Slashee's Paddock: Where Slashee the Cow Lives.

Blog Design Updated

2012-01-27T18:57:00.002+11:00

Ha! Lies.

I just changed the close date on the poll.
(There's still time to vote!)

The Ten Commandments of WoW

2011-09-28T15:53:00.000+10:00

1. Blizzard is thy God. Thou shalt have no other gods before them.
Remember, this means no Funcom, no NCSoft, and Blizzard forbid, no Square Enix.

2. Thou shalt not make unto thee any unlicensed action figures, trading cards or any likeness of any thing that belongs to Blizzard.
After all, they have to protect their intellectual property.

3. Thou shalt not take the name of Blizzard in rage.
Raging over something thy Lords Blizzard do is just likely to encourage them to do it more just to annoy you, for Blizzard art vengeful Lords.

4. Remember the patch day, and not to schedule raids upon it.
At least in my guilds, whatever idiots schedule raids for patch day find themselves looking for a new guid when the servers come up.

5. Honour thy tank and thy healer.
For without them, thy death is inevitable.

6. Thou shall only kill thee who deserve it.
Which fortunately includes everybody not in your faction, every NPC, everybody in your faction, and possibly even you.

7. Thou shalt not cheat on their faction.
Unless you're Alliance. Come to the Horde, we have cake. But Horde playing Alliance? Not cool.

8. Thou shalt not ninja loot.
Again, not cool. That one awesome item? It'll drop again. It's not worth your whole server hating you.

9. Thou shalt not bear false witness against a GM.
In plain Orcish/Common, it's simple. GMs have powers. Don't mess with them.

10. Thou shalt not covet gear not intended for thy class.
Sure, you can wear it and its stats are better. But don't. Just don't. Everybody will be laughing at you behind your (possible inappropriate) back.

Hyperbole Theatre presents: DVD Review: Stargate Infinity - The Complete Series

2011-04-29T09:36:00.000+10:00

Stargate Infinity: The bastard child of the Stargate franchise. A Saturday morning children's cartoon. Naturally, I was thoroughly ecstatic to get my copy so I could review it.

I'll start where anyone who buys a DVD invariably must: the packaging. On the outside, you'll find a completely original cardboard slip cover protecting two also completely original slim cases, each with two discs.

Allow me to derail here a moment, if you will. While the art on cardboard cover is fine (the show's name, Stargate showing planets in the middle - anyone who actually knows anything about Stargate, please ignore how much that's bastardised the show, there's worse to come), when it comes to the art on the cases themselves... words can't really describe it. There are pictures of some of the main characters which look like a blind five year old, who had never heard of the show and had only a dull set of crayons, a can of poster paint and a funnel, after being given a thirty second description of what the characters actually look like.
By a monkey.
An earlier version of this review said "yes, it's really that bad", but then bad's lawyer called me and threatened to charge me with libel. Anyone willing to invent with a word accurate enough to describe this and happy to be whored out for my use here, please apply in the comments.

The rest of the packaging? The discs are fine. I assume. I have to blindfold myself whenever I get to the case, so I don't exactly get a great look.

Video quality: I didn't realise anybody still made CEDs, but that's what this show appears to have been stored on in the six years between when it was made and when it was released on DVD. That, or it was intentionally designed to look like film preserved from the 1930s. Probably both.
Audio: I'd actually prepared towels in case my ears started bleeding. Surprisingly, that didn't happen. That being said, it's going to win every award there is for sound design, what with its gloriously immersive 2.0 stereo soundtrack (with barely any separation!); sound effects borrowed from SG-1, shot, buried in three feet of dirt, rained on (twice), dug up, left on the floor, torn up by stray cats while on the floor, eaten by dog while still on floor, then crapped out by dog and used in completely the wrong situation (Zat sounds on a Stargate opening? You better believe it!) and voices occasionally so muffled that I've understood more when watching Russian scuba divers.

Now, unfortunately for you, my dear reader, I must get to actually discussing the show itself. Part of its problems are due simply to what it is (and that Fox wanted it classed as an educational show, so they could produce more of the mindless blather they're known for). The characters? I've seen more lifelike characters on cereal boxes, and the voice acting seems to be a contest to be so wooden that the trees that box was made from jealous.

And that's not when they're directly blasphemous to everything Stargate, such as an "Ancient" being a flying, dragon-type... thing. Or the "half-alien" who looks to be about one third human, one third crocodile, and one third toaster (I'd hate to be his supposedly 100% human mother). Or the blatant disregard for wormhole physics. Or the complete lack of any and all recognisable characters or races (except for that misnomered Ancient mentioned above). Now, being set roughly 30 years after SG-1, the lack of recognisable characters might be forgiven (although they're never even mentioned), but the only race that's in both proper Stargate and this... humans. Not that that's hard. The main villains look like a cross between apes and alligators, and there are so many hyphens and character and race names that this show actually caused a world punctuation shortage in early 2003.

One point I feel must be mentioned: this show has a theme song. As in, with actual words. It's just as terrible as you think it is (assuming you think it's so terrible that Al Qaeda is trying to destroy the western world just to be sure that they got whoever wrote this monstrosity).

Maybe I'm looking at it the wrong way. It is, after all, a children's cartoon. Now, even when I was a calf, I think I still could have noticed that at the end of every single episode, Gus Bonner saves the day, and one of the team learns an important lesson about how they were acting wrong at the start. And predictable? I've been less sure that the sun will rise than I was that the team would escape when they were all captured by Da'Kyll (I'll try to refrain from mentioning his name too much, lest the internet run out of apostrophes).

To be fair, this can be enjoyed. But only if you start watching it with expectations so low, you'd be happy if the TV punched you in the face. And then exploded. Better than flushing your $20 down the toilet, but you'd probably get more enjoyment out of buying some donuts and throwing them at old people.

You might be a masochist when...

2010-12-02T14:20:00.002+11:00

...your idea of a nice hot bath involves lava.
...you've run out of band-aids, and you own a factory that makes them.
...you spend five minutes talking to Slashee.
...the next time you visit the hospital you'll earn a free amputation.
...N+ is your favourite game ever.
...you can call for an ambulance by picking up the phone and saying "Yeah, it's me."
...you visit the USA for its culture.
...nobody asks you to turn the air conditioning off because their tounges are frozen to the roof of their mouthss.
...you willingly spend time in Stranglethron Vale.
...the wall is covered in something bouncy so anything you throw in frustration comes back and hits you.
...you try to convine other people to play hide and seek on a police target range.
...you insult Chuck Norris' mother just so he'll come and kick you.
...you take "Danger: High Voltage" signs as a challenge.

Slashee's Guides To Life: How To Get Yourself Arrested At An Airport

2010-08-05T23:00:00.000+10:00

Some people don't have easy access to enough guns to put the lobby scene in The Matrix to shame, so they can't easily set off the metal detectors. Regardless, if you want to get arrested, it's not too hard.

1. Dress Appropriately
The obvious solution here is not dress, but undress. While stripping naked and running as far as possible might seem like a good idea, they'll probably just consider you a harmless hooligan and let you go in short enough order (probably far from the airport, thus delaying any future attempts). Try to find clothes with as many pockets as possible, then fill them all with weirdly-shaped objects guaranteed to leave obvious bulges. Objects that beep every 10 seconds, have flashing lights or aerials sticking out of the pockets are a bonus. Wear nothing but winter clothes, especially in the middle of summer - there's more room to hide things and it just adds to the vibe you want.

2. Baggage
If you're actually going to catch a flight, or you don't mind carrying something around for while, bring a bag or two. Make sure the outside is soft, this ensures that the shape of what's inside can be easily seen. So what do you pack? Something that moves or vibrates at certain intervals is a good start - just make sure it's packed against the edge of the bag so people can see the outline of it moving. Find a bunch of small, hard objects (Lego bricks are a good choice), put them in a plastic bag and tie the top, but make sure they're loose. That gives you a nice sound whenever you shake the bag. If you have anything that beeps left after stuffing your pockets, throw that in there.

