Skip's House of Chaos

The Worst Thing

2009-11-12T09:12:00.000-08:00

Worst Portrait Artist

Worst Love Letter

Worst Place to Work

Worst Cake

Worst Elvis Impersonator

Worst Job Ever

No, THIS is the Worst Job Ever

A bunch more here

Finally - a MAN'S ring tone

2009-11-12T06:44:00.000-08:00

(Thanks, Billy)

Double Meaning Photos

2009-11-12T06:08:00.000-08:00

More here

I've got to try this...

2009-11-12T05:46:00.000-08:00

(via)

Veteran's Day, 2009

2009-11-11T21:58:00.000-08:00

A note to our veterans...

2009-11-11T21:07:00.000-08:00

AWESOME Commercial from New Zealand

2009-11-11T20:54:00.000-08:00

What is Butt Dust?

2009-11-11T16:39:00.000-08:00

These have to be original and genuine. No adult is this creative!!

JACK (age 3) was watching his Mom breast-feeding his new baby sister. After awhile he asked: 'Mom why have you got two? Is one for hot and one for cold milk?
'

MELANIE (age 5) asked her Granny how old she was, Granny replied she was so old she didn't remember any more. Melanie said, “If you don't remember you just look in the back of your panties. Mine say five to six.”

STEVEN (age 3) hugged and kissed his Mom good night. "I love you so much that when you die I'm going to bury you outside my bedroom window."

BRITTANY (age 4) had an ear ache and wanted a pain killer. She tried in vain to take the lid off the bottle. Seeing her frustration, her Mom explained it was a child-proof cap and that she'd have to open it for her. Eyes wide with wonder, the little girl asked: "How does it know it's me?"

SUSAN (age 4) was drinking juice when she got the hiccups. "Please don't give me this juice again,” she said, “It makes my teeth cough.."

DJ (age 4) stepped onto the bathroom scale and asked: "How much do I cost?"

CLINTON (age 5) was in his bedroom, looking worried. When his Mother asked what was troubling him, he replied, "I don't know what'll happen with this bed when I get married. How will my wife fit in it?"

MARC (age 4) was engrossed in a young couple that were hugging and kissing in a restaurant. Without taking his eyes off them, he asked his dad: "Why is he whispering in her mouth?"

TAMMY (age 4) was with her mother when they met an elderly, rather wrinkled woman her Mom knew. Tammy looked at her for awhile and then asked, "Why doesn't your skin fit your face?"

JAMES (age 4) was listening to a Bible story. His dad read: "The man named Lot was warned to take his wife and flee out of the city, but his wife looked back and was turned to a pillar of salt." Concerned, James asked: "But what happened to the flea?"

and, finally...

The Sermon this Mother will never forget:

"Dear Lord," the minister began, with arms extended toward heaven and a rapturous look on his upturned face. "Without you, we are but dust..." He would have continued, but at that moment my very obedient daughter who was listening very intently leaned over to me and asked (quite audibly in her shrill, little four-year old girl voice), "Mom? What is butt dust?"

(tip O'the hat to Kevin for sending this in)

Best Homework Ever

2009-11-11T07:28:00.000-08:00

Know anybody like this?

2009-11-11T07:12:00.000-08:00

(thanks, Billy!)

♫♫ - An unlicensed salon! - ♫♪

2009-11-11T05:58:00.000-08:00

Tip O' the Hat to the Maggot. Thanks, Keith! (via)

Mitch Hedberg Jokes:

2009-11-11T05:13:00.000-08:00

I eat a lot of sandwiches and sometimes I don't want a sandwich; that's when I realize that everything's a sandwich. Like I ordered a salad and they brought me a plate with lettuce, cheese, bacon bits and croutons--it's a sandwich, some assembly required.

Somebody once asked me to come up with a sentence that starts good and ends bad, so I said... OK. ... My girlfriend works at Hooter's... in the kitchen.

# I was at a restaurant, and I ordered a chicken sandwich, but I don't think the waitress understood me. She asked me, "How would you like your eggs?" I said... "Incubated! And then raised, plucked, beheaded, cut up, put onto a grill, and then put onto a bun. Damn! I don't have that much time! Scrambled!"

