Anyway to recap, it started with half marathon training in 2011. Yes, 2 years ago.

• Foot hurt during training, went to podiatrist, got insoles. Got fancy running shoes
• Finished half, went back to podiatrist, told it was overuse and to lay off
• Went back a couple months after “laying off” to say it was still just trying to calm down.
• Went to an orthopedic surgeon who put me in a walking boot for a few months (diagnosis: posterior tibial tendinitis) after x-rays
• No improvement after all that clunking, so went back and he suggested more boot time. Sought out a foot specialist orthopedic person (technical title)
• Foot ortho specialist put me in a walking cast (the purple foot eater) for a few months after x-rays and MRI #1. Still no improvement.
• Got custom insoles from reco. of foot ortho specialist and clunked in walking boot for another 3 months.
• Sent to physical therapy for about 5 months. Very little improvement.
• Decided I was stuck.
• New podiatrist offered new insoles which feel great, but lingering pain and swelling still occurs, along with stiffness.
• Podiatrist sent me to neurologist 2 weeks ago – perhaps it’s a nerve issue
• Got foot pounded with electronic stimuli and needles to figure out if it was nerve. Neurologist idea: tarsal tunnel syndrome. Suggestion: go back to foot ortho who sent me to cast-land before. I’m not a fan. (Sidenote: It was the same neurologist who diagnosed my mom with Parkinson’s disease. Depressing. But he’s good.)
• Podiatrist ordered MRI #2 (we’re now 2 years into this) which I had done today. I go back and we discuss it and I’m going to meet with a new (to town) surgeon at her office  in the summer.

Ankle after being beat up at the neurologist’s office

I want them to find something wrong so badly so it can be fixed. The neurologist said he would probably recommend exploratory surgery to look at the nerve. Podiatrist said she wants to make sure there isn’t any tendon damage we just haven’t seen yet – that might require surgery too. All the while, my workouts are limited (the stiffness and swelling is really bad lately) so swimming is back on the calendar for me. If you see me clunking around town in dresses and tennis shoes, just know it’s not a fashion statement. For my fashion photos, I swap in and out of cute shoes because really, my comfy tennies with insoles don’t match many things.

So that’s my boring story of that. I’m signed up to do a Tough Mudder in October, but that’s highly doubtful unless something can get addressed and fixed soon. Fingers crossed.

Thanks for listening to my foot saga!

Anklegate: An Update originally appeared on Skinny Emmie Weight Loss and Plus Size Fashion Blog on May 22, 2013. If you are reading this on a different site or a different feed than Skinny Emmie Weight Loss and Plus Size Fashion Blog, it has been taken without permission.

Lane Collection Surplice Dress c/o Lane Bryant
Shot Sleeve Shrug c/o Lane Bryant
Sequin Gladiator Sandal c/o Lane Bryant
Elaine Turner clutch c/o Ideeli (no longer available – similar)
Old Navy Belt
Moon & Lola Necklace (no longer available)

Check out all of the lovely ladies and how they styled their Lane Bryant looks here, and then vote for your favorite (or vote here if you’re on a mobile device). You can vote once a day for your favorite Lane Bryant look through 6/14.

Disclosure: Lane Bryant provided me a $200 gift card to purchase the items used to participate in this challenge. 

Lane Bryant Fashion Style Off originally appeared on Skinny Emmie Weight Loss and Plus Size Fashion Blog on May 20, 2013. If you are reading this on a different site or a different feed than Skinny Emmie Weight Loss and Plus Size Fashion Blog, it has been taken without permission.

One of the comments I get when I post some outfits is that the items are too expensive for someone’s budget. I completely get that: By no means do I have an unlimited clothing budget (can you imagine?!). So when there are sales like this on clothes that I love, I snap them up. Kiyonna is one of my favorite designers because they focus on fit and fabric. They really flatter curves, and I really appreciate they have sizes 10-32.

Kiyonna is having a sale on several popular items. In addition to the sale on those items, they are having an additional 50% off with coupon code HOTBUY50 through May 23rd. These items are all classics, and can be worn for years.

I’ve shared some of the sale items below that I’ve personally tried:

Caycee Twist Top (4 colors), Orig. $58, Sale $52, with code $26
I’m wearing a size 3

Tessa Multiway Top (4 colors available), Orig. $58, Sale $52, with code $27
I’m wearing a size 4.

Legacy Wrap Dress, Orig. $98, Sale $88, with code $44
I’m wearing a 4, but could have worn a 3.

Peri Print Top, Orig. $62, Sale $48, with code $24
I’m wearing a 4 and it’s tight. I suggest going at least 1 size up on this.

Juliet Wrap Top (3 colors), Orig. $68, Sale $58, with code $29
I’m wearing a size 4.

I’m personally ordering the red Legacy Wrap Dress and another Tessa Multiway Top (not sure which color yet – can’t decide!). Remember if you want to shop the sale, it ends after May 23rd and you need to use the code HOTBUY50 to get the 50% off on the sale items.

Disclosure: There are affilate links in this post. All opinions my own, and now I’m off to buy my sale items. 

Any of these strike your fancy?

Kiyonna 50% Off Sale originally appeared on Skinny Emmie Weight Loss and Plus Size Fashion Blog on May 18, 2013. If you are reading this on a different site or a different feed than Skinny Emmie Weight Loss and Plus Size Fashion Blog, it has been taken without permission.

To lose weight, you just need to eat right and exercise. Am  I right?

Of course I’m not.

We look at that and think it’s so easy, when in fact it’s really difficult. So many variables come into play.

On blogs and social media, we broadcast the good. There are food photos, sweaty face photos, and inspirational quotes. I’m a prime example of this. I like to celebrate those good things because let’s face it: they don’t happen all the time. Could you imagine if we all “life-casted” the good, the bad and the ugly of every day?

