Sjogren's Disease - I Have WHAT!?

Is There ANY End to This Fatigue?!?

2011-05-09T20:55:00.000-05:00

I can't remember ever feeling this awful....the past few weeks all I can think of is when I can go back to bed. It's been 8 wks since I started the Enbrel and even though I was fatigued before it has insidiously gotten worse and worse. There hasn't been a day in the past 2 wks that I haven't taken a nap during the day and/or gone to bed before 7 p.m. Have you ever not been able to put your finger on in it but just feel horrible - well that's the description of me these days. I have been having flashes of light in the peripheral vision field of my R eye intermittently for about 4 days. I have tried to get an Opthamologist appointment and will need to call again Wednesday. My Rheumatology appointment is tomorrow - I really don't know what to tell him - except I feel like crap - very helpful description of symptoms don't you think? - lol . Will let you all know how things are going. Hope everyone had a wonderful Mother's Day. If you feel even half as bad as I do HANG IN there!!!

Picture of Maggie - Won Her Mom Some Gluten Free Goodies

2011-05-04T17:36:00.000-05:00

I promised some folks that I would post the WINNING picture of Maggie - she won her Mom some gluten free goodies ($30.00 + worth) - of course she has gotten a couple of bites of her favorite toast with peanut butter for her wonderful deed. She is sitting up and waving for a piece of gluten free Australian Oatmeal cookie from http://www.thelittleaussiebakery.com. So here it is - enjoy!!

Feel Crappy - Stressed Out!!

2011-05-04T17:08:00.001-05:00

Some of the issues I had a few posts ago are slowly resolving themselves with the awesome support I have from friends that are family I haven't become homicidal as yet - lol. Today I was on the phone for 2 hours trying to get my disability issues taken care of - to little avail but talked to someone different who seemed a little more empathetic and professional. Keeping my fingers crossed. Stayed in so far this week which is sometimes a little less stressful especially today being Enbrel day. I plan on getting out to run a couple of short errands with a friend driving and having some help tomorrow getting the house a little more organized. I really want to take full advantage of my time while my friend is between jobs. I just have no energy and with that comes little interest in completing physical tasks which zap the little energy I do have. So with help I think some things can get done around here. I have a Rheumatology appointment next week - boo hiss - hopefully I will get some good news. I know I have tons of questions (which I need to write down before they are "poof" gone) about the Enbrel and other drug options as well as medical treatments I want/need to have done before I lose my insurance 3/12. Will probably go to bed early tonight - just feel crappy. I am researching some gluten free and autoimmune connections which I will share as soon as I have it all compiled - at least my brain still can problem solve - lol!!

Super Tired These Days

2011-05-02T14:45:00.000-05:00

I have had increased stress recently as I posted the other day but some of those issues have been resolved by a term we used where I worked - "work arounds" - this is when you do something else to solve the problem - a little like patching a tire. Temporary but functional for a brief period of time. I had a busy past few days and cannot even describe how tired I am. The dogs were a bit upset today as I couldn't get up to feed them until noon. Friday a friend took me to run errands and it was a long few hours - I had lots to get done. I won the drawing at my favorite gluten free restaurant The Little Aussie Bakery and Cafe - http://www.thelittleaussiebakery.com/ because of a picture I had posted on their website - so we there Sat for lunch and to pick that up. I was very excited about it! We had our king sized bed and mattress set up this weekend and needed to have the room cleaned before it was set up - mostly dust and dog/cat hair under the bed etc. - so we had that done Sat. morning. On Sunday morning we had to get to Costco and pick up some staples and to have them load the mattress in the truck before the guys came to set up everything. All in all it was a long three days and I am paying for it with intense fatigue and increased pain. I just hope the increase in fatigue is r/t activity and not the Enbrel. Have a wonderful day and take care of yourselves!