I got an idea for sweatshops... AIR CONDITIONING! Problem solved.

I saw this girl once, and she was born without arms. I spoke with her parents, and they said she doesn't know the meaning of the word "can't." Poor girl, not only can she not wear bracelets, but she cannot embrace a simple contraction.

One time I saw a seagull at a lake. I told him, "Dude, I won't tell anybody."

I'm staying in this hotel and I dialed "0". I meant to dial 8, but I aimed too low. Anyway, the hotel operator answered and said, "How may I direct your call?" I said, "Well, you can start by saying 'action' ... and at the end, say 'cut' ... and if you wanted to go the extra yard, you can wear a beret and knickers ... and carry a big cone."

According to reports filed by the New Jersey medical examiner’s office, Mitch Hedberg died in December, 2005 of "multiple drug toxicity," including cocaine and heroin.

More here (http://www.angelfire.com/comics/herzdogg/mitch.html)

What if The Matrix Was Shot in the Silent Films' Era?

2009-11-10T09:47:00.000-08:00

(via)

And God said....

2009-11-10T06:22:00.000-08:00

My Conversations With Jesus

2009-11-10T00:25:00.000-08:00

Many times when I am troubled or confused, I find comfort in sitting in my backyard and having a vodka and orange juice along with a quiet conversation with Jesus. This happened to me today after a particularly long trip and doing two seminars back to back. I said "Jesus, why do I work so hard?"

And I heard the reply: "Men find many ways to demonstrate the love they have for their family. You have two wonderful sons, and you work hard to have a peaceful, beautiful place for your friends and family to gather."

I said: "I thought that money was the root of all evil."

And the reply was: "No, the LOVE of money is the root of all evil. Money is a tool; it can be used for good or bad".

I was starting to feel better, but I still had that one burning question, so I asked it. "Jesus," I said, "what is the meaning of life? Why am I here?"

He replied: "That is a question many men ask. The answer is in your heart and is different for everyone. I would love to chat with you some more, Señor, but for now, I have to finish your lawn."

Japanese Barcodes

2009-11-10T00:21:00.000-08:00

These are fun. Why don't we have these in the west?

(via)

Stop Shark Finning

2009-11-09T12:43:00.000-08:00

I saw this on a Facebook site -

Wouldn't this make an AWESOME T-shirt design?

If you haven't seen it, I highly recommend the movie "Sharkwater." It really goes into detail about the misconceptions and misunderstandings regarding sharks.

In fact, I'm going with a group of dive buddies during the second weekend in January to dive in the shark tank at the Denver Aquarium. Anybody else want to join us?

A Brief Gallery of Bad Camera Angles

2009-11-09T09:01:00.001-08:00

(via)

Home made mask

2009-11-09T05:34:00.000-08:00

In case we run out of masks during the H1N1 flu season, here is a ‘homemade’ mask you can make yourself.

It is even compatible with the wearing of glasses.

One thing though ---

MAKE SURE YOUR MASK IS CLEAN!!!!!!!!

(via)

Scuba Slang and Technical Terms

2009-11-08T05:56:00.001-08:00

50/50
Nitrox50. 50% O2, 50% N2.
Commonly used as a travel mix.

80/20
Nitrox80. 80% O2, 20% N2. (See stroke mix.)

A

AAS
Alternate Air Source, such as a pony bottle.

ab(s) (1)
Abalone(s), a California shell fish pursued by divers and sea otters. The sea otters are better at it.

abs (2)
What studly macho divers think they have but don't.

ab irons
Tool used to get abalone off rock.

ABLJ
Adjustable Buoyacy Life Jacket, horse-collar style, forerunner of the BC. (British)

AGA
A popular full face mask, the AGA Divator MKII. Pictures. In New York pronounced "auger" (with a strong "AW" sound in the beginning).

AGA and com gear
An AGA equipped with a microphone and speakers to allow a diver to communicate by voice, typically through a wire to a surface support team.

