SkyandLaurieamazingadventures.blogspot.com

Another day in Paradise

2013-12-19T04:45:00.000-08:00

Another day trying to go through things and get rid of stuff not being used anymore, and just trying to get rid of the little stuff that seems to accumulate all over the house and in boxes you name it.

I can't believe how much stuff we've managed to accumulate in the almost two years now that we've lived here.

I've got all the things outside and in boxes for the sale on Saturday. I'm excited to see how much we sell. Hope it's a lot.. That will have make it through the rest of the month. We always seems to run out of money before we run out of month. But we always have what we need, so it doesn't bother me much. Just would like to have some extra money for a change.

It will be nice to finally sell this trailer and get one in Parker that we only have to pay $40 a month to store it when we travel. That will leave us a bit more for our travels. That will be nice, because we have all kinds of places we want to go and see. I enjoy eating out at times as well. But we definitely live a wonderful life regardless of how much money we have or don't have.

I made a wonderful stew today. It was over cast and gloomy, so I decided to make a good hearty stew to warm the place and our tummies. I have to admit, it hit the spot. I also shared with Leon next door. I know it's hard to cook just for yourself. But when Laurie and I go back on the road, I'm going to cook less, and eat more salads, and little snacks. Fruits and veggies more, and hopefully more juice that we make ourselves.

The more I read labels on food the more I realize how much fake stuff is in there, and no wonder we are getting all kinds of sickness we never got before. It alarms me. People so blindly eat food that should never be eaten. Chemicals in everything. Even in our noodles for goodness sake.

We have gotten so far away from natural food and a natural life, people are changing so much. It's frightening how people are now days. They get offended about the slightest thing. You have to be Politically correct in what you say and do. It blows my mind. The world is changing in a way I'm not prepared to go along with.

I'm hoping Laurie and I can buy a little place out in the woods somewhere when we get older and have a few chickens and live out the rest of our days in peace. I'm not caring about all this electronic life. Yes, I keep a blog, and love to play games on line, and Facebook to see what my friends are doing far away, but I want it to be something I do for a few moments a day, not something that occupies all my time as it seems to do a lot of lately. Since being kinds stuck here right now in order to get all our medical needs taken care of, I find myself on line more and more. But not all of it is silly and useless. I've learned quite a bit since the internet has been invented for most of us to use.

I can watch Youtube and learn how to do pretty much anything. I learned to make a heater for our home with tea lights that kept us toasty while we were waiting for our heater to be installed.

I do enjoy being able to read anything at anytime. That is really nice too. But hoping to be able to learn enough about solar to get it installed in the RV. That would be so cool.

Another thing I've learned about on line, and that is tiny houses. I want to build my own tiny house with the help of friends. I'd love for Laurie to have her own and me to have my own. That is a dream come true. We are both such different people she could have her own space and me mine.

We could buy a little land and put both our little houses on them and live a wonderful life together. What a fabulous dream. I'm looking forward to it coming true. It's fun to plan things for the future. I know I'm in the sunset of my life, but I still have so many plans.

It will be nice though to get back on the road. I love meeting new people and seeing new things. I'll have my trusty camera with me to take it all in. It's nice having someone like Laurie as a companion in life. Someone that loves you unconditionally, and will be there for you. It's a wonderful feeling. One I've not had before.

I feel more free now than ever in my life. I don't feel like I have to be nice to anyone because of my career, don't have to conform for any reason. Don't feel like I need to wear make-up, or put on a front for anything or anyone. It's so nice to live this way. I can get up when I feel like it, go to bed the same way. I have my sweet dog Pickles. I'm incredibly happy. I'm at peace, and glad for those that are in my life now. The peace is worth everything to me. I've eliminated the haters, and those that weren't really my friends, and have moved forward and don't feel the need to contact anyone from my past. I've put all to rest that needed to be, and now can just live. I relish every day and am so grateful for all I have. This is nice.

Namaste'

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2013-12-16T08:37:00.001-08:00

Howdy Bloggers. It's been awhile since writing. It seems so much time and living happens in between writings.

Laurie and I haven't been able to get away as we had hoped between all the Dr. appointments and other obligations. This is the second year we've not been able to travel. Rats! It's starting to weigh in on me. I miss being on the road so badly.

I did go camping last week and it was like heaven and went by way too fast. I didn't interact with the other campers, just wanted to be alone and not have to talk or do anything I didn't want to do.

I bought myself a steak for the camp trip and had a wonderful fire. Pickles was beside herself she was so happy. Laurie stayed home to have a little home time alone. We all need time alone. She can listen to Enya (not my fav) music and just do whatever she wants. It's a nice break for us.

I've rediscovered taking pictures again. I mean really taking pictures like I used too. I'm hoping to upgrade my camera soon. I'm not into a lot of stuff, but the things I have I want the best I can afford.

Getting rid of so much stuff lately. This Saturday we are having a sale out front of the Mobile home park and I hope to sell a lot of no longer needed stuff. I've acquired so many things since moving here to Santa Maria. It's hard turning down things when you don't have much, then you end up with all kinds of goodies you really don't need. So, for the last two days I've been going through the shed and getting out all the things we don't need or want anymore and just get rid of it one way or another.

I have two air brush kits and a compressor I've had for years and never have used. Always going to get around to learning how to do it, but never did. It's now time to move it along to someone that would use it. I want to upgrade the RV and we are loosing our car anytime now too. It's circling the drain for sure. But we are grateful for everyday that it still gets us where we are going.

I have to give a shout out to all those people in our lives that help us and are concerned for us. We are so blessed with wonderful people around us, but that isn't a fluke, it's because we have decided to have a better bunch of people around us. WE avoid those negative people that no longer fit into our lives collectively.

I'm so proud to be Laurie's partner. She's one great gal I must say. She stays calm when I'm not so calm, she allows me to be who I am without making me feel bad about it, and without judgment. Nice. If you ever find someone like that, keep them, you may never find anyone like them again.

I know Laurie is my second (third, fourth...etc)chance at love and a loving relationship. It's been a hard road in many ways for both of us, because of being so damaged as children, but we are determined to have the best life possible together. I think we are doing a great job so far. We talk things out, and if we have a problem, we solve it.

To have someone that will cook dinner for you when you don't feel so good, someone that will go to the store when you want something, but don't need it. It's doing all the nice things perhaps someone else wouldn't do. It's a pleasure to wake up to her daily. We have an unusual relationship that is for sure, but I can tell you it works and I'm happier than I've ever been. I'm at peace and content. That is something most people never have. They continue to look for that 'thing' that will make them happy. My happiness lies with my relationship with Laurie and all we do together. It's taken me a very long time to find my happiness and my voice, but now that I have it, I don't intent to waste it, but enjoy everyday from this day forward. Don't need a piece of paper to declare it, don't need it to be 'legal' just have to put it out in the world.

Speaking of all that 'stuff'. I'm so unhappy with the way the world is going in so many ways. The religious right is really trying to push their beliefs on the rest of us. I'm so sick of hearing about the bible I could scream. It's a horrible book about how badly people treat each other, and all I've seen out of it, is wicked. I can't wrap my head around people believing in a person they've never seen, heard, or ever existed and make that the entire make-up of their lives. I consider it a form of mental illness. The more I study about religious people the more I'm sure it's a mental illness that is very hard to cure once indoctrinated in people from childhood. Such a tragedy in my eyes. People don't need a false book to tell them how to act, it's ingrained into us as nature. Plus, it constantly contradicts itself. The picking and choosing of what to believe and use against others is beyond my understanding. There are good and bad people in every form.

Things that were shameful in my day are now the normal. I'm so blown away by the shows on TV let alone anything else. Children are being taught how to blow people away in games, taught how to lie and manipulate people for a game show prize, and just how to act like total idiots and get paid. No wonder the children of today are acting the way they do. Plus, parents aren't at home teaching them anything. They are self taught by way of computer, TV, and games. I don't regret for one minute the time I spent with my kids camping, hiking, driving and singing along with the radio. I was really engaged with my kids, and it was so much fun. Taught them to play games, horseshoes, dominoes, cards, Monopoly and so many others. I now see parents sitting with their kids as they are on their phones. It's so disturbing. The parents are missing so much and so are the kids. I hate this new media era in so many ways.

Laurie and I have talked about giving it all up and living in a little place out in the woods, and we probably will do that in a few years after we have a little more travel under our belts. But who knows what the future brings. I just know I want to have a little place with chickens and live a peaceful life without TV, computer, and all the trappings of the world.

I have a sweet friend that is doing just that. All is solar, and she doesn't have the bills we have. I just visited her not that long ago, and it was like heaven. Now I'm determined more than ever to get a place like that and shut the world as it is becoming out!

The rich keep getting richer, and the poor are out numbering anyone else in the world. It's so sad. When I see the rich and all they spend their money on, the more I detest them and their ways. I've known many very rich people in my day and I've never seen one that was truly happy. So what is the point? Helping others is so satisfying, I don't understand why they don't give more. Wish I were rich, I'd do so much with it. I'd make shelters in the South for domestic violence to start with. When I'd go to those places, I felt safer at home than in the shelters.

When I see people like Mitt Romney who've been rich and privileged all his life spend his money on such over the top living, I know that they haven't a clue. That is why he didn't get elected among so many other reasons.

How many pairs of shoes can you have? Purses? When others look at us from other Countries, we sure look like idiots. When they see us running in malls and fighting to buy more things that aren't needed, it's shameful and I don't want to be grouped in that. I have tried especially these last 10 years to save electricity, food, and all resources. I find it to be a challenge and a lot of fun really. Saving our resources is important no matter how small. This is our Mother Earth and we need to take care of her so she can take good care of us. It's too bad there are those that feel that the Earth is theirs to exploit and use at will. We've seen the results of that type of thinking.

And where are all these people who have 'Jesus' in their hearts? Get up off your knees and work at a shelter, volunteer whenever possible. But people remain too hurried, busy, and too stressed to do much. To live in this day and age, you need two jobs to get by. I feel bad for those trying to raise families these days. You don't know who to trust with your kids, you don't know how you are going to make it if you don't work, it's stressful. But I can say, that if you wanted too, you could do it, with LESS. You don't need those name brand shoes, pocket book, or anything really.

Thrift stores are full of perfectly good clothes and goods that can be used over again. I rarely ever buy anything new. Even our furniture is either given to us, or we've bought in a thrift store. I can't see buying things full price. That is why we are able to do as much as we do, we don't pay full price. That and I've learned how to cook with natural ingredience which makes it really cheaper in the long run. And so much better for you as well.

The more I read about what is put into our foods the more I'm cooking from scratch. Really read the stuff on the box and look it up on the computer, your minds will change fast! It's never too late to start a healthy lifestyle. I'm hoping to go back to being a vegetarian. I've made it about two months in a row so far, but, it's time for me to stop meat altogether.

The steroids they give all animals that we eat is what is making us all sick and not feeling well. When you read and see how these animals are treated before death, it's no wonder we are all getting cancer and other illness' that never were before. I'm sorry to tell you this, but those cows don't run free among the flowers. They are housed in horrible conditions, treated just as badly, and then they die. Not good for the spirit of the animal you are eating. I still believe that. When you eat the flesh of an animal that has had a bad life, you take on their spirit. Sad.

I used to be a hunter. I never shot a deer. I couldn't. I came face to face with one and I had the gun, but I couldn't shoot. I looked in it's eyes, and we were brothers, so I watched him walk away. And from that day forward, I've not picked up a gun to hunt, nor will I unless I have no other choice. I watched people in the South kill just to be killing. I thought it was barbaric and didn't like the mentality. I lived among the Cajuns that are more back woods, and was blown away at how back woods they really were. Still have the same thoughts about black people, still hold the same grudges from the civil war. I found their educational system so outdated and old I took my kids out of school in order for them NOT to learn things I knew where wrong. Sad that in some parts of the United States they are taught a certain set of 'facts' and in others they are told the true history.

People thought I was nuts to start homeschooling my kids. It wasn't the 'in' thing to do in the 80's. People thought I was running from the law, or some other sinister reason I choose not to send my kids to school. I didn't want them coming home telling me a bunch of crap they learned in school I had to tell them it wasn't fact.

Especially these so called Christian schools. OMG. I went to private schools as well as regular school. I went to Hawthorn Christian School, in Hawthorn Ca. Brutal. They would beat us with a leather strap on our hands. OUCH! We also had to wear uniforms and learn long bible scriptures. So, let me tell you, if you want to bible thump, I'm right along side ya. Then went to a Seventh Day Adventice (sp) school. That one was something else. No music, no dance, no movies, no fun whatsoever! They were nuts. Made sure we didn't laugh or have fun of any kind. Couldn't wait to get out of that school. It's amazing I came out of all this with a sane mind. I do and will until the day I die believe Christianity is a form a mental illness. When people are unable to handle life, they turn to a super hero to rescue them and give their enemies much needed revenge.

