Slap The Penguin

Product Review - Bear Grylls Survival Knife

2012-02-07T00:43:00.000-06:00

Imagine if you suddenly found yourself lost in the jungle and had to survive for a few days before being found, what item would you most like to have with you? No, it's not an iPhone. It's a Bear Grylls Survival Series Ultimate Knife with Serrated Edge.

The Bear Grylls Survival Series Ultimate Knife by Gerber

For those of you who don't know, Bear Grylls is a British adventurer type. He was in the British SAS and has also climbed Mount Everest. He also has a TV series, Man vs Wild, in which he is stranded alone in a remote, inhospitable part of the world with nothing but his survival skills, and a camera crew. He has to get back to safety using his wits, surviving off the land, catching and killing his own food and sometimes having to drink his own urine.

Bear Grylls - Survival Expert and knife owner

The Bear Grylls Survival Knife is made by Gerber, who have been making knives since 1939. This survival knife has everything you would need when out in the wild, including a firestarter, sharpener 4 oz urine cup with lid and emergency whistle.

It comes with a sheath, a firestarter and a urine cup.

This knife will not suddenly give you 'mad Bear skillz' and enable you to survive extreme or harsh environments, but it will make you look the part on your next camping/fishing trip.

The knife was sharp out of the box and the firestarter gave off some good sparks. My one concern was that the urine cup had a few drops of liquid in it on arrival. There was no evidence of the package being previously opened or that any of the other items were used in any way. I assume that it was condensation due to the cold weather.

Personally, I still prefer my SOG VL-01 Vulcan, which is foldable and sits nicely in my back pocket and doesn't have orange branding all over it, but if you want a sturdy knife for a reasonable price then Bear Grylls and Gerber have a great product for you.

Bear Grylls Survival Knife

Penguin rating

Average

For more product reviews click HERE

Monday Punday 2/6/12

2012-02-06T00:17:00.000-06:00

Elizabeth Taylor has been married 8 times to 7 different husbands.

Elizabeth Taylor - Married 8 times.

She is a consummate professional.

What got slapped 12 months ago - 2/06/11

2012-02-05T10:55:00.000-06:00

Happy Sunday everyone. It's time to turn the clocks back 12 months and look at what was being slapped this time last year. To view the archive yourself, click here, or to get the guided tour just keep reading.

Ian C was reviewing the latest and greatest piece of Nintendo Wii hardware called uDraw. A kid friendly graphics tablet with very little software support, even after being on the market for over 1 year. It is now available on PS3 and Xbox so it must be popular.

Jack was ranting about Hollywood outsourcing it's acting jobs to the UK and how these Brits cannot do an American accent, while Brad was suggesting that history isn't what it used to be, and should be re-written.

I was offering some advice to a woman who upgraded her phone beyond her abilities. She was complaining that her smartphone was making her feel dumb.

The most memorable post of the week was Brad's picture driven informational story about OSHA and how not to follow safety rules.

Dear Tina - Groundhog Day

2012-02-02T00:09:00.000-06:00

Dear Tina, I am confused about the whole groundhog day thing. What does his shadow have to do with the weather? Can those guys in hats really speak groundhogese? Is Phil really 126 years old? It seems to me that those old farts in the hats are just trying to perpetuate a stupid tourist tradition so that they only have to work for 1 week per year.

Sincerely, Anti-Groundhog Girl

Thanks for your e-mail, AGG. I have actually been to Gobbler's Knob and I was amazed by how many people they can pack into that tiny town. It was so busy, I couldn't see a damn thing, so I left feeling disheartened and cheated.

Reading your note, it sounds like you have been reading the official Punxsatawney Phil website which is littered with factoids about Phil's 100% accuracy and how he is given a sip of a magical life extending elixir in order to keep him alive for another year. Well I am calling Bullshit! (or should it be Hogshit!) on the whole damn site.

Your observation regarding a tourist tradition is totally accurate. They are trying to turn Punxsy into another Santa/Easter Bunny and I am not buying it. Maybe if he could get it right more than 39% of the time he would be more believable as a rodential prognosticator.

I was double checking some of my facts on the interwebs and found myself on a site which has pictures of celebs without their make up and there was a picture of Phil on the morning after Groundhog Day.

"Will you knock it off with Sonny and Cher. I hate that fu©king song"

He looks almost as crabby as he did last year, when he failed to show for the most important appointment of the year.

If you need advice on absolutely anything then email me -Tina.cruris(at)slapthepenguin.com

The 2012 Special Forces Olympics

2012-02-01T22:12:00.000-06:00

Everybody (almost everybody) knows that the 2012 Olympics will be happening this year in London, England. After the Olympics comes the Special Olympics, but did you know that also in 2012, London will be hosting the inaugural Special Forces Olympics.