AGE
Arterial Gas Embolism, bubble causing obstruction to a blood vessel

AI
Assistant Instructor

air hog
Diver who sucks tank dry in record time. (Or in less time than it takes their buddy.) See Skip

aluminum 80
Most common tank in industry. Nominal capacity 80 cu. ft.

alpha flag

Alpha Flag. Diver Down, Keep Clear! International maritime signal flag, meaning "Diver down, keep clear!". Compare with the U.S. dive flag

AOW
Advanced Open Water (PADI qualification)

artificial spit
Small bottles of liquid purchased at exorbitant prices by divers who do not know better to keep their masks defogged. Made by having divemaster candidates fill small bottles with REAL spit. Also called "Goop."

artifact
An item removed from a wreck. See souvenir. Usually collected by CN's or "Strokes"

ATA
Absolute pressure. Includes the atmospheres of pressure you rack up under the water and the atmosphere of pressure at the sea level ATM machine.

AV
Artificial Ventilation. EAR. (British)

B

back roll
Leave a boat by sitting on its rail and then rolling backwards into the water.

backscatter
What you get in your picture after bozo the CN kicks the bottom.

bail-out bottle (1)
A small bottle filled with your favorite beverage to hold you until your friends come to bail you out of the Cozumel jail.

bail-out bottle (2)
Extra cylinder of gas carried by a surface supplied diver or a rebreather diver to enable them to reach safety in the event of an interruption of their primary supply. For saturation divers, this would typically be to reach a habitat.

barotrauma
Damage caused by water or air pressure.

BC
Buoyancy Compensator.

Braille dive
Viz so bad you have to just feel your way around.

BCD
Buoyancy Control Device.

beaver
On old wetsuit jackets it hung down in the back. You pulled it through your legs, and velcroed it to the front of the jacket. Also called a beaver tail.

Historical note: Some 'real men' claim to have been able to fasten this without obtaining a high pitched voice. This is probably apocryphal.

bend-O-matic
Dive computer

bent (1)
Suffering from DCS.

bent (2)
Suffering from too much tequila.

blowing off
Omitting something, typically omitting required decompression.

blue water
Un-green water. Typically found somewhere you are not. Like Cozumel.

bolt snap
Brass or stainless steel fitting with a gate activated by your thumb.

bondage wings (1)
Impressive looking back mounted BC by OMS. Features dozens of little rubber straps to confine the bladder when not inflated. Implicated in a number of tech diving tragedies.

bondage wing (2)
A diving S&M toy

Bottle
Cylinder.

bottom dump
Valve on the bottom of a BC which allows you to empty air while in a head-down mode.

bottom mix (1)
Mix breathed at the bottom, especially when other gas mixes are used for travel and/or deco. Bottom mix should have ppO2 less than 1.4. END is typically chosen to be 99 fsw or 132 fsw.

bottom mix (2)
What is found in the bottom of used margarita glasses.

Bounce or bounce dive
To dive and surface at intervals repeatedly. A dive where you turn around to ascend immediately after reaching the bottom.

BT
Bottom Time - definition is agency dependant.

buddy (1)
For the benefit of officious Divemasters - your nominal partner when you practice the "Same Day, Same Ocean" diving principle

buddy (2)
The person who always sees more interesting things on a dive than you do; knows the scientific names of all of those furry little green things that live under rock ledges; reveals to the rest of the passengers that your diving techniques are all wrong; and leaves you to wash out their gear at the end of the day.

buddy (3)
A person you're happy to go for a drink with.

bug
Lobster. (Also crawfish in Louisiana)

bug bag
Lobster Bag. Generally of mesh and/or canvas. To carry all the lobsters that you catch, or the artifacts you recover.

bug hunting
Hunting for bugs.

BWRAF (pronounced "BEE-raf")
PADI training acronym: Check: “BCD, Weights, Regulator, Air, Final check,” Alt: "Bad Women Really Are Fun"; "Big White Rabbits Are Furry"; "Boogie With the Rich And Famous"; "Bruce Willis Ruins All Films".

