorized.

Okay, here are two more for learning Perimeter, Area and Volume.
The first one sort of teaches the concept.
The second one gives you a short formula memory ditty.

Polly J. Perimeter

Polly J. Perimeter took a walk around the pasture.

She measured each and every side and added them together.

Arianna Area bought some carpet for the pasture.

She multiplied two touching sides to find the area faster.

Vinnie Victor Volume built a barn right on the pasture.

To find how much the barn would hold,

He took the area he’d been told

And multiplied by height

Then sold the barn to Farmer Casper.

Hysterical Math

We add all the sides for perimeter

It’s length times width for area.

For volume it’s length times width times height

A good formula lessens hysteria.

Motown Math
Amy Pak is a long time friend of Sizzle Bop. Since we’re looking at ways to put motion into learning, it was a good time to bring out a great idea Amy sent in several years ago.

Hey Carol, just an idea to add to your repertoire of math “helps.”
I developed a way for my sizzler to remember how to divide fractions.
Using the tune from the Diana Ross “Stop in the Name of Love” song, you must sing it like so:

STOP! When you divide… (Stop! In the name of love)
You need to multiply… (Before you break my heart)
Flip it oh-over… (Think it oh-over)

Hand motions”
Of course in a melodramatic way (as long as the sizzler isn’t knocking down lamps in the process).
“Stop!” of course has one hand on the hip and the arm extended with a hand in the typical “stop” way (like Diana Ross).
For “When you divide,” Put your fists together and slowly take them apart in beat to the music.
For “You need to multiply,” Make your forearms into an “X.” “Flip it over” is the fun part.
Do the “rolling hands over and over with a little fling on beat.” You know, like the Pips, or the Temptations.

Each time a child is doing fractional division, EVERYONE in the house is singing this silly jingle by the time we are through…over and over and oh-over. lol! It’s catchy!                    — Amy

OTHER RESOURCES

Some On-line Games:

http://www.sheppardsoftware.com/math.htm

http://www.funbrain.com/

http://www.mathplayground.com/games.html

http://www.learn4good.com/games/kids/double_digits.htm

Also sent in from Stephany– Thanks!
www.coolmath.com
www.fun4thebrain.com

Books
Games for Math by Peggy Kaye (this is chock full of paper and pencil games that all my kids have loved)
Sir Cumference Series

Curriculum
Instead of listing curriculum here, it would be better for you to look at what all the moms in Sizzleland answered when asked what math curriculum they like to use. For the results of our Curriculum survey– go here.

WHAT ABOUT THE OLDER STUDENT?
We’ve been asking all week long for you to share with us things that YOU have found successful for your Sizzler’s math work. We’ll be sharing your ideas shortly.
You may have noticed that so far, many of the items we suggest work well with younger kids doing simpler math problems.
But we are a bit sparser in suggestions for the older student.

So the QUESTION OF THE DAY is what ideas do you have for the older math student?
What are some motivation techniques?
Are their little tricks that helped them conquer a tough concept?
What have you had to do/find/change in order to achieve math success?

Keep watching for the community suggestions. We’ll get those to you soon.
At Sizzle Bop, we never claim to have all the answers.
But we’re always looking for one more thing to try.

Thanks, as always, for being part of this community.