Stressed Out vs Just Crabby

2011-04-28T19:52:00.000-05:00

As most of you know I was expecting my Enbrel 4/26 but didn't get it until a few hours before I was due to take it 4/27/11 - so I was stressed out about it - I don't know why it just makes me feel crummy anyway. The cost was much higher than I was told it would be but less expensive than the regular pharmacy so I really can't complain about that either. People ask me how I am and I probably sound grumpy because I usually say I suck which in many cases is very true. Mostly though I think I'm just tired of the waiting game and my inability to just get up and go when I want to. I feel like I have no control over my finances, health or mobility. I wait a lot for other people especially over the phone - the insurance company r/t the medication and the cost, the disability people because I have yet to get my direct deposit - normally arrives on the 18 th of the month and of course I've already paid bills because if not they would be calling as well - then there are the 401k people who promised me a certain amount of money but told me I to wait for HR to fax over the forms so they can send it and the Social Security people - you get my drift. The WORST though is when they get it wrong and I have to get back on the phone and explain it all over again to a different person who has NO idea what I'm talking about and then that person gives me totally different information from the last - most recently with my HR department and IRS people. Of course there are the people that say they will call you back and NEVER do like the homeowners association for my rental condo. I feel like a lady in perpetual waiting while all around me other people want whatever is they want from me ASAP. I think I sound like a little old lady complaining about the government - lol. I'll tell you with the amount of pain I'm in I can only imagine what those people that go nuts over the phone or public places must be going through to finally go off.
Well - another glass of wine will prevent me from acting up - no worries folks. In the meantime I will be stressed out which of course causes more pain. Ho Hum!!

A Quiet Easter Weekend

2011-04-25T17:03:00.000-05:00

I hope all of you had a WONDERFUL Easter weekend!! I spent Friday home alone with the 4 legged children - which was okay because I got some things done. Friday night I was really sentimental about the death of my parents - my Dad especially - we were very close and Easter was his last holiday with me as a well person. He was hospitalized in June, July and died here at home in August just about a week after his birthday. Saturday night after church I had the best meal I have had out in along time - gluten free chicken fried chicken with ailoli sauce, gluten free rice pilaf with sunflower seeds and salad. It WAS SO GOOD - The Little Aussie Bakery and Cafe here in San Antonio, TX . We enjoyed some of the wine we purchased in Fredericksburg, TX - all in all it was a wonderful evening. Sunday we had lunch out with my mother-in-law at Red Lobster which has a limited gluten free menu that I was very thankful for. By Sunday night I was completely done - super tired. I have noticed my fatigue increasing even with the increased Vitamin D3 and my right leg is now very painful below the knee - more in the calf. I am supposed to get my shipment of Enbrel tomorrow - so am stuck at home until it arrives. It is still very expensive but a bit less than 1000.00 a dose. Have a GREAT night!

I Miss You Dad - Happy Easter pics Easter 2007

2011-04-22T21:25:00.003-05:00

http://youtu.be/_Ikp60YESQA

A More Productive Day

2011-04-20T23:18:00.000-05:00

I woke pretty tired after yesterdays outing with my bff to her MD appointment and to run errands. We still had quite a few errands to complete today. Everything got done in a timely manner and we even had time for a quick lunch. So I was lucky to spend time with great company. I spoke with both insurance companies and the saga continues with them. Perhaps tomorrow I will get some firm answers (HAH). After I got home and put things away it was time for my Enbrel injection - Boo Hiss - I had a bit of a pet issue right after that - Leilani puked on the sofa - then all of a sudden I got nauseated, dizzy and had a sore throat - well 45 minutes sure moves fast. I slept the rest of the afternoon - waking up at 830pm - will have trouble sleeping tonight - my own fault. My body is telling me I got a lot done today - hmmmm - I still am happy that I got so much done!

Ah - Insurance Companies That Know Nothing - Ho Hum

2011-04-19T17:45:00.000-05:00

I've mentioned I am awaiting insurance approval for my Enbrel - in the meantime I am getting my weekly dosage from the Md's office sample bank. That can't last forever as I am not the only one needing the medication. I got a call today from another pharmacy company which my insurance "outsources to get through all the red tape and making sure that you really need the medication - we contact the Dr. and fill out all the paperwork" - when asked who pays for their services I was told it is adjusted into the co-pay for my medication. They cannot tell me how much my co-pay will be or when it will be approved. In the meantime I got a call about the life insurance letter I rec'd and followed up on yesterday - they were "letting me know they really don't know what is going on yet and a supervisor will be contacted to see if they can help them find out what's going on." OK - so all and all no one knows about anything at this point - including me - lol