C

canister light
A light where the battery is strapped to your belt and the light is held in your hand.

CAPS
Cave mapping software and electronic survey equipment

cattle boat
We've all been there, done that. There are no cows on a cattleboat, at least not the four legged kind.

CESA (pronounced "SEE-sa")
Controlled Emergency Swimming Ascent

C-card
Certification card

chamber (1)
Hyperbaric chamber, for diagnosis and treatment of DCS

chamber (2)
The room that contains the pot.

chamber ride (1)
To be compressed in a chamber.

chamber ride (2)
What you do on your last day at the hotel in Cozumel. See chamber (2).

charlie foxtrot
Euphemism for clusterfuck, derived from initials.

check-out
What you do on your last day at the hotel in Cozumel.

chokes
Form of DCS in which you are unable to breathe effectively. Generally fatal unless treated quickly with on-site O2 and prompt recompression.

chumming
Feeding the fishes. Performed voluntarily by fishermen in order to attract large fishes. Performed by divers involuntarily.

clear (1)
equalize ears

clear (2)
free of nitrogen - clear to fly

clusterfuck
Complete pandemonium, often the result of strokery. Diving on the wrong day with the wrong equipment and the wrong attitude. American. See “incident pit.”

CN
Clueless Newbie.

CNS
O2 toxicity Also known as tox or oxtox.

computer
Dive computer.

CPR
Cardio-Pulmonary Rescusitation

cricket
A lobster below the legal size.

cu. ft.
Cubic feet. 1 cubic foot = 28.31685 liters.

cylinder
Scuba tank

D

DAN
Divers Alert Network. When you have a big problem, call (919) 684-8111. Web site: http://www.diversalertnetwork.org.

DCI
Decompression Illness, including DCS and AGE

DCS
Decompression Sickness, the 'bends'

dead reckoning (1)
Navigating without using external referents, using compass, initial known position, and estimates of speed, current, wind, etc.

dead reckoning (2)
The navigation method preferred by divers who never learned to use a compass. So called because they are frequently found dead.

deco mix (1)
Gas mixture used for decompression, such as 80/20 or 100% O2.

deco mix (2)
alt: 1 part Bacardi, 1 part Jack Daniel's, 2 parts lemonade.

deep air
Like deep throat, only different.

deserved hit
DCS occuring after violating table or computer limits.

DI (1)
Dive instructor

DI (2)
Drill instructor. Like a dive instructor, but without as many swear words.

DIR
Doing It Right

DIA
Doom Induced Nausea. Feeling in the pit of your stomach when you are about to do a dive which is completely out of your comfort zone or experience.

DIN valves (1)
Superior alternative to a yoke fitting for first stage. Screws in rather than clamps on, and O-ring is "captured" inside valve, reducing chance of O-ring failure.

DIN valves (2)
The noise made when insufficient care is taken loading tanks into a vehicle, and the valves are banging together.

dive babe
Woman who is a real diver - opposite of a chick

dive chick
Female diver who puts on make-up; brushes hair; has her boyfriend assemble her kit; and then has him carry it to the water before doing her dive.

dive dry
Diving in a dry suit.

dive flag
Red flag with white diagonal stripe from top of staff to bottom of fly: U.S. Dive Flag. Means the same as the alpha flag, but is almost unknown outside the U.S. and cultural vassals. Within or near U.S. waters, the best policy is to fly both. Outside, fly the alpha flag.

DM
Dive Master

double steel 104's
Pair of steel cylinders, nominal capacity 104 cu. ft, connected together with bands and a manifold.

DPV
Diver Propulsion Vehicle. Scooter.

drift deco
hanging from a lift bag or DSMB during your deco (usually for high currents)

D rings
D-shaped rings. Attach to BC webbing with weight retainers.

DUI
Diving Unlimited International. Manufacturer best known for their dry suits

E

EAD
Equivalent Air Depth. The depth at which air would cause as much decompression obligation as a nitrox with a given fO2 at a given depth.