Make sure your bag is closed securely (and locked with about a dozen padlocks, make it seem like you REALLY don't want people getting in there) - you don't want anyone noticing that you don't actually have anything actually dangerous.

If you're bringing a bag to take on the plane with you, make sure to pack lots of water - you don't want to get thirsty - and leave a room at the top of the bottles (so you don't spill any when you open it). Just in case you get more thirsty than you anticipated, also tie some bottles to the outside. But who wants plain water? Find something nice and colourful to enhance the flavour. Or make it thicker. Just make sure to change it up a bit - you might get sick of it if you only have one flavour.

Some might recommend lining the sides of the bag with glass objects and "accidentally" bumping people - it's great for messing with individual people but it's not going to get you arrested.

3. Arrive In Style
Ordinary people drive cars. You're better than that. The following methods of transport are acceptable:

Hire a trained elephant and ride it to the front door.
Have dogs pull you in a sledge.
Get a bunch of helium balloons and tie them to a chair.
Find a colony of rats, ride a rug on top of them, and guide them with a piece of cheese attached to a fishing rod.
Skydive out of a plane.
Rolling in a giant hamster ball.

The important thing is that you go in through the front door - you want to deal with security.

4. Checking In
You can probably ignore this section if you live close enough to an airport to go there just for fun. Or read it. What do I care? Some of us only go on business. It's important that while checking in, you seem a little "off-balance", but don't go extreme, or they'll call security before you can have any fun. First, go to the check in desk for your airline last. It simply wouldn't be fair to everyone else if they were the only ones to enjoy your company.

When checking in, don't bring any tickets - you want them to look you up in their computer. If you can see it, subtly remove its network connection, since you want to make sure their technical support earns their keep. When asked for your name, ramble incoherently, then vehemently argue that IS your name; they'll probably ask for ID so they can spell it. Give them your Federal Breast Inspector badge, then run off giggling like a schoolgirl. If you're sure you want to at least attempt to get on a plane, put on a disguise and use a foreign accent, even if you're terrible at doing accents, then get your ticket.

5. Getting Through Security
Assuming you haven't been taken to either jail or the nuthouse yet, it's time to get through security. With a little work you can pull this off, but if you don't, you'll be lucky to make it out alive. Everything you put in your pockets is going to set off the metal detectors, so when they try to put you through it, claim your religion forbids it. Offer to go through the X-ray machine instead, and get belligerent when told you can't.

Eventually, they're going to want to search you more thoroughly. This, unfortunately for your dignity, will probably be a strip search. Agree, but don't make it easy for them. Make sure you get the following:

Claim a psychological condition means the only people who you can cope with seeing you naked is an Olympic women's beach volleyball team. Then go into a corner, curl up into a ball and start crying.
While the volleyball team is performing the search, fart as loudly as possible as often as possible. If possible, you want them to leave the room, so they're unable to finish the search.
If that doesn't work, sing opera as loudly as possible as badly as possible. If you don't know any opera, just make stuff up that sounds Italian - nobody will know the difference.
You may feel that you should skip to this step, but it's important not to. Make out with all the volleyballers in turn. If it doesn't make them go away (and you're allowed to hope it doesn't), then do it until they finish.

Now after the search is finished (they shouldn't find anything, everything is in your clothes and baggage) they'll let you through. If they try to take anything from your clothes or baggage, claim that you need it for medical reasons. If they wish to contact a doctor, make sure that they don't use their own (say they're "not acquainted with your condition"), and that you need to bring in your own doctor. Give them the phone number for a doctor which is on holiday, out golfing, or your safest bet, dead. Hopefully being unable to bring in your doctor, they'll let you go. If not, ~~grow until you become The Incredible Hulk~~ break through the nearest window and run into the terminal.

6. So You're In The Terminal
So you got in. What now? The airport is now your playground. Here are some recommended activities:

Find an open microphone and announce "the next 5 people to gate 10 will receive a free all expenses paid trip to Fiji".
Go to the food court and grab a bit of food from everyone. If they ask, say you're "sampling all the cultures of the world".
Go up to each gate and ask someone working there when the plane will leave. When you've been to all of them, go back to the first one and repeat.
If there's lots of people waiting for a flight, when the plane arrives get to the front of the queue to board and then stand there, refusing to move because it's your "sacred land" and that it "desecrates the land for anyone else to enter".
Go into a store and pretend to work there, making sure to answer every question in a way which ensures they'll never go back there again.
If you see anyone drinking Diet Coke, drop a Mentos in it.

Now, while these are all fun, and by all means you should go ahead and do them, the chances of getting arrested for doing them aren't great. So when you've finished with the fun activities, here's what you should do to accomplish your mission:

Stand near security guards with one of those dish microphone things, pointed in their direction, and writing things down on a pad.
With a clear bag filled with white powder (and if possible, for extra effect wear a gas mask), find people eating and sprinkle some on their food.
Attach things to walls and chairs wherever possible. It doesn't matter what it is - old gum, balls of sticky tape, death threats aimed at Stephen Conroy - it all works.
Talk to a security guard, ask them if they know anywhere they think security could be improved.
In the middle of a busy area, drop a suitcase containing a ticking alarm clock, some Play-Doh and a bunch of wires.
Find a door (any door) marked "Staff Only" and attempt to barge it down. If it isn't locked, hold it shut while barging.
Hide one of those gun shaped water pistols in your pocket. Walk up to security guard, shoot them with it, then run like hell... until the next security guard.

7. When You're Miles In The Air

If you haven't been arrested by this point, there's a good chance you never will. However, all hope is not lost. If you play your cards right, you can still get a one way trip to jail when you land.

First, during the ascent, forget what the signs say. Use every piece of electronics ever known to man. I'm talking grilling yourself a steak while watching TV while playing a DS while drying your hair. Don't forget the three dozen different models of mobile phones. When someone asks you to turn them off, say that you're a robot and you need them to recharge your battery.

If by some miracle the plane is still in midair and you, some handcuffs and a seat aren't getting well acquainted, then it's time to take the plan into overdrive. If there are any security guards, give them a fast acting laxative, then when they are forced to do their "business", lock the toilet door from the outside. They wouldn't be able to stop you now, but they would get in the way.

With the guard out of the way you can get to the real work. Open every overhead locker and throw everyone's bags into the aisle, claim you're looking for yours. Suddenly "remember" where you left it as soon as you get to the last one. If anyone goes near the toilet to check on your friend (he should be banging on the door by now), make them have an unfortunate "accident". What kind? I can't do all your work for you, can I? Be creative!

Fine. Spill a bunch of water on the floor, make them slip over. Hardly creative, but it's effective. Besides, the noise of the fall should be enough to distract everyone from your friend still in the toilet, and the concussion should make whoever was unfortunate enough to try to help forget about it too.

When they're serving in-flight food, grab as much as possible and scarf it down as quickly as possible, like you haven't eaten in weeks (despite getting more than enough of everyone else's food in the terminal. When they ask for money, say your wallet is in your other pants (which you forgot to pack).

If there's an in flight movie, then be sure to yell as loudly as possible the ending, as well as any significant plot twists. Also, yell a description of every single thing that happens in it, so loudly that nobody can hear what's actually happening. If it's a movie that you haven't seen before, then listen to an MP3 player with the headphones as loud as possible, and sing even louder (bonus points for terrible 80s music). Depending on the movie, that might be enough. But if there's a lot of action, and people don't need to hear it to have fun, do whatever you can to get in the way of the screen. Sprint back and forth up the aisle, saying it's just as good as a gym. Get right in front of the screen, open the overhead locker, and rummage around. Sit down and do friggin yoga for all I care. Just make sure people don't get to see the screen.