The inaugural Special Forces Olympics

This is the ultimate decider for which country has the best special forces. These games will finally answer the question of US Navy Seals vs British SAS, or French COS vs Russian Spetsnaz. Maybe the Chinese Snow Leopards will snatch a bunch of medals, or it could be some super secret Middle Eastern special forces unit that we have never heard of before that tops the table.

Norweigan SF Sgt. Liten Busk, Gold Medal favorite for the camouflage event

There are many events to look forward to, all revolving around Special Forces incursion/extraction training. There is one discipline which covers more than half of the available medals, and that is shooting.

When you need to shoot your way out of a tough Situation

From small guns to big guns, from stationary to moving targets. From sniping to RPGing there are many different medals to win for killing. Unfortunately for the US Navy Seals, there are no Olympic medals available for shooting yourself in the head (2nd headline).

I would have saved money on the Segway and bought a bigger gun

There will also be a few demonstration 'sports' such as Synchronized Segwaying, popular with Chinese troops and Point Blank Cat Killing, favored by the Australian Feline Supression Squad.

"Get down on the ground or we will open fire"

You can keep in touch with the latest news from the Special Forces Olympics through our website. Daily updates will be available here from August 19th, starting with the opening ceremony.

January Movie of the Month - Rise of the Planet of the Apes

2012-02-01T18:54:00.000-06:00

Rise of the Planet of the Apes
2011 PG-13 105 Minutes

NETFLIX SAYS - This reboot of the Planet of the Apes franchise is a prequel set in modern-day San Francisco, where scientists are conducting genetic research on apes. The evolved primates develop advanced intelligence and revolt against being used as lab rats.

MENAJ ATTWAR SAYS - I remember the original Planet of the Apes movie with Charlton Heston from 1968 (no I wasn't alive then, but I saw it as a kid) and this is a pretty fair attempt at describing how the situation in that movie came about. I would not describe this a prequel but as a precursor. It does actually give a nod to the first Apes movie when Tom Felton (Malfoy from the HP movies) says "Take your stinking paws off me you damn dirty ape", a line spoken originally by Chuck when he was recaptured by the apes.

James Franco plays a scientist working in a lab trying to rid the world of Alzheimer's, the disease which is diminishing his own father's (John Lithgow) abilities. A strange series of events lead to Franco adopting a baby CGI chimpanzee who ultimately takes on the SFPD in order to return to the wild of the California redwoods, which he knew briefly as a little chimp.

The effects are reasonable with CGI animals and some explosions during the later scenes. Some of the human/monkey interactions could have been done better. The story developed well and I actually found myself cheering (inside) for the Caesar and the monkeys as they battled for freedom even though ultimately it will lead to the downfall of the human race.

A boy and his chimp share a tender moment

I was torn between reviewing this movie and the robot remake of Rocky, Real Steel. POTA won because Real Steel is basically a robot remake of Rocky, with an 'Over the Top' angle where the star has to make it up to the son he abandoned years before.

The storyline was pretty good and I gave it 4/5. The complete lack of breasts and limited love interest yielded a 0/5 on the Boobs line of the Penguin Scale, while the action was simple and came in short bursts so I gave it 2/5. This equates to an overall score of 2/5 on the Penguin Scale.

Rise of the Planet of the Apes 2/5

MSP airport introduces pilot scheme

2012-01-30T00:02:00.000-06:00

The authorities at Minneapolis/St. Paul airport have joined forces with the TSA to create an expedited security check for pre-screened frequent fliers, called TSA PreCheck.

A modified TSA PreCheck logo

Delta Airlines and American Airlines will use TSA guidelines to select some of their most frequent fliers, to be fast tracked through security without removing shoes, emptying pockets or opening laptop bags.

The first class frequent flying business men are all in favor of this system because it means that they can flaunt their pomposity without having to pause to remove their shoes and belt.

"I had an awful dream. I had to wait in line and take off my shoes"

On the flipside, regular people are still concerned about the potential security threat that this scheme poses. Nobody should be above the law when it comes to airline security, and everyone should be screened, regardless of how much they pay for their ticket, or how often they fly from a certain airport.

What are your thoughts on fast track security? You can vote in the poll or leave a comment below.

The 2nd Annual Slap The Penguin Awards

2012-01-29T16:51:00.000-06:00

Welcome to the second annual Slap The Penguin Awards. Who would have thought that we would make it to a 2nd award show? Click HERE to read about last year's SLAPPIES^™.

This year, we didn't bother trying to get a celebrity host after Ricky Gervais totally ignored us last year. So I will be doing the job again, with a little help from my STP co-workers.

The newly redesigned Slappy^™ award

For those of you who are new to Slap the Penguin, we started as a satirical news blog called My Twist News, but have expanded beyond those confines. Slap the Penguin is a showcase for the humorous outpourings of 5 bright comedic talents, looking for a break into a mainstream, high paying comedy writing job.