• “Look at this cheesecake I ate and logged into MyFitnessPal to go 800 calories over my total, yay!”
• “Here I am lounging in the recliner while watching 6 DVR’ed episodes of The Voice.”
• “Here I am at the therapist’s office where I’m about to spend an hour of my day talking about my childhood and eating habits.”
• “Whoopsie, I just went to Taco Bell and loved it!”
• “I was going to the gym when I realized I look like a Puffalump so decided to stay home instead.”

There are nuggets within all of these though that point to the invisible work we must do in order to find a healthier, happier path. They aren’t pretty, easy, or exciting, but they’re the toughest part of the journey. I call this “doing the invisible work.”

Adjust your schedule

Starting a new workout routine means freeing up a few hours each week from your already-packed schedule. You may think the real work lies in doing the actual workout when 99% of it is done in rearranging meetings and routines to have the time to workout.

Adjust your sleep

Sleep is so vital in weight loss and overall health as it affects leptin, ghrelin, cortisol, and growth hormone – among other things. I am a night owl and that used to think it was okay to sleep at 1am and wake up at 6:30am. I could only maintain that until I felt like I had completely run myself into the ground, and my hormone levels have yet to recover. It’s digging a deep hole that is tough to get out of.

Adjust your stress

Eating is a common reaction to stress, so this is a huge reason to manage your stress. The other is cortisol. Cortisol is a hormone that when elevated for a period of time can really interfere with metabolic processes. If you’re like me, your metabolic processes are junk to begin with, so anything that would affect that more should be avoided. Personally, I had a really rough time with work-induced stress for years, and it was one of the reasons I started my own business. While that may sound stressful to some people, it meant the pressure of pleasing or reporting to someone above me and playing office politics was gone. My clients are theoretically my bosses, but I’m doing work that was collaboratively built and it’s an entirely different feeling.

Adjust your shopping

Eating healthier means more meal planning, grocery lists, and reading labels. Add this to one of those time consuming items you now have to fit into your schedule. No more zipping through the grocery store on autopilot grabbing whatever strikes your fancy. It’s a tough adjustment for many.

Adjust your family

Reduced dinners out, less fast food for the kids, different dinners with the husband – they’re all consequences that they will face because of your commitment to get healthy. It may be rough on them to understand why you need to clean out the pantry, but they’ll adjust and all be better for it. Still doesn’t make it easy!

Adjust your mind

Unless you adjust your mind to how you got to where you started, you may never reach a place of satisfaction. Identifying root causes and working on rewiring your brain and response mechanisms is incredibly hard. It requires introspection, opening up old wounds, and fighting yourself. Not everyone needs to go to therapy, but many of us do. It’s a huge time and monetary investment, and the work is messy for something as seemingly easy as sitting on a chair and talking.

Adjust your body

It’s painful to start exercise if you’ve been sedentary. Heck, it’s painful to exercise if you’ve been away for a couple weeks. It’s not a comfortable feeling. You have to work to figure out what to do, and how to do it. You learn certain things bore you and others excite you. You might get injured and end up having to adjust your body in an entirely different way. If you aren’t getting the results you think you should be, you might need to get lots of blood work and become an advocate for you as the patient seeking answers. So while you may think that going to the gym is part of “visible work,” there are so many other things that go into it before it is a consistent, enjoyable routine.

I’m not saying all of this to make you think it’s impossible to lose weight or get healthy. It’s worth it. Right now, I’m doing a lot of invisible work. Lots of doctors and tests for my now 2 year old ankle injury (another MRI next week and possible surgery following). Seeking out a new doctor to run hormone levels and figure out what isn’t clicking inside because I know without a doubt there are problems. I’m going to regular therapy to work through ongoing depression and panic disorder, which thankfully seems to have disappeared since last week after going on another round of medications from my psychologist. I’m taking time to meal plan and figure out what will work for me in the long run. I’m testing new eating guidelines to see if they make me feel better, worse, or the same. My exercise has been limited with my ankle so I’ve had to adjust my workouts to include swimming again, which means even more time to get ready and then shower afterwards. It requires feeling uncomfortable for the 20 steps from the pool locker room to the water where I fret about having to share a swim lane. It’s a lot of work, but it’s what needs to be done to make things happen.

The invisible work is where the difference will be made. Do the invisible work.

Do the (Invisible) Work originally appeared on Skinny Emmie Weight Loss and Plus Size Fashion Blog on May 17, 2013. If you are reading this on a different site or a different feed than Skinny Emmie Weight Loss and Plus Size Fashion Blog, it has been taken without permission.

I hadn’t seen any plus items like this before. It looked like a fine knit casual sweater from the beaches of California (I’m looking at you, C&C California – I’ve wanted you do to plus for so long), and I knew I had to try it to see if it was anything like I imagined from a comfort perspective. Thankfully, the Adrian Sweater didn’t disappoint!

Adrian Sweater c/o Thread & Butter (size 3X)
Kiyonna Everyday Stretch Camisole, size 4
Old Navy Premium Denim Jeans, no longer available
Cole Haan Air Tali Open-Toe Wedge, no longer available in yellow
Kate Spade drawstring bag, no longer available
Moon & Lola acrylic necklace, no longer available

This little taste of casual boho chic style has given me a little bit of a craving for more. View the Thread & Butter lookbook here. These are my favorite items right now:

Mason Colorblock Skirt, $88, sizes XL-3X
Jules Knit Top, $88, sizes XL-3X
Tristan Top, $84, sizes XL-3X
James Neo Beau Z Boyfriend Jean, $224, sizes 14-24

Want to try it for yourself? Here’s your chance to win a $250 Thread & Butter Gift Certificate!