EAN, EANx
Enriched Air Nitrox

END
Equivalent Narcotic Depth. The depth at which air would cause as much narcosis as a given mix and depth.

EX-buddy
person who - after you have put up with all of their foibles - gets to the bar and insists that it's your turn to buy.

F

fart bag
Drysuit.

feed the fish
vomit

FFA
Feet First Ascent. Learning technique used by new drysuit divers.

FFM
Full Face Mask

FFW
Feet of Fresh Water

fin ladder
A pole with pegs attached to either side to facilitate climbing out of the water with your fins on.

flounder gig
A speargun spear with a SS cable attached to a T. This is used for flounder collecting.

fHe.
Fraction of helium (He) in a mix. In air, fHe = 0, unless you are near certain natural gas wells, a birthday party, or tech divers.

fN2.
Fraction of nitrogent (N2) in a mix. In air, fN2 = 0.791 = 79.1%. Actually this is a lie, counting the approximately 1% of other gasses in air (noble gasses etc.) as though they are nitrogen, but it is close enough.

fO2.
Fraction of O2 in a mix. In air, fO2 = 0.209 = 20.9%.

free diver
A diver without scuba gear – breath-holding diver

foul the hook
To tie the wreckhook upside down to facilitate leaving the wreck. Usually done by the last person up.

FSW
Feet of Salt Water

G

gaiters
Rig designed to reduce the amount of air the lower legs of a drysuit. See FFA.

get wet
What all divers want to do - go diving.

golden triangle
Area between the chin and the nipples where it is easiest to access equipment such as knives and regulators.

GPS
Global Positioning System

granny line
Line which goes from the stern platform or hangbar to the anchor line.

H

h valve
tank valve with two outlets.

halocline
Boundary between layers of water of different salinities. Looks like a barrier of mist.

hang
To perform a decompression stop.

hang bar
Bar slung underneath boat for convenience during decompression stops

hang line
Horizontal line rigged for convenience during decompression stops

hang tank
Extra tank, ideally of deco mix, staged at deco stop.

Hawaiian sling
A long spear with an elastic loop at one end and 3-pointed gig on the other. You catch the loop in your thumb and pull the spear back. When you let go, the spear shoots forward, hopefully into a fish.

heliox
Breathing mix of helium and oxygen.

hit
Incident of DCS.

homebrew
mix, especially nitrox, brewed up at home, or by adding oxygen to a cylinder and then taking it to dive store for fill. Implicated in a number of fatalities.

hookah
regulator for breathing surface supplied air, either from a tank or a compressor, typically down to about 30 feet.

hoover
air hog

horsecollar
the old style floatation device (now BC).

HP hose
High Pressure Hose. Goes from 1st stage to air pressure gauge.

hydro
Hydrostatic testing for tank integrity

I

IANTD
International Association of Nitrox and Technical Divers

inflatable
Generally means a RIB.

incident pit
Series of events which individually would not be dangerous, but each causes a problem, which is increased by the next, until you have a major incident.

The incident pit is a conceptual 'pit' with progressively steeper sides. Anything going wrong pushes you slightly further into the pit. As the sides steepen, it gets progressively more difficult to get out. British. (See “clusterfuck”)

ingassing
Taking on additional nitrogen (and/or other inert gases).

instroketor
Instructor who perpetuates strokery by instilling in students his own defective attitudes and techniques.

IP
Intermediate Pressure, i.e. the pressure between the first and second stages

isolating manifold
manifold that also has a valve to isolate the two tanks, to preserve half the gas supply in the event of a failure.

J

Jersey reel
A large spool designed to hold ¼ diameter sisal line. Used in conjuction with a lift bag.

J-valve
Old fashioned tank valve with a reserve lever, which signals that pressure is down to 300-500 psi by making breathing difficult. Often seen with reserve feature disabled on old steel 72s.

K
K-valve
Regular tank valve

kelp crawl
Dog-paddle type swim stroke used to get over kelp on the surface.

L

legal bugs
Vs. shorts. Lobsters that are long enough to be taken, and do not have eggs on them.

lift bag
A device which you attach to an object you would like to lift off the bottom. Shaped like a upsidedown garbage bag, you pump air into to raise your object.

loot and scoot
Wreck diving in the Great Lakes.