What if it was just you and you alone to blame (not the devil) and you and you alone can take the responsibility for the good as well. We are born knowing right from wrong. We are polluted as children to believe the thoughts of our parents. That's all well and good, but some of us, found out for ourselves. I never took the word of anyone. I found more people fake life than live it. I want to find out the answers for myself.

After much study on religion, I've come to the conclusion it's all made up. Most all gods have the same beginning, and the same middle, and the same end. Follow me, give money, I'll save you, I have the true answers etc. Herds of people as cattle file in places to learn how to follow all the rules and act accordingly. And if you don't comply you will suffer one way or another. What a horrible way to live but yet people fall for this hook line and sinker.

The preachers of this gibberish get richer by the day off of people who send them money to hear this falsehood. Unbelievable to me in many ways. Really???? The preachers of today are richer than ever in history. It's because more and more people are looking to others for their salvation. Stop, listen and you too will be able to do all they do. They are not any more holy than you are. They are not anything more than you are. You are a holy person in your own right, and can do anything they can do. They have no special powers. If so, why would your god do that? I've studied Jesus, and he wasn't the great one others seem to think he was. First of all, any man that says abandon your family, your wife and children and come follow me, isn't in my book a great guy! So all the apostles abandoned their families, and left them to fend for themselves so they could run off with some guy saying he knows the way to true happiness and eternal life. I think we all know what happened to those 12 men don't we?? And yet, you still want to follow this nut? Not me, I'm running as fast as I can from him, he's another Jim Jones as far as I'm concerned.

I have a sister that is a Mormon. I'm having a hard time having a relationship with her because of her beliefs. Religions pull just as many people apart as they bring together I believe. If people would just stop with all the crazy. You don't need a special hand shake or name to get into heaven. If your god is there, he'll know your name and you don't need a special handshake. Boggles the mind what perfectly intelligent people will believe. Brainwashing is a multimillion dollar business. Christian Science is getting richer by the moment with their buy your way into heaven deal.

I don't claim to be the sharpest tool in the shed, but I can tell you this, if you look at all that is believed in this day and age of science, I know it has to be brainwashing mental illness that keeps us in the backwoods ourselves.

If people would just treat each other like precious jewels and stop with all the madness, we'd be pretty good off. And stop killing animals just because you can.

I've always has a special connection with animals. They've felt safe with me and have come to me from the woods to everywhere. I feel safer with them than I do with humans. The more I get to know humans the more I enjoy being with my animal friends. Nature has always been my temple. I've never ever believed you needed a special place to connect with 'god' yourself or just feel free and part of this earth.

I know I think much differently than many, but I'm good with that. I've seen enough phony to last me the rest of my life, and now avoid those type of people when possible. As time goes by, I've found that I like quiet more, less stress, less drama and just be at peace.

Hope my Grandchildren are doing good and having as good a life possible with all the drama that surrounds them. I couldn't watch the train wreck anymore and had to step away. Not that I don't care anymore, it's that I don't care to watch the mayhem. They are always in my thoughts. Hope to someday see them again. Hope my daughter is learning the lessons she needs too in order to live a better informed life. Hope she is happy as she has chosen the life she now enjoys.

I will say it's much more peaceful in my life without family in my life. The people that surround me treat me better than family ever did, so I'm good with the decision not to allow my blood relatives to use and abuse me anymore. I don't miss them either, which is a great blessing. I thought I'd sit around and wring my hands and be upset, but yet I find myself taking a deep breath and moving forward with confidence and happiness. Weird. When you aren't appreciated and people take you for granted, lie, cheat, and steal from ya, it's time to get the courage up and end it. Unfortunately I had to completely end it in order for it to stop. But, I was happy for the time I did have with my kids Heidi and Cory. I loved singing songs with them, hiking, and teaching them different things as they grew up. But that time is over, and seems like more of a dream now. I learned a lot being a Mother and holding them in my arms was heaven.

Now, I'm at the late stages of my life, and enjoy so much. My good friends, Laurie, a good meal, quiet peace, and so much now. I go fishing unhurried. I walk at a pace that is good for me, and I don't usually do anything I don't want too. It's a good way to live. I am now appreciated for what I do and who I am. Laurie makes it a point to let me know how much she loves me and how I've changed her life for the better. Can't beat that. When you have someone like Laurie in your life, you don't want for anything. I'm so blessed.

Gonna go have another cup of coffee and relish all my blessings. I have a grateful journal I need to update it as I'm so grateful for so many things.

Namaste'

2013-10-20T08:21:00.000-07:00

Getting up in my normal wake and bake mode. It's a bit harder to wake today since our festival yesterday, but it was so worth it.

Laurie and I in the last minute decided to do the Salad Bowl Festival and we are so glad we did. It was plagued with mishaps, and all kinds of aggravation but I've decided things like that are only there to test us, and we what we are made of.

I was thinking all the while of how it is in the Circus. You just persevere no matter what. In the end you usually come out ahead, or at least you didn't give up. I've always admired that part of Circus people. I've never seen such hard working and spirited people. I admire so many, it's hard to even begin to tell of all my hero's who've made it through life regardless of what hands they have been dealt.

When you spend all your life sniveling, and complaining about your parents or situation, you won't have time to work and improve yourself. I spent a good portion of my younger years in this loop. I just didn't get it. But thank goodness, I have and have been able to move forward and realize it's all up to me what happens in my life and where I go from here.

Many of us have been dealt some pretty tough situations, but I've seen so many people push forward and find peace and their place on earth where they belong.

This is where I am. Of course, there are those that don't agree with your journey and will be more than happy to tell you so, and to try to direct you back to the path 'they' see you on. This is what I'm going through about now. I have a certain bunch of people in my life who think I'm bitter and angry about stuff and that is why I've turned my back on God and the bible.

This is not try. You can believe what you will, just don't expect me to go along with your views. I have my own. And don't be mad at me, nor tell me I'm going to hell. Ridiculous. Pray for me if you think this. But don't spend too much time on your knee's. I'd prefer you walk in the woods.

In my later years I've noticed I'm attracting like minded people. This of course has been true of all the segments of my life. I attracted the people of which I needed at the time. All have had an important impact on things that have happened.

Instead of making some evil and some not so much, I'm looking at all the people of my life as angels that taught me so many lessons to move forward in my life and make a difference. They have all had a piece of my heart at one time or another, but now are a distant memory, and they are put in a box as they should be. To be taken out and admired/remembered, but to be put back, closed, and tucked away in a dark part of the closet. At least, this is the way for me.

It has taken a lot of work on myself to be able to really share anything worth listening too. I see different people in their different journeys and struggles. The exciting part if watching others really grow and become who they were meant to be unencumbered.

When children come from a religious background there is only a certain part of their lives that are theirs alone to explore. Otherwise, their parents have chosen for them, the way they will or will not think of God. Or even the choice to believe it or not. It's usually brainwashed in by 10.

But I've seen a good wave coming where parents are allowing kids to figure these things out for themselves. Thank goodness my Mother never threatened me with hell of fire if I didn't believe. I so admire my Mother for that.

The Salad Bowl Festival

Saturday in Guadalupe was so much fun at the festival. We think it was worth all the mishaps that happened getting there. And there were many.

The first one was Pickles had some kind of episode where she was jumping, crying, and running all over. I tried everything I could to calm her. Held her, walked her, stayed up with her. But every time I thought she was good, I'd go to bed and she'd start jumping up and down again. I couldn't figure out for the life of me what was wrong.

So, I didn't get but around 4 hours sleep the night before. Thank goodness, we had most of it already packed.

Lets start from the beginning. I saw the TV advertising about it and called to get on board. It didn't take much, just a phone call. So off we were to be part of the festival.

We got a booth next to some people that were selling Day of the Dead stuff. We struck up a great friendship, exchanged numbers and hugs, and now we have new friends.

Laurie got all her art out there and displayed it beautifully. People were looking, but there weren't as many people there as I originally thought would be. But with what we had we did good. It was well worth our getting out there.

One of the mishaps was I had tied on the roof of the car our peg board and such. The rope broke and flew off the car all over the road. It almost hit a car, so we had to back up and get it off the road. Scary!

We didn't get a ticket and all was ok, except our peg board. But that didn't stop us, we are determined to do this.

I'm glad we did if for no other reason that meeting our new friends. I found he went to the same High School in Lennox Ca. WOW! He's one of my Homies! And he looks like a homie too. His wife is an artist, and we all just had a great time talking, laughing and exchanging information. Perhaps we'll do some more shows with them. Hope so.

I'd extremely fun watching Laurie really smile and come out when she is with like minded people. When I first met her, her art was dark, as well as her apartment etc. I've seen her blossom as well as her art. Her art is bright now with brilliant colors. Her clothes reflect more her inner self. (I pick and buy her clothes) with her approval.

I am definitely Laurie's Ying to her Yang. And I bought her a ring recently with a Ying/Yang on it. It's one she like at Charlots shop in Cambria when we were there for the Scarecrow festival. Charlot has one of our favorite shops there. She sells her own jewelry and also sells tie-dye. A great gal and a fun shop.

I think getting our art out there is a good thing. Being an entertainer helps so much too, because if you aren't selling art, I can nickel and dime our money with face-painting and animal balloons. A talent I no longer take for granted. Not that I ever did. Being a balloon artist, being able to face-paint, juggle and do magic have served me well.

I have a feeling it will serve us both well when we are on the road again. It seems I'm able to get myself into pretty much any festival. There is always so hole I can fill.

All of this will help with our dream of getting a bigger RV. We figure this year will be the last year for the one we have now. I love the old Toyota, but have to admit it's better for one person. And when we had Jade for a time, having a big dog in there just didn't work.

I look forward to being able to get something bigger. I didn't think I'd ever say that, but then again, so much in my life has changed as well as my mind about many things.

My Mother once told me, when you get older, things from your youth are no longer needed and you develop new tastes. She is right once again.

Plus, we want to be able to do festivals and art shows, which means having to bring a lot of things. An easy-up, tables, etc. We did get it all in the car, but it was a challenge. Never underestimate the power of a woman, even if they are disabled in the eyes of the world.

Having Laurie be a strong female has helped with my journey. Her softness allows for my rough edges.

Enjoy your journey wherever you are. You'll get there, but remember, it's the JOURNEY!

Namaste'

We had to drive Jade back to her last owner.....a sad day for us.

2013-10-11T12:55:00.001-07:00

The day had been pretty much busy as usual because we are getting ready to get back on the road and there seems to be so much to get gone.

We got a call around 3pm from Minnie the gal we got our precious Jade from originally. After we told her we were unable to keep Jade, she always said she'd take her back. She said she was on her way to our home to pick her up and could be meet her half way. So, we loaded Jade and all her goodies in the car as well as Pickles, and off we went. It was a sad drive, but beautiful. Laurie and I both were so sad to see her go, but she had no where to really stretch her legs, and we weren't able to care for her as she should be cared for. Laurie can't run, nor can I. She'd want to play and run and we weren't able to do that. Plus, when we took her to the dog park she would want to play with the other dogs and people took that as aggression so we weren't able to take her there anymore. It was just becoming a big burden on us rather than a blessing. Her fur shed terribly, so when they say that Labradoodles don't shed, they are wrong on that one. As for her smell, it was better than most dogs, but was there regardless.

We gave her a flea bath that day too, so that was nice. Flea season has been pretty bad, and we are on top of it as best we can. Pickles had a bath yesterday too. Not her favorite thing to do. She looks much better and feels better without all those fleas. I put on some oil to keep them off.

We are going to try to tackle all the other things that need to be done before we leave. Going to try again to call the Action committee to see about having our heat done.
We have to figure out where our mail will go, what to bring, what not to bring.

We are going to try to go as light as possible due to the fact, we want to be able to bring all the rest of the stuff from the storage with us home and that way we will save another $30 a month for NOT having stuff there. We have a shed at home we are trying to empty to put the stuff in.

After this winter I'll probably sell the RV and get a bigger one or something different. We will see what the future brings. Right now, it'll get us where we need to go, and nicely I might say. Just have to get the toilet re-done from Rob the guy I paid good money to put in a new floor. He didn't connect the toilet properly and it leaks. ARF! I know it's not a major job, but just another thing to be done.

I'm still learning to cook for one or two in some cases. Laurie and I have different tastes when it comes to food. She is very limited, and I pretty much like everything. But I've cooked for many people for so long it's hard to cook for just two. I end up having to either throw out food, or give it to whomever is around me. But it's all good. At least we all get fed. I just don't like to waste anything.