Best New CD Release

Brad puts together a weekly list of the new CD releases and gives us his honest opinion about them. He covers all genres and styles with equal contempt, but sometimes something will skip through his defenses and he find something nice to say. The voting panel have taken into account his scathing opinion and tried to overlook it while picking a winner, which is...

New CD releases October 24th 2011

Best Advice

As many of our regular readers know, our very own Tina is somewhat of an expert at giving advice, and she demonstrates this with her Dear Tina posts. She has helped literally 10's of people with her insightful knowledge of just about everything. The award for best advice goes to...

Dear Tina - Sexy Halloween costumes for the larger lady

Most Gratuitous Unrelated Image

Ask anyone who knows about advertising what the most useful selling tool is, and they will probably say sex. Ask anyone at Slap the Penguin the same question and they will say, "I don't know. I just write. Ian does the pictures and editing."

For the most part we try to use relevant imagery, but sometimes am image just jumps out and screams "USE ME INSTEAD". This is what we call a GUI or Gratuitous Unrelated Image and is usually added to draw in unsuspecting googlers, searching for other things.

The GUI award goes to...

Kaley Cuoco - Give a penny, just don't give 2500

Half-Time Performance

Now it's time for a break from the awards. We have a real treat for music fans and a big coup for us. Slap the Penguin proudly present our very own Superbowl style half time show, starring the material girl herself, Madonna.

Most Viewed Story of 2011

In 2011, according to blogger.com stats, the pages of Slap the Penguin were viewed 35,000 times. We appreciate all of our readers, some of whom land on our pages accidentally and disappear almost instantly. Others are repeat visitors who actually like our content and want to read more. 2011 saw many popular stories on our site, including Man sues asshat.com and Regis Philbin Replacement, but the winner is...

Product Review - Cedar Ridge 'Age Your Own Whiskey' Kit

Female Celebrity of 2011
This award acknowledges the women who make the headlines. Without them we would not have had scandal, intrigue, entertainment or enjoyment. The nominees for Female Celebrity are:

for being in the Twilight movies, Kristen Stewart
for invoking a high profile paternity scandal, Mariah Yeater
for putting up with Ashton Kutcher, Demi Moore
for lots of reasons, Lindsay Lohan
for relationship issues and small breasts, Taylor Swift

The winner is...

Taylor Swift [relationship issues] [small breasts]

Male Celebrity of 2011
Just like the female celebrity award, the male version is awarded to the man who has given the most to both readers and writers of Slap the Penguin. The nominees for Male Celebrity are:

for finally putting on a shirt, Taylor Lautner
for being a top search topic, Regis Philbin
for not being allowed into multiple countries, Russel Brand
for being consistently oblivious to reality, Ashton Kutcher
for failing to correctly predict the Rapture date TWICE, Harold Camping

The winner is...

Russel Brand [Japan] [Canada]

2011 Slap the Penguin Lifetime Achievement Award

We are down to the last award (thanks to a limited budget) which we are going to present to the person who has made the biggest impact on, for and to our site during 2011. There are many names which you will read on our pages, but throughout 2011 one name stands head and shoulders above the others. (Even though he recently shaved his hair off and won't need Head and Shoulders for a while).

Ladies and gentlemen, the 2011 Slap the Penguin Lifetime Achievement Award goes to the boy who sparkles in the sunlight, Robert Pattinson. [Twilight] [More Twilight]

"Thanks"

Well, that's it for another year. Congratulations to the winners, awww to the losers. Thanks to the STP team for contributing ideas and voting on the winners.

The Slappies^™will return in about 12 months with more of the same, but I know you will be back to see us before then.

Week in Review with Alexa Rankin - 1/28/12

2012-01-29T14:53:00.001-06:00

Hello again, it's me, Alexa Rankin with my rundown of the news headlines that caught my eye this week. I read many stories over the last seven days, but the ones that stick in my mind, are the ones that don't usually make the front pages. Sit back, relax and enjoy the ride as I share my favorite stories of the week.

Disney review their beard policy

Every few years, Disney look at their policies and try to adjust them to reflect what they believe their beloved Walt would want. Originally facial hair was restricted to just a moustache (or would that be a MOUSEtache) and only for employees working in certain areas of the parks. The so called Disney Look was strictly policed and also included a ban on tattoos and restrictions on piercings.

"We have to shave our beards off? What is that Walt thinking?"

This week, Disney announced that beards and goatees will be permitted for male employees, provided they are grown only on personal time and do not exceed 1/4 inch in length. Sorry Howie Mandel, but soul patches are still not permitted.

Under the old rules, approximately 1 in 7 applicants were actually hired due to facial hair restrictions.