Follow the instructions in the widget below for all the different ways to win. Open to US residents only (sorry!). Entries will be accepted until Friday, May 17th at 11:59pm and the winner will be randomly selected from all entries. Questions? Leave a comment or shoot me an email at emmie (at) skinnyemmie (dot) com.

Disclosure: Thread & Butter supplied me with the Adrian sweater for review and are providing the gift certificate for giveaway. All opinions are entirely my own. I’m seriously excited for this brand.

The only mandatory entry for this giveaway is to leave a comment below. I’ve noticed in recent giveaways people bypass this step and try to go for Tweets and other entry methods, which only count as additional entries.

What is the first thing you’d want to buy from Thread & Butter with your gift certificate? 

a Rafflecopter giveaway

Review + Giveaway: Thread and Butter originally appeared on Skinny Emmie Weight Loss and Plus Size Fashion Blog on May 13, 2013. If you are reading this on a different site or a different feed than Skinny Emmie Weight Loss and Plus Size Fashion Blog, it has been taken without permission.

I posted an outfit photo over on my Facebook page and someone commented how great I look in everything. I quickly reminded her that this isn’t the case: I only show the things that I want to be seen. There are lots of awkward lumpy dumpy photos that have never seen the light of day because really, I don’t want to use those to represent my fashion sense.

It’s just not worth pretending like you shit Skittles and smell like cupcakes. With Facebook, Instagram, Pinterest, and more, we all see the only happy parts of the people in the stories.  We think we’re failing if we don’t match what others lives look like. It’s insane.

My goal with this blog has always been to show the ups and downs of trying to find a life beyond being 450+ pounds. I really don’t like that the recent tone of some posts have been about panic attacks and depression, but such is life. The panic and depression had been building up for 6 months and just exploded a couple of weeks ago. It affects my daily activities, self-esteem, workouts, food choices, sleep, and social activities. I was put on a new medicine which made things ten times worse with panic, so I’ve just finished a week of a different medication and can say that I am back to feeling normal. I can’t explain how far down the hole I fell with panic, but the weight of it was awful. Each day this week has been better than the last, and I’m optimistic that I’m getting it all under control again (along with my regular therapy sessions). My biggest fear is falling back into binge eating behaviors and gaining all my weight back.

If you’re looking for kittens and rainbows, this ins’t the blog for you. But if you can hang in there with me while I wade through the years of mess in my mind and body, we can probably learn a lot from each other.

Thanks for being here

Glitter and Unicorns originally appeared on Skinny Emmie Weight Loss and Plus Size Fashion Blog on May 12, 2013. If you are reading this on a different site or a different feed than Skinny Emmie Weight Loss and Plus Size Fashion Blog, it has been taken without permission.

Case in point, my favorite pants from last summer:

White pair, don’t care!

Ashley Stewart agrees:

They just released a look book of some really gorgeous white styles that are perfect for summer. I’m personally obsessed with this maxi dress:

Ashley Stewart Circle Lace Sleeveless Maxi Dress

I also love this flirty frilly top and white skirt. They could be broken up and used in lots of different outfit combinations.

Ruffle Front Top and White Skirt

If you want to see more, you can view the entire look book here:

What say you to white clothes?

Plus Fashion: White Wonders originally appeared on Skinny Emmie Weight Loss and Plus Size Fashion Blog on May 8, 2013. If you are reading this on a different site or a different feed than Skinny Emmie Weight Loss and Plus Size Fashion Blog, it has been taken without permission.

Even if you’re not into horses, this is a clip from Jimmy Fallon that really lifted my spirits today:

Anyway, last week was rough. I fight myself from sharing this stuff, but it always seems that once I do, I feel better and others tend to not feel alone. As I’ve discussed before, I have depression and anxiety. Since I was 15, I’ve been on mixtures of medications to help, in addition to my therapy sessions. Lately, I felt like I was slipping away. My mood has gotten darker and my anxiety has mounted. I can’t identify specific reasons behind it, so I’ve been working with my psychiatrist to figure out if another combination of medications would work better. Last week I had 3 full blown panic attacks out of the blue. These things go beyond a normal freak out – they feel physically and mentally awful and are really hard to come down from. Needless to say I got another set of medication as those weren’t working. Panic attacks and these medications have brought heart palpitations, which just reminds me why I want to be healthy – physically and mentally. I turned to food last week to try to calm the anxiety and surprise, surprise: it didn’t work…. again. It never does.

So here’s to hoping that this new round of medication works and I can feel some relief. I have so much to be thankful for in my life, and it feels like I’m experiencing it all with handcuffs on. I hate taking medication, but if it’s what I need to feel normal and live the life I want, then so be it.

How was your weekend?

Chance of Storms originally appeared on Skinny Emmie Weight Loss and Plus Size Fashion Blog on May 6, 2013. If you are reading this on a different site or a different feed than Skinny Emmie Weight Loss and Plus Size Fashion Blog, it has been taken without permission.

Photo Credit: stevendepolo via Compfight cc

I feel like throughout my entire life, I’ve operated at the opposite sides of the same spectrum: Deprivation and overindulgence.

With food, I have historically operated really well on things that are really restrictive. No carbs. No sugar. No fat. 500 calories. Give me a super strict regimen and I can follow it… for a time.

On the other side, I am really good (if you can call it that) at overindulging. Having binge eating disorder meant being able to consume thousands of calories in one meal, consistently. At meals, I’ve struggled with NOT clearing my plate, no matter the quantity on it. I also fight the urge every meal to go get a second helping.

Neither of these things are sustainable. Neither of them make me feel good about myself (except no sugar – that makes me feel good). I feel like I’m constantly searching for the middle ground. I know what the middle ground should be – fresh meat, seafood, and veggies without pesticides or hormones. Freshly prepared and not pre-packaged. I feel great when I exist in this middle ground, but I can’t ever seem to find solid footing. I lean too far one way or the other and fall over. Think of it as a child learning to ride a bike without training wheels. It’s quite wobbly and you can’t succeed unless you find your center.