No I'm Not in the Hospital - Yep - Just Home Vegging Out

2011-04-18T17:09:00.001-05:00

I have gotten a few e-mails, phone messages and facebook messages asking if I had been in the hospital because no one had heard from me. Nope - been here vegging out - just lazy I am guessing. One of my great, great friends took me to the Aussie Bakery to pick up supplies & have a bite to eat on either Thursday or Friday (my brain cannot remember details these days) and my significant other picked up some cake from there the next day - which was AWESOME since they were closed Sat night due to San Antonio's Fiesta celebration. We had a nice quiet dinner out 2 nights - great since cooking was not in my future. I did make a nice meal last night AND managed to clean the kitchen up the same day! I have felt fairly down physically and mentally lately - not sure why actually but I know my fatigue & pain are increasing while my mood vacillates between ok and not ok - lol. Sometimes I think I am Dr. Jekyll (? spelling) and Mr. Hyde. Today has been a day full of joint stiffness and generalized pain - took an extra pill but to no avail as yet. I did get word the Enbrel has arrived at the Dr. and hope to pick it up tomorrow for my Wed. injection. If I was a car they'd have me in for a tune up - lol.

The Definition of Feeling Crappy - ME

2011-04-14T13:51:00.000-05:00

I went to the Dr. Tuesday - related to increased never ending fatigue and very severe right leg pain. I was told there is little to be done about my fatigue- I can try exercising as long as it's swimming in a "VERY clean pool" (he mentioned the clean part last year at this same time) and my leg is bursitis which he feels is r/t my Fibromyalgia and I got a steroid shot in my hip for the pain - of course he had to examine it and the pain was so much worse than it was when I got there. He wanted me to pick up next weeks Enbrel but they didn't have any (still don't today). I had a bone density scan - which is much more painful when you have joint pain - I'm glad the tech was strong enough to position my legs - he was probably a contortionist or at least into S & M in another life - by the time I got to the lab I was fed up - she used up her two chances and I said nope - no more!! My friend and I left - she mentioned I had gotten a bit grumpy - which we laughed about - we went for brunch - it was way too early for the Aussie Bakery much to my disappointment and both of us were SO tired she got up at 4:30am and I got up at 5:00am - my appointment was at 0800. I have been on my own at home since Saturday night so when I got home all I had to do was let Maggie out and go to bed. Wednesday was a bit better - I had to give my Enbrel shot - it burned like CRAP again - even though I left it out 10 minutes - the side effects started about 45 minutes later and I ended up in bed with an ice pack & hot tea (sore throat) but woke up at 6 pm to vomit for about 30 minutes. Then I slept off and on the rest of the night - mostly off. Today I am tired, hungry and want to eat something rich and decadent from Aussie's but have nothing here - which I guess is good. I do have some 70% chocolate eggs - not really what I want. It's one of those days when nothing sounds good - I really don't need to eat anyway - lol.

The Envelope Please.....

2011-04-11T20:12:00.000-05:00

After following up with the company I used to work for I was transferred for the tenth time to long term disability. They were confused but decided they should probably help me because I was starting to get annoyed...I was told my COBRA would continue and my disability would continue unless I got a "job of some kind" - somehow that didn't make since so I asked for my Case Manager to give me a call. I did give them the update on the Enbrel - which of course I haven't heard whether insurance will cover it yet. Another shot is due Wednesday - I have a sample from the Dr. but will need to ask for a couple more just in case. My right leg feels like knives are stuck in it and someone else is twisting it with every step I take. Gonna go to bed now - my appointment is 0800 - my poor best friend will have to come across town super early in the morning just to take me back across town.

Am I Just a Klutz?????

2011-04-10T15:59:00.000-05:00

I slept well last night - waking up when I heard a loud crash - even the cat jumped, Maggie didn't bark she just moved closer to me on the bed. I remember thinking - the alarm isn't going off so it's not an intruder - then another loud noise coming from the other living area. I turned the light on - OK we have power. I took my cane and went into the other living area - Maggie and Leilani - right behind me - lol. I was expecting something to be on the floor - nothing - anywhere was out of place. Hmmmm.....ok I turned on all the lights - couldn't find a thing- none of the piles of books in the office had fallen. Then I heard it again - I turned to look and my hip caught and then I was a pile on the floor - not funny but I had to laugh because the animals were just looking at me like I was crazy. I never could figure out what the noise was but I heard it several more times and Leilani spent the rest of the night looking up at the ceiling - squirrels in the attic or maybe flying pigs - lol. As for me I took another pain pill, turned the alarm back on and went to bed.

It's Always Something??