Disney's Old Beard Policy

McNuggets girl sick in hospital

A 17 year old British girl who for 15 years existed primarily on a diet of Chicken McNuggets was taken to hospital this week. Doctors were surprised that the girl, who was admitted with breathing difficulties, was actually still alive. They pumped her full of vitamins, iron, and other nutrients that she had been missing for most of her life. They also attempted to inject taste and flavor, but so far her body has rejected those items.

Stacey Irvine ate her first McNugget meal at age 2 and has not expanded her diet beyond those little chunks of breaded chicken since then. A lack of fruit and vegetables in her diet meant that she was anaemic and severely malnourished.

Her mother Evonne Irvine said, "It breaks my heart to see her eating those damned nuggets. She's been told in no uncertain terms that she'll die if she carries on like this. But she says she can't eat anything else."

Alexa Rankin says, "What kind of mother lets her daughter end up in this kind of predicament. You enabled her by giving her McNuggets for every meal for 15 years."

Nutrition Facts about McNuggets from McDonalds.com

Currently, Stacey is being drip fed with real food and is being forced to watch 'Super Size Me' in order to break her McHabit.

Man blames ghost for beating wife

A Fond du Lac, Wisconsin man has blamed a ghost for the marks on his wife's body. Michael West claimed that the bloody nose his wife suffered was from repeatedly falling over and that the apparent strangulation marks around her neck were the result of a ghost attacking her.

Michael West arrested for a spirited assault

According to the police report, the couple were involved in a domestic dispute prior to the alleged assault in which Rebecca West was agitated about Michael eating the entire contents of the fridge. Michael denied it, instead blaming a hungry ghost, called Slimer.

"Who you gonna call?"

Thanks for stopping by to catch my weekly review. I would love to read your comments below, so let me know what you think. I am Alexa Rankin and this is the Week in Review.

What got slapped 12 months ago - 1/30/11

2012-01-29T11:34:00.001-06:00

Oh boy, I am so excited. Award season is upon us and we will be posting the Slappy™ awards later today. For now, I have to hold my nerve by looking back at what happened 12 months ago. While I am on the topic of the Slappy™ awards, the 1st annual Slappy Awards happened this time last year and it is well worth a look before we get to this years awards.

The end of January always leads to the beginning of February and Ian C. was getting set for Facial Hair February, a continuation of the previous beard growing months. He was also busy telling us all about how bad the movie Avatar was.

Brad was giving his usual commentary on the state of the new CD releases for the week, all with a facial hair theme.

The story of the week from way back was yet another one of Jack's masterpieces. The severe weather which ravaged most of the US 12 months ago caused havoc at Gobbler's Knob, the home of Punxsatawney Phil, on February 2nd which is also known as Groundhog Day. Click here to read Jack's version of the events of that day.

Bus-sized asteroid on near miss course with Earth

2012-01-27T12:30:00.000-06:00

Scientists have released data which shows an asteroid's imminent path through our solar system. The asteroid is estimated to be the size of a bus and should shoot by us later today, getting as close as 36,000 miles, which is considerably closer than our own moon.

A similar incident from 1979

The scientists tell us that there is no cause for alarm considering the small size of the object, since it would either burn up on entry to our atmosphere, or just skip off it entirely. They have also denied rumours that Bruce Willis and Ben Affleck are on standby with a bunch of misfits, just in case.

*** EDIT ***

The bus sized asteroid did pass by the Earth without incident as predidcted by the scientists, however in typical public transport tradition the asteroid was severly delayed and then 3 turned up althogether.

You wait an hour for one and then 3 turn up at once

Are you Karate Kidding me?

2012-01-23T22:49:00.001-06:00

We all know about PLANKING and TEBOWING, most of us know about OWLING and some of us know about TEAPOTTING, but the latest trend of posting a picture of yourself to facebook while adopting a silly pose is called CRANING.

Daniel San posted this to facebook recently

For almost a week now, people have been photographed in the pose made famous by the 1984 movie, The Karate Kid, and then uploading it to facebook. Why? Because everybody wants to part of something and this is the latest trend. Just like ripped jeans in the late 80's.

I used to have a pair like this (in mens)

SO there you have it, oh wait... it took me 30 minutes to write this and I have just found out that CRANING is now old news. It has now been replaced by CRACKING, at least for the moment.

CRACKING - you have to be plumb crazy

What got slapped 12 months ago - 1/23/11

2012-01-22T12:28:00.000-06:00

It's that time again when I look back at what crap we were spewing out 12 months ago. The entire archive for this week can be seen here. If you are being lazy and want me to do all the work for you then keep reading.

Brad was looking at the new CD releases for the week, which included Bob Marley, Rod Stewart and Ricky Martin. As usual he was putting everything down except for 'The Civil Wars' which he claimed was the best CD of the year so far.