You may think you've done as much as you can, but trust me, there's more. I'll just cut to chase: with enough oil, sliding down the aisle is fun fun fun. Or with a lead pipe in one hand, forcibly grab the nearest flight attendant with the other and ask where the cockpit is. Don't wait for an answer, just sprint down to the front of the plane. If the door's locked, your friend in the toilet would have a key, and has probably given up by now. Go get the key. However you do it, forcibly shut the cockpit door behind you still holding the pipe, and with an evil expression on your face.

No, I won't recommend bashing the pilot with the pipe. You want to get arrested, not die. Just hit whatever sounds most like flesh with the pipe every 10 seconds or so, loud enough for anyone outside the door to hear. Have a nice conversation with the pilots. Discuss foreign trade policy or something. Just make sure to rough them up a little before you leave, looking like they gave up without a fight might be bad for their career.

8. Back On The Ground, A Free Man

Now is the time you either get arrested or go home in shame. I won't lie, there's not much you can do from this point, but you can always try.

First step: make sure you're first in the queue to get off the plane. When the door opens, refuse to move, and say that evil spirits are giving the airport bad karma. By now, nobody will argue with you, they'll just quietly shuffle their way to another exit. When everybody has done that, then you get off the plane. Just open the toilet door - you wouldn't want your friend forgotten in there.

Unfortunately there isn't much to do between getting off the plane and getting your bag. Regardless, run to the baggage claim as fast as possible, only stopping every five metres or so to mime hitting a solid wall. Wherever possible, make that wall a person.

If there's one of those fancy double door things leading to the baggage claim, go through the first door, but then turn around, start crying, and in hysterics start ramming the door you just came through, yelling about how you won't survive in prison. Do this until your plane's baggage starts coming through, you don't want to miss it.

Make sure you're near where the bags come out. You want to get to them first. For each one that comes, grab it, open it, rummage around for anything valuable (you've made it this far, you might as well make a profit) and when you've got all of that, close it again and throw it out the nearest window. If the bag is locked or otherwise sealed, just slice it open using a bowie knife (you DID bring one, didn't you?) then proceed as before.

Even if it comes out first, take your bag last. Casually walk out the door. You're free! You failed at your goal of getting arrested, but hopefully you've learned some important lessons so you'll do better at that next time.

Slashee Top Ten: Reasons Not To Buy A PS3

2010-07-27T15:19:00.003+10:00

#10: You need to have another house built if you want to keep it inside.
(You could always get a circus tent instead.)

#9: If you want to move it, you need to hire Chuck Norris.
(Or if you have a slim model, just a building-sized crane.)

#8: Disc drive loud enough to drown out jumbo jet.
(Yet somehow slower than walking back and forth with each individual bit of data.)

#7: While games are going through their mandatory installation, you have time to make coffee... for the whole neighbourhood.
(And by "coffee" I mean "coffee", those of you with filthy minds.)

#6: Sony cheats you out of features you already paid for whenever they feel like it.
(So why don't they add something like... good games... instead of doing nothing but remove features?)

#5: Processors will eventually link together to form Skynet.
(On the bright side, how many people now can claim their consoles are responsible for a couple of good movies and a couple of crappy ones?)

#4: Most expensive piece of home theater equipment ever.
(Because with the number of games worth playing, fate relegates it to being a Blu-ray player.)

#3: Weight makes it unsuitable as a blunt weapon, except for olympic weightlifters.
(For when boredom sends you into a murderous rage, you'll want something convenient.)

#2: Now worth less per kilogram than dirt.
(Which still makes them worth about $20).

#1: It works.
(Because a console just isn't a console without a RRoD or two.)

The Last Angry Shaman Presents: Overanalysis of the Cataclysm Shaman preview

2010-04-28T14:52:00.003+10:00

Without further ado, let us mull over how Shaman will most likely be screwed over royally in another expansion. My comments are in italics, in case your non-cow brains have trouble with the concept.

New Shaman Spells

Primal Strike (available at level 3): Primal Strike is a new weapon-based attack that every shaman will learn very early in the game. Our goal with this ability is to make leveling as Enhancement rather than as Elemental more viable, since many key Enhancement talents become available at fairly high levels.
Meh? It gets replaced by Stormstrike if you level as Enhancement, and Ele and Resto aren't going to use it. I already have an 80 shammy - can't you just make SS a base skill and give us a cool new one to replace it?

Healing Wave (level 4): While the shaman already has an ability called Healing Wave, we're adding another spell to the class's direct-healing arsenal and giving it a familiar name. The current Healing Wave will be renamed Greater Healing Wave, and the intent is for the 'new" Healing Wave to be the shaman's go-to heal. Lesser Healing Wave and Greater Healing Wave will be used on a more situational basis.
Situational basis? I'm a fan of nuke heals - so I should be off to level a Pally in that case. Even without the nukes, I still use Earth Shield, Riptide and Chain Heal for most of my healing.

Unleash Weapon (level 81): Unleashes the power of your weapon enchants for additional effects (see below). A dual-wielding Enhancement shaman will activate the effects of both of their weapon enchants. Instant cast. 30-yard range. 15-second cooldown. Undispellable.
An extra button we have to push every 15 seconds? I'd rather my existing buttons were made better - maybe I'm just a fan of simple (read: easy) rotations.

Here are a few examples of effects we're considering for this ability:

Yay, an almost flat DPS buff for a little while, and a little bit of damage. Yay team Shaman.

FS dot + this + Lava Burst? Elemental's gonna have some fun. And then start begging for mercy as I slaughter them for being mutionous dogs.

Yay, another heal. YAY! A bigger nuke heal!

Healing Rain (level 83): An area-effect heal-over-time (HoT) spell that calls down rain in a selected area, healing all players within it. There is no limit to the number of players who can potentially be affected; however, there are diminishing returns when healing a large number of targets, much like the diminishing returns associated with AoE damage spells. This should give Restoration shaman another healing tool that improves their group-healing and heal-over-time capabilities. 2-second cast time. 30-yard range. 10-second duration. 10-second cooldown.
10 second duration, 10 second cooldown? Might become a requirement to keep this permanently up in situations where there'd be a lot of AOE damage. Which, you know, is a bad thing. I don't want to heal exactly how people expect me to heal, I want to heal the way I think will be most effective.

Spiritwalker's Grace (level 85): When this self-targeted buff is active, your spells are no longer interrupted by movement and possibly even by your own attacks. This will give shaman of all three specs another way to heal or do damage when it’s necessary to move in both PvE and PvP. Instant cast. 10-second duration. 2-minute cooldown.
Useful for Ele and Resto in situations where you have to keep moving? Sure. For Enhance? I'm just gonna use it to pop off a few Lightning Bolts... again, I'd just prefer a straight increase to damage from what we have now.

Changes to Abilities and Mechanics

In addition to adding new spells, we're planning to make changes to some of the other abilities and mechanics you're familiar with. This list and the summary of talent changes below it are by no means comprehensive, but they should give you a good sense of what we intend for each spec.