2011-04-09T19:12:00.000-05:00

I was finally able to get my medications partially straightened out. Even though the incorrect dosage was called in again I was fortunate to have a Pharmacist on duty who gave me a different maker of the generic so I could have a round tablet instead of the oblong one - this makes for easier cutting into the correct dose. A dear friend took me to get my prescriptions filled Friday and we had a bite to eat. I am on my own tonight and tomorrow - the other house needs attention and both of us need a break I think. I know what a pain in the butt I can be but now that I'm back on my medication for sleep and depression things should be better. I got another letter in the mail stating that I am no longer employed so I need to find out if I will continue to have COBRA benefits. It's always something huh??

Is it FRIDAY YET????

2011-04-07T13:46:00.000-05:00

I guess it is somewhere - that way all the people who have been telling me insurance won't pay for that, your prescription insurance was cancelled, your medication isn't ready - oh we didn't fill it - the Dr. didn't call it in - OH IT WAS UNDER THE WRONG name. GEESH - I have been dealing with these people since Monday and I think they need a day OFF because they had to deal with me. I also have to apologize to all my friends and loved ones who have had to listen to me go off about it all. Things are getting straightened out SLOWLY - I was on the phone 2.5 hrs Tuesday confirming that I still do have insurance and another 2 hours today trying to get person # 5 at the MDs office convinced I need a lower dose of medication before they folded and called it in. Then had to call the pharmacy to make sure they actually faxed it over. I am so stressed over I THINK THEY SHOULD PAY ME for being a problem solver. I did enjoy a nice lunch with great friends yesterday while out getting my gluten free staples.

Insurance Companies are Calling the Shots - UGH!

2011-04-04T14:31:00.000-05:00

I've gotten a lot of sleep over the weekend - probably due to fatigue, stress and depression. The pharmacy called with a recorded message to let me know my prescription was ready. I called back to see which prescription it was. They told me it was for 2 doses of 25 mg Enbrel - I had given myself 50mg Enbrel on Wednesday - they also said the Enbrel card I had given them wasn't going to cover any of it and the insurance company had denied it - so bottom line 1080.00 for 2 wks worth - perhaps the wrong dosage. I told them I'd have to find out from the Dr. So far I have called twice no word back so far. The last person I spoke with told me I could come in for the shot next week but she couldn't tell me if insurance would cover it. I am SO frustrated with all this crap!!!!

Depression and Chronic Illness - At Least for Today

2011-04-02T20:09:00.000-05:00

I've suffered from Sjogren's Syndrome, Fibromyalgia and Psoriatic Arthritis for at least 16 - 20 years - it they were called different things a long the way to this current blend of illnesses. Because of these issues I have been robbed of having children - 10 miscarriages - I have gained at least 60 - 150 lbs at different times along the way related to large and prolonged doses of steroids, have to use a cane or a walker - I have lost self esteem, friends and romantic relationships. At this point I have basically lost my livelihood, quite a large amount of my quality of life and at times have wondered seriously if losing my life would be such a bad thing. After all my parents have passed, I have no family to speak of and I feel like I am beginning to become a burden not just to others but to myself. This new medication is taking it's toll on me - I feel worse than I did when I started it and I felt like CRAP then. I can't work or drive, I have bills to pay, everyday tasks are turning into difficult things to do, I run out of disability and COBRA in about a year, Social Security Disability will take at least 2 years to obtain and so, so many people that I thought understood where I stand really just don't get it. I can't even tell you how tired I get of explaining why I can't do this or that - WORSE yet people just assume I can't go or do something because "it would be too much for her" - PLEASE don't take my decision making away. Yes people mean well but sometimes words hurt more than help. Am I gonna kill myself - no - do I have a plan - no not right now - do I contract not to hurt myself - sure. I hurt too much physically to do something to make myself hurt more. I have my closest friends, my Maggie and Lila, people I'm in love with - I would never leave any of them like that. I am just so tired of feeling tired, useless and dependent - after all I just turned 51 y/o . Do I know that other people have it even harder than I do - OF COURSE I do and my heart goes out to them. That doesn't mean I have to put on my HAPPY FACE ALL THE TIME! Please remember when you comment on someones illness to understand they didn't ask or want to be in their situation.

Relief from Side Effects but not from Sjogren's

2011-04-02T10:43:00.000-05:00

I gave myself the Enbrel injection on Wednesday, felt horrible 45 minute - 8 hours afterwards. felt like crap Thursday and like a hibernating bear most of Friday. I have not noticed any relief from Sjogren's Syndrome. We had planned to take each other on a date Friday night so I made sure that I slept well throughout the day to be up for it. I got up at 4 pm and we took a bottle of Riesling we got in Fredericksburg and went to the gluten free Little Aussie Bakery. It seemed like a lot of other people had the same idea - it's a BYOB but everything has to be 100% gluten free. It was pizza night there but surprisingly there were mostly older (like myself) couples with their bottle of wine and intimate conversation. Our conversation consisted of work issues and on my end medical issues - my Dr. had called from his personal line to discuss how I was feeling but I was asleep - so I had called back and let him know & insurance still has not approved the Enbrel. After a couple of glasses of wine we advanced to much more interesting conversation....This is not a romance novel - lol. Have a great weekend.

