A youthful Lucy Scribner

Dear Lucy is SkidmoreUnofficial.com’s advice column, dutifully penned by our AMA-accredited psychotherapist. You can send your questions and concerns to DearLucy@SkidmoreUnofficial.com.

DEAR LUCY,

I’m about to graduate and the feeling is starting to creep up on me that I didn’t take advantage of my time here. I haven’t gotten blackout drunk, have never had a one-night stand, and have never ingested a crazy combination of drugs. It’s a Catch-22: I’m too scared, but also very curious and know this is the only time in my life where all of these things are excusable. Should I settle my boiling curiosities and cross them off my bucket list (maybe I can get them over quickly in one night)? Or move on and grow up?

Help me Lucy!
B.A. in Boring

Dear Boring,

Dwell not in FOMO, ye of little faith!

First of all, let’s get things straight. By my count, we’ve still got about a week left till graduation, which is AMPLE TIME to get fulfill your list. Secondly, by no means should you try and do this all in one go. A one-night stand while you’re blackout drunk is terrible for everybody, and maybe doesn’t even count; nor should you attempt a “crazy combination” of drugs at the same time. Actually, why not enjoy one drug at a time? If you are going out in a blaze of glory, don’t you want to remember it? You know, to tell your grandchildren.

For your convenience, I have laid out a rudimentary schedule:

FRIDAY: get fingerbanged in the library
SATURDAY: minor vandalism
SUNDAY: whippets
MONDAY: casual sex (one partner)
TUESDAY: free choice!
WEDNESDAY: casual sex (three partners)
THURSDAY: glue
FRIDAY: manslaughter

You could also probably pull some shit at Graduation. Use your imagination!

I hope this helps. Just remember, if you don’t manage it all, the opportunity doesn’t end next month. Being unemployed means that you’ll have plenty of time! If you’re anxious to cross off your bucket list: don’t have high expectations for these experiences. If you’re doing them just to do them, then that’s all that matters.

For the record I know lots of wild and crazy people who are also boring, and others who are neither wild nor boring!

DEAR LUCY,

I’ve been at Skidmore for almost two semesters now, and I keep running into the same problem which is this: I am very good with names and faces, so every time I am introduced to “someone new,” I actually know a lot about them already, like where they went to high school. How do I make these people think that I am not already constantly admiring them, wondering about them, and researching them from afar?

Creepy

Dear Creepy,

Ah, The Facebook Conundrum, a question as old as time itself!  When you are so well versed in someone’s arc of profile pictures that you’ve got a favorite – one that you actually found perusing albums of someone else, who you don’t know and never will because they are teaching abroad in Malaysia?

Yes, that is…familiar.

1. Don’t worry about knowing where people went to high school because they all went somewhere in Massachusetts.
2. If they didn’t want you to know, they wouldn’t have posted it in the first place.
3. Be aloof.

Dear Lucy,

At Fun Day I swam in the pond! Can I still have kids?

Tina

T-

Yes, but they will have webbed feet.

Hey! We’ve almost done it! Senior week and that’s it!

Now is the time to:

• Politely ask your professors for letters of recommendation. Do it now, before they forget your face and ignore your emails.
• Return shit you’ve borrowed. I am sending all my friends’ clothing back to them via intra-campus mail! NEW PACKAGE ON SHELF MY ASS!
• Wear sunscreen!

Consider this my triumphant return. Again, giant apologies.

Also, check out this cute poem senior Ethan Paul submitted to us:

‘Twas the night before Fun Day, when all through the dorm,
Not a student was stirring, ‘cept Hipster kid, Norm.
The liquor was hid in the closet with care,
For fear that some Campo would come looking there.

The students were restless, all dancing with glee,
For visions of parties: one, two, maybe three,
Were filling their heads, when they laid down to sleep,
Waiting for morning, which came at a creep.

And then next thing I know, at mid-day there’s a clatter,
I rolled out of bed, my poor sleep left in tatters.
Away ‘cross the room, I threw open the dormer,
And looked towards the green, saw the day getting warmer.

The sun through the glass shone upon my dull eyes,
Saying “Hey, Sleeping Beauty, it’s time to catch wise,
To the marvels around you, this fine time in May,
Get your bottom in motion, it’s time for Fun Day.”

So up did I get, put on clothes, grabbed some gin,
Met my friends on the green, time for fun to begin.
We cracked open bottles, grabbed glasses, and snacks,
I pulled out my pipe, someone passed me a flask.

We drank and we smoked till we all felt content,
Then we sprang up, and ho! Towards the castle we went!
To bounce! We would get there no matter the cost,
Yet somehow, in going, we seemed to get lost.

Have we passed by the popcorn one time or two?
I swear I saw Case, have we done and gone through?
No way, we’re out by the art building guys,
Did you just see naked people run by?