Jack had exclusive news about the upcoming movie, 'The Royals', which covers William and Kate's wedding. Jude Law and Lindsay Lohan star as the royal couple.

The big story of the week (and one of the biggest of the year) was the news about Regis Philbin's Replacement. Many people had Mark Consuelos or Anderson Cooper marked to fill Regis' boots, but we had a much better story.

Sorry Mark and Anderson. It's not you

Week in Review with Alexa Rankin - 1/21/12

2012-01-22T11:16:00.000-06:00

Hi again, it's me Alexa Rankin reporting the headlines that caught my eye this week. It's been a busy seven days for me, but I still had time to travel to internet city and poke around for some juicy tidbits for you all. Is it titbits or tidbits? Leave me a comment below and let me know which is correct.

Packers Lose and No Bowl for Tebow

I don't know much about football, but I do know that the Green Bay Packers were playing well, only losing one game all through the regular season. They were looking like they were getting set to become back to back World Champions. However, the Giants of New York had a different plan last Sunday and handed the Pack an ass-whooping.

There are many suggestions why Green Bay did not put on a performance akin to their previous 16 outings, but my favorite is the idea that GB QB Aaron Rodgers stayed up all night watching the Miss USA pageant after hearing that Miss Wisconsin wanted him to phone her. He flipped the channel and got hooked by the excitement as she progressed to the final stages and ended up winning. He still hasn't phoned her.

Losers, Tim Tebow and Aaron Rodgers

Tim Tebow and the Denver Broncos were not able to pull off a miraculous comeback against the New England Patriots during their 45-10 loss. Tebow was barely a factor in the game, completing only 9 out of 26 passes for 136 yards proving without doubt that he actually sucks and they got lucky to get to the post season.

A combination of high profile praying and four last-minute winning plays in four consecutive games put Tebow on the radar and the Broncos on Superbowl Road (briefly). Now it's time to forget about the new national pastime of Tebowing (or Teblowing) and move on to the next big thing.

Snap, Crackle and Drop Dead

A Southern California man was arrested this week on suspicion of poisoning his wife's cereal. Fernanda Porres, 53, complained of a strange taste and smell coming from her Rice Krispies and started feeling ill. She was taken to the hospital by her husband, Fernandez, 47, who then stepped outside for a cigarette and never returned.

The police arrested Fernandez 2 miles away, charged him with attempted murder and put him on $1 million dollar bail. LA county police are refusing to disclose what substance they found in the breakfast bowl, but have issued a statement saying that Fernanda Porres was not seriously harmed by the alleged attack.

Rice Krispies - Part of a healthy lifestyle?

Do you know how hard it was to avoid using the headline 'Cereal Killer'?

Burger King testing delivery service

Burger King announced this week that they will be trialing a fast food delivery service in the Washington DC area. Not everyone will be able to get BK on Wheels, you will need to be located within 10 minutes of a participating Burger King location. There will also be a $10 minimum order and a $2 delivery fee.

Burger King Delivery - for lazy fat people

Seriously, how fat and lazy are we getting that we need someone to deliver a Whopper to our doorstep? You can't walk to your car and drive to BK? For most of the fat people who will use the service, the $10 minimum order won't bother them. A typical fat guy meal of 3 Whoppers, 2 chicken royale, 2 fries, 1 onion rings and a DIET coke comes to more than 10 bucks.

Thanks for stopping by to catch my weekly review. I would love to read your comments below, so let me know what you think. I am Alexa Rankin and this is the Week in Review.

Phasing out the 'Leap Second'?

2012-01-17T20:28:00.000-06:00

The most powerful countries in the world are being represented in Geneva, Switzerland (home of the Swiss cuckoo clock and the Swatch Watch brand) for a timely vote on the future of The Leap Second.

Look first, LEAP SECOND

The Leap Second is a way to synchronise the hyper-accurate atomic clocks to the fluctuating schedule of planetary movements, on which our system of measuring time is based.

One rotation of the Earth = 1 Day
One trip around the Sun = 1 Year

It turns out that sometimes, the Earth doesn't spin fast enough to keep up with the atomic clocks around the globe, so scientists and astronomers have to insert a Leap Second in order for the Earth to catch up.

Click HERE for another wacky European time tale.

According to my calculations, abolishing the Leap Second would mean that after 100 years my watch battery would be dead. But if it didn't die, my watch would be 90 seconds fast in relation to the Earth. While this may not seem to be a big deal, multiply that discrepancy by about 50 millenia and you would find your clock would be out by 12 hours, meaning that high noon would come at midnight. No wonder the Eloi and the Morlocks were (will be) messed up.

"This needs split second timing"

Organizations and business including NASA, air traffic control and cell phone companies favor the abolishment of the Leap Second since they would not have to adjust their time sensitive systems every year or two to realign themselves with nature, at the behest of some scientist in Paris.