If Only My Brain and Body Were Disconnected

2011-03-31T14:15:00.000-05:00

I tried to go to sleep early last night - the key word being tried. Sleep eluded me primarily because of stomach issues - the way it did with dose 1 of Enbrel. So I am VERY tired today and still have body aches, feel cold and have the lupus like rash. I know the Dr. said it was not r/t the Enbrel but it sure seems like HUGE coincidence. Today my great friend came by and took me to pick up my taxes, we went to the post office and had a quick bite to eat - all in all a pleasant and much appreciated outing. We were only out about 1 1/2 hrs but I feel like it was all day. As it gets later in the day I feel worse - no fever though. Mentally there are lots of things I want to get done - physically ain't no way - lol. Am off to bed - have a wonderful Thursday!! Oh - I had some questions about what Enbrel is so I am including some links about it. http://arthritis.emedtv.com/enbrel/enbrel.html

Dum Da Dum Dum (DUMB)

2011-03-30T17:16:00.000-05:00

It's been a week since I saw my Rheumatologist and the Enbrel was started. They still do not have the prior authorization approved for the Enbrel. I have given myself the extra sample from last week. It didn't burn as bad because I let it sit out 15 minutes before injecting it. The nausea has come and gone at this point I feel especially tired but that could be from my earlier outing. A dear friend took me on errands today - post office, shoe shopping, lunch and then to the Gluten free restaurant for supplies. We had a nice time as always - the weather changed last night and I am very stiff today but it was nice to get out like a normal person. I did find some tennis shoes - really the only kind I wear now related to my poor balance. We got everything done pretty quickly so I could get back and give my shot at 3:00. I am wondering what I will do if the insurance company doesn't approve it - I guess nothing huh - lol. Tomorrow it's my other dear friends turn to tote me around - my taxes are ready and there are a few things I need from Whole Foods. We will see how much I feel like doing - planning on going to bed VERY early tonight.

Ahhh Sleep - Why do you Elude Me?

2011-03-28T01:04:00.000-05:00

It's 4 minutes before 1 am and sleep has become elusive - chronic insomnia has been a constant friend for many years but has become much more prevalent since Sjogren's Syndrome and Fibromyalgia have become my companions. I did nap today - could not keep my eyes open so I am sure that has something to do with my inability to sleep now. My anxiety about this weeks Enbrel injection, clarifying if my insurance will cover it and not being able to find my Social Security paperwork does not help because my brain just won't shut off. Unfortunately, I had a bit of a fall today - I say a bit because I didn't actually land on the floor my right hip locked and I was able to grab on to the sofa. It did twist my back and my hip so I am in pain at the moment. I've taken my scheduled pain medication as well as the rest of my night time cocktail so the pain will get better - at least until tomorrow. Sweet dreams to all of you!!

Ho Hum

2011-03-27T13:06:00.001-05:00

As I mentioned in my last post I am the only person here this weekend and am a little bummed out about it. Nothing can be done though the other house needs attention and it can't be done during the week because of the owner's work schedule. It kinda sucks because the weekends are the only time we can spend time together but I totally understand - not that I like it but I understand it. Last night I cooked an Amy's spinach rice crust pizza - it was HORRIBLE - I ate a couple of bites and decided to toss it - before I did I offered it to the dogs even JANET wouldn't eat it - lol. I was blessed to have good friends come by yesterday and take me to the CPA and to mail 2 of the packages I could get ready - had problems getting the printer to work so I still have 6 to mail and my COBRA payment to next day air. I also need to go to my the gluten restaurant to get fun things to eat. It will all get done with the help of my friends. I am happy that my stomach and flu like symptoms have resolved but the mottled look to my skin is still pronounced - my Dr. calls it a lupus like rash - I've had it since I was on Rituxan but it intermittently flares up as it is now. I am NOT looking forward to my second injection of Enbrel on Wednesday - hopefully the symptoms will be less than last week.