Restoration shaman and other healing classes will need to pay attention to mana more than they've had to during Wrath of the Lich King. Spirit will be the Restoration shaman's primary mana-regeneration stat.
Oh god I feel like a squishy already. Nooooooooooooo it's not my time yet. Must... continue... to... leech... off.... MP5... as... long.... as... possible. *Heavy breathing* What's wrong with MP5? Means no calculations to figure out how much MP5 I get from it.
We're making changes to which classes and specs are able to dispel magic, diseases, curses, and poison, largely for PvP purposes. Shaman will have Cleanse Spirit as a baseline ability, but it will only remove curses. Restoration shaman will have a talent that will improve Cleanse Spirit so that it also removes magic. Shaman will no longer be able to remove poison.
So you're removing almost everything that makes me feel like a Shaman when it comes to dispelling, and making me feel like a mage? And then if I'm Resto, make me feel slightly like a priest? I'd prefer to be a SHAMAN when I'm playing a SHAMAN.
Cleansing Totem will be removed from the game, as we want dispels to be a decision for players, not something done mindlessly. To that end, all dispels will cost slightly more mana, and you will waste the spell if you cast it when there is nothing to remove. (Currently, the dispel is only cast when there is something to remove, which encourages spamming 'just in case.") We will balance PvE dispelling with this new model in mind.
Okay, now that's everything that makes me feel like a Shaman.
Totem of Wrath now will replace Flametongue Totem for all shaman, and dropping this totem will buff the group's spell power by 4%. Elemental shaman will have a talent that lets all Fire totems provide +10% spell power, allowing them to drop Searing, Magma, or Fire Elemental Totems without losing their spell-damage buff. The 4% and 10% buffs will be exclusive with each other and with the warlock's Demonic Pact, so you can't benefit from all of them at once. We're also considering letting Elemental drop Searing Totem at range.
This is really more of a buff to Ele, which might make it more fun, which might encourage people to play it, which can only be a bad thing. Why don't they just cut the crap and take Enhancement away altogether, creating one nature spell damage spec, and one fire spell damage spec? With how much Enhancement is casting these days, we're almost there.
We want to free up Enhancement global cooldowns to make the spec more dynamic to play. We're considering, for example, increasing the cooldown of Lava Lash so shaman have time to work other interesting abilities into their rotation.
Hate to break it to you Blizz, but if you increase the cooldown, you increase the damage. As for freeing up global cooldowns, why not make us feel like a low level Ret Pally? Auto attack, auto attack, auto attack, judge, auto attack, auto attack, auto attack, judge...

New Talents and Talent Changes

Elemental Reach will be simplified so shaman have a more consistent spell range.
What, like 30 yards? Makes sense to me, so obviously it's a bad idea.
We plan to add Earthquake as a deep Elemental talent for targeted and persistent AoE.
Yes, because they need more AoE. Well, probably, but so does Enhancement - pushing Fire Nova every CD gets old fast - and uses craptons of mana. Give us something like Fan of OP.
Spirit Link will likely be worked back into deep Restoration in some form. The idea is that you will be able to link targets together so they share damage. When we had previously tried to implement Spirit Link, it was hard to balance and a little confusing. However, we really liked the concept -- and so did players -- so we are trying to bring it back.
Hard to balance? Confusing? Just do like Soul Link, except... you know... not between a lock and a demon.
Elemental will have a deep talent that allows Spirit (which will appear on the gear they share with Restoration shaman) to boost their Hit rating.
Ele and Resto Shaman sharing gear? CRAP! Now any Shammy with Resto as a spec will figure they have a good Ele set and start doing that. Again, as I said, leading to the downfall of Enhancement.
Ancestral Knowledge will boost mana pool size, not Intellect.
Yeah, cause I really get AP from my mana pool. Thanks, Blizz. Really needed this.
Enhancing Totems will be replaced with Focused Strikes, which will improve the damage of the new spell Primal Strike and Stormstrike.
Great, now no stupid Shammys telling DKs not to use Horn of Winter since their Strength of Earth is better. And, you know, extra damage never hurts.
With the Mastery system, we're also considering removing a number of talents that grant passive bonuses, such as Mental Quickness, Improved Windfury Totem, Mental Dexterity, Call of Thunder, Tidal Mastery, Purification, Nature's Blessing, and others, to allow players more freedom to choose more interesting talents.
Please, remove at least one of those Enhancement talents to give us a spell which turns us into god for five seconds. That's all we need to change it to a permanent spell.

Mastery Passive Talent Tree Bonuses

Elemental
Spell damage
Spell Crit
Elemental Overload

Enhancement
Melee damage
Melee Haste
Nature Damage

Restoration
Healing
Meditation
Deep Healing

Elemental Overload: Your direct-damage spells have a chance to proc a less powerful 'bonus" version of the spell. This will work much like the current Lightning Overload talent, but would also apply to Lava Burst.
Extra spells are cool. You know, all the "end of Enhancement" rhetoric.

Nature Damage: This will provide a passive bonus to the Nature damage dealt by the Enhancement shaman.
Yes, because as a melee damage spec, I really need more spell damage. You know, all the "end of Enhancement" rhetoric.

Deep Healing: Your direct heals will do more healing when the target's health is lower. This will scale to damage (e.g. someone at 29% health would receive more healing than someone at 30%) rather than have arbitrary break points.
I'd prefer to keep people at high health in the first place, you know - maybe you could help me with that.

So the news for Enhancement? It's bad. Wait, no news for Enhancement. The news for Ele? Who cares? The news for Resto? I'm sorry, they want you to pretend you're priests... almost, anyway.

The news for all Shaman? Blizzard doesn't understand you. Nobody loves you. You were adpoted. Your birth parents both committed suicide when they saw how ugly you were. That's about as nicely as I can say it without putting an age restriction on the site.

Slashdraw #1: Hehehe...

2010-03-21T18:41:00.004+11:00

Warning: TF2 Spoilers Ahead, Part One

2010-02-15T10:40:00.005+11:00

(click for full size, non-crappy quality version)

Slashee Top Ten: Rejected Game Mechanics

2010-02-02T16:46:00.001+11:00

#10: Halo 3
Mechanic: Difficulty higher than "pussywillow"
Reason: All the 10 year olds playing the game need to be able to teabag out in the open without fear of instadeath.

#9: Guitar Hero 5
Mechanic: Crowd surfing
Reason: During playtesting, the "average" American kept crushing the plastic crowd.

#8: Brütal Legend
Mechanic: MORE METAL!!!!!!!!
Reason: Only Jack Black could handle more metal without his head exploding. And now we all know the inspiration for the song "Master Exploder".

#7: Resident Evil 5
Mechanic: Teammate AI
Reason: Chris couldn't stop staring at Sheva's rack for long enough to actually do something. And Sheva couldn't stop keeping the entire continent of Africa sexed up for long enough to kill anything.

#6: Metal Gear Solid 4
Mechanic: Gameplay
Reason: By the time Kojima Productions realised they weren't making a movie, it was too late.

#5: Bayonetta
Mechanic: Any semblance of a coherent plot
Reason: What's more important, plot or killing stuff? Thankfully someone at Platinum Games realised the correct answer.

#4: World of Warcraft
Mechanic: Something different after the first 15 levels
Reason: There are two kinds of people in the world: people who don't mind doing the same thing over and over for hours on end, and me. Which is the bigger audience (by number, not volume)?

#3: Grand Theft Auto IV
Mechanic: Planes
Reason: They would tip the scales in the helicopter deathmatch that EVERY multiplayer game becomes.

#2: Anything with "Wii" in the title
Mechanic: Coherent controls
Reason: Games which actually require skill? They sell. Games where the winner is often determined by whoever can give themselves Carpal Tunnel Syndrome in the wrist the fastest? They sell LOTS.

#1: God of War 2
Mechanic: Kratos vs. Chuck Norris fight
Reason: The game would never end, so they couldn't milk more sequels out of the franchise.

Slashee Top Ten: Magazines That Shouldn't Be

2009-12-26T21:12:00.002+11:00

#10: The Story Lover's Guide To Michael Bay
"Avoid at all costs."

#9: The Sopranos Fan Club
"The only magazine where every article finishes in the middle of a sent-"

#8: Stoner's Guide To The Red Sea
"See the lowest point on Earth from the highest point on Earth"

#7: The 10 Year Old's Guide To Counter-Strike
"Complete from swearing incessantly to teamkilling."

#6: Cemetary Real Estate Shopper
"Everybody's dying to get in here!"