LORAN
Long-range Navigation.

A radionavigation system using land-based radio transmitters (operated in the United States by the USCG) and receivers to allow mariners, aviators, and (more recently) those interested in terrestrial navigation to determine their position.

Highly accurate (better than 0.25 nautical mile (NM) absolute accuracy in the defined coverage area), available (99.7% availability), 24-hour-a-day, all-weather radionavigation system. Loran-C (the present version of this system) coverage extends over the conterminous United States, portions of Alaska, and many other areas of the world.

Source: LORAN-C Users Handbook

Less accurate (for absolute position) than GPS, but cheaper, and universally installed on U.S. boats. LORAN is still more accurate for returning to a prior position (such as a wreck.)

Lorraine Smith Effect
pulmonary O2 toxicity

LP hose
Low Pressure hose. Goes from 1st stage to 2nd stage or to inflator.

M

manifold
plumbing to connect to tanks so that one regulator can access the gas in both. See isolating manifold

MARES
Diving equipment manufacturer.

mix [noun]
mixture of gases, often a trimix

MOD
Maximum Operating Depth for a mix, given a maximum ppO2.

MOD = (max ppO2 / fO2 - 1) * 33 fsw

N

NACD
National Association for Cave Diving

NAUI
National Association of Underwater Instructors.
Not Another Underwater Idiot.
Need Another Underwater Instructor.

NDL
No-Decompression Limit

NDS
No Decompression Stop - no decompression limit according to table or computer

newbie
Someone new at diving, computers or anything else.

nitrox
Any mixture of nitrogen and oxygen. Nitrox 32, Nitrox 36, Nitrox 50, Nitrox 80, etc: Nitrox with 32%, 36%, 50%, and 80% of oxygen respectively.

Nitrox I
Nitrox 32. The NOAA term, the term Nitrox 32 is more precise and therefore preferred.

Nitrox II
Nitrox 36.

NSS-CDS
National Speleological Society-Cave Diving Section

O

O2 clean
Clean enough of combustibles such as oil to allow use with high pressure O2.

OCN
Obnoxious Clueless Newbie.

octo
Octopus

Octopus
Extra second stage regulator, for benefit of your buddy should they want to use your air.

offgassing
Reducing the load of nitrogen (and/or other inert gases).

OMS
Ocean Management Systems, an equipment vendor well known for their low pressure steel tanks, and also unfortunately for their bondage wings.

OOA
Out Of Air

OS
O.S. Systems, Inc., Shell dry suit manufacturer.

outgassing
Offgassing

OW
Open Water. The lowest level of PADI certification for scuba diving.

P

PADI

Professional Association of Dive Instructors.
Put Another Dollar In.
Pay And Dive Immediately.
Patches Available During Instruction.
Produce Another Dumb Instructor.
Patch and Dollar Industry.
Patches And Decals Included.
Pissed-off Another Dive Instructor.

PDIC
Professional Diving Instructors Corporation. Certifying agency.

persuader
Any large crowbar, pipe wrench or sledge hammer used for souvenir hunting

pony bottle
15 to 30 cu. ft. tank, typically worn beside main tank, as a fully redundant emergency air supply.

pp
Partial Pressure. The total pressure of a gas mixture is the sum of the partial pressures of the component gases.

ppHe
Partial Pressure of Helium

ppO2
Partial Pressure of Oxygen. Don't go over 1.4 ATA while diving, or over 1.6 ATA while decompressing.

ppN2
Partial Pressure of Nitrogen

pretzel
as in bent as a pretzel. Very bent, doubled over in agony.

primary
The regulator with the long hose, wrapped around the canister light on the right of your harness belt, up to the left of your head, around your neck and into your mouth.

psi
pounds per square inch. psi / 14.50377 = bar.

P weight
Weight designed to fit in the gully of a standard backplate.