Feeling a Bit Better

2011-03-25T17:05:00.001-05:00

I went to bed at 7:45 last night with continuing stomach upset, chills and feeling like I was coming down with the flu. Had to take an extra pill - something to shut my mind off - would have never slept at the pace it was racing. NO - I'm not Bi-polar (according to the letter from my Psychiatrist - lol) just very stressed with the symptoms, cost associated and concern about the potential long term issues with the Enbrel. I did manage to make a decent gluten free dinner last night - using San J gluten free Teriyaki sauce purchased at Whole Foods. It was actually very good except for this morning when I had to finish the clean up process. On top of that am trying to get some clothes washed. I haven't been able to eat much today r/t nausea - just some soy milk with cereal and was hoping to have some flavored water (no sweetener of any kind) but to no avail - perhaps I can get some tomorrow. I will be alone here with the furry kids for at least 24 - 36 hrs or more - work has to be done at the other house - of course chores are never ending. One of my dearest friends was so kind to volunteer her time tomorrow to take me on those errands which have been pending for days. I will need to triple check that I have everything together for outing. I have been looking for my Social Security paperwork - I put them in a RED folder - so much for organization! Have a WONDERFUL weekend!

I Feel Like HELL Today!

2011-03-24T16:07:00.000-05:00

First I want to apologize as this will not be a funny or happy blog day...Yesterday was the Rheumatology appointment I've been dreading for weeks. The night before I didn't sleep and my morning sucked if you read my other blog you will totally understand http://blendingdogandcatfamilies.blogspot.com/ ... it was truly horrible. My other errands didn't get done because of me, myself and I - I thought I was SO organized - geesh!! I did have a nice lunch at the Gluten free restuarant with my dear friend who was very patient with my grumpiness yesterday. We got to the MD office a bit early and registered to be seen - there was a balance that my insurance didn't pay so I had to pay $199.00 instead of $35.00 - that should have been a hint of how things would go. My name was called and off I went with my walker and friend in tow into the back - I gained 2 lbs (It was my tennis shoes - lol) - my other vital signs were fine and then we waited and waited - Wednesdays are the days my Dr. double books himself so you know you will wait. About 30 minutes later in he came - he looked really tired (he had been off a week with his kids for spring break) but was pleasant as always. Then the bad news - my labs were worse than last time and the insurance company had denied his appeal for Orencia both of those things left me with little choice but to go with a TNF inhibitor there are so many choices but I chose Enbrel (Etanercept) because it only lasts for a week in the body http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Etanercept - this was something I DID NOT want to use because of the increased risk of Multiple Sclerosis, Lymphoma and Optic Neuritis - some of these are higher risks with Psoriatic Arthritis - which I have. The worse news - I would get the first shot in the office, then they would give me my next dose and insurance might not cover the additional doses - an authorization would have to be done. I had to get new labs drawn - 10 tubes later I wondered how much blood I had left and it was time for the shot. It is a subcutaneous injection and I had it in the thigh- it hurt like HELL - http://www.cc.nih.gov/ccc/patient_education/pepubs/subq.pdf. I will give myself the next injection in a week. Today I feel like CRAP - flu like symptoms which they told me I might have but no fever - that would be a disaster with this medication on board. I was supposed to go with another dear friend to run the errands that didn't get done yesterday but just don't feel like getting very far from my bed. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Optic_neuritis, http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lymphoma. Links for some of the things listed above.

People - Hmmmm...

2011-03-22T14:24:00.001-05:00

I didn't feel up to blogging yesterday - tired, a bit depressed and feeling stressed out about tons of things one of which is my Dr. appointment tomorrow. So I ended up sleeping most of the day but did manage to clean the kitchen and cook dinner. Honestly, I didn't even feel like doing that but someone needs to and since I am not working or really even being very productive I should at least do that. Yes - I'm being hard on myself - everyone knows my Dr. does not want me to lift more than 10 lbs or to do a lot of things which will cause muscle fatigue - No - I'm not being a martyr I just need to pull my share of the weight around here. The animals feel like I do a lot - after all they are fed, watered and let outside to do their business. People though think differently - I have been asked on facebook and twitter what it is I do all day - my reply "nothing" - their response - don't you think you should get off your duff and be productive? The problem with acting on their recommendations - I have to pay the price - just like am right now. The pain and fatigue that comes along with other peoples expectations can be an extra pain - you know where. People should be more informed before making recommendations - don't you think? I am sure after my exam tomorrow I will have pain everywhere - lol.