#5: The Teabagger Chronicle
"Giving you your hot cup of well deserved action right in the face."

#4: Oedipus Worshippers' Newsletter
"You'd kill your own father just to read this"

#3: World Leaders Belittler
"Kim Jong Il: Fearless leader or senile muppet?"

#2: The Stalker Review
"Tapping on your windows at night for the latest news!"

#1: Sodomy Daily
"We're behind you all the way."

Slashee Top Ten: Game Sequels You Probably Don't Want To See

2009-12-19T17:40:00.003+11:00

10: Half-Life 2: Episode 3
Because anyone alive today who actually lives to see it come out isn't human.

9: Warcraft IV: "So we've done an MMO, now what?"
Because it wouldn't include a Slashee unit, and that would send me on such a rampage I'd destroy society.

8: Batman Arkham Asylum 2: Arkham Harder
Anyone ever thought that a guy who dresses as a bat belongs in Arkham as a patient, not a vigilante?

7: Call of Duty 8: Modern Warfare 3
Now consisting of nothing but airport levels!

6: Guitar Hero: Emo-Fest
Actually, this would make a good test. Anyone who buys it gets dragged out into the street and shot.

5: Duke Nukem Forever
For it to come out, Satan will have to be in some way involved.

4: Grand Theft Auto: The Barrens
Every mission boils down to killing Chuck Norris supporters. And the game never ends.

3: Assassin's Creed 3
Game setting? Modern day. Famous assassin? Dick Cheney.

2: Need for Speed: Tiger Woods
Actually, a game that's even more about crashing than Burnout would probably be fun.

1: Beyond Good & Evil 2
Hell will have frozen over, which should actually make it pretty good for holidaying. I'll just catch a ride down there on Stephen Conroy's body.

Review: Band Hero

2009-11-27T13:48:00.001+11:00

Why I Hate People: Steam Top Sellers, Week Up To 15/11/09

2009-11-18T11:26:00.002+11:00

Yes, this is late. Yes, last week's didn't appear. Sue me. L4D2 doesn't play itself, folks.
(This week featuring: duplicate items).

#1 ( ! ) Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2
Ripoff price. No dedicated servers. No mods. Am I the only one who can say "pile of stinking Slashee$#%& ?

#2 ( = ) Left 4 Dead 2
No, you really should have this by now. WHY ARE YOU STILL BUYING IT?!?!?!?!?

#2 ( ! ) Dragon Age: Origins
The amount of detail in this that 99% of people don't care about almost makes my unhealthy obsessions seem slightly less unhealthy.

#3 ( /\ ) Dragon Age: Origins Digital Deluxe Edition
The amount of fail in paying $15 extra for a couple of fake items almost makes it seem like I succeed in something occasionally.

#4 ( ! ) Overlord Complete Pack
You can kill baby seals. What am I complaining about?

#4 ( \/ ) Borderlands
The only game where I've seen numbers appear above people's heads faaster than a dual wielding Stormstrike Windfury in WoW.

#5 ( \/ ) Torchlight
This is basically Diablo. Why don't you just play Diablo?

#6 ( ! ) Crysis Maximum Edition
The only thing requiring more of a supercomputer than Crysis? Two Crysis games.

#7 ( \/ ) Football Manager 2010
I'm surprised the NEEEEEEEEERDS that play this were able to stop playing it for long enough to notice there's a new version with probably no changes.

#8 ( ! ) Mass Effect
The best KOTOR game I've played since the original. What? This isn't a sequel to KOTOR? Could have fooled me.

#9 ( ! ) Counter-Strike: Source
Not okay: killing zombies in armour in L4D2 (apparently).
Okay: killing human cops in armour in CS:S.
WHAT THE $%#@?

#10 ( = ) Aion Standard Edition
Come on, people, the main "feature" is just a gimmick. WoW's main feature that will outlast any gimmick? Cows with two giant axes.

#10 ( ! ) Left 4 Dead + Left 4 Dead 2 Bundle
Apparently if you already own L4D you can gift it to a friend. So while you play the more awesome (with the exception of Coach not being able to replace Louis as a pill finding machine) sequel, your friend is forever stuck in the original. Nice way to encourage group play there, Valve.

Why I Hate People: Steam Top Sellers, Week Up To 1/11/09

2009-11-03T11:45:00.000+11:00

Yes, it's late. Sue me. Turned out alright though, because for some reason Valve released a second set of top sellers two days after the last one, so I'm using that one (duplicates, missing items and all).

Also worth noting: all of this week's comments will be supplied in limerick form.

#1 ( = ) Borderlands
There once was a border in the lands,
Where warriors would make their stands,
They were shot in the head,
And then they were dead,
I'm the best sniper in all the lands!

#2 ( \/ ) Left 4 Dead 2
There was a zombie apocalypse,
Some of them had quite massive hips.
Those boomers just ate,
Ellis off a plate,
All in one of Louis's drug trips.

#3 ( ! ) Torchlight
There's a light from this torch so bright,
It lights all corners of the night,
What is this game about?
That I need to find out,
Before judging it at first sight.

#4 ( \/ ) Dragon Age: Origins Digital Deluxe Edition
Dragons must be so full of hate,
Surely their age must be very great!
I sit to theorise,
Will people realise?
This game is the same as Baldur's Gate!

#5 ( ! ) Football Manager 2010
The sport's alright, I shouldn't knock her,
So much fun, the riots that occur.
Balls have so much heft.
There's only one fact left,
Football is actually called soccer.

#6 ( /\ ) Killing Floor
The floor has so very much killing,
No wonder it receives top billing.
When it comes to death,
This game is hardly bereft.
So much that the blood just keeps spilling.

#8 ( ! ) Call of Duty 4: Modern Warfare
This game has many different guns,
Weigh them all, and it must be tons.
Pull a gun, take a stance,
See them all crap their pants,
And suddenly they all have the runs.

#9 ( ! ) The Witcher: Enhanced Edition Director's Cut
Surely with a game title so long,
The game it describes must be strong.
I was so deceived,
I had really believed.
Why must cows always be so wrong?

#10 ( ! ) Team Fortress 2
The scout double jumped towards the point,
The pyro he seeked to disappoint,
The spy was not deferred,
Then a whirring was heard,
From then it was the heavy's point.

#10 ( \/ ) Aion Standard Edition
For a game with the power of flight,
Surely something is lost from the fight.
Players of this must bow,
Before players of WoW.
Lest they all be slaughtered on sight.

#10 ( ! ) S.T.A.L.K.E.R.: Shadow of Chernobyl
Surely one must wonder about how,
Would survive a radioactive cow?
Something about the milk,
Makes it shiny as silk,
And deadly to humans as a plow.

Note to Valve: fix up your RSS feed, damnit!

Why I Hate People: Steam Top Sellers, Week Up To 25/10/09

2009-10-26T09:59:00.003+11:00

Yes, I'm a day late. No, I don't care. Also worth noting: this list contains the duplicates that show up in my RSS feed. Because I feel like it.

#1 ( = ) Left 4 Dead 2
Come on people, if you want to preorder it you should have preordered it by now. And if you're in Australia, you shouldn't want to preorder it any more.

#1 ( /\ ) Borderlands
This one's ironic, considering the head of Gearbox doesn't like how Steam is run.

#2 ( ! ) Dragon Age: Origins
Everybody know's BioWare's best game was SW:KOTOR. And no, I won't listen to extremely futile arguments otherwise.

#3 ( /\ ) Dragon Age: Origins Digital Deluxe Edition
See my previous rants about digital special editions. Or just read the summary... there's nothing special about them since you can sell as many as you want, and exclusive in-game items can often be cheated in.