Can you relate? How do you stand your middle ground?

Deprivation or Overindulgence originally appeared on Skinny Emmie Weight Loss and Plus Size Fashion Blog on May 2, 2013. If you are reading this on a different site or a different feed than Skinny Emmie Weight Loss and Plus Size Fashion Blog, it has been taken without permission.

Note: Every post I write is personal, but this one is especially so. Stream-of-consciousness coming your way…

Every Thursday on Instagram, I see people posting lots of #tbt photos: Throw Back Thursday. Photos from before the days of digital life and selfies.

I don’t have a lot of old photos scanned, but I saw these when I was going through my photos to pull one for #tbt.  I was 17. I had spend my 3rd consecutive summer at fat camp, where my schedule looked like this:

• 7am: 1 mile jog around the track
• 8am: 350 calorie breakfast
• 9am: 1 hour of step aerobics
• 10:30am: 1 hour of water aerobics
• noon: 400 calorie lunch
• 1:30pm: 1 hour mountain biking
• 3:00pm: 1 hour kickboxing
• 5pm: 400 calorie dinner
• 8pm: 30-50 calorie freezer pop

So a total of 4.5 hours of exercise a day at 1200 calories. I lost an average of 2 pounds per week doing that for 8 weeks. I came home from California and tried to keep it up by getting up at 5am to get to the gym before school, and then would have swim team or tennis team practice after school. I started gaining weight back.

I told myself I was a hideous monster. I was weak. I was lazy. I wasn’t worth anything. I couldn’t ever get under 215 pounds (I’m 5’10).

I thought I was a hideous monster.

This hideous monster perception has continued ever since then in varying degrees. When you attend your first aerobics class at the age of 5 (albeit put in a corner on an exercise mat), are sent to a child psychologist to figure out why you’re big before you’re 10, then are on Fen-Phen by the age of 14, then to fat camp (even though I still swear fat camp was one of the best experiences of my life – socially) in the summers, I got to college and just broke down. That’s how you gain hundreds of pounds in 4 years. Shame spiral.

Post-college I did low calorie diets, ketogenic diets (Atkins super low carb), and even in the past 3 years, two rounds of HCG under medical supervision. At first, they seem to work. But it’s super slow progress compared to others. It’s infuriating. And I break down. I thought for sure training for a half marathon where I burned over 1200 calories per training session would help me lose weight. Instead, I gained a few pounds.

A friend who has seen me at weights from my lowest to highest sent me a link to this blog post earlier this week: “HCG, Intermittent Fasting, the Unholy Trinity of Metabolic Downregulation.” I won’t pretend to know all the science behind these things, but I have been reading more about this metabolic resistance in people who have put themselves through the extreme diet and exercise Olympics like myself.

You want to know where my damaged mind goes when I read these things?

“That’s all fine and good, but you’re just using it as an excuse not to keep trying.”

Then I buckle down and cut more carbs or more calories. And nothing happens.

“But you’re not trying hard enough.”

Then I slide into a deeper depression (clinically – not just sad).

Then I am likely to find a time to binge.

“You’re just lazy and won’t succeed.”

My body feels good. My mind is exhausted. I’m looking for a mental break. I’m trying to find the switch inside my shattered thoughts that can shut off the voices. My quest has come up empty so far, but I’ll keep searching.

For now, I want to say to that #tbt girl and the one typing these words on my laptop: You are enough. You are strong enough, healthy enough, pretty enough, smart enough.

It’s great to have friends who can help you find the silver lining. After sending me that article about metabolic downregulation, this conversation happened:

Her: No wonder why your body can survive on famine food
Me: My body totally can survive on famine food. It’s insane. If the world ended, I’d be the last to die.
Her: APOCALYPSE SURVIVOR. YOU WIN!

At least it’s something

Hideous Monster / Apocalypse Survivor originally appeared on Skinny Emmie Weight Loss and Plus Size Fashion Blog on April 25, 2013. If you are reading this on a different site or a different feed than Skinny Emmie Weight Loss and Plus Size Fashion Blog, it has been taken without permission.

Tip 1: Layer with color

My automatic instinct with this black and white print dress was to grab a black cardigan. Boring! Adding color to a neutral print can help jazz up your outfit to scream spring.

Karen Kane Palm Print Hi-Low Dress via Gwynnie Bee
Karen Kane Cardigan via Gwynnie Bee
ABS by Allan Schwarz necklace from Ideeli
Tahari nude peep toe pumps from Macy’s

Tip 2: Sleeveless is okay!

I don’t know where the myth came from that plus size meant you couldn’t wear sleeveless items. On warm days, sleeveless items are so comfortable. On cool days, you can throw a sweater on if you want. Embrace the sleeveless.

Karen Kane Extended Back Hem dress via Gwynnie Bee
Kate Spade hobo bag – old (similar)
Tahari nude peep toe pumps from Macy’s

Tip 3: Pop of color

If you are doing a black and white print – especially in a classic pattern like pinstripes, polka dots, or houndstooth – add colorful accessories that will put an extra pep in your step. You could do colorful shoes as I did, or add a colorful handbag, bracelets, or statement necklaces.

INC Houndstooth Faux Wrap Dress via Gwynnie Bee (size 3x)
INC Mint Pumps from Macy’s (similar)

Tip 4: The lazy day dress

I have an obsession with maxi dresses because they 1) feel like you’re wearing pajamas; 2) garner lots of compliments. They are the ultimate in throw-on-and-go clothes, and due to their length, require very little accessorizing, or even perfectly matching shoes.