I'm learning more about solar as well. More later......for now, I have to get back to work..........

Namaste

When a partner is under the weather

2013-09-23T20:46:00.000-07:00

Alright, I am the first to admit, I don't like it when my partner is sick. I feel so helpless and codependent. I want to make everything better as fast as possible.

In this case, with Laurie today and the last two days, I've been doing my best to be a comforting partner, helpful, caring, and available. But I have to admit it's very hard. I don't like to see her in a weakened state. Now, I know how she must have felt during so much of my painful medical problems.

This is of course part of life and especially part of life with another person. You have to take the good days with the bad. Sometimes you just don't realize how bad the bad days are going to be. Don't get me wrong. Laurie had a colonoscopy and that's a pretty regular thing, but when it's done to someone like Laurie, it's a bigger deal than normal. It's hard to see her sick and not able to keep food down. I just want to make it all better and make it go away.

I'm so happy to have someone like her in my life now, I want to assure that she is healthy and happy. We have a long life ahead of us, and many more adventures to have, and I want some of my other friends to meet her that haven't had a chance yet. We have so much travel to do as well. When you finally find someone that works in your life, you don't want anything to mess with it.

I've never met anyone like Laurie, and her temperament is beyond anything I know. She's always happy, and rarely in a bad mood if ever. I've lived with her going on 3 years 24/7 and I can safely say she has been happy 99% of the time. I've never known anyone like her. She's taught me more by example than most anyone I've ever met. I believe in proof and actions speak louder than words. People have lied to me all my life, and tell me they will do this and that, but Laurie is the first one to really keep her word, and if she is unable will make up for it, or let you know. Totally honest. That is so rare, I won't ever let her go. She's way too precious.

I can understand why others have let her go, because she is everything they are NOT, and sometimes it's hard to live with someone like that, but if your life is an authentic life, it's not hard at all, in fact, it's a blessing.

I'm happy for all the experience Laurie had before me, and she feels the same of me. I've learned all the hard lessons, and have moved on with my life in a greater understanding, compassion, and empathy toward others and their journey. My journey has been one I wouldn't have missed for anything in the world. And now that Laurie is part of it, all the better.

We both have the need to help others in whatever way we are able. Most of the time, people just want to tell us their story and have someone interested. That would be Laurie and me. We listen to people hour after hour. It's our ministry. Both of us have licenses to be pastors of our own church. Laurie has been a pastor in MCC. So we both have experience with helping others. I've been giving back since I was 14 years old and was a member of the Mormon Church. I volunteered for everything they did. I enjoyed helping people I still do.

It's so important to us to get on the road and help all those we can. We have been able to help locally some, and can't wait to get on the road and do what we do best. I love to inspire others to follow their dreams. We enjoy telling others our stories. We both have very different stories that seem to resonate with others. I like that. The more I talk to people the more I find we are so alike.

Being on the road has been such a blessing to me, and for Laurie to tell me she believes we need to get back on the road was a dream come true. Staying in one place is very hard for me. I love being on the road and meeting new people, and seeing what is around the corner.

There is always a festival or something to celebrate in every town we visit. Can't wait to take more pictures this year than ever before. I have a new camera and am going to do my best to capture all the adventure we seem to find ourselves in.

We follow our hearts and turn down different roads sometimes as we drive and we have met some of the most interesting people, and think it was meant to be. I can't explain but when you know you were suppose to be friends it's a feeling that comes over you. Fun

Laurie and I have lots of jewelry made up to sell while we are on the road. And we are getting our beads and art stuff ready to go on the road and make stuff as we go along. This is the most fun of it all. Looking around the desert, for firewood, goodies, to use for art, and rocks. We love it all. We always seem to come home with a treasure if not many as we walk.

Last year we found a palm tree that had been there years and shed it's large leaves of which we used as firewood all the time were there at RiverLodge. We'd just go there daily and get what we needed for the evening, and have a lovely fire. Usually for the evening and the morning coffee. Life is but a dream.

I can't believe I was ever married, had kids, or had another life totally different from this one.

I don't miss my so called married life. I was my husbands sisters lover before being his wife. I knew Judy first. It just didn't work out between us due to drugs/drinking. Rick her brother didn't do drugs but did drink. Who knows how it would have turned out if I'd stayed with Judy rather than Rick. Both would have been a challenge.

What is important is I learned from my former life in order to be the kind of person I am now in my life. Laurie is pleased with my progress.

Laurie and I have found our place in this earth and we have found it together. I'm so proud of her, for all she's gone through and come out on top. She has had a lot of betrayal, as I have, so we both understand what it's like to be lied too, cheated on, and totally destroyed by those that proclaim to love us. So, we both understand the hurt involved, so we won't do that to each other.

I'm proud to call her my partner, and will protect her with everything I have while I'm alive.

Some of her family have forgotten her, and some of my own family did the same to me, so we are in the same boat on that one too.

Long ago lovers betrayed us, and we are now determined to be true to each other and tell the truth whatever that truth may be. Nothing hurts more than finding out you've been lied too.

Once you learn all these lessons, it's easier to be a good partner. You want to be treated as you would treat someone else.

I have loved others, but there is a different kind of love for Laurie. I have had passionate love where I couldn't stand to be away from them for even a moment, not healthy. We are our own person, and have different goals, and dreams, and we both respect that.

What I feel for Laurie is deeper, and worth much more. Not a physical thing, but a friendship/partner kind of thing.

In taking Jade back to Lake Havasu to the rescue people, it won't happen too soon. I love Jade, but she needs more room to roam. I'll be sorry to see her go in many ways.

Hope everyone is doing good tonight and thinking Mother Earth for all the gifts she gives us daily.

Namaste'

The Cold is upon us

2013-09-20T08:35:00.000-07:00

It's the middle of September and it's already getting pretty cold in the evenings. Laurie has really been suffering with all this coldness.

Unfortunately, we are going to have to give back our dog Jade from the rescue people. We've tried very hard to train her and get her to work with Laurie, but have come to realize that her aggression toward other dogs, and people is not going to work as a service dog. We need a dog that will stand firm for Laurie to get up if she falls. Jade has a tendency to want to run toward other dogs and that will drag Laurie with her. It made us very sad, but we just can't keep her. We can't leave her alone that she destroys things in the house, and barks all the time.

We've been in talks with many trainers and they have specified that she really won't work as a service dog, but she will make someone a fabulous pet, and we will keep tabs on her to see where she ends up and how it is going.

With all that said, after the Pow Wow here locally I am going to visit a friend of mine for a week or so, and Laurie is going to drive to Lake Havasu, AZ and take Jade back to her former owner. She will get to be where it's warmer and less humidity. I will be up in the mountains with a friend. We will both be in our favorite elements.

Looks like our bathroom floor is going to get done after all. The guy that did it originally is coming back to re-do it and seal it better, as the toilet apparently wasn't sealed properly and leaked under the linoleum. All has to be pulled out and replaced.

Now, as the RV, it's looking good and driving wonderfully. I look forward to taking it up North and staying by the beach. I miss the woods and all the beautiful nature. I will cherish every moment.

So much concerning our health has been addressed. Laurie and I have had practically every test possible. I just got my Mammogram, Laurie did her last week. Blood tests, ekgs, you name it we've had it done. And all in all, we are doing pretty good. My blood pressure is up some, but I'm going to work on that one. I don't feel stressed or anything so don't know where that is coming from.

Next is my blood test. I'm a little afraid of that one. My blood sugars are up, and I'm working on that one very hard. I don't want the big D. My diet has totally changed. I'm working very hard on becoming a vegetarian, and perhaps a Vegan if possible. The more I learn the more I'm horrified about the treatment of our brother animals.Sad

I've really started doing beadwork again. My eyes have gotten better since 09. I've really been juicing and doing the best I can with diet to self heal. I believe you can do a lot of that yourself with attitude and determination. Knowledge is power.

I've also been taking my picture taking seriously. I bought my first camera at 16 on credit. The very first thing I bought on credit. I was so proud of that camera and took pictures constantly. I haven't changed. I'm back to a lot of what I enjoy. Somehow along the way, I've been so busy being busy, I haven't been enjoying the things I enjoy the most. Those days are over, and I'm so happy to say, the little child in me has come back with a bang. I love it.

I'm so looking forward to the future and all it entails. I've decided to accept the gifts given and not suppress anything. I've been blessed with so many talents and gifts, that I've not appreciated in the past, but now I'm ready to receive them with open arms.

I've eliminated the negative, and looking forward to the positive. I'm blessed beyond belief, and I'm so grateful. I'm grateful for Laurie in my life and the sunshine she brings to me. The acceptance I've craved and looked for all my life is in one little package called my partner. I've waited for her all my life. I'm grateful. When someone tells you they won't leave you no matter what, that is powerful. More powerful than I even realized at the time.

She accepts me as is, and doesn't try to change me. This is a good thing. I am a handful, this I admit, and there are only certain people that could be with someone like me. My mind is becoming sharper, and more focused on goals for the future.

I've been talking to Laurie about moving from here. Or at least getting another place in the woods, or more remote. I'm really tired of the crowded city and it sucks up my soul and junks it. Too much noise, people fighting, sirens at all hours, violence, and it's dirty. I long for the paths to walk that are soft and quiet. I just want to sit in the woods and listen.

If we are unable to do this, I'll just be taking more and more trips to visit friends in the woods.

I hate politics, and want to forget about them for awhile. These people who are suppose to be OUR servants are just getting rich. The tea party people are really causing so much heartache to everyone. I'm of course watching them self destruct if it wasn't so sad it'd be funny. But it is fun to watch them act like little kids on a playground that don't get along. For that I'm enjoying this silly stuff, but it's holding this Country hostage, and it's hurting everyone.

I voted for the first time when Obama ran. Before that, I really didn't see any reason, didn't think my vote counted. That has all changed now. I kind of follow the politicians and what they stand for, and I can say many disturbs me. I've voted the best I could do, by being informed, not just one source but many. It sure takes a lot of time to do all that. Locally and on a National level. I also didn't opt out of jury duty. I had many people tell me how to get out of it, and I decided that I wasn't going to do that. I'm healthy enough to be able to serve, so I'm doing it. But alas, they didn't need me. But at least, I didn't shuck my duty.

I'm thrilled with my progress and coming full circle. I've watched Laurie bloom these last two years. Her eyes have been opened to so much, it's fun watching her discover so much. Life is good for us for sure. We are like two kids and the world is our playground.

Getting the RV fixed today!

2013-09-03T07:32:00.000-07:00

It's the wee moments in the morning I enjoy. I have a freshly made cup of coffee, I'm listening to my uplifting tapes on Youtube, and getting ready for the day.

The last few months I've been going through this questioning period. Questioning what true friendships are all about. I have distanced myself from many of my old time friends because of this questioning. I have a tendency to hold on to things much longer than I should. It's sometimes hard to let things go that feel comfortable. But, I've come to find out that sometimes you must purge your life of people who really aren't at the level in life you are, who are insisting to be in their crazy life as it were.

I never took the time to examine the questions I should have. Will they be there for me? Will they root me on in my quest for a better understanding of life? Will they be there if I should fall and need someone to pick me up? Important things to know.

I'm also struggling with those people in my life that have a believe system that I have trouble with. Religion is the worse. My sister is a Mormon and this has divided our family to the point my brother won't connect with Phyllis in any way. And because I had the nerve to say I didn't like her cult either, I was ripped a new one from my step mom. Fortunately, I can't be bullied anymore or intimidated, so I'm trying to figure out how to get through this without ruffling anymore feathers.

I'm almost there. I have to address it soon. I know we can come to some kind of civil way of moving forward.

The really good news that has come out lately is that we are getting the RV fixed today. New shocks in the tune of $700! Ouch, but it's all good. We are going to be a bit short this month perhaps but we will be able to get to Parker, AZ and Quartsite. I look forward to seeing the Colorado River and seeing how Jade our new dog will think..

Speaking of our new dog Jade, we have found out that she doesn't get along well with other dogs! We took her to the dog park and twice she's run after another dog to attack, and we can't have that. She also doesn't like men. She'll growl at them and we are afraid she'll bite, so we keep her on a short leash. Of course, this is going to restrict our movements. But we are working on trying to teach her. She barks a lot too, so this is another challenge.

But we do know she loves to travel. She already knows the RV and can't wait to get into it and take a ride. She sits right in the middle so she can see everything. So, at least that is a good one on our side. She's a love, but a challenge as any new animal is to a home. We had it pretty good with Pickles. She's really a low maintenance dog other than having to take her to the groomers. She's easy to take care of.