We as a species are not sensitive enough to notice 1 second per year difference, but the technology we have created is. And that is where the discussion and ultimately the vote in Switzerland hinges. Should we continue to add a second here and there to maintain synchronization, or should we let nature lag behind and worry about the difference when it becomes noticeable.

Leave a comment and let us know what YOU think. Nature or Science?

Washing your hands with SOPA

2012-01-16T07:57:00.000-06:00

On October 26, 2011 the bill H.R. 3261 was introduced in the House of Representatives. Also known as the Stop Online Piracy Act (SOPA), the bill looks to halt the illegal use of copyrighted material on the internet.

All my own work (for a change)

Many people who don't work for big online corporations are saying that the bill conflicts 1st Amendment rights, and it is a form of internet censorship.

People arguing for the SOPA bill say that it will protect intellectual property and prevent millions of dollars flowing to rogue websites, ensuring that the content creators get full recognition and payment.

Claims that the SOPA bill, if passed, would cripple the internet and end popular websites like Facebook, YouTube and Slap the Penguin are well founded but likely extreme. Whereas the power to close down ANY website for a single infringement would exist, I doubt that insignificant and trifling matters would result in such extreme measures as pulling the plug, when a small claims court date may well provide a more meaningful result.

This bill is designed to give teeth to those looking to take down the malicious, fraudulent websites. Those sites who look to sell fake medicines or illegally sell music and movies for which they have no distribution claim and other such evil users of the internet. I fully support the bill to that end, but in order to appease the nervous masses, SOPA needs a rewrite.

Since July 2010, Slap the Penguin, previously known as My Twist News has been prepared to invoke the Fair Use defense from the 2 angles of being both a news blog and a site which parodies the news. Should the new act be passed as it stands, we as a site would certainly need to review our writing style and I really don't want to do that. We have so much fun mocking things from behind the fair use fence.

Be sure to overfeed your animals on January 17th

You may be interested to know that a global blackout to protest against SOPA has been planned for January 18th. One of the big names confirmed as taking part is Reddit.com and there are rumors that Facebook, Twitter and Paypal could close its virtual doors for one day. No Facebook next Wednesday? Do they know how many people will rediscover TV? Or, more importantly, how many Farmville animals will die from not being fed?

AOL has already signed up for the blackout, in order to gain support from those people who still surf the web with a 56k dial-up modem. (oooooo-eeeeee-chchchchchchch-ooooo-eee-ooo).

AOL dial-up version 2.2 - available in Fall 2012

Product Review - BubCap

2012-01-15T15:34:00.000-06:00

I can hear you thinking out loud, "What is a BubCap?". The short answer is, it is simply genius. The more descriptive answer is, it is a small thin piece of plastic which you stick over the home button of your i-device in order to prevent a person from exiting out of an app.

Brad demonstrates both the correct and incorrect use of BubCaps

Unfortunately, Brad got hold of one of the explorer packs and went to town before reading the directions. Luckily for us, even though the BubCaps are sticky, they can be removed and do not leave any residue. They remain sticky enough to be removed and reused a number of times.

The explorer pack contains 2 each of the Regular, Ultra and Max BubCaps, each tier offering increasing levels of resistance. I tested each tier on an iPhone 4 and an iPad 2, using myself and my 4 and 6 year old kids as guinea pigs.

The Regular BubCap is not designed for iPad use since it is too flimsy for the larger button, but does work well to prevent accidental pressing of the home button on an iPhone. I was easily able to operate the home button my applying gentle pressure through the BubCap. My 6 year old was also able to use the button but with difficulty. My 4 year old could not operate the home button.

The Ultra BubCap was certainly stiffer and moderate force was required to operate the home button on the iPhone. Neither child was able to press home through the Ultra BubCap. When used on the iPad the Ultra BubCap yielded similar results to that of the Regular/iPhone combination.

Thinking about using the Max BubCap on your iPhone? It took 2 thumbs and some heavy pressure to beat the resistance of the Max strength. The Max worked very well on the iPad stopping both children from exiting apps. Unfortunately, the 4 year old knows how to switch apps using the 4 finger swipe technique so to lock him into a specific app we had to disable that function in the settings.

At a glance implementation chart for each BubCap design

You can buy a BubCap Explorer Pack at Amazon.com [link] or from the Paperclip Robot website. The Paperclip Robot website also gives you a chance to further explore BubCaps for yourself, with video demonstrations and other reviews.

The BubCap is not going to be for everybody, but it is a must for iParents of small children. Kids love to get into portable electronics and the BubCap will at least slow them down if not entirely restrict their access to your iDevice.

What I never mentioned above is that my 4 year old son, who helped me with testing the Bubcaps, has a developmental delay and he uses the iPad as a learning and communication tool. When using his iPad he continually wanders off task and presses the home button and launches other apps. Using a BubCap for the last three weeks has helped us stay on task, and he knows that he cannot exit and start something new until he completes what he is working on.