#3 ( ! ) Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2
First thing wrong - it's CoD. Second thing wrong - it's $90 US in Australia. We're supposed to pay 33% more than the yanks because of what exactly? A cent or two that it would cost to get the data over here? And no - isn't that - as there are plenty of Steam content servers in Australia. So WHAT THE F%&K IS IT? Third thing wrong - it's $60 US in the US. That's too much for a game, lots too much for a PC game, and and WAAAAAY too much for a digitally distributed PC game, since it costs practically nothing to get it to the consumer.

#4 ( ! ) ARMA 2
What's more fun - a hardcore realistic PC shooter, or a game where I can beat overgrown chickens to death with my bare hands? Doesn't seem much contest to me.

#5 ( = ) Aion Standard Edition
What's more fun - a MMO, or a MMO with dancing cows? Doesn't seem much contest to me.

#6 ( ! ) Tropico 3 - Steam Special Edition
What's more fun - a game whose cover has a Fidel Castro look-alike, or pictures of Fidel Castro? Doesn't seem much contest to me.

#7 ( ! ) Assassin's Creed: Director's Cut Edition
What's more fun - a game that has you skulking in the shadows, sneaking carefully up in your prey, or a game where you ride on top of a carriage driven by an overgrown cyclops knight who has captured a princess, with thieves swinging down onto the carriage, all while fighting a giant troll who shoots laser beams from his eyes? Okay, this is getting silly - but my point is still valid.

#8 ( ! ) Killing Floor
Troy: Come on Jimmy, let's take a peek at the killing floor.
Jimmy: Ohhh!
Troy: Don't let the name throw you Jimmy. It's not really a floor, it's more of a steel grating that allows material to sluice through so it can be collected and exported.

#9 ( = ) Left 4 Dead
How to have your own zombie apocalypse, Australian style:
1) Get Michael Atkinson, Stephen Conroy and Malcolm Turnbull in a room together.
2) Kill them.
3) Who cares about the zombie apocalypse? You just solved all the country's problems!

#10 ( = ) Counter-Strike: Source
Why buy a $20 game when there's a game at half the price which is basically the same thing? And the less 10 year olds in the game, the better, obviously.

Further Musings: Stargate Universe: Air (Parts 1-3)

2009-10-19T11:46:00.002+11:00

Further musings is the place for stuff that either doesn't fit in the original article, I think of afterwards, or I just feel like doing separately. And generally lack any semblance of structure.

There's been no main villain introduced yet - and every TV show (especially sci-fi) needs a good villain (and obviously I don't mean the antonym of evil good).
Some of the characters (I'm looking at you Greer) do either nothing or very little to make you care about them.
It's too much like Firefly. Only Firefly works well at being Firefly. Now give us more Firefly.
It's way too cliché... O'Neill would have a field day.
The cool nerd guy (Eli) isn't on screen enough. He's no Rodney McKay, but it's possible to actually like him.
I'm not sure if it's right to call SGU a spinoff of SG1... there's nothing familiar from either SG1 or Atlantis - I'm not saying you NEED something you've seen before in a spinoff, but it helps. And I don't mean five minutes of screen time in the first couple of episodes.
Some parts of the premise just seem like an excuse to force the show along.
Rush just spreads the positive though correct stereotype of the extremely selfish scientist. That's McKay's job.

Why I Hate People: Steam Top Sellers, Week Up To 18/10/09

2009-10-18T21:35:00.004+11:00

The problem with the frequency of these posts is that they make the infrequency of my other posts that much more obvious.

#1 ( = ) Left 4 Dead 2
It's maintained the top seller spot, and it isn't even out yet. Shouldn't everyone who wants to preorder it have already done so?

#2 ( /\ ) Borderlands
Show me a co-op shooter that isn't some variety of L4D that actually works, then I'll buy it. But I won't preorder it.

#3 ( \/ ) Operation Flashpoint: Dragon Rising
Show me a realistic tactical shooter that actually works, then I'll laugh at you and call you crazy.

#4 ( ! ) Dragon Age: Origins Digital Deluxe Edition
1) It's a preorder. That costs more. For the PC version, I'll bet you anything that within 3 days of release, you'll be able to cheat to get the "exclusive" items. 2) When was the last time Bioware actually made a different game? The past few have just been basically the same game with different settings.

#5 ( /\ ) Aion Standard Edition
Why do people keep buying this? It's not WoW. From what I've read, it isn't better than WoW.

#6 ( ! ) Warhammer 40,000: Dawn of War II
People are only buying this because it was on special. People should already have it.

#7 ( ! ) Saints Row 2
It's a GTA ripoff. It's a good game, but it's a GTA ripoff. Why don't you just buy GTA?

#8 ( /\ ) Cities XL Limited Edition
I've made my thoughts about digitally distributed limited editions before, now, and repeatedly. And as I said last week, while I'm not sure how well the concept works, it sounds awkward.

#9 ( = ) Left 4 Dead
The sequel's coming out in a matter of weeks. Sure, the original is great, but save your dough and only get eaten by the newer zombies.

#10 ( ! ) Counter-Strike: Source
TF2 is the obviously superiour Source multiplayer FPS. No, really. Even without that, I'd still rather play DoD:S than CS:S.

Note: These are based off the RSS feed, which often contain different games at the same positions (don't ask me why, ask Valve). I use whatever's at the top of my RSS reader's list (most recent posts first).

TV Review: Stargate Universe: Air (Parts 1-3)

2009-10-17T17:23:00.003+11:00

I'm a bit worried here. SG1 and Atlantis have always been more traditional TV shows. Opening credits a full minute long, credits actually in the opening credits, episodes that don't follow a continuous arc (which sucks because then it's hard to watch them out of order), not shot from a documentary style viewpoint (which Firefly popularised... why did it get cancelled anyway? It's hard to find a sci-fi show these days which isn't at least a little influenced by it). SGU is, by the looks of it, none of these. It's still early days, so I'm hopeful about what it'll become, but don't expect a traditional Stargate experience here.

That's not to say it's not good. Stargate generally has a good attention to detail, this is no exception. Unfortunately, I'm also not seeing of the trademark Stargate humour here, either. Again, this could change, but it doesn't leave me particularly hoepful.

This is probably the point where some people would tell you the plot - to me, that's not particularly important. If you like the plot of Stargate, you're probably going to like this (I'm not a fan of the emphasis on flashbacks for the first part though). If you like sci-fi these days, there's a good chance you'll like how the story goes. It's slightly predictable and slightly cliché, but that doesn't make it bad.

Sound is good. I'm not too picky on sound in anything. As long as I can hear everything, and explosions sound like they could scare the crap out of the neighbours if you turned them up loud enough, I'm happy. How things look, I tend to be a bit pickier with the visuals. Everything's got a decent amount of detail and the special effects are great (I've never seen the kawoosh look that awesome). The Destiny looks great, too.

In short, since this is the point where I'm not really sure what to say: It's different. I want to like it, and while it's good, it's not quite Stargate. It's just that it's not really anything else, either. I'll keep watching (or just buy it on DVD when it comes out, importing if necessary).

Why I Hate People: Steam Top Sellers, Week Up To 11/10/09

2009-10-11T18:54:00.002+11:00

The previous installment was a bit late. This one is on time. Don't count on this happening again. Also new to this installment (since they wouldn't have worked last week), I'll provide how they've changed. Work it out, shouldn't be hard.

#1 ( = ) - Left 4 Dead 2
I understand that those of us in Australia have only just been able to preorder L4D2 through Steam. But since we're obviously so few in number (that has to be the reason game publishers don't care about us, right?), we shouldn't be able to push it up to #1. And in theory (for everyone else, anyway) if you're going to preorder you've had plenty of time to do so by now.

#2 ( ! ) - Operation Flashpoint: Dragon Rising
A tactical, realistic shooter. Why would I want that when it's much more fun to walk around as a fat guy with a big minigun, mowing down scouts while I'm being healed by a German guy with a magic beam?