Recently we've been really getting busy on making jewelry of all sorts. I find we can sell them anywhere pretty much, just have to show them around. I'm hoping to get a display case again, because the jewelry looks so much better in one. I'm sorry I sold the one I had, but we needed the money at the time.

Laurie's tests have come back and all is well so far. I'm very thankful for that. She finally got into the system and now they are doing all the tests to see how far the osteoporosis has gotten, and the MS. She's doing pretty good with walking and such, but we've been on a donut kick and we need to cut that out, as she is suffering. I told her I'd go the bakery because when she goes we come home with extra sugar I can't resist when they make it home.

We will have all our meds, and tests done for this year, and can enjoy our time in AZ without all that to worry about. Nice! We are going to concentrate on selling our art, and enjoying our time there with friends.

Life is a struggle at times, but it's so worth all we go through to learn and be happy. I am going to try to not watch the news as much and not get so involved into politics. I will vote, and keep that right of course, but I think I'll take a step back from the workings of the world. I find peace when I don't know all these things. I thought I was being informed, but I find being informed comes with it much weight. Heavy weight. I also find there isn't much I can do to change it, other than be the best person I can be. To allow those to believe a man in the sky will come save us all, and not laugh, but honor their journey regardless.

These are my struggles. Laurie and I try to understand everyone and give them an audience. We both share the thought of helping those that need it, or ask for it. We usually end up just being a sounding board but that's ok too. This is the work I've always done. But I find as I get older, I have more compassion for those struggling. I've pretty much struggled with so many things, I can relate to many people. And Laurie can relate to the ones I cannot. So, it's a nice blend we have with the journey's we've taken and found each other.

Laurie is a blessing given to me to understand so much I have been struggling with. She's helped me with much of my being able to go forward with Peace. I saw she was able to do it without judgment. She has struggled with forgiving, and struggles with a sister not speaking to her and I see how it affects her, and because of that, it's prompted me to continue my relationship with my sister. I get it. I don't wish to cause anyone any hurt.

If we could all see what we do to each other over petty things. To feel what others feel when we say hurtful things. I know I'm more aware of my speech. I'm no where close to where I'd like to be, but I'm at least aware.

Sold our Art in Cayucos in a cute little shop

2013-08-22T09:34:00.000-07:00

What a wonderful day we had yesterday. We had the car packed up with our art in the trunk, the dogs were crated, fed, and happy, so off we went to Cambria as our plan to sell our art.

As with most plans, I took a turn to Cayucos just to take a look around. We had a great time. We went to the art gallery and showed some of our stuff to them and they were interested, but unfortunately they wanted money to show our stuff. Don't mind that, just didn't have it. It's more of a selling trip than display.

So we had lunch at a local fish/chips place at the pier, and it was delicious! We bought the combo of shrimp/fish and chips, and it was just enough for the both of us on a budget. I loved our day. I love to people watch, and there were some street musicians playing, skateboarders in their park. Reminded me of Cory and how much he loved to skateboard. Called himself a thrasher in the day.

Speaking of Cory. I'm OFFICIALLY out of mourning. When Cory died, it was a life changing experience for me and many I'm sure. I've mourned him basically alone and in my own thoughts. I went through this mourning process entirely alone. No one came. No one did anything. I was alone. After this experience, I know for a FACT I can go through ANYTHING all alone and don't actually need anyone. I've already gone through the worse life can give. I have become stronger because of it.

I cut all my hair off (as is the tradition of the Native people) and kept it short until now. I'm going to allow it to grow again. Cory didn't like me with grey hair and liked me to keep it dark, but it's too much of a mess for me to deal with, so it will be long grey locks for me. I'm no longer going to cut my hair and it will grow until I die.

As my hair grows I will be reminded of my blessings, my heritage, and the love I feel for those who have loved me in my lifetime. Those that are no longer with me, to those that are still hanging in there and being an influence in my life. I will have to bead more combs and such as I've sold all I owned.

I have learned to forgive those that have taken my son from me, and those that deliberately hurt me afterward. It reflects their spirit not mine. May they all find truth and responsibility.

When you come to the realization that those responsible are never going to take responsibility for their actions, and after 4 years never going to apologize either. Not that I was EVER waiting around for any communication, but just thought maybe they'd get an 'Ah-Ha' moment. Should have known better. And now do.

With moving forward in life.

Laurie is my future. Travel and great friends await us. Laurie is a fabulous and my shining rock. I'm so experiencing a totally different life with her as my partner than I have with ANYONE else. Total acceptance, non-judgmental, and she doesn't have a temper. At least I've not seen it. Life is serene and wonderful.

I don't miss any of the others that were in my life in the past. I now realize how toxic they also were to even themselves. I did for a time, not knowing any different. But when you've come around people more like minded, then it has to have a better outcome.

With all this said, it's certainly been a journey of healing for Laurie as well as myself. We were both damaged/hurt people when we got together. We've worked out our 'stuff' and now we live a wonderfully peaceful life. We are not competitors, we are true partners in every sense or the word. It' so refreshing. Working together is what works good with us.

All this is a learning experience for me. And for Laurie by the most part. We both have had very dysfunctional relationships, so finally getting it right now is important. We talk everything through and come to an understanding.

Now that we are able to come to this understanding and work together, the sky is our limit.

I'm taking great delight in teaching her beadwork. She is interested and wants to learn so I'll teach her. I told her with all the crafting skills she learns from me, and all the art she already knows how to do, she will always have a means to make money.

Yesterday we went to Cayucos to sell our wares and had an absolute blast. We met a fabulous lady at a shop named 'The Outlook'. We called her a kindred spirit and talked up a storm. She ended up buying some of my beading necklaces, two of my hanging blood orange goodies, and she also bought a mask from Laurie. We had our picture taken with her, and she was a blast. We'll probably go next week or so and take her a few more things to put on her walls and such on consignment. But selling things for cash is good also.

If you are ever in Cayucos go in The Outlook and say hi to Virginia. She is a delightful gal and full of positive energy. She has fabulous things in there that are for larger ladies too. That makes a big difference to me. I rarely find cute clothes that are my size. And she has tie-dye stuff and that is always good for an old hippy like me

Her prices are great and not of a specialty shop you usually see at a beach town. She has a cute shop, well organized and displayed. Can't wait to see her again, and spend a little more time with her.

We were thrilled to sell some of our things. It helped with money for the end of the month as well.

We have to get Jade some worm medicine today as Laurie noticed she had them the other day. She's been scooting the butt, a sure sign.

While on our way home we went Hwy 1 and I stopped by one of my favorite fruit stands in Oceano right across the street from the Melodrama. I bought some cherries. The fruits of our labor....lol

This is a very popular place to stop as well as Hyashi's on Hwy 1 a little further down.

A bit more hopeful today

2013-08-22T08:22:00.000-07:00

We all have some tough days, and I've quite a few in a row. Sometimes you just barely get yourself up from the last hit to be knocked down again before you even knew it was happening.

I've heard others say it comes in waves. This has been my experience as well, Just hope the wave is over for a time. Trying to take the breath I need.

Pickles is doing alright, but she is in a lot of pain. I give her pain meds every 4 hours just to make sure she is as comfortable as possible. It make me feel better as her owner to know there really wasn't anything I could have done to save her teeth. They were just bad and needed to come out. It's the breed says the vet. So, I'm not beating myself up for that anymore. I have a tendency to beat myself up over these type of things. Just wondering what I could have done different to make it better kind of thing.

Last night I know Leon our neighbor knew we were kinda down with all the goings on, so he went and got a chicken and such to have dinner. We ate dinner outside on the patio and watched the humming birds play 20 feet away. It was a nice diversion. Leon gets depressed about things, and needs to have someone to come over and talk too now and then. It's all good. I ate the veggies and goodies, but didn't eat the chicken.

Still trying to keep myself meat free. Our cruelty to animals makes me sad.

After realizing that licking my wounds about the money and getting the RV fixed isn't going to get done any faster while I'm dragging around the house, I woke up and decided to work even harder than before. What else can I do? I can give up and that won't get me anywhere. So, it's up and I'm going to try to work even harder at the dream.

In fact, I've made some of the best art of my life these last few days. Laurie and I are getting ready to take our art to various stores for consignment. That way we will be making money in stores and Ebay hopefully.

I've gotten rid of all excess junk around the house, and Laurie has been painting the trailer, so things are looking nicer around here.

I'm getting ready to plant a winter garden just in case we are stuck here. (Have to think about all possibilities) Plus, Leon will take care of the garden and be able to eat the food. It's a win, win situation.

I've decided to go ahead and change my name as well. It's been a dream of mine for many years and now I'm gonna go for it. I've filled out the forms and I'm going to fill out a waver for the fee and see what happens from there. I know I'd rather sign my art with my new name rather than my old one.

It reflects who I am now. My Native name when I was a child and my adult Native name with my middle name taken from one of my best friends from High School who was Pima. I miss her and wish I could find all my foster sisters and brothers. I still feel connected to them.

Jade Laurie's new dog is doing good with us, like she's been a member of our family from the beginning. I'm so happy she came into our lives. I look forward to traveling with her. I just look forward to traveling PERIOD!

The RV looks great. It's polished, washed, prepped, and ready to go other than it needs shocks. Tomorrow I'm taking it to Wayne's Tire to see what their take on how much it will cost to repair. I'm hoping the first place was oh so wrong and that it will only need the minimum of repair and treatment. Miracles do still happen I know. I've seen them. That or some kind soul will send us the money to repair it and get us back into environment Laurie can thrive. The marine layer doesn't bother me much. I like it too, it's spooky and cold, and I love to sit around a fire while it comes in from the ocean. The droplets when it's really heavy. Nice. But then again, I've always loved the rain and most weather.

Getting things on Ebay again. I've started selling rather slowly but am going to have to up the pace if we want to be able to leave here by this winter sometime. We still have a few months before it gets cold around here for the actual winter.

So, we are very busy.

I've also thought about taking some classes at the local community college. I've known many professional students that live quite a nice life. I'm always up to learn something new. I wouldn't mind taking a few classes on writing. I used to be a Journalist in my younger years, but have lost much of my knowledge due to lack of use. I'm ready to fire up the brain cells and get things rolling again in my life.

I remember the days of college and how exciting it was to be on campus. Something was always a buzz. When I went for therapy at Cal Poly I always felt the excitement of just being there where people are trying to better their lives, learn, and perhaps change the way of the world. Very exciting to me.

Think I'll get off this blog and get some beadwork done. I'm going to make some flower necklaces with seed beads. I'll post pictures when I get some done.

I'll also post pictures of the blood oranges I've made into wall hangings. They came out better than I thought. I have a great imagination when it comes to these type of hangings. I've made them since I was a little hippie girl here in Oceano in the 70's when I'd sell them to the tourists and locals alike to hang outside their beach cottages.

Well, the cottages are giving way now to super duper hotels and apartments. It's so sad to me. I rarely go to downtown Pismo anymore. Just too many people. There used to be a break in the tourists, now it seems there isn't anymore. I'm only into crowds when I'm entertaining or making money. Not to enjoy my leisure time.

Have a good day ALL and don't forget: If you made a mistake yesterday, you can make today better!

Namaste'

A day off to enjoy this beautiful area

2013-08-21T11:40:00.000-07:00

We have the car packed with the art we have ready. I've taken pictures of most of it I think. I'm very proud of these pieces that Laurie and I have.

Laurie has been working very hard on masks, paintings, beading and such. I'm very proud of her.

Yesterday we had a blast going to Lake Lopez and Biddle Park. We found ourselves all over the place taking pictures of all the beauty

Vultures

These were my son Cory's favorite birds when he was a child. He thought they were majestic he was right!

Beautiful Lopez Lake, Ca

I loved this tree.

A young buck

From our car

Deer were everywhere with their young enjoying the early evening in Lopez

Going down Hwy 1

The Oceano Valley This scene hasn't changed much since the 70's, but the amount of people who have moved here has exploded.

Everyone wants to move to paradise. Then it gets crowded and changes the quaint little towns into busy cities! I've seen this happen here in Pismo/Oceano/Avila an the surrounding area's.

All the back roads are just as full of people as ever.

The noise and pollution is incredible.

But still it's a wonderful place to be compared to many others.

There is still a small town feel at times and in various places.

Going to Biddle Park was wonderful. There were very few people there. We were able to let the dogs run off leash and it was a nice experience.

The sirens around Santa Maria are constant anymore. I am amazed how this town has changed in just a few short years. Murder/gangs/Police chiefs ousted and so much more. I long for the quiet and less of everything.

Laurie has really been able to see what I've been talking about and think she is so ready to go as well. Just in the year she's been here the mobile home park has changed personal, attitude, and so forth. The town is just not as it once was, but I suppose that is progress.