Then we stopped for some burgers, a hot dog, some beer,
Though we hadn’t yet bounced we were still in good cheer.
We had food, and good friends, not just spirits were high,
At the end of all this, a great night was yet nigh.

Soon we broke to take naps, we’d meet after to sup’,
Decide nighttime events, figure out what was up.
Sleep should be restoring, I gave in, I ceded,
Yet after, I felt like my brain had been kneaded.

It was pounding, and throbbing, it hurt like a bitch,
Not just that, but my neck was beginning to itch.
My back was in pain; my legs were all red,
And it felt like some ages since I had been fed.

Took a look at the clock, saw the time, and I ran,
I was late for my friends, they’d already began.
I was starving, my stomach knew that much was true,
And on the way over, I vommed on a shoe.

I looked ’round me at dinner, my friends barely speaking,
‘Tween the brain and the mouth, oh their thoughts, they were leaking.
And ev’ryone round me looked quite a bit rougher,
We’d beasted the day, but our night now would suffer.

We looked at each other, eyes begging for rest,
Fin’lly someone relented, “a movie’d be best?”
“Thank god” we responded, as tensions, they fled,
“After that,” then I said, “I think I’ll go to bed.”

So a movie was watched, it had Dame Judi Dench,
We all fell asleep, they were speaking in French.
And though I was hungover, which hurt like Pompeii,
For Fun Day, alas, it’s the price that we pay. –ezp

Ugh

Just in case you need another reason to dislike these people, rumor has it that Saratoga’s infamous “socialites,” the Riggis, are getting their own reality show, appropriately titled Palazzo Riggi. 

If you’re unfamiliar with the running town joke that is Palazzo Riggi, it is the monstrously tacky house on Broadway that looks like it was built for a mafia don. It’s owned by the Riggi family and their six thousand dogs. They have two maids that are forced to wear black uniforms and a security guard on duty twenty-four hours a day. These people are a goddamn nightmare, and if you can stomach it, you can find the full Times Union profile here.

The show will reportedly air on the E! network, though there’s still very little in the way of details. In any event, I hereby issue a challenge to all future Skidmore students, as I will likely be long gone by the time it airs: get thee on this fucking show. If you need to commit a dognapping or TP the Riggi manse or take a dump on the heated lawn, do it. There’s legendary potential here, people. Don’t miss out.

Also, be sure to check out the Palazzo Riggi entry in the Skidmore Unofficial Guide to Saratoga Springs.

(via Times Union)

I was so inspired and so proud of the Skidmore community during today’s discussion after the open forum with Cynthia Carroll. For me, that was honestly the most well-spoken, intelligent, well-informed dialogue that I have been a part of during my four years at Skidmore. Enough people felt powerfully on this issue, whatever side they chose to be on, that the conversation never wavered from being educational and enlightening. We have a diversity of opinions, backgrounds and majors who have called Skidmore their home for four years (and those who have called it that for less) and that was visibly present at this discussion.

Even though I may not believe that Cynthia Carroll is the perfect speaker for my commencement, my thoughts during her speech at commencement will be focused on the engaged and active dialogue that I was part of during the open forum. Even if you were not able to attend the discussion, if you feel any passion towards it, which I hope you do, please engage in discussion with your fellow students and the faculty. I thank you Skidmore students for making me feel that even though our community may have many different opinions on an issue, we were able to come together and respectfully listen with open-minds to the opinions and ideas of our peers. The administration and faculty were impressed and (saddeningly) surprised by the level of involvement that we all felt towards this issue. Therefore, in the future they will be more likely to take the student body seriously when addressing a contentious issue such as the one we discussed today.

I think one of the most telling parts of the whole dialogue is what President Glotzbach said at the end of his contribution to the discussion. The reason why there was no student input in choosing the commencement speaker is because in years past when there has been an effort to get students to request certain speakers there has been little to no response. If we claim that we care so much about how we are represented as a college during our graduation then we must continue to show our passion for controversial issues such as these.

Now I know that people graduating with me in exactly a month from this day may feel that it is not our fault that there was not an attempt to reach out to the students by the administration; that it is the fault of the apathy of students in years past. However, I believe that is almost a selfish way of looking at this issue. Creating an environment where the future years of Skidmore graduates, whether they be attending the college now or in years to come, feel like their voices can be heard is the most important part of this discussion. The controversy surrounding Cynthia Carroll has, if anything, made me prouder of graduating from Skidmore. When a sophomore girl stood up and said that as an younger member of the Skidmore community she was inspired by what she saw today and that it made her excited for the next couple years of her life at Skidmore, I felt unbelievable pride. I think we should all take this as a learning experience, and even if the outcome that we personally desire does not come to fruition, we should all remember the productive and intellectual atmosphere that was found during this dialogue.