 Anna Scholz contrast kimono maxi dress via Gwynnie Bee (size 24)
Tahari nude peep toe pumps from Macy’s

Tip 5: Add shape with a belt

With this dress, I loved the colors and print, but as soon as I put it on, I felt like there wasn’t any shape and just too much print to handle. Enter: the belt. The belt automatically gives waist definition and breaks up the pattern so it’s easier on the eyes.

Anna Scholz Split Sleeve Top (worn as a dress – it’s long!) via Gwynnie Bee (size 24)
Belt from Lane Bryant (similar)

Tip 6: Want to stay neutral? Add a fun print.

If you really like sticking with a more neutral palette, look for items with a pattern. I love this whimsical giraffe print. Right now, there are so many different prints out with animals: birds, ladybugs, horses, and dragonflies are on patterns everywhere right now. It’s a subtle way to make you smile when you look in the mirror. 

Anna Scholz Giraffe Print Kimono Jacket via Gwynnie Bee (size 24)
Old Navy Premium Denim Straight Leg Jeans – no longer available – mega sigh! (size 26)
Kate Spade bag -old (similar)
Old Navy necklace from about 2 years ago
INC Mint Pumps from Macy’s (similar)

Want to check out Gwynnie Bee for yourself? You can try out their service for 30 days – completely risk-free. This offer applies to the 1, 2 and 3 garment plans. You won’t be charged unless you continue with the service and you can cancel online at anytime. Simply request an invite here and mention Skinny Emmie to take advantage of the free trial offer.

FTC Disclosure: If you sign up for Gwynnie Bee and mention my name, I get credit towards my subscription costs. This is a service I paid for before all of that, so honestly if you don’t sign up through me, no sweat! I just want people to know about it, regardless. Also to disclose, Gwynnie Bee is a client of my company, Authentically Social. I was not paid or to write this post and aim to represent my opinions without influence.

Are you a spring fashion fanatic like me? What’s your favorite item in your wardrobe right now?

Spring Plus Size Fashion originally appeared on Skinny Emmie Weight Loss and Plus Size Fashion Blog on April 24, 2013. If you are reading this on a different site or a different feed than Skinny Emmie Weight Loss and Plus Size Fashion Blog, it has been taken without permission.

image from @mattchevy on Instagram

I don’t have anything adequate to say. So today I just wanted to share these few posts. My friend Dani was running and her wife wrote two posts that brought me to tears. Dani also wrote one afterwards.

• Tori’s first post (the day of the race)
• Tori’s second post (the day after the race)
• Dani’s post

Things here will be back to “normal” (whatever that is) tomorrow. But I hope we never forget how insignificant some of our problems are, and to hug your loved ones tight.

When there’s nothing to say originally appeared on Skinny Emmie Weight Loss and Plus Size Fashion Blog on April 22, 2013. If you are reading this on a different site or a different feed than Skinny Emmie Weight Loss and Plus Size Fashion Blog, it has been taken without permission.

I’ve had a second to breathe this weekend, which was great. Over my birthday week (when I was in a dark place), I watched a million episodes of White Collar, which I’d never seen before. Loved it. Super sad when I ran out of episodes to watch. Yesterday I decided to try my hand at some episodes of Scandal, which was a great choice. What a great show!

Anyway,  the vegging out time was great. This week is gearing up to be a hectic one.

To recap the week:

• The winner of the Gwynnie Bee membership is Nichole B. She’s claimed her prize. Congrats girl!
• The winner of the Kiyonna $100 gift certificate giveaway is Shelby G. She’s claimed her prize. Enjoy!
• The Fitbit Zip giveaway is still open until 4/18 at midnight.
• Workouts were really good. I’m in my ankle brace for my posterior tibial tendonitis (PTT) so it’s meant having to modify some exercises in my training sessions, but that’s okay. My post-workout selfies on Instagram told the story of my sessions at J&M Strength and Conditioning this week:

Monday: Welp that kind of sucked (got a little nauseated at the end and had to cut a set short)
Wednesday: Yee haw! 
Friday: Sweaty satisfaction.

• I’ve had mega sugar cravings, but thankfully pushed past them – currently 8 day sugar free. This meant that I even had to pass on an ice cream birthday cake that was for me and my niece (joint family party). To compensate for everyone else eating it, I planned ahead and got a piece of no-sugar-added black cherry pie from a local bakery. It was a treat, but was a better alternative than ice cream cake. Also dodged during that birthday gathering: Chinese food. I brought a salad instead.

Around the web:

• On Spry Kitchen, I explored the mysteries of fermented foods. What are they, and why are they beneficial to health?
• Also on Spry Kitchen, I took a look at the benefits of bison versus beef or other animal proteins.
• On the ENELL Blog, there’s a good introduction to Yoga – the dos and don’ts and what to expect.
• Also on the ENELL Blog, we look at the “no pain, no gain” belief - when is pain good, and when is it too much?
• Wonder what kind of workouts I do with my trainers? One of them, Molly Galbraith, did a great post with videos on two at-home body weight workouts. If you want a no fuss, effective workout without any equipment needed, this is an awesome blog post.

Last but not least, I was happy to see a mention of my Spry Kitchen blog for Spry Living promoted in their April 2013 print edition!

How was your week? Let me know in the comments.

Week in Review originally appeared on Skinny Emmie Weight Loss and Plus Size Fashion Blog on April 14, 2013. If you are reading this on a different site or a different feed than Skinny Emmie Weight Loss and Plus Size Fashion Blog, it has been taken without permission.

The Fitbit Zip is the third activity tracker I’ve reviewed. For other reviews, check out my assessment of the BodyMedia Fit and the original Fitbit (now replaced with the Fitbit One).

In a nutshell, you wear the Fitbit Zip device anywhere on your body throughout the day to track your steps taken, distance traveled, and calories burned. There is a display that you can toggle to see how you’re progressing for the day, and it syncs with an online dashboard as well as some mobile devices. You can use the app or website to log food, add or view activity, and track weight.