R

RIB
Rigid Inflatable Boat, solid keel and large inflated tubes. (British)

riding the hook
Hooking up to a wreck by handing a diver the anchor and chain and said diver jumping over and riding it down to the wreck. Used for small/low-profile wrecks.

rolling a tank
Tumbling a tank to remove internal corrosion.

Rule #1
Don't dive with strokes.

Rule #2
Don't listen to strokes.

Rule of Thirds
Air - a third to get there, a third to get back, and last third belongs to your buddy.

S

SAC
Surface Air Consumption.

S.A.F.E.
PADI training acronym: "Slowly Ascend From Every dive". Alt: "Submerge And Forget Everything".

safe second
Octopus.

SAR team
Search and Rescue Team

Scooter
DPV.

SCUBA
Self Contained Underwater Breathing Apparatus. Contrast with SCBA, used by firefighters, which is similar but not intended for use underwater. Also compare with surface supplied air. Scuba is generally used to mean open circuit scuba, as opposed to closed or semi-closed circuit rebreathers.

sea lice
Yucky rash, actually caused by larvae of thimble jellyfish larva, getting trapped in bathing costume/lycra etc. and stinging. The larvae almost invisibly small. Sea Lice or Seabather's Eruption, according to which "any rash needs a thorough evaluation to rule out possible communicable causes", which also has detailed instructions for treatment.

set the hook
To make sure that the wreckhook is securely fastened to the wreck. Usually done by the first person down.

shoot a bag
To send a liftbag up with a line attached for a floating deco.

silt-out
Complete loss of vision caused by silt being disturbed, typically by careless finning.

SI
Surface Interval (between dives)

six-pack/fast boat
Small, open diveboat. Passengers generally limited to not more than six - ergo 6 pack.

In the USA a licensed captain can operate a boat carrying up to 6 paying passengers without the boat undergoing the rigorous inspection required of vessels that carry more passengers. Most dive boats tend to be either six packs less than 25 feet long or cattle boats of more than 40 feet. The six packs still have to be seaworthy and must carry certain safety gear, they just don't have to meet all the requirements that cruise ships do.

skin
Lycra for warm-water wimps.

sled
Wooden board you hold onto while being dragged by a boat.

sloppy
Snotty (New York/New Jersey).

snotty
Rough sea conditions. In the Northeast, this means 14 foot seas. In Cozumel, it means 2 inch seas.

SMB
Surface Marker Buoy.

SOB
Same Ocean Buddy

shot line
A weight with line and buoy attached to mark the location of a wreck. Used primarily by european divers.

'sorb
Stuff in a rebreather to absorb the carbon dioxide you breathe out. Adsorbent.

souvenir
To remove items from a wreck.

SPG
Submersible Pressure Guage

spring straps
Stainless steel springs used to hold your fins on your feet.

square dive
A dive where you stay at the deepest point for the duration of the dive.

stage bottle
A separate gas supply which is detachable from the diver.

steel 72
Somewhat old-fashioned tank. Nominal capacity 72 cu. ft.

stop
if it weren't for the honor of the thing, the safety stop would be a deco stop

stroke (1)
diver who's so clueless that he/she is a danger to him/herself and anyone nearby. Often considered an accident looking for a place to happen.

stroke (2)
Diver who refuses to learn even when shown a better way.

strokery
The practices of a stroke.

suicide clips
A type of brass clip with a springed gate notorious for trapping lines and killing divers.

T

tank
bottle

tech
also tek, tekkie, techie, and cowboy

Techdiver Salute
A raised fore-finger indicating all is well.

thermocline
Boundary between layers of water of different temperatures.

tie in
To attach the wreck hook to the wreck with a separate line.

top-to-bottom
Underwater vis so good you can see the wreck from the surface.

towfish
Side-scan sonar transducer. Towed in water behind boat.

tox
Slang for central nervous system oxygen toxicity that can happen when diving too deep on air or diving deeper than you should on an enriched air (nitrox) mixture. Also called the Paul Bert Effect, but tox is easier to remember and lots easier to type.

trimix
Breathing mix of three gases, typically oxygen, helium, and nitrogen. Composition is quoted as percentage of oxygen / percentage of helium, e.g. 17/50 is a trimix with 17% oxygen, 50% helium, balance (33%) nitrogen.

tumble
Clean tanks of internal corrosion, by filling them with an abrasive such as ceramic chips or aluminum oxide, and leaving on a machine that rotates them for several hours.