Thank you.

Opinion pieces published on Skidmore Unofficial are just that. They represent only the views of their author. We run these pieces to support dialogue on campus.

Here’s a video of the April 5 protest, when students opposed to Cynthia Carroll as a commencement speaker interrupted the monthly faculty meeting.

Whatever your opinion, it’s a fascinating watch. Take from it what you will.

(via YouTube)

FRIDAY
4:00pm - Women’s Lacrosse vs. University of Rochester @ Wachenheim Field
4:30pm – Hayat Presents: Holi Celebration @ Case Green
8:00pm – Senior Dance Capstone: “Inside the Mountain @ Chapel (fbook)
8:00pm - Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street @ JKB
10:00pm – The Accents Love Elbows Jam @ Gannett (fbook)
10:30pm – Ring of Fire: Spring Fling Dance @ Case (fbook)

SATURDAY
12:00pm – EARTH DAY @ CASE GREEN (fbook)
12:00pm - Baseball vs. Vassar College @ Castle Diamond
12:00pm - Men’s Tennis vs. University of Rochester @ Williamson Sports Center
1:00pm - Softball vs. St. Lawrence @ Softball Diamond
2:00pm - Senior Dance Capstone: “Inside the Mountain @ Chapel (fbook)
2:00pm - Women’s Lacrosse vs. RIT @ Wachenheim Field
2:00pm - Women’s Tennis vs. Ithaca College @ Williamson Sports Center
5:00pm – Men’s Lacrosse vs. RIT @ Wachenheim Field
5:00pm - Senior Recital: Jane Esterquest @ Zankel
8:00pm - Senior Dance Capstone: “Inside the Mountain @ Chapel (fbook)
8:00pm – Treblemakers Jam (Feat. NYU Vocaholics) @ Filene
8:00pm - Senior Recital: Jessica Taffet @ Zankel
8:00pm - Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street @ JKB

SUNDAY
2:00pm - Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street @ JKB
7:00pm - Spanish Club Movie Night: “Te doy mis ojos” @ Gannett
8:00pm - Los Angeles Guitar Quartet @ Zankel

Missing something? Let us know in the comments.

Skidmore’s resident white-boy-funk band Bo Peep and the Funk Sheep have just released their new single, “Little League.” It’s really fun and free, and there’s a bonus cover of “Crosstown Traffic,” which totally kills.

Cheggit.

(via Band Camp)

WHOA

Sup clowns. What are you doing this Saturday? If you answered anything other than “going to Earth Day,” then you’re a bigger clown than I thought.

Every year, WSPN and EAC put together a concert with a whole bunch of bands. It has rained every year since Earth Day 2010. Hopefully it won’t this weekend.

Here’s the list of AWESOME bands:

• 12pm: Skidmore’s Bob Villain
• 1pm: Tumbling Bones
  
• 2pm: Melodeego
  
• 3pm: Derby Jay
• 4pm: Cheap Blue Yonder
  
• 5pm: Last Good Tooth
  
• 6pm: Stone Cold Fox 
  
• 7pm: Tony Castles
  
• 8pm: Mokaad

There’s also going to be A 75-FOOT SLIP AND SLIDE! A ROCK CLIMBING WALL! A BEER GARDEN (“Biergarten” if you must)! A PETTING ZOO!

PLUS, free food from CHIPOTLE, COMFORT KITCHEN, ESPERANTO! And ICE CREAM and ROOT BEER!

AND IT’S ON 4/20.

You high jackasses are going to fucking love this shit. I mean, A FUCKING PETTING ZOO. ON 4/20. WHAT A BAD IDEA.

Saturday April 20, 12pm @ South Green*

*Falstaff’s in case of rain.

(via Facebook)

WHAT IS THIS

As Sundress Day rapidly approaches (Friday? My bet’s Friday), looking good seems to be on everybody’s mind. Fittingly, tomorrow marks the return of the annual Element Fashion Show, when all of the attractive people on campus pack into the gym and show off interesting clothes designed by students.

Macgregor will be on the 1s and 2s and Corry Ethridge is choreographing the whole thing. Here’s the list of designers:

• Anne Gormley
• Elizabeth Worgan, Nuri Montilla, Ashley Narvaez
• Grace Troxell
• Jess Dunning
• Kent Newmark
• Maia Binhammer
• Nick Santa-Donato
• Salome Egas
• Somer Witherow
• Tobi Ewing

Tickets are on sale tomorrow during the day in Case for $5. I’m not sure what the theme is, but last year it was Twilight Zone, which was pretty fucking cool/weird.

Thursday April 18, 7:45pm @ Small Gym

(via Facebook)