#3 ( /\ ) - Borderlands
Gearbox's CEO doesn't seem to like Steam (or to be more exact, Valve running Steam). If he had such a big problem, I don't think we'd be able to get it from Steam. I'm not sure why he's complaining anyway, since this seems to be doing quite well.

#4 ( = ) - Risen
Still not interested enough to look into it too much (which itself should say something), but it just seems like an Elder Scrolls/Fable clone to me.

#5 ( ! ) - Empire: Total War - The Warpath Campaign
It's DLC. That costs $10. That's either too expensive for what you get, or too much content for traditional DLC yet not enough content for traditional expansion. It's stuck in limbo.

#6 ( ! ) - Empire: Total War
Is it just me, or is the Total War series just the same game with models for the relevant time period hastily slapped over whatever's already there so as to shove it out the door as quickly as possible?

#7 ( \/ ) - Aion Standard Edition
An MMO shouldn't focus on looking pretty (I'm not saying it does, but since it runs on CryEngine it can't be too bad), it should focus on not being mindlessly repetitive. From what I understand, Aion doesn't do too well in that department.

#8 ( \/ ) - Aion Collector's Edition
Come on people, when the limited edition isn't limited you should be willing to shell out the few extra bones it costs to get it.

#9 ( \/ ) - Left 4 Dead
Come on people, the sequel is coming out! You should already have this! The only situation I can think of for actually preferring this to the sequel is if you're in Australia and you don't want the pussy version which the government thinks is the only one we can handle.

#10 ( ! ) - Cities XL Limited Edition
Hmm, MMO SimCity. I prefer playing in the same room as other people, so I can criticise their city in person, and "accidentally" cause disasters while they're otherwise occupied.

Why I Hate People: Steam Top Sellers, Week Up To 4/10/09

2009-10-07T20:40:00.004+11:00

People do things they shouldn't. People do things which don't make sense. That's why I hate them. That's usually not enough explanation for people, so I thought I'd explain through the most illogical means possible - why people shouldn't have bought whatever the top sellers are on Steam.

#1 - Left 4 Dead 2
I don't get preordering games through Steam - do it in a store, and you're guaranteed to get a copy when it comes out. Come on people, it's digital distribution. They don't run out. So all you're doing is letting them sit on your money. Admittedly I'd be letting them sit on my money if I could, but I never said I don't hate myself.

#2 - Left 4 Dead
The problem with people buying this is that they should already have it. That and the whole the-sequel's-coming-out-in-a-few-weeks-why-buy-the-original deal.

#3 - Aion Collector's Edition
Collector's editions used to be called limited editions. You know why. BECAUSE THEY'RE SUPPOSED TO BE LIMITED. You're supposed to fight to get one, preferably with firearms. But when you're selling as many copies as people will buy, what's the point?
Oh, and for everything else I find wrong with this game, look at #5.

#4 - Risen
I've never heard of it. The only thing of any value that I've never heard of is my loyal ~~cannon fodder~~ readers. No, seriously, I've heard of every other game in this list. The fact that I haven't heard of this one has to mean something. What exactly I'm not sure.

#5 - Aion Standard Edition
It's an MMO. Which isn't WoW. I'm not saying that WoW is perfect (okay, I am), but considering the number of players it has, Blizzard must be doing something right.

#6 - Batman: Arkham Asylum
If the point of this column wasn't to criticise, I wouldn't say anything here. Since criticism is the name of the game however, what sort of people buy a game like this through Steam instead of going to a store? Comic book fans still living with their parents, going outside so little that mere seconds of sun exposure will cause skin cancer?

#7 - Counter-Strike: Source
I've already had enough 12 year olds swearing at me in voice chat in CS:S. WE DON'T NEED MORE OF YOUR KIND, THANK YOU AND PISS OFF.

#8 - Borderlands
See #1.

#9 - Resident Evil 5
Everybody that matters (me) knows the best RE game in recent memory was Resident Wiivil 4.

#10 - F.E.A.R. 2: Project Origin
C.R.A.P.P.Y.: Constantly Racketeering Acronyms Puposefully and Potentially Yelling. That and anyone who wants to be really scared need only look at a picture of Susan Boyle's face.

Overanalysis: Shaman changes in WoW 3.2.0-3.2.2

2009-09-28T21:58:00.001+10:00

Shaman changes in 3.2.0:

Shaman

A customizable totem bar will now be available for shamans allowing the storing of 4 different totems. These totems can be placed on the ground at once in one global cooldown for the combined mana cost of all 4 totems.
Finally! Now I don't have to spend half of every fight mashing totem buttons.
All Shocks now have a default range of 25 yards, up from 20 yards.
Being enhancement this doesn't really affect me (well, might make me pull using a shock
instead of a LB, but that's about it).
Base health increased by approximately 7% to correct for shamans having lower health than other classes.
Correcting a problem that shouldn't have existed in the first place. In other words, it's about time! Now we might be able to die approximately 7% slower in PvP.
Chain Heal: Jump distance increased by 25% to 12.5 yards. In addition, the amount of healing now decreases by 40% as it jumps to each new target, instead of 50%.
Chain Heal jumping further, AND healing more? Sweeeeeeeet. Especially since when I'm healing there isn't much else I use.
Earth Shock: Redesigned. This spell no longer interrupts spell casting, but rather reduces melee attack speed by 10% for 8 seconds (exclusive with similar effects such as Thunder Clap).
The exclusive part hurts a little, but to be expected. Still, making the enemy do less damage is always good. Read down a little bit to see why I'm not worried.
Ghost Wolf: Can now be learned at level 16. While in this form, snaring effects may not bring the shaman below base normal run speed.
Being level 80 and not intending to level a shammy (until maybe Cataclysm comes out), the first part doesn't really affect me (okay, it's bringing the whole mounts at 20 thing into line, but it does make ghost wolf fairly useless for transport). Not being able to be snared below normal run speed is awesome though, as it makes for easier escapes (not that we SHOULD need them, but we do).
Wind Shock: Has been renamed Wind Shear and no longer shares a cooldown with Flame, Frost or Earth Shock.
So now I don't have to constantly use Earth Shock to interrupt casters? Sweet.

Enhancement

Maelstrom Weapon: Now also has a chance to reduce the cast time of Hex.
Instant hexing sounds fun!

Shamanistic Rage: Cooldown is now 1 minute, down from 2 minutes. Successful melee attacks now have a chance to generate mana equal to 15% of the shaman's attack power, down from 30%.
I'd prefer the more intense mana regen, but this is probably a good thing, since if you blow it at the wrong time for whatever reason it's not as long before you can use it again.

Restoration

Ancestral Healing: The buff from this ability now reduces the physical damage taken by the target by 3/7/10% instead of increasing the target's armor.
A reduction is damage is always easier to measure, and will probably help casters more, should they need it.

Cure Poison and Cure Disease: Combined into a single spell, Cure Toxins.
I can't think of any situation where I've needed to use both at once, but saving a spot on my bars is always nice.

Earth Shield: Dispel effects will now remove charges of Earth Shield rather than the entire aura.
Earth Shield lasting longer. Anyone who objects shall die. Probably because the Shaman's enemies are the ones who object.

Healing Way: Redesigned. Rather than providing a chance of increasing Healing Wave spells on a friendly target, this talent now innately increases the effectiveness of the shaman's Healing Wave by 8/16/25%.
Trading a bonus to HWs on one character after using several to a bonus to any character whenever you damn well please... probably a good thing.

Mana Tide Totem: Totem health now equal to 10% of the shaman's health.
PvE resto shammys aren't exactly renowned for huge health pools, but less likely to die is always good. Probably more of a PvP buff, since a resto shammy in PvP gear would have a decent amount of health.