Just looking for a bit less of it.

It's Sunday and time to rest now

2013-08-11T17:52:00.002-07:00

This weekend has really been trying on me personally.

I have to take Pickles to the vet tomorrow morning, and I'm afraid of how much that will cost. She has an infected tooth I think or something going on in her mouth because it has a smell of infection in it. I feel so bad for her. I just hope they can make her comfortable and it hasn't caused too much damage to any of her organs.

Of course, I'm grateful I have the money, but it will take all the money I've saved for the RV, and that's so disheartening. I've tried so hard to work and save the money to get the RV fixed. I've stayed home and not gone anywhere. I've not gone camping, meetings, visiting, nothing. I've scaled down my bills to practically nothing. I have a free cell phone, we have reduced electricity, every thing we can do to lower our bills we do.

It's a depressing day in many ways. I try to keep up beat, but it's really hard when you have a constant reminder that you are NOT out in the woods but in a nasty dirty city. I hate it here. I hate living in a tin box, and how close everyone is to us. This is really hard, but yet I'm managed to keep a fairly good outlook until today. I'm just so done with being a Pollyanna type person. It's hard to see the good from this all. Yes, I should be and am grateful I have the money to take Pickles to the vet, because there were years gone by that I didn't and lost animals.

But still, I can't help but feel a little sorry for myself for having to scrap all this money up to start my dream on getting back on the road, just to have it gone in a moment. I have to start over saving again.

I am working harder now than before I retired. If this is what retirement is about shit, I'm tired! How do I get myself in these places of having to work harder than I choose. ARF!

My needs are so small, so it amazes me how much money it takes to live.

I'm hoping I don't loose entire hope, but I'm about there. I see people that are dark, and mean spirited get rich and live charmed lives while I see people like myself work their asses off and go nowhere. I'm honest and give back as much as possible, while seeing people that lie, cheat and do wrong prosper. I've seen this all my life. My own Mother never drank, or broke the law, and helped all who needed it, while seeing her go through so much in life. She never had peace, nor did anyone treat her with respect. I only know what I've seen. And I've seen the evil ones get ahead while the peacemakers suffer.

I remember being in the Mormon church how I saw people cheating on their spouses, how I was molested as a young girl, how gossip destroyed my reputation, and yet I was a virgin and keeping the so called rules. Then I saw all those people get temple recommends to do 'God's work, while I wasn't able to do it due to MY SINS! Too funny now. How sill is religion? I truly believe it's for the weak minded! I used to think that when I was a young woman, now I know it to be a fact.

People who turn to religion are looking for someone to tell them how to have a relationship with God, those that don't need religion, are those that HAVE a relationship with God and don't need anyone to define it for them. A personal relationship with God is all you need. Nothing more.

I'm always amazed at all the rituals, gatherings, do this and do that, to make sure you get a place in heaven. How silly is that?

I'm not a sinner, nor will I ever be. I don't belong to this world, I'm just a visitor and I want to be beamed up because it isn't fun here anymore.

Fabulous lotion bars..........I'm going to make some of these

2013-08-09T18:36:00.000-07:00

I found this on the net and thought I'd make some of these. I'll let you know how it goes. But for now, I thought I'd share the recipe just in case you wanted to make your own.

Pain Relief Lotion Bars

Lotion bars are one of my favorite natural beauty recipes to make. They are a simple way to moisturize and nourish the skin and they can be easily customized for a variety of uses. This variation is one of my favorites, especially for after athletic training or on sore muscles. I don’t use it during pregnancy, but it is great at other times. I also make a diluted version by using half as much Menthol and Essential Oil and omitting the Arnica oil for use on the kids when they get growing pains.
These natural pain relief lotion bars smell excellent and work wonders on sore or tired muscles!

Ingredients:

1/3 cup coconut oil
1/3 cup shea butter, cocoa butter or mango butter
1/3 cup beeswax (can add an extra ounce or two if you want a thicker consistency, which leaves less lotion on the skin when used)
1 tablespoon of Menthol Crystals
10 drops Peppermint Essential Oil
1/2 tsp Arnica Oil (optional)

This recipe can be adjusted to make any quantity that you’d like. I made with 1/3 cup of each main ingredients, but this can adjusted up for down for bigger or smaller batches.

How to Make:

Combine all ingredients in a quart size glass mason jar and carefully place this jar in a small saucepan of water on the stove.
Turn the burner on and bring water to a low simmer. Stir ingredients constantly until they are melted and smooth.
Remove from heat and stir in the menthol crystals and stir until dissolved.
Add essential oils and arnica oil (optional) and stir until mixed.
Carefully pour into molds or whatever you will be allowing the lotion bars to harden in. I used these silicon loaf molds, though any mold would work.
Allow the lotion bars to cool completely before attempting to pop out of molds. These could be made in different shaped molds or made in a square baking pan and then cut into actual bars.

How to Use:

Store in a cool or dry place for up to six months (I’ve even had some last as long as a year).
To apply to skin: hold bar in hand and carefully rub on dry skin. The heat of the skin will transfer some of the lotion bar to the skin. I store my lotion bars on a small plate on my dresser and bathroom counter. Add more or less menthol for a more or less potent bar.

If you do make some of these let me know how you liked them.

Now For How My Day Went Today!

To start with, I took the RV in and got it smogged. I got a ride back which was good since I had so many things to do at home.

I pulled up the tomato plants and took off all the little tomatoes. Or I should say, Laurie took all the tomatoes off the plants. I'm going to have to get the food dryer out and dry them. We can use them this winter. I'm trying to keep ours bills as low as possible this winter since we have decided to keep the mobile home and pay for the space rent while gone and that way we will have a place to home too when it's warmer around here.

Laurie has been painting the outside of the trailer white and it looks so much better than the brown it's painted right now. I also want to paint the RV before we go.

But today washing and waxing it really make a big difference. It looks great. The inside looks great. I'm excited about getting back on the road. I know Jade will love it. Hope she enjoys being on the road. I know she will, she likes to get out and ride and also explore new places like Pickles. They will have so much fun together.

When I go to park the RV back in the back area of the mobile home park, we'll let Pickles and Jade run and do their evening duty. The RV looks so nice and shines since I waxed it. I'm trying to keep it as nice as possible.

I went through all the paperwork for the RV to see what all has been done in the past. WoW, I'm amazed how much upgrading has been done and upkeep. So, I know I have a good one.

Just to be able to get the money up to finish getting the shocks, bushings and whatever else is needed. I'll be so happy to get that done and over with. It will ride so much smoother once that is done. Then I'll have to get the generator tuned up. After that, we should be ready to go.

I'll have to really get moving on getting things on Ebay and start really making some extra money to be able to get these repairs done. And if anything goes wrong while on the road, we want to be ale to get the work done.

Being Dog Tired after a week-end of working!

2013-08-04T22:07:00.001-07:00

Oh my goodness. It's been a busy, Laurie and I have worked harder this week/week-end than we have in a very long time.

Laurie was going to have company, but I asked that he consider another time to come visit, and he agreed. I'm so glad, because last night Laurie was in bed at 11pm. She usually stays up to at least 1 a.m. She's been suffering due to the terrible humidity we've been having. I have to tell ya, I really don't remember it being this humid around her before. But, then again, I didn't have a girlfriend that suffered from MS for me to notice as much.

But when she suffers I worry and hate it. Laurie has been having it rough lately. Having Jade has helped quite a bit. We are training her to walk properly with Laurie while she is still able to walk fairly well. Her training is coming along so well. I'm so proud of not only Jade for how well she's doing and how well she compliments our family.

I don't think I've ever been this content and happy before. Laurie really is the partner I needed to complete me and help me with my journey. Not someone I need to babysit, or tell what to do every moment. But she was brought in to my life to challenge me, and bring out the best in me, and she has done just that.

Just watching Laurie and Jade in their personal journey is so fantastic. Laurie is happy, content and knows she's loved for the very first time in her life. And I can say, I truly feel loved and accepted just as I am. I don't have to change to have her love me. And I KNOW she will never leave me. That is something no one has ever given me. What a precious gift.

I was thinking this today. All the misery others have caused me, all the lies, the betrayal, cheating, gossip, and all that I've gone through with others that professed to love me. Laurie makes up for it all. I'm grateful for those people that have been in my life in the past. I'm also grateful for the lessons learned through them. They say love is never wasted. I'm hoping that is true and they (people from my past) realize how they were once loved, and will look back on our time together and smile and think of the good times. But it's been my experience that those I've left have made me the bad guy so they wouldn't look bad, rather than take responsibility for their own stuff. All in all, it doesn't matter anymore because I've forgiven those that have done these things in my life, and I've also forgiven myself for my own short comings.

When you move forward without regrets it makes for a more peaceful life. After all, we all do our best.

I look forward to coming home when I'm away. I know things are warm and inviting for me.

I've had such a fantastic career. I've done all the things I've wanted. I've worked hard, played hard and known some pretty fantastic people.

I've been to fantastic places and my experiences on the earth has been beyond all my wildest dreams. And more is yet to come.

So this evening, when I'm so tired I can barely keep my eyes open, I sit here with candles shining on my table. My glass of wine close, and my sage burning to send my prayers of thanks to the Great Spirit in the sky, I can't help but smile and know that I have spent this day well.

I had a two hour party tonight in Santa Maria. There was a live Mexican band and they were fantastic. Their costumes were perfect, and the music was so beautiful. The food was great, the people were festive, and I love my job.

After the party, I came home and did some gardening. Our garden is winding down with the tomatoes and the squash is starting to show small veggies. I'm excited and can't wait to be able to cook them and dry some for our trip. The onions are almost ready. In fact, I could pick some now, but I don't really need any now, as I've been getting onions when I dumpster dive.

I'm thinking of doing it in the morning, but as I write tonight, I'm pretty tired. I know diving will involve a lot of work. To be able to get it all out of the dumpster, usually one by one, then go home and wash everything, then cut it up, or whatever needs to be done to preserve it or give it away. I do enjoy giving the food away that I get. I know so many people are on fixed incomes and would love the food rather than seeing it go into the land fill.

That is a pet peeve of mine to see perfectly good food go into the land fill. Tomorrow is trash day, so I have to get to the dumpster before 6 am in order to get anything otherwise it will be gone. So, we'll see how I feel in the morning.

We have so much to do. The RV needs to be registered and get the tags, but I have to have it smogged. So that will be on the list for tomorrow. The rv smogged, then registered, then parked back in storage until I can get the repairs. I'm getting closer so there is hope.

Then we have to give Jade a bath, and take her to get her nails clipped. I don't want to do anything like that anymore and rather pay someone else to do it.

I sold all my grooming tools during the yard sale for a song to a gentlemen that gives haircuts to prisoners in jail. Alrighty then He was as happy as a clam.

I sold so much stuff during the yard sale. I sold every bit of my jewelry! Including the display case. He really thought he got a good deal and he really did. He will be able to triple his money. But I did too, I didn't feel the need to be greedy.

I feel like some really good karma is coming our way. Laurie feels it too. It's our time. We've been helping people all our lives. Both of us had service jobs and did them well. Now, it's our time to enjoy life without worry.

Just wish we had more money to do more things. We believe this will come too. We certainly work hard enough. I'm certain that Laurie's art is going to really take off, and our Seaweed people are going to be loved by many.

I've starting my beadwork again. I'm doing better than ever too. I've been making leather pouches, and purses. They are so nice. People are complimenting me on my work, so I just know that I will be selling more than ever. Actually, I sell them as fast as I make them. I only have like three in stock at this writing because I sell them so quickly. Hope I get a picture of this one before it goes out the door. And I've been making a lot of seaweed rattles. I'll post pictures soon.

This week Laurie and I are going to work on getting our artwork in consignment shops. We've been asked by so many for some of our pieces. Just have to make time and get it done.

I'm so pleased with Jade! Laurie and I were talking of this. How, it could have been so much different, but she fits in perfectly and I can't be more happy. She is our forever dog now. They can't have her back. Now gonna see about getting any and all training we can afford.

I was informed that we might have someone that may be able to pay for Laurie's harness that she will need with Jade to help her walk. I'm so happy and feeling blessed. Everything is coming together for us in so many ways.

The candles are doing their trick. I'm loving this evening of rest and reflection. We have such a blessed life, I just want to scream it from the rooftops.

All the suffering Laurie and I have gone through, it's nice to have this time in our life together. We are both survivors of much abuse in our lives, and yet we aren't bitter, nor do we sit around and feel sorry for ourselves. We have made peace with the past and those that have hurt us, and decided to move forward together and enjoy the rest of our lives happy.