I have already recommended BubCaps to my son's school for use with their iPads, and I would recommend it to anybody who uses an iPad with special needs children.

The only drawback I have discovered so far (and it is mentioned in the directions) is that they don't always work well in conjunction with iPad screen protectors. I have to use a craft knife to cut a larger hole so that the screen protector sits around the BubCap.

BubCaps

Penguin rating

Excellent

For more product reviews click HERE

What got slapped 12 months ago - 1/16/11

2012-01-15T11:57:00.001-06:00

Oh my, Sunday comes around so quickly so I had better scribble together a quick post about what we did last year. Does anybody remember Ted Williams, the homeless guy plucked from obscurity because of his golden voice? NO? Well here is a reminder of the story and it's similarity to the movie, Trading Places.

I myself was helping someone in my role as 'Dear Tina' (don't forget to email me with your problems so I can lavish advice at you). Desperate Reader was concerned about his size so I offered a little advice for him.

The highlight of that week was one of our most appreciated posts of all time. Brad was on fire when he assembled the story Bono finally finds what he is looking for.

Oops, that's not it

Week in Review with Alexa Rankin - 1/14/12

2012-01-15T00:05:00.000-06:00

Hello again, it's me Alexa, and I have a bunch of news stories which stood out while I was trawling the interwebs this week. There were certainly many headlines, but I always like to look beyond the headlines and find the stranger pieces of news.

Police arrest man with funny name

A man from Madison, Wisconsin, was arrested this week for having weapons and drugs about his person. Normally this would not catch my eye and certainly would not make the front page of MSN, except for the man's legal name. Beezow Doo-Doo Zopittybop-Bop-Bop (formerly Jeffrey Drew Wilschke - no wonder he changed it) violated probation and was hunted down by the Dane County Police S.C.A.T. team, led by officer Cab Calloway. According to reports, tracking down Beezow was relatively simple considering he bears a striking resemblance to Pirates of the Caribbean actor, Johnny Depp.

Beezow Doo-Doo Zopittybop-Bop-Bop and Johnny Deppity-Depp-Depp

Panda poo used to make most expensive tea
An Yanshi, an ex-calligraphy teacher, bought 11 tons of panda crap and used it to fertilize his tea plants in South West China. The tea, once it is harvested in the Spring, is expected to bring $35,000 for an 18 ounce packet, making it the most expensive tea in the world. By my calculations, the Ty-Poo brand would cost $127 per cup. Compare that to $10 for an equivalent size of Lipton's Tea.

$127 for a cup of turd tea

Supermarkets are expecting pandamonium when it hits the ~~fan~~ shelves in Spring.

Best Buy something before they declare bankruptcy
The forecast for Best Buy, the largest electronics retail store in the US is not looking good. Since Best Buy's largest competitor, Circuit City, closed it's last store in March 2009, you would think that the road ahead would be clear and easy. Well somehow, with a combination of piss-poor customer service and uncompetitive pricing they too are going out of business.

"Whad'ya mean you don't know jack about TV's?"

How many of you are guilty of going to Best Buy to look at a product, and then going home and ordering it online?

Best Buy, take note! Stop alienating your customers with poor service from associates whose product knowledge is as extensive as the informational price card next to the item.

Thanks for stopping by to catch my weekly review. I would love to read your comments below, so let me know what you think. I am Alexa Rankin and this is the Week in Review.

Happy Friday 13th

2012-01-13T12:43:00.001-06:00

Friggatriskaidekaphobia - fear of Friday the 13th. For as long as I can remember, half of the people I meet on this day will make a reference to 'Friday 13th' either warning of it's power or blaming it for some coincidental misfortune.

Another photo cliché by STP

However, it was the 1980 slasher movie, Friday the 13th that should be blamed for creating a generation of people with friggatriskaidekaphobia. It should also be blamed for spawning an unprecedented number of sequels, remakes and copycat movies which, with each iteration, became progressively worse.

Freaky Friday the 13th - Seriously?

Whether you are superstitious or not, just don't go walking under any black cats with a broken mirror today.

The Brand Perry Split

2012-01-10T00:09:00.000-06:00

Russell Brand and Katy Perry are getting a divorce after only 14 months of wedded bliss. Rumours abound as to the reasons for the split, but so far my favorite is that Russell wants to settle down and have kids and Katy still wants to party.

Brand and Perry - Identical except for the chin and chest hair

The news of the split has sent shock waves around the entertainment universe for two primary reasons. Firstly, they put on such a good face, even up to the very end, that people had no idea they were having difficulties. Secondly, a miscommunication meant that residents of the country music world were mourning the break-up of 'If I Die Young' stars, The Band Perry.