Nature's Guardian: Redesigned. Now has a fixed 100% proc rate, has a 30-second internal cooldown and increases the shaman's maximum health by 3/6/9/12/15% for 10 seconds.
I prefer the effect of the old one, but I like the reliability of this one. Let's call it even.

Nature's Swiftness: Cooldown is now 2 minutes, down from 3 minutes.
More instant spells? No objection here. Not that I need them of course, as my healing is always more than enough to not have to worry about burst healing. Right? *eyes shift around room*

Tidal Waves: No longer reduces the cast time of Lesser Healing Wave by 30%. It instead now provides +25% critical strike chance to Lesser Healing Wave, along with the previous 30% cast time benefit to Healing Wave.
Personally I prefer the crit bonus, since I like bursts of damage or healing (and tanks hate me). A reduction in cast time is more reliable and more easily measured though.

Improved Water Shield: This talent now has a 10/20/30% chance to be triggered by Chain Heal, and the charges of Water Shield are no longer consumed by this talent.
Now THIS is awesome. Triggered from Chain Heal AND no longer consuming charges? I can stop reapplying Water Shield every 30 seconds!

Shaman changes in 3.2.2:

Shaman:

Cleansing Totem: No longer pulses instantly when dropped.
Mainly a PvP nerf, to stop you dropping it to remove everything from your team whenever needed. That's also a bit of a PvE nerf, but I can deal with it.

Flame Shock: The duration of all ranks has been increased by 6 seconds.
Getting to use less Flame Shocks? More Earth Shocks to go around.

Lava Burst: This ability no longer ever consumes a Flame Shock debuff off of the target.
Awesome. Now I get a bonus from having a FS on the target, but it isn't consumed by the Lava Burst. That means more fire. The only problem is that shammys aren't supposed to be pyromaniacs, but a buff is a buff and I'll shut up about it now.

Elemental Combat

Shamanism: Your Lightning Bolt and Chain Lightning spells gain an additional 3/6/9/12/15% and your Lava Burst gains an additional 4/8/12/16/20% of your bonus damage effects.
More damage is something I never complain about. Unless it's a PvP buff. Or an Elemental buff. Where's the Enhancement love?

Enhancement

Earthen Power: No longer causes Earthbind to pulse a persistent snare immunity aura. It does still remove snares from allies as an instant pulse, but there is no lingering immunity. Earthen Power now also brings Earth Shock's melee attack speed reduction up to -15%/-20% (with 1 or 2 points in it, respectively).
This is both a nerf and a buff. The removal of the snare immunity is clearly a PvP nerf (shying away from PvP is always something I want for the glorious Shammy). A PvE buff (well, I guess it also helps in PvP... maybe if we can actually get a hit on a rogue it'll slow them down a bit) is always fun.

Overall, I'm cautiously optomistic. No major nerfs for once (the nerfhammer has to run out of steam sometime), so either Blizzard has finally realised what Shammys need... or they're preparing us for a double whammy next time.

Slashee Rants: In-Game Advertising

2009-09-21T19:33:00.003+10:00

It's a fact of life: advertising is everywhere. And while I'm sure we'd all like to shoot the guy who thought of it in the first place, we're stuck with it until I invent a time machine. The theory behind it is actually pretty good: you get something for free, whoever made it gets some money, everybody wins.

I don't mind ads on TV. I'd rather get ads than have to pay for TV. Of course, with technology these days we can skip ads. Naturally the people paying for the ads, and the ones making money from them are outraged. I'd like to point out though, that while I can only speak for myself, I can't remember any times that I've bought something just because I saw it an ad on TV. If I'm not going to buy anything from an ad... does it really matter if I skip them?

Still not touching the original subject, I'd like to discuss the internet now. Ads have been around since the start of the internet. These days, they're not hard to block entirely. That's what I do (I love you, Adblock Plus!). I might not block ads if they weren't so obnoxious. But when you've got a flashing thing over here, a flashing thing over there, pop ups, pop unders, and if you're really lucky, a healthy dose of spyware... that's just taking things too far. Google text ads are pretty good... they're unobtrusive and relevant, unlike most ads (you wouldn't believe how many websites I'm the millionth visitor to). If they were the only ads around, I'd gladly leave them on.

While that is all well and good, the original subject was games. If you take away one sentence from this, then let it be the following: Ads in something that's free are alright, but if I pay $100 (or more) for something, it shouldn't have ads. Ads are used to provide revenue when you're providing a free service. Free games, I don't mind ads in. But if I've paid plenty of money for a game (and they cost enough these days), I think I have the right to be a little pissed at some game company executive (probably Bobby Kotick) lining his pockets with ad money, when there's already plenty coming in from sales of the game. And most of the time, they look damn out of place.

Screaming through Paradise City, there are plenty of billboards for the game (those you can destroy), and plenty of billboard ads (which you can't)... at least let me take them out for a bit of revenge.
Swinging through a destroyed city in Bionic Commando, there are billboards. How the hell did the bomb manage to destroy everything EXCEPT the ads?
Rocking out on stage in Guitar Hero, there are ads. While plenty of real stadiums and wherever the hell else you play music have ads, they look completely out of place in the stylised world of GH.

On the other hand, the ads in Midnight Club: LA don't look so out of place... to be perfectly honest, I'm not sure whether they're in there for authenticity or because they're getting paid for it... that's how suitable they are.

Also worth noting: I'm sure we all don't remember when an update for SWAT 4 not only added ads, but tracked how long you looked at them and sent that data back to the mothership. While that's far from the biggest invasion of privacy I've ever seen, it's still not something you want to be a victim of.

In summary: either get rid of the ads in games or give me the games for free.

Not Photoshopped, I Swears: Part I

2009-09-14T21:06:00.001+10:00

I sure hope so.

Movie Review: Ponyo

2009-09-07T14:57:00.000+10:00

I'll start by filtering out the crud:
If you think animation is only for kids, this movie isn't for you.
If you think Family Guy is the height of animation for adults to watch, this movie isn't for you.
If you think that animation only exists to be funny, this movie isn't for you.
If you've never seen a film by Hayao Miyazaki, you might have no idea what the hell I'm talking about in this review.

None of that is to say that this isn't suitable for kids or adults or isn't funny. It's more suitable for kids than any other Miyazaki movie I've seen (although some things might need some explaining to the little ones). It might not as good to the older set as Princess Mononoke. And while it probably is funnier than any of the Miyazaki movies I've seen, that's not its sole purpose for existence.

I'd give you the basic idea of the plot but that's really not necessary, look it up somewhere else. Yes, the plot is important (and quite good for the medium), bet regaling you of it is not why I'm here. It's told quite well, never leaving you confused as to what's going on (except maybe at the start, but how often do you know EXACTLY what is going on at the start of a movie?). Most importantly: it's fun! Yes, it may seem like it's aimed towards kids (as I said before, not necessarily true) but it really can be enjoyed by anyone, assuming you have a heart.

The art style is quite nice, full of vibrant colours and has just the right amount of detail (not much)... I guess you could say it has kind of a picture book look to it, but it suits and looks great doing so.

Now for the audio portion of our tour... music is quite nice, fits in perfectly... you may not notice it's there but if it wasn't, then you'd notice. Some of the voices are done by people you might recognise (Liam Neeson, Cate Blanchett, Matt Damon), but they're in it because they're right for the roles, not to try and get people to notice the movie. There are a few things that crop up from the dub, the one I noticed most was that nobody could seem to agree on how to pronounce Sōsuke's name. I think it'd be nice to learn Japanese and listen to the original soundtrack (which should be on the DVD, as it is with other Studio Ghibli DVDs... while I'm on that, PLEASE, PLEASE stop correcting for overscan on the disc masters).

Summary: This movie may not be for everyone. It should be, though, and you owe it to yourself to at least give it a try. Anyone who just brushes it aside because it's an anime movie or for whatever reason is doing themselves a big disservice.