You don't have to be defined by events in your lives. You can get past them, and live a healthy and peaceful life. I'm proof. Laurie is proof.

It took a lot of work on our part to get where we are. Taking responsibility for our own short comings, and the things we've done in our lives.

I was so wild as a young person. Laurie on the other hand was busy being a New Jersey police officer and keeping herself clean.

I've never been arrested or in jail, so that is a good thing. The difference between them and me, is I didn't get caught. Now, I live such a clean life I could be a nun.

I'm in bed usually around 9. I don't get wild anymore, and no more loud music. At least not while living here in this 55 and above senior park...LOL

I wouldn't leave my home before 9 to go party. Funny how things change.

I'm grateful for my wild times. I got out all the crazy, and now live a more zen type of life, without regrets. I'd rather meditate or walk in the woods than go to a club as I used too.

Besides, I have all I need at home. Clubs are usually filled drama and a lot of women I wouldn't take home to Mother.

Gonna do a little on line gaming with the free casino games before we go on the road. But we are determined to find them all on the road and play at each one. Fun fun fun.

Night all, and don't forget to be grateful for all your blessings.

Namaste'

Our Yard Sale is a Success!

2013-08-03T19:21:00.002-07:00

We got up early and had our breakfast. Laurie walked Jade, I walked Pickles and we got started loading up the Toyota with everything we could stuff into it. Our mobile home park was having a yard sale out front and we have been having them every first Saturday for the last three months. Next month is the last one we are going to have this year.

We spread out our blankets and put up the easy up and off we went. WE just pretty much put it out there and it sold. We sold quite a bit of things. Not that many clothes went, but almost all the jewelry went, Laurie sold some of her art. I was so proud of her.

We sold almost all the dog stuff, and the grooming clippers.

I have enough now to pay the registration on the RV, thank goodness.

I have money to put toward the repairs. So all in all our hard work has been paying off.

I have a two hour birthday party tomorrow night. That money will go toward repairs. I'm booked for the rest of the month, so that is really going to help.

I'm finally starting to believe we just may make it out of here this winter.

Laurie and I have decided we are going to work on getting the mobile home ready to be walked through by those that are interested in buying it. It's a great park to live in, and for $15,000, you can have your own place to paint and do with what you will. We have a small yard, but I'm been growing our food in the space since we moved here.

In fact, I have a whole patch of onions, and now have all kinds of squash coming, as well as tomatoes. I now have four avocado tree's coming up that I planted from seed.

I'm pretty proud of all the food I've grown and given away. I have been drying food lately. I have enough veggies to put in soups for the entire winter. And with it being dried, it is really light and won't weigh the RV down like can goods do.

I'm determined we will get better gas mileage that last year. We had way too many heavy things in the RV we didn't really need. Less is best, and the older I get the more I believe it. I want to go light.

That is the reason I was able to sell so many things today I didn't think I could.

But the older I get the less I need.

Wish we'd taken pictures but we were so busy selling things. Some things I didn't pay anything for and others, I made double my money. I'm so proud of Laurie and I for all we've done today.

I know Laurie has been suffering with the humidity today and lately. She looked really spent after the sale, so we've been taking it easy.

Between Laurie painting every night, and we doing bead work again, we've been busier than ever, but that is the only way we are going to get the repairs we need and get the things done we need to do before this winter creeps up on us.

We were going to go to Parker last year, but we didn't make it, and boy did we suffer!! We didn't have heat, because our heater didn't work so we used space heaters and it was still cold. That cost us a pretty penny to say the least! We used all the blanket we owned and don't want to go through that again.

I can only imagine how it is for the elderly in really cold regions. This is enough for us. Sometimes it was like 20 degree's. That's rough. We would light candles and anything else that gave off heat we could find.

I can hardly wait to get in the RV again. It will feel like home again. To sleep in the loft and shut the curtains is good with me. Of course, the RV we are looking to buy now is so much bigger and better. Yep, we are in negotiation with a dealer in AZ for another RV we've had our eye on. We shall see what happens with that. If it's meant to be it shall be. But I can tell you this, it's our dream RV! It has everything we need and want and has less than 30,000 miles. It's practically new. We are hopeful.

Our Sweet Jade

We are just so happy with our dog Jade. She is also a dream come true for me and Laurie. She needed Jade. They fit together like a glove.

She is such a large dog it's hard to walk around her at times. I prefer if she lays on my bed so I can walk around more.

She is such a joy. Her temperament is so sweet. But we have found out that she doesn't like men one bit. So, we are guessing it was a man that abused her. She is a rescue dog.

She's such a love I can't imagine anyone hitting her or abusing her in any way. I know they hit her, because when I go to pet her at times she'll flinch, and cower. Poor little thing.

We are going to give her all the love she can possible handle. We talk to her sing to her, and take her to the dog park daily. And Pickles is starting to warm up to her. When they get up in the morning and greet each other it's so cute.

LIFE IS GOOD!

These pictures I took of flowers that some were at the dump and the rest are at Waller Park.

This is our first meeting with Jade. She came at almost 1 am. WE were tired but excited to see her. WE are so grateful for the gal that drove her to us from Lake Havasu, AZ. We are so blessed and that gal will have the most wonderful KARMA!

Laurie and Pickles

Flowers from the Dog park in Santa Maria. It's known as one of the best Dog Parks in the United States. Fabulous!

Waller Park also has two beautiful ponds that are home to some fun feathered friends. I brought some bread and other goodies to feed our duck pals! Love them!

The squirrels are so fun at the park. They are so use to people feeding them they come right up to the car. They don't seem to be afraid of anything.

I really loved this tree. I couldn't get enough of it. When I stood under it, the birds were singing so beautifully.

Pickles loved this tree too. She thought there was an animal up there and was determined to climb up, but she didn't make it very far. Either way I think she had a blast thinking about it all.

What could it be Pickles???

Beautiful little flowers

Beading my hatband.

Love this!

Doing some more dumpster diving!

2013-08-01T10:43:00.000-07:00

These are portabella mushrooms that I've turned upside down took off the stem, and put cheese, spinach, tomatoes, and whatever else I may have to put on it. I'm loving being a vegetarian and all the foods I'm finding to eat and make. Even Laurie is starting to eat less meat due to the fact I don't buy it anymore. She's been eating the meat I had in the freezer. I'm good at hoarding food. But I've been giving away more food lately due to dumpster diving, and giving away all the food that I will no longer eat due to the chemicals and terrible stuff in it.

This picture is some of the find last night. Laurie was with me, and she doesn't like diving as much as I do, so I quickly put these in the car and left. I was going to go back this morning and get the rest, but I'm kind of tired and need my energy for the week-end when we have a yard sale out front of the trailer park. We have so much to sell, it will take about 5 trips to get it all out there. Hope we sell it so I don't have to drag it back.

These pictures don't show all the food I got but shows the type of food. Most of it went in the dehydrator. I've decided to dry most of my veggies and such rather than drag can goods with us when we travel. I want to make our journey as light as possible.

The exception to the rule is I'm going to bring my cast iron pans to cook in. They not only are better for your health, but I can put them in the fire directly if need be and can cook that way as well. I've got my solar oven with me in the closet and hope to show Laurie how to cook with the sun. It's so much fun and a sense of accomplishment for me. I love to warm my water that way and take a shower. Solar is the way to go. I'm looking forward to learning more about it as I get it installed to what ever RV we end up with.

I do know we will have to get a bigger RV, and we are working on that now. We are looking and talking to RV lots and seeing what our options are. With a larger dog, it's needed. Not only for her, but for all our art supplies and things we will need to make things more comfortable for us as we travel.

I've been doing all kinds of research on Youtube about solar and how to fix the rv, and anything else I could think of. This is such a fun adventure I have to say.

Now that Laurie is all aboard for full timing it (RVing), the sky's the limit. We stayed here in Santa Maria more than a year, and now have decided it's time to get back on the road and have some adventures.

We are both getting all our doctors appointments, medicine taken care of, and breaking ties from this area. I can hardly wait to start, but the planning part is fun as well. I feel like a little kid again.

After this yard sale, we are going to get our stuff together to sell on consignment around in this area. Cambria to Orcutt. That should give us income, as well as I'll be selling on Ebay the treasures I find.

A new addition to the family

2013-07-29T08:00:00.000-07:00

This is Jade our new addition to the family. She comes to us through dog rescue in Arizona. We told them we were looking for a Labradoodle and two years latter we have one. And she is wonderful to say the least. She has fit in perfectly to our family.

The one thing we have noticed is that we are going to need a larger place. When she sits down on the floor there isn't much room to move around her. But we love her dearly already. She's taken to Laurie just as she should and is learning to help her walk steady. It will take a little work, but she is well trained and we are just thrilled to have her.

We've been taking Jade to the dog park and it's been a delight to watch her run with Pickles. Speaking of Pickles, she is getting used to the fact that she is no longer an only child. We praise them equally and love on them the same to make sure all is well in our home.

Getting ready for the yard sale

We have been working endlessly on this yard sale we are going to have next Saturday. It's lots of work, but hope we do good, as we have to get the RV ready for the road. It's going to be a tight fit now with Jade, but I'm sure be can figure out something.

I've been taking things off the wall to sell. Everything must go. We are going to sell the trailer as well. It was nice living here for the year, almost two really, but it's time to move on. I'm getting tired of being shoulder to shoulder with others. I'm not much of a person to be around the same people day after day and routine.

I crave the adventures we had on the road. This same old stuff day in and day out is too much for me. I've been watching way too much TV!

We have been creating a lot of art. Laurie paints daily. I have to be in the mood to do all the beading I've been doing, but I'm starting to enjoy it again. I've set up my bead box. It's quite large. I bought one for Laurie for her paint. We are trying to scale down all our paints and art supplies so we will be able to move around the RV at this time.

We still have a storage in Lake Havasu, but it's smaller and doesn't cost much. We keep things in there we don't want to drag along on a daily basis. Works for us at this time. I'll love it when we aren't having 1/2 as much as we do. I'm getting rid of more things as we speak. I find I need less and less as I get older, and I'm loving that.

Laurie and I are going to put much of our art in the shops around her for sales this winter. As we travel we'll make more art and put them in stores along the way. We are hoping between that and Ebay we should have a good life on the road.

If we volunteer at certain places we can get our rent free or reduced and them used that money we'd normally pay for rent to save for repairs, or what ever is needed.

I know we are going to need another car here soon too. So, we are aware of our needs, and we are planning ahead we hope for those times. Since we both get SS, it makes it so much easier. I wasn't able to entertain much on the road, but I think I will do more perhaps this next road trip. We'll see what happens.

I'd prefer to just travel around and enjoy the rest of my life rather than have to worry about working or such. Just to be able to BE. That is when I'm happiest.

Love to take photographs too, so I'm going to see about selling some of my photo's at well. Just a distant thought. I have so much on my plate right now it's hard to think of other things, but there is so much I want to do and learn.

After seeing that Paul Mc Cartney turning 71 and Ringo 70 as well as Mick Jagger 70, when to tell you the truth I NEVER dreamt they would live that long. So, that gives me hope, because I KNOW I didn't do as many drugs as they did.....LOL.

Ram Dass ~ Living Life With An Spiritual Open Heart

2013-06-29T12:24:00.001-07:00

A very successful and fun day

2013-06-26T20:06:00.001-07:00

I got up early and started figuring out what things to get rid of, and things to take to Linda's house later, and what to put in the pile to sell at the collective mobile home sale we are having here next month.

I filled up the car two times with stuff to haul to the dumpsters. It feel so good to get rid of all that stuff. I put down the ez-up and have it packed and ready to go.

Laurie and I are both getting excited about the move, and are really working together to get this mobile home ready to sell.

Tomorrow we are going to have two 5 gallon buckets of white exterior paint shaken by the local hardware store. They said they'd do it for free, so I am hoping they are going to keep their word. I'll let ya know.

TODAYS DECISION FROM THE SUPREME COURT

I'm so proud of our supreme court and their decision to finally give gay people the same rights as anyone else when it come to marriage. This is fantastic. Laurie and I can't marry because if I do I'll loose my benefits from my ex husband. That is so sad for me, but that is how the law is at this time.

I'm just happy for all the others that it will help. Perhaps we can have a commitment ceremony and cover ourselves with other paperwork. I'll look into that as soon as I can.

I'm so excited about getting back on the road. We are going to get our mobile home all painted and fixed up and sell it. If we get what we paid, we'll be thrilled, but we are of course hoping for a bit more as a cush.

We have so enjoyed our time here, but now that it's time to go, I'll miss the place a bit I think. But it's time. You know in your heart, when it's time. I'm just glad we are young enough to go and do this. And that Laurie is still healthy enough. Her pain and suffering from MS has really been getting to her. She rarely says anything but I can tell. She was up late last night with pain. So, we need to get somewhere it's a little bit warmer and no more marine layer and humidity.