One day of my tracking activity – 7,647 steps taken

Pros of the Fitbit Zip:

• The thing is tiny. You can put it nearly anywhere on your body to record movement, so it’s totally inconspicuous. I preferred to wear mine at the middle of my bra where it wouldn’t show under clothing.
• Wireless syncing. There is a tiny USB dongle I keep plugged to my laptop that syncs when the device is in range. I never had to worry about plugging anything in.
• Samsung Galaxy S3 App. The app wasn’t available when I first got the Zip, but it recently became available and is awesome. The Zip syncs via Bluetooth with the Fitbit Android app to keep track of my activities. Just one more easy way to have instant access to my data. It also syncs with iPhone 4S/5, iPad 3, and Samsung Galaxy Note 2. All supported devices listed here.
  
• Syncs with MyFitnessPal (and other apps). This is probably my favorite feature of the Zip. When I used other devices in the past, I didn’t want to have to enter my food somewhere other than where I normally do, which is on MyFitnessPal. The Zip actually has a 2-way sync with MyFitnessPal, so my activity (from Fitbit) would populate into MyFitnessPal and my nutrition (from MyFitnessPal) would populate onto my Zip dashboard. Fitbit has their own food entry system if you prefer to use it, but I didn’t want to leave my old faithful (Also works with LoseIt, SparkPeople, Map My Run, and more)
• Price: At under $60, this device is one of the most cost effective activity trackers on the market, and provides a lot of value for the money.

Cons of the Fitbit Zip:

• The thing is tiny: Yes, I mentioned this was a pro above. But on the flip side, the thing is tiny and light and you will most likely throw it in the laundry as I did. Whoops. On the plus side, after pulling it out of the washing machine, it worked just as it had before!
• Battery Replacement: The battery lasts a long time, however it’s a lithium ion battery (think one of those thin, round watch batteries) that are a little difficult to locate on the fly. It’s a tradeoff from having to charge the device, so this is totally a personal preference. 
• Sleep Tracking: If you are looking for sleep tracking, you should go with a different model like the Fitbit One as the Zip doesn’t track sleep. Again, personal preference on whether or not this is important to you.
• Weight Training: My workouts are a mix of strength and conditioning work, but aren’t on the typical cardio machines. After a workout, I would only see a small blip on my activity monitor because my work wasn’t necessarily around steps taken. It was disheartening to see that according to the device, I didn’t work much. (But my soaked shirts and heart rate proved otherwise).
• Can’t cure forgetfulness. My biggest problem in using the device wasn’t the device itself, it was actually remembering to put it on every day. This is a common theme with me and all tracking devices, so I’m not surprised.

Overall impressions:

This is a really easy-to-use, functional tracking device at a good price. If you’re looking for something to keep you accountability with your daily activity goals, this is the perfect device. You can easily see at any time how many steps you’ve taken, and approximately how many calories you’ve burned. I have a problem with the whole calories in/calories out argument, so I personally don’t use it to see if I should lose weight this week by hitting my activity goals. It’s taken a long time for me to stop getting frustrated at the numbers that might pop up on a screen if I’m trying to hit some imaginary goal. This has zero to do with this product itself, just a mindset I’ve had to put myself in while using tracking devices such as this.

The ease of use of this device plus the syncing with multiple apps and smartphones is awesome. It  ”plays well with others” which I think is a great approach to a fitness device that should appeal to a wide amount of people. When you look at your Fitbit halfway through the day and see you’ve only taken 800 steps (I wish this weren’t true, but it’s common for a desk-dweller like myself), you better believe it will motivate you to get up and move around!

The Fitbit Zip, or any tracking device for that matter, isn’t a necessity to being successful with your fitness goals, but it’s a fun item that might help get you more excited about them.

Ready to win your own Fitbit Zip? Enter using the widget below. Open to US residents only. Giveaway closes on 4/18/13 at midnight.

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DISCLOSURE: Fitbit provided their product for review at no cost to me. As always, all opinions are unfiltered, honest, and strictly my own. I endorse Blog With Integrity. For my full disclosure policy, click here.

FitBit Zip Review and Giveaway originally appeared on Skinny Emmie Weight Loss and Plus Size Fashion Blog on April 12, 2013. If you are reading this on a different site or a different feed than Skinny Emmie Weight Loss and Plus Size Fashion Blog, it has been taken without permission.

(And no, I did not eat cake with my bare hands or drink Patron out of the bottle by myself. It was a melodramatic sob story my mind made up that did not come to fruition.) 

Thankfully, before I spiraled into my deep hole of darkness, I planned on going to Keeneland to see the horses race and to hopefully enjoy the weather. Playing with clothes is always fun, so I played pretty princess and got some photos taken. It cheered me up. Between photos and horses and the absolutely perfect weather conditions – sunny and warm (but not too warm)  - I had a great day. (Thanks Townsley for being my +1!)

So now that I’m on the up-and-up, I’ve been thinking about things I want to focus on. I’ve had a whirlwind year with starting and growing my company, struggling with a few binge eating episodes, and battling my never-healing ankle. Such is life. You win some, you lose some, and as long as you live another day, you can work to make things better.

So for thirty-two, I will work to:

• Practice gratitude: I want to focus on being grateful for everything I have. 
• Cherish relationships: Work to surround myself with great people, and let them know how much I appreciate them.
• Focus on “why not’s” versus “I can’t's”
• Continue focusing on health, and stop getting so angry at the scale. Big picture thinking.
• Seek out and embrace opportunities to push myself out of my comfort zone.

I think 32 is going to be a great year

Thank you for spending part of your day reading my ramblings!

Thirty-two originally appeared on Skinny Emmie Weight Loss and Plus Size Fashion Blog on April 10, 2013. If you are reading this on a different site or a different feed than Skinny Emmie Weight Loss and Plus Size Fashion Blog, it has been taken without permission.