TUP
Transfer Under Pressure. A TUP system mates a portable compression chamber to another chamber to transfer a person under pressure from one chamber to the other.

Tupperware
Large plastic containers wreck divers use to haul all their gear.

U

undeserved hit
DCS occuring despite staying within table or computer limits.

V

vaporware
Software that has been announced, but does not yet exist. Often pre-announced for marketing reasons, to discourage users from purchasing a real, shipping, competitive product.

VIP
Visual Inspection Program. Testing tank for integrity by visual inspection of insides.

viz
Visibility. As in "viz was great - 15 to 20 feet" (North East wreck diver), or "viz was disgusting - 50 feet" (Florida tourist diver).

V weight
V-shaped lead weight designed to fit between your tanks behind your backplate.

W

wah-wahs
Extreme form of nitrogen narcosis (and possibly oxygen toxicity), described in Cautionary Tales.

weight retainer
Small metal or plastic device used to keep lead weights from sliding, among other things.

wet
Diving

wreck hook
An anchor with bendable tines, also called a grappling hook.

Y

y valve
Tank valve with two outlets.

Z
zodiac
An inflatable boat. A Rib.

(via, mostly)

Okay! Throw in a 6-pack and I’m set for the next few hours.

2009-11-07T14:25:00.000-08:00

(via)

I have just one question...

2009-11-07T10:16:00.000-08:00

(Thanks, Billy)

Small Talk

2009-11-07T09:18:00.000-08:00

A crusty old Sergeant Major found himself at a gala event, hosted by a local liberal arts college. There was no shortage of extremely young, idealistic ladies in attendance, one of whom approached the Sergeant Major for some conversation.

She said, "Excuse me, Sergeant Major, but you seem to be a very serious man. Is something bothering you?"

"Negative, ma'am," the Sergeant Major replied, "Just serious by nature."

The young lady looked at his awards, medals and decorations and said, "It looks like you've seen quite a lot of action."

The Sergeant Major's short reply was, "Yes, ma'am, a lot of action."

The young lady, tiring of trying to start up a conversation, said, "You know, you should just lighten up a little. Relax and enjoy yourself..."

The Sergeant Major just stared at her in his serious manner.

Finally, deciding to take a different tack, the young lady said, "You know, I hope you don't take this the wrong way, but when is the last time you had sex?"

The Sergeant Major looked at her and curtly replied, "1955, ma'am."

She gasped, "Well, there you are! You really need to chill out and quit taking everything so seriously! I mean, no sex since 1955! Isn't that a little extreme?"

The Sergeant Major, glancing at his watch, said in his matter-of-fact voice,"Do you think so? It's only 2130 now..."

The Three Woolf Moon T-Shirt

2009-11-07T07:56:00.000-08:00

(via)

This is why Wikipedia is the best encyclopedia in the world

2009-11-07T07:50:00.000-08:00

(via)

Skip's House of Chaos

The Worst Thing

Finally - a MAN'S ring tone

Double Meaning Photos

I've *got* to try this...

Veteran's Day, 2009

A note to our veterans...

AWESOME Commercial from New Zealand

What is Butt Dust?

Best Homework Ever

Know anybody like this?

♫♫ - An unlicensed salon! - ♫♪

Mitch Hedberg Jokes:

What if The Matrix Was Shot in the Silent Films' Era?

And God said....

My Conversations With Jesus

Japanese Barcodes

Stop Shark Finning

A Brief Gallery of Bad Camera Angles

Home made mask

Scuba Slang and Technical Terms

Okay! Throw in a 6-pack and I’m set for the next few hours.

I have just one question...

Small Talk

The Three Woolf Moon T-Shirt

This is why Wikipedia is the best encyclopedia in the world

I've got to try this...