I'm getting very tired after the party we just went too. A friends birthday. The food was so good, and the party loud, so we are glad to be home and ready to hit the sack. At least I am. Laurie usually stays up much later than I do, but I'm up early in the morning.

Hope everyone is safe and celebrating responsibly. We have made history today, and I'm so proud to be living in this day and age. We are all blessed on days like today.

Thank you, and goodnight everyone!

Looks like we have to move soon!

2013-06-24T22:30:00.000-07:00

Say it isn't so! But it is. Laurie is having a terrible time with the humidity here so we are going to have to start getting things ready to either move, or come up with another plan. So far, moving seems the only way at this time.

In order to have the funds to fix the RV and go to a warmer climate is to sell the mobile home and all we have and start over. We thought this would be the place, but Laurie is in so much pain on the days when it's humid I can't stand to see her suffer. We are lucky she is in remission and she hasn't had really bad flair ups, but they are getting worse, more often, and more painful.

We are hoping we can do all this before October. That is a lot of work to get done by then, but we can't stand to have another winter here. I don't want to see her go into a wheelchair when she is doing so good.

I won't be sorry to leave the area, it's changed so much. I thought I'd live here until my death, but it's so busy now days and I really don't have the connection here I once had. Most of my friends have either moved away or died. Sad but true. People are rude around here now, the gangs have really taken over Santa Maria. We are in a nice area, but for how long?

We are both ready for a new environment. Laurie is doing so good with her Buddhist group that is the hard part. But the more she learns the better. I'm so proud of her and all she's done since I've known her.

Speaking of how long I've known her, July 4th, 2013 will be our 2nd anniversary. I'm so thankful for her and all the blessings she brings to me. I've never met anyone quite like her. She has given me back my faith in human kind. I was giving up hope for sure.

Don't get me wrong, I've had many good people in my life, but I've had so much abuse, that I was and am a very broken person. I have trust issues, as many of us do, but she has managed to nurse me through my anxieties and has eased my pain.

She I believe is the very first person that actually appreciates me. That's huge! My family hasn't appreciated me, so this is so important. I want to do things for her. We are rarely separated. When we are we feel the need to get back to each other. Not in a sick way, but just can't wait to get back together and talk about our experiences, etc.

Since 2009 the lessons I've learned have probably been more than I have in all my years on earth. I'm so happy with the results and the hard work I do daily to improve my life and the life of others. I appreciate more, love more, and from this birthday forward will state my truth, and no longer allow those close to me to abuse or treat me with anything but respect. I have made my boundary's and I'm sticking to them. If that means walking away from those closest to me (Laurie excluded) then so be it.

The older I get the easier it gets to walk away from people that don't fit my life anymore. I've had to start practically over with people around me, but it has turned out to be a nice drama free journey of which I'm enjoying very much.

Since losing my religion I've also noticed a wonderful calmness and peace. I believe in myself and all I'm worth. I will never allow any type of religion in my life again. Going back to my Native roots of thinking, worshipping, and living. I'm so much more happy not to be bullied by some black book or allowing anyone else too either. Sweet.

We are selling on ebay and doing all we can to get the money up to get the RV fixed as soon as possible. So far, we've started off on a good foot. Tomorrow I'm going to put some more things on. This is exciting. I love our life.

It was very humid today. I felt so bad for Laurie. She suffers so when it's this humid. I didn't like it either. We just have to face the fact that we have to move no matter what. We were without electricity last night and I didn't get any sleep because I couldn't use my CPAP machine. I did manage to fall asleep, and I was short on breath the next morning, so I know I was struggling. Over 150 thousand homes were without power. Hope it doesn't happen again soon, that was brutal. I have a kerosene lamp so that helped as well as candles. I also have an extra batter I can use for power. But none of it was enough to power the CPAP. So since we have power now, tonight I should sleep good. We went approx. 18 hours without power. In this day and age, that's rough...ha ha.

Getting tired now, hope to go to bed soon and actually sleep. But before I do hope I don't fall asleep on the movie 'Under the Dome'.

Hope all is well with you and yours. Sleep well and know you are loved, just the way you are. Took me years to believe this one!

Namaste'

This is us at The Oasis Bookstore in Quartzite, AZ. We need to get back there here it's warm for Laurie!

Laurie enjoying the beach in Guadalupe near our home. There are days she can get out and not feel the pain so much, this was one of those days.

Beautiful Day at the Beach in Cayucus!

2013-06-08T08:06:00.000-07:00

We didn't get up early to go to the beach.

I'm so proud of her, she is a trooper

Pickles was cold, but happy

The marine layer was coming in

No fish, darn it

This little girl was telling me all about fishing. She knew her stuff. She came out with her dad

Children gravitate to me

This says it all

perfect day

The recue sub was still here. I wanted a picture of it. The men in the picture were part of the project. Interesting!

Local fisherman in Avila

Laurie and I living the good life

2013-06-08T07:40:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I am amazed how much fun our lives are. We have finally gotten to a place that we trust each other, respect each other and want the best for one another.

Did we argue? Yes, but most of that is just misunderstanding and we've made it through the rough times, the lean times, so we are now enjoying the good times together with all that understanding.

Laurie is pretty even tempered and her feathers aren't ruffled as often as mine seem to be, but with that she is the yen to my yang. Understanding each other is ticket and be willing to learn, and listen. We have and had communication problems, but we are working on that and are getting better. The difference between Laurie and others I've been a partner with, is she is willing to learn, and do the work. Doing the work is the most important thing. I didn't choose to do the work until after Cory's death. That's a shame that it took so long, but I suppose these things happen for a reason and that one shook me to the core. Made me realize who my friends really were and allowed me to see where my life was going. A true Aha moment.

I remember praying for my future partner when I was alone in Nipomo. The year 2009 was one of the worse years of my life. Come to find out it was one of the worse years of Laurie's life as well. We were both being groomed for each other. Both of us are broken people early on in our lives.

Just to have a little bit of history of each of us. Laurie has written a book on her early years of abuse, which included sexual abuse, incense and confinement in the basement of her family home. Mine started before I was even born. My father would beat my Mother to the point of being hospitalized while pregnant with me. It seems my father didn't want competition for my Mothers attention. So, he was trying to get her to abort.

When my father was caught beating me as an infant, my Mother said that was it, and left. It started a 10 journey of hiding, moving to the point she was going to change my name. It's a long and yucky journey for me in some ways. But all in all, I'm still here kickin'.

When Laurie and I got together we both knew about each others past. She one told me 'No matter what you've done, I'll still be here'. How can you resist that?

I've had a wild past, where Laurie has had a sheltered life in many ways, but yet, has walked the mean streets of Jersey as a Police officer. Although I've never been arrested, I can't say I'm an angel by any means. I've told her some of the silly to CRAZY things I've done in my life and she's amazed that not only am I still alive, but that I was 'That wild'.

I'm pretty calm these days. My party days are over, and so are Laurie's. Our parties consist of BBQing, games, swimming, good music and some wine. No one gets drunk, stupid, and I haven't had to throw someone out of my home in a very long time. Life is wonderful.

Now that Laurie and I have our Mojo going on, we are running with it. Everyone around here are getting to know us. Her Buddhist group is the same people when I used to go, so they know me. They also know I'm not into religious groups anymore, but will show up now and then to say hello.

Laurie's art is getting known around here as well as mine. Everyone that comes to our home are amazed that everything we do. We display all our art on our walls, outside, to on shelves. But we are getting ready to start putting them in shops. I already have some going to Oregon right now that will be displayed in Oregon. We figure, that if we can get them in shops and they sell while we are gone traveling, it's a win, win, situation.

We've just really haven't had much time to create new art. But I can say Laurie has been painting like crazy. So, I can't say that about her actually. I've had to slow down a little because I've been entertaining, and trying to set up our kitchen. I've gotten our garden going, set up the aquarium, and so much more. Now that it's slowed down around the house a little, and gotten warmer, I can set up my work bench outside and get some work done. It's hard to do that in the house. Especially if it's this small. So, as I said hopefully next year we will be in Parker, doing our art outside and having FUN!

I'm off to organize my new tackle box. This is fun and relaxing to me. Then think I'll take Pickles to the dog park. She has a new purple shirt that says 'Angelic'. Everyone gets a good laugh about that because she's so crabby to everyone...lol

Have a great day and don't forget to give away one of your smiles. It doesn't hurt one bit!

Namaste'

Beautiful day at Jamal Beach with Laurie

2013-05-04T09:03:00.001-07:00

These are the poppies that are growing in my garden

This picture is my favorite

The neighbors love to visit my garden daily to see the progress

Not only do I have flowers in my small garden, I am growing our veggies as well.

I took these picture with the new camera Laurie bought me. I love it as you can well tell. I took it out for the first time today while we went to a road trip to Jamala Beach.

I wasn't disappointed either. Everywhere you looked there were beautiful pictures to be taken and shared. I think taking pictures is one of the most fun and interesting things to do for me.

If I had time to really set up the pictures I wanted 'oh my'. Most of my pictures are spontaneous.

It feels good to be able to take pictures like I want again. I have so many interests I want to pursue.

Here is my work station right now. We are getting ready to paint the actual table and move it to the end of our property to kind of give it more of a patio setting where as I am hoping to discourage others from walking through our patio area. They usually don't but this will make it even more private.

We have a very small plot of actual dirt. Come to find out the man that was here before us had a turtle that fertilized this area. I wondered why it grew so well. But either way, I have poppies, and lovely veggies growing.

I have many more tomatoes than I need. I also have two other little plots of veggies around the trailer. So, I'm hoping this year I'll be making fried green tomatoes. I'm going to see if Laurie like them as much as she likes the movie.

Right now lettus is ready and we are getting ready for the radishes in the next few days. My neighbor Leon decided to not only help with ours, but he is growing his own garden after having fun with ours. I'm so thrilled. He is really getting into it. He's a fun guy.

Leon our next door neighbor contacted Laurie about painting his flower boxes. She's doing a great job. They look great.

This is a stump I found and put a succulent into it and it's been growing that way ever since and it's been at least a year. These are the little dish gardens I made and have outside our mobile home. There are people that walk around the park daily that enjoy the new changes I made often to the front of our place.

This is a piece of wood from Big Sur. Many of these pieces are burnt from the big fire that took place there a few years ago.

Many of these will be going on sale when I take them to the farmers markets or sell them in other venues.

These picture doesn't show how wonderful this piece is. I'll have to take another picture that show's it much better. I love this piece and this one is a favorite with many. Another stump I found and put a succulent into it at the top trunk and a barnacle with plants in them at the bottom. Moss and driftwood as well as a special rock finish this piece.

Our humble home.

I love our little mobile home. It's our and it's paid for, and we can do whatever we want to it. We are planning to paint it here soon. We checked the paint we have now, and decided it isn't what we want to paint our place with. So in the next day or so we are going to decided on paint and get it going. I know there are many people in the neighborhood painting and improving everything now that it's Spring.

I love Spring. It's a time of new, fix, paint, plant and get ready for the rest of the year. Flowers blooming, grass to be cut. I used to hate to cute the grass, but loved the smell. I hate the noise of everyone starting up their electric or gas noisy contraptions to fix and such. The week-ends were so noisy in certain neighborhoods. I prefer quiet and living out in the woods.

I try to pretend I don't live in the city. I know our time here is just temporary so that makes it easier to take day in and day out. We both realize we don't want to be here in a few years. Right now we are getting our medical stuff established and get all we need right now.

Now is the time to get all the stuff we have been needing to do done and get all our ducks in a row before we go back on the road full time. We can keep this place and still be on the road. We just aren't sure how to do it yet. We're getting our plan in place. But there are things to do here until we do get out seriously.

Having someone that gets me is such a pleasure. She just goes along with all my silliness. I'm like a kid that likes to explore everything, see everything, talk to everyone and learn as much as I can while my time on earth is here. We are all Spirit being having a human experience and I want to experience all I possibly can.

Of course, money is always a dream stopper. But I (we) have seemed to manage to have the most fun on such little money. NO we can't go to Hawaii at will or anywhere else at will, but there is much to be said about planning. We have to plan many of our trips. We find corners to cut in our way and still have just as much fun. You have to know how to do it, in my mind.