It’s no secret that I’m obsessed with Gwynnie Bee, the Netflix of clothing. They have designer clothes from sizes 10-28 that you can choose from. You borrow items and when you’re done, ship them back for them to send another item out! Here’s a post with a better overview of the service. I love the concept, customer service, and way it’s changed the type of clothes I wear. Check out all my Gwynnie Bee posts here.

This giveaway is for one paid month of Gwynnie Bee, up to 3 outfits out at a time. So, if you’re a new member, you’ll have their free 30-day trial plus this paid month. If you’re already a Gwynnie Bee member, you can apply your free month to your existing subscription (up to the 3 outfit plan). Free clothes for a month? Score!

Jacket and tank top from Gwynnie Bee

Still confused about how Gwynnie Bee actually works? Check it out here.

Use the widget below to enter the giveaway. Entries close at midnight on 4/11/13. Eligible to those in the US only who are 18 years or older.

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Disclosure: This giveaway is provided by Gwynnie Bee. 

Giveaway: 1 Paid Month to Gwynnie Bee originally appeared on Skinny Emmie Weight Loss and Plus Size Fashion Blog on April 3, 2013. If you are reading this on a different site or a different feed than Skinny Emmie Weight Loss and Plus Size Fashion Blog, it has been taken without permission.

I was finishing up a rigorous MBA program when my mom, sick with Parkinson’s Disease, went in the hospital and never came out. Two days before my birthday, three months before my graduation, and six months before my wedding, she died.

Last year for the anniversary of her death, I wrote her a letter that was incredibly cathartic. So this year again, I’m going with stream-of-consciousness writing.

Dear Mom,

Last year I talked a lot about “did I do enough” and I think I resolved in my own mind that I can’t change the past and I know I did as much as I could under the circumstances. I hope that you understand that, but since I will never know how you felt, I have to be okay with everything. After six years, I think I’m there.

The biggest question I wish you could answer for me right now is: what did you want to do that you didn’t get to? What things can I take on or experience while I’m still on this earth?

I’ve been thinking a lot about those questions. It’s like I have some drive to check off things on your bucket list. But you never really had a bucket list, that I knew of anyway. You were a mom and that was everything. Our interests were your interests and you were there all the time. Were there places you wanted to see or things you wanted to do? If there were, you never let us know. Your identity was tied to us, and I respect that immensely. It still makes me wonder.

Maybe I’m wondering all of this because I’m looking for some sort of life checklist. I feel like I’m doing what I want, yet something is still unsettled. I’m chasing weight loss, but don’t really feel like a number on the scale will change things as dramatically as I used to believe they would. I’m doing things I want to do and that I enjoy, and not much of that would change with a number on the scale. Or would it? I have no idea, but there is something inside that knows it’s not the magic answer to lifelong fulfillment.

I’ve felt a little “floaty” lately. I always need 500 different projects going on at the same time so I can stress out and produce good work. As soon as things slow down, it’s like my purpose goes away. It’s hard to explain, really. I still have passion for things but I don’t know how to survive in calm. I had so much chaos going on for several years that when things all seem to fall into place as they are now, it’s like I’m waiting for the jack-in-the-box to pop out and scare the shit out of me. I mean, yes, I still have stress and lots of projects going on (cue my near panic attacks 2 days in a row), but it’s not quite as hard anymore. Surely there’s something I’ve forgotten on my list of to-dos. So my brain starts reaching – what did mom want to accomplish that she didn’t get to? Yet really, it doesn’t matter. It won’t change that you aren’t here to do, see, or achieve. You won’t be waiting at the other side of a finish line or at an airport in some foreign land waiting for me. I think I’m chasing something that doesn’t exist, because I haven’t learned how to handle the calm.

Before I sign off today, I did want to make a conscious note to tell you thank you for something specific:

It seems that people who lose loved ones often achieve things and say “I hope (insert loved one here) would be proud of me.” I don’t ever think that, because one of the best things you did was always assure me that I was loved, and you were proud. There was never a time where I wondered what I could do to make you happy, because you always seemed happy no matter what. I think that is an incredible gift that you gave me. For every accomplishment big or small, I always know you are proud. I am so thankful for having that etched in my brain (and in my gut).

I love you with every fiber of my being and am so thankful I was your daughter.

Love,

Emily

I saw this photo and just chuckled. My mom would have been so happy that some 80s trends are coming back. Wow, she really embraced trends on herself and on my sister and I. Sorry Lauren for posting this photo. Seriously though – what is up with my cardigan? No wonder people stared at us so much when we were in Hong Kong. Phew! Love it though

Six years, slow healing originally appeared on Skinny Emmie Weight Loss and Plus Size Fashion Blog on April 2, 2013. If you are reading this on a different site or a different feed than Skinny Emmie Weight Loss and Plus Size Fashion Blog, it has been taken without permission.

Today, we kick off birthday week with a $100 gift certificate to one of my favorite clothing labels, Kiyonna!

Here are my top 3 new arrival picks right now:

Brenna Ballet Dress, $118
Portia Pin-Up Dress in Jade Tropical Print, $128 
Audrey Faux-Wrap Top, $62

I love Kiyonna because the fit of their clothes is amazing, the quality is so good, and I’ve never tried a piece that I didn’t think flattered the plus size body. I also really appreciate that they go from sizes ox (10/12) – 5X (30/32).

These are my top 3 picks from recent months:

Desert Rain Maxi Dress, $128
Gigi Lace Cinch Dress, $128
Luna Lace Dress, $158

Use the widget below to enter the giveaway. Entries close at midnight on 4/6/13. Eligible to those in the US only who are 18 years or older.

a Rafflecopter giveaway

Disclosure: This blog post has affiliate links. Gift certificate giveaway courtesy of Kiyonna.