The Band Perry - easily confused with Brand-Perry

Yes, there are similarities... scruffy guy with poor fashion sense + a cute girl, but TBP have a surplus of scruffy fashion shy guys.

From what I hear on the grapevine, Katy and Russell have had an amicable split. He moved back to England to live with his Mum, leaving Katy the $6.5 million mansion. Russell has not answered our phone calls, probably because we made fun of him here and here, so we are unable to confirm if he will be appearing as Fred in the remake of Drop Dead Fred.

Katy Perry's Recent Twitter Feed

Katy so far has cancelled a couple of concerts and tweeted that she won't be attending the People's Choice Awards, as well as telling her twitter fans that "NO ONE speaks for me". I wonder if she will go back to kissing girls and liking it?

Monday Punday 1/9/12

2012-01-09T14:43:00.002-06:00

Tim Tebow is certainly dominating the headlines with his trademark Tebowing. Everyone is out there doing it, even Denver prostitutes are cashing in.

Teblowing is now an optional extra

Now for just $3.16 more, your Denver Broncette will drop to a single knee and Teblow you, in preperation for some deep penetration in the backfield.

Week in Review with Alexa Rankin - 1/7/12

2012-01-08T19:12:00.000-06:00

Hello again, it's me, Alexa Rankin, with my review of the weeks news which caught my eye. These may not be the mainstream headlines that you have seen this week, but I am not really a mainstream girl. This is my first review of the new year, so if I haven't already said it, Happy New Year to you all.

Dead body found on Queen's Estate

The body of a young girl has been found at the Sandringham Estate, a property owned by Queen Elizabeth. The girl has been identified as Alisa Dmitrijeva, a 17 year old Latvian student who was reported missing in August 2011.

"I think I got one, Willie"
"You silly bloody tart, that wasn't a grouse"

The Royal Family were in residence when the body was discovered, but have not been implicated in Alisa's death. Norfolk police are still investigating the details regarding the precise time and cause of death. Suggestions that it may have been an unfortunate hunting accident have not been entirely dismissed.

Seal demonstrates natural selection

A 22 year old Navy Seal died after accidentally shooting himself in the head. Petty Officer 3rd Class Gene "Geno" Clayton, Jr. was taken off life support this week just days after a crazy stunt which put him in hospital.

This is a grey seal, not a navy seal, and this one got shot in the chest

Clayton had been trying to impress a girl at a bar and invited her back to his apartment to see his guns. He raised what he thought was an unloaded pistol to his head and pulled the trigger. Needless to say, the girl was not even slightly impressed. He was taken to a San Diego hospital where doctors submitted his name for a Darwin Award.

85 lottery winners given rubber checks

The Illinois lottery paid out $159,000 in prizes to 85 people and didn't make sure they had sufficient funds for the checks to clear. The lucky scratchcard winners discovered that their luck was short lived as the news that the checks had bounced reached them. Most of the winners had already used their winnings to pay off bills and were hit with bank charges as their own checks bounced.

Cashing a lottery check can be a gamble

The Illinois Lottery Commission have issued an apology to each inconvenienced winner and has offered to pay all fees incurred by their error. They also sent each of them another scratchcard to further compensate them for the frustration. Nothing says "We're Sorry" like a losing scratchcard.

Thanks for stopping by to catch my weekly review. I would love to read your comments below, so let me know what you think. I am Alexa Rankin and this is the Week in Review.

What got slapped 12 months ago - 1/9/11

2012-01-08T10:55:00.000-06:00

Once again, we take a look at what was happening 1 calendar year ago on Slap the Penguin. Even though January also seemed to be a quiet news month, we are about quality and not quantity. Jack was telling us all about how the astrological boundaries were shifting, causing personality changes as people zodiac signs were altered.

Another top story from last year was written by one of STP's most underated contributors. I touched on the soppy topic of Valentine's Day.

The bestest story from 12 months ago, however, was one of Brad's. He exposed Taylor Swift's inabilty or more accurately unwillingness to keep a man, in Another Swift Romance.

Have fun chasing through our archives. Please use the comments section to let us know what you think about our site. Thanks for reading.

Tina Cruris - Advice Queen

2012-01-07T00:31:00.003-06:00

For those of you who used to read us when we were 'My Twist News', you may remember that I did a semi regular post as a 'Dear Abby' type advice giver. Dear Tina was a little different since it was not limited to relationship advice. Click here to see what kind of stuff I would get asked and how I responded.

For those of you who remember the 80's we have a cool new logo to go with the relaunch of Dear Tina, and for those who don't remember the 80's we still have a cool new logo, but it probably doesn't remind you of anything.

If you need advice on absolutely anything, just send an email to tina.cruris(at)slapthepenguin.com.

I am sitting by my computer waiting for your email (Ha, not really)