When I was younger, I did more things with my kids than most people around me who had money. No we couldn't always take them to Disneyland, or Lego Land but my kids hikes many trails from Oregon, Ca, and Wa states. We camped in the woods for a month at a time. All kinds of things like that. When traveling with Circus' we would visit whatever point of interest for that area. My kids had a wonderful learning experience as kids. They got to see what others were only reading about throughout the United States. I know it meant a lot to Cory. He'd talk about his adventures to his wife. Makes me smile that he appreciated the effort. I miss him daily. I also miss the daughter I used to know as Heidi. That person disappeared at age 14 and a very self destructive mean spirited 31 year old women now dwells. Sad for all who know her.

This is the last picture of us together. I was told that Heidi only tolerated me during this visit so her children could see me because they love me very much and nagged her to see me knowing I was visiting my 'other' grandchildren.

I imagine this will also be the last picture of us together. Pictures can be deceiving. We look happy. Actually I was happy. I got to see my all my grandchildren, visit Cory's grave, and generally let go of a lot of old resentments and anger. 2010 was an amazing year for me. I beginning of a new life. Letting go of those like Heidi that speak badly of me behind my back and this is what I see (the picture) when I visit. Blew Tamara's mind. It was the first time she'd seen Heidi rant, rave, and cuss about me visiting the night before, to have me drive up and have Heidi come up and give me a big hug. I've dealt with her all her life, this is nothing new to me. I used to take what little crumbs Heidi would throw me and do what needed to be done to see my grandchildren. But not anymore. I've take my last from her and those like her, and let the cards fall where they lay.

I have a sense of peace I've not had when she was in my life. Her life is so full of drama, lies, and crazy I don't want to even get close to her due to her Karma. I've tried to talk to her, and she knows better, it will take something profound for her to get a grip apparently, or she may choose to never grow. I wish her the best in her life and hope that someday she will find her joy and happiness, When people start taking responsibility for their lives, then and only then will you begin to have an awakening in your life. You have to do the work, painful as it may seem. It's more painful to continue to hurt yourself and those around you.

I try to now think of all the fun times I had with Heidi and Cory when they were young. It was fun having them and playing with them. My only regret was allowing them too much contact with their 'other' family members. It's that contact that killed my son. So the only regret I think I may have with my life was going back with Rick when I did. I wish I'd raised them alone without influence of his family. They both got caught up in their lifestyles and it started their spiral downhill of drinking, drugs, and devil may care attitude. Cory ended up leaving his wife and drinking and partying with his dad. I watched this happen and their wasn't anything I could do by this time. I don't want to get into all that, but all in all, if I had it to do over again. I'd have raised them far far away from them, their influence and lifestyle of which continues to this day. But things happen as they should, so I have to accept that, and know I did my very best regardless of what others may think.

In fact, I have to admit, I'm caring less and less what others think! Dirty looks, a snide remark, being nasty and such as I see them usually on a daily basis. Not always aimed at me, but just see it in general as I get out in the world. But now, I just smile and say a little prayer for that person, hoping their life will improve so they can feel better about themselves.

I feel so connected to my Source. My God, I no longer care what others think of me, how they look at me, anything. It's their problem, not mine should they have a problem. If not, right on!

I've let what others think of me occupy too much of my time. I'm so done with that kind of thinking. Done, put a fork in it DONE! I wear my overalls, and don't really care who does or doesn't like it. They are comfortable for me. I can't wear bra's anymore, or anything that binds due to my health, so instead of wear overalls, that pretty much takes away the lumps. Not wearing bra when you are as large up top as I am, is hard in society. I have a friend that is twice as large as me and she never wears undergarments and she sways here and there. She gets a lot of dirty looks. People don't want to be her friend because they make assumptions. We could go on and on about assumptions, but you get the idea.

In fact, I did a little experiment with just this one thing. I wore my overalls to this place of business and wasn't treated that well. One month later, I wore a nice outfit, donned with jewelry, etc, and was treated like a queen. Same people, same everything other than I was nicely dressed. A world of difference. My Mother told me this early in life and I resented it, and would dress down just to rebel. I think I've done that a lot to rebel. I still have a little of that rebellion in me. Or go against the flow. Follow a road less traveled.

Love this picture of Laurie. She is so amazed at our beaches here in the West Coast. She says the Jersey Shore is nothing like this. I told her we work very hard to keep it this way. There are those that would love to take our shores and make millions putting up Hotels, eateries, you name it. But hopefully as long as I'm alive the West Coast will always be this beautiful.

It is changing for sure. More people every year are moving here changing the Mojo daily. It was so fabulous here in the 70's. So free and natural. Less people more beach, less rules. Now, it's hard to pay money to park to go to the beach. In fact, I haven't been to Pismo in a very long time due to having to pay. But I've been told lately that if you have handicapped licenses, it's free. I'll have to call to see if that is true, if so, here I come!

We should go bowl there Laurie and I. She'd love it. There are so many wonderful fun that can be had here. Wish I had more time on earth to enjoy all the fun. But either way, it's as it should be.

I'm certainly enjoying my senior years more than I ever dreamed. I thought it would be terrible being old, and losing my looks, my health, friends, and family. Yes, some of this stuff is hard, but all in all, I'm so happy to let go with many early beliefs, for newer ones that actually work for ME. Not the teachings of those that came before. I don't say forget all traditions and learning, but use what actually works for you, not what worked for your father or mother, or uncle, but doesn't work for you. This is your time not theirs. Their time is over or in the works for them. I've learned this one.

When I learn lessons in life that will help with my happiness, I'm thrilled and always wonder what took me so long...lol. That's just me.

I know my hearts been opened as never before since 2009. Now, it's coming fast and furious. The revelations, and messages that come to me either in dreams, whether by lesson learned, however it comes, it's welcome and helps with my journey. Change the way you think, change your life. It works. I'm in contact with the Divine and my life has taken a difference path, and it feels not only right, but I'm excited to wake up daily to see how wonderful it will be.

Namaste'

Volunteers in service

2013-04-15T11:55:00.001-07:00

Volunteers in service

I was mentioned in this article when the Volunteers came to our house and washed our mobile home. They were so sweet. It looks so much better and it enabled me to see what kind of work needs done before we paint it.

Laurie and I are working hard to improve everything around here with what we know about repairs and such.

Hope your home is in repair and that you are cozy and happy where you dwell.......Namaste'

Moving forward in time

2013-04-15T08:05:00.003-07:00

Last night I had a gig in town as a Face-Painter and Balloon Artist. The two hours went fast, and it all went well. They had a wonderful large band there playing Hispanic music. I loved it. The food smelled wonderful and they had it catered. The time went fast and the little girl turned 1 really had a festival. Of course, she'll never remember, but they have plenty of video's.

I was hesitant to do the gig, because I wasn't sure I wanted to continue clowning. This is the first time in my life I've actually thought about not doing anymore gigs. But yesterday was nice and I will wait to make that kind of decision. I guess I'm a little burned out. I'm not in good physical health right now, and they kids have changed so much since the beginning of my career. Electronics have taken the place of interaction, and kids now haven't grown up with any kind of clown characters. Bozo is no more, Ronald Mc Donald is a bad guy because he pushes fatty food, and so on. It's discouraging. But I do manage to at least make a connection with one kid if nothing else. I was usually that one kid, and that is what keeps me doing what I do. Plus, I know kids now days don't get the attention they did when I was small. Life now is full of hurry, fast, electronics, noise, confusion, pollutions, and they are bombarded with ads that aren't healthy......just sometimes wish everyone could turn off and tune out. I think they had it right in the 60's.

The money of course is well received when I do a gig. Now that I have SS this helps. If I had to live just on the money I get I would live a very frugal life. Not that we both don't live that way now. But this helps us be able to go places when we want.

I'm hoping to get the oil changed on the RV and some other work done this week perhaps. Got to get it ready for the big camp out in June. This will be Laurie's first one with the Camping Women. I can't wait to show her off. She I know will have a great time. I bought some steps for Pickles to use in the RV. From the couch to the loft Pickles pretends she can't jump up there, when in fact, she can easily. But she prefers to pretend she can't and wine a little to get your attention to help boost her up. Now, I have her game changer...ha ha.

In Lake Havasu, I had the green paint I painted the bathroom in the RV. Now, I can give it another coat. I also found the white roof paint that keeps it from leeking. So many things we can use. When you haven't seen things for approx. a year and you get them back, it's like all new stuff. Kinda fun.

We watched Laurie's home movies to see if they had been effected by the heat. Laurie lost all her records. I felt so bad for her. They were all the records from her childhood, but the heat had warped them. I told her I could make jewelry out of them. I learned how about 20 years ago when people didn't know what to do with all the records they weren't going to listen too anymore. So, we'll see what we can do.

Our garden is doing pretty good. Pictures coming soon. In California you can have a garden year around. I love California! I've lived all over the United States, but there isn't anything like Ca. Now that we have Arnold out as Governor, maybe we can recover all the damage he did. What an idiot!

I do have to say that The Great Northwest is fabulous too. I'm just a little too old for the cold and snow now. And Laurie can't take the cold at all, so we want to keep her healthy and away from humidity of any kind.

I was reading books that DJ a friend from Lake Havasu who lent me books on Fibromyalga. I've haven't researched it, and thought if I read up on the subject maybe I can help alleviate the pain and find a better diet that would work toward healing.

I'm also going to read more about MS. Just when I think I know something about it, I learn something different. I need to understand what Laurie goes through because she never complains and I know when she's having a bad day just by the look on her face. It happens when you are in tune with someone else.

I've always been fascinated about being in tune with someone. I had a client that couldn't speak, write, or communicate, but yet after caring for her a short time, I could feel when she needed to go to the restroom, or was hungry or thirsty. After 9 months with her, I was so in tune with her, just a movement would tell me volumes. I loved it. We were very close and I miss her very much and pray for her daily. She to this day is an inspiration to me to do my best with all the gifts I have. Some people have limited gifts and ability to express themselves. We are so blessed.

With that I'll end this piece. I need to get going and try to find places for all the new stuff we brought home. Fun.

I wish for you, a lovely day, unhurried, and full of miracles!

Namaste'

We are now homeowners!

2013-04-14T13:08:00.000-07:00

Yesterday we became homeowners! Laurie went and gave Jim and wife the final payment on the trailer, and now it belongs to us. We celebrated by having a BBQ with our neighbor Leon. We had a blast!

There was a church group that came by and did some work for the people of the trailer park. How fitting it was to have our trailer washed and windows clean and bright on the day we own it. What a blessed day yesterday was I must say.

We put the radio outside, bbq in our patio, and enjoyed the garden we planted, and life is really good.

The weather has been beautiful lately as well.

WE went to Lemoore the other day and went to the Tachi Palace. But we weren't lucky in the fact we didn't win anything, but we sure had a blast. We rented a car and it was so fun to drive. We are checking around to see what kind of car we are thinking of buying. So we are trying different ones when we rent a car. Nice. We had such a good time trying to find our way around. I have a Tom Tom but misplaced it so we are winging it.

Back to the trailer. We are wanting to paint now. We have about 5 buckets of 5 gallon paints someone gave us but we don't know what color they are, or even if they are any good. I talked to a man in Hayward Hardware and he said he'd shake them for me for free and we will see what we have then. But the trailer park gives you $200 to paint your place. Nice! So, if this paint doesn't work out, we have another option. I love this trailer park. They have left us alone to express our art outside and we are younger than many in here, everyone is very friendly so it's all good.

When we went and got our things out of storage, we also got our juicer, and I've been going nuts juicing. I have juiced an entire 25 bag of carrots! It's been fun though. Leon helped peel apples and I mixed in some apples as I bought a bushel. The juice is delicious and I'm trying to detox my body from all the toxins we accumulate in our daily life. Plus, it's good for you. I'm trying to get healthier in order to be able to do more things in life. I've found myself on the sideline too many times due to lack of energy. I'm hoping this will help not only me but keep Laurie healthy and out of a wheelchair. She is doing great so far and I want to keep it that way. I'm so proud of her for taking such good care of herself. I don't have to push her, nor nag in anyway. she knows what to do and what to eat and does it. I'm not used to that kind of behavior, it is beyond nice.

I'm so grateful to have someone like Laurie is my life and she feels the same way about me even after two years....I'm blessed.

Have you ever had the feeling that everything is finally RIGHT in your life? I have that feeling, and it's wonderful. The things that bothered me when I was younger, no longer do. The regrets are a wasted emotion, so I've pretty much let everything go with that. You need to forgive yourself, of which I now have, and move forward.

Unfortunately some people have left my life that I will miss in many ways, but you can't allow people to treat you badly just because you've known them a long time. When looking back, there were flags I choose to ignore. But life goes on, lessons learned, and you do the best you can.

I have a gig today of which I'm been preparing. Face painting and balloons for a child's party.

Blessing to you and yours, my wish for you is that you will forgive yourself for any failings.
You are loved and cared for, so never give up hope.