Giveaway: Kiyonna $100 Gift Certificate originally appeared on Skinny Emmie Weight Loss and Plus Size Fashion Blog on April 1, 2013. If you are reading this on a different site or a different feed than Skinny Emmie Weight Loss and Plus Size Fashion Blog, it has been taken without permission.

The thing is, I don’t look in the mirror most of the time and dislike what I see. I focus on positive things that I like, whether it be clothes or hair or makeup or whatever. The times I get upset with my body are when it doesn’t physically react how I’d like it to. Perhaps after being on my feet a long time, they swell a little. It gives me a little glimpse of what would happen at 455 pounds. I remember my limit of being on my feet as being 5 minutes, not 5 hours. I remember the pain in my back where I would struggle to just stand up straight. I remember my skin feeling so tight because of how I tested its limits daily. The tightness would turn to an all-over ache, and sometimes go to tingling or  throbbing. When I talk about the “before,” I physically start to grimace because I remember those feelings. My body felt like it was betraying me, and it was a direct result of me betraying it.

I get upset at the scale because it doesn’t show me a number I decided I wanted. But I really should focus on how I’m treating my body. For the most part, I treat it with kindness and respect. The difference in how I treat my one body now versus how I used to treat it is huge.

I love this idea of treating your body as if it’s the only body you have, but I want to also emphasize that I refuse to spend my life hating the only body I’ve got. I would encourage you to do the same. Spend that energy doing good things for it and it will repay you tenfold.

This seems like a random post, but it’s actually as a result of a few non-scale victories I recognized the past could of weeks. I joined in on a Zumba session while wearing jeans, wedge heels and a blouse. Kicked off my shoes and just danced. There wasn’t ever a doubt of “can I do this” or “what if I look stupid.” I just did it because I wanted to. About a week before that, I roamed around for hours at Ikea and Costco and didn’t have pain in my feet, legs, or back. I realized that I don’t dread workouts and actually have a bit of fun doing them. My body is responding to the good deeds I’m doing for it, which makes me want to continue them.

I’m tired and rambling but I just wanted to get this out there. Hopefully it makes sense.

Playing with Fat originally appeared on Skinny Emmie Weight Loss and Plus Size Fashion Blog on March 27, 2013. If you are reading this on a different site or a different feed than Skinny Emmie Weight Loss and Plus Size Fashion Blog, it has been taken without permission.

I walk the confidence tightrope pretty often, so I’ve been working on doing more things that make me feel good about my choices, which then leads to feeling good about myself and presenting that version to the world.

Each one of these things is related with to the others, and it goes in a cycle that is pretty hard to beat once you find it. 

Some people think that clothing is frivolous, but for me, it’s a source of confidence. Things that make me feel good on the outside make me feel good on the inside, and therefore I treat myself and my body better.

Here are some of my latest Gwynnie Bee arrivals. Not sure what Gwynnie Bee is? The short answer: Netflix for plus size clothes. Here’s some more information on a previous post of mine.

My birthday is coming up, and think I want to wear a couple of these looks while celebrating:

Anna Scholz Split Sleeve Top c/o Gwynnie Bee (Size 24)
Tights: We Love Colors
Jacket: Alfani Faux Leather Moto Jacket from Macys (Size 3X)

Left, ASOS Curve Metallic Jacket c/o Gwynnie Bee (size 22)
Right, Karen Kane cardigan c/o Gwynnie Bee (size 3x)
Lime Green Alfani tank from Macys (size 3X)
Old Navy Premium Denim bootcut jeans (ack, can’t find them on their site anymore!)
Enzo Angiolini Danville Flats

Left: Karen Kane Extended Back Hem dress c/o Gwynnie Bee (size 3x)
Right: Kiyonna Devon Dolman Sleeve Top in Navy c/o Gwynnie Bee (size 4)
Old Navy Premium Denim bootcut jeans
Giani Bernini Comfort Pumps in plum from Macys (They’re insanely comfortable on my wide, big feet!)

INC Houndstooth Wrap dress c/o Gwynnie Bee (size 3X)
NY Collection Floral Print dress c/o Gwynnie Bee (size 3X)
Giani Bernini Comfort Pumps in plum from Macys

I really wasn’t sure what to expect with these arrivals, but I ended up loving the houndstooth dress, Anna Scholz dress, and 2 Karen Kane pieces the best. I thought the houndstooth dress would be really unflattering, but I think it was the best of the bunch. The print and colors of the Anna Scholz dress just scream spring. The maxi dress is too tight in the hips for me and has more of a column fit than flowing maxi than I’m used to. I knew the metallic ASOS Curve jacket would be a tight fit, and I was right. A little too much “fat girl in a little coat” for me. But it’s beautiful. The Kiyonna dolman sleeve top is really comfortable and flattering, but it’s a little too dark for my mood right now.

Want to check out Gwynnie Bee for yourself? You can try out their service for 30 days – completely risk-free. This offer applies to the 1, 2 and 3 garment plans. You won’t be charged unless you continue with the service and you can cancel online at anytime. Simply request an invite here and mention Skinny Emmie to take advantage of the free trial offer.

FTC Disclosure: If you sign up for Gwynnie Bee and mention my name, I get credit towards my subscription costs. This is a service I paid for before all of that, so honestly if you don’t sign up through me, no sweat! I just want people to know about it, regardless. Also to disclose, Gwynnie Bee is a client of my company, Authentically Social. I was not paid or to write this post and aim to represent my opinions without influence. 

Do clothes help you with confidence? 

Reflections of Confidence originally appeared on Skinny Emmie Weight Loss and Plus Size Fashion Blog on March 19, 2013. If you are reading this on a different site or a different feed than Skinny Emmie Weight Loss and Plus Size Fashion Blog, it has been taken without permission.